KGCI: Real Estate on Air - Reprogramming Subconscious Patterns: Moving from Identity Blocks to High Performance

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

Summary:Mindset and performance coach Paul Salter, known as the "Golf Hypnotherapist," discusses how high-performance issues are often identity problems rather than skill deficits. He explains that the subconscious mind prioritizes survival and tribal belonging, which frequently leads to self-sabotage when an individual begins to outpace their peer group. Agents will learn how to identify surface-level behaviors like procrastination as manifestations of core fears and how to use strategies like "Clarity, Commitment, Competence, and Confidence" to break through performance plateaus.

Most people think high performance issues are skill problems. In reality, their identity problems. Today's guest helps high performers reprogram the subconscious patterns that keep them stuck, and the parallels to business and real estate are striking. Welcome back to the Realty Funnels podcast. I'm Kevin Cahill. This show is for growth-minded real estate professionals who understand that systems matter and mindset determines whether those systems actually get used. My guest today is Paul Salter, known as the golf hypnotherapist. Paul works with serious golfers and other high-performing professionals to remove mental blocks, rewire subconscious habits, and perform at their true potential under pressure.

His approach blends hypnotherapy, performance psychology, and identity level change, work that translates far beyond golf. Paul, welcome to the podcast. Kevin, it's a pleasure to be here. I appreciate the introduction. Thank you for having me. Well, my pleasure. And Paul, why don't you just tell everyone a little bit about yourself, who you are, what type of work you do? Absolutely.

So I am a mindset and performance coach, and I use hypnosis to help my clients dismantle the destructive patterns of believing, thinking, feeling, and behaving that hold them back from achieving their potential. And to make it even more concise, you as the listener, I have an imagination that you know what to do to achieve your goal. You don't have a lack of knowledge problem. When you do, you come to this phenomenal podcast or a quick Google search. fills that gap. But the lack of execution on that knowledge is where I come into play. When you don't do what you know you need to do to get to the next level, that's when a mindset problem exists. And that's where the opportunity to resides to help you get unstuck out of your own way and to experience that next level of success. So tell us a little bit about how you got into this world.

Yeah. So I've been coaching for this will be year 17, which still sounds a bit crazy to say out loud. And the early part of my coaching career was as a sports dietitian. I worked very closely with collegiate, professional, and Olympic athletes helping them to maximize their performance. And as my coaching career progressed, I started stepping away from athletics, and I found myself primarily working with men and women who were stuck in the yo-yo dieting cycle. And like I alluded to earlier, these men and women didn't have a lack of knowledge problem. They knew how to eat well. They knew the benefits of taking care of themselves, exercising often, but they weren't doing what they knew they needed to be doing.

So the foundation of what I ultimately called sustainable weight loss from the inside out dealt with the mindset programs and blocks and emotional hangups they were experiencing that kept them stuck in that yo-yo dieting cycle. Now, here's where things take an interesting turn. About 10 years into that journey, I reached a crossroads. I always had this passion for the game of poker. And I reached a point where I could either just continue to dream about one day playing poker professionally taking it seriously or I could just go do it. So I did the latter and I got my coaching place in a great, great situation because of the systems I had in place and I pursued poker full time.

And about six months into that journey, I felt as if I was outworking, out studying everybody, I had a coach. I thought I was doing all of the right things, but it still felt like I was lighting money on fire. So that was frustrating to say the least, and not quite ready to throw in the towel. I asked for help. And I hired my own mindset performance coach.

She happened to be a hypnotherapist, and very quickly, she helped me begin to unravel my scarcity mindset, my fear of loss, and all of the money beliefs that were outdated and destructive, not serving me. My poker success, the amount of money I played for and earned, skyrocketed in a very fast amount of time. The real value, however, was the impact she had on me as an individual. So much so, I eventually said buy to poker. I earned my credential as a hypnotherapist.

I completely walked away from nutrition coaching, and I hit the ground running in this direction, and haven't looked back since, and that was going on about six and a half years ago. And you really tackle things that I think are underneath or outside of most people's line of sight. People think about acquiring more skills. They think about getting the next credential. They think about having a bit more experience. And yet, I believe, and you clearly have tapped. into this notion that there's some block happening up inside of your head, inside of your thoughts.

What's the basis for most people in terms of going from, I have enough knowledge, I have the skills, to achieving at the level that they truly desire? We're programmed to survive, not thrive. So what happens is when you continue to step outside your comfort zone, accumulate new knowledge, and you're ready to begin taking that action, that action starts to take you out of your comfort zone. And the reason that's so imperative to understand is what's really happening is a threat to your sense of belonging. As human beings, we're a tribal, community-centric species. Thousands and thousands of years ago, if you were rejected, judged, or abandoned by your tribe,

well, guess what? You either starve to death or that classic saber-tooth tiger ate you. Now, thousands of years later in present day, we don't have those same type of threats and challenges, but the visceral emotional experience that our nervous system feels is very potent. And the reason that's problematic is when we start ascending the success louder. What happens is we begin to distance ourselves from our tribe, our peer group, and community. And that threat of potential resentment, abandonment, or rejection from that relationship is such a red flag to our subconscious who has one primary objective to keep us safe that it concocks and deploys a myriad of different sabotaging behaviors to bring us back into this area that we feel is familiar, comfortable, and predictable, or our zone of safety. So that's the uphill battle that we're facing every time we try to step out of our comfort zone and begin throttes. I've heard so many different analogies, studies, the monkeys in the room where the banana is dangling from the ceiling, there's a ladder, but the moment that the monkeys start to climb up the ladder, they get sprayed with water.

And so the monkeys don't allow the other monkeys to climb the ladder for fear of getting sprayed with water. then the monkeys are swapped out new monkeys come in who have never seen the water but they're being pulled down off the ladder by the monkeys who have seen the water then eventually those monkeys are swapped out the only monkeys in have never experienced the water but have only experienced other monkeys pulling them down off the ladder to not get the bananas and it happens in humans as well Absolutely. And it sounds silly. You know, we were talking a lot about golf before we hit the record button. But imagine you're with your normal playing group. You're foursome. You go out every Saturday morning with the boys or the girls. And you're more of the middle of the pack golfer. But behind the scenes lately, you've been taking lessons. You've been putting in home. You've been doing the mental game training you need to be doing. And before you know it, you start shooting the lowest score of the weekend. You start dropping your handicap dramatically. Suddenly now you're the top golfer. Your peers might resent you. They might joke with you, but you might suddenly take on more attention, more pressure, more expectation. And that burden might feel so uncomfortable or unsafe. Well, suddenly you stop your lessons.

You stop practicing as much. You pretend not to care and you regress to where you felt comfortable, which was being a middle of the pat golfer or that was your identity. How do, as a coach, how do you help people get to that next level mentally, because I would imagine that they have to get there mentally before they can actually get there in reality. Yeah, we've got to begin identifying what are the core beliefs, behaviors, ways of thinking and feeling that are standing in your way.

So let's use real estate, for example. You have a new agent, maybe he or she is, a few years into the game. They're really beginning to find their footing. And, you know, they've taken home a couple, six figures the past few years. They've got their sights set on that seven-figure threshold in the upcoming year. And what happens is when they start to experience a strong quarter, multiple listings, feeling like they're landing in their lap, that excitement is temporarily there. But under the surface, uncertainty, doubt may begin to creep in.

Suddenly, they're procrastinating on their following up. They're not nearly as proactive. They're not seeing as many people. They're not continuing to follow up and build those relationships. things that were the bread and butter of their original success suddenly stopped being done. So in this example, we'll run with procrastination here because maybe we see procrastination. So somebody comes to me, Paul, like I'm procrastinating. I've had this great business the last few years.

I've set a really big goal. I had success. And then I started to regress. I don't know what's happening. So procrastination is that surface level manifestation of a core wound, fear, or belief. My job is to then dig much deeper. because that agent clearly knows what he or she is supposed to be doing, they're not doing it. And when we start to unpack the real vulnerable, honest why, we might find that he or she

is afraid of success. The last time they had success or they stood out, there was too much pressure. They don't like all eyeballs on me. There was more speaking and teaching opportunities, and that made them uncomfortable. Or maybe they feel, oh, last year was a fluke. I'm not that good. I don't deserve that. I'm unworthy. I'm just an imposter. So the deeper we can go. We can ultimately get back to the core fear or the core belief that has influenced this pattern of behavior. And that then becomes the golden opportunity to dig in to uncover when, why, and how that belief is formed and then do the work necessary to unlearn it and put a better one in place. You know, I watch a lot of movies, television shows. I try to always find uplifting,

positive, motivating things to watch. And even in that, framework of what I prefer to put into my brain, I can't help but encounter characters in television shows or in movies who you're watching them do something that is a self-sabotaging move. As a real estate broker with hundreds of real estate agents under my brokerage license, you know, not all of them have me in their close communication,

close confidence, not all of them. But those who do allow me to be a close part of their journey, either they're receptive to my experienced view that what you're doing is sabotaging yourself or they're just not receptive to that at all. And even those people who are receptive to it want to move beyond their self-sabotaging behaviors, which is as simple as, hey, got a phone call yesterday from somebody who wanted to talk with you about listing their home, how'd that go? Oh, I never called them back. Okay. So sometimes I feel like, okay, I'm only so capable of offering the coaching to them. Sometimes it'd be helpful if they had somebody who was a little less interested in their success, perhaps a little bit more removed, because as a managing broker, I don't necessarily want them to feel like I'm judging them. I'm really not. I'm

only wanting them to have success, but they might feel like I'm judging them. How can somebody avail themselves to really great coaching? How can someone position themselves as more receptive to that type of positive help. It really starts with honesty within. And what I mean by that, and I have an imagination, you'll relate to this experience. If you say, you know, you've got about 100 agents underneath you, I bet you not all 100 are truly committed to success.

I bet you there's a handful that absolutely are, but I bet you there's also an equal, if not larger handful, who are interested in success, are interested in the lifestyle, the freedom and flexibility real estate has the possibility of providing them. But there's a stark difference between being committed and being interested. And most people fear committing because when you fully commit and go all in on something, there's the likelihood that if it doesn't work out, you are more exposed than ever before.

You feel failure in the potential perceived repercussions. Whereas if you're just interested, that's a fallback excuse. Well, yeah, I didn't give it my all. Yeah, I didn't do everything. It's comfortable. it's safe. So to come back to your question now, it really has to start with, you know, are you truly committed to your goal that next level success? And if you are, typically that opens your mind and your heart to understand the universal truth, that asking for help

accelerates results. And if you want to get there and you want to get there faster, surround yourself with people who have A, been there, and B, who are smarter and have more experienced than you so you can learn from them, their mistakes, their wisdom, and go and grow at a much faster rate. I have always found that competence builds confidence. And then those are two really important elements to success. And yet the most important, it precedes that competence and that is commitment. The notion that, you know, we're going to take the island, we're burning the ships. Yes. That there is no other path. And I've had so many real estate agents who, when the market is blowing and going, it looks like they're huge successes. And then the market shifts. And all of

sudden, you know, I think that the funny little phrase is, you know, high tide lifts all ships and a low tide exposes who's naked. And, you know, when the real estate market shifts, and it always does, the people who have the underlying commitment, and then from there, they have the competence and the confidence, and then they take the action that they need to take every day, they're going to thrive. And yet the others, they just become exposed, as you say,

And that can be a bit nerve-wracking if they haven't fully committed. I love that you said that. And I think there's another C since we clearly love our alliteration and acronyms here before commitment. That's clarity. And that comes back to, am I clear on what I want? Most people know what they don't want. They don't spend enough time getting clear on what they do want.

And if they do feel they understand and know what they want, most people still actually want something that somebody else wants for them, mom, dad, a friend, a significant other. So many people play small and don't take the courageous step to honestly own and admit what it is they desire. But when you do that, that's empowering in and of itself. That makes the commitment much easier. And then you can do the work to strengthen the competence and the confidence as well. But you've got to be clear on what you want, where you want to go and have the right reasons behind it. Because you've seen it way more than I have.

The uncommitted, uncertain agent who shows up kind of sort of wants to be there depending on maybe the market, they're not going to have success. They're actually probably more problematic and challenging to work with because you end up wanting it more than they do. Oh, that's the worst is when I'm the most committed person in the situation. And the same is true for home sellers and home buyers. I can't tell you how many times I've been negotiating on behalf of a home seller or a home buyer and we're working with the other party to the transaction. And I'm structuring the deal to be as certain to close as possible. There are all sorts of contingencies and considerations that I can't control.

However, what I can control, I'm doing the very best I can to make it that if everybody's on board, this has a very high likelihood of closing. And then all of a sudden I realize I'm the most committed person here. Seller wants it if they can get their price on their dates with their considerations and their terms. The buyer wants it if the interest rates are good and if their home sells fast enough and if all these other things fall into place. And that's no place to be. Yeah. It's frustrating.

It's so interesting when we're talking with people that are, you know, coming to us looking for guidance and they're not committed. And we talk about clarity. And I'm so glad you brought that up. Often when I would meet with a real estate agent, I would simply ask him the first question, which is, what is it you want to achieve in your career in real estate?

Because it could be any number of things. And whatever it is that they decide they want, that's fine. I'll help you get to wherever it is you want to go. Are you committed to that? It's a very interesting challenge. Yeah, and I always tell people the journey to success is way harder than you think and will take way longer. Yet, when you accept that, it becomes easier.

And those aren't my lines. I believe I might have heard those from Alex Hormosey or someone in that space. But it's so true. Once you set expectation more appropriately, you're on board. I tell people all the time, my clients in particular, when there's a gap between expectation and reality, that's what invites in the doubt, the uncertainty, the second guessing, and all of those emotions weigh you down from taking the action you need to be taking to achieve your goal. And it also allows you to be distractable.

I mean, all of a sudden, some other interesting possibility comes up. Hey, real estate agent, maybe you want to join my team. Or, hey, you're an interesting, good real estate agent, but have you ever thought about mortgage lending? or maybe you should join us here at the title company. And then all of a sudden, they're just, they don't know what they're actually trying to accomplish. Shiny Objects Syndrome. How do you help your clients in terms of getting to clarity, getting to the commitment, getting to that path where they're taking action with confidence?

I ask them a million questions. And I say that facetiously, but also candidly in that, you know, one of the prompts that I personally do every morning in my journaling practice that I encourage anyone listening and anybody I speak to do is I literally write down in my journal, what do you want, Paul, question mark. Whatever comes to mind for that 30 seconds, those five minutes, I just, I say I emotionally vomit. And I start to notice trends, patterns, themes emerge, the more that I do this because it allows me to sharpen clarity and continuously check in to make sure I'm taking a line to act. towards what it is I want. So in addition to asking, what do you want, what do you want? I think the next powerful question is why. Why do you want that?

And dropping the surface level reasons, I want a billion dollars. I want the mansion, the beam or whatever it is and getting clear on like, what do you really want? What's going to be that powerful anchor you fall back in on when the market is turned? Things are slower than you hoped. Frustration kicks in. You need to have that because guess what? all of those challenges will present themselves as well as countless other unexpected challenges.

So what do you want? Why do you want it? And if you can come up with a couple emotionally charged sentences to answer those questions, you have the opportunity to be unstoppable. I know that when I ask myself the question, you know, what do I want? And then I ask the follow question, why do you want that? I go until I've sort of exhausted it, you know, and why do you want that and why do you want that and why is that important to you and why is that something that matters and why why and then once you're about seven levels deep into your why you get to in my opinion the core of who you really are and and you know who god puts you on this earth to be and what your true passion might be and what your mission might be and how you might have the greatest

impact in this limited time we have on this small blue ball i agree i use that same approach approach the seven layers of why and just redundantly, why, why, why? Because you're right. Underneath it all, the more you do it, it feels a little more comfortable, be vulnerable to be honest. And it's really even more impactful doing it with somebody else who can push you and create that safe, supportive environment. But you're right. You get to the crux of what you call it your purpose, your mission. And that end of itself is such a freeing and empowering experience that provides that clarity that helps set the dominoes in motion to get what you want. I think it was Mark Twain who said something along the lines of.

I'm not trying to quote him exactly, but he said the two most important days were the day you were born and the day you realize why you were born. I've heard that, yeah. And it's so powerful, but it's really not a journey that many people even take. they don't ask them those questions. And so when you bring on a new client, when you're talking with someone, what's that look like? I mean, you talked about your journaling every morning.

You see some patterns, you know, but what do these people who engage with you in this type of coaching and, you know, high performance mindset, rejiggering? You know, what are the patterns that you see when people start to go down that road. Yeah, so I break it up into two categories.

And all of this starts with, you know, the first time I ever interact with somebody who's interested in coaching, we have what I call a discovery call to make sure it's a perfectly mutual fit for both parties. So let's assume it is in this case. That initial call I have with the new client is a deep dive two-hour call where I play the game of a thousand questions. Because I'm going back to childhood early adolescence to spot the potential origins for some of the destructive patterns of believing and behaving, my clients are reporting that

they're experiencing and are unable to get unstuck from. But when it comes to breaking down these patterns or these obstacles, there's the emotional aspect, performance anxiety, or they're carrying unresolved shame, anger, guilt, grief, sadness. And the reason that is so important to address is twofold. Number one, if we use the analogy that summoning a tall mouth, is the process of achieving self-actualization. If you're carrying around all of this emotion, number one, it's like a dense fog has come over the mountain and you can't even see the summit, which means you don't know what direction to go.

But number two, it's like these emotions are rocks in your backpack, weighing you down, slowing you down from even taking the path if you did know it. So the root derivative of the word emotion, most people don't know this, energy and motion. So when you constantly hold onto and repress anger, shame, embarrassment, and guilt, you're exhaustively expending energy every day holding onto those emotions. When you learn to let them go and diffuse them, the immediate byproduct, more energy, more energy to suddenly do what you know you need to do to achieve your goals. Second, then, we have our emotional challenges. We've got to get through first.

We have what I refer to as these destructive mindset programs. And those are those sneakly created and deployed programs from your subconscious mind that show up as perfectionism, procrastination, shiny objects, object syndrome, overanalysis, paralysis analysis, overthinking, fear of failure, judgment, even fear of success. And those are just programs that encompass a belief in emotion and a behavior. And they all have the same elements. But when we can identify what triggers them, what the program is, we can then do the unlearned. And we can get back to that moment at eight years old when you gave a presentation in front of your classmates. You forgot your words. You stuttered and stumbled.

Everybody laughed at you. And then you swore off public speaking ever since. That was all learned. So we can go unlearn it and free you up to have that success you desire. And just let that stuff go. Yeah. Well, Paul, there's so much more that we can continue to talk about. I want to have you back for another follow-up episode.

Would you be open to that? That sounds fantastic. Let's do it. Well, let's do this right now. Let's give everyone an opportunity to connect with you. Where would be the best place for people to go so that they could immediately connect with you? To continue learning, going deep around this type of discussion, my podcast, the Scratch Golfers Mindset podcast is the best place to go. You don't have to be a golfer to find immense value.

It's a personal development podcast disguised as a golf mindset podcast. In addition to that, you can learn more about me at the golf hypnotherapist.com or the golf hypnotherapist.com backslash newsletter will give you an opportunity to subscribe to my weekly newsletter that comes out every Friday morning. And you just shared nuggets with people just really quick read? Yeah, tools to dig deep and provide a different perspective on how you're currently approaching your goals and give you the tools and information you need to level up and do different to achieve different. Fantastic. This has been such a great conversation. I'm looking forward to part two. Paul Salter, the high performance hypnotherapist. Thank you so much for being on the Realty Funnels podcast.

Thank you for having me, Kevin. It was an absolute blast.