100% Eat - Dual Strike Plan Initiate - Panda Express Ride Along

Episode Date: March 26, 2026

Pinch Pinch Pinch! Don't drop your phone, Our Heroes are on their way back from getting Panda Express. The troops are alerted and ordering dynamite chicken. Is this chicken TOO SPICY?!?! We need you to push the merch, guys. This is your fault. Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IG Private Wealth.com. He's got like a fake name. That's cool. Good for her. Yeah. Ready for me? Yep.

What is it? What is it? What is it? Gracie Flynn. Oh! And she'll have no idea. She'll know if she starts getting a lot of offers. She'll get a lot of offers and she's like, wow, I'm so good at this.

I tried nothing. Okay. I'm a doctor, I'm a model. I'm crushing it. It all came together. I'm brushing it. I don't work in the hospital and I don't get to modeling, but I guess it's working out. I don't remember doing this, but I guess I can do that.

I don't remember doing this, but I guess I can do that. Did it. Okay, Jordan. Yeah. It's time to initiate the plan. All right, you want to you want a dual strike? Yeah, same time. What? Yeah. Yeah. One, two, three. Pee. I do. Damn. Dude, they've done it to us and he threw his phone and I was sling. I was flinging around to get what was happening up there. And when you touched me, I flung phone. You flung phone. You flung phone. You got pink. Dude, you don't wear in green. Yeah. Oh, that's bad. It's bad. Fuck you. That doesn't count. This is fucking green. He's saying I'm wearing green. That's bullshit. Lettuce on a black sweatshirt.

Oh, that's, it's why I'm worried. That's not the spirit of the law. Spirit these nuts. Get the fuck out of here. That's fine, I will. Yeah, spirit those nuts, hurry. Oh, pinch them. Oh, happy.

Happy. Happy. Well, that's the most time I think I've spent inside of a Panda Express in a really, really long. Yeah, well, Nick was happy. Well, that's what I'm happy ending. That's what I express. That's what happens. And you order the most popular dish.

Yeah, it's also, Nick, you will get a. It was really funny to watch, like, the last scoop go to the guy before us. And it was like four guys ordering the same thing. Yeah. Can you wait? Is it okay? Do you want to wait for work? I'll be honest.

I asked each of us then. No, by the time you got to meet, she didn't ask. Yeah, by the time we got to me and Michael, she was like. You know your weight, bitch. You know the deal. But Nick, you will get a happy ending, because I did order large cream cheese rangoos. Yeah, I saw it.

He was, he was spoiled. He was, he was spoiled. He was, spoiled. He was flipping. I said who- In gas-in-gast. I said, who ordered the Rangoons? And Nick went, no, no, we had a conversation. We said, no, we all came to the conclusion

that we're not gonna do it. I said, no, Jordan and I. He kept explaining how like- You guys did. And then I showed him the receipt and he went, Oh no, I went once. That's not a gas twice. He did a big, big one gas.

It was bigger than that. But it was out in the store. It actually alerted the troops at the other. It did. But then I saluted them, so they stood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Is that what happened?

And the state trooper came in. Well, they recognized that he's also a veteran. Well, I, I... They saw that picture of him at the... The parking lot in Colorado. Oh, yeah. For troops only. I was saluting for that, yeah, yeah.

They recognized the sacrifice that I also almost decided to make. Wow. I'm like Paul Scheen's where I also almost decided to join the military. I thought about it. Yeah. Yep, so you were almost in the Twin Towers on 9-11. I was, and it wouldn't have gone down if I was in there. Yeah.

Oh, really? Yeah. You would have stopped at the plane? Yeah, I would have gone like this. No. And then while you're holding that one, the other one. The other one hits and I go, and then the camera cuts to me and I go,

you, you, you, Jesus. And then Robert Pattinson is there and he's like, thank you. Yeah. Oh shit. You saved the ending of my movie. What was that movie? Remember me.

Yeah. Yeah. That is the funniest, like, zoom out. What a twist. Yeah. Yeah, the other working titles, never forget. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Well, what they should have done was you should have combined the footage from the first Spider-Man. Yeah. Robert Batson looks outside the window. It was like, no! And then flip-tip-tip, plane gets caught in the web.

Yeah. And then he's Batman. He cuts it all now. Oh, shit. Yeah, you hadn't even thought about Marble DC. Exactly. Wow.

Real crossover. Coming soon. Yep. And then when... Anyway, my screenplay is out. Anyone who's interested. It's a lot of... And then...

And then Spider-Man and then Superman. And then pretty much Superman flies in and he's pretty much the biggest one, actually. And then Wonder Woman has sex with me. Yeah! And that girl's there, but she's in a wheelchair. And then I'm there. But she still has sex with me.

Written by Kevin Smith. I'm there to prove that just because you're not able body, you can still plow. That's right. So we have Oracle roll up. She's like, I'm detecting. We're about to fuck. She's like perfect. Like you're not clear, like what her power is.

You're just like. I assume people in a wheelchair all have superpowers. Hey, all that works. They all touch their temple. Professor X. Madam Webb. Uh-huh. Oh, Madame Webb.

Yeah. Yeah. Greg Abbott. Yeah, his superpower is to be a dickhead. Stopping other people from, whoa, cool car. He's stopping other people from, whoa, cool car? He is. What a bastard.

Yeah, that's Greg Abbott's car. Hey, did, um, did Trump endorse Cornyn yet? How long is he waiting? They're dancing a delicate dance. I feel like you can't dance anymore. A dance of no winners. He's dancing doing the jerk off to wife's game. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cornyn said, I don't even care if you endorse me. And then he's been bending over backwards. And bending over forwards to get indoors. I think we should maybe end the filibuster rule. I actually just sort of changed my mind real quick. And it's not even a big deal. And I even have to explain it. Yeah.

Duh. Oh, okay. Cool. Great. Easy. Awesome. Philo Witzer? Yep.

That's what he does. And then I do Professor. And then I'm Madam Webb. Hold on. I got to change my glass. His name's Kid Rock. He's there too, I assume. Did you guys watch the Turning Point USA Oscars or no?

They had another one? No. I was hoping that maybe somebody did, but I didn't see it. I was just watching Turnpoint USA as usual. And the Oscars didn't come on. Is that why you had that second TV in the house? Yes. Well, the second TV, the little TV is for, like, video games, the big TV.

He's for Turning Point U.S. Oh, all right. Well, I mean, that makes sense. And then woke Oscars is on the phone. Yeah, they were live reacting to the woke Oscars. The smallest screen. Dude, there was some kind of meme. a song or something.

It's clearly a YouTube thing, but my kids were both into some sort of musical tune going Charlie Kirk, Charlie Kirk, Charlie Kirk, and I was just staring at them going, my God. You were just going. No, I didn't tell them. So, no, but are you guys aware of this stuff

where there are like Charlie Kirk meme songs where kids are super into it? Yeah, I'm aware. I watched it. Exactly. And then they don't know. Charlie Kirk got all. It's just a song. Nick dropped this phone again for nothing.

For nothing. Well, he was thinking about Charlie Kirk. No one got pinched. No. It's my carpal tunnel. Okay, so yes, though. You can't keep saying no. No.

It's actually a reason. Yes. Okay. It's no reason. It's this reason. They said it for a second. I was like, I'm sorry, what are they saying? Yep.

I listened in and I was like, come on. Because it's the We Are Charlie Kirk's song and then Charlie Charlie Kirkie. I think it was Charlie Charlie Kirkke. They kept saying Charlie Charlie Kirkie. And I stared at them in utter disbelief. The next, the next, The next line is Charlie Charlie Kierke,

I just popped the perky. Oh, God. I'd say I'm glad you know about this. Yeah. Because I was just like, I'm blueling myself like I wasn't wearing green. And I'm just like, Nick style?

Fucking pop- I got green. That's all right. You gotta stop putting up that argument. You're gonna get pinched. You're gonna get popped. Here's the thing. Here's the thing.

His argument would, it would be okay if it was more of a desperate defense. Right. Yeah. Look, look, but he went, this is why I wore it. Definately. Yeah. Well, I thought about it.

I looked at my closet. It was like, what shall I wear on St. Patrick's Day? Of course, that's an insane sweater. Yeah. When West Jeffers took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion. Inline skates were everywhere. And two out of three women rocked, the Rachel.

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now streaming only on Disney Plus. We have all that, and she went on your merch? Yeah. No. It didn't make it the dark side. You can do better. You can have some of mine. It definitely did.

It never reached us. It was in boxes and boxes and I'm going, guys, we're not selling these. We made another collection since last week's collection. Why aren't you selling these, Mike? selling these, Michael. I was just talking to Alfredo about this on the last podcast. We're talking about things in general, but I mentioned the Face Jam Mafia track suits.

Yeah. And how cool they were and how well they sold because like it was a joke in the thing and we talked about it, then we made it. And then the company going, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we'll make a cheap 100 Ruby too. Yeah. And then they're like, guys, you're not pushing it. Guys, you're not selling. How come these aren't selling it was like, oh, it's not because we're pushing it.

It's because that's why it exists. Like Face Jam's selling. You're pushing that. But you're not pushing these. No, it's organic. Right. And it's the reason why we made it. There's a reason tied into the show.

Hey, remember when we came to you guys and said, this is why we want to make this thing? And then you went, and more. And what if, but what if we took that idea? We did more for the other brands. Guys, we have so many left in inventory. No shit. So many fulchers out here.

What's organic? Hey, they don't know. Manufacture it. Pigeons shirt. Yeah. You know, I really don't understand, like, why you keep making fun of them. Like, you made the joke. You made the joke.

You did it for them. You did it. And now you don't like it? Wow, pretty disrespectful. Yep. Kind of rubs me the wrong way. Oh, bummer. Heartbreaker.

I don't like it. Did somebody throw up on the side of that car? Did you see that? Whoa. No, there was a car that was just driving. There was, like, it looked like vomit all down the side. Turn around, let's ask. Yeah.

That also reminds me. Last weekend I went to Not a Damn Chanceburger. Oh, hell, yeah. Classic. What is it? Sixth, fifth, whatever? Yeah. Yeah, I went to that one, and I parked around the corner, like, on the side of Violet Crown.

And as I was walking back to my car, I was getting in, there was a car parked 30 feet in front of me. Yeah. Guy in the driver's seat waiting. Passengers door opens. I guy leans out, and he looks around, Gracie style, like stealing the sauce. looks around and then just sticks his finger down his throat and just vomited. Oh my god. This is like 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

What? And he, dude, I just sat there waiting and I was like, well, I'm going to see this. He must have vomited like four or five times. Whoa. Just everywhere. And he kept looking around to see if anybody was looking, but also saw me, locked eyes with me and still kept doing it. Wow.

I get a lot of this. Yeah, he wasn't committed then to making sure that you were there or not. Yeah. I really wanted to film it, but I didn't. Damn. That's crazy. You guys are gonna eat? Just, yeah.

Are you guys right? Yeah. It's a little chicken, it's a chicken, it's a little chicken, it's a little chicken, it's Chinese. What's this? What's this? That's Eric's song. This is how Michael felt. When your kids were singing that turtle curse.

It's not. It's not. We are Panda Express. Are you ready for this, Nick? Yeah, yeah. Did you hear her warning people about how spicy the dynamite? She did. She didn't warn us. Again, she didn't warn us.

I didn't hear that. No. So when people ordered this, the people in front of me, she respected us. They got it. They got it. And she went, it's spicy. Is that okay? Like, it's spicy. Is it okay that it's spicy?

Yeah. And that was, you know, that was it. Also, I mean, I'm not okay with it, but. Me and Nick saw, but you know. Me and Nick saw that they are now selling, oh my God, if you all flimsy that. plastic is we gonna eat no god this plastic got absorbed yeah yeah yeah i got a play you need the bottom bit yeah you got styr from better plastic yeah uh yeah well yeah i want it absorbed into the food

they sell an eight pack of the fortune cookies now oh they sell it they just sell it doesn't imagine if gracey right i just give them away for free though i took a picture to send to gracie she's gonna love it she will right now look at how look at this color that doesn't occur in nature yeah whoa it's Quite as red as last week. I mean, like in nature when, you know, like a pepper turns red because it's spicy and dangerous, you should stay away from it. Oh, that's right.

I'm getting a similar glow of radiation from this. Does that much have to be written on it to like specify whose order is who's? There's so much as like an essay. It's like a mathematical formula. Dude, the smell of this is so strong. Look at this. Wow. Wow.

Dude, it looks as like red as the A babooned ass. Cheeto dust thing we got. No, it doesn't look quite that red. Nick, how about this? Ooh, Rangoon! He's happy. Uh-oh, Eric?

Wow, that is... It smells spicy. It's got... Woo! I think... Uh-oh. Do we have milk? Is Jordan in trouble? We do.

I'm probably in trouble. You might be in trouble. I'm in danger. Uh-oh. Well, find out what he thought about it on the episode that already came out. Beep. Go closer.

Look at his face, he's gonna cry. No, look at him. Look at him. You crying? Wow, that's like, that's warmer. Cry, baby, cry! Wow. Good thing it's chilly today.

Ha! It's all warmed up. No! Get him.