The Dana Show with Dana Loesch - Absurd Truth: Dating Checklist

Episode Date: April 18, 2025

A woman goes viral for her extremely high expectations for a potential suitor. Meanwhile, the “torpedo bat” saga in Major League Baseball resulted in no improvement in batting statistics. The White House transforms the COVID.gov site into fact-checks on the lab leak theory.Help us keep the lights on by visiting our sponsors…Relief Factorhttps://relieffactor.comTurn the clock back on pain with Relief Factor. Get their 3-week Relief Factor Quick Start for only $19.95 today! Goldcohttps://DanaLikesGold.com Weather the Roller Coaster! Get your GoldCo 2025 Gold & Silver Kit. PLUS, you could qualify for up to 10% in BONUS silverByrnahttps://byrna.com/danaDon’t leave yourself or your loved ones without options. Visit Byrna.com/Dana receive 10% off Patriot Mobilehttps://patriotmobile.com/DanaDana’s personal cell phone provider is Patriot Mobile. Get a FREE MONTH of service code DANAHumanNhttps://humann.comSupport your metabolism and healthy blood sugar levels with Superberine by HumanN. Find it now at your local Sam’s Club next to SuperBeets Heart Chews.  KelTechttps://KelTecWeapons.comDana personally owns and uses Keltec. Innovation & Performance at its best!All Family Pharmacyhttps://AllFamilyPharmacy.com/DanaCode Dana10 for 10% off your entire orderPreBornhttps://Preborn.com/DanaDonate by dialing #250 and saying “BABY” or give securely at Preborn.com/Dana.Beamhttp://shopbeam.com/DanashowSleep like never before—Beam has improved over 17.5 million nights of rest. Try it now at with code Danashow for 40% off.Ancient Nutritionhttp://ancientnutrition.com/DanaCollagen and wellness, powered by Ancient Nutrition—get 25% off your first order with promo code DANA.

Dana Lash's absurd truth podcast, sponsored by KELTEC. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida man. That's right. It's time for Florida man. My name is Craig Collins, filling in on the Dana Show, D-Lash, Dana Lash Radio on X on Twitter. One Florida man, a Florida Keys man, is facing three felony charges. After deputies said he swung a knife at a convenience store clerk. and bystanders who confronted him about stealing a bag of checks mix early Thursday morning.

According to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, the armed robbery, excuse me, happened about 2 a.m. at a Tom Thumb store. The arrest report states that Jonathan Charles Sedaic, 35, I'm sure I got his last name wrong, of Marathon, Florida, went into the store, started drinking a mountain dew. I don't know why I find this so funny bumped into and knocked over a stand of donuts then grabbed a bag of checks mix and tried to walk out of the store without paying for anything

my deputy said a clerk and multiple customers tried to stop him to which point he pulled out and started swinging a knife around so they let him go he allegedly accidentally cut himself during the process I love that too of threatening other people and then leaving the establishment to get apprehended It is not okay to do that, of course. There is a set of charges, including armed robbery, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, felony possession of a weapon, et cetera, that he will be charged with.

No bond has been listed. But I do love the fact that he harmed himself. It feels like that was exactly appropriate karma for what was going on there. Another Florida man is accused of impersonating a deputy while trying to confront a Walmart driver that he, for no reason at all, was suspicious of human trafficking. trafficking. So a guy walks up to a Walmart driver in Orlando, Florida, tells him he's going to need him to step out of his vehicle. We're going to have to have a conversation about any of the human trafficking he thought was going on inside the Walmart truck that was full of Walmart products

and not people. This conversation led eventually to the person who was making him get out of the car claiming that he was a police officer, a law enforcement deputy, eventually getting a whole lot of trouble is that's a felony. That's a crime. Michael Diaz is the name of the guy who was caught doing this. He approached the vehicle. He knocked on a window. He did all those things, as I said. He even presented a business card that featured Florida Sheriff's Association as a organization with a logo that apparently he printed up himself because darn it isn't that how all police officers identify themselves to you with a business card that they printed at a local print shop. That's exactly how they do it, darn it. That's no way to figure out this crime. The guy was arrested and is going to

face quite a few charges as well, because again, that's a felony. And finally, one other Florida person, this is actually a Florida woman who decided to drug a Florida man. She did this after a, I love the way this is described in the story, nightclub encounter. We're not sure exactly what that means. At what point, the two of them wound up alone in some sort of place. But they started out at the restaurant and nightclub at East Atlantic Avenue. The individual that is accused of this crime is a Delray Beach woman who drugged a man, and then, as I said, stole his $17,000 Rolex after they met outside at the downtown club.

According to the police report, one of the women later accompanied him back to his home. Once there, you know, other things probably occurred that were bad, including all the extra drugging and the sleep aides and the whatnot. Wilson, the individual who was accused of this crime, was arrested, 25-year-old woman. Her middle name is Sunshine. I don't know why I found that amusing. Serena Sunshine Wilson is the person who did this. 25, she's actually from Georgia.

She was arrested and charged with a grand theft violation of Florida Anti-Tampering Act and other crimes. So be careful who you're hanging out with at the nightclub, who offers to walk you to your car outside and inevitably takes you home, as that person may be someone that's drugging you, even if that's a young woman, a young lady. I don't know why I can't get over this. The other thing I reacted to the story on, and there's a game that people can play called Florida Man, where you put your month and day of birth into your search engine of choice,

and then the phrase, Florida man, and you find out who your Florida person is. You can go ahead and do it right now if you're listening to the show and you want to try it out. But the funny thing about this headline, the Florida man did nothing. He was drugged. Stuff was stolen from him. And yet the headline still says, Florida man, not Florida woman who committed the crime.

I feel like that's what should have let it. But I guess she's from Georgia so they can't do that. So this guy gets to be somebody's Florida man from this past weekend. If your birthday was this past weekend and you Google it, you are now just the victim of a crime, not someone who did something crazy like wrestling alligator. By the way, I am born on Halloween. So October 31st, and Florida man goes into the old Google machine, or again, whatever search engine of choice you want.

And the first result I get is a Florida man takes epic mugshot after driving naked and getting in a lot of trouble for it, making some other terrible decisions. The mugshot makes him look like he was definitely beat up. Kurt Jenkins, 56 years old and a whole lot of trouble. That's my Florida dude. A drunk guy who made decisions he should not have made. I think he did this in San Antonio, too, by the way. So a Florida man going rogue in Texas is apparently the first result I get.

If you want to tell Dana on social media on X on D-Lash or Dana Lash radio, who your Florida man or Florida woman is based on your birth month, birthday. And then that phrase, go ahead. She won't know why it's happening, which I will immediately apologize to her for if she asked me to. But go ahead and let her know who your Florida people are. So that can be maybe research for a future. Florida man segment on this very show. Keltec, which is one of the best companies out there.

I love Keltec. The PR 57, it's a rotary barrel pistol chambered in 5-7. It's brand new. I've got mine. It is amazing. This thing, it's so lightweight. I love 5-7s, and I've always wanted to carry 5-7, but I have a more diminutive frame being that I am a female.

And I have some girlfriends that are, you know, they say the same thing. This is a 5-7 we can actually conceal carry, and I'm not even joking. I don't need to wear like tons of baggy stuff. how did they make this happen? What did George Kellgren do to do this? Well, first off, it's a rotary barrel. It's incredibly innovative and it makes it the lightest 5-7 on the market, 40% lighter than the next lightest 5-7, in fact. Unique top-loading design replaces traditional magazines with stripper clips for a slimmer carry profile in a 20-plus-one capacity. MSRP folks is only $399. So this is just ridiculously affordable. Low recoil for ease of use and accuracy and just the easiest, quickest field strip out there. It's first of its kind from Keltec, the PR-57 Rotary Barrel Pistol Pistled In 5-7. Visit KeltecWeapons.com to learn more innovation performance, Keltec, K-E-C Weapons.com. Tell them, Dana sent you. This is The Dana Show.

My name is Craig Collins filling in. Thrilled to be with you. D-Lash, Dana Lash Radio. Great ways to stay connected to her on X on Twitter. A woman went viral. Actually, a dude who shared a list from a woman went viral. That's the way I should say. it because he saw a dating profile for a woman that referenced her checklist.

These are a checklist of demands that absolutely have to be things that the guy, you know, can check off for him to go on even one date with her. She shared it with him when he sent her a private message asking to see the list, and I have that list in front of me now. The number one thing on the list doesn't seem that bad. Love me deeply and always put me first. Maybe put you first a little bit more often than myself would be a little fair, but always putting you first fine.

Number two, financially successful, $300,000 plus salary. Anything less than you, a poor jerk, cannot date me. That's number two on the list. Be very generous and spoil me. Not surprising. If you want him to be very well off, you also want him to be willing to spend a whole bunch of that cache on you. And again, this is just to date her.

It's not if you're in a married relationship with her. Sophisticated and enjoys luxury, emotionally intelligent and confident, chivalrous and protective, ambitious and disciplined, family-oriented and well-connected, which is also weird to ask for both of those. Darn it, you better have a close family and you better have a whole lot of friends because I don't want to have to supply you with either of those things. You also better be fit, attractive, well-groomed, take control and make plans,

keeps his word and values, support my goals and lifestyle, fun, outgoing, socially respected, prefers privacy over social media validation, which apparently you feel the exact opposite, about, by the way, and then finally, disciplined in the world of, well, romance is what I'll say, because it's the radio, and I don't want to be more specific than that. Oh, and one last thing, needs to be, needs to be, get a vasectomy, excuse me, needs to be incapable of having children handles pregnancy prevention, is what it actually says, which is crazy. So if you qualify for all that stuff, and you don't mind the fact that she demanded it up front, then you can date this lady.

who's, you know, somewhat attractive and viral online, more for her ridiculous demands than anything else. This is amazing. I love that that would be the early interaction between two people online now in the world we live in, as opposed to like something you'd figure out about someone over the course of, say, several dates. Now that you can just fire it off in a text message on a dating app to someone you've never met before, it makes it much easier for us to know who you should and shouldn't even

go on a date with. She really did him a favor by showing him how insane and crazy she was and how much of his money she wants spent on her the minute they start any sort of relationship, which seems like a really, really bad decision financially. You know what? Actually, it's funny. I can't help this. Every time I see one of these stories or talk about one of these sort of things that goes viral in media, I think about a Craigslist ad from years ago. I think this went viral, like, in the early 2000s, and it's just stuck in my brain ever since. The ad was from a woman who had similar demands to this woman now, things like you better be a millionaire, you better give me a bunch of money, anything else is unacceptable.

And I think in the Craigslist ad that was viral years ago, the person even complained that she couldn't find anyone that fit all of her qualifications to date her, and she wondered why, because she described herself as incredibly attractive. and my favorite thing in why that story is still in my brain today, a investment banker responded to her ad and told her since she's made a business proposition, he will handle it the way he does any other business proposal in his life and tell her what the problem was, and this was my favorite thing he said, he said the things that you're selling

are not things that will retain their value over a long term. If I was looking at them as long-term investments, all of the things you're promising me, is stuff that has a finite shelf life. Essentially, there's no nicer way to say it. You won't be as hot now, or as hot years from now as you are right now. And so if you're asking for me to make a lifelong financial investment in you,

you're simply a bad financial investment viral. People hated it. People loved it. I thought it was kind of hilarious. Because at the end of the day, when you're cutting down romance to some sort of business transaction, you probably should expect a business response to your business. offer, but that person seemed to not do that.

Our partners that help bring you the program, it's our friends at All Family Pharmacy. All Family Pharmacy is a great business that is going to make sure that you are topped up with whatever it is that you need. They've saved me. They come in clutch a number of times. And they have the treatments like Ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine, you know, therapeutics and the things that the government was trying to prevent you from actually accessing when the government was out there crushing alternatives.

all family pharmacy has you covered they also have your everyday medications your maintenance medications that you need fast shipping no hassle no gatekeepers no insurance no problem there's it's simple and fast and affordable to order from all family pharmacy they have straightforward pricing uh shipping is just in like two to four days or overnight in a pinch if you need it uh and uh it's all everything that they have is made in the USA so you don't have to worry about outsource stuff coming in from India or China visit all family pharmacy dot com slash Dana and get 10% off with promo code Dana 10 be prepared yourself and your family today. That's all family pharmacy.com slash Dana. Coupon code Dana 10%. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick 5.

All right. My favorite, the first one, producer Steven, just let me know about this, which is great. Whitehouse.gov is now pointing to the lab leak theory when you go to COVID.gov. You type in COVID.gov and it replaces it with Whitehouse.gov slash lab leak true origins of COVID-19. And you dive through all the different information that demonstrates why President Trump and many other people believe that the origin of COVID-19 was the coronavirus lab in Wuhan, China, something that even John Stewart made a joke about, how ridiculous it is that people question that that is the likely scenario that caused COVID-19. This is something that places like The Verge are saying is a conspiracy website, even still, which is amazing how people hold on to those beliefs and those things that, I just can't accept this. It can't possibly be true. How dare you?

But the Trump administration doing an amazing job of flipping that site. They also did a great job on social media of correcting a New York Times headline. I might get to that a little bit later on in the show. But the New York Times put out a headline about the guy who was deported to El Salvador and the White House, White House on X on Twitter, went ahead and said in their post that they fixed the headline for them by removing wrongly from the, you know, friends. about being deported, and also adding that he is never coming back. Fairly hilarious as far as that goes. Other things out there that I thought were interesting, as far as just quick stories go, a Michigan man was upset that his girlfriend went on a cruise without him.

So this boyfriend decided to call in a bomb threat on the ship. That is something that gets you in a whole lot of legal trouble. And also something that seems to be a good red flag. And a reason why you might want to break up with this dude. But Michigan man upset that he was left out of a cruise, decided to go ahead and threaten everyone on the cruise. Also, this Sunday, of course, is Easter Sunday. It's also 420, which is a holiday that a lot of people, I guess, celebrate by smoking pot.

Of course, if it's legal where you are, that's probably a good thing to know or care about before you celebrate the 420 version of Easter. Here's the thing I couldn't get over. I saw a stat about how almost 60% of a man. adults would like to go on an Easter egg hunt, even though they're adults. They don't care. They want to do that. And I thought that maybe a decent percentage of the people who said yes to that survey and would like to relive their childhood might also be people who intend on celebrating 420 and how ridiculous that would be if those individuals showed up at a park

after inviiving in the other stuff that they'd envib in and trying to find Easter egg. Because I feel like that hunt will take several days. And we might not even find some people. They might never come back from that. But if you so want to, and I am not encouraging you to do that at all, I am definitely encouraging you not to do it. But Easter is also 420, which several people at least online are quite amused about. One last thing that I saw is interesting. Budget cuts are causing some people to decide to forego a toilet in their house.

This is a real story. I can't imagine how many people are actually part of this. Also, U.S. National Parks are deciding to skip creating toilet enclosures. in said parks. But some people are like, you know what? Going outside is good enough for me. It's good enough for people in the past. Who needs a toilet? So they're going that road now. And I can't imagine that this is a move that you yourself want to make or that many people are actually making. But again, a story went viral from USA Today talking about national parks doing this and people on social media claim that they were doing it in their own homes as well.

I know ability to back that up with proof, though, and certainly a lot of assumption that some may be kidding, but some people seem to claim this is actually true. I am familiar with the outhouse move, though, by the way, not personally, just based on, you know, the legend it is, and I am glad that it's not something I ever lived with. But I'm sure if you're listening to this show in certain parts of the country, and you might somehow still have that, you think it's ridiculous that anyone needs a toilet. I'm trying to be, you know, understanding on all sides on this for some reason. I don't know why, but I love the fact that this is a real story that's out there in the world. Finally, one last thing, as far as quick stories go, Puerto

Rico went completely dark after another island-wide power outage. This happened over the course of the last few days. It's got to be something when you figure out that the power outage is hampering the entire island and not just you and not just your block. It's not a squirrel that just knocked down your power line. It's something that's going on that's taking effect in the entirety of the country. And you've got to be like, all right, man, we'll just wait for this to turn back on. It'll be fine. At some point, let's go ahead and use the outhouse. That'll be good, too. Luckily, that doesn't actually run on electricity. All right, I'll take a break, a lot coming up in a very short time.

Craig Collins filling in and having fun on a holiday on the Dana Show. Actually, I love that I'm going to equate this to politics because I can't help it. I am a Yankee fan, and this is a baseball thing, and I can't help going here. So anyone who follows baseball, and I promise this will lead back into politics, might be aware of the torpedo bat situation. Within the first week of the regular season of MLB baseball, The New York Yankees were covered all over the place for having several of their players switched to something called a torpedo bat, which supposedly moved the, you know, thick part of the bat further down,

which meant you could hit a home run on a pitch that you usually would have popped out if you swung at it and hit it with the same part of the bat with a traditional bat. That's a lot to explain. I couldn't help it. I did it anyway. Here's my favorite part of that. Since that outcry, since that reaction to the torpedo bats are unfair and they're ruining baseball. And people like Dave Portnoy went out and went crazy about how the Yankees are basically cheating, even though nothing they did is against the law, or against the rules of MLP, excuse me, not the law.

Whatever they did, they also went really dry with home runs. There aren't more home runs being hit by Torpedo Bat players. In fact, several of the Yankees who used torpedo bats have not been hitting a lot of home runs since. It's amazing. And so that immediate reaction of baseball is ruined forever because of a specific change. two, you know, a bat is now gone. And no one is out there saying, hey, you know what, the torpedo bats aren't having the impact we thought they'd have. They're not ruining baseball the way we thought they were. We're going to wait and get more information before we have the same

hot take. It's just silence. It's just over in the world of sports to have that discussion. That happens every day in politics. That happens all the time, specifically following around President Trump with the immediate, crazy, insane reaction and the predicting of doomsday in the apocalypse and then the inevitable non-occurrence of doomsday, doomsday in the apocalypse, and a whole bunch of people just forgetting to give us a new update on that. And I guess to make this full circle, I'll go back to the hilarious change that the White House has made to COVID.gov, a website that when Biden was in office told you how to get vaccines and shots and all of that stuff and didn't do anything talking about the origins of the COVID-19 pandemic.

And now, if you go to that same website, the Trump administration has given you a thorough debriefing on the lab leak, you know, proof or assumption. I don't even want to just call it a theory as to how this China has refused to actually let us fully prove this, how this is the way that COVID started. And I just love that. I love this version of, we're going to revisit that part of history that no one else has really deemed worthy of talking about because the reaction period is over. So that might have been another long walk. I couldn't help take on a holiday show about something that I care about that's not

politics at all. But the torpedo bat is not ruining baseball, even though people said it would and players who aren't good would so all of a sudden act like, you know, players on steroids. That is not actually happening. And so maybe, just maybe, the lesson we can learn from the my favorite sport, America's favorite pastime, at least at one point it was, of baseball, is to wait, to not have the immediate reaction that fits your narrative, but actually wait for all the information to come across the old desk to decide whether or not the thing you're saying is true or false. And the same is probably even true about the current discussion about the person deported to El Salvador, who when that story first broke, a lot of people were saying was

obviously a mistake and a separation of a person from his family that never should have been removed from the country. And now we're talking about how that person had multiple judges to find them as a member of MS-13, a gang that is now seen as a terrorist group. And that terrorist group and his involvement with it would make him incapable of someone who's allowed to stay in this country, even if he had a protection order in 2019 saying we can't send him back to El Salvador. It's interesting as more time and information allows you to have a more nuanced opinion about a discussion, about a topic. But darn it, how many people want that? First, the instant reaction.

I'm thrilled that I just brought torpedo bats up in a political discussion, and I'm not going to get over that for a while. You probably don't care a listener out there, but I'm very happy about it. And on that note, I'll take a break, and we'll come back and do something probably just as silly or just as, I don't know if I want to say stupid as torpedo bats and politics. but darn it, that's the kind of show I'm bringing you today. Craig Collins, filling in on The Dana Show. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,

or wherever you get your podcast.