All Fantasy Everything - Tiny Chores That Make You Feel Like You Accomplished a Lot (w/ Katie Nolan, Ashtyn Butuso, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: July 15, 2021

Roll up your sleeves, hit play and congratulate yourself for an entire weekend. Katie Nolan, Ashtyn Butuso, Sean and Ian drafting chores is never a bore.Episode Guests:Katie Nolan @katienolan IG: @natiekolanAshtyn Butuso @lil_buts IG: @lil_butsSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting tiny chores that make you feel like you accomplished a whole lot. And today, we're joined by two wonderful guests. The first one is editor-in-chief of Flagrant Magazine

and host of the Flagrant pod, Ashton Batuso. And we're also joined by returning champion, ESPN television host and host of the podcast, Sports? With Katie Nolan. It's Katie Nolan, everybody. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and joining me, as always, is my friend, my main man, one of my favorite comedians, if not my favorite comedian and father of the year,

2021, Sean Jordan. David Borey, still in Bolivia. Look into it. Let's get to the podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is currently eating a pumpernickel bagel? That's right. Pumpernickel. I was on mute, so you couldn't hear me eating the pumpernickel bagel. We couldn't hear you, but I think everyone could hear you, even weeks later when this drops, eating a pumpernickel bagel. Yeah. Pumpernickel.

Pumpernickel. What kind of bagel do you want? Go break me off with that pumpernickel. Darling, go down to the bagel shop if you want a pumpernickel bagel. Kind of fun to say it like that, too. You know, if you're bored at home. It's technically an egg and cheese on a pumpernickel bagel. I just don't want the facts to be wrong.

I'm going to eat a breakfast sandwich on a pumpernickel bagel. That's a whole different experience. Yes. It's a delicious experience right now for me experience that's different than just a bagel yeah so not like a cream cheese situation it's a cheese salt pepper egg does it taste like barf at all or is it it doesn't no it doesn't okay it will it doesn't currently okay i was just wondering but when it comes back up which it will we're gonna tell the world i'm down bad sean i'm not ashamed i didn't say i'm not ashamed i didn't say he's down bad today okay you guys do your podcast on sunday mornings it's weird you're on the east coast

you're on the east coast excuse me noon is morning for me i don't really have much to do it's been a pandemic i wake up at 11 and I have no qualms about it. Do you have a qualm? Because I don't have a qualm to spare. I got qualmy brown. Whoa. Yeah. And the qualmy from Top Chef Portland, too. I got both

of those dudes. Congrats. Wait, wasn't one of the guys on Queer Eye? And then there's a Karamo. Karamo, damn it. I thought you were, I was like, she got that one. That's hers. Yeah, she did. Karamo's the dude, he wears an LA hat in a variety of colors and he does,

he's the mental health guy on there, but like for TV, that's not great. He's always just like, how come you don't comb your hair? Yeah. And then they're like, well, I just, you know, and he's like, start combing your hair. It looks good in a bomber jacket, though. And then meanwhile, Bobby's like building an entire new like kitchen and like bonus room for them.

The chef on there is just like, I made you avocado toast. It's like, dude, what? I make avocado toast. Make something awesome. What is this? It has to be able to guys who haven't practiced any form of self-care in like three decades, they have to be able to make it. So it's like these are unsalted roasted nuts.

And they're like, oh, okay. Just at a fire department. Sean is bringing up how Katie barfed after one beer. We're just all going to put it out. So I haven't, I don't really drink anymore. And that's not like a person. It wasn't really a choice, but i'm dating a guy who doesn't drink you know him and it wasn't a conscious choice but when we got went on lockdown or

whatever and we've been here for a year there's no alcohol in the house i kind of just forgot and then i went out last night and it wasn't even that hard i just went out to you know i sound like my boyfriend is my life because of these two facts i'm sharing but i went to a show last night and i had one beer and then on my way home i was like boy do i not feel good and then i puked i got almost puked in the elevator on the way up to my apartment last night after all beer and i was like and i held it in i gave myself a pep talk i was like don't you dare you are 34 do not puke until you get into your house. And then I puked in my house, and I just puked again just now. I'm an old, I'm washed.

I'm very washed. I think there's something more sinister at play. I don't think this is just like you're hungover. I think someone is out to poison you, perhaps. Did you see? You said you went to a- Let's make a list of suspects. You went to a stand-up show.

Was Shane Torres on the show? You might have barfed if Shane was on the show. No, I know that symptom. I'm very familiar with that symptom. It happens a lot. Also, that Carly Rae Jepsen song, Call Me Maybe. I've been sitting on it for a few minutes.

That's a really long time. Have you been trying to get in the whole time? No, I wait in the cut. But a few minutes, I've been sitting on. Sorry, I talk too much. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sorry to you. No, no.

Just like to them. Oh, no, I didn't think you were apologizing to me for anything ever. No, no, that's never going to happen. Sean's going to learn to call his own number. You know what I mean? You could be you could be a leading scorer, but you just you just stand there on the sidelines. Do get in the game. Yeah, I just kind of thought of this like.

There was a faded shirt at the comedy show last night. A guy wearing a Graham K. You know Graham? I do know Graham. Yeah, he was there. He's a nice guy. He's a Canadian. You know him, Mars? I do not. No, Sean.

Perfect. No, Sean Moreno. Sean S. Jordan is here here sean cougar melon jordan on instagram sean big ass r2d2 size cup of uh is that mcdonald's coffee what is that starbucks yeah it's the coffee shop that right down the street went out of business man it sucks and i needed something a little because you go to starbucks yeah i didn't until now i didn't i would go there uh it's a real bummer i walked in yesterday and like everything was packed up like they still had the door unlocked but all the shit was in boxes and there were like movers in there so it was a real damn dude it was wild time for you to open a coffee shop yeah you could have got some free stuff oh you could have gotten some free stuff aero press gear i didn't say i didn't steal anything i just none of it was coffee i don't know what

yeah there was i took a dolly from whoever was moving i just took their two-wheeler you got a lot of tori amos record i'll be selling them out of the trunk uh the world has been clamoring to know and uh i think today we finally peel back the curtain what kind of milk are you in your coffee just a straight up are you an oat uh yeah just straight up i mean whatever they put in there but if i if i do it at the crib are you using breast milk no you don't have people who do that that's like a health thing people buy like spend a lot of money to buy ladies a somehow unused titty juice uh on the on the market it's insane to think about technically nutritious try it created for humans yeah have you considered trying it no i see try it do you

of all of us you have the best access to breast milk right now i have a bird's eye view let's speak for yourself okay i'm sorry i'm sorry what's going on down here technically we could have there's no middleman for us with breast milk. You can go right to the source. That's right. Give me five minutes. That's amazing. Tap the Rockies.

1%. What? I used 1%. Yeah. Oh, good. That's great. A little bit of riffing and then we get to the heart of the matter. 1%, I would say the rarest of the milks.

Weirdly, it's people are either whole skim or two they always skip over one but i'm with you sean i'm with you on a one percent well for the one percenters i always try to do what i think the joker would do if he were doing anything he's so twisted if the joker were picking milk he'd pick one percent he's twisted dude sean's twisted the joker's. This is a bit that's been going on, but on episodes that aren't out yet. Oh, that's tough. Yeah. But now you're part of it, too. Now you're part of it.

You're in on the Joker bit. I want to be a part of everything. What if you went to Starbucks and you ordered a coffee and the barista was like, okay, sure, let me just make it for you. And he turned around and he steamed the milk. And when he turned back around, he had Joker makeup on. What? And then they hand you your cappuccino or whatever your latte and the art is the joker yeah it's the joker it's got little latte scars on it you don't do that at starbucks do they

you've forgotten latte art no i never have i feel like a leaf is always the move but no i never dogs playing poker airbrushed on top of it yeah fucking that's a starbucks disc and a dog's playing poker disc nobody's safe on afe we'll give it to everybody we'll give it to everybody sean do you do stand-up comedy and if so where can people see you i don't have anything on the books right now i'm uh raising a child at the moment there it is so yeah i'll get out and do whatever in the next few weeks but i don't i don't have anything on the books. Keep your eye on the Twitter account, Shauna Jordan. Listen to AFE, watch

the Late Late Show with James Corden. Head on a swivel. Yeah, yeah. Hit the ground running. Low center of gravity, run through the finish line. Buy low, sell high. Spend money to make money, clearly. Right. Rise and grind. Get your money, don't make none. Keep a caveman simple

you know you know what you could promote that neither of us have anything to do with but that this is pop documentary on netflix man i watched it with laura mom there's a boys to men documentary well there's a series of pop documentaries on netflix that just came out like little 45 docs yeah i haven't heard any of this what is it are they okay are we talking like lifetime level documentary like those really bad like salt and pepper no you should watch if i may drop a recommendation in the middle of your recommendation the salt and pepper lifetime movie is real bad wendy williams lifetime movie also oh i heard about that it's so bad so, so, so, so bad. It's so bad. It's awesome. Okay, Sean, sorry. Go ahead.

There's a little mini doc, Boys to Men, and it just chronicles how they basically started the, not started, but the modern boy band. It's so dope. It's so dope. If you like Boys to Men. And there's an auto-tune one, and there's a boy band one. Oh, is that why everyone was talking about T-Pain the other day? T-Pain, yes.

Yeah, T-Pain told that Usher story. There's a Britpop one. Dude, I did a college, in college I was in a like public speaking class. I genuinely think the name of the course

was public speaking which looking back on it now is like they just teach you how to talk and whatever. Did you go into that being okay at public speaking? I have to imagine you were always

pretty good at it, right? I went into it being like i like talking so i took a class and but then weirdly they teach you that people are nervous that it's like the number one fear in the world so i started to be like well hold on should i be like gave me a fear of it but i did it we had to do like a two minute speech in front of the class and i did mine on autotune and t-pain it was right when uh like i want to say was bayou drink the first one t-pain it was right when uh like i want to say was bayou drink the first one i want to say it was the very first like yeah it was right when his first single came out and i was like dating a musician at the time and the musician was like you know a lot of people use this but they don't use it turned up all the way they just use it to

make themselves sound better and i was like oh shoot and so like i explained it to people it's just such a weird thing to now have people be like, oh, autotune. I'm like, I did this research. For a dumb class already. What do you want to know? I got all the facts. But you're a fucking resource. Yeah, that's right. Resource. So anyway, they should have called me is all I'm saying. Next time you do a mini-doc, call me. Available

for talking heads, Katie Nolan. That's right. I'm here to do a I love the 90s. I love the 2000s. I love the 80s. I would have 2000s. I love the 80s. I would have loved. I'm so pissed we missed that bus because I would have loved that. Oh, you would have crushed it. That would have been very good at that.

What's the name for what that is? It's not a panel. It's like a talking head, like a talking head show. Yeah, you would have crushed it. Like best week ever. Those were I always used to love just like give me what give me the thing that happened and let me make have crushed it. Like best week ever. Those were, I always. Those were so good. Best week ever I used to love. Just like give me what, give me the thing that happened and let me make fun of it. Yeah.

That's it. That's all. Ever clear was everywhere. Sparkle and fade, more like sparkle and turn it up in my headphones. Whoa. Whoa. I mean, booked. And then like that somebody else goes, somebody else goes, I honestly thought about growing

one of those little Art Alex Sack of soul patches. Maybe it's not too late. And then, you know, know and then like yeah yeah yeah oh he's being silly now mine would just be me fucking with all the producers off camera and that's usually why that stuff that i do never gets used because i'm just trying to make a camera guy laugh and when he does they can't use it anymore ashton what's your give us a give us a i love the i love the 2000s. Do you want me to give you a topic or do you want to go off dome? You know what I was thinking of?

How old are you, Butts? How old are you? I am 30. R.I.P. to me. Yeah, don't be sad. No, this is the best decade. I'll be 40 in a few months. My 30s were dank.

Okay. You'll be stuck. I think about this a lot. These things called hit clips Do you remember hit clips? They had like one or two songs Yes, no like 30 seconds of one or two songs Oh my god, wait

Maybe I do remember, it's coming back And it was like, holy shit I just got the latest Britney hit clips Like, anyone want to come over to my house? How much did those cost that's a great question steal them were they like little like almost like game boy game shaped things i do remember those went into your thing and i think you could like you know put them on your keys or whatever we were putting shit on at the time man yeah man i think a lot about the ideas that were

in between the eventual like like the ipod and the seat like a cassette tape the things that happened in the middle yeah people are like is it going this way and then it was like no it absolutely didn't go that way and you made a little you made a cartridge for an mp3 when somebody else just made it digital yeah and it went straight on to the you tried it yeah you're so close you were in the pool for a second. And it was not a whole song. It was 30 seconds of a song. That's so stupid.

That's a ringtone. Insane. Oh, God. Oh, my God. You want to kind of get into a song just to have it end? Yeah. Do you want like the hook and the chorus and then you can just kind of play it back? Are teens still heavily into keychain based shit oh my god we really used to be i don't know that was huge i mean there was like walking around like a bunch

of wardens at a jail people have like like yeah like warden but it was all lip gloss like it was all lip gloss or like i was just really into keychains chapstick sometimes chapstick yeah chapstick you were a lanyard it's not right i was a lanyard guy but from probably 15 to 25 yeah yeah lanyards like have gotten this rep that they're kind of adulty or something for like or at least in our generation they were right and it was like yeah i think we should probably be done with lanyards you're like 23 it's a little like i don't know at one point they they tried to say that they were weapons i think they tried to say at school you couldn't put your keys on a lanyard because kids were swinging them around i'm like guys any anything is a weapon when a kid has it like it that's why they got rid of snap bracelets when we were little i'm like

that's not what it's for but it's how we i hit a kid with my backpack once yeah sean jordan brought down a bunch of bolivian terrorists with with with two big erasers yeah that's that's taekwondo i erased the chalkboard with bricks so two erasers. That's taekwondo. I erased the chalkboard with bricks. So two erasers. I brought them down with them. It was interesting, to say the least. To say the least. Say the most. Say the most, though. I can't speak on all that.

It was the most, to say the least. Ashton Batuso is here! For God's sake. At little underscore butts, B-U-t-s that's one t on twitter and it's the same on instagram it is instagram is like

instagram is honestly a waste of my time no offense to instagram wow you're a hard twitter yeah I mean like pictures are just so much harder dude I relate to this so hard. I'm like, I like words.

I don't know what to do with pictures. I hate them. I don't take good ones. I don't like my face. Right. And I want to be like, I'm empowered. I can, like, post a picture of myself. Look.

And sometimes I do that and I'm like, God, I'm such a fucking loser. Yeah. When I'm typing, you can't see that I'm crying. So Twitter is for me. This is what Instagram's for. Just posting a picture of you and Tom Brady. Yeah, you know, we saw that. We saw that.

Yeah. That's not really. And we had words. It doesn't really work for me. What was he like? The two of us met at the RNC probably about eight years ago. was he like the two of us met at the rnc uh probably about eight years ago no uh we just did a shoot with him on uh on the late late show he was no i figured i didn't think he called you randomly and asked you to go for coffee hit the links me him jake delome and and

warren sap like uh 18 no it, we just did a shoot with him. And he was, I went in being like this prick. You know what I mean? Like thinking I wasn't going to like him, thinking he was going to be an asshole. And he was like so charming and so game and like kind of funny that I was just, I was completely charmed and won over. And by the end I had to snag a pick. I was like, I know he had the maga hat in the back of his locker i've said this before this isn't necessarily a defense of him i think he

might be brilliant at football and maybe might just be dumb at other stuff i think that's extremely possible he has every right to be dumb at other stuff he just needed to learn to be quiet dumb and keep it to himself yeah i genuinely think that was like his friend because when you're dumb and you're rich your friends friend is a word you throw around very easily donald trump was his friend who gave him a hat and he was like put your hat in the locker yeah thanks friend i think i don't think he's like thinking through you know immigration policy i don't think he's spent any moment thinking about any of that right only immigrate he just wants to know if he can immigrate to brazil for like two weeks in the summer he just wants to be able to golf when he wants to in the best possible place with the

coolest people it's not good by any stretch of the imagination i don't think he's i don't know let's stop asking famous people or even encouraging let's let's destroy the environment where famous people feel like they need to or even should weigh in on things. I'd love that. I'm not saying they shouldn't if they want to. Like if LeBron James or Mark Ruffalo are passionate about topics, by all means. Only those two, though. Everybody else, shut your mouth.

Those are the two. Everybody else, shut the fuck up. LeBron James, Mark Ruffalo, end of list. All right? The best we got. Did Mark Ruffalo mess up yet?. All right. The best we got. Mark Ruffalo mess up yet? Did he trip over anything yet? Or is he still unproblematic?

He did actually the other day. And I don't remember what it was. I mean, like, you know, he did if you ask Twitter or whatever. Oh, God, I know. But I don't remember what it was. It was, you know. That's good. That's usually a good sign.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, he's canceled. I just don't know what was the thing. He released a song to raise money for the Jamaican slums called Ruffalo Soldier. And people got mad about it. Wow. Was that in your back pocket for a while?

No, of course not. That's the beauty of being Carmella. You're a chef. You just watch him cook. God, love that. Ruffalo Soldier. A lot of rhyme-based punning, and it's right in my wheelhouse. And boy, does it land with me. I've worked in late night for eight years. If I can't come up with celebrity name-based punning, and it's right in my wheelhouse, and boy, does it land with me.

I've worked in late night for eight years. If I can't come up with celebrity name-based puns at the drop of a hat, I get fired. I'm insecure, so I'm going to lean off camera to do this. Don't be weird. You guys keep going. It's an audio medium. Rivers Qualmo. All right.

Oh, he's back. Another one. What? What? Oh, he's back. Another one. What? That was like the first thing you've said in a very long time, too.

I can't believe it. It really was. There's a lot going on. True. The man's a sniper. You know, I stay back sometimes. Sean, I'm so happy to see your face. I appreciate that.

That's going to get me through the whole day. Holy buckets. Thank you. Your sun-dappled face, no less, right now. Where's David Borey, that coward? He just didn't want to show up? He went to Bolivia. Yeah, he heard I was coming and he was like, oh, I'm in Bolivia. He was extradited. They got him. Whatever.

They got David. They got him. They got their hooks in. How hot is it there right now, Sean? Oh, yeah. At the exact moment. How are is it there right now, Sean? Oh, yeah. Oh, at the exact moment. Yeah, like, how are you doing? Are you cooking? Sean's in Portland, Oregon during the heat dome. Oh, that's right.

They forgot about that. They're supposed to get 115 degrees, no less. 86 right now, and it's 938. Here you go. Let me tell you. Okay, so we had our air fixed yesterday, and the guy who fixed it said, tell me if I'm getting taken for a ride. Did I hear a soapbox getting dragged in? Tell me if i'm getting taken for a ride did i hear a soapbox

getting dragged tell me if i'm getting taken for a ride here the guy who fixed it said uh it's recommended that your ac only be set 20 degrees lower than the temp outside it is going to be 115 degrees so this motherfucker would have me believe i should set my ac to 95 degrees. That can't be true. Well, so as a person whose air conditioning breaks a lot, I think they mean in terms of like don't screw, you don't want to blow the

you don't want to overload the system. I know, but it's like. I think you can go down, you should start there, let it get to that temperature and then go down at like two degree increments. There it is. I'm a climate scientist, so i can really help you with this what do they do in arizona what do those do that's exactly what's a dry heat okay that is one of those things you can toss out and then no follow-up constant it's all anyone says having to do with if ever i hear arizona it's dry heat walk out of the conversation and then you're gone yeah moonwalk out of the conversation if you're really feeling yourself that's it's just kind of gonna hit

terminal velocity of heat i think once it's over 100 you're just like i don't know it sucks out so yeah yeah i'm proud of you for wearing a shirt yeah well burning up the burning up the room of the prince is dead it's flagrant magazine i'll say that right now that's what's burning up holy shit yeah he gets back uh ashton why don't you will you talk a little bit about flagra magazine in my opinion one of the finest things regarding basketball to come out in the last decade wow decade decade uh that's high praise and we really appreciate it it's um kind of trying to it's our attempt to remind people that tangible art and media is fun too. And it doesn't all have to be, you know, gone at the swipe of a finger, right?

Hell yeah. Get it, get it. Yeah, so we are, you know, we tell the untold stories in basketball and kind of just elevate the culture a bit and kind of try to amplify voices of those that aren't heard as much um so yeah we're a fucking print magazine in 2021 and we're just it's great beautiful if you like basketball at all or even if you think you might want to like basketball if you've heard us talk about it on here or follow any of us on twitter and you're like how do i get into it this is a great way beautiful i mean beautiful pictures great stories and like you said great stories that are it likes the tangible not something that's like well that's not no longer relevant after like the next game that gets right stuff like that yeah yeah well

and accessible it's accessible it's like we're not going to talk over you it's just talking to you like a person and telling you what it likes about basketball. It's your coffee table's favorite magazine. Oh, yeah. Look at that. Put a TM on that. Man, that was warm. That was cozy. TMRC.

I'm getting warmed up here. Have you written anything on the Sioux Falls Sky Force? I know the people are clamoring. Victor Page, Monty Buckley. Oh, yeah. Victor Page got shot in the face. There's a whole magazine right there. We have not, but I'd love to.

Issue four, we got that. We'll get that lined up. Nugs, nugs. I don't know why I just randomly thought of this, but I checked my DMs on something the other day. Instagram, which I don't ever do. I had a DM from Mugsy Boats. Whoa.

And I was like, what? Get me some jerseys. And I opened it, and I only vaguely remember, I can try to find it now. I'm pretty sure it was just, obviously not the Mugsy, it was like a PR team for Mugsy Bogues. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sending me a message that I don't think offered me anything except to listen to something that Mugsy Bogues was on.

It was like a press email, but it was so weird. Mugsy Bogues was on. It was like a press email, but it was so weird. The way I peeked when I saw Mugsy Bogues sent me a DM to the way I immediately valued when I was like, oh, they're like, hey, listen to this. We have no idea who you are. What's he up to? Yeah. I can tell you. I can try to tell you. It's probably a podcast. It's in my top requests where they put the checkmark ones but maybe i deleted it because now i don't oh no there it is mugsy bogues and at first it looks like it just says hey katie so i was like what's up mugsy uh but it's four paragraphs that basically say that you should listen if in

case you haven't already had a chance to listen hell of a way to start an email already did thank you though mugsy in case you don't already know, I wanted to flag a new addition to your podcast list. Great band. All about the legends and their riveting, often never before told experiences. And then it's just a pitch about it. And said, hope you consider featuring it on your next comprehensive

list. And I will. Here's the thing, I will. I just have, I don't plan on putting out a comprehensive list uh anytime soon well you retired from the comprehensive list game there's nothing stopped doing that in 97 and so i'm just like i don't but i will put him on the next one you know alexander wep for there were no more lists to comprehend you know you were you were there you fucking climbed the mountaintop i've got i had a dominique wilkins slide into the dms once

for uh because he wanted it was like a thing to get to cordon for like a charity thing he's like a very charitable dude but then riddick bow just slid in once the boxer riddick bow just to be like hey man what's up and then we have like a where i was like he wants something yeah that you know that feeling in the back of your head where you're like he wants to box man you lost all that weight that's true i'm in his weight class now yeah he wants to see what time it is he wants to box i'm i'll fight i'll fight riddick bow i'll fight for like a you know if i you won't break me off the money no no no i'll lose immediately but if i get that lo Logan Paul bag or whatever, I'll do it. Have you ever been in a fight, Ian?

No. Okay. No, no, no, no. I love his words. But if I were to be in one and it was only with Riddick Bowe, I'd never have to be in another one. I mean, I haven't either. I'm just always curious, like, who's getting in fights?

Like, who? I've been in one fight. I've been in one fight. Yeah. I would say I haven't either. I'm just always curious, like, who's getting in fights. I've been in one fight. I've been in one fight. Yeah. I would say I got jumped. Okay. Well, that's when you joined the Crips, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Katie and I got jumped into the Crips. On the low. Wait, Sean, you've been in a fight too? I've had my days, yeah. Oh, several days. What does that mean? That doesn't answer my question.

Yeah, yeah. You've been in a fight. Yes. Yeah. One? I mean, I've been in a handful of fights yeah i've been in like four i've been in like three legit we're gonna fight fights and then like 10 maybe bar fights as an adult 10 bar fights like parking lot scrapes and things like that like not not roadhouse we don't have context for this sean we don't know is it 10 on 10 what kind of a field are we looking at one of them was so before i moved to portland i had this is what i remember you're an icp fan

yeah dude i mean well when you talk about fights, they're not all, they're like 15 seconds, you know? But yeah, like. What are you talking about? Two hits. What's a 15 second fight look like? You punch him and they're out and it's over? Well, you think fights are like minutes long? I mean, for real, fights are like 20, 30 seconds most, at most.

And then what happens? What's the, what's like the culmination? What's, you're just like, all right. They get broken up. I mean, a lot of these are like. It's a lot like after a hip-hop show or like going out of like leaving the bar at two in the morning or like jazz fest or something in sioux falls or like hot harley nights shit like that you know in a in a fracas at jazz fest in sioux falls yeah someone's like pharaoh saunders is the best and they're like i disagree and then just fucking go you can see how it spins out of control from there was that the 10 on 10

no the one i'm thinking of was after it was the month before i moved to portland when we were we you want to i mean it's so july you want to july of 2009 all of my friends we call it 0709 because it was like the month where none of us had jobs. And we were all just kind of like going crazy for a month in Sioux Falls. We saw the sun come up like every night. And one night we were out at this bar called the library. And we walked outside and my friend started a fight. He just, he saw some kids, called them some stuff.

And I was like, well, now slow it down and zoom it in. Called them what? No, not, that's not happening. He called them stuff you don't call people. That's right. Yeah, so we... Late for dinner, for one, you know? Yeah. Call me that.

He called them ne'er-do-wells, and he called them nefarious, and... Well, I remember, you're not willing to say it, but I will say that the word scalawag was tossed about. Oh, I heard vagabond. Yeah, vagabond as well yeah yeah he called them unsavory and they they set down their books and anyway they just and i he was wrong he should have got his ass kicked but anyway it's just a big donnie and the donnie brook ensued yeah some rabble rousing took place in the parking lot and uh yeah some guy ran up and hit me hard in the back of the head and knocked me down and then he was like sucker punch and then he grabbed my hair tried to like

rub my face into the ground i mean i don't we don't have to get into all this it's ridiculous but we do anyway not ridiculous are you a follow-up question are you okay yeah did you ever heal foley yeah he didn't and nothing happened i, I've never really been like, I got a black eye one time. That was like the worst fight I've ever been in. Other than that, it's like all just scrapes. Have you ever won a fight? Because clearly that one you described was not a W for you. Well, Sean.

Does anybody ever really win a fight? There you go. Nice. Really good. Violence is always an L, kids. That's what he's saying there. Roadhouse is what it's from. My only fight was an L, kids. That's what he's saying there. My only fight was an L, too, so I'm not judging you in any way.

I gotta get in a fight. No. I don't recommend it. I don't recommend it. I'd feel pretty sick if I did it, though. Yeah, it'd be pretty cool but the thing is when it's not if it's if it's not a cool one like if not nothing really cool happens like i didn't even get my ass kicked in a way that i was like whoo i could tell this story uh she made it look like she was beating me up she was really just playing with my boobs and so it was like a whole big and then she kicked me in the ribs it was like

an nba fight yeah so it was just like it feels stupid this feels performative this feels like you were trying to make some sort of a statement and i didn't sign off on this i don't want to be part of this press release the one time i got like fully beat up she did the same thing like it was wild but anyway shout out to stacy hope you're doing well yeah that's the one that beat me up he kicked the kick my ass but that's neither here nor there shout out to childhood obesity flagrant is not only a magazine but where can they get the magazine where can people where can people they can find it at www.flagrantmag.com see that's bullshit now it's i you have to tell them they have to go to a newsstand. I know.

You don't get to go to a website to get the, you have to do the work, people. It's worth it. Go to a newsstand. Those are around. We are at stores, a lot of stores in Portland and a store in New York. And we're working on broadening that. That's so awesome. Oh, that's so, is that so exciting?

That is rad. It's really exciting. So cool. Being in stores is like my main thing that I'm really trying to push because. That's so awesome. Oh, that's so, is that so exciting? It is, Rhett. It's really exciting. So cool. Being in stores is like my main thing that I'm really trying to push because. That's awesome. It's just so cool to be like, oh, we're in stores. You have to go to a store, bitch. Good for you.

Thank you. Go pick it up. If you pick it up, if you're an AFE listener and you post a picture of you with Flagrant Magazine, Sean will come to your house and beat you up. Or try to. You can take him. Yeah. I'll get beat up. flagrant magazine sean will come to your house and beat you up or try to you can try you could take him yeah i've i'll get beat up there's no i've never been in a fight that was like sean's got this it was always like i was always like i tripped into it or somebody's it happened

and i was there like it yeah it just it was never a good thing i never it always sucked and i always had a bad time it was never I just can't see you. Your friends are trouble, Sean. I like these people you're hanging around with, because you're a lover, not a fighter. You shouldn't be getting into double-digit fights. It's just little rambunctious phases of life. It was just 07-09.

07-09 was... That's right, baby. 07-09. Put on a t-shirt. 07-09 was Buck. It's his love that gets him into this, Grace, because he loves his friends so much that he would never he would like it was a last samurai situation isn't love isn't it love isn't absolving your friends of accountability okay love is holding your loved ones accountable so when they use a word that you don't like you say hey you don't use that word i did i have a bunch of times it Yeah, Sean. It's all right.

You can. Call out your friends, Sean. Have these conversations. This is really important. The tough conversations are the ones that are worth it. Those are like little fights in themselves,

but they're with words and love. Oh, yeah. I love you. No, I love you. Getting those kind of fights, Sean. Love fights. Kisses. Give each other kisses.

Give each other smooches and boops. That's a nice proposition if you're about to fight someone. Just like, hey bro, do you want to kiss about this? Yeah, let's kiss it out. We got all this energy. We could kiss. Just lick on my tongue a little.

Put it out there. Maybe you just had a slurpee so like your tongue's a fun color. Whoa. Whoa. Do you think your tongue's a fun color. Oh. Whoa. Whoa. Do you think your tongue tastes like a Slurpee when it's that color? Because do you know what your tongue tastes like? Can anyone truly know?

I bet like to some extent, like a little bit. A little bit. Yeah. Residual Slurp. Yeah. Residual Slurp. There's also a flagrant podcast. Yeah, that's true.

I mean, damn, are we done talking about flagrant? Jesus Christ. We will be in a second. But going on sideline comments about me fighting and we can talk about my bad. I just love talking to you guys so much. We love you. London, London, qualming. Oh, my God.

And then right again, Peak Valley. Right away. Yeah. My new ball. Mugs, my God. And then right again, Peak Valley. Right away. Yeah. Manute Ball, Muggsy Bugs. What, Flagrant Magazine, Flagrant Podcast. Talk about the Flagrant Podcast a little bit for a second. Talk about that. The Flagrant Podcast delves into NBA conspiracies.

Whoa. Like topics such as, did the Morrisris twins switch places which that one like comes up constantly uh i think it was like the 2017 or 2014 finals i forget now but another one is um did the spurs try to smoke the heat out of their arena when the air conditioning broke in the 2014 finals how about the bats you do anything on the bat oh yeah the bat was in there i didn't know about the bat like i didn't remember the bats is crazy because the spurs uh we did a whole thing on this we're always late but i know nobody sucks this was when we were on espn plus uh the the the mascot was dressed up in a batman costume the night that a bat got and he caught it

it was it was just like none of this makes sense they're releasing bats into the stadium because their record was like matching up with it like they were doing better in those games sounds like the joker might have stopped by greg popovich looks up from his clipboard and he's wearing a joker makeup think about it he let the bats into twisted so twisted tim dun Duncan's so tall that you can't see his face until he looks down, Joker makeup. What? No. No, in that episode, we compared all of the Spurs roster to Ocean's Eleven characters.

Oh, that's fun. That's fun. This sounds like my type of content. I won't tell you who Tim Duncan was, but there was a moment where we were like, is he hot enough to be Brad Pitt? I don't think he could be Brad Pitt. He's not hot enough. Nobody's hot enough for that. I could see him eating all the time. I don't know. I think Tim Duncan's kind of hot.

Tim Duncan's got a sneaky tattoo that you can see on the top of his hand, much like Brad Pitt in Ocean's Eleven, right? Is that true? I don't know, but that was super specific. Nope, not true. It wasn't true. Brad Pitt's got a sneaky little tattoo in Ocean's Eleven that they only show like an inch of. It's a real stupid line, storylines that they do. These are the things Sean notices when he watches cinema. Yeah, I look at people's hands. Ooh, a little hand tattoo. Yeah, check it

out. You'll notice it. Don't look at my hands ever. They're always gross. My hands are small, I know. They are? But they're not yours. They aren't my own. No, they're pretty big hands. Yeah, that's like a giant hand. They're small, I know. But they're not yours. They are my own. I completely forgot that song existed. And I'm glad that you brought it back into my brain. Jewel. Was that late Jewel? That was late Jewel, yeah. No, that was early Jewel. What was the roast joke that somebody told about jewels oh god don't bring stories up like this unless you know the punchline forget it move on somebody roasted her teeth at a at a comedy central roast that person just fucking blew it is katie nolan at yeah no shit huh it might have

been nikki glazer whatever on, at Navy Colon on Instagram. Which don't message me or I don't use the platform anymore. I really barely go on Instagram, but you sure can follow me there. Be disappointed there as well as here with my performance. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Down bad. Thank you, baby. Oh, cuties.

Look at the cuties. She brought me a gun. No, it's a flat milk. It's a flat white. Flat white. Flat white. What does that mean? I love a flat white.

It's less, it's less froth. It's like a smaller latte, like less milk and like, yeah, less froth. Oh, I like that. It's big in Australia. I love it in London. Yeah, London, Australia. Wow, white sounds like it would have more milk in it. Also sounds like me right now. Hey!

Fucking bullseye, dude. How we all doing? I have a podcast too. It's called Sports. It's got a question mark on the end of it. It's barely, and I mean emphasize, that barely about those barely talk about those mostly right now it's about having depression and what that feels like so tune in that's a whole making fun of having depression you know it's fun yeah you need to have me on. Laughing through it. Yeah. Yeah, when does Ian get on it?

Yeah, when is Ian Carmel on? Oh, yeah, whenever. I just don't, you know, usually work on weekends, and because you work so much during the week, this is when you record podcasts. I know now you're free, so we can do it. Let's do it this week. You want me to book you right here on the pod?

No, no, no, no, no, no. We'll do it off pod. We'll do it off pod, okay? Yeah, let's do it soon, though. I want to talk to you so bad about how sad i am uh so listen to sports yeah no really do that wasn't a good pitch for me but really do listen to it because it does rule it does rule i can confirm that it rules the cutest and the sweetest it's uh it's dumb but it No, it's not dumb. You're an endlessly funny,

endlessly charming, and endlessly compelling person, so any conversation with you is worth tuning in to. This is true. It's true. Sorry, bitch, but it's true. Oh my god. Look at all this. You guys are the greatest. You're all so pretty.

So now what? My name is Ian Carmel. is there anything else you want to direct people towards i don't know if you're in a city that dan soder's coming too soon go see him live he's very funny he's got very i heard his jokes for the first time since pandemic uh last night they're really good so that's just a personal recommendation are you mentioned uh not the uh my dog is mentioned a bunch um i think he might be nervous to and i keep giving him the green light of like it's okay it's all right you spent a year pretty much exclusively in my company you've got material as long as it's not i'm like you can't air a grievance with me that i'm not familiar with yeah that would be weird that's the line

but it's some if it's something that we know I suck at, then tell everybody how much I suck. Like, I don't care. It's fine. But yeah, go see him. He's going to a bunch of cities, and it's definitely worth your time. Watch Billions. Go see Dan Soder. Oh yeah. Listen to Sports with Katie. Sports?

Sports? In the reverse order, I think. In the reverse order. Something like that. My name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on Jewish. Next play app, which is how I control the digital picture frame that I got from my girlfriend because my house only has pictures of me and my family in it. Somebody should make an app that combines all of the one-off useless apps you need to have on your phone to use the things in your house. Like the Alexa app that you're like, I'm never going to open this.

There should be a keychain app. Yeah, there should be an app that's just like, do you A hit clip app! A hit clip app! It just puts together all, it's like a junk drawer app where it's like, what stupid thing that just puts together all. It's like a junk drawer app. Yes. Where it's like, what stupid thing that I don't ever use but just need once.

Yeah. Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah. Great idea, folks. Take it. Give Katie like 40%. Give her a little bit. Give Katie 40%.

In perpetuity. I've always wanted to say that. In perpetuity. In perpetuity. That's a fun word. Yeah. Yeah. That's a $5 word.

That's a Shark Tank word. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. that's a five dollar word shark tank word perpetuity it is a shark tank word yeah i have nothing to promote i'm smacked out in the middle of summer vacation i but by the time this comes out i'll be gearing up for my trip to hawaii oh which island yeah i'm going to kawaii kawaii what a blast. I can't wait. Kauai Leonard. Kauai Leonard over here, dude. I'm going to be. Where could everybody go?

London Kauai-ing. Jump. Uh-huh. Yeah. I'll approve. I have purchased and I'm sitting on so much linen for this trip that I might run out of ways to wear it. Oh, shit. What kind of, do you have a halter top?

Do they do that yet for men? Halter tops? No, I would though. I absolutely i'd wear you have colored linen do you have is it all white yeah is it neutral it's mostly white and it's it's neutrals it's big nancy meyers linen uh how many hats i have a couple of shirts i have a couple of bucket hats no linen hats but i do have some bucket hats i mean just like when you wear a linen you style with a straw hat right i'm planning on getting a straw hat whilst they're there i hats to bring. No, yeah, but I mean, just like when you wear a linen, you style with a straw hat, right? I'm planning on getting a straw hat whilst they're there. I want to bring back a straw hat.

Yeah, straw is the linen of the head, is what they say. That's 100% right. Yep. So just a lot of linen. Just look out for me on Instagram, both stories and grid, just pictures of me in linen.

I have a linen, like, with the pants cut at mid-calf and the arms cut at, like, right at the shoulder. Oh, my God. People are ready for it. Is it a romper? That sounded like a linen romper that you're going to be wearing. No, no. It's a two-piece.

But if it were one, it would look like a romper. I'm probably going to wear some colorful jewelry while I'm there. There's just a lot of that coming up. You should change your Instagram name to Linens and Kings. Oh! Just for while you're there. I'm absolutely going to do that. My Twitter name right now is Loud Big Von Beef Oven.

So I'm cross-platform a lot of ways. That's really good. I like that. Thank you. It's a Shane Torres nickname we came up with. That's good. I mean, they are the best. Top shelf nicknames.

Shop telf. Now we are gathering here today not only to talk about Loud Big Von Beef Oven, but also to fantasy draft tiny chores that make you feel like you accomplished a whole lot ashton you came up with this topic why why why did you want to delve into these waters i think it's a great topic by the way i'll tell you why because i'm unpacking a house and every day is hell i'm like i'm not getting anything done so i have to do these little things and i'm like okay like i got that i didn't like, nothing's unpacked, but I did do this thing. Yes.

And it's very little wins. I love this topic. As a person with depression, every single thing in my house is a tiny task that makes me feel like it. And Dan's like, what I, Dan will come home from like doing eight things. He's like, what'd you do today? I'm like, big day. Two tasks. i'm not gonna name any because we're about to have a draft yeah two tiny tasks and i'll be like and then what

and i'm like yeah that was it and i'm wiped i gotta i'm thinking about taking tomorrow off i think it's nice if you can write these things on your to-do list yep and scratch them off and be like have you ever written something on your to-do list after you completed it? Yes, every day. And then just so that you could cross it off? Every day. That's good. You're just lying to yourself like,

oh, wait, I already did that shit. I might as well just delete that. But just so when historians access my journals, they'll have a complete record of what I did that day. Yes, of course. Yeah. I think about that all the time when they say, we read this person's journals according to their journals.

I'm like, yo, I'm kind of a weirdo in my journal. What if we didn't? You should be. Yeah, that's what the... Yeah. You put that in your will? Like, burn my journal? No.

But then again, why are we writing them? God, so many questions. Yeah, so I was going to say, we want to know you later, so... Oof. I forget who... Wait, hold on one second. Dana!

Who was that writer where they published his letters but burnt the girls letters james joe okay i had to go to dana dana schwartz for the for a historical fact james joyce james joyce i was gonna say that yeah yeah sean was gonna say james joyce james joyce has these letters that he wrote to his like wife where he talks about how much he loves her sweet farting bum and all that stuff and it's like and it gets very sexual and about farting and like all this stuff and so they published all of his letters but her family burnt her copies because once she died they found them and they were like oh no no no no no and they burnt them but so we just have james joyces wow well how does uh

how does possession work on that because a letter if i send you a letter when you die that's you own that because i gave it to you but it's my writing i don't think they own each other's like she owns his because he wrote them to her and she and vice versa i'm just glad we don't write them anymore that's imagine if once you died your text messages got published that's not who wants that well what if they you know you definitely don't want people recording your phone qualms not a big deal not a big deal it's just it's you know the whole time it'll be yeah i'll be in the kitchen up here cooking it's like you brought 600 deviled eggs to a party. That's fine with me.

It's like I like them, but my God. That's a lot of deviled eggs. I don't care. I'll eat them. It's fine. I brought them for me. I just brought them. I don't like seafood, and there's a lot of seafood here.

So I was like, just bring tons of deviled eggs and that way you'll be good the whole party. So it's fine. You're one of the same boat as me. Yeah. Katie, you're so far back. We're here to fantasy draft chores. The way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.

Play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. We're playing rock, paper, scissors, Ashton. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Okay. Shoot. Rock, paper, scissors, Ashton. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Okay. Shoot. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, three different ones.

Here we go again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Katie. Oh, Katie wins. Katie threw scissors. Yo, I don't think I've ever won. You just won. I don't know.

There's an account that keeps track of it. I don't think I've ever won. Congratulations in Mazel Tov. David always beats me, I feel like. just one i don't know there's an account that keeps track of it one congratulations and mazel david uh david always beats me i feel like um i've never won because now i have to decide the order yes but before you do i will remind you it's a serpentine draft and then what and what is that again that means if you pick fourth yeah more than the first round first in the second round you really think that that's what i wanted fuck you both no i didn't oh shit i skipped sean i was ready to explain i'm like what the fuck every time it gets glossed over i'm like dope because i don't have to sound like an asshole to somebody who

doesn't know that it's like a recurring bit yeah because now i'm that look as a woman in sports i'm like the fact that i just asked that question and they took me seriously like i'm gonna get shit for three weeks it's happened a couple times where I'll go into it and someone's like, I know what it is. And I'm like, no, I know, I know, I bet. Anyway, so here's what... But for those who don't,

like me, what is it? Well, here, it's so basic. It's like if you're playing volleyball and you serve from one side of the court to the other and before you hit it back over the net, you have to bump it, set it, and then spike it.

So you're kind of on one side for a couple moves. And then it goes back over the net you have to bump it set it and then spike it so you're kind of on one side for for a couple moves and then it goes back over to the other side after the spike you bump it you set it and you spike it back over to the other side so it's kind of just over to the left for a little bit and then back over to the right for a little bit and then back over to the left and so now that's not clear yeah at all no that wasn't i don't know that that's actually the correct way to explain it less i understand i took out some knowledge oh and which one's volleyball that's a good question i don't know which one volleyball is the one with the bats no no i think that's bat ball uh volleyball yeah volleyball is the one

i believe it's pronounced volleyballollyball, by the way. Bollyball. Yeah, it's vacation. It's vacation. Anything you do on vacation in Bali, volleyball. Had a ball.

Mm-hmm. Fourth in the first round, first in the second round. Katie, with that in mind, the victor of Rock, Paper, Scissors, what will the order of today's draw be? I mean, you're going to get

the hot corner. Thank you. Because I love you. I love you. Sean's going hot corner Thank you Because I love you I love you Sean's gonna go first Oh shit Then Then

It's either me then butts Or butts then me You say that a lot It's gonna go Me then butts There it is No butts then me I take it back

Sorry Cut that part out And pretend that was the first time I said it. Butts than me. I want to go behind butts. I'm bringing up the rear to the rear. I'm the caboose to the caboose. The caboose.

The secondary caboose. There's two cabooses. Whatever. Well, hell yeah. There's the order. Sean Ashton, Katie Nolan, Ian Carmel. And we will get to that draft, Sean's first pick, right after this short break. our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your

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code all fantasy this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble uh if you want to learn a new language the best way is to uproot your entire life you drop everything you're doing just go to a brand new country you figure it out from there but this isn't the talented mr ripley all right you're not jason bourne you can't do that two damon movies i'm brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley. All right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when

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slash All Fantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy, everything, the only podcast that has ever existed, except, of course, for sports with Katie Nolan

and the Flagrant Podcast with Asher Batusa. But but that's it those are the three podcasts if you've heard a podcast it's one of those three all right just want to get that crystal fucking clear yeah man listeners listen everyone everyone believes you no one's qualming you a liar so don't worry about it oh my my God. They're getting worse. They're going to keep getting worse. The quality is down. They're going to keep getting worse. The qualmity is getting worse.

There we go. That one I liked. I'm walking. I'm out of here. There we go. I'm out. That one I liked. That one was good, Katie.

A roller coaster is more fun with your friends. So thank you for joining me. I hate roller coasters. I hold the bags. I stand on the side. I hold the coats and the bags and I eat the Dippin' Dots. Ooh, the Dippin' Dots. And I go, hi. Hey, it's Katie. the bags i stand on the side i hold the coats in the bags and i eat the dip and dots oh the dip and i go hi hey it's katie hey guys you look i'm taking pictures that's my boyfriend

one of those somebody riding a roller coaster alone is a very funny image though like it's sad and alone riding a roller coaster well they you get to the front of the line quicker i've i i'm sure a lot of people know this but at disneyland or wherever if you're if you're by yourself you can just jump to the singles portion so like damn when we i remember when i rode the cars ride i said dude because it was a three banger and it was me lauren just a dude and i'm like well i guess if you if you're trying to maximize your dollar go to disneyland alone and just get to the front of the line. See, ladies, your boyfriend is literally holding you back. Break up with him.

He stinks. Yeah, get him. Jump to the front of the line. Sean Jordan, you have the first pick. Yeah. What will that pick be? Says who? You did, man.

I'm just kidding. It was me. You did, bro. Frigging you. Just kidding. Frog. God, stop it. Frog.

Guys, knock it. guys stop can i go oatmeal flat white please oatmeal flat white making your bed yeah yeah yeah absolutely yeah i do it yeah i worry that the discussion on this podcast is just gonna be we're all gonna all going to be like, totally. Pretty easy. That one is tough. That's a big one. It's such it from the outside. It feels like such a bigger time commitment than it ever is. It's like 20 seconds. 15 to 20 seconds.

And yeah. And I like I even the sheets and everything like I was like, Laura has an extra sheet on her side. She runs a little colder than I do. What's up? up like on her side it's a half of a sheet well so i folded it in half so it's like instead of the sheet i i halved it over so now she has like a double sheet on her side that i'll tuck into the bottom yeah but it's an open-ended sheet it's like an open-faced sandwich right or does she climb in like a wrap and then you tuck her in after that it's an open-faced sandwich she puts the sandwich on top of her but then i tuck the bottom in under the bed so it makes it less easy for the sandwich to open face i mean this is very are you that against just also

having the sheet well the top of it is a big confederate flag and i don't like to see it so i just have i have i have it over and i'm like wow nobody wants to see We'll just, we won't talk about that for the rest of our relationship. Rather than buy a new sheet from say, I don't know, Brooklyn and use promo code Nolan. You, you just. Whoa. All right. That was so smooth. Please.

Sneaky. It might actually be Katie. So I just bleep it all out. Figure it out. All right. Making my bed is actually the only thing I do every day. Yeah. You do?

Yeah, because it started when I was working from home in a studio apartment. Because what you want to do is just wake up and just stay in bed and do work. But I needed there to be a part of the day that was like, now I'm leaving home, quote unquote, and going to the office, quote unquote, which was the futon that actually I'm currently sitting on just in a different location. Shout out to that futon. Yeah, right? I got to throw it away. But making my bed was like, okay, bedtime is done.

Work time starts. And then I liked the way that felt. So it stuck with me. It's the old, like my house is a disgusting mess, but my bed is always me. Well, yeah. Do you do it right when you wake up? Is that your

secret yeah are you talking to me anybody you both do this every day two people on this podcast do this every day yeah i wake up every the second i'm up i unless unless we're still in the bed but the second i'm awake i'm hey okay and uh so unless we're still in the bed what's up unless unless the music's still playing okay uh yeah yeah i do when i wake up but i wake up slowly uh i take a couple hours to wake up i wake up i check my phone i roll back over i check my phone i lay then i get up i get up and i fall to a push-up like christian bale in the second batman movie and then i do like 30 of them and i'm like all right yeah i do not uh rise and grind does not resonate with me i am like rise and then like think about maybe not rising for a while during

quarantine i went through my get up and immediately go on a walk phase so yeah i do like for like two or three months i would get up and i would go straight down to the bathroom put my contacts in and then go on like a pretty long walk at like six in the morning it was fun but that phase is now of a bygone era if i'm if i'm firing on all cylinders i wake up go for a long walk meditate and then start my day yeah i'm so proud of you guys that's so nice i am a piece of shit yeah i'm disgusting well we weren't always remember i've been in 10 fights so it wasn't always you know i haven't done that either so what the fuck am i doing yeah that was rude i was just kidding i haven't been in 10 fights i thought we were uh my bed making habit is insane

because i'm just like well i'm just gonna mess it up again which is true of cleaning anything and i don't know why i feel like that with my bed. Here's the thing. It also makes, to me, I think, my evidence is only anecdotal, but I think it makes it nicer to get into at night if it was made during the day. I absolutely agree with you. The sheets are colder for some reason. I don't really know.

Maybe they haven't seen the sun or something. Maybe it's the brook linen. Yeah, maybe. Promo code Ian Carmel. Promo code whatever. Just type in a bunch of words if you're ever on a website. I bet onelinen yeah maybe promo code ian carmel promo code whatever type just type in a bunch of words if you're ever on a website i bet one of them's a promo code for something brooklinen promo code parachute that'd be twisted that's something the joker would do on his podcast what which podcast because i was told there were only three yeah there's only the three

right if you add one okay the joker makes bed. Why is this here in my house? Oh, congratulations. What is it? A Presidential Medal of Fitness model? Wow, good job. This is a giant chocolate coin. How old is it? Is it like one of those really old ones?

No clue. I have no clue why it's here or what it is. Is it one of those kind of chocolates that when you open it, it can have those weird stress cracks that make you think it's old? I don't like those. That looks like how if James Bond played dreidel in Monaco, that's like what they would throw around. Oh, wow.

It says FAO Schwartz on it. I didn't know that was like a real. That's like a buy it on air. That's like a relic. You shouldn't have opened it. Well, it's closed again. It's very simple. What?

I feel like you just did a magic trick. i feel like you just did a magic trick i feel like you just did a magic trick did you do a magic trick i did that was tight that's why you feel that way for me fao schwartz is falling in love all over again with dana schwartz i love you baby yeah she's not gonna listen to this is that what the a and the o the f the falling all over i hate you i really don't like you or the things you do but I do like your girlfriend she rules

the whole drive to New York we listened to her podcast and we just could not get enough oh there's a fourth podcast yeah make it a bed make it a bed great pick it a bed. Great pick. Great pick, making the bed. Ashton, time for your first

pick. Your first pick ever on All Fantasy Everything. Certainly not your last. Alright, I'm gonna go for a very minute, not everyday option. The option of changing a light bulb. Oh, shit! Yeah, sometimes when your light bulb goes out, sometimes when you're good one when your life

goes out you're like am i just gonna live like this forever yeah and then you remember it wait i can change it yeah and it's like a huge like it's a moment so i'd say changing the light bulb is uh how long how long will you let it go off for? Oh, man. Like, I can't say because I already said I don't make my bed. I don't meditate. I don't. No, that's okay. You, I, making my bed.

We started out with the one thing I do. I am a, I mean, I can just pan the camera over a little if you want. I am a dirt bag. So you have nothing to worry about. How long do you go before you switch a light bulb? It could be like a week where I'm just in the bathroom. Oh my God, fuck you. I'm like, it's been three months since I've replaced the one in my closet that I barely use that closet.

It depends on the importance. True. The importance of the bulb. Like you, if like your main light went out, you'd probably replace it quick. But if you would say your closet light goes out. I don't think I would. But yeah, I'd probably just break the light i can't it's a big deal in our household because when my husband will do it he tells everyone oh i installed that light bulb hell yeah no you didn't you did not install that light you didn't you just changed it and he

he says it completely earnestly he's like oh yeah i just installed the light i'm like what he's not doing a bit oh that's even better that's better i love it i mean that is taking a tiny task and giving it a lot more importance that makes a lot of sense yeah wow yeah if i like when it really fucks you up is like in a bathroom situation where it's like a three light bulb light and like one of them goes out and then you're just like well i guess my bathroom just sucks now like that's what you like i'm never gonna change it until one of the other two goes out i'm never gonna change one light bulb heaven forbid you have to like unscrew a fixture to get forget about it if like one of three light bulbs goes out then all of a sudden it's like sublime with rome they're gonna keep touring without the lead singer.

It just doesn't matter. You have to wait till they all go out because now there's like so many different shades of light. It used to just be go buy a light bulb. Now it's like, how many lumens? Do you want these wattages? This is good for the planet. Do you want yellow, warm, cozy, or outdoor?

I'm like, what are these colors and then you go on different cozy i want cozy home depot is a whole aisle it's a whole aisle of different life some of them are like those thin ones chill out big light i'm on to you chill out yeah you know what i was doing over halloween and christmas as i went to halloween i was changing wait wait wait before you ask did you have halloween on christmas no man i'm not that twisted what are you doing i still felt i spelled twisted with an s still i was alternating purple and orange porch lights every night i would alternate purple and orange bulbs in my porch that's neat you used to do that when i was a kid wait every night very fun yeah i'd switch it every

night and then over christmas it was green and red all the light bulb every night yeah i would take the fixture off and switch it dang holy crap a whole to do you're gonna be a great dad dude did people notice like was it worth it i did that's all i was shooting for the house noticed i think i think our neighbors and like the regular walkers noticed maybe not absolutely that was a not. Absolutely. That was a gift to the neighborhood. That was a gift to the neighborhood. You could have just left them and still gotten credit. The reason I got the idea for it is we had a light, one of those things you can put in your yard

that was a spotlight on the house. So that could go from orange to purple. So I was like, what if we switch the porch light every night and alternate it? So each night it's like a weird combo of orange and purple shining on the giant spider web that we put in front of the house. I mean, this rules. This does rule. I'd take a hayride right past this house.

A little cider. Have you ever seen those light bulbs where you twist them, you twist them, you twist them, and then the last time you twist them, it's the Joker. It's the Joker face. time you twist them it's uh-huh it's the joker face yeah yeah well after it's fully twisted it turns into the joker it's fucking twisted changing the light bulb great pick kate nolan time for your first pick uh it's a it might be too general if it is please tell me and i'll give you all a backup one uh but because i have add organizing organizing a drawer or like a desk like having to take things and go through them and or just make them look not messy um sure that's it for me it's so hard to do it's impossible i enjoy doing it once it's kind of i think i start out hating it which is why that mountain seems so steep when I need to climb it.

And then when I'm in the middle of it, I start to go, well, this is kind of nice. And then by, you know, an hour into it, I'm like, I never want to do this ever again. I have to quit. So organizing. Well, when, and well, let's say it's a drawer or a desk or whatever. When I do that, I will take everything out of the drawer or whatever, like all of it out, and then I will just kind of put it. It all ends up going back in usually, but in a place.

Yeah, so that when you open the drawer, you don't have to worry about whether you'll be able to close it again and jiggle it around and try to shove whatever's in the back down. Yeah, like I don't want the scissors angled up so it stops me from opening it like I'm a child. I'm like, no, no. God, I'm getting anxiety about just like talking about that my desk drawers are insane dana has very organized ones because

i love when things are organized i hate organizing them because i just get too distracted by like oh my god is this the lanyard from the super bowl i went to three years ago oh my god let's look up and see how this thing is going on the internet let me see what they're up to and let me text this person and then i'm just like okay cool i picked up one lanyard i haven't done anything yet yeah do you know what happens when you organize a desk drawer it's oftentimes those ne'er-do-wells those fucking ne'er-do-wells shows up those cords that you don't know what they go to and then you're like i definitely need this throw them away and then it's if you throw it away the next day you're like that's what that cord was for and i need it and if you don't throw it away you never see it again never need it i have remotes to things that i don't even think i have anymore

i'm like this is a dvd player remote i don't have a dvd player so i don't know why i still have this is there a name for that that's like you know getting rid of like is there a name for when you think you're not going to need something so you get rid of it and then you need it is there a name for that oh the germans must have a word for that they didn't thing or something i think it's like one of those combination words like pocket The Germans must have a word for that. They didn't schadenfreude? How do you even say that out loud? Is it like a schadenfreude thing or something? I think it's like one of those combination words, like the Pockensohnraten.

The Germans. The Germans. They really, I mean, they did a lot of shady stuff in the 30s and 40s, but they've really made a lot of ground with silly little words for things since then. Made a lot of ground. They've really covered a lot of ground with their silly little words for things since then made a lot of they've really covered a lot

of ground with their silly little words for things yeah okay words that i always am very comfortable writing and very uncomfortable saying out loud because i'm always thinking i'm gonna do it wrong schadenfreude is that how you do that yeah schadenfreude schadenfreude did you just sing that can you do that again it's did an angel pop in for a second my goodness it's in a musical not that i know musical let me just hear it though again one more time i can't do it again sorry to put you on the spot i love it i just i wish i could sing so well it sounded so nice i thought it sounded great so anyway that's the first thing that's made me feel better all day i am down less bad now you don't do it again you're going to prison you're going to fucking prison all right

i'm gonna do it again john freuda yes man yeah that was great can you do hot pockets i just feel like you can get at it hot pockets feels good to be right i might want a hot pocket after organizing it was a bad first pick of mine but it was the pick i made it was an amazing person Hotpockets. Woo! Yeah! Feels good to be right. I might want a Hotpocket after that. That's amazing. Organizing a drawer. It was a bad first pick of mine, but it was the pick I made. It was an amazing first pick. Thank you so much.

Thank you guys. The compliments do help, believe it or not. The insane array of things that come out of that drawer. I often end up throwing a lot of stuff away. And I'm also like, why do I have 60 pens? I know. Because you like to write. Because you're a writer.

Because you're a scribe. I am a writer. You're born to scribble. Yeah. DJ Scribs. This is after getting rid of... I threw away so many pens. I love a pen, though. I love the differences in pens. I really appreciate like, oh, this is the pen when

I'm writing down a to-do list. This is the pen when I'm journaling. Best pen on the market? RSVP. Yes. RSVP. Best pen on the market. Isn'tP. Yes. RSVP, best pen on the market. Isn't RSVP wet? Is that like a wet pen? I don't like a pen that's too wet. Is it wet, would you say? No. That's a good

pen. That's a wet one. These are not the ones I use. Dan's got a uniball, not, you know, as a pen. That's a smooth ride. That's a cadillac right there mine are like the black bick very skinny ones that click i can't think of the name oh yeah i know what you're talking about or a quad color pen that's my go-to oh you like those ones oh yeah

i feel like they don't write as well yeah do you write like a toddler sometimes they don't and the green is a weird ink that i barely ever use but other than that uh i like having the ability to go red to black so i can do i pay attention to this weird ink that I barely ever use. But other than that, I like having the ability to go red to black so I can be like, pay attention to this. Weird ink. Sounds like the Joker started a corporation. Kitty's first pick was organizing a drawer or desk. Twisted. Time for my first pick.

Hot corner. I got my first and second pick. With my first pick. All right. All right. I'm going to take taking stuff to goodwill oh my god oh shit that's another that's online man i did not think of that or the light bulb wow the reason i thought of it is because in my i have a bag in the back of my car right now and it feed the whole process of it

so if i if i have to make it more specific it's going to be well i don't want to take two picks you don't have to make it more specific okay yeah i just love fucking taking stuff to goodwill i love i'm just like why do i have this what is this i don't need this and then putting in the bag and then it's gone forever you don't have to ask a question yeah probably a number of questions do you wash it before you donate it no yeah i don't know and i'm i'm asking two questions it's are you supposed to and then do you do it they wash it they do i don't know if they wash it do they well they say they do i were them i would wash it because it's like why would you trust that people are washing their clothes either way you're gonna wash it when you buy it from goodwill right so it So it's like, it's getting washed.

Yeah, but I would imagine that some of the things that people get from Goodwill, they don't have the opportunity to wash it. So I want to make sure it's clean, but then I don't know if I'm wasting my time.

I've definitely thrown a shirt on right out of the store from Goodwill. I've done that a bunch. I'm wearing it out. Yeah, I used to like, when I buy sheets, I used to be like,

yeah, I'll wash them before I put them on. And now I'm like, they're as clean as they're ever going to be in this house. Nothing goes from my body to Goodwill, but stuff goes from closet to Goodwill

without washing. I won't wash it again just to take it to Goodwill. When we were moving out of the fortress, I took a couple bags down to Goodwill and they turned me away. They said they weren't accepting anything. This was back in August. With COVID, they stopped taking stuff. There was a dude standing out there that makes sense well it was because

they were full it wasn't because of covid it was because they were full that makes a lot of sense oh but i think they were full because people like had all the time at home where they were people were emptying out all their shit i just i've never been a big swath of this i've used swath now twice in this podcast um what's too fancy to donate like is there a ceiling nothing for me nothing yeah i am james corden's goodwill when it comes to his fancy stuff to donate yeah oh that's awesome that's awesome to have that to have me down from a person that you're like yeah that's i'll take that it's i have a closet full of gucci jackets where i'm like i can't wear these yes you can wear these everywhere

you go i gotta get them tailored we are gonna wear them hold on one second sean your hair looks incredible right now yeah it does i'm glad katie's having a great moment is he going to get a gucci jacket i also didn't even mean like how expensive like what expensive is too expensive i mean like formal dresses do you donate though what do you do with those yeah i don't that's another way women get hosed is like you have to it's like for weddings they have to buy these dresses that they're only supposed to wear one time when a dude can wear a suit yes thank you so much for recognizing that especially because keep going once you're in a picture with that dress it's like well i can't wear this dress again damn dude i love that on you what do you mean you can't wear that?

Incredible. Jesus. Captain Carmel. You look awesome. Jesus, dude. It's a shark. It's a shark? It's a shark.

It looks like roses. For all the listeners, Ian's wearing a graphic Joker tee right now. How is that a shark? It looks like roses. Are you sure it's a shark? It's a shark and roses. It's hard to see. Yeah, it is. It's not going. It's a shark and roses. It's hard to see. Yeah,

it is. It's not going to show up on the zoom screen. It's so rich that you can't see it over the internet. You have to see it in person. I see the shark now. Okay. God. Cool.

I mean, it doesn't make sense, but it looks awesome. Yeah. I have to get the sleeves let out a little bit. Yeah. My reach. I'm a plus three.

I'm not a plus three. I think you got that wingspan. I got wingspan. And then it's a little, it it's a little loose but i can get that taken in oh yeah how's it how's it feel to say that feels fucking great that's never i zoomed right past like where these would fit perfectly which is that's crazy crazy that is crazy these so for these I am James Corden's goodwill Which is nice It's nice to have that friend That's so awesome

Shout out to him Do you donate shoes? Can you donate shoes to Goodwill? I'm just using this as an information gathering session For my future donations They need kind of everything As long as it's not blown to shit. Any number of things because there's so many people

who go there for like... But not socks. Oh, there's underwear. I've never donated underwear, but you can. Underwear? No, I don't think. At Savers, I'm thinking of Savers, not Goodwill, but Savers in Sioux Falls, they have like an underwear rack where there's underwear. No.

Straight up underwear. Like on hangers? Yeah. Stop it. You only put an underwear on a hanger when you've shit your pants and you need to dry them out. Oh my god. It's the only time you should be hanging up underpants is after you rinse them under the bathtub. Yeah, they're hanging up at Savers,

man. I don't know about Goodwill, but somebody hit me if you're listening to Sioux Falls. Go to Savers and take a picture if they're still underwear and i'll tag it's a weird thing to request through the internet take a picture of the underwear available and i've been requested and then hit us up on our socials yeah like and smash bro like and smash um oh sorry go no please i just a future draft should be uh maybe it's too specific but like worst types of people because uh one of the worst types of people are the people who steal from the donation bins that happens yeah it's like they there's places who like go in to see if there's anything in there

of value and then they'll sometimes they won't even throw the bag back in they'll just throw it out and so it's like clothes that were being donated but then other times i'm like oh well if they really needed them then it's not it's like as long as it's going to somebody who needs it but i think there are people who go in take the bags out steal the stuff that's nice that they can resell to like a buffalo exchange or whatever yeah and then don't put the clothes back in the bag where's types of people this is very funny i just checked the pockets of this jacket what's in the pocket it's it's wick grosbeck's card what the managing partner and governor of the celtics and then paul a paul mccartney guitar pick tight i mean see that'd be funny to get like if somebody got that a goodwill they'd be like what

what's in this famous person's pocket is a fun game that's wild so funny what's up with cards why are we still doing them i know i don't so you can give them to james corden at a paul mccartney concert apparently where are all the business cards that you've acquired in your life because mine are in a pile on my dresser they're in a drawer that i had to organize them and throw threw away yeah i think i've thrown all mine away They're in a drawer that I had to organize and then threw away. Yeah, I think I've thrown all mine away. I keep them for like six months to a year and then I look at them and I'm like,

well, nothing happened. And then I toss them. The business card industry hates Marie Kondo because those things are getting tossed immediately. There's no reason for them to be there. Because of this one weird trick. My second pick, I'm going to take, I could probably get that later.

All right. Well, I hope you don't. Okay. I'm going to take, I'm going to take, I'm going to go full, a full fucking laundry blowout.

Damn it. All right. Yeah. I'm doing a full laundry. I'm not talking about like, Ooh, I just need, Ooh,

I need like three pairs of underwear for the week. And then I'll be good. I'm talking about like, you haven't done it for a month and you're wearing like swim trunks and a wet suit top. Two mismatching stance socks that you got at a comedy festival

eight years ago. Bathing suited underwear as underwear is normal for me now. It's just like same diff. Who gives a shit? It's the same thing. And then you just have it like everything. You do it like different. You have enough whites to just wash whites. You know what I mean? Like one of those situations.

Yeah. Which never happens. I've never done that. Yeah. Yeah. That's every time I do laundry. I wait till it's apocalyptic and then I'm like, let's do this. It feels so good.

And I'm talking about the full, because I'm guilty of, I'm the guy and I have to get better at this. I like the dryer is like one of my dresser drawers you know what i mean like you leave them in there yeah when we lived when sean and i lived together i would get dressed out of the i would shower and then walk to the dryer and just get dressed out of the dryer it was so funny i mean yeah putting this stuff away sucks putting it next pick was going to be putting your laundry away. But I can't. You can pick it still. No, no, no.

I'm talking about a full laundry. I'm just saying I was going to go even smaller. The act of putting it out. I'm sitting right next to a hamper that's just been full of folded laundry. I just don't. Putting it away is like. Yeah. If you don't pick it, someone's going to pick that. I know. I've already got a pick that's going to. Oh, the putting it away is like, yeah. If you don't pick it, I'm going, someone's going to pick that.

I know, I've already got a pick that's going to. Oh, the putting it away too, it's the whole thing? Yeah, full laundry blowout. We're not listening, full laundry blowout. Don't yell at me. Thank you, Katie. Jesus. It's not yelling, it's talking closer to the microphone.

All right. This is yelling. Yeah. This is his Midwestern-ness coming out out where i was the first jew he ever met where he thinks that any kind of talking above above this level is like yelling you should see me get a curt text message i'll like i'll swerve off the road it's crazy if somebody says okay you're like if someone is even mildly to the point in a text message i like i faint i'm just like oh no oh no oh no

it's i've had to reassure you so many times just based on where like i'll send a text me like i love sean and then like an hour or two later are you mad at me yeah yeah it's yeah that's on me now though i should know better i should know better than to do with anything i like anyway yes full laundry blowout man i'm with you full laundry blowout just folding it putting it away open like knowing when you get out of the shower oh i know where all my clothes are i don't have to go like look for for underwear you know what i mean on like some safari uh god you know what bothers me i lost a shirt i i don't lose things and i there's a trailblazing shirt the bugs and taz trailblazing shirt i do not know where it is and it is pissing me off if you want a 3x one, I got you.

I don't. I mean, I do, but I want to wear one. I'd be swimming in that. It is so infuriating when I lose something. As a person who loses things, I've got like three options to run through with you right now if you need. Is it in a car that you drove? I don't think so. Okay.

Would it be in an old suitcase or bag that you didn't take it out of? You know, it might be in my Away brand travel bag that I have right here. I will check that. I'd check that. Promo code, get buck, stay buck, everything is dank. That's a lot of words, but no spaces. Isn't it get buck, stay buck, everything is dank 10? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The word ten, not the number. The word ten. One of the Bs is capitalized, and I don't know which one, but one of the Bs is capitalized. That's one of them. Try them all. Every permutation.

One B. One of them. Permutation, too. There's some great words getting thrown on this podcast. I just want to pause and recognize that. Thank you so much. It's something I've learned over the last years. Just, boy, do I love words.

They're so cool. Word up to that. That's fun. Right? That's right. I just had a fun thing. Yeah. That's fun. The English language, it's something i've learned over the last years just boy oh i love words they're so cool word up to that that's right i just had a fun thing yeah english language it's a real you know what i mean it's a watercolor paintbrush set and you just kind of dip it dip your brush in the water and get at it uh katie nolan time for your second pick it is and it's also funny because it was a great transition i'm gonna pick unpacking your suitcase unpack Unpacking. Why does it take so long? It takes so long. I genuinely don't do it. It's an audio medium. If it wasn't, I would pull out the three suitcases to my right

that are still packed from when I went to, one of them is from Sloan, which was right before the pandemic happened. I'm still packed. Are you talking about E's girlfriend from the show Entourage Sloan or the Sloan Sports Conference? I went to see her for a light lunch

and I packed back and it's still I don't like unpacking but I will say when you go to a hotel I've started becoming that person that unpacks. And what do you do? You feel like yeah, hell yeah I'm an adult and hell yeah I did it.

So it really is one of those tasks that's like ew to do but once it an adult and hell yeah i did it yeah so it really is one of those tasks that's like ew to do but once it's done right when i get to a hotel i will find the i will plug in both my chargers computer and phone and i will set up all my toiletries and i will put all my clothes where i want them like in an area of the room we all just said that we do too wow incredible it's such a great feeling i go like. I palm everything in my suitcase and I go, and then it's all around the room and I can still see it all. You know, it's kind of like. Yeah.

But see, you just turned 30. So you've got time. I hope. I didn't start becoming an unpacker until that trip to Paris I did. And I was like, this rules. I'm going to do this all the time. I remember that trip to Paris. Your room was so dope.

That was the time that I was like, you know what? I'm going to buy a hotel room that people think that I usually would stay in because normally I'm like, let me find a deal. And this one I was like, let me ball out one time. It was amazing. I've been to Paris twice and seeing pictures of your hotel

room was my best trip to Paris. Oh my God, it was awesome. And it'll never happen again, but I loved it. So shout out to Paris. Because you insulted the French cultural minister and now you're banned from the entire country, right? We've all been there though. You said Les Mis, more like Les Jizz. Get it out of here.

Which was a great pun, I thought. I thought it was funny. I liked it. And I meant get it out of here. Like that's what you do with, it's fine. Everything's fine. Someday they'll let me back in. Yeah.

And if not there at least the principality of monaco right well it takes me so long to unpack a bag it will sit in and now that i live with dana it happens faster but it's still like two weeks yeah yeah it would just no urgency it's like a drawer it's an outside drawer it's like remember when you were in high school and they did construction on your school so they had to make you like pod classrooms that you just treated as class? That's what a suitcase is. So I'm like, it's just a drawer, but it's in a different spot. I unpack at home right when I get home.

So if I'm on a trip, before I can calm down, I have to unpack and get all the dirty stuff has to go in the dirty clothes. All the clean stuff that I didn't wear has to go back in the drawers. I everything I have to unpack everything i have to sean's got this functional anxiety where like i just used to eat 16 000 calories and smoke weed yeah i can't i can't like if i tried to go to sleep it would be so hard for me to do if i still had unless everything is completely still packed like you're saying that if i did all the things that nag at me all day that I'd have a better time falling asleep? Is that what's keeping me up?

Probably. Es posible. I'll investigate that three days from now. I couldn't possibly get to that. I have a long schedule. Can't be bothered. You'll unpack that in about a week? Yeah.

Ashley, time for your second pick. Okay. My next pick will be cleaning out the fridge because when you wipe down the fridge, it's like, holy shit, what did I just do? Yeah. Who am I? It's like building Rome in a day. You're like, I did it. Why couldn't they?

Yeah, and I only do it like once every few months or whatever. So it gets like nasty. And that way when you do it, it's like- Me too, definitely not like once a year. Yeah. I mean, I'm lying. It's,

it's just that I move so much that like I typically, you know, yeah. Here's something I'm never ready for when I get out some hot, like some salsa from the back of the fridge. And I'm like, 2015. This is fire.

All the things I used to dunk on my parents for, I was like, Ooh, the salad dressing is from three years ago. And now I'm like, okay, well those are leftovers that are in a Tupperware that was expensive. So what now? parents for i was like oh this salad dressing is from three years ago and now i'm like okay well those are leftovers that are in a tupperware that was expensive so what now i just forgot it was

back there two different presidents ago not even the other most recent president it's always for me one sad pickle in a jar of juice that's been back there for two years that i was like why is it always that because you want to eat the pickle but you know that it's not a good pickle so you're like when i'm gonna leave that until the day i'm desperate for a pickle and that day never comes and then it's too late and then you have just a shriveled up pickle in your jar yeah sometimes i i'm like oh i'll save the jalapeno juice to like make a dressing yeah and then like three years later i'm like did you get around making that dressing i've never made a dressing yeah and then like three years later i'm like

i've never made a dressing before so why would i do that there's things i know when i'm putting them in i'm like all i'm doing is putting this in so i can throw it away in six months right now we have some frosting some some blue frosting yeah in a little tupperware thing in our freezer it feels weird to throw away like it feels wasteful yes Yes, it feels wasteful. But you're also like, what am I going to do with this? Why am I going to use blue frosting again within the next however many months? There's been kale I bought that I was like, I should

just throw this out at the grocery store. I'm not eating this. Pay for it. Here, can you toss it? I should just pay for it. Vegetables for me. I just forget that I have them. I don't use my fridge that much. I am, again, dirt bag.

Stop being surprised when I tell you the reasons why. I am at the point where like every meal I eat is from somebody else's kitchen dropped off at my doorstep. I just don't use my kitchen like that. So then sometimes I'll open my fridge for something and I'll be like, oh my God, I totally forgot I had food in here. But now it's bad. So. Yeah. Clean out the fridge, man.

Clean out the fridge. It's a big one. Clean it out. That's so good. And then giving it the fucking, the polish too, like on the inside. Oh, that's not, I might do that today. Treating it with respect for a week. Yeah.

The outside of like stainless fridges i'll speak for myself here is gets like disgusting like finger like i'm like what am i touching before i touch this fridge like why am i so greasy a monster yeah so like wiping that down throwing away the pictures of other people's kids that have been up there for too long christmas cards in like June. Proper grimy. It gets proper grimy, eh? Eh? Yeah.

All right, proper grimy. Trainers. Trainers. Broves. University. It's been a while since we really isolated our British listeners. It's good to get it back in there. Brove.

I'm going to pick organizing the text messages and photos on your phone like not organized so going through and deleting text messages that you don't need i auto i auto delete all of my texts are sent directly to the library of congress you guys don't have that yeah it's minor archived somewhere wow uh yeah and then you know like when you took a photo of like your uh your i don't know your gauges outside to show someone the numbers be like this is i don't know you know just random shit where you like take a photo for like a note and then all of a sudden your phone's full so you just go through and like purge all the recipes i don't need i'll never do i'll never make god the thing i'd wanted to say on a podcast but forgot to think of during the podcast because why was that why would i be looking at my camera roll during a podcast referencing your note yeah

why'd i take a screenshot so i don't forget it i forgot it and now i have no space on my fucking phone yeah god that's such a good one i I'm pissed. I did this at Buffalo Exchange a couple times where I'd take a picture of a label of a shirt because I was looking for a certain kind of fit. And then I would go home and be like, is this the same kind of label as this shirt that fits the right way? And if it was, I'd go, it's like a tri-blend American apparel shirt as well. But I needed to make sure that it was like the same. Because all these comedy festivals, they would have these shirts that fit perfectly. Not

that it's a bad thing, but I'd say like, you know, Bridgetown Comedy Festival, huge on it. Sometimes I don't want that. I want just like a plainer. I've got this Bridgetown shirt that fits like a fucking dream. Oh my and it's from like 2008. It's amazing. Yeah, the comedy festivals really figured

something out with fitting shirts. I, a lot of them, they're just like, they have great shirts and it's, so now it's like, I don't know. I probably have like 10,

15 comedy festival shirts that are just in the regular rotation. Yeah. Yeah. I've done a lot of festivals. No big deal. He's a working comedian. Yeah. Damn.

I never do this. I will sometimes delete videos on my phone because those take up a lot of room, but I've never erased a text, I don't think. How do you have storage? How do you have storage? What about your threads? You've never erased our threads, our bruv threads? I've never erased. No.

I just have a giant, I have a lot of storage on my phone. Oh, we get it. He's on TV. I wake up to the Dirt Chickens thread with like, we'll have like a hundred texts from through the night just from people talking about applebee's or whatever so if i don't delete it my phone fills up the phone before this one i had that this problem like my it was so much that i couldn't delete texts without my phone freezing because it was trying to go through all the texts to delete them so when i got this, because I'm a sentimental person and if you let me hold on to things forever, I will. Yeah.

I set it to automatically delete after a few weeks so that it would clear the space so I wouldn't have to think about it. And now I'll get people who text me that are like, man, if you look back at our text history, it's just me texting. And I'm like, I see nothing. So don't feel any type of way about it.

There's no texts in our history. Wow. I have like people's addresses and birthdays in my text history where i just have to be like okay there it is you know that's my mom's address i'm never gonna find it so i just i search a lot in i messages there's a lot of searching every day damn but every day that's a lot of deleting what are you looking for so yeah kind of pur purging the photos and texts on the phone. Excellent pick. Sean dappled Sean Jordan.

Sean dappled Sean Jordan. And your third pick? Yes, sir. Dusting. Yeah, dude. You're stealing all the good ones. I know, that was my next pick. It sucks. I just, that one is on the top of the list because we, like with Max, we had to like,

you just want the the crib clean and that was one where i'm like i haven't dusted in a minute and then you it's just so easy you get a duster out we have a duster and it just is a swipe you can see it you can see what you've done yeah immediately and then you're like holy shit it does make you realize how gross everything is though gross you one swipe of the duster and you're like oh everything is disgusting except for this one swiped area but you know it's quick easy shout out swiffer i don't know that they get enough credit for changing the dusting game because when growing up dusting was like you had an old rag that was usually like your dad's old t-shirt yeah you'd have to spray it with like oil on it you're just like bro and like rub it on it was that sucked it was like wet dusting it was

really strange but swiffer was like static and we were like yes yes yeah man just uh dusting dusting up dusting off cleaning the dust i went from never dusting to having a housekeeper that was my that was my journey as a person a housekeeper but like once a week kind of thing and now i never i never have to dust yeah i need that it was funny i tried it's it's tough when there's when you actually have a home like i've never had like tons of stuff until now i'm starting to accumulate things but i've always been like sort of nomadic if you will and uh to accumulate things but i've always been like sort of nomadic if you will and uh when we were when we were at the fortress ian had like things on the shelves and a couple times as i wasn't working for months i'd be like i'm gonna dust i'm gonna do the house of solid and

dust and real quick i'm like oh this sucks dude because you'd have to pick every single thing up i remember when i was little i used to dust around it in my room and my mom would come in and pick the thing up and be like, you cheated. And I'm like, what are you, whatever. I'm a kid.

Somebody forgot to dust under Bart Simpson, didn't they? And you're like, damn it, mom. Whatever. That's new dust. That's just got there.

That must have just got there. That probably fell off you when you picked it up. Yeah, you brought that. You planted that on me. Get the fuck out of here, mom. Whoa, hard to watch. I'm about to celebrate halloween on christmas do you ever see someone turn it up on their parents a little too much too quick and you're like whoa whoa whoa yes don't don't talk to your

mom like that i had a lot of friends like that growing up and i was like um yeah that exact face you're making is exactly you're just like no i'm not i'm not with him i'm not with your kid take that out on him i disagree with the way he's acting as well just take that out on him hey are you gonna mow the lawn fuck you and they slam the door you're like what what happened last night that i didn't see i don't co-sign i don't co-sign can i have some cookies i'm not here to co-sign i think people should raise their kids however they want or feel comfortable you know what i mean that's not my business it's certainly not my business but there are times when I'm grateful that Ivan Carmel

less than five times took a hand on my backside I got spanked I got spanked and honestly it was for the best it's for the best for me it was for the best I needed to be reined in a little bit

a little bit I was always like yeah i never did i was always like yeah i never really popped off to mom i'd gotten some trouble but i never like i popped off at two i popped off before i i knew words and my mom had to be like okay my mom had to like sit on me to keep me from having these freakouts but it was like a loving sit uh it was more of a restraint yes of course and that taught me to you know then by the time I was of age to say words I didn't say most of them because I

knew that she's had the power so I never popped off to my mother but I think that's like a you put if you're a boy maybe you pop off to your dad more than to your mom and vice versa oh I popped off to my dad I popped off to my dad a lot I would have had to drive to California and find my dad to pop off to him would have loved to pop off to him my dad could popped off my dad a lot oh you did i would have had to drive to california and find my dad to pop off to him i'll tell you what i love to pop off to him my dad could or my mom could

wield an amount of guilt that would kill a fucking bull moose it was crazy i would be a bad kid and then she would like send me to my room and then she would show up at my door 20 minutes later crying like i don't know what i did to make you act like that. And then I would just like collapse like a fucking flan. Yeah, that is like a mom and son thing, I think. That's similar to like what my mom and brother's life is like, whereas mine is like the fear of God. Yeah, my brother never popped off. My mom loves my brother so much and they just have the best relationship. Good for them congrats

cool i love my mommy ashton time for your third pick it is are you sure i'm sure um okay well let's see what do i have left after that smattering by sean still like shit um this is well you know what this counts as a chore for me yeah i have to take vitamins and adaptogens every day what is that second word you said adaptogens what is that oh girl yeah we all know but but what Katie doesn't. Girl. What is that? Adaptogens are like magic powders and mostly mushrooms that make you like not a piece of shit anymore. Really? Well, you do drugs every day, but you have a fun way to say it. Cocaine and mushrooms?

You make drugs sound like medicine and I love this. Yeah. There's all different kinds that have different effects. You can put them in your food. I just put them in water and chug them. Can you name one so I can be like, I've heard of that. Yeah. There's all different kinds that have different effects. You can put them in your food. I just put them in water and chug them. Can you name one so I can be like, I've heard of that. Yes. Lorenzo.

Ashwagandha. Oh, not give it a name. Only the name one. The name? Lorenzo. There's Ashwagandha. What? There's...

Oh, yeah. I take Ashwagandha. See? See? I think I follow her on Twitter. I don't understand what this is. What else? Wait, wait. Okay. Let me show you. They're like a little powder. Okay. Where do you buy this? From a person that you have to send a text to or is it in like a store?

I get mine online. They're legal. Yeah, they're legal. These aren't like nootropics, are they? Mucuna? No. No, but I do nootropics too. You do alpha brain? Yeah. I mean, and so I take vitamins.

I take adaptogens. I take nootropics and I just like go ham. And I know I'm going to have like a good day when I do that, but it's hard to get myself to do it. That makes sense. It's like an obstacle. And I have to eat when I take my vitamins because I'll like puke. So it's like a whole thing where I'm like, I have to like eat a piece of vitamins because I'll like puke so it's like a whole thing

where I'm like I have to like eat a piece of bread while I do this I am so curious I have so many questions but I don't want to pry into your life oh I mean pry away girl what how when did you figure out your it's like skincare routines to me I'm like I some people have fully fleshed out ones and I'm like oh god where do you start but now i have one but how did you figure out that you wanted or needed i don't take i have add also and adderall like changed my life but also there's so many bad things to adderall so yeah what are the like natural adderalls out there so i got ginkgo biloba um yeah it kind of slaps. It only works for like an hour and then I'm like, okay, well that was over. But these, I was

and I also just feel myself getting dumber every single day. I relate to that. Just Googling like, why am I so dumb now? And yeah, it was like, dude, you gotta get these adaptions for focus, for brain health, for stimulation, like you're

just gonna be like firing on all cylinders um they do like a bunch of things like mood mood stabilizers stabilizers what's that like mine is pretty stable it's just very low all the time it maintains a very low frequency you need this one you need makuna then like shit. Makuna Matata is what I say. Hey, what a wonderful phrase. I started having really bad panic attacks during the, like I would wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing and being like, and my doctor, it was terrible. And meditating helped a lot. But then also I have these like supplements. I take like a stress B complex and like ashwagandha and like some other

things and valerian that like really really really helped because i i have xanax but i hate what xanax does i it's fun for like it's fun but if you have to do anything yeah you're like impossible impossible i had to take one because i had a panic attack and then i had to go beyond the show on because i'm on the on the late late shows like the sidekick. Right. And I had no bullets in the gun. I had nothing. He would just like take his annex.

I had to take his annex. And then he would be like, isn't that right? And then I'd be like, what do you think? And you're like, I don't have a panic attack. Just thinking about it for you. Yeah, man. Oh, my God. That's horrible.

Yeah, that's crazy, James. That's crazy. That's crazy, dude. That's crazy. That is crazy, dude. That's crazy. That's calming. Oddly, but yeah,

it's wild. Damn. No, yeah. No crazy. For real. For real. I take all mine at the same time in the morning.

Cause I have to take a blood pressure medication every day. And so I'm like, all right, cram all the rest of these in too. Yeah. Do it all in a big routine. One pill swoop. Nahop there we go man as i'm starting to wake up more i'm like boy oh boy i'm really sorry i did i've subjected you guys to this face today

katie i don't want to all right i've had about enough of this yeah it's enough you are drop dead gorgeous and i will not hear another word. You guys, what the... I thought we were friends. If we're friends, you can just say that this is a gross face. I got a gross face today. We're not going to lie. It's okay. Don't ask us to lie. Ay, vey. All right.

I actually like it more when you don't wear makeup. I actually like it more when you don't wear makeup. Don't make me marry you. Don't make me do it. Naturally beautiful. Okay, this is exactly what I wanted, to drag down the podcast with this. You know what's a chore? compliments can i draft that yeah actually that would be really good yeah you definitely could do it the next bit okay my i'm not gonna draft taking compliments i'm gonna take

vacuuming oh yeah oh fuck i'm gonna take vacuum especially when you have a dog because she's a scared little brat. Anytime she sees a machine that vaguely resembles an animal, and I mean barely, she just thinks she's got to fight it. Vacuuming is fun, too. It's not bad. And what I love about vacuuming, I imagine it's like mowing your lawn in that the evidence that you did it remains. Yeah. It's like, check out those fresh lines dog i just vacuumed that yeah yeah but i don't have that much carpet anymore and i wish i did yeah

because you when you vacuum they say you can vacuum hardwood you just feel like a dork and honestly shout out to carpet i'm a big carpet girl and i know that's kind of a hot take nowadays but i'm a carpet girl in a carpet world yeah like just laying on some carpet is oh that sounds like a that's got to be a sex term of some right laying down some carpet it has yeah i mean i don't know what it is with your eyes open yeah i like it's gotta be i support it i'm on open. Yeah, I like it. It's gotta be. I support it. I'm on its team. We have rugs. So we have wood floors and big rugs in each room.

So I do a little of the vacuum, the rugs, and then I get the extension and I kind of go in the corners of the wood. You released an album under the name Big Rugs, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. We have rugs. They're fun. I love vacuum.

It's right. I like seeing the back one. Growing growing up only 90s kids will understand but growing up uh the house was like all carpet and i just used to fucking love seeing the lines and like seeing how the carpet looked different like a zamboni yeah it was a zamboni effect it was like a house zamboni i was like this is neat you ever seen a carpeted bathroom i've never seen one but i've seen a carpeted kitchen and i was like this is wrong it's wrong it's wrong it's wrong fuck that a kitchen's actually even worse like my kitchen floor gets pretty nasty such a bummer dude bath mats i'm like you gotta wash those a lot i mean i don't know if this is just my boy that i live

with but the piss goes everywhere you guys really should be better at pissing just sit down i sit down all the time all the time i sit down when i'm at home piss down the side of the toilet bowl i'm like how is this my problem the ring around the bottom of the toilet is like get it together dude i think and i feel like i gotta be sympathetic because Dan's really tall so the distance to the toilet makes a splash I don't know but you guys piss everywhere I stand on top of the sink I make it harder for myself

I just go in the sink that way it saves the toilet bowl from all the trouble like artisan like the bartending mixology piss behind my back. It's fun. Our bedroom bathroom, the ceiling is angled as such

that I can't stand and pee reasonably. So every time I get up at night to pee, I have to sit down. So I've just taken to sitting down at home. So I just have to do something to the ceiling of my bathroom to make this man sit down so that I don't have to.

I'll tell you, throwing up today, I was like, oh, God, there's piss in this toilet. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a bummer when you have to puke into the poop ring. Yeah. But he doesn't drink, so he doesn't think of that. He doesn't think that somebody's face may be close to this toilet. Well, he's gotten food poisoning, right? He's barfed.

I bet Dan's barfed. I bet he's barfed. Yeah, he's allergic to scallops. We've all barfed. So he's barfed from those, he's allergic to scallops. We've all barfed. So he's barfed from those. Poor guy. Vacuuming. Time for my third and fourth picks.

The third pick, I'm going to take, I'm just going to latch onto the one you just took. I'm going to take mowing the lawn, something I miss desperately. I have a lawn again, but I also have a yard guy, so I don't mow the lawn anymore. But growing oh i fucking loved mowing the lawn i love there was a period where i hated it yeah i was gonna say that that came first yeah where i hated it at first and then i got into the it's that principle you just talked about where i'm like i can see what i just did

there's there's something like tactile can, I can really like with comedy and all that stuff. You're like, you do it and it's all in your head or any kind of like show business, a lot of any kind of thing where you just work with your brain. I think really you do something and then it's there again tomorrow. And there's never a feeling of having made anything or accomplishing anything and mowing a lawn. You're just like, I just fucking did it. Look, I can walk back outside and see that i did something that is really and it looks different because i did it like and like i just love that feeling it smells great dude i went hard in the yard the other day yep and then you

can put a chair right in the middle of the freshly mowed lawn and sit there for a second be like this is dope you can't i went through a little period where when i first started mowing lawns i was stoked because i was operating machinery i was like i felt like a big kid then i didn't like it for a while because it was tedious and now i love it it's like the best i think i would really love to ride and mow alone oh my god like i'm the person that goes golfing just to drive the cart i think i would like driving a mower but unfortunately i don't have a single outdoor space that belongs to me because i live in a city yeah if you want to come out to la spend a week mowing my lawn i'll get i'll rent a john deere i mean that sounds like

are you asking me something it sounds like something else but if you ask if you're me if you mean literally what you're saying then i would love to do that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what if i mean it figuratively but we know it's not sexual and then you just have to fly blind and and only find out what the euphemism is okay cool cool cool my fourth pick is going to be paying all your bills oh my god that's fun in so many ways when you can do it yeah the whole of them i mean seriously when you're able to do that i i think it gets this is a privilege take in a way it's not harder to pay them when you have the money but it is there's a feeling but when when i was broke and i'd be like oh should i have that bill outstanding and i would think about it a lot yeah because i was like i

gotta get the money i to pay that thing off. But now- You don't want to say it because it makes you sound like a dick, but you almost sometimes forget about them. You forget about bills because I have a cushion. And then I'm like, oh shit, I owe my doctor or whatever.

Not even like a $13 copay that ends up becoming $100 and digging my credit. Because you're a dick who just keeps forgetting to pay it because i just keep forgetting it i just like see the i'll see the mail and i'd be like i know i gotta call and then throw it away and then just like and then it's like we have to send this to collections if you don't pay it and i'm like oh yeah yeah i'll take care of that and then like i can it's not out of the realm of possibility for me that i'm gonna get like arrested for tax evasion. And it's just going to be because I forgot.

I forgot. I'm so sorry. I thought I paid that. I could have sworn. Completely. Yeah. And when I finally do it, when I sit down and I, it's like, even especially if you have to mail a check still. Get out of here.

We've got stamps. I'm not going to do it. No, I'm going to do it. We got to mail rent, right? Don't, doesn't everyone have to mail rent or house payments? Don't you have to mail this? check still get out of here we've got stamps i'm not gonna do it no i'm gonna do it we gotta mail rent right don't doesn't everyone have to mail rent or house payments don't you have to mail this i own bitch yeah sam don't you have to mail a mortgage or can you just do it on uh on rocket mortgage do it online i didn't know that i did not refinance that felt like i owned the world look at you with your stamps are they they forever? Stamps. Forever stamps.

Wow. That's a lot of forever stamps. That is like pulling out a Rolex. Well, some of those are acid taps. A lot of them are acid taps. Every third one. Some of them are bold.

A lot of them. Do you get those from a promo code on stamps.com from like a Simmons podcast? Yeah. Promo code. I'm always using

Bill Simmons promo codes. Yeah. It's what you do do and then they use your ideas you know what you can cut it out you can cut it out you can leave it in uh stamps.com promo code all of a sudden they start doing drafting paying all your bills i fucking love it it just feels so good it feels so good to get out of the way and then i can forget about it for another three months i think you're only supposed to forget about for another month and then you're

supposed to think about it again but you know what then i have the emergency thing like once every three months i'm like oh shit oh shit oh shit they're gonna turn the lights off the amount of time the power got shut off wow I was a working television writer is embarrassing. I mean, shout out auto pay. But at the same time, it's like when the auto pay, when your card expires, you got to go back through and try to find out what you're about to not auto pay. That sucks. They wouldn't let you put it on auto pay. No.

This power company. You had to pay it every month and they wouldn't let you put it on auto pay. I've watched him try three or four times. That feels yucky. That feels like they just want you to forget. It feels like bad business practices. It feels like a monopoly because it's not like you could go to somebody else for power.

Just take a breath. Calm down. It'll be alright. That's a repeat too. Everyone's nodding in the affirmative that that was funny. They're just not acknowledging it with their voice. But yes doing everyone's nodding in the affirmative that that was funny they're just not acknowledging it with their voice but yes everybody's nodding for everybody listening everyone agrees that was funny that joke is a chore kenny nolan what's the chore that makes you feel good about a tiny chore that i did normally i'm operating off of

a list but i told you down bad today so let me think you know what um dishes is dishes too vague no no absolutely right on my list yeah by dishes do you mean the four of us that's right i sure do full plates a whole meal snacks on snacks no i mean the things you eat food off of oh yeah yeah yeah do you like can i ask you if you have a preference because for me me, it's very glaringly obvious, like, which one I fucking hate and which one I love. Do you have a preference between loading and unloading, or is it a combo that you like both? I don't, I don't, how about I don't like both? I don't like either. Oh, yeah, true.

I guess you don't have to like both. I tend to load as I go. So, like, if I use, like, like both. I tend to load as I go. So like if I use a dish, I'll just toss that in there. I think you have to give yourself more credit than you give yourself because you've said a couple things that I'm inspired by. One of them is that.

Oh, damn. My mom used to say to me, she used to bully me into doing it. She's like, I don't understand. You put the fork in the sink. Just put it there instead. And so I didn't like being

bullied, so I just put it in. And now I bully Dan. I'm like, I don't understand! Right, just put it in! So it's, you know, the circle of abuse. But yeah, I don't like unloading because I always get the bug bite like to do it at a time when dan's asleep and then i feel guilty where i'm like clanging

and banging while this guy's trying to yeah you ever tried to do it quietly and you're like this is like 20 minutes yeah my dad does that when i come home for the holidays where he'll do it at six in the morning and i'm like dad i can hear all of it every little piece of it did you have to drop each fork in from 10 centimeters above the drawer one at a time i hate the loading and unloading but i love after a big dinner i love knocking out pots and pans i'm a big fan of that i like washing i think washing dishes is fun and i don't actually like having a dishwasher but yeah that's inspiring to me. I hate unloading a dishwasher. It's like I'm going to walk all over this place and put these things all over the place.

For God's sakes, let me stand in one place when I do my chore. I do a dish. If I use a plate, I just do the dish. Now I've heard that using a dishwasher uses less water, so now I'll load the dishwasher. That's like butter margarine. We go back and forth every forth every year like this is good it's actually bad this is good this is bad so now i'm using the dishwasher but before i would just like i would wash my dishes immediately put them in the dryer and like the drying thing immediately yeah and just have it done i like that philosophy but i guess annoying thing about my house is that my current house is and by house i mean condo. What am I talking about?

The dish strainer thing, the dryer. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The lip, like I don't, my sink has a lip, so I can't, it doesn't work properly. I can't do, you know, you're supposed to put the drainer over the sink so the water goes down. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It gets the counter wet. It's like got this dumb lip on it, and so it just, they sit on this, and then my counter gets wet.

It sucks. It's like such a small annoyance that I'm like, every time I'm like, fuck you. got this dumb lip on it and so it just they sit on this and then my counter gets wet it sucks it's like such a small annoyance that i'm like every time i'm like fuck you why are you like this the other thing about your condo it's haunted by a doacula i wasn't gonna tell people that but yeah i guess it is so we're gonna get to Ashton's next pick right after we take a short break. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by policy genius, policy genius. I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick.

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Ashton, time for your fourth pick all right uh I'm gonna I'm gonna do another chore that is not cleaning related um sex yes girlfriend uh damn calling a relative like making a call that, you know, like, Oh, I need to call my grandma. I need to call my grandma. That's the best pick so far. Thank you. Cause that you're right. That I feel terrible when I look at that, like,

I feel horrible. Yeah. And then once it's done, you're like, I am the nicest. I'm very good at communicating. I just love my family. friends yeah i'm really full of love you just go get a blizzard you're like i'm gonna get hammered tonight i earned it i earned

it you're like you know what we're gonna get we're gonna get taco bell tonight because i called my grandmother so i worked today because i called my dying grandmother in the hospital oh it's so yeah it's crazy it's insane and also it's always lovely talking to her whenever i call my grandma it's never the thing that you think it's gonna be where she's like why haven't you called me yeah it's like hi sweets yeah i mean i don't know my grandmothers are all dead but i bet it's like that right yeah yeah no it's like there's always the intention to do it more like every time the phone call ends you're're like, I will do this in two weeks. I'm going to do this tomorrow again. Oh my God. Again, I say humans, we stink.

Yeah. My little sister is like a, is a total type A and she calls my grandmother once a week too. So I have that like. I know I keep bringing him up, but it's the only person I hang out with. He calls his family once a week and I'm like, look at you. He beats himself up if he goes longer. He's like, ah, I gotta call my grandmother. I'm like, Dan, it's your birthday.

You don't have to call your grandmother today.'s your birthday you know if you do it a lot like i talk to my mom and my dad once a week each and my mom maybe even more so and then it never feels like a chore because you have a good rapport so like the more you do it the better it is but like with my grandma and stuff like that i'm always like terrified i was like or we can get i can have a tooth pulled you know it's like that kind of but it's just weird how hard it is and you'll walk around i was going to walk where i'm like all right i gotta i'm nervous so i start walking around the block to call my uncle or something like you're asking for a date yeah yeah it is seriously like what's he gonna say

he's probably just gonna say what's up. It's going to be a normal, delightful conversation. It's like a weird fear of intimacy. It's like very different than the actual fear of intimacy, but it's this like, I don't know. Do I want to get into a whole conversation about how much I love them right

now? Yeah. That's an amazing pick. That's seriously. Really the greatest pick of any draft I've ever been a part of. Yeah, I think so. That's a fucking. That that really is because i'm thinking about like cleaning and that was actually yeah i think do you just put like answering emails in there too that kind of

counts as the same thing right it's like getting back to that email that you needed to get back to or for me like responding to those dms i meant to check a long time ago from people that need something from me. Yeah. We got two, like mowing the lawn and calling people, just two Hall of Fame picks on this episode. Sean, time for your next pick. This is four and five, right? The fifth round is a lightning

round, of course, but fourth? Yeah. Full time. Oh, so fourth. Get my oil changed. Oh, shit! That was going to get my oil changed. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. That was going to be my last one. That's good. Yeah.

That definitely... I'll tell... When I do it, I'll tell Laura, like, yeah, well, I got my oil changed, so I'm probably just going to go skate for a while. That kind of thing. Like you did it. Like I earned it. I didn't do shit.

I didn't even get out of the car. No. You listened to a podcast and handed a guy a debit card. Yeah. And then be like, are you sure it's 40 she's sure it's not 30 and they're like no it's 40 the coupon is already at and i was like fine whatever it's whatever seeing 4 000 miles or whatever skateboard later yeah get my get my oil changed i just did it it does feel good every now and again i'll go in with like what i think

is a cool song playing and just so hoping they hear it where they're like, yeah, they're going to know what's up if they hear me listening to it. Like what's an example? Yeah, that's a good follow-up. The most recent was an old hieroglyphic song. And I remember being like, they're going to know that I'm like a backpack wrap head. Slap me some skin, man.

This one's on the house. And they're like, Oil Canry kangle they're like yes good day sir this is a great song we're gonna give you the real oil i just go in with like my own stand-up album playing pretty loud whoa this guy's funny you pay with the album yeah uh so yeah that um get my oil changed and then five is a tiny little one it's probably the littlest one so far but it's when there's when there's enough toilet paper to probably get through half of a poop what i like to do is change the roll and then put that rest on top of the brand new roll. So whoever is after me doesn't have to change the toilet paper.

So if there's like, we'll say 20 sheets of toilet paper left, instead of letting it go bone dry, I will take that off, put a brand new roll on, and I will set that almost cash roll on top of the new roll so they don't have to sweat it. Also good for you to find out which one of your friends are dickheads because if somebody goes straight for the new role instead of using up the old role,

you can cut that person right out of your life. That happens and that is... Who would do that? Not even I would do that. The Joker would do that. Oh, that would be the Joker move. And then you look at the poop and it's the Joker? Oh my God.

Why is my poop all red and green and purple that's the joker bro it do be like that sometimes it really do be like that it do do ashton time for your final pick okay this one's boring no actually i'm gonna i'm gonna choose a different one refilling the water filter yes oh yeah why is it so hard why is it so hard why is it so hard it's like the nicest gift when you're a guest in someone else's house you feel like i'll i got you i'm gonna refill this for you like you're just the most giving, most generous person on the planet.

Don't be mean to me. Did you see that I just filled up your water? Water I will never see. I'm gifting you the gift of life, the juice of life. That's planting a tree on your 80th birthday. You know what I mean? That's right. You're not going to eat that fruit.

That's right. Amazing final pick. Oh, yeah. Katie, do you have time for your your final pick it's too close to filling up the water filter i mean genuinely everything i was gonna say make an ice remembering to make but oh but you all have that on your fridges don't you no i'll have fridges that make ice i got an old ass kitchen so i still make ice put it into the bucket and then make more ice. Yeah. And if I do that all in one motion, if I take out the ice cube tray, put it into the bucket, put more water into it and put it back in the freezer, I have done all the activity

I need to do for the day. I feel like I'm on top of the world. Otherwise, I'm usually leaving the ice tray on the microwave to be like, fill this later, future Katie. That's a great pick. I still, I don't even have that. I have to travel to the Arctic with a team of 50 mule.

50 mule. Damn. Crazy. You don't have like a 7-Eleven near you? Oh. Try it. It's better for the environment, I think. 50 mule. My last one, I'm going to take watering the plants.

Something I'm going to do right after this podcast. It's really good. I don't let anything live in my house that doesn't pay rent. So I don't ever have to do that. You could charge the plants rent. And that rent is peace of mind. Or if they flower or give you fruits or something. That's.

Yeah. Oh, this is out of respect for them. I would kill a plant because i'm i'm um not responsible so i'm letting i'm not letting them in not because it's a party in here but because it would be their their shore end i love my house plants i love my edm plants i love my trip hop plants that one's great what's that wow that was really good uh that is the final pick watering all your plants marissa do you have a pick yeah hanging up uh frames or artwork on your walls yeah that's what i was gonna choose

when you frame something it's like i'm unstoppable the police will never catch me yeah it's one of my favorite gifts to get somebody is to frame something for them because i'm like look at me taking that off your plate call me mother theresa that is such a good gift holy shit yeah it's like you've been carrying this thing around in a poster board whatever those things are those cardboard tubes yeah i'm gonna go ahead and get that framed for you with a nice mat on it wait a minute yeah that jesus christ oh my god twisted it's the why so serious poster for the Matt, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Twisted. It's the Why So Serious poster for the listeners. Of course it is.

What else would it have been? It for real is. And by the way, just so, okay, there's that one. This one is still in the packaging. It is also a Why So Serious poster. People send me these because we joke about the Joker so much. People send me Joker posters. It's pretty twisted, bro. To recap, Sean Jordan, Sean the Joker card Jordan went first.

He took making your bed, organizing your texts and photos on your phone, dusting, getting his oil changed, and changing the roll of toilet paper, and then leaving a little hat of extra toilet paper on top of it. This part of the podcast is going to give me anxiety. You reading off tasks, the things I have to do. I might mute for this just for myself. Ason took the following things that katie hasn't done in a while changing a light bulb cleaning out the fridge taking her vitamins and adaptogens calling a relative and refilling the water filter a really really strong first draft

really well really strong really fucking strong thank you guys uh here's some more things katie needs to get on top of organizing a drawer or desk unpacking her luggage vacuuming doing the dishes and making ice and the final five things that geez katie you really gotta get on this pretty soon here taking stuff to goodwill doing a full run of laundry a full folding up and everything mowing the lawn paying all your bills and then watering the plants we left some stuff on the board uh opening all the mail that was the only one that i'm looking around my house maybe some meal planning yeah meal yeah that's a good one grocery shopping putting groceries away oh yeah those are two different ones in my opinion yeah me too Does flossing count? Flossing

I had, I don't know if that counted or not. Getting out of bed mostly for me is a real task. Don't always feel better after that. No, no. That's true. We want to hear yours, AllFamilyEverything. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast

at gmail.com. Now that's on the internet. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon. Thank you so much for holding us down. We love you. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity on the All Fantasy Everything subreddit. Shout out to Saint, Sue Carmel. I love you, Mama. Shout out to

Frankie Ocean, Haji Beats, Sid the Dude, and more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. What's gonna happen? Shacklackity? Sure. Yeah.

It felt, it feels weird. It all feels weird. It all feels weird. that was a hate gun podcast