Harry Jowsey Part 1: Grief, Growth, and Balancing 20 Fiancées
00:00 This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Do you love golf? If so, you should listen to Three Put Bogey. I'm Chuck Bryant from the Stuff You Should Know podcast. And I'm Adam Pranika from a couple of embarrassing hit Star Trek podcasts. And each week on Three Put Bogey, we're going to get into the bunker and get to the bottom of what is just so alluring and frustrating about the most beautiful game in the world. So whether you're someone who pipes it on the driving range that freezes up on the T-box.
00:28 Or misses that three-foot putt putt when every. Everything's on the line. Whether to laugh about it with you on three putt bogey, a podcast about two mid-handicappers, one great shot, and the three putt that spoils it all. You can listen to it now on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, everyone, and welcome to Bachelor Happy Hour. I'm Rachel. And I'm Charity, and today we have Netflix, Super Dater, and the star of his own reality show,
01:00 and my former castmate on Dancing with the Stars. Harry Jousy, welcome. Thanks so much for having me. This is crazy. Why am I clapping? I clapping for myself. Yeah, it's a proper intro. No, it's actually crazy because I don't even think, I don't, the last time I saw you
01:17 was probably dancing with the stars. Yeah, it was. Which is insane. It's crazy. Three, two years ago, how long? Yeah, you're getting married and I just accidentally did that. And we're going to talk all about it. Yes, exactly.
01:30 I can't wait. Harry, I'm excited to have you here because you are technically kind of a bachelor in a way a part of the franchise and I was dragging you guys in my press run yeah I was being really noting I didn't know this what were you saying and I'm in enemy territory well I thought that that was going to come up
01:46 and said I fucked myself well clearly we didn't do our research yeah I'm like hold on tell me what you said no I was just like oh the bachelor's played out this is the new one and then I watched it I was like I don't think so what was I doing? Played out I have my thoughts I have my thoughts for sure well where's it at now what's going on The Bachelorette.
02:05 Tell us your thoughts. It's never coming out. It's done. That's what I believe, like, it's fully cooked because of, what I know is that they will keep getting a date. They're like, it's going to come, it's going to happen. And then something you will come out. Like, what do you do it?
02:23 But that Shane guy, I did a show with him called The Mob. He needs to be The Bachelor. He's like the perfect guy. He needs to be the Bachelor. We love Shane. We love Shane. Why do you think he needs to be the Bachelor? Because he's like the ultimate dude.
02:34 Like you look. at him and he's like such a sweetheart and he's a big teddy bear he's so funny he's so charismatic and when we film this show like he just wanted to make sure everyone was having a good time and like he's you know his first time doing it well second time doing a tv show but like he was very like excited and just full of life and then he knows everyone and he just dresses really well and i'm like think that's kind of the main thing like that's what the main thing that goes into a bachelor right you just got to look good and he looks great so Shane you don't do you let did you date Shane why you're getting funny. No, I'm literally just listening to your opinion. Did you date him?
03:06 No, I really did it. Who's dated Shane? Taylor and Frankie Paul dated him. Well, yeah. Yeah, but he did tell me on that season, he's like, she was awesome. Like, she really, um, was like, never before seen. Like, she was really, like, very great. But then I was watching Secret Lives and I'm like, well, yeah, love her, though. Love her, though. It's an interesting timeline to say the least, but we won't spend too much time on that today. Oh, I wanted to. We want to talk about you. We want to keep their jobs, huh? Come on.
03:35 Well, listen, my job will still be here. I can't help what Taylor does, but neither here nor there. I want to talk about you in your show because you had your time basically, like we said, to shine as The Bachelor. And I'm very curious because, Harry, obviously, we did dancing with the stars together. And, like, I tell people all the time, I'm like, yes, he's not, like, how he is on Netflix or what you guys think of him as. He's obviously like you're charming, you're funny, like playful, just good energy to be around. So when this came out, I was like, oh my God, like here he's getting married. This is going to be so great.
04:11 But I'm curious, what made you feel like this was the time? Like you were so ready to do this. Well, I think a big part of, I don't know, I just love love. Like, I was so excited about it. And then when I lost my dad, they were talking about the show like early on in that time. And I'm like, oh, my God, like this would be amazing seeing my sisters. I got four sisters with their partners and their kids and, like, seeing my dad get to share those final moments with their kids. And I was like, oh, this is so important.
04:41 And it's one thing that I just never really cared too much about. I was like, I love being in relationships. I love love. But I didn't really, like, go and fill that cup. I was just like, oh, whatever happens happens. And then so this show, when it's like the conversation started to happen, I'm like, okay, like, this is, maybe this is the universe telling me that this is the right time to, like, said, down and slow down and you know who's going to say no to that crazy opportunity and then you know i have like such a family relationship with the people at netflix and obviously Alex cooper and all
05:11 those people and so i'm like when they're casting i'm like surely they know and that yeah and my problem was like when they were casting like what do you look for i was like i don't know just someone with a job and like love's live and i'm like i should have been a little bit more specific but which is crazy because you don't always get someone with the job i know when me and charity were the leads they kind of asked us What are you looking for? What's your type? What are the qualities you want? Did they ask you that or was it kind of random? No, they asked me and I was just like, whatever you guys want. You didn't give any specifics. No, because I'm like, I'm not good at this. Clearly, like, I'm not good at picking the perfect. I don't believe that. Do you like, do you not have like, you know, I hate saying types because I'm like, I feel like types don't really exist. Like preferences or whatever, like just things that you're more like drawn to that you're like, oh, like I would like for someone to have like a sense of humor. Like you said nothing. No, my mentality was, is just like, I haven't been good at picking the perfect person for me, and I always fall into, like, something a little bit more toxic. Obviously, I play a part of that.
06:12 But I was like, yeah, whatever you guys feel is best for me, because, like, the head of casting in Netflix, like, one of my closest friends, like, the best guy ever. And he's, he's thinking about it, like, who could, who would come to our Christmas with us? And same with Alex. He's like, who am I going to let into my home when you come over? So they were thinking like that and thinking about like the bigger picture. Whereas I'm like, if I just start saying things that I like, I'm going to probably pick the same person time and time again and then get in trouble.
06:40 So I was just like literally whatever you guys want. I just want to show up and not think and just have a good time and try and enjoy it. And I did that and then, yeah. Well, with you saying that, saying like you didn't want to like obviously pick what you typically had picked in the past. Did you not think, okay, well, this is my one opportunity to do the opposite? it. And you know what? I should have thought about that. That's a good point. Oh my God. But that's why my friends and my ex came in because they were like, we're going to
07:07 help eliminate people that maybe you don't connect well with on the best way possible. And I'm like, okay, like sweet. So I didn't technically, I didn't eliminate anyone until like later on, but which was great because I just like didn't have a guilty conscience because it was like, oh, whatever they want to do, they do. And then towards the end, I was like, oh, well, I should have kept So on my season, I know that there were some people I eliminated early. And then I looked back and I was like, oh, we could have actually had a connection. And you didn't have any control over the elimination towards the beginning. Is there anyone looking back that you think you could have been compatible with?
07:42 Yeah, I think like there was so many incredible people. But I think the difference with us is like, you guys film for like, what, nearly two months or three months? Yeah. Yeah. We did it. I was in like four weeks. So like it was so much. at once. So like looking back in hindsight, I feel like all of us could say in hindsight on our
08:02 season could have done something different, whatever else. But in hindsight, I was like, oh yeah, that could have been a better situation. But it is what it is. Like I wish we had more time. I wish it was more episodes so that like the softest, sweeter stuff that maybe people don't find is like the big shock value. Because I feel like these shows are only eight episodes. So they want to put in like the stuff that will get a big reaction. And a lot of, a criticism. So I'm like if we had a 20 episode show, then it would have, and three months of filming, then it would have been a lot more slower and being able to find our feet in our rhythm and maybe developed more feelings for other people. But because it was like every three days
08:42 elimination, then it's just like, okay, five girls gone, 10 girls gone. And then it's like, oh my God, what happened in two weeks? Like, what are we doing? And then knowing like week three, it was a lot at once. And like also because a season one on a show, usually they're trying. trying to film every possible thing because they don't know what the tone of the show will be. So they want you to be happy or they want you to be crazy or they want you to be sad or they want you to talk about love and loss and whatever else. So you're getting like every emotion, every single day. Like I think the first day I went to bed like early hours in the morning.
09:14 Then I was up at like five had like 30. I only have 30 minutes for myself to go and like shower, gym, have breakfast. And then then I'm on dates. And like, I'm like, what do we guys? We know it. It's crazy. It's a lot. And I feel like it doesn't allow you to really think straight.
09:30 When you're tired and hungry, I look back and I was like, who was that? Yeah, what are we doing? It's difficult. It's too much. Yeah, it's kind of crazy. My problem was I was living in the house with the girls too. So to have breakfast. Yeah.
09:41 So I'm like, okay. I feel like, yes, the timeline obviously is very condensed. For anyone like proposing, mirroring anything, like, it's an insane timeline. We can agree on that. But I do feel like there is an advantage that you were in the house with the girls. Not advantage. Like, were you guys separated or, like, you guys could mingle at any hour? Like, how did that work?
10:02 Um, yeah, we could mingle at any time. But basically, you guys know how it is, like, when you have to do dates or whatever. Like, when they want to film or confessional, it's like, you're always being pulled in, like, different directions. So, like, for the sake of the show, it looks like I'm there 24-7 and being able to, like, be in those moments. But, like, as soon as I wake up, I do a morning confessional, like, there was our kind of diary cam in a room across from me. So I'd wake up. they'll be like, all right, get ready, go do that, and then you can go do your stuff. So I'd see some of the girls for like breakfast or like a cop.
10:31 Well, actually, I wouldn't even have breakfast with them. I'd have a coffee. Then I'd have to work out and then it'd be pulled and then it's on dates. So it was kind of the same as you guys. But in the sense of like it's being, it looks like it's being filmed in the house. But also like the problem was too, people would try and come up when I'm already like absolutely beat. So like the producers would have to stand at the stairs and be like, you have to leave him alone. Like he has to sleep or else he's going to be cooked.
10:57 But we're in love. That's amazing. I mean, at least that. I feel like they're like, Charity has two bags under her eyes. It's insane, but go and talk to her. Yeah. Do you feel like it was hard to have time to really get to know them?
11:13 If you're constantly being watched by all the girls in the house, were you able to have those little moments with each woman? Yeah, I think they created space for that, which was nice. Like, there was little moments. like that but again like the dates aren't hours long like it's like you have 40 minutes and then like so you have to like I had a book beside my bed that said 150 questions to ask your wife if we get married so before I would because there's you know you're basically speed dating 20 people so I would like okay I don't want to ask the girls the same question because then they're all going to talk and be like
11:48 oh he's just repeating shit so I was just like I'd read this book before I go into a date and I'm like okay i have to ask about this or whatever else so there was those soft moments but again i think the pressure like you guys feel it like the pressure of leading a show is a lot having to film everything but then also having to consider everyone's feelings and you have you know 20 30 different emotions and different kind of takes on the day and the experience like you could have an amazing date with someone and it's the best date ever but this other person is annoyed because you spent too much time with this person so yeah your emotions are constantly like this all the time yeah Like, what do we do it?
12:24 It's so exhausting. We understand. I'm tired. We really do. I'm so tired. Did you ever feel like at any point in the journey for you that you were maybe worried about produced or not producing making like good TV rather than like the best decision for, okay, me and like life after this? Oh, for sure. 100%.
12:46 I think a big part of it is like when you're filming a show, you're like, oh my God, I want this to be a good season. So like early on when it's low stakes and they're, you know, producers like, oh, maybe you should do more of this or you should do that, whatever else. I'll be like, okay, sweet. I'll lean into it because you guys are seeing everything. So I trust it. Like you
13:07 will know what's best for the show, but then as it gets later on with there's less people and it slows down. That was when I was like, oh, maybe I should really think about this. I should lock in now. Yeah, I should probably do the right thing. Yeah. Do you ever think about a random pop culture moment? Like something that dominated the
13:24 culture and then quietly disappeared? We do constantly. This is Bestie Listen. Every week, we revisit the most niche corners of pop culture. The stuff that shaped us, or better or worse. And ask, what was that? And more importantly, why do we love it? We celebrate it.
13:40 We question it. And give it the level of analysis it absolutely did not ask for. Stream Bestie Listen on I Heart Radio, Crave. Or wherever you get your podcasts. So did you guys feel like you had to make good TV, or were you just always like from the pureness of your heart um i think honestly for me i think i was more censored than anything and that wasn't even like oh i need to go in here and be like this dramatic girl and like be crazy i never really had those thoughts until like it got to a point where my emotions were just
14:15 like at it was just completely depleted and then i didn't care anymore so like that's when obviously you're getting good tv out of me because i'm like i don't care but in the other parts of like my journey and early on I definitely was like okay like very probably more self conscious about like how I appeared and making sure that I did things right but it only lasts so long and then I was like you know what no this is my life like there's so many hands so many cooks in the kitchen obviously like production they have like what they need to do but like at the end of the day I'm like I am here genuinely for love and I want this to work out so I'm not fucking embarrassed after this so I'm like I need to make the best decisions for myself. So I do think it's like a mix, but definitely starting off like you do have
14:59 it in your head until you don't. Yeah, I should have a cool dude first. Yeah. I had someone on my season who I knew wasn't the one, but we had such a good time together and he would make me laugh and I kept him around till the last possible second because I just loved spending time with him. Did you have anyone that you knew wasn't the one? I did. Yeah. Yeah, there was these two girls, Abby and Emma, and they were just the funniest people together. Like you could put them in it. Like, because obviously you don't have your phones. You're just like in the experience.
15:29 You could put them in any room and they would just do the funniest stuff. Oh yeah. Who was your person? Meatball. It was meatball. Me and Gabby fought over having him. I did dual season. So at one point we separated the guys.
15:43 I fought for him. I wanted him to be like in my final three just so he could laugh all the time. I'm like, it's so ins serious with him. And it didn't feel like. a lot of pressure where some people were like putting the pressure on. But Rachel, did you feel like he liked, like liked you back even though you knew? His name? Or was it?
16:01 Meatball. I know, but I'm like, I'm just thinking about if I had did that, like, if I kept somebody around just because of like, he was there for the bit just as much as me. Oh, there we go. Okay. I don't think he liked me either. Meatball come on the podcast. Yeah, I had that with Abby.
16:18 And then it was like the final three. and I was like, oh, I want to keep Abby. Like, it's so much fun. They basically were just like, no, it's not serious enough. Like, we're getting, we're getting ready for marriage. I'm like, yeah, but it'd be nice to have like a fun time as well. Yeah. It'd be nice to just enjoy this a little bit more.
16:37 And then the problem was I get my phone every Sunday. And I'd text Abby and I'd be like, oh, my God, I wish you were still here because we'd had so much fun. Now, in hindsight, I realize that that was probably the wrong thing to do because she took that as like, oh, he still wants to be with me. And I was like, like, she did a video and I was like, oh, no, that wasn't, I was just like, I was having, we were having so much fun. But, but their reasoning was like made sense. Like she was still at home.
17:01 She was trying to figure out life. And they're like, the audience will not believe that you guys are at that point getting married because you just, all you're doing is giggling and having a good time. And I'm like, yeah, fair enough. This is the first season where Netflix has done a Bachelor-type show. And I know that you went into this kind of without having a handbook. In a way, it is different. But did you watch any of the Bachelor seasons, maybe like charity season where there was a successful relationship? No, I was too scared.
17:30 Because I always get scared to watch a show before I do one. No, I swear to God. Even like Dancing with Stars, I should have watched that first. No, because I always get afraid that I'll try and play a character from a season that I've watched. Because that's what happened in my first ever show. I watched the show, Jordy Shore, and this guy, Scotty T. I was like, I've got to be like Scotty T. So I got afraid with any other show after that point that I'll be anyone but myself
17:55 So like with The Bachelor and like I meet all the guys and then the nicest guys ever and they're like the ultimate Guys in on the planet. So I'm like oh my God if I watch this and I try and be like that I'm not gonna do it like I'm not gonna be able to pull it off And also again a first season you we didn't really know what was gonna happen like we I legitimately had no hand in production at all For some reason, everyone thinks because even my family, they think that I made the show because my name's in the title. Like, my brother went off at me and he's like, well, your names are the title, you know how to edit it. I'm like, dude, I fucking wish I would have got myself the best edit. I'm like, this is an angel. Like, what are we doing?
18:33 It was so annoying. But that's my, because I also think some of the girls early on had watched The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Because like how they were approaching the first conversation was kind of just like, Can I sue you for a sec? Yeah. They were like coming up doing like the Bachelor lines or what, what were they doing that was like Bachelor about that? It was so like they were like forcing the trauma dumping and then like forcing like the heavy conversations off the jump like right away instead of being like, hey I'm this.
19:06 It's just like this was going on. And I'm like, oh my God. I didn't have another shot. Yeah. I'm like I just want to get to know you. But like a lot of people early on it was just like we got to just. We got to spew everything out. And it was like, as you guys know, it's a lot to take on.
19:23 And it's just like, it'd be nice to just have a giggle early on. And then we get to the trauma later on. Because like, let's all unpack. You got to do it right away. You obviously are no stranger to reality TV. Do you think a lot of your women knew who you were, even if they say like, oh, I've never seen him on a show. It's the biggest lie. I don't believe that they didn't know you.
19:45 And a lot of them said they did it. I said bullshit. I'm like, you guys, there's no way. Here's the thing. Like, we all know that when you go to do a show, you're telling your friends, your family, your work, you're buying the outfits, you're getting their makeup, you're getting yourself ready for this. You sign a contract that has the show's name on the contract.
20:07 And also, it's like, it was very public that we were casting that show. So, like, I believe this is my understanding. And I would get it. I would do the same. if I got eliminated early on, like, I would be like, no, I had no idea. Like, try and protect a little bit, protect myself a little bit and be like, no, I had no clue. Like, fuck that guy. Like, I don't know what we were signing up for.
20:28 We thought it was this. But, like, the thing is, so some of the girls did post that. So I reached out to the person who cast them because I was quite upset. I'm like, no way you, like, scam these girls. Like, they didn't know. She sent me all the information. she showed me every bit of like their contact like everything that was going on it's like they was they were more than aware like they they had more information on me than anyone did and then also when i was talking to producers i said how was it cast like let me know because now i'm i'm getting in trouble because people think that like i said i've made this show to like scam people and i'm like i had no idea and they said at a minimum one month before the show they they all knew exactly what they they were going for and what they signed up for.
21:16 And also the funny thing is, like, you watched the first episode of the show. They all seem to know a lot about me. Like my star sign, my height, my dating history. Like, one of the girls was like, he's a fuck boy turned fiance. And I'm like, so you wouldn't know that unless you did a little Google search. So like, it was a little bit silly. But again, I think it's because maybe a bruised ego. And again, that's fine.
21:40 Like if that's the route you want to take. but I personally, if it was me, I'd be like, yeah, you know what? I was hopeful. It didn't work out. He's a sausage. All good. No big deal. And then then you don't look like a little bit silly online, you know?
21:56 No, that's how I feel. And also, that leads me to wanting to ask this question, like, how many of those girls did you genuinely believe were there for love? Because I'm like, if I came into your show, like, say I got casted, I clearly would know who you are. I would not go up to you and be like, oh, like, you know, I just. tried to lay low. I didn't want to look on Google. Like, okay, sure, maybe you didn't do like an extensive research, but you knew who he was. So, like, I feel like there's a part of that that is,
22:22 again, like how we said maybe either making good TV or trying to like portray somebody that you're not really, but that to me doesn't seem authentic. So I'm curious of like how many girls did you feel were there genuinely for love versus like, I just want to be on this TV show. It's Harry. Like, this is good. I think there were. reunion was the most telling thing possible because like that was you know you guys at a reunion it's their moment to the final bit of screen time right so like leading into that I was like I did call it daddy I was like yeah it's going to be all good because like me and basically all them had spoken and everything was fine and like I was helping them with stuff so I was like oh we're in a
23:05 really good spot like life's great and then the reunion I'm like I was so bamboozled I'm like oh my God, we had eight to 12 months, like, oh, like eight or nine months before the show came out. And this is all how we felt. Like, why don't we talk about it on the phone the 50 times that we were spoken? But I think early on in the show, I think two things can be true. You can sign up for a show going, I'm hopeful for love, but I'm also hopeful for the opportunities that come out of this. And that's very fair.
23:29 Like, I will admit, like, I've definitely done shows where it's like, I don't really care about the love. I just need the opportunities and I want to keep it moving forward. so I get it. And I think that they would probably everyone who signs up on a show would probably do themselves like a service if they were just like, yeah, for sure.
23:46 Like I was definitely trying to get opportunity out of this. But also I was hopeful that my person was there and it didn't work out all good. No worries. So I think there was a few girls early on where it was very apparent that that's like what they wanted. And I was just like, hey, if you just lie a little bit, it will do better.
24:04 But some of them have already booked other shows. So I'm like, oh, so you got what you wanted. It's not being angry at me. Like, we're good. Wow. It's a win-win situation here. Yeah, you guys got it. We're fine.
24:17 I'm Cynthia Lois, and I'm Josie Dye. And we're done pretending we have it all figured out. Each week we laugh, cry, and talk our way through life's messiest moments. The things you think about but would never say out loud. The questions you are always too shy to ask. Relationships, regrets, awkward moments, and the stuff no one warns you about. It's honest, it's funny, and sometimes it gets a little uncomfortable. But that's kind of the point.
24:39 This is Cynthia and Josie's unmentionables. Listen on the free Iheart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaking of winning, I feel like it's kind of a theme a little bit on The Bachelor where people will look at the contestants and be like, do you actually love the lead or are you just trying to win? And I feel like with you, there's an added layer because you're kind of hard to tie down. So it would kind of be like, oh, who's going to finally do it? Did you feel that or did you genuinely feel love from the finalist or the finalist
25:12 or the final women um i i think it was in that in that environment it feels like it's the right thing you know in that yeah we know everyone loves me this is crazy yeah in in that environment you're like the most important person you're like oh my god i'm so loved like this is the greatest thing ever and then as soon as like they're offset they don't like you and they hate you so much and it's like oh my god what's what happened like i thought this was the purest thing but yeah i believe like when i was in that environment i'm like this is so great this is exactly what i needed um but i guess you know in these shows you kind of get lost in the bubble and the fairy tale of like this is like everyone all the producers are going that's your person like if i would if i would
25:59 if i would have picked the perfect person for you or like you should hear actually talks about you and your confessionals so on my brain because you don't have anything to do but to think so all you do is you overthink everything so i'm like holy fuck this is This is crazy. I just had the best date with this person. I'm hearing that they're my perfect person. All these people that I trust that build a show around this whole situation are saying, like, even on your show, it's like you've got the veterans of this, this idea telling you that that's your person and that's the one. And so you sit there and you're like, oh my God, I think so. Do they ever tell you that's not the one? Did that happen or did they say maybe stay away from one? Just my friend said that.
26:40 your friends said that. Yeah, but the thing is, like, they weren't really there the whole time. Like, they were only coming for a couple hours every few days. So I didn't really see anything. But my friend, Sonny, kind of just, like, held it down. He's like, dude, this is not, this is not how you find your person. He's like, what are you doing? He's like, I, he honestly, he was, like, so, like, genuine.
26:58 And he's like, it's all good. Like, I, you're my boy. Like, I trust you that if this is what you want to go through with, like, we will love your person and we'll invite them into our home and our family. But, like, I don't think that this is the right. decision and then everyone else couldn't find a big offense to sit on so like oh we don't know we think that this is meant to be whatever else study was like legitimately the only one that was just like dude i'm telling you now like i don't think that this and he's always right like he's always
27:24 spot on but uh i'd never had any of the producers say that which i kind of wish they did because you know what i mean like that makes it like the night before like the final decision i didn't sleep well they wouldn't probably say anything with that oh i asked him i said who would you pick? Tell me. I'll take that one. Was it really difficult for you with the final two? Even looking back, let's say you didn't know how it ended up. Do you feel like you could have had a future with multiple people? Or was it always Amber? It's, I think it's so difficult to tell because, you know, Dinell is so incredible and we had such a good experience together. I don't know. Like, I feel like it would have been amazing it would have been good um but i also thought that with amber and it all
28:13 didn't work out even the other girls and like it's just like it's it's hard to know like it's but then again watching it back i was not ready like i was so not ready for for any of that like the you guys know how it is because like people like oh why were you talking about your grief and your dad so much you know how it is when you're on a show they find that little pain point that you have and they ask the question a hundred times over all the time so people like why are you were talking about your dad i'm like because i'm getting fucking asked like i i don't want to talk about my dad dying and watching that happen like that's so sad but they were always ask about it so like even when we're in new zealand and i was on like the final one of the final dates with
28:52 like denel i just like fully shut down i couldn't talk like they had to cut it because i left because like they kept asking me every five minutes like it would be a happy moment because it was the first time i went back to new zealand since it passed and seen my family me. So I was already like overwhelmed with these emotions. So I remember sitting there and my producer, bless her. She's amazing. But she was like, oh my God, would your dad love this moment? Would it be so happy? And then so like your emotions come up and you're like, yes, he would love this. Like this is so awesome. And then you have a conversation and then they pull you out and like, yeah, but are you sure you you're not like really sad that he's not here watching this? And so like I would be like up and down and
29:29 I told her. I was like, look, it's hard to like just tell me to like, just tell me. Especially you being there for the first time with. Yeah, but I know they're like trying to get the most out of me. But I told them, I was like, just tell me to pick an emotion for the day. Like, I can't keep going up and down. I'm like, you want me to be sad or you want me to be happy? Because I don't know what we're doing. And I'm really confused and I'm really upset about this.
29:51 Again, in hindsight, that close to grief and that close to losing my dad, I shouldn't have been like, oh, yep, time to get mad. Like, let's do a show. But also, who am I here to say no to a massive show like that? And an opportunity where all these people are pouring love and energy. into me and to try to make the best show possible. So I think in hindsight, like I probably shouldn't have done it and I probably should should have just waited a little bit, but it is what it is.
30:17 Yeah, well, I think it's like huge like accountability is not the right word, but you like kind of proclaiming that because I do think like at the beginning of the show, you acknowledging like, I'm a changed guy and I'm ready to do this. But then as we watch the show, you do talk and discuss that a lot, which is very, I think, I mean, for me, it's very, it was very easy for me to see. that that was what they were using to like evoke emotion out of you which I like personally hate and that's what I mean about television but I get it like it makes TV but I will say now looking back what would you say to like the people who I guess don't fully believe what you're saying
30:55 about I shouldn't have done it or I'm in a better place now like what would your message be to the audience yeah I think that like you you never really know if you're ready until you find the perfect person or or get to a point where you're ready to meet that person on the show i don't i was telling myself and i was telling everyone like yeah for sure like also you have a huge fucking juggernaut of a machine behind you making this show so i'm like okay if they think i'm ready surely i'm ready and i'm good to go so when i'm in that those moments and you know they're asking me like do you think you're ready am i going to say say, oh no, no, wait, what are we doing, guys? Cut the cameras. Because I'm like, why would I say
31:42 that? I'm like, this is, this is everything. I've manifested me the bachelor. I manifested this. And I thought I was ready. And I'm like, the universe has got me. My dad's got me. Like, everything's good. So in those moments, I think I'm always trying to convince myself that I'm ready and convince the audience. Because I believe in that time that I was ready. But after it, so grateful for it all to happen because it, you know, this show takes a year or so, like just under a year to come out. So to see the version of myself when I was going through that and to know the version of myself where I'm at now with my relationship and love. And I'm like, oh my God, I just, I needed to, I needed to go through that. I needed to make the mistakes. I needed to learn.
32:19 But then also I needed to fall and find my person and find everything that I've asked the universe for and asked, you know, the stars for. And it all just happened at the right time. and if I met this person now who's the most amazing person in my life back then would I've been as ready or as prepared or like so done with the world as I am now so I think like it's all divine timing I don't know like it's very fascinating and I don't know if I answered that correctly if I no yeah it did and I have so many I have so many follow-ups but I did want to ask because I think this is kind of something that makes Netflix and The Bachelor different but kind of similar is when we get engaged, we go into hiding and we get to see them every so often.
33:06 I know that was a really big difficulty with you and Amber was the distance in the hiding. Yeah. Was there ever a point where you were talking to production or telling them that you were struggling with that? It was, yeah, because we, so basically, and correct me if I'm fully wrong on this, I got told that with The Bachelor, they'll get you guys at Airbnb, they'll fly you guys out and you're not allowed to leave that. Yeah.
33:29 Charity left. It hurts. Yeah, but they do it. You're not supposed to. How many times do they do that? Well, I ask for it like every two to three weeks. Okay. See, like for us, we left the show nothing.
33:43 Like, no idea on what's going on. So I'm like, well, I just had this experience with this person. I want to go see them. The difference was, like, on every other show, it's not announced before you do the show. So, like, every other show that I've done, like, it's all good because no one knows that you just film this thing. this one then you were in production and the casting was very public and the filming that like people knew that we were filming the show so like we came out and we went to hawaii and then that was when
34:10 we first got spotted and so netflix like what are you doing like we're meant to plan this like we're meant to have it in secret now you might ruin the show and getting upset at me and I'm like oh my god that added pressure of trying to find you know trying to find stability in this chaos um and carry like the weight of this show but also try and carry a brand new relationship and build off that was really was really taxing emotionally so that was and I think after a while they did reach out and go okay cool we have we'll get you guys three flights um like in total if you want to come there or she wants to come to see you whatever else but it wasn't like three for a year yeah or like we won't get you an Airbnb there wasn't any of that so it was just like kind of kind of just like
34:55 figure figure it out but like don't get caught lift it up yeah so that's why I just started doing shit and then I started getting caught and then I'm like all right well then I was just already my brain was spiraling because I'm like holy fuck I just this is the biggest opportunity I've ever been given the most incredible opportunity I've ever been given and I may have just fucked it up so I'm sitting there and I'm sitting there and then also it's hard to explain to anyone else that isn't in this world because they're like well what are you talking about like we just we just we're having a relationship and I'm like yeah but there's also this whole other airplane filled with luggage that I have to be mindful of
35:31 because there's this big business that needs this to be private. Anyway. Okay, everyone, that's all Part 1 with Harry. Stay tuned for Part 2, drop in tomorrow. Bye. Do you love golf?
35:49 If so, you should listen to Three Put Bogie. I'm Chuck Bryant from the Stuff You Should Know podcast. And I'm Adam Pranica from a couple of embarrassing hit Star Trek podcasts. And each week on Three Put Bogie, we're going to get into the bunker and get to the bottom of what is just so alluring and frustrating about the most beautiful game in the world.
36:07 So whether you're someone who pipes it on the driving range but freezes up on the T-box or misses that three-foot putt when everything's on the line, whether to laugh about it with you on three-putt bogey, a podcast about two mid-handicappers, one great shot, and the three-put that spoils it all. You can listen to it now on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
36:31 This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed human.
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