Too Slutty To Marry? (w/ Liza Treyger, Dylan Adler, & Harry Jowsey)
00:00Intimacy.Hey folks, it's Jolken Booster, host of Intimacy Coordinator.And boy, oh, boy, do we have an episode in store for you today.We have Dylan Adler, Leesotrigger, and infamous reality dating star Harry Joussey in the studio with me today.And we're talking about dating multiple people.And what's it like?How do you do it effectively?How do you do it without hurting people?
00:33We talked a lot about Harry's new show.Let's Marry Harry, which is out on Netflix right now.and get the skinny on the realities of dating on reality TV.It's a really fun conversation, and I can't wait for you guys to hear it.First up is one of my oldest friends in comedy.She is a stand-up comic.Netflix per hour on Netflix, Night Owl is available to stream now,and she's reoccurring on Netflix's Survival of the Thigest.
00:58It's Lisa Trager.Hello.Pleasure to be here.So excited to have you.Next, we have comedian and musician, an identical twin.Gross.Something wrong with her.Oh, my God.
01:07Writer, performer on music.the Late Late Show with James Corden,named one of Vulture's comedians you shouldand will know, it's Dylan Adler.Hello.Hey, I thought you were talking about Harry.I was like, you too?I'm not.
01:18Mine's just going to be wedline, Harry Jazzy.And this, yeah, the Man of the Hour,really, truly, at this point,a reality TV show legend.You might have seen him on Too Ot to Handle,now dating multiple women at once,trying to find a wife on his new Netflix series,Let's Marry Harry,
01:35which premiered August 5th,Now, Harry, I mean, you've dated more people at once than I think anyone in this room.Yeah, what's wrong with me?What's going on?Listen, we all like attention.But what have you learned from juggling upwards of a dozen, more than a dozen women at one time?Yeah, I think don't have 20 fiancés at once.I think that would be the first one.
02:00Hey, writing this time.Yeah, I think just like cap it at five.Like, if you guys are thinking about door five.Very reliable advice.Where there's someone they walked out immediately are like, well, this is clearly not.Yeah.I'm going to be my wife.Oh my God.
02:10Insane.Like there was one girl came in,immediately was like,I'm ready to be on camera.And I was like,just lie that you like me.Yeah.Because like, we love it.
02:19That's why we're doing this.We love the attention.Like, we love all this.But immediately she was like that.And she came out after I did a video and was just like,yeah, obviously I want to be there for my career.And there was another one that was on the bachelor before.And I guess we'd met each other.
02:33And it was the most boring conversation.But I'm like,if you've already been on TV,I understand this is probably another opportunity.And then I got shit on by birds.I'm like, this is, I'm out.Wow.Movie magic.
02:44Yeah, that's good.I mean, this is the third time you've done this.What have you, what prepared you from the other two that, that you said, okay, I can actually center of this.Because the other two were sort of mixed Love Island-esque structured shows.This one is The Bachelor.You're at the center of it.Yeah, basically what happened was my old man when he was crossing over at the other side.I was there with all my sisters and their kids.
03:09And basically I was just like, oh my God, I want to have this for my mom.And like my life, like I would love to have a family.And once I got back to L.A., I got a call from Netflix, said, do you want to get married?I'm like, I do.I do, let's do it.And then two weeks later, they said, we've got this show called Let's Marry and Harry.We want you to do it?Well, there we go.
03:27Do you think you were the first Harry they went to?Do you think they started with the name?Honestly, what we got?I was like, I'm pretty sure you would have done it.How do you feel your Harry number two?I'm probably Harry number 10, to be honest.Do you do know there was a show called Let's Marry Harry?Yeah.
03:42And it was literally a Harry, Prince Harry look-alike.And they convinced all these women that he was the actual Prince Harry.Because I guess, you know, the internet wasn't what it was.I don't think you could do that today.But they really thought this random redhead was hairy.Do they ask you about your tie?Like, did you have any set?Oh, yeah.
04:01They all look the same.Oh, they all look the same.Yeah, I didn't know.I had no idea when I came in.And they were just like,They asked me what my type is.I said, just someone with goals in a career, I guess?I don't know.
04:11That can't be true.I literally said whatever you guys want.That's a safe thing.You say to Netflix reality casting, like, I want a woman who has goals and wants a career.The thing is, you know that, like, the pool they're pulling from is hot.Yeah.So, like, you might as well, like, if everyone is hot, what is the next level that you need?No, when I went out with, like, some of my guy friends, one is rich and friends.
04:35One is rich and famous, so all the girls wanted him, right?And then he picked one of them.And I was like, why her?Like, they're all so pretty.Like, how'd you pick?And he goes, well, she made us laugh and had a little joke.And I go, okay, great.That's easy.
04:46Wow.It can work.And we ended up at a diner and, like, hung out, and she was, like, fun to chat with.But I was curious how he was able to pick.That's all that matters.You just want someone that you can be in a room with and have a good time.Some banta.How did, without giving anything away, but, like, what were some of the,
05:02what were some of the icks that you experienced that immediately,that immediately sort of took someone out of the running.They started clogging their toilets up.What?There was this one girl, Ellie, and she kept telling me their poo schedules.And I was like, okay.Because basically, I'm living in the house with the girls,and I would only have 30 minutes to myself in the morning,
05:24work out, shower, have breakfast,and then I'm into filming whatever else.And then I would see some girls in passing.And I guess everyone was just trying to get things inbefore I'd like, I'd go on a date, whatever else.and I remember just being in the hallwayand I'm like, what's going on?She's like, yeah, all the toilets are clogged
05:38and I'm like, why?It's like all these girls have to shitand I was like, okay, like, cool,thanks so much.I'm gonna go now on to the date.It was really fascinating,but they would just do stuff like that.It is one of those things where it's like,
05:53yeah, everyone shits like we should all be cool.Well, especially you're getting married.Yeah, but everyone should be pooing.But I feel like maybe not the wayto set the table for a date, you know?It was tough one.That is, like, I think, deep marriage stuff.Like, you should be able to be real about your shits.
06:09But, like, when you're, like, just starting out, I feel like maybe keep it a littledemure about the shit.I just met her, too.I'm like, I know you for 10 minutes, but, like, go off.I do think there is now a type of gal who really does, like, to think has replaced, like,humor with shock, you know?And there's, I mean, obviously, this is not a gender thing at all, but like, I do think that, like, I bet she says things like, well, I grew up with brothers.Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. It is like girls guy adjacent or a guy's girl adjacent sort of like, I don't, not like the others. I talk about shit and I eat wings.
06:49Yeah. And that can be tough. Yeah. I do have a question, though. Okay.Before the show, what, how many, what was the most amount of people you've dated at once?Probably like four.Okay.Yeah, it was a bit much.It was stressful.But did they all know each other, but it was all casual?No, no, it was like different friend groups.
07:06I didn't want anyone to know each other.It was when I was being naughty.Okay.It was a naughty boy.Yeah, yeah.Yeah, I mean, Harry, you are sort of forever iconic to me for being, I think, the first and only person on a reality dating show to utter the phrase to mention cream pieing on camera.Yeah.I mean, and you, and let's be clear, Harry was not the one who was cream pying here.
07:30He was referencing.someone else but I was like this is so cool it's a moment that goes on in history it's so it'skind of like the 69 because I was like literally I was like straight people don't know thisor straight people do know this shit but they're not talking about it yeah we need to go at cream piesmore Harry really the way the thing that I loved about Harry and the way he operated on theseshows is he really operates like a gay guy in a lot of yes like it's a bit of gay in me yeahI like that um like just going for it really yeah I you know what's crazy I did theToday show and they were watching the clip and the hosts are so lovely and wholesome and she kept going
08:08what's a cream pie what's a cream pie? Oh my god they shut it on a little day show and then and then the camerascome on I was like no no no you don't need to say it like it's all good cameras come on and she goesI'm just curious about the cream pie and I'm like oh let's it's it's breakfast time yeah daytime TVreally not the players but people have cream pies for breakfast you know yeah sure yeah I've had a coupleOh man, I don't like it.You don't like it?You don't like it?You don't like it?
08:33No.I want to see it.Wait.I want it outside.Oh.That is sort of what a cream pie is.No, you feel.Oh, I see, I see it.
08:41But you could see it.You're seeing it as it's.Yeah.You could feel it.Oh.Okay.That's what it is.Oh, you this whole time didn't know what it is.
08:49I didn't know what it was.I was playing alone.I was like, I'm just happy to be here.But I was just listening to Stavros talk about this.I listened to his pod and he was just like, how is this a fetish.It's like what people do.You just jizzing people.This is the confusing thing for me because I was like,
09:02this is straight culture because I was like,yeah, that's that.That is sort of how it ends.Yeah.We should normalize cream pies.I'm just surprised we even have a term for it,quite frankly.Yeah.
09:15Well, I think it's just for the searches.I think you have to come up with names for the internet.I thought cream pieing was the same as felching for a long time.What's felching?Oh, see, this is another layer.it's when you suck the come out of the hole that you just fucked it into.Have you done that?I don't think.
09:35Oh, no, maybe.Yeah, I've had a few interesting nights.Now that you have a term for it, you'll know it going forward.But it is one of those things.Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.Part of the culture.Part of the culture.No.
09:47No.Yeah.No, but I listen.No, I have it.This is great.So, but what?What do you think there's definitely been progression from one show to the next.And so like what about your experience on those first two shows sort of made this one different for you?
10:07Yeah, I think the other two shows, because I'm with the ensemble of guys that are kind of world douchebags, to be honest.Oh, did you make any guy friends?No.You never do that.You never do that.I have one best friend, my absolute best friend in the world, Dom.We connected over a mutual X and then we did a show together and we did a show together and we did.just bonded. I'm like, that's my guy. It's the best guy ever. But usually on these shows,
10:29because it's like, different personalities pulled from all over the world. Like, you're notgoing to be friends with everyone. And then also, if you don't live in the same place, when are yougoing to hang out? So basically, those shows, I was just being so crazy to try and get screen time andattention and doing dumb stuff. And we watch it back a year later. It's like, oh, I just don'tto do that on this. But then I'd do a little bit of that on this show. Yeah. I mean, that's partof, honestly, the draw. I think, like, people want to see growth, but they also want to see what,brought you here and notBut you have to handle you're not allowed to touch right?
10:59Yeah but then this you're I was I was laying it outYeah I mean for everyone he was yeah he was honest he didn't win the show yeah yeah yeah oh godI was cream pie yeah yeah yeah and then the next one in the next one yeah umDylan how how many people have you dated at once would you say um I have dated maybe like three or two at one at one at oneAt once.At once.In rotation.And then one dropped off and then it was at the final two and then...
11:32Wow.America's next top model.And then I was like, I'm afraid, Caleb, you will not be making the final round.Thank you so much. I've enjoyed our time and we'll still follow each other.It's good. It's good. That's good.Yeah.I'm like you. I do not have the attention span for more than one person.No, I have...
11:51Sometimes I won't even have met anyone. I'm just messaging. I'm like, I can't wait.I can't wait.Like, I can't wait to meet this person.Like, I don't know, I'm just a hopeless romantic.Yeah.And I wanna be, I'm like, I wanna meet someone elsethat's as toxic as me and then we're marriedwithin like a month or two.
12:05Yeah, so you should do that.So you need a better.A girl.Yeah. Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.She's open.She's open. I'm open.
12:14You should do season two of this show.But I'd like to be in love.You marry someone in a month?I mean, I would love that.I don't know.I actually would be, it would be shot of lovewith Kea Tequila.They should have more chill person.
12:23Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.I love it.I wonder who the boys would be.We'll see.And girls.Yeah.
12:28And then some girls will look like boys.Yes, that's the best.That's the best.She's looking for...I know, but I also dream of being with a girl that also wants to fuck guys together.And that's tough with like the soft butch contingent.Yeah.They don't want that.
12:45When they look like Bieber, they're not...They don't want anything.Yeah, they're not looking for that involvement.They're upset.I guess the psychology for me, though, that is like, I guess a mystery is like, don't you, like, instinctually, when you've gone on more than one day with three guys, don't you have a feeling almost immediately of which one you like the best?Yes, yes.Then why do you continue with the other ones?Oh, because I'm...
13:14They're hot.Because I think for me at that time, I was like a stupid Virgo, and I was like, oh, maybe this and maybe, oh, maybe I'm missing out.I've, I've, constant phymo.Yeah.Is that why we do that?Yeah, do you do that?Well, I'm always second guessing.Me too.
13:30And someone said maybe I have OCD, but I don't think so.No, I'm kind of careless.But maybe it's because we're burgos.No, it's the stars.No, it's very astrology to be like, I should have done this.I should have done this.I should have done this.No, for real.
13:41Me too.Yeah, it's like, I crash my car because I'm a Scorpio.Yeah.For you never.My goal right now in dating is to meet someone in real life.Ask them out in real life.No apps.I'd want to just like meet someone in the world.
14:07That's good.I don't...It's not out of you.It's what I did.Is it?I think so.But I also think that like there is like so many people have met on apps.And here's my, this is my thing about apps that I've been saying, telling my friends recently who are on apps who are getting really frustrated with it is meet.
14:26And like if you're a man or a gay guy, meet within 24 hours.Yes.Like short, and for women, I understand there are safety concerns.So it's like, meet, as soon as you have determined, they will not murder you.Because the longer you spend chatting on the app or texting, what have you,you are building up an image or a version of that person in your head.But what if your schedules jam-packed?Yeah, but here's the thing.
14:50Can I schedule?I mean, I'm just, I'm on the road.I just, like, think the more you, like, started as, like, a text relationship,the more you're, like, imagining.Like, you have photos, even if they look like their photos,how a person carries themselves in that body is,It's actually like this could be you, but maybe in 2017,what the fuck are you doing?
15:08I know.That's my biggest issue.But is that a catfish?That is a catfish.That is a catfish.Yeah, it's so rude.Update your photos post-pandemic.Just look how you look.
15:18Don't you want to meet someone who wants to like youfor what you look like?Oftentimes, oftentimes they show upand they don't look like the photosand they're still attractive in their own way,but it's a turnoff that they line about it.Like, I'm like, that's even weirder to mewhere I'm like, you look fine now.
15:33Like, why not just be a way?be honest about that. Or when guys say they're 510, which is an inch taller than me,and they show up and they're like right here at me. And I'm like, what was the end game, babe?You knew I was going to see you. Or their Insta is like, or Grindr's like, D.L. Dom,and then their Instagram is like, hey, bitch.Where is the DL? We can see. There is no discreet about this, honey. I don't know what you'retrying to think. Yeah, that is, I mean, dating apps are crazy, crazy. But I think more and more people arelike more and more couples,
16:05especially straight ones that I'm meeting,have met via dating apps.No, that all makes sense.I just want to do it for my own challengeto just, like, go and talk to someone.Yeah.You know what I mean?When was the last time you approached someone?
16:16Yeah, it was just fantastic.Truly never in my life.That's why I went to hypnotherapy.Oh, good.Talk a little bit more about this.What was this like?Yeah.So basically I was like, obviously,
16:26inspired by heated rivalry.Changed my life.I love your love for heated rivalry.I love it so much.And I was like,I need, I'm like,oh, I've been depressed.I've just been smoking weed all day every day.
16:37I'm not out in the streets.Like, I need to get out.So I went out to like, and then two people asked me to dance.I said no.And then one person was like rubbing my back and they were like, do you hate this?And I'm like, oh, I'm like physically repulsed by this.And I'm like something, I'm the problem.Like I keep blaming the world, but like I'm not putting myself out there.
16:54And there was another time where I went, I was going out with a friend to like go meet people.And I got to the venue and I went, I don't want to do this, got back on the train, went back into the city.and like fully had a mental breakdown.So I was like, oh, it's me.I need to break through my subconsciousand what's been holding me backbecause it's like, I can't live like this anymore.And I saw my friend thriving romantically that wasn't.
17:15And I was like, I see you thriving, like, what's up?And he was like, I've been going to hypnotherapy.That's crazy.And so I started going to the switch and we're like zooming.She did on Zoom?Yeah, because she's here and I live in New York.So I'm in my bed.But I truly like knock out, like when she snaps, I'm up.
17:32And you don't really have to listen to anything.And her thing is like to connect your subconsciousand conscious and like break these patternsthat we believe that might not be trueor are holding us back.And we did like six sessions and I'm gonna,and then I started dating and going outand like just being more open, making eye contact,
17:49being chatting, I quit smoking weed every day.Whoa.So I'm like, I have more energyand less self-consciousness because I'm not stoned all day,which I didn't realize was holding me back too.And I've just been a little more free and openand like, yeah, so that's been new.How does it happen?
18:05Does she make noises?She go, do, do, do, do, do you have a little spiral on this?She counts, you focus and you count.And her big thing that I love is, like, you don't have to listen.You don't have to pay attention.You don't owe anything, anyone.There's nothing you need to do right now, but lay down.Yeah.
18:17And so I just, but my friend who goes in person says he does not fall asleep, but I kind of, I do really, like,zonk out.Wow.And then I hear certain things, I'm like, I should remember that, or that's really good, or that'scorny, but I guess that's nice.and then when I wake upI'm like fucking I'm upand then that's...
18:36And you're not worried that she's implantingcertain trigger wordsthat you are going to becomesome sort of sleeperassassin.It's giving...Yeah.What?
18:46What?This is only giving Jesus Christ.Weapons.Their hands went down.Yeah, yeah, yeah.It was a little more narotia.Oh shit, there's a little more narotta.You're right.
18:57I mean, maybe if she was dark-sidedbut like she's really changed my life.I would say.That's huge.And listen, like...I'm gonna hit her back up because then I had one depressive thing.She's like, you need real therapy.This is a lot for me.
19:09She's like...She legit said she goes, I can't handle this alone.But yeah, I just like have been better.People don't make me as nervous.I've been fine with rejection, like all these things that have been holding me back.But I still have not like gone up and like...I'm not good at flirting.And then I wasn't pita and these two girls I knew were like, that person was flirting.
19:30was flirting. I was like, I didn't even know.I don't know what's wrong with me.Well, I mean, listen.But I'm on this journey.I think it's cool. And even if you're skeptical, like, and you don't believe in it, it's working.Even if it's psychosomatic.Correct.If it's just, like, in your head, like, whatever works.
19:45Like, that's my thing with, like, astrology, honestly, is that, like, if it's helpfulto you, who cares if it's real?You know, like, if you have been able to process some, like, area of your life through the fucking, like,Zodiac, then go offQueen. Like, I don't give a shit. Well, because alsothe disappointment hits faster. So, like, I wastalking to these guys, and then I left and I was like,fuck, why didn't you do it in that
20:10moment or, like, do something? So, like, I feellike the, I'm immediatelylike, no, next time you have, like, I, like, feelit right away. Yeah. The disappointment.Do you, before this show,were you going on, like, real dates, too?No, I had to stop myself. Yeah, becausethe problem was, like, we knew maybe
20:26like six months that it was about to happen.So I'd be like, if I start the C-Sown,like, hey, I have to go film a show where I'm going to marry someone,so this can't get serious at all, which is obviously not what you want to hearwhen you start to like someone.Right, right.But, yeah, I got myself in a little bit of trouble early on.But I was trying to be good coming into it and take it serious.
20:44When was the last time you, like, in real life, just met someone organicallyand went on a couple of dates with them?I think it was a while ago.Like, it was, because I was being super conscious before the show, too,because I know the girls are like, you know,buying outfits, they're getting their makeup, they're telling their friends, like, they'reabout to go on the show or something.If I don't do that, and if I'm just being a slut, then nothing's going to change.
21:08So I think it was like a little bit before that where I was like, okay, let me get intothis and try to figure it out.Like, after my dad had passed, I came back and started dating someone quite quickly, and thenthe show called, and I was like, all right, well, this is all done.That's tough.I mean, was there any part of you that was like, maybe I shouldn't do the show,maybe I should see this through?No.
21:30Money calls.The check was good.Yeah.And I was just like, in this economy?Yeah, I got to do it.No, basically with that other person, I was just like, I just know.Like, we were just buddy.No, I mean, that's the answer.
21:40Because you're open, like, can you be married?Do you ever think like, am I too slutty to be married?Well, yeah, definitely.Yeah.So what do you, how do you?I mean, and that's the question of the show.Yeah.I can find out on the finale of Wanna Mary Harry,
21:55or Let's Marry Harry tonight on Netflix.Coming back on, are you too slutty.to be married.That's your show.I'm interested.No, I want to be in love.But I like the idea of being a gay guy.Yeah.
22:09Yeah, it'd be fun.Gay guy life seems really great.It's honestly great.Because you are in love with your husband.Very in love with.But you guys are in the streets and it's beautiful.Yeah, I want to do that.The situation you have is very aspirational.
22:21Yes.I, well, yeah.No, and it works.And the thing is, it's not like, it requires so much talking all the time talking andcommunication.And the thing is, though, is that, like, I think that people, the thing that people don't or misunderstand or willfully misunderstand, I think about non-monogamy, too, is that, like, the sex I have with my husband is very specific and loving and spiritual and connected, and I love it. And it's so its own thing. But sometimes I just want to be a fucking fun. Sometimes you just want to be a whole, you know? And that is, that is a different kind of sex. And people understand this, by the way. Like, they understand that, like, when they make a meal for their part.They've infused meaning into them.A lot of crazy.
23:02In a way that like when they cook for some rando,it's not as meaningful to them.It's not as special because you make something specialwith your partner.Yeah, I also don't cook.This show is really bad.Yeah.People have different relationships to sex.
23:15And I respect that.And like, like, there are people who thinkit's just like more sacred than I do.And that's fine.Well, because I also dated someone onceand you know this person, that they were slutty.and that's what I liked about them.And we were long distance.
23:44So I was like, you can go be slutty.They're like, absolutely not gonna wait to fuck you,cheating on me the whole time.Yeah.Oh my God, just be open.But I was like, fine with you fucking.Like, what the fuck?Yeah.
23:54And they fucked someone that I had fucked.Oh my God.Like, while texting me.It was like twisted.It was twisted.And that, the thing is, it's not,that wasn't that they're a slut.Is they wanted the, unfortunately,
24:08the lying and the secrecyand the, and like getting away with it.was part of it.Yeah, yeah.In a big way.Like, it didn't, like, because that's the thing is, like, I can, my husband and I can stillcheat on each other.We can still, there's still infidelity.
24:22It's just, it's just, we've had to really define it for ourselves of what that looks like.Like, I'm sorry, but, like, he can fuck whoever he wants, but if he was watchingfucking Game of Thrones with someone else, it would be over.Like, that's, like, that's a violation that we have decided for ourselves is thatthere are moments that are sacred just for us and, like.Is it any show or is it Game of Thrones?Game of Thrones.I wouldn't actually give a shit about Game of Thrones.
24:44But there are definitely, like, things and people and, like,situations where it would be not okay.And, like, it's very similar to what you were just describing.It's, like, you gave her, them, you gave them permission, and they still just wanted to be bad.That was it.Yeah.That's crazy.Because I don't even, and I think that's most cheaters, by the way.
25:08I don't think that most cheaters are just.like uncontrollably horny, although that is certainly a brand.But like I do think that it is like people wanting to like have that like jolt ofexcitement when they're like going behind someone's back.And that's the exciting one.Yeah.Cheaters not to be trusted.Cheaters not to be trusted.
25:29Except for Harry Johnson.Who has a new show.Too slutty for Mary.On the show.What kind of wedding do you want to have?Oh yeah, yeah.We had a whole wedding.It was crazy.
25:41What'd you wear?A suit?Cute.Nice.It was crazy.And it was very, like, weird because being a guest at your own wedding is also strange to.Because, like, I didn't know who was coming.Oh, wow.
25:53I didn't know who was going to be there.So when Netflix asked, like, who is your dream guest to, like, have at the wedding?They asked me before we film the show.So I threw a few random names in there to try and get some, like, famous people.And so halfway through filming, they're like, hey, you didn't put a contact name beside Chris Angel.And I was like, but we need a major.magician so get in contact with him your Netflix like figure it out and they were just like but do you know him I'm like what what answer do you want to hear that will make him come yeah and then obviously he wasn't there but when I was walking in I'm like who did they get who's coming and it's just like my friends and I'm like oh my boy but it was so ready because I'm like no it's like a lesson it's like no it's actually the friends you made along the way yeah about celebrities yeah it was really sad because then I was standing there I was like oh my god there's all my friends and family here and then all these random people I've never never metmet before because it was the person. Did you like the dress that she pecked? Yeah, it was perfect.
26:46Okay. Nice. Yeah. Um, your friend and your ex both, uh, had a say on the show with who youwere dating on the show. Um, uh, what, what was that like for you? Um, you know, it was a lot. It was a, it wasvery interesting to have an ex there, but hats off to her because like, I don't know if I could dothat for her. Like, it was pretty brave because they were picking the people and eliminating the peoplethroughout the whole process.So it's not a rose situation.It was your ex and your best friend.Yeah, they were just like, you're going.
27:18But you made the final call.Yeah, because it got to a point where I was like,I don't, like this is getting stupid.Like you guys need to let me make a decision,which I regret because who needs their own thoughts,especially me?Should I just like, whenever it came down on the final two,I'm asking all the producers, like, who would you guys pick?
27:33Like, who's your favorite?Like, we can't tell you.Out in the real world, is this how you operate?Is this how you operate?Is you outsource opinions and?I should do it more.Yeah, I don't do it as much as I should,but I really shouldn't think.
27:44I think that's the lesson in all this.How much do you, too, let friends and family dictate who you date?I think too much.I think I really, really value the opinions of my friends.And, well, my family is actually more, it's like, if you like them, cool.But, like, my friends will sometimes have strong opinions,and I really, I really do value that.And sometimes there have been moments where it's like a friend really didn't like someone I was dating.
28:14And it kind of like got a little weird.But yeah, I do value my friend's opinions.What do they often not like about the guys that you choose?I think they don't like if I choose a white guy.Yeah.You know?It's so boring.I'm like.
28:35White guy's boring?No, I was like, I get it.It's boring to, like, make that the center of your, like, criteria, I guess.Sure, sure, sure.It's, like, either way.Like, just, like, your relationship should just be chill.Yeah, yeah, yeah.It shouldn't be, like, I want a white guy because I want to prove that I can get one.
28:54And it shouldn't be, like, I'm closing myself off to these things.I mean, no, it's totally fair to date whoever the fuck you want to date for whatever reason.But for me, I was, like, I never pictured myself marrying a white man.Yeah.But I'm not going to not be like, I'm not going to deny myself someone who gets me and loves me unconditionally because the optics don't look great to randos on the internet.And I want to make it clear I'm actively trying not to date white people, but it just happens.But there are so many of you.I've been, I've been really, I've been like really put in myself.
29:28I'm like, hey, let's make this happen.Let's make this.I'm like, listen, I'm way more sympathetic to that, like, intense for.straight couples, but babe, we are likehow many percentage of thefucking world gay men?There's already so few of usthat it's like, if, I
29:45just was like, I can't affordto be, like, if I want to find a goodperson who aligns with meon X, Y, Z.But if that aligns with me on the thingsthat are important to me, likeI'm not, I'm, that's notthe number one important thing. I know,
30:01it's hard, because like there's connection, there'sphysical attraction, but then there's also like, okay,our personalities, our lifestyle.Polytics.There's so many factors.The way you navigate the world.Yeah, it is scary.How did your friends react to the people that you've dated?
30:18Well, after I broke up with the guy I dated in Chicago for a long time,everyone's like, yeah, that was weird.And I was like, no one wanted to give me a heads up.But whatever.No, my best friend definitely hated that X.But I haven't dated.Like I told you, I haven't dated in years.So right now, everyone's very.
30:35very invested and I'm texting constantlywith like 18 different hitches.Like I feel like I have like, oh, it will Smith.You know what I mean?I just am like, what bar should we meet at?We're coming here, he's going over there.So I have a lot of people investedbecause I've just not been able to like date for so long.
30:48So everyone's just kind of excited for me.Everyone's waiting.Everyone's waiting, everyone's pumped.And then, you know, so everyone's weighing in.But I think about this a lot because friendship hangs,like going on group vacations,like getting a house in Palm Springs.That's such a part of my life.
31:03Yeah.And I would love to be with someone that like integrateso we can hang.Yeah.Because I was telling someone like,I want to meet someone that wants to do stuff.I like going to sporting events or concertsor like art museum.
31:14Like I do stuff.I like to lounge and they're like,well, you can do those things by yourself.And it's like, no, I've been doing things by myselffor a long time.I want someone that wants to do these things with me.So that's the friend thing that's hardwhere it's like, if you're connected with someone
31:27and you're vibing, like that should be the number one thing.But if they can't get along with your friendsand your people.I know because I want my partner to be like a part of my friend group.I would never listen to my parents because I would never want anything close to what they have.So their opinion means nothing to me.But yeah, I want them to like also hang out with my friends or if I'm not there we do Thanksgiving together.Like I want that.
31:54Yeah.I really want that.That was like an early thing.One of my friends pointed out about my husband is that they said he's a take him anywhere sort of person, which was I didn't even realizehow paramount it was to what I needed because I am just like taking him to places and he is truly likehe takes you to burning man yeah it's true but it is like it's like it's like I say he's like a furbie I canset him in front of the wall and he will go like I can take he can talk to literally any person andconnect with any person and it's very like freeing it's so special what's the hardest part
32:39about keeping multiple people straight when you're dating around or what's the biggest problemwith dating multiple people in general.I can't even get one person to date me.Like, this question could not have been further from my life.I'm, like, juggling multiple people, I wish.I'm fucking wish.There's never been a point when you've had a Sophie's choice decision.I actually had not even been hooking up with people for, like, probably over two years.
33:01And then I went to hypnotherapy this year.And now I've been in the streets.And it's been awesome.It's really been life-changing.Yeah, I've been, like, really having, like, sex with a lot of different people.Okay, so you are sort of juggling then.Yeah, but I'm not dating.I would say I meet them at night.
33:17And I never see them again.Well, one I am going to see again,but he lives in a poly community upstate,so it's really humiliating for me.Yeah, that's tough.The internet.That sounds like a field match if I've heard of.Yes.
33:31But I guess, like, what for you would make,what is the deciding factor in taking somethingfrom a hookup to I want to see you again?Like, what made you want to see this man in his communeafter hooking up?He texted me.again and said I'm coming back to town.So the bar is on the ground.
33:46The bar is on the ground.He's not, there's not a lot of effort.He's there.No, he said he's coming to town to buy an engagement ring for his one of his people.Well, they're Polish.Yeah, they're like, I didn't know what that meant.Oh, yeah.They just have everyone.
34:01Polly is multiple partners.I would kill someone.Open.It's just like, there's a lot of different versions of open.But Polly is specifically like not only you're having sex outside of your primary relationship,but you're having relationships.relationships.Oh, it sounds stressful.
34:14And sometimes Polly's, it's like, I know Polly relationships where it's like they'reall dating each other.Like there's like three guys at the Thruple, they're all in love.And then I know Polly situations where it's like, okay, there's a main couple and each of themhas a boyfriend, but that boyfriend is not the other's boyfriend too.Which again, like, I am, my partner and I are very non-monogamous, but I couldn't jugglelike the emotional investment in an unableness.another person. That sounds like so much work.
34:44No, it's sick.The Google Calendar is immense.Yeah.Yeah, it has to be shared.It's gotta be crazy.So open makes sense to me.Like you're out and about, something happens, but to go to real, yeah, Paul, yeah.But I am gonna have sex with this person again.
34:56Well, no, because I mean, it's in the calendar.Yeah.Okay.We could, this is not the Polly episode.But I did send someone home this week.He talked too much game on the app and wasn't bringing it and I said, I'm not feeling this.You have to leave.And then everyone's surprised that he left and I'm like, the bar is low for men.
35:09Like, people are like, I can't believe you didn't get strangled or like a saltDo either of you have an ex that you would trust to weigh in on your dating choices?Oh.No.No.No.Damn.Really?
35:24How did you, like, which, how did you choose this ex out of all the minutes?Basically, with Netflix, I said, you can interview all my exes.And they were all pretty unfriendly.That's some bonus content that they need to release is those interviews.No, but when I came to Georgia, she, we had just recently recently reached.connected and become really good friends. So I'm like, obviously, this is the person I would love to dothis with. But I don't want to have any rules or regulations around it. But there was one X that took acall and I was hosting a charity event. And she sent her, like, agent and manager there to tell me to
35:55send Netflix a message to send a contract. And I was like, I don't even know they called her. And they'relike, well, basically she's doing it. And I'm like, no, I don't think so. I'm like, maybe we couldhave like a sit down meal and close the loop and be all good. Like, that would be nice. Like,you've moved on I'm about toand then the first day of filmingwhen we get on set they're like yeahthey showed me like one of the producers showed me their phoneof them just back to back
36:19rolling ringing trying to get on the showI'm like it's all done but apparently she wassuper unpleasant in the calls and justwanted to come and rip my head offwhich would have been good a different kind of showyeah yeah actually you should have had bothof them on as it was sort of pointcounterpoint I probably would kill myself
36:36oh you know what else I've been thinking aboutI've been um this issomething I've just been chatting about and it's not, I think, the common perspective out in theworld, but I also wouldn't date a man who didn't have female friends.Oh, that's a red flag.I think a lot of people don't want their partners to have opposite gender friends, but to me,like, if there is no woman that feels safe around you or wants to your friend or you can'tsee a woman outside of sex, that's like such a deal breaker to me.
37:04I feel the same about guys who don't have any gay friends.Like, I find that very strange.and a friend of mine just broke up with a guyand, like, he didn't have any gay friendsand I was, like, willing to, like, be like, like, he's younger than us.Maybe, like, he's just, like, he's very work, you know, busy, whatever.And then I was like, but then it immediately became clearthrough stuff that he said about us to my friend
37:28that, like, he was definitely just, like, one of those, like,I just don't get along with other gay guys because, you know, reasons.And it just is, like, such a weird, like, I'm like...I'm a girl's gay.Yeah, yeah.I'm not like the other ones.I'm not like just drag race.I don't care, you know.
37:44Then don't come to drag race.Like it is just like such a weird.I just don't trust it.I also don't trust gay men who don't have at least one good female friend though too.Of course.Because you gotta have at least one.What were you doing in middle school?Who'd you go to prom with money?
38:02Yeah.You are probably more well well.more well-versed than any of us in this room about how to navigate someone's jealousy over you datingsomebody else at the same time that you're dating them you just don't care yeah just turn off theemotion flip the switch yeah yeah um it's it there's no like has there ever been a situation whereit's been reversed and you have been the jealous yeah no there's definitely been moments like early onespecially in this space like there's so many there's always someone more money or more followers or aboutbetter body or something like this early on i'll always be like conflicted a little bit but i remember
38:44the first time i came into like this whole world and this girl that i was leading from the showshe was telling me about all these famous guys she's hooked up with and i got so excited and she'slike what's wrong with you and i'm like that's cool my girl slept with these guys like that's sickand apparently that was the wrong answer no she wanted you to be jealous that is so funny becauseshe that is so funny that she wanted you to freak outBut that is exactly how I respond.Sometimes when my husband, after I've been on the road, we'll come home and he'll be like,and I'll be like, what did you do?
39:15And he'll be like, oh, this guy came over and he'll show me the picture.And I'll be like, hell fucking, yeah.It's awesome.It's good for you.It's like, yes, my baby did that.That's with a kitty back.That is so funny.So you don't generally speaking get super jealous.
39:31I think there's been more, obviously we will have those moments and I've had some of those,but also it's like so exciting.I'm like, good for you.Go get that sausage.Yeah, I guess for me, I was always pretty jealous when I was dating people.And you're in the pool of all those guys.Right.I feel like on that level.
39:46Exactly.Yeah, you're in the panache.Oh, yeah, it's like a compliment.It's like, oh, we're, we're, I'm like.We're both doing it.I'm like LeBron.That guy was.I think it comes from a, it's, okay, yeah.
39:58It comes from a security thing because like, clearly you're like truly one of the most, like,absurdly secure people on planet Earth and wouldn't need to feel jealous.Because, like, when I was dating people.and like I knew that they were also seeing other people.I would get jealous because I just had no,I just wasn't confident enough in the way that they felt about me.And that's where like with my husband,I can't think of a moment that I've been jealous
40:23because I just know like, well, you're not going to find anybody.You like more than me.Yeah, I think that was one of the moments that I hadwhere I was just like, this girl was like,oh, I'm going to go date other people, whatever else.And my thing, my instant reaction was,you should do it.Like, go do it, but I just know you're not going to laugh as hard as you do when you're with me.
40:41Yes.Go figure it out and come back.That was one of the girls on the show.She did that as well.She's like, I want you to go and date all of them because you just know you're going to come back to me.And it happened.Yeah.It worked.
40:52I mean, I think that is the way to approach situations like that.No, I'm not a, not even romantically, but overall in life, I'm not a jealous person.And I had a pang of jealousy a few months ago.And it killed me.And I was like, I don't know how people deal with this all the time.What a gross emotion.Like, I hate it.I am a jealous bitch, though.
41:13It was for something so embarrassing.It was for something so embarrassing, too.I was like, I actually feel bad for people that are jealous all the time because this sucks.I hate it.I hate it.I am.When my ex got in a relationship with someone else, I was like, oh.Because that fucks me up for like a week.
41:31I was like, oh, my God.Do you still like them?Yeah, I mean, like, here's the thing.Like, I appreciate, it's cool that you.can have like exes that come back into your life.I don't get how people can do that.Whenever I see an ex of mine and I hang out with them for like a, or like even an hour,I'm like, I'm getting feelings for you again.
41:49Like how do people, I don't get how people can like, that's why I'm kind of like nocontact a little bit because I'm like, I don't, I don't know how people do this.Are you normally the one who gets broken up with or you do the breaking up?The first boyfriend, he broke up with me.second one it was like mutualbutI don't knowI don't know how people do it
42:10which is so much time and pastlike with her like we dated four years agookay and then we went through like the online battleof like story times and howHarry's the worst guy ever and all this stuffand then it got to a point wherewe would just keep running into each otheror like we'd see each other and then my dad
42:25kicked the bucket and she reached out and I was like okayyou're a good personlike we should no I'm not good with it all of themlike hate them allum yeahso don't worryI feel like that with everyone.She's a good one.
42:36Before you guys go, in one sentence,what is one piece of advice you'd give our listenersto make their love's lives better?You all seem to be varying degrees of experts on this.I would love to hear.One bit of advice.I have to go first.Anybody who is what you can go first.
42:54I know.I didn't like that one bit.For a relationship to work?For a relationship, you mean?Just to make their dating lives better.Their love lives in general.What's one thing that you do?You know what?
43:04I don't know.Okay, this is something that I do.I don't know if it's good or not.But if you love someone, say it.I think, I don't think, I don't think you should hold back.Yeah, then hold back.Word on your sleeve.Yeah.
43:20I like that.This is, full disclosure, like something I talk about on stage,but my husband, I said I love you first,and then he was mad because he was like,I was planning, I was going to say I love you the other day,but I was acting like,a little bitch that day.So he didn't wanna say it.
43:37Yeah, I love you guys.I wanna meet him.Yeah, yeah, yeah.So I got there first.Yeah, I agree.Yeah, or like, not even love,but like double texting or this and thator if you wanna see someone.
43:48Just do it.Just do it.Life is too short to play coin.Somebody else on this podcast once said that like,you shouldn't be afraid to double textthe person that you're like involved with.Like you, it like they might be busy,but like more text messages from me.
44:04you should never be an inconvenience to someone that you're dating.Worst case, it's like, oh, that's a lot from this person.Okay, that's the worst case scenario.Yeah, you don't want to see so much blue as you're scrolling through.But like, I don't know.Don't play, just life's too short.Go for it.Yeah, I think mine would be one thing that I've been figuring out is being better.
44:23Like, have the conversation even if it's uncomfortable.And I feel like that's something that I was lucky in the past.It's like just making sure whether it's like with my person, if they have a, if they have a,if they have a problem, don't worry about how I feel,I'll deal with it, but just express yourself.And I feel like that's probably a little bit what you were saying.Don't be afraid to express yourself and let people know.Oh, God, so hard.
44:48Communication is the key and answer to everything.And yeah, it's so hard.I would say we think so much, this isn't an original thought,but we think so much about what we want another person to be,but we should become those people, you know,like demanding or expecting things of partners that you're not doing.Like for me, it's like I'm a messy person.And so it's like, well, I want someone that would clean or something.
45:11It's like, no, you have to clean your own apartment.You know, it's like, you get to the earth.Like, you want someone that looks a certain way.You want a task grab it, babe.That's what you're looking at.Like, we just sometimes have like physical ones or like all these things.And it's like, but what are you?What are you?
45:27What are you up to you? So become that person for yourself.I like that.That's a great one.That's a great one.That's a great one.Yeah, I guess like, I would say, and this is like especially applicable, I think, to me, because being in a non-monogamous relationship, like, but like, I think this is true for every couple.But your rules can change whenever you want them to and based on however you're feeling in that moment.Like, I cannot tell you how many times, like, I've been on the road or something like that.
45:55And I'm like, hey, is it okay if I do X, Y, Z?And he'll say yes.but because of that night or what ever is going on that night,sometimes I'll get a text on the way over.That'll be like, actually, I'm sorry, I have sat with it and I'm not okay with that.And it's like, we used to be afraid of like, there used to be like,oh, but like if they're already on the way, then like this is annoying.And like, there's a lot of other situations outside of hooking up with someone outside of your relationship
46:20that this is applicable to, but like you can say something is okay.And it is at any point, fine.Unless you're a straight man married to a woman.and you decide you want to be Polly seven yearsinto the relationship out of nowhere.Sure, sure, sure, sure.Yeah.And be like, actually, I've always been Polly.
46:35Yeah, you can't do that.Agreed.Agreed with that.Yeah, I just mean like comfort, I guess.Like, it's okay to reset boundaries.Like, once a boundary is set, does not meanit it's permanently set.Like, and it goes back to communication too.
46:48But I had to learn that a lot, which is like,oh, I said I was cool with X, Y, Z thing,but now I have to be cool with it forever.And that's not, that's not, that's not,Not the case.Wow, I think we solved it, you guys.We solved it.We solved it.
47:05Congrats on your wedding.Yeah, congratulations.Yeah, I can't wait to see.I'm very excited.You know what is interesting?I wonder what you feel about this because you've interacted with more of them.But the love is blind people.I do find, obviously there are glaring exceptions to this rule,
47:25but I think because they go to these weird cities,are these weird citiesand they're notpulling from peoplejust from L.A.A lot of them, I do believe,aren't in itsolely for
47:36these social media following.No, they're not,but they're sickos.These are like religious people.But they're fucked upin a different way.No, they're religiousand conservative.
47:45They're very,there's like religiousundertones to all of it.Dylan Adler,what are you doing these dayswhere can people find you?Oh my God.I'm on tour, bitch.
47:54Chicago, Minneapolis,Pittsburgh.Portland, Maine, Dallas, Texas, Phoenix,very low ticket warning, meaning little tickets sold.So get your tickets now, or else.Are you going to Bottle Rock in Pittsburgh?Yeah, it's great.It's great.
48:14I had so much fun.Although I will say, the shows were packed.It's not a huge space.But after one of the shows, this girl came up to me shaking after the show,and she was like, why would you ever come to a place like this?And I was like, it's Pittsburgh, it's not like, Fallujah.Like, this is fine.I was like, have some more, yeah, I was like, have some more self-esteem about your city.
48:35Like, you live here.I can't believe you came here.I'm like, it's on the calendar.I don't care.I got to make money.Okay, yeah.Okay, Lisa Trager, what are?Again, I have lots of tickets available to all of my shows all over this country.
48:46That's crazy, bitch.I know.But I-you?Listen, if Post Malone and Megan Traynor are canceling tours, then what are we doing?Yeah, honey.But I'm going to be in Cleveland, Dallas, Philly, D.C., Austin, the Hampton soon.Doing some Brooklyn stuff.Always New York.
49:05Check me out.Where can they find you online?At glitter cheese is my Instagram.And if you want to look at my side project, I recreated all of heated rivalries scene-by-sceneusing images from the Simpsons.So that's pinned on the Instagram.Love, love, love, love.It took about four days.
49:22I actually did it in Pittsburgh.I finished in Pittsburgh.Definitely, definitely.There's a really good zoo in Pittsburghand a great art museum in Minneapolis.I want to go to the zoo.Yeah.I don't like art.
49:32Okay.Harry Joussey, let's marry Harry.Oh, I'm in a TV show.Survival of the Biggest.I'm sorry.Give you so much time.Season three survival of the thing.No, I have to stop talking about my Simpsons project.
49:46I am on a TV show and I have a Netflix special.Please watch it.Harry Joussey is in Let's Marry Harry.finale's out now,reunions coming up.Anything else you're doing these days?I have another show on Hulu coming out soon.I'm not sure when.
50:00Is it another dating show?What is it?It's called the mob.Yeah, it's like Hulu's version of Traders,so I'm not sure.I think that's coming at the end of the year,which should be good.Would you ever do that show?
50:09The Traders?Not after doing this one.It was so stressful.Oh my God.And then everyone is just ready to go to war,and I'm like, this is a lot of pressure.And I'm not good of thinking.I can't wait.
50:20It's like in the trader's vein.Yeah, same production company.Got it, got it, got it.Hopefully that's out soon, and then hopefully people like me after the finale and the reunion.Well, we like you now, so this is a nice little time capsule for you, Harry Josie.I'm Joel Kim Booster.This has been Intimacy Coordinator.If you liked what you heard today, please give us a rating wherever you're listening to this.
50:40Five stars only.If you have a critique, I will only look at the five-star reviews.So if you want me to see it, put it in a five-star review.Anything less I don't pay attention to.Thank you to Brian.and Anne and everyone behind the glass who makes this show possible.Everyone at Smartless, I'm your host, Joel Kimbooster.We'll see you next week with another edition of Intim Music Coordinator.
51:01Bye-bye.
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