Girls Know Nothing - S2 Ep43: Misha Grimes | Losing A Loved One, Running A Marathon & All Things Pageants

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

GKN is a female-focused podcast hosted by  @SharonNJGaffka GKN Social Channels: Https://linktr.ee/girlsknownothing  Instagram: @girlsknownothingpod  Tiktok: @girlsknownothingpod TikTok: @girlsknownothing

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Just text water to 64,000. That's water to 64,000 for your two free gifts with purchase. W-A-T-E-R to 64,000. By texting 64,000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from Pocket Hose. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply. Available at pockethose.com slash terms. You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites.

With Indeed Sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates, so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non-sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with support our show by saying you heard about indeed on this podcast terms and conditions apply hiring indeed is all you need and then after the marathon i think because i felt unwell okay on the race day okay yeah i was like i hate it and also i lost so many toenails which nobody tells you about no no I've lost four toenails this year yeah so did I my big toes okay I didn't lose my big toes my two big toes that's disgusting yeah

they came off they came off in a club on holiday it was really bad we walked outside me and my walked outside and we looked down and I was missing a whole toenail. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Know Nothing. Today's guest is a YouTube sensation that posts videos about fashion, beauty and lifestyle. Misha Grimes' online success started after she won the title of Miss Teen Galaxy England and she later went on to win the international title of Miss Teen Galaxy in 2017. Misha has recently discovered a passion for running while fundraising for the M&D Association having completed two marathons. So welcome to the studio Misha. I do know I was thinking when I was writing all these questions earlier I was like we've known each other for

ages. No because how many years will it actually be because in my head pageants were like three years ago actually they were like I finished when I was 18 or 19 2017 was when you won your last title well you know the facts um and I think when did you start competing so I started competing when I was 13 and and I'm now 24. Oh, okay. So I think I was on the scene before you were. Yeah, I think you were.

Because what was your first? Teen Galaxy England. But like 2013? Who won your year? That's how I'll know. Oh my God. Shauna. Shauna Millen?

Yeah, I think so. Okay, then you're before me. She was a queen before my time. Lovely girl though, I love her. I think I've got pictures of baby Misha and I was going to say grown up me, but I don't look like a grown up. Yeah, no. None of us do.

But what was the reason that you started competing in pageants? I was the really extra kid that wanted to do something. And I remember I literally Googled and came across the Misty and Great Britain website and then like applied and didn't tell. I think me and my mum did it and then we like didn't tell my sister and my dad. And then I got accepted and we were like,

so dad, sis, I'm doing this. And they're like, I'm not even surprised. Like, I think it was just normal for me to just want to be the center of attention let's be frank um do you know actually I was Teen Gibi was your first one I remember watching it because you made your own fashion wear yes the pink um high low dress with like the really big skirt and the like corset was that your first one no that was my second okay I watched all my third I can't remember they've all blurred into one now but the first year I did compete I

also did make my fashion wear I remember watching that one as well yeah oh baby Misha um what would you say like your biggest lesson that you've learned from doing pageants I feel like people people don't really believe that it's a thing or like believe that you've learned from doing pageants I feel like people people don't really believe that it's a thing or like believe that you can get something good out of it because it's really catty yeah I think it's a bit like I suppose the influence industry everyone sees it as like everyone's bitchy and stuff like that but like I put one of my best friends out of it and this is like seven years down the line um my dad wasn't like not pro pageants, but he was thinking, oh my God, they're spending all this money on something.

Like, what is she actually getting out of it? And then in the end, I remember him saying to me, like, I can see why you did it. Like, I can see the person it's helped you become. I can see the confidence that it's given you. And I feel like whenever you hear people talking about pageants, they're like, oh, it makes you so confident.

And you're like, how is it making you confident? Like, strutting around being in competition yeah with other girls but I suppose you could say that about every industry in life like we work with technically your competition but it's like you don't sit there at your desk constantly thinking like that person's in competition with me and I feel like growing up in that environment a it made me care so much less what people thought about me because I was the weirdo girl at school that did pageants. Like people at my school did not get it. Like I feel like they're slightly more normal now. Like people don't roll their eyes so much when you talk about

it. But in my heyday, like I was literally the weirdo at school. So I feel like it forced me to be okay with people thinking that I'm strange and I'm doing things that are different, which, you know, has worked out in the end. And I think it's just made me much better at like public speaking, doing interviews. People often ask me like, how are you confident in front of the camera or just like speaking in front of people? And I do take it back to the pageant days because it was so, I was so young at the time. If I think about like 13 year old me, I'm like, that's crazy. And at the time I was so young at the time if I think about like 13 year old me I'm like that's crazy and at the time I was competing against 18 year olds but like I wasn't scared of it like I just loved it so I didn't see it as like oh my god these 18 year olds like they're so grown up

and I'm so not like I just threw myself into it and it seems to have worked out I think society always teaches women that they have to compete against each other anyway rather than you're just competing against yourself yeah and that is how I always saw it I always said like if I don't win that's fine don't get me wrong there were times where that was a much harder pill to swallow we've all been there we've all cried ourselves to sleep when then like you look back at it years down the line and you're like that's so wild that I cried myself to sleep over a crown but we also know it's so much more than that yeah and I think that in one of those in in pageants and in like that environment when you are like thinking about

your competition you're not just thinking about like oh it's not for like the attention of a man or like because you want to be prettier than the other guy it's like well this girl's doing this stuff like this version of charity work she's like doing this to prepare for interview yeah okay if I want to be her then like I need to do that as well I need to be a well-rounded person yeah so you're not like when they say girls compete against each other it's not it's really not it's not based on how many ab one person has in comparison to another I would never win otherwise if it was literally all of that like I always say I don't always think like when when I won my title I don't think the prettiest girl on the stage but I think you're never going to think that and I also say if people go off the description of like the prettiest girl is going to win then if I won after

three years I should have won the first year if you're going off the prettiest girl because then surely I was still the prettiest girl three years ago but we know that it's nothing to do with that you're on the judging panel of my competition was it actually yeah and look back on the videos and your head is slap bang in the middle of the video it's a big old crown so um but you know your last pageant um you were miss teen galaxy england yeah and you went to win on you went to win the international title and you know in the uk galaxy is like the it girl of the pageant of the pageant world um why were you like because I remember you consistently going back because you really really wanted this title what was it about the title that you like attracted

you to keep going back and going for it it's funny because when I first did Teen GB I never got any of the Galaxy girls I was like I don't get it like why do they want to go to an international why don't they just want to win money like that's how that's literally how like 13 year old me saw it um and then I got more involved in it and I realized that the the most fun part was actually the competing the actual bit that you know brought the most joy and was the most enjoyable was the weekend of the competition and the time leading up to it rather than you know brought the most joy and was the most enjoyable was the weekend of the competition and the time leading up to it rather than you know just that final day when someone's crowned um so I feel like that's kind of how I then like veered into Galaxy because I was like okay well

I love this and I want to be able to do it again so if I win in the UK I then get to go to the international and like you see it when you're younger it's like it's a trip to Orlando like there's so much more to it and especially with my year there were three teens so it's like there was a whole group of us like you build so many relationships and I think that also appealed to me that it wasn't just like you win and then you're on your own it was more of like a group community and you'll go into nationals. It kind of made it feel like there was more than just the one win. So when you do win after you hand over, did you get that weird feeling? It's like, OK, well, what do I do now?

I don't think I did because I already kind of knew that social media was where I was you know heading down um so I think I was almost ready to be able to just focus on that because like I'm very much someone that like I need to put my all into something that I'm doing so I think I was ready to close that chapter and like focus on this which has now been what if I finished when I was like 19 it's now been like five years which is crazy because it feels like a lifetime ago and it feels like yesterday all in the same sentence yeah I think people have very mixed reviews when they just stop so like I think the first time I stopped because I went I've gone through like periods yeah I felt really lost because you've

spent so much of your life I get you thinking what's the next one yeah after but I guess like you know you're you kind of had an overlap didn't you with starting your social media career um so how can like that kind of went hand in hand I think wasn't it didn't you start training for your interviews and then started YouTube at the same time so I posted my first YouTube video when I was 17 and it was because Molly me and Molly had always said about wanting to do them and she did it so I was like oh god now I've actually got to do it and it was that whole thing of like your friend does it so you're less scared to do it yourself um and yeah so that was just before my 18th birthday and just after my 18th birthday was when I competed in

Miss Teen Galaxy England the year that I won. So I do think they went hand in hand. I also do thank pageants for some of the reason people were actually interested in me in the beginning. Because for first, I could post the link to my YouTube video on my Facebook page and all the pageant girls would watch it. That's a community that I wouldn't have had otherwise and viewers I wouldn't have had. And then I even think down the line, like people find it really interesting interesting so all of those old pageant videos have so many views now because people are fascinated down the line it's like I still get people messaging me all the time being like I saw your videos years ago and like that's why I did Galaxy that's why I did Miss Teen GB um so they did kind of go hand in hand but then I feel like the social media took over and also it's

one of those things that the social media was making money whereas the pageant was spending money oh yeah so like at the end of the day like you've got to make a choice at some point and I think I also got to the stage where it was like the money that I could be spending on that I could be putting into something else to do with social media it could be a new camera it could be so like my priorities changed but I always think that was healthy too because I it did take over my life yeah for a period of time and it was that time where like I didn't win and I really wanted to etc etc and I'm glad that I kind of like got past that space because I was it would have been a very toxic space to stay in for like the rest of my life yeah I think it's really good and healthy to know when things like you're kind of done with

that chapter of your life and ready to move on because we all know there's certain people that are like, if they didn't have it, it would be really, really tough for them to like, you'll be able to do anything else. But I remember like, do you ever look back on that content and think, maybe I'll do another one at some point. Hi, I'm Richard Karn, and you may have seen me on TV talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose. Well, the brand new Pocket Hose Copperhead with Pocket Pivot is here, and it's a total game changer. Old-fashioned hoses get kinks and creases at the spigot, but the Copperhead's Pocket Pivot swivels 360 degrees for full water flow and freedom to water with ease all around your home. When you're all done, this rust-proof anti-burst hose shrinks back down to pocket size for effortless handling and tidy storage.

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then it was so simple it was like I wanted to do it so I did it whereas like there's a lot more responsibilities as you get older and I just I don't think I what is it like scratch the itch or like I just don't think I'm I want to do it like I want to do it but I don't want to do it in the same breath yeah um it's really weird like don't get me wrong whenever I go and like watch a competition like it's like a little part of me is like unlocked that's been like you know in a cupboard at the back for ages and even my boyfriend like I haven't been in the pageant world since being with him so like he doesn't really truly get it whereas like my previous boyfriends would have got it because they were around for like that chapter of my life

so I do miss that chapter but I don't think I miss enough to do it yeah which is strange because every time I go to competition everyone's like are you gonna be up there next year and I'm like no like sorry I always hear rumors and I'm like no yeah no this is the thing it would be lovely but I just I know it's not my path for me right now it might change I don't think it will but you know and with starting your social media like your YouTube career and your social media journey has it been really tough to like transition especially when it comes to trolling when you've done something that's different and especially if you're the different

girl at school? Yeah I think the thing is I didn't actually get trolled about pageants at all. Okay. Which is interesting but then I also feel like because of when I was posting it, I was still quite new into the space. And I also feel like the trolling nowadays is so much worse than it used to be. Like OG YouTube was delightful in comparison to, you know, like what the likes of TikTok are like now. So I remember getting comments, but it was more about the way that I looked. And I at the time was confident in how I looked. So I didn't care like it literally was water off a duck's back um I definitely think doing the pageants hand in hand being the weird one at school going to an all girls school like I think it made me a lot tougher and it made me not care so much and maybe that's why the hate at that point didn't really affect me because I was like oh it's fine

it's just life you know I got picked from at school or people didn't like me at school I got over it um and I think that's kind of how I saw it at the time with social media as well. How do you deal with it now then if it's like transition and changed? I've definitely had my moments in the past you know like four years going through such a big life change myself with losing my dad coming out of that has made me a lot stronger of a person but during it I was a broken person like as you would be and that kind of went hand in hand with COVID timings and everyone was savage during COVID timings and it felt kind of like you couldn't do anything right at that time in social media because obviously people had a lot

more time so they were paying a lot more attention and I know that my life didn't make much sense at that time because I've always been an open book I've always been telling people what I'm doing every day where I'm going yada yada yada and I know that my life didn't make sense because I never said that my dad was unwell so I feel like people were piecing together my life and piecing together me as a person and like getting a completely different person and I couldn't understand that and I couldn't accept that because I was so low in myself so it was like I've always realized now that if I am confident and strong in who I am anything that anyone has to say about me I don't care but people are always gonna have those little like niggles of those things that like hit a nerve like you'll even have it where like

someone a hundred people could make a comment but one comment would stand out to you um and I wouldn't say it's like that anymore but that's also because I've had the reminder of like life is too short to actually care about what people think and it's that whole thing of like it's just a reflection of them not of you but that's much easier said now yeah then then like there was definitely a point where I was literally like I'm ready to walk away from all of this like I couldn't cope with my personal life falling apart and my work life falling apart and I'm ready to walk away from all of this. Like I couldn't cope with my personal life falling apart and my work life falling apart. And I am grateful that I've gone on that journey because I learned a lot about myself.

I also learned a lot about social media. And I also learned not to rely my self-worth on how many likes I get, how a piece of content does. Like I very much see things differently now. And I don't see it as a reflection of my person. I see it as a piece of content does like I very much see things differently now and I don't see it as a reflection of my person I see it as a reflection of my job yeah do you think doing content with your mum back in the day made it a little bit easier to like yeah definitely everyone loves a bit of mama grimes they still do like she's just an absolute personality so I think having her along for the ride definitely helped she still do social media content no so she kind

of took a step back after everything with my dad I I actually thought that she would like it would push her more into it as like a like nice distraction but I feel like it's she's like it's different when you're married and you know you're in this loving relationship it doesn't seem as daunting posting yourself online because you know that you're so secure. But I think for her now, it's just, it all feels a little bit too raw and a little bit too like exposed. Don't get me wrong. She still loves featuring in my content, but we do live like three hours apart. So it's slightly more difficult. I know it sucks. But yeah, so she doesn't mind getting involved with mine, but I just know for her, I think that chapter has closed. Maybe a bit like me with pageants. Likeants like of course part of her still loves it but she's just not ready to open

that door I mean you started your career at such a young age at 18 and you know when I think back to 10 years ago 10 years ago when I was 18 like make I made so many stupid mistakes I was so lucky that they weren't online like I'm they're not available for me to look back at or for somebody else to find yeah later down the line and I'm I don't I can't even imagine what that must be like like if you've ever made a mistake online and it just is always there I think I was lucky because I did pageants so I was always incredibly PG yeah incredibly social media above like the social media was giving squeaky clean. Like there was no evidence of me going to house parties at 16. You know, like that didn't really exist. So I'm grateful for that because like my parents didn't let me have Facebook until I was like 15.

You know, like I never had Twitter. So I kind of went into it very innocent. And I always was innocent anyway. Like I still think I probably am um so yeah I I was grateful that I had a relatively squeaky clean pass so I felt like going into it it was like a fresh slate and because of the pageants I didn't post anything like that controversial or you know it kind of kept me in check at the time which I'm glad because who knows what 18 year old Misha would have posted otherwise.

There was one particular judge, wasn't there, who used to go through everyone's social media. And like you'd sit at the interview and he would have everything that he's written about your social media right in front of him. So you would be absolutely terrified to even like post a photo of you at 17 with a glass of wine in your hand

because he would know about it. And you're just like, okay. I do remember at one point when I was a queen queen I posted a photo and I got asked to remove it yeah naughty gal so the top was a bit too low cut and I was like 17 at the time but the thing is back then I would have been like oh but I do I get it and I don't get it like I get it because younger girls are looking at you but also there's nothing wrong with you doing but then I also think at the time when I was 17, I thought I was so grown up.

So I thought wearing a low cut top is like fine. Whereas now I think back to 17 year old me and a low cut top and I'm like, oh, I see it so differently now. Because I'm more grown up. But at the time I thought I was really grown up. It is really weird. Sometimes when I look at young,

when I sit and judge other pageants as well, when I look at girls that are like not, they other pageants as well when I look at girls are like not they're trying to be older than they are it upsets me and I think that she maybe like it's a really good way of keeping girls like behaving their age yeah and this thing but I think we all went for a stage where we wanted to be older like I had an older sister so I was always pushing to basically be her age and now I look back and I'm like oh bless my soul I wish I just acted my age at the time yeah honestly I always never I never understood why adults would be like one day you're gonna and I'm like oh shut up and now I'm like oh yeah you were so I would never admit that they're right they were so right I say this to my mum

about like when we used to go out to parties and she would always say like I don't mind you going I just don't want you coming back to my house because I won't sleep at night knowing you're coming back to my house she was like go and stay at your friends I never got it oh my god I get it now when my boyfriend goes out I'm like can you go and stay at the boys I'm like I can't deal with you getting in at 4am I worry I'm just a worrier like always he could literally just be on the tube and I'll be like nope he's dead I can't relate because it's just me and my dog so well that's fine but there's always like I mean there's always a big criticism about being on social media and being a content creator and then doing pageants as well that there's always going to be negative impacts on your own body image I mean you've said that you at the time you were super confident but I

remember I mean I've been on your social media and following you for young so I remember there was like periods where you were talking about struggling with your own body image and struggling with like food and exercise and trying to regulate yourself and I mean how have you been able to I don't even know how like can you even deal with something like that is it something that continues on going for the rest of your life especially when you're on social media yeah I mean I'm always someone that like I don't think that you necessarily ever get rid of those thoughts in your head you just get a lot better at ignoring them and like when I think about now how I am in comparison to how I used to be I am the best I've ever been you know I think about back when I used to every single mirror I walked past I would have to check body

check and stuff like that I literally will go a whole day without even looking in the mirror and I don't even realize now and then I'll go I haven't even looked in the mirror today and it's like that's an achievement I do think that I maybe always lent myself to like going down a bit of a path with like an eating disorder and it's always that like gray area of like I'm sad that it did at some point coincide when I was competing with pageants because it didn't have anything to do with them it was all to do with me and I know that like I would have got myself in that position anyway but I just got so in my own head and like it's funny because I say I was really confident but I was confident because I felt so small and then reality you know struck and I realized that like you you can't stay like this forever

um and then I kind of you know grew in social media suddenly had this completely different lifestyle than I had before because my life was pageant so I spent my weekends rehearsing you know training you know doing this charity work that charity work and then suddenly I was in social media and I could you know go out on a Tuesday and you know get invited to all these dinners and go for all these drinks and I definitely kind of went from like zero to a hundred because it was like without even realizing I'd been restricting myself and not living a normal 18 19 year old's life but that was like my personal choice that was just the headspace I was in at the time and then suddenly I'm doing literally everything because I feel like I've got to make up for lost time. Yeah.

So I feel like in about two or three years, I went from one extreme to the other. And then it's like, okay, so where do I go from here? Because I'm not happy and I can't live my life fully in either of those states. So now I feel like I found the happy medium and like I love to work out, but I don't work out so I can eat. You know, I don't see food. I so I can eat. I don't see food. I see food as fuel. I don't see food as the enemy anymore. And I love food.

I absolutely love food. So I'm glad that I've got that. I'm grateful. What was the turning point for you to sit there and realize that it was an issue? I think there's been a few turning points. I remember... Hi, I'm Richard Karn. and you may have seen me on TV

talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose. Well, the brand new Pocket Hose Copperhead with Pocket Pivot is here, and it's a total game changer. Old-fashioned hoses get kinks and creases at the spigot, but the Copperhead's Pocket Pivot swivels 360 degrees for full water flow and freedom to water with ease all around your home. When you're all done, this rust-proof anti-burst hose shrinks back down to pocket size for effortless handling and tidy storage. Plus, your super light and ultra-durable pocket hose Copperhead is backed with a 10-year warranty. What could be better than that? I'll tell you what, an exciting exclusive offer just for you.

For a limited time, you can get a free Pocket Pivot and their 10-pattern sprayer with the purchase of any size Copperhead hose. Just text WATER to 64000. That's WATER to 64000 for your two free gifts with purchase. W-A-T-E-R to 64000. By texting 64000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from Pocket Hose. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply. Available at pockethose.com slash terms.

You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites. With Indeed Sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates. So you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non-sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed.

And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at indeed.com slash P-O-D-K-A-T-Z 13. Just go to indeed.com slash P-O-D-K-A-T-Z 13 right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring, Indeed is all you need. And like my sister meant this in no malice but I remember just before I moved to London for the first time um when my dad was unwell as well um I remember

we're sitting down at like Christmas dinner or something and I just I just couldn't eat food and bear in mind this was probably only like three and a bit years ago um in that time when I was getting the hate online when my life was falling apart it was almost like it's the crutch like controlling your eating was the thing that like kept you together and it was like okay well if everything else in my world is falling apart at least I look good that's what I had in my head because I was in such a toxic mindset and I remember my sister made like some passing comment about how like I'm acting how I used to act and she probably doesn't realize but that comment was the comment that like stuck in my head I was like oh god I've got myself back down this road and it is very difficult when you lose someone to nourish your body because the last thing that's the last thing

you want to do it's not because you don't want to eat it's because you've lost your appetite and like it there are stages in life where you are going to get unwell and lose your appetite but it's always then reminding myself that like that's not a healthy body and I need to get myself back to a healthy body that you know can do all of these challenges and like even when I was training for my first marathon I gained weight which I hadn't done in you know like three or so years so that was quite daunting but then I finished the race and I was like I wouldn't have been able to do this in my previous body like I needed to gain that weight to be able to have the

strength to do it so I think I see it much more as like a performance like my body being able to perform to its best rather than the smallest version of myself I think people think that when people do marathons that you're a little bit crazy because I think maybe it was my experience but I became not obsessive of what I was eating but like like being so self-aware that I needed to make sure I was eating enough yeah or like of the right thing it's a completely different mindset yeah it's like you go from like easily just forgetting to have lunch to like no no I actually need to make sure I've got enough carbs I've got enough protein yeah so that was like with me like but then I don't know like did it sometimes feel like it was a bit too much because I felt like for me maybe this is me like I felt like

training for a marathon was just too much because I was being so like controlling over what I was eating or like being so too aware of what I was doing yeah I think the thing is I um I am someone that puts my all into everything yeah but I also think because I've learned from not overdoing it in the past that like even for the first marathon like I did not train nearly as much as other people that I knew like at all and don't get me wrong I still trained really hard but I think I've just learned to like give my body a break and like listen to my body a bit more maybe it's because of the turmoil I've put it through in the past that I finally started to listen to myself but for me it was always eating in the like eating before a run that's always been my challenge yeah because the minute I got out for a run I'm like oh god I

can literally feel that porridge or feel because like I can hear it rolling around yeah so that's always been the like thing that I've had to teach myself but I would just like slowly increase everything that I was having the morning of because obviously you can't run a marathon on an empty stomach no you can't so it's it's always something trying to like convince myself eating in the morning is always a little bit of a challenge. But I've got a lot better at it. What is it about running that you, because you've done how many marathons now? Two.

Okay, but you've done quite a few half marathons, haven't you? I think I've done two. Okay. Yeah. But like, what is it about running that you loved? Because some people have really like, you just either love, hate. Yeah, yeah. Do you still love it or do you now hate it?

I think after the marathon, I like when I was training, I loved it. Okay. Got you. And then after the marathon, I think because I felt unwell on the race day. Okay. Yeah. I was like, I hate it. And also I lost so many toenails, which nobody tells you about.

No, no. I've lost four toenails this year. Yeah. So did I. My big toes. Okay. I didn't lose my big toes. My two big toes. That's disgusting. Yeah. They did I. My big toes. Okay, I didn't lose my big toes. My two big toes.

That's disgusting. Yeah, they came off. They came off in a club on holiday. It was really bad. We walked outside. Me and Mo walked outside and we let down and I was missing a whole toenail.

To be fair, it's not as painful as I thought it was going to be. No, sorry. Why is it nicer not having toenails? Okay, you're on your own with this one. Me and Chloe text me this all the time. She's like, your feet don't hurt. They don't rub. Actually, Chloe, do Chloe have toenails okay you're on your own with this one Chloe texts me this all the time she's like your feet don't hurt they don't rub actually Chloe do Chloe have toenails Chloe's missing loads

she runs way more than any of us so yeah they're clinging on I didn't really I thought it'd be really painful but actually wasn't it wasn't but the person that does my pedicure or every time I'd be like dancing too much going clubbing too much I don't bloody wish yeah absolutely no it was absolutely disgusting our feet do get knackered but like some people some people absolutely hate running because of stuff like that yeah and I do get it um I think because I started running again whilst dad was on well yeah it was like my escape yeah so I will always see it as I'm so grateful to be able to run because he couldn't walk, he couldn't do this, he couldn't do that. So I'm like, okay, on the days where I'm like, oh, I can't be bothered to get out of the house. I can't be bothered to go for a run. There's always that little bit inside of me that's like, no, no, you are grateful for the

body that you've got. Use it. So I always felt like even though he never ran, it feels like my link to him. So if I'm ever feeling like overwhelmed or you know anxious or thinking about him I'll go on a run and it just helps me so much yeah I think maybe that's a good way of explaining it to people because I always feel I feel terrible when I'm starting but like when I finished it I feel so good it's the runner's high yeah like it does make sense and then I never realized how much I loved it until I got injured and I couldn't do it at all and then you were like okay well I'm so lucky I get to not I have to yeah and I also think like not always pushing for like a race is also important I was having this conversation

with someone yesterday and I was like I did my marathon back in May but like I didn't really train properly for it because me and Jake were away yada yada yada and like I haven't like PB'd or anything or done anything really anything that crazy with running the rest of the year but I've kept it up so it's like I'm running for me rather than I'm running to prove a point or to get a PB and I feel like not always running for a time running for you and like your mental space also helps like make you consistent i do you know i was i think i was really hard on myself when i did the london marathon for not getting the time i wanted yeah which i feel like a lot of people do yeah but then like so many people you ran a

marathon yeah like and it doesn't matter like i finished it and yeah like i think actually i got trolled for my marathon time um which is the weirdest thing all the trolls had never even run a marathon well this is the thing like how many people actually do run a marathon it's like one percent or something yeah and like these are i mean i'm not gonna say too much about them but like um i remember being trolled for it and i remember like being like i'm so angry with myself because i trained so hard for this and i didn't get the time i wanted but then it's like i forget that what i've just put my body through and how amazing it is i've just been able to do something like that. Yeah.

And also, if you said to someone, oh, I've run a marathon, they're not going to go, what time? Who asked that? No one asked that. Unless you're around, like, sporty people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Otherwise, no one's going to ask that. No, that is true.

I've never actually thought about that. People only are impressed that you've run a marathon. They're not like, oh, did you do it in sub six, sub four, sub three? No one cares. My parents thought I was absolutely insane for wanting you do it in sub six sub four sub three no one no one cares my parents thought i was absolutely insane for wanting to do it yeah my uncle did them so i feel like although my mom my mom hates the fact that i run why she hates it she's like your knees oh yeah that you can fit and i'm like no mommy if i wear the right trainers and i have the right form my knees will be absolutely fine oh i was like taped up to the hill yeah to be fair my first time injury injury after injury but now I think my body's kind of like got into the swing

of it so she has to get me a little bit less but if I tell her I'm going on like a 15k she's like Misha I'm like calm down mum it's fine I can actually imagine your mum saying that as well but you do a lot you do um even when you run now you go you do running clubs and go with running groups don't you somewhat yeah I've done two run club events myself one raising money for my general disease and then one with Gymshark and then I've gone to like the occasional running club you know just to meet some people like-minded people that like to run so I remember actually when you were at some point when you were talking about body image online that you had people ask you about fillers and whether you were going to get filler. Do you remember this?

Lip filler. You talked about it on YouTube about how you were never going to get it. Yeah. I was going to ask you if you still feel the same way about it. Because obviously when you're in social, like when I, back in the day, I always sat there and go, I will never get that stuff. Okay, got you. And then when you go through certain changes and you're, like,

people taking photos of you and stuff and you're like, shit, like, now looking at all the things that you were never aware of. And then if people are on social media picking stuff out of you that you never thought of. To be fair, I'm still not there. I still don't want anything. Not because there's things that I wouldn't you know fix about my face or change about my face but I think I've gone on such a journey to like love who I am yeah

that not saying that people get fillers and stuff like that don't love who they are because I'm the first person to be like if something's literally really affecting you and affecting your confidence and you have the power to change it go for it so I definitely don't see it as black and white as I used to but I think that's something you're younger you see everything so black and white and then you grow up and you're like oh my god there's so much more to it um but so I know that like when I'm older like you know when I'm in my 30s maybe I'll get some Botox maybe I'll get some fillers you know when I'm older older but for now I'm pretty happy in my own skin and like I want to kind of force myself to be like that yeah but I think that's just because I also the past year went on such a journey with my eczema and like being okay with like not wearing much makeup and

stuff like that so I feel like the past year I've really honed in on loving myself so now it's like okay well I'm comfortable in where I am for the moment so I'm going to stick with it I feel like a complete stalker for remembering what you said and not you remembering what you said I have said so much in so many videos so I think it was that you said that you'd had such young following that you didn't want them to feel pressured into getting stuff done which I do get to a degree but I also think now that my following has grown up I see that it's not like that but at one stage I would have had like a 15 year old following yeah and I would have felt like it's one of those things that if you don't talk about it it's wrong because then you're hiding it from people if you do talk about it then you're promoting it to people then it's like which where is there another option so I feel

like that's why I've just never really gone down that road because I'm just you can't win yeah you can't win okay yeah that was what I was gonna No, I literally look like a stalker now. Oh, no, don't be silly. I feel like I kind of remember what video you're talking about. Like, I can picture where I was sat, but... Yeah, in your bedroom. Yeah, in my old bedroom. With the shelves behind me.

Yeah, yeah. But I can't picture, like, I can't remember those words coming out of my mouth. No, I sound like such a stalker. No, you never. It's all right. I sound like a stalker to everyone anyway. So it doesn't matter. Why is it important for you to be able to like fundraise because obviously I know that you've

lost your dad through motor neurone disease but like why was it important that you fundraise for the MND association so I mean people might not know much about MND I didn't before my dad but it's one of those things that like you're given the diagnosis and there's kind of nothing they can do about it there's no medicines there's no nothing and I know that we relied on the charity when my dad was going through it and I know how much of a help they were to me and that is like two percent of what they do and it's kind of like that whole thing of like continuing a legacy um and like it's crazy when we go to the events now like of course I want to fundraise and I want to help raise the

money because you know all of that is going to be life-changing for other people so I don't have to go through what I went through but whenever I come to an event or I post about them they're mostly grateful for me just posting which every time melts my heart because it's that whole thing of it's opening up the conversation you know it's getting out there because that is one of their like pillars is letting people know what motor neurone disease is because most people wouldn't know it unless they know someone that's gone through it or you know they've seen it in you know it's been a lot more in the press recently which is obviously really sad but it's also great that you know it's getting that highlight because the minute it does it means it's going to get more fundraising

so I feel like now that is going to be something that I'm going to take with me for the rest of my life like I will always be working closely with them I feel like I've made that bond now especially with the people that work there like most people that work there have experienced most neurone disease so I feel like they're like like I'm like soul connected to them because we've gone through the same experience so it's like I could never wave goodbye to that I always feel like I need that it's another link to dad it's and don't get me wrong like it's very difficult especially when they do events and you know those people that are suffering with motor neurone disease it's like a constant reminder of like that was your dad but it's worth it like I would rather

put myself through that you know bit of turmoil if I could make a difference and I can stop somebody else having to go through what I went through it's because this is the thing with being a content creator when something bad or like you know when you're going through a difficult time it's really hard to know what to put out on social media and what to keep personally for yourself. And, you know, as someone who followed you, I actually didn't know about your dad until like closer towards the end. And that must have been a really difficult conversation

or decision to make when you post about it, when you talk about it. Yeah, it definitely was. My dad was a very private guy. Like you will find hardly any clips of him online um there are a few like youtube videos or clips of him which I absolutely love and will cherish those um but he kind of didn't he didn't even like necessarily share it that much in his own life so it wasn't my mind to put on the internet and it was like I am more

someone that would not go through something and come out the other end because I don't think you ever do but I would rather be further into it and understand it more and speak on it and be able to help people rather than just me like hysterically crying because that's all I did for you know a year um and also social media at that time was then like my like outlet of like not having to you know every time I filmed a video that would be half an hour I didn't have to think about what was going on um and then coming online with it it was like me and mum always knew that it was gonna have to happen and we always would discuss how we hoped that day would never happen yeah like you know you have that little bit of hope that it's never gonna you know come to fruition um but when it did we both knew that

we wanted to sit and talk about it and talk about him and kind of bear every detail not obviously completely there are still so many things that people won't know or understand necessarily that we went through as a family um but it was actually it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulder in a weird way because I felt like I had this big secret and this big thing that was like pulling me down and then for everyone to kind of understand why I've been so you know all over the place for those two years it was kind of like although you know my world's been ripped apart people understand me now and they understand how I've got here and I could sit and talk about my dad all day every day like even like my boyfriend, you know,

Jake's so used to it. Molly's so used to it. Molly's never even met my dad. And we constantly make jokes and talk about him. Like, I just think I constantly want to keep talking about him. So then that also transcends into online speaking about him. And then every time I do the response that people have, like even we went to an event the other day and this lady came up to me who was a GP and she was like I just want to say like I absolutely love how you speak about your journey with grief online and I'm like whoa like you never think about this lady who's a GP who's like telling her you know like people that come in for their appointments about and you don't necessarily think about how far your reach has because you think you're in this bubble and you're

in this pond and then you realize how big the pond is and then it's like whoa okay so not only is it therapeutic for me to talk about how I feel but it helps other people so why would I not do both of them I think one of the beautiful things about social media is that sometimes if you feel like you're going through something on your own or that there's people around you that don't necessarily have any experience or will never be able to understand what you're going through you can always find like your tribe online or someone who's gone through or going through what you you're experiencing and like to be able to know that you're not alone and find some relatability with somebody is really important um and obviously losing a loved one is really really difficult when it's a parent at a young

age yeah I can't even begin to imagine what the grief is like so how do you deal with like the grief when you were going through like when you'd lost your dad to be fair I think my sister was the one again wow and you'll never really get so much of a feature she's obviously had a lot more of an impact on me than we both realize um it's that whole thing of like the stages of grief and you go through so many different levels and you know when it first happened my mum was so angry and I remember just sitting her down and being like mum I get it but we can't be angry um so I remember my sister's way of dealing with it was we're so lucky that we got him for as many years as we did. And again, I took that. The minute she said that,

I was like, okay, that's my purpose. That's my why. You know, that's the thing that, although I may have only got him for 23 years of my life, 22 years of my life, I got him for 22 years and I wouldn't switch him for anybody else. So it's like, yeah, it might've been a shorter period, but the impact he had on me is is worth all of it and like if I could do this life all over again of course I'd like him to stick around for longer and I always say to my mum I'm like I actually blame you guys for meeting later in life because if you'd had us sooner I would have had more years with him but I wouldn't change any of it because you know I got the family that I did and I'm very grateful and like even to this day like I see videos of people like posting with their dad

I love it I love to see those relationships people would probably think like I find it really upsetting I think that's so special and I'm so grateful that people get to have those relationships because I also know that not everyone does get that lucky whether it's through losing a parent or someone not being around or you know difficult relationships like families are complicated and I'm okay with the complications that I've got because I know how special they all are and I know that although I didn't have him forever I was grateful for the time that I got him. What advice would you give to somebody who's potentially going through like the loss of a parent and is trying to figure out how to... You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday.

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And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at Indeed.com slash P-O-D-K-A-T-Z 13. Just go to Indeed.com slash P-O-D-K-A-T-Z 13 right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring indeed is all you need. Bettering your business takes working with the best. With the James Hardy Alliance, you gain access to leads, training, networking, and support from the number one brand of siding in North America. Achieve new levels of success by joining the James Hardy Alliance today. Get closer to going through the other end because you seem so comfortable and confident talking about it. I think this is the thing. I think I've like normalized in myself day get closer to going through the other end because you seem so comfortable and yeah confident talking about it i think this is the thing i think i've like normalized in myself talking about it

but then like i'll be randomly watching a film and someone's dad will mention in it and then that's when it will catch me off guard and i'll get upset advice is so difficult because grief is so different for everyone and you meet some people that like can't talk about the parent that they've lost or someone that's like me and really wants to talk about it and there's no like right way of dealing with things um I always almost have advice for people around them yeah because I feel like you can't necessarily give people advice when they're in it because also like it's like you've potentially got to feel all your feels and go through all of that journey. But also some people might, you know, cope better by shutting it out and then dealing with it like later down the line.

And you kind of can't tell people how and when and where. Because I also think the way in which someone's lost someone also plays a massive part. Like I lost my dad slowly, whereas losing someone suddenly, you react so differently. But the top DM I probably get is how do I support my friend who is going through this? And my top advice is always when it first happens, everyone is there for them. Everyone is there for you. You get, and bless, people mean so well,

but you get the same texts text the same messages for like a week and it's down the line yeah that it hits you and you almost feel like everyone's moved on with their life and they've forgotten and it's those people that continue to check in with you months down the line years down the line those are the people that make you feel like okay those are my people you know I feel safe with them they remember and I feel like those are the bits that like mean the most um because it is crazy when everything first happens how everyone is there and then it almost makes it more obvious when everyone's not there because it's like you've gone from zero to a hundred um but I'm very lucky that I have had people in my life

that have still been there, you know, even when it's not at the forefront of everyone's mind. So that's always my advice to friends. Don't just do the here and now, do the down the line. Yeah, because I guess it's, well, I've lost all my grandparents. So it's not the same. No, but I get it because losses, you know. And it's like in the beginning, it's completely numb

and you probably don't think it's real yeah or like that it has it's actually happened but obviously eventually you'll have to like accept it and i think it's when you start accepting is when you actually need the support of other people yeah and also like you don't want to sit on your phone and text people and talk to people in that this is the thing there is going to be so many people that i didn't reply to and at first i felt really bad and i was like no because it's not going to help me like sitting out and replying to people right now is not going to help me so I get that everyone means the absolute world and I'm grateful for it but it was like later down the line I ended up replying to people because I just couldn't face it at that point yeah I think when I always

say to people when they're going through like grief it's like when you're ready to talk I'm here and then you kind of just have to like, let them get to that point where they're ready. How do you feel like the loss of your dad has helped shape your like, your content and your outlook on life and how you work now? I'm a completely different person. Like, I am a completely different person. During the time of my relationship, I wouldn't even recognize who Jake first got with. it's crazy and that's the whole thing of like I am grateful that it's made me the person I am although I'd love to change it I'm the first to say like I had a very privileged upbringing I had a pretty handy dandy life you know I didn't get mental health I didn't you know I was so unaware of the world because I wouldn't even say my

parents wrapped me in cotton wool but I just think it goes back to that naivety and that innocence that I had um so then like your whole world rocking and everything kind of falling apart at once you do hit rock bottom and um I remember sitting in therapy and saying I just want to be happy like I was like it by this point it maybe been like eight months since my dad passed away and you almost think like why am I not happy now like why am I not okay but it wasn't just losing my dad it was that I just I couldn't see my life what it was I could only see it in like a negative way um and arguably I actually think it was worse before my dad passed away because you're waiting for the

inevitable yeah rather than once the inevitable has happened it's like okay you've got to you know you've now got to step up so I remember being in like one of my first therapy appointments and turning to her and being like I just want to be happy like I used to be and I couldn't understand how I couldn't get that person back which was like Misha you're not that person anymore like you you I want you to stop striving to be the person that you were because you've gone through so much and you're so much stronger than you were then that like it's just it's not the same so I feel like now I can't believe I've got to the place that I have and now I think back to when I had you know that therapy session it was probably only like two or so years ago and I don't want to be the person that I used to be because that person was

unaware of the world you know they didn't necessarily understand people's feelings fully they didn't understand you know mental health issues they hadn't gone through that hardship so I'm no longer striving to be the person that I used to be I'm now grateful that I'm the person that I am because I am so much more aware of the world and I feel like I do have a purpose and there is so many people in social media so it's so hard to get lost in it but now I feel like I have my pillars and I remember we used to go to meetings and they'd say like what are your three pillars and it'd be like oh beauty and this and that and I never really knew where I fit in and I still wouldn't

say that I have you know like a zone that I am I think I'm a bit of everything but I know that you know talking about grief and dealing with the loss of my dad I know that that will always be my pillar and that will be the thing that always grounds me and that'll be the thing that I think always connects me to other people so it has changed my entire world it's changed my entire outlook on life but it's made me such a better person for it so I am grateful I think saying like I think admitting that you probably had like a very comfortable upbringing and you were very sheltered from things is quite a brave thing to admit yeah especially when you know that it's not just your friends that you're admitting it to yeah well this is the thing like I feel like so many people

and I definitely wasn't aware of my privilege so now stepping out of it I'm so aware of my privilege I do feel like I almost need to shout about that because I did have that like I managed to start YouTube because I didn't have to worry about you know getting a full-time job because my parents you know could let me stay in the house and stuff like that so I am aware that it's kind of got me to a level and then I almost felt like with everything that happened it like took me back down to the start and I've almost like rebuilt on what I previously had but with different building blocks that mean a lot more to me and hopefully mean a lot more to other people um did you feel like you

ever had to grieve your old self this father's day at Lowe's score free gifts for the greatest dad off. When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof, Allbirds, Skims, sure, you think about a great product, a cool brand, and brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business, making selling, and for the shoppers buying, simple. For millions of businesses, that business is Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet. And the not-so-secret secret, with ShopPay, that boosts conversions up to 50%,

meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going... So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify.

Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Skims uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period Sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Skims uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash audioboom. All lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash audioboom to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash audioboom. I feel like I don't remember her anymore.'s really weird I feel like that time almost feels like a blur yeah it never happened I think that does come inside with it being COVID and people

you know like just living completely different lives and they did but it almost feels like I went into COVID as one person and I came out a completely different person and now I can remember all those different stages but maybe even for like my own headspace I try not to let myself think back to how I was in between because I don't want it to ever drag me down not that I think it will um but yeah I don't think I ever actually have I think maybe I'm protecting myself by not doing that and like not recognizing my previous self and maybe I do need to do that at some point um but like even with like body image I remember that I used to not be able to look back at old photos of me because I used to wish that I'd look like that

whereas now I don't see it like that in the slightest I can look back at everything and I'm like bless me I was going through it and I didn't realize at the time like I thought I was so confident I thought I was so happy but the damage I was doing so I feel like now I'm much better at reflecting on that section of my life and maybe down the line I'll be better at reflecting on you know the lowest section of my life but just grateful to be here and be smiling sure I always say to like friends and stuff when they always look at back old photos and go I wish I had this I always say well I think you look happy now I never say like oh you look skinnier or you look taller or you look I would say you look happier and I think that that's like the best compliment ever yeah I agree I also think

you just radiate it like yeah you know it makes such a difference and people people don't remember people for the way that they looked no one's got on their tombstone you were beautiful you were you know you were sexy you had a six-pack I mean give it a time before my friends were on mine who knows but people care about the effect that you have on them and I feel like that's what this whole situation taught me because it was like I'm not thinking about my dad and you know how many times he worked out in the gym and thinking about the impact that he had on my life yeah that's very true um I always ask all of my guests the same final question so if you could give young Amisha a piece of advice based

on your life and career journey so far what would it be and why I always thought the young questions are hard because there's so there's I almost I'm glad that I had that innocence and that I was unaware because it's better to almost not be prepared um I think I would genuinely say like keep doing you because I feel like younger me was on to something she believed in herself she was confident um and I almost feel like you go through a stage in life where that almost gets like bashed out of you yeah as you grow up and like I think back to like year seven me on like you know like the days we used to get to wear your own clothes and I would dress so extra and I

remember people being like oh my god she's so weird and eventually I started to you know change how I dressed and you know and now I feel like I've come back 360 so it's almost like don't let don't let don't let society bash you down Stay being the little weirdo that you are. I mean, it takes a hell of a lot of confidence to walk into a room full of people that you've never met before and be like, I made my outfit and I'm going to tell everyone that I made my outfit.

And I remember sitting there being like, that is so extra and I can't believe that she made this. Yeah, that sums me up pretty much. But no, honestly, thank you so much for coming and being completely honest. And I know that like a lot of the times when I have people here I do get talked to them about really difficult topics yeah um and I know that it's difficult to do especially when there's cameras around but yeah but to be honest I don't even see them I just feel like I'm chatting to you so it's fine

to be fair also you've done YouTube for that long it's probably just normal life now isn't it I don't think I can even see them no Thank you. Thank you for having me. When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof, Allbirds, Skims, sure, you think about a great product, a cool brand, and brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business making selling, and for the shoppers buying, simple. For millions of businesses,

that business is Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet. And the not-so-secret secret, with ShopPay, that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going... So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web. In your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Skims uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash audioboom, all lowercase.

Go to shopify.com slash audioboom to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash audioboom.