Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 326 | our marriage report card

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

We’re putting our marriage to the test! This week, we’re giving each other a marriage report card and rating everything from communication and quality time to parenting, romance, and more. We’re sharing where we think we’re crushing it, where we could use a little work, and whether we actually agree on the scores. Nothing like finding out what grade your spouse gives you in real time 😂 Would you ever do this with your partner? Let us know in the comments below! Love you guys! Shawn & Andrew ➡ Right now, listeners can get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at www.https://square.com/go/EASTFAM. ➡ Find egglife wraps chillin’ in the fridge at Aldi, Whole Foods, Kroger, Target, Walmart, and more. Visit www.https://egglifefoods.com to find a retailer near you. ➡ Ready to simplify your cleaning routine? Go to www.https://BranchBasics.com and use code EASTFAM for 15% off the Premium Starter Kit. ➡ Head to www.https://LolaBlankets.com and use code AUG50 at checkout to shop Lola’s biggest sale of the year before it’s gone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I wasn't frantic. I was communicating. Three, two, one. Nine. Wow. Oh, my gosh. This is interesting. I like this. And I feel like you try really hard. I do feel like I'm complicated sometimes. What? Hi, yeah. How are you? What's up, everybody? Welcome back to a couple things. With Sean and Andrew.

Today's been a day. I mean, we can't complain. But it's been a day already. It's been a good day. A lot of changing parts, changing routines. And I'm glad to be here with you. I am too. I don't know about you guys, but we maybe are just realizing, I think we've always realized this, but now we're realizing our kids are similar to us. And transitions are really hard,

and they bring out a lot of different emotions, and it takes like a couple days to really get into a rhythm, to back up the past two weeks. Honestly, the past three weeks have been very uncharacteristically busy for us. We had the Dancing with the Stars, as commercial, which was really out of character for our schedule because I had to go to rehearsals. I had to work on a weekend, which we never do. That was the second weekend in a row we had to work.

Yeah. Because we did the gymnastics clinic, the weekend before. Oh, yeah, yeah, which is crazy. Yeah. So our kids have had some like new transitions there. Then on top of that, we've had a lot of work travel. And we just got home. And in the middle of all this, the kids started school.

middle of last week, which they were very excited about, but add that transition into everything as well. They were a little off. And then our best friends moved in with us for the next two weeks because they're moving. There's been so many things changing. We love that people live with us. We love that people move in with us. We've done this before. Our other best friends lived with us for three months when they were moving. And so we love it. And it's our kids like best friends. but it just brings a lot of change. And this morning, going to school, there are a lot of big emotions.

Yeah, having people live with us is this is how we want it. Absolutely. This is why we got this spot. Yeah. But it definitely wears the kids out uniquely, you know, because we have kids who go pedal to the metal, full throttle all the time. Yeah.

And so when there's friends here to play with that are just worn out by the end of the day. And then I was also thinking about this this morning. we've had some work travel we've had some trips that we were super excited to take and it almost doesn't matter the nature of the the traveler transition yeah just the sheer fact that we're doing a transition yeah adds a certain amount of uh i don't know uncertainty yeah we got back last night from a trip and it was three nights four days and it was glorious it was a wonderful adult's trip and it was truly just like a selfish vacation.

But coming home, having today be Monday and have to drop the kids at school, they were like, we just got you back. Yeah. They weren't voicing that. They don't know how to voice that yet, but you can tell that's like what it was. So yeah, we're just going. We're in it a little bit, which we can't complain. Again, it's such a beautiful thing.

We'll find our rhythm. We actually have to leave tomorrow for another work trip, which is crazy, which will probably be hard on our kids. but once we get back, we'll really be in the rhythm of the fall, which I'm excited for. This feels like really since March, the most travel intensive season we've ever been through. A lot of it, again, I mean, most of it has been family trips, full family trips. And we have so many family trips still left this fall, but they're family trips. They're with our kids.

They're with our extended family. They're with our kids' cousins, which is like their favorite people in the world. Yeah. Great. I'm pretty excited tomorrow. just doing a quick trip to New York City for the U.S. Open. We're doing a panel with the Association of Tennis Professionals. Yeah.

On behalf of YouTube. That's right. They want to hear how they can make the tennis story in the tennis world a little more relevant on social media. And I guess they won our opinion. So we're going up there speaking on a panel. We got to watch doubles tournament tennis, which I've never been to the U.S. Open. I've heard it's awesome.

And I could be completely wrong in saying this, but I think what I saw last night is Betterer is playing in the mixed doubles. I don't think that's true. Serena is. Serena is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's your girl. And I also started, I started playing tennis.

Okay, so today's episode is the marriage report card. The reason we wanted to do this is because, you know, Sean and I like measuring everything. And when we're in the right mindset, when we both agree on neutral territory, if you will, to say, hey, I feel like this isn't going to be reactive conversation. This isn't going to be, you know, targeting each other or pointing fingers. It's really helpful to take what we've measured and then evaluate where we're at. So we're doing Marriage Report Card today. We're going to go through 10 different categories and rate those categories.

one to 10 and the goal is not to just dig up bones that don't need digging up the goal is to get inside into that's always the goal does that happen no it's always the goal to not dig up up that's my goal is to not dig up bones that are unnecessary but I feel like it is important to to just have an understanding and awareness of how are we actually doing and so we've frankly never done a report card like this we have our capital categories that we work through, but this is going to be a little twist and variation on what we normally do. So we will go through 10 categories, okay, in honor of 10 years of marriage. We will do, do you want to give them the list?

Yes, it is going to be. Friendship, communication, conflict, affection, aka. Oh, no, no, affection is not the AKA, wink, wink. the next one is sex and intimacy next one is parenting money household mental load faith values purpose and fun and adventure another benefit of doing this is you you kind of look at that rubric the 10 categories we came up with maybe it's something different but those are I feel like a rather comprehensive list of components that go into a marriage so I'm actually curious because you know neither of us know what scores we gave each other so that's right

Let's see. Okay. And the lowest score will reveal what's missing. Highest score will explain why we think it's high. And then we'll kind of discuss any discrepancies between your rating and mine. And I'm excited. So the rules of this game are just so we're on the same page. We're going to have one score per category, no changing scores after the reveal.

Okay. Your first rating will be. Yeah, that'll be the most revealing. You have to explain your score, try to be as insightful as possible. And as you guys are listening, give scores to your relationships too in each category and see how you're doing. And my hope is that we don't argue someone out of their score. We understand why that person had that score. Okay.

Okay. Are you ready to dig into it? Yes, let's start with friendship. We would recommend using whiteboards. We don't have whiteboards. to do the three, two, one, pop it up with our hands. Okay, great. With our fingers. Okay, great.

First category is friendship. This involves things like, how much do we genuinely enjoy being around each other as friends? Yeah. So would we choose each other as friends? Do we still have things we enjoy doing together? Do we still laugh together? When did you last have fun together without the kids? The question that we'll target here, how much do you genuinely enjoy being around each other?

Okay. How much do you enjoy being around me? Okay. You ready? Yes. Three? Wait, let me go. Close your eyes.

Close your eyes so people can really get it. Okay. Three, two, one. Eight. What did you say? Ten. Ten. No.

It's fair. Are we going to be able to do this? Oh, we're going to be able to do it. I don't take that personally. Here's why. We did just take this trip, you and me, had the best time. Yes. We were on our natural cadence.

Yeah. The reason for the deduction on my side. You don't have it. It's fine. No, this is the whole point. I love this. The reason for the deduction on my side is Mama Bear Sean, which it's beautiful to see. But Mama Bear Sean operates at such a higher clip than normal, Sean.

that like the um that's i feel like i'm trying to play a different role yeah when we're around the kids obviously like i'm trying to be as engaged and active and helpful as possible yes but your mind goes to like a it's like a way urgent for sure rushed oh my gosh there's like layers of concern i and i want to help but i just don't know how so that's why it adds some chaos to your life This morning with the car situation was pretty funny when you're like standing on the street. And I was like, hey, we're just going to, I'll see you at home. I'll see a home. To give you a mental image, I was literally.

So our friends are living with this. We said that. So the dad of all the kids that's living here and me did drop off this morning. And he had to take a work call in the car. and I had to get home in order to meet up with Andrew to take Bear to his first day of school. I digress. And it was just taking a little bit longer

as I texted Andrew. I was like if you and Bear are out because you normally go out and do like a little joy ride, come pick me up. And we just kept missing each other. At one point I jumped out of the car and I was standing on the side of the road

of my jammies and Andrew's going the opposite direction and bears melting because he saw it on me and Andrew's like, I'll just see it home. And then I was like... She's frantically texting me, hey, come pick me up, Neil's on a phone. I can't call to explain. explain the situation.

So I head that way and this is frantically text me. I just added a little chaos, you know. I wasn't frantic. I was communicated. Anyways. Is this a good idea to continue doing this? I think it's great. I don't have any personal.

Okay, great. We're both in a good spot. I'm very, like, I gave a 10, literally for the same exact reason that you said, but like swapped, I am chaos. You are calm. Mm. And you're fun. And when I'm,

with you, it's peaceful to me. Really? It takes my like, picture like an old TV with all the like static playing, you know, and it's like a not fun sound. It like erases that when I'm with you. So I like annoyingly want to always be with you. Wow. That's why when you go hide in the house in corners that I can't find, I find you.

I find you. I find you. I do want to say that I also know that part of my slow pace, intentional slow pace, which I'm trying to set the tone through. It helps me. No, it also can be frustrating. And so I would like to find the right balance of like not just being slow for slow sake, but helping you ease the load.

You know what I would say though? What is like we have found our rhythm of vibe as far as like I've, very much understand that you need your space. So you come find me. I do still go find you. But I don't take it personal when like you go do your workout by yourself and like you do your things. At 5.30 a.m. Though I would love if I could do it with.

That's awesome. Okay. Here's a follow up question. What's something that we used to do together that you wish we'd bring back? I actually pitched this to you the other day. So we do a date night every single week and we do a dinner. And I noticed, I was like, I feel like since we do it every week, we used to do date nights that we always did an activity of some sort for at least an hour or two.

And then we would do a dinner. So it was like a long date night, like an event-filled date night. But since we have the cadence of doing it every single week now, I feel like we've toned back the eventfulness. And it's just like a quick different night. which is still perfect like I love but I pitched you I was like how about we don't change doing every week but instead of doing a dinner every week we do the odd numbered weeks a morning date while the kids are in school and we go do an activity that we used to do because I miss we used to

take long bike rides through new neighborhoods or we would go axe throwing or we would go do a painting class. I miss doing those little fun kid-like things with you. But we don't really like want to do those anymore on dinner date nights because either we want to hurry back to catch the kids before they go to sleep or we want to hurry back and go to sleep or just like come bench. So I want to like figure out how to find that kid like joy again. I'm so curious about this next season that we're entering into this fall. But I would say I feel like that's a very doable. Yeah.

Accomplishable thing. What about you? I would like to bring back the reverence for our after bedtime discussions. Yeah. Just the way the layout has been and the routine the kids have been in. It's like we'll sit down, but it's like we're very much getting up, helping the kids, getting up, getting applesauce, getting up, getting water, whatever it is. And then by the time all that's done, we're just like, let's go to bed.

Whatever. So, but I mean, not that we don't discuss the things that we need to like we always have, but just to have that be a little more protected. I agree. Because I think that that's big for you and me. Yeah. Okay. Number two, communication. Talking about things like how well do we actually listen.

Can you tell me something difficult? Do we communicate our expectations? and where are our biggest communication misses. The question that we will have our rating before is, how well do you feel understood by me? Give it a thought, give it a thought. Close your eyes. Three, two, one, go.

Ten. Wow, a little switch up. Okay, I'll go first. Okay. I think we've made a lot of strides the last few months. It's been a really, we've grown the last few months. Think about since our 10-year anniversary, we've had some really good conflicts,

we've had some really good discussions, we've had some really good times of connection. And I think through all that, we have just, I don't know, I think it's the sheer repetition of having the same scheduling conversation time after time after time where we just understand each other now. I think, thank goodness,

we have softened our ears to hear each other and what we're saying. And softened our hearts as well. And so I feel understood. You know what's funny? I don't think people realize how many of our favorite local spots you square until you actually start paying attention.

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understand where it comes from and why it comes from it and your intention and you're like i understand that so much to your credit i think when we've had these discussions whether it's a like a joyful discussion or tough uh i think you've in certain areas like approach those differently in a way that you're not waiting to respond you're just oh let me noodle on that So I appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you. I would say I put an eight because meaning of marriage book, there's always a moving target

because we're forever ebbing and flowing and changing as humans. However, I think because the past 10 years of our life, I have drastically changed as a human being multiple times. I went from the first three years of our marriage being someone that, you know, you knew and had kind of gotten used to to being for seven years pregnant and postpartum. I had a whole different understanding and like mindset and like to now who I am now right now and I'm like becoming and easing into is a very different person than I've been for seven years. Also the last three weeks since some internal changes,

I feel like there's been a whole new side of you. Yeah. It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, you're digging in. Yeah. Okay, I want to hear more of that. Okay. Okay. What is that?

So I feel like the tar, I've just moved to Target for you so many times, but I do feel like you've worked really hard to understand in every phase. And I feel like you try really hard. I do feel like I'm complicated. times. What? I just had this thought because it does, life feels unsettled. And not in like a stressful, crazy, chaotic way.

It's just like, oh, man, there's things happening. In some ways, I feel like I understand. I feel like you understand me more than I understand or have awareness over me right now. Because there's like, I'm still doing my normal. routine and I'm grateful for that and that helps I don't know bring clarity to me and stability but in some ways I'm I'm like so thankful to have your added perspective yeah that helps me sort through all of the things you know that are happening and you're a rebound and a listening like you're a backboard for ideas you're a backboard for listening you're yeah and then

sometimes I can get so in the weeds and lose perspective that I can can't see the force through the trees, as I say, you know. So it's just nice. I'm grateful to have you around. I'm grateful to have you around. Follow question is, what's something that you wish I understood better about you right now? You caught us on a really good day. I would say, I don't have an answer.

Fitness goals or that seems like it's a big thing or career goals. No, I feel like you understand that. Maybe, maybe career, but I, I don't even know what they are right now. Yeah. So that's an unfair answer. Yeah. I think you and I have reached a point where we are right now,

where we do feel pretty understood. Eight out of ten at least. No, I gave you that reason. I would say I wish that you understood better that I do, despite my slow pace, carry some low-grade stress. every now and then. That's fair. You know?

Just like... That's fair. I'm not aloof. I'm thinking about these things and you're stressed and sometimes also I'm stressed, you know? Do you want to know something? I feel like I do know your stress.

But I would love for you to share. You have a beautiful belief, idea, philosophy, way of life where you're like stress you understand it to be a temporary thing and anything that bothers you is technically temporary in your mind and so you're like if i know that it's temporary there's no need to share it i definitely do skew towards that and though i agree with you in the it's temporary i would love for you to share more so that i can meet you where you're at at in the moment and even add to your belief of like it is temporary and it will pass and you're going to be like I know.

Yeah. But it helps me understand your ups and flows because I can notice that you're stressed and be like, you're okay? And you're going to be like, I'm totally fine. And in my mind, I'm like, I know there's something there. So let me go on one real quick. I feel like it's important for me as a man to be capable and to be able to handle situations. And so I do think with full confidence that I got this.

You know what I'm saying? Like I got it. For sure. I got it too. Despite whatever short-term stressor is. So like I feel like getting in the weeds and like uncovering all the different things is not that helpful because it's like I got it and I need to got it like I got to put the team in certain ways on my back like you put the team on your back in certain ways and that's

freaking part of it you know what I'm saying I like that responsibility I like that role it's my role as a father I would say yeah couple that with the stress that and I do need to do a better job sharing it does get i wouldn't say i'm like emotionally um literate in a sense where like hey how you feeling well i got it one two i don't know what word to use for that like uh you know what i'm actually fair i'll work on that's actually fair and i also don't think i'm very good at it either i say that before as i preface a lot of things that i like i don't even know how to articulate this but there's like this feeling and even that like the practice of that I think is really good as an adult because we also want to encourage our kids to have that awareness I know I know but I also don't think like

you don't want it to be too much you know when you go like the therapist says tell me about trauma from your childhood and you're like well I didn't have any and they're like tell me about trauma from your childhood and then all of a sudden you're like making it up because you're like well I guess now I'm reframing what happened and I'm like it's fine I just got to freaking give me a second you know what I'm saying And I would like to think that I would tell you should it be a serious type stress. For sure. I would be able to pinpoint that, but I'll work on it. I would love to have a therapist.

Yeah, please. Perspective on that because I don't fully disagree, but I also, there have even been things that, like, we have talked about together where I'm like, I don't know how I feel about it. I don't need that I, I don't think I need to feel a certain way about it. But to a certain extent, I do know it's there. Yeah. Whether it's doing something or not, it's probably good for you to know it's there.

But a lot of times it would be like in the short term, not like the childhood trauma type stuff. It's like, how are you feeling? Well, not, I'm not like a freaking hundred. I could probably eat to be, I need to eat. That's what it needs to happen. We're speaking so big. All right.

That was actually a good section. I liked that one. Next one. It was. Next one is conflict. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

This is do argument. it's become personal. Who escalates? Who withdraws? How quickly do we repair are these arguments we keep having? Centered around the one question, how well do we disagree? Okay. Ready?

Hold it up. Three, two, one. Nine. Wow. Oh, my gosh. This is interesting. I like this. I think we've gotten way better the last six months.

I think it's been less of a, yeah, it's like goes back to an understanding thing. I just think that we've been able to hold on loosely to our opinions and the other's opinions. What about you? I think I 100% agree. I think we've gotten better and better, better, better, better, and we're figuring it out. But I also think you and are incredibly on both sides, stubborn, driven, and competitive. and I think because of that in the initial argument moments

we are not good at that. Okay. We are getting so much better at having those initial moments that get heated or personal or start to escalate and all of a sudden we say stop or we walk away, whatever,

and we're really good after that. We've gotten really good at that part of being like, whoa, I'm sorry, that wasn't okay. But like, I think I gave it a six for that initial where we tend to be reactionary. To go through some of these sub questions, I think the arguments, so I was just telling Ryan last week, I feel like we've been able to turn over conversations quicker, like, just kind of get over that emotional hump of like the pissiness.

I feel like that's what I'm saying. The back half of arguments were nine or ten. Like we're getting really good at that. The front half of arguments is what I would gut, gut. reaction say six. Well, maybe I'm rating our trajectory because I feel like the other thing is that we haven't taken things as personal in the last six months. There's this deeper understanding that we're a team.

Yes. And that's been so helpful. There's like a trust in that. I would say, who do you think excites more? Who do you think? Me. And I think I withdraw. But you, but that does switch sometimes.

Yeah, for sure. How quickly you repair. That's what I'm saying. We're getting faster, faster, faster, yeah. Are there arguments we kept having? Yes. But yeah, I do think we've improved in this area. And I appreciate the trust and the security in our team.

So maybe my answer would even out to like an eight because of what you were saying. You interject. You don't change it. Don't change it on my behalf. No. We got room to grow. Follow up question is, what's one thing? I do during conflict that makes resolution harder.

I escalate. What's one thing I do? You withdraw. That's what I do now. Yeah. I would say you sometimes take things personal. Yeah. And you, yeah.

Just like continuing to remind yourself the word team. Okay. affection. This isn't talking about physical affection. This is an everyday physical and verbal affection. and we'll talk about things like touch compliments saying I love you thoughtfulness flirting feeling noticed oh this is interesting question is how loved and wanted do you feel by me I'm ready are you three two one ten maybe I'm too critical you've always done a phenomenal job at this Thank you.

And you always seeking me out when I'm hiding, I'm like, I know that you love me and I appreciate that. And you're doing a better job at saying, can I have a back scratch? I love that. And you're doing a better job at voicing where you need more in certain areas with this. Yeah. I will say, I feel like a lot of. But yours was a eight? Yeah.

Okay. Mine was a 10. Yeah. This is a conversation we have frequently of you're kind of like an all or nothing guy. You're either like. We're having sex and naked time. Is that what you're saying? Yeah.

Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Or you're zoned in on work. Whereas like this is my love language. Work. Like my two modes of operating are either naked time or work. Oh my gosh. No, it's just like a, I don't think this would be like your natural go-to inclination.

Interesting. What do you think? We've had conversations about this. And I know I have room to grow. Yeah. I appreciate that. The school year routine is officially back, which means breakfast, lunches, practices, and about five different people asking for food at five different times.

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It's pretty sweet technology. Pretty sweet invention. I don't think you're bad at this. I think it's just like more of a priority to me. I'm more touchy-feely throughout the day. than you are. This has actually been a really fun area for me to grow in that doesn't come naturally to me. Like holding your hand on the couch or it's,

it's been like a good challenge for me to think of, oh yeah, this is a good opportunity for me to hold her and kiss her like, whatever. Give her a little tush push, you know what I'm saying? Tush push. What's one small thing I could do more often that would make you feel loved?

In those moments of rush, just like pausing and little hand squeeze or something. just so I know that you're still with me, you know? Mm-hmm. What about me? I got all the stuff you just said. The tush push, the give me this little smile, that kind of stuff. Because though you are more chill throughout the day,

sometimes that can be like void of emotion. So then I'm like... It's interesting. I would say one of my superpowers is like, When I'm focused on something, I am locked in and I can accomplish in an hour what would take other people multiples of that. Yeah. It's like, great. I love that.

The downside is when I'm focused on something, I do not want to be disturbed. Don't touch me. Don't talk to me. Yeah. And we work from home. So sometimes it's like conflating factors. And sometimes you can be in common areas and still be locked in. Not in front of a computer, but like in the kitchen and me not understand that your brain is still locked in.

Those are the moments where I'm like, to me, I don't know that you're locked in. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Okay. It's good. Here we go. Sex and intimacy.

Physical intimacy. Yes. This is the frequency, initiation, feeling desired. emotional aspect of it, prioritization, and then how intimacy has changed through kids and seasons of marriage. The central question is, how satisfied are you with our intimate relationship? What? I'm thinking. I'm ready. Three, two, one, ten. What is that? I said it before you rated. I said it before you rated. Don't be flicking that dumb in. I was going to say 10, 910.

This. Shoot, I ruined that one. No. I went too early. No. Classic. How appropriate. On brand.

You know exactly why. I have zero grievances except for. I don't know. What I'm going to think about it. I'm going to think about it. Read the list. What? What would move this category up one point for you?

No, read the list. It's, your answer is letting the list. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't sure if you wanted to share that. I'm tracking. No, that's good. Uh, love it. All right.

What would... I will say, though. A plus plus. A plus. What would move this category up one point for you? We know. We know. we know it's good

tiniest thing well that's she's not talking about yeah next one parenting okay this is things like discipline roles supporting each other undermining each other

different parenting philosophies who carries which responsibilities the questions are centered around how well do we operate as a parenting team I'm ready. You? Three, two, one, eight. I'm waiting for the one that we get the same answer on.

I think I honestly think that we are a phenomenal team. I really don't have much I would change. It'd probably skew closer to a nine. I think sometimes you are in go mode. By the way, Sean is like, it's amazing to watch her work. It's so cool. And you see her in the mornings, it's like turbo speed. It's amazing.

It's the only way we get out the door on time. And I know all the things that need to happen. Sometimes the speed at which and the time at which and the order in which I would do them is not the same as you. And I want to help, obviously. But it's like, just make a little more room for me. share like hey instead of you walking down the hallway to grab whatever you know I'm down there just like ask me yeah which I know I know I know I know but that would be my one note on that I him saying I know I know we've had this conversation before of like I know I know I could

ask you but my mom brain sometimes gets so lined up with this is what I'm going to do this is what we need to do to like get out of the cup that sometimes it almost takes more emotional and mental load bandwidth to say okay now let me ask Andrew down the hall can you grab the t-shirt which t-shirt well the blue t-shirt where's the blue t-shirt it's you know sometimes I'm just like I'll do yeah yeah by the way I should be able to extrapolate and understand where to plug in better and that's my rule I would say 10 because parenting is very complex and it's ever changing and our kids are ever changing and right when we feel like we got the gist of something something changes whatever i just think you are a phenomenal

husband and though all of these questions discipline roles supporting undermining parenting though those change all the time and whether we might not be aligned or not or whether we are aligned or not i always feel like a teammate with it i'm super glad we've talked about this years ago, the discipline thing we were aligned on from the get-go because we read this one, two, three magic book, which I don't know. Maybe people love that.

Maybe people don't. I don't know what the general consensus is. The benefit to Sean and I is, we were on the same page as how we were going to approach disciplining kids. Supporting each other. I feel that every day with you. The word undermine has rarely,

have ever come to mind when it comes to parenting. has ever come up, it has been very noticed by the person who did it, whether it was me or him. And we were like, oh my gosh, you are 100% right. I should never have done that. There's a nice softness there. There's an awareness. And then I think we have the same parenting philosophy.

Yeah. And who carries which responsibilities? We've gotten really good at knowing like where our lanes are, what we're good at, what the other person's strengths are. And like leaning into those. All right. Money. Oh, these are interesting.

And I'm grateful for this right now. Same. Okay. So we're not talking about the quantity of money. We're talking about spending, saving, risk, generosity, financial goals, lifestyle, who worries about money more. And does one person spending annoy the other? One person's proclivity to saving annoy the other.

So the central question is how a lot of money? are we financially? Let me look through these subcategories. This is, let's not talk about what we naturally skew. Let's talk about how we functionally come together as a team here. Can I add that caveat here? Please.

I'm ready. Three, two, one. Nine, I got ten. I got nine. I docked one point because of the tendencies. of like, I would say this was our hardest category from day one. Not like most aggressively conflict. No, but like complicated.

Very complicated. So many emotions, different philosophies, different upbringings. We were the most different here when we got married. And it has been our longest journey to like, have a fluency around and like a security and a comfort with each other and I feel 100% secure and like a perfect team in it now. I docked one point because we still have those tendencies to have like different spending styles and saving styles and risk styles like every one of these categories I could say we might have different styles, but yet we have the same exact goals.

It's been a cool one because obviously it's very measurable and trackable, but it's probably because of the ability to have insight into that. I think we have provided the most amount of balance to each other with this. On both sides. Yeah, we each have our natural tendencies that we've eased off of. to favor the other. And I'm grateful for that. So, yeah, we got a long way to go.

I don't think so. Well, as far as things to learn and like one thing, we've been very intentional with having discussions because of the previous complications. Like we'll have regular check-in meetings. We have dashboards that we look at, not just with this, but like our book, we try to have dashboards for a lot of different categories.

This one's unique because it is so like, yeah, there's so many natural dashboards to have. What's one financial decision you think we see differently? I'm not sure there is one. The remodel would be the first and the only thing that comes to mind for me. Yeah, but I would even put the remodel in a category where we don't see it differently.

Just timeline? I think the original, not even that, because at the end of it, we both have the same goal of what we want to build. Yeah. And I don't on purpose want to spend more. I just don't have the understanding that we can spend less to do what we want, you know. So I think it's more so we share the same goal in wanting to get it done and how we want to do it. We don't want to be stressed in doing it. We don't want to like rush it.

So I'd say we end up at the same place, but it's just going about it differently. Grateful for you. Grateful for you. Number eight, household and mental load. These include visible and invisible work things, such as cleaning, scheduling, kids, appointments, travel, food, household projects, emotional labor,

remembering everything. All circled around the question, How fairly do we share the work required to run our life? Wow. I'm ready. Okay. Three, two, one. Ten.

Ten. I almost unbrought the tears. And this one, this, just all the subcategories. Like, we are a good team. We are. I will say this. We have done a really good job, kind of like we talked about early on, in embracing our lanes.

and this is my lane, a lot of this. And I love this and I thrive with this and this is how my brain is wired, but I voice my stress with it. Whereas you take on an incredible household mental load with our business, our finances, and everything that encompasses around that, but you never voice your stress.

stress. And so sometimes I unfairly complain about my mental load, though it is the one that I want. And I think because of that, I seek affirmation and, like, praise with it, whereas you don't ever get it. And that's not fair to you. A couple thoughts. One, I don't think it's unfair, and I don't think you complain. So just know that. I don't, I'm not. I'm not. feeling that. I know, but. But I also, Sean said early on, we've kind of sorted through this.

It did take us for those young couples listening, I don't know, probably like four years to, really when we had our first kid, it was like you have to divide tasks. You have to divide and conquer in a new way. And then every kid,

uh, escalates that. And you don't have the bandwidth to keep it all in your brain. Yeah. So at one point when I was trying to grasp onto everything and you were trying to grasp onto everything and you were trying to grasp on to everything. I had to be like, I can't anymore. I got to let it go. But Sean's really good at like kind of keeping track of all the list of tasks. And then what you've done a better job at is

understanding that I have a good systems thinking brain. And so like how can we set up or delegate or get an assistant or whatever in certain ways or build like a process and organize it? And I think We've helped each other immensely in this. Back to school season has a way of exposing every messy corner of the house. I'm talking sticky counters, laundry, sports here, and fingerprints literally everywhere. And before Branch Basics, we had a different bottle for every one of those jobs. And now we use one concentrate to make the cleaners we need for counters, bathrooms, laundry, dishes, and more. You can even wash your produce with it.

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So it's not like, you know, there's trust that I'm not watching Netflix or whatever. Yeah. So that's helpful. Next, faith, values, and purpose. We're talking about our faith, values, church, family culture, what you're teaching your children, how you make major decisions, and whether your actual calendar reflects your stated priorities. With the big question being, how aligned are we on what we believe and the kind of life we're trying to build? Ready? Three, two, one.

Now we're rolling, baby. we spent a lot of time on this. We do. And this is the type of stuff I geek out on. This has changed. There was a season when, you know, like with young babies, I would go to church with the kids. But now I think we're both, like, seeing how great that is for the family

and how fun that is to have in our Sunday routine. And we're getting more and more because we've practiced it already. intentional with like, oh, you know, last week felt a little bit off. The scales got a little tipped. We felt like we didn't have enough family time or we had too much social time or even down to the nitty gritty of like, you know what? I don't love how that coach is pouring into this team. Maybe we can find a better one for our kids based off of our values, our faith,

our church or, you know, I mean, teachers, just everything. We work really, really hard here. And this is something that I think we're perfectly aligned up. Yeah. A couple of things that have made me just geek out on this is one, when my dad died, understanding that there was a certain void that needed filled for preserving the family culture that I was raised in and so grateful for. Two, that there was this family culture that wasn't necessarily documented or explicitly stated.

And kind of writing that down and the reasons for the things we do what we do. And then also, frankly, the work that we do, I feel like, I feel a responsibility to be organized and discipline in this area of life. Because we're, you know, people look up to our lifestyle, quote unquote. And so understanding what our lifestyle is, why we have. that style and then being able to clearly articulate that is something that I think is important. So the nature of our work and losing my dad, having kids, the last few years has been really fun as far as formulating this and I've enjoyed it. But where do you think our life is most aligned with what we say we value and where is at least aligned?

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You do a great job with that. We put so much effort in. to prioritizing the things that mean the most to us. Time with our kids, date nights, church, and free weekends. Time with friends and community. Where is it least aligned? Work comes to mind. I feel like if there's anything that's going to get sacrifice,

it is certain things with like the occupational side, which of all the things to get sacrificed, I think I'm okay with that. Okay, last one. fun and adventure. Things like dates travel, spontaneity, laughing, trying new things, whether parenting and business has made life only

or overly serious. Question, how fun is our marriage right now? Hmm. I think I'm ready. Three, two, one. Eight. Nine. But I don't know if I'd change it.

No. Someone asked me the other day, what percentage of the time are you doing what you want to do? Like if you had your dream day. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know, maybe 20 or 30% of the time, it's like, oh, yeah, I'm watching, I'm playing golf from doing the work, like, it's a small portion of the time, but I love how we spend our time.

It is, it is like taking care of the kids, getting them, their cups filled up, their schedules where they need to be, would I like to spend hours in the car every day? No, do I think that's important and do I find value in that? Yes. So like our marriage isn't all fun in games. But I just think it's not supposed to be. Yeah. I think we have a very fun life. We have so much fun with our kids. Yes. We have so many fun activities. We've gone so many fun trips. We love our work. but yet we do take life serious and we try to make it intentional and we do the hard stuff which isn't the fun stuff but it's because we do that that we get to have so much fun and i also am not just constantly looking for the fun thing like if you only had fun it wouldn't

be fun this is my hot take on the follow-up question which is if we had an entire kid-free Saturday tomorrow what would you want us to do it's like i would want to spend time with my kids Yeah. And we have time for us, which is a date night, and that's great. But right now in this season, we understand that I feel like most of the time we're able to clearly see that spending time with our kids, no matter if they're in fun moods or sad moods or working through whatever, like no matter how much stress that brings us, it's good.

Not easy, but it's good. To answer the question of, if we had an entire kid free Saturday. What would we want to do? Jump off a 20-foot boat into turquoise water, which is what we did this weekend. And though it was absolutely incredible, I wouldn't trade time with my kids for that. Yeah.

Like it was a wonderful, it was something friends gifted us with. And it was amazing. But yes, time with our kids is better. Yeah. That was fun. So we have our totals that we'll put on screen here for 10 categories add up all 10 scores.

We'll put that here. Strongest category were household and faith and values, which feel good about. Lowest category would be, was it conflict? Conflict. Okay. And biggest perception gap. That's interesting.

Which one was that? What did I say six to? Was that conflict or affection? That was conflict. Yeah. Okay. that's made me more interesting than the overall score. But all right, we got some things to think about.

How can we get our merits to 100? I love it. Is that even the point? I don't think we need to. This was actually, first of all, I'm so thankful for this podcast. And some people may see something like this and think it's unnecessary, but I love it. I think that it has drawn us so much closer to each other, giving each other a window into each other's hearts and perspectives. And I love you.

I love you too, baby. If you made it this far and you haven't yet, please subscribe to the show and give it a rating wherever you're listening. That really helps us out. And it's been fun to see the show grow over the years. It's been fun to get your feedback over the years. And so let's keep it going. So that's all we got.

I'm Andrew. I'm Sean. Until next time.