Find the Good in this Very Moment
00:00Welcome to Live Without Borders, a podcast about how to live the good life through stoicism, personal development, and cultural exploration.I'm your host, Sarah Megatel, an American in England who's here to help fellow citizens of the world like you make the most of the brief time you have here on Earth.It is time to make every moment matter.The last time I visited the U.S., I was really surprised by how many people told me, I was so lucky that I didn't live there anymore.Pretty much everyone said this across the political spectrum. You got out of here just in time.This country's falling apart. Everyone here is crazy. I wish I lived somewhere else. And I can'tfault people for wanting to live abroad because I do and I absolutely love it. And I also coach otherpeople on how they can pack up everything and make their move to make their expat dreams come true.
00:53Travel can be restorative, fun. And in my opinion, it's the greatest form of diplomacy.because we get to meet people and know people as individuals rather than stereotypes,and we can develop these deeper connections as true citizens of the world.We experience life when we're traveling.Yet travel and trading countries is not a magic pill for happiness.There is no perfect place, and wherever we go, we take our problems with us.I'm reading David Fidelers' excellent book, Breakfast with Seneca.where he quotes Seneca in one of his letters saying,
01:33if you want to escape your troubles,you don't need to be somewhere else.You need to be someone else.This is such a powerful quote.Those people searching for meaning or purpose in lifemight think that a new place will provide answers.How many times do you hear people talking about this?Like, oh, I just need a vacation.
01:55I just need to get away.But a new location, a new job, a new partner.doesn't guarantee a better life or a fresh start. Finding purpose involves understanding your values,your interests, your goals. It's internal work that can be done anywhere. This doesn't mean that we have tosit at home for the rest of our lives, journaling our way to a better mindset about our situation,although that is a good idea as well. We can proactively change our environment. Well, at the same time,becoming the kind of person who can emotionally handle whatever life throws at us.The kind of person who sees challenges as opportunities to develop our character,
02:38who are grateful for what we have already.Let's say you are not happy where you live and you have a plan to move in a year.Are you going to delay your happiness for another 12 months?A lot of people think that that is their only option.But if you spend all of your time focusing,on what's wrong with where you are right now, you miss out on the good that is right in front ofyou. You miss out on your life and your memories become rooted in what you don't have, what youdon't like, who has more than you. That kind of thinking is going to keep you stuck on this
03:18perpetual hunt for what is missing. I will be happy when life is way too short for that kind ofthinking. Focusing on the negative takes up a really valuable headspace, and it limits youropportunities. When we pay disproportionate attention to one thing, such as moving or changing jobs,and assume that that one thing is going to be the cure for everything, our health, our relationship,status, our income, we ignore other things that matter just as much, or maybe even more.Psychologist Daniel Kahneman calls this the focusing illusion.He said in an interview with Gallup,nothing in life is quite as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it.
04:05So nothing will ever make you as happy as you think it will.Just thinking about things can make them seem very important, end quote.For example, he says many people want to live in a place with nice weather and think that's going to be the cure to all their problems.But research suggests that we greatly overestimate how much weather impacts our overall happiness.And we do this for many things.But simply being aware of this focusing illusion, this one-track mind, knowing about it can help you zoom out and realize what you might be taking for granted, what opportunities you might be overlooking where you are right now.When people are stuck in an environment or a job or a situation they don't like, they cope by trying to manage their emotions. This is emotion-focused coping. And they also try to control the external thing causing the problem. That's problem-focused coping. And this can be done in an unhealthy way like complaining or avoidance or denial or in a healthy way, like acceptance, finding humor in your situation.or looking at things from another perspective.
05:23Let's say you are frustrated because you hate the politics of many people in your town.Here's how you can engage in problem-focused coping.Don't spend time in pointlessly contentious spaces like social media.Limit your consumption of inflammatory media that is just feeding the polarization.Focus your energy on making your community a more harmonious place.So look for local groups working to build connections across divides, seek out other points of view, and have curious conversations with people who see things differently.You can practice emotion-focused coping by accepting that you can't control other people's anger or irrationality.You can look at divisiveness as an opportunity to model integrity.
06:16this is your opportunity to step up. I'd remember that in the other person's mind, they think they are doingthe right thing and they're not trying to be evil. And the best revenge, the stoics say, is to not be likethem. Marcus Aurelia said, don't be surprised when you meet grumpy and angry people. Prepare for it.When you meet somebody annoying, look at it as a stoic challenge of your patience and rise above.The price of being human is dealing with other humans because we are social creatures. We weremade for each other good and bad. And Marcus said that we should think of other people as ourrelatives and let go of resentments. We are all kin. We are all connected. Focus on what is within yourcontrol. This is your thoughts, your values, your reactions. You can choose to model understanding and
07:13goodwill. You can choose your daily habits and routines. Fill your time with meaningful activities. Be mindfuland present rather than consumed by outrage and turmoil. We cannot force people to be less polarized,but we can model the kind of understanding and goodwill that we want to see. Positive change begins withus, and this ripples out. Find other people who think like you do.our social circles influence our behavior, habits, and even our thought processes. So findpeople who inspire, challenge, and support you. You may have heard the quote, you are the averageof the five people you spend the most time with that is attributed to the speaker Jim Rhone.But about 2,000 years earlier, Seneca said, associate with people who are likely to improve you,
08:09welcome those who you are capable of improving. The process,is a mutual one. End quote. Don't wait for perfect conditions to enjoy life. If you are in asituation or place in life that isn't quite what you had hoped for, find ways to honor where youare now. Embrace the unique opportunities and experiences available to you right where you are.Connect with the people around you. Deepen the relationships that you have and look for ways tomake a positive impact in your immediate environment.It's not too late. Even if you have one foot out the door, there are things you can do now toenrich your life and to enrich the lives of other people. Consider what you will miss when you leave,
08:54when you leave your current world behind. Even if you're looking forward to a change,there is value in reflecting on the journey that led to where you are right now at this very moment.So acknowledge and be thankful for the lessons you've learned and the growth that you have experienced.recognize the simple beauty in everyday moments where you are, the joy in small achievements,the gratitude for what's good here, what's often overlooked.Savor the simple joys, a conversation that brightens your day, a hobby that brings youpeace, bits of laughter with a friend.Instead of solely focusing on what's next, actively find purpose and fulfillment in where
09:38you are now.explore new interests, learn new skills, switch of your daily routine.Novelty can be found anywhere and you can learn something new about someone you have known for decades.These surprises enrich your life as much, if not more, than a 3,000 mile journey or moving on to your dream job.As you look forward to the changes you want to make, use your current experiences to shape your future.and when it is time to start a new chapter of your life, close out this one with gratitudefor who you become while you've been here. Stop waiting for the perfect conditions to enjoy yourlife and your job and your situation. Start what matters to you now. That's all for now. Thank you so
10:24much for listening and have a beautiful week wherever you are. Do you ever go blank or start ramblingwhen someone puts you on the spot? I created a free conversation sheet sheet with simpleis that you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you're in a meeting or just talkingwith friends. Download it at sarah mygatel.com slash blank no more.
There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click any sentence in the transcript to leave one.