Adam Ray - Get In The Box
00:00 Hey guys, we got an amazing episode of Dumb People Town this week with the great Adam Ray. Bye. Energy, characters, fun. We got a story about a guy who wants another guy to get into a toolbox. Yeah. Figure out what that means. We have Fire Station Goldilocks. And then, that was mine actually.
00:18 Yeah, that's right. And then, of course, at the end. Get out of my room. Get out of my room. It is such a great episode. So much fun, so much Riffy. Don't want to miss it. Dumb People Town.
00:28 Boom. N&J will share. Tales of folk so unaware. They lack in grace and sometimes choose. The life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic bail in Florida, there's half-price bail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up.
00:49 So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Arme and Dan. Vanders, don't be a jerk. Because when the music which the funny hits and we are going to take you sound, hunger down is Dump People Town. Hey, Donnie's welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, U. Population Ray. A ray of sunshine, Adam Ray.
01:14 He stands up, he pulls his shorts down and he's here. Which I didn't really do much, but I just caught one glimpse of the tight... One knot. It got too close for you. This is One Nut Comedy with Adam Ray. As much as women have it way tougher, I think, in the body. I don't know about that. Well, I mean, my seven-month pregnant wife the other day, I was.
01:36 was complaining about biting my tongue and she goes, she goes, oh my gosh, yeah, I get it. I mean, it hurts to breathe. My boobs are sore. My feet are swollen. I can't sit down for too much longer. But yeah, no, so sorry about your tongue. And I was like, I breathe that you're understanding. Thank you, but they have it way, way worse as far as just every day there's something, pre or post pregnancy. Sure. But you cannot. Where's my, where's my straight to the gals camera? Yeah, go right. Talk to the ladies. You will never know the feeling of action. sitting down on your balls on your balls it is and I don't want to say that's comparable to pregnancy but I'm not gonna not say it's not don't we don't we can't
02:14 quantify at least at least at the end of labor you have a baby right at you sit on your balls and it's just as it's a negative story yeah for somebody on a bus you have no breath for the next several hours what's yeah I remember I um this was fifth grade the story gets better I was fifth grade and I was RTA basketball quick quick fat days quick quick fat days Mark the time. It didn't take us long to get there. But I was running to the sidelines and somebody was jumping to save a loose ball.
02:42 And the kid jumped up and grabbed the ball and was looking to, I mean, he hung and he was looking to make a pass. And I'm standing at the sidelines. I don't know doing what. Just thinking I was going to like maybe catch it, but my arms are so wide. I just was open for business. Nothing covered. And he in the air could. And then the last thing was like, I'll throw it off the guy.
03:01 Yeah. There's a lot of space for me to choose from. Right. And he hit right here. And you heard, remember those plastic, like, Wilson balls that Wilson doesn't make basketball. No. Wilson only should make tennis balls. Spalding was like the indoor outdoor.
03:16 So this thing hits, and this was like a recess ball that we were using indoors. And man it hit. And that sound of that, like, you know what that sound is. Smack. Yes, I do. It was like a hollow, like pop, like snap crackle. I'm surprised your wife is pregnant right now, but I use my finger. And guess what?
03:34 So funny. You can use your finger. Why'd I turn into Sebastian? Sebastian Trump? Sebastian Trump. What if Trump just started doing? Sebastian Manus Guy. Wait, this is your new impression.
03:45 Okay. Well, my newest impression is Jill Burr. Jill Burr. Jill Burr. Jill Burr? It's Bill Burr's wife or daughter? I fucking don't want to cook. I fucking know. That was a riff.
03:55 You're going to do that now? But I do want to do Leo Vaughn on Kill Tony. Leo Vaugh. Leo Vaughn would be great. I've been coached against it. Sebastian Trump is pretty great. He's never blown away by anything. Who?
04:05 You know how Theo's always like, man, really? But Leo Vaughn is like, I know that. Well, because Theo's like, man, my principal was a ferret, man,
04:12 it was crazy. But I think Leo is just like, I think still has the hair and sounds like that. But yeah, lives a much more normal life. Lives doesn't believe in any conspiracy. No,
04:21 no conspiracies. He's like, yeah, man, it's deposit on my check at Wells Fargo and, and that's it, man,
04:26 and went to god Dombado's pretty normal day. That's a whole story? Yeah. Everything adds up. Yeah. Your character's a real. dude is like uncanny.
04:34 You're a ton. To me it reminds me of like when Dana Carvey would show me you do this and you do like they tell you the keys to a person. It's your teeth. It's the teeth. The teeth. All of it. Oh my God.
04:46 The hair, the teeth, the vest. The goate. I mean, it's so much of your stuff. It's so good. They tape my ears back. Dude, you with the Seahawks? Oh, man. Who's your team again?
04:55 Bair's baby. Oh, wow. Yeah. But I mean, you got big Monday night game coming out of this. But we're Cahawks fans because of your coach, who was a Michigan defensive coordinator. Yes. Congratulations, and you're riding high on a Super Bowl victory. We are, and we're, I don't know if we'll yet see the true ramifications of not resigning
05:12 K-9, but right now it seems pretty obvious that that wasn't a great call, but I can speak for John Stein or our GM on the record here that we don't pay running backs. And he, this has been the MO pre-K-K-9, they're the most injury-prone. and I hope Canine crushes it because it's fun when the chiefs are good and he's adding another dynamic to that offense. Huge.
05:39 Just not against you. Just not against you. I mean, that is going to be a wild Sunday night game. It's going to be crazy. But one, and you know, knock on wood, like one thing and he's like, that'll be, he'll be out. And I think John is just like, and we took that money and dispersed it to so many other places.
05:56 I love you're saying we, because it is partially you. Otherwise, like, one of his characters is essentially a coach on the team. I know. Yeah. I know. All right. But like, I think I'm going to the Raiders Seahawks game in Vegas. Oh, cool. And I'm like, this is going to be so much fun. I love that stadium. It's so much fun. It is fun. Yeah. Have the Raiders fans totally become, like, are they Vegas? Well, you know what's crazy? It's not enough. They don't allow. I've been to multiple Bears games at Allegiant and it's and they say that's all that happens a lot. Right, because everybody's like, I'm going to Vegas.
06:24 I think it's weird that they don't allow betting there. Here we go. Story number one. Let's get it. Because the world's getting dumber and we're, all right, here we go. Story Number one. Man arrested. Who is it sent in by? Sent in by Matthew Friedman, not your average man. Thanks for Matt. Great.
06:35 Here we go. Man arrested after allegedly going full Goldilocks and three bears in Haines City Fire Station. Okay. What is that even? No. What is that even? What is that even? Okay, here we go.
06:48 Aren't you embarrassed about your, aren't you embarrassed? Got a guy. Believe it is. Read it for me one more time. Man arrested after allegedly going full goldilocks and three bears in Haynes City fire station. Okay, so you go to a fire station and not everybody lives there all the time. So like you get nine days a year of firemen. No, there's always somebody there. I know. You're saying no one person is there the whole month. So you're thinking maybe if I just slip into this room. So we're like, well,
07:16 we got a new paid on call firefighter. Who is this guy? Who's this? Who's got? And then everyone's like, I don't know him. Is he with you? I don't know. Is he with you? Here we go. I don't know him. Is he with you? Also, that's how you know I'm from a small town. Identifying firefighters as paid on call. Right. How do you know that show? Because, well, well, well, Well, they're on a family, what I'm saying, in small towns, not everybody on your firemen are, you know, full time. Right. You know that, like, this is how dumb we were. We didn't realize, like, I don't know if you know, fire departments do controlled burns where, like, they'll burn a building and, like, they'll all take a picture in front of it, smiling.
07:46 Why? So, I don't know. Because they got the structure. Training exercise. Training exercise. A lot of, like, country, like, old barns and stuff like, it's got to come down. We were, oh, gotcha. We were in Wisconsin.
07:55 We were at this, like, little diner place, and there were a bunch of pictures of, like, buildings burning in the background in the fire department. and like in front of it. Why? What are you doing? Go save the people. Shout out Sparks Grow, Montello, Wisconsin. Is, uh, is, uh, how small of a town is this fire? We're gonna find out.
08:12 We're gonna find out. Haynes? The Haynes City Fire Department arrested Jordan F. Simmons. Yep. I know Jordan was involved. Yeah, you knew. It's great. He's the goat.
08:22 Jordan is. Is he still doing those commercials? No, but there's Jordan. Haynes cards. You sleep in none of the beds. So, wait, I didn't realize. I didn't realize this. This is a story about Haynes and Jordan.
08:33 That's what I was just saying. That's why I just connected those dots. I love you for you. By the way, here's so fast, Jay, you got to catch up to him. We quickly move past the, like this is how famous Jordan is. Like, Hitler stash in an underwear commercial. Yeah, exactly. And maybe that was, maybe a couple days of press, maybe?
08:49 Didn't even get, I don't even think so. No. No. No. After he, all right, Jordan E. Simmons, F. Simmons. After he allegedly took a shower, slept on a bed, stole personal items, including a handgun and ate food out of the station refrigerator. That might be the worst.
09:04 So eating the food out of the refrigerator is like, I was saving that. That was clearly labeled. My name was it said bread. Clearly labeled. Yeah, it said Brad. It was lasagna. You know. My wife made it for me. Rachel Feinstein made it for me.
09:16 All right. The incident took place on December 7th. Following is a re-forgot. Thank you. Is it redacted but an unedited portion of the Haines City Police Department arrest affidavit. It should be noted this is an unedited report. Oh, good. Thank you.
09:30 Thanks. These facts are up for question and everyone is entitled to question. That would be my first question. Is this edited? Sure. Does somebody edit this? There we go. On 12-7-2024, Detective Vasquez responded to the Haines City Fire Department Station 1 in Hane City, Florida in reference to a subject trespassing in the restricted common area of the fire department.
09:48 Pondike. That is balls. I understand sleeping in a bed. Hiding. You're just walking through the common area? Probably hanging brain. We don't know. He knows about it.
09:57 Look at how short these shorts. These are way too short. If they're any shorter, they'd be a belt. They were in any higher they'd be with... I keep feeling the urge to tip you. There we go. Upon arrival, my arrival, I walked into the common area. They're skin colored too, so you can't even tell if they're...
10:11 I don't know if you guys wanted to do some nude scenes. Hey, we're going to mix it up. And observe two firefighters conversing with a white male who I later identified via Florida driver's license as Jordan Frazier Simmons. And we'll get to how old he is later. The firefighters were later identified, oh, it's so and so. Okay, I began to gather initial information, and the subject made mention he had permission to be there from a former employee he was related to.
10:33 All right. Now, yeah. This is where I'm like a guy trying to get into a nightclub. Right? No, I know somebody. Dave told me. Dave told me. Hey, there's a lot of Dave's in there, man.
10:43 I know my cousin, Dave. You know my cousin, Dave. The hat. The best. He likes to work out a lot. The hat with the goggles. The old Paul Reiser bit. This is the best joke.
10:55 He used to do a bit about how when someone tells you someone's full name and you don't recognize them. And then they tell you half the name you get it. They're like, you know, Dave Pearson's going to be there. Who? Dave. Oh. Half the information twice the recall. Wow. Brilliant. What if Paul Reiser, what if all his bits were just about how Helen Hunt was like driving him bonkers on the mat about you said?
11:15 That's so funny. Like or Tim at, like, that would be if, because the same way that like, you know, comedy and you can edit this out, but like, it's the same way that like comedy evolves as far as like, oh, you know, we say now like, you used to be able to do a late night show and then you get a sitcom. What? But if back in the day it just was the way of like this sitcom comic where like Tim Allen, all his bits were about Patricia Richardson and like being like this fucking and it was like
11:39 an assumed thing where it was like misogynistic and like kind of he's punching down. Yeah, but he was just like, but people loved it because they were like, this is just how it was back then. Cosby fucking shit on. I know. Resia Rashida. You guys hate your family imagine having two. One of them you have to work with.
11:54 Yeah. Imagine them being away the whole time. Come on. The town's going to have their Ramadrishan. And one of your kids is named Raven, but their character's Rudy. Rube. And you're constantly, Theo, Vaughn. And people are eating it up.
12:14 Just people like this. Theo Huxdibald. Theo Huxdabon. What? These are the wheels. Jamming on the one. Jamming on the one. Hey, man, I'm jamming on the one.
12:25 All right, here we go. Notify. This is redacted. Notify me, the subject had taken a bag belonging to him and loaded his own keys and a multi-tool into the bag as if to claim the bag as his own. In the bag was miscellaneous clothing, including clothing and a Glock 19. Oh, my God. With 159mm rounds. That's safe.
12:47 Should the fire department, I don't remember the fire department being armed. Yeah, I don't know. But even still, like, I don't know if you want your gun just floating around the firehouse. No. Also, like, what are we going to do with this fire? Should we hose it down now? some shots. Shoot it.
12:59 Shoot it. It's very Gilbert. She's trying to get away. Habachi. Yell habachi and shoot. Didn't you see y'all that? Oh, there was no round in the chamber in case you were worried.
13:09 It's a super responsible then. Simmons had taken his bedding from his locker and laid in his bed, soiling his linens in his pillow. Well, we knew that was coming. We got a damn bad way. We got a name that way. You're marking your territory, right? It's, we do it.
13:21 But it did sound very planet Earth. He was like, and then he put it into bag, claiming it as his own. Right. Like Attenborough says that about like, like mongoose. Marking is territory. That's what shitting on the bed was. He was.
13:32 He did literally and figuratively shit the bed by going into this place and being so public. I own it now. The bag was brown in color, not unlike his sheets. Thank you. London fog handbag valued it how much? How much was the London fog? London fog. That's not a grand, right?
13:50 Yeah, kind of. Remember like a young? It's like 70s. In the 80s, if you had a London fog, Grinchco. You were McGruff the crime dog. or you were a detective. Shipping out of the shadows. Wasn't that the brand,
14:02 Mary Poppins had her... A little bag? A London fog bag. I think it was probably $200. I'm going to price is right. One dollar are you. I'm going to go $201. Thank you.
14:13 I'll go $80. Oof. One of you is exactly right. That's $80. It's $20. What if it's $201? Do you want to move to one of theirs? You can.
14:22 You're welcome to. Oh, yeah. I'm staying with $80. Yeah, I'm going to $80. All right. Get your answers in because that bag was $200. Oh, damn it. Circle gets a square. He learned the subject was wearing his black Nike socks valued at home.
14:37 Oh, come on. Great game. Target or Fred Meyer. $12. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Costco? Oh, a pair socks, $6. You know, we're just doing the pair?
14:47 The pair. Nike socks. Oh, Nike socks. Jordan, Nike. Oh, yeah. Come on. 14. I'm going to go 14, maybe.
14:54 14? The Nike socks is falling off, dude. I said six. Three bucks. How about 20 bucks? Whoa. Oh. You're a socks?
15:02 A full of soup. He must have been pipping socks. He swiped him upon learning he was missing his own. I walked out to the patrol car and advised Simmons of his Miranda warning via agency issued Miranda rights. Post Miranda rights. All right. We get it. Taking the socks from the bag and then putting them on.
15:17 And then I said. Stated his towel was hanging in the bathroom. His tile still hanging in the back room after learning Simmons had showered. I mean, it's. Good that he showered. Great. Like part of that, I mean, he did soil the bed. He did.
15:31 He went back to check the bathroom once in the bathroom. He discovered his towel was wet and used. Yeah, he used the shower. Yeah. He took the shower. Why is he surprised that his shower, all right? Well, but this guy's towel was used. I would feel bad.
15:44 I would feel a little while. Maybe it's like a plane, trans and automobile situation. He doesn't have. Every towel in there was. Position next to a cliner where Simmons was seated comfortably and upon discovery of his presence, was his dirty clothing, a hat. What do you think the hat was? I don't know.
15:56 It's forever. Probably like I love Farts Hat or like Berenegas. Von Dutch. It might be a Von Dutchette. It might be a Von Dutch. Maybe just says Dayneau on it. But like with like a, I don't know, like the D is like a. Yeah.
16:12 Dayanu. Would have been enough. D-I-E-A-Nu. Hat shoes and a large hatchet approximately. Oh, he left his hatchet back there? Is that my hatchet or is that the firehouse hatchet? Easy mistake. Easy mistake.
16:24 confirmed via sworn recorded statement that no one was given permission to open his bag temporarily deprive him of his personal belongings or wear his clothing. This is my shit. Yeah. So my shit I took to this firehouse that I'm not supposed to be in. Yeah. Don't you touch it. Confirmed with the battalion chief that no one's, no one had permission to enter the premises or restrict. Yeah.
16:44 You're not allowed to go into a firehouse. That's not what we do. By the way, the balls of someone to go into a firehouse. That's just like, every time I'm in the one in Rochelle, I'm like, I don't know where to stand. You just feel like you, at any moment, they're going to need to go put out of fire and you cannot be in the way. So we went to a firehouse up in Alaska. Like this guy took us up there to meet these guys and they were so cool. They were so nice.
17:05 But like while we were there in the garage, like they got a call. And we're just trying to be out of the way. Right. I'm like, where do we stand? I'm so sorry. Do I'm up in the truck being like, can I lock the horn? Get out of here. Get out of here.
17:16 Get out of here. Clowns? Similar story. Brad Williams took me to a porn shoot in Chatsworth. I'd say it's just a 2014. and we walk in. It was like a strip mall type setting. Like there was definitely like an old radio shack sign still up.
17:31 All these places that happened. Circuit City. Circuit City. A mattress store. And a guy opens the door wearing like a Otis Thorpe jersey and medical flip flops. Scratching his balls. And he was like, Brad! And I was like, of course this is in front of yours. Yes.
17:44 And the dwarfs know everybody. And we go in. And again, just to piggyback on the feeling out of place and not wanting to be in the way. He takes us down a hallway. There's girls, you know, in their outfits on their phones and just waving and Brad, oh my God. And then we go into the back, back room, almost like the studio. And actually, this looks very familiar. Wait a second.
18:05 Hold on a minute. We have a shoot in two minutes. And there was, well, there was quite a few shoots this day. We're talking waterfall. We're talking the free willy looking over as the will goes over of squirt action. Yeah. Yeah. And so we're standing there.
18:23 There was a little like, it was like a webcam thing. There was one guy shooting it. Two gals, no cubs. And Brad and I standing on the sidelines. Two gals, no cubs. And it was, and they were on a floaty, like, toy and like a baby, like a kid's pool, which I was like.
18:36 You guys have sideline passes. Oh. Funny, dude. Did you clap? Yeah. What do you do? Great question. What do you do?
18:43 I lean over to Brad. This is why you're always leaning over to Brad. I'm always leaning down. I'm always looking down. And I go, I go, we have to do something. Yes. You have to. was like, do you start, like, jerking off, or do you start clapping?
18:56 You need to show your appreciation somehow. Of course. And Brad was like, we clap. And then we both started clapping. And they started laughing, so then that made us laugh because then I was just like, what the fuck is happening right now. I know, that's insane. And then at one point, the camera guy, though, did like, you know, excuse me to get out of the
19:09 way. And by the way, there was so much space. So it kind of irked me that I was like, you could have gone anywhere. You could have gone anywhere. But, like, he wanted to, like, he was a croach on your space. And he was justifying a little bit of like, what I'm doing is still work. I know you're looking at me. I'm on the clock here.
19:24 I'm an artist. Yeah, you might be looking at some fantasy, like, old faithful squirt fountain. But this is cinema, like, I'm, I'm trying to get a job. I'm trying to be in the guild, man. This is magnolia to me. And right after that shoot, where did I drive? But about 30 minutes down the road to a Passover sater where my Aunt Shirley, rest in peace goes, where are you coming from? Oh, Jesus.
19:44 I go, wouldn't you like to me? Why is this not different from all other nights? I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I dip twice.
19:51 Hey. That's the Google. Here's the thing. I would love to be on a see a porn shoot at something like that and then it's done. Take is over and everyone starts cheering and then the sound guys say,
20:02 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I need room tone. I need room tone. Just everyone's quiet. The cheering and guess what, I think it might be, it would have felt not as demeralizing if cheering was happening.
20:17 But it's literally like, golf club? Not even. Like we did, we, had Brad and I not close? clapped. There's just silence and then the sounds of scratching and wincing. And in the
20:28 hallway, somebody was like, I just I can't do anywhere. I think he had something. And the guy, well, what do you want to do? What should we do about it? Where are we going to go? Where are we going to go? And I was just, and I got to take you somewhere. Thank God I had the Seder, which by the way, what an excuse.
20:44 I definitely didn't have a Sater. The only time you've ever said that in your life. I definitely didn't have a Sater in their eyes. Sure. Because it was just, it was too, I was absorbing too much of the sights and sounds. And Brad was like, I'm going to stick around. Who knows for what reason? Sure you are.
20:57 And I was like, I got to go. And then they all looked at me like, you know, so much people, they like, they need the reason why you're leaving. Right. You know, it's like an episode of Curb where, where Laird was like, why are you going to go? And the guys, like the Irish goodbye, like I need to hear why. And so they looked at me and there was like just enough of a pause where I was like going to Passover Seder. And I remember the guy who in the oldest door jersey definitely looked at me like, and I know he wasn't like anti-year. Semetic, but I know that he also was like,
21:25 oh, you got to go do some Jew stuff, huh? Like, he looked at me like, sure, you have to go do that. Right. Sure. Not knowing that it was... Do you know how many Jewish holidays we have? Totally. It could have been Schminiats, Sarah. Here's the Jewish Vat.
21:38 The English word for Seder is order, and you left chaos to go to order. And that makes sense. That's all these guys needed to know. Also, I don't know what's worse. Watching another take from these... You know, we got it. C-level actresses or disappointing Aunt Shirley on her favorite night of the year.
21:59 That's right. She loves Passover. She also had a sometimes boyfriend. She was in a home after her and my uncle. They were married for 65 years. Then he passed. She's in the home. She goes, I have a sometimes boyfriend.
22:10 I go, what does that mean? She goes, sometimes we hold hands. I go, that's so cute. That is terrible. I go, what's his name, Shirley? She goes, Dick. I didn't ask where you were dating him. She goes, oh, stocks.
22:17 Hey. Folks. Hey. And then I go, and then I go, what is Dick's last name? to which surely goes, justice. And I go, you're dating Dick Justice? I go, did you meet him before or after he was a gay porn star slash to detect? He could have been in this thing.
22:30 He could have been in this thing. Dick Justice was the name of the lead of this porn. Probably was. And then she goes, I go, well, I can't wait to meet him. And she goes, you can, he died six weeks ago. Folks. So I was, I was holding. That's what happened to my age.
22:42 She goes, I make friends and then they die. Well, so I was talking to my father-in-law. We were driving. By the way, I do think it's, I do think it's ironic that the porn shoot smelled more like a filter fish than the same. Hey. Check the gate. We got that one.
22:57 But moving on. I'm driving with my father-in-law and we're driving up to play golf with my kids. For my kids, this was me being the funniest I've ever been in my life. We're driving up and he's like, I had a girlfriend I used to date who lived right around here. And I was like, hey, look her up. And he's like, she died. And without missing a beat, I was like, dig her up. And they thought that was the funniest thing in the world.
23:20 Timing. Not even missing a beat. Dig her up. Ping pong. Boom, boom. My daughter and my son. Dick Justice. Look him up.
23:27 Dick Justice. Died six weeks ago. Dig him up. All right, that's story number one in the books. Story number one down the books. When we come back, we'll tell you what Adam Ray has going on and we have our stuff going on too. So it is Dump People Town with the great Adam Ray. We love you.
23:40 We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. Hunger Town is Dump People Town. Townies, Daniel Van Kirk here coming to you live from Rochelle, Illinois. because I have to tell you about our sponsor. I'm so excited to talk about them, especially because being home,
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27:38 See Hems.com for full details. You know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself wearing on repeat? We all have those. You've seen us wear them on this show. on this show. So the sweater that goes with everything, the perfect pair of pants, that tea sometimes,
27:54 you know, just like that looks so good. Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. It's what you reach for in your closet. And that's what our buddies at Quince do best. I can't even begin to tell you. There's a pair of linen quince shorts that I have worn every day that it is warm.
28:10 I always take it. It's like the most comfortable shorts I wear around the house. I wear them out. I just love them so much. I'm also a shacket, a shacket, man. You are. And they have these, You are.
28:18 They have this great, like, rust color jacket that I just ordered for myself. I cannot wait to wear on stage. So here's what I love about Quince. It's not just clothing anymore, which I'm so glad they expanded in this area. Quince brings that same approach for everything they make from hotel quality bedding and bath to kitchen essential, thoughtfully designed furniture. They make well-designed pieces for everyday living. Daniel, how can people enjoy the quince? You can find your next fall favorites at Quince.
28:47 download the Quince app that's Q-U-I-N-C-E for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, please let them know it was Dumb People Town. It's the best way to support this show. Stick around. Make us down. It's Dump People Town.
29:14 All right, gang. We are back before we jump into what Adam Ray has. He's got great stuff going on. I want everybody to follow it. But first thing, first, we can tell you what we have. We just shot our special, very excited. We'll let you know where it's going to wind up because they're going to sell it out somewhere.
29:26 And loved it. Love that what we did. So it was great. We're going to shoot it. Shot it at the Illusion and Magic Lounge, which is a theater in Santa Monica, which was so cool. Beautiful high-raked theater.
29:36 The seats were out. It just, and the crowd was awesome. Has anything shot there before? Is this a... They were shooting. This is super nice guys, which is Jack Vaughn, who used to be... Oh, yeah.
29:45 Seriously. Yeah. And so he, they're making all these specials. They did one for Funches. They did one for Patton. They did one for Janine Garofalo. Michael in Black. So we were really psyched to be in the mix.
29:57 So very, very psyched. So that was awesome. Thank you. We're going to be in Ann Arbor. October 15th through the 17 next week. We'll go to a Michigan game and hopefully they'll know. Who knows? How are they doing right now?
30:07 Not great. Not good. Not good. Then St. Louis for the Flavor Fest. We have a huge show at the Coka Theater, which is this beautiful theater. We'll be there on Friday the 13th of November. and then a bunch of other stuff. And then probably in Phoenix in January.
30:20 And then we'll be in back in Detroit in February and other stuff. Supersclogalers.com for all that. We'll let you know where the special is going to be. Adam Ray, the stuff you're doing on Netflix is so good. Please let folks know. Have you watched any clips or any? Yes.
30:34 Oh, my God. It's so good. It's a lot of fun. Adam Ray show every Friday. Got about, I don't know, maybe two, 15, 18 episodes left. And it'll go through, I think, the second week of January. Amazing. This week's episode is jelly roll
30:46 Next week is And you just pepper him with political questions Right? Political questions Just really want to give his base What they want You did a really good job on Kimmel It is funno
30:57 We have Kimmel the next week after that And then we just shot one yesterday With Henry Winkler and his son Max And I went to college with Max U.S.C And then interned for Henry When he was producing Hollywood Squares Amazing
31:10 And just got to know him through that And the nicest guy in Hollywood Is that just a fact? I mean, that's the war. At one point he was mentioning, he had so many little stories. I talked about how Copham I have was one of my favorite movies. He directed it. And then he started just having stories.
31:24 I go, Henry, I was doing it as my Bruce Robbins character. Yes, magician. We've only done a few. He did one with Michael Boubley in the series. But so I was like, Henry, it feels like you could say a name. You could have a story about it. And I go, let me just say, Tom Selk. And he goes, Tom Selick and I, and they had a story.
31:42 And then I go, Jalik, what? Jaliel White, when I was on the set of happy, you know, just goes. And then at one point, I just said, like, Tom Berger on Drew Barrymore, and he had something for everybody. Locked and loaded for every single one. My first TV gig I ever got was according to Jim. And he, I remember I was listening to a voice note from him. As I was, security guard was going through my stuff. And either of the time I'm doing a bunch of YouTube videos and this and that.
32:05 And so I had all these props and stuff and she's checking through my trunk. And Henry, I'm listening to his voice note. He's like, treat Mr. Belushi like an emperor. You're not there to fill space. They booked at him right because they want. on Adam Ray. They need Adam Ray. All the best. That's amazing. I look at the review mirror and I see the security guard. She's holding up this black cop puppet that I had that I had a fat suit and a dildo. And she holds all three up and she goes,
32:26 what the fuck of these four? And it was an Italian woman. So that's the weird that she was doing a black. I mean, that's cultural appropriation. Totally. And I was just like so nervous because the first time on set. Of course. And I'm like, and she was like, let me get you single. And I was like, yes, I don't see what that has to do with anything, but I'm also trying to do videos. Like, all right, well, this is, you know, this is fine, you're not going to use it for the TV show. I was like, no, I'm a lot of boy. They don't want my puppet. I have a question for you.
32:51 When you're doing like the interview, even when you're as characters, right? Which, by the way, you improvise so well as each character. Oh, thanks. Yeah, so we've done, so, so Newcast on the block episode with the girl Kelly and then. So it's like eight characters I do throughout. And then. Kelly's amazing. We've had, you know, Joe McHale and my mom and McDonald and Schneider from the Hawks and Marshawn Lynch
33:10 and Dave Matthews, Michael Boubley. We got The Rock, Kevin Hart coming up. Oh, my God, dude. Ken Griffey Jr., which would be amazing. Wow. And that childhood hero of mine, you know. I'm going to do that one as myself because I'm just like, I went to personally thank him and also chastised him for my weight gain as a childhood.
33:25 This is what I was going to ask you. How much do you let when you're being the character still your personal experience or affinity informed? Well, because of my relationship. I used to do that Walberg stuff and I would always inform, like I'd be like, oh, I'm just going to this but have Walberg ass say it or be like when I was a kid you do that as Dr. Phil a lot
33:46 and we have the joy of doing Dr. Phil with you as many episodes. That was one of my favorite episodes because you love Henry so I imagine the character will also be like so psyched as yeah but also I mean they have their own motivation but also I mean like I guess I fused in like in talking
34:02 about somehow I came up and because Henry was talking about people he's worked with like you know I go I go I have a this a notepad with a few dumb tricks on it where it's like, you know, you've worked with so many people, Henry. There's somebody that you've just been dying to work with, like Tom Hanks or Chet Hanks or Breed Wilson.
34:18 Is somebody in the Hanks fan? Is anybody, really? And he was like, you know, I would always love to work. I think he said like Denzo, maybe. And so then I had a picture of a baby and I go, is there any way? Is there any fucking way I was going to know that you were going to say Denzo?
34:29 And he's like, I don't think so. And then I flip over the picture of the baby. I go, that's Denzo Washington is a baby. And so, and then he goes, you know, I would love to work with Adam Ray someday. and then Max brought up about me in college and then I was like, what was he like, what was that guy? Because I've seen him on Facebook and like, I can't tell
34:43 what he was, and so then Max, you know, went on some things like that. But I mean, I definitely, yeah, I still want him to be a fan to ask my questions. But your sense of humor, like the, there are moments when Dr. Phil is like Adam Ray being funny as Dr. Phil. I'm like, this is your humor being. Oh, it's still my eyes and ears and brain.
35:05 Yes. But it's just like there are things that I'll, Like as Bruce, I like that he is, I mean, he's a C-level magician with an A-level mindset. It's hilarious. And so, but also he's been in the business whether, you know, whether you, whether he hasn't been, he's been to these big parties. So he feels, it's almost Michael Scott-esque where he's like, he's like, oh, I know Leo, you know. Like, it's like, yeah, maybe you were in a circle conversation with me.
35:29 Delusional confidence. Yeah. And he just, and you root for him because you're like, oh, I feel bad for him at the same time. But like there were a few times when Henry started talking And he was like adding on to a story and I was like no no we got it It's enough it's enough and he was just loving it and Of course he loved so great I was watching like the old Steve Martin at the troubadour Henry Winkler is there like he's in the crowd and Robin Williams doing his special
35:52 Henry Winkler is there so in the 70s when he was literally the biggest thing ever The Fonzie was the biggest thing late 70s and comedians were out doing their thing like he's always loved comedy and always supported he was there and he's in their specials. Like there is the most famous guy in the world right now. And he's so crazy. Supporting people. So again, I can't wait.
36:13 For you and Griffey, though, I cannot wait. You ask you and Griffey like freaking vet. Oh, it's going to be awesome. I'm so happy for you. There's Chicago athletes that I would just be like. And then you, if you want to be yourself, you interview Derek Rose. And I would be like, hold on hold on. I know, I would like to, I mean, when I met Griffith, the derby, it was at this dinner.
36:31 And he was so, I mean, we were just throwing him. back and goofing and dude's doing bits. And once he saw that, once he, because they were going to come to my shows in Orlando that next weekend, but they had the Hall of Fame stuff. And, but once he like, you know, me being a comedian came up maybe halfway through, but like up until then we were doing bits and he was like real joking. I was making him laugh. And so then once he figured it out, I think he was a little more, then he was almost trying to
36:58 make me laugh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But, but yeah, it's, uh, every ep is either me or a character. and it's fun. It's so funny, Henry even told me when I called him for advice, it's probably 2007, 2008, three years after graduating. And, you know, I had a manager at the time that was like, you know, enough with the character stuff. You're a leading man or whatever. And Henry goes, you know, I remember when you told me? And he recited that. He's like, I remember
37:24 when you called me? And you were like, what should I do? And he goes, and look at you now. He goes, fuck him, right? You did it your way. You did? Yes. And you did everything that, well, What he's really saying, and this is true, and I won't jump in the story, but what he was really saying is do the thing that you do better than anybody else and your ability to play. Or do the thing that if you weren't you,
37:44 makes you happy, it's fun. If you weren't you and you turned it on, would you share this with somebody else? That's what we always ask ourselves. Oh, wow, yeah. And I think that's what you are doing now. Having known you through the whole process. But again, like all this stuff,
37:59 all the stuff you were doing online before things really hit. Like the stuff that you were doing, like just in your Instagram feed was so funny. I'm like, this is a show. This whole thing is a show. Stepping into a mall and doing the TV promo of the news. I would have to make a show somehow.
38:13 You should. That should exist in this show. Well, I wouldn't say one would do a show in the mall, but like, and just because I feel like it's such a mall talk. I have a few, yeah, a few buddies that are like, you just love the mall. I'm like, dude, the amount of cities I go to and it gets me out of the house. We grew up on the mall. Mall in the family.
38:30 Mall in the family. We'll jump in. Hosted by. Jill Burr. What the fuck is this fucking thing over here? But I do love that like and you know, doing shows with you guys is the amount of tags I've gotten from your shows.
38:45 But like having the character stuff is only extra fun because, you know, it got to a point where I was like, all right, I don't feel like I have, I'm not carving out any sort of like niche for myself and I would feel like I was not in any real like pocket of any, you know, things can always get a little clicky from time to time. And I just was like, I'm kind of floating around and know everybody, but not really a part
39:09 of anything. And then it was just like, I'm just going to do what is really trying to get back to when I was making YouTube videos like in 2006 where I would come up with a sketch idea, get with these buddies, we'd shoot it all day, and then I'd pay them in dinners and coffees. We would edit all night and put it up. Sometimes it would pop. And more often than that, it would maybe get 20,000 views over three years. And, but it was the collaborative, like, creating.
39:34 something out of nothing, which is why then when we were doing the Phil show, it was like, it was just that on a bigger scale. But still having stand-up throughout all this and all my dates at Adam Raycommy.com, shit a ton of dates for the rest of the year. If I didn't have that, I don't think the character stuff would be as enjoyable because it's like I'm almost like a reward for it. And also like losing, you don't want to lose like yourself in all of it, you know. But if I found Phil two years in, you probably would have never heard of me again because
40:01 I would have been like, I'm riding this pony to tell him wheels fall on. But it came at the right time. All right. Let's jump in a story too. Should we send in by Carly McDermin at Sheby Carlin? Thank you. She be Carlyne. She be Carlyne.
40:11 That's her handle. Shout to Carleen Dietz. I went to high school with her. Oh, nice. Always great name. Fun name. Carleen Deets. What are the Deets?
40:20 Can I be honest with you? No one ever said that. Why? But was she a full-name person? Was it like, hey, Carleen Deets? I think so. Some people are full-name people. Are always first, last name people?
40:29 Carly and Deets. Jeff Willis. Jeff Willis. Those don't nickname as well as guys do. No. D. Deetsy. If she was a hockey team, she'd be Ditesy.
40:36 All right. Victorian Plummer find large amount of money after putting young apprentice in UTE toolbox, which is, I guess, stuff them in a pool box? As you're driving, you know, the truck itself has like a, all right. A Mansfield Plummer has been fined a large amount of money for driving a UTE. I guess we'll call him. Who's finding him? While his apprentice was in the vehicle's rear toolbox, a work safe and,
41:01 investigation found out that some tools have been left loose in the toolbox and there was a risk of serious injury or death. But like who is the arbiter of these fines? What a union? A screwdriver up your ass? I don't know for putting a young apprentice is used to during a roughly how long drive between the jobs in regional. Oh wow. Okay. Aaron threw it up on the screen. All right. Is he not allowed to be in the truck? So he's in one of these toolboxes on the side? Don't you have a back cab? You can't let him sit in the front seat. What is he jet lee? How does he fit in there? Is this like an ocean's 11 scenario? Adam, what are we doing here?
41:32 You're asking us how long was he in that thing for? How long of the drive? Adam, you're our guest. 40 miles? That's a long. Are you timing? Are you timing? What time of year?
41:42 Where are we? Victoria, 2022. London? I think it's Canada? Canada. I'm going to say one hour. One hour? You say 40 miles would be about 45 minutes.
41:53 What do you think? Okay. I'm going to go 20 minutes. There you go roughly 25. minute drive between jobs. Work safe has announced that the... How does it even get to the cops? This is not a story.
42:04 Have any guys ever ridden in a trunk? Oh. Like, been in a trunk? No. No? No. This guy at a bar trying to pick up a girl. Mystery told me that works.
42:14 You got a necker. You got to open with something that's memorable, man. You got to neg them. You got to neg them so hard. Hey. Hey. So, it's opening my next album. Work safe announced.
42:24 You ever been in a trunk? Trunk in it with Daniel Mcirk. It said that the man was sentenced. in Mansfield Magistrates Court on October 2nd after pleading guilty to failure to ensure that a workplace under the management or control was safe. Oh, okay. Plummer drove about 15 kilometers from Bridge Creek to Mansfield while his apprentice sat in the Ute's toolbox.
42:42 It's like a hazing thing. Yeah. WorkSafe investigation also found that some tools have been left in the toolbox and there was serious injury and all that other stuff. Fine. So he was fined without conviction for, we'll get the amount later. WorkSafe executive director of health and safety, Sam Jenkins. I feel like there should be.
42:58 No S? No S? How many times you've ever seen, like, just one? Jenkins? Jenkins, my chain. That's his album. Jenkins is way more, like, I wouldn't trust a same thing. Who makes that call?
43:08 Have you tried? Jenkins and the parents? Jank and chicken? Have you tried the Jankin chicken? It's really good. It's spicy. It's not too spicy, Adam. It's not.
43:16 It's just a right amount of it. It's straight from Kingstown. It gave you a little, well, it's sweet, and then it gets you with a little bit of a zinc. Hey, can I get extra Jankin sauce? You know who loves it is Carleen D. Yeah, Carlin D. All right, all right. So said the incident was extremely unsafe and could have absolutely been catastrophic.
43:33 Of course. Yes. But how bad really? Well, it depends on the accident. Are we really going to freak out? Yeah. By the way, work safe executive director of health and safety, Sam Jenkins said it's not the first time this organization. Sam Jenkins or Jenkins?
43:45 Jenkins. Okay. Has seen young apprentices in similar situations. He said there's too many situations in Victoria where young workers aren't treated with the dignity and respect they should be. This is a right of passage. Get in the toolbox. Get in the box. Get in the box.
43:59 I'd lean in. I'd be like, he likes it in there. He likes it. You don't fucking know him. He wanted to get in that. I said, sit up with me. You know how stressful it is for me driving him around in that content thing? I hate it.
44:08 I hate it. I hate it. He wants it. Now when you go ask him, he's going to tell you it was my idea. Of course you would. That's all part of it. That's a part of his kink. That's part of the kink.
44:17 Is to not let you know the truth. And then complain about it. When you get back there, look, he's erect. Look, he is a weirdo. Yeah. You tell me if you don't smell a boner. Can you smell that? Can you smell that?
44:28 Is that a screwdriver in your pocket? The rock is popping. All right, the work safe investigation found the incident occurred after the director and his apprentice had finished work at about. So you worked all day and now it's like getting the box. It's overtime. This is the ride home. They were returned to Mansfield when they both in the toolbox.
44:41 They both lived. What? They were returning to Mansfield where they both lived with a-in-the-town. With a client. Did they live together with a client? Oh, wait. It was a truck. We're driving the client home, get in the toolbox.
44:55 Yeah, it looks. gets a two-seater up front and then he's like getting in between or take a lift work safe said that you had only two seats skateboard and hold on to the trope the toad which hell yeah dude back to the future which prompted a discussion about apprentice getting in the toolbox mounted on the rear tray of the back of manfields there are a range of toolboxes that you can see on the back of the thing fine this was one of those that was large enough to contain an entire person well then what are we complaining about while the toolbox while the toolbox the apprentice recorded a video commenting on the heat inside in the discomfort.
45:25 Work safe. Oh, so he's complaining. Yeah. Which is part of his kink. He went live. He went live. He's into that. He was red-faced.
45:32 He went on IG Live. When he got out, he was red-faced hunched over as a director and client stood nearby laughing and drinking beer. That was the problem. That's where he got mad. That's where he got mad. You can't, don't. Give him a beer.
45:44 Give him a beer and be like, you deserved it. You earned it. Several months later, the apprentice told his mother. I can't believe they wrote that in here. That's how this got out. That is in this article. You're going to tell your mom. That's how this guy.
45:54 She then reported the answer. Of course she did. What did she say? Yeah, she either. No, no, they said to him, what are you going to tell your mom? You're going to tell your mom? Also, this does sound like a B story on like an episode of Landman. Please do Sebastian Trump saying, what are you going to tell your mom?
46:10 What are you going to tell? Yeah, how do you? Yeah. They both got similar hands. You're going to do it? Aren't you embarrassed? You have to lean into one more or the other, right? You're doing Trump.
46:25 Yeah. You're doing Trump, but maybe with Sebastian moves. Yeah. In Paris. Anyway. It hurts. How does he do that? You get in a tool all the way.
46:40 You're going to get in a toll by. You got to tell him to ask his mom about the bullby. We used to do a thing in La Jolla when we would go down to the store and be in the comedy store condo. We do Sebastian Bits. just with watching people walking in front on the boardwalk. So somebody went buying a roller skates and I think Mark Ellis was like,
46:59 where are you going? You need shoes with wheels. You can't just walk them. You gotta get their face. You think the seals are gonna go away before you get to that? Shut on Mark Ellis. We should have done.
47:15 You know the reason. All right. Employers, young workers must consider the skills, experience of the year. And whatever, all that other stuff. All that other stuff. a culture situation. They didn't have room in the car. They sent them in the back.
47:26 So I'm going to introduce a character as maybe one of the best names ever. So, Causticestercutta, Felicity Sourbuts. Shut up. No way. If you created that as a character, we'd be like, you gotta, we don't believe it. No, Felicity Sourbuts. At least from my vantage point, that's too jokey.
47:43 It's too jokey. Like, you're not even believing. Yeah, you're not like. She's the director of the Young Workers Center said there needed to be a culture change so that. Let me. Sourbuts what she has to say about. I don't care what your first name is.
47:57 You're never getting called it. Policity. Flissity is like happiness. It's a cool name, yeah. An apprenticeship should be part of a Harry Potter character. Felicity Sourbuts? Yes. Professor Sourbts.
48:06 Judy Blum book. Reward. Yes. Are you there, God? It's me. Sourbuts. Recording career. Rewarding career in a trade and industry that you love.
48:17 It shales of a fourth grade sourbunt. That's right. An experience where you are treated with and with such disrespect and disregard. Okay, so Ms. Sauerbuts said it was important. We all dislike it. It's not Mrs. It's Ms.
48:28 To receive workplace rights turning it. If she gets married, she's going to keep her name. She has to. She's going to hyphenate the guy. I would take her name. Yeah, much more tickets I'd sell if I was Daniel Sauerbuss? Now, what's the worst combo she could get? Like a hyphenated?
48:45 No, no, we need a hyphenated. Like Pete Crowe Armstrong, but instead of that, it's like, Seymor Hoff and Paul Gossler. We're in that like what's a bad Felicity What prefaces sour butts Felicity gleaming sour butts There it is yeah
48:57 Felicity Gold Pimpley Golpimply Felicity Grossman sour butts Felicity Grossman sour butts Felicity Gross sour butts Felicity rotten sour butts We had an Audrey Clickguard
49:11 in elementary school You didn't click guard We had a Becky fault We did KL I'm you walk out You're gonna fucking question me dude We had Hold on
49:20 We had a Ron K. Latimore who we used to sing her name to Steve. Mar-Sherita R. Ron Kay Ladamore, pretty little one that I adore. We don't have bad voices. Everyone tells us who you that we do. Perfect pitch right there. What a fun place to go to elementary school. This is high school? With us? Great school.
49:43 Oh, yeah, you guys were a blast. We were fun. Clit guard, K-L-I-T. Adam. Could you sell those? Dr. Phil. Because if you sold the card, let me finish us. Dr. Phil throwing this commercial and going, we're brought to you by a click guard.
49:57 Well, first of all, it's Daniel. Look, if you're buying a click guard, you probably shouldn't be going outside. Thank you. Because, and everyone's got something wrong with them, whether it's a back knee or back fat or just a front fat. Or front fat. Is it Fubu or Fupa? I'm always trying to figure out. My nephew once told me.
50:20 Yeah, he's got a couple of syndromes. He's always trying to... And look, we gave him some creams. We also gave him a PS5. Thank you. And he's trying to go up, down, AB, left, right, select, start. It ain't doing much. He's still got a Lisp and a lazy eye.
50:34 He's got to knock that out of him. And just because he gets asked to breakdance with the Russian mafia in eighth grade, doesn't mean he can do the Asian eyes. No. But what I'm trying to say is if you're having trouble accepting who you are, And I didn't come 90% of the way to get 10% of the information. Thank you. But if you're clit guard or sour butts, chances are someone's Lego and your ego.
50:59 That's right. So what you need to do is go back to the ground zero. Okay, grab that mushroom cloud or gummy bears, pubic hairs. Whatever it is. Maybe just shares a second album. Sure. Put it on repeat and put on an episode of Pete and Pete and see if they match up. And then get in the damn toolbox.
51:16 Get in the damn toolbox and shave your head, your back, you're putting it. Junior Craig, we'll be right back. Brought to you by ClickGard. Brought to you by ClickGard. And Athlete's foot. Hey, when you can't find it, we can. Clit guard. Clit guard.
51:29 How many? Spell with a K. How many, how much was he fine? We'll get out here on this. Yeah. For putting the kid in the Apprentice in there? Put him in the box. This is how Darth Vader got created.
51:38 It's a apprentice. You create a Superville. This feels like a $500. $500. $500. Is it in pounds? No. Okay.
51:46 I'll go $2,000. bucks. Five thousand dollars. Wow. $20,000. Wow. Hey, you don't put him in a box. Listen, I go listen to Sourbuts. Nobody puts Sourbuts in a box. We put Sauerbuts in a corner and no it puts this kid in a box.
52:01 We have one final story. The great Adam Ray is with us and he has been just a joy upon a joy. Upon a joy. Again, the Adam Ray show. Every Friday on Netflix. Unwatch it, share it. Tell people to watch it. Positive like it. It's already doing great, but watch and enjoy.
52:15 Then go see him when he's life. But Dan, give us a little taste of what we're going to. to see in segment three. We have the wrong person in the wrong hotel room. Wrong person. I love that. God, that is my life. I'll re-rack my story that happened to be with my wife in Mexico.
52:28 It's Adam Ray. It's dumb people town. Stay with us. Stick around. Make a sound. Come here down. It's don't people town. Hey, gang, welcome back to the show.
52:37 Dan, before we jump into this story, and of course, you know I'm going to tell my story. Give us a little taste of what you have. Everything's at Danielvankirk. com. Listen to the midnight air. If you want an overnight radio podcast, my little passion project, I do it every week. Just me. ranking themes. This week I did
52:50 ranking bread. Yeah, I did ranking bread. But then I also, I think I just did, oh, I ranked my personal top 10 Southern foods. Oh, yeah. You got biscuits in there? Peach Cobbler came in at six. Peach Cobb. Came in at six. A tofei came in at 10. Biscuits and gravy
53:06 jakeet came in at eight, but that was the first thing I thought of, a Southern buttermilkish. Yeah, that was the first thing that popped. Number one, fried chicken. Number two, mac and cheese. All right, don't give away the whole list. Does gravy make an appearance? It does when talking about the biscuits. Yeah.
53:20 Not by itself. No. Oh. Just a grave? Straight gravy. Just a gravy gravy? Well, that might have been your problem when you were younger. Drinking gravy.
53:28 Straight gravy. You guys didn't go. You guys didn't make a, a, uh, a, uh, uh, Ivy. No, I'm saying, what is it called like a graveyard or a suicide at 7-11? Oh, you just dump everything. Oh, yeah, yeah. Mix them up. So that's Midnight Air.
53:42 And then popcorn pals is me and other comedians talking about movies that we love or new movies that have come out. the movies are the guests, the rest of us are just talking about. I thought it was going to be ranking popcornopolises around the country. Yeah. Like city walk. Yeah. Number one.
53:54 That's the only one. Nutson Clark is a good one. Oh my God. Someone gave us nuts on cool. We were just in Chicago. Someone gave us half caramel corn. I could eat an entire freaking barrel of it. Yeah, that's the Chicago mix.
54:05 It's called popcorn pals? Yeah, popcorn pals. It's a movie review show. Yeah. Yeah. We just, as of recording this, the Digger episode just came out. Wow. Did you see it?
54:15 No, but I said a buddy's school last night and they were. like, I go, I really want to see it because I love Cruz. Sure. And, uh, and some people love it. Some people hate it. Oh yeah. On the, on the cruise level alone, on the crew, on the crew, on the crew, dude, you'll go, holy shit. Yeah. I am, he doesn't make, has he ever made a movie that you? Dude, I said on the podcast and that we just put this clip out, Tom Cruise, if he wanted to, I'm convinced, could have been Daniel DeLois. When he does, uh, T.J. Mackey, Magnolia crushes it. Born on the Fourth of July.
54:44 That's right. Lestat. And Rice said she was mad. And then she went and saw, He's an amazing actor. He took out a full page to ad newspaper in New Orleans saying, I apologize to Tom Cruise. He just wanted to fly a plane. He just wanted to climb him out. One of popcorn movies. Yes, because he wanted to. But when he goes, you know what, I'm going to go do this, he's going to win the Oscar.
55:01 All the things that make him weird. No way. I don't care. What people think of the movie, he is winning the Oscar. All the things that make him or David. Damon's going to win. But I'm going to tell you this. Popcorn past.
55:10 You mentioned that. I want to see Dr. Phil interviewing his character from Digger. Wow. To me, the two of you in character, somebody pitched that to him for your show. That would be the great. That would be the greatest thing. I know, I know. And you know, he'd probably more fun.
55:27 Yeah, he probably would be amazing. He probably would love that. Like nobody else. Because you're not going to ask him at. You only ask him stuff that, like, relates to the care. You watch the movie and you treat the character as if we were a real person, pitch this. And maybe that's more fun because he's probably done and so tired of doing just him. He doesn't want to talk about himself.
55:43 I bet there's a version of where there's a mask that he can put on. I don't know. It's like less of him. It doesn't have to be in it for 12 months? Is it pretty heavy prosthetics? Yeah, it's pretty heavy. But pitch this. Somebody pitch it.
55:53 It would be tremendous PR for the movie. Wow, cool. Friking cool as hell. He's awesome. They're going to do an Oscar campaign, so they definitely will. I can't wait. I mean, it does feel like a guy we should probably give one to at some point, right? He got an honorary one last year, but he will get.
56:07 Oh, he will. Just for his contribution to the arts. That's right. Go back and watch risky business and you're like, uh, yeah. And he's pushed so hard. Jeremy. He's pushed so hard for stunt. man stump person to be a category in the Oscars as well.
56:21 I mean, awesome, dude. Anyway, so that's Pop Corpals. And then all my dates. Daniel Van Kirk.com. Like the Sclarz, headlining, flyover comedy festival. The end of October,
56:30 I'm in Massachusetts doing a couple of shows on the 29th and 30th. And then in December, I'm in Phoenix. I'm at Chinook Wins Casino a couple hours outside of Portland. And then Pittsburgh and Detroit, a whole bunch of in January, everything's up at Daniel Van Kirk. All right. So this is wrong person, wrong room. Before we go to the story.
56:47 Let's just start and then maybe I'll jump in stone. Okay. Sent it by Carleen McDermin at Carlyne. No, not Carleen Deets. Carlyne Deets. She'd be Carlin. Although Carlin Deets getting a lot of love on this podcast. I love full name shoutouts.
57:00 Yeah, too. Forever. Forever. Okay. A headline is this. Couple having sex when a stranger walked into hotel room. Okay. So Adam.
57:07 Do you think this is about you? So far, you would have to assume it is. It could be. Please tell Adam this story. So everybody who is listens to the podcast knows the story. But there might be new listeners. People so many people love Adam. Have a check to see.
57:17 So when I was with my wife on like a baby moon, like before we had our first kid. Okay. No, you're in the lot. You're in the pocket. Congrats, by the way. I was the last time I could travel. So anyways,
57:27 this is going to be a wonderful life change for you. So we were away and we were in Mexico at Plyde-Al Carmen. We're at this really cool resort called Ical Del Mar, poetry of the sea. And each room is not its own room. It's like its own like bungalow that has all this vegetation and stuff grown around it. And they all look the same. And it's just really interesting.
57:47 So you go in the middle of the night, my wife's like, I need to see, I need a drink. You got to like get me some like, I don't know, water or something like that. So I'm like, yep, yep, got it. Walk. And I'm tired. I'm like, but you are not drunk. Three in the morning.
58:00 I'm like really tired. I go out. I go to the front desk, get her like some like flavored, you know, that they had like cucumber water or something like that. I'm like, I got it. She's going to be so happy. Yeah, yeah. Walk back.
58:10 I'm like half asleep. I go to open our door. I walk to the thing and I go to open our door. And I see. two people just going at it. And this is, I open the door. I'm just giving you the timing of it all. I open the door and I'm like watching a guy on top of a woman with black hair.
58:26 And I'm like, if you had to guess, honeymoon sex, makeup sex. Yeah, we're up against a wall. Are we on the bed? On the bed and ferocious. Brad's in the corner. This is great. Goddamn bellosio fountain in here. I love this.
58:39 We'll be right back. Get out of my way, man. I gotta get this shot. We'll be right back. So anyway, Shirley's there. I was like, literally, I was like, open the door and I'm like, Wait a minute. That's not my daughter. But you do yell a high.
58:50 I'm not my wife. I was like, that's not my wife. My wife has blonde hair. That's not my wife. You're evaluating. I was like, that kid and that there's no way. And then I was like, oh, that's not me. All that time while I was that's not me.
59:01 You're like William H. Macy and boogie nights. Right. I was like, oh shit. And I shut the door and I left. Okay. Now, I didn't know if they saw me. But I was like, probably somebody saw me at the door. But is part of you still trying to go, are they in my room?
59:12 Right. I was like, what is going on? And again, when you're tired, you don't know. Did we switch rooms? Like, you have a flight of the navigator moment, dude. You come out of that ditch and you're like, what year is it? What is it? Also, your paltro and sliding doors?
59:25 That's me if I've gone here. What a crazy open to a movie, too. Guy goes to get a drink, comes back. Somebody else in a turn and finds out he's been gone three years. It's family man, yeah. Yeah. So I was like, well, that's not me. That can't be me.
59:38 Yeah. So I'm like, holy shit, what is happening right now? And I, then the rest of the trip, my wife and I, because there aren't a lot of guests at this hotel. It's probably like maybe 15 rooms or whatever. You're like, who saw me? Who saw me by which couples are giving us the icy? How many days after this did you have?
59:54 Four days. Oh, wow. So I was like, how many. Let's go get breakfast at that place again. I need to see. I need to know. Who's given me the evil eye? I need to see how that woman's laying on that deck chair.
01:00:07 Sir, can you get on top of that woman? What noise would you make if you were getting pounded on in front of your clothes? Can I see the bottom of your feet? Wait, so I never found out who it was, but it was like clearly the, I was mortified. Sure. I'm sorry, I always forget if I just got caught on it. They saw you? He thinks they did.
01:00:27 They might not have, but I think they saw me. Again, because the amount of time I was there was like, wait a minute, that's not my wife. You're doing the mental math. That's not my wife. That's not me. This is not my wife. Is this my room? This is not my beautiful.
01:00:38 And I was like, oh, God. And then shut it. You may ask yourself. Well, Connor Maddox and his girlfriend. Ellie. I feel for him. They lay stunned on the bed as the man stood staring at them in their hotel room. He didn't say anything and walked off.
01:00:52 What is he, Randy? Ghost? Is he a ghost? I don't know. I have no idea. A man just, also, lock your damn door. Yeah.
01:01:00 Yeah. Ellie added, talk about off-putting. We weren't really in the mood after that. Okay, well, you learned a kink you don't have. They always say, be careful of the kink you learn you do have. Be careful of the kink you learn you do have. They don't like random stranger watches. Check this off.
01:01:14 We don't want you watching. I don't need a cut situation. You didn't consent to that? No. The guy was in his mid-20s and looked rather startled. I never saw him again. So he came in on his earth? Depending on this guy's level of social anxiety.
01:01:26 He definitely died at this hotel. He's going to think about this the rest of his life. He died in this hotel room 30 years early. Was it Scatman Crothers? He was just a dumb little fun of shining. So they were banging. He walked in. Watch and stood.
01:01:35 Yes. Didn't do what you did. Now, we all, I'm just going to say this. From the dude's perspective, how much did he say after the guy left? Come on, we can finish. We can finish up. Like, he definitely did not lose his monitor to the whole thing.
01:01:49 Yeah, he's gone. That was crazy. He was like, that was crazy. That was great. That was crazy. There's so much crazy stuff in the world right now that we shouldn't be thinking about. It's not like it was the fucking zodiac.
01:01:59 What did the zodiac do? I'm not telling you that because then you'll be even less in the mood. Let's not be really crazy if we just didn't finish. Let's finish. That'd be crazier. You know, if we don't finish, he wins. I mean, it's like there are all of those excuses. Oh, my God.
01:02:11 You just reminded me real quick of one of the first jokes I ever over because I worked at Albertsons, the grocery store. Sure. And people all the time come in and ask me for things. I didn't know where they were or whatever. I had dumb jokes about, like, being a checker and people, like the small talk you make where you're just like, I'd always go off their items. So I'd be like, oh, bagel bites.
01:02:28 Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, they're on sale. So good call. Oh, chapstick. Yeah, you got to keep those lips hydrated. Getting crazy out there. Oh, pop-trots. Cherry?
01:02:36 I'm a brown sugar guy. Hey, do you have a gun? I can just put it in both our mouths right now. We can just end this. But then I would go, somebody asked me where someone goes. And I go, I have to look and put back so many items, and I found crazy glue. And I was like, crazy go, I go, what's so crazy about it? And then I go, how about glue that doesn't stick?
01:02:51 Now, that's some crazy shit. Nothing. And I was committed and I was like that. And this feels, this show, I'd walk in right at the gate and go, this set feels a lot like my little league games because my dad's not here. Great. That wouldn't get anything. And so, man, those first, I'm just like hearkening back right now.
01:03:08 Those are great shows. Where I was just like, oh, man, maybe this isn't going to work. Because it was the first taste. of like, you know when you're first starting and you're like, oh, this is funny. I have an idea. And then nobody thinks it's funny and you're like, fuck, maybe I'm not on the right path. That's when you call Winkler and he's like, keep going. Keep going.
01:03:23 Someday Jim Bluci will rectify all this. Someday you'll be. I was going to have you guys guess, but there's no way you would guess. Like what did the hotel offer them for this? Let's guess. Okay. The receptionist explained that the man was in 156 but was accidentally given a card for 154. Oh, the couple were offered.
01:03:41 Let me ask. breakfast. No, either breakfast or an opportunity to look at other people at a second. There's a couple in 169, ironically. You want to go to 169? They're in position. We've gotten some fight. They are Mormons.
01:03:55 There's some soaking, but it's an easy watch. Not a lot of action. It's not going to be very dynamic. You can be the one to shake the bed. Yeah, you get to run in and go, I'm God and I'm watching, you can freak them out. Oh, my God. A scream mask for you. And your wife can become someone else.
01:04:08 The couple were offered a complimentary drink. That's it. That is the hotel going, we don't need you. Wait, what, now I need a, like a grape fanta or a cocktail. All right, fine, I'll have a sex on the beast. A cocktail. No, well drinks and beer. But Connor said that they were both currently on medication, so they ordered a Coke and a fanta.
01:04:31 And then, hold on, we're given a spright instead. The hotel got back from. Wait a sec. Oof, that. Oh, man. What do you want? By the way, on the drive home, that's what. That's what I'd be more pissed about.
01:04:43 Right. Not that someone... All right. We'll have a Coke. And they'll be like, we only have Pepsi. Not that someone walked in and had sex with them, but the fact that they... How do you get Coke versus Sprite? How do you also not...
01:04:54 How do you offer Fanta and don't know that you don't deliver Fanta? Like you just... Give you anything you want as long as it's right. What would you like? You know how you do that? You know how you do that? The same way you give someone room 154 when they need $1.59. Right.
01:05:07 What's the name of this hotel? I don't know. At one point, wouldn't you just say into the phone? Are you trying to get fired? I can't fire you, but who's ever going to monitor this situation is also going to ask you. You're asking me to swing on you. You're asking me to come up to that desk. You're inviting me to come up.
01:05:24 You want all the smoke on this thing. Like the sprite is like, we do not care. I'm surprised it wasn't like, I want to offer you a complimentary drink. What's that? Okay, I'm sorry, a punch in the dick. That's it. Wait, what's that? Oh, I'm going to watch you guys fuck tomorrow.
01:05:37 So get back in your room. I'll see in about 20 minutes. The Pentel Hotel. Penta, Penta Hotel in Ipswich. The website says the rooms are quote, A Sacred Place Just for You. Got to change that. No, they're not.
01:05:49 Apparently not. See, that should be a red flag. Sacred place. Just for you means you have themed rooms. Yes, but all, yeah, this is like some sort of like, God is watching you. But also what hotel, let's now break down the hotel slogans. Because I feel like that feels very,
01:06:05 like, the greatest of all time. Overcompensating. Greatest of all time. We'll leave the light on for you. We'll leave the line. Right. But like, isn't it like, what's a holiday in? I'm like, holodome is like, hey, just,
01:06:13 the carpet's going to be wet. Like, yeah. You're going to squish somebody was here before you. That's right in there. That's not come. That's blood. We changed the shing that's Lakinta. Do not put a black.
01:06:23 I walked into a flooded room in Milwaukee once. I was like, I got a show in an hour. But you know what I'm saying? Red Rufin is like, do not put a black light on anything. All hotels are just kind of like, there's a room here. Yeah. Like, you chose us. It's almost what it should be.
01:06:34 A sacred place. No hotel makes that claim I'm saying. Like, hey, this might be, it ain't heaven, but it's not too. far off. Right. Because a pillow and the TV works. You have to prop up your place so much. It's a place to lay your head down. That's all you need to say. Do you think other hotels came out after this? Like
01:06:50 a best western, they're like, hey, no one's going to watch you fuck. That's right. Like it's just to be like... This is a room. Like, it's like when subway got caught with Jared, I had to assume that like Togo's was just like... Quiznos. Yeah. Quisnos. Yeah. We're not fucking kids here. Tegnos. Only subs here.
01:07:06 Yeah, only subs. We hold up our pants. We don't unzip them. Okay. That's what we do here. Yeah, consent is 22 and above. There, yeah. So yeah, a sacred space was for you. Last night, Connor said a refund was offered, but he lodged a complaint nonetheless. We'll just get out of here for fun on this. How much do you think he paid for the room that night? I do have a total. In U.S. dollars. Yeah, in U.S. dollars. Okay. Uh, 250. 250. 250. 250. From Randy. Secret place. Sacred place, man. I'm gone. Just for you. Just for you. Just for you.
01:07:36 Jason. And the other guy is watching. I'm going 251. cut him off at the knees. I'm going to say 175. Okay. The room was also. Adam Ray, thank you so much for me. Watch the show.
01:07:49 Every Friday. Every Friday. When does this come out? Whenever you wanted to. Soon? Yeah. Soon later. All right.
01:07:56 Coming up, we got Montana, Utah, Madison, Chicago, Philly, New York, Alabama, Reno, Vancouver, and Palm Springs. Adamray. com. If you heard. Adam Ray Comedy.com. If you heard your city in there, go get your tickets now. To any of those ways.
01:08:12 God bless you. Oh, and Kendall Gill is coming to the show in Chicago to recreate the pose on stage. No, serious. Yeah. Because I now do a whole bit about a friend of mine, October 23rd. There's two shows, the Anthonyham Hall. I get into town on the 25th. I would just, I would stand in the back.
01:08:28 Man, he repose. So now I do a bit now about a friend of mine's baby who looks like 62 when it was had a receding hairline before it was two. Like truly old man baby. So I have a photo of him on and then I kind of roast him. And then I'm like, if I'm going to roast the kid, I got to roast myself. So put mine up. And it's just fun to like roast that in that picture.
01:08:49 And some people have seen it. Some people have it. And so I post a little clip of that and Kenilgoe reposted it. And then put, I must have thought you was a girl. hilarious. And so then I hit him up when I was like, I know you live in Chicago, would you come out? And he was like absolutely so. I love him.
01:09:03 Get a kid picture. The place will go nice. Right? I mean, maybe. and maybe not. University of Illinois. Either way, it'll be cool.
01:09:09 No, they were... Flying a line-eye. Lost to Michigan in 89. Sorry. It's okay. It's okay. Sorry. Sorry, not sorry.
01:09:15 Kenny back. Sourbts. Okay, ready? Sourbots. Lowell Hamilton. All right. Oh, click guard over here. All right.
01:09:22 The amount of money that he paid for the hotel room to have somebody coming in and watch and then get the craziest runaround for compensation. Check out Adam Murray. Check out this close. Check out me. I'm Daniel Van Kirk. Is $151.
01:09:35 Oh. Oh, Jay. Close. Yeah, 251. So if he would have said 150 and you said 151 and you got it right, I would have lost my mind. You guys, that is an episode. That's how we do dumb people town. We love you.
01:09:47 And oh, snap, we got to get back to work. See you. Peace.
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