Doug Loves Movies - Morgan Spurlock, Craig Bierko, Matt Besser, James Adomian, and Garfunkel & Oates Guest

Episode Date: August 17, 2011

Doug welcomes filmmaker Morgan Spurlock, actor Craig Bierko, and others in a special DLM/Benson Interruption hybrid taped at the UCB Theatre New York during the 13th Annual Del Close Marathon.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, everybody. Did someone just say, yeah, dad? That's a weird thing to say. Look at all the name tags. Oh, my God.

Are we on Yowie right now? Are we on Yowie now-y? They told me this might be on Yowie, so if it is, hello, Yowie-ians. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies hang on I got my notes right here I got my beer in one hand

and my notes in the other but I promise you I will not get blackout drunk on this particular one this is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from the UCB Theater in New York City at From the UCB Theater in New York City. At 12.30 a.m. on Saturday, August 13th, two oceans, 11.

During the 13th annual Del Close Marathon. Yay! Yay! Usually they have a clock that says how much time I have in a much more convenient spot but I can't see that shit so this is going to go long do me a favor when we're at 1 minute to 1am just oh there you go that's nice

yeah oh work it holy shit I only have 22 minutes and 47 seconds that can't be that can't possibly be right i'm gonna go by my own my phone or that red light right there or just somebody yelling out your time is up we're only two minutes in you guys yeah fix that fucking clock. It's a very hostile way to start my show. Yelling at the nice people here. Upright Citizens Brigade, you guys.

Let's hear it for them. I've been very proud and excited to be a part of the whole UCB family for the last few years. And what we have going on here for the listeners is a nonstop weekend of improv comedy with improvisers from all over the world on several stages, including this one right here. Where are the name tags at? I see James. James? I see James. James? Oh, James. Dizzle Movies. I don't know what that means. Nick Rage. There's somebody with

the poster for Michael, so I assume your name is Michael. The John Travolta classic. I see Raul. What are you pointing to sir? it's a picture of Mark Twain the great movie star and film director Mark Twain

there's a tiara over there with a looks like a pigeon on it or a partridge oh that's your name alright well unfortunately I don't pick the name tags so be ready to whip those out when it comes time All right. Well, unfortunately, I don't pick the name tags, so be ready to whip those out when the guests,

when it comes time for the guests to pick the name tags. Do you guys have, like, an inkling or any idea who the guests are tonight? Why are you laughing? What? Who poked their head out? God damn it, Matt Besser. How dare you, Matt Besser. Well, he's not so much of a surprise

because he's one of the founding members of UCB and I have him on the show. Yeah, I have him on the show all the time. But the other guests might be kind of a surprise and they are amazing people, in my opinion, from the world of film, in my opinion. Like, you guys are going to be like, holy shit, these assholes.

No, so please welcome to Douglas Movies Matt Besser, Craig Bierko, and Morgan Spurlock. Hey, Doug. I did it. I got three people to show up. One had to be here anyway Matt As a founding member Of the Upright Citizen Brigade Thank you

I just want your listeners to know I'm always wasted for this show But I respect your show It's not because I don't respect it This is the one you always get too fucked up for But you know I respect the show Even when we do it earlier in the evening Because this one is at 12.30am

I know but I have a show to prepare for in an hour That I need to be fucked up before As an actor You have a show as part of the Del Close Marathon Where your point is to be fucked up? No but I need to be fucked up Like I said as as an actor. Right, Craig?

Every once in a while. I like it. You need that. It's Greg. Yeah, Craig gets fucked up for every performance. Like when you were doing The Music Man on Broadway.

Punch myself in the head before every show. Oh, okay. Really hard. That's great. Which brings me to Cinderella Man He was amazing in that you guys If you haven't seen Cinderella Man

Watch it just Because I knew you before that movie And I saw that movie and I went That's not that guy that I know You want to hear something funny? No It's not that kind of show That's the motto of UCB No and something funny? No. It's not that kind of show.

That's the motto of UCB. No and... No but... My agent didn't... My agent saw the movie and said, let's get that guy. That guy's good. Let's sign him.

That's how good my agent is. Didn't know he was working for me. That's how good my agent is. Didn't know he was working for me. That's how good you are. Yeah. Because seriously, you play one of my favorite cinema villains in an underrated classic called The Long Kiss Goodnight. Yeah, that's right. Even the young people know it. But the great thing about your villain in that movie

is that he's named Timothy. So he's the scariest Timothy in the history of anything. Why do you think that's such a terrifying... Because it is a terrifying name. It is, if that person turns out to be a murderer who ties women up to a water wheel. You were waterboarding before it was cool. Yes, I was.

That whole movie's a little bit of a blueprint for something. You've inspired terrorists all over the world. There's a lot of terrorist tips in the Long Kiss Goodnight. And then I just saw the Book of Mormon tonight.

Awesome. On your hotel table? This is kind of a letdown. No, no, no. Do they do that really still? No, no, no. Did you like it? I don't think there's any Bibles

in the hotel I'm staying in. Did you like it? Did you like the show? Yeah, I enjoyed it a great deal. As you know, Craig, I'm a musical theater enthusiast. And what I find amusing about the Book of Mormon is that, you know, it's the South Park guy. So, yeah, it's cool. And there's references to fucking babies.

But it's still a musical. So when people are like, I never liked musicals, but I like Book of Mormon. I'm like, you love musicals, and you should step out of the closet right now. The musical closet, not the gay one, but that one possibly also as well. Those closets are very near each other. Yeah, they're adjacent. They're adjacent closets. Yeah, they're adjacent.

They're adjacent closets. They're like a hotel room with that door in between that I hate. I hate that because I have to put down an extra towel so the people next to me don't know I'm smoking. Does that make six towels? I still always test to see if there just might be a part of the room

that might be my room. Or if the person next door... You might see a guy just lying there in his underwear. If the guy in the other room left it unlocked just in case. Oh yeah, yeah. I always unlock it. Because if they smell it and they want to come over, that would be

mean to just have a locked door. I've never had someone knock on that door, but if it's a stranger in the room next to me, that would be creepy as fuck. Hey, I just want to say hey. See what's up. So Morgan...

What are you doing? What are you up to? What are you doing in there? You want to watch a movie? Do you want to go halfsies on some pay-per-view? Guest star door. If you walked through, it would be like the Dean Martin guest star door. Just like, hey, do you want to see one of my movies? Here's Angie Dickinson.

I heard you listening to IFC. IFC. I heard you listening to IFC. You could echo everything you said. Only I wouldn't be wearing any pants when I walked in. It's my style. So Morgan, you did a movie where you didn't wear pants for 30 days. It was really disappointing, that movie.

We've met like twice now. It was funny. The first time I met you... The first time we met was at Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah. And I said to you... I got an idea for a movie. Yeah. I want to smoke pot.

I smoke a lot of pot, so I want to quit for 30 days, for your show 30 days. And you wrote down my number, and I never heard from you. But your laughter at the idea encouraged me. And then eventually I got... Ha ha ha, you'll never do that. And eventually... No, cut to Cut to 2008 When We're in the World

Osama Bin Laden Was premiering At South by Southwest And someone said Have you heard That Doug Bentz's movie Super Jaime Is premiering here

And I told him About meeting you Backstage at Kimmel And you telling me About your film And they said So what do you think About his film

And I said Listen I think Anytime a stoner Goes through with an idea We should encourage that Nice Can I just say As a Jew I resent the title Super Jaime I just time a stoner goes through with an idea, we should encourage that. Can I just say as a Jew, I resent the title Super

Jaime. Every time I hear it, I'm like, Jesus. But Mexicans love it. Si. This movie is muy bien. So yeah, so it's great to have you on here To kind of let the world know

Because I get the question all the time What does Morgan Spurlock think? And I'm like, he wants to fight to the death What do you mean, what does he think? I can't imagine, especially having met you And seeing your movies I can't imagine you being offended Or annoyed that I made that thing I was offended or annoyed that I made that thing.

I was offended and annoyed. And I thought it was fucking awesome. Well, thank you so much. So now the question is, how much are you going to like it when I basically just take every movie you make and turn it into a pot pun? Put some sort of pot pun in there. That's good. I couldn't really work with where in the world is Osama Bin Laden.

Because I thought of where is Osama Bin Laden with my weed? But then that doesn't really hold up because if you couldn't find him, I'm not going to find him. And he's been shot in the face. That's after the fact. That was post your movie.

Are you going to do like a special DVD where you go back and go, hey, I don't have to look for him anymore. It's just me in a boat going, he's down there. He's in the bottom of the ocean right here. Well, that's perfect. Yeah. And then pee off the boat.

That's right. For America. And then, so, my point is, your new movie, Palm Wonderful, presents the greatest movie ever sold.

I don't have the Palm Wonderful people on board, but my next movie is going to be called the greatest movie ever rolled. Nice.

Are you alright with that? I'm so on board with it. Alright, he's on it. Can you work like Yid or Kike into the title or something? Is that possible? Yid, Jaime, or Kike? Nothing?

Shlomo. Yeah. Rabbi. Just Rebby. I don't know what you guys are talking about. We're just happy you're pacing us. Craig is in the Three Stooges movie. What do you play in the Three Stooges movie Hey now What do you play in the Three Stooges movie? Man working Did you detect that I was saying

I was trying to shit on the Three Stooges movie? Because I just The fact that there is one I think is exciting And potentially horrible Yes Oh no Make no mistake the trigger is cocked The fact that there is one I think is exciting and potentially horrible. Yes. Oh, no. Make no mistake.

The trigger is cocked. But the three guys who they got are amazing. And just finished it. They are... Will Sasso is curly. Will Sasso. Chris, long name, Greek name, Venopolis. He was on 24 oh okay

oh yeah that guy I literally haven't memorized his name which one is he he's Mo you worked with him a lot I could tell you worked with him a lot

I could tell yeah he's Mo and I remember on 24 there was a lot of scenes Jack Bauer he's whoop whoop Oh, man, it's going to be a life of that.

I'm going to blow my fucking head off. It's really, I mean, those guys are amazing. You know, you see how everything bakes up, but it was like literally, somebody said, just get ready when you stand on the set with these guys, you're going to be taken aback. And you actually step back a little bit when you're taken aback. It was physically taken aback.

You actually do step back. Because, you know, they're such familiar icons. But they have – Will Sasso is like an unbelievably gifted guy. I mean, he catch little bits of behavior that you know so well, but, you know, I don't have that talent. Is there a shimp in it?

No, there's no shimp. Save that for the sequel. Yeah. But, yeah. Joe Besser's in it, obviously.

Joe Besser's not in it. Oh, no. I don't know. The great Besser comedy family continues. Are you related in any way to the Besser family? I told that story on your other show, man.

Don't you listen to me? What do you think I was during that? If you had to pick one word, what one word would describe me while you were telling me about being related to... Vacationing. Or maybe I did... Curly Ape Scrooge.

I am related to Joe Besser. Oh, wow. I thought I told a story on your other podcast. You totally might have. Does any listener remember it? You did, so shut the fuck up. I got more important things to talk about. No, actually, we got a...

This is only a 30-minute episode because we're doing the Beds Interruption tomorrow night, so that'll be another 30, so the listeners will get both. But for you guys here tonight, we only have 30 minutes, so we've got to get to the Leonard Maltin game. Yeah. This thing's moving like a rocket. Amazing prizes, and let's see your name tags, you guys.

Let's get those out. There's a guy with a shirt over there, so he didn't do anything. Those are good name tags. Just whipped a shirt out. There's a guy that's very illuminated, whatever that is. Oh, look at that. Look at Christopher. That's very creative.

Oh, man. Yeah, so gentlemen, go ahead into the audience and pick a name tag that you would like to play for in the game. It's an amazing, amazing prize package tonight. I brought this sippy cup that I drank vodka from tonight during Book of Mormon. Yeah, they give you a sippy cup now. That's classy. They didn't have that when I saw you in Music Man. No, we don't give you sippy cups.

No, see, the best thing is now after I go to a show, I can hang out with my son who's like four, and he can have his milk, and I can just have my... No, this is daddy's milk. Yeah. I'm uncomfortable with that phrase, and I don't know why. I'm uncomfortable with the phrase daddy's milk and I didn't know that I was. I've heard it before. No, that's not right.

What an odd erection. I cannot explain my erection. That's the great thing about life is there's very few times you have to explain your erection. You usually just point to the porn in the other side of the room or a lady.

Morgan Spurlock presents Chalk is one of the DVDs you brought. People love it. There's also a copy of Who Brought Paul is Undead. Oh, that's my friend, Alan Goldscher, who wrote a zombie book about the Beatles.

Retelling the Beatles. Oh, the British zombie invasion. I like it. It's awesome. It's being made into a movie, so technically I bought that. It has something to do with it. All right.

And then What Would Jesus Buy? Which is another Morgan's. Are these all Morgan Spurlock's presents? Yeah, I bought all his DVDs. They're all Presents. What would Jesus be high? Let's move on. Keep it going.

All right, all right. I already have the next one. Freakonomics the movie. I'm going to make Tweakonomics the movie. I'll let you do the next one. 30 Days? Oh, that's an easy one. Purple Haze?

30 Shekels, and I'd be offended. Go ahead. 30 Pieces of Silver. You have a supersized book? Yeah, it's a graphic novel. Ronald McDonald's really fat on the cover It's a realistic Ronald McDonald Why is he always so svelte? Oh I bet it's because of the children

That was like dirty and disturbing But I didn't really say anything Confessions of a superhero Which would be confessions of a Superhero. Wow. Which would be Confessions of a Super Hi-Ro. Hi-Ro. And Morgan signed that one. I signed that one too. That's right.

Oh, and a copy of Super Size Me. Hey. I totally recommend you get high before you watch this. It's not quite as disgusting. I feel so bad for you like when you're throwing up during it. I felt bad too while I was throwing up. It was terrible.

Throwing up is one of the most horrible things a person can do. Like outside of prison. And Last Cup rode to the World Series of Beer Pong. A classic. I think Beer Pong is the number one spread of disease in this country.

That game is disgusting. The ball goes into your beer and you reach in and pull it out and then you drink it. I think we're thinking of different games. What? Falching for dollars? Beer pong.

Have you ever played beer pong, Craig? No, but I put my ball in a cup once I saw that video Two balls Two balls in a cup Oh hey a copy of my CD Doug Benson Professional Humor Indian And finally

A book Comic Con Episode 4 of Fans Hope Which is a tie in to the motion picture Of the same name? It comes out later this year. It premieres in Toronto in three weeks. Are you going to be in Toronto? I'll be in Toronto. I'm doing a Doug Loves Movies in Toronto.

Maybe we can have you back. Done. That pause made me think, oh shit. What did I say? What did I do? And I also brought Whoop Monkeys, you guys. Woo! What did I say? What did I do? And I also brought Whoop Monkeys, you guys. There's too many prizes,

you guys. I can't keep it together. Too many prizes. Let me shoot one Whoop Monkey into the crowd. And then we'll play the Leonard Moulton game. Yeah, you didn't say my prize. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Matt Besser got someone a beer. Nice. I was in this beer. How are you guys? We have one for the winner of the game, but I'm going to shoot one into the crowd right now. I don't know which way to do it. Oh, that was nice.

I'm getting better at that all the time. A couple weeks ago, or last week, I hit a baby with one. No way. Yeah, yeah, I hit a baby with one. No way. Yeah, yeah. I was very impressed with myself. Alright, let's play the later mall game. Who are you guys playing for? I'm playing for Crystal and she made her name out of the

old film reel canister. Pretty cool. Nice. Craig? I'm playing for Dizzle XOXO Movies. Dizzle XOXO Movies. She loves and she hugs and kisses movies. Dizzle XOXO movies. She loves and she hugs and kisses movies. Yeah.

Dizzle hugs and kisses movies. Is it Dizzle or Dizzlay? And who are you playing for, Morgan? I'm playing for Brandon, who has a very large ass. Nice. Oh, it's a roll of giant... It's giant toilet of giant That's a shitty thing to say

It's giant toilet paper Thank you Big ass Brandon That's my guy That's a horrible brag When I shit, I wipe with brawny That's the worst lyric in a rap song this year Are you so bored you're texting while you're talking?

No, no. That's why you missed my Joe Besser story. I get asked that all the time by the guests, but no, the Leonard Maltin app is on my phone, so I'm preparing to play the game. I'm being a professional when I'm pretending to not pay attention. All right, we'll start with Matt,

and then we'll go to Craig, and then Morgan, and Matt, you get to pick pay attention. All right, we'll start with Matt, and then we'll go to Craig, and then Morgan, and Matt, you get to pick a category. Would you like Vanilla Ice? That's movies with either vanilla or ice in the title. Would you like Bad Movies? That's movies that have the word bad in the title. Or Summer Blockbusters.

Those are blockbusters that came out during the summer.busters. Those are blockbusters that came out during the summer. In plural. Okay, I'm going to go with blockbusters. All right, this blockbuster is from 2007. Leonard Maltin gives it two and a half stars. He says about this movie that it is... He calls it... about this movie that it is he calls

it So there's like a lot of M's. Dazzling special effects. Though by the time the big climax comes along we just don't care anymore. Dazzling special effects

don't care anymore. Two and a half stars. Can't disagree And please don't yell Or don't discuss the answer out loud You guys You know how this goes Twelve names How many names do you think

You can get it in Matt Besser? I can definitely get it In twelve names Safe opening bid Craig Bierko. Yeah. You can go 11 names or all the way down to one, zero negative names. What do you think?

Negative names? Yeah. Oh. I know. I'm going to go. You know what? Let's say eight names. Eight names is a reasonable bid.

Reasonable. It's the name of the movie, right? We have to name the movie. Yes. Yes, sir. Once we settle the bet. Morgan. It's the name of the movie, right? We have to name the movie. Yes, sir. Once we settle the bet. Morgan, how many names do you think you need? Reading from the bottom of the cast list up.

We got a big clue. It had special effects in it. Yeah, it was a summer blockbuster with special effects. So it wasn't the lake house. It wasn't the lake house. It wasn't the lake house. We can eliminate the lake house. I'm going to go four names.

Four, nice. Matt? Four names. I call that bet. You say name it? Yeah, name it. He's on another call. Here's your four names. Bernie Mac, Julie White, Kevin Dunn, and Michael O'Neill.

And it's from 2007, two and a half stars. What do you think, Morgan? I'm going to have to go with Ocean's Twelve. Come on, America. Come on. That was a summer blockbuster If my memory recalls But that's not the right one

This movie also had John Turturro John Voight, Anthony Anderson Rachel Anderson I mean Rachel Taylor Tyrese Josh Duhamel The great Timothy Olyphant lookalike Still don't know?

I'm ready to go I think it's my turn. The great Timothy Ola fan lookalike. Still don't know? Yeah, no, no. I'm ready to go. I'm off. I'm ready to go. I was ready when he paused. I was ready. I'm in. You already knew it?

Yeah, I'm on a holster. I'm on a holster. What is it? Go. Transformers. Yeah. Why do you do that? Why did you do that, Matt? I'm walking.

No, you already got the point. You already got the point. Oh, I did. Yeah. Oh, Matt got the point. Sorry. Crystal got the point. Matt got the point. You already got the point. Oh, Matt got the point, sorry. Matt got the point. Because Matt said name it. So you get to start first, Craig, on this next round. Sure.

First person to two points wins. Lions, tigers, and bears. That's movies that feature lion, tiger, or bear. I get it. I don't get it. Someone named Lee Steveman suggested dark movies. I don't get it. I don't get it. Someone named Lest Lee Steveman at Lee

Steveman suggested dark movies. That's movies with the word dark in the title. It has nothing to do with race.

And then at Rust underscore monster suggested ain't nothing but a G thing. And that's movies that are rated G.

Great category title. that ain't nothing but a G thing, and that's movies that are rated G. Ooh. Yeah. Great category title. Yeah, we're almost out of time, so, Craig, which one? Hey, Doug? Yes, sir. Do you want to go another half hour?

Let's do it. Let's do it. What? How is that possible? This is unprecedented. What's happening? This is like a game show itself. You want to double down?

Hang on. Matt, let me talk to God for a second. God, I know I've prayed for a lot of really important things. And when I prayed for another half hour tonight, I didn't really mean it. But if you're willing to give it to me instead of saving my sick grandmother... Why don't we get an extra 30? And can I ask, God, is my show right after this hour's show?

Yes, it is. Okay, so Matt's got to mentally prepare for that. The reason you get an extra 30 is the next group has not shown up yet. Wow! Holy shit. What is arguably the best time slot in the entire weekend following Doug Loves Movies. And they're like, eh, fuck it.

You're welcome, Doug. It's 730 in the morning. I love you. That's amazing. I love it. That's the greatest reprieve Because I was going to rush through this Now let's play it the way it's normally supposed to be played

Okay Yeah Really Drunk Let's do it I need another I think I'm going to drink my prize too No That's for somebody else We can get you a new one I need another I think I'm going to drink my prize too.

No, that's for somebody else. We can get you a new one. Can I get a new prize? Can we get surprises? We need surprises on stage. I'd like a light prize. Matt would like a full German prize. German prize.

I'd like a prize with the word Pabst in the name. Yeah. A blue ribbon winning prize Did you, for the greatest movie ever sold Did you talk to alcohol companies at all? We didn't Because once you put alcohol sponsors in the film You can't get a movie in schools So we didn't go after alcohol companies

Right, because the elementary crowd Is what you're really aiming for Listen, I want those second graders watching that movie. They've got to learn how commerce and entertainment merge. Exactly. I love it. Oh, look at that. Prizes.

That is not what I asked for. Okay, I'll take three of those. I just want one of these. I don't want to give away the name because we don't have any sponsors. But it's not heavy. No, it's totally light. That's right. It's even light a letter.

Or two. Nobody? Okay. You're all drunk. All right. They're waiting for the game. It's 1am We have 30 minutes left Here we go

It's like a luge ride Go That was such a miracle So Craig was going to pick a category Yes That was 25 years ago Somebody named Rust That's all I remember

Lions, tigers Tigers and bears G-rated movies No and then what was the other one? Oh, you want Lions, Tigers, and Bears? Dark. Dark movies. Okay. I'm the stoned one. Come on. I'm glad we narrowed it down. Alright, Craig.

Yeah. This is from 1983. Kramer vs. Kramer. That's not how it works. And congratulations, that's correct. That's not how it works. And congratulations, that's correct. That is, in fact, a movie that has the word dark in the title.

Well, let me finish. Because whether you know it or not, one Kramer is kind of dark Kramer. That's right. It's Meryl Streep. Okay. This is from 1983. Leonard Maltz gives it three stars.

The category is it's got the word dark in it. He calls this movie elaborate. And he says it takes time to warm up, but worth the effort. Three stars. I don't need all this crap. I can name it. Three stars. Hang on. No, no, no. We get to go around. We got to go through the effort. Three stars. I don't need all this crap. I can name it. Three stars.

Hang on. No, no, no. We get to go around. We got to go through the crap. Okay. You can go zero names if you want. Okay. There are seven names listed.

How many names do you think you can get it in, Craig? Beer, Coke, Timothy. Well, I think I can do it in zero names. But what is negative names? Like, I can't name an actor. Negatives you have to name from the top of the list up. So, like, top down. So, billing you have to go.

If you go negative one names, you have to name the lead. If you go negative two names, you have to name the lead. And then the next name. Yeah, it's complicated. I don't know what's in it. I think I have more. Okay, so you say zero names. I think it's more of an example

of my behavioral problems than actually knowing the answer. But I am going to take a guess with no names. Okay, so then we go to... Actually, we switch the order. We come around this way. We switch every time.

It's crazy. It's crazy. I know. Matt? So what happened if... You could go negative. I know, I know. But what happens if I name the movie,

but I fuck up on the name? Then who wins? He will. He'll get the point. He will. But you already have a point, right? Gisle will get it. So you're doing pretty good.

So I know I know it, but I know no actors either. Do we have to know that? You know no actors? You think I should just let him have it? Shut him down. Shut him down. He's not going to get it. You know none of the list no actors? You think I should just let him have it? Shut him down. Shut him down. He's not going to get it.

You know none of the list of actors? He's much too confident. All right. You think it's a sci-fi movie? You have to go. Don't. Okay, I'm going to do it. This isn't poker.

I'm going to fucking do it and guess somebody. So you're going to go negative one? What? Negative one name? All right. Yeah. Yeah. You're saying name it or you're going negative one?

I guess, well, no. You just say Craig Bjerko, name it. I'm going to name it. Or you go and try to name an actor. The main actor. Yeah. So what's the movie called? Fuck, I have to pick

all the actors in the world that I don't know. So I named... What's the movie called? Dark City. No. It's not? No.

Fuck. I can't think of anyone who's in Dark City. Who's the lead in Dark City? Louis Fontanen. Sewell. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

Rufus Sewell. The memorable name. Rufus Sewell. Anyway, you were wrong, so... Don't say what it is. I want the correct guess. He's already got the point, right? Yeah.

You've become angry. Wait, no. It goes to me. Well, who made him name it? Oh, I'm become angry. Wait, no. Oh, it goes to me. Well, who made him name it? Oh, I'm going to make him name it. I want him to name it. What do you mean no one did? You told me to name it.

You guys know what the game is. Don't listen to Doug. Yeah, so Craig asked you to name it. No. It goes to me now, right? He missed it. This is hilarious. Oh, I get the point?

I get the point? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get the point. Yeah, because he couldn't name it. He couldn't name it. Oh, I see. He got it wrong. He got it wrong, so I get the point.

I just wanted to know who asked him to name it. That's all I wanted to know. Oh, no. But who was next? I'm next. He decided upon his own to do it. You reversed the order. I used that Jedi mind trick in the middle of that match.

I get the point. Morgan gets the point. Brandon gets the point. What's that thing where you ride behind the other bike rider and you use his wind? Brandon got the point. Drafting? He's drafting my...

Yeah, no, it's a total strategy. Listen, Rubbins Racing, get used to it. That's why we switch the order each time, but I get so confused. Can we hear if they know? Yeah, yeah, what do you think it is? No, Beerko's the one who said he knew. You're getting the point.

You're Mr. Point. You're Paul Point. You're Paul Point. I obviously don't have to prove anything. I got the point. What were you going to say for zero names, Craig? Dark Crystal. That's correct.

I don't know what it's about. That's like a Muppet movie, isn't it? You played it well. Yeah. So Jim Henson would be the name number one. That's right. Birko. Not Rufus Sewell.

Birko. Oh, Fraggle Rock. Skeksy like Birko. Nice. Virgo. Oh, Fraggle Rock. Skeksy like Virgo. Nice. All right. So Morgan got the point. You made him name it. Here's Jeff Garland.

So we'll start with Craig. And then we'll go to Morgan. Yeah. Yes, I agree. People know. You guys know. Yeah. The audience helps me.

All right. Can we just give Morgan a point? Isn't it time to just give Morgan a point? I got a point. Okay. Yes, I agree. People know. You guys know. Yeah. The audience helps me. All right. Can we just give Morgan a point? Isn't it time to just give Morgan a point? I got a point. Okay. Yes, I agree. I win. Brandon wins.

Matt has won. Matt has won. Morgan has won. Are you going to pass those prizes down? Are you going to hold them down there? You don't get all three prizes on the other side. I'm giving them all to who? Oh, I see what you mean.

How did that happen? I didn't know they put all the beers at my feet hoping that I'd pass them down. Never put a beer at a stoner's feet. Hold on, I didn't get one. What do I have? Did I get a point? Oh, wait.

I didn't get one. Hold on, pass that down Fair is fair Thank you And then just one for Morgan That's great, thank you This is a scene from the Three Stooges movie Oh, great comedy

What's your next thing going to be, Morgan? Like, what else are you going to do for 30 days? This show. It was supposed to be for 30 minutes,

but now it's 60. What do you got? You got another thing lined up? Are you thinking about it? Well, we got the Comic-Con film. The Comic-Con film

is next. Comic-Con, which will be amazing. Behind the scenes at Comic-Con. Yeah, so then after that, we're doing a movie all about male grooming with Jason Bateman

and Will Arnett. Really? Because they're the best male groomers? They are very well-groomed. I've never not seen them in something and gone, oh, horrible grooming.

High and tight. That's what I like to call those guys, high and tight. Which one is high? All right. So we're going to start with Craig and then go to Morgan, and you get to pick a category, Craig. Would you like movies featuring founding UCB members?

Tomorrow. That is a small... I almost spit up right in the middle of the stage Tomorrow August 14th Is Steve Martin's birthday So the films of Steve Martin Or back to the classic category Vanilla Ice movies With vanilla or ice I don't know

I'm not pushing any of them. They just have to recycle. Oh. Yeah, because I keep the show green. Okay. I will honor Matt by choosing Vanilla Ice. No. Founding UCB

members. The only one I know is Glenn Ford. My parents used to come see the original, the first company. Glenn Ford was great when he was in the first company at UCB and then he started making all those westerns. He wasn't so funny anymore. It wasn't amusing.

It was dangerous. This movie features, I'm calling the founding members, by the way, because there's different stories out there. But I'm calling it... We talk backstage, but I'm calling it the four people that

I know of as the founding members, which is of course Matt Besser, Matt Walsh, Ian Roberts, and Amy Poehler. Okay. So one of them is in this film, Craig. Leonard Maltin gives it three stars. He calls it high-spirited, and he says that it has sharp writing,

and there are... Worst clues ever. There are 11 names. One year. Oh, sorry. Easy. They get violent with you, man. They know that I'll never say it if they don't ask.

Year, Doug! What's a goddamn year? What's a year? They get violent with you, man. They know that I'll never say it if they don't ask. What's a goddamn year? What's a year? Throw a bottle at his head. The year is 2000. Throw a bottle at his head. The year is 2000, Craig. And there are 11 names.

How many names do you think you get it in? Then we'll go to Morgan. Five. Oh, Dizzle is happy with that. Morgan? He's really thinking about it. Someone in the audience thinks he knows how many

Morgan should say. Wait, did it say it had sharp writing? Yes. Yeah. Sharp writing. Sharp writing. Sharp writing? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Sharp writing. Sharp writing. Sharp writing. And one of the UCB founding members is in this movie.

Turn of the century, 2000. Before the war. I'm going to go. Yeah, it's pre-war. You don't have any points, right? No. I was like fucking Steve McQueen. You have no points. Ten minutes ago with that move, and you got points.

You have no points. What was Craig's opening bid? Five. Okay. Where are you going to go with that, Morgan? I'm going to go four. And he'll win. He'll win.

He'll get points. Someone else will guess it. And we come around to Matt Messer. So zero. Zero, he says. Dark City. I was in Dark City! Hey!

I'm the guy in the hood. I'm the building that transforms The car building man Alright What do you think Craig? Are you? Yeah he can go negative Or he can

So how many What happened? So you have to name He says zero You can go negative names You have to name the lead Oh I can't Can I say zero?

He already said zero. He already said zero. I call you. I call you. Call him. Oh, you say name that movie? Yeah. Because, I mean, what's, how about a stupid move on my part to name the movies that he

was in? You know, that's a catechism. What an idiot. He might not have been in it. I don't think I am. I don't think I was in it. You don't think you're in it? No.

What do you think it is? Bring It On? That's correct. That's a point for Morgan. Does that mean you have two points? High-spirited. He's got two. Matt Besser's the winner. Yeah.

Yay! Unbelievable. You could shave on that writing. So the only prize we're giving out is the beer then, right? Yeah, you can take the rest of this stuff if you want. I think we drank all those prizes. No, my prize is still there. I still have a little left.

Oh, thank you. You can keep it. The beer. You can keep the beer. I don't drink beer. Not really. Not in the end. I don't drink beer.

I don't drink beer So Matt won for Who'd you win for? Oh, I'm sorry, Crystal Crystal, yay! Where's Crystal at? Let's get all this stuff to her Here you go. Can I give her her name back?

If you want, or she can let you have it. The woot monkey's yelling. There you go, Crystal. Woo! Wait, there's more. There's stragglers. All right, so let's take some questions from the crowd. Got a little time left over.

The guy really raised his hand over there. First of all, let me just say, nice fake beard. That's not a beard. Well done on that. That's pudding. Who's your question for? Craig Bierko, very famous The Craig Bierko What is the drawing?

Did you make a drawing to give away too? Oh, let's give away the drawing He was backstage drawing Calm down It's like a pirates den in here Calm down It's a little craft I made a little craft

But here's the thing There was a time in the cab when it looked like Doug But now it kind of doesn't look like Doug anymore Now it looks like Gallagher on an ether binge It kind of looks like It kind of looks like Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds had a baby.

Very well may have. But the more you smoke, the more it looks like Doug. That's true. That's how it works. I like it. So that's what that is. So you're going to win that also. Yay. Her monkey won't shut up. It's legally frameable

Shut up your wolf monkey I just learned recently wolf monkey means You know The puss Vagina Area Not the vagina itself just the area I don't know is it the vagina

Or the area I just assumed it was the hairiness of it. Made it a wolf monkey. Wolf monkey? Just monkey isn't enough? She was all monkey down there. Big deal. No, dude.

Wolf monkey. Like a fucking wolf fucked a monkey. It was trending on Twitter, and I just went, I wrote, what is a wolf monkey? I'm in. I don't care, but what is it? And then people wrote back that it's a vagina. It's a vagina, Doug. It's a wolf monkey.

And again, I'm still in. All the way in. Let's play another game. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Are we going to play add the title or whatever you call it? I call it build a title. Yeah, let's play it.

This is, of course, we're at the UCB Theater in New York, a home of improv, and so oftentimes you get a suggestion in improv. So let's... Matt, do you want to pick someone to start us off? Yes, that nice young lady right

there. There you go. Just name any movie. Wet Hot American Summer. Alright, the any movie. Wet Hot American Summer. All right. The movie's called Wet Hot American Summer. And so now, Matt, you have to add to that with a movie that begins in summer or ends in wet. Wet. And are we going to check this on IMDb? Well, if you make up a title, yeah, we'll have to check.

I'm pretty high. So even my real answers are made up. Okay. Wet, hot, American summer of 69. Is that a movie? Summer of 69? Is it?

That's pretty good to me. I would watch it. that was a great summer someone check this someone get on this someone who's in it seriously yeah that's a brian adams song that's brian adams song i don't think that's an actual movie oh yeah yeah yeah. Yeah, yeah. Shush, shush, shush, shush. You're not playing. Craig, do you have one? So what do I do now? You add to the title with another title of another movie.

So it has to begin in summer. Just think of a movie that begins with the word summer or ends with the word wet. I don't know if there's any movie that ends in that. Wet Hot American Summer Wishes Winter Dreams. Summer Wishes Winter Dreams. Join the word. And I am an extra in the movie. It's the first thing I ever did.

I was in my second grade. Wouldn't that be great if we find out later who's totally lying just to win this game? Could you imagine if I got away with it? So now Morgan has to come up with a movie It's a perfect crime Late night on a Go ahead Morgan has to name a movie that ends in wet

Or begins in dreams Or starts with dreams That's what I meant Starts with dreams Wait, what was your movie called? I've got one already Dreams Hoops And it's real Wait, what was your movie called? I've got one already. Dreams Hoops.

And it's real. That's how they talk. When I play on Twitter, people try that shit all the time. I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. This is a sophisticated game. What do you think? You got anything? I got something if you don't. I mean, there has to be like a...

There's nothing at stake, by the way. There has to be a dripping wet hot American summer of whatever your movie was. You probably have two movies with those words. With dripping? With dripping in the title. Any of the words, Mitch. 87.

I just thought there might be a movie called Slippery When Wet, but I don't think there is. Another album. I mean, yeah, there's probably a movie named that, but it's not feature length. Nor featuring the music of Bon Jovi. Or Dreams. So you got nothing, Morgan?

I got nothing. That's cool. Wet Hot American Summer Wind. That's cool. Wet, hot, American, summer wind. What's it called? Summer... Summer Wishes, Winter Dreams. Summer Wishes, Winter Dreamscape. Yeah. That's what I was going to say.

Brilliant. Oh, great. Now you have something that begins with... So many movies start with Dreamscape, that common word. Or, oh. Oh, yeah. People thought of something at the same time I did. That starts with dreamscape.

But it's your turn. It doesn't have to be the whole word, dreamscape. It could just be the last part of it. P, P. Oh, I can say scape. Or cape. I can? I can take a part of a word?

Oh, see, I didn't know this. As long as it still works sonically. Dreams, cape of fear. Yeah, dreamscape of fear. That's perfect. That works? Yeah. Not of fear, just cape fear.

I never saw that. Dreams, cape of fear. I saw cape of fear. Cape of fear is really, really terrifying. Did you guys see cape of intolerance? I don't even visit that cape anymore. They have to shoot a whole other movie just to relax. Okay, so now Craig has to find a movie that starts with the word fear.

Or ends with wet. I know plenty. I know one already. Okay, fear. Or ends with wet. I know one already. Or ends with wet still. I don't think anyone's going to go on that end. Do I have to say the whole thing again? We'll repeat it for you. That's not important to winning. Don't forget the lyrics.

So it starts with fear, right? Yes, it can. Okay, so let's say the whole thing. Yeah, the whole thing, and then fear. Now it's my turn. And loathing in Las Vegas. You're in it. He's fucking in fear and loathing in Las Vegas.

That's crazy, man. Morgan gets a point for that. Are those the only movies you know? Yeah They had to make a category of movies That you know and are in So it's wet hot American Summer something winter dreams

Gape fear and loathing In Las Vegas So you got Handed a softball with this Las Vegas thing So I would say Start at the top Wet hot American Summer wishes

Winter dreams Scape fear In Las Vegas Vegas Food and lodging Vegas food and lodging Vegas food and lodging Vegas, gas, food, and logic. Yeah. Vegas, food, and logic. Wow. Vegas, food, and logic.

Ass food and logic. Ass food. Wow. That, I did not expect that. I was hoping for the vacation softball. Lodging. Lodging. Wet, hot, American summer wishes,

winter dreamscape, fear and loathing in Las Vegas food and live jingle all the way. That is the greatest thing you've ever done. You might as well just retire. There's not a J in lodging. God damn it. I feel like Rudy right now. There's not a J in lodging. You can do it. Come on.

Okay. There's something called blood and sweat Probably What does that have to do with anything? He started his podcast Wet Oh no I'm not a total dumbass You should go

You should try to start With Way I think Way I know I mean there's obviously That movie Way into the night Way into the night Alright

It was the sequel To Into the Night Bah bah bah bah Bah bah bah bah Wayne's World. Alright, I'll tee it up for you, Craig. Nothing starts with world. I gotta quit.

Matt's out of here. No, just Matt, Craig. He could end up with all the points anyway. He ends up with all the points. Wet, hot, American, summer, wishes, caviar, dreams, escape, fear, and loathing in Las Vegas, food and la jingle, all the Wayne's world. World is weird, man. I know.

Is there something that starts with world? Don't say it if you know it. Somebody knows one. World. It's got to be like world of the world. World. World. World of ants.

World of ants? No, but there's got to be something like that, right? I think Shatner was in that. He's got to be. Dirk Bogart. Oh, Kingdom of the Spiders. Yeah. World.

World. World. I mean, technically, I could just start a movie with D, right? No. It has to have the world sound to it. It has to sound like duh. World. World.

World. Duh. This is good podcasting. World. Don't answer the phone. We're all old. We're all old. Wow. Morgan, feel free to steal if you have anything. I think we might hit the end. We're all old We're all old Wow

Morgan, feel free to steal if you have anything I think we might hit the end Somebody in the audience thinks they know a world one Should we get it from them? What is it? World? World Aquarium Carb for fuck's sake Yeah, because you can drop the the in this situation

Alright, so we're at Wet Hot American Summer Wishes. Caviar dreamscape fear and loathing in Las Vegas. Food and la jingle all the Wayne's world. According to Garp. Garp. Garp.

Garp is really a stopper, I think. That's the sound of a podcast ending. So many movies start with Garp. Yeah, I can't think of anything that starts with Arp. Garfield. No, that P fucks it up. Don't come at me with your Garfield.

Garfield. Garfield. What? Yeah, I think Garp is a good stopper. I agree. Yeah. Congratulations. We did it.

Good call for that guy. That guy wins. What's your name? That was a great, great build a title. Andy. Andy. Andy lifted it up. All right. Everyone who's here tonight, stick around for Matt Besser's doing something that he had to go change for. So whatever,

when you see him next, he's going to have a crazy wig on. And Craig Bjerko with a pencil in your mouth. Thank you for doing this. My pleasure. This was fun. Thanks for playing for Dizzle Dizzle Dizzle Get over here We gotta find out who Dizzle wants me to call A shithead And we also have to find out Morgan Spurlock Ladies and gentlemen She can have the picture

I don't see her sign She might have written it on the back. No, she didn't. All right, write who you want me to call a shithead on the back. And who's the paper towels? Where's Brandon with the paper towels? Come on over here, Brandon. Oh, it's on the back of the first one.

See, some people plan ahead. So just pass that over. I like that. Good job, Brandon. Yeah, and for Craig and Morgan might not be feeling it with the podcast But, like, I call two people a shithead at the end of every show Okay And so we want to keep this legit

We still got two minutes left What should we do with the last two minutes? Give the drawing to her All right She won that, right? Would you like this? She would love it I'm going to sign it. I'm going to sign it

and I'm going to try to Doug Benson it up a little bit. What do you mean Doug Benson it up a little bit? Just Benson. I'll do Robert Guillaume.

Just a little bit. Dubois. He's going to Benson Dubois. Robert Guillaume? Yeah. All right, there we go. I'll sign it.

These are two interesting shitheads. These are personal. They're not anybody I've ever heard of. What's your name? Crystal. Remember you played for Crystal? No, I didn't. Played for God.

Oh, you played for somebody else. Matt won for Crystal. Alright, thank you very much. What the hell's happening? I didn't say the shitheads. Another talkie. Eyes of gold is viewing prowess. Makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you.

Cause Doug loves movies. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Doug's interrupting now. Cause it's the interruption. Doug's got a potty mouth. He cuts off all his friends. Here comes the word eruption. He's most happy when he's saying things that pop into his brain.

Doug Benson has a show. The interruption's funny. It's awkward. It's Fockward. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Benson Interruption. It's 12.30 a.m. Sunday morning, August 14, 2011, and we're in front of a live audience at the UCB Theater in New York City

during the 13th annual Del Close Marathon. Yay! How many of you folks were here last night for Doug Loves Movies? I love the polite hand raising over there. That was very sweet of you to raise your hand and not yell at me. Well, so as you may have noticed last night, there was a little bit of a technical error and the theme music played over me attempting to say goodnight and name the shitheads.

So I just wanted to get that unfinished business out of the way. The shitheads from last night's show were Devin T. Simmons and Quinn English. Yeah, and I hope neither of those is a baby that's been murdered. Because I don't recognize either of those names. I got to thank, once again, Morgan Spurlock for coming by last night. That was crazy. And Craig Bierko and Matt Besser. But Morgan Spurlock, it's so great how nice he is to me about ripping off his movie.

And I really am going to dog him for the rest of his life. He makes a movie, I'm making the same thing, but with pot in it. Okay, so tonight I will be introducing some of my... I brought some hilarious comedy friends by who will stand right here at this microphone. And they'll say something like uh i saw a broadway show tonight where the characters use the word cunt a lot did not expect that from the lion king and then and then i'll be sitting right there

with my own microphone i'll say something like circle of life dude which one i think we should instead of saying cunt we should just say circle of life, dude. Which one? I think we should, instead of saying cunt, we should just say circle of life. You're such a circle of life. There's a circle of life right there. Anyway, where's the clock? There it is. All right, we've got 27 minutes left.

Every show here at the Del Close Marathon is either 15 minutes or 30 minutes long. Yeah, they really keep it moving. Oh, it's funny. I was watching. Did anybody watch Ferris Bueller on Comedy Central today? Because Del Close is in it. I never realized that.

He plays a teacher. It's not a funny part. He's just sort of standing there, and they come to get Sloan out of his class. Yeah, yeah, that's Del Close. So anyway, this whole marathon is in honor of him and his amazing teachings that I was never a part of, but a lot of people involved in UCB were,

and I don't know how much time we have. We have 26 minutes. All right, so here we go. Please welcome to the stage my friend james adomian yes yes thank you james is here let us march upon Rome! All right, all right. So it's a 50% political flow-through ratio. I don't know what you're talking about.

Exactly. You're with the other 50%. I was just going to say, you have your summer mustache, and that's always nice to see. This is halfway into Jesse Ventura. And your hat makes me feel like you've got a paper route. A newspaper to sell. Why, I tell you that's nose today, friend.

And that was, so your opening thing was a political joke that I didn't get? What? No, no, that was just, I was just walking out. Was that an opening joke? What about Rome? Oh, yeah. I was imagining that they were all on my side and I was like a dictator

who walked down on a balcony of people Hey! Yeah! We shall march on Rome I don't know why 50% of us didn't get that Where were we? You obviously weren't in the ancient Roman Empire

documentary I watched on the History Channel earlier tonight Where were we? You obviously weren't in the ancient Roman Empire documentary I watched on the History Channel earlier tonight. I was watching Jersey Shore today, and Snooki saw some big building in Rome and went, is that the Vatican? Like any big building was possibly the Vatican. And it might have been. I don't know.

I'm not religious. I'm religious. I mean, who. So, um... I mean, who would be, really? I mean, thank you. Wow! What if I just did that? What if I just did that for myself?

I did impressions of other comedians, and now I do Todd Glass. What if I thought it was funny to keep doing Todd Glass and I kept doing it? What if I thought that was a joke? What if I thought that was hilarious? I'm walking stone right now. I'm walking stone.

How dare I do that to you? What if I thought that was a joke? You're really freaking me out You know cause I know Todd And if I close my eyes Then you see the back of your eyelids

Yeah What if I thought that was the truth? What if I was inside of your eyelids When you close your eyes? He can't What if the first thing you saw was me asking you What if this thought that was the truth What if I was inside of your eyelids When you close your eyes What if the first thing you saw was me asking you What if this was the joke I don't think a thought enters his mind When he's on stage that he doesn't say into the microphone

Should I stop talking right now Is this the only thing you're doing Is to stop talking right now and transition to a different bit Is that what I should be doing I love his bit about I look like if Fred Flintstone and John Goodman had a baby. I'm always like, they can't have a baby.

One of them is a cartoon. And the other one is a fictional character, right? Yeah, Todd. So... Am I locked into a Todd Glass for the rest of the set? No. No, I'm gonna...

What?! This... There's a dissenter in the room! Can you do Todd Glass doing Rodney Dangerfield's jokes? No, I don't know. As Mitch Hedberg? That's his bit. If he does Mitch Hedberg doing...

What's wrong? In too deep on the inside comedy material? Maybe I should transition to more of a promising chunk of comedy material. Do you guys know who it is? That's Andy Kindler, yes. This is a fun game.

Perhaps like Sleuth I bet you have like Quite the arsenal of comedians That some people might not know Those are all the people I do shows with But yeah most people should know them So if you just hang out with somebody You kind of pick up their voice

Have you ever tried to do an impression of me I could do that. Oh, yeah. It's the easiest thing in the world. But what if it was on crackers and spread across like butter? I don't think that sounds right. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't know.

What are you guys saying? Probably not me. What about, do you do Paul F. Tompkins? Oh, I don't know. I probably don't know. I do have delved into things Tompkins.

And things Tompkins are usually delved into there's really not many words in heaven and distinctly mad let me guess that was Paul F Tompkins I know I asked for it You preemptively Preemptively? Yeah I ruined the guessing game

Do another one And we'll all guess Oh Okay I plugged my ears For some reason Do another one Okay

What? Good guess with Louis Armstrong, but in fact, that was Lisa Lampanelli. So, I don't know what the fuck you people want. I'm... Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I live in a dungeon of cats.

I don't know. Yeah, you get that? I don't know. What is that? What is that? And then silence. This guy. This guy over here.

You know, these guys. There's always these guys. Say hello, what the fuckers. What the fucknics. And I should be saying this? Why do you think should be saying this and I'm starting to rationalize why you have that power over me that I should be able to say what you want on cue that way

that I'm a caricature of myself and I should be guilty because I'm just an impression that someone is doing me somewhere? That's my hell. I can't even stop this. These are the lines. So great.

That was awesome. Yeah. How do you dismount from a different level of strength theory? Oh yeah, sometimes the comedy stops. Sorry. I'm from the Chelsea Board of Arts. And we just come down

and we actually do like a little thing where we just talk to you guys and go like, hey, thanks for having comedy in the neighborhood. So that's what this part is. I'm actually recording this for my album. So thanks for being a part of it.

The album is called... There's actually some good chunks in there. Thanks for being a part of that. We are in Chelsea, though. I never really think of it that way. It never really... I mean, when you really get down... We're a few blocks from dildo stores.

I mean, darling... It's not right upon us. It's Chelsea, but it isn't Chelsea. All right, Gatsby. As long as you know the difference in tone between the hat on and the hat off, then I'd say you know we all ran around Chelsea, darling. Come around sometime, won't you, darling?

Why don't people talk like that anymore in New York? They should Like an old-time voice Why are you in Miami, darling? It's so hot down there Come up to New York, darling I miss those people I never knew them

It was just Jennifer Jason Leigh in the Hutt Soccer Proxy Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa It was just Jennifer, Jason Lee, and the Hudsucker proxy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're making it out like it's an easy recipe. It's just some cinnamon and sugar or something. Nah, nah. There was love in that ancient stereotype.

Black and white cinemas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, pal. But there was an archetype as well. And boy, oh boy, back when there was archetypes, we was alive in three dimensions. Do you memorize like whole chunks of shit? Sure I do. Whole chunks of steel and iron as we build the city from New York from ground to sky.

I memorized it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From the Bowery to the George Washington Bridge. From 44th Street all the way down to 41st Street make a slight left on the 671 yeah, right there right where Broadway on a big white park Now if you'll excuse me

me and my pals We gotta go install Central Park right now You gotta do what to it? We gotta go install it They wanna park in the middle of Manhattan I don't know how we're gonna do it We got 42 cranes pal Don't worry we'll take care of it

Just put it in the Hudson Yeah that's what I said That's what I said The Port Authority got involved 42 cranes, pal. Don't worry. We'll take care of it. Just put it in the Hudson. Yeah, that's what I said. That's what I said. The Port Authority got involved. Whenever I fly, I like to tell my relatives that Sully Sullenberger was the pilot. I don't believe it for a second.

You're telling me that Sully Sullenbrenner bought the plane down in the Hudson? That airplane landed in LaGuardia. What went down in the Hudson

was a large airplane sent over by the Chinese government. That's the real truth. That would be Jesse Ventura. You didn't have to say that. Why not? I was down. Oh.

Everyone seemed to know. So you were part of the conspiracy? I love impressions that start My name is Jesse Ventura. And I used to be a wrestler. Like, they describe themselves in the impression. It's very convenient to do impressions of people who already have high opinions of themselves.

You should be listening to me because I'm talking. All right, I can latch on to that. Let me tell you something As a teller of somethings Alright let's do one more I gotta bring some other people on here Wait what the hot five? You want the tight six?

Oh Louis Black? Do you do Louis Black? Oh yeah sure Audience request That's how we do it here. Yes and? So this is Louis Black reading from a 10-year-old girl's diary. Dear diary,

today is the very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very That's because Sean winked at me and blew me a kiss Next we're gonna get married And we're gonna go together And we're gonna go to the dance And we're gonna love each other forever and ever. Heart symbol, heart symbol, googly face, Sean Milton, Becky Milton, Sean Beck Milton. Heart symbol, heart symbol, shotgun. Shotgun. Why are the demons poking at my eyes?

Ladies and gentlemen, James Adomian! Thank you, guys. Oh, God, that guy's got some talents. He's got it going on. I got some plugs I want to say. First of all, thank you to UCB in New York and Los Angeles for giving me a home for my podcasts and for all the great audiences that come to see them. Yeah, you can buy my $2 boner eps on iTunes, as always. And my new CD, Potty Mouth, plops on August 30th.

Now, please welcome to the stage my friends Garfunkel and Oates. Hello. Got a whole tech situation with these two. We got the uke mic. Get the uke mic set up. And your guitar's plugged in, Ricky? Yeah, I can't bend over. That's alright. I'm doing like the bunny dance.

I mean, those dudes sitting right over there are disappointed. Sorry. Hi, Doug. Hi, Ricky. That's Ricky Lindholm. Hi, guys. A.K.A. Garfunkel. And hi, Kate McEuchie. Hello. Hello. How are you? Oats.K.A. Garfunkel. And hi, Kate McEuchie. Hello. Hello.

How are you? Oats. Yes. Yeah. Did you guys pick those names because of your comparative stature or just because they were both the also-rans or whatever? Well, first because they were the also-rans, and then because, well, you can tell them, Kate.

Well, because I'm short, and if. And then because... Well, you can tell them, Kate. Well, because I'm short and if I'm not careful, I have a mustache. Be careful. Be careful. And let's start you guys off with... You have a new song. It's on... You can go look at the video on YouTube.

Is naming the song giveawayaway the Punchline? It's called Go-Kart Racing. All right, here we go. Well, recently, Ricky and I went go-karting, and it was Ricky's first time on a go-kart. And I was zipping around the track really fast. We were with TJ Miller, actually. And TJ and I are going really fast,

and then Ricky was driving so slow. And then all of a sudden, she just stopped in the middle of the track. And I was like, what the heck? Yeah,ate thought i was pouting but um here's what happened so basically i was sitting on a big giant vibrating piece of metal and i was sort of tilted forward and i was like this going around the track and the faster i went the more the metal vibrated and i was going i was like oh my god so i was going really slow and kate zipping by me and i don't know why i assumed we had the same vaginal sensitivity but we don't we don, I was like, oh my God. So I was going really slow and Kate zipping by me. And I don't know why I assumed we had the same vaginal sensitivity, but I did. We don't.

I was like, well, she can do it. I can do it. I don't know why I thought that. And so I, so I sped forward and then I was like, nope. And I pulled over and I sort of just like hung my head in shame for the rest of the time. And I was convinced they knew what happened. I think it's so funny that Ricky thought that we were onto her.

Cause like, if you gave me a hundred guesses, I wouldn't have known that was going on. You thought her cart was breaking down. Yeah. She thought I was pouting, actually. You couldn't go fast enough or didn't enjoy it. Couldn't reach the pedals. There was no way

for you to know that Kate had the vaginal sensitivity of John Oates. Right. way for you to know that Kate had the vaginal sensitivity of John Oates. I think if more people, if that happened to everybody,

go-karting would be a lot more popular. Yeah, like horseback riding. And washing machine riding. Here we go. Okay. Ready? Get on my go-kart, strap myself in Rev up the engine, let the fun begin

Put my foot on the gas and I'm out of the gate But the faster I go, the more the metal vibrates My body is tingling from my head to my toes But the thing that's really buzzing, I hope nobody knows Cause I'm feeling kind of funny in a biblical way God damn, I'm shaking hard on my Georgia O'Keeffe bouquet, I never guessed this trampling machine would turn the motor on under my hood, go-kart racing, accidentally masturbating, go-kart racing, mechanical support, I can't even go-kart racing, no stop until I cross the finish line Shifting gears, I can feel my heart throb

Hope nobody notices I'm getting a loop drop Don't need no gentleman to start my engine Cause I can even feel a little rear suspension Trying to cover up my scandal like I'm Goldman Sachs But shit is getting real on this indoor track I'm about to go blind and I feel like a creep Cause it's pressing on my horn like Now my drive is getting erratic I'm about to go blind and I feel like a creep Cause it's pressing on my horn like Beep, beep, beep!

Now my drive is getting erratic Cause this transmission is automatic Go-kart racing, accidentally masturbating Go-kart racing, mechanical self-hornegating Go-kart racing, no stop until I cross the finish line If the fruit is ripe, you might as well pluck it Was gonna slow down but then I thought, fuck it No one look at me, cause this is it

Green, black, go, go, holy shit Go-kart racing, accidentally masturbating Go-kart racing, mechanicals are fornicating Go-kart racing, no stop until I cross the finish line Key change, key change Go-kart racing, accidentally masturbating Go-kart racing, mechanicals are fornicating key change go car racing oxygen demasterizing go car racing mechanical subornicating

go car racing no stop until I cross the finish line alleluia amen thank you thank you thank you guys yay so true story that was awesome Thank you, guys.

Yay. So, true story. That was awesome. I just got to play that in front of my parents across town. They came to our last show. I was like, goodies. Yeah, you were over at Gotham this weekend, and I called you or texted you,

and you were nice enough to come over here to do this. So thank you so much. Thanks for having us. It's always great to have you guys. Thank you. It's because of you that we exist. Let me explain. What was it? Did you come to see the Benson interruption at UCB?

I invited them both separately and they met each other there and became much better friends with each other there and became much better friends with each other than they'll ever be with me. So sad. No, no, it's great. I'm so happy to, like, you know,

how many people can say they brought a popular music group together? I don't know. Who introduced the two guys in Tenacious D to one another? That person could say it. Yeah, that person. And that's probably about it.

Or the two guys in Concord. Whoever introduced them, they could say it. Yeah, yeah. They had to meet at some point, right? Yeah. Captain and Tennille. They met.

They were probably just walking around New Zealand. Yeah. They bumped into each other. Ran into each other. Yeah. Yeah, start a band. Brit.

Yeah. My name's Jerm band. I'm Brit. My name's Jemaine. I'm Brit. There's an R in there, but don't pronounce it. Yeah, they both pronounce their names wrong, right? Brit. That's the worst accent ever. We need to get James back.

Do you do impressions at all? No. Not of anyone? Not even like of a friend or something? I do an impression of Kate, but it's just a face. Okay, let's see it. You guys should do a Body Switch movie. Oh, yes.

The change up for ladies. I'd love that. Yeah, but we would have the same life. So it wouldn't be that funny. We're like, we go to shows and then we go to bed. Do Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds have that much of a different life? That's the weirdest body switch movie.

It's like, let's get two guys that are kind of alike. And then they'll switch. And then you'll spend the whole movie. I haven't seen it yet, but I would spend the entire movie going okay I think he's in him right now

just that one yeah you know what I mean I would always be thinking about it but Kate and I have the exact same life pretty much

like we do all the same things we go to work oh no now I have to go to edit at 10 o'clock yeah me too darn it I was gonna go edit at 10 o'clock

I have a show at 8 now I have a show at 8 I No, I have a show at 8. I'm going to go to bed early and talk to no one. Me too. Hold on. Let me call myself. Yeah. I have no personal connections except with one human.

Me too. This is so true Oh shit Oh we switched bodies Now I have to wear This cute dress I know the only change Would be instrumental

And height Yeah Kate would be so excited She'd be like Hey can I get that for you And I'd be like I'm so little and adorable I'm gonna get free stuff for us all the time.

I do. I get free stuff for us all the time. Well, you don't have to buy that second airline ticket because you just curl up in luggage, right? That's awesome. I didn't know tiny people got free shit. Oh, yeah. Well, she does this thing.

Just make that face and you're good to go. See? Should we do a tweet off real quick? Yeah. I say that with much trepidation because my phone doesn't work here in the basement that is UCB, so I don't think I can access my tweets.

Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. It just says error loading. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. It just says error loading. Oh. I might have written that. That might have been a fun thing to write on Twitter. You want to just make something up? Yeah, yeah.

You each do one, and then I'll make one up, and we're almost out of time anyway. Okay. So let me just say real quickly thanks to James Adomi and thanks to Garfunkel and Oates. You're welcome. Thank you. And we'll just go,

we'll just each do a tweet. Start with me? Okay. When a guy doesn't walk you to your car, what he's really saying is, I'd rather let you die than put on shoes. I'm not wrong I'll put on shoes I don't care

Aw thanks Yeah I'm really romantic that way Do yours Kate Here's a dialogue That Ricky and I had the other day Ricky said We need more boobs And I said

Yeah we paid 200 bucks For those boobs Let's use them Wait a second And I said, yeah, we paid 200 bucks for those boobs. Let's use them. Wait a second. What does that mean? We have nudity in our next music video. What?

Yeah. And we paid girls to show their boobs. Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. And then we realized we needed to use more of them. Yeah. We paid the girls and then we didn't have enough tits. And so we put more in. So, yeah.

I can't wait. What's that song called? Pregnant Women Are Smug. We're like, they should be breastfeeding. Oh, that's why you see their tits. Yeah.

So there's like a baby's head in the way every time? No, it's a whole dance with like a doll and it's really gratuitous and weird and the girls are of varying weights. No, it's a whole dance with a doll. It's really gratuitous and weird. And the girls are of varying weights.

And so are their boobs. All right, here's my tweet. Looking forward to seeing Garfunkel and Oates' new music video. That's good. I just wrote that one. Oh, nice. Okay, each of you do one more really quick. Do you have one more? Oh, okay, yeah.

My womb is all like Hey girl And I'm all like Shh Okay go Friends And then I had a picture A twit pic of two mailboxes Next to each other

Garfunkel and Oates Ladies and gentlemen Thanks Doug Thank you Doug Garfunkel and Oates ladies and gentlemen thanks Doug until next time take a little time to enjoy the view now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie

eyes of gold his viewing prowess makes him cocky there's no room in his heart for you cause Doug loves movies