Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - The News Quiz: Ep6. Is the UK getting sunnier?

Episode Date: February 20, 2026

This week the panel discuss PM Keir Starmer fighting off a potential coup; whether it’s a good idea to take Valentine’s day tips from a two-timing Norwegian athlete; and after 40 days of rain in some parts of the UK, is the country actually getting sunnier?Joining Andy this week is Alasdair Beckett-King, Rachel Fairburn, Stephen Bush and Mhairi BlackWritten by Andy Zaltzman.With additional material by: Cody Dahler, Eve Delaney, Jade Gebbie, Ruth Husko and Peter Tellouche. Producer: Georgia Keating Executive Producer: James Robinson Production Coordinator: Giulia Lopes Mazzu Sound Editor: Marc WillcoxA BBC Studios Production for Radio 4.

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. If there was a big rent button that would just demolish the internet, I would smash that button with my forehead. From the BBC, this is the interface, the show that explores how tech is rewiring your week and your world. This isn't about quarterly earnings or about tech reviews. It's about what technology is actually doing to your work, your politics, your everyday life. and all the bizarre ways people are using the internet. Listen on BBC.com or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, I am Andy Zaltzman.

I'm going to give you a peek into the writing process for the news quiz this week. I'm flicking through the newspapers ahead of this week's show, trying to find if there are any news stories that could work as a metaphor for the state of the Starma government. Here's a weather news story. Unrelenting gloom and misery looks set to continue for the foreseeable future. What do you reckon? I can't see anything too obvious there.

Let's try a sport. At the Winter Olympics, American skier Lindsay Vaughn, despite being wounded and compromised, carried on regardless. But inevitably came to grief and crashed out in a spectacular heap. Not sure there's much in that. Maybe something...

Oh, here's one. Horse racing. Horse called government runs wrong way around track, then jumps head first into cement mixer whilst weeping jockey says, we can still win this. That might work.

I'll work on that. In the meantime, welcome to the news quiz. Hello, hello, welcome to the news quiz. Our teams this week, after the big new Bronte film, opened this week to somewhat mixed reviews, ranging from one to five stars. Our teams are team Wuthering Heights against team Withering Slytes.

On Team Heights, we have Rachel Fairburn and from the Financial Times, Stephen Bush. And on Team Slytes, we have Alistair Becket King and Mary Black. Our first question go to Alistair and Mary. Kier Stama, the... Let me just check the latest on the internet. Prime Minister,

said that he will never do what? Is it give you up, let you down, play around and desert you? You're pretty close there, actually. Is it anything for love? Because if I understand it correctly, Stama's position is that he would not do anything for love, but he will do that.

Is it the right thing? Well, that might have been the subtext. Any other guesses? Is it won't go? Yes, well specifically walk away. Is it going to run? Well, he didn't rule that out. He didn't rule out running away, flying away or skipping away.

But he will not walk away. I think that's what I admire about Keir Starmer, to be honest. And part of his problem is that he's someone who faced with, I was about to say pressure, any conversation at all, basically, what can I promise to this person to make them go away? It doesn't matter if it's incompatible with the last thing I promised someone to make them go away. And now he's in government, and those various promises are coming home to Bruce, which is why he's under pressure.

And even his I'm going to stay on is a promise he obviously can't keep. Even if, I mean, let's imagine that he were to turn it around and he were to become a successful prime minister shortly after we start using flying cars. He will at some point stop being prime minister, right? He is at some point going to walk away. Even at this stage, he's still making impossible promises. and in an odd way, it's kind of endearing the kind of like, yeah, like the gambler and the casinos,

like just one more silly promise we can get out of it. It's a bit intense to say, he said, I will never walk away from the country that I love. All right, mate. It's like, I've had boyfriends like that. I'm like, it's kind of like, I love you. Yeah, but to be honest with you, mate, you're making me life miserable.

Like, you've got weird mates, and you're making me skin. So, I don't know. Maybe he's more into the country than the country's into him. Maybe that's what's happening there. Right. Yeah, he said he'd never walk away, but you can sort of hear his wife going,

leave it here, it's not worth it. But it's, yeah, it's been a tough time. He's been hit by a wave of resignations after it was revealed that Peter Mandelson was Peter Mandelson. No one could have seen it coming, I sympathise. Because, I mean, you know, in sport, people have their names on the backs of their kits,

but Mandelson didn't have that. Yeah, how could he have known? Yeah, yeah. I could even know. So he's lost Tim Allen from the sitcom Home Improvement in the 1990. Reached for comment, he said, Uh-huh. No home improvement fans.

He's lost Morgan McSweeney, the genius behind his victory. And McSweeney's big achievement was kicking the left out of the Labour Party. And basically, he's my nemesis. And it's very disappointing to sort of finally see a picture of your nemesis. And he looks like, Ed Shearhan. I thought he'd be an impressive

sort of grand vizier kind of guy, but he's just got like a little ginger beard and a sort of round face. He looks like he should be sitting in the crook of a tree selling potions. But he is, he's the Ed Sheareran of politics, McSweeney, very influential, but I don't know anyone who likes him.

Mary, you spent over nine years as an MP up to the 2024. And three years in therapy. I mean, is this fairly typical of, this sort of level of plot and counterplot denial and accusation? Yes, absolutely. And I think one of the strange things that's come out

of the last run of conservative governments is that we have such a low level of patience for prime ministers now. You know, it's like flicking channels on a TV show. It's just like, next, next, no, give me the next one. You think compared to the last Prime Minister's care stammer is an improvement. But to use the boyfriend analogy, would you stay with someone just because you looked out your window and thought, I suppose you'll do then, right?

I'll just stay with you then. You know, it's not really a ringing endorsement, is it? I mean, that's interesting you talk about the shortening span of Prime Minister's terms in office. It's gone down like 70% over the last 10 years. So has my patience. So from 1964 to 2016, there were eight Prime Minister and 52 years. From 2016, from when Theresa May took over, to now five in nine and a half, and by the end of the show it could easily be heading towards six or even seven.

They might just presack the next Prime Minister. Just shorten the process. It's just testament to that we have no attention span anymore as a species. I think that's it. I think it is, you know, it's like football. We can't even keep football managers. Like a football manager is in a job and then they're gone. They might get sort of about six weeks or whatever and then they're gone.

I think everyone wants results now. That's what it is. And I think it is genuinely an attention span thing. Right. What sounded like you're doing there is you were linking Kier Starrma with the Spurs job. Yeah. Yeah. Right, joining the dots there.

West Streeting, the health secretary said the Prime Minister has what? Anyone? 24 hours to pack his backs. You don't say that out loud. No, I just think it's... I'd have to play it backwards to see if there's hidden messages within it. Well, he was...

Apparently, West Street in was accused of arranging a coup. Part of me feels sorry for Kirstehmer because it feels all a bit mean girls, doesn't it? Like, Kirstalmers there in Parliament and everyone's like sniggering behind the briefcases at him, talking about him, being snide. I bet you can't even sit with West Street in the canteen. I bet they're like, you can't sit with us, Kare.

But having said that, I bet Kare loves the canteen. Is there a canteen in Westminster? There is, and here was never in it. Is it not? Never in it. And it actually is laid out like mean girls, genuinely. Is it really? When I first went in and I sat down in this big couch

and everybody was giving me evils and I was like, what's good one here? And somebody said to me, no, no, Labour sits at that table, Tory sit at that table and you lock and just sit up the back and share chairs or something. It's like, this is straight. But the kid's table at a wedding?

Honestly. And on Wednesdays we wear pink. Is the gap between the tables the length of two 18th century sword? Do you know, it's actually, it's not far enough because I could hear Boris Johnson chewing his food. Oh no. Nobody wants that. And you only needed three years in therapy.

Boris Johnson ASMR? Someone in it will be into that one. The other thing is, is that prime ministers don't go into the canteen unless their coat is on a shugally peg. They only ever come in when things are really looking bad and they have to rally support. So going to get your lunch is a sign of weakness.

I was thinking as though like when Kirste-Talmers sort of said, I'm not leaving. It was at a cost-of-living event. And I'm like, what is that? It's just when you open your eyes in the morning, isn't it? Getting up is a cost-of-living event. I found that quite fascinating. But the BBC, the correspondent there, said,

Kirstarmer, he's at this cost-living event, and he seems fired up. And I thought, that's good. People who can't afford the heating bills can gather around him free. A little warm, can't they? So what did streetings say, anyone? I think it offered him his full support.

Full support, yeah. And what exactly in 2026 do the words full and support actually means? It's a bit like when your landlord calls you mate. Right. I think it's when somebody has got a WhatsApp group about you, I think that's what it means. They'll be nice to you, but there is a WhatsApp group.

Yeah, so, I mean, you might say that West Streeting couldn't organise a coup in a pigeon loft, but... I don't think his complete lack of charisma and talent should hold him back from the top job. He's obviously jockeying for the leadership. He's not admitting it, but his strategy was releasing his text messages to Peter Mandelson, which is a bit like proposing to your partner by releasing your text messages to Peter

Mandelson. As you can see, darling, no evidence of wrongdoing. Will you make me the happiest man in the world? Hold on, I'm getting another one. Oh, no. Just care. With a kiss at the end. Yes, that was what Westryon said. Mary, Scottish Labour leader, Anna Sauer, caused a bit of a distraction on Monday by saying that what had to end?

Distractions? Correct, yes. there we go. Quite a weird way of going about reducing distraction. And it was strange actually because when I saw that he was doing it I was watching it with my MP head on

thinking you have just saved Kier-Starmer because all of the MPs are going to be like, who is this guy? Who do you think you're called? None of. We'll decide when the Prime Minister's going.

So yes, Sawa how would you say made an arse of it? Technical turn. I was shocked when I read this story because did you know there's a Scottish Labour Party? I've been on the website. It's very convincing they've done it all out.

There's a whole party there. It's very bad news for them. Apparently they've fallen into third place. They're just slightly less popular in Scotland than reform and just slightly more popular than an English tourist saying, Ocki the New. But I mean, the Scottish elections in May are a sort of motivating factor, I guess, what Anna Sawyer said.

They're looming over the Labour government like the bacon industry over a baby pig. How do you see those elections going? Well, because I think that Sarwar's thinking is that if he loses the Scottish elections, which looks lightly,

he can blame it on Keir Starrmer. But this is the same man that endorsed Peter Mandelson endorsed Keir Stammer multiple times. So it seems he's fighting a losing battle there. definitely. There was a headline in the eye this week. I said, who cares who's Prime Minister Britain's ungovernable? Is that correct? Do you think? I think in some ways that politicians

and the political class saying that is a little bit victim blaming, right? In 2016, we had a referendum based on basically false promises. Then in 2019, Boris Johnson won on basically false promises. And then Kier-Stama, the 2024 Labour manifesto is, oh, you know how they promised public services would get better? Taxes will say the same. Well, we'll make that work because we will have less day drinking in the office than Boris Johnson. And it turns out that cutting down on the day drinking was not enough to solve it. In terms of who might take over if the coup that hasn't happened yet does happen, a new name put forward this week, Alistair Kahn's, armed forces minister, former Royal Marine.

Previously, I don't think I'd ever heard him mentioned. But is this where we are now that people knowing absolutely, nothing about you is now like a super strength. Yes. Absolutely. I think the only thing that I know about him is that he sounds dead hard.

Could be a good change. What's the Prime Minister like? It's just dead hard. That's quite good. Someone who could basically break someone's neck with a flick of his fingers. Yeah, something like that. I've always thought Alistair was kind of a tough guy's name

just to name for like a big match al-alpha guy, yeah. We'll change it to Al. His name is Al Carnes is what he says on Wikipedia. He calls himself Al, which is a bit more like, they call him, Al, Al Carnes, you know, and stuff. There you go. In Scotland, he would be called Allie, which is a lot less threatening. Is it definitely Al, not AI,

because it's possible that he is just an AI policy. Who should or could be the next Labour leader and or Prime Minister? I think the only person that the UK public do trust and lie. is Paddington Bear. And I think that that is going to be great, and I think he'd do a good job, but I think when some people find out that he is an immigrant,

issues will arise. But I think Paddington is the only man slash bear for the job. Also, he did go and have tea and sandwiches with the Queen with his tackle out. It's a detail that wasn't commented on enough at the time.

But so did the former Prince Andrew. Yes, Kirstama, as we record, is still Prime Minister and Leader of the Labour Party. At the start of this week, he'd seem to be clinging to power like a greased traffic warden to a charging hippopotamus. No one could really work out exactly why he was where he was. And he did pretty well to stay on board, even if it doesn't really look like a long-term partnership moving forward. The media gossip about whose fingerprints would have been all over it had it happened, led to a wave of resignations, Chief of Staff Morgan McSweeney, director of miscommunications Tim Allen,

the Downing Street, Cat Larry, stepped down earlier today. The ghost of 19th century Prime Minister Spencer Percival has also resigned as the official 10 Downing Street Haunter-in-chief, and we are just hearing that Keir Starmers' frown has resigned and is set to be replaced by a combination of a scowl, a thousand-yard stare and a grimace. But maybe this is the politics that we want and deserve, part byproduct of post-Brexit

national recriminative stroppiness part symptom of modern culture which needs and demands instant eviscerations in which our attention spans have become so short that some radio comedy panel show hosts cannot even keep focus long enough to... Right, at the end of that round,

it's 10 to Alistair and Mary and 8 to Rachel and Stephen. If there was a big rent button that would just demolish the internet, I would smash that button with my forehead. From the BBC, this is the interface, the show that explores how tech is rewiring your week and your world. This isn't about quarterly earnings or about tech reviews. It's about what technology is actually doing to your work, your politics, your everyday life,

and all the bizarre ways people are using the internet. Listen on BBC.com or wherever you get your podcasts. We have an Olympics round now. You have to choose one of the Olympic rings, blue, yellow, blue, yellow, blue, black, green or red. Each one has a different question. Rachel and Stephen, which of the Olympic rings are you going to go for? Green, please. Green? Okay. Your green question. Many of Britain's medal prospects have been going south at the Winter Olympics in Italy, but why might Britain's Olympic hopes be going north in the year

2040? Well, this is right up my street this. The north of England, of which I am the queen, the north of England is wanting to go for the Olympic bid in 2040 right so all the northern leaders which are me the Gallagher brothers and the ghost of George Formbert we've all got together and we've written to Lisa Nandi the culture secretary to say the north of England should have multi-city Olympic games in 2040 and I think this is great Andy Burnham he said right London He said, listen, you have hosted this three times. I think what should happen, maybe Sadiq Khan should just be like, do you know what, we'll sit this one out, we will let the North have this.

And I think what he could do instead, due to the amount of insanely rich people, he should pitch that instead of the Olympics, London has the first real purge. Incidentally, the ghost of George Formby's got a new single out, which is when I'm staring hauntingly through windows. I'm from Durham, which technically makes me the most northern member of the panel. Well, I checked. You're from Paisley, which is the middle of Scotland. It's basically Scotland's Wolverhampton.

So I don't think that makes you a northerner. I know I don't seem like the most northern member of the panel with Rachel here. But yeah, I think it's time we had a Northern Olympics. We had that London Olympics in 2012. Because sport is important in the north. I was never very good at it. But, you know, we've got all our own northern sports. Like I was best at the northern hurdles, which is the same as the hurdles, but the biggest hurdle is getting your dad to open up.

So, Alistair and Mary, you have to choose one of the other Olympic rings. Green has gone. Which one are you going to go for? How do you feel about red? I was going to see red. We're so connected as a team. Okay, your red question.

Why were these skeleton pilots of both Britain and Ukraine heading for trouble? It was their helmets, was it that? Yes, correct. This is very confusing to me because I'm really not a sporty guy and I didn't know there was a sport called skeleton. But I am an enthusiastic dungeoneer.

And so when I read Problem with Skeleton Helmets, I was like, yeah, you're not kidding. They're made from Goblin Hyde. Is it a female dungeoneer or a dungeoness? I believe so. More power to them. So this is, it's one of the many sort of slippy sports Of the Winter Olympics

It's hurling yourself headfirst down an icy tube That's as slightly as it gets Yeah There are two types, so the British ones are in trouble Because their helmets were not regulation, I think Correct, yes And the Ukrainian one was making a political statement By having people killed in the Russian invasion

Plastered on the helmet Yes, that's the answer I think Yes, and the I... I literally just found out this sport exists. I think I did all right. Vladislav Hiraskovich is the Ukrainian skeleton pilot who was banned from competing because he refused not to wear his helmet which had pictures of Ukrainian athletes who had died

during the conflict, several of whom were friends of his. I mean, it didn't really help the IOC shed its slight reputation for, well, consorting with the devil and the devil's emissaries. I bet you if he had a sticker that said Red Bull, it would be all right. I'm fascinated that the British helmets were not fit for purpose. What was wrong with them? Well, they would... To point it at the back?

Yes, an illegal shape, I think. An illegal shape? Yes. I'm learning so much. Is it the triangle? The Pentagon? Which shape is illegal? There's sort of limits on what shape your helmet's allowed to be

and whether you're allowed to have rockets attached to it or... Some spectacular action at the Olympic ceremony. Will any of you be taking any Valentine's Day tips from any two-timing Norwegian biathletes? This was, I mean, a rather extraordinary story. This guy got bronze in the 20 kilometre byathlon. When interviewed after the event,

admitted cheating on his girlfriend, and then appealed, you know, sort of basically tried to win her back through global humiliation, which isn't necessarily the way to someone's heart. So this blew my mind. He's only one bronze. Seriously. You're going to sit there and do this when you are third.

Okay? It was deeply embarrassing. You know when people say the ick, which, you know, a turn off? He was the personification of the ick at that point. So the ick is when someone in a relationship does something reasonable and you don't like it. Like I don't like men who have baths.

Or use umbrellas. You can't win. I don't like you wet. I don't like you dry. This guy made the entire world cringe. But what got me about it was he said, I've cheated on the love of my life the most beautiful, kindest person.

That's what he said. And you just know the woman that was listening to that. I'm like, I'm beautiful. I'm kind. Clearly not the sexiest, though. And also, if I was an athlete, I wouldn't draw attention to cheating in any. Yes, well, the Olympics could be coming back to the UK.

Talk of a bid by the north of England to host their 2040 games. The bid would see events shared across cities in the north and could potentially result in an unusual amount of government investment. in infrastructure in the north of England, including as many as one extra bus between hull and ghoul, a new bin somewhere outside Manchester and a 75,000 capacity

Greco-Roman wrestling stadium made out of pasta in Hebden Bridge. The current Winter Olympics in Italy, the gloriously idiotic festival of ridiculously fast-moving humans and ridiculously slow-moving stones, as of Thursday night, though, no medals for Team GB.

But on the plus side, no British athlete has been tempted to admit infidelity and try to win back their ex-partners' affections by making them a global news story and adding uninvited mass media scrutiny to an already intensely painful personal situation. Bronze in the 20 kilometre

for Norway's Sturler Home Ligride to go with his gold in the how not to repair a broken relationship. Right, at the end of our Olympic round, it's 12 points all. Right, and finally this week we have a weather round, a true or false question. Alistair and Mary, true or false, the UK is getting wetter.

Yes, wetter. No, that's wrong. It's not, apparently. It's getting sunnier. 4% sunnier since 1994. Wow. The year I was born. Right, so you have brought that much sunshine.

You are welcome. Have you noticed this, anyone? So, 4% sunnier. Over the last 32 years. I'm not having it. Right. I'm just not having this news. This is fake news.

This is not possible that this is true. I noticed that it was researchers in Spain that have said this. They're just saying that because they don't want us there. That's what's going on there. Although then I'm like, maybe it is getting, because we just moan when it's raining and we moan when it's warm. And during, we've had a nice warm summer last year, I think, did we? I can't remember.

everyone complained then. We did have a warm summer because I remember all of the test matches against India pretty much went to the fifth day. Oh, do you like cricket? Yeah, yeah. That's how I remember weather. So I'm not sure about this.

It doesn't feel like it. Have you noticed a 4% increase in national sunniness, Stephen? Where do you think I got this tan? First four years of my life, I look like Alistair. I am very pale and ginger, and this is just horrible news for me, really, you know, because for the last few years, I've used the most expensive form of sunblock, which is renting a flat in London.

And it works, but it's hardly worth it. Rachel and Stephen, true or false? The UK is getting drier. False. False. Correct. It's getting wetter. Okay. Oh, come on.

This thing is rigged. Some parts of the country have over 40 consecutive days of rain. Yeah. I mean, generally, as any Bible fan will tell you, when weather happens for 40 consecutive days, what's your interpretation of the 40 days and 40 nights of biblical rain? I just find it quite interesting that clearly God has decided this time. He's aren't even getting an arc.

I think it's great news because I think, Endless drear and misery is what makes Britain great. I was, today, I was caught in a massive downpour on the way here. I remember I ducked into the British Library thinking I would dry my shoes on the hand dryers, but they've only got those sort of pull-down hand towel ones. They don't have the br-w ones. So I bought a filter coffee, which was just slightly above body temperature. And just sitting there soaking wet, drinking just an almost undrinkable coffee.

I was like, I feel patriotic for the first time. Truly this is England. Yes, this is the news that pretty much the entire nation has been turned into a Damienhurst artwork entitled The Impossibility of Dreness in the Mind of Someone Damp. Bringing some light into the Stygian gloom is a report from Spain, claiming that contrary to what your soggy socks underwater sofa

a newfound interest in DIY raft making might be telling you, it is actually getting sunnier in the UK. Research has found. that the UK is getting 4% more sunshine than it was in 1994. Because of the woke. Apparently it's been caused by a reduction in pollution, meaning that less sunlight is being sent back into space where it rightfully came from.

Well, that means the final score at the end of this week's news quiz, Rachel and Stephen have 14. Alastair and Mary have 12. So congratulations, Rachel and Stephen, inspired by the Winter Olympics as you're our medal winners you get to confess something publicly. I'm obsessed with midsummer murders. And I think John Nettles is a hot piece of,

what times I go out? Thank you very much for listening. Until next week, goodbye. Taking part in the news quiz were Mary Black, Stephen Bush, Rachel Fairburn and Alistair Beckett King. In the chair was me, Andy Zaltzman, and additional material was written by. by Cody Dahlia, Eve Delaney, Jade Gebby, Peter Toulouche and Rooch Husko.

The producer was Georgia Keating, and it was a BBC Studios production for Radio 4. Hello, I'm Nick Robinson. You might be tired of switching on the news, hearing those pre-rehearsed soundbites, the lines to take from those who shape our lives. When politics is as fragmented, as unpredictable, as fraught as it is now, it can be hard to cut through the noise. That is precisely my aim on political thinking, my podcast from BBC Radio 4.

I have extended conversations with those who shape our political thinking. I try to get to the heart of what makes these people tick. What lies behind what you're seeing or hearing on the news? That's political thinking with me, Nick Robinson. You can listen on BBC Sounds. If there was a big rent button that would just demolish the internet, I would smash that button with my forehead. From the BBC, this is the interface.

show that explores how tech is rewiring your week and your world. This isn't about quarterly earnings or about tech reviews. It's about what technology is actually doing to your work, your politics, your everyday life, and all the bizarre ways people are using the internet. Listen on BBC.com or wherever you get your podcasts.