Dumb People Town - Zach Zucker - Mayo Missile

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

Comedian Zach Zucker (Stamptown on Netflix) stops by as Jason describes a man that stole his Tinder date's guitar and multiple e-bikes, Randy explains why a Florida woman threw a glass mayonnaise jar during a road rage incident, and Daniel warns against shooting people with a flare gun, and so much more!Thanks to our sponsor: Monarch!Write your own money story with Monarch. Use code DPT at Monarch.com to get your first year of Monarch Core half off at just $50.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Thumbtack presents tile trouble. Every single time I use my sink, I make eye contact with the uneven grout of my kitchen backslash. The crooked corners I meet and I'm haunted by more tiling questions than I thought possible. What kind of pro can fix a backslash? Can I replace one cracked tile or should I replace them all? What if I just use Thumbtack? I can hire top-rated pros, read reviews, and compare prices with a tap,

all on the app. Thumbtack knows homes. Download the app today. Hey guys, we got an unbelievable episode of Dumb People Town this week with the great Zach Zucker from Stamptown on the show. We got a Tinder date gone wrong. We got a mayonnaise tosser and we got the best looking flare guy on the plane. If you can guess his A's, we'll give you money. This is Dumb People Town.

Stick around. Check it out. Dan and Rand and Jay will share tales of coke so unaware they lack and grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic bail in Florida There's half-rise bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this So listen to our podcast band With co-host our man Dan

Man dirt Don't be a jerk Because when the music Which the funny hits And we are gonna take you down Stick around Make a sound Come your down

It's Dumb People Town Hey Tadies Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town Population Population sucker. The double Z. The double Z is back.

The top of ZZZ is here. I love this. ZZ bottom. ZZ power bottoming. I'm versed. I can ZZ top and ZZ bottom and I'm thrilled to be here. Dude, I love you so much. Your Stamptown special is out on Netflix. We'll talk about that later. We're in the damn thing.

Yes, you are. If you haven't watched it and you listen to this podcast, there's something wrong with you, but that's not you're not too late. It's not a judge, man. No judge. Watch, watch, watch. Let's get into it in a second. Tell people how much you love it.

Thames up it. We don't have time to get it. into it right now. There's dumb out in this world. We have to be able to sort it out through the world of comedy. Please. Here we go. This is here. He's ready to go. He's amped up. I'm starting to do it. He fixed the car this morning. Yeah, I, my car has been dying multiple times and now I've got a portable charger. So I guess it's kind of like part of the routine to start my car is, I bring it back to life. It's the Shirley MacLan of cars. Yeah. It's right. I'm ony at Grand Dam. We had a same sort of relationship. I've got my Hyundai Tucson. Every time I would go to get in

that car, be like, we doing this today? Yeah. Yeah. It made me early for a lot of things because I'd have to leave my house so early to find out if my car was my star. I've still got some loose oil and dirt on me. Good Lord. It's a loose lube on me. Yeah, I'm a blue collar. I take it, here we go. This is sending by David Fournier at TP.

Fornier 2. Which, by the way, last weekend we were in Rochester and we met late night nachos. Kyle Andrews. Sent me a photo. And he said he is, so our fans send us stories. What they do is on on X, Twitter. You do X. Please keep sending.

Please keep sending because we love these stories. Hashtag Dump People Town at Danubea Kirk. I will say I am also now checking threads as well. Whatever you want to do, however you want to do it. But there's a handful of people that send a ton of stories in and he said he's in touch with all of them, including DP Fournier. Really? Let's go.

Thank you, David Fornier. Okay, here we go. Here's the headline. Man accused of stealing Tinder dates guitar and multiple electric bicycles in Pinellas County. Multiple. From the same person? I mean, the bicycle. Can you read that one more time?

Man accused of stealing Tinder dates, guitar. Accused. And multiple electric bicycles in Pinellas County. Now, right away, that's the start of a headline that I hate to read. Man accused, not for me. Come on. Skip. Good.

Skip. Skip. Because you know they're lying. Because they're gone. Are you skipping in like a Tinder? Yeah. Skip. Skip.

And I'm plugging in my skipping fingers. We're charging. Which is it? But doesn't it? I've never been on Tinder. Is it left good? I have no idea. Can I tell you guys?

I've never had a dating app in my life. Neither have we. Either way. We are the four straight white dudes in a room that have no idea how Tigger work. Straight is a... Straight is a... You remember, I'm ZC, top and, ZZEB and ZZEBottom. Straight is a flat circle.

Straight is a flat circle as long as it'll help further my career. I met my wife on an app. Aaron, you're out. Aaron's out. Aaron, right, is it Tinder? Is it swipe left is good or swipe right is good? I've never been on Tinder, but right is good. Right is good, thank you.

Left is you're fugly and your bunk. Right is... I'm trying to get it. Let's go. Also, sexual identification is just everything's contextual to the party, the drugs, and the bed. By the way. And everything's context.

And the music festival. Aaron, are you calling true social a dating app? All right, here we go. Clearwater, man. I love my right-wing wife.

That is my favorite show on Paramount Plus. I love my right-wing wife. I also love that that Taylor Sheridan. There's a beautiful theme song there for this. I would love to create this. Is that Taylor Sheridan's show? That's my ride. Billy Bob Horton.

She complains to the manager. She sits on the left, but she's my right wing life. They have a European car for some reason. That's like one of the wrinkles. They get in the pitch. And they have a car they got from Europe. Yeah. She actually sits on his life.

It's from Germany, Europe. It's a Renault. It's a rental. It's a rental. Not a rental. A Renault. The guy steals Tinder date, steals guitars and multiple electric bikes. That's a process.

This guy went on a spree. Also, and again, because I'm too old and I didn't live in New York City City during this time, but like get a city bike. Like, you don't have to steal it. You just. I got to say the electric bikes is pretty freaking cool. It's kind of awesome.

You are zooming down the streets. Are you sitting on the street? Are you can go fast? Half of my. Yes, you can go fast. Okay, here we go. I'm not going to tie Hodi. It's a Clearwater man is facing multiple felony charges in connection with.

Clearwater, Florida. I thought you meant Clearwater Man like he's clearly some sort of water man. He's clearly one. Clearly a water man. Yeah, he's 95% at best. I went to Clearwater this spring. You did? And I saw, I've been talking about this on stage.

I saw two of the most amazing things ever assumed in life. Hooters Restaurant, that's a Diamond Does. That's like their Starbucks, right? Awesome. But in front of the Hooters restaurant, they had a dolphin statue. Again, you're in Florida. Miami Dolphins. You're fine.

Clearwater, yeah. You're on the other side. It's not Don Shula. It's just a golf. It's not Ricky Williams. Dolphin statue. Painted like a Hooters waitress. Shorts, long blonde hair, lipstick,

huge tux. Huge tits. Yes. Huge tits. I felt those dolphins tits. That definitely was so drunk, she didn't care. But I felt that those dolphins tits. Mama Bears, which is like a restaurant. For the record, that is my joke on stage.

I felt her tits. She was so drunk she didn't care. And then the audience always goes, oh, you guys care about the consent of a dolphin. Did you forget I said I was in Florida? They have a higher thinking. Wait, I have to tell you. the other thing too. I walk past this. I get half a block down. I see a t-shirt shop. I see

the most insane t-shirt. You could never think of better comedy than what I'm about to tell you. God. This is what it says. It's going to start out rough, so you got to stay with me. Okay. I'm with you. Israel that. Okay, hold on. Stay with me.

Israel this. I ran that. All I know is I ran out of beer and the struggle is real. That's unreal. That's... I ran out of beer and the struggle is real. Did I buy that shirt? Yes. Did it cost me $53? Yes. I take it to shows and I do this bit and then I go, I have it with me. You can take pictures with the shirt

afterwards. I will not be in those photos with you. But I love that it starts out so politically problem. You're like, what is this minefield? And then it goes, no, I'm just an alcoholic. I had one. Send one to Mark Ruffalo. Dan, you should sell shirts of the dolphin. The dolphin? Yeah, you should touch me anywhere you want.

No, just the pictures of the dolphin with you next to it. I have those. I want to bring back that whole market, that enterprise of the funny shirts.

Yes. It's alive and well in Europe still. Oh, yeah. And we have a good family friend. Shout out Derek Godfrey lived at her house

and her lovely son Max, who I think is 16 now. When I was doing press for the Jack Tucker special, gave me a shirt to wear because I was like, do any funny shirts?

And he gave me a shirt, again, 15 year old kid gave me a shirt that said, I came here to drink and fuck and I'm almost done drinking. That's great. I mean, Jack Tucker, that's his MO.

Please. It's also, he's so much smaller than me. It's like an adult small, so I'm like, busting out. It's like a baby tea. It's like a baby tea. It's like a baby tea. So I will bust it out soon. Solid.

So we're in beautifully. I have a tag for your thing. I'll take it. So for the dolphin thing, just be like, oh, you guys care about consent and floor. It's okay. She gave me measles. There you go. Yeah, I like that.

She gave me measles. In the end, she got me. She gave me me a miso. She got her blowhole out. Hey, all right. Gavin James Klaus. Nice. Gavin James Klaus.

C-L-O-U-S. Are we going to talk about Klaus the Barber? Have we talked about him? I'm sure we talked about. Our dad, when we were kids, used to get our haircut at a this guy named Klaus the Barber, which sounds like a Nazi who's hype. Was that also the name? Klaus.

I mean that genuinely. All my two little Drew's boys, I want to line you up. Let me get your little haircuts. We put little balls on your head and we cut around. the head. So he's... Who sent me? So would you like a shave?

Would you like a shave? We don't want a straight razor, Klaus. So he's... I'd like to perform experiment on the... Anyway, so his his haircut place was in the parking garage of a... Tall building.

It wasn't even that tall. It's probably like 10 stories in clear. Yeah, but that's that's... In the garage. So you're like, well, in the garage. And there it is in the thing. And he... Wait, it's in the...

Like an open air, open floor... No, no, no. It had it so... Like, you walked in. It was closed off. But like, it was... I'd never seen. Like, there's a guy who, like, never sees the light of day when he goes to work.

He's in a parking garage. And he's a German. And his name is Klaus. And we call him Klaus the Barber, which sounds like a Knows. The other thing he had in there just as like. And so if you're like, if someone's like, he's not a nasty. He's a very nice man. He had a fish tank full of piranha.

Parana. Yeah, that's. Are you serious? Yeah. I was going to say, I thought you were going to say, like, if he pulls like the little spinny thing outside of his bar. It turns like a Nazi sort of Batman case. Yeah.

A bunch of all my little droosh boys. I've got you here. Wow. He got those piranhas from the Amazon and he's hiding in the same. Right. To South America. Where are those from? Those are from Argentina.

I mean, sorry. Do not concern yourself. Klaus de Baba. I'm also sure those exhaust fumes from the cars respected his walls. And they're great for piranha. That's what piranha loves. That's what piranha loves.

just the, here, like, 1970s unregulated. And he would, like, feed them when we were like, you would. Of course you would. Put your finger in the tank. He'd feed them the teeth of little Jewish boys. Wow. Look at their little teeth.

Little Jew. Look at said little teeth. Oh, my. So this guy's name is, this guy's name is Gavin James. Claus. Gavin James. He was arrested on September 10. You don't get a lot of Jews.

Never forget. Never forget. 910. Never get 910. 910. I never forget where I was when Klaus when. Gavin James Klaus was arrested on September 20th.

2026, this is recent. On charges including burglary of an unoccupied dwelling, grand theft, and petite theft. Okay, so the Tinder date went well enough that they went back to her or his place. And she felt comfortable enough to go to sleep. Yeah. No, no, it's unoccupied. It's her house. So he went, so the date went well enough.

He knows where his date lives. She was probably sleeping in his place and he bolted there. To her days later. Oh. He goes back, says I was eyeballing that guitar and those electric bikes. Also, how many bikes does this girl have? I think he just stole bikes from the air. Okay, one of the cases dates back to March when a woman invited Klaus to her Palm Harbor home

after meeting him on Tinder according to an arrest. He's got to be good looking. Like, he's got to be good looking. I want him to be hands. I should put his photo in there. I would go on field. If you find the photo, Aaron, while I'm doing this, I should have sent you the photo. I'm sorry.

The woman noticed the following day, at her Yamaha Dreadnought guitar. I don't know if this is good. The Yamaha Dreadnought? Guitar? Yeah. It can only play reggae. You don't know what in it is.

I'm looking at it. Boom. I will tell you right now, Yamaha is a bad brand. You know what? I don't fucking dare you, dude. They crush the motorcycle market. And you're out here saying shit about how they fucking make a car.

They got a casino out in Palm Springs. Oh, that's Yamava. I don't care. Yeah. You want to know how good this guitar is? You can only play a redemption song on it. Guess? No.

Well, I heard all the strings, all the cords just sound like a motorcycle engine. How much do you think there's Yamaha? I have it. I have you. Out of the first four listings, I will go with the most popular listed price. What do you think a Yamaha? This is just for me and Zach did. I know, because I know.

I should probably look too so that it's just for you. If he looks too, you're going to win. And he's going to win. And then Randy still loses. I'm going to say $380. $2. That was good. I was going to say $2.80.2.80. I looked.

Aaron, you want to guess? Aaron knows. He already hates these guitars. He hates these guitars. He hates these guitars. It's $200. One of you is exactly right. It's Aaron. It's Aaron. It's $200. It was missing. Investigator said, just leave it. It's a Yama.

That's good. You really called us out here for a fucking Yama? Her quote was, thank God he took it off my hands. Aaron's the responding officer. Aaron's like, look, I'm not fucking writing up a report. You want me to run. Is it a Gibson? Klaus's like, oh, I feeds us to the piranha.

Aaron's like, look, I chop up the guitar strings. You want to go buy a tailor and then your fuck buddy comes and steals it? I'll come right up a report on that. I'll come. I'll show up. Surveillance video from inside the home showed Klaus, putting on his coat, picking up the guitar from a couch and leaving the residence at approximately 1247 a.m. On March 19th.

Out of the case. So that's post-coyal. That's post-coigne. She's sleeping. Talk about aftercare. Hey. Wow. In a separate case, Klaus is of accusives stealing an electric bicycle valued at how much?

Oh, that's like $1,400. That's a really good guess. I was going to go. Yeah, I feel like that's smart, but I feel like he's probably stealing bad stuff. So I'll say like, I'll say, like, $380. I'm sticking. I, I'll go $800. 800.

Yeah, maybe I need to say $600 instead. I don't know how much. It was $1,100. Oh, yes. That was close. Outside of Gulf Bay, bait, and tackle. Sure. Shout out, Gulf Bay.

That's my golf bay. Hey, what up? Early mornings of August 25th, surveillance video reportedly showed Klaus, passing the business on another bicycle about an hour before the theft and looking toward the electric bicycle. This is his city bike.

This is like, I dropped this one off and I picked that one up. This is like that old children's story about the dog with the bone. Yeah. He's got one ball and now he's like, wait, what about that pole? And then he drops it in the water in the reflection. Investigators say later, return on foot and took it. So he didn't even exchange the bike. No, that was saw it, clocked it.

I'm taking a joy. Coming back for that. Coming back for that way. Well, you got to have your night bike and your day bike. Thank you. You know, I understand. Day bike. I understand.

I found a photo of him. He has a certain quality. He definitely looks like he could be on stamp town. He has a look in his eye of I am casing your place as we make out. Think of your age and then say later whether or not you were close when we do our official guess. Okay. Okay. Not what I thought. Not even close. Manson-esque. No, he's Pete Yorn.

It's like, this is sort of a glamour shop? It's a good-looking guy. That's a, I don't care. I'll say, objectively good-looking guy. You put some, you put some, like, hair product in there, and his hair is going to be voluminous. But also, you notice he's got a little bit of, like, shoulders, shoulders to the right, neck to the left, tilt down. He knows his angle. He knows what he's doing. He's naughty. He looks like he's in a car, and he's just put down the window, and he's like, hey. I just wanted to get another look at you. Yeah.

He does have a Cooper-esque about it. It's got a little Bradley Cooper in a star is born. That's right. He's got a little looking. He's definitely in the shallows. A theft is born. A thief is born. A thief is born.

Okay. According to the affidavit, think about that picture when you're thinking when we guests on this age at the end. According to the affidavit, two law enforcement officers who had recently encountered Klaus identified him from the surveillance video four days after the theft. A Kenneth City police officer stopped Klaus for a bicycle violation. If you're stealing bikes, you better be observing the bike loss. Well, this is one of the oldest rules in crime. Don't get caught breaking the law while you're breaking the law. That's right.

Like, don't get pulled over for a broken tail light when you're driving away from a bank robber. In golf, they say, if you're in trouble, never go trouble to trouble. If you're in trouble, get out to a safe place. Trouble to trouble. One of my favorite Disney channel shows. Trouble to trouble. I know. They weren't twins. They weren't twins. I know. But everybody saw them as twins, which was weird. One of them was Puerto Rican. Photographs taken during the stop reportedly showed him wearing the same distinctive shorts that had been seen

and one shorts. These are my stealing shorts. Cut off and one shorts. Cut off and one shorts. They're like the shorts that Corey wore. Yeah, I was thinking either and ones, like the ones with like the shack logo on that. Yeah.

You got next. I got your mom. That's what it says on the shorts. You got next. I got your bike. Come on, dog. Losses accused of sealing electric bicycle valued at $827. From the porch of a residence in the 100 block.

This guy just steals bikes on September 8th. I don't know. Earlier that day, approximately 1228 a.m. Surveillance cameras allegedly captured clouds entering the hotel siesta property. No, now siestas can be nice. At 1780-0 Gulf Boulevard in Reddington Shores. Please put that on the dumb people down walking tour. The building was undergoing construction and remodeling.

It was not open to the public. He said he took an unsecured electric bicycle from a porch area and left by passing through fenced yards. The unsecured is where his whole defense locks. Yeah, he's like, if you want it, lock it up. I thought it was a goddamn lending library. That's the way he feels about women, too. If you want her, lock her up. That's also a line for my white ring white, right wing white.

She sits to my left. If you want her, there's a lot of lock her up chance in my right wing. Oh, yeah. But how do you know they're not like gym people and they're saying like lock her up? Like let's get some lockers. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. To lock her lockers and we're going to the gym at the same time.

That is great. If we have that for the show, they have a locker installation business. Exactly. You can take a picture for the locker. We're going to a lot of theme parks. Yo, we got a locker up before we go in there, right? Locker up. Let's go.

On my right wing wife, she sells and her own like Etsy. She makes, for lockers, she makes a lot like little master locks with Hillary's face on it. Yes, and then you lock her up. It's a lock up. Okay, and then also you know how on a classic lock when you turn it like this and you do the numbers? Yeah, yeah. I feel like to get it open, it's like a little red dot that eventually lands on Hillary's forehead. Yeah.

You got her. Yeah. We locked her. And it says that too, like a little Hillary voice goes, you got me. You got me. Check the emails. I can't wait for this writer's room. I cannot wait for it.

Our blue sky, we're not going to do a lot in terms of actual scripting, but our blue sky days are going to be amazing. That revenue is going to be crazy, too. People are going to be clamoring. Clammering. Blanchee is going to go nuts. My pillow guys already Martin. Lockheed Martin. Raytheon.

I'm going to say this. Raytheon Industries does seem like it's the evil guy in a Beverly Hills cop movie. And that's two of our friends in the show, Ray and Theon. Come on. Yes. And they live next to us. That's us.

We get to play Ray and Theon. Damn. I'm just going to say this. There is, and just in an effort so that we don't just dehumanize people, she is redeeming on a small level. Yeah. There's something about her. There's something about it.

She loves her husband. She does. And she loves her country. She loves God. And she loves Pipples, the artist. Yes. She loves Mr. Worldwide. She's Mrs. Worldwide.

They're called Puppies, pitball fans. So those are the cases against this guy. We're going to get out of here on this. How old? How old? They're called. Gavin James Klaus. How old is he?

All right. So we saw the picture we kind of get it. There he is. He's like 25 to 48. He's too sexy. That's a wide-n it. Wide knit. Wide knit.

Wide it. Wide it. Wide it. Wide it. 25 to 60. Why didn't it? 18 to 34. This guy gets on season three of Landman before I do.

I'm so pissed off. Dan, you should be on Landman. What do you think I grew this mustache out for? Dan, you should be on Landman. You should be the guy who checks the meters and just like, and blows up. Holy shit. Are you a meter guy? Dan, I'm going to say this on the show, like I told you in a text chain, you were great on the bear.

You were so good on the bear. You were so like natural and great. Me and Brad Morris. Tom Scaling. What a fun episode. Oh, my God. Congratulations. I've never seen the show, but I'm gathering.

You were on the show. He was great. Briefly on it. Did you say, had a skilling? Did you talk to Skilling, please? Tom Skilling is a weatherman in Chicago. We wouldn't shoot on the same day. I was just saying. And who sat with him?

That guy's so funny. Oh, I forget his name. Is it Pat Tomasillo? No. He's like, he did a bunch of stuff on Conan. Did you meet the line producer named Tyson? He's a lovely individual. I believe I did.

I was, I shot a movie in Chicago two years ago with all the crew from these people. And he is just a gem. And that crew? They're incredible. In top to bottom, too. Does they know they're on. a winner of a show. When we would do better call. When we did better call Saul, the food's a little better. The food's a little better. No one's worried. We walked in a better call saw and they're like,

we're like, what are we doing today? Expecting that we're going to do our scene in the morning. They're going to move on to something else. They're like, we're going to shoot your thing. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care how long it's going to be. I want to enjoy. The bear would have meals, but then they would have in between meals delivered from the best Chicago restaurants in the cities. Of course. Kasama, like some of the best breakfast He was just going to have in the world. One day they had Italian beefs. For Santa.

I know. And I was like, Italian beast, a little on the nose. You guys get that a lot. And they're like, we do, I'll get a lot of Italian beef days here. But the food. Holy shit. Yeah. I mean, it has to be good.

All right. So I'm going to guess. What do you think? You had the range, but just pick a age. Shout out Justin. Speaking of you guys on Buttercall, Saul, you of all people should have had an idea what a guitar cost. Oh, we were the guitar guys. A big old, Aaron.

Aaron. Good point. Aaron nice. We were into robbing people blind in that show. Right. We probably marked our guitar. Okay. How old is this too?

I want him to be younger than he is, but I'm going to say 36. That's good guess. That's kind of in the range there. Yeah. I'm going to go. That's a fucking good guess. I'll go 34, Walter Payton. I'm going to go 44.

That's a good 40. I think he looks better than we think he is. He's got a little bit of gray, but like once you cross four, 36, 34. Aaron, you're throwing in? I'm staring at his face right now. I can't look away. Me too, dude.

In my heart. I'm looking at his eyes. I'm getting lost. I want him to steal my bike. I want him to steal my damn heart. My heart. Exactly. All right.

39. 39. All right. 36, 34, 39. One of you is exactly right. It's me. It's me. It's me.

I'm staying. Aaron, you come with me? Are you staying with you? 36 feels good, guys. 44, dude. I had the guts to be like this guy. Like, this guy looks better than he is. You're right.

He dies. All right. He's biking alive. Get your answers in the home. Go to YouTube if you want to see him. When we come back, you go to YouTube and watch this in YouTube and say it. When you come back, we're going to talk about Stamptown, the special, talk about what we all have coming up. I'm really, really excited about this.

The man is Gavin James Klaus is 36. Let's go. All right. Let's take a break. I knew that was a great guest. Wow. Are we having fun, guys? Dan felt it.

Dan knew it. Let's take a break. We'll be right back with more Zach Zucker on Dumb People Town. Come on. Stick around. Make us down. Bunker down. It's Dump People Town.

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Make us down. Bunker down. It's Dump people town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show before we jump into Stamptown. We have a lot to say. Sure. There's a lot of good to say about this show. Just come out in a few weeks?

What are we doing here? It's out. This one comes out. Oh, does this episode? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this episode will probably come out soon. Okay. That's what I'd say, because Stamptown's out and we want people to watch it.

By late October, we would think. Yes. For us, we want to say, to, to, all the people who came and saw us shoot our special. Thank you. Of course. I'm so bummed. I wasn't there.

This is before the special is tape, but the sentiment doesn't change. In advance, we're thanking you in the past. And hopefully we had a great time. And hopefully we really felt it. And I'm sorry. I heckled the way I did. No.

That was so weird. I just felt you. And you know not to do that. I know. I was trying to help you guys. Yeah. I thought you guys could have used it. You're the drunk woman.

Do your old stuff. You're the drunk woman at a show. I'm helping. I'm helping you. They like comedians like that. Which by the way, if someone did that to any of like your Stamptown character, you would destroy her. That would be the show. That would be the show.

You'd bring her on stage. She would tour with us. She'd be a career on her. She becomes the new person. So, which is a great thing to do in the future for that. I genuinely, if you guys ever came to show that you were not booked on and did that, you were welcome to do that. Dan, you should heckle Stamptown. I don't know about any of it.

Just the dad who is right there from the middle. My son brought me here and I don't get it. Don't take this the wrong way, but there's a lot of stuff I don't think I would do myself. I don't understand. We'll come up here and tell me what you don't get him off the show. I don't like the way this is feeling. Is this performance art or comedy? It's both, sir.

Yeah, you just talk to him down. That'd be really funny. That's a good bet, Dan. So we should tell you what we have going on before we jump into Stamptown, which is we're going to be in Ann Arbor at the Ann Arbor at the Ann Arbor at the 15th through the 17th, praying to God that the Penn State, Michigan game is not a night game on that Saturday. We'll see.

We can't control. The Jews can control the weather, but nothing else. We can't control the college football schedule. So if you make it a night game, we're going to make it rain. We're going to be cold rain. It's going to be 39 degrees of rain. You don't want to be out there. Come inside without us.

I'll do the first ever halftime show at a different location. Right. We're going to do it at the game. You're essentially getting a kid rock that game. You should kid rock the game. You should go, hey, halftime show is when we're going on stage the moment half time starts. Oh, shit, dude.

So anyway, so that's, so we're doing that. that there and then we're going to be at the flyver fest in st louis performing a great theater show at coca which is that your friday night show it's our friday night show coca it's like a beautiful like 480 seat theater it should be really great this is the same thing i think it is jay this is where we they in the same building where we did our bar mitzvah no way they revamped the synagogue and turn to this art center when the synagogue move west so the the nostalgia of us coming back in here we're just going to the first 15 minutes is going to be our tour portion yeah yeah Yeah, yeah.

We'll talk more about mine later, but I'm going to be, we're going to be there together. Oh, I can't wait. Together, but separate and in love. But I'm obviously going to run. I want to see this. But the footage you guys have of you is somebody else's bat mitzvah, correct? Yeah, we'll show. And that's not at that location.

No, but you have photos or video of your own? No, we might have, we have photos of ours. We'll put those up there. Of course. We should 100% show. You're absolutely right. Dan, you're so smart. So we're going to do that show.

And then the next day we're like. like commentating bowling, I hope you're going to bowl, Dan, you have to bowl. There's like, bowling, like it's a,

for Netflix is a joke. It's like they're from their radio. Yeah. Radio thing. So we're doing commentating, like three hours of bowling the next day. What's that in the afternoon? Yeah,

but then you come on and you can be a character with us. Interview with us and hang out with us as we do stuff. It's going to be blessed. I might do the whole thing in a character. Do it. Do it. You do it. I love it.

Bobby sister. This guy. Bobby Cicero. We're going to invite Klaus and Barbara. Cah Lewis. Why not? He's probably dead. He said, Lord.

He's in hiding. What's the bike situation? So anyway, so we're going to, so that's going to be there. And then we, we're going to be in Phoenix in January. We have a bunch of dates coming up. And we just secured more. Where else do we go? We just did the, what else do we got?

Going back to Michigan. Go back to Michigan, Detroit in March. Yeah. Or end of February. At the end of February. Beginning of February, we're somewhere else. Yeah, we have a lot stuff. So it's all, supersclogers.com is all that stuff.

And then when we shoot the special. are friends that's super nice guys. We love them. They will try and license it somewhere and we'll let you know exactly where that's going to drop. And speaking of it's a great way to transition into probably one of the most exciting, most unique, hilarious, insane specials,

comedy specials we've ever seen. And we were lucky enough to be a part of it. And by the way, on this show, we're talking about Stamptown. On this show, we pitched to you that we did our, when we were had you on the show, we're like, can we do the stamp to, can we do the land acknowledgement bit there?

And you were like, yes. Yes. Yeah. We'll figure out a way and that was it and we got it in there and the whole thing stayed. We were so happy. We were happy with how it came out. It's so funny because we shot three shows in the Montelbaum Theater, beautiful theater, amazing. Crowds were insane.

First two, Jay and I are like, we don't have it yet. Like the first two tapings were like, I didn't like that. I didn't like that. We better bring it on this last one. I remember when I talked to you on, I was like, I want you all to fucking bust out there coming absolutely crazy. Which we did. And then you did. And you guys absolutely nailed it.

It was so fun. Like we had one. It was like Star Wars. We had one kill shot to blow up the Death Star. And we did it and it was so much fun. And you were great and you threw us a little curb all in the middle, which we loved. I know y'all can handle it to you. And I think it also just, it really drops you into the immediate present.

And you guys have already done this bit and it crushed so hard when we did in Austin the year before. And got so much love online. Dude, it's been so well received. I also like how you've leaned into the people that seemed to have stumbled onto it without knowing what they were getting into. Yeah. Do you post somebody recently where somebody was like, somebody said something like, I couldn't stop watching this. and I find it so aggravating. And you're like reposted there like thing.

I love though the leaning in of being like, yeah, because you know what happens when you make something for everyone? Almost nobody likes it. And it sucks. You made this and it's fucking great. And we're not trying to piss people off either, but it's just like every time we've, we've lent into the bad reviews or the. And they aren't.

And they're not, but it's like, or like you would get a half star from someone who's like, this is a total waste of time. This is AI Gen Z slop. You know what I'm like. The opposite. Thank you for this. Thank you for this. Thanks for watching.

So what it is for our fans and whatnot if you haven't seen it. You know, he, you guys have done, it's a variety show in the craziest sense of the word. You have through so much experience and doing shows in Edinburgh and like all over amalgamated like and connected with some of the greatest variety performers and doing comedy and variety. And usually it's a twist on a typical variety act. Can I tell you my favorite moment? I'm not going to like, this is my favorite moment in the entire show, and it typifies why this thing is great. It's a tiny moment, and I'm going to blow it here.

I'm sorry. Yeah, please. In the middle of the act, because there's so many acts that come on and off, and they require things that come on. So there are stage hands who are part of the show. Part of the show. This is my favorite thing. A stage hand comes on while hurriedly sets down a stool for the next act,

goes off, and another stage hand comes and picks us to. up and takes it off. It's my favorite joke in the show. It is so funny and it is so, like, to me, makes fun of variety and kind of how you're doing this whole show. And it all goes on without you're acknowledging it in any way, shape, or form, which is just so funny. And the audience got it and it was just great. There's so many of those little sort of Easter egg things in the show. What I love about it, and I hope that this lands in the right way, is, do you familiar with the TrueS production of Steppenwolf? Uh, no. Okay, so it's like Senise and Malcovich, and it starts out, And it's like a calm like mom's kitchen that they're in, right?

And over the course of like this night, everything just goes to fucking shit. And by the end of it, it's like covered in toasters and there's a mess and like this or whatever. And I felt like that with this is sort of the journey of the show. And then also like the audience of like where we start and like where everything ends. Like the. Gloriously goes off the rails. Yes. You have to keep it together.

Yeah. But like how the environment and everything is like changed from where we start to like where I love it and I just I thought of that production. And I love Dan and I thought you would love this is that there is an improv quality to this special which doesn't exist in other stand-offs. When you do a stand-in special, you're doing the set that you have always done. This is like if a character has come on or an act has come on and there's a moment or a sort of crease for them to come back in later in someone else's thing, they walk back in and they do something. and they're the character from before. Yeah, the journey that it takes you.

It's like a herald almost in that, like, anytime you feel like you can tap in and bring yourself back into this thing as a character. Which is remarkable to do in a special. It's just remarkable. So I just think for fans who love comedy, this is going to be a different thing, but there is so much, there are so many funny bits. The sex robot bit is just incredible. The review of the show is just incredible.

Camios, I don't want to say who's in there, but like just an amazing cameo from someone who we all know and love. Ali Palamedis, like that concept of that bit is so great. There's just so much in it and watching for us too. Yeah, yeah, go watch it. And then go give it a thumbs up and give it five stars. Yeah, all that shit. All these things help.

Like if every, you know, if half of our listeners like go and watch the show and five star it, it's going to jump back up. Yeah. And it always, we need that. And that's what I think, yeah, that's the main thing for us is like I'm super proud of it. it was the hardest thing I've ever been a part of, but I'm, I always say I'm the luckiest guy in the world and I've got the easiest job in the world. I'm surrounded by the best geniuses of all time. So to me, it's easy. And, you know, we always, we have a saying now, which is

the meal will reveal itself and the meal reveals itself in the show where everyone just pops in, finds their moments. You know, I've said this to you guys, I think, every time I've been on this podcast, but I interned at UCB in 2012 and 2013 and I used to work Saturday nights. And I remember seeing you guys back then. And so to have the history of like all these people who I have looked up to become friends with and share the stage with to have this big celebration of people I've known for, you know, six to 15 years was a, it was my literal dream come true. So amazing. Thank you guys for being a part of it. I didn't know we were both interns at UCB. Really? Were we there at the same time? I was there before then. I was there February 2011

until like May of 2012. Okay. I think I came right after. I think I was like May 2012 to, you probably replaced Dan. Were you a Saturday night guy? It was Tuesday nights. Okay. I did every Tuesday night. Did you ever fill in? Because I know we've just known each other for years now, but I'm like, I'm sure we

crossed paths that used to be. Gilly, Gilly was my night manager. Yeah, Gilly. And Marie Lively. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out Marie Lively. Shout out.

Remember when they would do like that, that random, like Bessers like dirty show? Yeah. Oh yeah. And it was like Saturday night at midnight. I brought it back for a couple years and I was like, this is the most bananas awesome. That's how I felt watching you guys. I mean, listen to my Saturday.

midnight slot. It was a rotation between y'all, the midnight show. There was snow pants and like Ben Schwartz's wacky hot sauce, all that shit. And then it would just be like, yeah, the best or naughty night. It was like Gillies, you were gross, which then went to, like, it was the breeding ground for all these things that, you know, even though I went more circusy with it, it's like all of this. Oh, it all influences. It all does. And then also you guys as well as sports people, like, I think of the show less like a comedy improv night. And it's more like kind of like a motion offense, concert. And so we have all these plays. There is all these set pieces. And if you know this, you start as a stage hand and then you move up into like a smaller player. Then you do a set.

Then you come back as one of my like guys off the side because you guys can do a set. Anyone here could do a set. But the, what's most interesting is like how can we use you and put you in a way that you couldn't be seen anywhere else? Totally. And if you know the beats and you know the rhythms, you know, okay, normally I'm the four. Right now I'm playing the two, but there's an option for the four to come in and you know the jokes of that. Positionless offense. But you are a point guard. You are the point guard. You are clearly the point guard of this whole thing.

You can score but also is like trying to distribute and facilitate everyone else. I'm trying to be, you know, you guys saw Michael Cooper at the dentist today. I saw Michael Cooper at the dentist today. I'm trying to be, you know, I'm trying to go 80s Lakers on that. I would go Derek Rose. If I would talk prime, Derek Rose, a scoring point guard who can move the floor, run the offense and get everything done. I would go Joaquin Noah. This guy can bring that ball up there behind the bench clowns.

cool. And sometimes you need a Todd Gibson, someone who's going to set screens and save to the corner, you know? Joe Kim's coming in here with all this Dale Art day shit. I like to call him Joker, Noah, because the way he's... I'll take a side of beef, Wemington.

I love it. You know that Bill Whittington and I, Bill Weddington lived in my town and I watched him on the... Shut up. On the Hidden Creek Aquapark diving board, and I saw him almost snapped the board. Dude.

He was all seven feet of him. Yes, he's fucking huge. He was fucking huge. He was thick tall. You know who else was huge? Eddie Curry. Eddie Curry was a big guy. That's even thicker than a Masa Man Curry.

Weird shot, though. Weird shot. Bill Cartwright head on. Take a way. Bill Cart right. I'm just going to start talking about more bulls. Stamptown on Netflix. Watch it. Watch it now.

Here we go. Here's another sent in by Kyle's tweets. K-Y-L-E apostrophe Z. Welcome to the party, Kyle. Tweets with the Z at TV. Kyle, you like Judd Bushler? At TV, Kyle. I do like Judd Bush.

Brad Sellers is downstairs. Dave Corzine just walked in to their own. I had a Corzine shot. My knee feels great. Is that Gar-Forman over here? Keep me away from the deal table. Jesus, yeah. We could do this all down.

I know. This is an, okay, whatever. Stacey King may rest in peace. I may rest in peace. All right, here we go. Here's the headline. Florida woman accused of throwing glass mail bottle at driver in road rage. Quote, I hit her in the face.

Wait, she's not denying it. A male bottle? Mayo. Mayo. Mayo. Mayanace. I got that. I saw any gray poop.

I thought mail too. I'm like, what is it? Pardon me, do you have any gray poop on? How about this, bitch? You don't even know that. So there was a commercial back in the... Also, who's buying... I've bought a ton of mayo recently. Glass?

Yeah, exactly. Oh, I got mayo money. Yeah. And it's all... It's all plastic bottles. That's when you found the mayo at the gas station. That's still in a glass jar. So Estero, Florida.

A Florida one was arrested after Lee County deputies. And by the way, so this is the west side of Florida. So my in-laws, my wife, mom and stepdad lived in Sanibel Island, Florida. It was on the west side. Lee County is the county of, uh, record is like, Fort Myers, Naples. It's kind of like that area. And their friend was like the Lee County commissioner. So like I met.

He might be in this story. No. Also, how close is this to Clearwater? Opposite side. Other side. Yeah, exactly. This is the West Coast side. This is Gulf Mexico.

According to Lee County Sheriff's office, Christine Sweet. Come on. Come on, girl. She's sweet. We had a police officer in my town group. Her name was Officer Friendly. Oh. Hey, look, it's Officer Friendly. She had a stern hand on the wall.

Was she friendly? No. She beat the shit. All right. So Christine Sweet, old sweet cheeks, was riding in a vehicle on corkscrew road. How many kids went over the edge on corkscrew road? In August, when the vehicle, she was in cut another vehicle off on the roadway. the backstory.

Deputy said, Sweet began yelling profanities at the victim as the driver of sweets. She cuts her off and tells her to F off. Yeah. So as the driver of Sweet's vehicle slowed down. So she's not even driving. She's in the passenger seat.

Okay. When the victim's vehicle became parallel with Sweet's vehicle, deputies say Sweet escalated the conversation by throwing a glass bottle of, and you ready for this? This is going to be the most surprising detail. No. Veganase. A veganette.

This tells you how did she have the strength. I know. Vegans can be dicks. Well, she was angry, so overpower because she's lacking nutrients. This is a thing. We think just because someone's vegan, just because someone has this set of values, they can't be a dick. You can be a dick? Well, this is like how love on the spectrum has made everybody think that like, oh, people with autism are just like sweet and goofy.

There's a lot of dicks. Everyone's a dick no matter what you know. 100%. Dick knows no bounds. Dick knows no bounds. Dan, you know our show we want to do, Love Island on the spectrum. That's awesome. And everyone

Love Island on the spectrum in 90 days. My right wing wife. All right. So the bottle hit the victim directly in the face, causing a cut under her eye. Lisa didn't like taste something out. After throwing the bottle, Sweet told the driver of the vehicle,

quote, I hit her in the face, go, go, go, go. I hit her in the face. Go, go, go. I love that that's like in this article. I hit her in the face. Go, go, go.

Dig deeper. This week, deputies looked at the vehicle in San Diego. Carlos Plaza on South Tamiani Trail, Tomiyami, which is Chad Damiani's favorite. There you go. Different place, yeah. The deputy spoke with Sweet and arrested her. Sweet was booked on charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and a weapon.

Deadly weapon. And a weapon offense involving a missile into a dwelling. Whoa. I don't even know that was like. Missile into a dwelling charge is severe. She has a launch a projectile into someone's car. Which is property. They missile into a dwelling.

Wait, so this is, they were calling the Mayo a missile. A missile. A missile, car dwelling. Okay, so I thought maybe she actually had like a bazooka. Excuse me, dwelling. She also did that. I didn't finish the missile into a dwelling, comma, vehicle, comma, building, or aircraft. If you can throw a mayonnaise bottle into an aircraft, nobody's like, no pilot is like windows down.

You're getting a freaking call from a Braves. Unless you're in like one of the, who threw that at Greg Maddox? What is that Tom Seaver? A little tail action on that. That was, we're all the scouts. All the scouts. Tom, did you see the action at the end of that? Although, look, I don't endorse.

Dipped. Violence. I don't endorse road rage. I don't endorse throwing things. You can throw a mayonnaise bottle. A vegan Aes. So gratifying. Would she hit him red in the head? Yeah. I mean, it had to feel so gratifying.

If you are the person who, if you. To be not, not I'm saying to hit the person, but to have hit your target. Hit the target. Damn, I have, I have, unfortunately, my, my, this is also, this is also, Florida centric, my ex has two friends who I met when we were dating who are lovely and they're two best guy friends. And they said that when they were in elementary school, that they had a lacrosse ball and all the way across the recess part. There was a kid over there and he's like, I can hit this kid. I bet you 10 bucks I could hit this kid.

And he fired a lacrosse ball. In my head, they said it was like, you know, not 100 yards, but the equivalent of 100 yards far. Drilled him in the temple. The kid passed out. No. They didn't know what to do, so they dragged him into the school bathroom. Where is like any teacher? Any one in the bathroom.

And then just left him in the stall until he woke. Told a teacher that they thought maybe he fell asleep in the bathroom and then woke up. And then he never knew to this day that they did this to him. Until he, he's a listener of this podcast. Go back and relitigate this thing. Oh, my God. It's true limitations. Why did I wake up in that?

He never knew why he was in the bathroom where he woke up. Why is it so funny for people? I think maybe the funniest thing in the world is when somebody throws a first pitch and they hit someone in the nuts. Like you hit a, like, why is getting hit in the nuts or the head the funniest thing in the world? So we've told the story on this thing when we're golfing with our friend in. I already love this. In, in, we're like 12 years old. Great name too.

Steve Pappillo. Like a Pippillo is like a Pobillo. The name is a stutter. Steve Pappapillow. Also, it's a certain pillow to rival the My Pillow guy. Yeah, but yeah. It's the Pupilla. I am more...

The mop pillow. It's P-U-P-I-L-O. It's a pillow for your dog. It's a pillow for dog. It's a pillow for dog. The papillow. Call-A-Domeon right now. Let's go.

So his dad was like... I'm not on crack. I got these pillows. So his dad was like this big Greek plumber dude who was like... Who looked like a bowling ball. You had a bowling ball on his stomach. Oh, like a hard belly. Yeah, like a hard belly.

And he like, he kind of... Hard bellies creeped up and he had a cigar that he had a cigar that he had a ball... he never touched with his hands and he just was blown out the cigar. Huge cigar. He goes way ahead of us, which I don't know why he's like in our group. He's like way ahead. Jay picks up a five wood that was like four wood that was like in our family. That is actually wood.

That's like I've never hit it before in my life. And the guy's 200 yards ahead of me. I'm like, no way you're going to hit him. I'm like, just go. I'm like yelling it. I'm like, just go. Why is he up there? So I swing and hit.

I flushed shit out of it. One bounce hits him in the ass. And his cigar. flies out of his mouth. Like a million tries. I could have never done that. It was the greatest thing I've... Jay threw a bottle of vegan A's at Mr.

Popolo. I was like Kyle Orton throwing a mushy Muhammad. Did you... Were you laugh or scared? Oh, we were laughing so hard. Did he laugh too? He was not happy. He was not happy.

Oh, come on. We're like, that's what you get for walking that far? And I were jumping up and down. Well, that's also then when you have the uncontrollable laughs and then your arms are weak and you can't hold your neck's club. You can't play for like five holes. The rest of the round, was cooked.

The best shot of my life. That's the best shot. Someone gets a hole in one and then just like triple bogeys the rest of the thing. That's kind of what we were doing. We already hit the target in the greatest way possible. So that's what this woman did. She's got, she's arrested,

she's gone, we're going to get out of here on this. How old is Christine sweet? Who's throwing vegan mayonnaise with a friend in the car, cutting someone off? She did all the wrong things in here. And she doesn't have, do we know if she has kids or there's kids in the car?

No. Not that she's allowed to see. Eight kids in the car. Her age, she'll tell you whether she has kids or not. I, man, because now that makes me feel like she's younger, is throwing vegan A's. Uh-huh. Because I'm like, you're acting reckless. Yeah, who's shopping for vegan A's and who has, but in Florida.

Temper can be any age. Shock, they have it. Is she 19? 19, that's a good guess. I'm going to go 26 years old. Oh, that's so crazy. That's what I was going to say 27. All right, I'm going to do 29.

Aaron, you got any thoughts on this? A vegan a thrower? 22. A jar. Nice, Aaron. Empty jar in our mind or full? I think full. Okay.

But the label is full. I mean, like they just come from somewhere, right. Yeah. Or maybe. It doesn't matter how much it is. That was like the old, you know, Reese's, Deas's Peanut Butter Cup commercial that like, again, this is something that kids just don't watch commercials anymore.

There is no shared experience of weird stuff that they're not watching, not intending to watch. Reese's peanut butter cups movie theater, okay? Guy in the balcony is eating a chocolate bar, huge chocolate bar. It breaks off and it falls all the way down to someone down below. who has an open jar of peanut butter. Oh, yeah. Who is, like, going to a movie.

Just scooping peanut butter. Bear pawing out peanut butter and sticking all the big. Well, don't knock it until you try. Thank you. But I'm just saying, it just is the most. It's a public bus move. They're like, you don't like a peanut butter with your nachos and hot dog? I just love that that wasn't the first thing of like, sir, what are you doing?

No, it was like, you got your chocolate on my peanut butter. He's like, you got your peanut butter my chocolate. Two great tastes. It tastes great together. Mother Reese's peanut butter cups. And it rests the man who has open tub. The crazy person who's got sores in his hand. Sir, you know how much you've been open tubbing tonight?

You know open tub bottles who you're on here? Step right. So this reminds me of that. Maybe you just spread in a straight line. Open can of vegans on his hand. This goes in an open container of vegan eggs. So she throws it is. Yeah.

Christine Sweet is 57 years. Oh. Oh, my Lord. this woman. Crazy time. That's awesome. Two years older than us. Grow up.

Wow. No, not really, though. Wow. That story too. Daniel, you've got the third story. You want to give us just. Oh, for sure. And when we come back, Dan's going to let you know what he has got going on.

He's got great exciting stuff coming up. We got flare usage. Flare usage that says Zach Zucker. Hey, Stamptown is out on Netflix right now. You guys got to watch it. Throw up a flare and let people know you watch Stamptown. Watch us in it and see it and let us know how you thunk. Look, I'll say this.

If you guys don't watch it, we can go back and edit the files and we will snip these guys out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't you think I'm not, you think I don't got Hollywood. He'll do it. He'll do it. I am the editor's guild. I become Seinfeld. No snubing! Don't sniffing!

All right, we'll be right back more Dump People Town with Zach Zucker right. Stick around. Make a sound, hunger down. It's Dump People Town. Hey kids, welcome back to the show before we jump into the story number three, crazy flare action. And Daniel, let's go. Everything's at Daniel vancirk.com. You can see me in Lawrence, Massachusetts, Cohass at Massachusetts at the end of October.

I'll be beginning of December. Mike drop comedy on the third. Chinook wins casino outside of Portland on December 18th. And then in November, I will be at the flyover comedy festival doing shows Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night. Four of my shows, premises to shows like the things I do every year in Chicago for Hubbis. It's going to be comedy week. Yeah, we're doing shot for shot. It'll be me in another comic recreating a movie.

scene, shot for shot, exactly how it's done. Very serious. Dramatic movie acclaimed. Think of like order the code red from... The taking of Pelham, one, two, three. Yes, order the code red scene from a few good men or the diner scene from heat. We'll be doing it seven times, but every single time, we have to take another shot. He would be great.

He would be great to do this. I'm also so bad at drinking, so... Oh, three shots in. You're done, bro. I nurse a beer for like four and a half. You're done, bro. You can't Florence Nightingale is. You can't handle the booze.

You can't handle them. Who, Carlos Boo? When he paint that, I honestly. And then just announced Pittsburgh and Detroit, but that's in January. Everything's up at Daniel Van Kirk.com. Let's jump into this. Shall we? Ready?

Sent him by Swishy Mick Jackass. Thank you. First time they've sent in. I love this. I would remember. Swind her chicken dinner. Thank you. Headline flare gun incident prompts arrest.

We've got a fun little story here. An incident involving a flare gun, prompt an arrest. According to Salina Police, this comes from KSA. KSA.

KSA. Selina Police. It's a Salina to the police. On Thursday, officers responded to the bus stop at Sunset Plaza

at 1201 West Crawford in reference to a person possibly shooting a flare gun into traffic. Oh, God. It's not the case. This all took place around 6 p.m.

Oie. Rush hour. Feels too early and too late. Too early. too late. It can't be the end of the night before. Upon arrival, officers contacted a male walking away from the area.

He reported being shot at with a flare gun by a known subject. Does that mean the cops were like, oh, who? Yeah, that's Gary over there. So wait, let me get this straight. Is this the guy who shot the flare gun and then he says someone else shot at me? So cops get a call. Somebody's shooting a flare gun into

traffic, which wasn't true, because when the cops were up, they see some guy walking, and then they just stop him for no probable cause. Sure. And go, what are you doing? And he goes, I'm walking because some guy back there just shot at me with a flare gun. Yeah. And that's how we went to this one. When someone shoots at you with a flare gun, you're just going to casually. You're walking. You're walking away slowly. Shortly after this, officers also contacted a W.L. McCollum. Oh, God. They located a flare gun. Wasn't he like the first person to unionize like a factory? Isn't you the serial killer from Devil in the White City?

I thought he was a shooting guard on the Pelicans. W.L. McCollum. That's C.J. McCall. That's a wrong guy. He was on Portland. Once they run into W.L. They located a flare gun, which had been shot off that had been hidden prior to their arrival. Just say you found a flare gun.

Can you dust for prints? The investigation determined that W.L. McCollum had observed the mail at the bus stop and confronted him about possibly stealing cigarettes. That's not how you steal. Hey, man. Just want to run something by you really quick. Quick. Just spitball.

May I take that? Can I steal? How would it go down if I stole your cigarettes? Your cigarettes? What would that look? What I was like, hey, you want to come with me over to this convenience store and steal some cigarettes? Oh, he's looking for another guy. He's got to be Ocean's 11, Brad Pitt, George Clooney.

I think we need another guy. It's Oceans 2. It's Ocean 2. It's Gulf of America. Golf of America too. Also, he sees the guy at the bus stop and then confronts him about possibly stealing cigarettes. The idea of them doing a heist together I like way more. That's so much more fun.

I'm heisting. Damn. McCollum then produced a flare gun and fired it at the mail who did not want to give him cigarettes, I assume, or did not want to go on a cigarette ice with cigarette. Tell me, you don't want to do it without telling me you don't want to do it. Flare gun, ineffective shooting device. Can you get hurt by, I mean, sure. Oh, yeah.

It's a fiery ball that comes out of. Yeah, but it sort of bounces off of you, right? I guess so. Like really good for San Kay, here I am, really bad for, like, stopping something. It's not going to go through you like a bullet and just like, just like, light you on fire. It's probably bruise. It's got a good... And it's higher, so it could cause a very bad welt. It could cause a very...

What's the line from vacation? John Candy? Glogge under this candy. It caused a very bad infection. The flare missed, of course. And went across Crawford. There was no damage to him from the flare. I think this is dumb. Yeah.

McCollum was booked into the Salina County Jail in reference to aggravated assault and criminal discharge of a firearm. Can we just talk about this in the context of the vegan A's that was thrown? You have a flare gun, and this guy's probably five feet from you, and you're not in a moving vehicle. And you miss him. And she hits you in the face. She hits like 57 as well. Give the flare gun to old Catherine sweet.

Right. Bring her in. Time to bring her in a close. We get out of here on this. How old is W.L. McCollum? How old is W.L. McCollum? Like 84?

I mean, if you're walking around with a flare gun, don't walk around if you're not going to use it. Don't put it in there. Also, like, send him. up a flare. I forgot to send this to Aaron, but I can show you guys. Do you want to see what it looks like? Yeah, yeah, you can just show it to us. Okay. This looks like something you'd buy in a souvenir shop. Well, well, before you show it. No. That guy. I feel like if he asked you three questions. That guy's just trying to get some cigarettes. If you ask him three questions, you answer them correctly. He goes away for it. Yeah, yeah. We had a character that was a homeless

guy that lives under a bridge in one of our pilots. And he, if you give him beer and cigarettes, see his magical powers. No, no one can confirm it, but wouldn't it be nice if he did? Yes. You can pay this, and I feel like I would... This guy looks like the top of a pencil. He looks like he comes out of a bush

and says, I'll tell you. W. L. McColl. McColl. Been asleep for 40 years. Aqualung, my friend. I feel like he's younger. I think he's younger than you think. It's going to be a hard guess, right? I think he's so hard.

48. His nickname had better be squint. He's had a stroke. Squint. You think? Wink. Wink. Wink is his nickname.

Wink. I think he's 48. He definitely shot his eye out with the flare guns. He's got clavicle tattoos. I saw. That's what made me think he's younger because they're not as faded as you'd think. Sorry, I'm a little bit of a detect-to. So what are we going with?

48. 48? I think he's our age. I think he's, I think I'm going to go 50. What, 27 again? My God. I got. 57?

I want to say 38 so badly. I know that's not true, but I'm going to say it. 38 years old? 38 years old? Okay. Squint. How old is squint? is winky. W. L.

W stands for wink. Yeah. McCollum. Is, we'll get out of here on this. You're a delight. Thank you for doing it. Stamptown. Watch it on Netflix. Not hard. Come see us live. In Ann Arbor, go see us. We got shows in Dublin and London soon. Come hang out.

Where are those? Where can they find those states? Oh, Stamptown Comedy.com. Great. I love it. Go see this show live. It's the best. W. L. McCollum. Wink if you're nasty. Is. is 78 years. Oh, my God, he looks great.

That was my first. He looks gorgeous. Oh, he looks good. We should all look that good. We should all look that good. I look way more busted than, like, for my age than he does. He looks good. All right, you guys.

Zach Zucker, I love you, buddy. I love you guys. So much for coming to do this show. We love being a part of Stam Town. I want everybody to watch it. And, oh, snap, we've got to get back to work. See ya. Peace.