Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #401 with Jessie Cave - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: October 3, 2026

Tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! https://haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tickets: https://www.adamrowe.co.ukDan's Tickets: https://dannightingale.comCarl's Stream: https://twitch.tv/senseicarl_MAD THAT w/ Harry & Carl: madthat.comFinnlay K FINAL GIG TICKETS: https://www.skiddle.com/whats-on/Liverpool/Jacaranda-Baltic/Finnlay-K-Farewell-Show/42670455/Film Club Live || https://tinyurl.com/filmcluboctoberFinnlay K - Whole Again: https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/WHOLEAGAINLIVEAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsThanks to this week's sponsors:Hello Fresh | https://www.hellofresh.co.uk/50HAWPODClick the link to enjoy an exclusive offer of 50% off your first box, along with a 20% discount for the next 4 boxes plus free treats (including fruit bundles) for 2 months. Alternatively, you can use our code 50HAWPOD. This special offer is available for new customers as well as those who cancelled their subscription twelve months ago or more.NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/haveaword Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guaranteeLovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Saily | https://saily.com/haveawordDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code HAVEAWORD at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase or go to https://saily.com/haveaword 🌍HexClad | https://hexclad.co.uk/word10Upgrade your kitchen. Up to 40% off site wide!ADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lids? Welcome to this week's episode of the Have a Word podcast. I'm here to quickly tell you, before we start, I am now on my national tour, Adam row.com.com. UK for all tickets that'll take you to LiveNation.com. And you can get tickets for me in Cork, Dublin, Bristol, London, Rill, Cardiff, London again, Middlesbrough, Newcastle, Glasgow, Sheffield, two nights in Liverpool, York, Manchester, Birmingham, Nottingham. That takes us all the way through to the 3rd of December from this week right now

until the first week of December. I'm on tour. Come and see my brand new hour to stand up. I'll see us on the road. That's adam row.com.com for tickets. I'll see us out there. Enjoy the episode. It was fantastic. Wag-waglids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only. Have a word. This episode is brought to you by NordVPN, the very best in protecting your online activity. Go, Ed, get on me.

Oh, episode 401. Roughly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 4.1K. Pension in America. Um, here's to my wife, who is going to... Goobes. Get HRT.

Yeah. Whoa! She's getting knighted. She's getting knighted. She's going to be Laura and I girl. A royal tits. A royal tatties. What's HART?

Huge. Huge. Huge. Remade titties. I mean... Huge rack, Tina. I'm going to start calling a tina. You get bigger tits.

You get called Tina in our house. She'll wear the wig and it's what I want. Or is it like a new, like, weekly thing where she doesn't shave and you'd have hairy rat Tuesdays? Oh, wow. Tuesdays. How'd you make it just Tuesdays? Because before that, like, you wouldn't notice how much it had grown? Bald Muff Wednesdays.

But she has a fast regrowth. Is that BMF? BMF, then a rap gang? BNW. They were naughty them. She's going to get, see a specialist for the old perimenopause. She's getting diagnosed. I don't understand.

What's going on? She's getting hormone replacement therapy. She's going hormone replacement therapy. Hopefully, if they think the symptoms are enough. And Tony what? From what I've seen on the internet? They fucking are. So what's been going on?

What's been going on? She's just getting a bit whinge in there? Yeah. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. There's things. You know, there's a list of symptoms.

Brain fog is pretty serious. Isn't she smelling smoke, love? She's smelling smoke? Have you been smoking? Yeah, that's my... I'm lying about it. What are you on about? Fucking perimenopausal, you...

You're fucking losing it. Yeah, but you know what I'm like with the bifters. Isn't it mad how smell and smoke? And it's also a... sign of having a stroke. Toast, in it? Not smoke. Isn't it bare toast, though?

No, it's toast. It's not smoke. Is it specifically toast? There's no smoke without toast. It's always toast. I'll tell you there. Brilliant Liam Bolton joke that I've seen him do last week.

You'd love it. You'd not hear the rest of the set. You'd still be laughing on it. It was so fucking just even. I do not fall of Walton. Yeah, so it's just the buildup of stuff. It happens. It's the five-year build-up to menopause.

I didn't know anything about this a few years ago. Is that with the peri menopause? Perry Menopause is the build-up to the menopause. Right. Yeah. So we have to put up with that and then the menopause. Yeah. And then afterwards.

But then if HRTs, you know, sorted, you're basically just balancing out everything that you've lost. It's just getting your hormones. It's not anything new. It's just getting them replaced. Aren't you on HRT? Yeah. I'm on.

I suppose so, yeah. TRT, yeah. It's a form of it. Yeah. But she's going to get a spike in libido. Pray God she gets a spike from him. Oh, mate. I'm just going to have this horny, tested up wife.

It's what I've been dreaming of. Is that posting? In a non-coctalibing. coercive controlling way, I've been very encouraging. What if she doesn't want to fuck you with it, though? What if you come home? She's just, like, rubbing herself on the arm of the couch and that? Or if she just uses it to fuck all inanimate objects you own?

Yeah. So genuinely, I follow her quite a lot of things. Whoa. Where are we going on? I think one of the things with perimenopause is like sometimes a spike in libido, but not for your partner. It's, yeah. For other people or for?

You just, Honestly, without one, I'm talking out of turn really because this is something I don't know loads about, but because this has been going on for a bit, when has it ever stopped us? You're absolutely right. I end up following, watching a lot of reels about perimenopause. And is it Sarah Barron has got an on-street perimenopause thing?

And it's really good content. And she was talking to someone and yeah, like, she had started having like urges, sexual urges, but for everyone but her partner. Wow. Can we use that as an excuse? Not me personally, but men who cheat. Can we say we've got petty menopause?

Well, that's the thing with men. We basically go through almost no developmental changes in our adult life. I have a, I have one day and month where I go, oh. Puberty and then maybe when you're 75, you're gonna have one day in a month where you feel like maybe it a bit of balance

and you feel like a bit shit, you don't know why. Your menstrual cycle. Never have that, no? genuinely like once a month I'm like, I wake up and I'm not just life. Yeah, maybe, but like a lot of people

attributed to men going through a little bit of a shift in there because we've got hormones too obviously. Yeah, a little bit of hormones, too, obviously. Yeah, a little bit of homework. I didn't use like sprouts and I like sprouts. Is that like a developmental thing?

Yeah, you've, I don't think it's hormonal, Harry. You developed a like for sprouts. Yeah, but see, it only happens once I only eat them at Christmas, so we can never really know when that happens. That's because you don't cook. No, the sprouts are always there.

Would you have a sprout now? Yeah. So you like sprouts? Yeah, but I used to like sprouts. Do I mean? So, like, that's a developmental change. You think it's like hormonal? That's a thing, isn't it?

Children don't like sprouts. And then you get hit Sprout, Perry Sprout age, and you start having sprouts. No, I think children don't like being forced to be veg. They're like, I don't want to eat that because you're making meat. Because they smell a boff, don't me? I don't like sprouts. I love sprouts.

See? Spragens not developed yet. So we'll know you're going through some sort of male menopause when all you're in is sprouts. Do I need to get on the HRT because I like sprouts? No, I think there is a lot of development as a person, you know,

like people change and grow and, you know, develop. Is there postmanipause? Yeah. Is that... You ever see Fleaberg? Yeah. When she speaks to her,

she's like, she's like, postmenopause and she's like, she's just the happiest. Postmanipause is just, you know, when you see women just sitting down

watching the telly and they're not moaning. Like that old women, and they're just like, I like me, telly me, that's, they're done then. Just,

like, They're just rollerblading and fucking... And that's why I'm trying to avoid. I want a horny, what do we call it? H.R.T. Big Tits. Tuesdays. Oh no, that was hairy rat. Huge ractean. Yeah, yeah.

I'm just, you know, I'd like to avoid the... I think actually what happens is if hormones are imbalanced and you get, like, postmenopausal. That's when the crazy Karen stuff starts happening. That's when it all gets really up and down. Isn't car a slayer now? It is, yeah, but it's not one anyone take seriously.

No. apparently it's a slay. Don't say that. Honky's not a slay. It sounds so lovely, don't it? Try going to the police and reporting someone

from an ethnic minority calling you a honky and see how far you get. Exactly, I wouldn't. It's not real, is it? Like Mayo or whatever they call me? L. Hagedyuff called an Everton

called an Everton ball boy a honky at one point. And Everton reported him for racism. That is so funny. Oh, that is a disgrace. That's how much of a cunt it is. Is there anything, like, an ethnic minority could call you that you'd, like, would take genuine, like, racial offence to her if someone was like,

you're like, devil? No, genuine, like, no, because you've never lived, I've lived through any oppression because of my race, have I, so. Totally. What about, like, anti-Spanish stuff for you? No, like, SPIC. I know the word. Spice without the Y.

Yeah. Spice. No, that's what I have been. It's a hard C. Yeah. No. I don't... I got told I was Spanish.

Obviously, my mum's not lying. I don't even know that I am. Do you... Do you know what I mean? I can't claim it until like... Do you remember when you first found out and I called you that word, like, repeatedly? And you did initially be like...

I think I'm offended by that, actually, because I actually am. And then... I don't know him. And then he just wore him down. I just told him to shut up. There's what matter. Like, I can't be offended by a race

that I've never been into... even in contact with. You're not 100% sure. You've spoken to Spanish people. No, but I mean, like, as in, like, what I'm made up of. And I've never experienced Spanish culture as a half Spanish person.

And he's never experienced anti-Hispanic racism. Because there isn't really much of that here. Like, if he means a Spanish guy over here, you're like, fucking hell, but he can dance and make some paella. Your Spanish croons. What's his name? Bootlegger.

Bootlegger, yeah. It's more offensive in America, isn't it? because they use that for, like, Yeah, because they use it for Mexicans and, you know, Mexican adjacent. Yeah, Mexican Jason. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I don't, but I think you have to. All the countries Mexicans come from. The his house. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think you, is that, could you be offended by, like, anti-Turkish stuff? I think he's been offended by us on the anti-Turkish stuff. I mean, no, I mean, like,

someone who's actually thrown hatred towards you, like, Vittrio, like, using that group. If they were Greek. Yeah, if a Greek person called you, like, a cough the muncher. Oh. That's not a slitsch, a coughed a muncher. Oh. It's not a slayer.

Would you be offended as a fucking vegetarian on that, mate? Would you genuinely feel like a fender in, like, your heart? Or would you be like, can't say that? Your little hummus gimp, something like that. That's more Greek. No. Yeah. No, they said that in a leaf and that's Turkish.

Emre. Who's the goalkeeper? Coke as well. What? Gusto Rechbe was shit. Whoa. That's not me doing that. Would you, I don't think so?

What's Turkish then, like food-wise? Baclava Backlava, yeah Yeah, your little back lever Twat I love back cover Yeah, of course you do It's a response

I don't bet you do mate Yeah, it's dead nice It's not offensive It's lovely I think Would you take more offence from

anti- Welsh sentiment Yeah, when people do say stuff about Wales I do get more Your sheep shagging Backlough of and swat That's confusing

Because I take more Offensive Anti-Scal sentiment Than English Yeah It's because I mean a million times It's because

Scouse is the most important Yeah, yeah. When people say it's like not a real country and they mean it, I'm like, fuck off. Spang out of order, man. Everyone means it don't. They don't.

They don't. They don't mean it. And they shouldn't. Do you mean Turkey or Wales? Wales. Turkey is definitely. They're both real countries. There you go.

We put it along with you. Now go get your fucking back. You said all fucking white boys aren't you? I can't even ask you. Fucking white. I don't know. I've said we need to do these ancestry things. I'd take it. I'd love to see it.

I think I'm so painfully, painfully. Well, you know, you are, Dr. No. You're going to. What would, would it change who you are if you found out you were like from the Caribbean, really? I'd probably ask for a refund or a retest on that. On a rewind.

A rewind. That'd be a surprise. What white country or wise in your head country is like the one you'd be most surprised? to find you from. Because like you're easily, you could, like,

if it comes back to your Icelandic, none of us are going to be like, oh my God, that's mad, we'd be like, yeah, sound, do I mean?

There's probably a bit of a fucking, there's got to be from just... After all the Russia's slander, if I came back, like, 67% Rusky, I'd be a bit gutted.

I don't think you've got, like, the natural aura of intimidation that comes with Russian ancestry. Yeah, because they are rude cunts, you know what I mean? Yeah.

I think you're too placid to be Russian. You're a spy. I'm kind of chilled. But if I take more testosterone, I reckon I'm getting more and more Russian. I wonder if that affects it? Anglo, I think I'm probably the Germanic. I would guess it goes back to the Germanic sort of...

Germany. Yeah, the Germanic Germany. The Angles and the Saxons coming over. I think it's going to be pretty... That is your... I mean, I can't imagine that yours. Yours is just going to go back to Ireland, though, isn't it? Ireland, surely.

I've got a bit of Irish for sure But then I don't know whether like Like so me Me My dad's mum And then his His dad's like grandparent I think they're Irish

So I think there'll definitely be some Irish there But I don't know My mum could have had like some Argentinians or something It could be a medic who's Irish Because there's only there's link's there Hang on She fuck some Argentinians or some Argentinian Heritage

Heritage Oh right Maybe a great granddad was you know called like fucking Juan. There you go. That'll do it. Juan Sebastian Varon.

He's thinking of it. The old great-granddad is Juan Sebastien Veron. I bet he did some shit again. He could be anything. He could be anything. What? Look at him. I am looking at him.

My granddad looked like... The pasty motherfucker? No, my granddad looked like Moose Aller, like. And I tan on Alady. Who's your granddad? English? I think honestly, yours could come back and the company could just be like,

who we do now. Or the planet. You know when you go to like the, like, the dog rescue sense and it's like, what breeds this? And they're just like, ah, fuck, no, like, maybe. Because my,

my granddad didn't know his dad. And the, the, rumor, although I don't know, was that it was an American GI or a Canadian GI that came over, because his mum may have got around a bit. A GI. Like a, like a,

like a, like a, action man. Yes. A man of action. American soldier. Yeah, because they, came over with all the, they had better rations, didn't they? They were over here, what was it?

To flex, I don't know. Over here, over sex, something like that. They were famously came over and like, towards the end of the war, before D-Day, before we attacked mainland Europe, there was, especially around East Anglia, I think it was like so many American GIs soldiers waiting to do the invasion. Why did they go to East? They had, East.

Because it's the closest to, Germany. That's a good point. Yeah, but it's furthest from America, I think it was at his point. You'd expect them to arrive at like, you know, Plymouth.

I think a lot of them flew over in planes. I thought you meant by ship. You went swimming. Also, my granddad was from Boutel, so I think they came for, like, Matthew Street or something. Yeah.

Like we went and seen... The GIs had, like, loads of cigarettes. They had better rations, they had chocolate. And they just wanted to go and see where the Beatles started. They want to go and see the... All Americans as well.

They want to go and see the... Oh, they want to see the... all this one. Oh my God, take a picture. It's probably going to be here. Who? The Beatles, who? Shut up.

Well, like, old photos of my granddad, he looks the spit of Mo Salah, big afro. So what's that got to do with American GIs? Because there's, like, he's not all white, I don't think. Like, there's a bit of herbs and spices in there.

Who would have been, like, the famous scouser back then? Was there anyone before the Beatles? Was Jimmy Tarbock before the Beatles? Sir not about and Jimmy Tarbock were knocking about before. then. They were probably children.

Ken Dodd? In the 40s, famous Scouse is probably footballers? No, well, is it the 40s or is the late 30s? What are we talking about?

Oh yeah, late there, 30s. Well, what too? Who are the famous? 939th of 1945. Tommy Henley. Oh, Tommy Henley? On the wing. The definitive voice

of wartime Britain. I mean, not to blow yourself up. Yeah, apparently. Not blowing himself up. Hitler's nephew as well. Was born where content is on that road?

Staten up the street. Yeah. Who's Tommy Handley? Spell Handley H-A-N-D-L-E-Y That's my mum's maiden name It's not his first dog's name though So, you know

We've got one I'm pretty sure I don't use that as a security question anyway Are you? Ah, boys? He was born at Toxteth Park In 1890s Who was he?

He was the voice of the war So he worked for BBC radio Back, back, bang, bang. He did what Alphe was. Sorry. Sorry. He was a comedian. He was,

he was keeping up the morale in Britain during the Second World War. He was Robin Williams from Good Morning Vietnam. Yeah. Sick. Did he have a radio show? Yeah. He had a radio show called It's That Man Again. That's sick.

Don't worry, Mr. Hitler. We're not giving up. It's that man again. Tommy Hanley. Who else is there back then? I'd love to know his other characters. Bessie Braddock. Who is a Labour MP

and helped make the NHS. And then it is 40 players, really. And Arthur Aske, another comedian. I've actually heard of Arthur Aske. Tommy Anley, man. There we go. Comedian as well. comedy's been in my lineage,

so there we go. And, you know, good midfield play from Veron. What a heritage. I'm half on my half Tommy only. Amazing timing on a joke and a pass. It's Adam Row. So can we do the heritage one?

What does it come back? It comes back with like percentages of what you're on. It comes back with like a fifth. And it gives you phone numbers and like emails or whatever of other people that are related to it. Yeah.

You can find relatives. No, I'm all right with that. I'm not ringing Russia. Yeah, but what have you got, like, a famous cousin in Tajikistan? Yeah. Is anyone famous in Tajikistan? Are they allowed to be? So racist.

Of course they are. Oh, they're famous to Chichistan is. Yeah, well, that's all that matters, isn't it? No, but that one? Oh, yeah, I suppose. It's Tajikistan where they had that dictator was that Turkmenistan, where he renamed every day after himself. You're thinking about the Ottoman Empire.

No, I think he's right. I think it's... You're thinking about the Ottomans. Some of the crazy stands. it's either Tajikistan or Turkmenistan he named every day after himself so no one knew what day it was or something or like Aladdin

yeah like that's what they got that off today is Aladdin yeah Aladdin bloody Aladdin he had a book that he wrote that was like his Bible and everyone had to but it was like his memoir

like funny stories that he'd done at golf and that do you reckon it's possible to get that big now where itler got big didn't he just by like constantly chatting shit and everyone's like yeah all right do you think it's possible to rise to that level of power now.

Like Donald Trump, maybe. Yeah. Dizzle Trump. He's probably the last of his breed, though, any Dizzle? I mean, in the Western world, surely. I think people would have said that after Hitler, wouldn't they? I think in the wake of Donald Trump, they're going to make some changes to how, you know,

things like the Supreme Court. And I think they're going to put in provision. They're probably going to make it so that, like, electing the president isn't done on the same voting system as, like, American Idol. Yeah, but they nailed that with Kelly Clarkson. No, you could get it right. I take Kelly Collaxon as president any day.

Yeah, I don't think so. But in a smaller country, you've got more chance, eh? Randy Bumbum's changing it, isn't he? He is? He wants to change it from the first past the post system to a percentage thing. Oh man, Randy Bumbombom? He's changing it all, man, he's splashing her.

His speech in Liverpool yesterday. He loves the north, doesn't he? He's bloody loves the north. He's taken a bit of dough off the old bids, isn't he? He's getting rid of the... a triple lock, which is a sentence that has been said loads, and no one really knows what it means. But basically, he's gone, look,

we can't really afford to keep giving all these fucking old biddies, loads of dough. And they're all going, oh, what am I going to do? And then the internet's react to by going, why don't we just treat them like Dave treated like Gen Z and go, well, if you stop buying all the way there's originals and make tea at home, then you can just

fucking afford whatever you want, can't you? There was a, like, and obviously Twitter's just full of bots now, so there's like someone complaining going, oh my God, this is disgust of mine. nans, like, whatever. And the, like, the last tweet about her nan was just being to see me nan with all my cousins. And she just gave us all rolled up notes.

Oh, love me little nann. She just can't do that anymore. Yeah. Yeah. And he's trying to, he's nationalizing of ante West Coast trains. Yep. And he's getting rid of VAT on electricity. And they are looking to nationalize care.

Like, they're making, they're treating social care for the elderly when people need to be looked after and going to. homes in the same way that the NHS has run, which is... They're making the NCS National Care Service. Okay. He's shaking it up, in it? So he's taking money away from biddies, but then looking after the really elderly biddies?

They're essentially, yeah, taking the money from there and point it into social care to help put less strain on the NHS. Interesting. Is the theory of that, so pensioners that fall over, would have the NCS instead of the NHS and then that. Oh, okay, right, right. in times and the country is the country

and just generally like everywhere it's not just this country but the country has been so successfully divided by powers that be that there's going to be

so much anger about what he's doing from one side of everything anyway and it's just because they see him as on the other team so no one really listens

to what the other side are doing anymore certainly on the extremes but I think there's going to be quite a lot of sort of you know without a country politically homeless people who feel like they have been for a while who are in the middle

and don't really like the extremes of the left or the right or whatever. I think he is appealing to a lot of sensible people. He's trying to make sensible policies that just... And he's also showing that he is willing to back down. Like he said he was going to get rid of the ban on alcohol in football games. I don't know how much you know about that because you don't go to footy that often, but like football is the only sport and the only like state. events in the UK where you're not allowed to have an alcoholic beverage in the stadium

bowl. Because of the history of the 80s. Because of the 80s. Yeah, partly. And there's a lot of criticism of that saying, you know, there was much more contributing to it. And the fact that you can have a pint before, like just before in the pubs, you can have a pint on the concourse at half time.

It doesn't really sort of affect, like, if that was the thing causing hooliganism, it would still be going on because it hasn't impacted it enough for it to be taken away. Anyway, I'm not bothered about discussing all that. A lot of people who go the match went, please don't get rid of that ban, because I can't be asked being covered in a fucking pint of car, and every time someone scores or whatever, and pretty much immediately they've gone,

all right, no worries. If he actually don't want me to get rid of that, then... When I heard that, I was like, oh, that's sick, because he's changing real positively towards football, and then I went, oh, no, I don't want people to drink beer on the terraces. And apparently, like, a vote, it was 65% against it, and they've gone, okay. I'm a pretty...

I think the word for what I, think I am is libertarian. Like, I'm kind of like, like socially socialist. Like, I want everyone to be all right and want everyone to be able to live sort of without having to, you know, break the bollocks to just stay alive.

Everyone should be okay and have a decent standard of living regardless of how much effort they put in. I also believe that if you do put a lot of effort in, you should be allowed to work to a mass a bit more than people who can't be asked, as long as the people who can't be asked are looked after them, they're fine.

That's what I believe. Sounds like social democracy. Totally. And I also think that although I don't want people having pints in the stadium because I can't be asked getting covered in beer and it means I can't wear a nice jacket to the match because it's going to get ruined when someone gets fucking bladded and throws it everywhere. I do think it is ridiculous

that the government can tell me I can't have this specific drink while I'm doing this specific activity. I think it's a stupid fucking rule, but I'm glad it's there and I think I'm allowed to have both opinions. I think a lot of people like we want to, we want the, ability to do it, even if we don't want to do it. Yeah. We want to be able to go, well, it's my decision.

Also, when it's a really big game, I just sneak it in. Like, if I want a drink in the stands, I just... We could get a beard into our seat, so it wouldn't be a problem at all. Champagne? What? Champagne. I had got champagne.

At the Tottenham game last, not last season, but the day we won the league. I went onto the concourse at half-time. and ordered a beer and the girl went, do you want me to put it in a Coke cup so you can take it up? Yeah, she was just like,

sound you. Back on. But yeah, it's the throne thing that's become like culture, knowing British football. We've scored, they're going to throw me beer in the air and then it gets rid of lot by VAR

and then what they go and get another one? No, it's fine the way it is. It's fine the way it is. It's a difficult spot for this Labour Prime Minister to be in. He's not got much of a mandate, has he? He's not been a,

elected. He's got to do what he thinks he's got to do. He's not calling anyone. He's not. He's said, I'm not. Oh, really? I've not. I've not. He's using the time he's got to rack up loads of little wins. Sensible politics, moderate, essentially moderate politics. Although some people have go, it's left wing to do an NCS. Yeah, I think that's a really left wing policy and then pretty much everything else he's saying is pretty centrist and sensible. He's trying to rack up like a hundred little tiny wins.

so that when he comes around to having to put a manifesto together and then campaign on the back of it, he can go, hey, you know the people we're competing with? They're all, because he's basically going to be competing. It's reform.

He's going to go, they're all formatories. They fucked the country. Do you remember how sad you were two years ago? That was all them there. I've got these 100 small wins. So imagine what I'll actually do if you give me four years

in the plan to enact this. He's just trying to get like little scores on the board so that he's really, sort of favourable when it comes around. I think both politically and tactically, I think he's actually doing a really smart job at the minute. Just to seem moderate

in the face of what reform are going to be offering an election, which is just there's got to be a middle ground where people aren't as obsessed with boats. Like, every other policy and every other part of that mandate from reform is going to be gut the NHS, tax breaks for billionaires.

Like, a sense. middle ground politics will look like a really good alternative to what reform is going to be offering. Totally. Speaking of politics. Speaking of politics, by the way, me and Finn were on Sky News the other night. As what? As political commentators. Sorry.

What? Why? Who wasn't available? Everybody else in the city. We're walking through the street. How far into their phone book did they have to get here? We're walking through the street and one way to hi, I'm from Sky News. We're talking about House of Lords and me and Finn went, God, we're so passionate about the House of Lords.

So we, we, they were like, what do you think of the House of Lords? And I was like, for what? And when she said that, I was like, I don't really know. I was like, these bloody lords. You let me take the first answer. Yeah.

Because we were like, what was the first question? The first question was, what do you think of the House of Lords? They were talking about whether, uh, people think the House of Lords should be moved up north, which I've not seen anyone actually say. And whether,

whether they need, uh, this is the thing with Burnham, isn't he? He's going to move the Royal Family to Winger. The National Ballet will be. being rathering. And whether the

House of Lords in general needs updating and changing the system. So they said, would you talk about the House of Lords? And we were like, yeah, we know what it's like to Voxpot people. Like us three did journalism.

So it's horrible doing that stuff. So we're like, yeah, we'll do it. And then she asked the question. He looked at me like a puppy and went, you take this one,

please. So I took the first answer, gave some waffle about how I don't think it's like democratic and the people that have family shouldn't be allowed. And then he took the second answer and said the word, what did you say?

So in my head, I was like, do you know what, I'll say antiquated? That sounds like, can you say, Land the Gentry? I won't, so at one point he said antiquated.

And then I was like, I need another big word. So I said antiquated again a couple more times. He said antiquated three times in one answer. Oh, no. That's the answer. That's the same word again. Come on.

Sometimes I'm a bit ditsy. We had coffee around it. I mean, like how, and, yeah, I said antiquated a couple times. And she was like, they're going to bring it up north. And we went, to be honest, we don't really care. Like if the...

We dropped the act after the second question. Because we were like, we'll give a passionate answer. Because they need sound bites we're going to be in a montage with loads of other people. Did they use you? I don't know. It's not. You should have just gone in the paint the other way,

knowing that they need a sound bike. We love the house a lot. Just be like, I think it's such a shame that like peers aren't just peerages aren't handed down because the ruling class, the upper class, the aristocracy. They just know better.

They know better and they should still be leading us in a second house. See, my instinct would have been to go, I just think it ended so abruptly and, you know, now that the allegations have been refuted and just go on about House of Cards

for 10 minutes and they'll see at what point they go, no, the Lord House of Lord. Ah, that's right. Last season, I wasn't the same with that way. What? Is Alan Sugar in the House of Lords? Yeah.

They just went with him. Had they gone with Alan Sugar, had they talked about the apprentice a bit. Well, Finn got me Lordship for Christmas the other year. He bought me some land in Scotland and I'm a lot. So I think I'm allowed to go. Yeah, see, that's what confused me.

Can we do the Patreon special where he tries to sit in the House of Lords? Well, because at one point, guys, how are we all? Got a piece of paper. Have you got it with you? No, but Finn bought it. It's got a receipt probably on his email. Let me in. Can we have a pint on it?

I know, I know where it is. They have a pipe rolled here. Do you know, like the wigs and that? Do they give you them there? Or do you have them fifth before you go? So at one point, I was going to be like... What? Do they have wigs the house of lords?

No, well, they're all wigged up, man. No. Whigin? Are you thinking about the old Bailey? The court? Bill Bailey. You're thinking about the high court? No, he's all got wigs on and fucking like staffs in there? Do you think of like the start of parliament

with Black Rod where it's all a bit fucking formal? Oh, what a fucking dude. The fuck's Black Rod? He opens... He opens... You've seen Black Rob when he comes to the door and knocks it three times and they close the door in his face. You never seen the open a door.

of Parliament? I do anything else with my day than watch the opening of Parliament. It's on every day. They have to shoe them out as well, don't they? That's like a thing, like the kit. They do that every day. No, it's pretty stupid they do.

Once a year. You know when the Queen makes a speech in the House of Lords? It's not in the House of fucking hell, no, me. It's heaven. Oh, sorry, yeah, the King. House of Hell.

Welcome to it. I haven't let her go yet. Can you imagine, by the way, if there is a heaven and hell, right? And it is literally done like this, the universe decides whether you're a good person or a bad person like the good place, right?

And then because the royal family have hoarded so much wealth and, you know, essentially acted like they're better than everyone for the entire time. The queen gets put in hell. Can you imagine that juxtaposition for the queen? She was just the queen.

And now she's getting like fisted with pineapples by fiddles by the queen. as well. Forever. She had like, what, 95 years of of niceness.

If it was worth it Liz, open your ass all over. I always wonder when eternity becomes you're not assed anymore. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, on the, on the two trillion pineapple is like, wow. Yeah, but I think they probably just,

as soon as you're all like that, they do something else to you. So they stop putting pineappas up your ass and they're like,

right, is a sky phone contract. One orgasm and they change your hell. Do you say Hitler's the one fist in it? I imagine he's probably isn't that

What if he loves fist and old women? Well, then he wouldn't be allowed to do it. But I'm assuming he's probably like, I don't want to do this. So someone's hell has to be fist and old women and they just go, like, you're together over there. Sorry! Yeah.

But he's been down there long enough. Do you know, like in prison? Like, you know, the people who've been there at a while like, oh, he gets to do the cook and him. He's one of the cooks. Oh, you think he's it? We can trust him. I think, isn't he in solitary in hell?

Surely. They're not letting him. No, he's the fucking gaff. He's the king of hell. Oh, he's running. in the guy. Hell isn't punishing bad people. It's basically a graffin to all fucking go, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I think hell is exactly punishing bad people. Why is the devil a bad guy then? Is the evil a fallen angel? Is the devil a bad guy? Why would he punish bad people? Because he likes it? That's his job. Oh, hang on.

You think you've got to be a bad person to go to hell, but once you're there, it's just a fucking... The devil's like my guy. It's like bad person heaven. The devil wouldn't be punishing bad people if he's the bad guy. I think you need to do of my shit on. I think you need to get in your scripture there, Carl. Well, so you reckon it's just like a BDSM party?

Why would the devil? The devil's the worst guy ever, in he? Like, fucking... I have had this thought before. I'm getting deja vu that we've said it on the pod, doesn't it? Why would he go? Hitler, brother, that was bad shit, that. Like, you're getting fisted for 3,000 years.

He'd be like, lad, you've smashed that, brother. Go and play fucking five-sided. I think famously that's not what Hitler loved to do. It's five-aside. You're saying there's more Holocaust in hell? They can't be. No, because Hitler loves it. That's what he wants to do.

He don't want to play five-a-side. You want to play five-a-side. Maybe that is happening for, like, people who are really bad. They're still down there getting Holocaust with, like, really bad people. But he's not allowed to watch it because he'd like watching it.

Yeah. Hitler. Yes, happening. Don't look at that. Hey, it's that way. Morning. Morning, Satan. Can, today, can I just leave the pineapples?

I feasted a lot of queens. I want to watch a little bit of Holocaust. It's near the five-as-old. Maybe they're not I'm watching on. birthday. Happy birthday. Honour's birthday. It's like a kid

with an iPad. It's like, right, you can have 10 minutes. Go on. You've been quite good. You've been quite good today. It's the best part of the year. Biggie says it best.

He doesn't want to go to heaven. He wants to go to hell. What's the point in going to heaven with the good of goodies? He wants to dress and black tins and black tubs. They want to go down there with all a cool dudes, man. Yeah. Biggie said it best.

Didn't you ever... You had a bit... Did you ever... Why would you want to go to heaven with Christians who were right? Is that your line? That's my idea of hell. An eternity with Christians.

Who were right? Hold you! Christ. Oh, you can't say Christ. There you can. You can be like... You're like, what's up? Yeah.

Oh, so you say... Every time you blast you him, you go, I was just talking. I think that... Kierler, we're up there. Once you're in. There's no rules once you're in. Oh, I...

This is an amazing interpretation. You can say Ronald McDonald's. So once you're in heaven, you can do whatever you want. You can be evil. You're like, fuck off. I've got a lifetime membership. And once you're in hell,

you're just doing all the things you love with the devil. Both sounds sick. I'll go anywhere, me. Sign me up. It's a good job. I believe in all this. It sounds great. I can't wait to die.

Oh, I don't say that. Let's have a break. They've got a female black rod now. No, they're. have not. Randy bummums, Britain, man. Female black rod.

It's fucking utter woke nonsense, mate. I'm sorry to bring it back to it. He didn't even know it existed two minutes ago. Was his name? Rod. It's like a ceremonial name. It's like a ceremonial position. He's like the caretaker.

Is the black rod sounds like a porn star? Doesn't he? Yeah, it does. He doesn't bang on the door with his dick. He's out on the door, it's black rod. That's a good porn. The house of horse. Sell out to someone.

Sell out as an idea. It's a black rod. Dick, dick. The house of dicks. It's a guy called Ed, so I don't know where you got that from. There was a female black rod. Made the new... Yeah, Sarah Clark.

She's my black rod. It's like my doctor who. Oh, you're... It's a good thing. Yeah, I'm a Clark. Have you heard there's probably a trans black rod? Who's my black rod, like 97 when I was growing up looking at the black rods on the telly?

Black rod, 1997. Black rod with a Ronaldo haircut. Black rod 97. It was... Oh, no, I ignore that. I can't find it. Sorry. Do you remember, like, when we were growing up,

like, sort of the Blair and Brown era? Like, you'd put the telly on, and obviously there was less TV channels and there was no streaming and stuff. And, like, it felt like Prime Minister's Questions was always on. Yeah. And it looked, box office.

Like, it was shaking all, it was always going off. Like, whoever was fucking leading the Tories that we could come up and be like, well, I think all this, Tony Blair, come and be like, hey, lad, yeah, smell your mom. They're going,

Norbert. Does that happen still? Done? Yeah, every Wednesday. My mum's going to watch the budget next month. Do the Pazan? It's not even a good one. You don't see BlackRock?

That is Carabat Cup second round stuff. I thought the budget's good, isn't it? But isn't it just the speech? Is that the briefcase one? Yeah. But all there, she's going to see the briefcase in person. Money in the bank? Come on.

That's it? The budget's in there. What's in the budget? fucking mind your own business. Closed. Is she going to be there with like signs and not? Can you give me your shirt? Whoever it is.

Sign me tits. John Healy give me a shirt. Yeah? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if the budget's all that. You want a spicy PMQs, don't you? It's just fall.

My brother booked it for her. It's just falling that it's the budget. Oh, right. Okay. It is a pretty big one, I suppose. I guess we could go if you want that. You can arrange that. Well, we got, I got taken round.

at the start of the year by Thomas. Aquinas. Thomas Aquinas, yeah. He's a three-pound patriot and also works for an MP. Sir Edward Jones was your black rod. Eddie Jones. Eddie Jones.

Eddie Jones, shut up. 95 to 2001. Yeah, he's my black rod, Babylon. Did he leave in the aftermath of 9-11? Just before, so it makes you think, doesn't it? I'm not joking, guys. There is, the lad, that Thomas guy, It's dead sound, and he works for an MP,

and he'll take you around Parliament. I'd love that. I'm going to match. Palace of Westminster. When is it? Whenever you're down in London. I'm not. It's a really good couple of hours.

No, it's a good couple of hours for you. Yeah. I'd rather have a scotch egg and a kiss me. You can have a pint. There's a pub. There's several pubs. Gordon Beckett. The cheap.

There's coats on that. Is there a tennis ball in the roof or something? Yeah. An egg's on the floor. I was going to say, fucking sport. Fireman. Cliff Richard played tennis with Gordon Beckett.

Cliff Richard making a second appearance in a row. Hadam done to Kims. I want another Shamak! It's a hard tree for Shamak! I don't know it! His first ever... His first ever mentioned! Three in a row.

Yeah, Marrow and Shamack will show you around the Palace of Westminster. You have a pint with Cliff Richard. I go to that. I'm telling you, I'm in London for that, mate. Can he book that? You can do yourself. If you could get Mara and Shamma,

I could get you the Palace of Westminster. Just take acid and go and do the tour. You're like, shimax, everything. What is it? It's just like looking at old doors. Oh, look at that chair. It is.

You know what it is. What? You used to open this door with a big stick and now they don't anymore. It's like, wow, wow. I'm so glad, like my, I'm so glad my missus has got no interest in shit like this.

You know, like when you're abroad and like sometimes you were the girl and she's like, oh, I want to go and see a chair, make me. It's like, what the fuck you talk I'm on. Do you want to go to this? Gordon Brown's on a shit in there. Looking at old doors.

Is that what you think the whole of the Palace of Westminster is? If you can go there without looking at an old door, I'll give you a tenor. No, that's very different, man. That's very different. Oh, you like hotels?

What, they're full of doors? No, this is like an old special door. Yeah, but you're an analogy's right, but if someone went ahead, you want to show you down theilton, you look at all the doors. Unless I'm staying there, I'm not like, I'm not asked, mate.

What is there to see? It's like someone sat there ones. The house of comments. The house of comments. get to walk around, sit in the house of Commons, then sit in the House of Lords. You see the Great Hall? This is where John Major sat on his birthday once. Bollocks me.

He only sat on his birthday. Prime Minister's here. Is it his birthday? Time to fucking stand then. Then if John Major was there, would you get a selfie with him? He sat nice to John Major, didn't he? I do quite like John Major. Why do you like John Major?

He's one of the least offensive tour is that I can think of. He's got his head? Oh, look at him. He said that on the news. He's just dead anti-Brexit and I liked. Did you go for a meal with John? John Major ever made that. Wow, you've confabulated that.

I was in a restaurant with John and Norman Major. That's not that, man, though. I know. We didn't arrange to meet them in Cambridge. Hi, Big John. You're all right, bring Norma. Laura's coming. Big John and John Major, both of them.

Is John Major still going? Yeah. What's he doing now? Lives in New Cambridge. Being a former Prime Minister. Just going and cutting ribbons and that. Sick. Go ahead, Lord.

They're just slagging off Brexit. Makes his own trousers. He makes his own trousers. Wow. And you could tell When he walked in I was like he's not a great Trouser maker

It wasn't a great It's kept tripping over It wasn't a great prime minister But they look like fucking jort The left leg's too long John Hey what do you do in retirement Make jorts John Major makes his own joy

Pass it on John maker No John Major Jort maker Get it made As a cartoon That would be great and that was your comments. Yeah, lad, you make it all fucking jorts.

Not yet. That's my retirement plan. That's how people are queuing outside of J.D. Today, the new John Major drop. Well better than all doors, that, mate. John Major wore these jorts. I'm like, that's sick. I want a picture of John Major

of the dispatch box in a pair of jorts, mate. That's what I'm fucking one. Listen, that is the AI. Shit we will. Oh, this is pitching the thumbnail would have been... Well, we went round the houses on that one. Well, anyway, good luck with Lord is pushing, you know. Thank you.

It's going to be HRT and AI pictures of John Major and Jorts. Fucking slip and slide. I'd say congratulations to Stee Stinky Bins-Wilford for completing on his house. And that's just been an easy, 33 week process. Sometimes it's just straightforward. You know, sometimes, like, obviously

you hear all these horror stories of like bumps in the road and that, but sometimes it's just like, can I have that house? And they're like, yeah, there's the keys. When do you want it? Next week. See you later. I think this was a hole in a road that was on fire. No, it was just straightforward, man. Not his. Straightforward.

I think Steve's done very well to complete on this house while not murdering someone. So that's well done. We don't know that yet, though. He might have killed people. I went out a little pint with him and Holly last night to celebrate, you know. Just a little pint. Put the house's head.

And if you'd like to celebrate with Stee, you should sign up to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash have a word partner. Help fund Stee's mortgage. Let's do some questions. Where are you? What should we go for? Tony Allenby says,

if you did a John Darwin canoe man in brackets and disappeared how long would it take for your family and friends to move on? Cheers. And that's from Tony Allenby

who we're now all a bit worried about. The guy who went missing on canoe, it was a life insurance scam. Big news. You faked his own death. Yeah.

And his wife was in on it but his kid wasn't. I know what he means because then you just get to go start again. I didn't think you would. I'd fucking love to. It'd be great. Away from Laura and the kids?

No, now it's been serious. So the whole family dies? What? What? Do you all fake your death or do you tell Laura and the kids? We all fake our death. That's what I meant. We'll just start somewhere else.

Yeah, yeah, good thinking, Carl. You put a pair of your jeans, you put a pair of your shoes, you put your T-shirts and one of your caps in a car, front seat, and you cut your arm, put a bit of your blood on it, and you do the same for your misses, and you roll that car off the white clothes.

cliffs of Dover and then you move to San Sebastian. So you, what about all your clothes? Clothes fell off in the fall. No, it looks like you've exploded. The rest of your dog. So hang on, there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a car in bits on the beach under the White Cliffs of Dover. No, in the water. Right, right, right, right, right.

That's, white cliffs. Is there a beach below the white cliffs? I thought they just went straight into the ocean. Some bits, do, some bits don't. I do it at the ocean bit. Do it at the ocean bit. And then what? It's crack on in it?

Are you still in Britain? No, he's getting unfair. People are going to go, I've seen your clips. What you mean? No, I'm just, I'd grow an extravagant moustache. You have?

No, like a... It's like distracting. So that people will be like, you look like that comedian. I'd be like, no, I know I'll be English. And this is in... Spain. Oh, you're going to Spain.

Yeah. But they've said, you look like that comedian. you've said, no, no, I don't. No, I don't speak English. No, I'm no English. And then, because you're in Spain, they start speaking Spanish. And I go, no habla Spanish. There's just no ablas, isn't it?

No ablars. They're not going to catch him because they're going to think, I don't know, I put an extravagant mustache, sleepy on. I think he's fully special. By the way, do you have clothes on, do you take your clothes? Do you have to wander away naked from the White Cliffs of Dover? You've got a stupid. Spare pair.

It's something from last year's season. But you're not going to try and go to Spain naked going, no ablads. No ablats. Where's your clothes, lad? No abla, clothes. These people must have died last autumn because this is the collection. Oh my God, it must be Adam Rowe.

That's his grail piece from autumn 2025. The explosion of these people exploded in the sea. Let's draw a line under it and think nothing more of it. Well, I don't care if they investigate. He's not going to fire me, are they? Adam Rowe is birds.

have drowned in the ocean. Adam's just sweeping through TikToks of himself. I don't know what that is. I'd give myself the same name, but different surname. So I'd pick my new surname, let's just say Rodriguez. I'd just be Adam Rodriguez.

So if at any point someone goes, Adam, and I turn around there, it got you, I'd be like, no, that's actually still my name. But you know, Abra en-Glas? No, Abla, I don't row. No, but I don't speak English, but I know my name.

What are you doing for money? What? What are you doing for money here? Oh, hustling. I always forget that you. You can be hustling. The mustache will do most of the work now. You're forgetting.

Right, close. You know, like, those people who stand in the streets and they're, like, oh, I'm the Statue of Liberty or whatever they... Why have you made your life worse by faking your death? What I mean? You've made your life infinitely worse than it is now. How? You fake your death so you can go experience...

No, I'm not doing this right now. I'm saying if things, you know, go tits up. Right. I'd just be standing on the streets of Santa Vastien with a sign. in a few different languages. You know, 10 euros for the twist of me mussy.

Give me 10 euros. You can do both sides as well. There you go. What happens if you go into a shop? And there's a missing post with you, but someone's drawn like a moustache on it. Oh, yeah. In San Sebastian, there's a missing post of Adam Rowe.

It was worldwide search. Oh, shit. Interpol looking for you. Is he done? Is a mustache going to cover into Paul? Is he, missing or wanted? Are you missing or wanted?

He's faked as death? I'm not, either. They think I'm dead. They found me clothes with the blood on, man. But you said it as if it goes tits up. Is you... Yeah, like, if I forget the council sax or something.

Oh, right. I've done that. Wanted Interpol. There's so many people on the run in Spain because of council tax. San Sebastian's crawling with these mustache English people. No, I'm like English. No, Abla.

No, Abla. Adam Roe. I'm Adam Rodriguez. Fuck off. I am not Adam Roe. Stop asking. Touch the Cardi. That's a grail piece. Can we tell the story about Julia? No, she's not in the room. Oh, this seems fitting. Yeah. This is mental. She's swinging again. What's going on? Julia? Yeah. There's a story that pertains to what we're talking about to her. Her dad came yesterday, Remy, lovely guy. And he went, did you know when Julia was little? She kept getting mistaken for Madeline McCann to the point where the police would regularly go to their house.

And then he showed me a picture and is, she is the fucking image of Adela. Are we sure it's not here? If we, if we've got Maddleton in a carabat as a dog sitter, that is a beautiful moment. Yeah. But he said that the police came and he was like,

no, these are my daughters or whatever. And then two weeks later. That is exactly what a kidnapper would say, though. So I made them, I didn't pick them up. Two weeks later,

at like, quarter to midnight, the police were like banging down his door. He opened up, it was like, someone else has said, you've got Maddlin McCann in here. People would follow them

and be like looking and being like ringing the police going with her. She's there, she's here. Because she had a fringe that much like her. Because they've turned up

from mainland Europe with this Madeline McCann looking child. Yeah. And she's going no Abla English, no Madeline McCann. She's got big moustache.

No. It's funny. Sister, Emilian, who's a little bit older. Is that Madlin McCann looking like it's got a mousnash? Yeah.

Not a Madlin McCann? Never put fake moustache. Marlon Rodriguez. And your small daughters. It's just suspicious. Amelia's a little bit older. So back then in Liverpool, when there was signs in shops of pictures of Marlon,

apparently Amelia went, oh, look, that is a picture of Julia. And he was like, shut up. He was like, good switch on the name. That's what we'll call her. I'm going to Thailand and just give my life to Muay.

When? Oh, what was the question? What was the question? If I'm fucking out. Oh, yeah, yeah. It wasn't the question, how long would it take for your friends to care? Right, right.

Yeah. To move on. Totally on. Yeah. Yeah. I hope Sereka never moves on. Really? If you die, you don't want her to ever get well-eed again. No, she can...

She can do that. So she can get well-ed, but she's got to scream your name. What's going on? She's got to find a new Carl. Carl Rodriguez. Yeah, I wouldn't move on. When I say move on, I mean do this again. Yeah, you'd get some pussy.

I'm not doing this again. I'm not getting... I'd get some pussy. Yeah, that's all, I'd get... Yeah, you've said that before. You're not giving them any love. Nah, this is 100% you're having it all. And if something happens and it goes away,

the love's gone, mate. I'm like, fucking... So if she disappears... If she disappears in a... Hang on, I thought we were talking about you disappearing. No, if she dies, he's saying he... No, I said I hope Sereka wouldn't move on because I know I wouldn't.

And I'm... When I mean move on, I mean, do this again, get married, do the love thing. I'm doing this again. You just wanted to get some strange day. You can do that. I think I'd start to death. You would. Not Sarah, what you said?

Couldn't you just suck on the duvet for nutrients? Does Ellie reg? Like a binkie. Does Ellie cook for you? No, we, so we, we, we, we, we, we. no? We split the can of cooking. No, you don't.

She likes to cook more, and then now she's got this pot. It's like, it's full-time cooking. She's had the pot three days, Harry. Yeah, and I've not cooked them. I've not cooked. Would you have cooked in this three-day period?

I've had a dicky tummy, so I've made cereal for myself. You said she's going away soon and you're scared of what you'll become. You can, I know, I'll be away as well. It's, I think, a lot of cereal. I can make porridge really good.

A lot of pasta. I'll be fine. Do you know what I mean? Just basic. Or I order lots of the bagelry. Oh, I made a love to know. Just have a lot of bagels. Change his name now, of course.

So, Madeline McCann? It's Madeline McCann's Rodriguez. What were we talking about? If any of us disappeared, how long would it take for our family? No one has actually answered the question. If one of us disappeared, how many episodes would we miss off? And I know it depends on which one of us is.

Because... No. Easier. If Adam disappears, it's easier to deal with us. a podcast than if he gets shot eight times in the head. Why, he shouldn't be somebody? Eight times, and he's,

if Adam gets shot, and he's found, Adam Rowe has been shot eight times in the ads, and they're terrible murder, it looks really bad if we're like, okay, patron exclusive. Mike Rice is here. Whereas if he's missing,

we just get guest co-hosting for a while, and then after two years, everyone's like, it looks like Adam's not coming back. If he's murdered horrifically, we look like cunts for just podcasting. So it's actually easy if you just, don't get shot.

I want you to just crack on either way. Can I just give you that permission? I think we're not just cracking on. How many episodes do we have to be sad? None. Call me in and take the piss straight away, no matter what happens. What if you've done the driving off the light cliff of the over thing?

Yeah, what if it's a mystery? Yeah, what if you found your exploded body at the bottom of the English channel? Yeah, we were like, oh God, he's gone. Adam is dead. He's in the ocean. The Hastings? Honestly, you can just take the piss straight away.

way. I don't need any sensitivity after I'm dead and there's no one in my life who needs it either. It'll just feel weird. If you're all in going, oh, yeah, we've lost them. How sad? If I get shot in the head eight times, you come in and you call me whatever you want, I'll ask. Right. Could we turn into a true crime podcast?

I don't know if a lot of the lids will enjoy that. Yeah, it's what you wanted. You're fucking gims. I'm missing this one. Adam's shot on the head episode. I bet you're Lily Phillips is on the couch as well. 40 minutes on Adam being shot in the head. Why has Finn got lipstick on? I like it. Yeah, you.

Thanks for that, Tony Allenby. Great question. Sam Hewitt says, Morning boys, question for you. What is the worst place an adult man can go by himself that is technically legal? Mine is a soft play on his own. Is that legal without a child?

I think there may be some rules about an adult law. They probably enact a law. No, if you're getting in the fucking soft play No, you can't turn up as an adult without a child at a soft play. I'm pretty sure. Legally, you can't. My's in a Charlie Chalk

and I'm just having a fucking drink. Okay, so... What? Man was in the Charlie Chalk, because he was a restaurant. Whatever was just going to the restaurant? Yeah, really, but he's talking about like just going on the slides and that on his own.

Sorry, why is that not allowed? No, you're not going on the soft play, are you? But you could stand watching them. No. Someone's like which one's yours? Hey, shout out, Zippies in Chester. You're not getting it.

If you're like, one adult ticket, please. So I say it up and go, hello, lad. Can you have a go? They go, no, but like, what? I think there's some safeguarding rules. Do you say my kids already in there? And they'll go, which one's yours? And you go, I don't know, yeah.

That one? Probably that one. One of them. One with a mustache. Is that mad at the cam? You wish. We took Ellie's foster sister and a mate to some soft play, and they went around. So then me and Ellie went off on the other things in the soft play,

and we did like a Ninja Warrior obstacle course, but like for kids. Oh, careful. You go 10 years of Nick, according to Dan. You can't just turn up at a soft play as a 34-year-old man and go one adult, please. No, I wouldn't say one adult, I'd go one ticket. Yeah. Oh, there you go.

Two tickets? Hang on, are you one adult? No, I just want a ticket. Got around that. What if I turn up and go, hello, two goes, please, and I've got little... You're being weird. Whoever this kid is. I go, let's go over go.

And I get on and start, like... You're kidnapping a child to get into the soft play? Are you going to get the cot? No, I'm in this situation, I've got a kid. you're right there probably isn't a law but you're not getting in they're like gated aren't they've got to pay to

pay to get in you're not they're not going to let you in Carl for good reason though hey why I'm on a sex offender oh well yeah that's it and that's what they want you to say I wouldn't say that over the intercops ticket are you a sex offender no

on your go alright here's some lube it says there's some places that do adult only nights I've been to another's only soft play for someone's birthday years ago Yeah, you're allowed in there. Yeah, no kids are allowed, though.

Yeah. Sex offending kids. Oh, that's why I didn't let the kids in, just in case they molested the drunk adults. Yes. Is there any other places that it's just like, if you found out I'd gone? Like, not on like a noncy level,

because obviously this is the obvious answer, but like, if I told you, I'd start to go on the Quasard on my own every Tuesday night, you'd be like, that's a bit madden. Like a woman's swim meet. A woman's swim meet? Yeah.

Even a man's swim meet? if I told you I was going swimming every night with four of the fellas. You're going to watch like the competition. Yeah. So where's like... If you start going Quasor on a Tuesday, it will raise a few eyebrows,

but what will take heart in is that it'll be a fad that you'll grow out of in about three weeks. That'd be great. A bridal shop. You always say this. You always say like I grow out of stuff, I don't, I just bench it.

He's just going... I want to bench Quasar for it. It's just on the back burner. Sure. He's just got engaged. A bridal shop. Hmm? On his own.

It to be a... Like I... He could turn up in white on his wedding day. We're not rolling that out. Like John Barnes. Wedding? Or like you? No, are the FAC Cup Final?

You're all? Like you? I wasn't all in white. I wore black pants. White's in for grooms? Well, in. I like her. I just think...

I'm gonna probably go black tucks, I think. Just because I think it's gonna look more slimming. It's more generous to me. right proportions to wear black. Nice. Are you going to make us, what are you going to make us where? 40 kits.

Yeah. That was sick. Do we get to pick them or are you picking them? I get to pick them. I think black talks is a thing. Yeah, that's the classic, I know.

It's all just women and children, isn't it? The Titanic? Like where we'd be... Well, get rid of those options. Table tennis with no opponent. No, that's... That'd be, yeah, but then you just like sort of,

you lift half the table up. You're a forest gun pit. Like the alchemist. Little cocktail on your own. Yeah, like in a chain cocktail bar. Getting like a proper, like, fancy cocktail. You're like, oh, on your own. That'd be weird, wouldn't it?

Like, if I walked in, it was you and you know, I'm going, look at this, it's got like spells in it and smoke. Yeah, you caught. The alchemist is the perfect dancer as well because of really, like, a great cocktail bar, like, for example, Betty and Rye. Like, going there, You don't think it's quite cool.

Yeah. You know, I could take me book. But like a performative cocktail bar on your own's mad. As part of a brunch. Yeah. Brunch on your own.

You went to bottomless brunch. A solo bottomless brunch. All the couples are there. Table the one, please, mate. They're going, hey, drinks. And you're not mad. And the couples at brunch,

I thought it was exclusively hendos and birthdays. Hendo? What about the thing we went to? The magic. Going to magic on your own's mad in it. Going to magic.

I would imagine so, like, I think generally speaking, magicians and magic fans are quite lonely. I reckon's quite a lot of solo people. Huh? Who'd you go, wow, isn't that mad to? The magician. But he goes, no, it's not mad.

It's magic. Is that going to comedy on your own, in it? That's great. Yeah, no, no, exactly. People go to comedy. You're not laughing together. No, everyone's going, wow.

That's the laugh. Everyone's amazed together. Unless you go to one-on-one table magic. Like, the gaff we went to with you come around going, hey, look at that. Yeah, but all the, Do you remember where we went?

No, not the show. The bit before we were on the table and they come around and go, is this your card? It's your bank card, can you pay for your drinks? That didn't happen. No, they places exist. Can you to get one-on-one magic shows?

You said, remember where we went? You said, remember where we went? And it described something that didn't happen. It was with them. It was with Holly and stay. Can you ask for one-on-one magic? Is that like going the strippers? Come in here.

I'll show you the real stuff. The heart attack grill. in Las Vegas, they give you like burgers that are like 5,000 calories and then if you don't eat it, they are nurse spanks you, I don't think you can go there on your own. Because who are you getting spanked? And from the whole point, it's like, it's bloody hell

because it's like a dwarf nurse that spanked. Yeah, but maybe like a degrade in kind of way. It's for the pictures. Yeah, but who's taking photos of you here? You can wait. We walk past it. It's in old Vegas. You can wait yourself outside.

Yeah. And if you're over 300 pounds. Wait, you get it for free. Over 300 pounds. You eat for free. I don't think you can eat sizzling. What an awful fucking place. Yeah.

I don't think you can eat sizzling for heaters on your own. You don't know me. I don't think you can go like solo dining. It's not in performative where you're going to be sharing it with someone. If it comes out, it's like, shh, shh, whir. Yeah, like a tepaniaki place. Yeah. Wow.

Fully grow, man. Throw the sport, lad. He's like, yeah. The fire. Getting a horse drawn car in Fifth, not Fifth Avenue. I'd do that. In Central Park.

I'd do that. On your own. That's pretty baller. I'd do that. You look sick. Really? They're gonna be like, who's that guy? Yeah, you look like a fucking,

like a proper mystery man. You look like you're in gossip, girl. Should we do one more question? Go on then. Jack says, if there was a zombie apocalypse and you had to choose one item from being Q to be a weapon for the whole apocalypse, what are you going for?

And that is from... Chainsaw? Jack. It's hard to be chainsaw, aren't it? So, Jack, we've got a chainsaw, thank you.

Nail gun. You haven't had of nails? Don't we don't have to plug that in. Don't you have to plug the chainsaw? Petal chain saw. Petty chainsaw. Petty chain saw.

I have loads of petty. Yeah, it was chainsaw, Jack. Fucking idiot. He buy, like, a vault. Like a build-your-own vault. You'd probably buy, like, a little safe house, yeah.

Yeah. I'm buying a vault. And then buy a nice sort of, like, bedroom unit to put inside. Yeah. Fridge. Indiana Jones survived in a fridge when a nuke went off.

Yeah, but the zombies would open the fridge. No, can they open fridges? Yeah. Also, Indiana Jones isn't real. Needs are zombies. You could, I reckon I could be in a fridge and zombies would go, and I just go, fuck off, open the fridge.

Open the freezer, get one low. Can zombies open, can... Hang on, you're in a split fridge freezer, so you're, like, squat. I've taken the top bit off. Me ankles are freezing, though. Why do you've taken the top? That's on a shelf in the middle of the fridge

and freezer, you know? I've kicked it open. Why have you turned the fridge and freeze it on? Because there's no room for, why I turned it on? Yeah? To keep me cool. You're living in a fantasy.

It's off south side. It's the apocalypse of charts. Why you make it waste? Pick a smeg fridge. Ice. Yeah, go for an expensive fridge, Harry. Come on. If I've got it on.

Live a little. Outside ice, ice in the eyes. Lower door. It's just water in the eyes of zombies. They don't give a fuck. I reckon I could poke two holes out I thought it was a proverb Water off the eyes of zombies, that

Was it over duck's bath Chain saw, a flaming chainsaw A flaming chainsaw What, what's a flaming chainsaw? I can't let you do the math there then All right, okay Do they sell them at B&Q? No, they sell petrol

You're gonna have, you got it? You have to have BNQ in America I'll have a oozy we bought you a chainsaw done you did what was that part of you weren't very grateful either that was part of he said sort of like where am I going to put this fucking chainsaw

dragon boat oh the dragon belt special yeah because when you're doing a dragon boat special what you need is a plug in chain saw main thing is if me and Adam go to being Q with the company card we're buying a chainsaw or a bath I think we own a lawn mower and a chainsaw I have the lawn mower now

Oh, well done. They got a gifted to me when I moved house. Stey, where did the chainsaw go? You took it in your car? Did he? A thousand percent, yeah. Because it wasn't his car and we took it out. All right, great.

I'll tell you something, if I have learned anything from well over a decade and approaching two decades, their friendship with Carl, it's that when he says a thousand percent, almost certainly. 23. Not correct.

Jack might have it in his bedroom, so you know. Oh, yeah. Have you heard chainsaws? I thought that was his electric, too. toothbrush playing up, but it turns out my five-year-old's got a chainsaw in the bedroom. Dan, can I hear your chainsaw on his, please? Start it up and then, like, and then it's mid-flow.

Why's the Jamaican? That's not bad, you know? Crazy for dog? Don't do that on peptides. Oh, why? Big time. I just wanted to say he was on peptides. My own peptides, by the way, everyone.

I'm on peptides. and I'm not even hungry. It's not for muscle. Everyone keeps thinking it's for muscle. Love you, bye. Right, guys. For one bit of control I've got. This might be a short second half today

because Dan is going to beach on his own. All right, it's fine. Let's get going. What is it? 11 o'clock at night. The one time I have to go somewhere after this fucking pod the wrong direction from my house. I don't know why you plan to go solo form be beaching on you know.

I'm on a pod day. Started later today. Hey, Jesse, just rolling when you work. Have a chat, make sure everyone's all right. Yeah, get the cards out. 20s are free. What time we're usually done by? Well, we'll start after that.

So, what's the chat? You like, want to form me. A nightmare. What is it, Wednesday? Traffic Wednesday. Panda Wednesday. Jesse James, Bradley. It's been nine whole months. Has it?

It was December. Dan played on the radio. I'd love it if I had a baby. Are you still feeling very broody? Oh, yeah. All the time? All the time. I imagine quite a lot at the minute

because your youngest has started going to school now. Yeah. So you've got full emptiness during the day. Yeah. What's that being like? Horrible. Yeah, there's a mum also who has twins and another kids and she's pregnant again.

And honestly, I just, someone just look at her, just stare at her in the queue to pick up. And I'm like, you're at the beginning of it. something amazing. She already knows that. You're about to have four kids and it's going to be hell, but the best thing ever. And she just looks so happy and just like,

I'm just like, fuck you. They're dragged. No, she doesn't. She looks glowing. She looks glowing. You never strike me as someone who's tired. I never,

like, I don't think I've ever spent time with you and you've been like yawning or anything. I mean? I yawn. I do yawn. But no, I'm not, I'm quite like a,

I'm just, I'm very, I'm quite healthy. Psychopaths don't yawn, do they? Do they not yawn? I do yawn. I do yawn. I do yawn.

I'm not a psychopath. I do yawn. Do you yawn if someone else yawns? Because that's the thing, isn't it? It's empathy and her? Everyone's yawning all the time in my house. But no, I, no, I'm, I am quite, I am tired.

I am very tired, but I've started mouth taping. For bed? Yeah, yeah. That terrifies me because I feel like I'd die. Change my life. Change my life. I'd die. No, you wouldn't.

You said for bed like there was another option of mouth taping. You're not meant to do it at breakfast. My nose is fucked it. Stop in the night and I'd die. My nose is fucked too, but it still has helped. And I do everything, you know, bit DIY. So I cut it. So it's not exactly what they give you.

So it's just a little strip. It's probably quite dangerous. But I feel amazing. What's mouth taping? You tape your mouth, sure it's when you go to bed. Yeah. What for?

So breathe better. So you don't open your mouth because if I could, you know, if I didn't have it, my mouth is like, wide open at night. Right. So she doesn't eat spiders, do you know? Oh, is it like, so like you don't have a dry mouth in the morning?

Yeah, but also it just stops you swallowing your tongue. You can't, because I tried to swallow my tongue as I sleep, because I sleep apnea. I'm not a psycho. This is another cold open from me. Do you want to sleep apnea? Yeah. I honestly thought that was only fat old man.

I'm apparently the perfect candidate for it, too, because I have a wide jaw. but a tiny neck. Lenny Quinn, that's got neither of them. And so the doctor, when he saw me, he was like,

no one would think you have it, but I could, I could spot you from a mile off. He just knew I had it. Is that verbatim from the doctor? No. But you said you're the perfect hander, and I knew it the second you walked in.

He didn't say spot you from a mile off. You've got it. Why does that lend itself to sleep? Because my tongue is, I've got a... Go on. I just got a really, big tongue. So like it, it just, apparently it just, everything about my anatomy is suited to snoring.

Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. That's why. I'll tell you for the fact right now, no one's looking at your ears right now. God, she hates you. Now they will, Adam. Now they're going to focus on it. Honestly, I really enjoy coming on the podcast the first time, but the clips, the clips, they were, all I saw was my ear. They did so many millions of usual clips. I know, because I seem mental. And you edited them to make me seem even more mental. We didn't edit them at all. We didn't edit them at all. We talked what you said in context.

That was the episode. And then you just cut the silences. I just sped up. Yeah, I know how it works. And I know I know more mental the better for engagement. So I'm now, I'm all in. What have you been doing with all your free time during the day? GP appointments.

Just, just, you know. G. B appointments, you know, dentist appointments, sleep apnea appointments. My diary is full. No, seriously, I've been trying to write. Like Frank Lampard then. No, seriously, I've been working hard. I'm trying to write a book and it's not going well. So I've got a lot of hypochondria going on, which is why I'm with the GP. Okay, I need to calm down. What's the book about?

Me. Just me. It's so fucking arrogant. Yeah. An autobiography? A memoir. Lots of difference. Yeah.

Memoir just sounds way more pretentious, doesn't it? Mement. Autopography is for a historian. Yeah. You know, like a shit celebrity memoir. That's me. Also, a memoir. is like autobiography feels like

you're finished. Portobiography is like is everything I ever did whereas a memoir is like and you just wait and see what comes next. Peter Andre has got an autobiography. Peter Andre. Is that it? No more from Peter Andre.

You're not reading Peter Mondre's memoir are you? I would read that. I would totally read that. I would totally read that. I read all of those ones. Really? He's got two. He's got two memoirs. He's got two. He's got post-Catty Price.

Katie, because Katie has about 80 books. Yeah, he's got the first one that's with Katie called All About Us. And then... Have you watched their documentary? Oh, yeah. You mean Katie Price's documentary? The new one, yeah. Oh, it's just so good.

Yeah, it's amazing. He seemed like a bad dude, though. Oh, Peter Andre? Yeah. I didn't, he doesn't seem like... What I was really confused by was... Imagine breaking up with someone that you have kids with and then never speaking to them again.

That is, they have lawyers. Yeah. They have control. controlled that. There's only one shot of him when it's like a, you know, when the kids were young and they're handing over the kids and Peter's at the door and Katie's handing. I felt really sorry. She went on a night out, ended up getting pictures with this guy. Peter Andre got jealous and never spoke to it. Was that it? That is why they broke up. That's in a documentary. Oh, really? I know, I don't remember that, but. Is that her side of the story though? Yes. That's Katie Price's just

documentary. I'm a big Peter Andre truth. It's this? She's a good mom. She is a good mom. But we don't know that, but I'm sure she is. No one can know if anyone's a good mom. I imagine she is a good mom.

I reckon so too. Yeah, but no one knows. Yeah. No one knows. She doesn't write insania though. So, you know. I love Vickie did. You didn't he watched it in the jungle?

Do you mean? Oh wait. Sorry. Yeah. I watched him writing. He fucking sat there and he was like going, whoa, this is all mad this? But mad this isn't catchy, is it?

Mad that is insaneia. Oh yeah. Number one. He's lagging him off, oh, he? He was a genius. Mysterious girl was my first single I bought. I bought it on cassette. I'm that old.

It's a bang of it. Mysterious girl. I don't know how old I was, but... Is he bad enough that I have to stop enjoying that song? Like Michael Jackson bad? No, no, no. Their relationship just seemed toxic and they were both bad people, but he just seems a bit like, just a bit more bad.

Yeah, but again, we don't, we don't know. This isn't facts, but I... I think the, um, the documentary about Katie Price was so good because she's one of the few people we have in this country who's been famous. for over three decades. And I thought what she said about fame was so interesting when she said, it's amazing for the first 10 years.

It's shit for the next 10 years. And then you're just, you're building yourself up again for the next 10 years. And I thought that was, I think she's, I love her. I love Katie Price. I love her.

That's why I came on the podcast today. To say everyone go and watch her documentary. It is a tech good documentary. He got a good documentary. It's amazing. she became friends with Paul Smith, comedian Paul Smith, because they got their turkey teeth

done it on the same weekend in the same resort. Oh, nice. Yeah, so they both had no teeth at the same time because they got them all shaved off. And she fell over and broke her ankles, didn't she?

She broke everything, yes, she broke her wrist. I broke my everything. Recent husband kidnapped himself to break up with her. Well, again, we don't know that. Are you illegal to me? We don't do that shit. it's pure conjecture

and then we ignored it. I felt that she was deeply in love with him and she didn't realize that she was being rejected and that's why I just want to just we don't know, we don't know. She was putting her promo code

for Supreme CBD in the tweets looking for him. Where are you, John? We've got some Supreme CBD to have together here. The video was, I'd feel Casey Price. She said I'd feel much worse

if I didn't have Supreme CBD. Yeah. Mental. Like John Aldridge levels. But can I also say, I think she was really good, she's really good at talking about how painful and difficult plastic surgery is. Like she's really honest about everything she's had,

which is really unusual. Most famous people who have loads of work, never talk about it. And I hate that. No. But her teeth, she's got the biggest tit in the world, actually. She's had her boobs done like about 400 times.

Eight times maybe. So she's been under general anesthetic, way too much for optional surgery. But what she said about teeth, I thought was really interesting because she was like, it's the most painful thing I've ever done and if I could tell anyone to not do that, I would.

And she's just... And she's broken everything. She said the teeth were the worst, the veneers were the worst. Was she including breaking everything when she fell over that weekend in that pain? That might have been before she broke everything. Have you seen the theory

that your teeth lead to every bit of your body and it was... It's like all roads lead to Rome. It's all roads lead to Rome. Oh. So, like, footballers who've had their teeth done, it affects your bite, which then affects your spine,

which affects your spine, which affects your spine, and then respects you. So, like, footballers have had their teeth done. It's led to loads of long-term injuries after it. There's loads of cases of it. Oh, I can believe that.

I really, really know loads about this as well. I know way too much about this. Because I really, I have a problem. I don't really want to admit this publicly, but I will. I have a problem with my bites. Yes. Because of my sleep apnea, anyway. And, yeah, I just really believe that the bite affects everything, yeah.

And because I don't have a good bite, I'm depressed. I'm not really, you got that ACL engineering. But you know what I mean? Like, she, I really believe it's connected to everything. Teeth are connected to everything. Yeah. I have a, I'm kind of got an obsession with celebrities' teeth and looking at who's had stuff. And I'm, it's kind of, when I'm around alone and Alfie's away, and I'm in bed at night

on my own, I just go down these rabbit holes of looking at celebrities of our plastic surgery. I just can't stop. Who's got the best teeth? Who's got the best teeth? Yeah. Or who's some contenders, the best teeth? Are we talking natty or like, Natty? No, it doesn't either.

It's not really about teeth for me. It's about celebrities who just kind of defiantly lied about plastic surgery they've had. And I just kind of, I'm a sleuth. I've got a section on this called New Ed of the Week. I've not done it for a while. When a celebrity comes out and they've got an entirely new head. John Travolta's got a new head, hasn't he? What do you mean a new head?

Have you seen his head now? John Travolta is like 32 again. He has an entirely new head. Oh, wow. But someone's made that look, that head look like John Travolta. Do you mean like facial features? Everything.

Well, he had the wig on, so he made him look like. He hasn't literally got like a new cranium. Okay, good. Okay, I was just thinking. You can't get that done, Jesse. No option? I'd love that. I don't like the back of my head. He's actually done face off. Oh, wow. Well, I remember when like Kim Kardashian's mom came.

amount and she looked like 50 years younger, literally. Because they're doing it next now, aren't he? That was the first good one, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah, because they're doing necks now. Yeah, neck's a big one. Next was the one. When they fixed the necks and the hands.

Oh, yeah. I don't give a shit about my hands, though. I'm fine with my hands. But they're a giveaway, aren't they? They're disgusting my hands, but I don't care. But my neck, that's probably the... I wouldn't have any plastic surgery, but maybe my neck at one point. Maybe I'll do the neck.

What are you doing? So because you can do your neck... You can do your neck's done loads, but your neck's all ages, it's a real easy tell-tale to go, oh, that person is all that. You're basically eyeing your neck. But also because everyone's now just looking at their phones the whole time.

Everyone has a bad neck. What's so horrible about your hands? Oh, because I just, because I've got such bad OCD that I wash them about 500 times a day. So they've got no moisture or collagen in anymore. And obviously for a while, you were in that bare-knocker league as well.

Took some damage. Yeah. Yeah. I even got tattoos on my hand this year and they've already gone. You've washed the tattoos. I washed tattoos off my hand. Yeah. Hand tattoos don't last as long, do they?

Yeah, their hands tattoos don't last long. Because you are meant to wash your hands, but just not as much as me. Stephen Gerard does it as well. Yeah. Yeah. Me and Stephen have lots in common, actually.

Yeah. Love Stephen. Stevie. Alfie loves you both. Yeah. Alfie loves you both. He loves you both. Yeah.

That's what you got in common. Alfi is actually for, For a Liverpool fan, really not that arsed about Stephen Gerard? Yeah, I've never heard him mention Stephen Gerard. That's crazy. Yeah. Doesn't need to. He's got Jesse Cave in his house.

Watch her spray a ball 50 yards. Unbelievable. What tattoos have you washed off? No, hang on. These are hen of tattoos. No, these are real tattoos. You can still kind of see them. The skin on your hand replaces that much that it wears.

Jack's got hand tattoos and he'll wear it off eventually. Yeah, they do. Also, because if you think about how much you're moving your hand, or you should be in the day. So what the skin's for? No one stands there all day like this. Magicians. Make tattoos last two weeks.

And Jesse loves poppets as well Yeah, I'm always doing this That's true, you do love pets So yeah, you gotta, you do, you should, if you, it's almost a test to see how clean you are actually having tattoos on your hands I recommend it. How long of the jaws last?

So I had it done in January And they've already basically gone. One blue cross has remained. And that's it. I like cleaning my hands. What you want? What's the over under on in a day? Washing your hands with soap?

And I imagine it's pretty hot water like. No, not hot water. Oh. And I don't actually even think I wash them that thoroughly, apparently. I'm not a very good hand washer. You just want to do it? So, just a, yeah. What are we talking?

More for me. How many times a day do you think? I mean, since we got the dog, I mean, I can't even count. I probably've washed them about a hundred times already today. A hundred, at least. Yeah. And it's 11 o'clock at night. A lot.

Have you watched them since you've been in the studio? Yeah, already once. Is it like a good at the toilet. I just went in to wash my house. hands. Is it like a germophobic thing? It's more that I have just like such an ex... It's like, sorry. I'm so sorry. It's like your normal listener would have gone by now.

They would have fucked off. They absolutely will not. I'm telling you have to fuck. It's more that I got this kind of phobia about people touching my face. So I'm the only one who's allowed to touch my face. Is Alfie not allowed to touch your face? No. He's, sometimes I'll let him.

Sometimes. Oh. It's like, I don't know that. It's a big deal. How about your kids? No, no, no, no, no, no. You kids realize you're not letting them. Oh, yeah.

They think of it like a game and I'm like, we make it a game. Does a kiss count? No, the kiss. You can kiss, you can kiss. Even though actually technically that's disgusting. Oh, God. No, but so I don't, so if I need to know, I've got clean hands before,

touch my own face. Or? Or there will be consequences. Do we know what they might be? I don't know, because I've just kept clean hands. I mean, let's be honest, it is working because you do have the face of a younger lady. Thank you. Very good, facial skin.

There you go. Wow. Is that the creepiest thing anyone's ever said? You have the face of a younger lady. Louis says you've got very good facial skin you serial killer bastard you have loved my facial skin I actually don't think a serial killer

I would never be that on the nose I love your facial skin may I wear it come on children let's chase mommy around and try and touch her on the face oh but thank you Adam that means so much to me thank you that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me

Seneca's now want to really trying to help her skin and she is trying to get your skin. Oh, that's so nice. Like she said that, she's like, I want Jessie. She wants my skin. Thank you for top of me by the way.

By the way, get in line behind Adam. As in she's like, Jesse's skin's so clear, I want my skin to be that clear. Not like, I wish I had her skin. Her facial skin.

I so want people to like me, I was about to say, I can get her off for her. It's okay. I can get her off her. I like her. Thank you. I exfoliate all the time. What does exfoliate mean?

Get through the dead skin. Yeah, and I do that like every day. Is it rough soap or like those rough clothes? No, it's I also what I find really interesting and I think it's because I'm getting older and I am incredibly vain. I am obsessed with these videos you see all the time about skincare and how much skin care and what people are getting and what the celebrity is getting and what they're using and they swear by. And it's just all bullshit.

I know it's all bullshit. Because I've kind of religiously used the same thing since I was 12. And I just, and I have gone into periods where I've tried different things. And it's like, it's just all bullshit. It's about moisture. As long as your skin is moist. That's all you need. You can say that other than.

And SPS. You just need some moisture. Okay? That's all I need. Water and moisture. So what do you use? What do I use? I won't tell.

You won't tell? Well, I use like, you're keeping it, yeah? Well, it's just because it's so, it's, it's, it's, it's really unglomerous and it's, it's, it's like, I use like GP, GP, GP cream. Is it Tretta Nguyen? What? Is it Tretta Nowen? What? Do you use South African comedian Trevor Noah?

Is that Trevor Noah? Is that Trevor Noah? It's quite far away. Yes, it is. Tretta Noren is a, like a face cream that is. Oh, no. No, I just use, I think, or centraben. Centrivent.

It's like a really basic moisturiser you can get from boots. And then I mix that with SPF. That's what I use. SPF's a big thing, isn't it? I imagine you don't sunbathe ever? No, I don't like the sun. No.

You are correct. Yeah. Yes. Welcome to Liverpool. You don't like the sun? No, I just, I'm paranoid about it. I just don't. It's not talking about you.

I don't know. To telly tubbies. Look, for there he is down there. No, Ben. So when you go on holiday, do you not like sunbathe and lie down? I have never been on holiday. I have been on one, me and Alfie have been on one holiday in 12 years. We went to Tower Mina in Italy.

It was lovely. We were there for five days. And I hid the whole time from the sun. Have you ever used a sun umbrella? A sun umbrella. I will get to that stage. I'm a bit to embarrass. And Hathaway does it.

that she wears, like Anne Hathaway covers her body essentially all day and has a son and brother. Yeah. So she looks so young. Yeah. But I think she might be one of these secret. She's got worked on us a lot. She's had a facelift, I think.

Sorry, allegedly. Allegedly. Alleged facelift. So you have to hide from the sun. You seem really depressed now by me. You just like, she's poor. You hate me. No, I, you hate me.

I've got my own wrinkles. I'm fucking insane. Watch me get a bit of tin fish. Like everyone's got their stuff. But this is, you know, just a bit of sun on your face. Yeah, no, I do. Like, I don't, yeah, I'll get there. Now I'm driving more.

I have to have it. With your top? I can't stop it coming in. Why have you got a convertible? No. It comes through the glass. It comes through the glass. Did you see that thing the other day of this guy

who'd been a truck driver for like 60 years and half his face had been on the side. What? Yeah. Half his face had had the sun coming in and he had no SBF. on and the other half had been in the truck. And it looks like two different faces.

Had he always been facing the same... Yeah, because he's driving. When he was driving back, it was like to... I didn't think about that, actually. But he does do a really good solo island in the stream. You know, this side of the face would never have been in the summer regardless because it's only ever inside the truck. Yeah, that's what I thought is.

Yeah, that's what, yeah, that question confused me. Yeah. Right. Okay. But you should, I'll send it to you. Don't worry. I'll send it to you later, don't mind. I found it.

Oh, you found it? Yeah. Striking. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think that's real? Do you think that's real? It stinks of AI to me.

Can you flip it around for us Finn? We have a look. The sun's the thing that age is. Oh, wait, no, it's 2012, so it's not. Okay. Can you see? I think what he'd done there is. Is he telling ghost stories?

Yes. He's telling ghost stories. Yeah. I think that's, I think that's pretty cool. I think he's gone to sleep on a hob or something like that. No, he's just driving.

He's just driving. Got to be careful through the glass. What have you been doing in the passenger seat? What? When you've been in the passenger seat? What do I do in the passenger seat? Are you like,

you've just said now that you're driving. Now that I'm driving. The sun's coming in. What was happening when you were in the passenger seat? I was hiding. Yeah, just hiding like this. Yeah. So you've never experienced sunbathing?

No. I think I went on a like a holiday with friends, like when I was 17 or something, and they all sunbates. And I remember thinking, that's not for me. And so I just lay next to them fully, like I was in a bikini,

but I hid my face. I already, I don't know. I don't know how I found that out, but I just... Yeah, by the way, there'll be loads of people listening who have to do this.

Like the life of a ginger, isn't it? You're making me feel like I've done something wrong, okay? No, lying in the sun isn't... I didn't. it on Aldi but I don't feel healthy for it. Yeah, I'm sure I'm sure I am deficient in vitamin D. Let's put it that way. Yeah. You said you were you started the moisturising at 12. Yeah, so what's what's started that at 12 to go? I need to look 12 forever. Britney Spears. Yeah. What did she say?

Because she's trying to do the math. Just magazines like all these magazines so that we would just see, you know, that we're in the shops from such a young age and you buy them and you think, oh, you see them so young I buy my niece gifts now and I go with Seneca and tell her she'll want this beauty product I'm like no she's a she's a child and she will want this beauty

product yeah it's a really massive market the tween but she's not even a teenager yet but she's a tween yeah she'll want this I'm like why yeah magazines will influence people as well

like when I was a kid I bought loads of tomatoes because I wanted to be like Dennis the Menace from the Beano A magazine? The magazine I've. It's a comic book, but I, like, you know, I was a published author in it. I got me limerick posted in the beano.

I wanted to be like Dennis DeMellis to try to buy a stripy jumper. Awful. The awful influence of magazines on children. That's why I won't have the beano and dandy in my own. You go desperate that? Those magazines were, looking back at them, absolutely harmful.

They were young women. all time. Yeah. It's fino. What? Not be no. Not be like Heat magazine, new magazine, all of those magazines. It just was just so destructive to young women.

And yet we just ate. I bought it every Tuesday. Loved it. Loved it. Yeah. Also at either end of the scale like this one. Look at. She's got cellulite.

She's too fat. And then in the next page, look how skinny and ill this person looks. It's just either end. It's, but it's coming back. Isn't it? Like the crackhead sheet? like, uh, Kate Moss she like just being dead skinny and thinking that's how you should look. Well, that's because of a Zen pic and all of that stuff.

Yeah, it's really, as now my daughter's just turned 10, it's, I, I have just no idea what to do. Like, she's just gone on her first away trip on her own with the school. And the morning that she went, I almost didn't let her go, which should have been so bad. But I was just like, what? She's going to be on her own for two days. like, in a dormitory, like, what could happen? What could happen? I just can't bear it.

All the things that she could be fed. Does she seem anxious about it at all? Or is it all coming from you? I think that she's got more of Alfie in her than me at this point, which is really just thank God. Because Alfie's so social and comfortable with humans. And... Just, you know, he likes the sun.

He likes being outside. And so I think that she's got more of him, which is great. And so she doesn't have that. I think by 10, I was already a lost cause. Just like too many bad things. So I think we've already, at least that's an improvement for her. Because, you know, all you want to do is make sure your kids hopefully have a better, life than you did. And so I think that at this stage, we've done a good job, but we can't control

what's going to happen now. But she has that ideal. She believes that she is worthy of friendships. And I think that I, by that age, had already worked out that it doesn't always go your way. And that's because I did sport to such like a level that I was just already aware of like, you win or you lose. Oh, shit. So I was already. just too much like they're not your friend you have to beat them so what sport are you doing tennis and swimming oh right and bail off a box and yeah just yeah that kind of thing so i was just already too so so she's got this good hopeful like i'm gonna have friends and i'm gonna have a nice time where i was already like i'm a loser and i have failed that's so that's such a nice way of putting it

that she feels like she's worthy of... She doesn't need to win a competition. That she's worthy of having friends. It's such a great way of... But are you... So as the things... Because obviously, when they're young, you decide everything.

And, like, my daughter's nine. She's 10. Is that right? So you have to start giving a little bit of autonomy over gradually. Yeah. Because otherwise, they're going to be 17 and you're still going to be in charge and that's going to be mental.

Yeah. So are you finding it difficult, like, or are you being strict? So Donnie's just started secondary school too. So he's now in year seven. He's walking on his own. I have lost my... What?

That's a lot of late that, you know. What? No, no. What do you mean doing? It's crawling on me off. It's like wolf people. Come on, Donnie. Let's get you into school.

Can I stand on my own mom? Not yet. Not in year six. He's doing the school right on his own. Right. So does he walk through... Does he go to school on his own now? Yeah. And we're doing no phone.

So, like, he, I have no idea where he is for a couple of hours of the day. And I, my heart is racing. Anyway, he's just got his first email address. And he had to email. He just mentioned this offhand that, oh, I've got an email for school so we can all email about our homework or something. I was like, what's the email address? And he was like, oh, you don't probably need it. It's for school.

And I was like, I need it. Thank you. And then now I'm just, once a day, 11 a.m. I email him. How's geography going? Hang on. He hasn't got a phone. So how is he checking his email? Because he checks on the computer. Because I'm like, you go and check your email. Check your email at 11 a.m. See my email. I'm obviously, I'm trying to be like cool about it. Yeah, it seems like it.

But I am. Have you not thought of like air tag on him? Oh, I do that too. Yeah, obviously. I do that too. Yeah. So I know where he is. But it's got a delay. They're never very good air tags. I don't recommend my member following people. I'll see three minutes ago, well that's you, let's you, let's you, let's you, I'm not name

the school for whatever reason, but obviously you need to be careful because obviously the Hell's Angels, the biker gang in the people, has ran out of that school and they get them into it in year seven. To year seven they start, yeah, 12. What are you talking about? Have you got a Harley Davis and Jumping on, haven't you?

What's on the back of your jumper? Oh, it's like, I don't know, I got it from a vintage shop. Yeah, someone else who doesn't read their own clothes. I love it. I have no idea when I'm wearing. There's a motorbike gang that starts in year seven of that school. Oh, great.

Yeah. That's great. Have they been pushing cycling proficiency pretty hard? Oh, good. There's a reason. If he comes back and says he's got a motorbike, just, you know, have aware of them. Yeah. I see kids cycling to school. I'm sorry.

I'm basically doing like a health and safety awareness thing on this podcast, but they're cycling to school without a helmet. The parents are like them cycled to school without a helmet. I'm fine if you're an adult and you're, without a helmet, fair enough, you're an adult, you make your decisions. If you let your kids cycle on a main road to school without helmet, what? You can't go to big school with a helmet on me. Your name is then helmet forever.

Jesse, for more, mate. You're going to just have to let his, you know, scouse, some calls just give you some advice here. It's honestly, it's, there's a bigger risk to his life. Yeah. If I saw on him with a helmet of that, whoa. If he hits the helmet than like any car. opposes to him with a strike. He would put the helmet on, cycle off, go by,

and then just take it off. Yeah. I, okay, that's, I'm, I would say to him, if you really don't want to be seen in a helmet, cycle, just walk the last two minutes, take your helmet off. Someone had seen. It's not worth his social.

Do you know how many injuries happen because of no helmets? You do. Do you know that's the biggest cause of head trauma and A&E is no helmet? Yeah, yeah. Kids are dying all the time because of no helmet. Yeah, but have you thought about him being called helmet at school? What are the stats on that? What are the stats on that?

Also, this is Cardinal Heed and Merner High in like 2008 rules. No, this is... No, this is now. Also, is it a pedal bike? Get it an electric motor. Get him going faster. Fucking pedal helmet.

Would you ever want a helmet to school thing? No. Not a chance. We need to make helmets cool, okay? Get him on with some spikes on or something? You have a platform here. That's what you should be doing. Make helmets cool?

Jesse. I don't think you're helping the cause right now. We need to bring them cool. Next, next episode, we'll all wear helmets. Solidary. I genuinely think you could help young men. You could. I see them all the time on my road, just doing their little tricks.

Oh no, that's weird. I think that's... Without a helmet, they're tipping themselves up and down. They're doing wheelies. They're doing wheelies. Put that on, Finn. Peace, Jesse, just for the bit. See, that's a cool helmet.

Look at that. turned off to school in that. Your life would not be worth living. The teachers are bullying. I feel pretty cool. What I? Where were his story? He never takes it off.

He just holds it like a cool guy under his arm. This is not Greece. No, I just think this is really, you need to, you need to talk about this more, okay? Helmut awareness. So you're saying you'd be happy for your son to cycle to school without helmet?

No, no, no, no, no. Okay, good. I'm just enjoying. You're just being funny. I'm just joined these scowsisms of like, no, he's not even wearing fucking shoes, like a gay. Turn up in shoes.

Christ. When you grew up, when you grew up, you got a fucking gun. If you turn up to school on a bike, you would have a, you'd get to head in. No,

but like, that's different now. Is it? That is different now. Right. No, it has to change. You are talking about, it's like 20 years ago now for you,

in it? Yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think people want to be safe. Like, they want to know that their kids are not going to just crash into a,

I see them cycling so far. We've taken too much time over to helmets. No, it's great. Keep going. I love the helmet. You need to raise more awareness for helmets. Yeah, there you go. Look, if there's any year seven kids listening, if anyone turns up to your school wearing a helmet, you say, good job on the road safety there, kid. Thank you. Thank you, Adam.

Fake his hand. Christmas is coming and ask your parents for a helmet. Yeah, a cool helmet. Well, maybe the school, maybe the school should give them all a helmet. to welcome them to the school. Yeah, that helmet would be thrown in every local bush at the end of that day. Like there would be an insane amount of helmets

in the middle of the road. I don't agree. I think that... There might be helmet fights afterwards and people would get more here by getting hit with their own. The only way we'd have used the helmets is, right, let's all punch each other's ends in with the helmets on. Didn't we all wear helmets the whole time in India?

That was different. No, that's totally different, Finn. Come on. Also, we're going on. Why is it different? By the way. By the way, I'm not in any way saying, that the system is right.

I'm saying I'm not going to have the energy for systemic change so I'm telling Jesse our way children can game the system and you game the system

by risking a serious head injury and going to school little Vinny what is he 10, 12 years away you know, we're engaged now

shit's happening yeah Vinnie? Vinny, who's Vinny? Is it a child? Yeah, he's going to be a child is your imaginary child?

Yeah, oh that's funny. Vinny was on my list. Vinny was my name for a week And then everyone went to me, What fuck are you doing? It's 1992.

She was like, all right, I'll put it in the middle. It's why I'm Adam Vincent, Roe. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. You would suit Vinny. I'd rather be Vinny. Yeah, you should have gone with Vinny. Vinny Roe.

So his son is going to be Helmut Vincent Adam Row. Are you literally, you're going to be like, don't worry about a kid, just get on your back. I love it when people call their kids things before they're born. I really like it. It made a much different pregnancy knowing Backer's name before I gave Bertim than the others. It's really nice having a name before.

I just like, to absolutely clarify, I'm not 100% sure that Alexes are sold on the name. In my head, little Vinnie. You don't look at the baby and go, this looks like a insert name. But who really, you know,

I know I just said to you looks like a Vinny, but no one really looks like. But I'm saying, if you had three or four names in the ether and you're like, oh, this one. I think that's risky though because I think most people would end up calling the kid blob and we know at least one person

who would have called it Dorman. I really don't like any names. Vinny's one of the few names I like. I think names are really hard. It's a really hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Go for Vinny. I would tell him, look, lad, be honest with you, yeah. If you go to school with this helmet on, you are risking a pasting. From me. Try and get off the drive.

Try and get past me. When you come home, I want to punch you, Edd. So, look, here's the thing. Totally up to you. Your Ma obviously wants you to wear it

and I will support you and I will defend you against any bullies if you get bullied as a result of you doing the right thing and obeying your ma. But if you want, just put it in the fucking blue bin. I'll take it out every morning and we'll tell your mar that you're wearing it to school

and it'll be our little secret. Don't headbutt any buses. They've started making cowboy hat, bike helmets. You can wear one of them. There you go? Yeah. What's cool?

What's your going to? than the teachers would kill him. No, he's going to be wearing that to Cardenina, mate. I'm going to move back towards West Arby, because I want my kids to go to Carlin. I want them to learn the highway as well. So what happens if Donnie says he wants to start cycling to school?

What? He is cycling to school? No, no, no. I'm never getting, they can't ride bikes. What's no? Sorry. What? Of course they can't ride a bike.

I'm never teaching them. Can you ride a bike? Can I ride a bike? You have ever seen Phoebe? Can you? Of course they can ride a bike. But I would never choose to. Like, Donnie can ride a bike.

They can ride a bike. They can ride a bike. But I'm still, that's only for Centre Parks. Nowhere else. You don't cycle anywhere apart from Centre Parks. It's not safe. Okay? And actually, Centre Park has a few big hills.

But what happens when he rebels and goes, I'm going to start riding a bike? I know. I know. That's it. I think I've done, like, quite good. I've really been an anxious parent with him. so I think he is going to be anxious.

I know that's not good, but I think he's going to be a rule follower. Yeah. I think my youngest is going to be a difficult child, but I think my oldest is going to be quite, he's going to follow the rules. Do you know, I, me and Alfie went to the pub to watch a Liverpool game.

This must be about a year ago, and Donnie came with us to watch the match. And as a joke, I went, Guinness. I went, what are you having, Donnie? You haven't a Guinness? And he went, no. and I went, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what do you want?

And he was like, I'll have like a Diet Coke or something, please. He had a Diet Coke. Whatever he wants. He's not allowed them. He had a tap water with one ice cube. Tap water, ice. Tap. From my glass.

I went, why don't you want to get us? And he was like, oh, because I've got a deal. As long as I never drink until I'm old enough, my dad's promised me a thousand pounds. Yeah, no, it's four thousand now. It keeps going up. He's really... Oh, grand.

grand if he never touches a drop vocal until he's 18. Yeah. Provable. Yeah, he's going to do it because he's really like... Oh, no, he's like... When I was like, I'll get you to Guinness, obviously joking. He was like, you will not. Oh, wow.

You're putting my four grand in jeopardy here. He really loves money. But when he spends on four grand on ale? Yeah, he might, but he's very money-driven. It's, I don't know how, given that me and Alphia, like, the worst with money. Like, we are, we are so bad with money, and yet we have a son who just loves working out numbers and stuff. It's so weird.

So I think when I was a kid, like I'm quite frivolous with money at times while I have no serious responsibilities. But I was very like that when I was a kid and my mum and dad were horrendous with money. Oh, really? Yeah. So I think maybe, especially the eldest,

I think he's probably gone, well, they're not going to sort this out. So I'll have to do it. And that's why he's good at math. He came with me the other day. I went on this morning in London in the summer, which was so funny. And I had to,

take him because there was no other one he had to come with me and he spoke to me on the train he basically was like this is what you say this is how you do it he gave me all of these notes for my interview which was about only fans and he was like this is what you say this is what you do and then was like working out numbers after and i mean i don't talk to him we never ever like mention this the situation you know our money our finances really um other than saying i have no money for that he he's he's he's he's basically my manager. He's 12 when he's my manager. I was like, people were walking past the dressing room and were looking in and he was just

standing there with my notes I'd written for the interview. And they had to like double take into the room. He looked like a tiny little businessman. Like the girl's summer in school or off. So I was thinking summer, yeah. Yeah, it's mad. It's like my favorite movie. I love it so much. I think I'm in love with Jack Black. Yeah. Three out of five. He gave her. You gave it three out of five. I thought you were going to say he was in school rock musical like you know because there was a touring production i could see that i saw that you can see that three three three three stars three three point five i only watched it for the first time this month yeah well that's not fair because it's that you can't really judge it if you haven't

yeah i agree i if i had watched it as a kid it'd probably be five yeah i watched it now as a 20 i'm now 28 i watched as a 27 year old you could play a young ned sneebly yeah were you ever a kid at did you did you do stuff when you were a kid did you do child stuff yeah i did i did you did musical fair yeah can you smell it on him no i just thought I could see, I could, I can send something. Yeah. Yeah. Did you enjoy it? Did you enjoy it? I did enjoy it, but then I had to pick between that and football.

Yeah. And what did you choose? You picked football? Yeah. Do you think that was the right decision? Yeah. But how far along with football did you get? Welsh Prem.

Okay, that's pretty good. Because now I'm finding it so interesting. I'm not, that's the one. Good. So it's how good is that? How good is Welsh Prem? It's, is it like, It's worse than most of the leagues in England.

Okay, but it's still like good enough to potentially... I'm a good goalie. You were on a video game. Yeah. You were on a video game. Football manager video game, he was like an actual player you could buy on that. How much did you get paid per game for when you were 20 quid? But I think that you can say that like that you can go out with your head held high, you know?

Whereas now I'm, now that we live in Liverpool and football is like a religion and seeing, I mean, I, I, he's got like football three, four times. a week. I'm just like, why? He's not going to be a football. And why am I in the car driving him to football again? Why am I watching this match again? And then I'm like, is it worth it? Saying that out loud on the way to the match probably here to speak. Why? Was he allowed to header the ball?

I obviously don't encourage. Not when I was his helmet. They shouldn't. I could really ruin him, didn't I? I think it's 12. You're allowed to have the ball? They had already? No, there's rules now in. I think it's only just come in.

I think if you were already adding it and you carry on. Yeah, you're at last case. Fuck them. It's like Siggy rules. It's like no new 16-year-olds can buy it, but you're 16 and you can still have that. They're already had the balls.

Oh my God, I can't believe that. But no, he's, I don't say it to him, but he knows he's not going to be a footballer. So why are we doing it? It's like, I knew to give up sport when I did because I was like, I'm not going to be a professional. Why am I wasting my time? But he's enjoying it, though.

No, he is enjoying it. And it's nice for friendship and stuff, you know, like that. Yeah, it's good. It's great for that. But like, like, we still play football every Monday night. We're not going to be footballers, I don't think. That's really good, though, because that's, yes, I think if we can encourage more sport for fun, but then there shouldn't really be matches.

They shouldn't have matches. They should just be training for fun. Training is the worst bit. Yeah. But I think training is exercise and making exercise. I hate myself. I can't. Okay, that's just stop.

I'm basically giving a lecture. I'm giving a lecture. That's stop. Let's stop. Let's move on. Do you have a break? Yeah. Jesse, that was great fun.

Let's have a break. And we are back. Jesse, you have a wonderful podcast with your partner, Alfred Brown. Thank you. I really like it. Called. Oh, sorry. This is the promo.

This is the plug. Thank you so much. It's called Before We Break Up Again. And we called it that because we have broken up twice. And so hopefully we don't break up again. But you never know. Jack and have you dead. You'd keep it going.

It depends how much money we're making. At the moment, I can safely say we're jack it in. But right now it's nice. And it has, I think it probably will ensure we don't break up in a way because it's just been so... Is it like therapy? Yeah, it's completely couples therapy.

It's also like I very, I very rarely listen to podcasts actually, which is mad when you sort of host one, but it's like I have music on in the car. Generally it's just, and that's the only time I would listen to them. But I watch every clip you ever put out from it because it is,

And I think it also, it is added to for me because I know both, yeah. And when I'm watching just the dynamic of it, it's fucking great. And I just, yeah, I would imagine there's a lot of couples out there. It would get a lot from it. Well, we did a live one in Edinburgh this year. And it was, the audience was just couples. It was amazing. It was so nice.

Because it was like this kind of weird group therapy thing. And, you know, it's been so good for, for us individually because there's so many things that I wear, I'm like, I'm definitely right. What was that? I'm definitely right in this and he's definitely wrong. And then you speak about it and you're like, oh, actually, maybe he was right there because, you know,

we've talked about it and now we understand that. And then when we were doing it live, it was so great to feel that immediate feedback. Yeah, yeah. And, yeah, especially with the thing about having kids together and I'm so obsessed with pregnancy and all of that stuff. And it was so funny because in the live one, there was like a few pregnant women.

And I was just like, oh my God, this is, I feel like I'm understood. And I rarely feel understood. So it feels really nice to do. Do you think you're definitely over the actual idea of future pregnancy now? I think my ambition has come back, which has been gone for a while since back I was born. and he's for now

and I think I just been in this kind of like survival mode really of just how can I make money how can I make money how can I make money rather than what do I want to make what do I want to write what do I want to do which is a really privileged position I know that it's you know I I know how lucky I am to be able to kind of even do this job

but it's I really want to do something like I want to make something good and I haven't felt like that in quite a long time so I think probably that means I can't have another baby. Didn't you say on pod that if Alfie gets a vasectomy, you'd leave him, though? I might have said that. Yeah, I did.

I did say that. That was bad. That's bad. No. But I would. Yeah. I would leave him. Just you want to not, it's like fun guessing, isn't it?

It's like fun just not knowing. And like if I did get pregnant, like, I would keep it. So it's just fun having that game. Like, he knows. I think he enjoys the game too. I think he does. For my experience, the game is so much more fun

when you know that can't happen. Yeah, which is, well, I think the fun comes from the thrill, doesn't it? It's like roller coasters are popular for a reason

and like the VR simulator of the way, like when you sit in one in the shop and morning, it's like, wow! That's asked about them. That's coming when you've had a vasectomy.

It's not real. But you get off the roller coaster. Huh? You get off a roller coaster. You get off a woman. No, I mean, like, you, can have something for 18 years then.

I just think that that would be, I don't know, have you had a vasectomy? No, listen, this isn't... I don't think you understand my analogy. This is a complicated and beautiful analogy. I'm just saying, leaving it in is tremendous. It is tremendous, but don't you also feel like, I don't know, I'm not religious.

I really am not religious. I know I seem religious, but I'm not. But I... You do seem religious. I do. I know. I have a big Christian vibe. Yeah.

But I was, I went for a run. last year, September, and I just remember, this is so embarrassing, but I did feel something. Like I felt, oh God, I did feel like God. I did feel like God was saying, you should have another child. I did feel that. There's something.

On a run. On the run. I was like, the sun came down. And you hid. And I was, I just remember, I was like I was hit. It was like I was hit by God. or someone, someone saying, you should have another child.

And then ever since that moment, because I've never had a moment where I've ever felt spiritual or anything, that was the first time I've ever felt like that. I did think, oh no, God told me to do that. And so ever since then, now I'm like, oh, no, I need to. You're letting God down. Yeah, what if that was Jesus number two?

What if it was God? What if God was telling me? and I've just rejected him. So part of me is not willing to say no. And also what's really annoying about this stage of nearly being 40 and parents and now that Beck has started school and the teachers know that he's my fourth

and they're like all, everyone has said to me, well, because he's your last and he's starting school, it's going to be difficult. And I'm like, fuck off! Fuck off! Don't you dare? Just tell me he's my last.

Thank you very much. And I can't say, well, actually, he might not be my last. Because then I'll see me. I've spoken to Jesus on a jog. And Jesus said, Alfie should leave it in. If you clip up the bit of me saying about God,

I will come for you. No, don't worry. Jesse, we'll make it really quick. There'll be no pauses. You wanted to talk about, a clip we put out last time you were on? Yeah, we... Because we talk about gentle parenting.

Gentle parenting, and I should probably apologise because I did say, gentle, I got it completely wrong, and the comments were angry. Yeah, but it only had like six million views. Yeah, exactly, it's fine, fine. I don't think it was our lot that were angry, by the way.

No, it was angry women. It was angry women. I don't think there was a lot of conversion between those angry women and, like, patrons of have a word. No, there never is. There never is. It's like, I think that coming on

like a massive podcast like this, it will convert to only fan subscribers. It doesn't because... It's mainly helmet awareness. You're right. I think I should do more podcast, you know, really, you know,

just surreptitiously promote my only fans. And then I come on in my top bar and looking absolutely ridiculous. It doesn't translate. You don't look ridiculous. I look a bit. I know, I just don't have... I don't know how to dress anymore.

Like I'm just like... You always dressed really well. Oh, thanks, Adam. That's so sweet. Very expressive. It's very... Expressive. It's very...

Jesse Cave. Yeah, but it's not like... Two very good compliments, sort of. But it's not like... You know how you know, you can... I don't dress sexy. You know, I've always wanted to dress sexy. I've never managed.

Do you know what that looks like on you? It's like hair down, but my hair now is so long because I haven't cut it since I started Sony fans. Like it's so long that I can't wear it down. It's impractical. It's like carrying an animal.

I wouldn't be able to wear it down. It would be... I would trip. And so I don't know what I imagine is sexy, but like maybe low cut. I mean, I got a boob job, for God's sake. I haven't shown them once. I haven't shown them once. I don't know.

Like something tight, something tight. I don't know. I don't know what to buy. It's not your style, though. I thought I would go after the boob job, I was like, I'm going to go and get new bras. I've had the same bra since I was 12. You can judge me. It's fine.

And I was like, I'll go shopping. When Beckett starts school, I will go bra shopping and I will get some sexy clothes. Have I been? No. I just don't have time. Hang on. You've got the same bra on that you had one, and you've had a boob job.

No, no, no. I'm going my surgical bra, obviously, seven months later. Holy shit. Because it's a cool bra. Look, we're in the city centre today, so once we're done recording, go and buy yourself some sexy stuff.

Do you think I have any free time, Adam? Any free time in my day. Tell your babysitter, let the poll over around. My mother. If my mom is such a practical woman who had five kids, like she doesn't know the notion of me time. She's never had a bit of me time in life.

If I said to her, I'm just doing the podcast, and then I'm going to just spend 15 minutes. I'm going to go into Brasamo. Finally, I can go in. I pass the threshold. D plus. And I can go in and she'd be like, what do you mean?

What do you mean? You're going to go and buy some, like, you don't need to do that. That's a luxury. You don't need, like, it would not go down well. order them online? You can't order a bra online. Sorry. Me and Hardy went into a bra small recently. Did you? Why? Because he wears fake boobs when we do Dungeons and Dragons, which is a sentence that's real. Yes. And he got them off the bag and the we thought we knew

the size because of when we bought them. And the lady measured fake boobs with their eyes and she was correct. I think it's probably easier to measure fake boobs than it is real. Like it's, it's She got a month, she went, yeah, they're a G, like double, blah, blah, and they were. It's because you didn't give a shit because they were, you know, they weren't real. I was just saying you're a G. I was like, yeah, go ahead. Like, the only bra fittings I've ever had have just been just quite creepy, sorry, just really creepy. So I just can't do that.

So I've always had to guess. And because it's just easier to just wear, you know, sports bras, I've just never bothered. I've just never bothered. Don't you have to just, isn't it marks and Spencer's? you go and see a woman called Margaret, and she's, like, she's been doing it since 1928. I don't want to see Margaret. I don't want to see Margaret.

How can Margaret be creepy? Do you have to show them your boobs? You have to get, yeah. That's weird. I think it is a bit weird. Also, if you're a late in life lesbian, there is no better job on the planet than the bra fit of a Marks and Spencer's brassiere department

full of 82-year-old lesbian. How'd you know what to know? Fucking hell, here she is. I don't think any woman is probably wearing the right-sized bra, really, because they just don't want to go to. to eminness and get a profiting. I've been assured that Marks and Spentz is like this safe pair of hands.

I really... Do they hold them? They... Do they hold them? Do they have a go and go, yeah. It depends where you go. Yeah. Some places, they get like a tape and they get like cups and they go,

like you're one of these. And some places you go in they go... F? Yeah. I don't know. And if they're a late in life, Lesman, they just go, fucking great. pick what you want that's weird though imagine if we had to get like special on the puns for our dicks you have no idea how much work goes into having boobs so much work

like you just let them hang out you let balls just hang out yeah but if we had to go in and like yeah it's a fucking it's a six or something I'm a bit lobside my balls are meant to be one's meant to be bigger than the other class I'm fine you not know though I thought they were meant to be equally balanced for running glad there isn't like an official number on your cock. Dan's got a little

fucking... Yeah, exactly. Actually, imagine if there was, men would finally be kind of humbled. Yeah, everywhere in baggies yours, me. You wouldn't have a complex. You wouldn't have a complex

about needing bigger booze. I'll have a 36F pair of one these day, please. Zobaldi. The right's normally bigger than the left. That's the... Hang on, let me think. You just look that up. What do you know that?

My one's like significantly bigger as well. Well, that's the same a boo. One boob is always bigger. Even with fake boobs. What? I know, it's weird. Even with fake boobs. Well, that feels like malpractice.

Well, no, because you can't get one side. You can't, you can't, you can only choose a size. I don't think you can't choose one. Oh, yeah. They put the CC in and everyone's bigger, it'll stay bigger, won't it? Oh, right. So you can't like a 1-9-95 and a 2,000. But also, I think most boobs, like to the naked eye,

like you look at them and go, they're the same. Like, there's a slight difference, but like, I'll be honest with you, my bollocks look like they belong in two different banks. Yeah. One of my balls is like fours, and I'm not sick, don't worry. But my balls is way big. One of my testicles is migrating for winter. One of mine's a night's off.

The other one's Primax owns, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a girl on Instagram who just owning her different size boobs. She's like, she's like the face of lobsided tits. Oh, really? Yeah. I should, I'll give her a follow. What I'm not, sexually, though?

You can be classed that, like some days you're on. You said that like you were, I would love to follow her. Are you taking one massive and one? Like you small or... She is brilliant with it. She talks about it, but it's a real head tilter. Like, you know when you're just... It's incredible.

When you're like yawning in front of a dog. She's Indian? Oh, Kyle. I think there should be more stuff like that. Apparently the week after I went on this morning talking about my hair stuff, somebody else went on, talking about how she has boobs that never stop growing.

You see her? That's bad though. Benjamin Bastian. She has an only fan. She has an only fan for, because she's got these boobs that just don't, it's got, she's a condition and they never stop growing. I don't know what you just said,

but you're Benjamin and it was just for. But if they were Benjamin Bastards, they get smaller and smaller, which is that would be torture. It starts, yeah, baby with massive, and that's wrong, oh, my bad. Yeah, they just keep growing, keep going.

So at what, at what point does she have to do something about that? Well, their size 30 you. at the minute. Oh, no. They weigh 27 kilos. That's a fail. Each or just one? I think between them.

Wow. Five facts of sports. And that's what the doctor said. Well, she's cleaning up on Only fans. It costs her 125 grand a year. They cost her. Yeah, because she keeps having to import bras.

I don't, where's she buying her bras? I don't know. Why isn't her repeat pages? She should get some sports bras because then she won't have to bite so many. I don't think her sports bra's going over and do they? Oh, it's but yeah, she went, anyway, she was a big hit apparently.

So, um, gentle parenting. Yeah, gentle parenting, sorry. How do we, come, no, just to get off her you cup tits for a second. I don't know, I said something like gentle parenting is just, come over here. I don't know why I used the name Henry as well. Yeah, it is Henry. It's always a Henry, isn't it? Sorry, sorry, again.

Again, we're pissing them off again, Jesse. Don't clip it. Josh, clip it real quick. But apparently gentle parenting is, you know, it's not what I said it was. I don't really give a shit. Sorry, I don't. What is it?

Is it just not shouting at kids? It's just not shouting kids, but actually, there's just been an article out about how gentle parenting is out, and I'm really happy about that. Is that because kids don't understand negative reinforcement?

Like dogs? I think that we don't give enough I think, well, I think what I said that was wrong before was that Jen's praying doesn't give enough boundaries and it's too lacks and people got really annoyed about that. No, it's actually about healthy boundaries and being, you know, sensitive to your child and your child's knees and stuff. Never shouting. Never using fear as a boundary. I don't know anyone who can't shout. I mean, come on. You have to shout sometimes. I think shouting is okay sometimes. Sorry. Yeah.

Yeah. Vincent. Vinnie. Helmut. If never have us tea. Helmut. Come down, darling. I think it's going to be your house.

This is you, Adam. Darling. Helmut. Vinny Helmut. Darling, your leg of lums ready. I'm not a gender parent anymore. I think I tried, but then by kid four I just stopped. It's one of those things that in it where it comes into fashion.

Yeah, house of fashion, it's a fashion, it's house. It's like skinny jeans. Like, they'll be back for a bit and then they'll... Yeah. You know what I mean? Everyone would be back here again. My mum wasn't a gender parent and because she basically also parents my kids, it would be ridiculous for me to gender parent and then for her to parent.

It's good cop, bad cop with your mother. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But bad cop, bad cop. I just, I don't know. And also Alfie and we're trying to get... Having a dog has been very good for us as parents because we're now realizing, oh, he just doesn't

understand. There's no point in shouting. at a dog because he's not going to get it. But they don't understand negative reinforcement. They know, I do something and they get a good thing, I'll keep doing that. If they do something bad and then get shouted out, they're like, I can't link them things. That's not true.

And that's how we should parent kids. I got taught it is you got taught something different. It's just not true. I just like, yeah. Now we're talking dogs guys and it's getting pretty serious. Neither of us know the answer, but I got taught by the vet, that negative reinforcement with my dog works. So what you got told is what? Does

work or doesn't work? Does work. negative reinforcement does work Positive reinforcement, sorry. Yeah, positive, they both work. I think we've done... I do a good thing, I get a good thing, they will learn that, and I do a bad thing,

a bad thing happens, they will learn that. Listen, it's my parents in style. Yeah, same. They understand negative reinforcement. They don't understand punishment. Yeah. That's not the same thing? No, like, if your dog, like,

jumps all over here, and then you put it in the garden. No, no, no, what I'm saying is the dog's done a shit in the kitchen. Yeah. And then I'm going to go and shout at them. No, yeah, that's punishment. You can't link them things.

But like, if you'll... Get down, yeah, not go like, get down it. Yeah, what I'm saying is punishment. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They don't understand punishment. Especially if it's not immediate. Yeah, because they're like, I can't...

I don't know. I've forgotten. I've done a shit why you shouting at me. Yeah. But the thing about... I think the different thing about kids, though, is the immediacy. Sometimes you can't get at them about something immediately

because they're around people or that you don't want to embarrass them in front of the friends and that will make it worse. So, Sometimes it... I know, if one of my kids' shits in the kitchen, it's going to get brought up pretty quick. But if you leave it for half out of the fuck...

I'd tell her off, but there's a dinner party going on. There's a lot of smoking. If Jack's shit in the kitchen and it was three hours later, you found her, and you went, Jack, would he go, I don't know? genuinely would he go, I forgot. Was that me? Did I? I have no idea. Kids do you?

Are you sure you didn't? He gaslights me. Probably you've done. Hold on. He's like, it's probably the retta. Sort of yourself out. It's just one of those things where you can never really know if you're doing it right until they're adults.

And, you know, we're all going to make mistakes. Especially, like, there's just nothing we can do about it. There's no guide book. No. Don't come with a guide book. I mean, Alfie hadn't bought one book on parenting. He didn't buy one book. Of course he didn't.

We didn't buy, we didn't do any. research about having kids. Has he bought any dog books? Has he? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's bought five giant textbooks about dogs. He's bought, I mean, it's so annoying how much more research he's done about dogs.

Yeah, but like, if you lose control of a nine-year-old child, they can't really hurt you. But if you lose control of a nine-month-year-old roadies and bitch, but it's curtains, isn't it? Yeah, that's true. That's true. Also, he's the lead... Is he the lead parent with Pinter? He is the leader, yes. Whereas you're the lead parent with the kids.

Is that unfair? Yeah, that's true. That's how I see. Yeah. Like, I'm there, I'm a good dad, but I'm not as good dad as... You're the guinea pig dad, aren't you? Laura. I do look after them.

Oh, him? Oh, there's only one now. Oh, the one died? Did you lose a guinea pig? Oh, was that where you were away? Oh, Carl. Broder. Sit down more.

How? We lost the guinea pig. How? Shot nine times on the head. I'm sick of a head. Guinea pigs haven't gone ahead. I'm on a beach and a white guy. Then all body with eyes on the floor.

I'm going to form me to bury him at sea. Dobby. Salataping to a fucking unengraved bowling ball. So you've had two guinea pigs and one's just died. What happened? Did your kids get really upset? Oh, horrific. My dad died at the end of May, right at the end of May.

I'm sorry. And my, uh, my daughter went. oh that's sad and then gave me a hug and then wandered off and she wept for five hours when Milo died

the guinea pig yeah so we've had it's been a summer of grief what happened he was shot five times in the head was he just dead when you found him because you don't know what's happened there little tiny suicide was he frozen because my hamster

when we found him was like this he went where was he was he happened to go with some tits how did he die oh no a heart attack He went to... Benny Me here. He was working at Marks and Spencers.

Oh, this is me. Kill me now. I'm a happy man. Oh, guinea pig got hold of my wife's guinea pigs. It's convoluted. Cull back. Oh, I'm die happy now, you know. No, what did happen?

Did you not get like a post-mortem? Yeah, we paid for a post-mortem. AIDS. It was eight. Who's fucking the kidney pick? I don't think they let you pay for a post-mortem for a guinea pick, do they? Yeah, no. Would they let you?

That's a feature. Yeah, yeah. Did you pay for a post-mortem genuinely? We felt like we had to. But really, the noose that we found on him, is the other one sad now? It's not the happiest I've seen him. Are you going to get another one? Yeah, yeah.

You should have got another one immediately. Just replace it. Why did you tell the kids? Why do you not tell you? the other guinea pig? You've got a new one? It wouldn't even know. Right. But I think, why do we not tell the guinea pig the one died? I think,

come here. I don't know what, I don't know the general level of intelligence of guinea pig, but if he hasn't worked it out yet, that's on him. Where's that other one? Hasn't got the concept of death? Oh, it's so sad. Every mammal has the concept of death.

There we go. He spoke to it. I don't know if he's told him. I think he just thinks he's not there and doesn't have the cognitions understand what that means. He probably thinks he's on holiday or something. If the guinea kid came back, he'll be like, where have you been?

He'd be like, it's happening. As the get, how long? I'd have bigger questions as well if he came back two months later. As the guinea pig, how long's the guinea pig being dead now? Like a month or two? Month and a half.

Have you ever been away for that long? Because maybe it's just thinks it's gone wherever you went last time. Oh yeah. The other guinea pig thinks Will Huchby's book two extra safaris on a guinea pig trip. Did you betty get in the garden?

Where's your little guinea pig, he's climbing, killy. Take it to Elmfield. Where is it? No? We did a ceremony. Did you want to get the guinea pigs? No.

No, no, at all. I went to Nashville and my wife punished me. Well, because my kids really want to get them and I keep delaying it. Right, we've got a spare one. Don't hamsters die like every 12 hours. Oh my God. They don't level on.

They're like house lies, aren't they? I was thinking jarbils, because jarbils you can have like four. Would the dog not be a problem there? Yeah, but we were just, hide them. We just hide them. But the guinea pigs, would you say that they're good animals for kids?

I mean, ours were like... You hated that. I think our guinea pig... I didn't hate them. We got them so the kids would have pets. And then we got them, Laura's like, I thought you'd say no on the phone. When I was in Nashville,

so Laura Rung up and went, the kids have asked if they can get guinea pigs gave me no prepping, because I'd have been like, I don't know about that. So I was in Nashville, hung over, full of fucking PBR. I was like,

Yeah, great idea. And after those, Laura's like, where were you on that one? I was like, where's the prep? So she got the guinea pigs, but the kids to look after it. Jack's like, oh yeah, we've got guinea pigs. Looked to them three times because he's too young. To be fair, to her, had got a little bit better. But if you don't go toheta, hey, go and feed your guinea pigs.

She forgets. So Laura's had two guinea pigs for the last three years. They're basically Laura's guinea pigs. Not a tit. Laura's guinea pigs. One of them has died. Would I say they're good pets? I don't know.

I think ours were like Vietnam vets. or something. It depends on what line they come from. If they're like show lying guinea pigs then they'll find they'll just chill but if you get working line guinea pigs you have to walk them a lot. Yeah.

I think ours had seen some shit. It's like a work and pig. No. From the general level of trauma that were coming off these guinea pigs I think ours are like bomb detection guinea pigs or something. I think they've been to Fallujah.

Have you spoken to the other one? Yes. Yeah, we have. Yeah, yeah, we've spoken to him. You've done a Ouija board or anything. There's on a Ouija board for him. Was he? genuinely he was just dead in the cage.

No, he went to the kennel. The guinea pig kennel. He went to the guinea pig farm. No, no, no. But who found them dead? The guinea pig farm, not the person. The person who runs the guinea pig kennel farm. They gave them to a guinea pig kennel for a weekend

because they were gone on holiday. Oh, no. That's even worse. So we died on his own? Oh, he died. No, he died with 140 other guinea pigs. In a massive guinea pig farm. What killed them?

So they basically made, they might be coveries. something up. Yeah. Yeah, there could be like fights. That could be an illegal guinea pig ring. Oh, what do you think? He's like prison and he's not, he,

because you have to identify the body. He's been shanked by the Hispanics. Yeah, we did. Yeah. So did you see a dead? Saw a picture. You saw a picture. Wow.

And you know that was your guinea pig. That could have been AI. They could have given it to another family. It could still be out there. Oh, no. What are you going to do if in 10, 15 years you get a knock on the door? King, big with a bindle.

Like that patches Rodriguez What do you think of people who Like they have a dog And then the dog dies And then they immediately get another dog What do you think of that? We talked about this recently Someone messaged in about their partner

Who wasn't ready to replace a dog that died Is it like three years ago? The best thing you can do And we're still like emotionally attached So I think it's It's the best thing I lost my dog when I was away And my mum waited the year to get hers

But it's the best thing you can do to get another one. Yeah, because, I mean, this is quite wanky, but they say the reason you're so sad is because you've got so much pent up love that usually give to this thing that you can't really get out no more. So when you get your new one,

you're like, oh, I get to give that love to something else. And then you kind of like have fond memories. That's why getting a new one does help. I think a lot of people worry that they're going to sort of like not be able to love the new one. And whenever I think of stuff like that, it's actually something Alfie said to me once, which was from his dad,

when Alfie maybe told him about the same. second or third time you guys had got pregnant and his dad said don't worry about like having a second or whatever number it was because you don't have a finite amount of love when you have a second child you just make more of it yeah that's why i say to him you know we could have sick he would love them all he didn't say the same thing about money though did he yeah but i use that i use that a lot I use that a lot. It's beautiful. When people are like,

I don't know whether we should have a kid or not, no one ever gets five years down the line and goes, I wish we'd not. No one really ever regrets it, I think. Maybe they do, I don't know. But I think that you can't help but love it when it comes. When it comes out, you're like, oh, yeah, of course, I love you. Yeah.

There's, I really would love to just be able to keep having babies. Like, I would love that. It's mad that you're so... It is mad. I know. That was the worst bit. But I think it's because I'm... Yeah, to be fair, but the thing is, they're also different.

Each stage is so different. So this is why I'm not trying to be negative. Because when Etta was born, that first few years, I've never loved anything as much as I love my daughter. And it's amazing that, as Alfie's dad said, it just comes out of knowing it's brilliant. But it's also, there's a lot going on in terms of the amount of physical attention it takes and the sleep deprivation and it eases off.

But now Etta's nine. Like on Friday, me and her are going on the train to London and we've got tickets to the theatre. And then the train back is at five o'clock on Saturday. So I'm just going to take around. We're going to go just have a look. That bit, we've only just got to that bit where I've just got this little dude who I think is a great person,

a really fun hang. And she's still young enough that she's not like, she wants to be there. I'm sure when she's older, she'll want to be hanging out with the mates. and there'll be other priorities. But right now, we're still the most important thing in their world. It's unreal this bit.

Yeah, I know. And that's what I get it. Another child would be it. I just don't want to go through the trenches again. Yeah. But you don't have that. No, I do. I do now.

Now that I'm finally getting time, I'm just like, oh, what do I do with this? And in other countries in Europe, they let parents have time off when their kids start school. I might be getting this. wrong but they they definitely do let um it's a much gentler process of them starting school and um it's definitely not immediate you're in five days a week nine to three that's it you don't see them again um and i think i would have benefited from that um but i think we just they just do it so much better

child rearing in in other other other places um but yeah i i am finally realizing oh i can do things now that's that's quite weird and it's probably a good thing to address myself and you know i haven't really done that in so long you're sort of acclimatize into a bit of independence that you haven't had which i haven't had in 12 years yeah yeah and also i think um it's a distraction i think i used being pregnant and talking about it motherhood and pregnancy and all that stuff for so long almost as a shield to making work because I was like, I can talk about this, but I ran into a wall because I don't, I don't want to be a social media mother.

You know, I don't enjoy that. I don't want to do that. And so I reached a point where I was like, well, I can't, I can't get any more out of this. You know, I can't share it. So, you know, obviously, I'm not saying it. That's why I had the babies. but I can't, like I couldn't make a living out of it like some people do.

So you're almost feeling the pressure of like, oh, now it's back on to me and what I've got to create because you've got the time, you've got that freedom. Well, I would love, like I really do enjoy talking about motherhood and parenting and I really enjoy talking about birth and all that stuff. And I was thinking, oh, maybe I can make a career of that and work up, but I can't because I, like I said, I don't want to overshare with my kids. So it's meant that I've had to go into this kind of phase of being like, okay, what do I do with my life?

So I started a honey pass. It's just a little stop gap. And now I'm in this phase of okay. But you're now feeling creative again? Now I can write again, yeah. And now I can do things and I can do shows and stuff like that, which is great. It's really great. But I want to be pregnant.

We have done, I mean, that whole section and that is, I've got to go to Vaughnbury, shoot me. Yeah. I think I was a bit like, like aggressively mad in that one. But it doesn't matter. Today? Yeah. It was absolutely fucking great.

Okay, good. Okay, cool. And also I think that I just, I worry what I just said about motherhood just then. It sounds like I only had kids so I could exploit them on social media. You said you didn't. I said the opposite of that. I said you didn't. I'm just checking.

Just checking. I said that. right did you bring your flip-flops in the beach oh that's lovely man especially just having over the traffic you'll see all of them you'll get to really slow down as you go through the found centre I wish I was pregnant yeah right go to go to the squirrel reserve mom oh go find a guinea pig take a new go and get a squirrel for your guinea pig I'm on tour starting this week you've missed Cork

but I'm in Dublin tomorrow if you're watching this on release day Adamrodo.com.com. I am going everywhere there will have been a pre-roller to start of the episode but let's just give you the full rundown

so this week Cork as I say you've missed it Dublin as well next week I have got Bristol and then I've got London following that is real that fucking hellhole

But please come. That's how you sell tickets. Real Cardiff, London again, Middles per town hall, Newcastle, Glasgow, Sheffield, two nights at the Empire in Liverpool, the Barbican in York,

Manchester Opera House, Birmingham at the Alexander and the Royal Concert Hall in Nottingham to finish the tour. Tickets on sale at livenation.com. UK, quickest way to get to that page is to go to Adamrow.com.

And I will see you on the road. Very excited. Dan Nightingale and Friends next available tickets because everything else is sold out is bright and Thursday the 15th of October Sunday the 25th the few tickets left in Leeds

and then in November I'm doing Birmingham and Cardiff Dan Nightingale.com and I'm in Formby in about an hour and a half Film Club tickets for Halloween special Finn, you're going to dress up aren't you? Yeah, and Harry. Not as a woman though. Not as a woman, you would never do that anymore

in the description below there's probably not many tickets left so go and get them half the tickets for my final gig with my back. as well are gone. So beautiful. What date is that? The 21st of November in Liverpool, Jack Rand of Baltic.

Lovely. Jessie, it's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you for having me. See you, everyone. Bye, Felicia.