Doug Loves Movies - NYC III

Episode Date: October 22, 2011

Recorded live at The Gramercy Theatre in New York, NY on October 23rd, 2011. Jim Gaffigan, Michael Ian Black, Pat Kiernan, and Keith Powell guest.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies! This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from the Gramercy Theater in New York City. AKA bottomless drinks for Doug since four this afternoon. It's Sunday, October 23rd, two oceans, 11.

Let's see your name tags, NYC. There's a baby with a boot monkey coming out of it. I've seen that before. Oh my God, this is crazy. Some of my guests might run out of here when they see this shit. That is like a room full of psychopaths. Specifically the guy with the Mike Myers mask.

It's kind of scary. Is your name Mike? Yes, it is. Okay. No, it's Myers. My first name is Myers. I don't know what kind of accent I was trying to do. David says he hates gum, and then he says, affix some gum.

Oh, has gum. You got that sign. You crossed something out and rewrote it. Okay. Oh, you spelled have wrong. I see what happened. You wrote, I has gum. And you went have gum. Somebody with a Godspell program. They know that I love that show. I just saw it a couple of days ago. Nicole is spells Nicole with a K in the spot where the C would be, if anyone's wondering. Brian has Doug Loves Boobies, because it's true, the theme song does sound like Doug Loves Boobies. Brian's got a pumpkin that is lighting up and blinking. That's very exciting. Julie not only has the Juno style artwork with the name Julie on it,

but also is wearing a shirt with the same orange and white stripes on it and has an actual baby or a fake baby. Is it a fake baby? Fake baby. She wore a whole Juno costume. You know what? If I promise to come back in seven months, will you get

knocked up just to make it legit? There's Sarah and Sean and PJ and Ron. Ron's got a total Tron thing going on. He just dropped the T off the front. Brian's holding up his entire computer. I'm sure one of the guests, somebody's going to want to play for that. Is that a picture of John C. Reilly with John over it?

That's cute. Oh, my God. This is probably the best selection of name tags ever. What's in the pink box? That's how nerdy this audience is. Some people actually got what's in the pink box. I think it was big pink box in Buckaroo Banzai, but what is in it? Oh, you have to pick it to find out. It's a surprise box, you guys. That's exciting. All right, well, we'll see what happens.

If anybody picks it, then we'll find out. And then somebody, this sign's so big, I have to acknowledge it. You're blocking people from seeing the show. Pick Steve on 1023 to Ocean's 11, and then you've got a strange, is that supposed to be the cast of Ocean's Eleven? Yeah, me and Leonard Maltin next to Bernie Mac.

And Scott Kahn and Affleck. Well, thank you guys for bringing those. Hide those and whip them out again later when the guests are here. And they will be like, what did I agree to? This is the third Doug Loves Movies from the Gramercy Theater. I want to thank you all for coming to, those of you

who came to the first two, those of you who came to the Benson Interruption earlier today, everyone here at the Gramercy Theater, I love it. This has been so much fun. And the question is, from all the past shows I've done here, will this be the most drunk one or the least drunk one? I'm already like, when I did that show in Portland that we shall not talk about

outside of this room, when I did that show, when I listened back to it, I was so horrified. Because I've always been like, you know, super high me, and I've done lots of things where I'm on camera or doing a podcast where I am just fucked up. And I still managed to get through it without going,

Hey, everybody, my name. That was, when I was listening back to it, I thought, Oh, they fucked, they recorded it wrong. They recorded it on the wrong speed. I had some hash oil hits backstage that just fucking, and it was a long night of hitting it and drinking. But all you got to do is just hear yourself like that once.

And I can get pretty fucked up. And I'll never be that bad again. Because now I'm way too paranoid. Even if I'm really high or drunk, which I've got a little both right now. I will keep the pace up. I will remember to do that because that was so terrible to listen to. What's that?

That's what I thought. Let's go ahead and look at the prize bag, you guys. Taking the mic out and walking around. Let me start with the ones you know about. Let's start with what you guys are already aware of. In this bag, there are Woot Monkeys. I brought some Woot Monkeys. The winner will win one of those,

but I'll also shoot a couple of them off into the crowd. How many do I have in here? A few woot monkeys. I think there's one more. There he is. Get out here. So there's the woot monkeys. Now you guys know that I'm going to be on the Weezer cruise

coming up in January. So you guys got to buy tickets. There's still plenty of cabins available. Oh, and that really super crazy hot light from the first show is hot on me again. They turned it off the first show, and now it's back. The Benson interruption.

A copy of Hurley, signed by all the members of Weezer. A t-shirt. Yeah, you save your applause for the end. A Weezer t-shirt. And then one of our guests was nice enough to bring an umbrella, a nice... It's pretty nice outside right now,

but you never know. And... Oh, I also have a Weezer poster. And another guest brought, signed a bag of Utz chips for you guys, just for you guys. And then, I think you've probably heard rumors to this effect, I also have, I'm going to save that one for last, because this one also doesn't give away who it is

if I show you. Here's a bag from Full Tilt Poker, and it's got like a whole poker set in there with like poker chips and the whole deal and a bunch of other poker stuff, which is pretty awesome and very heavy. I can't believe I got that up over my head. And then we also have a copy of season four of 30 Rock. Yeah. So,

and the umbrella says, what does it say? Something about the weather? You don't have to answer that. We'll find out when you get out here. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Keith Powell, Michael Ian Black, Pat Kiernan, and Jim Gaffigan. Laugh again. Did I do okay? Is that okay?

I make a lot of calls. What's that, sir? Kent McKinley Lane? That's a reference to a movie that I was in. Michael Ian Black, everybody. I just want to tell you all that the retail value of that full tilt poker bag, easily $150, $200. And more to the point, full Poker has now gone belly up because it's a massive

Ponzi scheme so that could be highly collectible you guys the retail value of my 30 Rock DVD about 10 cents that's Keith Powell everybody you know him as Twofer don't clap you know you're disappointed Keith Powell, everybody. You know him as Twofer.

Don't clap. You know you're disappointed. You were expecting Alec Baldwin. Well, I was. I was trying. I wrote on my Twitter feed several times because Alec Baldwin has a podcast now. That's right. Yeah, and I was like, come promote yours on mine. And his is already like just the announcement that he has a podcast

is number one. Yeah, it's doing quite well. I'm going to listen to the shit out of that. That was a terrible sentence, but you know what I mean? I'm going to be in the bathroom listening to it. And I'm, I'm very excited about it. I think he's, he'd be hilarious to listen to talk to anybody. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, so Tufor is here instead of Alec Baldwin. No one was expecting Alec Baldwin. What you were expecting was a slightly different hat. You were expecting Judah Friedlander, some of you. And he's a friend of mine, but he's, you know, like his character on the show, you know, you imagine it on the show, you know,

he's, you imagine it's hard to get a phone call back from him, maybe. He always says to me, every time he writes to me, it starts with, I want to do your podcast sometime. And then every time I write to him and say, how about this time? I either don't hear back or he writes back that he's, you know, performing somewhere because he's got a busy schedule. Yeah, he does a lot of standup. Yeah. But anyway.

So Alec wouldn't do it. Judah wouldn't do it. What about Jack McBrayer? Did you ask Jack? Did not. I did not ask anybody else. He wouldn't have done it either, I don't think.

One person wrote to me on Twitter, is it Tina Fey? And I wrote back, you're the stupidest person alive. Basically, let's name all the people who are not Keith what about the other black guy

was the other black guy available could he do it what about Krakowski what about Krakowski Tim Conway he was on it once but Pat Kiernan from New York One

is here you guys New York One thank here, you guys. New York One. Thank you for having me, Doug. And he signed the umbrella. Well, because people give me shit when we deliver the weather forecast and it's wrong. So this is my way of saying to the one person who wins that you have an umbrella in case I didn't say it was going to rain. You can just carry it around everywhere.

Yeah, and for the podcast listeners that don't have the opportunity to live in this great area, I almost said great state, but is New York one throughout the state? No, it is the city of New York only. Yeah, okay. I'm glad I didn't make that mistake. We don't care about the news in Westchester. Is New York One like... Is New York One like, is that the entire planet? I'm not stoned or anything, is it? Is that like cover the moon, too? It goes all the way out to the state of Denver.

Yes! But what does it say on the umbrella about what's the slogan? It just says, for the days when I was wrong. I took my Sharpie and I signed it. That's all. It may look like an official New York One umbrella. It's just from Dwayne Reed. Oh, okay. Thanks to the people at Dwayne Reed for selling umbrellas.

I'll talk more to you in a second. Let's also introduce our fourth guest, the person who brought the man behind the chips. I made these chips myself. Jim Gaffigan, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. I didn't want to just bring in some swag or something very practical looking umbrella.

I wanted to, you know, Doug had that backstage, so. You know, if somebody... I signed it. Whoever wins tonight can have... And I wrote collectible on there. Whoever wins can have a great outdoor poker party. Because you've got an umbrella and chips and poker stuff.

And you can throw 30 rock. I don't know what you'd do with that if you were having an outdoor poker party. But there's probably some use for it. And season... What season is it? Four? It's four. Do you remember anything about that season?

I remember that most people online said that it was our worst season. But shit got extra crazy? Was it really crazy? Well, it got really loopy. It got really loopy. But I actually think it was our best season. What was the big story arc of that season? I think Jack was deciding between the two.

Oh, that was awesome. That was the Matt Damon season. That was when we introduced Matt Damon towards the end between the two. Oh, that was awesome. That was the Matt Damon season. That was when we introduced Matt Damon towards the end of the season. Yeah, yeah. And the wedding was the season finale. I don't want to burst your bubble, but you guys did not introduce Matt Damon. No, we broke him. Yeah, how about them apples?

No, but actually, Matt Damon is like the nicest human being in the world. We get it. You know Matt Damon. Holy shit. Well, I will tell you that my girlfriend has... Did you guys go to Harvard together? My girlfriend has made very inappropriate sexual comments to Matt Damon. And I was kind of like,

I can get behind that. I can understand that. Oh, yeah. But no, he's like, I get very intimidated by him because I always feel like he's going to Jason Bourne me. Hey, quick question.

Who's Matt Damon? The guy in the Jason Bourne books. I didn't see that. You didn't read those books? There's a new Jason Bourne, right? I think it's like a prequel, isn't it? Jeremy Renner as two weeks younger. Two weeks younger Jason Bourne

the story picks up before amnesia but only a few weeks before it what? it's the Bourne legacy I love how angry that sounded it's the Bourne legacy guess we stepped on some toes there. You know what? This is fucking

bullshit. He doesn't love movies. He knows nothing about films in the future. Doesn't he read the trades? Pat Kiernan. Yeah. Not only from the great New York One, he gets up early every day and reads to you what's in the paper.

Yeah. In the paper. For people so lazy they can't walk outside the front door to grab the paper. Or they don't have the internet because that's where the papers are now. Are you going to change it to Pat's internet at some point? I do have a plan B that Pat's papers, there's another URL that I'm not prepared to divulge at this time. Oh, okay. What is it?

I'm trying to think of it. Does it also have alliteration? Is it a B word? All right, I'll tell you. I already own it. It's Pat's pics. So then you can just be... I think I speak for everybody. I love it. I love that.

Fantastic. Hey, who's Pat? I'm not being mean to you. Hey, it's my fear. It's all about me being a little scared. I'm sure there's more than one stoner in the audience who isn't up to watch Pat. Ever.

But I was I lived here for a year and I was addicted to the whole channel. They have a whole show every week that's a half hour about Broadway. I loved it. It's called On Stage. That's how Zach Galifianakis pounces it. Onstage.

But Pat, I wanted to ask you about, I can't remember the name of it, but your amazing trivia contest on VH1. The World Series of Pop Culture. I thought it was the Super Bowl of shit people shouldn't know. And unfortunately, it's been three years since they had us back. We still think they should.

They've been busy. If each one gets something going that's working out, then they walk away. They show too much of it, and then they walk away. But we'd like to do it again. Yeah, well, let's start the ball rolling right here. Yeah. Yes. Is there an address we can write to?

I believe it's online. Yeah, just go online and tell everybody online. Do you have the URL for that, Pat? Dear everybody, bring back... It's so mean bring back the world cup of nonsense

of pop culture otherwise known as the e-channel yeah but those teams they'd have come on there they were pretty good and you were did you ever stop and start or are you like Alex Trebek you're just great at reading questions without flubbing them up. No, we did.

Well, we would pick up occasionally. Yeah, yeah, occasionally. But you're slick. You do a good job with it. That's why they bring in a rock star like me for that. That's why I don't actually host a game show. They didn't bring me in for the comedy. That's why they hire someone that's not stoned.

But there was no speed round or anything like that. You'd be amazed, though. When I meet celebrities, hosts, actors, whoever, I know which one smoked pot because they kind of light up when they see me. They recognize me. And I'm always like, holy shit, he does that high about whatever

you know whatever his job is like there's some pretty amazing ones tell us who the pothead Barack Obama there's been some good ones over here

Brad Pitt turned his back on me Brad Pitt was always my number one and now he claims to not smoke anymore so he's ruined that story.

I only smoked with him once at a party. He wouldn't know. There's been some good ones. Ted Koppel? No? What's Fred Pitt like? What's that?

Fred Pitt's like the nicest guy in the world. He comes by when Matt's there and just hangs out, right? They just, they play Rochambeau between takes. Do you know the answer to that question? Because it wasn't really a question. Yes, they do, Doug. That's my impression of you. That's about right.

Yeah. That's about right. Yeah. You play that white, black guy on TV. What? I am very Afrocentric. Twofer never shows up with a hat like that. That's true. This is my gangsta skullcap.

It's because I get very cold. Jim Gaffigan was in, if I can embarrass you for a second. New York One. He does sports on New York One. Coming up on New York One. There's a black guy on New York One that sounds really bored.

Who's that guy? A woman was raped in Queens today again do you know that guy I love that guy's voice it's like it puts you to sleep he's like rape I think you're thinking of Stanley from The Office yeah she to sleep, he's like, rape.

I think you're thinking of Stanley from The Office. That's who that sounds like. No good can come out of me commenting on that. Really? Well, he seems like he's good at his job. You can't be all emotional

about rape when you're on the news. Oh, what? Another rape? Well, you don't have to make it sound like it's like, oh, another one. Have you ever done this, Pat? I'm talking to Pat now. Where you have... Where it comes to you and your next story is brutal, but you don't know what face to make,

so you're smiling too much? Oh, yeah, if you're in the smiling mode. Well, you are, after all, reading it a dozen times in a row through the course of the morning. Yeah, on your channel, yeah. And you can get a little numb to it after a while. I think that explains why the bored black guy is so bored. Yeah, that's true.

He's said it 12 times. That's true. She's still raped. She still got raped. She still got raped. She was raped in 805. She's raped in 812, guys. Still haven't cured AIDS. Three Kings is one of my favorite movies ever.

Oh, right. This is a movie podcast. Yeah, yeah. I always bring it my favorite movies ever. Oh, right. This is a movie podcast. Yeah, yeah. I always bring it back to movies eventually. And Jim Gaffigan is in Three Kings. They didn't even have my name on the poster. Can you believe that? I know.

You were kind of like the fourth king in a way. I was. More so than Spike Jonze. Yeah. Because he must have been insulted that it's called Three Kings and there's four central characters. I don't know. Let's not get into that. No.

I don't want you to speculate on behalf of a nutty director who is awesome. He's great in, he's in some movie right now. Is there a question? No, I just throw it out there and then you're supposed to have some great story about. What do I do, Doug? I don't know. Just tell me a story about George Clooney, or him and the director having a fight with George Clooney.

I was sitting on a helicopter, and then... I told myself I wasn't going to cry when I told this story. No, I was on the helicopter. These people don't even think I was in Three Kings. They're like, Doug is really stoned. No, the person they don't think was in Three Kings is Jamie Kennedy. Because that's really weird that he's also in that amazing movie.

Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah, all of his scenes are with Nora Dunn, so he probably ran to the bathroom whenever they... I checked out. No one in 30 Black Flags. Nora Dunn will be no probably ran to the bathroom whenever they... I checked out. No one in 30 Nora Dunn will be no longer subscribing to the podcast. Her and her husband, Kevin Dunn, are going to say,

fuck that guy. He's in the Transformers movies. So, you were in a helicopter? I was in a helicopter next to the guy that played Bubba Gump or something like that. Mickle T. Williamson.

Yes. And he turned to me and goes, does that look like there's a fight over there? And George Clooney and David O. Russell were kind of going at it. Amazing. Physically going at it? Yeah. No, verbally.

He was like, barbecue shrimp. Is that a fight over there? Do you think that's a fight you think it's a wrestling match you think it's an argument do you think it's a quibble a lover's quarrel what would you call it but yeah so they so you were kind of nearby when it was happening i yeah i mean and then we all ran over and it was all done and well that's about it now have you guys i mean you've seen the the youtube clip of him like flipping out on on lily tomlin yeah yeah i could see that i kind of take his side on that i bet you she's a handful on the set. Oh, God. Yeah.

It's a well-known fact that Lily Tomlin is a cunt. One ring-a-ding-a-ding, two ring-a-ding-a-ding. She's brilliant. I know you're joking. I was joking. You're right. She's brilliant. I'm not dumb.

I was joking. It is not well-known. It's brilliant. I'm not dumb. I was joking. It is not well known. It's a well kept secret. She's a nice lady for a con. But truly very talented. I always liked her joke when she was on SNL as a host. I think in the very first season of it, she had a whole bit about taking a wastebasket home from the store

and taking it out of the paper bag and then putting the paper bag in the wastebasket that's good stuff I really sold it on her behalf her Edith character was fucking hysterical yeah that was great

Google that unless you don't have a computer Pat will read you and hysterical. Yeah, that was great. That's fun when people do that with their hands. Google that. Unless you don't have a computer. Pat will read you the transcript of the... A low of 52 degrees tonight. Tomorrow, partly cloudy in the morning. In the afternoon, a high of 62. That woman was still raped in Queens I'll just break

every 10 minutes I'll break into the weather if that'll help I would love it what do you think it is outside right now there's somebody in the audience saying full sentences totally having a conversation with us up here. Share it with the class.

Okay, never mind. This is a family podcast, so let's clean it up, you guys. But in the area of favorite movies of all time, Michael Ian Black is in a motion picture called Wet Hot American Summer. Thank you. I am in one motion picture, and that's it. Hey, can you take that in?

Can you take in that applause? I can, and I thank you guys very much. Is that going to pay your mortgage? No. That applause isn't going to raise your children. How many do you have now? I honestly don't even know. Listen, I'm on an old-timey train cart

rolling down the tracks. Backstage, I'm telling them, no physical comedy. It's a podcast. And I come up with this routine. Oh, good. Another drink. I gotta say the name of the person that bought it. Here, just throw it in there. Thank you. What is it? It's just straight vodka?

Can I buy me one? Does anybody want a drink that's up here? What's that? Chris Carson? It's from someone named Chris Carson who wanted a shout out. He's one of the replacement guys in Kiss when they got rid of the real Kiss guys they brought in Chris Carson.

It's Chris Carson. Oh, Chris Carson. Johnny Carson's son right it's like a giant shot of vodka that I'm supposed to have he was like maybe this will help I'm gonna sip it

I'm totally gonna sip it but thank you Chris Carson and anyone who thinks it's against shots law to not shoot it fuck those people. There's a guy back there, do it you pussy! I'm out of here.

I can't remember what song they sang in Blazing Saddles. Do you know? Why do you look at the black guy? Oh, another black person was in that. You obviously must know. But that was, don't you think, I mean, not to get all serious,

but that was a big milestone turning point. Like Richard Pryor wrote that movie. Yeah. And it really, it took on race in a way that to this very day, there's plenty of people that don't get they were kidding about some of that, some stuff. And they're like, yeah. You know what I mean? It's crazy how. Well, just recently, some major studio executive at ABC or something got hugely reprimanded because he was recounting one of the scenes. And he kept saying the N-word over and over and over again, trying to act out the scenes.

Which N-word? Yeah, you could say it. Can't you say it? Michael Richards is working at ABC. Michael Richards is working at ABC. So I was at Rick Perry's ranch, and I was like, what did it used to say on that rock? Anyway, I wanted to ask about Wet Hot American Summer,

or actually just tell you. This is another great Doug Benson question where I tell you a story there's a revival of Godspell that's going to open soon here that I've seen and love but I've met some of the cast and one of them said to me they really worry, they sing that song

day by day, which is also sung in Wet Hot American Summer and they keep waiting for some smartass to go boo, because that's what happens when they sing it in that movie Day, which is also sung in Wet Hot American Summer, and they keep waiting for some smartass to go, boo! Because that's what happens when they sing it in that movie. I would love that if that happened. No, you should get some cast members, get Bradley

Cooper, sit in the second row, make out for a while, and then when they sing Day by Day, boo the shit out of it. A running joke that we had on set was, and it won't be funny to you guys, but it's a little backstage glimpse into the making of. We used to run around singing Day Bidet, you know, the thing that cleans your genitals. And that was just something that we did all the time.

So, you're welcome. And you made a movie that takes place in the summer and it was fucking crazy cold the entire time it was raining the entire time we were shooting the movie it was i don't know if it was record rains or not but we shot for about a month and i think for 28 days out of the 30 it rained which is you know bad when you're shooting a movie called wet hot well i mean not the wet hot it was called hot american summer until yeah so it was yeah was, yeah, it was knee-deep mud pretty much everywhere you went. Now it's a cult classic. I got worms.

For reals? No, but I was just trying to think of something funny to say. It worked. That's okay. I was eating a lot of Pop'ems before, you know, little donut holes, and they got a lot of sugar. And then I peaked, and then I came out here. Yeah, you've been bouncing off the walls.

What's that, Steph? Is that a cookie? Oh, my God, there's a big cookie with her name on it. People have been bringing those like they think that's going to get them chosen. And then it works. People choose them. And then I'm up here drunkenly eating a cookie.

It's so much fun. Let's see how we're doing on time, you guys. Pat, have you been to the cinema at all lately? Have you seen any motion pictures? No, not really. Hang on. I went to some with my kids.

Yeah, what'd you see? Dolphin Tale. Wow. Yeah. I saw that, Pat. Wait a second. Who said boo? What's your problem with Dolphin Tale?

Kids. I mean, kids. I got choked up at the end. It's a lovely little family movie. Apparently it has very little to do with the actual story. Oh, really? It's only barely based on a true story. Okay, newsman.

He didn't do that. Really? You know the scenes at the end where they show some actual photos, but the Harry Connick guy isn't as cute than the Ashley Judd? Is anyone? Really? Yeah, there's nobody. He is so good on Tramad. Ashley Judd isn't as cute as he is.d Is anyone? Yeah, there's nobody He is so good on Tremendous

Ashley Judd isn't as cute as he is I have to say my biggest issue with the movie was whenever the pelican would corner her I think that was Lion King There's a pelican? Pelican is one of the supporting cast

There's a pelican Briefly in the film And And it's an annoying It's like a Comic relief You did see it? Yeah I did

There was the war veteran who swims Who had no apparent Reason for being in the plot. Well, the idea was... The point is that our troops are good. No, I understood that. All right, commie. Why didn't you say that when we were talking about Three Kings, the war movie?

Did Harry Connick Jr. have his shirt off or not? I don't remember. I don't remember. I think he's always got some sort of shirt on even though he's in a wading pool with a dolphin with no tail. It should be called Dolphin No Tail, first of all. Morgan Freeman was good.

He's always great. He sells the shit out of anything. When I saw Mr. Popper's Penguins, I was like, how can they do a penguin movie without Morgan Freeman? Or a Jim Carrey movie without Morgan Freeman? He's really good for all of those things. So yeah, Doug, that's what I was...

Or at this point, how could they do a Jim Carrey movie? Yes, you did it. Yes, I did. Oh my God, y'all. He is a well-known cunt, though. I mean, let's be honest. Who's Jim Carrey? What?

He yelled out, once bitten. And I'm really sad that I was able to translate that. But I immediately know Jim Carrey was in a movie called Once Bitten. He was. That was one of his first movies. A hilarious vampire farce, yes. That was one of his first movies. A hilarious vampire farce, yes. That was one of his first movies. I think a couple times in the movie he's like, I'm Jimmy Stewart.

He'd work in a couple of those things. He tried to. He tried to, I think, yeah. What's his name? Jim Carrey? Yeah. He was also in a movie called Doing Time on Maple Drive. Yeah, where he was an alcoholic.

Yep. He was good in that. He was very good. I think he's a good actor. I would like to work with you, Jim. Michael Ian Black made all those references. Jim, I have four children. Jim, work with... Jim, work with Jim.

Because he's a yes man. That's good. You guys, Jim Carrey's a personal friend. Hey. That's good. You guys, Jim Carrey's a personal friend of mine. I can talk all the shit I want about him. He's not related to Drew Carey, right? I've never met him, no. Drew Carey? No.

No, no, no. But he is related to the 1978 John... Sissy Spacek thriller... Carey. Carey, yes. Coal Miner's Daughter. Don't take Jim Carrey to the prom, I think was the slogan for that movie. Because he'll just talk out of his ass the whole time.

You guys are setting me up nicely tonight. This is fun. Guy's got a tall Bud Light over there. Was I talking to anybody about anything? Oh, yeah. I was talking to Pat. Dolphin Tales were the best I can do recently. Yeah, but it's a cute movie.

We discussed this prior to the show. I said, have you seen any movies lately? And he was like, only Dolphin Tale. And I was like, let's go. I totally have seen that. I try to see whatever movies are going to be at the top of the box office charts so I can always have opinions about those. Did you see that? I have not seen PA3 yet.

I think it's like the highest grossing or opening weekend for a horror film. It made $54 million this weekend. Is it that exhausting to say Paranormal Activity 3? You know what? We don't have a lot of time here. Let's just say PA3. Who are you talking to? Come on, come on. We got a lot of time here. Who are you talking to right now? Paranormal and

activity? There's no way I'd get through that. It's a big time waste. I saw Melancholia. I took my kids to it. All right? That's the thing with Kirsten Dunst? Yeah. And directed by the Dogma guy?

Lars von Trier. Lars von Trier. Thank you. Can you drag that out a little bit? There was a guy. How should I say his name where I sound more drunk? Lars von Trier But it's not

More We had not already covered that PA3 More like Lars von Queer Am I right? Who is a well known cunt? The uh Sometimes I think that no women Who is a well-known cunt? Sometimes I think that no women or ethnicities or gay people listen to this at all.

Because we just go there. But the Lars Venture guy in the back there, what's your actual name? Aaron. He had to consult with the internet really quickly. How come we have microphones and he's louder than us? Aaron. But he is part-time. He's an air raid

siren. But I could just see him in the subway on the way over with his girlfriend. If they ever pause without knowing something, I am going to tell them. Have you seen Melancholia, Aaron? No. No. This is a theater, not Yankee Stadium.

No! He is the worst person to be near. I'm sorry, I was talking. I'm sorry. Welcome to the Aaron interruption. Okay, now say it when it's quiet. I'm not melancholy yet, but I want to. He hasn't seen Melancholy yet, but he wants to. Thank you for the translation.

You're welcome. People yell stupid shit at me for a living. We both get paid. I hire them. Aaron's one of the best. I'm taking him out on the road with me. His only instructions are every time I say uh, yell out whatever you think I'm about to say. It was on demand.

It was, you know, like on demand they have the different sections where they're like in theaters and then there's like we hope it'll get to a theater the preview one but i think it won something it can can right yeah yeah i don't know if it won yeah best actress best actress thanks aaron the information that they know. What won the Palme d'Or this year? Ed TV. That was a different guy.

That guy on the subway said, honey, if I get a chance to yell Ed TV, I'm going to go for it. Was one of you guys in Ed TV? Pat? No, it wasn't me. But Pat, you've played yourself in some movies, right? I will only play myself.

That's my... That's your acting range? It is. As if they're saying, will you play Godzilla for us, Pat? No, Night at the Museum I did, and The Interpreter. They both take place in New York?

Because I'm only playing myself. He played a farmhand. What do you think? No, I just meant that New York One's only, as I just learned tonight, it's only on this island. In New York. Yeah. The perfect place for New York One. They didn't get it in Omaha.

A woman was raped today in Brooklyn. But what does that have to do with my crops? And why is he so bored? Have you seen anything lately, Jim Gaffigan? What's that? Have you seen anything lately, Jim Gaffigan? What's that? Have you seen a motion picture? He went to see Melancholia. Oh, you were Melancholia.

I'm sorry. And then I saw... Lars von Trier! Lars von Trier! Oh my God, this is caller response. He's announcing him at a formal party. It's like, how do you talk like that and not have a bowel movement? I saw Lion King 3D with my two-year-old.

Oh god. And we own it. What? Seriously? I want one. Thank you. What do you want? Just tell her what you want. Gin and juice. Oh, don't be a stereotype. Don't do that.

Yeah, really. I'll have some Manischewitz, please. Come on. What are you doing? And I'll have a glass of milk with some white bread. Can I have a seltzer? I think that guy's yelled hot pockets a bunch of times.

He's really trying to get an endorsement deal. Listen, hot pockets. I will go and yell that anywhere Jim Gaffigan has appeared. Why isn't he responding? Is that your most frequently yelled at thing? The Hot Pockets? Yeah, it's either Hot Pockets or bacon, but mostly Hot Pockets.

Is there a bacon Hot Pocket? No, no, no. I mean, I don't know. Have you ever had a bacon sundae? Yeah, I've tried all the bacon stuff. It's mostly disgusting. I'm sorry to be that guy. I love bacon sundaes.

You do? I only had it once, and then the rest of my day was ruined. Well, you know, if you're stoned, I'm sure it's amazing. While I was eating it, it was amazing. It was good? Yeah, it was ice cream and bacon in a thing. Yeah. A little caramel on there.

So good. Just say A little caramel on there. So good. Just say Hot Pockets once. There you go. There's your gin and juice. Keith got his gin and juice. Jim got, what'd you get? Just a water or something? I got a seltzer

I'm from New York here I thought you wanted something Michael I jokingly asked for some Manischewitz wine but in fact how great would it have been if they just

boop there it is I bet they don't have any though no this is so much fun if they just, boop, there it is. I bet they don't have any, though. No. This is so much fun. Just in case anyone listening doesn't think so, I want to make sure they understand that somebody was having fun.

Do you go into one movie and sneak into the other one still? Every once in a while I'll do that, but it takes so much planning to do that, especially with the trailers being unwieldy lengths these days. Because whatever the start time is, you've got to add 20, 25 minutes to it. And so it gets too complicated for me. But the trailers are my favorite part, so what I'll do is just sneak from theater to theater to watch trailers. Like, I'll walk down the hall, and whatever's starting next,

I'll just go in and then watch all the trailers and then move on to something else. Unless the trailer comes on that I've seen too many times, and I run out, and I yell something that makes the whole audience think that I've decided to not even stay for the movie I paid to see because I'm so outraged by the trailer.

How dare they attach puss in boots. It would be great if you yelled, Lars von Trier! No one would know what that was in reference to. At a Lars von Trier movie, they would. Lars von Trier movie they would Von Trier Aaron Officially the Lars von Trier thing Has been buried to death

It's gonna be pared down to Trier Trier I think that should be The name of this episode They're making a new Men in Black 3 and with Men in Black 1, 2 and now 3

I can't hear them without thinking of Michael Ian Black it's been great for my career you guys MIB because people do shorten that they do call it MIB and the exposure that I get from that, the marketing opportunities I've gotten.

I'm just signing a deal with 7-Eleven next week that's going to put my initials on Slurpees and my face. And it's really, really going to be great, you guys. So I want to thank Will and Tommy Lee and everybody, the whole crew. It's just been, you know what, it's been a wild ride. Lee and everybody, the whole crew. You know what? It's been a wild ride. If you had told me 15 years ago that this would

happen to me, I wouldn't have believed it. But thank God it has. Knock on wood. What do you think you're going to do in part three? Because the first part was Will Smith was always kind of skeptical partner and then he finally got with the program and they killed the monster. And then part two, he had to go and convince

Tommy Lee Jones because he got neuralized he had to go convince him and he was skeptical and then he finally got won over what's the third one going to be two guys going you should do this I don't think so they both are into it and against it at the same time my understanding is that

they're basing it on Blues Brothers 2000. So they're bringing in John Goodman and a little kid. That's perfect. Did I ask you what you've seen lately? No. Okay. Please go.

Please go. I just watched on my Netflix the 2010 Steve Coogan, Rob Bryson film, The Trip. Nice. It's a good one. Tremendous. I believe it was culled from a TV series. I believe that's true. Where every week they'd be out driving around together

being funny and dueling Michael Caine impressions. Well, if you're just going to yell out something that's already been introduced... There you go. Do it one more time for the folks, Jim. You should get the audience to be involved in the podcast. Here at the Gramercy, they've always been very polite. This one's off

the rails somehow. I think maybe they're trying to make up for how not drunk we are by doing it themselves, which I appreciate. You've opened a Pandora's box and we're never coming back. I wish it was a Pandora's box and we're never coming back. I wish it was a Pandora's box.

Something interesting might come out of that. Hmm, do I want to see some dragons or guys yelling shit? I don't want to see any dragons. I want to see fucking dragons. Now, you're mentally ill. You have, you're mentally ill you have you're like you have a problem

I didn't even want to let you finish that one I'm done somebody that works here should talk to that guy what if he does work here he's like it's me! The backstage guy. Okay.

Moving along. All right, shall we play a game? Yeah. Yeah. Here come some of the name tags. You're getting ahead of me. Oh, my. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game, you guys.

Matt brought a pizza with two pieces missing because he's a human being. He's got to eat. There's a bowling pin that says Ari. Did I pronounce that right? Yeah. Nice. Good job, Ari. Uh-huh. That's like for big that says Ari. Did I pronounce that right? Nice. Good job, Ari. That's like for big Lebowski fans, I guess. Noah has a sign that has not only a woot monkey on it, but also Doug Hart's interrupting. Oh, is it a crossover from the earlier show? That's good. So gentlemen, start your boners, as Adrian Zamed said in Bachelor Party.

No, go pick a name tag that you want to play for. What's that dog? Is that a dog? Oh, it's Spuds McKenzie. That is a dog. But that's an old school dog. That's not the actual Spuds McKenzie, though. That's the real Spuds McKenzie.

He's been stuffed. Wait, somebody has a computer back there. I know. I don't know how you can get to him to go get it. What? Do I keep it if I pick you? Wait, says the guy who's not holding a computer. First of all, dude, that is racist.

Yeah, you can keep it. Right, Brian? Brian, come on, man. That's Brian's decision. It, you can keep it. Right, Brian? That's Brian's decision. It looks like a shitty computer. Wow, there's even people up in the balc section with name tags. Oh! There's a whole other world up there.

Yeah, they turn the lights on. So go ahead, gentlemen, and go physically take the name tag from the person you want to play for. If there's somebody towards the back, have them walk forward with it. Who's got a pumpkin? There you go. Pat Kiernan picked the pumpkin.

Jim Gaffigan went with Juno. No, you hang on to it. Yeah, you keep it. She's not really pregnant, no. You picked her because you thought she was really pregnant? Okay, now Doug. And because I'm blind. Doug, there was Brian's pumpkin down here in the front made out of paper.

And then there was Chris's pumpkin made out of a pumpkin. So you went with the real thing? So Brian's was impressive. Take it home to the kids? The lights were impressive on Brian's, but Chris, so did you. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And Keith picked Deirdre.

Yeah, well, because I have an aunt named Deirdre, so. Oh, that's sweet. And she wrote, Deirdre loves Doug on the side of a small beach ball. Wow, that's expensive. Which is actually true of my aunt as well. She loves you. She loves me? She's not into white guys.

What did you get men in black 3? I went racist so I went with Raleigh and then in parenthesis it says

Japanese Lori did you know he was going to be here? Because it's like made for him. Yeah, and then it's got the... a still from Lost in Translation with the blonde Japanese guy laughing and clapping and Bill Murray looking shocked and delighted. Yeah, it's like it was made for me, so thank you.

You're drawn to that sort of thing. Jim Gaffigan picked Juno. I picked Julie, who I thought was really pregnant. Because I'm not that smart, but you know. So I picked a liar. It's a costume. I not going to try that hard now oh you're not pregnant oh

she holds up her beer as an indicator of how not pregnant she is fuck you and your unborn babies balance the beer on your stomach I've always wanted to see a pregnant lady do that that's awesome it's a shelf right there for beers

and yet you can't drink it's totally unfair and Pat's got the pumpkin right? from Chris Pat's pumpkin I like to call it I own that URL as well what do you think is going to be on the front page of Pat's pumpkin tomorrow? we're going to be reading pumpkins

tomorrow. Breaking news, that lady is no longer raped. New Hyman in Queens today. New Hyman in Queens today. Can you hold this for a second? Thanks.

Are you guys trading name tags? No, I just don't want to hold onto mine. Do you want me to put it on the pumpkin table over here? That's all right, Pat. Oh, that's the table for the name tags. Oh. Yep. Seriously, there's got to be somebody you can talk to him hot pockets

Jim did not say that for the listener that was not Jim that was a puppet Jim is holding Chris you're supposed to leave the lid ajar so it doesn't start the pumpkin on fire with the candle. It's got a real candle in there. Yep.

Fire today at the Gramercy Theater. During the fire, a woman was raped. All right. We're going to play the Leonard Maltin game. We'll start with Michael because he's the veteran on the show. He's been on it before. Doesn't really remember how to play, but that's cool. And then we'll go to Keith, because

he's heard it. And then we'll go to Pat, because I explained it to him. And then we'll go to Jim. Hopefully by the time we get to him, we'll get it. Good luck. As always, please, I'm especially worried that someone

in particular is going to yell out what he thinks is the answer so please don't do that dude his name is Aaron that's all I can do

Doug I'm very practiced at that admonishing the audience for calling out the answers for when we did World Series of Pop Culture because people would

yell it out sometimes? No, they would speak to each other like they were watching at home when they were in the live taping audience. And you're like, we all heard that here, and now we have to throw out the question. Eric strikes again. That didn't even make sense, I guess.

You know, I try. But of course, we had $100,000 on the line there. Yeah, this is only like $150,000 worth of merchandise. This is like the Price is Right Showcase Showdown over here. As the price packages on this show go, it's one of the best. Like, there's never been Utz chips before. Homemade.

Puts it over the edge. He made them, bagged them up, and signed it. Alright, so we'll start with MIB. And your categories that you can choose from are according to, this was submitted by King of Pancakes on Twitter. He's here tonight.

How do you know he's here? Because he's sitting next to Aaron. And it was, his category is number one movie X number of years ago. Like, I get to pick the number of years ago. It's very generous of him to let me do that. And so this week I'm going with the number one movie five years ago to this very date. The number one movie in the country five years ago. Wait, I'm an actor.

I can't do math. What is that? What year is that? Yeah, 2006. That would be 2006, yeah. Okay. All right. But as an actor, you're supposed to say, you know, like when you're auditioning, they go, can you ride a horse? You're supposed to say when you're auditioning

they go can you ride a horse you're supposed to say yes I auditioned for Drumline and they asked me if I could play drums and I'm like yes I never got the part you never got close enough

to show them that you don't know how to play the drums Nick Cannon and she's plying me with more alcohol yeah that's good You never got close enough to show them that you don't know how to play the drums? Nick Cannon Oh, what's this? And she's plying me with more alcohol Yeah, that's good Will you marry me? Oh, damn it That's a super full one

Oh, well Yeah Alright Your next choice, Michael, is at Captain Rip Murdoch That's it, that's the one I want. Suggested. I don't even know what that means and I know I want it. I don't think you like this category. I don't want that category. It's stupid. He suggested

his idea is Yes, Ma'am, and that's the films of Sam the Ma'am Levine. It's an audience favorite, but it's a tough category. And then Absurdist Mist. Yeah, Absurd, E-M-E-S-T, Absurdist Mist suggested new movies. And that is movies that have the word new in the title.

All right, let's take that. Let's take that. Okay, you're going with new movies. This new movie is from 1992. Leonard Maltin gives it one and a half stars. He says about this movie that it's ambitious, and he also says

that the movie was the directing debut of the director. Oh, shit. Of all people. And there are ten names. So now the question is, we start with Michael.

How many names do you think you can ascertain the name of this movie? Three. Three names. Reading from the bottom up, so he gets three of the more lowlier listed cast members. Oh, I have to guess? Not yet. Yeah, I didn't think so. Now we go to Keith.

So you give the cast name. You can go lower or you can say name it. I want to say name it yet. Yeah, I didn't think so. Now we go to Keith. So you give the cast name. You can go lower or you can say name it. I want to say name it. Okay. I'm sorry. I think that's a smart play. You might win. I already know it, but let's just hear the three names.

You might win the point. All right. You don't want the clues again? It's not going to help, honestly, Doug. Was it 92 or 91? It's 92. Okay, that makes a difference. This is going to be one of the least competitive

versions of this game ever with the best prize pack. It's awesome. If Joey McIntyre is one of the names, I definitely know this. If Joey McIntyre is not one of the names I might be in trouble Here comes trouble

I know the movie Don't yell out You're probably going to get the point anyway The names are Max Casella, Luke Edwards And David Mosko I know who two out of the three of those are The audience knows what it is What do you think it is?

It's got the word new in the title somewhere. New Man on Friday. I'll take my point. Thank you. No, it's actually New... Jack City? No. Damn it! I really thought you knew it.

I didn't know you were just going to play the race card. What? That was early 90s? Can we get another hint? Well, it's over. The point is won by Keith. The audience are yelling out Newsies. I think it's Newsies.

White people are in it. I don't watch it. Joey McIntyre easily could have been in Newsies maybe they'll do a remake and he'll make a time machine praying let's do Newsies but let's try it with adults is what they'd have to do to get

Joey McIntyre in it here on Broadway? Yeah. It's coming to Broadway. It's a great idea. I hope they can get Robert Duvall to play the weird Irish editor. Okay. Or Scottish.

I don't know. Let's start now with... So Keith got the point. He said to Michael to name it. So that means we start with Pat. Okay. And then, Jim, we're going to come back around to Keith. You still have a little time to get used to the game.

Okay, great. So we're going to switch the order around. I'm ready. All right. So we'll let Pat. Coming home. Pat gets to pick a – no pre-guessing, please. Pat gets to pick a... No pre-guessing, please. Pat gets to pick a category between these.

Someone named AtRipter, R-I-P-T-O-R, suggested Doggonit. And that's motion pictures where a dog gets killed. Oh. Oh. Someone yells Beethoven, I'm coming out into the crowd. Because he lived for several more films. Don't, please. It's October 23.

You know whose birthday that is? Ryan Reynolds, Green Lantern. So the motion pictures of Ryan Reynolds. And then your third choice, Pat, is at Adam underscore Moe, M-O-E, suggested only in dreams as the title, because that's a Weezer song and he knows I'm going on the Weezer cruise. But the category is movies with a dream sequence. Wow. Yeah. So that's probably a lot of movies. Sounds sexy. That happens quite a bit. It's a frequently used device. What do you think, Pat?

Which category would you like? So you've chosen a movie that has a dream sequence in it? Uh-huh. Okay. According to my memory. Yeah. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Let's go with that. Okay. This movie has... Which one is it? Dream sequence. All right, I'm ready. with that. Okay. This movie has... Which one is it? Dream Sequence. Alright, I'm ready. You're fourth in line, so you've got a little time here.

Oh, okay. I'm still ready. Yeah, just listen. The second last season of Dallas. Where Pam... Bobby's in the shower. Okay. Leonard gives this movie with a dream sequence two and a half stars. It's from 1990.

He calls it brooding. He calls it only occasionally effective. And he says, and he says, why are people yelling stuff? And he says that it's reminiscent of a classic other film. Yeah.

Hmm. That clue's not going to help. And there are... I know it already. No, you don't. You guys keep saying that. There are 11 names. How many names do you think you can get it in?

It's not Gallipoli. How many names can you get it in, Pat Kiernan from New York One? Doug, I can name that film in seven notes. Oh, no, seven. Seven names. Names. Strong opening bid. We come to Keith.

Six. Six names, he says. Michael? Four. Whoa. Whoa. Now, Jim, this is your chance, Jim. You're batting cleanup on on this one you can either say

no way really yeah what's the topic again it's a movie with a dream sequence that's reminiscent of other ones so give me the names please excuse moi of other ones. So give me the names, please. Excuse moi. French

or English speaking film? Doesn't matter. I got it. You said three putting Pat. You put him in the Pat Bird seat. Because now he can say name it or guess even lower.

This is from the bottom of the cast list, Jim. Why don't we start at the top? I bet you from the top you couldn't get it in three names. That's just my opinion. That's just my opinion. Alex Trebek doesn't do that enough. I don't think two of you are going to know

this one. Jim, name that film. There we go. Pat made the smart play. A lot of players feel guilty winning this way, but I think win at all costs. This is so different from that karaoke TV show. Don't forget the lyrics, Jim. All right.

Oh, is that what it's called? Do you want the clues again? Uh, no. There's a dream sequence. You're going to give me three names. Yeah, two and a half stars. Occasionally effective. Occasionally effective.

Well, that narrows down a lot of them. Alright, here's your three names lot of them. All right. Here's your three names. Here we go. Here we go. S. Apatha Murchison. I know her. All right. From Law and Order and Pee Wee's Playhouse.

It's Apatha. Thank you very much. Oh, yeah. You probably know her because she's black, too. We all know each other. I don't even need to say it. I can just sit here and wait for him to do it. Brian Tarantino is in this.

Yep, him. I'm not familiar with that gentleman. And then a man we all know and love, Ving Rhames. Yeah, a lowly build Ving Rhames in this motion picture with a dream sequence. What do you got, Jim Gaffigan? You know what? Mississippi burning. No, I don't know. There was that scene where Gene Hackman

fell asleep and racism was over. No, I thought it was... I was hoping it would be Ghost or something, but... Did Ghost have a dream sequence, or was it about a guy who was dead? Same genre. Well, it turns out this movie's all dream sequence, and it's called...

Anyone? Jacob's Ladder? Jacob's Ladder is right. I knew it. I did know it. Oh, that's a great movie, too. It's a good movie. Did you know it?

That was going to be my guess. Why didn't you say it? Because you said three. I was waiting for somebody to call bullshit on me. Yeah, that would have been fun, too. But Pat Kiernan gets the point, everybody. Pat has a point. Tuffer has a point.

It's pure strategy there. Yeah, Keith has a point. Look, there's people leaving. You know, they're like, this is trivial. Bring back the guy yelling out from the back. No, they're probably going to take a dump or something. We're playing to two points, by the way, in case anyone was concerned about this taking forever.

It's like a game that you play to two points. I'm not back on it. Somehow it works. Somehow we get to that amount in the right amount of time. It should be two. Yeah. There's no reason to belabor it unless it's the championships. Then we get crazy.

Then you play to like five points. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. So Pat got the point because he made Jim guess it. So now we're going to start with Keith. Are you sure it still wasn't Mississippi burning? Can you just double check?

And for Keith we go back at Pat. And you get one of these categories. Would you like at hamsterdam, likesterdam but with a hamster at the hamsterdam suggested raptors which is films where rappers act

rappers? because they're raptors nice one hamsterdam good work buddy alright Nice one, Hamsterdam. Good work, buddy. All right. All right. And since it's October, I thought we should do horror movies.

Yeah. And then here's a favorite with the audience. In theaters now. That's motion pictures that are, in fact, in theaters now. Dolphin Tale. Pat, what did I tell Jim about pre-guessing? Is In Theaters Now, like, the popular one? Everybody does it? Well, people like it because at least if you don't recognize any of it,

you can just guess a movie that's in theaters now. Oh, yeah. So it kind of narrows it down. But also it's hard. If you're a busy person, you don't necessarily know what's in theaters now. You don't know what's in theaters now. Yeah. So it could go either way.

Let's do the rappers. Come on. People like Raptors. Okay. You guys have to understand that when I listen to this podcast at home, I yell out, like, it's China syndrome. It's China syndrome. And then I never, like, now when I come up- You do not. You yell out,'s China Syndrome! It's China Syndrome! And then I never

You do not, you yell out, it's Friday! Yeah Because that's the day of the week the podcast comes out No, but the movies that I watch are, you know, like Woody Allen films and stuff So rappers and films I'm going to totally fuck this up

Alright Not me rappers and films, I'm going to totally fuck this up. All right. Let's do it. Not me. I like a pre-apology. You don't see enough of that on Jeopardy either. Alex, what difference does it make what I do for a living? I'm going to fuck this up. Interview over.

Let's play. Do it. Lay it on me three stars for this movie that's got a raptor in it all right it's from 2005 okay leonard malton calls this movie potent he also says that it's a first-time director on this particular project. And there are nine names. One of them's a raptor. How many names do you think you can get it in? KP? I'm going to say four.

Four names. Oh, wow. Wow. That doesn't mean I know it. It just means I'm going to try. Now we go to Pat. He's got some... Got to strategize here.

I can name that film in three names. Wow. Hey, do I lose my point? Yeah. Well, you don't lose points. You just... He would gain one and win if you ask him to name it and he succeeds. No, I'm sticking by my bid.

Yeah, or you can go less names, less than three in this movie that has a raptor in it. It's potent. You're talking to me right now? That's right, Robert De Niro. Name that movie, Pat. Oh, this is for the win. This is for the win. No, it's... This is for the win. This is for the win. This is for the win.

I feel like... Jim doesn't have any points. I feel good. No, no, Pat would win. If I was putting money on somebody, I'd put it on Pat. But let's just let it play out and see what really happens. We're going to have to see what happens. It's very exciting.

We don't know. Three stars from Leonard for this movie. It's got a raptor in it. It's potent. And it's directed. First time director made it. And your three names? Oh shit, I know what it is now.

Your three names. Pat's three names are Ludacris, Isaac Hayes, and DJ Qualls. What do you think it is, Pat? People in the audience, no, don't say it.

I know it. Don't say it. Hold it in. I don't have it. He doesn't have it. What is it, you guys? Hustle and Flow is correct. That means we have

a three out of four away tie. There's only one person who doesn't have a point. I got a point. You did, dude. Yep. You're on the board a point. I got a point. You did, dude. Yep. You're on the board. Damn.

It's very exciting. So I essentially won this round, right? Yeah, you did. Now we're going to start with Michael and then head back towards Jim. Okay. And, yeah, I got this shit down, you guys. You get to pick between the following categories. Michael. Girls, man. That's movies that have either girls or man in the title. And then we go back to our friend

King of Pancakes over there. Number one movie five years ago. Or, or, Doggone It, movie where a dog gets killed. Now, the dog has to get killed or the dog can just die? It can just die, but how often does that happen? I don't know. Usually it's at the hands of evil.

I'm going to go with the girl, guy one. Girls, man. This either has the word girls or man in it. It's from 1974. Yeah, you never know where... What do you mean, boo? They made movies before you were born. Lady or weird dude.

Three stars. Three stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie three out of four from 1974 out of four from a scale of bomb to four stars he calls this movie good gimmicky fun he also says that it has

worldwide locales and there are eleven names how many names are you going to get it in M to the I to the B It has worldwide locales. And there are 11 names. How many names are you going to get it in? M to the I to the B? 14. I have to ask you to go a little lower. Worldwide locales.

What is it? What was the quote? It was gimmicky. Gimmicky. Good gimmicky fun. Three out of four stars. That means it's probably pretty popular. Has the word, has one of two words in it, either girls or man.

Right. Girls plural. Yes. So it's about girls interrupted. The man. That 1974 movie with Worldwide Locals. I have it. It was a mobile mental institution.

I actually know the movie. Oh, so you want to say zero names? I'm going to say nine names. Okay. Playing it safe. Playing it safe. I like that. Now we go to Jim.

You know what? I can name that movie in eight names. Did I drag that out long enough? That's a good, smart bit. Well, you know, I wanted to negotiate in my head. Eight names. Pat? Doug, I can name that movie in one.

Wow. I bet he could do it in zero, he's just putting Keith in a position. Now, was this movie in the newspaper that he read today on the TV? It's not in theaters now that I know of. All right. So, Keith, if you say to him, name it, he could win the whole thing right here and now. Name it. Oh, my God.

All right. Here are your clues again, Pat. Yeah. Thanks for the exciting theme music that actually sounds like a boring thing is happening. No, I'm trying to do the song to New York One. In which case a boring thing would be happening. I'm never coming back. They have a peppier theme like that.

It's like... Yeah, I lived here ten years ago and I know it better than Lifetime or Gaffigan. You can't turn your TV on without it immediately going to New York One. Did you know that? I love it. I love it so much. I miss it. When I'm in a hotel,

when I'm staying in a hotel here and their cable doesn't have it, I get livid. I move to another hotel. I give that two wormy apples. Neil Rosen. What's he like? He loves movies, too.

Okay. All right. I actually know. A New York One reporter got raped today after a show at the Gramercy Theater. What? Okay. Pat Kiernan was participating in Doug Love's movies. Okay. He says one name one name you're going with yeah okay he says one name right i'll give you the clues again to build the suspense three stars has the word man or girls in the title and it was gimmicky good fun worldwide locales and your one name is Desmond Llewellyn.

What's the name of the movie? Man with the Golden Gun. That's correct. Can you take that in? Can you take that in? All right. I guess we know who's the oldest on the stage now. What gave it away, Pat? Worldwide locales? Yeah, that was it.

That's a pretty good clue. Yeah. And then Desmond Llewellyn, of course. He played the gadget guy, Q. I was fully invested before I heard the name. Yeah, that was it. That's a pretty good clue. Yeah. And then Desmond Llewellyn, of course, he played the gadget guy, Q. But I was fully invested before I heard the name. Yeah, yeah. But that's a really good giveaway name for a name that low on the list. He was in every one until he died, and then I think he was in one more. Deidre, where's Deidre at?

Did you write your shithead on there? Oh, you did. Thank you very much. She wrote it on the back of the ball. Very nice of her to do that. And then who else were we playing for? Where's Juno? You didn't write it down?

So just write it down here on this piece of paper. I got a pen here. Just write down anybody you want me to call a shithead. She's not really pregnant. I didn't just throw a pen at a pregnant lady. She's not really pregnant. I didn't just throw a pen at a pregnant lady. And then Jim was playing for... I was playing for Jim.

Oh, that was her. And who were you playing for, Michael? Raleigh. Where's Raleigh at? Oh, Lori. Where's that racist at? There you go. Come on down here and just write down who you want me to call a shithead.

And thank you for bringing that sign. Do you want your sign back? Do we get your sign back? Do we get to keep it? Oh, we get to keep it. I'm going to walk down the street waving it around. I'm going to go down to Occupy Wall Street. Just holding that sign.

It's so weird. Or just take the D-drill. Do people bat around beach balls at Occupy Wall Street? Absolutely. Yeah, it should be fun, right? It should be fun. Should have a good time down there.

All right, let me get the paper back. One more time for everybody up here, you guys. Let's go down the line with some plugs. Keith Powell, twofer from 30 Rock. When's it coming back? It's like a mid-season thing? January. January.

Season six. Six. Mike Lee and Black, you got some live dates coming up or something? Yeah, you could go see me live. Or you're a podcast listening audience. You can listen to my podcast, Mike and Tom Eat Snacks. Now, I know you have a guest on on occasion. Actually, no, almost never.

Once. Once. Precedent has been set. Yes. I just suggest, you know, I know a thing or two about snacks. Does Tom smoke weed? No, but you have a standing invitation to come in. That would be so much fun.

I'll get you guys high, and then we'll talk about snacks. Okay. That sounds great, Doug. That's a no. It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. Jim, what do you got going on? You got any movies in the can?

Well, I have my own makeup line that I'm bringing out. Oh, tell us about it. This makeup, 1% of all the money that I make goes to charity. And, no, I am going to be... Oh, thank you. I'm going to be at the... I'm going to be hanging myself. It's like Dave Chappelle had I'm Rick James bitch yelled at him all the time.

And you're just to just drop... You're just going to get out of show business because people keep yelling hot pockets. It feels good. Do they yell out of moving cars at you? Yes. Do they throw them out of moving cars at you?

Not yet. I'm going to be at the Nokia in Los Angeles on November 5th. And that's about it. What day of the week is November 5th? Saturday. Stick around for a couple days and do my podcast out there.

I would, but I've got to come back here. I've got four kids. How can you say that in front of all these people? You know what? You know what? Hey, you know what? You guys changed my mind. I'm going to pretend like I'll do it.

And I'm also on Twitter. I try and help people out. All you guys are on Twitter. I'm on Twitter. What's your Twitter handle? Keith Powell. Michael Ian Black. You guys all just went with your names? That's crazy.

I'm under Doug Benson. Also Jim Gaffigan. Pat, you're at Pat Kiernan? I am at Pat Kiernan. K-I-E-R-N-A-N? Correct. Yes. And, yeah, seriously, if you're listening to this show and you've never seen or heard of Pat Kiernan, you should follow him because

he'll tell you what the weather's like in New York. No. On Twitter, you turned me on to some really interesting stories on Twitter. The whole point of the Pat's Papers website is that we look all across the country and find like a dozen water cooler stories. It'd be fun. I've never seen you this angry. And I say nothing of consequence.

Because not really enough people go to the website. Well, since you presented his water cooler stories, then I'm more interested. Come here. Give me a hug. I'm trying to be funny. It's just my fear. Water cooler stories is like, oh, that shit I got to hear from that guy by the water cooler.

No, but he does. I watch this segment every day, and I tell you, it's great. Thank you, Jim. But on Pat's Twitter feed, he really does put in links to stories that are actually interesting. He doesn't throw stuff on there that's not interesting. You always have good stuff. And when you come to New York, you'll turn on the TV and you'll see Pat, and he's great. Yeah, and if you watch Night at the Museum, you'll see him in there, and you'll be like,

this guy's almost as good as that monkey. I'm in Night at the Museum, you'll see him in there and you'll be like, this guy's almost as good as that monkey. I'm in Night at the Museum, too. I gotta go, sorry. Wait, wait, wait, you're one of the Tuskegee Airmen in Night at the Museum, too. Very dashing. They did not bother to give me a name. I can't believe, the casting people on that are so racist. They could have bother to give me a name. I can't believe those casting people on that are so racist. They could have gone Asian with it. Totally. But they cast black

Tuskegee Airmen. That's really weird. Crazy. With Craig Robinson. Yeah, that's right. Who may or may not have been doing a drug while on it. You know, I wasn't going to name names, but since you said it, Craig Robinson smokes weed. Everybody knows that.

That's really not a big story. But thank you very much, Pat Kiernan, for being here. And watch him on New York One. And write to VH1 and say, bring back World Series of Pop Culture. Bring back World Series. Yeah. I love that show. No, chanting it here is not really going to do anything.

You've got to take it to the internet. Why does it say don't say this out loud for your shithead, Deirdre? Oh, okay. Oh, you're saying to the... Nice. I thought you were telling me to not say it out loud. I'm like, that defeats the purpose. I need to say it out loud because that's how it ends. Let's see what everybody else wrote. Okay. Got to decide which one

to do last. Figure out which one's going to get the biggest reaction. All right, here we go. I don't know what this, what this group, as always the Billy and Brian podcast is a shithead. Does that mean anything to anybody? Gaddafi is a shithead. That seems kind of weird to me to kick a guy when he's not alive. I mean, were we positive Gaddafi was a bad guy? He's not even going to be

invited to hell. You know what I mean? Alright. There's some Gaddafi people out there. Sorry. I just got somebody's finally sent some... That was an illegal killing.

All right. This last one's going to... This is the last one. So then the theme music is going to come on. So whatever your opinion is, don't even say anything. Okay, hold on.

Sorry. Push the microphone away. And Mayor Bloomberg is a shithead? Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes above his view, he prowess makes him foggy. There's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies.