Fitzdog Radio - Des Bishop: Catholic Guilt, Irish Identity and 31 Years Sober | Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz Comedian Des Bishop joins Greg for a wide-ranging conversation about growing up Irish American, being sent to boarding school in Ireland, Catholic shame, sobriety, and the difference between guilt and shame. Des also talks about learning Mandarin to perform stand-up in China, navigating life between different cultures, and why great comedians never stop hustling for the audience. Plus, Greg remembers writing a romance novel in Ireland, the guys revisit childhood television before remote controls, and Des explains the fine line between being a comedian and being an entertainer. See Des Bishop’s special Bridge and Tunnel on YouTube and find tour dates at DesBishop.net. Find Greg’s tour dates at FitzDog.com. This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Concern about your gambling or that of someone close to you. Call 16-531-2600 or visit connectxontera.ca. Hey, everybody. It's Greg Fitzsimmons, host of Fitzdog Radio. Welcome to the show. We're so excited to have you. Des Bishop is my guest today. He's a New York comic. Did his time in Ireland and China. A very interesting guy. We have a great conversation. Hope you'll stick around. Maybe you just tune in to hear what I have to say for the first 10 minutes. Then you got the people that they will write in the comments.

You know, 12 minutes, 10 seconds. Like, that's, that's, we have to skip ahead to miss this fucking blowhard's little opening monologue. But here it is. Here it goes. World Cup. I am taping this. It's Sunday night, July 19th.

And so I just finished watching the World Cup. Had a bunch of people over. I made some turkey chili. And we proceeded to all fall asleep on the couch. Look, if you want America to get into soccer, this is not the, the finals you want them to watch. This was, uh, it messy looked like, um, look, who am I? He's the greatest player in the world and it's so exciting to be able to watch him and he's been amazing in this World Cup. But in the finals, it just looked like, he looked like a guy

waiting for a bus to show up and the bus never shows up. He's just kind of walking around. his teammates are not doing anything with the passes. He's giving them. And then the best is, so they lose. Okay. And now we've got to watch Spain take their group photo. And Donald Trump comes walking in. The guy who just got booed by the entire fucking crowd is now trying to jump in on their photo op.

It was like watching, it was like watching me trying to hang out with the varsity hockey players in college. Like, just get, what are you doing? Get out of here. You're not a winner. Name three players on this team, on this Spanish team. And then you can be in the photo. It was embarrassing. Anyway, I am getting ready to leave.

I am home. I've been home alone for the, the last 10 days, my wife's stepdad died. And so she's been in New York taking care of her mom for the past 10 days. I got, I'm all stuffed up. I don't know if I'm getting a cold or what. So it's very weird because I'm usually alone on the road. It's very rare that I'm home alone. And I liked it a lot. I liked it a lot. Don't tell my wife that because I, I absolutely love being around my wife, and I love being at our home with her. But there is something really fucking chill about having a whole house to yourself.

And my daughter hung out a little bit, not much. She kind of ignored me. But I just chilled. I watched a couple movies. Did a lot of errands. I read a book. And it was kind of nice. And now I'm going to New York.

My wife comes home Tuesday, so I'm flying to New York tomorrow so I can be with her mom for five days. But you don't want to leave her alone. She's kind of alone right now. Her sister died a couple years ago. She's 88. She's alone. And I know this sounds like an internet clip that you've seen before. Stepmom, mother-in-law, whatever it is.

But she's 88. I'm not interested. I mean, I really like her. And I think she's a beautiful woman in her own way. but I don't see any of those scenarios playing out. Scenarios? Anyway, so I'm headed to New York. It's been like the apocalypse there lately.

There was smoke shrouded the city, and then there was massive flooding, and then there was explosive diarrhea, and then the Knicks won the championship. It's like all the signs of the apocalypse. Nobody expected any of these. things to happen. And now I'm going to be plopped down in the middle of it. I'm going to interview. I'm doing a podcast from New York. I have Louis C.K. coming on, which I'm very excited about.

I think he's only been on the podcast once before. The last time he was on, he had just split up with his wife that day. And he came on and he did the podcast and he was great. And then after, so this is going back, you know, 10 years or something. And after, and after, He's like, I haven't told anybody, but me and Alex just split up. I go, and he still did the podcast. He's like, yeah, I don't want to let you down. So we'll talk. We started in Boston together.

We were in New York together for a lot of years. He lived in my house in L.A. When he first moved out here with his wife, and they lived in our neighborhood all those years. I wrote on a ton of shows with him. And not a ton, probably like three. And anyway, it's going to be. be fun. Also is going to be fun is Pittsburgh next weekend at the Improv, July 24th and 25th, St. Pete's at the Joke World Comedy Festival, August 14th and 15th. Then I'm coming to Cincinnati

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I have like a cold coming on as we speak. This is awful. My guest is not awful. He's fantastic. We had never met. I knew about him for years, and he knew about me. So it was kind of cool. We're very similar in a lot of ways.

He's a big deal in Ireland. He had a few big shows over there, the Des Bishop Work Experience, Joy in the Hood. He learned fluent Chinese and performed in Mandarin in China for a while. He learned fluently learned the Irish language, and he spoke that and did a special in that. So anyway, we had a great talk. We'll bring up all that stuff during the interview.

Sit tight and hang out with me and my guest, Des Bishop. For the listener at home, we've already done several minutes of really organic, Gaelic-based, Norman. History. I don't know when the mic actually came on, but we don't have to repeat that. No, well, I will say this. The Fitzsimmons name, as you said, is Norman extraction. And what it means is bastard son of because the Norman's invaded,

and then they gave parcels of land to the nobles, and they would take the Norman name, which in my case would have been Simmons or Simone, and put a fits in front of it, meaning bastard son of. So I actually didn't realize that. It was the Bastard Son. Because it was probably, because it was more of a French. The Normans were more of a French extraction.

Right? I mean, there's a lot of them. Fitzgerald. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the thing about the Normans is like all those castles, they're all Norman castle.

Yeah. You know, so like, Irish people don't look at the Norman castles and go, they're the oppressor. Uh-huh. You know? Yeah. Whereas they look at sort of some British stuff and they say, oh, that was part of colonialism. Well, I think it's the way wives look at their husbands and don't realize they are the oppressor because of Munchauser syndrome. They start to think that, you know, all women are oppressed, but not, but she's not.

Right. Wow. But the whole paradigm of marriage is patriarchal. and they're all oppressed because they're weak. There's a reason why it's a patriarchy. It's not random. Somebody didn't throw a dart and say guys get to be the strongest sex. Somebody said to me,

how can you get from the Norman invasion of Ireland to women are weak? How fast can you do that and make it seem organic? Although I'll say Irish women are not weak. No, it's just agreed. The Irish are sort of matriarchal in a way, aren't they? I mean, I think if you were to push hard, certainly the Irish comics, they probably have a lot of situations where the mother was this stronger figure. Certainly in my house, the mother was a stronger.

Right, right, right. My mother's Irish American. Her parents were Irish, but my mother was the boss. I think a lot of Irish people would say that, but I can't. It's anecdotal and totally. I'm just thinking about Angela's ashes. Well, you know. The dad's drunk.

The mother takes over the household. Well, there's a lot of that. But that's throughout history, right? Particularly when populations are impoverished. you tend to end up in a situation where the woman ends up keeping it all together. And like Sean O'Casey's plays, you ever seen any of those? Oh, yeah. We had to study them.

The plow in the stars. Plow on the stars. And, God, of course, I'm blanking now, the plow on the stars. And the Civil War one, which, Juno and the Peacupon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to study all these. A shadow of a gunman. No, I was an English major, and I took three Irish literature classes.

Oh, did you? So, yeah, I got very into Irish literature. Yes, anyway, all those plays have a consistent theme of the men being unreliable and it falling onto the women, not just the responsibility, but also they end up being quite the victims of, in his case, like nationalism. Right, right. And also, I think with Catholicism, the men, in a lot of this Irish literature, you see the men fuck up and they are banquished from the church for a certain period of time where they have to, in these very, villages, the men would have to go to church on Sunday, but they'd stand across the street.

Oh, right. And the women would go in the church for the, for the mass, and then the priest would one day point to a guy and go, you're allowed back in. Yes. And my great-grandfather experienced a shunning from the parish priest in Glengariff. Uh-huh. And he hanged himself from the shame. No. Yeah. How fast can you get from the Norman invasion? your great-grandfather's suicide. But anyway, no, but I have the inquest, I have a newspaper clipping and everything

of the inquest into his suicide. And I'm not saying that the priest caused the suicide, but when I, you know, as I got, you know, because I've done comedy in Ireland most of my career. You know, as I got a bit known, sometimes like random cousins would come out of the woodwork. Yeah.

Particularly from West Cork. And they all tell the same story of the horrible priest. And that goes like down the generations. They all know about this. particularly bad priest. So that thing of Catholicism and the shaming is very real. Yes. People kind of forget that now. Well, also, we had... Catholicism is making a comeback. I don't know if you know that. Is it?

It is actually, yeah. Oh, I like that. I think, as long as it's a postmodern Catholicism where we strip away some of the shame. Yeah, the shame is unnecessary. It's beyond unnecessary. It's actually pretty, as in your great-grandfather's case. And I mean, we had a long talk last night, I was at a barbecue and everybody was Irish American. Right. It was Fitzsimmons. It's a fun thing to be able to indulge in that. Yes.

Because there's just certain, there's a subsection of stuff that's unique to us, I think. Yes. Well, not even Irish American versus the Irish. Well, that's as I say, it's a continuation because my parents were Bronx, Irish. All four of my grandparents came from Ireland. I got my Irish harp. I did see that you've been to Ireland and saw that you were having a lot of good times over there. Great times. I've been there many times, but...

But don't let me interrupt your lineage. Well, so we're at the barbecue last night, and it's Fitzsimmons, Fitzgerald, O'Neill. Okay. Ulster. Oh, really? No, you just... They were the last ones. They were the last ones to get taken over, the O'Neils. But we all talked about a couple of us went to Catholic school. I did not, but a couple of the guys did.

And they were beat, as you say in your special, our generation... was the last one to get beat. Yes. And the first generation, I couldn't pass it on to the next generation. Right. Which, no,

which is amazing. So we know how effective it is, but we can't use it. Right, right. That's an unloaded gun. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so, but we talked. By the way, I got,

when I went to boarding school in Ireland, I got hit in school that had stopped. How old are you? Fifth, no, 60. Jesus Christ. So maybe there was a little bit of that left when you first started going to school.

But in America, to us, the fault of getting hit school was from another era. When I got to Ireland, I was still getting hit by the priest. Well, no, two of my friends last night were hit by priests. Right. Or brothers at the school. Yes, brothers were the most brutal, actually. Yeah, because

they were like middle managers, you know, and they were angry, they never got the promotion. Yeah, it's like the DMV. It's like the DMV, it's like the DMV people getting off on making it difficult for you. Yeah. That's the brothers of the DMV of the Catholic Church. That's why you always ask for the manager. Give me the priest. Give me the priest.

But the shame that I have in my life is profound. I mean, sexual shame and guilt and feeling that I'm not good enough. And we were very Catholic growing up. And I really feel like I got a lot of that came from that. A hundred percent. And, you know, I'm sober 31 years. Okay, I'm 34. Are you?

Yeah. Tomorrow's actually my 31. Oh, congratulations. Coincidentally enough, but that's just by chance. Yeah. But particularly in those early years of sobriety, when I was really going at it hard in terms of trying to figure out what, you know, caused all this. And I did a lot of work and a lot of it came down to that shame stuff. Yeah.

By the way, I don't think it's totally unique to Catholicism, but there's just some very obvious stuff that you can point that in terms of. Well, I think they say Jews have Irish have shame, right? Catholics have shame and the Jews have guilt. Yeah. this is one of the great debates. Yeah. What's the difference? I always used to say that guilt was feeling bad for something you did wrong, and shame was feeling, feeling bad for something you shouldn't feel bad about.

That was like personal definition. Yeah. Do you have one? I just think it's more, it's more personal. Like, guilt is a concept, and you are sort of like receiving justice for what you did, almost in a fair way. Guilt is not a bad thing. No.

You should feel guilty when you do something wrong. Right. But shame is an indictment of your core. Yes. It's because you did something wrong, it is confirming what you already believe is really bad about yourself. Yes. Yeah. So I had a lot.

That was all the early stuff that I did, you know, therapy and group stuff. Yeah. Always came down to the shame. But then like. No, I love, I'm not a program guy. I did it for, I did Al. I was for a long time. Yeah.

haven't been for quite a while. But I did Al-Anon because my father was an alcoholic, and so I started, like, in college, I started going, Al-Anon because of the shame and all that stuff. But they're good on that. Oh, my God. Al-Anon is the greatest program in the world. Because, you know, for A-A, you go in and you really get into stopping a behavior. And to stop it, you go to the roots of it.

In Al-Anon, it's just the roots. It's just like, you know, hearing other people talk about these feelings, you've had your whole life and realizing you're not alone in a way that, I mean, I think when I went to AA, I felt more like I was in Boston. So AA meetings were like, and then I fucking shot a kid because he took my sandwich. And it was 34 years ago, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stoicism.

By the way, I'm a fan of some aspects of stoicism, but not when it's your only way of dealing with things. Right. And that definitely would have, I would imagine, would have been the order of the day. And they were probably still saying the Our Father. They were. Yes, they were. Which I, I don't know.

I didn't, I have a problem with like the Hail Mary, but I don't have a huge problem with the Our Father, you know? No, I tell you what I never liked about that. Because in Ireland at A.m. 80s, they still do. And I'm not, by the way, I still go to A&A every now and then. Yeah. I'm just not like a regular goer. But I just didn't like the R. Father because if you're somebody who doesn't believe in,

God, right, and you're still welcome in the fellowship. When you bang out the Our Father, it's a very specific thing. The Serenity Prayer, I would say the serenity prayer to anybody. Yeah. Because it's literally dripping in a very concise way, dripping in practical advice. Right, right. The Our Father immediately says this is a Christian prayer. And patriarchal.

Our Father. Yeah, Our Father. What if you're Jewish? What if, like, you know, an Ireland these days, they're still saying the Our Father, what if you're like, you know, you're atheia? Yeah. It's just one of those things that's like a trigger. for people. So why would you do it when it's like not even necessary? Yeah, I guess I'm more of an agnostic than

an atheist. And I feel like, or do I have it backwards, which is the one that believes in a, I think it's agnostic. Yeah, I think I'm agnostic. So I do believe in some semblance of a deity that is all-knowing and is responsible for creating the universe and the laws of physics and everything that governs behavior. And so when I do the Our Father, I think about that person. And you're right. That's a step beyond what some people believe. But the good news is that whether you're into the 12 steps, that's what, particularly in

the modern day, it's supposed to be, is you can literally believe whatever you want. Yeah. You know, no matter what you believe in, particularly in the early days when you're struggling, it helps to imagine that something's there. Yes. Whether it's a life hack or not, is irrelevant. Right. There's a reason why organized religion has been around since cavemen.

Now, I don't believe in anything anymore, but I used it wholeheartedly in my early recovery with great effect. Right. Well, if your foundation was in Catholicism, it's built in that you believe in a higher power. You just can make some tweaks to it. 100%. However, in the early days, in those, particularly those early years, I didn't even need to replace it. I was very comfortable with my Catholic beliefs. I actually, my resentments against the church actually came later.

Because when I got so, the sexual abuse scandals were only starting, you know? And like literally my principal from my boarding school in Ireland went to jail. I mean, like, I was amidst it. The principal went to jail? Yeah, I was amidst it. But I wasn't aware. really of the seriousness of it. Anyway, I don't want to get bogged down on that,

but what I mean is my skepticism of the Catholic Church actually came years into sobriety. So I actually, I used to go to church, like not mass, but I used to go into churches all the time in my early sobriety, just like taking it in and feeling connected.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I still do. I almost went to church the other day. And I have a lot of issues with the church, but there's something that's ephemeral, and that's spiritual that I can sit in a church and feel peace and feel connection.

I 100% believe that the buildings are like there's something, whatever it is, it works. When you go in there, you feel a little different. And I don't in a Protestant church. I really don't because there's not a corpse dangling from the cross. They just put the cross up.

It's like, where's the guy? I mean, he died for it. us that is that is intergenerational bro yeah yeah so irish people in ireland aren't raised with the same level of like what i would say naive republicanism that i was and probably you were right assuming that they were bronx irish yeah so you mean irish republicanism or like the ira and yeah yeah yeah okay hating protestants right all this kind of stuff like so what do you remember the movie The Mosquito Coast? Yeah.

Or the Great Outdoors is probably a better example, with Dan Aykroyd. Yeah. And there was these two red-headed twins. Was John Candy in there? John Candy. Yeah, right. So these two girls, the red-headed twins, they're the daughters. Uh-huh.

Right? Whether you remember them or not as irrelevant, they're probably still alive. So anyway, we were models as kids, you know, in New York. You're a model for Ford modeling agency. You were a model? Yeah, the three of us, myself and my two brothers. We all model as children, you know? Yeah.

Anyway, my brother was on the job with those two girls, the two red-haired. So the mom's out there, she's Irish to me. She's talking to my mother the whole time. And I'm, like, fascinating because, like, I'm sure you had this too when you were a kid. Like, being connected to real Irish shit always felt like super cool. Yeah. Certainly did to me. Yeah.

So anyway, the whole time my mother's talking. Then the woman leaves, and I turned to my mother and I was like, she was a nice woman. And my mother said, yeah, but she's a Northern Irish Protestant. Oh, wow. Like, I'm a child, like absorbing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. No, my mother's brother married a Protestant.

and the parents and the kids were not allowed to go to the wedding. The parents said to the kids, you're not allowed at that wedding. Wow. See, isn't that crazy? And that was like, you know, that was probably in the early 1950s or so. And then that woman, the Protestant, the dirty Protestant, developed stomach cancer when she was, you know, 28 years old and died. And the parents never met her. And the kids were forbidden to go to the funeral.

And my mother, who was 19 at that age, never left the Bronx, got a plane ticket and flew out to San Francisco where her brother was and went to the funeral. Only one family that went. Isn't that amazing? Because it's so ridiculous. Yeah.

But I get it. Absolutely, I get it. But it is quite a bit. I always say, like, I'm really not racist against anybody except the English. And I know I shouldn't be. And they're playing right now, by the way. I want them to lose so bad.

I was like, damn, we timed this wrong, but you don't care about the World Cup, do you? No, I do very much. Yeah, they're playing right now. I know. I tried to move this podcast. Yeah, but you're, Amy, who's your publicist? Yeah, Mia, Mia Green, who's lovely? And does a lot of work.

It got back to me and said, you have to do Steph Tull of it three, but I was trying to move it. Well, you know what happened to me? My schedule kept coming in in New York Times. So I didn't even think about it. Oh, right, right, right. I apologize. Well, look, I'm TiVoing it, so I just hope nobody tells me. Okay, well, I'm sorry.

I mentioned it. But, you know, look, the Argentinians are no saints either. Well, you know, treat as you know in Ireland, it's like, it's known that you have to root against England. And it's getting more and more complicated for the Irish now because they're exceptionally familiar with all these players. They follow them, they support them all year. And then they suddenly have to turn on it because they're representing England. However, this World Cup has been so weird with the Argentinians and the controversies over the decisions they've been getting. Yeah.

I was really starting to think, like, I don't know. I kind of want the Argentinians to lose, but it's hard because my brother said it the other day, he was like, you know, sometimes I think I can support England. But then he listens to like the English podcast. And when you listen to the English fans, you're immediately like, nah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like Boston fans. I would be happy for the players.

but I can't handle the joy of their fans. That's what kills me. They don't deserve that. They don't deserve that. And it's too much. Their lives are too entwined in that football team. And the flag. Yeah.

You know, it's just like when they're flying that English flag, particularly, it's not even the Union Jack. That English flag, it's just, I can't. But I do. But here's the hypocrisy of it. Of all these World Cup matches, the matches I've cared about the most, the English matches. So I'm really... Because you're rooting against them

in every match? Yeah, but I also care the most about that match. No, but here's the thing. The British think they're the best country in Europe and the Argentinians think they're the best country

in Latin America. Right, and they've both made exceptionally bad economic decisions over the last 10 to 15 years. Yes. A lot in common. Right. So there's a lot of history

behind this match, although I was watching the first half before I came in here. And I wasn't feeling like that 1986 historical thing. Right, right. Like you do have to kind of move on a little. Yeah, I've got this app called Kalshi, and I've been betting on... You have not.

I'm betting on... Well, you don't just bet on the matches, but you bet on mentions. So if they say crossbar, red card, messy, infantino, who's the commissioner... I see another 12-step program in the future. I know. No, I'm up, though, so I don't need help. No, it's great. I see the counselor.

I've just never, fun enough, I have all the isms, but gambling for some reason never got me. I don't know why. No, I'm not a huge gambler,

but this app is fun. Fun. Yeah. And they're a sponsor. I should, full disclosure. But I was already on it using it a lot

before they became a spy. It was one of those things where my agent was like, do you want to do cows? I was like, I've been doing it. They're finally paying me for what I'm insane. Yeah, yeah.

Whereas other people are like afraid because I did do an ad once for one of those companies and I got a lot of pushback for people. They were like, how can you be in recovery and be advertised? Was it crate, cratim? No, no, no, it was for a gambling thing. But, you know, but I also, it's like one of those things. It's like I would advertise a beer.

I have no problem with, but I'm also aware that some people can't handle it like myself. Yeah. You know? So I'm not as on my high horse about that. But at the same time, I probably avoid them sometimes. Well, like, if I, yeah, but like if Kentucky Fried Chicken wanted to come on my show, I would do it. I'm not black, but I'll do the ad. You know what I mean?

I thought you were going to say, I'm aware that fast food is not good for your health. Wait, so your pot. I would have thought Popeyes would be more the stereotypical choice on that one. No, Popeyes I go to because they have this Cajun chicken sandwich that's really good. And I know it's awful for me, but, you know, once in a while, you know, once in a while, You're on the road. Come on. You know, look at us.

We're in Jason shape. Yeah, well, this is the thing. None of us got fat. Now I have to have left sugar in my raisin brand. I know. Because these fucking Gen Zs got fat. I know. And I don't want to, you know, it's like, that's like real like boomer humor shit.

But at the same time, it's like, can we please find out? You know, because everyone always says like, oh, it's because kids are more sedentary. But then apparently the study show that it's not the, it's not the sedentary that causes it. So it's like, please fucking find out because the food was full of sugar when we were kids. So find out why. So I can get my sweet raisin brand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I missed the sweet raisin brand.

The sugar was literally coating the raisin. Yeah. Because these fucking Janese can't fucking. But we didn't get that. We got spoiled once in a while with like a raisin brand or Captain Crunch. Raisin brand was spoiling for you. We used to get total and like totally sugar-free. We shredded wheat.

See, my mother-chirio. My mother considered raisin brand to be healthy. Sugar-free. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And Lucky Charms was our treat, or Cocoa Pops. Yeah. Or one of those.

So you grew up in Queens? You grew up in Queens until you were how old? 14. But then my family didn't go to Ireland. I went to boarding school on my own. And you were there and then you stayed to do... I would come back for the summers. Right, right.

And then I stayed until the pandemic. Did your friends give you shit when he started having an Irish accent? They did a bit at time. You know, and it really depends, like, if I've been talking, like, if there was a trio here and one of them was Irish. I would sound like actually a lot more Irish. Yeah. But a little bit, I remember I had a girlfriend

when I, the first time I went over and I remember, you know, back then it was like a big deal. I called her like once in three months. It was like a big deal to be able to call her. Yeah. I remember her sister getting on the phone be like, you got a fucking accent, man. Yeah.

Irish people. Now with a Queens. You, yeah, you's got an accent. I never knew I had an accent. I didn't know I had a queen's accent until I was like 13. Yeah. And my brother had like a soccer tournament in this girl in Pennsylvania.

and it was like, well, you got an accent. I was like, do I? Yeah. I wasn't even aware. Yeah, my friend moved to North Carolina for like a year, and he came back like, y'all, and the chicks loved it. Really? He just melted it.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah, I never really got a full Irish accent. I just have words that are quite Irish. And then I still, to this day, sometimes I'll say words. I can't even remember which place they're from. My wife makes fun to me a lot because I'll say a word and she'll be like, she'll say it like that word.

And I'm like, oh, is that abnormal here? Do you say brilliant? Say brilliant all the time. See, I like that. And I say lovely. She thinks lovely is like quite effeminate. I'm like, well, not when I say. It's a lovely sandwich.

Yeah, right. But I remember when I was 18, I finished high school and I wasn't going to college. So I saved up some money. I saved her $3,000 and I went to Ireland and I rented a house and I was going to write a novel. Wow. So I meet this girl named Molly at the, it was in California. Kenmare, which is where my grandfather's from, right, near West Cork, right? Yeah, but so I don't know if I'm much driving you did there, but my grandmother's actual house

where that event happened that I mentioned earlier was just the cork side of the tunnel. I don't ever took that road. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's the road between Ken Mayer and Glengarraf. But I have, but my great-grandfather, that guy, he was actually from Bonan, which is the Kerry side. And I have a lot of distant cousins in Kenmare. Oh, you do?

Oh, yeah, because he was in O'Connor. It's amazing what's happened to that town over the years, huh? It's a lovely town. When I was there in 84, it was a one light town with like a pub, a market, and there was a hotel that had a discotheque in it. Yes, almost every Irish town had that. So I'd go to the Atlantic pub, and Molly was the bartender, and she had red hair and green eyes. Straight out of the brochure. Yes.

And I would sit at the bar, and I would write all day, and then I'd go there at night, and I would drink. fuck Guinness. I drank harp. And I sat there and we flirted and we flirted and we flirted. And then I found out that I was with a buddy of mine in the house and the guy we were renting from next door had these, he was like the Joker.

He had these scars that ran up his cheeks. From like a razor blade incident? Well, I found out that Molly was his ex-girlfriend. And Molly found out he cheated on her. And he had a pint glass turned upside down, and she bashed it into his face. Oh, my God. And ripped his cheeks out.

Wow. Did it stop me? No. Wow. Who was I going to cheat with? There was no other women. Yeah, but she wouldn't let you leave. So I write this novel.

It's called Evergreen. And it was like a romance because it was. You were young and you were experiencing infatuation. Yep. And I finished it and I gave it to her. And she told me it was brilliant. And I thought, I wrote a brilliant novel, you know? You didn't realize that this is a run-of-the-mill term.

Yeah, yeah. Dime a dozen compliment. Yeah. And I never, like, we kissed, I never even got a hand job out of her. And I gave her the novel. She has it to this day somewhere. You kept in touch with her right now? No, I would go back to Ireland, and I'd go back and she'd be there.

And then I went back with my wife. And I thought, this is a little weird, but I'm bringing my wife to the Atlantic pub. And we walk in and I said, where's Molly? And they said, she's up in goal. She's getting married this weekend. Oh, that's good timing. And I'm with my wife, but my heart went like that. Oh, God.

The one that got away. You've got to hide that. Yeah. You've got to hide that from your wife. Oh, good. My voice went up three octaves. That's great. That's almost like a Maeve Binchy or a Celia or her novel right there.

It's like you keep coming back and you have your own lives. It's almost like the L.A. story thing, you know, like you have your own lives, but you keep coming back. Right, right. Did you see that Korean thing? A couple of, it was past lives a couple of years ago. K-pop? No, it was quite a good movie. It was like a gentle movie about like exes that still were like obsessed with each other from a distance.

And then they meet up years later. She's married. Yeah, there was this movie called Same Time Next Year where I think was Barbara Hershey or whatever. And they had a romance as young people and then they met in a hotel once a year. And the movie chronicled like 20 years of this. Yes. relationship. And not to sound super international, but there's also a famous Chinese romantic comedy called Tianmi-me-me-me, which is also about that sort of unrequited love. But constantly,

you're never able to escape each other completely. Now, you learn Chinese and then he went to China and performed. No, no. I went to China to learn Chinese to make a television series about learning Chinese to be able to do stand-up in Mandarin. So what is like, what is the experience because, you know, you hear that China is communist. Yes. And that's a... But it's really totalitarian is more the term that it's... Well, I was going to say, like, what is, what, how close is it to what Marx would call communism versus just totalitarianism?

It hasn't been that since the end of the cultural revolution. Basically, when Mao died and... Collective farms went away. Or, like, you know, whatever that happened to them, imprisoned or killed. And Deng Xiaoping basically kind of became the guy. that sort of took over, not officially, but he was the guy. China has been like a controlled market economy since 1980, basically. Meaning the government oversees the companies.

Everything, yes. And so I would basically just say it's like state-run capitalism, if that's such a... I don't even know what you call. If communism was supposed to be everybody sharing in industry, China said, yeah, we're going to share, but we're going to have the money. Yeah, because they're not. communist, like under no stretch of the imagination of the communists in any way. Except that there's no religion, right? Isn't that forbidden?

Sort of, but not like, like, Buddhism is tolerated. Daoism is tolerated. What they don't like are like sex of people like the Falun Gong, but that's like from years ago, that guy was originally in the government, then he created this thing. Also, the Uighurs, who were like a million of in a concentration camp. 100%. And that's a lot. They're Muslim, right? They're Muslim. And there's the thing that the Chinese don't want to admit. They're They're not fucking Chinese. That's why. Right.

I mean, they have Xiaosu Mingzu. You know, they have these like minority groups in China that are recognized, right? The Uyghurs are one of the biggest groups, but they're also so ethnically different. Yeah. They have so much more in common with like Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan. They're Turkic, you know? Now, I don't know enough about Central Asian attributes to say exactly what terms. Kirkick is, but that's what they are, right? And like when you meet them, they don't look Chinese.

They look like people from some parts of Afghanistan. You know what I mean? Yeah. But for whatever reason, that Xinjiang, that province is part of modern China, you know, which goes back. And it has been for centuries and centuries. Yes, but like all that stuff is like complicated. I am not in the know about it. Yeah. Right. So unfortunately, you know, there's a separatist movement there. And they're culturally very different, you know? Like Tibet and Xinjiang have a lot in common in the sense that they are culturally very different to the rest of China. And they're resisting a lot of the, you know, the Han, the Han of the main ethnic group in China, right? They're trying to resist the Han takeover of their region and, you know. When you say takeover, is it re-education? Yeah, all that stuff that you read about.

I mean, listen, I'm not a, I'm not an expert. And I see all the. resistance to it. Like if New York Times writes an article, for example, you will see that the comments will be flooded with people whose job is. It's their job to flood the comments with pro people's Republic of China messaging, right? And they'll hit you with the historical debates. And like, for example, like a guy like me, I'm just being quiet because like I don't even know how to debate you about that because I don't even know. I couldn't even tell you which dynasty took over that massive chunk of land that is Xinjiang. Like when you look at the modern, the modern map of China, A good chunk of it is Xinjiang.

Like a good chunk of it, you know. So anyway, needless to say, they used, they used, I mean, there was some acts of violence by the, there's like a group. I forgot their name, like a Xinjiang separatist movement. But they used that to implement like a serious crackdown. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there were terrorist acts and that's when they cracked down. But we're talking literally, I've read a million people interned. Yeah.

Yeah. and re-educated and like making it illegal to practice your religion. And their work farms. Like they've got them working as slaves, basically. Now this is, I'm reading the same stuff you are. Yeah. And there was a moment where the American government seemed to be pushing back on that. But like that, the problem is that China is so powerful.

Now, do you remember in the 90s like the beast of boys and everything? Like people were all about free Tibet. Yeah. And like, you don't hear a peep about it. No. I know. And New York has. this new phenomenon where a lot of Tibetan Uber drivers.

Oh, is that right? Yeah. Like, oddly, I've just gotten a lot of them lately. And of course, I'm delighted because we get right in. That's a good conversation to have. Yeah, but it's quite set. Even though you're saying you're special, you like having an Uber driver that doesn't speak English. Well, I like having an Uber driver that speaks Mandarin, if you must know.

That's my ideal, because then I get to practice my Chinese. But with the Tibetans, I talk about how sad it is that nobody really cares. And like Tibet is really on the verge of total cultural wipeout. Their language is now it's illegal, like those kids, which by the way, the English did to Ireland. That's why the Irish always have like an affinity with a sense of people deciding that a land is no longer the people's land. And we're going to wipe out their culture and their language because they tried to do that to Ireland. You know, they just ran out of time in terms of the way the world evolved. So anyway, they're doing that in Tibet, right?

They're wiping out the language. The kids are not allowed to be taught Tibetan anymore. So in the landmass of Tibet, the only kids that are learned in Tibet are being taught secretly at home, right? And then the Tibetan language is being kept alive in India and Nepal and in the diaspora around the world. Right. But like it's very hard to keep it alive if the homeland will eventually no longer be Tibetan.

Like that language will be gone. It's quite sad. Interesting. And the Hanef really, they've really flooded Tibet. And by the way, I'm like pro-Chinese people. This is not like, I'm not coming hard for the Han. You better not be. They got all your social media.

The Hanzu, which is the main ethnic group, like, they are flooding Tibet to the point where like it's very hard for Tibet as a people to like exist. Did you fall in love with the Chinese girl over there or was it too difficult to do with the Chinese? No, in my second year, I had like a proper or a serious girlfriend. Did her family accept you? you? I mean, they weren't delighted. Yeah. Because, you know, we were, we were quite serious. And then the only way for us to keep going was she was going to have to emigrate because I was leaving. And she considered it, but I think, is that an option for her? She considered it. Yeah.

But the first time she applied to come to the stage, she actually, her visa got denied. I guess we did the application wrong. Yeah. She should have just said she was going to hotel and staying for vacation. But the fact that she gave my address, I don't know, they denied it. Yeah. And maybe Maybe had she come to the States and seen the vibe like she would have been happy, I don't know. But needless to say, her visa got denied. And then it was just, she came to Ireland. I met her in Hong Kong. I met her parents in Thailand.

But in the end, it was just, at the end of the day, she would have been sacrificing, like, everything. Plus, she was an actor. So she was going to have to leave her career. She would speak English. Yeah. So anyway, in the end, it was fine. We had a good, you know, we had a good relationship. And we just broke up by virtue of the fact that it was not, it was just too impractical.

Yeah. Shishong is the Chinese word for sacrifice and like in the end she was just like I'm sacrificing everything Yeah you know and I'm like I know but you know I have a good living and it's just I would be sacrificing more for being in China But I also totally respect like I respect how much you would need to sacrifice so I completely understand Yeah that you are not willing to do it. Yeah I mean it sounds like it's not over the relationship It was a long time. It was so funny. Wait, so you're married now.

I'm married now, but I met Hannah in the pandemic. All right. So she's a comedian, and she was like a reality show star. She got a podcast. Yes. I mean, she's killing it, to be honest with it. She's killing it. She's super hot.

I saw her picture online. Well, yeah, if you get the Sports Illustrated one, it's a really... She did Sports Illustrated? No way. It's very funny. It's not the hardest she's ever looked. All my friends are like, yo, bra! I was like, oh, God.

Like, yes. Yes, she's hot, but like this is insane. Was she wearing like a little string bikini? Bikini, it's a swimsuit edition. Her and Tiffany Haddish. Really? Yeah, Tiffany Haddish. I saw the pictures of Tiffany.

Tiffany looked good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I can't wait to see your wife. I shouldn't say that. No, it's fine. We're having a laugh. We're having a laugh. But later on, I'm going to maybe have a spank.

And it's just weird that that's your wife. That's how a couple of my friends mess with me. I'm like, bro, is it cool that I'm like, look at you? I'm like, bro, I do what you got to do, bro. It's so much better when you know somebody, like you know a woman. And you don't suspect that she's going to, like, there was a comedian back in Boston. I won't say her name. And then she moved out to L.A.

We were just starting out. Yeah. And she moved out to L.A. to make it as an actress. And like three years goes by, radio silence. Nothing's happening. And then all of a sudden somebody hands me a VHS tape. And they're like, she got an acting job. And I pop it in and it's like some showtime.

Now, Cinemax, like softcore, softcore porn where she's naked and, like, simulating sex. And I got to tell you, like, I don't believe I've had a more intense masterpartatory session because I knew her. I knew her. The familiarity. It was already familiarity. I didn't expect it. So your wife, I feel like I might try to meet your wife in person prior to looking at the Sports Illustrated. What is the ethical?

Are you in town next week? you know in New York she's not here but what is the ethical like is it obviously somebody has decided I'm going to do sex scene yeah on TV

and you know them like what is is it ethical to choke one out in that situation or you know is it I think it's like in certain cultures if you don't burp

after a meal the chef is insulted I think it's in Shay Shang so yeah it's a It's funny that, though. Yeah. You know, it's the familiarity, the connection to it.

Right, right. It made it feel more intense for you. Did you get turned down looking at the photos? This is not a conversation I'm going to have. You have to understand. Oh, look how Irish you're being right now. No, but she also has a very big fan base. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, there's a lot of drama that can be, can be, that can suddenly come about by things. Because, like, you know, we get it, the vibe, but at the same time, you know, you take something out of context and then. Yeah. I'm all jammed up. And the last thing I want to do is cause her hassle. Right. On that side of the game, like a popular podcast, like dedicated fan base, you get a real sense of ownership to the point where, you know, you just.

They protect. Yeah. And I respect that, by the way. Well, my wife does footpicks on only fans. Does she actually? Yeah. I believe there's good money. And so my friends, they'll see her and she'll be wearing a pair of Timberlins or something.

And they'll be like, hey, get those. His lace is off. And I don't begrudge that. Feet? No, she doesn't do only fans. But feet is acceptable anyway. You like feet? No, I'm not a feet guy.

But what I'm saying is like, if some guy said to me like, oh, you know, your wife has great feet, I'm not going to be like, keep your fucking eyes off my wife's feet, you know? She's wearing flip flops. He's pretending to check his phone. Yeah. I don't understand the feet thing. Yeah. It's becoming a thing, though. it didn't used to be a thing

yeah but well a feet fetish a foot fetish though like a foot fetish is like one of the fetishes that I was aware of yeah and I'm not like a fetish expert

right so I feel like it's gotta have been around for quite a while I mean I'm sure it has obviously the Chinese you go back to them they did they cobbled the feet of the women

they were very into feet there was a word for that for cobbling the feet binding yeah feet binding yeah yeah feet binding because I read the was it the aim was that book

it's like the opening chapter is all about her grandmother's feet being bound. Of course, now it's gone out of my mind. Jesus. We're getting to that age where everything becomes like a game shell where you're trying to guess. What's that all the time? You get hints. You're just getting hints.

It's so annoying. Yeah. It's like one of the biggest books written by an Asian American. Joy Luck Club. Oh, thank you. Yeah. The opening chapters. Oh, that's right.

Yeah. That's actually how I learned about it from that book. Wow. Yeah. So, anyway, let's get to some questions I have for you. Oh, God. Here we go. The hell is that supposed to me?

I was just kidding. I was enjoying the freewheeling. Yeah, but you know what? It's like I went on a podcast yesterday. I'll tell you what it was. Before it, what it is is I'm so sick of myself. Yeah. It wasn't like.

Yeah, but I don't ask those kinds of questions. Okay, okay. Go for it. I mean, I did somebody's podcast yesterday and I show up and I'm going to say who's it was. I walk in there and I don't know this guy that well. Oh, you don't know him that well. And he starts shooting the shit. Okay, let's shoot the shit a little bit.

like my podcast, we sort of start where it starts, and then it takes shape. But a lot of the stuff I'm talking to you about is informed by me having watched your special, gone down some rabbit holes online about you. Yeah, you've done a bit of research. Wacking off to your wife. And so this guy has no idea any biographical information about me.

Nothing? And half the podcast was him talking about himself. And not only that, it went on, like, Like, you will be here for 60 minutes. It's been 45 right now. I got my eye on the clock because I don't want to abuse your time. You know? This guy kept me for an hour, 40 minutes, and he never once, like, and it wasn't good.

It was like, it was a hang. I don't want to fucking hang with you. Write a script. I don't expect you to, like, live off the script, but have it there. Yeah, or at least know what you're going to talk about. Right. But here's the thing, though. I'm like you.

I don't want to listen to a hang. Whatever about being on one, when I go to podcasts, you know, I don't want to listen to a hang. But here's the problem. I'm wrong because all these bloody hangs are so insanely popular. And I don't get it. I'm like, what are these people fucking into? We hung, but we talked about colonialism. We talked about shame, 12-step programs, feet-binding, your wife.

The depth of this is off the charts. It's all over the place. Will it go viral? No. Because we're of an age where we were supposed to be on fucking NPR by now. Right. Industry doesn't care about us anymore. We want to have our deep conversations.

You go ahead. What you talked, I want to talk about, this just really struck me when you're talking about watching TV. And we were the last generation. We were pre-remote control. Well, you particularly, you have 10 years on me. So, like, you were, you know, you were a little further. Oh, no, because when you talk about it, you talk about there being 13 channels and that, like, every other one was fuzz. Okay.

When I started, there was three. Was it actually three? There was CBS, NBC, and ABC. And no local shit. And then no local shit. That came later. Really? And then Channel 13, PBS.

got added. Oh, right. So you remember PBS arriving? Yeah. There's a bit in that. Yeah. Unfortunately, I feel like you're going to be around for it to fucking disappear. But I, yeah. Sadly. Yes. Well, it, look, PBS, I think that that's, um, people overplay that. It's only 10% of PBS's budget is from the government. Yes. I understand that part. And PBS matter to me for numerous reasons, including it was the channel that introduced me to Monty Python. Oh, really? Yeah, which like, I'm not like, I'm not like, I'm not like, like heavily inspired by Monty Python. I just always look back at the fact that I enjoyed it.

I don't even know why. Right. But the fact that I enjoyed it, it's like a sign that I was always attracted to that. Yeah. Even though I don't even remember, I can't go back to that young mind and say why I liked it. Well, you like Sesame Street and Electric Company probably, right? I love Electric Company. That was PBS.

That's a trigger of memory there. I forgot about Electric Company. Yeah. What's the song for that? We're going to, now that's Zoom. uh the electric company electric company

wow it's funny i gotta go back i gotta youtube that because i remember electric company but like it doesn't come up a lot romper room comes up a lot rongaroo captain kangaroo yeah but you know what people don't remember the patchwork family oh i didn't do them yeah because i used to wake up the crack of dawn oh and i so it was the first thing that would come on like when fuzz ended that will come on a 5.30. Oh, okay.

You know, so, and I'm still that way. Today, I used to wait for a patchwork film to come on. Today, I was waiting for the goddamn cafe in the hotel to open because I'm just such an early rise. You still get up that early? Yeah, it's all my life. Well, you're on East Coast time now, too. No, but that, yeah, but it's the curse of like I have my joke, which I don't say on stage,

but like my life joke is that I have the body clock of a farmer in the working house of a stripper. So I literally, everything about me suits being a comedian except for I really have like an early. So do you have to nap then? I have to nap. You nap. Like if I'm doing two shows, it's the one evolution of my comedy career. Ginging in America means you got to do a fucking late show.

Yep. And I have not adapted well today. Well, especially sometimes you got a late show on a Friday and you're flying like across the country that day. And then you land on the wrong time zone and then you got to do a second show that night. That's brutal.

But here's why it's really bad for me. Then I go to bed at fucking 12.30 a.m. 1 o'clock. and I wake up at five. And I got to repeat the process for the Saturday. But this is... But getting back to the TV, before remote control, my father would lay on the couch. He'd chain smoke.

My father smokes three and a half packs a day. My mother smoked a pack a day. So we're in the family room. And if it's summer, the air conditioner is on, which means the door is closed. We didn't have air conditioning. Oh, look at you. We had one unit in the whole house,

and it was in the family room. Right. And they would put it on, and they would chain smoke. And the room was a close. cloud. Yes. And we, my father, we had a couch. Okay, we had five people, right? We had a couch and a love seat. Love seat sat two. Couch sat one, because my dad would fucking lay down, pick his nose and smoke, and tell us to go change the channel. We were the remote. He would go,

go put on four. Have you ever written about that? No. We were the remote is a great bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Write that down, please. We were the remote, like, even on the, on the serious, You know, we'd have to title your bits for the radio? We were the remote. Dude, that's a winner right there. We would have to cry. I remember crawling across the floor. That's a special name.

And dude, that knob was hard to turn. Yeah, it was especially like almost like sharp edges. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then the antenna, which you had to, and sometimes the antenna wasn't working, so my father would have me hold on to it. And I'd watch like this, but I'd have to hold it. Yeah.

I was part of the antenna. I was a road and the antenna. And so it's interesting because I'm so glad that you got memories from that stuff because you get a little pushback. You know, some comics like to push back and they think that stuff's a little hack. Yeah. And I'm like, is it though? Because like even this conversation alone, it just brings me so much joy.

It brings me joy, but I think you're cutting out, obviously. I mean, you do it in your special and I think you make it appealing to young people because you're explaining it. But there is a way to do it that, that, excludes people. That's not great. I'm very conscious of that. And that's why I only ever have like, I always call it the nostalgia section, I would never make it like my whole bit.

Right. Well, when I came up in New York, I used to watch the Borsh Belt comics, you know, like Henny Youngman and Milton Burrell and all the, and those guys would go to the Catskills, and my dad would take me to the Catskills because I wanted to be a comedian, and he'd show me, he'd show me these guys. And it was all nostalgia, but they were going back to the, you know, the 50s and 40s. in 40s. But I loved it because it was all about Jewish culture,

which was kind of fascinating to me. Yeah, it's like a new thing. Yeah, they'd explain what different Yiddish expressions meant. Yes. And it was, they did it in a way that was accessible. So, yeah. Well, that's the trick, yeah. Right.

Like, I think you have a bit in the We Were the Remote anyway. Okay. My brother always makes fun to me because my thing was, because I was the older brother, I was like a bully. so I would if I was like drinking my drink I would put my drink down and then I would count to my hands down five four three two one and he knew that he had to come and get my drink and hand it back to me this is awful I actually like I feel guilty just bringing it up it's funny when he says when I say it I'm like what an asshole right right right yeah but it's similar to the having to get up and change the channel and then I don't know if you remember this but because I don't talk about this in the show but our early VCR had a wired remote. Do you remember the wired remote?

The early remote? No. Yeah, so our early VCR, which just had play and pause on it. But your job was to pause when you were recording something off the TV, your job was to pause when the commercial came on. So when you watched it again, you could watch it without the commercials.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the wired remote was like the beginning of remotes. Yeah. I remember I was about four. and my dad's best friend was a lawyer for the, for the mafia, for Gotti. He was Gotti's lawyer. Oh, right, okay. So he was always getting stuff that, like, he would get paid with, like, stuff that, like, fell off the back of a truck.

Was he that bald guy? The bald guy that represent Gotti? No, he wasn't bald. Okay. He was an Italian guy. And so one of the things that he got paid was a, remember the before the VCR was the Betamax. So he got a bad. Patermax before anybody.

And there were only about 20 movies available. And so we went over there to sleep over. And so we watched, I want to say Animal House. I think we watched Animal House. And there was a nude scene. Yes. And I'm 14. And I'm sitting there with the whole family and his family.

And we watch it. And then everybody goes to bed. And I was alone in the TV room. and I put on, it was the topless pillow fight from Animal House, and I spanked it in this guy's living room. You know a spanking story. I was spanking. That's so funny.

When I was a kid, I was the youngest kid in, like, my neighborhood friends. Yeah. The kid younger than me became, like, the oldest of, like, the next group. Yeah. So when these guys were probably starting to spank it and shit, I was still quite young. Yeah. So I was over their house, the Geocococcuses, Greeks, and they was like five of them.

They were watching Porkies. Oh, yeah. And I watched it. And I was like, I wasn't even old enough to like even think that I would master me. But I was riddled with guilt. Yeah. And when I got home, my mother was like, what's wrong? And I tried not to say it.

And then eventually I was like, I watched it. I couldn't hold on to it. I was so riddled with guilt. And you were how old? Oh, I guess I was like nine. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like, they were like heading to 10, 11, 12. You know, I was riddled with guilt.

Yeah. And, like, Porky's to me was so dirty. And now I, like, Porky's wasn't actually that dirty. No, not only was it not that dirty. It was a heavy-ass movie. There were Nazis. There was, like, it was in the Midwest, wherever it was plays. It was Indiana or something.

And there were Indiana Nazis. There was an abortion. There was race. racism, there was child abuse. Like, it was... I need to go back and watch it. Yeah. That seems like a PhD of like the cultural significance of Porky's. Yeah.

Because Porky's, I feel like these days Porky's is included in those list of movies that like didn't realize how inconsiderate they were to women. Right. But I've never heard it in terms of the fact that it was actually covering. Although the women take back their power in the shower scene when she grabs the cock through the hall. I got to watch it again. I was so bloody young. Well, there was a there was a peephole. Oh, yeah.

And they're looking in the shower. shower and then the guy puts his, she goes, put your dick through and he puts his dick through. And then the woman, the teacher, grabs the dick and she's got her foot on the wall. And she's pulling it. Fast times at Ridgemont High, I remember more. Fast Times at Ridgemont High was dealing a lot with, you know, like heavy shit. Anyway. Yeah, Fast times had an abortion in it as well.

Fast times had an abortion. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I learned about abortion, actually. Yeah. Fast times at Ridgemont High. I learned about it from a girl named Lisa Ramona. Yeah.

who, uh, anyway, there's a thing called Fastballs with Fits. We have, we have four minutes left. So let's get into it. We talk to, I have to come back. I would love for you to come back. If I'm welcome back. Are you kidding me? No, this is great.

I feel like we're the same guy, though. Yeah, but that's what I love about it. We both have the same, like, stubble. Like sort of a beard. We have beautiful eyes, both of us. No, but that's why I was, so before we get into this, what I was going to say to you at the door was, In my, I've been aware of you for so long and I was like, he must have come to Ireland during those Irish years.

And I don't know why I just had you in this pocket of somebody that I knew, even though I was like, I don't think I've met this guy. But in my mind I had, but maybe that's because I was feeling the innate similarity. Right, right. Well, the only time I did stand up, I did Galway about a year and a half ago. Oh, right. When you did that trip. Yeah, I did the Roycean Dove. Rocheon Dove.

I recorded a special there once. What a room. So magic. Yes. I've recorded a special there because it was a show that actually coincidently enough was dealing with my issues around intimacy and, you know, just all the shit we talked about earlier. Yeah. And I called it Des Functional, but I recorded it in the Rocheon because it's quite intimate. Yeah, it is.

And close. And I wanted to do it in that place where you're feeling, you know, you're feeling like exposed and vulnerable being so close to the audience. But by the way, it didn't translate. It really just became a special that just looked a bit small. Yeah. So in my mind, I was like, this is going to... Well, your last one's at the comedy cellar, which is a medium-sized room. No, but that's also small, but it's a different thing because it's like a comedy club vibe.

And I also am not that well-known in the States. So that's the kind of size of a venue that I'm getting people into. Whereas in Ireland, it was a choice of like, I'm sizing it right down for this... You could have done a bigger venue over there. Oh, yeah, for that, at that time, especially, yeah. No, but it was also just... But you had a TV show on the air. It just didn't translate the concept.

What I was trying to get across. Didn't translate. All that translated was the energy wasn't as good as a company could have been if it was in a bigger venue. And I had the opposite experience. I did my two specials ago. I did in a big theater, which I struggled to fill. And then I looked little up there and it felt vacuous. And I'm used to work in comedy clubs, you know, like 250 to 350. Yes, which is the ultimate number in my opinion. And I feel connected to the crowd. And there I tried to do crowd work and it didn't feel right. and I felt like I was over-emoting to fill the balcony. And it was a huge mistake.

It's hard to get that balance right. But I chose the seller the last two times, one for simplicity because they're very helpful. But two, because it really is a room that does you a lot of favors. Energy-wise. It's carrying a lot of the load for you. Right. And sometimes that doesn't translate.

But I feel like in the cellar, the energy versus the visual, it all comes together well. Whereas other hot boxes, have you ever watched yourself in a hot box after the fact? I've been like, this gig was way better than it feels like on the screen. Yeah. No, it shoots well, that room. I've seen a couple other people do specials there. A lot of people have.

Yeah, and it really, it films really well. The sound is really good. The audience shots look great because you're up high, so you get a nice shot down so you can cover a lot of the crowd. Yes. It looks good. All right. Do your fast. We got one minute left.

Well, yeah, we can go to 103. because we lost two and a half up top, don't forget. Oh, that's right. Oh, okay. Thank God. I feel like it's a World Cup and we got extra minutes. Yeah, we had a hydration break. Yeah.

So we could add three minutes, three minutes minimum. All right, there's two types of people in the world. Go. Those two types of people in the world. Oh, the people that give and the people that take. That's just my quick answer. Is that all you're supposed to do? I call the people that that take.

succubuses. No, I like that. Which I don't even know where that term comes. That's the thing. It was raising my kids. I sort of feel like that was my mandate with my wife is let's raise givers. Right. And they're both givers. And in fairness, my mother was a complicated woman, but one thing she was for sure was a giver.

Yeah. She cared about people. But yeah. So don't be a succubus. That's the... But I do think there's more than those two types of people. But I'm in the spirit of the competition. Right. I mean, obviously it's black and white. Yes. But what's the close you ever got into a fist fight on stage? Oh, I mean, I've had numerous one in Ireland.

So I have this very famous routine in Ireland about the immersion. I don't know, in your trips to Ireland, did you ever experience where you had to turn on a switch and wait an hour to have a shower? No. Well, it's a very big thing in Ireland. Not funny here. Yeah. If people knew what the immersion was here, I literally would be Richard. Like, this routine was like game changer for me.

But the only reason it's funny is because we don't have it here. And I noticed it. And I was noticing it with my outsider point of view. Anyway, it's what made me, the first thing that made me kind of well-known in Ireland was this routine. But for some reason one night I was doing this show, and in the middle of the immersion routine, this drunk Irish guy gets on stage and he's like, if you say one more fucking thing about Ireland, I'm going to fuck a bit to head off you.

And then he kept coming at me. And I actually, I grabbed a bottle of Bormers off the front table. And I said, bro, I said, listen, man, I said, I'm a fucking whack this over your head. And luckily the bouncer came because it was like mad close. and he was a big cunt, he was a big guy. Yeah. So that was one of a few. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I would imagine in Ireland it's a little more interactive. Yeah, and, you know, there is also this weird moment. So you have a moment in your career where you start to get well known, but you don't really know it yet. So you're still in places where you're highly, highly accessible. And by the way, I'm not a diva by any stretch. But like, you know, notoriety brings a weird attention sometimes. Yeah. So you also have moments like that where that guy probably came in with a preconceived notion of like,

you managed fucking make a loads of money taking the piss out of us. Yeah, yeah. So he was probably just waiting for that to happen. Right, right. So anyway, I had a few others. That is a fine line with the audience is you want to make fun of people, but you are standing up there and by default, you're the alpha in the room. Yes, and so they're a little.

A certain type of guy. Right, and they don't want to give that alpha status. Some guys just don't want to give that status up, and those are the hecklers. It's always, yeah, especially if they see their girlfriend laughing at you or big time. Yeah. And you see some guys get a bit serious. Yep, yeah. But also I do want to point out in the defense of Irish people in general, like they don't, they don't perceive me as Irish the way we perceived ourselves as Irish growing up.

Yeah. Right. So I was an outsider to them. And like at times, some would take offense at my like joking about Irish people, even though I was joking about Irish things as if I was one of them. Yeah. Sometimes people wouldn't see it that way. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, I can see that.

So I could say the same thing that Tommy Ternard would say, and people wouldn't take offense at what Tommy's saying, but they would be like, who the fuck does he think he is saying this about us? Tommy, Tommy's been in that chair right there. Oh, has he? Yep. Okay, I used that example because I felt that you knew him. Yeah, I love Tommy.

It was great. A lot of soul, a lot of spirit. A lot of soul. Yeah. A lot of pain underneath that. Well, is he sober at this point? He's had his... No, no, he...

Let me call and find out. Let Tommy tell his story. But no, like, so Tommy's joke, I believe Tommy's joke that he says, because he stopped drinking for a very long time. Yeah. And I think the joke he says is that his wife said, you have to go back drinking. I'm going to leave you here.

A miserable country. Or something like, I'm paraphrasing on Tommy's joke. That's funny. Anyway. All right. Finally, I'll ask you, what's the hackiest bit you've ever done? Ooh. The hackiest thing I've done.

By American standards. Probably my TV channel bit. I'm just kidding. We were the remote control. Well, actually, I feel like my dick pickpits a little hacky. I like my take on it, but like, you know, there are times where like, like, like, I feel like if five of the comics I admire the most were in the audience, I probably wouldn't do that bit, which I feel like is a good gauge. Here's the other thing, though, is I think that we might share, and I think the Irish culture shares, is that we feel a certain responsibility to enter, And not just as comedians on stage.

If there's a wake, if there's awake, I'm the person asked to speak. If I'm at a party, I was at a party last night. I was telling you about it. I walked in that door and I bought a pie, but I also bought the intention of being entertaining at that park. Yeah, the glue guy. Yeah, I'm that guy. And I think as comedians, sometimes there's a really bad crowd. And I will morph from stand-up comedian to entertainer.

and I will do what it takes to make the show a good experience for people. Now, I think, by the way, that is a skill. Yeah. And I think one of the unfortunate things is sometimes stand-up comics feel like that's some sort of cop-out. Exactly. But they actually can't do it. Exactly. Tony Woods once said to me, there's not too many comics that if they brought up things that other comics said about me, I would get annoyed.

And then Tony Woods brings it up if it doesn't bother me. Yeah, yeah. And he was like, I hear these comics, the seller complaining about you, say you're on high energy, and that's all it is. And he's like, well, if you think it's easy, you do it. You do it. Exactly.

You know, it's like, bro, but here's the thing. I'm not ashamed to say, I'm an entertainer, bro. That's why I got into it. I didn't get into it to impress miserable cunts that, you know, never figured out who they were. So they're still fucking hiding from themselves on stage. I fucking want people to be fucking happy. So I have no shame about what you just talked about.

Yeah, in a perfect situation with a great crowd, I think I'll turn up the quality a little bit. I'm not afraid to turn the quality down. I'm not afraid to do a little more crowd interaction. You know, whatever it takes. I enjoy knowing when I go to bed in that hotel room in Cincinnati, I want to know that that night went as well as it could have gone. A hundred percent. The cop out to me is not taking that.

seriously, not taking that show seriously. That's the cop out. 100%. And I ran a room in double for years, which it was the international, you know, the international comedy club, which is a bar show. However, the Irish comedy scene was so small, it got an outsized reputation in terms of like what it was, right? But as somebody who ran the show, I really fucking cared about the quality. And the thing I hated the most was like not low effort comedy. I loved guys that were like low energy. But I hated guys. that like didn't have the, they didn't care enough to like, dig in, find a way.

Scramble. Yeah. Right. Hustle. Piss me off. I want somebody to say when I got up and says, good hustle. Even if I didn't kill, good hustle. Bro, but that's like me and my brother ran it then after me.

And that was our conversation always like, that guy doesn't give a fuck. Yeah. And like sometimes it's admirable, right? Because there's great humor in a guy like, like, you know, Neil Hamburger. Uh-huh. He actually does give a fuck. But like, he doesn't mind ruining a show. Yeah.

But I think it's so fucking funny. So it's not that like I don't mind guys that like don't give a fuck. But he gives a fuck in a way that's very, he doesn't give a fuck in a way that's very much. Oh no. There's a guy in Austin who, Brian Holtzman. I don't know if you know that guy. Just by reputation. And he's like that.

He will, he will tear a room down. But the comics and the comics in the back are laughing. But also the people in the audience that are. good audience fans also appreciate it. And I think that there's certain people in the crowd you're just never going to get. And your job is not to worry about those people. It's, it's an overall give a performance that is true to yourself, but is also taking into account the circumstances that are. Yeah. And I think somebody like him, I don't know, but I've seen the reputation. Like, he's, he actually care. Like, he cares a lot. This is his way of entertaining. Yeah. And, you know,

it doesn't always go down. But like, that's, that to me is still an honest effort. Absolutely. But it's the guys that just give in and blame the crowd. I'm not saying that everyone's persona has to be chipper. I'm just saying, you know, lock into what you do, but within the parameters of that, hustle. Hustle. Amen. That's a great, that's a great description. All right. So if you want to see this guy hustle, he's going to be at the Roycine Dove tomorrow night. He'll be in Miami, July 30th, Tampa, August 1st, Orlando, August 2nd. Then he's coming to Minneapolis, Tempe, Passing. Sedina, Irvine. If you go to Desbishop d-esbishop.net.

Yeah, the dot com got taken. I had it and I lost it. Yeah. Go there, get yourself some tickets. My specials on YouTube. Bridge and Tunnel. It's on Hulu too, but watch it on YouTube. Yeah, get those views.

Because it was two weeks exclusive on Hulu, but then I had the right to put it up by you. Oh, nice. People in the know, that's a sweet deal. That is a very sweet deal. Because silly, silly people still go like, oh, it's on Hulu. Right. That's great. But Hulu paid for it?

Yeah. But like two weeks exclusive price. Right, right, right, right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Hey, it's still paying for it. All right. Thank you so much, my friend.

This has been great. Love it to meet you. Yeah. See in New York soon. I'll be there next week. Oh, wonderful. Yeah.