Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - RE-RELEASE - Iliza Schlesinger

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

One of the funniest comics out there!

Dana, Eliza Slesinger is one of the big comedians out there. Also a female. Yes. But she is a great comic. I see her at the Comedy Store a lot. She's really a grinder. She goes out, works hard, runs their sets, works on new stuff. Definitely.

Does a tour. Kills it. And she has a lot of specials out there. Doing a great job. Directing the movie. She tells us about in a movie. A lot going on in that world. she's a lot of fun to talk to.

Yeah. So I would listen up, y'all. Yeah, listen up y'all. And any questions? Put them in the comments. Here's Eliza Slesinger. He was like a John Belushi thing. Yeah, you got it going.

Man, he hated women. Oh, no. John Ballusion, he hated women. Yeah. Yeah, he's like famous for quoting. That's a good start. What do you? I like pizza.

I like movies and I hate women. He was, he's famous. He's famous for saying women aren't funny. And I only think about that because journalists always bring it up. And I'm like, he's dead. So I guess I win. Oh, let's follow forever. Do you ever been like, you read something?

And Eliza said this. And it's completely made up. Obviously, you have. Not or just like a half quote. And you're like, I'm sorry that I said that like half awake on a podcast in 2010. Yeah. Do I still need to remember my firm stance on dogs versus cats on a sandwich being a pita? Going out on a limb.

Literally. Pita had a good run. I mean, that pita bread, that was a good bit for. Well, like, stoner podcast people love to be like, oh, no, is a, is a tender McNugget, is a pita a sandwich? And you're like, the world's on fire. Yeah. I don't know. Well, it's literally on fire.

Literally. I was going to say it was too soon, but when I said last night to someone, well, this is rude. We'll take it out. Uh-oh. But I said, I said, oh, where do you live? and they said, Encino. And I said, oh, did you have any problems with what happened in the Palisades? They said, no.

And I said, oh, even the fire doesn't want to go to the valley. And they just stared at me and I go, no, but actually, so it was horrible. So everything, okay. I had to skim over it. You know what I mean? I'm going to defend Encino right here. The first outside of Robpkins is Encino. And I would go over the Mulholland Hill into the hell of Hollywood, Hollywood party,

who loves you, go back to the country. I'm defending, I'm going on record defending. I like Encino. Do you? The first TV show I ever shot, we shot it in Encino in like a mansion. It was like a reality show. And I had no real reference for it. But as I get older, you're like, oh, that's where all the money in the valley goes.

Like if you want to live like a millionaire in Kansas City, buy your house in Encino and you can live like a person. Isn't Encino the nice version? Is it like closer to the mountain is better than that way? But it's on the flats, but you want to be south of Ventura. You don't want to be in the crime-ridden areas, although they have their advantages and fun, too. Was this show called The Bachelor? No, it was called, you would only know this if you had trouble sleeping and or a coke addiction because it aired so late. Well, what was the subject of it?

Let us see if we can guess the title. What was the idea of the show? It was called Excused, and it was like a dating show. And I was the host. And people would date. Oh, yeah. I did, we did 230 episodes. Holy shit.

I have eaten the bigger issues that no one knows the show, but I have eaten at every single restaurant in Encino. And Rosetta. Oh, because you're out there. I love it. Rzada and Encino, if there was a lunch special, if there was a sushi bar, I ate there. Who does two? What network was that on?

How did I miss a 230 episode? It's like, it's like, I mean, it's like friends minus the money. It was syndicated. It was CBS Studios. So it was picked up in all these crazy markets. Every once in a while, I'll get some, like, dude in skinny jeans. It's like, I used to watch you when I was getting ready for my shift. Skinny jeans, I used to watch you.

Before I went to floodruckers, we always watched it. It wasn't really for me. You ever get a backhand of compliment? I hear you're pretty funny, but it's not for me, man. I saw some of your stuff. I stopped. I stopped watching when you got married. I stopped watching.

Oh, did they say that? Oh, it's, you get to take the go with the bed. You get all kinds of weird compliments that I'm like, look, you would still love to have sex with me. We both know it, but thank you so much for buying this ticket and enjoy the impress. Enjoy the show. I want to walk around with that attitude. You want to have sex with me. We both know it.

We both want it. You could. We both want it, but I am married, and so it's tough. Yeah, but do women comedians who are photodians who are photodied? Let's put it this way. Attract the creep element more than the stud dudes that, the men. I guess I can't comment on more than. But I think it's not even about being attractive.

I think you just, as a woman, you just leave the house. You're like, here I am. And then the universe is like, well, here's the list of weirdos that are going to make it tough for you. No matter what you look like. So I don't even know of being attractive matters. Guys are just like, hey, let's do this. They'll figure it out later if you're attractive. They just need to get something going.

I mean, I've definitely talked to male comics, big male comics, lesser known ones that have. I mean, I think stalkers come in, I think mental illness knows no gender. Yes. That's your next special. Good hooky title. Yeah, because it includes everyone. Allie Wong always slams when she gets on stage. She goes, like Polly Shawbrains her up.

She goes, Polly, there's so many girls that fuck. This guy's the grossest guy out there. All male comics are gross and all these girls will fuck them. It's so rude. We're all in the back on now, here, here. I am. Here, here. Let this meeting come to order.

Now see here. Oh, I know you meant here here like I, I agree with that. No, I do. Like, I say here here. Yeah. I say, I think most male comics would proclaim. themselves degenerate scumbags. And I think they wear it proudly.

And you become a comic because you're like, look, we can all agree, I'm physically repulsive, right? But if you can make a woman laugh, I mean, it's disproportionate. We've all heard that rumor. Yeah. And I always say, music, I mean, comedy's like music where how, what kind of comedy are you doing? Like, it's like saying I like music.

It's too general. So you can make a girl laugh that's on their wavelength. Like what kind, do you like dry humor? Do you like goofy? So sometimes you do sync up with someone because of that. Of course. I mean, if that's your only, listen, I wasn't famous in high school. There's nothing going on.

It's just all trying to be funny. That's all. And you're on a platform. Go ahead. Well, I was going to say, what's weird just for a moment, if I could just pull back the current. Well, you said you weren't famous in high school, but like, and I don't, I watched you guys in high school.

And that's what's crazy for me. Oh, wow. Yeah. And like, just shoot me, chopping broccoli. Oh, yeah. The church lady. Like, I mean, I know all of your resumes. And David, some parts of the year you and I share a similar haircut.

But, and we were on many lineups together. And Dana, I've never met you. But it is very weird to finally talk to people. And I felt this way when I met you, David, where you're like, oh, my God. Like, you were my reference for so many funny things for all the sketches I wrote in high school. Oh. I mean. Is that, that's nice, right?

I mean, David, I probably never got to talk to about this because we always see each other in passing. But, like, I don't think there was any, one of the most impactful sketches was like the Gap Girl sketch. And Dana, like, my mom bought me, Wayne's World on VHS as a surprise for a sleepover. I memorized the whole movie. Like, you guys are massive bricks in like a comedy fortress that I've, like, built in my mind. And so this is, I like that thing. This is crazy. I totally get that.

You know, the things that I saw, like if I had met John Cleese at a certain day. I still can. Oh, good. I want to wake up. But I get it. If you're in your form of your, I say six to 12 or 13, 14, that time frame, shows you watch comedian. So we get it. But of course, you know now that we're just people who went to a club on a bet and then ended up on television.

and we get it. You don't, can you kind of emotionally or mentally touch your fame and how much accolades and money you're making doing this? Or is it still a little bit surreal? You're pretty young.

I don't know. There's, I, it is, it's grounding and surreal at the same time. Like sometimes you look around, you're like, oh my God, like every stitch of everything in this really nice house is because I thought to make a joke about something.

And then I look at all the things I don't have. And I'm like, and you could be making more jokes and have nicer things if you got out of bed quicker. I think we all are the weird. You always look to someone that's sort of well-known and that you grew up with. And you forget that they're sitting there going, I could do more. I could do better. That's all you're thinking all the time is like work on my act, work on this, try to get this going. Where are you at on the disciplines?

You know, because we've met different people on this podcast who really do work shop like Nick, Nikki Glazer, you know, Jim Gaffigan, it's an amazing thing. How, how effortless was or how hard was it for you to get a position on stand-up mountain? Did it come quickly or was it a grind? Or I don't know your, it came relatively quickly. I think I got my position relatively quickly because I became like a solid touring headliner in 2008. And when did you start? I start. I start. I started when I was 21. But 2000, what? Well, I graduated.

Wait, I graduated college. I started when I was a, so I graduated college in like 2004, 2005. And so I did it for about three years. Okay. Became a touring professional after. Wow. That's fantastic. And this was, you know, it was when it was. And so I was able to sort of become a headliner and bypass a lot of sexual harassment.

Very early on. But I don't know, David could tell you I mean, he sees me out. I'm out when I'm not on tour, I'm out almost every night of the week. I mean... You're jumping club to club, right? Yeah, and it's something that you think

would like, kind of like lighten up over time, but I'm about to turn 42. And if I'm not on the road, I'll knock back like two or three sets a night just for the love of it, you know? And do you record always? Do you record always, or do you just go and do?

it. Do you remember it? It's hard to remember for me. I tend to, if I do record, I have trouble listening back. So I tend to. I can't listen back. I'm like, who wants to hear this? This is awful. I tend to listen back if it's a brand new joke. Like my new special is out on Amazon March 11th. And so I've already started. A different animal. A different animal. Amazon Prime. Amazon Prime. Not regular. You can get your, while you're watching me, you can shop for air filters, toilet paper, Chinese socks. You know, this is kind of, this is inside baseball. I love that phrase, but sometimes when you're trying to bit,

your setup just happens to be perfect. Maybe sometimes because it's a new bit. And then if you don't record it or you don't remember, you're like, oh, fuck, it's not working as well. What was that setup that may enter the joke perfectly, you know? Yeah. It's frustrating. It's frustrating.

What I have done, and I've done this, I don't rely on this, but I have a pretty close relationship. Like, if you follow me, you're a pretty decent fan. I will put on my own Instagram stories. Hey, if you were at the 8 o'clock at the theater tonight, what was that thing I said about pigeons? Oh, wow. And people, or I'll say it on stage, I'll be like, could somebody text that to me and someone always remembers it? That's smart.

I craft sourced my own memories. And phrasing, I'll tell you, Liza, I'm the same way. First of all, I saw, we were on the same show probably three nights ago. but I have to say when I do it, I don't know what, I like to do new bits. I record them, but it's almost worse to listen to them. It's awful. Because it's so sickening that I have to make myself go, I record it, I did it the right way. I just have to hear it or write it down so I memorize like just the phrasing because it worked.

And then it's so lazy, but it's something sickening about repels me to. and I have to, like, I do another show and I wait all day and then I go, I got to just hear it and go, that is how to do it. Okay. But it's so hard to make yourself do that. It's hard to, I mean, I recently, you know, I got all the promo cuts for my Amazon special. And I have to watch myself back. And I have to take like a deep cleansing breath. Gross. And it's weird. It's like, so this is something I wish on other people, but I can't watch myself. Like, there's something very, very removed about. all of it. Like, you have the ego to get up there, but actually digesting yourself for yourself is a weird existential kind of torture. And how long did you do your special tape it?

And then how, so you taped it and you said you're already working on. Do you want a full new hour or do you want mostly new before you go out or what do you want? Yeah, I mean, the timeline to the average civilian, the timeline seems different than it is. It is. It seems different than it is because, and you guys know this, by the time people see your hour, you've already been on the road and working because it's like a four month time period between when you record it and when it's actually released. But even, yeah, and even prior to recording it, you had jokes that didn't make it or jokes you were taking out that you still want to work on. So you're just constantly, the other night I actually got up and I seldom do this with just a list of jokes that I, that I've written down that I haven't gotten to. just read them. And then we'll just start with those little kernels.

Just see what pops out. You're right. And sometimes it's a bit of a trick. One of these jokes. Yeah, give us one. Sure. Okay. Sure.

Sure. I want to explore the absolute rage that I feel. I have to preface it by saying, my husband is awesome. We have a lovely relationship. He wakes up at like 5 a.m. He gets our daughter ready. He makes all. all of us breakfast. He does everything. He's elegant. He supports women. Like, he's the best.

The absolute abject rage I feel toward him when he takes a, when he takes a nap. Like, he needs it for his, so he won't collapse. So he'll live. There's just something too gentle. I'm like, want you take your nap, you little gentle toddler? Once you take that little baby nap and rest your eyes. Like, he's been up for 18 hours. Like, he has been up for 18 hours. Like, he has to take a nap so he doesn't relax. I didn't see this napping on your resume. I don't think we would have had a first date. If I knew you'd naped all day and you're like, he's like,

I get five minutes a day. Just relax. It's a one hour nap and I'm like, but what if I need to talk to you? Like it's, so it's less that it's more about making fun of the unjustified anger. It's never an anger, an actual anger toward him.

That is funny. That you're just enraged. You're not kind of bothered or a little bugged. You're just furious is funny. Yeah. I'm going to be like, hey, can you ask Noah question? I'll be like,

don't know because he's in the land of nod. So I guess we'll just put our lives on hold while he naps. Meanwhile, it's one hour. Everything's fine. Is he on a couch publicly or is he in a bedroom with the door closed? No, he retreats to the bedroom. Oh, and no one can go in there. Oh, by the way, that walk of shame trying to, he's trying to, I'm getting mad to.

I'm getting fucking pissed at this guy. If I was at your house talking to you guys and he was quietly going in the other room, like, where are you going? Where you going? That's what you probably say. Where are you creeping off? to. Map time?

Yeah. I got to talk to you about a conversation I had with a female friend. Can you get back here? Female friend. Here's what you tell your husband to say,

which will make it slightly funny and less annoying. Oh, Eliza, I'm going to take to my bed. That sounds like he's ill. Like take to the water. Or it's very regal. It's a king. No, it couldn't be worse.

It's worse. Take to my bed. That does sound like you're sick. Yeah. Because I also remember you were in the road. to Wellville. So I wonder if that's... Oh, you saw that.

I did see that. Who was Dana? Yeah, he played like a mentally handicapped person. Street weirdo guy. Excuse me? It was Anthony Hopkins was my dad. And I got to hang out. Unhoused.

I said unhoused. Yes. It was an unhoused hobo. I got to hang out with Sir Anthony Hopkins or Tony. But the last day there, I just had see a hobby. But anyway, we're close. That was... We're close.

That was a thrill being with him, you know, just couldn't imagine anything more fun. You played an on the house bum. An unhouse bum. Like when you combine the good and the bad crazy. Creeping around this mansion in upstate New York and terrorizing Bridget Fonda. Yeah, I actually have been to that. It's called a Mohawk Lodge. Yes.

And it is haunted, right? I mean, anything old is going to be haunted. I mean, but we used to go there. My dad used to take us there. Really? When we were kids. Yeah. It's so random.

Wait, Eliza, is it called Mohunk? Yeah. M-O-H-O. And didn't we do a S&R retreat there? We did a retreat in New York and Mohonk or something. It's in, not Pellb. Plattsburg. Plats.

It's up there by Hudson. It's like up there. Way up Hudson. It's a show. Did you remember that? We all went, Eliza. All the cast. Yeah, I was there.

I was in the cast. I was on us and I was there. Yeah, I didn't do a lot that year. You could have been there for three seasons as a 10-year-old feature player. You just never got on. Yeah, you could have played the junior high girl with the ponytail. What's up? Drink up, baby.

Fantasy Football Happy Hour is here to get you wins and have some laughs. Matthew Berry here and my podcast, Fantasy Football Happy Hour, has the sleepers bust and starts it advice you need to win your league. We're diving into the tape. We're crunching the numbers to bring you sleepers, weekly starts it advice, whether you're defending a title or desperately avoiding last place, I've got you covered every single weekday. The bar is open. It's fantasy football happy hour with Matthew Barry wherever you get your podcast. I will tell you, my daughter's just turned three,

and so it's on me to show her what's funny. So I showed her a bunch of in living color, and then I was like, you need to see this sketch. It's called Matt Foley, whatever he was. And it was the one with you and Christina Applegate. Oh, yeah. When he falls on the table. And I was trying to explain to her why that's funny when someone falls onto furniture. And that took the funny right out of it. Did she react to it? I mean, she's three. Nope. But she will. She will ask for it. In like six months, she'll be like, I want to see the furniture guy. And then you'll be like, I will pull it back up for you. The furniture guy. Yeah. Does she watch Miss Rachel? No.

Really? Just never thought about it. I thought that was the big hook. No, but we watch a lot of Michael Jackson Thriller on repeat the whole video. Oh my gosh. Wow. That's a little scary, right? It's monsters coming at you and stuff. I was like, you need to know what good music is. Halloween was there.

I was like, you have to know this. And now, I mean, if you're a parent, you will just live to see all of your favorite things repeated to you ad nauseum until you hate them. We listen to Thriller every morning multiple times. If you had to guess next Halloween, what would your child go as you think? Would it be Spider-Man? Oh, she's going as Elsa.

I already asked her. It's either Elsa or Michael Jackson. It's whatever. That's funny. Next year, it's in nine months. She already knows. Three, four, or five, Halloween rocks. I mean, Halloween is for that age.

That's the pocket. The cute kids, twick a tweet, you know. And then the 15-year-old high school dude, could I get some candy? So my block does the Halloween for our entire area. So it's like a thousand people. It's a job. Not only that, the kids are so rude.

They don't know to say trick or treat. And I, my joy in life is putting on a witch face and I heckle these kids. Oh, I love it. I try to be. And they kind of crave it. And when a kid comes back for candy and I'm like, I recognize you. get out of here, your little fat brat, and I turn them away, I don't call them fat. But I love to scare them because you have to say please and you have to say trick or treat.

And they don't. No, they don't know. They know. I was telling Dana that the Super Bowl has a Roman numeral like 48. I'm like, let me tell you something. No fucking kids know what goddamn Roman, can we drop them with the Roman numerals? They don't even know what numerals means. They know the word number barely.

They can't read cursive. They're not reading ancient numbering systems. The AI is going to teach your daughter. It's so true. They're so stupid. They know I do. So excellent. Eliza, you are, I'm not reading this.

Eliza, you from Dallas, but you remember was when you were there, you're too young, but my favorite club was the Dallas Improv on Central and Walnut. Oh, it moved because now it's in. Addison. Addison is one like next to a freeway? The whole city's next to a freeway. It's Dallas, Texas. The whole city was built off a toll road.

That's so funny. The Addison Improv, I used to call that. Okay, I played the Addison Improv, but there was a Dallas one and a manager used to take us to the million dollar saloon. Dana, it wasn't a real regular like Old West Saloon. Hey, man. Bellbinder's in Houston. Anybody?

I'll tell you what. I think Dallas has, at least it used to have like more strip clubs per capita, and then I think Portland and probably Atlanta join the chat. But join the chat. Join the strip chat. But Dallas has a lot of them kind of down there in that area. In that whole area down there. The manager would take all the comics down there and he gave them free passes.

And they'd be like, oh, this is good. Oh, wait, it's good Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Is that when you were playing there? No, Eliza. That's just they were they only allowed to go. I'll tell you what, I could just, I could just see like any female comic working

like being like, oh cool, thanks for these strip club passes. I'm so glad. Yeah, we had a good thing going. I remember, you won't know this because you're too much, but when I worked there at the Addison Improv, this cute waitress said she dated the drummer for NXS. Now this is going way back. That's an old band.

And we're like, you don't even know who NXS is. There's not a chance. because no one anywhere but L.A. She's anyone famous. Just never happens. Right. God,

lo and behold, that goddamn drummer for an excess comes in the club when I'm there. I'm like, ba, blah, blah, blah, what?

And he said, this ties into you. You got, oh, the comedians, if you want, stay a day, and on the night off, we'll all go to see Michael Jackson.

What? And he took us to Michael Jackson. Where did you, that's amazing. Somewhere in Dallas at some big dome. I was like, oh my God, this is, it sounds like a lie. It might be a lie.

Actually, I'm going to back off a little bit. What do you mean it might be a lie? Did you go or did you not? No, because you reacted too big. So I was like, wait, am I lying? Oh, I think it's true. No, I think it's true. I saw him lie, but I met him when he was 13.

Oh, yeah, you met him when you were a bus. Bus boy waiter at the holiday end bringing Michael Jackson and all the Jackson family dinner and fruit loops. At a holiday inn? Holiday Inn, which was near a regional theater. called the Circle Star Theater, 3,000 in the round. The Jackson 5 was playing there in 75. I was a bus boy waiter,

you know, room service guy. And so I got to know him a little bit. You know, I always brought him raw carrots. Is that you getting to know him? You know, in the story,

it just makes the story better. I gave him carrots and left. Also, Little Richard, I waited on him. He answered the door naked. That's true. What city is this?

This is San Carlos, California. I feel unqualified to be on this because I don't have these I don't have these storied other than you know like I don't

I'm going to Dane Cook at the Beverly Center Nobody wants to hear that Yeah Who would be the person you'd most want to meet right now Like a Michael Jackson Of a famous person Well he

Like Taylor Swift you met her I'm just throwing it out Okay most famous person I've never met her I guess it's like I don't know I don't think I

It's about like, oh, I want to meet them. It's more about like, oh, I'd love to work with them. I see. But, I mean, I met Billy Crystal once and I cried, and he was so nice. As a comedian, there are so many people, if you're lucky enough in your career, your idols become your colleagues, you know. And that's very unique and kind of weird. Kind of sad. It's sad for the idol.

But it's, I don't know. I think, I don't know. Anybody from, I mean, if I ever met Jim Carrey, of course, obviously I can never meet Chris Farley, but that would be impactful. Will Ferrell, I'm sure I will take a meeting with at some point and will embarrass myself. Love Will Ferrell. Big fan of Elizabeth Banks. I've only met her executive.

That's a good one. I think I've chatted with her, but, you know, you see, like women that were on SNL, like you see these people. And then you remember that, you know, they're just like you. these are just normal people, but Billy Crystal, I did cry because that was incredibly meaningful. And was,

so he was big when you were growing up for me. Was it, was him on SNL or him? No, because that was, again, I think this podcast should be called

you're too young to remember this. You're so young and you're going to blow eggs. I'm just wondering where you intersected with Billy Crystal. He, because he was on SNL, obviously, at the very beginning,

he did a movie. I mean, obviously there was city slickers. Yeah. But he did a movie called Mr. Saturday. night, which sometimes gets overlooked by stand-up comics as this like seminal piece of work

in terms of like movies about stand-up comedy. Right. But we watched it a lot growing up. And now that I look back at it, you realize how much of it was true in a way that you couldn't process it as a kid. Oh, yeah. And with no context. He did that character in a special.

I think he did a special where he played all these characters at a house somewhere or something. And I remember it standing out. He's like really in the pocket with that character. And then he did the movie. Yeah. Yeah. And so yeah.

What do you sound like? Was he like this or something? A little bit. No, it's just a New York Jew. Just like a New York, like sticky. What do you want? Yeah. What do you want for me?

King of the Jungle. How about Queen? Or King of the Wild. It was a Davey Crockett joke. It wasn't the Jungle. It was King of the Wild Friends here. It sounds like a joke. And then.

And then Bonum-Pum. And so, I don't know, but I will say, I mean, anytime you work with anyone bigger than you, you're just kind of like, oh, wow, this is, I feel bad for this person, but this is really cool that I'm here. Where did you see him? He was doing a town hall, like for the New York comedy festival,

and I had a show. With the Y or something? No, it was at town hall. Like, it was called. Oh, yeah. And I snuck back there, and I went, like, under the stage, like, Phantom of the Opera style.

And I was like, I bet he'll be here. And he was no security because it's, you know. John Hinkley's style. more like. I did it. Yeah. And so you see him and you go up and you're nice and he's nice to you. That's great.

Somehow I always let people know like I'm a comedian. Just so you know like I'm not a weirdo. Like I'm like, I do what you do. We're the exact same. Can I get a picture? Which means I'm a weirdo. I'm a weirdo. I took a picture.

I'm a comedian equals I'm a weird. Well, there's also that thing with comics. Someone is a comic and you're like, are you or is this something you like think about doing? But I do think it is a nice thing like to level the playing field when a comic comes up to me. They're like, hey, I do comedy too. It's a nice way of being like, hey, like, I mean you no harm yet. It kind of like you're on the same club. Like, anytime you're on the backstage comedy store, you walk in a club on the road,

or you do a guest spot and you see comics, it's all like equal. Everyone's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, what's up? Yeah, like, you could at least introduce yourself or say hi. I mean, but there is, I always feel bad when like a comic is like, I couldn't get in. I'm like, if you're a comic, you can come in. You can always come in for free. I don't want people to think that and then you just say it. But you're allowed into these spaces to just hang out.

It's very interesting when you get an out-of-the-blue compliment because if you're just slumping around on a Sunday afternoon or something, and I think you totally forget that you're on TV, kind of, at least intellectually. And then all of a sudden, somebody goes, I love you, man, and then walks away. Like, oh, thanks. Oh. And they don't want anything, too. That's kind of nice. They don't want anything.

Oh, the most humbling is when I'm like, did you, because sometimes all. I'll say it because I know someone will be nervous because I'll pick up on the energy. I'll be like, did you want a picture? And then they say no. And I'm like, I'll just go fuck myself then. I didn't want to give you. I feel so bad. They're like, I don't want to go, I don't want to go that far. I'm not really in it. I know. You're fine. But let's not get off. The weight in your VIP, this may not be relatable to a lot of people listening. The weight in your VIP line with people who paid a lot of money to meet you and have a photo. And then they'll say, I don't want a photo. I just wanted to say hi or thank you. And I'm like, okay but you spend a hundred this is still a hundred dollars you sure you don't want to quick snapchat quick something no nope you just want it okay i respect it i what about the people that you let's take a photo let's let's take a photo like it's my idea let's take it that is good but dana

she's saying what if you say no what are they going on i never had anyone say no i don't relate i've had people say i only get a hundred thousand photos on my phone i don't want to waste it low, bro. But backstage, let's say, Eliza, you're doing a corporate or regular backstage meeting greet, and they have a professional photographer, right? Yeah. So they go, this moves, boom, boom. And then you do it.

And then everyone slowly pulls out their phone. After they get the real picture, and goes, let's just do one on mine. Take selfie. Yeah. Dumps everything. And they're like, how do I flip my phone? I'm so nervous. What's my code again?

Okay. So what do you do? That's your tour manager's job. We have a policy. one picture per group. You guys all came together. You have each other's numbers. You give the phone to the tour manager and we bang them out.

There's no, I don't want to see you fiddle with your LG chocolate razor. No fiddling. No fiddling. No, with your sidekick. I don't want to see it. Just have it ready.

Suzuki sidekick. With your Kawasaki jet ski. I don't want to see you. Why did they stop making that sidekick phone, whatever? I remember Kid Rock, I thought you were so, God, I'm cool. He go, it kind of spins out. It was so cool.

I never had one, but they looked really cool. I never had one either. They were too cool. I have a question about phones and no one's ever answered this to me. Yes, sir. Like they make these giant,

you know, library book size phones and, you know, all that. Could I get a second phone that was tiny that I could just talk on that has the same number?

Just so everyone at home knows Dana Carvey's holding up an iPhone 6 and I don't know how he still has it. Is that a 6? No, no, it's a normal phone. It's a normal phone. He's holding up an iPod shuffle. Shuffles, we're a great idea.

People have phones that just perform a phone call duty. It doesn't have the internet. Like, people are going back to that now since we're all getting a drug dealer. Well, nice if you're just around town, you could have like this really light phone with the same number and still have this when you want to go show people videos. Come on, Tim Cook. Get your ass. Is that how badly you want to show people videos? Like Dana Carrows just walking around like, look at this cooking video.

Look at this Habachi video. What it is. This is being recorded. Look at this is me with Eliza. This is me with David Spade, you know. Yeah. Wait, actually, I've seen women at dinner and they put down the two phones like stacked on each other.

I'm like, hook, hooker. Oh, that's what you. Oh, I thought you meant like you got me hook line and sinker. No, I said. That they were sex workers. that's what they think, I mean. And then I go, nope, we got a hook alert. When I first met David, he had a burner phone.

I go, what's that for? No way. Never mind. Yeah, what is that, David? What's that about it? He's lying, but it's a funny, fictitious scenario. So I'm going to tell you the truth that nobody's going to cop to. Oftentimes when you see someone with two phones, if they're not a drug dealer and there are,

I can think of a Kevin Gates song about having two phones, it's called two phones. It's oftentimes just a performative. flex. They're like, sorry, I just get so many. I can't. I'm like, this is, sorry. This is a microcomputer with the entire power of the world in it. And you're telling me, you're so disord.

You have so much going on that the internet can't hold all of your information. Your phone book is so full that you need two different. And I think if you're a mega celebrity, like most people just won't have your number. I'm not even that famous. And most of my calls go to an. assistant. So the two-phone thing, unless you have one for work that you throw in a drawer at the end of the day is really, and people like hold them up to be like, oh, sorry, I just have two of these. Like, okay, we get it. That is a good flex. It's a flex. Performative flex is another possible

special for you. Yeah, with three X's. So six specials in a pretty short, well, I guess they would spread them out, but it's a lot of specials. It was in one year. It was in one year. We did two every, to a month. Do you know when you show up what you're going to wear? Because I never know until like 10 minutes before. I guess I'll wear this shirt. Oh, on your special. You mean?

On your special. Yeah. Plan it out. To be fair, Dana, right now you look like you're in a sleeping bag. To be fair. You didn't think anything before this. It's an Adam Sandler, Puffy jacket. Oh, yes.

It's a coto-opaxi original. Oh, no, we can tell. Thubba. No, no. You're right. That is a very funny observation. Women know more about guys clothes when they walk up and they size it all up. And guys don't even know they're being analyzed.

And it's like, yeah, I think this is a pretty good outfit. And they're like later going, did you see the shoes? Yeah, this with that. Yeah. They just know everything. It's not. I used to, in one of my old specials, I have a bit about how we scan. Like we scan everything.

And it's not about because I'm not a gold digger. It's not about like, ooh, is that a nice watch? It was like, oh, are you, are your shoes? weirdly outdated to where it's like you had to make a choice between like these shoes or your electricity being on. Are you wearing like a Kenneth Cole reaction shoe like that shows that no one's dressed you in a long time? Are you wearing workout gear but you're obviously you haven't done cardio? Are you wearing a tech vest? Are you wearing a coto Paxi jacket? And they all inform us about your, are you wearing an Arctic flannel? Like do you have a cocaine addiction? Like there's all these

things for better for worse. But to answer your question, of course. I mean, we plan the outfit. I think I work my material. I think the outfit is second to how precious the material is. And then the lighting and everything else. But the outfit gets planned well in advance.

Well, I saw a clip of you. Well, you were wearing, it was kind of black. And then there was sort of, you were hip flexors were exposed. Excuse me? Yeah. And it was kind of a cool look, you know. I mean, it's very cool.

I don't, I just buy, I'm trying to be invisible. It is. You know, I have like, I'm a bit of a prude. I have 50 black t-shirts.

You know, look, I'm not going to pretend like as a woman, what you wear doesn't matter. And I, there's certain silhouettes I enjoy. And for this special,

we, I just wanted to do something sexy, but powerful, but fun. I found, the pants prior to having my last baby. So I held on to those pants for like a full year. And I was like, I'm going to get into these pants come hell or high water. And I just stared at them every day. Do you feel like when I was trying on shit for my stupid special, like, oh, my, it's guys, it's like

nobody cares. 90% of the time, a t-shirt and a coat. And it's usually those jackets with no collar or whatever. So I was trying something on, but I don't usually wear coats on stage. I don't do much movements, but I don't want to have any resistance anywhere. Like, it's too tight or you're trying to look good and you're like, I can't really do what I do and I'll think about it. I'd rather just be loose. So that's why my excuse is I don't look that great on them. Also, I have one coming out in the future.

I didn't know what I was going to wear. What is the title of it, David? Did you call it your stupid special? That's what you just said. You were like in my stupid special. My stupid special is this garbage. I think it's called this garbage. And I didn't decide what I was wearing because I brought two things to the special and we were

backstage. And I was doing them both and I go, this, but this. We wound up doing a combo platter because they said, you have five minutes before you go on. So this is what I'm worried about before I go on and the crowd is there. And they're like, guys, which, what is he walking out? And so we just know for whatever it. They want to know month ahead. They got to steam it. They got to steam no matter what you're doing. Steem it. As long as you don't have wrinkles, look, here's the deal. In terms of. men's comedy, there's Eddie Murphy raw, and then there's whatever else the rest do you guys wear. Like, it either has to be impactful and iconic or literally no one cares.

I'm going with literally no one cares. I'm going with people go, what did he wearing this special? And they're like, oh, did he have any clothes on? We don't even remember. That's how good the material was. We either just laughed at the jokes or we don't. But we go, that means literally nothing. Why guys? That's why I go, I don't really care. Just what do I wear all the time? People have already decided they like me, they don't. Let's just. I don't think people, I don't, I think it's all about what you give to your audience. And I don't think people watch you for a sartorial experience.

And I think when you're a woman, people have to, like, it is about what you're wearing. You know, it does it, are you, does it hug your body? Can they see your body? Are they not seeing your body? Is that deliberate? I think women get judged on these things in a good and a bad way. But for guys, it's just not the way that we think about you. Like, if someone sees you, it's like, oh my God, it's David Spade, not.

oh, did you, I mean, maybe on a Saturday night, like, did you see those leather pants? You know, it's just not your, it's just not part of your brand. And some females are like, are you a hoodie comic or do you dress up? I, it's almost, you know what I mean? Well, that's because for the longest time, you know, the audience, it took them a while to wrap their minds around the fact that a woman was speaking. But now I think, you know, I see a lot of younger girls just going up and just everything's out and they don't think about it.

And the answer is you're welcome. It's because of women like me in our generation. putting in that work in those American Apparel hoodies so you could wear a belly shirt. Hoodie comic. Hoodie comic. I was one of them. My picture is on the improv wall next to yours actually and I'm in that hoodie. Very low-rise pants.

Yeah, you're right next to mine. It's right when you walk in. Eliza, do you remember when I brought you up wrong? No, I don't, yes. Do you want to tell it? Because it was a very sweet story. You tell it. I feel like I remember half of it. It was in the original room at the comedy store. So I think I brought you up and I said your name wrong, right? Definitely.

I said your name wrong. It's a tricky name. To be fair, it is awful. I think I got the first name wrong. Yeah, it doesn't really. Not even your last name. Yeah. So what, oh yeah.

So I felt so bad because it was very unprofessional. Even though intros are always screwy like Bobby Lee's. coming in this idiot, blah, blah, blah, he's my dad, you know. It's always screwy, forget, mess up the credits. But I said her name wrong. I didn't know her enough to do her name wrong. And then I, oh, Adam Eaget was working there. So I said, can I get Eliza's email maybe?

Yeah. Just to apologize for doing that. It was a, you got it. And I got it. So for people listening, Adam Eaget was the manager, general manager of the comedy store. And now I think he manages mothership in Austin. And he texted me and he was like, Spade's going to message you. And I, because I think I may have said something to you.

Or I didn't. But the way he said Spade's going to talk to you, the vibe was like, hey, you did something wrong. And now comedy royalty is about to not only blacklist you, but you should never have gotten upset that he mispronounced. Like, it was like Spade's going to, he didn't say reach out. Reach out is a good thing. It's like Spade's going to. Yeah, reach out is better. bring down the hammer and I was like, okay, and you reached out and I was never going to say anything

ever again because I knew it wasn't personal. And you went out of your way to say that it was a mistake and you were sorry. And I couldn't believe that someone of your stature, that someone that David Spade was reaching down to little me to be like, hey, sorry about that. In an industry where people are like aggressively awful to each other for fun. And I always remember that about you. And unfortunately for you, I was like, oh, cool, now we're friends. Now I can always talk to him. Yes. And then I said, no, I got to get it right now all the time.

All the time. Yeah. Because I can't mess it. I can't keep messing it up. One time, Dane, I went on in the original room. And Bill Burr was next, but he was in the hallway bullshitting. Just like a typical night. And I got the hiccups, like I'm sure to Bill, like a girl.

And I've never done this. And I hicked up every joke. And he started laughing, but it was too much because it was like the same thing over and over. And they're stopping laughing. and after about three minutes, I go, hey, it's Bill out there. And I go, and I hear what? And I go, can you come up now? I have to get off.

And he's like, you got the fucking hiccups? And then I was like, oh, this is the worst guy to go after me. Yeah, that's 10 minutes. First five minutes was like, this fucking pussy. So that was funny. But that was another OR story. Similar. He didn't apologize.

No. But just know that if you're watching a show and comics give each other shit like that, It's because they're friends. I don't think I've ever really seen a comic, like, fuck up. And then the next comic gets mad about it. Like, it's never, I've brought up comics I don't even like. And I've never given them a bad intro. I've never been like, this next guy tried to sexually harass me over the phone.

And now I'm famous and he's not. Please welcome. Like, I would never do that. I think all you did, now I'm thinking about it, when I walked up and said your name wrong, you took the mic and you go, it's Eliza. And then you just went on it. But you weren't. scolding me. You just said it right for the audience to know. And then I was like shot leaving the

stage like Platoon. I was like, oh. And because I deigned to softly correct it and then Adam's like, Spade's going to talk to you. I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. He's going to get mad that I knew my own name. And you were so nice. There's a rumor you softly corrected someone. I think I did. He's like, what the fuck? You owe David Spade an apology. Your name is now, at least. Lisa. Shell, Ms. Shell Singer. Yeah.

That's... Shell Singer. There you go. Ms. Eliza. There you go. What's the most common mispronunciation, or is there one? What Dana just did

deliberately or not. I can't tell if it's a bit. No, I was kidding. Okay. Thank God. Oh, yeah. Shellsinger. But I don't even correct people

because it ultimately doesn't matter. Because the more painful part, is having to then hear them try to correct it, and then it becomes, like, a linguistics lesson. Sure. And you're like, I'm just trying to promote this show. I just got this special. I was introduced.

I'm just doing 12. Dana Garnie, a lot. Dana Garnie. This next comedian's kind of funny. Some people like him. Dana Garnie? It's just reading off a piece of paper. Dana, D-A, and then they just,

the V became an end or something. Dana Garnie, ladies of gentlemen. Greg Fitzsimmons told me that he one time, and he's in my phone as this, got grapefruit Simmons. I don't mind not. People are just uneducated, not checked in, just out to lunch,

just making up words, not reading. But Eliza, how nerve-wracking is it when they go, there's no MC, and you're up there and they go, and you go, who's next?

And they're like, Bill Squankmire, and you're like, this next guy is so good. You don't even know who they are. You've never even heard of them. You don't know what to say. Oh,

I mean, the art of. stand-up is 99% making up a bullshit credit for the next comic who you have no real reference for. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. It used to just be clubs and colleges. But now that's, I mean, if you're playing colleges as your main thing, like maybe you're not doing great. And so, and so, and used to be Comedy Central, which it really isn't anymore. So now, I mean, I brought up a comic the other night and I was like, you know him from the

internet. Please walk up. It was Morgan Jay and who is known from the internet. It's not like you met him on Star Search. And so I thought, I just, I just usually like this next comic is hilarious. One of my good friends, please welcome. Yes, I do that. Anyone, anyone is next.

Yeah. Crab doesn't know. Just throw someone out here. All right, let's plug, let's plug Eliz's thing one more time before we let her go. And I will say before I let you go, Eliza. Different animal. I just talked to today, someone I said you were coming on. And they said, tell her good on paper movie is great.

And that is a Netflix movie. that you wrote? I wrote it. It's based on a true story, and I start in it, and it's available for streaming 24 hours a day. And it is a... It's very hard to write a movie, and you were in it. It's even harder to make one.

Turns out it takes a lot of it. It's so hard to make a movie. Yes, so... Watch for that. And the special, Dana, say the name of the special. I'll let you do. A different animal, Amazon, Prime. March 11th.

We shot it in where? In Salt Lake City which I knew. That's a great place. Right? It's secretly an incredible comedy town. Yep, yep, yep.

You wouldn't think that and they're the best and I have to be honest with you guys. You are my first podcast I've done to promote it so you're the first person I guess it was Dana that I've heard say

the special out loud because the title's been a secret. That's cool. How big was the theater? What did you? What did you do this time? Size wise. It was the Eccles.

So that's, I want to say 2300. I also want to say 1,800. It's all such a blur. But we did two tapings at the Eccles, and it was gorgeous. And the outfit was hot fire. So I'm excited for one to see it. I would do it in Salt Lake. They're good.

Good crowd. The outfit was cool. If it's the one I think. I hope it is. I hope they sent you the materials. Salt Lake City is basically people, not everyone there is Mormon. but what you get is a city of like almost no crime,

people who don't really drink alcohol, jacked up on sugar from soda shops, and just really looking for a good time before church. That's who's there. That's right. I got to play that place. And they're good. You got to, Dana.

You like it, Dana. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Eliza. We'll talk soon. I'll see you at the store. I'll see you tonight. All right.

Thanks for joining it. Bye, you guys. Bye. Thank you. Thank you. All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly, on the wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click follow.

We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that god dang button on your favorite podcast app. Smash it. Leave a review, a good one. Leave a five-star rating, nothing else. Whoops. And maybe even share an episode with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe, Dana. What do you think?

I'm going to tell you this right now. Hit me now. Believe me later. Fly on the wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey. And executive produced by Hold For It, Dana Carvey and David Spade. Or David Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write those stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis.

The show is edited by Evan Cox with production support from Phil Sweet Tech. Talent Production and Booking by Sophia Lippor.