Fitzdog Radio - Robby Hoffman - Episode 1097

Episode Date: May 21, 2025

From HBO’s “Hacks”, FX’s “Dying For Sex” and Netflix “Verified” my friend Robby Hoffman talks about growing up the 7th of 10 in an Orthodox home with a single mom.Follow Robby Hoffman on Instagram @robbyhoffmanWatch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube! http://bit.ly/FitzYouKnowMeAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Hello, everybody! Welcome to FitzDog Radio. I took a week off last week. We took off FitzDog Radio and Sunday Papers last week. It's just spring. Spring's here! It's just spring, spring's here. Mike Gibbons was in Michigan picking up his daughter who graduated college from Michigan, very impressive young woman. So they drove back across the country and FitzDogg radio. I forget what happened, I don't know. I just can't do it every single week.

I was on the road. I was in Dayton, Kentucky, which by the way attendance was not what it could of Cincinnati and I was saying date I anyway long story short great club there's this club and it's it was a call the Commonwealth Sanctuary it's an old church that they turned into this little comedy club and it's getting great names like Todd Barry just came through and Rory Scoville and it's just like kind of a kind of a magic little place and I just came up with so

much new shit. It was amazing. Sometimes you know smaller clubs are more conducive to being creative and taking risks and I feel like the crowd really they support you there they stay with you it was it was pretty great so anyway if you're in that neck of the woods check it out they got some good acts coming up I today you could tell from my the color in my face I got color in my face today. I went out and I washed and waxed my own car which when you you know when you don't love your car you're not going to do that. But now I got my Mustang. It was like I swear to you it was like making love to an inanimate object. I was out there washed it, dried it down with some towels,

and then Windexed the windows and wiped down the interior. And then I got the wax out and used small, I got some thick pasty wax and I rubbed it in, in like small hard circles and then let it haze a little bit and then I buffed it with the special towels that I bought at the automotive store and armor all the tires and just it looks fucking beautiful. It feels so good. And it's what I did when I was a teeny I had a lot of jobs as a teenager. But one of them was I used to go I park cars at

a country club. And on the days that I wasn't parking cars because all these golfers would come in on the days that I wasn't parking cars I would arrange with one of the members to hand wax his car while he was playing golf so he'd show up you you know, 8am. I'd meet him at the club, grab the car, drive it to Tarritown, which was about 15 minutes away to my driveway. And I would hand wash and wax and I would shampoo the upholstery. And I mean, I was taking I would only ask the best cars, the people with the best cars, because I was charging 125 bucks cash,

which back then was a lot of money. Nobody was getting that kind of money. And then they tip me on top of it. But anyway, I would come back to my house with a Rolls Royce or a Porsche, and I had this 1981 Corvette. It was a special engine block called an L84. It was super fast.

And so I drove it to my house and I waxed the shit out of it. This thing was shining. It was like a dark green, but it looked black until you wax it and then the green kind of came out. T-top roof, top was off, and so I'm driving through Tarrytown and we get to this road called the 117, which it kind

of connects you from the country club to my house, and it's a long straightaway. And I pull up to the light and sit next to me is this kid named Clem McCann who was a bully who bullied me who was very mean to me I was very intimidated by him he was what you called a motorhead he was like one of the kids in town that like you know bought muscle cars and fixed them up and he was from this area called Weber Park and anyway so he had a 69 Mercury Cougar, which was a badass car, and he had it jacked up with a scoop on the hood.

And so he had always like, I don't know if he ever beat me up, but he would push me around, and I was afraid he was gonna beat me up. And he was this shitty kid. I remember we went to the Grateful Dead at Madison Square Garden one time, and and ran into him and his crew. And then he got all wasted and threw up on the shoes of a cop at Madison Square Garden.

And everybody used to call him, puke on your shoes after that. And he was a redhead, you know, in the Appalachian Mountains smuggling moonshine. Clem McCann. I hope he's not listening to this. Anyway, so we get to the red light and I'm sitting there and he pulls up next to me and he looks at me in this fucking Corvette. And he revs his engine and I rev my engine. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna blow this fucking old car off the road. This is at the time, I believe it was the largest factory engine made in

America. And it was five speed. And so I'm like, all right, let's do it. Clem and Billy Farrell sitting in the front seat. And I was like, all right, that's just adding weight, you two fat fucks. Light turns green, he guns it, rubber peeling on the road, I gun it, and I pop the clutch and the car lurches and stalls. And I just see his fucking tail lights pulling off. and I pop the clutch and the car lurches and stalls.

And I just see his fucking taillights pulling off. I was like, motherfucker! Could have redeemed myself. This could have been a story I told on a podcast years from now. But it wasn't to be, it wasn't meant to be. I hope Clem is fine it's like I'm doing an interview on this podcast with Robbie Hoffman and she talks about grace she doesn't say that word but she's describing grace she's describing

knowing that Clem was a fucked up kid probably because he had fucked up parents or whatever his life situation was made him ornery and a bully and I forgive you Clem if you're listening right now and I forgive your kids who are probably not great kids and are probably beating up other kids in Tarrytown right now. So, new pope, I haven't talked to you guys since the new pope, Pope Leo. And it's very exciting, he's from Chicago, and I guess he is not a Cubs fan, he's a White Sox fan, which is good that he's not a Cubs fan, because a White Sox fan which is good that he's not a Cubs fan because a lot of the past popes have been Cub Scouts fans and I guess he is a fan of the White Sox. I'm wondering if because he's from Chicago the the the wafer the

Eucharistic wafer will be deep dish. Is this on? Is this mic on? Can you hear me? These are my new Pope jokes, people. Been working in the clubs, don't fucking judge me. All right, what else? I went on Yelp and I was going to, originally I was gonna take my car into a car wash and get it hand

detailed and waxed but then I was looking at the reviews of the place I normally go to and they were not good and so I went on Yelp and I asked Yelp about what's the best car wash in Venice Beach. Not, and first of all, Yelp now uses AI. So I'm writing my, what I need into the Yelp, but it's really putting it into AI. So it lists a bunch of shitty, like, like they're not even car washes, they're like car upholstery replay.

It did totally fuck the whole thing up. And then, so I get out of the window, within 20 minutes, I've got a dozen spams from car wash places, specifically like custom car wash places where they come to you for 200 bucks and do whatever, 300 bucks and hand wash. When did Yelp become when did they start spamming my shit out to businesses? First of all, Yelp is supposed to be neutral, it's

supposed to be a place where it's user generated, and it's a neutral arbiter for what's good and what's bad. And now, once again, it's another corporate behemoth that is just sucking the teat of the corporations, getting paid off. Same with Consumer Reports. You go on Consumer Reports, I pay an annual fee so I can get an unfettered opinion on what is the best TV,

what's the best blender, what's the best coffee maker. But then you go to the listings and it says, this brand is a sponsor of Consumer Reports. So Consumer Reports is taking advertising money from these products and then giving them better ratings. So what fucking point is it? Why am I paying this money? What's going on in this fucking country?

Seriously, where are we headed? Yelp, what is Yelp? I used to talk about this. Yelp is just basically a device. It's an indication that we as a society have met our needs to such a gross degree that we are so spoiled that we have this device where we just go on and we complain about the shit

that we take for granted. Like you talk about, you know, Roma's Pizza Place on Abbott County. What, two thumbs up your ass because they waited in smile. What? How was the food? Well, fuck them.

Not gonna ruin their business. It's like, can you imagine somebody from Pakistan or say a poor country? That's a poor country. What if they knew that there was a place where you complained about somebody bringing you food? And they'd be like, but what, did they bring the food? Yeah, yeah, they brought the food,

but the attitude wasn't, they weren't really kissing my ass. But why did they get, they had food and they give it, why did they give it to you? Well, because I paid them to. But why did they not eat the food themselves? Because it's, I don't know. There's no loyalty. Nobody's yelping, looking to jump to the next best thing. There's no loyalty

in this world. I'm in a 25-year marriage. I've been in the same house for 23 years. I had the same friends. I just talked to my friend that I've been friends with since I was fucking 11 on the phone yesterday. Ied to my brother today. You don't change everything. Christ, I got the same style I've always had. Everybody, marriage doesn't work and they get divorced, they lease their cars, they can't, I never leased a car in my life. I buy it and I run it into the ground.

I've driven my cars for a decade, 15 years each, 20 years. Keep it simple. Nobody has family heirlooms anymore because they move so much. They did downsize when they moved to Phoenix so they sold grandma's china. Don't like your phone service? Switch! I always hated that guy from the Can You Hear Me Now guy. He became a billionaire for I guess it was Sprint. Was it Sprint? He started with Sprint Can You Hear Me Now? And they paid him money every year for you. And then one year He was working for fucking AT&T Same guy.

Now he's doing answer into you piece of shit. How do you fucking live with that guy? If you're his wife, how do you live with that fucking traitor? That guy who will, he will leave you for the next chick he shoots a commercial with if she's hotter. Fuck that guy. He's the guy that like lives in New York and then if the if the Mets are playing better this year he he he puts his Yankees cap away buys a Mets cap you know.

So he's a he's the mascot for Millennials. You have no weight. You have no bearing. Anyway, I don't know how strong of a close that is, but welcome to the podcast. Welcome back. Sorry, I missed last week. We got a bunch of good guests coming up in the near future. Steph Tolev and I got a bunch of people I can't remember but my guest this week is a very funny comedian who's got a bunch of cool stuff going on right now I just saw her in Hacks she's got a nice season run in Hacks this year she's on FX's show Dying for Sex Netflix is verified she's all over the press lately. And I just love her. I hang out with her at the Comedy Store a lot. I've been wanting to get her on for

a while. So we just talked today. And this is the intro for the interview. And now here's the interview. If you want to come see me, by the way, I should mention I will be in Tampa Bay at SideSplitters Comedy Club June 5th through the 7th. mention I will be in Tampa Bay at Side Splitters Comedy Club June 5th through the 7th and then one night in Naples Florida off the hook June 8th Torrance California June 29th at the end then I will be at the Comedy Mothership in Austin July 4th through the 6th Point Pleasant New Jersey at Uncle Vinny's August 1st and 2nd. Then I'll be in La Jolla, Vegas, Chicago, New Orleans. Go to FitzDawg.com, get some tickets, support the show, and here we go.

Here is my chat with the wonderful Robbie Hoffman. I'm going to be a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a which is very unlike a comedian. I had to pee so badly. I thought you were actually gonna go in your pants. I had to pee and I am unlike, I'm very punctual. I get that from my mother. Yeah, it's a very good quality.

To us on time is late. Yeah, because I've lost opportunities in life. I've gotten to meetings late and it starts the whole thing off in a bad energy. Right. It could never be me. I'd rather wait for you. I'm like the teacher at the front of a rowdy class. She just.

Waits and they'll settle down. Yeah. You know, she talks or tries to do anything. If she just stays there waiting. Yeah. They they feel the disappointment more than anything she can say. So I don't know, that's the way I am. Like my mother had such a reverence for doctors. We went once a year for annual checkups so she could send us away to a camp,

but a day camp, not concentration. And- I know when you're Jewish, you really have to make the distinction. Yeah, and we were at the doctor's office before the shit opened. I remember it's like, the building's not open, security is like unkeying.

And I'm like, Mom, she's like, I brought a book, you, because she would never keep a doctor waiting, even though they had a waiting room. Yeah. Like she, and my sister also, you, because she would never keep a doctor waiting, even though they had a waiting room. Yeah. Like she, and my sister also, like if she's, if she says she's coming over for noon, it's like, my other sister's like scram. She's like, you know, she'll be here 10.30.

Yeah. Because my sister is like, if you're late for my older sister, she's like, if the queen invited you for dinner, would you be late? Yeah. And I'm like, no. And she's like, I'm your sister.

Like, you don't even, you don't even know the queen. Yeah. You don't love the queen, you love me. I mean, flesh and blood. Right. So we've just been ingrained, we're very, we're always on time. Well, for your mom, with having,

what'd you have, 10 kids in your family? Yes, we have 10. When you've got 10 kids and you're a single mom, being on time, if you're not, then stuff gets backed up. If you don't get the dinner on time, that means the baths aren't on time, that means the pajamas aren't on time, if you're not, then stuff gets backed up. If you don't get the dinner on time, that means the baths aren't on time, that means the pajamas aren't on time. All of a sudden it's one in the morning.

It's amazing to me that people think, like I watch a lot of like lifestyle programming, TLC, disastrous families. I watch Sister Wives and Poly Family and all things with big families, the Kardashians. I just relate to a lot of voices, you know, coexisting at the same time. And the more chaotic, the better. And it's like when I was watching like, you know, John and Kate Plus 8

or any of these trash shows, it's like their big thing was like getting people out of the house is the hardest thing. It's like, I don't know. My mother, we didn't even have the car. We were on the bus and we were on time. Really? That's amazing. You guys took buses. Yeah, we took transit. Yeah, my mom doesn't have a license.

No, she doesn't have a license, my mother. Not even. Wow. That still doesn't have a license. Damn. And with 10 kids, you're at a certain time, they're probably going to three or four different schools at the same time. Well, we knew, yeah, and we knew the bus routes.

Like if you missed the 12-13, it's not coming till 12-47. So there goes the doctor's appointment. So we're a half hour early or a half hour late. When you're on a bus schedule, maybe the bus comes four times an hour is nice, but sometimes twice an hour. There's very rare buses that come once an hour. So it was either she'd rather take the hour early bus than the hour late bus.

But people who can't get, you know, I have friends now who have one or two kids, like we can't get out of the house. I know, I know. And it's like, it really is on you. Yeah, yeah. It really is on you. And it's a team effort.

And it's- Thank you so much for this coffee. See how easy I am? I come in. You really are, you. And it's a team effort. And it's- Thank you so much for this coffee. See how easy I am? I come in. You really are. You're a piece of cake. You're a piece of cake and you're good. Here's the thing I like about you is there's new comics.

They're like, I love the comedy store because you get to see comics that, you know, I wouldn't know you, you know, eventually I would have met you somewhere else, but like- Now I know of you because my brother Shmully, shout out to Shmully who thought somebody was you yeah And took a picture and I let him think that because it was very fast And I mean it seemed like he's celeb pipes and I'm like just going for the pic and he's going I'll go out

Yeah, and now he's will you tell great pieces. I see low. I'm like schmooley here. He is yeah Didn't we put him on a facetime one time we put him on on everything. Every time I see you, it's never enough for him. Yeah. I gotta meet him someday. He likes it every time. He just left my house. My little sister graduated. But you were going on to compliment me.

You're at the store. What I was gonna say is like, you see new comics, they come up, and there's a lot of people going into comedy. When I started, it was for the misfits. It was for the alcoholics and the people with ADD and depression and abuse. And then all of a sudden, comedy is like, you got some kid who's graduating from Penn State and he's got a degree in marketing.

And he just decided, well, he's no life story, no background, nothing interesting's happened in his life. And then I see somebody like you come along where, I mean, I don't know how much people are familiar with, most people know your story, but if they don't, you know, you grew up in an Orthodox home with 10 kids, you moved from Brooklyn to Montreal. Yeah, wow, you know a lot. You had no dad.

No dad. You came out at what age? I was outed brutally at about 17 or 18. So, I mean, you've lived a life, like that's something you can draw, not just material from, but it gives you a state of mind about life that's something, like you've had to be

in control of your life. Yeah, you know what, it's, I, you know, I'm like old at heart. You know how people are young at heart? I like feel like a trans person in the way that like, I'm like 73 stuck in my 30 something body. Like I'll finally get this, you know, trans person, they finally have all their surgeries. They go through all the cosmetics and the stuff.

And finally, at a certain point they look in the mirror and who they are matches who they've been inside. I feel like I'm gonna turn 93, look in the mirror and finally my body will match who the hell I've been and my program's on. You identify as a ma'am. As a ma'am. As a ma'am. As a ma'am.

Yeah, like a very old, like I'm gonna be like, and Jeopardy's on in the other room. But at the same time, I have like a childlike growing up so different, I'm still endlessly, I'm either seven or I'm 73. Yeah. And to say on the point of some other people, I don't have any qualm with anyone.

Like there are people I know who do clips only or whatever. I do very well with that. Yeah. You know, there are people who went to Harvard and have become incredible entertainers. You know, Conan comes to mind or things like that. And honestly, I have no, like to me, I want everybody to be doing them and however the best they

can be is great. For me, I work hard, I write a lot, I do a lot, I take stuff seriously, but at the same time I love to watch somebody like Pete Davidson, who kind of dials it in, whether it's on purpose or not, he can smoke and kind of roll with it and it's very loose, because that's the opposite to me. I wouldn't consider myself loose and laid back. So you just have to know what you're doing and do that thing. But I don't, some people get so jealous in the scene, oh, Matt Reif is doing clips and he got so big on this. I'm like, he fucking killed it.

Right, right. He did his shit. I don't do that. Yeah. Okay, that said, he did something and it worked. Right. You can't, I can't ever be mad at that. No, in All Boats Rise with the Tide,

not just in like at the comedy, he started working at the comedy. So, actually he wasn't passed. Well, we were passed the same week. I will say this, Matt Rife and I were passed the same week. Congratulations. Which is phenomenal.

And he was a lovely guy. Like, I don't have any qualms about that. I think I have a more general qualm of being impoverished and it being less and less accessible to people without resources to pursue their dreams and passions, that's where it lies, but not. Wait, let me explain that.

Like, you know, more and more, it's very like, it's becoming fewer and further between that people without support become artists. Yes, absolutely. Because, you know what I mean? So now we do have a lot more of what you're talking about. These people who went to Penn. Yeah, like they have nothing to lose.

Like they don't, you know, they can work on their music. They can work on their comedy versus kids like me who are working full-time will, you know, will also doing this full-time, you know? Right. But so that's what the inner call. But not like, I also don't fall to those kids as like, what do you want?

Will Smith's kid making me. It's like, what do you want this kid to do? Work at the bank? Exactly. You want Will Smith's kid, Jaden, at the bank. That's even weirder. Let nepo's nepo too. You know?

Let rich kids be rich. They can only be who they are. It's the systems that I have problems with that can be more equal, but not the individuals. No, I think the problem is you've got these starting jobs in the industry. Say you wanna become an agent, right? That's your dream for whatever reason.

This is a great example, yes. If you wanna become an agent, you have to work as an assistant where they're paying you not enough money to pay your rent. You're working 12 hour days. Yeah, off and free. You're starting an internship. Start an internship for free.

So who can afford that? Rich people. Rich kids. Nepo kids. And it's the same thing with standup. Like nowadays it's so competitive to get so like, when I started, I started in college and I was literally making a living by the time I graduated because there was so much work in New England. Right. And not to say I was literally making a living by the time I graduated,

because there was so much work in New England. And not to say I was a good comedian, I had a car and I could do 15 minutes of material. And with that, I could make 500 bucks a week in cash and make a living. Nowadays, you have to spend 10 years to even get to the point where you're featuring on the road and making,

making five, same amount that people were making when I was doing it. And meanwhile, the clubs are making more money than ever. Are they? I don't know. I always like, I always, I have been, I think, I think the comedy store is about to pop off again in a big way. And it's not just because I'm there, but I think there's a new vibe. I think it kind of took this dip in COVID, but I think now with some new blood in there, and I think just like, just the energy the past few weeks

with this Booker here has been off the charts. Right. You know, that's why I can never be mad at somebody like Matt Reif or somebody who thinks that he got something that they didn't get or something like it, because it's like, if he fills the club and I get to do three sold out shows because of him, I'm grateful to him.

You know what I mean? It's a better show for me, more people know me. So I just feel like it's a good mix to have, to have all the mix there. Yeah, now there's a new guy there that is a guitar act. And traditionally people mock people that play guitar on stage because somehow it's a crutch. It's not a crutch at all.

This guy happens to be an amazing comedian who plays guitar. And sometimes I think people like that were kept out of the comedy store and now he's in. And also like Matt Reif, there's always a comic that is the whipping boy. It was... And it's because he's in. And also like Matt Reif, there's always a comic that is The Whipping Boy. It was... And it's cause he's successful. You wouldn't be talking about him if he wasn't huge.

And I watched his clips cause I didn't know him really. And you know what? He's fucking really good at crowd work. Like amazing at it. Yeah. So I don't know. I don't, and also I don't think everything is fair or everything is high. I didn't grow up with that,

but it's not our job. I do think the system's job is to, we need to rework the system, not the individuals who, you know, like Plinko, you end up, you throw, oh, you're a rich kid, you're poor, you're whatever. Okay, then they all, we all have to deal with the cards, but the systems should be set up to help out everybody a little bit more.

Well, one system that's very productive for fostering talent is that the door people at the comedy store get to do sets because then they can make a living at a club. People don't know this, all the security, some of the wait staff, door people, ticket takers, they all do comedy. And so they get to do two or three spots a week.

But in order to get the job as a door guy, you have to audition so they make sure that you're good enough of a comedian. And then it becomes sort of like an internship. Yeah, no, it's pretty good. I mean, yeah, you know, it's interesting to me. I met somebody who was working at a restaurant and trying to be a comedian. It's like, you know, it's interesting to me. I met somebody who was working at a restaurant and trying to be a comedian.

It's like, you can't, you need a day job. Like this is a nighttime thing. So the door guy, the only thing that would worry me is the schedule, because I'd want to be going out. To other clubs. Yeah, so I don't know, but then again, I never got to take any of those things. So I don't know. But there again, I never got to take any of those things. So I don't know.

But there's been some real success from that. I mean, wasn't Tony Hinchcliffe a door guy? Tony Hinchcliffe, Ari Shafir, Mark Maron. Oh my God. Oh no, the list goes on and on. It's crazy. Yeah, the list goes on and on. So Allie Makovsky, I know was a door guy.

So I don't know. There's a lot of ways to do it. So what was your day job when you were first starting standup? I was an accountant. Oh, right, right. You went to college for that? Yes, I got into McGill University in Montreal

where I was living. It was the only school I applied to because it was free to apply. And my thing was like, well, I'm either, I have to work or I got to go into something I could pay this back. Yeah, like I just, but I ended up getting a scholarship for the first year. So it was 6,000. I didn't have to pay. And in Montreal, I mean, this is, it's a world-class school, it's $3,000 a semester. And that's expensive because the other school, which is less of a brand is like 2,000 or 1,800 a semester.

But still at the time when you're not, I'm like, how am I gonna $2,000? Like I couldn't even imagine such sums. And so I was told by academic advisor, if I go into accounting, and I always liked math and arts. I liked both. That they'll give me a job that summer. I'll get a laptop that keeps.

Really? Yeah, so I was like, bro, I got a laptop. Like, you know, and it was a really good job. It was a real, and every two weeks I was paid. I remember my brother Shmuelie showed up. My mother wanted him, he was working at Purelator, which is like FedEx in Canada. Do we have Purelator at all?

No. Okay, so it's like FedEx or USPS. And he showed up to my office, this big office building. I was like a junior, I was making like 32K a year or something, which was amazing even to have a salary. But he showed up with oranges, like looking for a job. And I'm like, what's bribery with these oranges? And then it's like, my mother was like,

can't you help him with, I'm like, I went to university, like I literally did. Wait, your brother says, I want to visit you in the office. No, so my mother was like, he showed up with a resume and like oranges, like he's gonna like, I'm like, who am I giving these oranges to? I love that. Hey, you know that might fucking work actually nobody does that. No nobody does that. Be the guy that shows up with oranges. I remember being in the lobby and the

lobby looks like out of a movie you know it's like it's like to me it was like devil will worse but I'm like in this huge office building downtown like I went to university for this thing I got it I got the fucking thing. And now I'm getting paid every two weeks. It's directly in the account. You got your own apartment? Yes, I moved out at like 17. I was living on my own.

What about wardrobe when you get into a corporate job? They gave you $5,000. No. Yes, I went to Jacob, which for anyone in Canada knows it's that women's like suit store I bought a $300 suit. I bought two of them. I pocketed the rest of the money I just wore the same things. I changed out my shirts a lot, but I wore the same suit. Yeah Why not? What do you care?

Unbelievable, you're in Montreal and you're going out to was it the Comedy Nest? Is that the club in Montreal? I did the Comedy Works Comedy Works, right and I did yeah the Comedy Nest? Is it the club in Montreal? I did the Comedy Works. Comedy Works, right. And I did, yeah, the Comedy Nest. They've never been to, it was the kind of scene, I was only in Montreal for a year and a half before I moved to Toronto where I really like hit the ground running. It was a very like bitter scene, I will say. First of all, they had the big festival there,

but it had nothing to do with the local scene. So there was a lot of resentment there from the older comics. Some of the comics that were really stale, they were much older than me at the time, maybe in their 40s and 50s, and doing the same five, doing the same 10, because whatever, they're staying in Montreal,

they're not really, you know. And I was funny early on right away. And for me, you know, I would get lectures from some of these guys like, it takes, you know, 10 years. Like that thing you were saying, like it takes 10 years like to get funny, but they were like saying it's differently than you. They were saying it takes 10 years to find your voice,

not to make your money. You know, take 10 years to find your voice. And that was the opposite what I had. Everybody asked me where I come from, that I had such a... That was the first thing I had. So it really didn't matter the content I spoke about. Anything that was being talked about, even if I talked about it, it was always in a different way.

It was a new take. Right. Nobody's going to steal your joke. It was fresh, you know? It was like, it was like, it could be tough, but nobody was looking at... Just because the curiosity in which I entered the world or something. But they resented that. I remember doing very well on the open mic nights and always being kind, which I think people are surprised by me because I'm aggressive but kind opposite Ellen. Okay she pretends to be kind but you find out she's a terror. I come off aggressive rather than the others. I'm actually

a delight am I not? Let me tell you something I wrote for Ellen DeGeneres for two years. Yeah. And I've known you for two years and vastly different experiences so far. Wow. Yeah. Care to elaborate or you're too... Oh no, look, I won four Emmy awards. So I made a lot of money. It was a really good producer credit. It got me other work. That's amazing. I met some people that I absolutely love.

And you know what? Most of the people I've written for TV for 20 years and I've written for some monsters. And after a while, the staff knows they're a monster and you get extremely close because you're supporting each other and you're easing the tension with each other by laughing about it. That's what I love about a job is the goss,

is the vent, is the after, the subway ride home, whatever it is. That said, Ellen, we're in part to blame for all these things. I mean, the bitch came out, you canceled everything, she's gonna harden. To some extent, you know what we're in part to blame for all these things. I mean, the bitch came out, you canceled everything, she's gonna harden. To some extent, you know what I mean? It's like, you know, it's like maybe she started out

happy-go-lucky, and then you take everything from someone because of who they are, and you know, so she doesn't try, you know, I think she's Mount Rushmore, and I don't think, you know, yeah. Oh, as far as comedians go, you know, it doesn't get any better. She's one of the greatest. Mean to me, mean is like when you're dealing with men

with Cosbys and what you hear of them, like mean will take any day. Yeah, right, right. But, you know. I know, it's like you realize like, especially for daily talk show hosts, the pressure of, cause I've written on a bunch of them,

you gotta get there first thing in the morning and you are already looking at scripts. You're already approving jokes. You're already sitting in on meetings. You're already doing a morning radio show with Orlando to promote that area. Then you've got to go through wardrobe. Then you got to get makeup. Then you got to get prepped on the guests you're going to interview. And all the while, you know, you're expected to be nice to everybody. You're doing it, the next day it starts all over again. No, first of all, I don't think it's too high an expectation,

but now that we know, we also have to take everything into context. You know, for me, it's very hard because I believe in almost no punishment and no prison. Like I can explain away everything. Really? Like if you show me a man who's on death row or somebody who's killed a bunch of people or something,

I'd be like, well, his father, hold on, let's go back. Yeah. He was, his father kept him in a corner, five years old. Like I can take the full context and be like, I don't know, I can explain everything away in a way that like, just extreme compassion almost. Well, it's a deep philosophical question is like, why is there good and evil

or how much of that is circumstance? How much of it is your wiring? Some people are come from perfectly good upper class families and they go on to kill people because there's just something wrong. Yeah, there's something wrong. But you know, it's extreme compassion. Right.

But yeah, but somebody like Ellen, who started off happy-go-lucky and had to be so funny. Yeah. You know, looking at, you know, and I know she wasn't out, but come on, look at her, you know, and you know, early on, so, so whatever. I don't even know how I got to her, but it was like going and, you know, early on. So, so, whatever. I don't even know how I got to her, but it was like going back, going back, going back.

That's the problem with me, I'm too. Well, that's why it's a podcast. I have the Trump weave. We have it bad. Oh yeah, Montreal. So they were very bitter. Like I was funny early, and I would win something called the best of open mic,

which was like, the audience would vote of all the open micers Maybe there was like 20 open micers or whatever the night was and they would vote and then you got to do the weekend But it never for me the this is an interesting one of the Booker was female and a comedian and She had so it was both. I was dealing with like the older kind of stale dudes who hadn't left the small scene, you know, and then seeing me and I was already like, I'm leaving, you know, as soon as I'm starting here,

because I was serious about it. And then she was like this, she just wouldn't book me for the full week. Like most people who won that and did the weekend and I did very well would get like real spots on the weekend, but I never did. I always had to win it and then work the weekend. I never then was like included on the weekend.

And so I don't know, I always felt, yeah, I don't know, they were really wildly jealous. Do you think it was? Of anyone who was, like it just wasn't a good vibe to start. Right, right, right, right, yeah. Well, maybe that's good in a way. I think that can give you an edge. That can propel you and make you tough.

But I think that a lot of the people that are holding on to that and didn't leave, you can get that in a secondary market versus New York or LA where people support each other more. I think there is a lot of camaraderie. Whereas if you're a big fish in a small pond, you've got to protect your space a lot more. So how did, I'm just curious about like,

you have nine siblings, like you turned out amazing. And I don't just mean like, you know, things are going on in your career and all that, but like, you know, you're in a healthy relationship and you are very grounded and you have gratitude. Like how did the other nine siblings in your family turn out? Are they all over the place or do they mostly turn out positive?

Mostly really good. Yeah. I will say that my mother, we grew up, yes, very poor on welfare. My mother left the Qasida community without my father and then moved to Montreal where we were, there's a lot of good social assistance there. She's from Montreal, so she's Canadian.

We were born Canadian because she was Canadian, so we were born dual. But my mother was very cultured. She still is, you know, she doesn't have a cell phone. She reads. We had books. We were at the library every single weekend. Oh, we talked about this, right?

You know? Yeah. So she was very, we had like, in the end, like I had an abundance of education, not necessarily school, even though we did have, I went to a good school in the end. It's just like, we, my mother is like very into art and culture in a way like Gabby, my wife, it's like she's like grew up in a,

she's like I went to, like nobody, you know, they were watching big action movies. My mother was like, Jodie Krav, she's like, I went to, like nobody, you know, they were watching big action movies. My mother was like, you're Tony Kravitz and we have to watch this and. She's taking you to the museum too, you told me. My grandfather, we went to the museum. They had free, anything that had free like drawing program. Like you go to the museum and you would take a page

and draw a Monet or whatever came. Like we did all that. But that said, she also was the exact example we needed. Like my mother, we don't have like a very, my mother is not like my best friend. She very meat and potatoes. Like these kids are gonna be fed. They're gonna be sheltered and they're gonna be educated.

You know, no frills. And yeah, and then one, and then she, and my grandparents were in her body, my grandparents offered to babysit once a week for my mother to go to university. And my mother graduated university the same year I graduated university, even said, mine was three and a half years, hers was over 12 years.

She took a single course, but she never talked, like she never like told us anything. She would say, school's not for everyone. Like she never put pressure, nothing. And, but she took one class a night for every once a week through the summers. And eventually she was like, oh, I'm graduating this year. Like we didn't, we looked up.

Unreal. Cause we knew Ma had school night tonight, you know? And she would have a paper. And I remember she had like a group project where it's like some 20-year-old showed up because my mom's taking some undergrad. You know, she was doing an undergrad, but she was doing continuing education.

But she had some classes with the regular feed, where it's like a group project. And you can't say no to my mother, because she turns to your 20 in the class, she goes, would you like to be my partner? It's like, I gotta be. And my mom has done all the reading. Like she loves, like her school is the break,

you know, from her life. So we had this 20 year old, I'm looking for Constance or Connie. I'm like, ma, somebody's here for you. And it's like, there's a, you know. That's what your mom told you when the 20 year old guy came over? Yeah.

It's a school project. She's like, it's my school, come in, come in. The kids are settling. My mother's like, and she just did by example, we just saw that type of tenacity, slowly but surely over a decade, she got her degree, she has it. And we went, it was just-

And was she a calm presence or? No, very stressed. She gets stressed out. Very worried. You couldn't kidnap us if we tried. She was very weary of pedophiles and people around us. Like we did when we moved to Canada, some social worker put us in the Big Brother,

Big Sister program. Yeah. You know what that is? Sure. I was involved in it. Yeah. So you have like, I had like a fake big sister on like a Sunday afternoon would take me like to a fair

or to see the pet store or something like, just so I would like, if I had any questions about being a girl or getting my period or whatever I could ask her, we would just walk around. And my brother said the big brother program, but I remember my brother, Schneier's big brother was gonna take him to overnight for camping, for like, just like boys camping.

Like, I don't know, they would go to a canoe, and they would, yeah, they would spend the night. And that was the end of the Big Brother program for my mom. Really? Because she was like, he's not sleeping in a tent with you, I'll tell you right now. Right, right.

So my mother just sat my brothers at home and she was like, because she really wanted to give, the only reason we were in the Big Brother Big Sister program was because we had left them, my dad wasn't involved and she wanted my brothers, I have five brothers, to have a father figure. Yep. But then she right away said, you know what, there's not going to be a father and there's no figure. Okay, this is just the way it's gonna be. You could not Michael Jackson us if you tried

because my mother was so leery of other people. Like she never would have, I don't think he's going there. Yeah, so what kind of directions are they going? What do your siblings do? A lot of sales, very successful. Some didn't go to university, started working so soon that now they're like wildly successful in sales. Yeah, because it kind of was like in the beginning,

and I know one of my sisters had shame about not doing university. And then at the same time, once like all the, once the tech boom was finished, like we realized like most heads of these companies didn't even finish school. Right. You know, and it became- Or they studied a completely different thing than business. Yeah, and she's- so my sister's in tech sales for instance, and ended up having more respect

by the street cred of how good she became at that. My brother the same thing, my brother who was just with me worked construction now, sales. My little sister who, why my brother Shmuley and my sister-in-law, shout out Mariana, were staying with me and my little sister, Yehuda, was because my other sister, Devorah, just graduated USC in social work. She's been volunteering for years and she's been working for children's services as a practicum the past year and now she'll officially have her job. So everybody came in for that.

So she's doing great. My little sister just started, my other little sister just started her family, has a baby, we love her. People are doing really well. Did any of them stay in the Jewish faith? Because I know you- Yeah, we're all in the Jewish faith.

Oh, I thought you kind of slid from it. Well, I mean, yeah, but you know, I'm scissoring now, but still it's like, you know, it is what it is. Like, you know, it's like when my mother found out I was going by Robbie, because in the beginning, when I was an accountant, I went by Rivka, which is my name, but then when I was starting to do, I really wanted to keep my job.

I was like, this is the greatest thing to happen to me. I won't do, like I'm just, money is the only thing. I'm not somebody, I've been poor, I don't like a struggling artist. It does nothing for me. And it's only when I had that job that I even thought of becoming, thinking what I would do or,

I never thought like that, what I would do or I never thought like that, what I would do or something like that, a dream. We were incurred, if anything, we were told we couldn't do anything. If we wanted to do something, she'd be like, well, I don't know if I can pay for all that. But in the end, she randomly did educate us and was the perfect example we needed for tenacity and working and just one foot in front of the other. But- How much was Judaism involved in all of that? Was there, did you feel like you were part of a community,

like the Jewish community in Montreal? Yeah, we were, like, you know, we were, we were in a more religious community still, not as religious as we were in New York, but we were, my mother went to shul and stuff like that. We were kosher. I was always like the most religious kid at my new Jewish school.

Like it was a less religious school. It was still religious to most people, but it was still not fanatic. Like I was born into. But I was still the most fanatic at that school. I was kosher always. How does that work at school being kosher? You just bring your own stuff? Well, the school was kosher always. How does that work at school, being kosher? You just bring your own stuff?

Well, the school was kosher. Oh, okay. But I'm saying most of those families, they ate non-kosher at home. Maybe they could order pizza or something. So I would go to friends' houses and I would have, they would be having steak or something and their mother would make me, which is very nice,

but you know, I would make me like a kosher mac and cheese or something that I could eat. But my mother, I remember when I started going by Robbie, because I didn't want the company to find out that I'm doing standup because I don't even care about it. I'd rather have, I'm here, I'm committed to the firm. And counting, it's my shit, you got me. Yeah, I got two dress suits and-

I'm like ready to go. I don't even care really about this. Yeah. Even though it felt like right at home. But it was like, you don't get to feel at home. Right. That's not a thing. So I went by Robbie, which my uncle's name,

my uncle Rob, I never heard a bad thing about him. I wanted to keep the R initial. And I think it was the fact that it was kind of a unisex or, I was starting to inch into being a dyke, but I don't know to what extent. I mean, obviously I got gayer over the years, which I always wondered if you get gay or do you have to come out again?

Like, you know, I wasn't as gay. You have to say getting remarried. Yeah, it's like, actually it's reached another level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I didn't think it it's like actually it's reached another level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like I didn't think it would end up here, but here we are. And my mother was like really upset that my name, well, I'm not calling her Robbie.

And you tell her and such a non-Jewish name, thinking that I would be ashamed. But I'm like, Ma, within three seconds of me being on stage, what are people going, I wonder if she's Catholic? Like there's no, you know, so when you ask me I'm Jewish, like, yeah. It's just so ingrained in you, it's just part of you. Yeah, it's more of a, you know, I know that people debate,

is it a culture, is it a religion? Like there's no debate about it. It's like, it's everything and it's neither thing, whatever you think. Yeah, my wife is Jewish and she grew up in New York City and the Upper West Side which was very and they did not practice Judaism but she grew up going to kosher delis and you know everything around her was Jewish so she considers herself culturally Jewish but not uh we didn't raise our kids with it at all. Oh, I gotta put in milk or something or this.

Okay, I'll be right back. Do we have milk? I don't. Oh, okay, if we got nothing. Do we have sugar? Let's check. Yeah, I think there's some sugar. Thank you.

I'm very, yeah. No, but that's the thing. It's like, well, your kids are Jewish. They are Jewish. Yeah. Yeah, right. So. Yeah. Or if you don't think that, I mean, it's like, I don't know why we have to settle any of these debates.

Like people like, is it this, is this like, not everything is like, it's just, it is the debate. Like it's just, we can just leave it there. So I don't know. Yeah, I grew up Irish Catholic and I always say I have- That's very similar. I have, well, I have, I say I have God in my heart, but I don't know. Yeah, I grew up Irish Catholic, and I always say I have- That's very similar. Well, I say I have God in my heart, but I don't have the Bible in my head.

It's like, you know, the spirit of it, you know, walking a life of charity and, you know, humbleness and believing in a higher power. Like, I took all that stuff away from it, but there's a lot of stuff that I left behind, so yeah. Yeah, for me, it's like exactly that. It's like, I think it's as fantastical that we're living here that there would be an afterlife for it.

I mean, I'm not plugged into the wall. I don't have batteries and I'm running. I think that's wild. And so I can't imagine, you know, maybe there's not, you know. But I never, there's something I don't believe in. I can believe in all of it. What trips me up is a very specific narrative. Like when you get into the Catholicism or the, and this saint and then Joseph and then his father,

his father, Jesus' father, but the mother was, and then the cousin's like, okay, well we have a general, we maybe have a general feeling at most. And now you have such a specific, if you do this, this, and then this on this, it's just, that is too specific to me. Not to say that it's not one of a billion possibilities. I give you that. I give everything a possibility.

Well, I think it's the literal interpretation of text. Oh, thank you so much. You've got text in the Bible that was written 2,000 years ago. You have dialogue in the Bible that was spoken 300 years before it was written down. And then they're trying to pick apart the verbiage of whether or not a man can lay with a man. It's like, well, that's an oral thing that was passed down for 300 years. And now you debate. So, you know, I think that what's great about living in a country like this, and obviously Montreal is very multicultural as well, is that you can pick stuff you like from each

and make it your own. Yeah, you can or you can't, you could do it. Like, I don't know, it's just... We've never solved it before, we're never solving it now. I don't think, for instance, like World Peace is just... It's fantasy, just like The To tooth fairy. It's never existed. It will continue not to exist. It's not, I mean, people, New Jersey isn't even together.

We haven't even solved like a single state. Like, there's problems in a building complex. There's problems in a neighborhood, let alone's problems in an in a neighborhood let alone the world right people can't even stay married I mean it's like I Just think these are all fantasy ideas. They're great. They're definitely better things to live forward I think like you said charity like helping others is to me the best of the best religion that we could try. Just if you even help one or two people, whoever or whatever, even helping yourself if you're down and out and taking care of your... It's like I tell my little sister, because we all moved out

early because my mother was like, at 18, you could pay her rent, you could move out or you could go to school. I'm like, bitch, I'm not paying. I don't even have my own room. Like, what am I paying for the bottom bunk? Like, I'd rather pay rent and like, you know, have a bitch over. Like, what am I doing? So, but my little sister, you know, when I was just telling her what a, like how proud I am of her, I'm like, you know, it's a thankless job when you. You know, a lot of people are filling out their taxes.

Do you have a dependent? Do you have a child's like we had like you have a dependent? You have a 20 year old, fully grown woman that you have to make sure is well fed, inspired, fulfilled, you know, getting working, sheltered, emotionally okay and stable. And it's just, you have a dependent and it's yourself. It's a thankless job.

If you even can help yourself and take care of yourself. And then when you're strong enough to take care of somebody else, like the mask on the airplane, then that's fantastic. But I don't know these, you hear a lot like, we have so many wars happening right now. And it's like, well, we just want peace. It's like, well, that's not like a thing right now.

Like it's never been a thing it seems. And I guess men set up society and now we're ingrained in war. Like women to women, we'd never like think there was all something I'm gonna bash her head in. It's like, it's like we would talk for, like the Middle East, if it was started by women, if it was women thousands of years ago,

and we were wanting to share the land or something, we'd be like, well, her loofah's already in the shower. Like, why don't you use it this, we'll come in next week. Like, should we get a work wheel going? Like, we would literally just talk for 10 years, not war for 10 years. Yeah. Which are both kinds of war, but one is talking. Right. And I don't know. So now we're in this and it just feels like too exponential to... I wonder if there was ever any societies,

I know there's been science fiction movies about it, with there were women that were led by women on islands where there was a matriarchy, a political system that was matriarchal, and I wonder how that played out. Listen there would be a lot of other issues too, I'm not saying it's perfect and also women are informed by men so we'd have to like, there's no, these are all also fantasy. Like basically we live in the world as it is from some, I don't have faith in our generation that we're gonna be, oh, there's never been world peace.

My generation is gonna do it. Like I just, I just, so I don't even think that large scale anymore. I just like you, like just my sister's social worker helping, you know, every family she helps every week is like, feels like lifting the world and it's amazing. So just if everybody can focus a little bit more, but yeah, we have so much going on now that I don't know.

But yeah. Well, let's talk about what's going on in your career right now. Yeah. My God. My God. It's so funny, I actually don't know. But yeah. Well, let's talk about what's going on in your career right now. Yeah. My God. My God. I actually didn't know. I mean, I hang out with you at the store and I saw you on Hacks, which you were great in.

Thank you. Thank you. Great in. Apparently, I'm in the last two episodes as well. So keep an eye. Keep an eye. I think I'm in five episodes. But you got a ton of shit going on now. You're developing a show with HBO. Yes. Sold it in the room. Sold it in the room. That doesn't happen.

Nobody does that. I felt like it was a movie. Yeah. So you go in and you're with your agents. I can't even talk about anything, but go on. Can't even talk about it. Okay. Very exciting.

So you go in, you sell a show to HBO. They love you. You were in Vogue Magazine this week. Today, yeah. Today! Yeah. Listen, I'm a cover girl, baby. I love it!

I'm a cover, I am low-key pretty. You are? You're gonna know this about me, okay? Yes. I mean, but low-key, low-key, I actually, and I have beautiful eyes. Let me see. I got green. Jesus.

I know, I'm telling you. That's why you wear the wire rims, you get a little more access to those forms. Yes, I keep it light, my natural features. Great skin. A fantastic skin. I get that from my mother as well. You know what I never noticed is your ears.

You have great ears. Amazing, cute, small. Cute and small. Perfectly proportional. Yep, you're not hard on the eyes. Not hard on the eyes. I'm a Vogue cover girl, baby. I'm not on the cover. Not hard on the eyes. I'm a Vogue cover girl, baby. I don't I'm not on the cover yet.

Yet. Yet. But but you're hard of it. You're part of like a I guess a pretty hip lesbian couple, which is pretty cool. You're a power couple with it. Listen, Gabby became a lesbian a minute ago. She's already the biggest lesbian.

Yeah, I love it. It's like, first of all, when she came out, it's like, I had to come. I never came out. I realized I never even told nobody. I was like, caught when I was 17. I kind of was like, it's not true. You know, and I just like lived as a gay person,

but just didn't, you know, my family would lay low. But as my, my hair, my brother said, what's with your hair? You know, my sister says it's such a shame. Like, she thinks like with my figure, I would wear this or that. She's like, oh, you were supposed to be the pretty one. And I'm like, I think I still am pretty, like low key. I think you're low key pretty.

Thank you. And Gabby, is it Windy? Is that what it's called? Yes. Gabby Windy, if people don't know, she was on The Bachelorette and The Bachelor. Yeah. And Dancing with the Stars, she came in second place. Yeah.

She was a cheerleader for the Denver Broncos. Five years ago, Broncos. I mean, this is a hot catch. It's crazy. Yeah. What I've done is, because dykes do get mad at me, lesbians get mad at me like that I don't like, oh, they didn't see me at pride or I didn't post for the glad or I didn't make a, I didn't speak up for the, do you see what I've done for

this community? You're banging a cheerleader. Like literally Annabelle, like for me to get her, it's like Michael Jordan levels in proportion. I'm literally an inspiration to this community. And you wanna ask me what I've done for the, what the fuck is your ugly ass done with the community? I got Gabby, the bitch had 25 boyfriends two years ago. And now I'm married to her. Like, do you understand? This is a recruiting drive of A-listers. The bitch had 25 boyfriends two years ago. And now I'm married to her. Yeah. Like, do you understand?

This is a recruiting drive of A-listers. Yeah, this is like, what I've done is unbelievable. Yeah, I'm proud of you. Okay, they should have a float for me at this fucking pride. Okay, then maybe I'd go. Then maybe I'd go. So do you get asked to do gay events with her now? Do you get invited to all the big glad events?

We don't go to anything. You don't. No. But Gabby isn't. That's her now. Why is my phone on fully? She's like, stop talking about me. I'm on a pod.

Put it on speaker. Oh no, this is Carrie. No. You're on Fitzsimmons' pod. Hi. Okay, so. Oh, I can't, I miss you. The what's going on?

Oh, great. Okay, I'm gonna call you in the car on the way back. Okay, bye. Who's that? Person I'm making the show with. Oh, nice. Carrie. Okay, so you're actively working on it now.

Oh yeah. Yeah, love it. Yeah, no, it's great. Well, you got stand up. How much stand up are you doing on the road these days? Tremendous. Really? Okay.

Yeah, I mean, for me it's tremendous. We just finished like kind of a big leg. Then I have, actually this is, I just locked this in. Chicago, I'm finally for me, it's tremendous. We just finished like kind of a big leg. Then I have, actually, this is, I just locked this in, Chicago, I'm finally coming back to you, I believe June 20th, Minneapolis, June 21st. End of August, I will be back in Pittsburgh at the Bottle Rock at four shows instead of one this time. What about Canadian dates?

I did a Canadian theater tour, my first tour. So Canada, you're up next year now. Making that 70 cents on a dollar. I just did that. I did Toronto and I get the booking and it's this, you know, it's what I make. It's what I make. It's my quote and I get up there and I get the check.

No, it's real. And I'm like, where's the other 30% of this fucking money? Plus then you got to pay all these taxes. You get the taxes back. On top of the exchange rate. Oh, you money? Plus then you gotta pay all these taxes on top of the exchange rate. Oh, you do? Yeah, you'll declare them when you make your taxes as the accountant coming. Okay, because the thing is you're not gonna pay taxes again.

You already pay taxes. Yeah, oh, I see, right, okay. Okay, versus everything you make here, you'll have to pay taxes. There you're kind of done, and if there's a difference in the rate, you'll get back. Yeah, I love it. Well I loved working up there.

Toronto crowds are amazing. Toronto is the sickest city in the world. It really is. Yeah shout out to Toronto. Love you. Comedy bar. Comedy bar that's where I was. Unreal.

Yeah and now they get the second room. I know you know what I was just I'm so married to the old county but that's my home club. Yeah. The comedy bar on Bloor. But now I really want to do the one on Danforth because I was speaking to Tolev, you know Tolev. Yeah. Steph. And she was like, it's the best club.

And I was like, fuck, you know what? Because I said no to the Danforth, because I didn't want to like, I wanted to be at my home club. But Gary, I'm coming to the Danforth next time. It's like the whole front row, it's got this wide front row. He knows what he's doing.

And everybody's right in front. It's kind of like the OR if it was twice as wide. Yeah. That front row. Do you perform The Cellar? In New York? Yeah. Oh yeah, that's where I started.

Yeah, so The Cellar downstairs, I feel like it's like that too, wide. Yeah, right, right. I love that room. Yeah, that connection. I just did this gig in Cincinnati, actually in Kentucky, it's like 10 minutes over the border from Cincinnati.

And it was an old church and it holds about 150 people. Did four shows over the weekend. And it was like the most, it's like, it's not about the money always. It's about the, you know, you can go- It's first about the money and then everything else. Well, I think- Kidding.

As long as over the course of the year, you're making what you're not is. No, exactly. Exactly. It's great to mix in these smaller gigs where you just- Oh, you have to. You have to. I swear to God, I came home with 15 new minutes of material. No, it's the best. It was so intimate. It was amazing.

It's the best. Yeah. What are the clubs you work in in LA? I see you're at Largo sometimes. Yeah, I do the Largo a lot. I was, yeah, I do the Largo a lot. I love Flanny who books that. Yeah, Mark Flanny. And I really wanted to get into that.

And he took to me and has been a lovely support. I do the improv. I love Rita at the improv. Rita's the greatest. And you know, I do all the small rooms still and all the stuff in between. Yeah. For sure.

You know, I miss it. I miss the satellite every day. It's been five years since COVID, but I don't know, I was just getting into that spot. I really like it there. But yeah, I do all the small rooms too. Yeah. All right, it's time for fastballs with Fitz.

Oh, fuck yeah, let's do it. So do people call you Fitz? What do you want me to call you? Call me Fitz. I love that. Yeah. Fitz. Fitz, the guy wears a hat like this,

calls himself Fitz, you feel like you know somebody. It's the best. You feel like if you needed to make a bet, you know a guy now. I do, I'm so happy to know. And you're a father, it's nice to have in my life people who like, you know a guy now. I do I'm so happy to know and you're a father it's nice to have in my life people who like you know are men. Yeah grown men. Well thank you. Yeah. All right here's uh what is uh your closest friendship in your life? Uh probably my sisters. I mean, I like having friends. I have very close friends, but having a sister is, it's like you don't even need friends.

Like I do, like I'm happy to have friends. Rocks and Carm, I love you. But Natalie, I'm not forgetting. But having like Dvorah in your hoodies, it's just, I don't know, it's a little more like baked in. It's baked in and there is, for me, it feels like no matter who the friend is, there's always still a level of, you met this person later in life

and you still have to work on it. I feel like with a sibling, there's no work. It just is what it is. You are, you have a shared experience. Not to say that you're talking about your family all the time, but you come from a mindset, like your siblings all came from the same. Yeah, we understand.

Like, Ma's retarded, she doesn't have a cell phone. If she tells you, you know, you gotta go pick her up at 10.30, she'll be outside at 10, 30 waving you down. We all get it. That said, it's not like I don't work on my relationships. We've had, even with sisters and stuff, we've had a lot of people either dipping in and out of the family.

We've had a lot of trying, some people need breaks and whatever. Right. And also I do have friends where I don't have to work at all. Like Natalie and I fight like sisters. You know, most recently when I was staying in Toronto, I insisted on staying with her rather than the hotel because it's a way for me to see her,

but we actually realized I've outgrown staying with her. Yeah. After I fled at the toilet and whatever and I- Are you demanding on her? I mean, am I demanding? No, a pill bottle fell at the toilet and whatever. Are you demanding on her? I mean, am I demanding? No, a pill bottle fell down the toilet and it took $600 for them to, so I don't know how the pill,

she had a very rickety cabinet on top of her thing and I flushed it, I don't even know what happened. It happened so fast, I couldn't even grab whatever fell in. And a plumber had to come over and take it out. $600. Wow. So we realized just for the sake of the friendship, you know what? I couldn't even grab whatever fell in. And a plumber had to come over and take it out. $600. Wow. So we realized just for the sake of the friendship,

you know what? They give you a free hotel. Take the hotel. I said, okay. Always take the hotel. Yeah. Yeah, people don't understand that. My family doesn't stand that.

I go to New York and I stay in a hotel a block away. Yeah. What is the closest you ever came to a physical altercation on stage? A physical? Not close, except for in Toronto at Yuck Yucks, which I don't, never really performed or got in on that. A man took out his penis.

There was like a bachelor party or something, and I had some type of a joke, and he said like, oh, you know, you wanna see it? And I said, no. And he was, he was like taking his penis out and then his friends security did, there was no security. Wow. But his friends, thank God, I think removed him or something. Really? Yeah. Was he facing you or the audience when he was pulling it out? Right facing me. He was like, oh my God. Isn't that amazing in our line of work?

Like that's your workplace that night. Yeah, of course. And somebody pulled their penis out. Yeah. And they just left. There was no like charges from HR or a lawsuit. It's just what we do on any given night. Yeah, and you know what?

It wasn't that traumatizing. Yeah. It's fine. Right. I don't remember it. Right. I'm like, he's a loser. Like, I don't know, I didn't, I'm happy it wasn't a big deal. Like if I was like, I don't, you know, I'm fine. I don't remember it. I'm like, he's a loser. Like, I don't know. I'm happy it wasn't a big deal.

Like if I was like, I don't, you know, I'm not, first of all, if you're traumatized, fine. But you know, it takes a lot for me to, you know, get there. So it was just, you know, I obviously don't think it should be happening, but it can happen. And now that I live in LA,

I mean, you could be at a red light and the same thing happens. Sure, yeah. So it's like, you know, it's not just your place of work. Who is your best Asian friend? You know, I would say Irene too, but I don't know. I have a bunch of Asian friends.

Probably Irene, cause she's also a dyke. So it's not like I have to see her a million times. Like we right away know each other. You know, it's kind of like Jews see each other. They know it's like, if I see like a butchie dyke, it's like, you know, we understand the predicament we're in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a more of an understanding friendship.

Uh-huh, I like that. Yeah, she's great. She's playing that club that I was just in in Cincinnati. Oh, really? She's there next week. Great, great, yeah, and I don't get to, yeah. There are two types of people in the world. Go. Rich and the world. Mm-hmm go

rich in the poor It's that simple Everything else that's I don't I don't take the bait on anything else. Yeah, it affects the most people and It includes all your bullshit that you're crying about anything else is a distraction issue at this point and has been for a long time. Wow. So race is not as important as socioeconomic. No, because it's integrated into rich and poor. You'll notice most people are poor, also often brown and black people in this country and other countries are various,

but you'll notice that it integrates everything. Yes. Wow, I like that. Yeah, those who come from money and those who don't. That's why when I met Gabby early on, first, you know, I met her outside, the second question I asked, because first it's like, who are you? Somebody said the bachelor. I said, the bachelor's gay?

I don't know. Maybe they make a gay bachelor now. I don't know. And then it's like, oh, you know, I asked her, does she come for money or not? That's the second question you're asking me? I'm like, well, to me it's like religion. Really?

To me it's like dating outside of the faith. Like I don't like, dating Catholic is not as interesting. Somebody grew up rich, like I dated somebody who grew up rich. It's just, it's day in and day out your way of living. You know, even if I have money now and I go to a store and I want raspberries, but they're 6.99, I'm not in the mood to spend 6.99 on raspberries.

I understand money's in the account. I'm not in the mood to spend 6.99. I'm not there yet. Right. You know, I don't have to explain. Somebody who grew up like me, we understand. Right. So I think you either come from money or you don't. Would you guess that I come from money or not?

I'd say probably middle class. Upper middle class. Yeah. Yeah. Because you mentioned already that you did comedy in college and you would go around and that feels like a very rich thing. Yeah. That you were in college and you went to college. My dad paid for college.

And you mentioned New England. Yeah. So there was a lot, yeah. Yeah. Plus I think my general sense of judgment of other people and entitlement and snobbery and slight racism, I think that all kind of. No, I think you've been humbled a bit.

Yeah. Over the bit. Yeah. Over the years. You don't feel maybe as that maybe you had some of that gung ho in the beginning, but I think, yeah, I think for white men, it's probably difficult because they probably expect the world. And if it doesn't happen, then it's really, cause I think Fran Lee Wood's had the great quote,

if you're a white man in this country and you didn't become president, you failed. Yeah. That's good. I've always thought of that because they have a lot of like, you know, you have a lot of great examples. Me, it's like, oh, I'm lucky to be here. Right.

Well, we grew up middle-class, but my parents both grew up poor in the Bronx and my mom was one of seven. What number is she? She's the youngest. So I'm seventh too. Oh, okay. I'm always looking for sevenths

because you know how like people are like, oh, I have such a middle child syndrome. Or I'm the eldest, I'm the baby. I'm like, what's a seven like? Yeah, yeah. Am I a typical seven? So I think I inherited their mindset of, you know, working hard and my mom was very frugal to say the least

and I have that, I just washed and waxed my own car this morning. Yeah, well you knew how to do that. That's by the way a really nice thing to know how. Because I didn't know when I first got my car, my first car here in LA like seven years ago, I was washing it but I scratched the whole car. I didn't know I needed a type of towel.

You need the microfiber. I didn't know I needed a type of towel. You need the microfiber. I just used like a nothing towel. And I have like, I permanently scratched the car for, I just got it. I mean, it was a used car for $3,600, but it's like, for me, it was like so brand new. And I kept thinking like, why is it so scratched? And then as I was doing it, I was like, I'm doing it.

Yeah, right. I did that, I used to do it in the summers. It was one of my jobs was I would wash people's cars. So are you gonna buy a new car now that things are kind of taken off for you? No, I got a new car like maybe a few years ago now. I was able to trade that car that I got, that $3,600 car was a Toyota Corolla

Celica. Yeah. And it ended up becoming vintage and selling for $6,000, which is like wild. Yeah, the Celica's are great cars. Yeah, because it turned 30. Apparently, like if a car turns 30. So this guy gave me 6,000. So I got my car. I split the difference. I got a car for 13,000. What'd you buy car. I split the difference, I got a car for $13,000. So I bought a 2007 Porsche Cayman base. Nice! Yeah, it needs a new water pump. The light in the back hasn't worked since the beginning.

I was just gonna say, repairs are not cheap on a Porsche. But I haven't done them and they're fine. Yeah, good. I've been driving for years. Listen, I fill my own coolant. The light comes on, it's like, yeah, the water pump's leaking. It's like, okay, so I'm just gonna fill my own, I'll fill coolant once a month.

I'm not buying a $600, like I will drive this car till, it's a 17 year old car, whatever, and it's fantastic. I love it. All right, last question, and then we're gonna send you off back into Hollywood to continue your quest for greatness. I can't wait for greatness guys. You heard it here. When's the last time you apologized to somebody?

I apologize all of the time. My sister, Yehuda, she came, she was very demanding at my house. She came at, so she was sleeping on the couch last minute. I was only supposed to host Shmueli and his wife, but she said, oh, she wants to come too. I said, no problem, come, stay on the couch. Suddenly we can't go to CVS. I picked her up at the airport.

I pick, first of all, right when I get to the airport, their flight landed 510. They don't understand I'm going to pick them up. It's like, you don't have snacks? Like you didn't pick up pretzels and oranges, da da da? I go, first of all, thank you for coming to pick me up at the airport. Anyway, we got into a fight that night

because she wanted to go to CVS because she lives in Canada and she likes to check out CVS. I said, what do you need at CVS? She said she needs an enema. She's doing these enemas. I'm like, do you actually need the enema? And she's like, yeah, you know, I get backed up. I need the enema. I'm like, do you actually need the enema? And she's like, yeah, I get backed up. I need this enema.

So she makes me take her to the CVS. She doesn't even get the enema. She just got snacks. Really? She's like, actually, no, they didn't. So I was like, I was doing so much. So she was demanding all weekend, but she also felt like I was asking her

to clean up too much or whatever, but it's also Gabby's space. You're staying on the couch last minute. So, and she was good about folding that away, but then she would be like, oh, I need this type of milk, or you don't have this, or your coffee is like this. I actually can't use that coffee.

So, but then I apologized to her. For what? For picking at her because I was picking at her too much. And, but I really wanted to get her to admit that she was demanding, which everybody agreed to. But I, right away I said, I love you. And, you know, and, and, and that's how it is in my family too.

Like she's my baby sister. Yeah. She's demanding, whatever. But I right away apologized. I was actually hurting her feelings at one point. So I said, look, I'm sorry, whatever. But I right away apologize. I was actually hurting her feelings at one point. So I said, look, I'm sorry, but you are demanding. So it was a sorry, but. Yes. It was a sorry, but. A sorry, but has got a big asterisk on it for sure. I don't accept sorry, buts.

Yeah. No, a sorry, but to my little sister, you'd have to accept it because she's not taking any accountability. To Gabby, even a little thing. If I said, uh, she didn't like, like, I was watching the hockey game yesterday, the Maple Leafs. Yeah. And it was brutal. It was brutal. Yeah. So I was watching.

So she didn't like, you know, I was like, oh, you know, I was upset about the game and she goes, oh, it sounds like you're upset at me. So, you know what I said later, two minutes later, I said, you know what? I'm sorry that you thought I was upset at you. I was upset obviously at, at the Habs. So you know what I said later two minutes later I said you know what I'm sorry that you thought I was upset at you. I was upset obviously at the Habs. She's reading so she's at the Leafs. You know she's reading she doesn't know. But she was like oh thank you so much. You know I'll go out of my way to extra apologize even if it's something light to her we really but sisters is a different relationship. They may get a sorry but a little bit more. Yeah I also think that's a very healthy part of the Jewish culture is that there is,

you don't leave things under the surface. They are brought up, they are confronted, they are dealt with and the Irish culture is just, you just push it down. It never even gets down. In the Jewish, it's all just right here. You can see right, it's like, it's like, what the hell?

This is your towel? Whose towel is this? Right. I'm like, hello, whose towel is this? Yeah. Oh, that's mine. Yeah. I was like, well, are you gonna, you know,

why don't you put your stuff in Shmuel's room? But he's going to sleep now, so make sure you got all your stuff for the morning. She's like, I have everything. Then he's in bed. She's like, oh, I need my phone charger. I'm like, I told you not to wake him. You know, this is your brother, Shmully.

He's waking up very early for his flight. Oh yeah, Shmul, can I just go in? And this is like, you know, so it's all right here. It never even has time to sink. So how big is your place? My place now is really nice and big. Really? So you got room for all these people.

This is like a pinch me place. Well, we have one extra bedroom. So no, my sister's on the couch. It's a big apartment. Is it a foldout couch? Yeah. No, not in the living room. But yes, in my second bedroom, which I use also as an office, it's a foldout. It's a sofa bed. Yeah. Which, you know those can be uncomfortable.

Yeah. I bought a support. Good for you. I bought a, and then the top I bought foam. Yeah. I bought a support. Good for you. I bought a, and then the top I bought foam. Yeah. So it's actually quite nice. Oh, that's great. Yeah.

I supplemented. I'm at such a point where I don't have to, we don't have the base. We have just the level higher than the base. Well, we're all happy for you. Thank you. And thank you for coming on the show. I hope you had a good time.

Thank you for having me. I had honestly an amazing time. You're a doll, lovely. I am Robbie Hoffman. Follow me on Instagram, Robbie Hoffman. My podcast, Too Far. Yes, Too Far is, and it's a Patreon podcast. Patreon only.

We are a Patreon only, the Too Far podcast. We do not accept any corporate dollars because they won't give them to us. Is this you and your wife doing this? No, it's just me, the Too Far pod. New York Times calls the podcast addictive. Really? $5 a month, we do three episodes a month.

So five divided by three, 166 for less than the price of a cup of coffee. You can subscribe to the Too Far podcast. Which is also addictive, yes, that's great. I tried to look up your tour dates from your website. It only gave me May 23rd at Brea. I'm gonna be in Brea this Friday. I forgot to tell anyone.

I'm doing one show. It's a last, I'm fitting the, you know, I'm filling a 9.45 PM slot that they had. I said, sure, I will be there. Brea, I'm there Friday. I don't even know when this comes out. So you probably- Comes out tomorrow.

So this is perfect. Oh, it comes out tomorrow. Brea, tomorrow, Friday, I will be there. July 2nd in Edmonton, Alberta. Yes, I'm going to Canada. You asked me about Canada. I forgot. I'm going, I'm there Canada Day weekend.

I am there July 2nd and July 3rd, two shows only. The Grindstone Theater. The Grindstone, it's gonna sell out, it's very small. Edmonton, run and do it. It's two shows, they will sell out. And I'm not, I don't, I don't, I think you, I'm not, I don't care about the DMs, I don't care. The assisted cancer, I don't care.

I can't increase the venue size. You just gotta get there fast. And then 9-11, which is a national holiday through 9-13, you're gonna be in DC, where one of the planes actually hit one of the buildings. I know, I am very worried about DC, but I do like going there, because my cousin, Daniel Latofsky lives in DC.

He's a Republican, very nice, nice man. Daniel, I look forward to seeing you in DC. I am very worried about flying then. Yes, get in on 910. Yeah. Yeah. And don't connect through Newark. All right. Thank you, Robbie.

Thank you so much, Fitz. I'll see you this week at the store. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait.

I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait.

I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait.