F**kface - Please Don't Snipe Us // F**kface: Believe It Cause Why Not? [109]

Episode Date: June 29, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about being in the process of dropping the ball, knife edges, born again regulation listener, tuxedo tuxedo, prescription drink glasses, Long Kiss Goodnight, vibe sommelier, game show prizes, flipping a coin, Geoff in a helicopter, fantasy vehicles, and sock dilemmas. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by ShipStation (http://shipstation.com), Better Help (http://betterhelp.com/face), and BirdDogs (http://birddogs.com and use promo code FACE) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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is very stabbable on the topic of life. It's a very stabbable persona. Nobody wants to stab the Dictionary Kid. No, well, you know, remember in Tomorrow, Tomorrow Never Dies? Is that the Bond movie with the last, he'll know, this fucking guy will know. Gavin, what was the last Bond movie with Brosnan?

Tomorrow Never Dies? Die Another Day. Die Another Day. She fucking goes to stab the lady, and she's got a Bible in her jacket, and it stabs the Bible. And then she puts the Bible, and she kicks the Bible into the villain. So what you're saying is the dictionary kid has natural immunity to stabbing. I think so. Yeah, based on...

You're talking about getting stabbed yeah based on it's a whole thing with knives I missed does Eric still do his previously on for us to listen to I forgot to record I'm gonna record Eric what happened last time you were recording I am now the last episode was 108

I wasn't here so I'm going off of Nick's notes there are a lot of them yeah long The last episode was 108. I wasn't here, so I'm going off of Nick's notes. Oh, there are a lot of them. Yeah. You went long. You would have hated it. Wow.

Wow, what a shock. I can't believe that. No way. Talked about Jeff listening to episode 107. Talked about clip paranoia. Talked about the tuxedo tuxedo. Fuck stick grown tubes. Meow wolf spelling bees. And what you actually call a group of podcasters.

This is episode 109. Take it away. We've got Eric telling us what happened last week when he has no idea, and Jack telling us what happens next week. Didn't we bleep that one thing that he said? I don't know. The tuxedo thing?

Yeah, didn't we bleep the tuxedo? Oh, yeah, we did. We bleeped it originally. Because we wanted to do it. But then in last week's episode, we talk about it. Do we have any update on the tuxedo? Do we have a tuxedo? We can get a tuxedo, but the tuxedo.

No, I don't have any update right now. When is that for auction? Like five days from now. We better get on it. Hello and welcome to another episode of the face podcast my name is jeff ramsey uh with me as always gavin free andrew pantin uh on the ones and the zeros uh nick and eric uh uh this is episode 109 of season four year three volume one gavin i already asked the other two but but let me ask you,

does my voice sound at all different or weird to you? Maybe a bit more nasal. Fuck, I knew it. Okay, hold on a second. Andrew, if it happens five days from now, that means the next episode hasn't come out yet. I mean, that means it's out, and that means people will be able to snipe us for it.

I don't... Maybe my math is wrong. I'll have to look. It's soon. It's important. It is very... I've been pushing this for weeks. I would argue that I'm the one that has held this with the most importance.

But you did a whole spiel last week about how it already would have happened and blah, blah, blah. Well, it's possible that I did the math wrong in the moment. That's very possible. And if so, please don't snipe us. But this would already come out after... It's pointless what what is even the point of this conversation no there's no correcting here no look telling them to do something in this episode is pointless but you talked like it's up to us now whether to cut it from the last one as well can a man not make a mistake gavin i made a mistake the time was incorrect i didn't know what do you mean

well what are you i don't i don't. It's not too late. Figure it out. What do you mean? I don't understand what's happening right now. I thought you were mad at me because I'm allowing them to snipe us, but we're still not even on the field. We don't even know if we have a clearance to land. They can't snipe what's not there. We might not be there. You utter fool. I'm saying it's still in our hands.

You haven't dropped the ball yet. You're still in the process of dropping it. What are we talking about? I feel like Eric brings up a good point we are a time travel podcast so uh yeah andrew what don't you understand i thought you were saying that i said it if it's five days from now the episode oh no never mind i've i worked it out we're good we're good i've done that we're okay we're good when's the auction uh five days from now i think maybe that's when the episode comes out, though. Yeah, but it's 8 a.m.

The auction's at 8 a.m. There's no way the amount of people that'll listen 8 a.m. Is that a Wednesday or Tuesday? The podcast comes out at 3 a.m. Technically, well, what day is five days from now? Where did you get 8 a.m.? Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Just say when the auction is

monday tuesday i think it might be tuesday that's limited only first people can listen at that point so it's fine you mean the most devoted fans that's one way to phrase it the most rabid of comment leavers and

regulation listeners i think we'll be okay my point is honestly we don't even have a clearance to land. I'm not worried about getting sniped if we're not on the battlefield. We need to be able to be on the battlefield. That's my concern. Well, this has already happened at this point. So what you're talking about is we're going to try and bid on the tuxedo from

the tuxedo, but the auction is the same day an episode comes out where you talk about getting the tuxedo from the tuxedo. So we could be in a massive bidding war with regulation listeners. We could be, but we don't even have a clearance to land yet. So I think we need to relax on that. Can we do it?

I don't know what part. I don't know what you think changed in the last three minutes. Did you already say we couldn't do it? What do you think? Just out of curiosity, what do you think happened from the last time I was asked, can we do this? Do you think it's right now five days from now? Or what do you think happened?

Are we truly a time travel podcast? What's going on? I didn't hear your response three minutes ago. What was it? Yeah. I'm trying to get it. We're trying. He's got five days to get it. Give're trying. He's got five days

to get it. Cut him some slack. Yeah. We'll figure it out. But we still need to decide whether we cut it. Forget it. I've done it.

No. No. Let me know. Ask me again in 15 minutes to see if anything changed from three minutes ago. You got it, man. Hell yeah.

That's a great point. Gav, I think you're right. We do have to make the decision, but we have some time to play with it. We have another, what, 45 minutes of this podcast? Let's punt it so that future us can deal with it current us take a load off let's not bother with it anymore all right let's chill out episode one and i'm

what we talked about uh well i think we're talking about the tuxedo we're talking about knives i asked is every knife serrated i didn't know what serrated means before you joined i was learning about that because I hear like a serrated edge Do you feel like there's too many words to describe an edge? Well, what other describe like that? I don't I feel like serrated corrugated. It's all just like wibbly corrugated well corrugated is like the What what is the corrugated edge? Well, it's not really an edge,

but it's more of just like how metal is or how like cardboard is, isn't it? It's like a bubbly up and downy. I love that you... Your whole thesis was, do you think there are too many ways to describe an edge? And then you listed serrated

and something that's never associated with an edge. Yeah, I guess corrugated is always the entire thing through. You would never just cargate an edge. Yeah. Yeah, you know what? I'm fine with the amount of words. I mean, you've got dull, you've got serrated, you've got jagged, you've got sharp, rusty

and that's about it. That play rust. Well, rusty is like an effect on the whole thing I guess it could be a rusty edge I feel like that's a thing I've heard sounds like a wrestling move like the rusty edge the top rope hit him with the rusty edge

rusty edge sounds like a wrestler yeah just is it edge just like out of out of work edge is that his alter ego rusty edge yeah i read the funniest comment on the last podcast from uh ania888 said comment lever here just want to say this is

probably my most paused podcast due to needing to laugh thank you also on another note is there a program for re-becoming a regulation listener, like born-again regulation listener. I like the idea of a comment lever wanting to somehow scrub the fact that they've left a comment and whether there's an official program to re-enter regulation listener. I think it's so interesting that comment lever has

such a negative association with it when it's not at all a negative thing. I think it's Arab's fault. Apparently, especially considering now that just a fucking human-to-human conversation is a comment, apparently.

So it's like every interaction you've had with another human being in your entire life makes you a comment-leaver. So I don't know why people would be so freaked out about being comment-leavers. I can't stand my fucking voice. No, it's different, though. Eric had a point. It is weird to just go out of your way and leave a comment on other content.

But, you know, I'm saying that from being one. So I think it's fine. I turned out all right. Did you? Yeah, I mean, you know, variety of edges. I think you turned out great. You know all the words for edges. I don't think he does.

I think he knew one word for edge. And then he knew corrugated metal. I think he was the worst in that regard. Well, my favorite part about that is I had no idea what corrugated mean, and he revealed that it wasn't an edge. He could have just kept it going. Like, the fact I would have never challenged him. You could have told me anything.

I'd have no idea. I could have lied to you about edges. Oh, you could have absolutely lied. You still don't know what corrugated is, do you? No, I have no clue. I'm going to send you a picture of corrugated is do you no i have no clue not even the slightest picture of corrugated metal and you'll see i told such a great lie yesterday that makes me so happy uh we're talking about uh thanksgiving and canada has a different thanksgiving uh than america it's in october as opposed to november and uh they asked like oh so like are there any traditional canadian norms and i just said that

we have goose instead of turkey every year and instead of mashed potatoes it's like yam mashed potatoes and they were all in on this they're convinced that canada people eat goose every every year makes me happy that that's just what they're gonna think until they're challenged by it can you eat moose i feel like that would be a really tough meat to eat. Oh, there you go, Andrew. Just posted some. Like a tin roof. That's corrugated metal. That's corrugated. Okay. It's got waves. Got it. So

if it has waves, it's corrugated. Yeah. Awesome. I just read what Eric wrote above that. Is that a recent comment? When did he write that? He just wrote it. I wrote it just now. Eric has a tuxedo update. Go ahead. We have approval there are caveats and details that we can get into later but we are approved for what's our credit limit well that's that's what we got to get into

andrew said that it takes six days to get approved on the website. So we need to get going on that. I assume, Eric, you. Go for it. With the credit card and the building. And what is the estimated price? I believe it was $2,000. They estimated going for $2,000. $2,000 to $3,000.

I feel like a lot of the time they massively underestimate. Well, I think it depends on the thing. Because I was doing some research. I was looking at other things. And they had like a Zoolander 2 auction, and so many of the items didn't have a bid on them. Like, only a handful did. I don't think the tuxedo from the tuxedo is going to be that high demand.

Well, there's also the buyer's premium, which is, like, a percentage on top of the final sale. So you've got to remember about that. Dude, shut up. Shut up about that stuff. All right. The only people that are going to be buying a tuxedo from the tuxedo are face regulation listeners or comment leavers i'm convinced i don't think that there's a enough of a large tuxedo tuxedo following out there maybe it maybe somebody who wants to like wants to backdoor into a versace suit and this is how they're going to do it but that's i can't

imagine people are lining up to get their hands on it oh i bet it does none of the stuff it does none of the stuff it pretends to do in the movie i guarantee you oh definitely not and it has giant holes in the back for a harness it's great i don't think a caveat has ever been fun nobody's been and there's a caveat free pizza like it's always there's it's terrible you never want to hear that there's a caveat you want like a a positive caveat i want like a little twist yeah caveat could just be like a little positive twist but it's never used that way there's one exception all of the drinks are free one little caveat one unexpected twist this talking about like serrated and learning things

i had a thought yesterday and i don't know how this works. I don't know how thoughts work. Well, I know how thoughts work. I have plenty of those glasses. I never I had an association of that glasses people wear and drink glasses. I assume are made of glass of the same glass with some differences. I would also assume could you have prescription drink glasses could you have the prescription of your glasses be drinkable glasses

yes is that possible yes is yeah that's the thing that could exist i can't imagine why not i don't understand the question well because there's you have glasses you wear, and then people are like give me, I need a glass for a drink. So you're saying a wearable pair of glasses that are like shot glasses? No, just like glasses that match your prescription. If you look through the glass,

it's the same prescription as what you wear. Yeah, that makes total sense to me. Yeah, but from how close? Doesn't it depend on the distance from your eye? Does it? I don't know. I also don't know. I'm asking these questions. Does anybody wear glasses here? I'm supposed to, but I just choose

not to. You have a pair. Eric does. I do, Eric. Does it matter how close to your eyes the glasses are? Well, yeah, because there's like, the lenses are like a little bit rounded and like they sit on your face a certain way so yeah like yeah like if you ever look through a magnifying glass and then you pull it away from you and it sort of like inverts and goes the other way it's like okay

so what if the glass the cup or the glass well well it's not a cup and i would never touch a glass but for the purposes of this what you take the glass, well, it's not a cup. I would never touch a glass, but for the purposes of this, you take the glass, it's just like a normal pint glass, but on the inside, on the bottom, where you would set it down on the ground, it's concave a little bit, so you can put it up to your eye. You just put it approximately to where your eye would be, and it functions as glasses. I think that could 100% exist.

So you're looking in the underneath of it not down it or yeah or through the side maybe even yeah the side or the bottom is what i was thinking the side yeah because that could be useful for like reading a menu you know like you could be like oh i don't need glasses i'm just gonna hold my mind to take a sip and look at the and they might not even know because I did just enough of this Dr. Pepper. I have absolutely dreadful long distance vision. But I just never wear glasses. Because I feel like I'm only inconveniencing myself. And the inconvenience of wearing glasses.

It's annoying. It's annoying for how my nose is. My unbreakable nose does not hold glasses well. So I just go glassless. And I can't see anything at a distance. But up close, if I was a nearsighted person, I think that's the term for it. And you can't see?

Or is it... I feel like shot glasses are the way to go there. Because you could actually wear them as a pair of glasses on the front of your face. And I just Googled it, and I can't see that anyone's invented that yet. But why would you want that? You could take them off your face and do shots if you wanted.

Oh, but then you could get like alcohol in your eye. That seems like a bad idea. Like the traces of it. No, it'd be on the other side. It'd be on the other side. And also alcohol is sterile, right? It'd just clean your eyes. Oh, it's the other way. Okay. Now I'm on board.

The only problem is if it rains, you're going to have a real issue. Yeah, just like that. If you have a real problem on a rainy day, you need to always have an umbrella with you at all times. Just don't look up. You can't risk that. What's that in the sky?

I can't look. i wore my wrong glasses today can't risk it i wore my shot glasses today i can't look i can't i got a little smudge on my glass i just need to look up for a moment hopefully there's a drizzle i'd love to clean these oh man the sky is your dishwasher oh i hope somebody makes those that would have been a good uniform if we were in our pitching phase oh yeah we could you know hold on to that by the way that's

being copywritten right now TM registered and we're filing for the patent for it right now over uniform don't worry about it don't get your grubby little hands on it outside of Uniform Industries. We're taking care of it. Speaking of stuff I wanted to make that we're probably not going to make, I thought it would be really funny to make a Vibe Inspector shirt,

but everybody reminded me pretty quickly that it just sounds like one of those spring break female body inspector shirts, and so I guess we're not going to do it. Did we talk about that last time? I think we did. Well, we'll just cut this then. No, we can't cut it. I didn't remember that.

No, you gotta keep it in. That's not your fault, Jeff. That's Eric's fault. He didn't recap enough. Yeah, I wasn't able to recap. Yeah, I'm so... Hey, Jeff, I'm so sorry. Hey, man, that's okay. Let's not make the shirt though because we what the vibe inspector was in reference to a house right like like a home inspector yeah i really i feel like but maybe that's just like a culture journalist at that

point is are they vibing like i feel like you could go beyond just houses you can do music and movies and well one would assume yeah you'd be able to branch out like a sommelier of vibes for all sorts of scenarios a vibe sommelier now that's vibe sommelier yeah because sometimes you like you might have like a a movie watch you know like a get together of friends and somebody picks a bad movie and just throws the whole vibe off it's like you can it's important to have a vibe sommalia in certain positions i didn't see it's talking about great vibe movies i watched the long kiss good night two days ago finally one of my favorite directors reddy harland what a fucking what a vibe didn't we talk about that recently too yeah we talked about it a while

ago yeah it's talking about yeah he's my favorite bad director. It's the Geena Davis, Sam Jackson movie, right? That's great. It's Sleeper Agent Schlock. Larry King is in it at the end. That was like an all time. I was clapping at the screen. It's a great surprise.

You never expect Larry King in the final act. I think the quiet best moment of the movie is somebody tries to kill the main character in her home and she's got like this seven-year-old daughter and he shoots an rpg at her and he misses and it blows a hole at the end of their house and gina davis the main character fucking grabs her daughter like she's a sack and throws her out of the house to just avoid but she throws her as far as it's like a 60 yard throw it's like a Hail Mary

bomb and this kid just goes flying out the house and you don't see her again until like 40 minutes into the movie she's totally fine she just vanishes it's like she got thrown to a different state and she had to walk throwing someone later into the movie like

20 minutes and threw her into 40 minutes it's a terrible good movie it's so bad it's so it's just wonderful another hit another they do some weird things I think I haven't seen it since I saw in the theater but I remember really enjoying it wasn't there some ice was like ice scene or ice skating or something? It's a lot of snow. Yeah, there is. She goes skating with her daughter and they do this really weird thing. So she's like a secret agent

and then she gets amnesia, but for a while they pretend that she has split personalities and that the agent is an alternate personality to what she currently has, and she can't remember what happens when she goes back into agent mode and so like they're skating with her daughter and she falls over and the daughter is like i'm scared and then she goes into agent mode and it's like listen you

shit you're gonna fucking get up and you're never gonna fall again you worthless sack of just human child uselessness. And then she's like, I don't even know what I said. Like, she's in a treehouse later. She comes back. And the daughter breaks her wrist. She was like the 90s winter soldier. She was.

Yeah, it's a great example. It's terrible. Don't you wish you could get away with that in real life? What do you mean? Like, just berate somebody. And then five minutes later go, I have no idea what you're talking about. That was not me. I don't know.

Even in the context of the movie, it's not like void of consequences. The implication is like, my daughter fucking hates me and I don't know why. I don't know what I did. Yeah, but your kids are going to hate you regardless for something.

That's a fair point. Might as well give them a reason. That's a great argument but that would be if you're looking for as i'm not going to claim to be a vibe somalia but if you need a dumb action movie watch that i feel like it's kind of obscure at this point long kiss good night pretty good yeah pretty good dumb action would you throw it into our mvp tuxedo pile or no i don? No, I don't think it's that. I think it's too good. Yeah, like it's too good.

Plus, we have Don't Forget Day of the Dolphin or whatever. Or Dolphin Day. We just keep adding movies. I can't wait for us to actually watch it. Days of Dolphin Thunder. Apparently, I have to buy something from each of these movies afterwards anyway. So, we can't watch too many. Oh, I'd be so fucking cool to own the skateboard that the monkey rode in MVP 2.

So collectible. So can, Andrew, is this a point where we can talk about that thing that you and I were discussing? Yeah, absolutely. I think that's fair. Yeah, I thought you could have brought it up last time. We had an idea. Well, I didn't want to, well, we had an idea for a fun thing to do, Gavin.

And I wanted to present to you. So like when we go and do, well, if we ever do like live shows or maybe not even for that, just as its own thing, I feel like what we do at F*** Face is we collect hilarious stories of funny things that we encounter

or that we discover around the world. Like Bussy is a great example. Here we got a hockey player who was traded for a bus, right? It doesn't get any funnier than that. Billy Ripken and the f*** baseball bat. Yada, yada, yada, all that. And we were thinking,

wouldn't it be cool if we could display that in some way? And that, like, almost like a Ripley's Believe It or Not, but what if we called it a f*** face, believe it, because why not? And then, right? It just rolls on the tongue.

Believe it, because why not? Right? Because we're not trying to lie to you. What do we have to gain by this? And we create, it's like a little mini art gallery museum that we can take with us and set up. And it's got like the tuxedo is the main thing, right? You go.

And Andrew was even even saying we could have like a little uh we could even have like a little gift shop at the end and you can buy a shirt that just has a picture of a tuxedo on it that says i saw it and treat it like a really big deal and then we could do like i could project until i can build it i could project like the dot the uh don pedro project up on the wall with a projector and we could have like all the funny little weird foibles and oddities that we amass uh and that we invent over time and just really celebrate it in this museum setting and then charge people like 50 cents to come in or something ripkins believe it why not you have just created my new favorite part of this jeff the concept of having like a tour guide tell stories yeah the attitude of like of like, fuck off if you don't.

I don't give a shit what you don't believe this. Fuck you. I don't care. Fucking leave then. We're not going to lie to you. I gain nothing by this lie. Why would I lie about this? This is our reputation.

Yeah. I love this. This is great. Anyway, we just thought that would be we're just amassing so many funny little things like someday maybe we could get a piece of the bus and then we could put it up on uh like on a pedestal and then have the story and you could get like a little put headphones on and listen to andrew tell the bussy story or have an aggressive tour guide to explain it to you i never even considered that bus might still be out there that bus it probably exists in some form somewhere dude i would love to

track that bus i was thinking along similar lines. I was watching The Price is Right the other day with Emily. Not like New Price is Right with Drew Carey, but like an old ass, like 80, it was like 83, with, there's like

a Price is Right channel that's always got it on, on TV. And with Bob Barker, when he was still old, even in like 1980, he was still old. Phenomenal. In some ways, he looked older in 1983 than he did

in happy gilmore i don't know how he did that uh but anyway uh and you see people win like a pontiac fiero and then you think like is that still out there like is somebody still driving around uh that award vehicle is somebody still using a jet ski or a bedroom set or an electric toothbrush probably not but you know or like lawn furniture or you know what i mean or like a hot tub surely something somebody won on a game show in like 1987 is still is still in use and turned out to be like the best winning ever you can't throw away something that you want on television unless it's like a built-in kitchen or something that dude i think i think almost all of that stuff goes away pretty quickly i think people get rid of it almost immediately i also feel like isn't

there a thing where you have to pay for like you have to pay taxes you have to pay the taxes on it immediately to get it so i wonder how many of those are like you can either have this hot tub or a prize amount of this value like it's a very american thing to pay tax on a prize i think it's the same lottery isn't it whereas yeah uh an english lottery is just you get a load of money i think it's like it's probably similar to like i read this a few years ago so i don't know if it's still true but um on Hell's Kitchen, that Gordon Ramsay TV show where people compete to be an apprentice and then you get to be a head chef at one of his restaurants around the world.

I think I read, this is around maybe season 12 or 13, that no one had ever actually done the job. It always fell through every time because of visas or because of arrest records or because of just like the Gordon Ramsay team didn't respond and just like dropped it. Like people get the prize money, but they never actually get to do the other part of the prize, which makes me think that probably most game shows and award shows and all those things are largely bullshit. It's terrible.

Yeah. Like, oh, you're going to go be the head chef at gordon ramsey steakhouse in lake tahoe no you're not you're gonna get 150 grand and maybe you get out to go out there for two weeks but yeah the idea of winning a job is comical in itself it is 100 winning 100 work i'm sure a lot of people are probably faced with it, too. They're like, say what now? I wanted to be on TV. I didn't want to actually move across the country. I got a kid in school, you know? But yeah, so I think I would love to know if any comment lever or regulation listener who has a family member who ever won something on a television show, are they still using

it? Do they still have access to it? Yeah, kind of like like where are they now but just like where is it now where is it yeah speaking of winning a job richard branson tried to do his own version of the apprentice in like the early thousands and i loved it it was ridiculous where it was like all these executives and somebody's gonna become some sector of virgin or something like they're gonna be high up in the company and it would be like okay so to prove this you're gonna have to walk between two floating air balloons and

this is gonna prove that like you're tough and like you're you're good under pressure like it was these physical challenges that had nothing to do with business weirdly constructed to be like no this is how actually this reflects into the business world. You want to sit on our board? Do a backflip. Yeah. And so they get to the finale and he's like, congratulations, you've won. But there's a twist.

The prize amount is half a million dollars. I have this coin. We can flip a coin. And if you guess what side it will land on, you will get $1 million. Or you can just take the current prize money as is if you if you you flip and it's wrong you lose everything or you can double your money essentially take the money and the guy like they went to a commercial break to try to build tension like this is like a 15 minute he was talking to other contestants about it they

really built it up and then he's like you know what? I really appreciate, obviously, a million dollars is awesome, but it's just too much to risk. And then he said no. And Richard Branson was like, you're a genius. You passed the final test. If you would have said yes, you would have lost everything. Because it's important to know in business when you should and shouldn't take.

It was a complete bullshit twist. I always wondered if he said yes, like, would the show just end with no winner? Because he designated, he beat somebody else. Or would they reshoot it? Richard Branson would have said, you just passed the test. To truly succeed in business,

you have to be fearless. You have to take risks. Whether you win or lose this coin flip, it shows that you've got the balls and the moxie to be a CEO or whatever. It was designed to win. It was ridiculous. It was a 20-minute thing that they built up and had no point to it ultimately.

What would you have done? I think I definitely would have flipped the coin. Almost undeniably. Really? Well, okay. Let me change this. Prior to when we flipped coins on this show, and I went one for like 32, I probably would have flipped.

In this world in which we've done that now no way yeah I wouldn't have fired you no I'm not gonna flip I mean going from zero to half a million is almost the same as going from zero to a million yeah that's the it's the worst there are some other reality show I watch where at the end they could win a million dollars or risk it all and everybody like would risk it all. Or I guess the first guy risked it all. And he's like, yeah, I'm doing this for my family. So my kid can go to college.

And he was barely off and he got nothing. Like it turned really depressing. The game show. It's like supposed to be a fun watch people win money. And seeing people lose large amounts, getting caught up in the moment was devastating. Yeah, especially his kid wasn't going to go to million dollar college. You know what I mean?

Yeah, that sucks. If we pretended to do the coin flip now and you picked correctly, would you be annoyed? No. Just that it wasn't real? Well, what do you mean? Like if we were like, do the, yeah, like Eric, flip the coin now. You call it Andrew for a million dollars.

Do you think you'd get it? I think I would get it. I'm feeling pretty strong. Eric, Eric, flip the coin now. You call it Andrew for a million dollars. Do you think you'd get it? I think I would get it. I'm feeling pretty strong. Eric, do you have a coin? Gavin, you're British. Can you be Richard Branson? Oh, Eric, something's... Okay, we have a feed. I hope we're rolling on this. I'm watching. Gavin, do you want to do all the

Britishisms of it? Like, give all the patter and then tell me when to flip? all right andrew uh you got half a million want a million you gotta flip a coin over to eric uh tails i'm gonna go tails it's good tails it's always tails this is heads why do you have that coin because it's from some other time we flipped coins there was another thing in the show where we flipped coins. This is Tails. It's a bird.

The other one's JFK. It's a real coin. It's a real coin. I'm going to catch it and then flip it over on my hand. Yeah. Okay. I'm just, it's for you, so I'm excited. Yeah, I appreciate it.

And you're pre-calling heads. You're not calling it in the air. Interesting. I'm calling Tails. I think he called Tails. That's what I meant. I'm calling Tails. Jeff, please confirm that he called tails.

Jeff, I have to say that he called tails and then we can do this. He called tails. I wasn't paying attention, but I'll... He paid more attention than I was, apparently. He paid more attention than I was, apparently. Okay, here we go! Okay, he's flipping the coin. He catches the coin. What is it? What is it? It's heads.

Oh! Okay. See, i was subliminally trying to get you to to go ahead so just you know double can we do double or nothing can we richard can we do double or nothing because i really actually the show you've been taught about business i don't even have a plane ticket home Roll the credits! I'm going to space. I like that you start season two and I'm still just on the premises trying to leave. I have no money.

Just stuck there. Can I have the coin for bus fare? That was a really good Richard Branson, Gavin. Thanks. Yeah, I really pulled that one out. I always forget what a natural actor you are. Now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Being burnt out is a dreadful feeling that can impact so many areas of your life.

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You will not take these things off, I promise you. He's in space now, right? Richard Branson, he's one of the space guys? Right now? Well, not like right now, but I feel like he was one of the,

I feel like since like the mid-thousands, he was like, I'm going to space. We're going to have space travel. Is he doing that yet? Is that a thing? Yeah. Okay.

You can just go to space through Richard Branson? I mean, if you're a billionaire, you get to go to space. Yeah. I feel like I would have to go on his airline before I trusted him to take me into space. I wouldn't trust it. You know how many billionaires die in like a helicopter crash? It's just even more risky than that. Is it more than there are words for edges to describe edges?

Because if it's the same measurement, we got like one. I will say, OK, with the to be fair to billionaires and helicopter crashes, they do. I think you're right. Like super rich people die in helicopter crashes more. But it's also because they take incalculably more helicopter rides than we do. That's true. If you take 10,000...

If you take a helicopter ride four times a day, every day, I mean, yeah, eventually maybe you're going to crash, but I think that the percentage is probably about the same. Yeah, I'm sure statistically it's safer than a car, but it's just how the rich die a lot, unfortunately. Is it?

Is it how they die a lot? I don't know if that's statistically accurate. Also, it's the only version of Let's Be Fair to Billionaires that I can get behind, Jeff. When you first opened that as a media, like, what are we fucking talking about? And then you're like, helicopter crash. I'm not saying they're like, helicopter crash.

I'm not saying they're good people or anything. I'm just saying they fly in more helicopters than we do. So they have a higher chance. You're going to notice more billionaires crashing just because they're the only ones taking the helicopter rides. When was the last time you rode in a helicopter? Three weeks after Kobe Bryant died. Emily and I were on vacation in Hawaii. And the hotel we were staying at had the magnum pi helicopter you could rent it for uh helicopter rides and so uh we rented it and then they were

like for extra money have i never told this story no no oh okay well shit let me tell it then let me i hadn't prepared it but um so emily and i are are staying at this uh it's actually at the place where they where they did forgetting sarah marshall i think if i'm remembering correctly uh and at this place uh they have helicopter rides and i found out later that emily had been uh navigating as far away from the helicopter rides as possible. Every time we went anywhere without me knowing it, because she was terrified, I would see the helicopter and want to take a helicopter ride because she deathly did not want to.

I found, I found that out about a month ago. This was like the reverse of swans. Yeah. It was like the reverse of swans. So apparently she had been walking the long way around to get to stuff so that I would never see the, the helipad.

And, uh, like I said, she just, she just admitted that to me like a couple months ago uh this was january february 2019 uh so uh one day we're renting bikes to go ride around the beach and uh i see the i see the magnum pi helicopter and, hey, what's that? She goes, oh, that's a helicopter. And I go, for like, like for people? And the lady at the bike place, she goes, oh yeah, yeah, you can rent the helicopter. Lots of people do it.

It's really, it's fun. You go out for an hour. And I went, can we rent the helicopter? And she's like, yeah, yeah, I can actually book it from over here. And Emily's like, yeah, let's do it. I didn't realize that on the inside. She was like, dear God, no.

So we rent the helicopter and we go to get on it. And they're like giving us a safety viewing and stuff. And then the guy comes in and he goes, yeah, we're having a problem with the new one. Well, anyway, we're just not going to take it. We're just not going to take it. That's OK, though, because we have the old helicopter take it we're just not gonna take it that's okay though because we have the old helicopter we haven't mothballed it yet uh we keep it around just for you know these kind of instances so we haven't flown it in a while but trust me it'd still be

fine and so that was not great to hear that the new helicopter wasn't safe uh and they couldn't drive it and they like pulled the old one out of retirement like it had one last mission. And so... They spin it up and a bunch of wasps come out of the room. When they come to us and they go, all right,

now we can do it two ways. We can do it with doors on, doors off. And I go, excuse me? And they go, yeah, we take the doors off.

That way you just have fresh air. And I go, doors off, doors off, doors off, doors off. And I didn't even, I didn't even look at Emily.

I was just like, yeah, we want the doors off. And Emily's like, yeah, doors off, doors off, doors off. And I didn't even look at Emily. I was just like, yeah, we want the doors off. And Emily's like, yeah, doors off. And they're like, no problem. And then they put us in this helicopter. And I buckle. They don't buckle you, and you buckle yourself in.

I get in the back on the right side. Emily gets in the back on the left side. And I realized that without the door, because that thing's like, the Magnum PI helicopter is kind of like a bubble, that the door is about 40% of the wall. And because it's convex, right? I'd say about a third of me

is hanging out of the helicopter. And now I've been on a lot of helicopters. I was in the army for five years. I was a photographer. I flew in helicopters constantly. I would go into Blackhawks all the time, and every time I would get into a Blackhawk, the pilot would go, hey, you ever flown in a Blackhawk before? And I'd go,

yes, many times. You don't have to do the thing. And he goes, I'm about to scare the piss out of you. And they go up in the air, and they turn sideways, and you're just hanging monkey-strapped in, like, looking at the ground, and you go, ah! And they turn it right back, and then every helicopter pilot on Earth does that. And it's really old, really fast.

And no matter how many times you say, like, you guys have done it before. I don't have to. It's every pilot's perverse pleasure, right? So I feel pretty well versed in helicopters. But I'm not kidding when I feel like a third of my ass cheek is hanging out of the plane. And I'm not a big dude, you know? Like, I'd say from my right nipple out is outside just just air uh so i'd like it's like i've only got one nipple in

the plane uh and i'm like that's a lot smaller than i thought it was that's kind of weird and then i go to like find the monkey straps to go in and i'm looking around and they're like no no it's a lap belt and I look and it's just like it's like the seat belt from a 1978 Ford F-150 it's just like and it's old and like it I swear to god it says GM on it I think like it just looks like an old car like like if you bump it wrong it's gonna come come apart right and i'm like where's the rest and they're like that's all you need you're fine and i'm like this is the only seat belt in this plane or helicopter and they're like hey you'll be fine and i'm like figuring all this out and i look over at emily and emily does not look good and i go are you okay and she goes yeah i'm fine and then the helicopter takes off we get one foot in the air and i go oh my god this is incredibly scary like instantly

i look at emily she's immediately starts crying just immediately starts crying like we're not even we're a foot off the ground right and she's crying and i'm on the inside crying but i look at her and i see how i see how terrified she is and i go gotta be brave gotta be brave for emily so i like eat it i just eat all my fear and and of which there is uh uh like a seven course meals worth of and then we take off and then we're up in the air and we are up in the air and then it's an it's an hour we got the hour long one she closes her eyes and keeps them closed for the entire hour that's not true i think she opened them over pearl harbor briefly because i was like you gotta see this so she opens them briefly saw the crashed boats and

she's like okay closed eyes again and we then it's like it's not so bad we go over the beach and like that's scary but it's like i can still see people on the beach and like if i fell the sand is soft if i fall in the water that's i probably live there but then and then we go over and we look at like go over to like the punch bowl and then you go over to you see where uh pearl harbor happened and that's all very scary but it's still like you can see cars moving around and stuff and it's like you feel you're still hanging ass out i'm still nipple out of the plane or the helicopter right and that but it's still like you can see cars moving around and stuff. And it's like you feel you're still hanging ass out. I'm still nipple out of the plane or the helicopter. Right. And that and it's very cold up there, even though it's hot in Hawaii and it's very windy. But when it gets really, really bad is when we go to the mountains and they're like, let's go see where they filmed King Kong in Jurassic Park. And you're like, OK, and then you're in these

mountains and then you're climbing with the mountains and suddenly the helicopter is getting so throttled with wind that it's going like you can't see my hand right now but it's like 10 feet to the left 10 feet to the right up down it's like it's like somebody's shaking dice and on the we're the dice and i am like just trying not to piss my pants out of fear and it's like 40 fucking degrees up there and freezing. And it's incredibly windy and it's wet. So you're getting blasted with water in the face and it's slippery. And I'm just like trying to find anything inside the helicopter to hold onto. And there's nothing really,

except for like one arm thing to hold. And I'm just holding the seatbelt, just trying to hold it closed with my other hand. And I'm like, I'm kind of going like, I'm kind of crying to myself a little bit in these mountains because it is so fucking scary and we're getting just thrown or like batted around like a cat

batting a mouse around in the air did you have a headset on so you could talk to each other I don't I don't remember I don't think so I must have had headsets on yeah because he was telling us stuff but I don't think we talked back I don't think so I must have had headsets on yeah because he was telling us stuff but I don't think we talked back I think we just cried to ourselves and every once in a while I'd look over at Emily and like touch her hand or whatever but and she would just be sitting there just silently crying with her eyes closed and we did that for an hour uh and then we landed

and I've never been so happy to be on land again and I don't know that I'll ever need to take another helicopter ride again but if I do I guarantee you I will happy to be on land again. And I don't know that I'll ever need to take another helicopter ride again. But if I do, I guarantee you, I will keep the doors on. It is an entirely different thing to be nipple out of that little bubble. 10,000 feet in the air over a mountain while you're getting hit with gale storm winds. I like that Emily got the visual equivalent of Googling aerial shot of Pearl Harbor. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

But she had all the nausea of a real experience. Oh, God. I don't think I want to go on one. Yeah. I don't think I've ever been on one. And I don't really have an interest. Very different experience in an enclosed helicopter versus that one that i was on so did you book the magnum one and the magnum one didn't work or did you book a different one and ended up

in the magnum they were both the magnum one they were both magnum so they got like a new a new magnum one if i was gonna die in a helicopter crash i think i would want it to be in the magnum bi helicopter totally agree i had totally agree totally Totally agree. I can't think of a more iconic helicopter than the Magnum That factored into my decision making. I thought tragic that the Kobe thing just happened, right? Obviously.

But what a better time to ride in a helicopter than right now because every pilot has got to be extra safe, right? Like it's on everybody's mind. So everybody's probably being really self-conscious and conscientious and really safe with, like, all the protocols and everything. And then, also, nobody dies in, like,

TV fandom stuff. Like, I'm not gonna die in a... Like, the mystery machine doesn't go off a bridge and kill people, right? Like, I'll be fine. Because it's the Magnum PI helicopter. And so that led me to make that mistake. So you're saying that billionaires do not buy

novelty helicopters. Those worlds do not cross. I'm saying billionaires probably should. They probably should be flying. Like Eric said, nobody died in a Batmobile. Like, if I was a billionaire, I'd drive around in a Batmobile or an Oscar Mayer Wiener car. And you'd be safe forever.

If you could buy any movie vehicle, what would it be? Movie or TV show. Any type of vehicle. Could be anything. Anything that moves. I'm trying to think of something that's not the DeLorean. Is it from the movie?

Or does it work as the movie works? It's like a functional... It works as how the movie works. Let's go with that. It's a functional version of whatever it is in the movie. Oh. Car from Bullet. I mean, I don't want to sound way too nerdy,

but wouldn't a TARDIS be the perfect thing to have? It's the size of a... It doesn't really move the perfect thing to have it's the size of a doesn't really move much yeah but it's the size of a it moves wherever you want to go it goes anywhere in the universe forward and back but Andrew said it has to be functional has to be functional has to work unless you stick some wheels underneath it

well you're saying it works as intended in the movie so I assume in my world then I walk in with A it's a 4,000 square foot house on the inside, which is lovely. In Austin, good luck finding that. So you just plunk it down anywhere, and then I can go anywhere in the observable

universe. Yeah, I took it as, Eric says, I took it as magic exists in this scenario. Absolutely, I did. And I don't think it's magic in Doctor Who, I think it's science. Sure. What would you go with, Gab? Hmm. Well, if we're go with, Gab? Hmm. Well, I mean, if we're using magic,

I want one of the light bikes from Tron. Well, that's also not magic. That's science. I mean, it's not... Is it? Hard light? Eric's got to change his fucking answer. I just like the idea of going,

like, riding down the motorway and no one can come behind me. Like, no one can tailgate you, ever? Yeah. I, hmm. We're going different. I'm thinking, like, the submarine from The Hunt for Red October. Because I just, I don't know anyone that owns a submarine.

Is it a real submarine? I assume, well, no. I'm saying, like, but it's depicted. You just fucking picked the Tron bike. What are you talking about? Is it a real submarine? I thought we were talking about props, but then's depicted you just fucking pick the Tron bike what are you talking about I thought we were talking about props but then Jeff picked the TARDIS which is an empty wooden box

it's full of stuff on the inside I think owning a submarine would be fun and I don't know anyone who has a submarine that'd be a great show it'd be like oh look at what I just bought and it's just water. And then you're like, pull it up.

If we're picking submarines, I want the one from Goldmember that's shaped like Dr. Evil. Ooh, that's great. Imagine if that was functional. Imagine if they really built a whole submarine for Goldmember. I want to change my answer.

I want the spaceship that they built in the Explorers out of trash cans that actually took them to space. Do you guys ever see that movie when you were kids? River Phoenix and Wars? Yeah. No. Eric has a problem with us. It just it went from what's a cool car that you think is in a movie or something to what insane sci-fi thing do you want?

Like, this is so... Man, it really went in a direction I was not anticipating. I want the tuxedo from Tuxedo. That's my pick. Oh, it's Ethan Hawke and River Phoenix, yeah. And this is what the spaceship looked like.

I would rather fucking fly in the Magnum PI chopper with the doors open than take foot in that thing. I don't want to get in that thing. That looks so insecure. I would take the Winnebago from Spaceballs. Ooh, that's good. Because that at least has wheels.

That is good. And could potentially function on a real road if it wasn't i assume about a foot long in real life i want the car from spy hunter can we go video yeah of course yeah the rock that's a weird video they made the second spy hunter i don't remember what the subtitle is but there's a second spy hunter that the rock was in and they were going to make a movie based off of the game but then the game wasn't successful enough to justify the movie so it's like this weird movie tie-in game that doesn't have a movie associated with it huh very strange it's one of like early rock

it's like before even i want to say he did the rundown like it is very early rock work i forgot about the rundown rundown is maybe my favorite rock movie. It's a good movie. That's fucking awesome. Is that the one with Johnny Knoxville in it? No, that's Walk Tall. Walk Tall, yeah. Yeah. No, the rundown has Sean William Scott and Christopher Walken.

Right, right, right, right, right. And Rosario Dawson. Sean William Scott. They fall down a hill. It's great. Christopher Walken has a whole monologue in that movie about oompa loompas but he didn't know what they were when they filmed it so like he complained about the he's like what the fuck is this and they had to explain to him what an oompa loompa is this is fantastic it's a great

action movie fuck the long kiss good night watch the rundown if you want a dumb action movie rundown's awesome yeah i haven't seen it it movie. Not that there's a lot of competition, it's the best WWE movie of all time, by a lot. It's a low bar, but it's very good. I um... Yes? I hate to say it, but I have sock dilemma. Oh no! We can't do this again.

Gavin. Gavin. Really fucking time travel podcast. You've come to the right place. How can we help? Yeah, I figure this is the correct support group for the problem but I really am annoyed that I've put up

wait time out one second without knowing in the same episode we literally flipped a coin and are now doing a sock story we had an actual coin flip and a sock story completely this is so stupid.

Sorry, go ahead. I just had to point that out. We've done this before. What is happening with your socks? So I bought some new socks. I bought a three pack of this type of like more breathable sock. Just because it's hot. I wanted a summer sock. And I put on this new type of sock that I more breathable sock. Just because it's hot. I wanted a summer sock.

And I put on this new type of sock that I've never worn before, and it was phenomenal. I really enjoyed putting it on. It went on well. It feels nice to walk around the house. It feels good in a shoe. I thought, this is a great sock.

I'm going to buy a 10-pack of these socks. And it got to the point where, while i was waiting for these socks to arrive occasionally these new socks would be in the rotation like i'd go back and forth between a new nice fresh sock and then my old socks and i it got to the point where i was like i always have a good day when i wear a nice new pair of socks and it was getting to the point where i'd like i have like an okay day or a shit day on the old socks and every time i wear a nice new pair of socks. And it was getting to the point where I'd have an okay day or a shit day on the old socks. And every time I'd wear a new one, it was great. And then the 10-pack came and this continued.

I was like, wow. I pretty much, and this was subconscious at first, but it actually got to the point where I was like, well, I need today to go well. So I'm going to put on one of the new pairs. And this has continued to work probably for the last three or four weeks until last week i put on a new pair and had a shit day and i thought oh and then i started to try and analyze it like is it because it was red like i still i'm just in

a weird it's like it's so subconscious like it's not a real decision I'm making. But now I'm avoiding the red ones. And I've just, I think I've just become, I've become everything I was making fun of when it came to Jeff. Because socks don't matter. It's all bollocks. It's all superstition crap. But I have a bad day when I wear the red good sock.

But you used to have a good day when you wore the red good sock, right? I just used to not notice. But now that I haven't had a bad day with these socks, I'm actually picking up that pair of socks every day and putting it back. Do you know what you need to do?

You know what you need to do, honestly? You need to get rid of that pair of socks. You used up the good in those socks. All the luck is gone. You think I should have just been it? It was like a $14 pair of socks. It'll never be good for you again you're never gonna enjoy them you don't recharge socks that's what i've been thinking

i'm like do i just avoid this pair of socks or do i try and cleanse the socks by basically picking like a day where i would go to disneyland or it's like you couldn't lose the day and put on the good socks. Like a guaranteed... What do you have? I don't know. I just feel like if there's a day where up front you know it's going to be an absolute corker, do I put on the bad socks and potentially tarnish the day, or do I cleanse the socks

of evil? Your entire belief that it's impossible to have a good day with the socks on, I don't think your logic doesn't make sense. Yeah, I don't know how this works. I was hoping that you guys would have suggestions. That's difficult. It's like, which came first, chicken or the egg, right? It is. Is the power, is the negativity

of the sock, does it outweigh the power of a guaranteed good day? That said, this is dangerous stuff you're dealing with here. I mean, I have a lot to go over. I mean, I have a lot to go over. I mean, it's $14 fucking dollars. How?

You can donate them. Yeah, donate them, man. What's a used pair of socks? A lot of people. Yeah, you can donate clothes. Yeah, a lot of people could use, especially a pair of socks like this. I thought socks and undies were out of the question for donation.

Oh, I don't know. Are they? I don't know. I just feel like socks would be fine. I mean, is a good day worth more to you than $14? I guess so. Would you pay $14 to avoid

a really shit day? I would. I think I would too. That's a good point. Yeah, I would probably get rid of those socks. They're only going to hurt you. Unless we come up with a uniform cleanse bag or something. Listen, now that's a possibility too. I like the idea of trying to reach...

I know I just said it was impossible, but I don't think anything's really impossible. Is there a way to re-imbue these socks with good sock luck? I have no idea. I wouldn't even know how to begin that i'd be open to suggestions from the audience and i also think it's i just enjoy it because i'm about as skeptic as they come with all that nonsense and like yeah healing and astrology and all that shite i like the idea that i'm now pushing for one of one of those items to be made. Knowing you. Oh, you're evolving.

Knowing you, when you said, so then I wore them and I had a bad day, I expected you to be like, and that ended that bullshit fantasy thing that I'd been living in. And instead you pivoted and said, and that's why I've stopped wearing red. Like it's completely out of character for me. I didn't want to write off the entire pack of socks.

I spend good money on those socks. I don't want to be like, well, they're all tarnished. Is it possible it's a month thing? Like maybe they're good luck in May, but bad luck in June? That's stupid. That's a great angle.

It's all completely irrelevant. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it matters how many days are in the month. Yeah. Or like, is it an even day or an odd day? There's a lot of magics associated with that. Yeah, you could really go at it.

I think the only way to truly find out is to keep a spreadsheet and probably do it for a year and then do like a cross-reference and analysis. Yeah. I want to know if Eric has any thoughts on the sock matter. Reference and analysis. Yeah. I want to know if Eric has any thoughts on the sock matter. What you just described is something Gus would do unprovoked. Yeah.

The spreadsheet. Yeah, but he gets off sexually at that stuff. I nearly fainted at the start of your story when you said that I got a three pack of socks and I thought you meant you bought three socks in one pack. I thought it was like we three socks in one pack. I thought it was like we're really tying in. It's all connecting. This is truly a rerun.

No, it was six individual socks. I was stunned when you said I got a three pack and I was like, what is going on internally? I'm still recovering from that moment. What if you... Is Dan around? Not this week He'll do anything right? What if you made him wear the socks for a day And then observe the quality of his day

And then just give him a survey At the end of the day How was your day And if it was a good day or a bad day And then that way you outsource the danger to him Should I feel bad if he has an awful day though? I feel like I'd be the cause. Do you give a shit?

Yeah, I think so. Now, I don't think you do. You took too long to answer. You had to convince yourself that you cared in front of other people. No, that was like the pause said everything. I appreciate the attempt. You answered us way before you answered. Well, hey, I didn't even... Let me try that again.

Well, hey, we've gone and listened to a whole other episode of the F*** Face Podcast with Jeff and Andrew and Gavin, and I hope you enjoyed it. I sure had a good time running through the past doing this rerun with you on this time travel podcast. Be sure to watch the Long Kiss Goodnight or not. Maybe you should watch the rundown. Let me throw the explorers

in the ring and if you thought my voice sounded weird, I agree. It's because I got braces today and my mouth feels all fucked up. I got Invisalign today. What an insane thing to drop right at the end, Jeff. That's fucking crazy. He dropped it at the beginning, but none of us

asked about it, I realized. We'll see you next week. Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Can you beat the bread clip challenge? Gavin's a chain guy. Branston comes to pizza. Gavin made a baseball video and no one cared.

Andrew wants to be the king of England. It's the royal weed. Is Gavin a time traveler? And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.