Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 81: Adventure Parks in Puerto Rico

Episode Date: June 17, 2020

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. And if you're just joining us, we're live from Evan's living room. It looks like Evan is about to purchase tickets to today's match. Kate, the real test is, will he use the BMO Toronto FC cashback MasterCard? Well, if he wants to earn cashback on his purchases, he will, and... Oh, hang on. He's at the computer with his card, he's done it. Clicky click magic trick. The clicker around the room. You guys just about finished. Sorry, we got excited. Thanks for snagging those tickets. Make every purchase highlight worthy with the BMO Toronto FC cash back master card. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think.

Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, everyone, and welcome to episode 81 of Beach 2 Sandy Water 2 Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion my name is alex i'm christine and i am ready to talk about adventure parks in puerto nope no don't do that oh puerto rico puerto rico puerto rico puerto rico good old american puerto rico we uh we went there once i know we said that at the end of last episode but we did go to a bioluminescent adventure whatever that was um and it was lovely and we ate plantains so i mean so so what she's saying is we're experts and all of our opinions are not actual opinions they are facts that we're revealing to you today. That's, thank you.

See, he can always read my mind. Yes, that's exactly what I'm trying to say. So, I mean, do we have any updates or are we just going to get into it? Well, we did Jackbox Games. I don't think we've talked about that yet. Yes, we didn't talk about, we talked about how we were going to do it

and we had a blast and it was super fun. We played with a bunch of different people. All our patrons got to participate and play along, and there were a lot of people in the audience who kind of got to submit their own stuff in the game. If you don't know what it is, Jackbox games are like interactive, I don't know games like it's it's like it's like interactive like party games yeah that you can play from anywhere from afar um yes and so we had so much fun i want to do it again at some point we raised how much money did we raise fifteen hundred dollars for color of change and that was huge so thank you everyone who participated who hung out who chatted who donated it was an incredible time.

And we'll do it again. Honestly, I hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. So I do want to do it again at some point. And I'm sure we will. And we are going to be doing something else on stream most likely within the next few weeks involving my hair. And me and my skills. And we'll be raising money. We're not sure for what yet but uh yeah if you if you want some more

hair content from us because you love the bowl cut video if you miss the bowl cut as much as i miss the bowl cut then you will be very excited for this new up and coming video it will be live live stream hair stuff yeah let's leave it at that. Let's just leave it at that. All right. And now, shall we get into it? Please. I'll get us started. I've got one of my favorite kind of reviews. This is of Toro Verde Adventure Park in Puerto Rico. This is by Julian.

One star. Great service. Super fun. I loved it. Five stars. Great service. Super fun. I loved it. Five stars. Smiley face. End of review. How many stars was that?

One star. It's so dumb. These are so dumb. I know I always use these and they're so dumb and not even funny. But sometimes I can get it if it's like four and they misclicked it. But one is pretty fucking bad. And I've like stopped using the ones where they say one star, but they give one star and then say positive things.

But this time they literally explicitly said five stars and left one star. That's so sad. And you know how the company, the owner usually says like, hey, like wink, wink, nudge, nudge nudge maybe you want to i don't think that's what that phrase is for you want to um update your review so it actually is five stars um this time they just said like we're so glad you had an excellent time thanks for your kind comments they were like we've tried that tactic it doesn't work you just gotta lean into it it honestly earned my respect i was like okay i kind of like that they just were positive despite the fact that they were just received a one-star review i'm pretty sure that they're just playing

mind games but you know it's working on me it's working well i actually went to the exact same place um to start and it's uh the toro verde adrenaline and extreme tours zipline and aerial adventure parks jeez i did not see that title that was on a trip advisor and uh this place stresses me out because it's a lot of ziplining people questioning the caliber of the equipment which i'm sure is fine but just reading about people's concerns about the dangers of plummeting to your death makes me a little bit anxious. I feel like people wanted, I mean, you could, it's one of those situations you can't make anyone happy because you had some people complaining about the lack of safety and the other people were complaining about too much safety.

Yes, yes, that's true. It drove me crazy. That's true, because some people were like, yeah, they wouldn't let my five-year-old go on it by himself. And then I was like,

wait a second. That seems like a terrible idea. It's like the longest zip line in the country or in the world or I don't know. Yeah.

Okay, well, I have one star by Neil. Neil says, What gives? Rented car to drive here, which was nerve-wracking due to narrow roads. We set appointment for 1 p.m., and when we got to the roof at 1245, they said they ran out of equipment. Finally, at 4 p.m., we zipped down three hours later, and then we had to wait over 30 minutes for a truck to come pick us up.

Unbelievable. I left at 4.55 p.m. and was almost run off all the narrow roads like a dozen times on the way back to san juan if you're a celebrity like jimmy fallon you'll be fine okay first of all the roads and the driving is not the fault of the park that was what got me first and then yeah i will say i abridged this to like an eighth of its initial review and all that was in the middle was just like and then at 4 10 p.m they said we had to wait another 15 minutes oh i thought it'd be jimmy fallon like fanfic in the middle or something jimmy fallon came zip lining through no um that jimmy fallon line just got me good because i was like

wait hold on why what i mean i guess because he doesn't have to wait in line i just i guess but like why is the only celebrity you can think of it's very specific what if he's actually been there what if like oh maybe maybe maybe he did a video there or something i don't know i don't know jimmy fallon's life though apparently this guy does or this whoever that was this is actually johnny fallon jimmy's brother and he's like everywhere i go i get worse service than my older brother it's so unfair i'm not a celebrity like he is oh yeah that's how that's kind of like your life oh yeah i know every time i go zip lining it's like i was there the week before yeah you were you were always there before me and

you set the bar too high and then i plummet speaking of that sounds like high school except reverse except except the reverse of the reverse except we had yeah the reverse of the reverse i did i said a very low but i did go ahead of you but i said a low bar is what you're saying yeah well except for when we took that stats class together i did get a much better grade to be fair i was two years older than you but i did i had i had one semester or sorry one quarter where i had my worst grade i've ever had in high school that was stats yep i did pretty well in stats as you know and then i got an a in the final quarter. A poor man, Al. Al Sagal.

Oh, good old Al. He was not a fan of most of us for good reason. Anyway, your turn. Someone emailed us that they like our tangents about. I saw that. I was like, bullshit. Nobody likes that. I think that one doesn't count, though.

That was not even anything interesting. Oh, my God Nobody likes that. I think that one doesn't count, though. That wasn't even interesting. That was not even anything interesting. Oh, my God. Woof. Okay. Let's keep going. Please. This is another one of Toro Verde Adventure Park.

This is by- Jimmy Fallon? Never mind. I thought it was Jimmy Fallon. Using a pseudonym. It's Just Enjoy Life is the name of the reviewer. That would be something he would say. Yeah.

This is a two-star review. Nice place to go ziplining. Hope you have a good life insurance. End of review. Oh, my God. Because I'm going to murder you and take it all. I'm going to. Probably because they just messed with the

equipment before they left. All the carabiners have been unhooked. And gnawed at. Like a beaver. Just enjoy life, just run around chewing on good hearty equipment

so it fails. The sentence I just said really i wish i had never said uh i didn't see my life going down this path and here we are okay excuse me don't you hate when thousands of people listen to what you say and then you say that correct that's precisely my problem yeah that's precisely my problem i don't know who gave me this platform but they made a big mistake really huge huge okay this is a um one star view of the same place by mia super expensive and didn't get the expected experience we were nowhere near the 95 mile per hour advertised speed it was less than half of that. Also, on their website, they promised a flight certificate and a pilot license,

which we didn't get either. End of review. Is that a joke? I think someone was on the wrong website. Wait, what did you expect? A pilot license. Can you expect? A pilot license. Can you imagine? This ziplining experience.

I ruined my pilot's license. Wait, what? It's like leaving your, I mean, not leaving the country in this case, but it's like one of those scenarios where people say like, oh, yeah, he got his license out of the country because they had different requirements um they like go ziplining in in puerto rico to get their pilot's license so insane like in community when just like i got my law degree from colombia and now i have to get one from the united states oh yeah exactly exactly uh oh my god yes so apparently

mia was extremely disappointed that a she didn't go 95 miles per hour on a rope which is not something you should want to do and also uh the pilot license and a flight certificate, which, no, not quite. I have a flight certificate. You do. Tim gave me for my birthday a trip. That's our stepdad. He gave me a flight. I got to fly a plane.

It was, I mean, can we have a moment of silence for the pilot? He was suffering the whole time i really don't like heights i don't know what tim was thinking but um i was very proud i have my little certificate framed um uh in my room at home and uh proud of it proud of it i'm gonna rub it in mia's face by the way you should did you go 95 miles per hour i think we went like a little like a little less than half like mia was saying going like 30 miles per hour yeah it was cool when the plane which stayed on the ground most of the time did that little hop we just rolled around once we reached 45 miles per hour all the cars were like honking because we were going so slow

oh no oh man anyway um okay your turn my next one is um of altitude trampoline park one star horrible place music too loud it sounds like poop what i don't know the music sounds like poop that's what i wasn't sure about i want to think that like the trampolines do hmm yeah it might be a bad sign for this i really sent my brain in the wrong direction for that i don't i want to reel it back in i don't really what's what direction are you going please how trampolines could sound like poop the many ways yeah well those springs i don't know so i'm saying yeah nope i make a trampoline? That sounds just like poop to me. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

I feel like that one just kind of pushed me off a cliff and let me go. That's why I picked it. Not because it was funny or good, but because I knew it would affect you negatively. It really did. It really did. Yeah. Normalize constipation 2020. Yeah, no.

I'm in agreement. Sorry. That's why I was silent there Oh, okay Here come the carrots making their way upfield Followed by the whole wheat bread Over to the two dozen eggs Sir, do you do this every time? Sorry, I've been a little excited ever since I got this BMO Toronto FC cashback mastercard Oh, and the broccoli boots

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in your first three months. Terms and conditions apply. I have a review of Karabali Rainforest Park. This is two stars by Gail. Went ATVing through Elegant Tour Company, bought a package through Costco. The ATV part of the tour was fun. Rode for a little bit, came to a river, and was able to jump off rocks and swim around in the pond area. When we came back, our guide collected items, however, didn't give specific

instructions. My husband went over to the restaurant area, and I ended up ordering an appetizer to go. Fried cheese. About five minutes. Watching you read that and pause. Okay, to be fair, there's at least four spaces, then a parenthesis. So I wanted to give the right... What's the word denouement i wanted to give the right feel to it i guess yes i felt good i ended up ordering an appetizer to go

fried cheese about five minutes went by and the tour leader of the atv group came in and started yelling at me that I was not to order food. The van was waiting to take everyone back to the hotels. At no point was I ever instructed not to order food. I told the driver that I would leave without taking the food and he said, well, too late now, you already ordered. The waitress brought my food out and my husband started laughing. He said, I told the tour guide to go in and yell at you about ordering food. What? My, oh my god.

What a twist. What a twist, right? My husband started laughing. He said, I told the tour guide to go in and yell at you about ordering food. Here's the thing. I am all for a good joke, but at no time did the guide ever tell me it was a joke. This experience ruined my whole trip on the ATVs. I ended up very upset that no one said a word.

ATV experience was okay. Swimming was great. great tour guide not fun end of review literally this tour guide and my husband had some fun but this guy's not fun i was gonna say like this poor tour guide was like i guess i have to do it because my client here wants me to do it and i i'm hoping for a tip and he says it'll be hilarious to yell at his wife i mean i don't know i don't know why this is a tour guide's fault i don't know as a tour guide well i i don't know like i wouldn't if i were in that person's position as in the tour guide's position i don't know what the hell i would do like i wouldn't want to say no i'd be nervous about that but at the same

time i don't want to like prank someone like that and no and a lot of times i will say too a lot of the reviews of this exact place said the tour guides uh english was not their first language and i'm like so you're having this fucking guy you're saying go in there and scream at my wife like that's insanity and i like how the wife says i'm all about how hilarious that joke was but the tour guide ruined the whole thing i mean maybe maybe maybe blame your husband for this one what a nut job please i feel like i couldn't go anywhere like i'd be so anxious all the time if that guy were like looking for hilarious pranks to pull i know that's terrible that makes me anxious thinking about it like well i would not have handled that well i'm gonna go buy some fried

cheese and he's like i know just the thing to ruin her whole day yeah i love how but everything was positive it's just this one tour guide wasn't fun like i don't know so or he was fun he agreed to do the stupid joke whatever yeah the husband needs to write his own review that's the thing the husband probably didn't write a review talking about how great the tour guide i need to hear from all angles here we need a tour guide to write a review as well. Correct. I actually have one more of the same place, Karabali Rainforest Park. This is a one-star review. Please be advised that on December 28, 2018, I had the displeasure to meet one of the employees at Hacienda Caraballo. This staff member, at the moment of the ATV orientation, observed me with my service dog on hand.

Immediately, she assumed an unprofessional attitude and informed me that my service dog could not ride with me, even that I tried to explain what a service dog is for. So this person wants to ride on the ATVs with their service dog. They said no. And then they were like, but I informed them what the service dog is for, which apparently is riding on ATVs. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. I did informed that he is a service dog that even traveled with me from New Jersey to allow me to ride. She did not even acknowledge my request and raised her tone of voice at me and told me get out of the orientation area i told her she had two choices either allowed me to ride or return my money back or get bitten by my big service dog or have both of us die um she once again assuming an aggressive posture with a loud tone of voice told me to get there and get your money. Please, if you are a tourist like I am and have disabilities possessing a service dog, stay away from this place. It is evident that she has not been trained to deal with these types of

situations. It was a very negative experience for my family and I. Unfortunately, no action have been taken against the disrespectful employee. End of review. So then I took my dog to the ziplining park and we went ziplining instead. I just like, I understand, obviously I understand that a service dog is legally allowed to be where you are. I just, for me, I don't really understand the ATV thing. I'm just worried since these ATVs that I read about from this place that you just covered, like they fall into the mud and they get tipped over and that's part of the experience. And you have to climb out of the mud and push them upright.

I'm like, I don't blame them for not wanting your dog to be crushed under an ATV. And they did respond and said, they said we are deeply sorry for your inconvenience we strive and work hard to provide our guests with the greatest experience every day and they are extremely valuable for carabali unfortunately it is very dangerous not only for the participant to ride with an animal on an atv but it also represents a risk for the animal and other riders our company policy does not allow riders to drive with animals on tours including safety dogs as it is dangerous for the animal and the driver we understand that this could have caused a loss of control

or may have endangered the safety of other guests and then they went on to apologize for the lack of supposed lack of professionalism etc but wow i mean but it's true like where does i do wonder in all seriousness like where that line kind of ends or like where that line is drawn as far as how how uh flexible that rule is or how many places you can take your service animal yeah i just wonder like out of sheer curiosity i don't know i i feel like it's something where and i could be wrong but an adventure park atv tour should be allowed to say no you cannot bring a service dog for your own safety on your yes exactly and the safety of others like it's not a grocery store it's not something where it's like

you know like a normal everyday kind of thing that you would need to go go to right i feel like this has like special rules probably because it's uh like how they wouldn't allow um like a service dog on a roller coaster. Right. Or like some places you can't go if you have like a heart monitor or whatever. I feel like that's probably adds to the danger of this experience. I mean, I can't... Can you imagine Gio on a fucking ATV ride? He would fall in the mud and then just lay there.

I also love though how they said they brought the service dog from all the way from New jersey in order to do this atv ride that i thought that's what you said i don't i don't think that's why you brought the service dog with you i hope not because that's just unreasonable i think i don't know yeah i don't i mean i i understand like that in most in most circumstances i would be on this person's side but i feel but I feel like this is just not one of them. Okay, cool. I have one. Let's see. Was that your last one?

Yeah. I have redemption. Okay. I have two more, if that's cool. This one's really short. So actually, can I just read my short one? Like all of mine usually? Yeah. Let's read them both. I'm going just read my short one like all of mine usually yeah i'm gonna read my short one and then my long one so that you can end with a redemption because i think we need it well here's a one-star review by adam of that same place car bolly

rainforest park workers are disrespectful morons with the iq of a crab end of review i just really like what that's just mean to crabs come on like okay that's mean to the employees as well but like why would you pick a crab i just thought that was particularly weird and it was in the like not recommended so i was like someone went oh there you go i don't think this is a very helpful review i beg to differ but that's that's okay now this is uh like my this is the one this is the one i'm ready are you ready oh god no wait let me shift let me shift my seating okay ready okay i believe that this this one star view is also of the toro verde adrenaline and extreme tour zipline i think i

put them out of order um but yeah so this is of toro verde adrenaline and extreme tour zipline i think i put them out of order um but yeah so this is of toro verde adrenaline and extreme tour zipline and aerial adventure parks one star by anne this park is unsafe except for people who already have prior ziplining experience i tried the beast the other day as my first ziplining experience ever and let me tell you it was awful first of all nobody explained to me that i would be flying 850 feet above the canopy the tour guide at my hotel made it sound like the zip planning would be through the beautiful trees not over them no wait through the trees how okay it sounds wait so are they saying it was like scarier yeah she says later she had a

fear of heights i'm why would you she said that sounds a lot more dangerous through the trees over the trees she said that the toy made it sound like she had to she got to fly through the trees of the jungle rather than um you know above them above them yeah but what made the experience particularly harrowing is that i got stuck in the middle of the zip line the zip line oh god that would be terrifying though but it happened apparently happens all the time they said like 30 of people end up getting stuck i mean again that was just a review so i don't know like the actual number like is it like you don't get enough have enough momentum or something i think so and i think so and it's a

mile long so it's like it's it's i guess it's like a literal mile long i know it's like the longest in i i want to say the country but i don't know this all sounds like a terrible thing correct correct um okay i got stuck in the middle of the zipline the zipline is about one mile long i literally got stuck halfway through i was suspended 850 feet sorry i'm just picturing it sounds good i started laughing okay you're gonna hear the rest and i literally had to ask blaze like is this too mean because I could not stop laughing and like understandably I would be terrified in this scenario but somehow the way that she writes it is like very entertaining I was suspended eight I was suspended 850 feet above the canopy and was completely powerless.

I was staring straight down at the tops of the trees, thinking my life was about to end. Oh no. About five minutes later, a park worker ziplined from the front of me down to where I was and told me to grab his feet. But I had been told, when the ride began, that I should use my hands to grip cords at my sides. I was scared that by removing my hands from my sides, I would plummet. I asked him if I should grab his feet with both hands, but since none of the workers there speak good English, I was not sure he understood me when he said yes. I took a chance, but mind you, at the time, I knew that if he did not understand, I would fall to my death. He pulled me to safety.

Okay, like, let's go from, go from, oh, I was gonna fall to my death. He pulled me to safety. It's like, okay. Like, if he didn't understand English properly and used the word yes without knowing what it meant. My God. I did two more zip lines after that, which by the way, what are you doing? If you're plummeting to your death every five seconds. Okay.

She's like complaining. I could have died. They're like, we can let you do it again for free. Fine. Fine. It's worth it. I did two more zip lines after that but in both cases the break at the end smashed into my helmet almost giving me a con cushion

oh that sounds like a pleasant experience actually soft landing nice cushion oh my goodness it's con and then cushion c-u-s--H-I-O-N. And also, almost giving me a concussion is not anything. I'm sorry. There's a very specific medical rule of what a concussion is. And I believe almost a concussion doesn't really mean anything. Checked all the boxes to have a concussion but one. Almost had it. Almost there but one almost had it almost there though

the break at the end smashed into my helmet almost giving me a concussion so i told them i wanted off the mountain they sent someone with an atv to come get me there were no doors or seatbelts and that man drove super fast down the steepest slopes I have ever seen. I thought I was going to die in that ATV. Okay, this is the most... I know I've said this many times throughout this podcast history, but this is the most dramatic fucking review. It keeps going. Bottom line, if you have never ziplined before,

do not have this be your first experience. Or your second or your third, I guess, in her case. And I do not think this park would ever have gotten the go-ahead to open in the continental United States. It is... I know, I was like, okay, calm down. First the English speaking thing and now this. It is extremely unsafe yes i know some readers out there will no doubt write and tell me that it is safe and that i should have known i would be

rescued but to you i say you weren't there you will never know the fear i suffered i have had no one give me any sympathy since this experience and i am sick of it oh my god can you imagine on the third one she's like why is nobody giving me any sympathy they're like you just keep going i don't know what to tell you and you're not helping your case with this whole like rant no one has given me any sympathy i like to think that's also like her family. They're like, you were fine, mom. And I am sick of it. All you adrenaline junkies out there are entitled to have your fun. But I was not expecting anything like what I endured that day.

The tour guide at my hotel did not properly explain what would be entailed. Probably because she did not speak sufficient english so holy fuck stop just stop you don't deserve sympathy if you talk like this no also like what did you so you literally thought she said like oh you're gonna get on a rope and fly through some trees to your left and right like you thought that was a safe experience also you're not reviewing that hotel we're also that you're reviewing this place like i'm sorry if you think you were misled and maybe you were a little bit by this by an employee of a different establishment why are you shitting on this place for doing their thing i don't know i don't know and she made it through it all safely

maybe her husband like orchestrated this i was like hey i don't know and she made it through it all safely maybe her husband like orchestrated this i was like hey i know it'd be really funny if you get her stuck halfway through the zip line and then try to launch her off the atv um okay let's see where am i oh my okay probably because she did not speak sufficient english so if you are just going to write and criticize me save your breath. This post is just meant for others like myself who are not into extreme sports, but who just might otherwise think that ziplining at this park does not require extreme skill and coordination. Let me tell you, it does.

If you hold the... No, now she's admitting that she has neither skill nor coordination what a bizarre review this is all over the place okay but she gives an example of why it requires extreme skill and coordination i need to know let me tell you it does if you hold the ropes at the wrong place for example you will lose your fingers i'm gonna be honest it sounds like if you listen to what the employees tell you to do and then do it you'll be fine it would seem that way in like in my opinion i don't think it takes skill to be like oh put my hands here this whole time okay oh put my hands on your your shoes okay that's like saying like be uh i was on a roller coaster. It requires extreme skill and coordination.

You're not allowed to put your hands out into the metal area of the ride. The two of us, we've skydived. We have skydived. We have. You don't believe us. I know. Skill or coordination? Absolutely not.

No, not really. We have neither of those things. It required a little bit, like enough fear to know that you had to do exactly what they said um yeah and we had plenty and we were literally strapped to other human beings right so who did everything we just kind of floated there um exactly so let me tell you it does if you hold the ropes at the wrong place for example you will lose your fingers and, the workers there will tell you that. So be warned. This is not for the inexperienced or faint of heart.

If you have a fear of heights, definitely do not go here. This is a great park for adrenaline junkies, but not for anyone who is not ready to die yet. End of review. Wow. Only go to this park if you're ready to die everyone can you imagine grandpa's like 95 and he's like okay it's my time you need to fly me to puerto rico just bring my service dog with me so i can get on the ride oh my lord adrenaline junkie grandpa yeah that was a lot i know but i just couldn't i just It kept getting worse.

And it's funny because so many other reviews were like, adrenaline junkies would hate this place. Because it goes five miles per hour. Yeah, and so many complaints about the ATVs going so slow. And it's like, you have to stay in a straight line. I kept getting scolded at. And someone actually said, this is a place for grandmas and grandpas like literally just oh my god people you just can't win you just can't win with these people yeah some of

them i know i already said this but we're like for the zip lining one like my kids wanted to do a different zip lining course and they wouldn't let them go by themselves they they wanted the parents to be there too i was like yeah your child is five maybe you should watch i don't know i was hoping my child would get severely injured but these people just kept it from happening i don't know what their problem was i wanted to lose him in the canopy of trees just plummet into the canopy never to be seen again jesus i was very you said No, you made it. You took it too far. Well, yeah, that's my job. We need a redemption.

Only go if you're ready for your children to die. I'm sorry. Okay, this is a redemption that was actually sent in by Allie, who sent in a lot of things. Yes, I actually used one of All's uh reviews later in my challenge so thank you ali yeah thank you so uh this is a redemption of campo rico ziplining adventure this is a five-star review by dana this was a great adventure i am 53 and never liked heights my daughter really wanted me to go with her, so of course I agreed to try it. Our guides were Alex, Jean, Jenny, and Miguel.

They were funny, entertaining, and always made sure we were safe. I was not expecting rope ladders, but was even able to do that. It was hot and had just rained, so super slippery. We saw iguanas just chilling out end of review oh my god that sounds like exactly the adventure park that i imagined exactly it's perfect like miguel is there so is jenny and there's some iguanas i think we i like reading all these negative reviews i i like pictured the worst places and it sucks because because I'm sure they're not the worst. But in my head after reading all these reviews, I'm like, wow, I would never go there.

Same. And now I read this review and I'm like, oh, yeah, I forgot. This is just a real place that has crazies who review it negatively. Totally. Because if you read negative places of skydiving reviews, you're going to see the same thing. Yeah, true. I never want to do that. of skydiving reviews you're gonna see the same thing if like never i'm never gonna do excuse me i never want to do that but um they're they're everywhere these one stars they're everywhere

can't get rid of them can't get rid of them um okay cool well that was fun that was fun that was a good one that was a good one um i liked it a lot i i kind of i don't want to go ziplining i don't know i'd rather go ziplining. I don't know. I'd rather go ziplining than go skydiving again. Yeah, I don't know if I'd go skydiving again. I'd recommend it to anyone, but I don't know if I'd do it again. I don't think I even recommend. I just got so sick.

I like puked when I landed because I was so car sick because he was spinning me around. Yeah, that's true. Mine did not do that. And I couldn't breathe, but that was like my own. I don't think I was, I think I was trying too hard to breathe. And they were like, no, you just open your mouth. And I was like, okay, but like, I just couldn't breathe. I don't know. I really struggled. You know what? See, I didn't even think about breathing. I think that was the key. That was definitely the key. Because I stayed up all night the night before going,

how am I going to breathe? And then when they asked any questions, I was like, hi, how do you breathe? And they're like, great question. You don't have to think about it. You just open your mouth. And so then I you breathe and they're like great question you don't have to think about it you just open your mouth and so then i'm falling and i'm like okay don't think about breathing and then i couldn't breathe and then i puked so oh my god in that regard i don't recommend it but it was cool and i'm glad i did it never again yeah that's i i don't think i'd do it again i don't know if i i wouldn't do like a mile long zip line but i would probably do a different. Yeah, I would do a zip line. That stuff also does scare me, though.

Like, yeah, I feel good. I went skydiving. I know, I feel like we did the thing. Like, we're good. Yeah. I would never go bungee jumping. No, thank you. Like off those cliffs where you like land.

Oh, no way. Why would you do that ever? No, no. land no why would you do that ever no no um okay so my challenge so grace submitted this challenge idea it's to find a review of a bakery by someone who wound up receiving something they didn't order yes how was that um it was good it was it was like definitely like a mid-range as far as challenging only because there were definitely plenty of reviews like this but most of them were not very entertaining okay you know like people are like oh i just got like the wrong flavor but oh well you know that happens unfortunately yeah but there were definitely

some good ones um and so this was a very very solid challenge um and i will say also so grace had sent that on may 29th and i didn't even see this but on june 4th uh grace sent another email which i hadn't read yet so uh it has like some water parks in it and then it says congrats on the move christine how you managed to keep it a surprise to everyone between two podcasts is a fucking mystery to me a true champ yeet grace so yes um so i'm i'm going to uh read my challenges here okay this is uh a two-star review of a place called gorig's Bakery by Leah. contract with him because I did not get the wedding cake I was expecting. The final product didn't look like anything what we had spoken about. We discussed bling, among other details, for my cake. I paid much more for this bling and I did not get it. In fact, I did not get anything I wanted. When I saw it, I wondered if the delivery guy dropped off the right cake. However, since I saw the cake as I walked into the reception, I had to brush it off and pretend everything was okay

since I don't particularly care for the bridezilla attitude. I was sadly disappointed with my ugly wedding cake. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. They should have given me at least a partial refund for not providing me what I asked for. Brides, go elsewhere. Tom, where is my bling? Don't promise me what you can't deliver. End of review i feel for this person

because yeah i was gonna say that sounds shitty so i'm not saying at all that this that she's in the wrong because if i got to my wedding and literally some ugly wedding cake were there i'd be so upset i was gonna ask you how you'd feel because that sounds terrible it's just like you put so much time energy and money into like these little things and you expect like oh the company's gonna take care of it and then if they don't and they don't give you a refund and you're ideally not gonna have another wedding so ideally yeah and like it's in all the photos it's in the you know i mean i don't know i just would be really bummed and And if I want to bling all over my cake, which I certainly didn't, but if I did, you know, and I'm paying for it, bling it up.

Tom, where's my bling? Where's my bling? I just love that that was a separate paragraph. Just goes, Tom, where's my bling? I love how it's like after the wedding's over. It's like, Tom, I still need that. Yeah, bring it over, please. No owner response, though.

I would expect something. No. Interesting. Okay. I know. Tom took the bling and ran, probably. Tom, if you're out there, send us the bling. Just send it to us.

We'll take it and deliver it to Leah. We'll take it. Don't even worry about it. Okay, so this one is a little bit different. I just thought it was so ridiculous. I had to keep it. This is a one-star review of a place, a bakery called Crumbs and Doilies. And this is rather than like they got something they didn't order, they didn't get what they did order.

Like they ordered something and didn't receive anything. Oh, okay. I know that that's not the challenge, but... That's okay. You'll just see why I want to read this. Okay. This is One Star by Lonnie. Terrible, terrible bakery.

Ruined birthday. Backed out last minute of cake order. The tragedy of this site, TripAdvisor, is that you are obliged to give one star, as to have to give even an iota of one such star to Crumbs and Doyleys is an injustice of obscene proportions. It's literally Top Hat guys back, like truly. It's obscene. Crumbs and Doyleys claims to be a bakery. obscene. Crumbs and Doilies claims to be a bakery. Personally, I think soulless sabotager of birthdays devoid of customer services would be a more apt and elucidating description. I ordered a birthday cake on their website. I also paid for said cake. My order and payment

were confirmed via both the Crumbs and Doilies and PayPal websites. In my order, I left my personal phone number so I could be easily reached if there were any issue and also stressed the importance of this cake for a very special birthday in the notes box. After receiving these confirmations, I was understandably shocked to return to my computer a few hours later to see a short email

from Crumbs and Doilies saying they were unable to fill the order. The order that was to be delivered the following day and was now far too late to be filled at any other bakery. There was no trying to make this right, no acknowledgement of the now cakeless birthday, nothing. Just a curt email message and a refund. They didn't even call to make sure I got the word right away or was in any position to find an alternative bakery. Nope. They pretty much ensured I would be totally cakeless and unable to come up with any semblance of a solution. I immediately emailed back. I received no response. I then sent another.

The response blamed me for placing the order. They took zero responsibility, didn't try to make it right, didn't call despite my pleading with them to do so and there was of course no crumb of an apology on monday i received another email from i think the owner well if it is the owner then it is no wonder the employee was so rude and unreasonable as this email was even more offensive while saying that sometimes they do take last minute orders and thus didn't block orders on the site, she screenshotted the note about orders needing to be in three days in advance. You yourself just admitted you disregard this disclaimer, so by your own admission it means nothing. I am not a mind reader. Why not have a website that doesn't let people order after a certain time if the delivery cannot be met. Just about every pizza chain in the world doesn't let you order a pizza for delivery post-closing.

Why not do the same? I think it is also important to note that the delivery address was within five minutes of their shop, and at no time did they try to offer any alternatives, such as delivering cupcakes to me instead. Nothing! They were not remotely interested in coming up with a solution. Just sending a constant barrage of either no or obscene customer blaming. Once crumbs and doilies confirmed the order, they should have tried to make it right, especially when the address I gave them was so convenient to them. To this day, they have never picked up a phone or in any remote way tried to make it right. as baked goods come from the heart i am pretty sure their food is inedible as they are without hearts truly pathetic showing p.s

this is the first online review of anything i have ever penned i felt morally obliged to do so as i don't want anyone else to have their event ruined by such careless irresponsible and dishonest bakeries to whom a paid forfor and confirmed order means absolutely nothing. End of review. I hated that. I will say there's a response. What the hell? From the manager, which I was so happy to see.

Good. Manager says, We're very sorry about this. The order was placed by an overseas visitor to our website at 10. p.m UK time on a Friday night for delivery on Saturday morning. We do require three days notice on custom cake orders which is clearly stated at the top of the order form and again alongside the delivery date picker. The customer's payment was refunded immediately and we are very sorry not to have been

able to help them make alternative arrangements on this occasion. All our bespoke cakes are made to order which ensures they are always fresh and delicious but it does mean that a bit of notice is required for custom orders especially on weekends when we get very busy. We do not know of any bakery that would have been able to provide a bespoke cake on this time scale and we did make every effort to refund the customer's payment and notify them within minutes of the order being placed despite it being out of hours for us in the uk end of response i mean what a crazy it's crazy and the when they were saying they didn't try to make it right literally the moment that the money was refunded it was made right and they also said it was within minutes but then he explains

that away by saying well i walked away from my computer they should have called me to make sure i got the message it's like they sent you the message that's that's enough of sending the message and then also saying oh the website shouldn't allow me to do this well the website clearly states what you should and shouldn't do and they they should they're not your fucking like i don't know like be an adult well and then saying like oh well i know it says that but you said you even disregard that and they were like no only for like very special reasons like not you yeah don't and that's something where if i were in that position first of all i would never put myself in that position because that is very bold to assume

that that in that time frame you can get a custom cake. By the next morning? But I would just run to fucking Whole Foods and grab one. Like, come on. That's the thing. It's like he's like, oh, they should have just brought me cupcakes. I'm like, you should have gone and bought cupcakes. What are you talking about?

Yeah, buy some cupcakes, idiot. Walk to the bakery and buy cupcakes. I would never be put in this position. But if I happened to like put myself in this position and mess up like that, I would be embarrassed. If anything, I would be apologizing. I would feel like silly. I would feel apologetic. So the fact that he feels so entitled and so like worthy of more than what like more than a refund is wild.

Yeah. Like why? I just literally nothing you did deserves anything more than your money back. Like, you don't get some prize for acting like you did. And they were like, it was 10.30 p.m. and we went and emailed him anyway, even though we weren't working. Also, my question, too, is, I mean, this is the biggest mystery to me, is like very, very intentionally he does not say for whom the birthday cake was being created because he kept saying or he said, I put in the notes that this was for a very special birthday. I mean, we agree.

It was his birthday, right? Yes. Like it had to be his birthday because I feel like I've read so many where it was like my daughter's birthday. My 10-year-old daughter wanted this cake and they put it in purple instead of pink. Yeah, because you tend to get more sympathy if you do something like that. Yeah, and you're more concerned like, oh shit, now my kid's crying and I ruined her birthday. That's more concerning, I would think, to a person than like, well, now I don't get the special bespoke cake I wanted for myself.

get the special bespoke cake I wanted for myself. It's like the choosing beggars subreddit where people will like show like they're selling something on Facebook marketplace and someone says, well, I'll give you hundreds of dollars less than what you're asking for. And they're like, no. And they're like, but my kid really wants it. He's crying right now. I told him he could have it. And now I told him that you said he can't have it and he's crying and now i told him he could have it and now i told him that you said he can't have it and he's crying and he really wants it look how you made it to me for that much money and then like blaming them for their chocolate whatever so anyway well that happens a lot in the oh sorry go ahead no no i'm just surprised that person isn't saying something like that which leads me to believe that yes exactly you're right because this person would say oh you ruined my elderly

mother's birthday and now it's her last birthday on earth and you ruined it or something um and so the fact that he's not clarifying like he is the only one upset i'm just like i wonder i wonder so much who this is for this bespoke cake also who the fuck buys a birthday cake like eight hours before on a friday night and you need need a Saturday morning you see where it's someone who like see that's the thing is that then if they mention it's for someone else then it's like hey look I dropped the ball really hard and I was supposed to get this done and I didn't I can't imagine blame you this poor link my link my friends and say like hey look look at this review I wrote because look how terrible this company just and then like even the title saying backed out last minute it's like they

didn't back out last minute you literally asked them last minute technically they did right exactly because they were only given that last minute to actually ruined birthday backed out last minute of cake order ridiculous i'm like baffled that you would even think to write this you're right i would be so embarrassed i'd be like why would i expect bakers to at 10 30 p.m to start getting a cake ready for me the next morning i can't anyway so that was the the big one i know that was extremely long i'm so sorry um and uh now this one was sent in by ally b i have two redemptions for you and that's it. I don't necessarily know if they're redemptions.

Yeah, they're redemptions. They're positive reviews. Okay. I just don't know if we really call them redemptions in the challenge, but I think after that last review, this is definitely a redemption. So this was sent in by Allie. Thank you, Allie. But it is a review by Yvonne of Sunset Bakery in San Francisco. I remember now we're back to the actual challenge of receiving something. Yes. Well, I'm glad you

had that. I had to divert. It was just actually was worth it, I think. Oh, good. Because I couldn't I couldn't live with that knowledge in my brain and not spread it to other people. OK, Yvonne, four stars. I called the day of to buy a birthday cake for my mom, which everyone reading probably thinks I'm a horrible daughter for only ordering a cake the day of my mom's birthday, but in my defense, my family stopped doing birthday cakes a long time ago as we rarely finish them, but on a whim, I thought, why not surprise mama with a cake? Anyways, I called in and the nice lady on the phone saved me a cake so I can pick

it up at closing. I showed up and she confirmed the cake I ordered, white angel cake with strawberries and mama happy birthday on it. She then gathers three pineapple buns and put it in a bag, which I thought was odd as no other customers were there and I didn't order them. She puts them on top of the cake box and says she threw them in as they made it fresh and they're known for them and that it was free of charge okay the asian in me loves free but even if it's free crappy food i would be like thanks but no thanks and for this bakery to be an asian-run bakery to hand out free buns it was pretty awesome i had one of the buns driving home and i'm not gonna lie it was pretty freaking good it was great advertising for her as now i'm going back for more her plan all along who knows but that kind of customer service is appreciated end overview nice that's an elite

2020 yelper that's that's not what i expected but i like it i just love the mystery pineapple buns yeah i kind of want one now this honestly this um whole challenge made me extremely hungry which happens pretty much anytime we do food. But especially these, because even if you get the wrong baked item, like nothing was like rotten or had bugs in it. It was just like a different flavor cake. So nothing was like off-putting. Okay, now this is the last one.

And this is just kind of like a side thing. I just thought it was so funny and it kept coming up when I was researching. It was like a news article from a couple years ago. And this woman named Mellon Jones, she tried to get a birthday cake made for her two-year-old daughter's birthday, for her second birthday. And her daughter's name is Elizabeth or Liz and she calls her Lizard. That's like her little nickname and so my god that is like the dream it's the best nickname right well actually well actually no it should be the opposite

way where you should name your child lizard and then they'll go by liz because they'll be so embarrassed everyone's like oh short for elizabeth and they'll say no short for lizard yeah right or you could go by you could be like oh hi i'm elizabeth and they're like oh elizabeth if you're like yes it's short for lizard never mind that doesn't make any sense okay i literally said the same thing but making more sense i know never mind okay never mind because nobody would expect elizabeth okay never mind it literally makes their point is no one expect Liz to be short for lizard. I know.

Yours made more sense. Yours made the only sense. Mine made no. No, no. Thank you. Thank you. So anyway, she goes and she's like, oh, I wanted to get a cake for my daughter. I think it's from Walmart.

It said, happy birthday, lizard, which I think is so cute. I'm going to send you a picture because the girl is so cute. So happy birthday, lizard. And then she brings a cake home she picks it up brings it home and opens it up and it says happy birthday loser and she's like i opened it and at first i was in shock and she's like and then i couldn't stop laughing and so she says it's still pretty crazy to me something is from an article it's still pretty crazy to me sometimes when funny things happen you wonder if it's funny to anyone else but apparently it's funny to a lot of other people which blows my mind and so this pic this like post went viral um a couple years ago i'm sending you

a picture of this little girl standing in front of a cake that says happy birthday loser and she's like some people oh my god she's so cute that is really but she said um she's like she can't even read so like she doesn't know that it says loser like we didn't tell her her cake said loser because a lot of people were like how dare you do that to your child she's like listen it was not on purpose like oh my god people but she's like she just happened to be standing that way, like looking defeated in front of the cake. That would make me, that would, I would, if that happened to me, like if I had a daughter named Lizard and they said loser, it would make me so happy. Oh, I think it's like the funniest thing ever. Yeah.

Because I would want to do that for my child, call them loser. But I would know that that's not an okay thing to do. The Walmart lady called you a loser. So if the bakery does it by accident, it's better. But also that's such a good story growing up. Then in 10 years, or not maybe 20 years, you can get them a case of happy birthday loser again. I think that's so cute.

If Lizard grows up to be some sort of artist, that would be a great album cover. Oh, that's true. Right? Hey, if we become artists, we could take that and make it an album cover. Let's do it. Happy birthday, Lizard, we'll call it. Anyway, so that's all.

I just thought that was a cute little ending. Yeah. You guys, if you want to see the photo, Google it. Just try it in Happy Birthday, Lizard. It's very funny. Yeah. So that's all that I have.'s it that was solid i like that that was fun too it was a nice uplifting they were a little bit light-hearted compared to some of the stuff we've covered recently very so uh our theme for next week um we are going from from uh puerto from Puerto Rico to another territory. Ooh, Guam? Our theme, what?

Guam? Yes. Ooh! Our theme is scuba diving in Guam. Okay. Well, we're being very adventurous. Because there are a lot of scuba tours.

I don't know what we'll call the title, or title of the episode exactly, but yeah, scuba diving. Because apparently there are some shipwrecks and stuff that people like scuba to. So I think this could be kind of cool. That's awesome.

Have we gone scuba diving? No. No. We've gone snorkeling. That's something that requires actual training. I'm sorry. Do you mean extreme skill and coordination? Yes.

Yes, exactly what I mean. Okay. I'm excited for that. I feel like we're experiencing summer without leaving our homes since we can't. We've done water parks. I think we're trying to say something with our own sad challenges or our own sad themes. It's all out of desperation. Very desperate people we are.

Okay. This is a challenge. It was sent in by Elijah who says, I'm a new patron. So first of all, thank you, Elijah, so much for your support. Thank you. Welcome. Oh, Elijah's a teen. Uh-oh.

We are allowing teens now. That's right, especially if they're paying us. Yes. I'm just kidding. So let's see. Elijah says, find a review where the experience makes the reviewer want to never return to an entire state or country. Holy shit.

That's hilarious. That's the kind of dramatic shit that we love on this show. There's going to be nothing that's boring, I think, in those, hopefully. Elijah, you get what we're going for here. Elijah gets it.ijah says hope this helps you guys are awesome ps eek no that was for you elijah i hate that okay i wish you i i hate you now elijah i'm just kidding um that's a great one okay that'll be fun i'm excited all. Well then we'll, uh, meet up, meet up soon and, you know, find some cool, uh,

treasures underwater. Yeah. Let's go find some treasures and some hateful people. Talk to you next week with those great reviews. Bye. Bye.