EPISODE 462: The Gooch Is The Beach Of The Sinkhole (live in Melbourne)
00:00 Hey, it's me, Ben, from the podcast, Bonta Vista. This is just a little note to say that although I say this is a bonus episode at the start of this episode, we've decided to release it as a main because it was substantially less messy than the episode that we recorded live the previous night. We will be releasing a possibly heavily edited version of the previous episode on the bonus feed at some point this week. So if you're very desperate to hear that and you're not signed up, consider signing up to patreon.com slash moretivista. Otherwise, we will be releasing videos of one and possibly both of these, depending on how they look when I look at them.
00:41 So you can maybe just wait and see if you don't really want to sign up. We had such a fun time doing this. The audiences were amazing. Keeper was amazing. It was a blast. We are all completely shattered as people now. But I hope you enjoy this because we really enjoyed doing it. Bye.
01:05 Oh, hello and welcome to Buenna Vista. This is a bonus episode. Probably. Maybe a main... Depending on how the edit from last night, it turns out. I didn't wake up until, like, very shortly before 11, and I was planning on doing an intro this morning. So that just didn't happen.
01:46 I thought instead that we could do a sort of a quick... Like, what do you call it? People with office jobs where you, like, do a project, and then you talk about it the week after, like... A little debrief. A debrief. Yeah, debrief. Look, post-mortem.
01:59 Yeah, post-mortem on like a, because we sort of had like a little death last night. Yeah, I guess that's true. I think the Japanese have a term for it. Hikikomori. Yeah. That's right. Let's not focus on the things that we did well, because I don't know what that would be. No.
02:20 And, you know, that would be kind of self-brandizing. But let's talk about maybe some things we could improve on now. Andrew, before we recorded yesterday when we first rocked up in great spirits, you and I sort of made a handshake deal, don't go to a second location. No second locations. All right. You didn't go to a second location. Didn't go to a second location.
02:39 You kept the, that your side of the deal. You kept the pact. Yeah. I did. And so did Lucy. And that turns out to have been a mistake. But I think I can sort of, if we're looking at the root causes of the mistakes, I think that I only said yes to the second location
02:57 because immediately after we finished while I already had a pint of the Pilsner with me someone very generously put a pint of an IPA into my hands and instead of saying, oh no, thank you, I have to do a live podcast show tomorrow. I said, ooh, crank shaft! I think I said, oh, I could, yes. And then I drank them both
03:16 and then that made me very suggestible. So I can see that maybe, you know, actually I don't know how we'd solve that one. I'd do it exactly the same again given a same circumstances. Do you feel like you made any mistakes last night? Yeah, because I feel like you maybe, based on our group chat, made one bad choice. One slight miscalculation.
03:35 So we did an episode a couple of weeks ago where we had a mailbag and people wrote in about some stuff. I don't know if anybody remembers somebody writing in about their dead father-in-law's weed oil and dick pills. So ring a bell? Ring a bell for anyone? Is that gentleman here? No. On the way out last night, this guy popped in through the curtains and said, he's my dead father-in-law's weed oil and gave it to me. Oh, and the 9-11 hat.
04:07 And the 9-11 hat. And so I... Honestly, that's the level that the rest of you should be operating at as our fans. Dead relatives, drugs. Yes. 9-11 hat. You can't take that idea. That idea is already done. You have to think of your own amazing. So I didn't go to a second location,
04:28 but I did chug a bunch of the weed oil in the car on the way home. Dead dad weed oil. He wasn't driving, by the way. No. No, it's hard to syringe yourself like a dog while driving. But because, like, I had his dead father-in-law's prescribed dose off the label. That's very responsible. Like, you know, use a known quantity.
04:55 I don't know what his deal was before he died. Or what he was trying to get away from. But it seemed to work well, and I feel as though I have been hit with a large hammer, lunitude style. Sloppy seconds, baby. They're half-price tickets. I hope you remember that.
05:11 50% off, that's a great deal. Lucy, how are you feeling this morning? Oh, I'm going last. There was also a message in the group chat at about around 2 a.m. 2 a.m. said, going to a second location. has been a huge mistake. I need to set better boundaries for myself.
05:29 I need to say no thank you to a beer. Sometimes you can say no to a beer. It's that easy. And we all got offered a beer right before we came out here and we all went, oh. Oh, I couldn't. Oh, I couldn't. This is a sort of rock and roll life,
05:43 so you can live. If you do comedy, current events, podcasting in theory, you're like fucking fine, right? Oh, I'm so good this morning. You went to the markets this morning. I went to the markets this morning, I had an asai bowl, I bought some records.
05:57 I'm feeling, yeah, I'm moisturized. Thriving. Yeah, I'm thriving. Yeah, whereas I at 1055 was standing naked in the hotel I'd been, tried, watching a YouTube video called How to Use an espresso pod machine. That's bleak. Drinking, as a result, the shittiest coffee I've ever had my entire life.
06:22 Also, all of the cups and mugs in the fucking hotel were too tall for the fucking competition. You've got a, yeah. You've got to, you've got to, you've got to, yeah. I've never felt more stupid in my entire fucking life. But I might feel stupid or after this show, who knows. It's not going to be good. It's not going to be good. It's not going to be good.
06:41 It was on the poster. It was on the poster. It's not called nice seconds. Let's start calling, hey Hollywood. Hey, Hollywood. Let's start calling it nice seconds. Yeah. Oh, God.
06:56 All right. I mean, it's more sensitive. Yeah. It's not nice. Right now, I kind of wish I was dead. If I was, they'd put me in a coffin. It's time for Coffin Watch. All right, now I gave myself a little freebie with this one,
07:31 because I'm not, I don't know if I've made this clear enough. I am not feeling great so to give us an easy win off the start I'm using somebody else's jokes which I normally would never do I've taken these are like this is from
07:51 there's a funeral industry news publication that's in one of my feeds called Connecting Directors and they do something called the Friday Funeral Fast Wrap which is they're like that's the You know, it's Friday afternoon.
08:05 You've had a big week of writing communication materials for funeral directors. And you're like, let's do a silly one. Sometimes you just want to wrap it up and get to Friday beers, you know? Yeah, I think they're doing this at like two and then they're heading down to the pub, I presume. Probably up in the pub, like up the steps. Because they're in a morgue. Yeah. Yeah.
08:26 I guess so. This is titled, you might be a funeral director if. Now this is sort of, I guess, in the format of like a, you might be a redneck. Yeah. Just foxworthy. Yeah, yeah. Not very in my estimation. Foxworthy.
08:45 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right, let's ignore that. You might be a funeral director if I want to do this in the redneck accent now. I think so. No, it doesn't. You instinctively put your hands behind your back anytime you stand still. Because they stand in like a somber respect.
09:04 Yeah, okay. Don't groan at that This is good stuff I think it'll help if you do the accent I don't think I can Sorry there is a little tag on this joke as well A little added part In brackets
09:18 Footnote Even at the grocery store Even at the grocery store That's also a place Yeah That was included in the first list Okay The second one here
09:30 You might be a funeral directory If you've ever had to ask Where do you want me to put grandpa Might be. Maybe. Yeah, it could be. Oh, God, it's going to be like this. It's probably the best jokes that are going to happen for the rest of this.
09:48 Cherish these. Cherish these. You might be a funeral director if you know exactly how many steps it takes to walk from the prep room to the front office because you've done it a million times. It's... Be familiar with your workplace. It's not super specific to funeral. directors.
10:10 You couldn't put that guy in another funeral home and he just knows. He's not so fonding it. 32 steps. What about that for a character? The autistic funeral director. You might be a funeral director
10:27 if you can keep a straight face while the family asks, can we get a discount if we bring our own earn? These aren't jokes. These are just experiences with the cadence of a joke. I guess if you worked as a funeral director and a lot of your money was from the cream you make on the urns.
10:46 You'd be like, I don't think so. I need that urn cream cream. That's where the cream is. That's where the cream is. What is it about that that makes them want to laugh in someone's face? It seems disrespectful to me somehow. I can't put my figure on what that is. It might be the grief.
11:05 You might be a funeral director if you've eaten a full meal standing up in a prep room. Oh. Like that guy from the remake of Gone in 67. seconds. Yeah. Vinnie Jones. It's true. Playing a character called The Sphinx.
11:22 That's right. Not a nice guy. Except for at the end of the movie. Which is just a lazy joke. Hey, Silent Bob. Hey Hollywood. It's not funny to have someone not talk for a whole movie and then surprise you by being like eloquent or something.
11:34 It's lazy writing. Kevin Smith already perfected it. Stop trying. He's done it so many fucking times too. We're over it. I'm over it, Kevin Smith. Get normal size short. Also, I don't think they should be doing that shit.
11:49 They're getting like, yeah, they're getting like crumbs and stuff in there. Yeah, but it's not like surgery where you drop something in and sew it up and it's a problem later. Yeah. He's not holding the sandwich over an open casket. It's basically fine if grandma gets quinoa in her? It's only a problem for you doing the job if you go. You don't know the quinoa's in there. Like you won't know that there's quinoa and grandma.
12:14 Do you think he's going like some falls in? He's just like, okay, well, like... Bunch of sesame seeds on grandma? Yeah. There's only one way to pick them up. Ah, okay, all right. Talk me around. You might be a funeral director if you can identify the make and model of a casket
12:33 just by hearing the lid close. Okay. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's actually kind of cool. That's so fucking dope. You'd be like, that's a Yamaha C-200. I don't know who.
12:44 who makes coffins. Yamaha C-200. It's actually a perfectly fine starter coffin. The key weights are a little off, but otherwise it's fine. You don't want to go straight to the fender coffin. I was going to be like, it's basically the epiphone of a coffin, but then all I can think of was is the Epstein of a coffin. I'm like, oh, this is not good.
13:09 Yeah, I think there was one-of-one job. You might be a funeral director if you've nodded way too seriously at a family's request for something bizarre like a Viking send-off or a funeral procession on horseback. That's kind of part of the job, pal. You just got to say, right, we'll see what we can do, re-horses. Yeah. Also, what do you want?
13:32 Do you want to be bored of doing the same thing 10,000 times? You want a little spice. Yeah, shouldn't you relish the horses? Bring something interesting in. Yeah. I'm talking to people about their boring funeral and hopefully saying no horses. No horses.
13:46 Horseless? This is going to be a horseless funeral? Horsless funeral? Okay. I'll do your discount. Two horses? Just three? I've got to put you down for eight horses.
13:55 Is that all right? You didn't mention them previously. The discount does start coming in after ten horses. Just something to consider. Economy of scale. Economy of scale. Come on. Oh, okay.
14:09 All right, that's worse. That's more patronising. assholes you might be a funeral director if your car's trunk has contained a folding chair a spare suit and a guest book just in case What's in case what?
14:24 What's the folding? An on the spot funeral? An emergency funeral? Someone's been like they want their funeral to happen on the spot right now straight away Yeah
14:36 Funeral on demand bury me by the side of the road next to the pile up you know bury me while I'm still warm. I got it. It's fine. It's fine. Getting all the cops to sign the guest book. Barely knew him.
14:53 Seemed smeared. It was a really smeared guy. From the car accident. You might be a feral director if your ring tone is permanently on vibrate because a ringing phone gives you PTSD. Why is you... Because of your job? Because of your job?
15:15 Another fucking funeral. Goduck! Christ alive! This again! Or is you talking about it being very embarrassing if you're a funeral director? And you're standing with your hands behind your back. And then all of a sudden, you can hear the soft weeping
15:33 of the mother-in-law and then suddenly, bing-ming-ding-ding-ding-ming-ming-paw! Pop! Never want that. I think it's exactly that circumstance. Yeah. It's smart. Last one here.
15:46 You might be a funeral director if you've gone from wiping away a family's tears to scrubbing a toilet in the same five-minute span. Hopefully in that order. Yeah. Because otherwise that's a recipe for pick guy. That's terrible. Were they sad about the shit they did?
16:04 That bad, huh? Yeah. It's okay. Hey, I'll fix it. Today's been a living night. Coming out of the toilet and doing that. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
16:19 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. It's not your fault. Kind of was your fault. You can't just position it over the hole. Hey, that was nasty. What about something that's clean? How about some good, clean fern in? Now that's just good clean fun.
16:37 some good, clean fun. I honestly don't know how I feel about that one. I'm not sure about that one. I don't like the television program but it's him saying the sentence I need. Say what you will about the guy. Needs must. This is from WMTW in Maine.
17:00 Person falls into sinkhole at Goochers Beach. Kennebunkerfish is worn. I guess the sinkhole is kind of like the Gooch's Beach. What? That's a thinker. I thought typically the gooch was on the way to the sinkhole. The gooch is the beach of the sinkhole.
17:23 The gooch is the beach of the sinkhole. The gooch is the beach of the sinkhole. The gooch is the beach of the sinkhole. When you say it like that, it's so obvious. Yeah. Ketterbunk Fire and Rescue Officials are warning beach. goes about a potential hazard at Goochers Beach, where erosion has created sinkholes near the seawall. Uh-huh.
17:47 We've got some doctors. We've got some doctors that listen to the program. I mean, they might be able to weigh in on whether this actually happens. Doctors, neurosurgeons. Yeah, neurosurgeon. Do you ever get a sinkhole that's like on the gooch? On the Gooch beach? Like forwards of the wall?
18:04 I don't know. I don't understand the question that you're asking. What's the subject? Can someone give me the subtext? Oh, I'm talking about anus. Anuses. Yeah, that's what I was talking. Does it ever migrate north?
18:18 Yeah. Oh, I'm doing the sinus. What? And that's a gooch. I sinkhole near the gooch? Okay. Okay, there we go. And that's the one bit of audience interaction were allowed for today.
18:37 So thank you for making it good. And I kind of intuited it as well. Yeah, that's. That's true. You knew that the knowledge was out there. That's incredible. I'm like an asshole migrationary empath. The department said sand near the inlet and jetty wall is washed away, leaving hollow areas underneath what may appear to be solid sand.
19:04 Officials said the affected area appears to be spreading further out than usual. One person reportedly fell into a sinkhole up to their elbows when the sand gave away. Up to the elbows. Right up to the elbow, huh? That's quite a lot. Yeah. Usually he's just getting a little ways past wrist. Ketabog Farah Rescue is urging people to use caution and avoid the affected area.
19:26 Yep, that's probably smart. Yeah. That was some good, clean fun. What was the clean fun in that one? What? It's just the beach. Well, usually when it's a sinkhole, people fall in and they don't, like, it can kill people and stuff. Right?
19:41 There's cars, like, takes houses. This time, they're just up to their elbows. Up to their elbows in Gooch Beach. Yeah. That happened on the east coast of the United States. Across the beautiful Atlantic Ocean we find. That's right. Europe. It's time for Europe Watch.
19:58 There's a lot of words. From English-language French news service The Connection, more French communes adopt DNA testing and fight against dog mess. Huh? More French communes adopt DNA testing in fight against dog mess. Dog mess? Dog mess? Dog mess.
20:25 Poop. Talking about poop. Oh, poop. Pup. That's right. Pup from a dog's anus. Dog mess left on pavements is one of the most common nuisances of urban life. An inconvenience that has led a number of French municipalities to adopt DNA testing.
20:44 So from A to B, how do we get there? It comes out of the anus and pops onto the sidewalk. And then on to the foot of an unsuspecting Frenchman. I also enjoy that they kind of just state this as a fact. Like, we all know that, like, dog shit on the pavement is just a part of living in, like, in a... France. In a big city, right?
21:06 Yeah. Yeah. I think it is. I don't know if you know this. People don't pick up dog poop. There are people out there that are, like, I don't think they're dealing with... I don't think we're talking about, like, French street dog shit out there in, like, Brunswick or whatever.
21:21 dealing with the worst problem. I think they were dealing with the worst problem over there in France. Probably because the dog diets are fucked up. Bold, robust red wines. Yeah. Hard and soft cheeses. Various cured meats. I'm not good for a dog.
21:38 I am holding my wine in one hand and my cigarette in the other. I cannot scoop anything. You don't want to smoke or drink from the poop hand. Ideally. Run along. In friends, they use one hand. No, it's all right. Right.
21:54 Just tapping out on that one. We've decided we're allowing ourselves to have total mulligans on any sentence that we say during this show. If we don't like it halfway through, we're moving on to a different sentence. Don't need that one. Bad sentence. Let's leave that behind. Beziers, Saint-Omer and La Escarain
22:15 are among the municipalities that have introduced systems allowing the mess to be matched to the animal and subsequently to its owner. Lab coats, people in lab coats are prowling the streets. They have the dog's DNA for a specific dog? Or are they just like, yep, that's dog shit. 80 hours in a lab swirling or beakers, 50 bucks a burner. Yes, it's definitely dog shit.
22:43 The screen's spinning and it's just dog, dog, dog. Just checking a little box. it says, Med de Chiennes. Oi? Where? Cest. Now, my first thought
22:59 when I read this headline was that they were like matching it to the breed of dog and then wandering the streets looking for that dog. And then I thought about it a bit more and realized that's stupid.
23:11 Yeah. So it's not bad. While all three municipalities report significant improvements in cleanliness, the approach has not been without controversy. Beziers,
23:21 has been using the system since 2023. The city said dog mess in the city, center has fallen by 85% with 2,247 dogs now genetically identified. We have cord each of your dogs. Yeah, how are they...
23:37 So they're just working on the shit end of the problem at the moment, right? Like taking that and testing it. Yeah. And then... Otherwise you're like pre-cogging the dogs. Yes. You're probably going to shit at some point. No, you're right.
23:51 They are. post-cogging this, which is good. They're not testing the dogs. Are they testing the dogs? We'll get to that. Yeah, they explained how it works in the article. Okay, all right, whatever. But I want to know now.
24:10 I'm bored. I actually don't want to do this anymore. So much stuff on my phone. I'm going to have some non-verbal time, if that's right. Someone on this stage has to be enthusiastic about it, or all four of us will walk off. Podcasting. It has consequently decided to expand the area
24:32 covered by the scheme with checks in the news zone due to begin November 15th. In May 2025, though, the administrative court in Montpellier annulled Beziers' original order ruling that the mandatory genetic identification was not necessary, appropriate or proportionate. That feels true to me.
24:50 Yeah. Well, I don't know. a bit much. I don't know how much dog shit there was, right? Are they, are we talking like, are they plowing it like slow? Waiting through it every day. Guys out there with shovels
25:05 can there driveways clear? Another day, another frunk. There's one wild-eyed scientist bursting into the council meetings dropping all of his papers. We've got to test all the shit. You've got to get it. Do they know they can just watch the dog shit?
25:21 They can't be everywhere. Yeah, no, I guess so. But you're saying with the testing, they could just come in, like, sweep the area? Yeah. All right. Capture all of the shit. Yeah.
25:36 Take it back to the lab. Yeah, and then identify the dog. And consequently, the owner. Okay. Who gets to keep the shit? lucky scientist, I guess. Just walking out pockets crammed full every night.
26:00 You can't stop him from selling it on the brown market. That's very funny. Yeah. I might get someone to kill me later. Mayor Robert Menard nevertheless issued a new order reinstating the measure. So the mayor can just overrule the administrative court.
26:22 What's the point of the administrative court if not to keep mayors in check? I'm always saying that. Yeah. That's a new belief that I've strongly held for the last three seconds. This was not my understanding of their judicial system. And I thought it was pretty well versed of French communal law. In St. Omer, the scheme began in June 2025.
26:43 The commune said dog fowling fell by 60% during its first year, leading it to extend the scheme from the main shopping streets to the wider urban area. In Les Corain, a commune of around 2,500 people in the... Alps Maritimes, the system was introduced in 2024. Around 70 dogs had been registered by the end of 2025. So, 70 dogs in one community over the course of a year, you've had to pay for all the genetic testing and for the collection and all that. Can't you just like learn who the local dogs are?
27:17 Can't you have like... It's not many, right? You mind getting that? Yeah. A guy that walks around and says... I just proposed this and you shot it down. What the fuck? We're in a much smaller town now
27:27 So the idea makes sense Do you think it's more effective Deterrent If you do catch somebody walking away from the dog shitting Summary execution of the dog in front of the owner So that the owner knows subsequent dogs You've got to be all over it Or summary execution of the owner in front of the dog
27:47 As a form of training So that they know not to do that in front of the next owner I think it's probably the latter. Yeah, I think so. It's more humane. It's more humane. The commune said places that had previously been regularly fouled, including near a school,
28:06 had become clean without needing to issue a single fine, according to France info. Nice. Near a school. Of all the places were a dog to book. Owners have their dog's DNA collected by a veterinarian, usually through a quick swab inside the cheek. St. Omeier described the procedure as quick, simple and painless.
28:26 So they profile the individual dogs. They've got the dog's pup on record. They take the poop to a lab. They go, it's this dog. They call up the owner and they go, I think you forgot something. Well, well, well. You son of a bitch.
28:44 Check the zip-pals, fox. The sample creates a genetic profile link to the owner. An uncollected dropping is found in a controlled area. Municipal officers can take a sample and send it to a lab. If it matches a registered dog, the owner can be identified. They put it in the post and sending it to some scientists. Who's funding this? This feels like there's something else going on here.
29:08 Who is this serving? You know, if they're DNA testing your dog for free for its poop, you're the product or something. Yeah. They're in the pocket of people. Yeah. The penalties vary between towns as well. Bersias failing to produce the genetic identification card,
29:29 which is obligatory to be carried by a dog's owner at all times. Peppers, please. This is fascist. This is fucked up. This is kind of fucked up. Anyone can stop you at any time be like showing me your dog's ID card right now. Yeah. Is he registered?
29:49 Let me swap your dog's anus, sir. Yeah. Just as I thought, dirty. This dog has failed recently. That could lead to a 35 euro fine, so that's not having a card on you. And an identified uncollected deposit, that's the Pup, that carries a 130 euro cleaning cost. Highway robbery. 130 euros.
30:19 It would almost seem. like if you were with a dog, it'd be cheaper for you to just pick up the poop. Yeah. But I guess sometimes it's not possible. If you don't have the card on you, do they follow up later? Because if they don't follow up later,
30:32 $30, yeah. It's cheaper to just not carry the car. Oh, it's cheap, yeah, it's just the price of doing business. The prisoner's dilemma. Yes. In Saint-O-Beer, no questions. Not important.
30:47 Insaneh no mayor, failing to present the card because it resulted a fight of up to 150 euros while failing to clean up dog mess can incur 173 euros in charge. Yeah, okay, so they've worked it out. They've worked it out, but still, there's a little bit. You can save yourself 23 euro,
31:02 and that's the price of a sandwich, presumably. Yeah, but if you let your dog poop like a hundred times, you're basically making money at that point. If you get one fine for every hundred dog fowlings, you've got to spend money to make money. That's money in the bank. You've got to spend money to make money. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:20 And then it becomes only the rich May dog foul. It's legal for the rich of dogs to foul. Yes. Yes. Yes. Well, the rest of us, giving our money
31:30 to the Bilderberg group. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're not doing that. In La Escarayan, I think that's how you pronounce it? Perfect. Perfect. The municipality has set a 300 euro fine
31:46 for an identified offense. Woo. All right. So just probably pick up, but put down your cigarette. Finish your cigarette and pop up the poop. Put up the poop. Put down your dog. It's got to be cheaper to put down the dog.
32:00 This thing's cost me more money than it makes. St. Omeier gives owners to produce their card if they don't have it on their person. That's better, yeah. Okay, that's a little common. I think they should probably just switch to digital dog identification cards. Like they do with driver's licenses and stuff. Who wants to
32:19 to fucking carry a card with them? It's unseemly. Yeah. It's not a good look. New opinion I just formed. The system depends, however, on owners having their dogs registered in the first place.
32:31 That does seem to be the one neat trick to evade the dog poop tax man is to just not register your dog. Stay off grid. No idea your dog. Yes. Regrettably, miss you
32:44 and my dog is, how you say, unknowable. It cannot be According to the system, my dog does not exist. Well, there I'm mysterious. When a DNA sample cannot be matched, municipalities can still find other ways to fire the owner. We went to a street in the town centre where residents have been complaining. When the analysis of the droppings came back in conclusive, we sent our municipal police officer
33:11 to patrol at the usual times for this type of nuisance late at night or early in the morning. She was able to identify the offender. That's right. The dog poop officer was a lady. Doing your 18 months of the police academy, finally on the beat, you would be looking for ze shit. You've got to get up at 5 a.m. to look for one dog shitting.
33:36 There are costs to the system, too. In St. Omer, analyzing dog mess costs 34 euro and 10 euros cents before tax. They've got to pay tax. Yeah, shouldn't that, isn't that a government? Oh, fucking. Oh, yeah, who knows? It's a shit. Escarat, however, said the system has reduced its cleaning bill
33:57 as the commune spent less than 5,000 euros on the system in the first year compared with around 23,000 euros previously each year cleaning up dog mess. Okay. That's a lot of money to spend on picking up dog food. I think they just got to do the French thing and, like, blow up some cars. We're not having this. Roll your tractors into town. flip a fit 500 and say
34:21 fuck you, I hate taxes. Yeah. Yeah. God, there's so much better in politics than us. Also like everywhere smells in France or any. Like just... That's what I hear. Who gives a shit? I've never been there. That's what I've been told. Piss? It smells like piss. Well they've got the fix for it.
34:37 They just smoke all the time, right? They can't smell shit. Can't smell anything. Who cares? Wafting a stinky cheese under your nose. Right? I don't know what you mean. Anything could have here. I wouldn't have known. Europe.
34:53 Yes. I'm relatively certain. That's where you'll find Poland. We talk about polls in the poll report. These rise. It's respectful. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:13 Yeah, good time to get a beer if that's what you're thinking. You've got to be standing up for so long. All rise. About a third of the way through. Approaching the halfway point. Thank you. About halfway now. Not yet.
35:54 Not yet. Not yet. Not even really close. Hey. Hey. Are there any electrical engineers in the building? Close there is. Yeah?
36:32 One over there? Okay. A joke just... Okay. I go, maybe. All right. Anyway. A joke just for you.
36:40 Polish engineers do furrier transform with square waves. All right. Finally, something we could all enjoy. This is actually more of me just sort of litigating a gripe that I have. Oh. Welcome to Bonta Vista. It's more and more becoming what the podcast is. A couple of weeks ago.
37:03 Perfect time for it, really. Yes. A couple of weeks ago, someone in the fucking comments called me repugnant for having vibrate turned on on my phone. Yeah. Repugnant?
37:17 I was so validated on that. All the comments said Lucy was right. Lucy's right. Let's fucking find out. And you just assumed they were Polish? Very rude people. No, it's a pole. We're doing a pole. It's the segment that we always have.
37:36 It sounds like a pole, like a Polish person? Oh, it's the pole. It's the pole pole. All right, this is going to be a show of hands. Homonym. From all of you. We're entering into a limited audience interaction zone. Please limit your interaction.
37:56 You're allowed. in the designated place. Mime only. That's right. This is strictly a hand-waving, hand-holding up exercise. No talking. Who has their phone just not on like silent, like you have full ringer. Who's got crazy frog on? Full, hands all the way up. Okay. Fuck.
38:14 Kind of fucked up. Are any of you like doctors? Are you on call at a hospital or something? Funeral directors? What else? That's good. For what other reason? Now, who has like, Their phone vibrates when they get a text message.
38:30 Yep. Okay. Who has their phone do nothing at all if you get a text message? Wow. What the fuck? Does nothing time sensitive happen in your life? Are you ever not on your phone? Yeah.
38:43 Heaps of time I'm not on my phone. Sometimes it's in a different room entirely. Well, what's vibrating doing for you then? Isn't it all day long? Is it buzzet all day? Just all day long? No. I get like probably five text messages
38:57 So you can hear your phone from the other room when it buzzes Well if it's a call I can hear it Because it's gone for a while It's not really silent Like a quiet noise Right? Yeah
39:06 Don't you like ever wish for like a different kind of noise To come out of your phone? No You can choose like it But this is how you choose You choose because when it's in your pocket Doesn't make a noise Because the thigh is soft
39:18 Yeah My thighs are very soft Very absorbent Very inviting I'm like I mean If you have your ringtone on, that means you get a call. You know that someone's calling you, whether you've got your phone in your pocket,
39:33 your phone's in the next room, and whoever's around you gets to hear the intro to 46 and 2. There's no downside. Sorry, and I'll cut this from the show, but let me just... Do you have my phone number? I don't know. I've only known you. for about 14 years.
39:55 So, no, don't have your phone. It's a perfect system. Just say it out loud. Oh, hang on. Oh, Caitlin. Sorry, it's a call for my wife. Hello? Just hung up.
40:20 It's just whatever is on my phone when I booted up. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I thought it, never mind. Okay. All right, well, I think I'm vindicated. So perfect. Let's move on.
40:29 Hey, you know who loves to have their phone on loud? Alan Richardson. Yeah. That's right. 40 more minutes about Alan Ritson. It's Gen X. We talk about Gen X. In...
40:45 Oh, no. In Gen X watch. Thank you to listen to Vino for that theme. RIP. RIP. He wanted you all to know that he was dead. Yeah. Hit by that speedboat.
41:37 He went out how he wanted, though, getting sucked off and run over by a speedboat. Sucked off underwater by a fish. Two speedboats. Pow, pow, pow. Emergency funeral right there on the beach. Slid him into a sinkhole. Funeral director popped the trunk of his car
41:55 and sorted it all out for us right then. It was beautiful. The dream of the fisherman's wife. Dream of the happy fisherman. This is from R slash JetX. Now that we're back in school, I feel like I'm surrounded by zombies. What?
42:15 Oh, this is a teacher, right? Oh. No. Maybe? No? I can't make this up. My whole classroom, everyone is on their phone just with their heads down.
42:26 And I feel isolated because I actually am noticing it happening in front of me. side note so I don't bring my phone to school my parents told me to give the teacher your full attention so I took it upon myself to leave my phone at home but now I'm the odd one out is it okay so what we've got here is a case of I was born in the wrong generationism
42:47 to the extent that this person is posting in the GenX Reddit as a high school student like a high school that's like identifying as Gen X? No! No! No! Yeah. I was waiting for the... for the reveal that this is like a 50-year-old mature age student. This is like an Adam Sandler movie situation.
43:08 I'm Billy Madisoning right now. Like an Edward Cullen situation? What's that thing you're holding? Any sniffsa? A lot of dark energy coming off of that. No, I haven't seen it. No, I didn't too. I wasn't.
43:25 Oh, you haven't seen it? No, I have. It's crazy. Yeah. So many things I don't know about you. Yeah. He's so fucking mysterious. Has anyone noticed how fucking good he looks, by the way?
43:39 Now, for those of you that weren't here last night, I mean, you'll see this in the video that maybe gets uploaded depending on how drunk I am in the second half of the show that we did last night when I look at it when we edited it. I think it was good. Oh, great. Theo shaved his head for a joke like five minutes before coming out on stage, and you look hot as fuck.
43:58 Thank you. Thank you so much. He's wearing his wife's jacket because he forgot to bring a jacket and didn't want to double up on wearing the wife's jacket he wore last night. That's right. You never want to wear the same wife's jacket to two different gigs.
44:14 It's a bit of a faux part. But the combination, I can't get over it. This is a bold new era for you. Thank you so much. You look amazing. Yeah. I hear my family talk about how they hung out in the halls, talked in class,
44:27 and just overall interacted and had fun. What are we? GenX watch a young person who's at school But everyone these days is on their phones Yeah, it's where my friends are It's where all the stuff is It's still not clear to me This person is Gen X and they are
44:45 There is spiritually Gen X child Spiritually Gen X identifying child Oh my God They're like going high Like The Jake Sully Yeah And they're like in their room
44:57 And their parents are like You better be on the phone in there and under the blanket sipping from the hose like I'm not hearing any Instagram reels sounds wet in there
45:15 what are you doing their parents are like cooking the meals but they're still just microwave frozen food and be like no I'm a latchkey kid we're here we're literally in the house
45:28 parents keep finding the garden hose cut shorter, but it's just because you're taking little lengths inside. I don't know how I'm supposed to be in this environment. The most interactions I see from classmates is, hey, bra, look what I set you on TikTok, or look at this real. There's good stuff on there. I hate this individual, but I do agree with them broadly. I just think they're insufferable.
45:59 You don't like gazing into this mirror, do you? No. Oh my God, I don't look good, but so young. So delightfully young. I started watching 80s and 90s and 2000s movies, wishing I went to a school like the ones in the movies. Sick. I wish I went to the school from hackers.
46:18 I wish I went to the... There's a swimming pool on the roof. You wouldn't believe how many slurs you would have been called at that point in time. But I would have been best friends with the Scooby-Doo guy's character who was all sorts of homosexual. We've been delightful. All right. Fantastic.
46:35 Yeah. I mean, the kids in Akira don't even really go to school. They're just like riding bikes, beefing with the clown gang. Why does he get to say this stuff? About, I'm the cool one now. I'm trying to divert you from anime while there's still time. He's lost. You're right.
46:53 You can be more normal. Okay. He's never changing. I'm like the, like, the cartoon or the kid in bed, and then the military guy. like kneeling down in front of them except I'm getting like an orbital bombardment on my back from space etc
47:09 yeah yeah yeah yeah from the movie Lucy's sleeping with a box set of Jojo DVDs yeah well I'm getting 9-11 by Macross I know that this is how the progression of time works but the idea of someone being like what was that what's the high school movie like easy A that one with What's her name?
47:34 Emma Stone. Emus Stone. Which is from what? 2006 or something, maybe. Someone watching that and being like, oh my God, the past was a paradise. No, the past was normal. It's now that's weird.
47:47 Yes. So get that right. The time when I figured out what stuff was is when the stuff was normal and everything else is aberrant. Did anyone else experience the default? You guys experienced the default, right? You guys remember the default times?
48:02 Yeah. You don't think landline phones are odd. That's probably a good benchmark. But then what's a good one in the other direction? You probably don't have TikTok accounts, right? You got fucking TikTok accounts, haven't you? Wow. Yeah, there's TikTok accounts.
48:18 I don't know what they're doing to you? The China... And that's Ben's one mulligan? Infinite mulligans, thank you very much. I think I'm cooked, and it's time for me to accept that this is just how it's going to be from now on. That's the fucking of this. This is some sort of Australian, surely. Yeah.
48:45 I'm cooked. No, I think Americans are saying cooked now. Yeah. I'm saying cooked now. I'm saying cooked now. I don't think. I have nostalgia for decades I never lived in. Wow, you're the one person who's ever felt like that.
49:02 You'd really love that one movie by that pedophile guy Owen Wilson movie with a pedophile and he's in France Woody Allen Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris Yeah, last tango in Paris Before midnight, yeah Before sunrise Yes
49:19 After sunrise Yeah during sunrise We have to seamlessly transition from whatever the last story was Back into this one Does anyone remember Gen X? GenX? GenX?
49:31 GenX? JetX kid. Okay. People from JetX, they were, sometimes I guess some of them were drinking orbits, the defunct soda that was the little bits of lolly, and then some sort of mystery liquid. Hey! We talk about mystery liquids in mystery liquid.
49:52 Mystery liquid. Can't tell what color it is with a slick oily sheen. What could it mean? Mystery liquid I see some gulp that is forming a pool on the floor Who is it for I'm gonna taste the mystery liquid I'm gonna taste the mystery liquid
50:21 It must be Andrew wrote that I really love the idea But like you sing it so beautifully. You sing it you have a beautiful set of pipes. Yeah, and the scoop on goop.
50:40 And my voice is pretty nice too. Oh! I thought you had your... I thought you had your pipes sniffed. I guess that's why there's two of them now. It didn't take. It didn't take. Yeah, they cut it down the middle. It's like a worm.
50:59 They're both alive now. Don't. Also, natural. discount vasectomy. I can't stress that enough. I think it's because you sing it so beautifully that if you were maybe like a younger listener that heard this and you'd never heard
51:15 Ellen Arrigney. We have had this happen before. We have had people in the Discord go, I just heard this, I just found out it's like a cover. It's a cover, yeah. It's a cover of mystery liquids. It's just you with a beautiful voice
51:30 singing with the greatest melodies of all time and they're like, and that's an original. Holy fuck. What if nobody had heard the Beatles? And it's about... And it's just me singing about goops. Yeah.
51:45 This is set into us by listening to Brian. Thank you, Brian. This is from Edinburgh Live. Edinburgh Woman 30 charged after unknown substance found on lamp post. Okay. Mm-hmm. Okay.
52:01 Get the French Council to test it immediately. An Edinburgh woman has been arrested and charged after a quote unknown substance was discovered on a lamp post The incident took place on the evening of Thursday August 20th when an unknown substance was reported on a lamppost on Morningside Road Okay hearing a lot about a lamp Lampost unknown substance you guys heard about this one theory Yeah, yeah what are we feeling for me? I'm kind of getting the impression of the time that like my cat jumped up on my housemate desk and in his words it did like a little spurt that was kind of like Coca-Cola syrup that jumped down yeah show of heads if that's what you were also picturing and to my understanding
52:53 human ladies are much the same 99% genetically identical you've got more in common with cats than you have with billionaires I was picturing um from the What do we lose? It's my phone flying. Straight out of my pocket. Caceless. Directly onto the concrete and still fine. I'm breaking free of big case.
53:21 God's chosen one. It actually feels much better. Is that caseless? It does. It does. If you're careful, a little more difficult to tread the line. Oh, fuck, this is terrible radio.
53:39 This led to emergency services closing the road from 2pm on Thursday August 20th. Officers and firefighters were in attendance with public transport disrupted the area and a cordon erected around the site of the lamp post. Now see the substance I was picturing was, now Lucy, I believe you've seen
53:59 the substance before. You remember the time when Louis ate the mixture of pork fat and charcoal from the charcoal trap under my weather? That is something I will never forget in my life. And then he came upstairs, he hopped on the couch and he gave us all the look like Tom Holland's face right before he disappears
54:16 in the fucking Avengers he did a little I don't feel so good Mr Ben I don't feel so good and then he threw up a rich black tar just black
54:28 directly onto our shag pile carpet It was unholy It was I thought he was dead I was like this is it I'm watching Ben's dog die right in front of it 30 seconds of my life and I was like That smells like carnitas.
54:45 Oh no. He was absolutely fine. He did that one vomit, then nothing bad happened afterwards. It's actually normal for dogs to do that. I think it's healthy for them. Well, because they give you charcoal. Yeah. For poisoning.
54:57 Right? Yeah. So it's sort of kids with each other out. Yeah. Vets say we don't feed our dogs enough charcoal. They don't get it through their day-to-day life. Or mine did. Okay, so we've got black dog tar or beaver musk.
55:12 Yeah, it's one of those two, I assume. The substance was tested and it was found to pose no threat to the public. Yeah, yeah. Just come then, okay. It's a regular garden variety. Actually, it's mostly pee. 90% piss and the last 10%? It's cold beer.
55:35 It's cold piss. A 30-year-old woman has now been arrested and charged in connection with culpable and reckless conduct. What do you mean? But if it's not harmful? She put a harmless substance of unknown provenance. On a lamp post?
55:53 And now she's in the clink. They put her in the slammer for what? Literally what is it? What did they put her in the slamer for? Sliming a pole? Who amongst us is going to slap a pole? Like an average, like we've all been drunk on the way home from the pub.
56:11 You can't get, You can't make it home to slime. You just know in your heart, it's slime time. I think you can wait. I think you can probably wait. Privilege over here. We can wait to slime. Some of us have food allergies.
56:30 Theo wiping his bare ass down a lamp post. It's the worst pole fitness moves. Worst pole dance I've ever seen. I was just picturing it with like, you know how like Ren and Stimpy or SpongeBob, they animate them with like the huge cheeks on either side of the walls? It's a perfect little...
56:50 Yeah. Just as a sidebar, and I don't know what this is, but my Instagram algorithm has suddenly decided that it's trying to sell me clothes for pole fitness. Okay. All right, yeah. So I know what that's about.
57:02 Yeah. Who knows? A Police Scotland spokesperson said, quote, on the evening of Thursday the 20th of August, 2026, a further report was made about items being placed on a lamp post in the morning side area of Edinburgh.
57:16 Ritual slime. A short closure was put in place while this was removed and further tests were being carried out on the substance to establish exactly what has been used. However, it was found to pose no threat to the public. 30-year-old woman has been arrested. She's due to appear at Edinburgh Sheriff
57:31 Court at a later date. I'm going to keep her eye on this one. What the fuck was this? What was it? Using the time-monet testing method of give it a little lick. Yeah. Seems fine. You're going to jail.
57:47 I was trying not to double up on stuff too much. I listened back to the Sydney Live Show episode where I think in that one we talked about the mystery the the drinkable
58:01 instant death liquid that was in Battleford and then they never said what the liquid was and I was like oh shit I should look that up and see if we found out what the liquid was. They've just never said. There are so many liquids out there where no one cares what the liquid is. Yeah.
58:17 No one else gives a fuck. No one gives a shit anymore. The only people talking about it are right here. Yeah. And we're starving for truth. Yes. Tell us what the liquids are. Tell us about the liquids.
58:30 Fuck, man. Embra. That's a region. Fair to say. Would you agree, Andrew? I guess. It's time for regional bullshit. Regional bullshit
58:46 Every little town has got their own bullshit Regional bullshit Every little town has just got to have it This comes to us from WHDM in Pennsylvania Goose Day celebrations Gooseier than ever in central Pennsylvania Thank God As long as something's getting better
59:17 Because nothing else is, am I right? Yes! You guys seen the fucking news. I hate it when I go to Goose Day and I look around and I go Could be Goosey. It could be Gooseyer last year. Turning to my wife,
59:30 but it was actually much goosier last year. I remember they're being more goose stuff. I promised you a really goosey day and for that I'm sorry. Yeah, a Goosey day out. And now this is barely goosey. Goose Day is coming up and organizers say this year's celebration
59:47 will be bigger, quirkier and goosier than ever. Yeah, fuck it, dog. Fine. All right, yeah. Quote, we love celebrating the traditions that have made Goose Day special for generations, but we also can't resist celebrating new ways for people to join the fun,
01:00:02 said Jenny Landis, executive director of the Juniata River Valley Visitors Bureau. I don't think everything needs to be new and, like, doing things in a different way, right? Like, sometimes you're onto a good thing, right? Like, Goose Day, just, sells itself.
01:00:21 Yeah. If anything, you should just focus on the quality and quantity of geese. Yeah. And the rest will solve itself. This year's mix
01:00:30 of classic and goosier events promises to make this year's celebration the goosiest one yet. Big talk. I want to hear how. And I'll do that by reading on. Goose Day is celebrated on September 29th in Mifflin and Juniata
01:00:46 counties. The tradition is rooted in St. Michael Mustay. and was brought stateside by an early settler the Juniato River Valley Visitors Bureau said. St. Mick? I don't know if they're Irish. What other iconic St. Michaelmas' festivities spring to mind for you? Mostly goose-related.
01:01:09 Yeah. Because that's some Catholic shit, right? Any Catholics in the audience? Woo! What do you do for St. Michaelmas Day? Do you eat fish? It's a big day. New this year is a goose day parade
01:01:29 to be held on 6.30pm on Tuesday, September 29th in downtown Lewiston. You've been doing this for generations and you're like, we should throw a parade into the event. Isn't that like the staple of like every regional bullshit event we've ever read about on this podcast is like it's a parade and then some other stuff that's not really on theme? I don't think they had that at the like,
01:01:49 Corn maze one. No parade at the corn maze? No parade of the corn maze. No, they kept getting lost. And that's just an easy word. Missing a slam dunk opportunity to put a sash on a goose. Absolutely, right? Oh yeah, like a missus.
01:02:05 Put it up the front. The goose is the mare. It writes itself. Mayor goose. You do a little election beforehand, work out which goose is mayor. Yes. Yeah. Who's the king of the geese?
01:02:16 And you should do it as, what's the system? We use preferential. So you can break in the idea of preferential voting so you can fix that whole mess over there. Finally sort out that mess that the orange fucking guy has made. Am I right? Yeah. It starts locally with Goose Day.
01:02:36 With Goose Mayor election. Or you could make them fight. Get some spurs on us. Is it an integrated event or is it gandalous. I think you're allowed to look at them. The theme this year is red, white and goose. But that's, the goose is white.
01:03:15 So red white and mostly white again. A little bit of yellow. Sort of orange, white. That's more white. Look, I don't think the United States of America has a lot to celebrate, not a lot to be patriotic about, but that's good, clean fun. That is good fun. I don't think we should be bringing, like, American stuff to the goose.
01:03:35 I don't think the goose needs to know about... The goose doesn't need to know about America. Yeah. The goose was doing just fine. A goose doesn't know about 9-11, and it shouldn't. I mean, to explain America, the current state of America, you would have to start with the fateful events of September 11, 2001. You would probably start there, yeah.
01:03:54 And then from there, the blowback. You've got to play blowback to a goose. But warn the goose, it's not going to make you feel good. You're not going to like hearing this. It's not a fun listen. But some of the original musical pieces, and they're very good. Goose Day is a tradition that is special to our community and the Red, White, and Goose Day parade.
01:04:16 Now, that's confusing. I would still say Red, White, and Goose Parade. I'd double up on goose there I'm not seeing a lot of agreement writ large on the faces over there the red, white and goose day parade gives us a chance to celebrate our nation's 250th and final anniversary
01:04:34 while also honoring a tradition that has been part of Mifflin County for generations said Kevin Kodish Mifflin County Commissioner and J.R.V.V.B. Board President. Oh my God. I was like, hey, he's doubling up on the B. No, it's the Juniata River Valley Visitors Bureau Board.
01:04:55 True a couple of words out of there. There are podcastsers trying to read this. There will also be a drone light show on Friday, September 25th. Boo. Attach lights to geese. Yeah. That has been the biggest reaction of the entire show so far. Put lights on the geese.
01:05:19 Attach lights to geese. All right, they like imagining geese doing things. But hey, not everyone can imagine stuff. No. I can. I'm rotating a goose in my mind. I'm imagining a flying V of beautiful illuminated geese right now. Oh, God, that's good.
01:05:41 And they've got huge tits. Hong honk. Okay. I did on this side of the room. No, I think that's really good. That's just good, clean fun. The core of the Goose Day tradition is eating goose. Oh, no.
01:06:13 Rotten to the core. It's kind of diseased. You can't... That's your objection. Yes. What about, we've got... Isn't fucking bird flu gone off the clockers or some shit at the moment? Is it?
01:06:25 Have you guys read the news lately? You've got bird flu? Fuck! It's made a jump to other mammals as well, right? To seals? Yeah. What do you mean to other mammals? Someone warned Heidi Klum.
01:06:44 What do you believe a bird to be? They got divorced like 20 years ago. That's not a good joke. Fuck. But it was in seagulls as well, right? Which meant, no, fuck. We're fucked. It's such a messed up shitty world.
01:06:58 Stay away from birds. Don't eat the goose. That's messed. That's like some midsummer shit, right? Like they're going to have a big parade for everybody. Oh, guess what? We're eating you at the end. Does the goose at the head of the parade get spared or eaten first?
01:07:15 Oh, you think it's like the American like turkey pardoned they do? Yeah. Maybe. Where they eat like 14 million. No, it's like 40 million turkeys or something in one week. And then they pardon two. Yeah. That's, yeah.
01:07:28 That's so evil. American mercy. The thing that really gets me about it is that as an act of kindness, because there's like a whole pageantry around it where there are two potential turkeys to be spared and then the president chooses which one and then they just spare the other one because they're like, well obviously it'd be very bad
01:07:48 if we killed both of these turkeys. It's 40 million fucking dead turkeys. Would you prefer it if the president then immediately executed the other goose The other turkey live on air. Sounds like he has to, right? It would be more morally consistent, I think, that it would be more spiritually honest. Yeah, but bare hands.
01:08:07 Like, you need to feel the turkey's pulse dwindled, you know? Be like looking in its eyes. He has to wield the sword. My fellow Americans. Get a smaller goose. Thank you. Look. You are not keeping up with...
01:08:34 I'm just learning that seals of birds. It's a lot to keep up with. This is akin to the Pennsylvania Dutch tradition of eating pork and sour crowd on New Year's Day. Now, I agree. How so? It has two things in common. It takes place on a day.
01:08:53 On a day. And it involves eating something. Yeah. Pretty close. Okay. The belief is that if... you eat goose on goose day, you will never want for money all the year round. Okay.
01:09:06 Is your financial prosperity worth the life of a goose? Yes. Probably on balance. I hear the rents are pretty high here. Yeah. Get that. Fuck. God damn.
01:09:18 That's, I don't know. That's bleak. Twelve locations will serve roast goose dinners this year and there'll be creative twists too. Think goose pizza and goose soup. Goose soup Can I get this goose Blended?
01:09:34 Hey, pulverise this goose I'll have one goose Homogenise please And a goose burger I'd like one in chunks And one homogenised Ideally You know what I want a different consistency of goose
01:09:49 For all of the states At the Bristol Stool chap Probably goose jerky For a number 10 And then some sort of goose consummate Are there peanuts in this goose? This is not good. Events are planned throughout the month,
01:10:06 but the bulk of the festivities take place between September 25th and 29th, so you've got a fair bit of time to get there if you would like to. Shit. What do we got here? You probably don't want that. I see some words I like in there.
01:10:23 I think you see some words you don't like. I see some words I like in there. Which one do you want to think? This guy? Yeah, you're a sick little fuck, aren't you? You're a twisted bitch. Nasty. I'm just kind of crazy like that.
01:10:38 You're kind of wacky. Backwards cap, things of that nature. Yo, with the backwards 9-11 ball cap. Why tell him that he looked great? Every time, every time with this, Ben got in trouble at our Brisbane show because some of our real-life friends came to the show, which was very strange and we didn't really want them to.
01:10:58 They were a nuisance. Bit weird. It makes it harder to do this if we care about you. I don't want my friends to see me doing this. Not a mistake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you had made a joke about me looking kind of slutty, which I repeated on stage,
01:11:18 and one of our friends was genuinely mad at you. Like months later, he's still talking about it. And for the record, I never used the word slutty. you're going to go on stage dressed like that. Which could have meant anything. Unbelievable. And I, you look great. You know, you look cool as hell.
01:11:40 Yeah, no. It doesn't mean anything. With the casual sit on the chair. Oh, I'm tired. Yo, with the rib tank top. I want to go home. Hey, everybody on this stage looking good as hell, it's kind of a trend.
01:11:55 Oh, no. We talk about trends in Trend Watch. Welcome to Trendwatch, the Bonta Vista Innovation, Acceleration, Micropulse segment, your one-stop Inside Hub for tomorrow's conversation today. We'll deep dive, thought shower, and blue sky the latest disruptive paradigm shifts shaping our collective now. Whether it's a viral meme, a geopolitical flashpoint, or an entirely new way to mispronounce, diogenic.
01:12:31 We're here to synergize the signals. Because at Buntar Vista, we don't just follow trends. We curate momentum. We transform cultural noise into actionable insights with measurable vibe KPIs. So tighten your synergy belt, align your engagement funnels, and let's benchmark the zeitgeist
01:12:53 right here on Trend Watch. I want to put a gun in my mouth. Thank you, Lucy. This is from the CBC. you can't buy anything on these food delivery and shopping sites. Here's why that's the point. The card is full, the items have been picked, the checkout button is waiting.
01:13:18 You click place order and then nothing happens. Yeah, you've got to wait a bit. Oh. I know, I know about this thing. Oh, you've seen this? I've heard of this. I've heard about this. There's no delivery driver on the way, no charge to your credit card, no package waiting at your door.
01:13:33 Oh, I know about this too. Are you not about this too? Yeah. Do you guys know about this? I don't know about this. Fuck! I don't know about this. A new wave of mock shopping websites
01:13:45 is giving people the thrill of shopping without the bill as younger budget-conscious consumers look to curb compulsive spending. Yeah, thank you. Fuck, that's bleak. This is like when I see people playing like pokey apps on their phone. A forementioned friend.
01:14:05 The one that gets pissed off at me for saying Lucy looks slutty. He's addicted to a non-a-pokey's app that does nothing. Yes. What other habits does he have? They're not good. He has a second phone for his fake pokies app. Dude.
01:14:22 Because it kills the battery on his actual phone. He's also 50-year-old with the most undiagnosed, untreated ADHD in the world. Okay, all right. It's kind of like his fidget spinner. You guys understand. I think it's cowardly to have an addiction without any of the risk. Yeah. Yeah.
01:14:39 What's the point? Put some money down. Yeah, you've got to taste danger. I think he has also previously had a problem with actual gambling. Okay. But in a funny, lighthearted way. So what I'm hearing is he gives up easily. Yeah.
01:14:52 No perseverance. Yeah. No gumption. Fuck Graham. He won't ever hear this. He will literally never hear this. But one of the people he works with, Will. And that's quite funny.
01:15:04 Now the idea is spreading globally. And I'm going to go back to the paragraph before. The trend first took off in South Korea where some turned to simulated shopping sites to recreate the satisfaction of making a purchase without the financial hit amid high living costs in the culture of consumerism. Okay.
01:15:19 What have they done to us? What have they done to us? It doesn't feel good if it's not a thing that you're getting. I'm pecking the button and the pellet isn't even coming out. That's right. I just don't understand how this would be satisfying
01:15:34 in any way. Like, I hit the checkout button. I'm like, waho, in approximately eight to 12 weeks, I'll receive a pedal from America. Great. And then it never comes. It never comes. Are people using this? This is where I think I need your help from the audience.
01:15:51 Does anyone in the audience know how to pronounce Bojolard? I think like that. Hey, Bojolard, just like that? Yeah, this is just like Bojrolard. This is just like Bojolard. Simular and Simulacrum, dude. Yes. The bit from the start of the Matrix, yeah.
01:16:10 Yes. That's where he hides his mini-discs. Fuck the Matrix is cool. Aida Nicodemu, obviously there. Yeah. Follow the white rabbit, everybody. That's not true. No, that's not true.
01:16:24 You know this about me. That's not true. It is true. It is true. It is true. That's so fucking stupid. You're so stupid. You're an idiot.
01:16:36 I hate it. That's not true Fucking hell Let's destroy her Even I know that's bad I don't think it's bad Yeah it's bad It's like one of the like
01:16:54 Movies It's one of the canonical movies of the last 20 years I reckon yeah It's a Desert Island movie Oh fuck God damn I'm old as fuck dude What do you reckon happens when you die?
01:17:20 Yeah, let's just get into that. Actually, I think the piece of paper might still be on the ground somewhere here. I can tell you, I got four paragraphs about it. Now the idea is spreading globally. Whether it's buying everyday essentials... Don't say buying. You're pretending to buy toothpaste to make yourself feel good? Just jack off.
01:17:40 What are you fucking doing? genuinely, if you just need like a hit of like dopamine or whatever. Just jack off. It's got a tube and a paste. What do we do? Oh, Christ. Theo. I have done.
01:18:34 I have such a damn. I have my medicine. I have my own medicine. I hope I never find out how it tastes. Really went out and up your own switch on that, that boy. And he made the switch. That's a rookie mistake.
01:19:15 I've got to bring back a tiny one. And if you're under 55, now the idea is spreading, I don't know, I already said that. Sites such as dopamine cart, fake eats, doper hole, and fake hole are recreating the familiar rituals
01:19:30 of online shopping without anything being delivered. It's just like this Stanford experiment all over again. Yeah. You know when you see like tradies that have like a fake hall sticker on the back of the cab,
01:19:42 and you're like, Why are you advertising that you use fake haul? Fake haul? There's a joke about how... Like you guys? Like a taxi? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.
01:19:50 Because all I can think was fake taxi. They're kind of implying that if a woman got in the car, they'd have sex with them. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of fucked up, man. They think about it. That's kind of nasty. It's not nice. Trade is?
01:20:01 Disgusting. One example is food never comes. Trying out some new medication. Yeah. A fake food delivery site launched in late June that has attracted 92,000 active users over the last 90 days according to the science co-creator. They can fill their carts with meals and drinks,
01:20:25 go through a mock checkout, and follow their order being processed on a virtual map as it's being delivered. That, to me, would be, like, more dissatisfying than putting a Ferrari in my cart and hitting purchase. Like, I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I'm hungry.
01:20:40 They need to do, like, a gambling one where it's, like, one in 20 hits. And you get your food. Yeah. Turn it back in the game. It's like a Panopticon. Yeah. It's knowing the chance that it might happen makes it real all the time.
01:20:54 Exactly. Like the Panopticon. You don't know if you're being watched because you might be at any time. It's like the Stanford Prison Experiment. The sudden popularity of these sites, as University of Toronto Assistant Professor Ria Catapano, shows just how deeply consumerism has become integrated into our everyday lives
01:21:16 I think if I was that researcher I would be like it's because everything is really bad everyone's brains is sludge right now right like I don't think I would kind of be trying to couch this in I mean there are probably like circumstances
01:21:32 huh they if you're yeah like there are probably global factors that are making people become like this I think there might be some circumstances going on but at the same time I do kind of want to call them stupid. Yes.
01:21:45 It is just kind of stupid. Because you've got to balance it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have circumstances. You are stupid. It's very satisfying to blame the individual sometimes instead of like... Oh, it just feels good.
01:21:56 It feels really good. Like, for real, you're like... I would like hamburger. Oh, I have just purchased hamburger. Oh, I will never receive hamburger. That was fun. You might be stupid. You might be stupid.
01:22:10 But the best time to buy food is when you're... hungry, right? And to receive it. And that, yes. And so you want the food, but if you're not hungry, I don't care about clicking through and saying burger, burger, please. Yeah.
01:22:20 Burger please. Spite. No burger. If you get a rush from saying burger please and then going, never going to get that burger. You might be stupid as far. It's tough. Circumstances, but at the same time,
01:22:32 just jack off. Just jack off. Fuck, how long does it take? 10. 20 seconds? A lot of the circumstances. Just jack off. It's the answer to most of life's questions.
01:22:43 Never go to the supermarket without having jacked off before. My balls were bigger than my plate. You are. Lord knows we can't do that twice. All right, we've been going for about 40 minutes in the second half. I think we did about 45 minutes in the first half. Usually, I'd like to cap these at about an hour and a half because, you know, tension spans of these guys.
01:23:10 Limited. What are you guys feeling? What's your vibe? What are you... All right, that's from all the fucking Yahoo's that are feeling positive about it. Has anyone got like something on that they need to go to?
01:23:21 Anyone busy? Anyone... Oh, great, fantastic. All right. Well, shit, let's do another fucking story then. This is essentially punishment if I do this one. Oh, no.
01:23:37 Sorry, we should probably... But also, I've stapled... Anyone you like to be punished? I've stapled my documents wrong. So I'm going to need this guy. There's good gear in there. Trends. There's something that are often covered by a friend of ours.
01:23:51 Steve. Stephen, what's his name? The Groceron. The Johnson. The Grocerin Johnson. A man we talk about in Groseront Watch. Really scattered applause. Steve.
01:24:09 The first one was the sincere one. It's like standing to applause the fucking radiation. sign. I genuinely love this guy. I think there's some parts in this one that I don't like, but there's parts I do like. Okay. All right. Contain multitudes.
01:24:34 This is from the grocer-on guru. What if your next competitive advantage isn't another menu item, another loyalty promotion or another app feature, but a character consumers actually remember? The answer could be a mascot, but not just any mascot. They're bringing back the noid.
01:24:56 Sorry, yeah, that's the whole article is you should say, why should have the noise? Please pick back the noid. We, when I did the... What's the next competitive advantage is selling food that never arrives? When we did the way to workshop recently, myself and
01:25:11 friends of the show, Javanau, I'm almost absolutely fucking certain we met a guy who helped make the gobble dock. The tinfoil guy in the tinfoil area? He invented the fucking gobble duck and we talked to him. We conversed with him as friends, as equals.
01:25:30 He made the fucking gobble dock. The gobble dock. If you're ever thinking about doing the wedding workshop tour, yes, it's expensive. You don't see a whole lot. You do maybe get to meet the guy who made the gobble dock. Yeah. They should say that on the side.
01:25:47 Meet the guy who made the gobble dock. Do you get to see like any of the fake? Hobbit feet that they made. Yeah. Yeah, we got to hold the feet. Oh shit. You can, they're in the touchables room. Yeah.
01:25:59 I got to hold Hellboy's gun, the Samaritan. Okay. Amazing. I also got to hold Hobbit feet. Hobbit feet. Although, and I don't know if this is entirely true,
01:26:10 we were told that the feet were only completely hairless because people had plucked individual hairs over time from the stunt Hobbit feet. It's like the statue of a saint where they're like giving it up rubbing like
01:26:25 it's come polished Yeah The hobbit feet And they're also kind of Very smooth on the toes From people give a quick suck When they get in there You're set to get a little one in
01:26:36 Didn't you? Yeah My recommendation is to create the mascot With AI first Oh, Steve They're turning on Steve Yeah
01:26:53 Another Steve 4 and build the character around the brand integrated into national and local marketing and then put a trained real person inside the costume to bring the character to life oh that's what I've been missing with my mascot just seemed so inert and lifeless it's missing a certain shenna said
01:27:13 whom imagine a convenience retailer creates an AI developed mascot named Dash specifically what is the AI needed in this then, if you've already imagined it. I think he's just starting from a random example and then saying how the workflow would be. Okay.
01:27:32 I hate that AI has infiltrated even our most creative people. You know, like, Stephen Johnson. It sucks. It sucks. You can think of like, if you're a, you can think of like a guy. What, like, I think of, like, I'm, I can think of a mouse got off the top of my head. Like, he's, uh, like a, like a, yeah. Like a, he's a, he's a head.
01:27:53 He's a head. Yeah, he's just a head. Eye patch, but he's not a pirate. His body is a head. Like he is the head. He's all head. He's all head. Goose with huge tits.
01:28:07 But where did the tits go? Off the bottom of the head. Off the bottom of the head. Little legs like the arms, but the arms are not longer than the breasts. Yep. Yep. Tick. Yep.
01:28:20 Can't get around. He's wearing sunglasses because he's cool. He plays the saxophone. Mm-hmm, obviously. Smokes a ton of cigarettes. He's always smoking. He has IBS. Contractually always smoking.
01:28:33 Chain smoking, lucky strikes, 24 hours a day. He doesn't sleep. Yeah. They're the real ones too. He doesn't have stun cigarettes. Yeah. He's not allowed out of the suit. Yeah, he lives in the suit.
01:28:45 He's in there for punishment. He has male pattern baldness. Yep. Yeah. I think we can take that as given because... Which is fine. Really high tea levels. obviously.
01:28:55 Yes, right here. Huge sack. And the sack is directly under the breasts. Nothing in between. See, we didn't need fucking AI for that. And his name... His name is... His name is...
01:29:11 His name is... I think it's... Dash. Dash! Yeah! Because he's fast as well. He moves very, very fast. Wouldn't you like to buy food
01:29:21 from a character who lives in the smoking lounge of an international airport? He's permanently inside the cube. They won't let him leave the smoking cube at checking his actual airport. All five of the hairs on top of his head are coated in thick, thick nicotine. He doesn't even know you're allowed to smoke
01:29:42 at the sunflower garden on the roof. He's stuck in the cube. Game changer, really. They don't let him up there. Dash has a clearly defined personality. We're all picturing. Dash, yeah, right? Yeah.
01:29:54 And if you guys want to make some fan art, that's cool. I'd love to see your renderings of Dash. The sack is nearly as big as the breasts. I'd say equal. Bigger than one, not as big as both. Do you know what I'm saying? Less plump, but longer. Is this a riddle?
01:30:17 Combined the balls are bigger than one breast, but... Smaller than both breasts. Small than both. I think that's very clear. By volume? Crystal clear. Oh, that's ideal. Oh, yeah.
01:30:31 Yeah. What has two tits in the morning? And also two balls in the morning. And then throughout every part of the day, he continues to have that arrangement. Yeah. What has two breasts in the morning and 400 cigarettes a day. That's the only thing in the character, by all. Dash is fast, friendly, food obsessed, a little mischievous, and he's always moving.
01:31:05 Jiggling around. Let me out of his cute. Where are my fresh cigarettes? Now the retailer doesn't have to create a completely new personality for every campaign. Dash can introduce the new breakfast sandwich. Are you fucking hungry? It's a sausage patty and cheese. What else you fucking want from me?
01:31:27 I'd get you something else But they don't let me out Dash can promote the new afternoon snack Dash can announce a loyalty offer Dash can show up at the grand opening Dash can visit the local Little League Don't Don't let him go to the Little League
01:31:46 I don't think he's allowed to legally Daddy Dash put a cigarette out on my arm unironically how am I supposed to explain Dash to my children well he has two breasts that he smokes 400 cigarettes a day Dash can appear on a digital coupon Dash could appear on the limited edition food package The package is soggy Some of that the yellowy film that walls used to have on them
01:32:20 When people smoked inside delivery guy gives you the bag sticky to the touch kind of Dash could appear at a TikTok Yeah Not under their current High lines heavily censored we can get Dash doing a
01:32:37 Doing a 6-7 type deal Yeah Dash can appear in a 15 second television spot That's smart because you don't want them to do more than 15 The risk of him fucking up in a way that gets you a fine exponentially increases over time We only had five bleeps in that cut, Dash.
01:32:55 That's great. Really getting the numbers down. Dash could appear at the fuel island. Don't. He's smoking. That's a terrible fucking... He shouldn't be there at all. Keep him well away from the pumps.
01:33:07 And then, put a real person inside it. Let Dash eat someone. This is the part I believe many marketers will underestimate. The person inside the mascot may be more important than the mascot itself. Wow, the human insider. Even though he's, you know, he's a little on the AI track. He's talking about AI while saying that the humanity is what counts.
01:33:32 It's the man inside dash that matters. The guy who can't escape. The AI. Yeah. Yeah. What it's? Infinite Mulligans. Yeah.
01:33:43 I think that he does understand that you need that personal touch, but he needs someone in his life. Surely he has like a, someone roughly our age, in his life that's like oh that's a bit it's chuggy it's not a good look Can we email him? I mean I bet we can
01:33:59 eminently contactable man Is he open to it? Yeah, do not email him Don't fucking That is we reserve We reserve premonnokness for emailing this guy That's right We gotta fuck him first
01:34:13 What you said was kind of chugie the other day Yeah I just wanted to say that was a little chuggy Did they say that the person was operating the mascot? Not? Did they clear that? Did he, he, he's performing? Inside.
01:34:24 Okay. Because I thought that maybe like he might be sort of if the mascot was also pregnant. There's no place for Dash to be. He might be, but you're only seeing it in the breasts, which are quite full. They're fuller. Over a period of one year and ten months, because he has roughly the elephant gestational period. His breasts do become more full. Yes.
01:34:50 Yeah. And tender. He shouldn't be rubbing nipple cream on himself That's one of the few subtle hints That he might be pregnant Hey, Dash might be pregnant if You see it rubbing nipple cream
01:35:05 On his swollen breasts And yeah, he has morning sickness Finally a realistic mascot You ever seen something as just a giant head with stubby little arms and stubby little legs and male patent baldness and huge breasts and balls taking puffs on a cigarette between spewing in a little league game? Yeah, and we're all thinking the same thing. Very intrigued about what he's marketing.
01:35:50 I'll have what he's at. This is the part. Oh, fuck. This is the part, oh, is it that, the source material makes this point clearly. The performer must understand how the character moves, behaves,
01:36:07 interacts. Yes. And retailers should deliberately train the performer to embody the character's personality. I think we've got this pretty well fleshed out already, to be honest. I think more detail would honestly just become confusing.
01:36:19 The actor asking, what's my motivation? You hate living in the cube. You're fucking sick of the cube. You're out of the cube. You have IBS and you're sick of being in the cube. It's no place to bring up a child. One little bucket in the corner of the cube.
01:36:42 It's for the IBS and the morning sickness and the cigarette butts. Emptied weekly. I don't know if you guys have ever seen the smokers cube at Chang'Irishol Airport, the main one. It's in a thursday. Like it's in the middle of like the main part of the airport. So he's right, he's doing the bit from Independence Day where he's putting his hand up on the glasses and jumpscare in a room filled with smoke.
01:37:07 Cigarette between two of the fingers. It's just like him and a bunch of businessmen from the UAE just being like, oh, where else am I supposed to smoke? You can smoke in the sunflower garden on the roof. These are real tips that you could take home to the bag. Yeah. You say real tits? Real tits, baby.
01:37:26 Oh, they're real. They're real and they're not great. Large but not good. No, there's no nice way to... I think they're all great. I am a hero. Yes. Yeah, Dash.
01:37:50 Ben loves your kids. I would go even further. and that's why he's the guru a serious mascot program needs a mascot brand bible it should define how the character talks well we got that surly very surly
01:38:14 he's like C-sick Tom Waits and he's sort of doing the like you know how Isaac Brock from Modest Mouse does that thing where like randomly yell and sort of pitch up all the time he's doing that I was thinking one webbed foot up against the glass. His communication is actually circular. You're talking heptopod dash.
01:38:42 Dash form back hurt. He keeps saying weapons. We're weapons, cigarettes. Weapons, cigarettes. how the character moves well he's stumbling yeah pendulous breasts and balls
01:39:04 sort of they are like the center of his the center of gravity for him so while he's sort of like Eddie Guerrera from
01:39:14 is that Tekken from Tekken or Chrissy obviously his daughter or niece from the later Tekken games he does know Capoeira so he's doing like Capoeira but it's because
01:39:25 his arms and legs are going crazy but the breaster balls are staying centered. The momentum of all of that is pulling him off kilter all the time. If you tracked it, they would be describing a straight line while you'd be getting a sort of double helix from the breasters. I think maybe the balls are like hitting each other like one of those
01:39:41 pendulums. Oh, like an executive desk toys. Like an executive pendulum. Yeah. It's sort of like an Eddie Guerrera executive desk toy breast and balls situation. Physibly grazed knees from being knocked down by his own breasts and balls all the time. He wants to die so badly.
01:40:04 Well, this is, that great leads into the next two questions very well. What the character loves? Dying. Cigarettes. Dign. Cigarettes and dying. Cigarettes are the sweet release of death. What the character never does.
01:40:17 Die. Die. He's not allowed to. There's no fucking release. The performer may die. Yeah. Yeah. And then we put the costume.
01:40:25 on the next Singaporean man. I would actually bet a lot of money that the majority of people at Singapore's National Airport are not... Oh, you would want someone that lives likely. You're right, that was a dumb critique. Well, that's right. I mean, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, they could fly as well.
01:40:45 They might be waiting for their flight. Singaporeans? Singaporeans can fly. Keyporates can fly. Here are any airflies. Breaking news. What makes the character laugh? Pornow. he finds it very funny
01:40:59 yeah he doesn't like it like he just watches it oh come on come on knock it off you guys it's a little silly mainly laughing at like just very very vanilla soft core pornography
01:41:11 it's pathetic I've seen what they can do where's the pierce that's his catchphrase where's where's the pierce oh you bought me another dry porno You've got to be running out a piss-free one soon, surely. How many can there be?
01:41:34 He's showing him the porno on the window, like the monkeys at the zoo. People are showing the monkeys, the TikToks. Just to get him to say, where's the piss? Getting banned from chagging. Coming up to the window at the cube and dash is there going, Show us another porn Get us a soggy one I want lots of piss
01:42:01 I love this guy Six minute frozen Karagi Where's the piss Where's the piss? And then you can probably spend the last ten seconds of the on something else. Chint defied how the character interacts with children? Doesn't.
01:42:28 That one's a very short section. Yeah, one word. No. But they love him. Like, they love him. He's like kind of a fun guy. He's a fun guy. He's silly.
01:42:40 Dash, you're silly. Kids get it. Come on. Let's get out of here. Security. How the character interacts with adults. he asks them for money yes
01:42:52 oh come on he got ten bucks he is getting those duty free cigarettes though in the airport that's true he's getting those like massive cartons of marlborough reds because that's all he smokes baby main questions got any smokes
01:43:07 got any money what kind of pawns on your phone have you got any pornos on your phone did you download any pornos before you came to the airport He's standing in the smoking room. Suddenly a webbed feet starts clawing at your pants. Hey, mister.
01:43:28 Oh, geez, mister. You got to be porno. Please, sir. I have another. Cigarette or porno? How the character behaves at sporting events. He's talking to the cheerleaders. Yeah, that's for sure.
01:43:46 Hey, hey, what's your day job? What else do you do? Oh, you got any smokes. Are you doing anything after this? Can you drive? I'm not allowed to drive anymore. Plus, I can't fit in a regular car. Have you got a Ute?
01:44:05 Do you drive a K truck? I could fit in the back. It's actually perfect for me. How the character handles photographs. Loves them. Loves them. Loves to be photographs. He's photo bombing. Oh my God, Dash photo bombed.
01:44:20 We can't use this one on social media now because the tits and the balls and the vomit and the cigarettes. How the character reacts to food? I don't know actually. I don't think he's hungry because of all the cigarettes. He doesn't really, and the morning sickness. Morning sickness.
01:44:36 And the morning sickness. Which the cigarettes help with. He doesn't really have any appetite, plus he's on GLP ones. But that's because he has diabetes. He has IBS, diabetes, he's pregnant. Morning sickness. It's gestational diabetes.
01:44:51 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of cigarettes, but he does have an ivy of soylent. Yeah, and he's dragging it around with him because also hanging off that is his colostomy bag. And yep, it's leaking. I didn't know they made them with an Andrew Tate branding on them. Does Dash love Andrew Tate? Yeah.
01:45:20 Big time. He's one of the guys that's been dancing out the front of the prison or whatever. He uses his beak to steal credit cards to sign up to his self-help courses. They're not working. Nothing can help him. Holy fuck. This has been very long. All right, we've got a couple more points here that I'm just going to fucking...
01:45:46 No, let's do the rest of the article. That doesn't ruin anyone's day, does it? You're all good? Fantastic. Anyone got anywhere better to be? Shaking heads or... How the character represents employees? Badly.
01:46:01 Not well. What the character's voice sounds like. Firmly established. It's in the Bible. It's in the Bible. It's in the Bible. What the character's core brand promise is. I will upset you.
01:46:17 whatever you get from the convenience store will be better than the interaction that you had with Dash. That's a promise. Then train people who wear the costume. Good step. The mascot should never look like a person wearing a costume.
01:46:32 It should look like the character has arrived. Very important. And that is why we are primarily using children in the costume. Dash is three feet tall. He's an orb. But don't let AI become the brand here is my warning thank you Steve Johnson okay you have been warned by the
01:46:53 grocery room convenience retailers should not confuse AI efficiency with consumer connection in 2026 consumers are surrounded by synthetic images synthetic voices and synthetic personalities speak on it that makes something very valuable something real yes yes dash is real dash is real we've been talking all this shit about dash but at the end of the day, Dash is real. And that's beautiful. As real as you and me, yeah. Vomit.
01:47:24 Dash is real. Tonsal stones. He's trying to open the sliding door on your patio. Don't let him in. If you're fanging, he's fanging. I can hardly smoke cigarettes inside. I get too nervous outdoors If I'm not in the cube
01:47:54 All the smoke is sway And then the air gets funny A child taking a picture With a mascot is real That's so true Yeah Real bad A customer hugging a mascot
01:48:07 At a grand opening is real Yeah Don't let him touch the customers A mascot showing up At a local baseball game is real Probably not a good idea either A mascot handing a free chicken sandwich to a customer
01:48:20 of free food. Don't take food that he offers you. He's pulling out a sopping wet package. No idea where he was keeping. Biting into the sandwich, there's a fish who are. A mascot cheering at a community event is real.
01:48:41 Yeah. I don't know if you want that sort of support either. Coughing at a community event. These moments can't be automated and they shouldn't be. the AI creates the scalable market system fuck off the human creates the memory you're not going to forget dash no no there's no
01:49:00 we're making memories here something to think about in a convenience industry where competitors increasingly sell the same food beverages and fuel the brand that gives consumers somebody to remember may have an advantage of the brand that gives consumers only something to buy wow yeah and you'll fucking remember
01:49:19 That's something to think about. The people are yearning for dash. The people yearn for dash. Hey, I think this was definitely a fucking episode of the podcast. Thank you so, so much for coming. Thank you for everyone who came just today. Thank you for everyone that came twice. I didn't know you could do it so close back to back.
01:49:48 It's delightful, actually. Actually, after this, we're going to have a little cluster of little micro... That's it. Yeah. That's terrible. Can you do it twice if you're doing it back to back? I don't know if I can do it once doing it back to back. This is not good.
01:50:05 I'm more of a pleasure twice come once. This is the part where I'm leading into the thank yous to the people that have helped us? If you keep your nasty little sex things to yourself. They're real people too. They yearn. Thank you so much again to Harry from Keeper for having us. be sure if you see him
01:50:33 to come up to him and say thank you for the Pilsners he's got the gay little Melbourne mullet and the PST is very easy on the ice very easy thank you so much to Alex for doing our sound
01:50:47 again and for now being subjected to like what is this now four hours of Bunta Bistre and a 24 hour
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