Lindsey Metselaar: Scheduling Sex & Stopping Smoking
00:00Welcome to BurningHellI'm your host Hannahand welcome to helltoday I'm excited to havepodcast legendand dating expertI'll take it
00:25Lindsay MetzilarHey HannahThis is a very excitedand special podcast because it's a two-part series it is it's like a synergy it's a partnership it's acollab collab that's the word it's a remix it's a remix i just wanted to say that but it's not i liked itdoesn't make sense but i liked it so it's burning in hell and we met at acme and this episode of burningin hell i'm going to find out all of lindsay's demons and then we get to switch sides and you can go towe met at acme subscribe and listen to her interview me
01:00about my shit show of a dating life and why you're single because it really makes no sense to meyou're gorgeous and hilarious which are the only things that you need to be in a relationship i feelthank you and i don't know if that makes me feel better or worse a combo we'll find out so when didyour podcast start we started in 2017 that's ancient which is ancient 100% i just want to saythank you because successful podcasts like yours that are female drivenmade a girl like me see you and say i want to start a podcast well thank you i'm turning this aroundbecause i feel like it started awkward no it didn't start awkward at all okay it's in your head that's my owninsecurities that we'll probably hit on later i checked your website because i am an incredible host and i do
01:46research beforehand yes you are and you also do dating app consultations i do how did that's come aboutwhere people bothering you about that so not enough um i really love dating apps imy boyfriend on a dating app and I'm all about like not taking it too seriously and being like puttingyour best self out there on a dating app and I'm always the the like the girl in in the group offriends that helps the other friends make their dating apps and like talk to people for them on theapps like I recently actually spoke to someone on a dating app for my friend and now they aredating I love that and I don't think she ever told him like by the way that wasn't me in ourfirst conversation it's weird because then you meet them and you're like I know you uh-huh we've flirted
02:35and you have no idea fully that you're the friend that someone goes do I do a smiley face and no smileyface and you tell them the right thing exactly and it's always no smiley face um but so I was like I reallyI really love this like I want to help other people with this because people take dating apps tooseriously like they have for example on hinge they have the prompts and it'll be like what was yourworst phase in middle school or something and people are like well my worst phase was when I likewore punk clothes it's like what are you doing why are you actually answering the question yeah it's supposedto be either to start conversation or just show a little bit about your personality you don't actuallyfucking cares right like be funny be funny and someone's like where's the next place I want to go and
03:19you're like I want to go to Thailand and bermuda it's like no one say in your pants yeah yeah exactlyjust like be funny so I feel like I havelike a lot to contribute to people's dating at profiles yeah and you also have to factor in thatmen are dumb so you just have to give them like a trap yeah that are pretty much like for mine theysay what's the most embarrassing thing on your spotify and i write space jam soundtracksee everyone loves space jam everyone loves space jam so every guy has something easy to say and theygo what space show is awesome so they think i'm awesome right and they think it's cute that i thinkit's embarrassing when i know it's not embarrassing yeah you know you like space jam so i just
03:58It's like a hundred percent.It's like when you, when they ask you what your biggest weakness is in an interviewand you're like being too, like caring too much.I work too hard.I don't give myself a break.Yeah, exactly.It's like, I know exactly what you're doing there and you're doing it right.The second thing I saw on your website was that you also charge people for an astrology chat.
04:18I do.I do.Lots of charging over here.I know.And I know that you charge people so you don't have to give me the full on.No, no, no.It would be a pleasure and an honor.What makes you an astrology lover?
04:31Totally.I am such a lover of astrology.It all started in college when I've never been religious at all.So I'm like, I don't believe in anything.Like, what do I believe?And my roommate had all these books about astrology.So I started reading them.And I was like, holy shit, this is spot on.
04:48And this is before astrology was cool.So like you did podcasting before it was cool.Yes.So I think you're a trendsetter.Oh, my God.You're a trendsetter.I also, since we're on this stuff,topic. I liked house music before it was cool. Like I was rolling on ecstasy before anyone else.
05:05Well, you're from New York City. Right. True. I probably shouldn't brag about that. But anyway.I did drugs at 9 because I was the city kid. Been in rehab at 16. I'm like, no, actually funny andembarrassing anecdote. I did ecstasy for the first time at an LMFAO concert. Do you rememberthem? Are you kidding me? I love them. Yeah. I just remember their music videos did them hopping around.Yeah, like L-M-F-A-O, rock the beat and rock the show.But, like, who rolls to that?I don't know.They were probably high when they wrote it.
05:35Yeah, exactly.Where are they now, I wonder?I wonder.Yeah, so astrology.I thought it was really cool.I really identified with the Libra-related things as a Libra myself.And, yeah, I would love to talk about your astrology.I love astrology because I think I'm a very stereotypical Leo.
05:53Like, I think everything I read, I'm like, that's it.except I don't love fancy things.Yeah, I don't spend a lot of money.That's the only thing.But for people who don't know,how would you describe a Leo and a Libra?But do you spend money on other people?Because Leo's are generous.
06:08I'm generous.I'm more like,I love giving gifts,but more thoughtful gifts rather than I'm cheap.Got it.Got it.Got it.Well, it happens.
06:16So how would I describe a Leo and a Libra?A Leo is like the life of the party,charismatic, like as fuck.I would say the typical Leo.like the perfect example is Obama because he's just like.People say I'm like Obama all the time because he is charismatic and he's like he, you know,he makes you like him and you're like, how did I just like you?He lights up a room.
06:38Lights up a room.Yeah, like Leo's are the ones that people are like intimidated by like or like might be likescared of almost like behind their back.But then when they're with a Leah, they're like, I just love you so much.I love that.I never heard that angle because I know that we love attention.Yeah.But we have a very loyal side too.
06:55totally because one on one we actually love like having a hundred percent yeah and like making other peoplehappy exactly my best friend is a leo and i would say she is super loyal like a great friend um leos they do loveattention so you know like every now and then i would say like your eye might wander but thatdoesn't mean that you're not loyal in relationships i honestly leo men are more dangerous in that wayinteresting because leos are the lion so the line think of how a lion rules a kingdom likeit's all about the lion but the line is also very protective you know so right but also like thelion is like the lion like so he has like all of his little cubs yeah my thing is in a relationshipI'm very flirty but if I'm with someone I they're the only one that I want to give all my attention
07:49to and get all their attention but if I start to wander my eye I know it's notright exactly but i'm quick to if it's not right my eyes like everywhere exactly but i don't cheatyeah well when a leo loves like they love yeah you know it's like it's it's really all or nothingfor and i've dated a dated a cancer which was a shit show no because they're if you guys are listeningif you're right next to someone on the chart like it goes um cancer then leo then virgo yeah it'syour neighbor you're not supposed to date your neighbors right you're you can but it doesn'tusually work out to your benefit. Yeah. So I've been getting a lot of Virgo's cancers. You ever seelike the same signs start coming into your life at different times? I had a Virgo spree and it just
08:33was not good. Vergos and Leo's, they do like end up finding each other often, but it doesn'tusually end well. Yeah, there's a weird attraction and cancers are too sensitive for me. I couldn't.Yeah, way too sensitive. I tried cancers as well. So you're a Libra. Who's your boyfriend? He's anAquarius. I love Aquarius. You both are water?um yes no no no sorry we're both air air we're both air and you are fire um and actually aquariusis one of your best matches as a leo it is it is so you should date in aquarius as well i love thatso there's all these jokes when i meet a guy i will go and check our charts yeah i mean you shouldwell do you know you're rising and moon sign i'm i have the co-star astrology app i think i'm scorpio rising
09:17i could totally see that how so scorpio risings are very likeThey've got, like, a very passionate energy, like, very, like, seductive energy about them.Oh, I'm moon and Virgo.Oh, your Virgo moon.What does that mean?It means that you are pretty picky when it comes to your partners.And that you are in your head a lot of the time.100%.
09:46When, like, like, in a relationship.Yeah, I like to do this thing where if I see a problem, I, like, think about it, see a longgoes. And then once I can't take it anymore, I just break up with them out of nowhere.Oh my God. Yeah. That's exactly what someone with a Virgo moon did to me. And I'm not kidding. Hewas a Leo with a Virgo moon. That's what we do. Scorpio Rising. What? Oh my God. Like I can't makethe shit up. And I'll talk to my friends about it. I'll keep it in my head. Yeah. And then one dayI'm just like, this isn't working. Wait, that's literally you are the guy that I dated and that is whathe did to me. But me and him would be terrible together, right? Not necessarily. I might set you up.
10:22So how much did you factor in your chart with your boyfriends?Very so much.You guys are so cute together.Thank you.So much.A lot.A lot.But actually,
10:34I didn't know his full chart until like a few weeks.Is there a reason you didn't want to know the future?Well,I needed to know his sign like right away.I'm pretty sure I requested him on Instagram before our first date or maybe in betweenthe first and the second because he was private.And I was like, what?Like, this is crazy.
10:55I can't see you and stop you.Yeah.And then found out his birthday.I think I also asked him the birthday.And once I found out he was in Aquarius, I was really happy.Yeah.So romantic.How did you guys meet?
11:08We met on Hinge.Let's get straight to the pain.What was your worst heartbreak?Hmm, that's a great question.I would say my worst heartbreak was my first heartbreak because it's always, like, the firstcut as the deepest as Cheryl Crow said once I was dating a guy like my high school sweetheart forthree years my longest relationship to date and we went to college and we're like let's like makeit work like we're so stupid because you're like this is meant to fucking be and I don't even know
11:39what we were doing but we first tried to make a work then like tried to have an open relationshipand then like all of a sudden everything comes crashing down and I find out that his best friendfrom school is his girlfriend what yeah so you've probably asked about our a billion times and he'slike yeah me and Cheryl are going to the library i love how her name is Cheryl my brain is pretty simpleI'm like what's the last name I ever heard? I love that did that affect like trust moving forward oh yeah I meanthat affected every single part of my existence you're like how many times did you lie to me to my faceyeah yeah I mean I was fucked after that like I my guard was higher than like likelike the potential wall that Donald Trump is trying to build like it was insane like I was
12:27never the same but then I still was like kind of naive because I had like a little bit moreleft but it was really heartbreaking like I didn't know what to do how did you find it out I foundout because I had a friend at the same school and I was like what's going on with like you knowhim and this girl and so your intuition was already telling me oh yeahA woman's intuition never lies.The first picture I saw of them, I knew.If you have a feeling in your gut, people listen to it.It's always right.
13:00It's always right.And it's probably not just a feeling.It's probably based on, like, evidence that you've seen and tried to ignore.Yeah.But I saw this picture of them, like I asked.And it took this person, like, a little bit to get back to me because it was like, you know, back in the day in 2008, 2007.Pitching carrier.Yeah, exactly.
13:18And then finally they were like, oh.they're dating and I was like oh what men are trash trash and I was like are you fuckingkidding me I can't yeah and I was like are you fucking kidding me and he was a Virgo by the way sofuck that yeah that neighbor sign neighbor sign neighbor sign fucking asshole oh my god he's the one inbetween us so I read this on a meme on Instagram so that's probably true they say there's threedifferent loves like your first love is just like beautiful and innocent and then you'resecond love cuts you deep and ruins you and then you build yourself back up and you meet theright person which is like such a general thing to say but my mom sent it to me because like oh
14:02I did have a first love and oh I did have a boyfriend who ruined me and she's like this is it foryou um what's your opinion on that I've had more than three relationships so I like don't really seethat 100% applying but that doesn't necessarily mean I had more than threeloves or even three um i think that does have some truth to like at least like i've had more thanthree relationships but i feel like there's a pattern there's definitely a pattern i think it'sdifferent for everyone like for example my uh my brother-in-law his first relationship was my sisterand now they're married so like you never fucking know adorable yeah my brother met his girlfriendin sophomore year of college and they're getting engaged now and i'm like that's adorable right um
14:47so everyone's different in that way exactly but there's definitelydefinitely some truth to like you grow with every relationship and then like by the last one you'rekind of like you get it does your boyfriend listen to your podcast he does yeah he does but not like in acreepy way yeah he like misses episodes he likes to support it yeah exactly like he'll listen every now andthen do you ever say something about him that pisses him off surprisingly no like i'm always waiting for himto be pissed and it doesn't happen i actually just the most recent episode that we aired was likeme being interviewed on my own podcast and I was like listen listen and we were together on the beachand he was like listening to it and I was like looking at him like while he was listening like waiting
15:27but I also like said really why isn't he laughing yeah yeah exactly but I said really nice thingsabout him throughout the episode so I was more like waiting for him to be like come and give me a kissbecause you're so nice but you have an adorable relationship obviously and you are a beautifulconfident successful person that I've met and I'm happy to have met in my life you same with youBut I want to know what are your insecurities?Oh, like physically and then emotionally because you have a business, you have a boyfriend, you're killing the game.Totally.What do you hate about yourself?
15:57Totally.This might make me get a lot of haters, but there is not, there are not that many things I hate about myself physically, except for like the very superficial things.Like, it would be nice if I had bigger lips.Like, it'd be nice if I, like, had a bigger ass.Oh, are you, by the way?28.Yeah, so you're not a young in.Like, you've looked in the mirror and you're like, this is me.
16:21Right.And I like it.Let's move forward with me.Yeah, exactly.But there's tons of insecurities when it comes to, like, you know, personality and things likethat I would want to change about myself in that way.I'm very type A and, like, very controlling.It's really hard for me to let go and, like, let, without being religious, like, let go and let God, you know.
16:44I'll give you a funny anecdote.I am so busyand I hate the word busybecause it's such a garbage word.I'm so busy.But I'm so like, well, we'll use productive insteadthat I needed to schedule sexwith my boyfriend like a few days ago.
17:01So I scheduled like a slot in my day for sex.Could you send a calendar invite?I should have.I should have because he rescheduled the fucking sex.Rescheduled the sex last minute.Okay.And I went ballistic.Ballistic.
17:14mind you he had only rescheduled the sex for three hours after the scheduled sex but i had tomake him feel well you both like there and he didn't want to do it no no he was like at his apartmenthis friend was coming over to watch the game and i was like but what like we're having sex i've neverheard something more romantic right but that's like my issue is that like control and like scheduling needhow does he handle your control shit i mean this did not go well i went ballistic like i needed him tofeel like the devil for rescheduling the sexlike I was like you're fucking pussy-ass bitch like you're a loser like I hate you like I'mgonna get it somewhere else do you call your boyfriend a pussy ass bitch when you're mad no but I did
17:54call him a pussy because I was like you're choosing your friend over your girlfriend like you can'tsay that probably got him in the mood for sure oh none of it he was like he was like I literallycouldn't have sex to you right now if I tried you're such a cunt um but like the point is like Iget so like I care about things that no one cares about. I'm like we have to have sex on your sideof the bed because like my side needs to be clean like it's like I am that crazy person you knowlike in a lot I'm so neurotic and do you want to be less neurotic or you kind of like living that wayit's a mix like I need because they're probably pluses to be like that I mean there definitely arelike I'm never like I never forget like a meeting or like a thing in the schedule and like I
18:39always like i get to all the things i have on my to do list but it does suck to like to care somuch about about things like i used to smoke a lot more like a lot of weed and like never caredum but now i just like this is me like this is what i would you smoke the weed to kind of chillout your type a mind yes but like it catches up to i'm not oCD but i'm a perfectionist so havefun with that. Yeah, no, I am too. I'm like okay with my room being messy because I'm like kind ofcreative. Right. But then I need everything to go right. When I smoke weed, I actuallyhave the reverse effect. Like I get super paranoid and I cry. So it like brings out the anxiety thatI've been suppressing if that makes sense. So I'm terrible. But I love people who smoke weed.
19:26Like I love the chillness of being around people smoking. Different for everyone. But if I smoke,I'll ruin the vibe instantly. Yeah. Instantly. Why did you stop smoking weed to just be moreaware um honestly i didn't have time to do it anymore does so expensive it's expensive and i just likecould not figure out when i would fit in smoking weed into my life did your anxiety increase when youstop smoking no it went away it went away like i honestly hope that people are listening and liketry that if they i spoke to someone yesterday you said they stopped smoking weed because yeah weed was justconfusing them more?It does make things confusing.
20:07It makes you think more about stuff.Exactly, because you're like, oh my God, wait, I just forgot what I was going to say.Now I have to think back to like five years ago to remember it.When I smoke weed, I'm at the end of a sentence and then I forget how the sentence startedand I don't even know what sentence I'm saying.Yeah.That gives me anxiety.It's too much.
20:24Also, like, I was smoking so much that I wasn't really getting high anymore, you know?Oh, but yeah.I was just like living a normal life.And it's cool when you're younger because it bonds people.Totally.But now it's like,your friends are going to start having babies soon.Exactly.
20:37Let's stop hotboxing the infant.Right, exactly.Like, no one's going to leave your baby,their baby with you if you're just like fucking eye and out of it.But what are some anxiety triggers of things that make you anxious?For sure.Like if all my friends are hanging out without me, obviously.You get FOMO?
20:56Not FOMO, but I'm just like, this is interesting, you know?You're like, everyone hates me and I don't know why.Right. No, I'm just like, it's interesting that no one told me about this, like, dinner. But no, that doesn't, like, actually happen often.You're like, that never would happen to me, but if it did, I'd be upset. For sure. I would say, hmm, I'm trying to think, like, what I recently talked to my therapist about.It's funny, because anxiety is sometimes just there and you don't know why. Right. And sometimes it's like, oh, dealing with these people or, like, my job or my family, that kind of stuff can start.spike it for sure because i'm so controlling i get anxiety when people don't like do exactly what iexpect them to do you know which is impossible to control 100% i'm like everyone's in my little likeworld and like if you do something that i did not want or expect i have anxiety now or like you know
21:52if someone doesn't respond to my texts because i'm so responsive and on top of it i'm like wow it'shard because you're like if I could do this why can't that person but they're a different person exactly likei have i have very high standards for people in my life because i'm a virgo rising similar to yourvirgo moon and um and i feel like i have good manners so like if other people don't it gives me anxietyhow has that affected your relationships not well um but my current partner like understands mymy like neuroses so what kind of dude do you recommend for people who aresimilar to you? Someone who's like really chill and like has a great temperament and kind of justgoes with the flow and like can ignore you if you're having like a mental breakdown. Have you dated
22:39guys who are similar to you? Yes and um it's not good. I feel because I've date I'm kind of like theloud center of the party type person and I've been attracted to guys like that and it's so bad. But notnecessarily like there's a balance like my my current partner is not like similar to me and histemperament or anything like that. But he's,he is in terms of like he speaks at a party you know yes it's true there has to be enoughsimilarities but enough differences that you're not budding heads but similarities that you wanteven be near his head exactly but like i was a sex pun oh it was it was good but i would get sopissed off if like my whoever my partner is like is like a mute or like i love that you use the word
23:20mute because my first boyfriend oh so handsome so talented so sweet was a mute and i love a wallflowerbut then eventually you're like bro you got to bring something to the table when you're with my friendsbecause when you're good looking you get away with just not talking for a while my friends are like I love himright he doesn't he hasn't said a word right exactly just because he's pretty blue eyes doesn't mean he's coola hundred percent yeah and my family's like really loud so a mute would get like murdered and thrownunder a car and like no one would know like you have to just try to get a word in like you got to trySo running your own business has probably been nice because you like being that position of power.For sure. Yeah. I can't work for anyone else.
24:05Because I'm in a career transition now and I'm on my own. And I love not having a boss.When did you leave your last corporate job? For sure. So I actually was never really in corporate.I was in startups. I was working for startups for a while doing social media. And then I left,I would say, in 2016. And I started a social media management company.Amazing.Lindsay's lunchbox.A nice alliteration.I love it.
24:30It was fun.I still have it actually, like on the side.And I...Was it scary?It was scary at first.But then I became my own boss.Like I was harder on myself than my previous bosses.I was like, you're waking up every day at eight.
24:48You're stopping work at five, six.Like probably never.And also because you care.Yeah.And the money's going in your pocket.Exactly.So I always found it was easier to be my own.boss than to have one um because like i i've just oh i've always naturally been hard on myself as a
25:04person so i was like let me just make this into a career as being hard of myself once i'mstopped working for batches i told myself a little manifestation which is i never want to have anotherlike real boss yeah like i know i'll do projects and i always have someone who's like in charge ofmaybe that ever i don't i don't want it and you don't have to have it you know right that's like the lifepack like you never have to have a boss it's really like social construction that that made usfeel like when you finish college get a job have a boss nine to five but it's like if you can geta variety of different income sources totally why live life nine to five ill you never and i'mtotally cool with people who like that life for sure if you don't like that life don't do it
25:47like figure it out um i couldn't agree more what's your biggest fear right now like what wouldkeep you up at night. I love this darkness. And I say it so casually like I'm also like I love it.I'm still trying to think of my like other insecurities. So we'll go back to that as well.But my biggest fear right now and then in general, right now I would say my biggest fear is like making thewrong decision when it comes to my career. Because it's a scary thing.thing because as we said we are our own bosses um so like you never know you just have to trustthe process and i would argue that there's no right or wrong and that i try to have faith that likethe universe will push you into the right right exactly like if you do the wrong thing and like
26:41you ever know when something just doesn't work out right sometimes life tells you like nevergive up sometimes you do something and it's the universe having a way of saying go back and do the otherthing like i was a tennis player and it caused me a lot of anxiety and since i've joined now a creativeplace i'm like oh i could do something that doesn't give me anxiety right and it was almost theuniverse saying like just because you're talented at this doesn't mean it's your path totally and by the wayi would love to hit with you sometimes oh wait i saw i looked at your lincoln because i'm a good host and ido research yeah and it said you taught tennis i did and i would love to play with you we shoulddefinitely hit and you know in like in a casual way that
27:22because neither of us anxiety.Oh, completely casual.Yeah.My cardio shit right now, so we need Gatorade breaks.Rewinding to scheduling sex.Yeah, you did it too.I had this boyfriend who would, we loved, I love to eat, but it was always like,should we have sex before the food comes or after?
27:42And it's like, like, you want to try to do it before.The food that you ordered.Yeah.And it's like, but it just wasn't sexy to be like, we need to have sex.before the takeout guy comes and i didn't like it i don't like and then like the takeout guy comesin the middle of sex usually always because they're always never when they say they'll be rightbecause they want to fuck with you right because they know that you're probably having sex and theywant to ruin it yeah and they want to get in on it if they're hot you never know you never know
28:11it could be their your dream third but you never knew you had what were you saying about yourinsecurities oh oh i'll get to that but i just want to say my general biggest fear oh yeah i don'tI don't want to go too dark with this because it's actually the darkest topic there is.But obviously, let's do it.It's death.I just almost fell out of my chair.But like literally we can't get into it because I go to like a really, really like is life, you know, does life even matter type of place?It doesn't.
28:44That's the first answer.I also kind of believe in past lives.Oh, for sure.Me too.So I kind of believe that this is a journey that is part.part of many journeys right but could it be your last life i just i just think it's like when you goto sleep right it's like you go to sleep forever right okay we can't talk about it sorry that'sso sad it's gonna take me to it i don't i don't want to take you i don't want to take you too dark but
29:08it's true it's unknown and you know what that is that's you and your control not ever being ableto control what it is right full circle wow you're so right you're so fucking right so this is calledThe Seven Deadly Sins.Seven Deadly Sins.What are you greedy about?Oh, I love this game.I'm greedy about my clothes.I don't want to share them.
29:38I had a sister who would steal them.My sister, obviously, would steal them growing upand then be like, what do you mean?I didn't steal them.And then I'd see them in her photos on Facebook.That's so messed up.now i have like PTSD from it a friend of mine like borrowed clothes at my birthday party and didn'tgive them back and i'm just like no like no i'm done with this you know it's kind of like why i think
30:02i eat really fast because when i was younger like my dad and my brother would eat food and take it from meyeah exactly you know what your childhood it really explains a lot and did you ever steal your sister's stuffno because my stuff was cuter and that was the whole problem maybe she should have learned how to getsome taste agree number two who are you envious of I love that um I'm envious of people who likedon't care and aren't controlling sometimes like my boyfriend in terms of his like nonchalantnessabout life he's like well it could happen it could not happen like tomorrow could be tomorrow couldnot be like I could get tomorrow will be yeah like I'll give you a perfect example he had a guydinner with his friends at Peter Lugers and then his best steakhouse in the world best and then and then
30:54his friends like canceled on him and he was like whatever and I was like what like literally it's noteven your dinner it's not even my dinner but I was like if this were my dinner I would go fuckingbatch it like I don't know if I would actually say something to my friends but I would at least vent to himabout it for like two hours about how these girls are bitches and they don't like me and likethey're so rude and he didn't care at all.kind of person has trouble relaxing like you were just on vacation could you just chill all day i couldchill but i definitely snuck phone time in like often i will like organize chill i'll be like i'm gonnachill yeah five hours now my mom is the worst with that because she'll be like come visit and like
31:34we'll just have fun and we'll just do nothing right and then she's standing over my bed at 10 a m likeyou ready do something and i'm like bitch you you you you tricked me you tricked mefuck that um time for number three what do you glutness about food obviously good for you yeah you camewith your chips and your sandwich yeah i cannot eat salads um it's a rabbit food yeah it's disgustingi just can't eat healthy um how are you so skinny because i portion control like you saw me cutthe sandwich like i'm not eating that other half oh are you saving it for later i think i'm going togive it to my dormant i love that yeah he likes he likes what i eat good and then he makes sure your packagesdon't get lost exactly when was the last time you experienced extreme rap so anger i feel like you've
32:20allowed good anecdotes i'm always angry like below the surface you know people are like i don't really getangry a lot so i love yeah no i hate when people lie like that um well i told you about my i waslivid about the sex rescheduling um like it sounds pathetic but the last time i got angry atsomeone in business it was because they called me when we didn't have a schedule tocall like that's how do you let them know yeah i was like just so you know like this isn't okayin the future like things need to be scheduled like i can't just like get a call from you because i'm suchlike i'm such a by the book person that like i feel like i have to answer it now but that'san abuse of my boundaries you know what i mean did you always speak up for your boundaries
33:05no i didn't like that takes balls yeah i used to be passive aggressive and now i'm just aggressivethat's good see I'm a passive aggressive at all I'll just be like nice in the back of my head I'll be like I wish they didn't do that but I want to get to the point where I'm assertive no I'm insanely assertive now to the point where it's like relax but it's probably less rude than your passive aggressiveness I agree I agree that's amazing good for your therapist she's amazing when was the last time you were a sloth probably when I was smoking weed for sure for sure when I lived in L.A. with my friendin the summer and like i would go to my job my internship and then i would come back andliterally sit on the couch eating entomans donuts like constantly a little bit dry but stillfulfilling so fulfilling i love especially the chocolate ones with like the white inside i don't know whatthey're called i like i even like the powder ones yeah those are great i'll take them i'll take themthis is a tough one when was the last time you let your pride get in the way of somethinghonestly not tough i feel like it it definitely like it happens a lot not so much recently because like
34:14you have to get rid of your ego like to like be a person live yeah to live um it's not something theyteach you in school either like one day you're like 25 and you're like why am i having all thistrouble and someone's like oh that's your ego and you're like what is this thing that no onefucking told me about but i had to learn calculus exactly i would say my pride last time it got in theway was when um was when someone told me that i was like on my phone too much and i was likefuck you like it's because you're boring like whatever whatever like i had some like yeah i had somecrazy like crazy like defensive reaction and then i was like you know what i was i i don't need tobe on my phone that much that's a great thing to like before you instantly react
35:04really consider the point they're makinginstead of taking it as an attack.Right, right.Like, I have a phone addiction too.Right.But I'd get annoyed when, like, my dad would be like,get out of your phone.I'm like, I'm doing work.
35:14I'm sending an email.Exactly.But then I didn't realize all the other times that daythat I was just fucking around.Exactly.And he's probably right.And that's like...And deep down, you know, you feel bad about it.
35:24Otherwise, you wouldn't be defensive about it.And that's an immediate pride thing, for sure.When was the last time you lusted over someone besides your boyfriend?Ooh.Like before being in a relationship,I would experience lust a lotand I would try to turn it into something morewhen it was really just lust.
35:44I 100% can relate because our job is talking.Like I can sit in front of anyone and make a conversation happenthat isn't too bad or too shitty.So then after it's like I was attracted him,the conversation flowed I guess we're perfect.Right.But it's so much more not like so much more complicated than that.so much more so just to wrap this up what advice would you give people to cope with their hell
36:11i would say don't turn to drugs or alcohol that's like a no-no because then like you're still going tobe the way you are when you don't have those things the best way to cope is to learn skills um for meit's uh dialectical behavioral therapy which has really helped me um which is a therapy that teaches youhow to deal with your negative emotions.I've never heard of it.It's amazing.I highly suggest it to everyone, but for those who, you know, can't afford it or don'twant to go to therapy, I think meditation helps or just like the ability to take a step
36:48back from yourself and focus on something else in that moment.If you feel like you get really angry to walk away and like to have moments to think,it's never a bad thing to be like I just need a second you know like no one's going to be mad at you forthat but if you like freak out and break up with someone over a feeling in a moment like becauseyou didn't take a second that's only going to hurt you so I guess just really try to likebe kind to yourself and give yourself the opportunity to like think about things differentlyand that's part of like self-respect totally which is an amazing thing tofinally have. Sometimes you don't know that you don't have it because you're kind of mean to
37:31yourself because you want to be better or cooler or funnier or richer. But respect yourself and thenpeople respect you. Exactly. I actually saw a meme recently that was like one of those inspirationalones that was like if you hate yourself, you hate others. If you love yourself, you love others.I love that. Well, Lindsay, this was so fun. First episode of our series of Burning in Hellwe met at Acme collab now head to We Met at Acme to hear me talk about my dating life and I'm nervous about itYou're going to be great I can't wait
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