Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 230 - Well I Guess This is Growing Up

Episode Date: February 10, 2020

LA traffic! Why are you so bad?! This week Jesse gets stuck in a traffic jam cause a boat exploded. Not anywhere near the road, just cause it happened. Also Crendor thinks he's dying - again. And we learn not to eat weird things and suck it up when you get sick. The boys also take a trip back to last weeks episode to talk about apples. All this and more on an exciting new Cox n' Crendor! Check out Hawthorne at http://hawthorne.co and use promo code COX to get 10% off your first purchase!

Today's episode is brought to you by Hawthorne. Hawthorne is going to make you smell so good and make everyone around you be like, oh, oh, oh, what's that smell? Oh, it's you. Oh, oh, yeah, they'll love it. Also, today we're brought to you by Cox and Crandor Live. Go watch our show in Chicago, March 19th. You want to be there. Get your tickets right now at Cox and Crandor.com It's an 18 plus show. It is in the exact same place it was last time. Buy your tickets. We keep forgetting to promote it.

But not today. We're doing it right now. Getting it out of the way. Come see us. Be dumb and silly in March. We would love to see you. And you can buy me a drink. Crandor won't drink your drink, but I'll drink his for him. Hello, everybody. It's time for

Ghost on Crandon. This is Crandon in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live in 4-hour recording studio. Recording. Wake your ass up Gax and Grendel in the morning. Hello everybody, welcome to an exciting episode of Gax and Grendel in the morning. What's going on, hello, how you doing?

Oh my god, I, I, God. I hate this town sometimes. I have so many stories of the last few days where I've been driving around the city, and I realized, I think I'm like, what if I never drove again? What if I just told people they want me for something, they got to come to me? Because I can't be asked. Oh, my God. So it rained a little bit bit and so traffic was terrible i was driving and it was fine and then traffic for some reason was at a standstill and i couldn't figure it out an hour later i get to an area of town where there's a little drizzle and i'm like oh that's why what and then uh the other day a boat exploded so I had traffic issues.

I was like, time out. The boat's on the water. I'm on a road. How does that affect me? I was upset about that. Oh my God, I drove up to the middle of nowhere today and it was just the longest car ride I've ever been in. And everyone in front of me was like, an old grandma? It's like, oh, I'm out on the road today? I was angry. I just can't. Oh. Sometimes the traffic here is so bad,

it's unreal. I can't even fathom a world in which I didn't have to deal with this. It would be perfect. It would be a paradise, really. Yeah. You know, that's just, I feel like LA is probably one of the worst places

for traffic just in general. I wish we just had good public transportation. There is. It exists, but only in certain areas. If I wanted to get from downtown to Hollywood, I could do that on a train. Anywhere else? Nope.

Deal with it. I don't know why everything it sucks build an underground i guess they couldn't because earthquakes would just i don't know what the rules are it's dumb i hate it but uh speaking of things that are dumb and i hate today today i went to a place called tommy's after we were filming today, there was a burger place nearby. I was like, I want the grossest, meatiest burger I can get. So there's this place called Tommy's. It was right next to the gas station,

which probably should have been like, you know, a clue. But it was, I just was like, yeah, can I get a burger combo? And she was like, okay, sir. Now, you know, all of our burgers come with chili on it. I'm like, what? She's like, every burger has chili. Pickled mustard onion chili. I'm like, what?

I just want a hamburger. She's like, well, they all come with chili, sir. I was like, okay. Just like, can I order it it but just no chili on it yeah i i well so it came it came with a tomato as well uh but i was like no tomato please and no chili and she was like they all come with chili sir i was like what do you can you not just not put chili on it for me she's like no sir it's how the burger's made sir and i was like what okay can i get it without onion she's like yes like can i get it without mustard she's like yes i was like well

i want both mustard and onion can i get it without chili she's like no sir no sir it comes with chili i was like this makes sense just don't put the chili on it goddamn yeah i won't tell if you don't tell don't put chili on it she was was like, sir, it comes with chili. And I couldn't figure out why. I was like, is it a flavor thing where they are convinced that it has to be on there? I don't know. She's like, no, sir, it comes with chili. So I was like, okay.

Just give me, you know, the combo with fries. And in my car, mind you. So now I need to clean my car. Right. I opened the chili burger. Like dismantled it in my car. Used the chili with the fries. And then like reassembled the burger.

So now it still had like a chili taste but wasn't a chili burger. Yeah. It was fine. But it was so weird. She's like, no, sir. It comes with chili why though be like yeah just put it on the side just be like oh i really like putting the chili on the burger myself can you put it on the side like i don't do they like dip them in she was just like no sir no sir

i'll never forget her no sir i can't figure out why, though. It doesn't make sense. It's just chili. Put it in a cup. Throw it away. Like, ladle it out and throw it away, and then just give me the burger. That was fine. A chili burger, you need to be in a chili burger mood.

I was in, like, an F me up burger mood. I wasn't in, like, a chili burger, I want to be gross the rest of the day mood but here we are i ate that chili and now i'm got like oh what i do that so yeah lessons learned well at least you learned your lesson i did not i um i actually learned nothing from that shout out to tommy's right next to six flags right next to six flags in. Right next to Six Flags in California. Man, what a time. Yeah, that's kind of what my week was. A lot of driving around, a lot of BS.

I went over to a dear friend. He had a housewarming party. He bought a house in a place south of LA. And so in my mind, I'm like, oh, it's a Saturday. I'll go over. It'll be fun. Nope. Took three hours to get there. I got to that party and was like, I want to let you know I love you, but if I'm a salty asshole the rest of the night, just know it's not you. It is the fact that they said it would take an hour to get here, and it took me three, and my butt hurts, and traffic

was awful. Oh, yeah. I'm over it. I'm over this city. I want to, I don't know, I need like a private jet and I'll parachute to locations. Just get me high enough so I can drop. At least when I went to, well, no, what am I talking about? I was going to say at least when I went to, you got to take a train. But when I took the train, it literally was like, alright, we're going to be stuck at this crossing for four hours

because a dude thought a guy had a gun. So even then, I got held up. What is that? No matter where you go, you're going to get stopped at some point for something. I just learned to walk long distance. That's exercise. It'll take me three days to get to you, but I will not be held up.

If I can march like the soldier I can get to you within 14 hours I'll get like a little boy to drum for me Like a piccolo I'll just walk I'll walk wherever I go That'd be great Actually that'd be an amazing video That would actually be an amazing video Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Yeah, I'll just walk. I'll walk wherever I go. Oh, that'd be great. Actually, that'd be an amazing video.

That would actually be an amazing video. Just start walking and don't stop and see what happens. That'd be incredible. This man has been walking for 47 days straight. I just can't stop walking. You see the trees. You see some birds. I once got really high and watched Forrest Gump and thought, that seemed like a good idea.

Before you know it, I was in Utah. And I was like, I gotta get out of Utah. So I kept going east. And I kept walking through states where I was like, ooh, I gotta get out of here. And eventually I ended up at the east coast, and here I am. And I said to myself, well, I gotta get back home. So I started walking back home. What's the deal with walking?

So it's, you know, it's a great time. No, it was not. What have you been doing? It's not a great time. Honestly, this week has been like doing nothing at all week. I tried to go to the gym one day day on the way there whoa whoa whoa what do you mean you tried are you falling off the bandwagon oh no i'm uh fighting off a sickness or something so like uh it's not even like a normal sickness like i had something similar to this back in august or july or whatever uh so it's like my my neck glands started like

swelling up uh so I thought I had like a sign well okay prior to this I thought I had like a sinus infection thing so when I got back from Disney my like ear kind of hurt and my like it's kind of puffy around my eye so they were like all right we'll take antibiotics see if it clears it up or you know uh whatever I guess it's usually viral so i waited a week then they gave me the antibiotics they're like all right we'll see if that always make you suffer that sucks i hate they do that yeah so like well you might have a virus so wait a whole week and you're like so then just feel it it's funny because last sunday night I was thinking like, hey, I'm not feeling too bad right now. And all of a sudden, my neck glands or nodes or whatever the shit just started throbbing.

Like, I was like, ah, geez, here it comes. And usually that happens when I'm fighting stuff. Like right before I got my flu last time or my mini flu thing, all my glands were just like, like they're revving up the engine to go fight. So I was like, all right, here to go fight so i was like all right here we go again but no like symptoms happen but all my glands are still throbbing or whatever so i asked dr john i'm like dr john do i have lymphoma and he's like no you're literally just fighting that's that's where your mind went you're like do i have lymphoma i've thought i've had about 16 cancers.

Oh, my God. Here's the thing. Every time I get a headache for, like, more than a day, if I have a headache that lasts a day or two, I'm like, oh, no, this is it. This is it. That's what I'm saying. Although I will say I went to the doctor, what, a year and a half ago, and they were like, no, you just get headaches, dude. I was like, oh, okay. The thing was, like like i was reading lymphoma

they're like oh yeah you can feel the like nodes and they're kind of hard and whatever and then i was like i literally just went to the doctor like a week ago and they felt them they'd probably be like hey your lymph nodes are feeling off or something and i was like no they probably didn't feel it they must have felt it wrong that's why you needed that second opinion and so dr john was like no i think you're that's just your body fighting off stuff and i was like only you would go get a second opinion to prove you were sick rather than to find like that you weren't in addition to this i had a thing back in like july or august where i had a similar thing where my glands flared up for like a week and then they went back to normal and

i was like oh okay but during that time i had a panic attack so i was like dude it's lymphoma and then i saw a doctor and they're were like, no, you're fine. And then again, I asked Dr. John. He's like, no, you're fine. And then he's like, you know, I think you have hypochondria. And I was like, oh, I know I have hypochondria. I shouldn't be laughing at any of this. But you being like, dude, I think I have lymphoma,

is exactly the type of personality you have. I can't even express how funny that is. Yeah, it's... Like, my neck hurts. Dude, I got lymphoma. I can't... The amount of... Listen, the amount of times I've thought

I've had some deathly thing is off the charts. And it's all... I'm still alive after 15 years of being like this. So, you know, I'm still alive after 15 years of being like this. So, you know, I've defeated all those illnesses magically. You spent so much time not sick that now you're getting everything. Well, it's one of those things where everybody's also sick right now.

So it's obvious that like I'm fighting something. But it's weird because like, like you know it's weird to just have you know like sneezing i guess i have sneezed a few times listen it's not important it's you you got that surgery and the floodgates open that's what happened no mono all the germies are getting like in there like yeah it's our time now Mono is actually what kicked it off. Oh, dude. It only takes one. I get why you can see an elderly person will die of a cold. Because one bad, they'll get the cold and then it'll just landslide into something worse.

And yeah Yeah I understand You can get sick that's how I got Whatever the hell I had bronchitis Oh yeah Cause it started with a cold And then just got worse And I was like I'm fine I'm okay I'm gonna keep making videos And doing work and like traveling

And it just went overseas Came back Oh yeah I was I had a good month where i was like all right everyone welcome to the oh yeah it's in the archives you can hear it i sound terrible it is unbearable i've always yeah i get it it makes perfect sense yeah it's i don't know it's uh and the other thing is like i've i've've had my blood tested probably more than an old person at this point. And they're always like, you're fine. And then I'm like, you sure?

Maybe we should test the blood again. They're just like, no, no, you're good. But I don't know. But it's like how we talked about last week. My mind just roams free and it's just like, listen, I know this is probably nothing, but what if it was something? And I'm know this is probably nothing but what if it was something and I'm like ah geez what if it was something and it's like yeah what if it was something and I'm like ah geez before you know oh geez and you

know then the funny part is when I look this up on reddit there's literally another post of some guy being like so my glands hurt I think I got lymphoma and then some guy being like nah, dude Like I saw a doctor and then I saw And then my mom's like a dental hygienist and she was like now you're fine and someone else was like now you're fine And then I was like dude I'm gonna go on reddit just to make sure I'm fine and I'm like dude These are my people then there's people who like my one friend who's like, oh, yeah, my one friend.

He had like a bump on his head for like four weeks. And they're like, hey, you should get that checked out. And he's like, that's just my pain bump. I was like, wow, I wish I could be like that. Just my pain bump. Here's the thing. I am like that. Unless I feel, you know how when you go to the doctor's office, like on a scale of one

to 10, what's the pain? Yeah. Unless I'm like an eight or above. No, I'm not going to the doctor. I'll wait. I am bad like that. I need to, but I like suck stuff up. That's like Sam hurt my leg and be like, I'm fine.

Sam like took a week of having like food poisoning and whatever else he got from eating that thing. Or he's been in the hospital for, like, four days now. And he's like, it took him, like, a week of being like that to be like, guys, I'm stopping the stream and going to the hospital. And I was like, what the shit? Wait, what did he eat? So he's in the hospital. I know that. And they're like, we have to keep you all weekend.

And I was like, what the hell happened to him dude this is also the guy who went like eight months without telling everyone everyone about his sinus infection and he went to the doctor and they're like jesus how are you to like living like this he's like i don't know dude i told him i told him it was gonna catch up to him he'd be like oh my god genetics bruv oh Crandor's always sick. And I was like, look at this. Now you're having a 2018 Crandor year. How's it feel? It always catches up. That's all I'm saying. That's what I told you when you were like, oh, yeah,

I just eat yogurt and everything will be fine. I'm like, you are playing with fire, my friend. That was right before I got mono. And then that kicked it off. It's the chain. Now he's got to pass it on to somebody. He'll pass it on to Dodger. You just have to have one good year of being sick, right? I had my bronchitis year.

You had your appendix year, spleen year. My gallbladder, my toenails, my gastritis. And now Sam has his hospital year. So what did he eat? I don't understand what happened he ate like i don't remember what you like uncooked fish or raw fish or some shit he said it when we were streaming and i was like all right he ate something he i was like are you sure he's having it home i don't what i don't know dodger was like gone and then my god he's like he's like i'm just drinking out of bowls and i was like what the shit are you doing over there and then he just would stream and then like i

don't know but all of a sudden the one day he's like mate uh oh we got i gotta go and everyone's like what he's like i gotta go to the hospital and we're like okay and then he just went to the hospital and they're like oh my god what is happening with you i should not laugh at that oh my god that's the most sam story i've ever heard i talked to dr john about it and he was like we just need a way to blend like you and sam together to form a normal person Like you and Sam together to form a normal person. That's what you guys kind of do. Not going to happen.

Yeah. It's, you know, the opposite of the spectrum with me and him. I get why old people are assholes because the older I get and the more I hear about, like, all of your troubles, I'm like, I told you. I told you, brother. I told you, I told you, I told you. First part is like, like now I don't even feel sick, but I feel like my body's fighting off something. You know what I mean? So I don't want to like overdo it.

So I'm like, uh, you know, it's the other thing. When I saw the one doctor, they were like, oh yeah, when you, when your lymph nodes flare up to fight off infections and stuff it could stay like that for up to two weeks and i they told me that a medical professional and i was still like it's almost been six days i think it's uh i think it's a little too long yeah i uh so i like i said i've mentioned on the podcast before i've had this i think it's a migraine i don't know what's going on maybe it's seasonal the last two months i've had this every day i get a headache and it's a migraine. I don't know what's going on. Maybe it's seasonal. The last two months I've had this. Every day I get a headache. And it's like, oh, my God. It hurts so bad.

And I have to go sit in the dark for an hour until it stops. That sounds like a migraine. Yeah. And so I talked with the doctor. And he's like, look, these things happen. And it can take anywhere from 14 days to three months to resolve itself. I'm like, is there anything you can give me? He goes, you know, honestly, there's a bunch of over-the-counter medication you can take and it should just clean it up real quick.

It's not that big a deal. And I was like, what? I was like, it hurts so bad. He's like, you're fine. Don't worry about it. Like, people get this all the time. I'm like, do they? Do people get this all the time? Because it sucks. He's like, yeah, no, Don't worry about it. People get this all the time. I'm like, do they? Do people get this all the time?

Because it sucks. He's like, yeah. No, everyone agrees. It's pretty bad. I'm like, why are you doing this? Yeah, you're welcoming my world now. I've seen so many doctors, especially gastro doctors. Like I said, I'm like a gastro specialist. I have friends that come to me like, I'm getting a pain in the lower right.

And I'm like, could be IBS, could be appendix lower right. Upper right's the gallbladder. Upper left's the stomach. But it could also go up to the esophagus. And then lower left is typically IBS or colon issues because that's where you're main. Oh, my God. Speaking of, what happened to this podcast? We were literally just like.

Gastro Dr. Crednor here. What I'd prescribe is maybe some Nexium or Prilosec to see if the GERD goes away. And maybe keep a food diary. That way you can see what triggers your food problem. Dude, every gastro doctor says that. And it works because you figure out what causes your problems. But I don't want to keep a diary. Earlier this week, I was, like I woke up.

I did the exact same thing, but not with food. I woke up and my left side, my hip hurt so bad. And I couldn't figure out why. I was like, what did I do to my hip? Like walking upstairs, I was like, old man, Jesse, what did I do? And for four days this week, it hurt unbearably bad. And so I sat down and was like, what did I do? How did I?

I was fine. And then I sat down and was like, what did I do? How did I? I was fine, and then I woke up, and it hurt. And I, like, journaled the day before. I was like, what did I do the day before that could have caused this? And I realized at one point, just watching TV, I, like, sprawled out in the most ridiculous way possible. And at some point during that, I clearly just, like, gave up on physics and tried to move my body in a way that was not possible. And that's obviously what did it. But I was like, what did I do?

Why? That tends to be the case for like a lot of these issues where like, you know, they'll test your blood. They do all these tests and everything and everything's still good. And they're just like, so what did you eat that made you feel like this and you're like i mean i didn't eat anything crazy just like you know fast food soda alcohol spicy i went to tommy's burgers like put chili on my burger i was like i don't want chili but they put it on there anyway they're just like all right so what if you don't eat those things for about a month and you're like whoa hold on it's bulking season dude you know what i learned from my last four years of constant doctor visits is that a lot of this is just basic stuff where they just try to figure

out your lifestyle and get you to change your lifestyle because most people it's just like you know my leg hurts what are you doing i run eight miles every day like all right we'll run four miles instead and they're like okay they're like i eat a gallon of coca-cola every day i eat it literally i eat the whole jug and they're just like all right well don't do that don't eat the whole jug uh it seems a lot. And I think a lot of it is if your things get worse, too. You know, like when you first get it like this. And then if, you know, I had this and then all of a sudden like, oh, now my face is swelling up. And now my I can't stop coughing.

And they're like, all right, well, maybe now you need to go in the hospital or whatever. But like, that's, you know, that's just common sense logic. But am I going to do that? No. I'm still going to freak out about this shit. Right. I mean, for years, doctors have told us stuff that we've ignored. Yeah.

So why start listening now? Yeah. What am I going to do? Get therapy? Yeah. What am I going to do? I probably should get therapy. Care about my future?

Although, you know what? Here's something I definitely 100% for years. My parents, I think every parent, every old person has always said something along the lines of like, take care of yourself when you're younger because when you get older, it all catches up to you. Lord, let me tell you, that is true. It is. it is very true uh no one's gonna listen to us either welcome to the world everyone well especially uh another big thing is just how much stress can impact your body like even when i used to get like i'd worry

i have like you know like i said i've thought i've had cancer about 15 times when I used to get, like, I'd worry that I have, like, you know, like I said, I thought I've had cancer about 15 times. When I used to think this, I would worry myself to the point of just, like, being bedridden. I would just be like, it gets over. And then I'd find out it's, like. How is that? You are incredibly healthy. Well, 17-year-old me thought I had kidney cancer. 17-year-old you?

Oh, we are cut from a different cloth. No, it was 17-year-old me. I almost said 70-year-old me. I thought I had kidney cancer and then after a while the pain where I thought it was kidney pain went away and

I was like oh I guess I'm fine but I was so worried about it turn is so quick you're like oh well that's the thing once I figure out it's fine I'm like oh I'm good man how many things have I thought I've had it's a lot apparently since 17 I would imagine yeah it it's it's been a fun ride I don't know that I consider any of that fun it sounds terrifying I'm so glad I don't think that

constantly that sounds awful yeah no it's it's not fun again it's like how we think. Did you see the other thing of how people think? Where now they're talking about the images? Like visualizing stuff? Yeah, the apple.

Yeah, the apple. I tried to do that and I didn't see anything. I had a blank brain. And I really tried. Some guy was like, alright, don't imagine an apple. Imagine a naked woman. And I was like, alright, I'll do it. Nope.

Nothing. I got nothing up there. I know what it's supposed to look like. In both cases, I know what they're supposed to look like. But yeah, nothing. You can still visualize, right? Yes and no. Like right now, if you had to picture Like Davis' face

Like bam Could you picture it? Uh It's abstract Is the best way to put it Like I recognize His glasses Is he like a Picasso painting or something?

Kind of It's their pieces Right? It's like uh Puzzle pieces It's like if you Have puzzle pieces in front of you And You see the image of What it looks like if you have puzzle pieces in front of you and you see the image of what it

looks like on the box yeah i have seen the box image before and so i have the puzzle pieces but i can't put them together if that makes any sense yeah like i know what those puzzle pieces equate to so i see his glasses i see his. I know the shape of his face. So I know that, oh, that's Davis. But in my mind, if I close my eyes, I don't see a visual representation of Davis. I literally see the back of my eyelids. And so it isn't like I'm trying my hardest right now to do it, and I got nothing for you. But I know in the back of my brain what it is that makes up davis and so i can i could tell you oh yeah i see davis but i don't see davis that's so weird because i think dodger said she's like that too

he must be more similar to dodger like me if i think davis i can picture davis right now i can picture his face i can picture picture various times I've seen him. Like when he had Snoopy at the office, he was just sitting there like, Snoopy, I can picture that whole scene. Like, it's not like I'm looking into a telescope like, oh, I see it perfectly. But like my brain kind of like puts it together and I can see it in my brain. Yeah. So you have the puzzle pieces and you put them together.

I don't. I don't. I can't. Like the chart they showed with all of the apples, even one of them was just like geometrically shaped apple. I can't even do that. I would be, if there was a number between 4 and 5, there was like a 4.5 where you see the geometric shapes but they're not combined to form the apple. They're just parts of the apple. Right. Like I know of the apple. Right. Like, I know what an apple looks like, so I can imagine it through the power of imagination. But I can't visualize it.

Right? I get what an apple looks like, so I could describe it to you. And I could probably do it in great detail. I could describe this perfect apple to you, but I couldn't see it in my mind's eye. I just can't. I tried. That's so crazy. Like, last night, I was, all right, I took half a chocolate bar, right?

So I was sitting there. Okay, all right. Wink, wink. All right. And I was trying to, like, envision stuff. Because I know, like, when I'm like that, I get even stronger like vision capabilities and so Toaster

Woman was I think she was like getting ready for bed and I was just naming the things that I visualized. So I was like guy in a chef hat hamster book

don't know what kind of book and i just keep saying that and she's like wait so you don't see a chef you just see a guy in a chef hat and i was like it's too late now we're moving on uh yeah you don't know that guy's history he could just be a dude in costume yeah and uh also bless her for being the most patient person whoever lives yeah so it's it was a great time uh and then honestly that's how i actually know i'm going to sleep i don't know if i mentioned this the last time we talked but like i know i'm falling asleep if i start to see like the really high definition things like if i see like a i'll start seeing it's almost like little it's like the pixels and the puzzle pieces get even clearer

where I'm like oh shit now I see the goat in full 4k oh my god then all of a sudden I'm like I don't have that at all I don't I don't know I mean I guess maybe I don't so last night I had a dream that I see I remember every once in a while dreams

and this one was just funny because I realized how uncreative it was. It was Han Solo and Chewbacca flying around in the Millennium Falcon, like dodging Imperial ships, but to the music from Back to the Future. That was the dream. And I woke up and I was like humming Back to the Future. And then I was like, oh, wait a minute. That's not Star Wars.

So that's why I remember it. But like it obviously wasn't something my mind created. It was the combination of two things that I was like, oh, that's funny. Yeah. And I don't visually remember how it went. I just know that's what it was. So I didn't like see it in high definition. It's like a hazy... I kind of saw it.

Wait, when you dream, are you like yourself in your dream? Or are you seeing it happen? Or like, what is happening? Uh, sometimes one of the two. Right? Like sometimes it's me in a dream. And when I taught, and this might have to do with stress more than anything else, when I taught

I had a lot of dreams about being unprepared where I would dream that I woke up went to school and was like oh no and then I'd wake up and be like oh my god oh thank god I'm prepared but I don't

have those anymore now my dreams are a little more abstract and they're all things you know like the Han Solo dream or that weird dream I had that one time I was like Britney Spears body but with an alien head like weird things like that yeah uh yeah I I guess you know what actually I'm a liar sometimes now I have dreams where I have like a video where I have something I need to do and I'm stressed out about that. But I think that's just a stress-related dream anyway. I don't know.

Yeah. But they're not vivid. It's been a long time since I've had a vivid dream. Most of my dreams are sort of like hazy. I wake up and I'm like, well, that was interesting. But it isn't like, it was like I was there. Oh, my God. I don't have that. It's like, all right, this is kind of fitting.

I had a dream the other night where I was trying to get the doctors to help me figure out what I had, and they would only let me help. They'd only answer my questions if I pitched them ideas for businesses like Shark Tank. So I'd be like, listen, I got this great idea for this thing, you're gonna love it, blah blah. And the doctor was like, that's a great idea. And I'd be like, are you gonna answer my medical stuff now? And they never did. Did you get answers from your dream?

One doctor disappeared. Then this other doctor was like in a forest. There were these two other people trying to pitch their ideas. And I was like, I don't know if they're going to answer my thing. And then I woke up. Yeah, that definitely seems like a stress-related dream. Or at least a dream where you're like, I just want answers. Why do these doctors not tell me things?

Well, I guess the doctors technically do tell me things, but. You ignore them. Yeah, I ignore them. Oh, maybe that's because you're looking. You think. Oh, maybe it's because you think that they're not giving you the answers that they really have. And so you have to bribe them with, like, good ideas or, like, try to get the money. Right?

You're trying to win them over so they'll tell you the real truth. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Because you don't trust them. You're like, you know, you're in a forest. And forests can be, you know, scary and confusing. You get lost in the forest, right? But sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees, man.

Oh, yeah. You were all up in your head that night. Oh, my God. You're right. It's, uh... Oh, my God. You're right. It's, uh... Oh, my God. And then, or I'm just looking for, like, what I want the thing to be. So it's like, it could just be nothing.

But in my mind, I'm like, no, this has to be something. So I'm seeking even more answers. Because I'm like, I know my brain is correct. Yeah. Maybe you're, like, going through the forest., like you're on your way to see grandma and you're like trying to get answers, but they're giving you answers and you don't trust the answers they're giving you. And so you're trying to not only buy them off, but also Shark Tank, you're seeking the

right answer for you. Shit, dude. We did it again Ladies and gentlemen My god we did it We should just Go on the road Almost like we should do a show in Chicago On March 19th at Lincoln Hall

We should do a live show Yeah go to Cox and Crandor. Yeah. We should take it on the road. Answer people's dreams. Alright, Crandor. Yeah. Did you know that Hawthorne is the place to go if you want to get over your old smells?

That's right. and actually smell good. I know a lot of us in the past have worn a particular type of cologne, gents, and sometimes it's great, and sometimes it's stank. And it depends on how you were raised or what you thought smelled good at the time. And trust me, Axe Body Spray is not a cologne. Stop it. Max Body Spray is not a cologne. Stop it. But if you, you know, had a girlfriend in eighth grade who was like, I like the way this smells on you.

And then for some reason you kept that scent for your entire life. Or you're like me where you found one that you loved and then, even though it was discontinued, kept buying it from like off-brand retailers on the internet because you liked it so much, even though it was like, no, there's a reason it's discontinued, because they haven't made it in 20 years and what you're wearing is like stank old cologne. Don't be like me. Get yourself a scent that smells good, smells like you,

smells that defines you in a way that no one else will smell like. That's Hawthorne. Hawthorne's going to give you a cologne that is all your own. And it does that by listening to you and taking the answers you give in a quiz. When you first sign up, that is like, all right, here's the deal. What, what do you like? What do you like to drink? What do you like to do? What is your activity level? Do you like to be sweat stanky? Like what is, what kind of smells do you like to be sweat stanky like what is what kind of smells do you love what colognes have you used in the past all these different things and it deduces algorithmically what your best scent is and the result is you get one for work and one for play and the work one's like i'm i'm here for business and the play one's like, but I'm Aussie for fun, baby. It is great.

They're amazing. The sense that I have, I love the play one. The work one's good. I always feel like I never am dressed properly to wear it. Like, I need a suit. I feel like I need a suit to wear that properly. But the play one, I'm like, squirt, squirt, every day. I feel great.

They also do things like personalized shampoo, personalized body wash, personalized deodorant. You can find all sorts of stuff on Hawthorne, and it really truly is genuinely fun to go in and like, hmm, what would I smell like? And the best part is, after you take the quiz, it'll give you all the information you need to know. It's totally risk-free. Once they tell you, okay, here's what we think. Once you get it, if you're like, not for me, you can send it back to them. Free returns, free shipping. It is totally risk-free to try it out. Check out Hawthorne at hawthorne.co. That's Hawthorne with an h-a-w-t-h-o-r-n-e think like Sam Thorne but Hawthorne and use my promo code COX

to get 10% off your first purchase that's h-a-w-t-h-o-r-n-e dot co and use code COX to get 10% off your purchase it's gonna make you smell great it's gonna make everyone around you be like, oh, what happened?

What did you do today? And you're going to be like, nothing. I just woke up beautiful. And it's going to happen. Trust me on this. You will love it. All right, Crandor. Let's go to chapter 7 of the Sky of the Crandor.

How's that traffic out there? Oh, man. Traffic is boring. Just like the month of February. Man, you know what sucks about antibiotics, too? Valentine's Day is coming up, and the last day I take this antibiotics on Valentine's Day, so I can't even drink on that day. So now, honestly, we'll probably just go out a different day,

because it's really just the same thing. You're celebrating the same. Honestly, you probably save yourself some stuff. But the thing is, I want to go out and see all the, like, people out there. Because you get some, like, funny stories. Like, there'll be, like, Jimmy and Beverly being like, I told you, Cletus. Why didn't you do that? And he'll be like, my name's not Cletus for the 15th time.

I know you're still Cletus. I was about to say, wait a minute. Oh, shit, I got to talk about this like I see Crandor. And now, to say. Wait a minute. Oh, shit. I got to talk about this on Cox and Crandor. And now, we'll probably just go on a normal day, but there'll probably still be some people and they'll be like, oh, my God. I went out on a Valentine's Day date. Let me tell you. And I'll be like, all right.

Hey, maybe this will be just as fun. So, what's the moral of the story here? I don't know. Traffic's all right. Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now, let's go over to Crandor the weather desk. How's that weather? Weather time.

Some guy wanted us to do his town. I don't remember what it was. He was like, do my town. Did he pay the fee? Is there one? No. Did he pay the toll? The fee is a thumbs up and a share on social media.

Yeah. If you want us. All right. Here's the deal. From now on, if you want us to do your town, go to iTunes. I think iTunes is the. Or, you know what? Go to iTunes or Spotify.

I'm trying to figure out which one helps us more. And leave a review. And at the end of the review, just leave your town and state or country. Yeah. And then go to Crendor's new Warhammer channel, Warhammer Crendor, and subscribe. Yeah. Do both those things and we'll verify. Yeah.

But I'm not going to. We'll verify that you did that. And then we will answer. We will do it for you. Yeah. But if you subscribe to my channel, I'm not going to give you anything. Just do it anyway. So, wait, where are we going?

Where do you want us to go? Let's go to type in L-I. Okay. What comes up? L-I is nothing. Wait. Liège, Belgium. Li-pe-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a nothing wait liege Belgium leave a let that be a loose loose st. france levy in

the france leer Belgium leasing on that first one sounds great what was that leaves leaves Belgium yep that's great perfect all right neat leaves leaves Belgium and leads leaves Belgium, it is. Sounds like a Dance Dance Revolution game. Liege, Liege, Belgium. Liege, Liege, Belgium.

It's 46 degrees. It feels like 36. You got a high of 47, a low of 39. You got a UV index 0 out of 10. Next 36 hours, you got some 47-degree rain. 90% chance of that happening. Winds occasionally gust over 50 miles an hour. That's a windy, windy city, I'll tell you that much.

Windy with rain showers, then partly cloudy overnight. Low for 39. Winds west-southwest, 25, 35, calming down a little bit. Still got some rain. Then you got Tuesday, 44 degrees. Windy, partly cloudy with a chance of meatballs. That's a book. Partly cloudy skies giving way to showers in the afternoon.

High 44, winds west-southwest, 20, 30 miles an hour. Chance of rain, 50%. You got the sun rising up at 7.57 a.m. You got it set at 5.46. Days extending a little bit. Fire Matt Nagy. Go Bears. Belgium did cut. Showing up. Days extending a little bit. Fire Matt Nagy. Go Bears.

Belgium did cut. Showing up. Showing out. Yep. Sometimes you got to bust me. All right. Let's talk sports. Sports.

Hey, welcome to the sports. Let's see. We got Trey Young torches Knicks for 48-13. Who doesn't torch the Knicks? Well, probably the Bulls, actually. Let's see. The Dodgers acquired Mookie Betts. And a big deal with the Red Sox. Let's see.

Oh, yeah. The Super Bowl happened. Chiefs won last week. Yeah. Oh, wait. We did talk about that. All right, never mind. Well, they had their parade, and the one dude was like, yeah, we won, and was really drunk.

There's always one that goes up there. Are we not going to talk about the XFL, Crandor? Oh, my God, you're right, the XFL. I forgot. So, big XFL news. uh so big xfl news the battle hawks beat the renegades 15 to 9 the renegades who clearly stole their logo from an overwatch team um honestly i picked the battle hawks because they're saint louis and i like the name battle Hawks and it's like the closest thing to me. So I was like, screw it. I'll root for the Battle Hawks.

I love that in the first hour of the XFL, they dropped an F-bomb live on TV. They created rules that make no sense but are actually fun to watch. Oh yeah, it was great. I was like, I don't know what the hell I'm watching,

but this is good TV. Yeah. Honestly, I'm all for the XFL. Screw it. The Houston Roughnecks beat the LA Wildcats. The DC Defenders beat the Seattle Dragons. The New York Guardians beat the Tampa Bay Vipers 23-3. And the Battle Hawks beat the Dallas Renegades.

So that's... I don't even see a thing for the standings. Where is it? There's just a button that says for the love of football. You know, you know. Sure, love of football. I just want to know the standings.

It is truly one of the silliest things. Oh, wait wait there it is very excited to exist so the xfl for those of you don't remember the xfl was a short-lived league what 20 years ago now it was a long time ago yeah and uh that's where he hate me was yep he ate me the guy who then legally changed his name to HeHateMe. Yeah, HeHateMe. Actually, I think he might be involved in one of these things.

I saw people wearing jerseys that say HeHateMe, so I feel like he's involved in some way. Yeah, I think he's got to be involved. Maybe he's a coach or owns a team or something. It's got to be around there. I feel like if he and Chad Ochocinco could just get together, think of the dream team that would be.

Yep. It really would. But it looks like, yeah, the XFL West sucks. XFL East is good. Got three 1-0 teams in the East and only one 1-0 team in the West. Wait until they start playing each other. Those West teams will be fine. They'll be alright. Yeah. Don't worry. It'll all even itself out when we

finally get to the XFL Bowl. Was that a real thing? Did I make that up? I don't... Hold on. Do they have player stats? XFL player stats. I know Cardale Jones did well. He was like an ex NFL draft pick Played with the Bills for a bit Chargers

You're actually making me look up the XFL I can't believe this is happening Yeah it ran a single season In 2001 And then they brought it back Damn yeah it was like 19 Years ago single season I can't believe that 20 years ago they were

Like hey we had a great idea it just wasn't time for it. Chad Johnson, Chad Ochocinco skips XFL kicking tryout. Get out of town. Why? Chad. Come on. Come on, dude. You and he hate me could have been grandmasters of this.

Well, I'm just looking for XFL player stats. Can't find it, but hopefully that gets fixed in the near future. The first XFL game drew 3.3 million viewers on ABC. Huh. Damn. That's not bad. Last year, the Alliance of American Football drew

2.9 million viewers. Take that, Alliance. But the AAF never reached anything remotely close again and shut down before completing its first season. Oh, poor AAF. But the XFL is much better TV. Oh, and it has a deal. And they let people swear on it, so, you know.

Yeah, I think the XFL's on more, like, stations. So, honestly, like, hey, i think it's got a shot the st louis battle hawks logo is not what i thought it would be at all it's like a sword with wings that's kind of a letdown i thought it was gonna be like ah not at all the new york guardians is kind of like a sphinx looking character the seattle dragon sucks it should have been like the seattle The New York Guardians is kind of like a Sphinx-looking character. The Seattle Dragons sucks. It should have been like the Seattle Kraken or something cool. The LA Wildcats is literally just another LA logo. Boo.

The Vipers is a V that is just a V that kind of looks like a Viper. The Houston Roughnecks is an oil rig? What? The Dallas Renegades is straight up just a logo stolen from an Overwatch League. The DC Defenders is lightning bolt shields. The Los Angeles Extreme is a throwing star? Huh. The New York, New Jersey Hitmen is just an H, which is whatever.

The, oh my god. Look up the Memphis Maniacs. Is that a real team? That can't be a real team. Oh, it was founded. It's from the 2001 season. Oh my god. Look at this logo. Back in the day, they had great logos. The Memphis Maniacs?

With a maniacs with an X. With a maniax with an X. Oh, my gosh. Like, that's like Gritty or whatever his name is, one mascot, if he, like, was a man underneath. Yeah, what the shit? Terrifying. Oh, my God, yeah. Who would root for that team?

It's awful. And then there's the San Francisco Demons, which I guess is one of the older teams. And that literally looks like Satan. Oh, yeah. That's. It did really well with the Midwest. They were like, San Francisco Satan's sounds about right. Well, San Francisco Satans? Sounds about right. The San Francisco Satans.

Yeah, they'll be taking on the Houston Holy Rollers as they attempt to purge the heretics. Before they play the Memphis Maniacs next season. Now that's a battle I'm looking for. So yeah, the older teams sucked.

You can definitely tell the difference between the older teams And their logos and the new teams and their logos You can see what a new logo looks like now You can see what modern design Can do Like the New York New Jersey Hitmen Is just an H and you're like that sucks You kind of get it

Look at some of the older NFL teams Like the Buccaneers were like orange And white creamsicles with like a weird Buccaneers were orange and white creamsicles with a weird Buccaneer man on it. There was a lot of weird shit back then. See you now. Yeah. Well, sports, I guess.

XFL News, sports. All right, Quinder, what is our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day big new story of the day package labeled bag full of drugs leads to florida arrests two men charged with drug trafficking could have done a better job hiding uh their wares than using a package labeled bag full of drugs they probably thought it was like uh nobody will check this it It's ironic or something. Ian Simmons and Joshua Reinhart. Reinhart.

They put the hammer down on him is what happened. Yeah. Both 34 were pulled over in Santa Rosa County on Saturday after a trooper clocked them going 95. Oh, my God. There's your problem, boys. On the interstate's panhandle. The trooper determined that Reinhardt was the subject of an active felony warrant for violation of probation in Orange County.

Woo-hoo. A Santa Rosa County deputy arrived to assist, and a canine alerted the presence of contraband in the vehicle. The arrest report said authorities found approximately 75 grams of methamphetamine, 1.36 kilograms of the date rape drug GHB, 1 gram of cocaine,

3.6 grams of fentanyl, and 15 MDMA tablets and drug paraphernalia. Where the hell were they going? I don't know. Well, I guess they're selling drugs. I mean, yeah, you're right. Where are they going? I don't know. Well, I guess they're selling drugs. I mean, yeah, you're right. Where are they going?

I don't know. Sell drugs? That's my best guess. Both men were taken into custody and taken to jail. They are charged with trafficking in many things. Three counts. Possession of controlled substance. Possession of paraphernalia.

Blah, blah, blah. Note to self, do not traffic your illegal narcotics in bags labeled bag full of drugs. Deputies wrote on Facebook, our canines can read. Ho, ho. Can I ask you a question? Sure. Do you think it was like a funny goof to them? Like, this is like when I label my porn folder, porn folder, right?

This is like when I label my porn folder porn folder, right? Or do you think they were so high? I'm like, dude, just write it down so we remember which bag we put them in. You know, it's a good question. I just want to know why. That's the real story here. Why did they do that? Which one's the drug bag and which one's the bag of the chick-fil-a or something that's right so it wasn't you know so it wasn't like a comedy of errors

or like they switched the bags on accident and then like a bunch of high school kids have the bag of drugs and they have like a bag of candy that they had to sell right like oh no my drugs they're like let's go to the grocery store to sell candy. And they open it, and it's actually drugs. And they're like, what do we do? And then one of the kids is like, we still sell it. They sit outside the grocery store, and they're like, get your candy here. And then old grandmas buy the drugs, and they're like, strip it in the street.

It's a comedy. I think that's an American Pie movie, I'm pretty sure. It probably is, honestly. One of the, like, you know, like seventh one down like american american pie festival yeah we gotta get to the drug festival sarah's gonna be there oh do you think she'll do drugs with me yeah and then uh it's like what's that one song they always play in those movies? That's like, uh, uh, da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, right? What? You know the one song, and they're like, as God is my witness, this year, we're all getting

laid. It's like, ba-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na- I know what you're talking about now. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't make it good. I'm just saying that's what happened. Yeah, I get what you're saying. He's a boy from the wrong side of the tracks. She's a girl with everything to look forward to. But one day when they meet at the barbershop.

That's every time. Yeah, I get what you're saying. You know, you know, 90s movie trailers. That would be kind of funny if we were in a 90s movie trailer. It's just like, these are two guys just looking to have a good time. We're just like, yo, we're looking to have a good time. But one thinks he's got AIDS for the eighth time. What? Oh, so AIDS for the eighth time. What?

Oh, so you have the record scratch. It's like, I'm a hypochondriac. This time it's got to be. And then it cuts like the doctor being like, no, you don't. You don't actually have AIDS. Again, I told you this the last seven times. And you're like, oh. And then it's like.

It's just a common cold. Also, I want to point out, I think that Blink-182 album came out in 2000. So definitely not 90s. But you know what? It all blends together. So who the shit cares? Yeah. All right. Well, that's it for us. Thank you so much for listening or watching or enjoying this uh hey

crendor hit him with those socials i got some socials for you all right youtube.com slash cox and crendor subscribe follow hit the button to be alerted when our podcast goes up also go to youtube.com slash cox and crendor podcast or wait cox red or podcast then go to youtube.com slash cox and crendor That's where the animations are. We put up a new animation last week. So you can see that new animation. It's pretty good. It's pretty funny.

You can check it out. Do the same on that one. Then go follow us on all the other things. Spotify, SoundCloud, iTunes. Then go to our channels. Like I mentioned, there's Warhammer, Crandor. Go subscribe over there. It's a great stuff I mentioned there's Warhammer Crandor go subscribe over there

it's a great stuff place if you like Warhammer also go to youtube.com.com.com facebook.com.com.com twitter.com.com.com instagram.com.com instagram.com.com tell your friends tell your family tell your tell your friends tell your family

tell your tell your family, tell your bop-bop-billy-bop-bop. All right, that's it for us. We'll see you guys next week. And as always. Coming this summer to a theater near you. To be continued. We'll see you next time.