Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Slip N’ Fall

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

The great Jace Avery https://www.instagram.com/saddrawingsbyjace/ joins us for a wonderful discussion about The Northman, old racist movies, the meaning of life, being the wannabe smart kid, dealing with anxiety, suing people, and of course a few Johnny Depp trial highlights Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Join the Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatewatchpod/ Available on all platforms. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hate-watch-with-devan-costa/id1459356319 Follow the pod on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hate_watch_pod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hatewatchpod/ Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/devancosta Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/  

keep it going fellas no i can't no no no no that would be a bead no that would be don't you scoot over to be oh yeah now you're in it let me get my my mud nice and center there there we go where'd you get that at a bucky's i just got where a lot of patriots are at starting rally you don't have to know which one okay no that was a gift from ben and katie it was at bucky's actually it looked like a bucky's yeah yeah they gave it to me at bucky's and it's it's it's a really good mug so sometimes i'll bring it into work not realizing and then it's like don't tread on me i can't imagine people at your job well that's the thing is i don't want them to start conversations where they're like ah that's a patriot you know why is that so immediately associated with like bad i think it's just i think now it's anti-vaxxer type stuff

i don't think it was bad before i support the army yeah don't tread on me as marines right i don't think it's i think it's just more like i'm a libertarian i'm gonna go live in portland or like oregon northern oregon i'm gonna have like a ruby ridge right right right which that's like cool yeah culture and we should all be in favor yeah that's awesome i mean at this point your wife shot by the fbi at this point yeah because your dog was parking if you're mailing like poison to the government you're like martin luther king like at this point truly what do we ask what do we want out of people we we the revolutionaries are over you're basically dr cornell west yes exactly did you guys see this that they're chanting

the azav battalion in lower manhattan no what is that it's like a there's there's like a rally and it's just a bunch of you know people that were on probably for blm and shit sure what i ear gauge people yeah yeah all right wait hold on let me make sure the speakers happens every goddamn time jace why don't you get out of here i'm sorry for this i'm sorry i came in with so many segments and stories prepared i always prep for this like i'm doing late night me and richie run stories for like hours like and then I'll hit him with the golf trip story where I met Bob Euchre just stealing Norm stories and I'm like Jace just just fucking

raise your eyebrows when you say that and then look into the camera yeah we'll hit really hard we'll go camera two on you I did I did Jace's makeup before yeah that'd be funny a guy going on like like Jimmy Fallon and he has his no he brings his own don't tread on me that would be a good bit like he just pulls it out last second on like Jimmy Fallon and he has his own don't tread on me mug.

That would be a good bet. He just pulls it out last second so they can't stop him. Last second they're like god damn it. Fuck we were promoting your HBO Max show. Jimmy Fallon just being so great. So great. The Marines. Yeah we should bomb the US government.

This is very funny. This is New York. Sure. This. Scratch! So this is very funny. This is New York. Sure. The Big Apple. The Big Apple. Some would say it's a melting pot. As Andrew Schultz would say, it's a New York state of mind. As Andrew Schultz would say. Yeah. Andrew coined

that term. That's the first place I ever heard it. Did you see that playing somebody sent me a clip of his special where they're dancing and singing. In New York! Is this a fucking Yankees training game? What is this? It looked like when the Big Three was formed

in Miami. Andrew Schultz is like, not seven, not eight, but nine specials are coming out this year. So here they're. Sure. All right, let's hear that.

I guess this is really annoying me right now. Is the video just not playing? It looks like it. Maybe. There they go. Really? You could have told me this was the Puerto Rican Day Parade. It's the San Gennaro Festival. Oh, the fishes. The Festival of the Fishes.

As of, as of. You know, Tone, the As of Battalion, they ain't so bad. Yeah, Tone, it's a parade where we celebrate Nazis for some reason this time. Tone, okay, there's only like four or five hundred of them, okay? It's not that bad, Tone. Tone, it turns out Palestine is good now. Tone, listen, I know we're paying more for gas

but it's worth a clean conscience, okay? But that's just funny, a bunch of Patagonia-wehattan people chanting for a nazi group yeah the azov battalion yeah and that's probably a more so like a democratic those are probably like democrats right sure i mean you know they're living in the old new york city new york yeah so i don't know the democratic party needs to go back to the days of when when they're when the people that represented them they were they were they were good righteous people with morals

like john wayne gazey right sure i was just watching the john wayne gazey documentary big democrat big big yeah he met uh he met uh ford no no he met carter's wife right something like that yeah he was like he met Carter's wife, right? Something like that. Yeah, he was like, there's pictures of him. He's having everybody over for barbecues. Like the Donald Rumsfeld, Saddam Hussein photo. Like they're shaking hands with Gacy. Yeah, with Gacy. That guy.

Great guy. He was what a killer. Have you seen any of the documentary? Yeah, I mean, I used to be a big serial killer guy. It's crazy. until it got popular. It's like if Chris Farley was murdering young men he wanted to bang. I know, he looks so Chicago, too. He's such a Chicago guy.

You know, he was murdering the kids. He's like, all right, get down in the basement there. I'm going to tie you up, rape your mouth real quick, then I'm going to kill you, all right? You think his dick had like a pickle and a tomato on it it and he shoved it into the kid's mouth? Yeah, I got him with a big Bears hat. We're going to go 16-0 this season now that we got Roger Staubach. Hey, I got to put this sock in your mouth,

but it's all right. I dipped it in ajou. Hey, you hear that? Sufjan Stevens got a real good album. He wrote a song about me. He's a, he's a queer though. He was a very likable serial killer.

Yeah, he really did great. I went to the museum of death, uh, like probably 2016. Um, because they have like a lot of Gacy paraphernalia there. You walk in the first room is like his clown shoes and a couple of his paintings.

And then they clearly ran out of stuff. So the rest of the museum is like, here's a photo of a kid who got ran over in 1945. It's like, I want to see that. I want to see. That was the Museum of Death? The Museum of Death. Yeah. I don't know if I could do that.

Yeah, it's not. I need Netflix to direct. I don't know if I could do that. Yeah, it's not. I need Netflix to direct it. Isn't it crazy that we know comics that Tim can't really get a Netflix special? Well, yeah. Who knows?

Whatever. Yeah, you know. He's not on it. Delete this fucking episode, dude. He's not on it. But if Tim killed 29 men, he'd have like a 10 part series sure yeah it is funny that Netflix is like I don't we poured billions into every serial killer documentary I don't know why we're failing now

you know it's going great for Netflix right now so they just it's all working out I don't know didn't you say you know somebody that just put a but they put all their money into Netflix oh yeah one of my one of my dumb co-worker thanks for setting me up I am doing panel well that's right conan uh jason was just in hawaii recently right yeah i was dating ezra

miller they're beautiful and a killer um no my co-worker is this really dumb co-worker he's like 58 i was telling you guys and he instead of putting all his money in a 401k, just has it in like six stocks and one of them is Netflix and he just came into work on like Tuesdays. Like what happened to Netflix? I was like, oh yeah, they projected like that. They're going to lose a lot of viewers. You didn't see that. He's like, it's like I'm fucked.

He was basically like doing like a Tim Robinson sketch. He was just like, I'm ruined. Imagine like the guy lost Tim Robinson sketch. He was just like, I'm ruined. Imagine like the guy lost like 80 grand. You're like in your 60s and you don't have like a normal portfolio. You're just putting your money onto like cash app stocks. Right. Like that's where your

whole life. That's the whole purpose of a 401k is it's like diversified into like thousands of stocks, right? He's just like, I'm just gonna let the market roll, baby. Yeah, he's like Netflix. This is a new company. They're gonna take it to the top soon how many times do you think people in his family got like a talking to about how like 401ks fuck you oh knowing this guy you can just choose yourself yeah and it'll you know you're like a complete idiot because he's you know go with the system he's one of those guys where he's like right about everything but he's just a moron i told you he eats mcdonald's every day yeah and literally i

have to put i have to bring headphones to work because when he eats mcdonald's he eats it like just like that like literally does like cartoon like the sound of when somebody's eating where you just wish they were shot in the head there's just something about it was like you should. Why are you eating a cow that was put down in a horrific way? You're the cow. You eat like a country bear from Disney. Like somebody who makes nom

noise. Yeah, right. God. Yeah, I'd love to kill him with a big hammer in a clown outfit. Yeah, ever since I saw the North Bad, I just want to kill people with hammers i was just telling richie about that yeah that movie kicked ass it's great yeah it was it was like white black panther it was awesome yeah it was really it also showed that white people they're real savages yeah

it made me proud of my roots yeah i mean they're chanting we were warriors they love doing meaningless chants around fire and and wearing uh you know skinned animals on their head and shit i thought that was all for the other people we were flashy we get pageantry we'll put a wolf on us and throw a kid in a fire it was that movie was so egg it made me like feel like a more like more of a man immediately after that's kind of what i mean is i mean most of my like genealogies from that area so i was like there was kind of part of me is like yeah it's pretty fucking cool yeah that's just what like if you i was listening to a dan carlin um on the gaelic holocaust like the gauls are all

the northern people that's what they called them it's not funny but who cares no um they were like a foot taller than the whole everybody in the holy cares? They were like a foot taller than everybody in the Holy Roman Empire. They were like called giants back then because they're all like 6'4 walking around. Right. And they were the only empire that actually like would conquer like the Holy Roman Empire from time to time. They would just come in and like wipe cities out just out of nowhere. They were viewed as like monsters by the Romans.

And they're in such good shape. Yeah. They all look like Rob Gronkowski. You're like, is there a Gold's Gym in Iceland on the ship that they all live on? How are they in such good shape? They're all running hook patterns in battle.

The movie literally made me want to try Alpha Brain. I bought a squat rack last week, but I haven't assembled it. Halfway through the movie, I'm like, I'm going to Dix. I'm getting that 300-pound weight set. I'm just going to start throwing weight up, dude. Dude, it made me want to just really

rape and pillage poor people and the villages and stuff. This is what we were built to do. I mean, I thought that was all apocalypto. I know. But we did it, too. I'm 0.3% Sub-Saharan African. You're a little Ashkenazi Jew as well.

But when he catches the spear. Yeah. What a scene. What a great scene. What a scene. The movie's hot too. Yeah, it's really. A lot of hot Nordic sex.

I want to fuck all of them. Yeah. I love movies like that too where it just shows like you could have like a million like stab wounds and you've been stabbed in the heart and everything. All you need is a, you need to just find a hot spring. Right. spring right there's just like there's always a scene where the guy's healing himself and he's he's just in a little natural jacuzzi and i guess that oh that cannonball wound clears right up there's this he's right he's beat to shit and he just goes into the hot spring and part of the episode deb i was like i guess it has like minerals from the volcano or something.

I'm like, oh no, it's the Epsom salt in 825 AD. I get it. That's the oatmeal bath he's taking. He rubbed the grass on his wound or whatever. Also, I've told you in the group chat, this whole podcast is us repeating group chats. Yeah, it's fine. But I wish-

We should name it group chat. Group chat, the podcast. I mean, there's 45 group chats. Yeah, fine. But I wish- We should name it Group Chat. Group Chat, the podcast. I mean, there's 45 group chats. Yeah, there's everything. No, they should have had Anya Taylor-Joy should have a big fake ass and huge titties in the movie. It was my only issue with it. Anya Taylor-Joy, look at her.

This is the lady. She's the chess lady. She's in the chess show on Netflix. The Queen's Gambit. And she's the yeah she's she's the chess lady right she's in the chess movie or a show on netflix queen's gambit and she's she's good she's got that incest face though but it's interesting kind of looks like et was hot a little bit she's got like the eyes on the side of the alien eyes yeah and i say this looking like the serial killer we were just talking about you're a man yeah and that's what's another portion it's another classic case of white women getting away with murder you can look odd and you're gonna be the sexiest woman alive on

people magazine like you know like julia roberts the lady you know she was the greyhound face hottest woman alive in the 90s and shit and she looks like a you know she eats fish if you throw him at her like she's a pelican. But we had to be told she was hot. This lady looks kind of like her eyes. She looks like if you unzipped her, the little man in men in black would be in her head, like out of control system.

But Richie, you were telling me that she's lied about her upbringing or something? She's from Argentina. So yeah, here, I think. She's trying to make her sob story. I mean, she's the daughter of a banker. She was born in Miami, it says,

but she lived in Argentina until she was six. So she was six, right. Yeah, and then moved to London. And this is her little sob story quote right here. Argentina is all green, and I had horses and animals everywhere. All of a sudden, I was in a big city and didn't speak the language.

I didn't really feel like I fit in anywhere. I was too English to be Argentine, too Argentine to be English, too American to be anything. The kids just didn't understand me in any shape or form. I used to get locked in lockers. I spent a lot of time in school crying in bathrooms. Wow, he sounds like Earl Sweatshirt.

Too Argentine for the London kids, too American for the Argentines. When he says harder than immigrants work, he's talking about Anya Taylor-Joy. But she'll... They're going to use her like... They're going to be like, well, we want to put a white person in this,

but Anya Taylor-Joy is... Well, she was trying to say she was a person of color for a little bit. And if you watched her on SNL, which I didn't, I just saw it on Twitter. She ends her SNL monologue by basically going, I'd like to say a little thing

in my native language. And she's like, ¿Dónde eres? Pull it up. Yeah, if you can pull up. It was on Twitter, you saw? Yeah, somewhere. I don't know. Any Taylor Joy SNL Spanish. Or like monologue, whatever. Yeah, she just speaks Spanish and then everybody

cheers. So it's kind of her trying to be like, hey, I'm not one of them broke ass Spanish or like monologue whatever yeah she just speaks Spanish and then everybody you know cheers so it's kind of her trying to be like hey you know I'm not I'm not one of them broke ass crack ass right right she's like no no no I am I am an immigrant I am a minority right before we begin it would mean the world to me to start the show in my native language so you guys don't mind do you is that she's like my native language she hops in a spaceship right be funny she just started speaking swahili. Like, quick. Clicking noises and whistles.

As everyone knows, I spent a week in Nigeria. They communicate through drumming there. You might not know that. So if I could pull my traditional native drum, called the Ubutu. You guys see Bill Murray's like a dick or something? What? I don't know. They're trying to ruin Bill Murray. Bill Murray being

mortal production suspended due to complaint against Bill Murray for inappropriate behavior. They're gonna fucking, they're gonna me too him before he does. He did beat his wife back in the day. Who didn't? It was the 80s. I think it was the 70s.

Wasn't it mandatory in the 70s to give your wife a shiner here and there? Who amongst us? Glass houses, guys. Come on. They were trying to, also on Twitter, they were trying to, I guess, come after Steve Martin over the King Tut.

Do you remember the King Tut bit he did back in the day? Onl yeah where he sang the song and i mean of course it's dated now but everybody's trying to be like see this is like why white people you know when you give them humor like this is what they come up with and they're trying to say i think it was like kind of racist to yeah well pretend to dress up you see what happens when you give white people an opportunity you have the golden age of SNL. The most remembered reference time. Yeah, exactly. Why do we remember that?

Well, the weakest thing is that they show it, and then it's like, well, it's mid-1970s humor, so it's just not going to hold up as well. But I still like Steve Martin. I like his stand-up albums. I mean, honestly, wait until these people find out about Bringing Down the House. One of the most racist, hilarious movies ever made.

Eugene Leffy should be in jail for that movie. That movie is completely insane. The whole movie is Eugene Leffy going like, well, let me break down some of that chicken wing home skillet. It's true. Let's just try to fuck a big black woman. There's an entire scene where they're like, where Steve Martin's like, oh, my neighbor who's an old white lady, she's coming over and got queen latifah in the house what do i do so they make her a

like a slave maid and she like serves dinner to all of them like she's a slave she's dressed like like aunt jemima and steve martin is just like this is what you know we have we have to i mean it's my old white neighbor coming over they're like like, oh no, there's a black person. There's a black person in the house. She's bringing down the house. And then there's a whole scene where they go to a nightclub at the end and Steve Martin's dressed like Allen Iverson. He's got like...

The beanie and the Iverson jersey, I think. Yeah, down to his knees. We got it. I got it. There's this scene must be on youtube somewhere bringing down the house is an epic i i loved it it's funny that he films that scene and then goes home to a house full of like saison paintings and like vincent van gogh like he's a brilliant art collector okay hold on hold on

club showdown oh does he do a dance off yeah Club Showdown. Oh, does he do a dance-off? Yeah. What's up with you? You've been drinking some of that haterade. Where you from? From the hood and Miss Udder. From the hood and Miss Udder.

Strong, baby, strong. Can you swerve no man of course I can I'm trying to people bow live I can't I got business oh man

we ruined everything. You really do see why the overcorrection came when you watched that. You get it, I guess. I get why Amanda Ruffin has a show now. I think it's Amber Ruffin. Whatever. You white piece of shit.

Who gives a shit? She looks like a ventriloquist puppet. She sings about vaccines. Every talk show host just does musical shit now. Yeah, I know. They're just in the street holding up traffic, dressed like the green M&M. I would love to just...

James Corden doing one of those, and then just the LA riots breaks out around him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just gets sniped by Koreans. He gets Reginald Denny'd. Right on the side of the car. Pulled out of the car, pulled karaoke car. Guy throws a brick at his head.

You see him from the aerial shot of the helicopter. The guy goes, woo! Just his fat head, teeth falling out. Oh, man, that'd be great. They're like,

try lip syncing now, bitch! He gets shot by some Korean store owners. He catches a stray in the ass. Guy smoking a cigarette while shooting a gun

man i love all that footage i know we've talked about it footage ever greatest yeah la riots best thing ever because all those convenience store owners they were military trained because in korea you have to serve in the military right so every single one of them had like had extensive firearm training yeah it's great yeah man yeah and they had like they were making just like perfect they were just like ducking behind bags of doritos that was their gear yeah there's one clip i saw it's like it's just basically a guy like it looks like a drawing like giant glasses tucked in shirt he's just walking down the street yeah yeah firing beautifully no recoil it's great people are using big league chew for a bulletproof vest. But yeah,

I don't think we need to play the whole scene. You guys heard how ridiculous that is. Play a little bit more. Come on. Alright, alright. He's just dancing, man. Dancing with a black chick. He doesn't know what to do.

He's like, oh, I don't know. Then fat black girl comes in. Yeah, then she comes in.'s like oh no the amount that fat black women were just thrown into shitty comedy movies that little yeah that's it's a little awkward and in their defense i think their only knowledge of black people back then was mike jones like that's it yeah that's all they knew was like southern hip-hop that was popular during the time do you remember that uh terrible movie road trip yes like a whole they go to the they go to the sorority or the fraternity yeah stepher gets a candle in his ass

or something like that yeah and then the the dj smalls yeah like what fucks that giant black lady that's like that's the that's the uh through line that ties the whole movie together that's like the bow on top yeah the happy ending is dj smalls fucks a big black and everyone's like he's skinny she's fat right this is hilarious yeah up until like 2009 white people thought black women were all lizzo yeah like that there was a single one napoleon dynamite also they have the writing joke where he dates La Fonda. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is still, it is kind of funny to me. I mean, a skinny, nerdy white person. That's always a funny joke.

Dating like a Nubian queen. Yeah. Yeah. But it was the thing where it was always like, if you're with a black woman, they're 5,000 pounds and they're sassy and they, I look good, honey. They look like Martin Lawrence in most of his movies. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe. No, it's better that it's this way but but there's more it's fun the comedy is funnier

yeah i mean there are a point like you're broad and stupid the guy you know short round from indiana jones he's in that new movie and he's really good in it everything everywhere all once oh that's short round from indiana jones and from the Goonies too. Yeah. He plays what a gadget or whatever they call him. Um, but he talks about, he retired from acting because there was literally, once he got older, there was like no roles for Asians for like 20 years. And then he literally saw crazy rich Asians. He's like, Oh, I can start auditioning again. And then he started acting. Well, that's cool. Yeah. That's a nice story of diversity. He's a great actor.

He is really great. He's really good in that movie. He's very good in that. Yeah. Well, also, none of these movies, Road Trip, Bringing Down the House, these aren't the movies that are like in the zeitgeist that are remembered as like comedy gold. So it's like they have these moments that are a little off-putting when you go back and date it, obviously, and just these hack scenarios that are overused, but these aren't remembered. Here's the thing, though.

The big Lebowskis, those are the comedies that are remembered. Here's the thing, though. When I saw, why was, why did every, why was everyone laughing so hard when I saw Bringing Down the House? Yeah. Because, I mean, it is funny. Because it was funny because it was funny it is funny my friends that i saw with i mean we were only 12 but all thought it was hilarious that a very skinny white guy is dating a fat black woman yeah everybody found it hilarious

it's a hilarious thing and i'm kind of surprised i kind of can't believe that even me as a little little boy was like not like whoa with the with the scene. Well, you didn't know enough. But I just thought that was the point of the movie, was that it was crazy. I don't know. Right. Bringing down the house is a masterpiece, is what I'm saying.

And so is the breakfast at Tiffany's with Mickey Rooney. What is wrong with that? I love that till the day of his death, he was always confused about why people were mad about that. He was literally in interviews like people were mad about that. He was literally there. He's like, I don't get it. I gave my all.

I studied. I did the homework. Like he went that to him. That's him going like Stravinsky method. I immersed myself amongst the Chinese to just go all mythical. Ryrie. That was the most racist shit of all time. That was him trying his hardest to be authentic.

That was him giving a Daniel Day-Lewis performance. He went home and he thought he was Chinese. He had to remember. His whole family had to live with him doing that. Yeah, for months afterwards, he was picking up two forks, trying to use them like chopsticks. He was immersed. Taking walks with his hands behind his back like gliding crouching and smoking cigarettes with no hands

oh fuck let's put get up a picture of that yeah that is i mean it's great it's truly great i think they're going to show the picture of him on the staircase because i've googled this so much yeah this is to look at it and this is an amazing oh my god it's so racist he doesn't even look asian no no it'd be kind of funny he just looks like a fucked up white guy it would be kind of funny if someone uh dude he has like he has like fucking horse teeth in. Oh my God. It would be kind of funny if somebody superimposed his face onto Bud Dwyer's when he like shoots himself.

Yeah, yeah. His teeth stop it. Yeah, put him on the Crazy Rich Asians poster. See if anybody notices. Those Asians are crazy rich. They crazy i tell you that's me walking out of the movie theater singing that that whole movie really i saw it it wasn't even like a movie it was just like yeah these asians that they're fucking rich they look at these we love rich people they're great oh man yeah the whole movie is like, look, it's a helicopter.

It's landing on a boat. That's what rich Asians do. Yeah, they're like. Because they're crazy. I mean, Asians are doing better, though. You go to New York now, it's like everyone at the nice restaurants and everyone having the time of their life. It's like tons of just Asian couples.

Yeah, I think they do very well. They're doing really well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you look at the income charts by race, which I've never done, by the way. Yeah, no, me neither. think they do very well. Really well. Yeah. Yeah. If you look at the, like the income charts by race, which I've never done by the way. Yeah, no, me neither,

but they are number one in America. I just checked their gums. I don't look at charts. I have, I have them come over and I line them up like the North man. Yeah. You go, this one's strong.

That was, it wasn't it hard to watch white people be slaves. Yeah. I was like, I was watching slaves. Yeah. I was like, I finally get it. The injustice of slavery. No, it's also like you're rooting for this guy,

the whole movie. And he's like, like he's a Viking. Like they're like lighting. They're like, like burning women and children alive. Like, you know,

but he gave a look and he's like, but he's like, I didn't like that. I didn't care for that. You're like, I'm on his side still. Isn't it amazing the amount of flawed characters that we will get behind and make iconic? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, like if you watch Breaking Bad, you stop rooting for Walt like two episodes before the finale. Yeah. I think it's like when he grabs his daughter and you're like, oh, I guess he's in the wrong. Right. Yeah, Skyler might not be a huge bitch as I thought. Skyler is the most hated character and the whole time what is she doing wrong everyone just hated skyler because you're like get you're getting away from well people just being crazy they just remind her of

your mom or wife going devon and it's like fuck you dude yeah let me cook meth yeah yeah so she was she was more hated than all the criminals on the show if I had a hanger full of cash I'd probably treat her that way too be like I know what I'm doing I fall so into just like believing that these people are like I just fall into the worlds

like when I drive through New Mexico I imagine Saul Goodman is existing somewhere because it's fun for me because I have nothing else I like pretending if I'm through New Mexico, I imagine Saul Goodman is existing somewhere. Right. Because it's fun for me because I have nothing else. You know, I like pretending if I'm in New York, I'm like, Tony's right over there. You know, I don't know. It's just fun. So then I actually really fall into them to the point where I defend what they've done. Like on the show, I remember my dad, we got in like a massive screaming match when I was

like 17 or 18 where I said like, no, Tony would never have, he would never kill Artie. Right. Tony wouldn't kill Artie. And my dad started being like, I could see my dad like thinking like, is my son like a evil person? Cause I was like talking about Tony, like,

come on. I mean, he's not, he lives by a code. Right. Yeah. And that's his friend. He only kills people when it's convenient to him.

I'm like everyone that, I think I even made some fun. I was like, everyone he's killed. They all did. They knew what they were doing. Watching him choke Christopher. He had it coming.

And my dad's like, Devin, he's a sociopath. I remember like we went to, I went to bed. Like it was a weird night. I'm like, is my dad going to disown me?

Cause I think Tony Soprano kicks ass. Well, you and your dad do legitimately almost coming to blows over that is also a sign of something yeah that's there's it's deeper than just the show this really this whole podcast could be traced back to you watching platoon with your dad pretty much yeah yeah if anyone doesn't know my dad and i got in a fist fight after watching platoon i think i've told it, but on the old old show, it was

a fun night, you know. Mr. Costa got a little gassed up. My dad gets a little, he's a little impressionable. He was teaching a film class and he gets really into movies and he watched all of Platoon. I think at the end of the movie, he's like, I'm in Platoon.

I'm in the war. In your dad's head, you're smoking weed out of a shotgun. I think at the end of the movie, he's like, I'm in Platoon. I'm in the war. In your dad's head, you're smoking weed out of a shotgun. Yes. In your den. I remember I turned the movie off when the credits rolled and he was like, what are you doing? You don't think I want to see that? He turned all of a sudden.

The credits. I turned all of a sudden, he had a bandana on and he had paint on his face. I need to know who the first AD was. Yeah, because I turned the of a sudden he had a bandana on and he had paint on his face. I need to know who the first AD was. Yeah, because I turned the credits on. I don't even know what the best man does. My dad's the guy that sits in the theater throughout the entire credits. That's insane to me.

Like that guy that like, you know, everyone acts like, you know, you have to like respect the movie. I'm like a sophisticated viewer and you're not. Like, listen, I don't know about you, but I want to see who did the catering all right i love that i love when people sit through the whole fucking all the credits i've noticed recently i think marvel has trained the general public to do this because i was watching the northman and the credits roll and i was like is anybody gonna like is anybody gonna get up and i was like all right i guess i'll leave people i think are so expecting of end scenes now. But they're like, well, we got to stick around just in case Thanos shows up or something.

Right, right, right. Yeah. But yeah, no, I mean, but when it's just for like you're watching some regular boring movie and the credits roll. My dad used to make me feel like a fucking asshole for getting up. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't care who was the third grip on fucking Norbit. You psychopath. And I'm like, I don't care who was the third grip on fucking Norbit.

You psychopath. Also, you can just go on your phone and like read all about the movie and like watch. Usually I go watch like a feature. I like the making of stuff like that. I had a fucking teacher in high school scream at the whole class and like give us like detention because he showed us a movie and we didn't clap when the credits roll. And I and then I remember I was like, but us, like, detention because he showed us a movie and we didn't clap when the credits rolled. And then I remember I was like, but they're not here. The movie was already made.

Nobody's here that made it. That's the thing that only happens in LA. I'd never seen that until I came to LA. People in LA think the industry is going to buy their script because they clapped at the end of the movie. Now, legitimately, I've been to, like, you know, it's like at the fucking los feliz theater the big egyptian one and it's opening night and people clap because it's like yeah there's probably people who worked on that there

that's understandable but like fifth week at the alhambra yeah the end of region theater then the baby driver you don't need to clap right you know that every movie we go to it's always a standing ovation. Yeah, there should be like maybe four movies that have ever been made where you clap at the end. And they're all from like the 90s and before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's no movie nowadays worth clapping for.

King Richard, you give it a standing ovation afterwards. What a fart. Wow. Amazing fart. Wait, is that the movie with? With Will Smith. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He like farts.

There's like a scene where the guy farts. Yeah, I was thinking of the John Goodman movie, King Ralph, I think, when you said that. I was like, wow, that's a deep pull by Devin. Yeah, the city. Also, nobody works in LA, including us. Right, of course. But Richie and I, when we did Postmates and shit,

we would like... We had movie pass too between like three to six it was like terrible traffic so we would like turn it off and we would like meet up and be like let's just see a movie we go to a movie like it's a tuesday no one's gonna be seeing a movie at three like packed sold out sometimes yeah because no one everyone here is like has like a fake life like everyone's just seeing movies midday tuesday they do comedy shows at noon. Yeah. You know, at the clubhouse, Maria Banter will do a noon show

and it's a packed. I'm like, what are you guys doing? How does anyone, who? Who? What are you doing? How does the city run? I don't know. Well, and especially after COVID,

everybody has like the fake work from home jobs, which I got to get one of those because that seems pretty sweet. Everyone I know has one besides you. Yeah. And they just don't do anything. I talked to them. They're like, yeah, I do like two hours of work a week. You know, it's like all, seems pretty sweet everyone i know has one besides you yeah and they just don't do anything i talked to him they're like yeah i do like two hours of work a week you know it's like all everybody has

america is a scam at this point i think trevor trevor noah was working from home up until like a month ago he was still doing the daily show from like the corner of his apartment and his and if you watch any clips recently it's just literally him being like i swear to god he's doing the comedy club. And I was like, why don't they make the whole plane out of the black box? Like he's doing like that type of shit. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Just he's, he's like a real eighties hack. Yeah. He's terrible. Smart guy. Comedy is just so unfunny. Did you see him talking about the Oscars? He was talking about, he's like, I mean, who wants to watch?

I can't do the fucking accent. Seth African. who wants to watch these movies? You know, it's, I don't want to watch this artsy, faulty stuff. He's like talking about the power of the dog. It's not like you're like talking about like an Ingmar Bergman. Fartsy stuff. Yeah. The power of the dog was went over too many people's heads.

Yeah. Well, yeah. Anyway, I guess Ron, you know, they, they, they implemented masks back at airports and, you know, I hate this city. I mean, there's a quick one. It's just Ron Howard being fucking true signaling, you know, Hollywood jizz bag. Look at this cheese dick, though.

It's not mandatory. It's a pain. I'm masking it for my flight today for myself, for others. Now, don't we literally have evidence that the masks like don't really fucking stop it yeah i think even like fauci said that right he's like it doesn't really work what is this yeah it's yeah it's just like a little badge to wear this is also the selfie he took from like the premiere room or wherever that he's like hiding out in going down the escalator to get on a private jet right i also love the amount of people tweeting it's like well get ready for

stewardess is to quit in mass and then every video is like stewardess like popping but they're opening like vodka bottles i saw like three videos where the woman's like on her knees like sobbing like thank you so much like every series like well first of all we are sex addicts and that's why we have this job we are gay men and sex addict women that is is like every single flight attendant. It's a freak. They're all freaks. Yeah. It's the perfect job for an anonymous, just weird sex all over the country. Yeah.

Because you're just, yeah, you're always in a new place. Hotels. The guy who, one of the first guys who like this, the very first like super spreader of AIDS was a stewardess. A steward. Really? A male steward, yeah. And he just flew all over the country just giving AIDS just to everybody. And they even told him, it's documented in the band played on,

they told him, hey, you have this disease and you're giving it to everybody. He's like, I don't care. I don't give a shit. I don't care. He just kept sucking and fucking. Wow.

Because they're like, we can't arrest you for just giving people AIDS or gay flu, what they called it back in the day. Oh, really? Well, that's a law now. Yeah. You can get arrested, right, if you've been knowingly giving people AIDS?

Yeah, now. Probably now, yeah. But back then, they're like, I mean, they literally called it gay flu for three years. And then they called it GRID, which was gay-related immune deficiency. Wow. They're like, yeah, we can't arrest you for spreading the disease we're trying to spread we can't arrest you for this disease the cia created to kill the gays he actually he got a purple heart right and that was a large reason that aids spread so much in

the gay community because it was a lot of scientists went to the gay community they go hey you got to shut these bath houses down you got to shut like down these theaters stuff like that and they thought it was like reagan era propaganda to like hurt the gay community so a lot of the gay community did not believe it until you know i think like half of the gay community just died during the 80s jesus it's really crazy that is insane yeah if you were we talked about this if you were christian in the in the mid 80s and AIDS came around, you have to just be like, yeah, I mean, it's,

they're finally getting rights and God sent a plague that attacks them mostly. Yeah, it's like, that's God's revet, like God's doing to them what they deserve. Right.

Pat Roberts was right. Yeah. Man. I hope I don't get arrested for giving people AIDS. You know, I've done it a few times. Yeah.

That is interesting, though, about flight attendants. They're so, they always have such a weird winky, like. Yeah, winky. They're always, like, very flirty. Take you in the back, and yeah. Yeah, you want some headphones? Yeah. And they always really need to get the trash.

Right. They'll rub, they'll put their hand right over your fucking dick to grab the trash out of the front. And you're like, Jesus, lady, I'm trying to watch a fucking Norbit here. I only watch Norbit. Flight to London, you watch Norbit four times. Dude, I was on a flight.

There's movies that are literally only made for airplanes. They don't exist when you land. In fact, when you land, they are deleted off the whole earth. There was a movie I watched on a flight like three months ago called, not Wild, I don't know, it could be called Drans or something. It's because it's literally, it's a movie with Steve Zahn. And he's, I can't even, it was like kind of good too, which was crazy.

It was like watchable. Because you're in an airplane. Because I'm in an airplane. Right. And it was kind of good, too, which was crazy. It was watchable. Because you're in an airplane. Because I'm in an airplane. But it's Steve Zahn, and his daughter says she's a boy. And so she's like, I'm trans. I'm a boy. And the mom is just like, no, enough. They live in Alaska.

She's just like, you're a fucking tomboy. We're not going to do anything about it. And Steve Zahn's like, no. She's who she says she is she's a boy yeah and so then like the whole movie steve's on like like like breaking her out of the home and and like they're on the run like living in the hills and the mountains it's like trans logan yeah it's like trans logan literally and like the cut yeah and there's it's a big chase and they're national news and steve zahn's like, nobody's going to tell my fucking daughter

that she's not a fucking boy. It was crazy, but it was all trans, but it was good, too. Yeah, but you're right. If we Google that right now, it wouldn't come up. It doesn't exist. No, it doesn't exist. It was made by Southwest, I think. I feel like the movie Dreamgirls only exists on airplanes.

Every airplane I've been in has had Dreamgirls on the front page since 1997. Yeah, Dreamgirls is always on it. Yeah, there's always the same movie is on it. They always have the movie Chicago. Yeah, Chicago. Yeah, they think people really want to get into a musical. You're right. I will watch movies that only...

I've watched the incredibles three yeah on a plane yeah i'm like why you know why the fuck planes are the only place i'll ever be like sure i'll watch ryan reynolds and free guy or whatever whatever movie he makes a week because you're also like well i don't want to be the guy watching taxi driver on the plane yeah i love when they also say like hey just watch out for who's sitting next to you because this movie has some intense scenes like, you know, like you're watching Tax Riders next to like a nine-year-old. You put it here. Yeah, like what you put it on is on your

the southwest.com. You know, you can't find on planes. What movie United 93 or yeah, I bring a huge laptop monitor just to watch that and just saying every word with the movie. Let's roll.

Oh, man. There is something about the let's roll moment that really does hit me as a man. I love it. But you think it's fake? I've heard a lot of people try and say that that was kind of made up. It does sound a little Pat Tillman-y, like how they tried to slander Pat Tillman. They tried to praise him after the fact. But I like to believe it's true.

Wasn't Pat Tillman a good guy, though? No, no, no. He was a good guy, but they tried to paint him as Pat Tillman, who, of course, was always pro-war. Oh, right, right. He was talking massive shit about it, and they shot him in the head from like 10 feet away, which a lot of people were like, could that be something? And then they burned all his notebooks about the war and didn't tell anybody until like months after the fact interesting it's

yeah it's interesting and at his at his funeral i think fucking john mccain like spoke and tried to spend this like pat was a patriot he loved this country wanted to protect the people in the middle east and his brother got hammered and went up it was basically i would be straight on some pat tillman hated your fucking guts he hated this fucking war like i think i saw that a long time ago that was a long tirade yeah pat tillman was a great guy yeah legitimately great guy got into the war because he thought he was doing the right thing and then quickly realizes like there's no fucking reason right i think there's a quote by him where he says this war is so fucking illegal yeah yeah yeah

well you know it's also a commentary on how bad of a franchise the Arizona Cardinals are. You're like, I'm going to, I'll, yeah, I'll, I'll do battle. I'd rather have a, I can't go two and 14 again. I'd rather get shot at than play in Scottsdale for the rest of my life. Right. It's 130 degrees at night. Yeah.

Yeah. How excited am I supposed to be to go to a tight end after my game or whatever? Or fucking what are those bars called where all the women are naked? The groupies have 20 teeth. I don't want to be here anymore. Arizona's great because the women are hot, but all their brains are fried because it's so hot. That is true.

It's just a bunch of retarded hot people walking around. Yeah. Every time I've been in Arizona, I'm just like, it's like the surface of the sun. It's like 120 degrees. It's brutal. Anyway, Left Roll was fake. Chase, you've been following the trial of the century? Oh, you're talking about old...

It's all we do here. It's all we do. The first harassment trial you guys have ever followed. Yeah, this is the only trial I'll ever follow. The Amber Heard Johnny Depp trial. This is your OJ moment. Yeah.

Well, it's because it's really, I'm sick of misandrists. And do you know what that word means? It's people who hate men. You're goddamn right, Jace. And it's been plaguing this country for far too long. That's right. Ever since 2016. Our values are under attack.

Yes, they are. Our values. No, seriously. Don't even fucking joke about that. Our values are under attack. Yes, they are. Our values. No, seriously, don't even fucking joke about that. Our values are under attack. You're putting out a Tucker Carlson tie. It's time for men to fight back here. Okay. Johnny Depp is a victim of abuse.

I'm wondering all of a sudden, is it wrong to support victims of sexual abuse? Because the left seems very non-vocal on this issue. Where previously, he's a man with no penis or balls yeah he's like not even a real person probably dickless robot yeah i know just a vineyard vines vest yeah no literally like you you turned rush limbaugh into a eunuch and just locked him in a room yeah and just let

have him go off i hate tucker carlson yeah did you see Nick Mullins fucking impression of him oh yeah it's great yeah I mean I'm just copying that impression I'm wondering have you seen any of you've been following any of it not really I try to anything like that like I agree with sure you the points you're making so I kind of don't pay attention to it so I don't talk about it well we got a lot

of good stuff coming up Richie have we haven't watched any of this lovable friend Isaac the trial is so endearing jace it's a lovely trial there's all sorts of characters amber's just getting shit on like she's just the big evil person in the room yeah and her defense stinks her lawyers have nothing they'll be pooped in his bed right she's shitting his bed i saw that literally shit in his bed every friend johnny has everybody that's ever been around them's like no she was like the crazy one johnny's great there's uh there's uh um uh like a an assistant that said that you know uh amber uh spit in her face right hates hates amber hey yeah she's very pro-dep and

said he was very good with the kids yeah they're all great and the defense that heard lawyers are just like they have nothing they just keep saying hearsay they're just like uh your honor uh bring up this photo um is this not an abusive man and it's a picture of like Johnny like passed out on the couch it's like lays in his lap and you're like

what I don't get it so he fell asleep with some chips I saw a picture where they posted they're like it's a picture of him like with some coke lines and some whiskey it's like your honor this man has a good time your honor this man fucks he parties here go pull up this instagram this is his instagram your honor your honor this man owns 50 bracelets does that sound like a good man to you? But the case, like I said, it's just filled with lovable characters. It has a lot of Big Daddy moments.

Sure. It does, actually. There's a lot of, you know, I feel like Steve Buscemi's going to take the stand as the homeless guy. Yeah, Rob Schneier's going to go up as an Iranian again. Just loves playing immigrants. I used to deliver food to Mr. Depp all the time. All the time. Hip hop.

Hip hop anonymous. All right, let's watch a little bit of this guy, though, because he was really heartwarming. He's a lovable guy. Dr. BFA, did you continue to do art full time? Yeah. Did Mr. Depp ever express an interest in your art? Yeah. When was the first time that happened?

Well, first time you saw a painting in 2008. And then the next time was 2012. I had made a painting and sent it to my best friend email. Does this have the kissing in it? I don't know, but he makes the court laugh. Who is this guy? He's just a friend of Johnny's. He's an artist. Johnny Depp's friend. He was working out of his mom's garage

making art. Johnny Depp really liked him and funded him to live in a penthouse on the same floor as him and Amber in his own place and just make art as long as it took him and then Johnny would open up a big art show for him. He could sell all his shit to really rich people

that Johnny Depp knew. Which basically changed this guy's life overnight and then they became really good friends. Also, is Depp, is he the prosecution or is he the defendant in this case? He's the prosecution. Okay, so it's like a defamation. Right, okay. Good.

Damn right. Are men not allowed to stand up for themselves anymore? Or is it only okay when women do it? No. Why not? Because when I brought over paintings, I had moved back to California, and I brought over a bunch of paintings for him to look at and see if he wants any. To buy any, he looked at me and says, I got an idea.

How about I be your patron? What a guy. What a guy. Make a body of work, and then I'll throw a party and invite people, and I'll sell this stuff for you, and you can keep all the money. So he didn't buy any paintings there. Instead, he offered me a complete patronship so what did you go look at his artwork this is good this is his art yeah because johnny's like

yeah i don't want to have a picture of uh donald trump with cum on his face in my oh his art's very basic here go there's some yeah can you make it a little bigger um it's like lucille ball desi arnaz i can't really uh click on them for whatever i'm not signed into instagram but here just make it a little bigger um it's like lucille ball desi arnaz i can't really click on them for whatever i'm not signed into instagram but here just make it full screen on the it is oh like for them to see too then it's so here it looks like very yeah that's lucille ball chewing on somebody's testicles what is that oh well maybe johnny depp should go away maybe he should lose this case there's what i know these look like uh comet ping pong paintings yeah these are weird is that an old lady holding dicks it's very pop art for sure yeah yeah he's a great guy i mean i'd love to sit at a diner with him

what is with instagram trying they like won't let you use the computer just log in show everybody your password real quick but anyway that, that's that guy's... What? Well, there's a funnier one. There's one with Donald Trump has cum on his face. I don't care for that. Edgy. With Bernie Sanders' head severed. That I care for. That I like. Do we

not like Bernie Sanders' head? His heart stinks. I don't know what you know. Johnny Depp's a fucking drunk. To be fair, Johnny Depp's been doing cocaine for 40 years he's a goddamn drunk he's just been doing coke and playing the guitar just hanging out with keith richards in his 80s he's like i can't buy that because i need to get another 1200 dollar bottle of wine yeah i won't be hanging that up but i will put on an entire art show for you. What did you understand

he planned to do to make that possible for you? I could tell you, I could tell you that what it included was that the next day I ended up moving into, I moved into

an art studio penthouse at the Eastern Columbia. Can you imagine if just some widely famous actor fucking just snatched you up? Jace. And they're like, Jace, you live in a penthouse and just make sad drugs by Jace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we're going to have a big show and I'm going to invite fucking Jeffrey and Ghislaine. That's really what it becomes. That's what it like fucking that's all art jeffrey and jeslene that's really what it becomes that's what it becomes that's all it is i'm gonna help you become a tax haven for the uber elite which is all the art industry is jace what if i could tell you that the leaders of this world

will hide their money with your paintings listen there's a lizard man who does not want to pay $1 billion in taxes. So he'd love to draw a minion with a dick, and you sell that to him. But anyway, so he's... I don't know. These clips, they're just a long wind. Get to the laugh. I imagine Devin as a lawyer in this case. She's being like, Your Honor, it appears the defense is out of their depth. Just close

your briefcase, walk out. No further questions, Your Honor. No further questions. It is your opening statement. Every clip of Johnny Depp, he does look retarded. He's a guy that dresses like somebody he's not. Go to,

oh, this was good. Let's, I want to, this is Amber in 2016 acting and pretend this is her telling a story about getting beaten by Johnny Depp, but it's all a lie. Right. And she's really a bad actress.

This is her in like a deposition. Yeah. In 2016. I hit your eye. I hit your eye. Let me see your eye. Let me see. Let me see your eye.

What if I pull your hair back? And he yanks my head back. And he's, I don't know, smacking my face or moving my face. That is bad acting. She's like actively trying to be like, keep trying to cry. She starts doing Aquaman lines. And I said to Johnny, you have to get to Atlantis. Smacking my face or moving my face or...

What is this video? And he's got me by the hair and he's... Got me by the hair? I don't know how to describe it. I'm trying to hide the side with my hair. Are you standing up at this time? Yeah. Okay. And she immediately breaks out standing up at this time? Yeah. Okay.

And she immediately breaks out of being sad. Yes. Confirm that. Yes. He beat me within an inch of my life. Me, me, me, me. Me, me. He's still holding on to my head. He beat me within an inch of my life.

He beat me within an inch of my life. He beat me. He's yelling at me. He's screaming. He beat me. The acting's so bad, the video doesn't even want to play. She broke it. Yeah. She broke your internet connection. Yeah.

Well, there's also, I didn't know, there's all sorts of footage of Johnny Depp being asked all these questions and feeling all uncomfortable. Here's a kid with cancer asking him what happened

to his finger. This is because Amber. Right. She cut it up. Cut it up. I've seen the photos of that. What happened to his finger. This is because Amber... Right, she cut it up. I've seen the photos of that. What happened to your finger? My finger? What if Johnny Depp got really belligerent?

He's like, what happened to your fucking hair? What happened to your T-cell count, bitch? What's with all the fucking personal questions, cancer boy? I don't get paid to be here. My PR team made me. He starts drinking a kid's blood because he thinks it's wine.

Give me some fucking wine. I can tell you why it's shaking. I don't want to tell you why it's broken. I was a star when I bit my finger. I ate it. The tip of it. I wish you would talk that fast during the court trial.

It is funny in the costume. He just looks like every Johnny Depp impersonator. Yeah, I know. It's like you don't even, they could literally hire the guy that we just had on. We had a guy, we had two crazy guys in Abilene, Texas, where we grew up.

One was named Terry Berry and the other one was a Johnny Depp impersonator, but he didn't get paid. He would just walk around town. He'd go to like Barnes and Noble dressed as Johnny Depp and he'd be like, Johnny, and he'd be like, oh, sorry'd be like oh sorry i might have to get back to my sheep isn't your town just walk out whatever is your town only like 4 000 people it's abilene's

the bigger city next to it was like pussy from that oh i'm sure he got right knowing that he got a lot of like blown out blonde hair pussy yeah yeah He fucked a lot of women shaped like jelly beans. I'm sure wearing cowboy boots. And then Terry Berry was, he was a guy in his sixties and he wore short shorts like up to his fucking like top of his thigh like jeans and he would just speed walk around town. And then he died because he laid down in front of a railroad the track and got hit by a train

just to rest no i think well they were like we don't know what happened it's like the weird guy the short shorts who walks around town he killed himself that's what happened he's a closeted gay yeah i knew he could never face the the truth he was like a town celebrity like he'd be in the newspaper and stuff like terry berry seen you know near the train tracks kind of just pondering terry berry you could probably look him up type in terry berry like that happens you have to ask yourself did that even exist yeah was that a figment of my imagination that there was a guy in my town named terry berry yeah i've been removed from that place for so long i kind of am like oh yeah like i remember

going to guitars and cadillacs the dance club and there was a midget in an afro on the dance club and he's just getting bumped around by everybody because he's two feet tall this is on find we're on find a grave.com terry berry is that him that's terry yeah you see the short shorts yeah if you can zoom in a little bit he got hit by a train oh my god i wonder why i wonder yeah i saw him like 10 times during my childhood you'd be like it's terry berry there was a guy that used to walk around the lake here. He had a heart attack when he was... I don't know. He had a heart attack a long time ago.

And so then he devoted his whole life to just walking all the time everywhere. He would read books. He was known as the walker. He was famous and so... He just walked kind of obsessively. Constantly. Obsessively. Oh, so that's for sure a mental disorder.

Because he got freaked out by the heart attack. Yeah. And then he died of a heart attack. From walking too much also walking doesn't even like really help your heart at all like you need like aerobic exercise you gotta like get it to actually like yeah you gotta get up in like a moderate zone yeah yeah yeah should have bought a treadmill you stupid asshole i know he was a doctor too really dumb ass dumb ass idiot moron i love stories like that because it makes me feel good about being horrible with my health yeah exactly i love that love seeing an old guy smoking a cigarette yeah i'm like hell yeah dude oh my god hell yes i could do anything

i just i'm at the point where i just don't want to die early enough that it's a bummer you know right like i don't want to get cancer at 40 everybody's like oh yeah but if i go out at like 65 it's like, who gives a shit? Yeah. Yeah. What is the age when people are like, he had a life? I think 65. 65.

I think that's legitimately it. Yeah. 60, you're still like, oh, that's too young. Yeah. You know? Because Norm died at 60. You're like, oh, that's too young. It's too young.

Yeah. But if he died at 70, you'd be like, eh, you know, sad. I think 65 people get sad because they assume that like, you just got to the point where you can stop working. Right. And like you just got to the point where you can stop working. Right now you just die. Right? Yeah, that's probably 70, 75. I think I feel like a great age to die.

Early 70s. Great age to die. Yeah. My grandfather died at seven. You're trying to high five me. No, I'm trying to get a buck. Seventy three. My grandfather died.

You know, everyone handled it pretty well yeah my grandparents are in their like late 80s now and they're really they're starting to get old real it's getting scary yeah thinking about our parents and stuff like i'm worried about their health which i've never had before i'm like what are you telling my mom my grandpa needs to eat more because he's too thin you know yeah yeah you had that uncle that uh he didn't work out right because he thought his heart only had an infinite amount of beats. My favorite. Yeah.

He thought you were born with a certain amount of heartbeats. Like God put a little ticker in your heart. So if you work out a lot, you die quicker. God, I envy that. Yeah. That's crazy. He looked like a candy apple. It's crazy.

He had that King of the Hill fat distribution where it's just like little two rods. Nope. Yeah. Guy who wears a size 28 and is 500 pounds somehow what a stressful thing to believe yeah to to think that your heart is like the bus and speed right and your whole life you're like oh no i've been walking a little too much today fuck i must i i only have so much more time left. He's just meditating all the time. It's like Crank. His heart's like a Jason Statham movie. Yeah, it's the opposite of Crank. Yeah, opposite. Yeah, exactly.

Which is a very depressed man. I love seeing old people being unhealthy. Yeah. And they're alive. Yeah, it's great. I'm finally getting to the age where I actually have to watch out for stuff now. I have to start minimizing my anxiety anxiety a lot which has been nice because it's helped my my blood sugar go yeah if you're less stressed you actually it stresses everything yeah yeah my blood sugar was like pre-diabetic and i was like worried i was like oh shit like am i

like fucked up i never had this before and then i just figured out the stress thing and it's like instantly normal again i feel like much better. Yeah. We should all be on Xanax constantly. We really should. Yeah. I mean, I'm considering going on anti-anxiety medication.

Yeah. Yeah. I have bad anxiety. If shit opens up your life, who gives a shit? Right. Wasn't Norm MacDonald on Xanax? This is ecstasy.

Is that ecstasy? We all just start doing Xanax. We're, we're drinking out of two styrofoam cups every episode now. Yeah. I've done Xanax before. I mean, it clearly, it solved everything. I never.

That I was going through. I've been terrified to ever take Xanax because it cuts out anxiety. So then I'm like, so then what is. It's the perfect drug. What's your life? It really is. Can you just kill yourself after you take Xanax? You're like, I have no more stress.

All right. I'm out. It feels like you're in uteroero like you're in the womb or something where you're like nothing can hurt me I feel fine yeah god and you take in you're like oh yeah my brain is just fucked and it's been torturing me forever yeah it really

makes you realize your brain is just evil yeah yeah if you're really anxious and you take Xanax or Klonopin whatever you can literally feel like pushing anxiety to the fringes of your head and just like and washing it away yeah likein, whatever, you can literally feel it pushing anxiety to the fringes of your head and washing it away. Yeah, it just doesn't. I would take it for planes.

I don't like it. Yeah, I would take it for planes and I would literally be like, you'd have the thought, you're like, what if the plane crashes? And you're like, then I die. Then I die, man. It's like, that's fucked up. Gotta keep it 100. It is what it is it is yes annex is what people think weed is yes yes that's very true yeah i hate weed yeah yeah weed i smoke it every night but i'm over it are you back to

smoking a lot of weed all the time really i smoke it constantly and i hate it yeah because i've seen you during the day anymore okay i've seen you go big weed guy to liquor guy, and now you're going back to weed guy. No, I'm not going back to weed. You're just adding weed. I just have it also. I need everything. If there's a week or a couple weeks or whatever,

I'm like, I'm not drinking. I'm like, well, I have to get insanely high tonight. I just need my brain to have a new thing. I hate sitting. Yeah, it's kind of brutal. I hate being sober and just sitting. You know what's even a new thing. I hate sitting. Yeah, it's kind of brutal. I hate being sober and just sitting. You know what's even a funny thing is I've, I'll tell you,

I figured out this anxiety thing like recently. This is a new development. And I've really kind of almost completely cut out of my life. And now the new thing is I'm like, oh, I'm so fucking bored all the time with everything. Right. I was like, oh, I guess i was like addicted to like anxiety almost and that at least gave me some meaning it's like if i don't if i'm figuring

this out i'm gonna kill myself you know like at least that's something to get you through the day are there any stories of people that get on anti-anxiety medication and then they just like their whole life goes to shit because they don't they're not they don't have stress so they're like i don't care about i know a lot people, when they get on antidepressants, that's when they kill themselves. Because you get so, you get, you're so depressed, you can't even kill yourself. And then you get a little bit better,

and then you kill yourself. Oh, you finally, you're less, you finally get out of bed. There's a term for it. It's like, I forget what it's called, but it's like the bounce back. It's the bounce back from the pit, and then that's where you kill yourself. Man.

So, comedy podcast. Man, I can never kill myself because I just love food too much. Truly. I don't understand people that just kill themselves in one. Do it slowly. Why don't you just drink yourself to death? Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least you have some fun nights.

If I was really going to kill myself, I would spend probably about three weeks just like, okay, how much money do I have? We're going to blow through all of that. Yeah. Live it up, and then, yeah, do the deed. i always think like why even bother just ride the whole thing to the wheels fall yeah just ride it out yeah i don't think people kill themselves and they have money in their bank account and they could have gotten they could have went to houston's that night right you could have gotten an h-rib medium rare with a fucking loaded baked potato right i you know what i want is i want a wine

ribeye by the way i want legitimately the comeback from the suicide attempt that's where i want to be because i feel like that's the sweet zone yeah and everybody's like has to be really nice to you and they're like oh we didn't know jace was having a tough time and so they're like hey move in with us you know we'll take care of you for a while yeah you get a whole year where they're like it's just baby steps i've always wanted to become like a monster to my whole family and friends like on heroin and shit and then i just stopped doing it and i get like a job at like ross everyone acts like i'm like i'm the most successful member of the family yeah legitimately when i was doing really bad like late last year i had this fancy where it's i crash into a tree on purpose going like 90 and i guess

i get not that i die but it's that i get crippled from the feet down so i can still draw yeah and people have to take care of me everybody starts like spread it like my drawings get very popular because i'm so fucked up and then you know i go like like ben has to like let me live with them and shit like that do you have like a lieutenant dan fantasy but you're happy yeah but it's like but then i like i draw my stupid minion sucking his own dick and people like this is an inspiration this man over here yeah that's where my fantasy goes i have fantasies being comas and yeah lobotomy yeah i love a lobotomy yeah yeah i love a lobotomy love a lobotomy like to be retarded would be great i'd love to be retarded adjacent yeah just one step

above where you're like they don't they don't lock you up yeah you're knocking on retarded would be great. I'd love to be retarded adjacent. Yeah. Just one step above. Where you're like, they don't lock you up. Yeah. You're knocking on a retarded door. Yeah. They don't force you to put Velcro shoes on. Right. But you're retarded.

But they still are happy when you tie your own shoes. Yes. Yes. What were you going to say, Richard? I was just saying, what if you could have your same mind, but everyone sort of treats you like you're retarded? so everyone stops what they're doing for you yeah every time like being a kid yeah who god i love being that i love being a kid and like i loved being a smart kid all the adults had to fucking watch you come in the room and give read off whatever recent shit

you learned yeah were you a smart kid yeah i liked hanging out with the adults yeah i was like an adult kid and i always be like i'd be like you know india has the largest amount of people in the world and be like wow that's great yeah yeah i love this little smart kid yeah you probably just annoyed the shit out of oh yeah 100 but anytime an adult said he's wise beyond his years this one to like one of my parents i would like fucking go to the bathroom just like jack off i loved that i have a specific cringe memory where it's like a adult party and there's the kids and then i went over to my dad and his four friends and i started like talking to them like i was an adult and it really makes me cringe looking back because they all i know they all hated me but i'm just like i was literally just like i was 10 i I was like, oh, yeah, Deliverance.

That's a great movie. Some of Burt Reynolds' finest work. I've never seen it. Yep. I would repeat shit like that all the time, too. And I would see adults. What the fuck is wrong with this kid? I think this kid's gay.

It's freaky when a kid's too adult. Yeah, they speak. They're not being a kid, and they're just like... You always feel like they have suspenders on for some reason. Yeah. I watched the show Smart Guy on the Disney Channel. Love Smart Guy. I'm that guy. I'm the smart guy.

Jason's walking around Abilene like he's a smart guy. Terry Perry's in the background laying down on train tracks. Terry Perry. Hey Terry, you have a mental disorder. Poor Terry Berry. You're like, hey, Terry Berry. Hey, Terry. Terry, you have a mental disorder. Oh, poor Terry Berry.

Old Terry Berry. Can you imagine the hell that man actually lived in? What if he didn't even lie on the tracks? He stood there holding his ass open, hoping the train railed him right in his face. He had so much pent-up non-being gay. He's like, i've had it he goes this ass needs a train crammed up it god i'm an awful person yeah you are just like goatsy yeah

yeah it's like a roadrunner cartoon the whole train goes up his ass like coyote's like looking around like what the? Do you ever have that moment where you will see someone in real life? And then you, if you actually try really hard to picture their life, like in their quiet alone moments and just get like almost panic attacky about that. Yeah. Yeah. Like them going back to their apartment. They've been alone for 50 years.

Microwave dinner, sitting down, trying not to kill themselves every day. Anytime I've ever been at like, you know LA has a lot of those like burger stand places, but you could sit inside and there's sandwiches and breakfast on the menu and stuff. Anytime I've ever been in a place like that and there's just like a person alone, like just eating alone.

The only time I've ever been in those places and like with friends or something. Anybody see like a middle-aged person just eating alone? Anytime i see a middle-aged man with like his suit on after work just sitting at a place alone having like a beer i'm like it's just i get this melancholy feeling just takes over my whole body i get so sad i get that when i see like oh like an old guy who works at walmart as the greeter yes that shit and i'm like what what happened like what unemployment scheme did you get caught up in you're like fucked now living with your son like in the garage yep you're 80 that type of shit your whole day is just saying welcome to walmart welcome walmart

just for eight hours a day yeah you were in vietnam and you make like 425 an hour or something i literally don't even know how people where they how anyone you saw the moon landing and now you're going welcome to walmart all day every day i know yeah you saw the moon landing really more people i think you tweeted this before more people should kill themselves it's amazing that not everyone is not killing themselves stunning yeah it goes to show how resilient we are right we are such a resilient truly yeah truly retarded resilient species like it's amazing we wake up every day thinking today's the one yeah we wake up every day we go to work and it never and it never is the one for anybody for like 98 of people 80 of people who still have a real in-person job they wake up and on the whole dry torque they think about killing themselves this week yeah and they have to push it down and go into the office

and they plot like a bathroom break you know they're they're walking they they go to the bathroom and they walk like this and when you went to school you're in school you went to the bathroom and you put your feet right in front of each other yeah forever yeah yeah oh just life is such a hell it's insane the people you plan a fake sick day on the friday before the monday that you get off and you're like that'll get that'll get me through two more weeks yeah also you could waste your whole fucking paycheck on something meaning yeah you could walk outside and your whole paycheck's gone on your phone not even walk outside you could blow it yeah immediately yeah what's amazing to me about similar scenario

of people not killing themselves is they go to work there the reason they're not killing themselves is this big vacation that's coming up yeah plan it for a long time they go and the whole vacation they're just fighting with their wife and their kids are driving them crazy but hey that we got a family that's life and you that's what's been keeping you going but then the vacation that's bad right it's probably worse than your work day yeah right i think true depression when people kill themselves is they they get they they get them their brain into a corner where they keep thinking about the outcome of how it's going to be and it will be this i've already done that before right where you start piling up every day yeah in 30 years in a row

you're like a lawyer for your own happiness you're right it's gonna suck it's not gonna be good i've already done that last time it sucked like you think about the future and you're not even excited yeah all you have is the hope that the future is going to be exciting right these little stories you tell yourself yeah yeah like oh it's gonna be a wild numbers wise it's not and i think a lot of people like anybody you know i've worked a lot of traditional type jobs where people make decent money and any of those guys into their mid 50s mid 60s they're all like fucking drunks and i think that's kind of what they need it's yeah you get through the day you get fucked up so you have to think

about as soon as you get home start cracking beers and then you're so hung over for the first half of the day there's really only five hours you have to think about as soon as you get home, start cracking beers. And then you're so hung over for the first half of the day. There's really only five hours you have to think about every day. And then that just keeps you going throughout life. Yeah. I mean, it's a miracle. Not everyone isn't just drunk all the time. Yeah.

I don't know how anyone gets anywhere. Well, that was, yeah. When I stopped drinking, that was a big thing. I had to like, I just spent four months thinking about killing myself the whole time. Cause I was just like, Jesus Christ, you know, like, you know you know no escape from just that thought you have to learn how to deal with it yeah and you can but it's something you have to teach yourself this is what happens when john's not on the podcast yeah john's not here to talk about cum and shit john's the most fake suicidal guy i've ever met right it's always acting like he's all like oh i'm sad i'm not sad you fucking you can't be that horny yeah nobody has major depression they're really

depressed people that are like just insanely horny and always doing something about it nobody's like i'm sad and my cock is rock hard right now there are dudes that i feel like just get out of depression because they're like dude i'm so fucking sad until the juice in their balls comes back and they're just like dude i just want to get fucking milk i gotta go get fuck i gotta go fuck a girl yeah and now they're excited for life yeah well it's all these little like addictiony things that just get people through the day and who even knows if we're getting a fair shot at any of this because you know we're all loaded up with microplastics and every day that we're being told there's a new thing that's just fucking our bodies up that we're unaware of what are we supposed to do about

it yeah yeah like most yeah modern society's meant is like has all these little mechanisms that kind of hurt your happiness yeah yeah i have no idea how to like actually care about my health because it's it's never ending most people get no sunlight almost any food you buy from the supermarket is like genetically engineered to make you feel worse and when you treat yourself to something nice it's even worse for you like a taco bell or something like that so it's like what are you what are you gonna fucking do yeah there's nothing you can do jace you just gotta do xanax gotta get on zanny's back to the johnny dad get back this is a real quick this is when she says that she was spitting in a in her face uh-huh

this is this is what we need when when depp was spitting in her face when uh no the the amber herd was spitting in this assistant's face oh okay yeah oh this is the assistant talk yeah this is why i'm so excited about this thing because it's a break from the hell of reality and existence sure i mean just she she uh looks like to me for some reason that when she got spit on she didn't wipe it off for like no she's the type that doesn't she just oh no she got wet no she grabbed the wad off her eye she put it in her pussy she was like fucking love for you love you fucking love for you i would then store in her

garage she just got very angry with me one day because i hadn't quite made debt made it downstairs to put them in the garage when she came home and she went absolutely ballistic over that can you please describe what you mean screaming yelling abuse but it was abusive in your opinion who's the uh actress from the movie you guys Just saw Sarah Paulson Oh no the younger One on you That's her without makeup yeah yeah She was like Sarah Paulson a little bit yeah

A little bit I always want to call that on you Taylor I was I was accidentally call her on you Joy read Isn't that the lady that's like an idiot Yeah Interchangeable though. Two incredibly white names. Yeah, exactly.

Rage. Screaming. Screaming over the phone. She screamed at me once in person. Multiple times screaming at me over the phone. Barrages of abusive text messages. Johnny's a multi-millionaire.

His hair is matted. He showered in Venice Beach this morning. Between 2 and 4 a.m. the barrage would start. That's what I'd wake up to. Johnny looks like he only uses outdoor showers. Yeah. Like right next to public restrooms.

Yeah, he lives in the nicest tent in Los Angeles. He always walks around with a suitcase that just has like wine and Dr. Teals in it. All incoherent, not really making sense. Just basically someone to lash out at. Imagine being like a 45-year-old woman and your whole job is to go get

the magazine that your boss is in. Right, yeah. That's your whole life. But you're like, hey, that's Hollywood, baby. This is going somewhere. I'm a rich person's slave. Yeah. God. I'm in the mix. I'm in the mix, baby. It's crazy that more people don't... Like how Selena got killed by her...

I mean, that was a psychotic fan, but she was also her assistant, kind of, right? Was she? Head of the fan club. Selena? Yeah, Selena. The person that killed Selena was the head of her fan club. But that also was her assistant, I think, at the time. I think it was just? Head of the fan club. Selena? Yeah, Selena. The person that killed Selena was the head of her fan club. But that also was her assistant, I think. I think it was just the head of her fan club. Alright then, kill it. Jean-Claude Van Damme got beat up by his

bodyguard. There you go. Shit like that. That's what I'm saying. Richie. Why? What? What? Wouldn't it have been funny if I'm saying that your assistants need to start killing the celebrity they work for? There you go. Wouldn't it be funny if this wasn't even in court because Kate James shot her out front of a bodega because she didn't get her the right fucking magazines?

There was that case in New York. It wasn't a famous person, but it was like a millionaire surgeon who his assistant broke into his house and cut his head off with a chainsaw. Wow. Or a buzzsaw. A big circular saw that construction people use holy shit and they found his head just cut off and just blot everywhere in this like million dollar penthouse oh my god it's like two years ago he died yeah that's i've done that like 40 times i love it

it's like the bit of like being in a car and someone's like whoa whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Every time I'm like, ah. It was a long-going kick-the-doll kind of relationship with her sister. Kick-the-doll. Kick-the-doll kind of relationship. She used to shove me in a kangaroo patch. She's like, she's doing really well. Johnny Depp's whole legal team are like, yes, she's killing it. Then out of nowhere she says, Abby. Oh, really?

No, I'm kidding. She starts talking about like aboriginals and shit. God damn it, Kate. She's like, and here's the thing. They just look like raisins. They're all fucked up. I mean, we can admit that. They just look weird.

Not being racist. They're an ugly people. That's what she says. Why do the heads look all mush like that? I don't get it uh i'm sorry no this is johnny talking about civilized here's the turd and johnny calls it she she says he she dropped a grumpy that's the on his phone all rule the objection is the photograph are they both on the stand the photograph of mr amber hasn't said anything but they always have

a camera on her johnny's been on the stand okay so she the photograph of Mr. Dan? Amber hasn't said anything, but they always have a camera on her. Johnny's been on the stand. Okay, so she's at the defense, but they just have a microphone in front of them. Amber just sits there and just keeps trying to remind herself she's supposed to look sad and beaten down, but she's literally full of shit. I've seen clips of her where it's like in every court scene, she's sad, and then the trial ends, and then she's beaming, happy, smiling. She's happy to get out of school for the day right there's always just like taking notes too yeah

what are you writing right yeah what's what she's in the corner of the courtroom reading why we poop there was a did you see that one clip uh richie this jay's there was a clip where they uh the lawyer asked johnny she goes you're you're significantly, you're bigger than Amber, are you not? And he goes, I wouldn't say that, no. And you see Amber get kind of offended, like it's a fact. You know, like we're the same size or whatever. Johnny Depp's like, you big-ass bitch! It was a

starts laughing he can't even think about it was a photograph of the bed our bed um this is all out in the open what's so funny is her face just supposed's where she's like i can't believe dude amber heard is like an alpha dog character taking shits on her enemies fucking beds she's a fucking viking dude dude she should be in the north man yeah she would kick ass in the northman the bed um amber heard the type of woman to like fucking like drown her kid yeah no 100 yeah yeah you know and then blame the kid for distress right yeah yeah he cried a lot when i drowned him she's the kid the lady who leaves her kid in the car during like work on accident yeah the kid just dies

was human fecal matter. Woo! Look at the smiling. I understood why. Dude, this is so funny. Women never want anyone to know they even go, like they even take shits. Right.

Now she is famous for taking shits. Right, right. And she's like attractive. Ah, what a fuck, man. And this is really every woman's worst nightmare is to be proven wrong in court. for taking shit. Right, right. And she's like attractive. What a fuck, man. And this is really every woman's worst nightmare is to be proven wrong

in court. In court. Yeah. And they're detailing your bowel movements. Right. Like you're a wild, you're an animal.

Right. Amber Heard's an animal. She is, yeah. Look, she's feral. I mean, how pathetic are you that you're pretty much the only woman that the me

too movement has backfired on i know the only one she's an anomaly i don't know any i don't know maybe the uh chris uh hey not hansen uh chris uh well i don't know any that are this blatantly like the walking dead guy you know he got exonerated, kind of. Which Walking Dead guy? Chris. John Bernthal? What was John Bernthal? I don't know. We can mention any man in Hollywood. And we'll be like, did he get me too? Did he get me too?

How's he doing? James Toback had 500 women come forward against him. Oh, my God. Do you know what James Toback looks like? No. Can you pull up a picture of him real quick? Let's look up James Toback. I don't even want to describe him because it's very funny.

What is he again? Imagine this guy assaulting 500 women he's a producer he looks like he looks like john lovett's the critic character yeah or whatever his name is oh he sucks ass yeah he's had 500 women come forward against him he looks like he says uh he's like you'll do it if you want the role, my lady. Yeah. His move,

I think in the day, his move was he would literally walk up with a note and it would say, do you want to fuck me? Yes or no? Like he was in middle school. That usually works. Yeah. With the boxes.

Yeah. Check. Yes. Check now. I think he produced the gambler with James Caan. That movie. Okay. Okay.

That was a good, that was an, actually wasn't very good. It's from the sevent James Caan, that movie. Okay. Oh, okay. That was a good... Actually, it wasn't very good. It's from the 70s, so it's bad. Yeah. Yeah. Any guy... Like, guys with that hat, don't they know that everyone's making fun of them? I think...

I legitimately think he probably went to a pickup artist course, and that's why he wears the hat. Legitimately, he's like, I'm peacocking. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. artist course and that's why he wears the hat legitimately he's like i'm peacocking yeah yeah oh my god yeah he's doing like nagging and like all the weird psychological tricks he probably had to go through a whole course of like mental backflips where he's just like i don't care what the guys think i'm doing it for the pussy yeah he's got he's got the vests really lesbians and pickup artists dress exactly the same yeah they all dress like magicians yeah

yeah yeah a purple vest with like a matching purple feather coming out yeah exactly really shitty haircut rolled up doesn't fit your rolled up sleeves but kind of rolled up lazily and not all the way right like they weren't gonna speak easy they want to roll it up but they don't have the musculature to like yeah show their their whole arm yeah what is with lesbian women and bow ties and shit i ties and ties yeah i think this is gonna sound like stuffed into the into the shirt like a tie like a waiter yeah yeah that shit this is gonna sound like a jimmy the greek moment but i think that's them trying to basically be masculine and that's their idea of masculinity right is a guy almost like an art of manliness type of thing. I'm a dapper gentleman.

I wear a vest and a bow tie. You're probably right, it is that. And I get a straight razor shave. But I'm going to put a feminine twist on it and realistically, we're doing it better than men do. Yeah, 100%. That's my guess. Lesbians love to dress

like waiters at a mess hall. I'm so glad I'm over being upset at lesbians. Were you upset at lesbians? I hated them. Lesbian anger? I had that. Remember when you first met me in comedy? Because you fell in love with one.

It was like a joke. I wasn't actually in love. You had a personal. Just a regular person finally let me stick my dick in them. And so I was like, oh my God. I had limerence probably for the Joey in them and so i was like oh my god i had limerence probably right with the joey thing and uh so i was like just well also then right after me i saw that she was with like a like a 400 pound woman with like a like that hat and i was like what the fuck yeah she's dating for me yeah from me to that to danny devito it really fuck with me

right because you're also like but then they but then they fuck you with a strap on? Like, I have a real dick. Right, yeah. It's confusing. My first girlfriend also was a lesbian. Yeah? So I get it. Do they even have any fun?

Are lesbians having fun? How are they having sex? I think they're having a lot of fun, honestly. What is their sex? I think they just put their pussies against each other. What does that do? What does that do? It doesn't even make sense.

It's like putting the ends of two water bottles together. Well, it's like, yeah. I think they just put their pussies against each other. What does that do? That doesn't even make sense. It's like putting the ends of two water bottles together. It would be like gay people just pushing their dicks together and touching them. How do you get any satisfaction? It's just fingering, eating pussy a lot. The toys. The vibrator, curved. It's shaped in a way that it can't.

They can rub their pussies against each other and both get off. It's just really clitoral stimulation. Yeah, I've always this is completely ignorant, but I've always felt that that seems unsanitary. The pussies two pussies rubbing together. It's like magnets. You can't make the two ends touch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, a little. They just put their pussies together. They explode across the room. Sam starts falling out. Yeah, the universe starts collapsing into a neutron star. Are there women that have such giant clits that they could shove it into their girlfriend's pussy and fuck them like it's a dick?

I've seen a couple bigger clits in the day. China the wrestler, that famous clit. Because she was on steroids. Makes your clit huge. She's got a huge clit. She's got your clit huge. Right. Huge. Huge. She's got a huge clit. She's got a clit like an Abby.

Yeah. Didn't China kill herself? Yeah, she did. Because her clit was so big. She has a huge clit. Yeah, yeah. No, but I think they can get like yay big

or something like that. Yeah. I've seen a couple, you know. Yeah. It's like just a pinky coming out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Remember, no, Willie Dynamite? Oh, yeah. I love Willieie he had the funniest joke back in the day he was black he didn't give a fuck about anything he said really no yeah he's a very funny guy very funny guy really good joke writer and he had this one joke about like he just it was real quick he just goes like black lesbians look like alan iverson

they all wear the hat of the brain hair yeah that's great yeah he's great black guy said that yeah do you know by the way real quick uh clits um and dicks are start the same on a fetus so if you're male if the click always wondered click grows into a dick is that when they if your female stays clit yeah what is the one where they could decide like isn't jamie lee curtis like isn't no that's a rumor that's intersex we're kind of born with both a mix of reproductive so then they could decide at birth what you're gonna be yeah sometimes they've done that and there's been famous cases where they decide like oh we'll just i think they usually go woman just because they're like we'll make her a woman you know and then it's usually like around 12 the kid just like knows something is up and like like he's exhibiting very masculine features like is and then attracted to women

and then like wants to play guy sports like it's kind of you can't run outrun like the uh genetics genetics yeah okay interesting damn choosing wrong well there's even there there's a famous there's a famous sprinter that i think jamaican sprinter who's like kicking ass in the female um divisions or whatever uh series who cares but she was born with basically like recessed testicles so she has more testosterone than the average woman so they made her compete with taking a certain amount of estrogen to basically make her chemically on the same level and then i think they banned her compete with taking a certain amount of estrogen to basically make her chemically on the same level. And then I think they banned her from the sport, actually. Oh, great.

Yeah. Oh, they banned her? Yeah. And I mean, she does really look like, I mean, she is a woman, but she does look like she's got like huge, she looks like Dwight Howard. She's got like huge, like cannonball shoulders and she's like jacked. Wow. It's like pretty insane.

Yeah. But I just want to say I support all creeds nationalities groups of people i support it all too yeah but she that that person should be banned from living from life yeah uh i was this isn't really the same thing but you know there's there's wmba players on only fans now because really because they're yeah they're getting paid apparently you know they all think they should get paid the same right uh as like nba players which is you know just we all know hilarious and not yeah yeah nba teams like make less money than like a mcdonald's yeah there's this girl liz cambridge she has an only fan is she hot she's giant and she's got a

decent face um pull it up subscribe right now show it on the youtube who does she uh play for who get i don't know the washington fucking you know the mystics or whatever they're called that you know the mystic yeah yeah they are this is her though i can't really see well it's all it's it's all like it's all but her instagram yeah can you pull up her like our Google images or something? Just log in. Oh, I don't know my. You don't know your password? I don't know.

I have a million passwords. Let me go to my bank. Let me look at a check real quick on camera. Let's go. Come on. You could take it down. Here we go. Come on. You could take it down. Here we go. All right.

Liz Cambridge. She's like 6'8". Liz Cambridge. Yeah. And this is her. You like that? What do you think about that? Oh, yeah.

She's very pretty. Yeah. She looks like Julia Fox. I would love for her to kill me with a hammer. Lady like that. This is what Julia Fox looks like now. Look at that. Yeah. She's like Julia Fox. I would love for her to kill me with a hammer. Lady like that. This is what Julia Fox looks like now. Look at that. Yeah, she's actually pretty hot.

She's pretty hot. Yeah. I would really like that woman to beat me up. Look at that first picture. You don't think... Where? Up top. One more.

You don't think she looks like Julia Fox in that picture a little bit? Yeah, she does a little bit. Sure. All right. I would never say that. Is that wrong somehow? I just like it. Just agreeing very hard on that. I would never say that.

But she's one of these people that like... Can you give a bigger, better face pic? I can't really see the face so much. Zoom in on the face. There's a face. Are you imagining your jizz all over it? Can you just zoom in real quick? Jace, you asked to take my computer into the bathroom need a quick bathroom break i'm the weird kid at the sleepover yeah

but it's it's funny because she's um i think one of the first wmba players on only fans good for her she's probably get a ton of money right yeah but she's not going for it you know i already looked at a couple reviews penetration, penetration or anything. It's all. Yeah. It's like bullshit. It's like fucking bullshit. It's essentially the same type of shit. That is fucking bullshit.

Bullshit. That honestly does piss me off a little bit is the, I don't do the only fans, but the people who like are just like, I posted, it's me in a shirt. That's bullshit. Yeah.

You should be able to sue them. I should, I'll take them to court. I'll use depth lawyer. We all know what you're supposed to do on OnlyFans. Cut to the chase or get off the website. Yeah, exactly. I'm trying to subscribe for one month, cancel my order immediately after downloading everything.

It's not right. But yeah, it was funny because I only found out about that because she's very vocal about WNBA players. They don't make any money. It's because, you know, people hate women or whatever. You know, it just has nothing to do with the fact that there's... Yeah, I mean, it's just the league makes no money. If it was not for the NBA

supporting them financially, it wouldn't even be... It would be done on high school gymnasiums. It'd be done, yeah. I mean, you know, you know they're not making any money. They have, like, the WNBA championship at, like, 1 p.m on a tuesday yeah like if you want to talk about like u.s women's soccer or like something that's actually popular like sure but it's it's not even close it's hard to make a case when the

three-on-three league is more popular right than the wmba yeah yeah the second b.a retired mba players being sad is more popular yeah is brind Griner still in prison in Russia, by the way? I don't know what happened to her. We just know... We don't care. They're probably using her to just put lights up that they can't read and shit. She's just...

Yeah, she's loading the bullets into the tank. They're just like, dunk! Dunk again! We make her fight bare at circus. They don't know who they have on their hands. They're like, we will not give Latrell Sprewell back until United States ends sanction. The U.S. and black American, very small penis

on the NBA player, much different than you think. Why was she in Russia? They actually, I think they make more money playing in Russia. It's funny, the WNBA players make more money everywhere besides the WNBA. But here, yeah. Yeah. Well, they should tighten it up. They should wear those booty shirts the volleyball players wear.

They should wear the booty shorts for sure. They should make it like the National Lingerie League. Yeah. Yeah, football. Yeah. Yeah, they should just stop playing basketball. Yeah. Yeah. Football. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They should just, and they should just stop playing basketball. They should all have WNBA players thought about not playing basketball and cooking.

Anyway, kidding. Miss Andrews. Joke. My dad's a college basketball coach for women. Yes. Yeah. Of course.

Yes. Or sorry. High school, even sadder. It was so outside. It was so bizarre. Is he talking about the shit? Yeah, I mean... I thought he was describing the shit.

The shit was, it wasn't even in her asshole. It was outside. It was, like, not wet. It was not dry. It was kind of that weird in-between. It looked like a... It looked like a Pepto-Bismol shit, Your Honor.

You know, when it's black. When it's a black bastard. It looks like a black burger. That's all I want to do on this podcast is do the Liam Neeson. Black bastard. All those photos of him pissing himself.

He's pissed himself like 500 times in public because his wife died. Oh no. Oh, no. Yeah. Didn't Liam Mason's wife die like skiing? I think she died of like cancer or something.

No, no. Was she skiing? She died like Bob Saget. Hit her head. Oh, really? Skied, airlifted. Wow. Airlifted out.

Jesus. And then. So it was a sudden. That's sadder. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then. So it was a sudden. That's sadder. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was horrible.

If you had a wife, would you want her to die quick like that or real slow? Real quick. Yeah. Same. Yeah. No brainer. I want everyone to die quick. You should say slow.

Who the fuck wants to fucking have to keep showing up at the hospital? I don't think so. You get to say goodbye. No, I'm kidding. That's actually horrible. Yeah. Yeah. I would rather die slow.

Like if they could speak. No, I'm kidding. That's actually horrible. Yeah. I would rather die slow. If they're suffering. Like, if they could speak. Yeah. Stay. Yeah. I know an old dude, Abilene, Texas, once again. Played golf with him all the time. Really nice guy.

He was, like, in his 80s. And he got brain cancer. He got diagnosed with it. And he just, like, lived it up for three weeks and then just shot himself in his garage. Damn. And we were just like, yeah, good on Joe. Honestly, everybody was like, yeah, good for him. Like, that's how you should do it, you know, right? I mean, I mean, the hell no, we literally did. We're

like he is going to hell though for sure because he killed himself man and I truly believe that in my heart and soul. Yeah. What if he was getting fucked in the ass while he killed himself? Double hell. He would go to heaven. Actually, yeah, exactly yeah god's like you

i don't know what to do with you get in there you loophole motherfucker i'm god do you think there's any do you have any belief in reincarnation um no probably not um i mean most likely we you know we just don't exist and it's horrifying. But there might be some, like, energies or ghosts somewhere. I don't know. I have no fucking idea. Are you a reincarnation guy? No, but I was reading some story the other day about this kid that was, like, 12 years old, had all this knowledge of, he kept saying, like, I am this person's name and I did this

and I just knew everything about this guy. And then the mom took it to, like police and they actually like looked into it and got all these studies done and everything the kid was saying was correct. And there was no way for him to have had any knowledge of this person in like 1803 or whatever. And you just had this weird, could have just been like a brain malfunction or something. Right. But it made no sense that why he knew any of the information and, and just believed he was this person from hundreds of years ago and would never have read a book on the guy.

Yeah. I think reincarnation is probably the best one. That sounds pretty fun. Yeah. Because you get to keep going up levels if you're good. Yeah. Yeah. And you go down if you're bad.

So that feels nice. Yeah. Well, you can be, you can be so bad. You're a bug in your next life. Yeah. Yeah.

Is that even real? Like, how is that? Like, there's flies dying like a day. Well, that's just, yeah. Well, that's the problem with reincarnation is, like, if you started with, like, there was only 1,000 people on Earth, like, how are they getting subdivided into all these other new people? Right.

So we just prove there's no life after death. Yeah, there's probably no life after death. Yeah. Or maybe there is. Maybe there is. Who knows? Who knows? It's the great adventure. Who knows? your death yeah there's probably no life or maybe there is maybe there is who knows who knows it's the great adventure who knows life's unanswered question yeah i kind of don't care about deaths death is not the one that gets me it doesn't not get me yeah yeah i've been around so many old

people that are like yeah well you want to go like you want to not exist anymore after a certain period of time i only only fear God. Yeah. God's the only one that can judge me. God, only God can judge me. I'm only afraid of a sad life. That's really it. Yeah.

Yeah. Much more scary to me. But you don't have a sad life. Yeah, I know. I mean, it's all, we don't have to get into it. I know,

I know, but we, but I fear that too. But then I go, but I have a pretty, like all my friends are great. Yeah, no,

I mean, it is an ego related thought and flaw yeah but yeah that's more the the scare i have who knows maybe when i'm 50 then i'll be like the grim specter of death haunts me every day do you like buy shit to get over depression sometimes like anytime i'm a little depressed i always buy new shoes and i'm like these shoes are gonna take me to the top i usually when i I usually, when I'm coming out of depression, I will buy something. Because I've been ruminating on it a lot. Right. And I'll buy it.

But yeah, I don't generally do that. I mostly do food and then sex are like my now. Because I don't have the weed or booze anymore. What do you do, Richie? Buy stuff. Just buy stuff, right? Shiny new things. Try a new thing on.

Gifts are the key to my heart. Yeah. I love gifts. Yeah, I love stuff. I love buying them for myself. I love meaningless crap. Give it to me. Yeah, I don't know.

I just don't feel anything from it. Like, I buy it, I'm like, oh, yeah. I do for a while. I do for literally like five minutes, and then it's just like, oh, yeah. Same. Yeah. The exact same. I love bringing home a combo box of food.

Yeah, that's what I love. It gets me going. It's doing that yeah just stuffing yourself so you're so retarded to think i'm like such a retard yeah i'll be driving home and i'm like excited i have like panda express and the passengers especially if i've been just fuck yourself up and i'm like spongebob i'm like today's the big day gary crusty crab pizza is the pizza yeah and then you eat you feel terrible afterwards you start getting like an anxiety attack because you got all this bad food and sugar and salt in you and you jack off yeah

and then if you jack i i you know your old bit yeah but seriously i heard you were jacking off let me get into it up up on the old bit i'm byron allen seriously though like like i i sometimes feel completely alone and confused if i've already eaten and if i'm full and i've jacked off yeah i'm like i don't know what my ambition is what do i do the only times i feel really great is like the only times i feel like i what i think other people feel like but that might not be true is when i've just had sex with a woman and we're lying in bed and it's just nice yeah and it's like i get 20 minutes of just being like i just feel great yeah i got the serotonin of a lady i like usually you know i just came out of

my dick yeah so i've got like all the dopamine yeah what if every time men came it was out of their nostrils yeah he's just gonna come all over your oh god they're like if you're if you're not sex positive you're just covering your mouth you're like all right okay that's gross yeah but the freaks they swallow it they swallow that shit swallow that shit ha ha yeah i hold my nose then spit it up in a mouth. At the end of the day, the only things that make me feel good really are just people. Just having people in my life and relationships. That's why I would like to

have an actual long-term girlfriend. That would be nice. What's going on? It's LA. It's LA, sweetheart. Do not get me started. It is rough out here. I could do a whole hour just on dating. Yeah. It's LA, sweetheart. Dating in LA. Do not get me started. It is rough out here. I could do a whole hour just on dating. Wow.

That's a professional. The older I'm getting, is this something you guys, I never gave a fuck about. I literally care about, I like trees and landscapes. Yeah, I like nature. Nature opened up the older I got. I never gave a fuck about it. Yeah. But now I'm like, I really enjoy just like dawn or like it's dusk yeah and it's

quiet and the trees are blowing it's it's really just the stupid whatever the stupid obvious answer is that's like what it is it's like really true i like the times a day where you know like everyone's either supposed to be asleep i love doing things when like everyone's supposed to not be doing them yeah like if everyone that's why early saturday morning in la nobody's doing nothing that's why it always annoyed me when we go to the movie because i'm like you're also i made my life to be away from you you're supposed to be at work right and now it's ruined but um yeah i've um i need an added thing you understand why old people really love like gardening and shit I never understood gardening.

Just simple stuff. Just simple, nice stuff. Once you get past that 20s ego of, I got to be somebody and I got to do something with them, and then you get old enough that you've had enough dreams just get their head caved in. And then also the people you've seen just plucked out of whatever to have their dreams come true also are miserable and usually doing worse because they have access to things that make them feel worse and so you just

kind of get to the point where like i just like to work as little as possible and have money and be okay yeah that's really all yeah and just you know nut off i want a side of a bitch i really want to just start like suing i want to sue you start suing people everybody that would be great for you that honestly fits you so well i know if you're the big lawsuit guy there was a couple things last week we were talking about richie right i forget but i was like this thing i could sue him you could be you should be a slip and fall guy i'd love to be a slip i'm not even kidding you should legitimate why not life's a fucking video game be a slip and fall guy when i found out you could sue anybody

at any time that's crazy yeah that's so crazy. You could just fuck somebody up and they have to pay for a lawyer. You could ruin somebody's life. People could do it to me too, but what if you get to them first? I've done stuff. I won't say here, but I've done stuff financially that I could get in trouble for. Right.

I stole like six grand from a job a long time ago. But they were overpaying. Stuff like that. You didn't steal anything water under the bridge yeah we called devin you know i'm like hey man you want to hang out and you're like can today and he hangs up the phone he's like just trying to throw himself down a flight of stairs i'm not kidding like if i if i don't get something like after if i order it and it doesn't like okay apple my computer was a little fucked up yeah and i took it in and they uh i took it out on the the to the exact year after i bought it so

my apple care was only for a year right limited warranty so you're like a day late no i took it luckily it worked out but the lady on the phone was like well technically it's not the 19th it's the 18th because of a leap year something like that right because fuck you i was just like what i'm like no i mean it's i bought it on april 19th so this april 19th should be the last day of the year right for this and she said so so once i got there i was prepared i was like ready to like sue somehow yeah to be like nope it's a year it says a year warranty and i was wondering like what how many people just like sue major companies like that and they don't want to deal with it so they just pay you pay yeah yeah i mean that is what slip and fall

is they literally build that into their budget every year like here's fucking the amount of idiots who are going to sue us and we just pay them 20 grand and or you could be one of those people who just does disability you know just like takes money from the government all the time because disability i think you can be on it forever right it's not like unemployment where it goes a year no i think yeah i don't i think you can i just feel like you i don't i feel like uh people that get that though they get it because they sound like trashy or something right like there's something about it where it's like they look the like they act the part right they. They look disabled. So the social workers just like, yeah, whatever. It's like to keep giving them money.

That piece of shit. When they were trying to take my unemployment back, I think I told you this because my job was contesting whether or not it was actually bullshit. My job was contesting whether or not it was unsafe working conditions for COVID. And it was. I got COVID and almost died. And I was talking to whatever tax lady was assigned to it by the rs i literally told her i go i go ma'am if you rescind this unemployment it will

ruin my life and i might kill myself i swear to god i said that on the phone and she was like okay all right and then she i mean of course approved it because i had no proof even though i was right right but i was just like i was like i go ma'am. This will ruin my life. I go this will this will take you will take one person's life and you will ruin it because it's like 15 grand. They were trying to take back. Yeah, yeah, just purse. Just blame a

poor just blame one lady. Yeah, your whole life. Yeah, just my whole life. I'll go to the IRS office to just shoot myself and I go Tabitha. I blow my brains out. This is your fault. I literally would have been all the money I had. It would have been like I would have gone back to zero dollars, which is so depressing.

I learned from watching a junkie in Florida sign up for EBT that I think urgency must be baked into their training or whatever because he would get on the phone. Keep in mind, this kid, trust fund baby, comes from millions. And he's aie junkie and he was on the phone he's just like please like if i don't get the card today like i'm not gonna be able to eat like i'm so hungry

and they were like they'll be like here's your number just go to the uh we that you won't get the card for a few days but you can go and type this number in. Here's a pin code. You have $500. Jesus. He got it like that. It works. He got it like that day. It works, that type of shit. Yeah, and then he hung up the phone and just started maniacally laughing.

Can you imagine being a trust fund baby? Yeah, I would probably be a psychopath. I'd be insane. I'd be Leopold and Loom. I would kill a homeless person. I'd be completely insane. As a social experiment. Oh, yeah.

I'd fly to Thailand and shoot somebody. If you or me were successful like we thought we would be in our mid-20s, we would both be... We'd be monsters. Woo! We'd be monsters. Instead of what I am now, which is a wonderful philanthropic... Are there any philanthropists... Can you be called a philanthropist if you don't give that much money?

Like, if you give, like, 50 bucks to, like... Can you, like... Can you put philanthropist in your bio? Yeah, put on your business card philanthropist if you don't give that much money? If you give like 50 bucks, can you put philanthropist in your bio? Yeah, put on your business card philanthropist. I donated a dollar to the children's hospital at the grocery store. Businessman, legal expert because you sue everybody. I like to think of myself

as a philanthropist. I'm currently suing 19 companies. Well, that's a story in the Bible that Jesus told that a bunch of rich people went to the temple and they gave $100. And they were like, look at me. And then an to the temple and they gave, you know, like a hundred dollars. And then I look at me and then an old woman came and she gave two pennies. And then Jesus said, this woman is more holier than you because she gave everything that she had,

which was two pennies to the church. Jesus was an idiot. Yeah. He's a fucking moron. That's why they nailed him to a fucking cross. Fucking. I know. What a weakling.

What a bitch. Put up with it. Also, I heard he up with it also i heard he was a jew i heard he was a buck man you think jesus actually lived i mean historically yeah he did i mean there's like records like showing that most likely there was a man named jesus who lived and preached but there was like if you go around that time there's like thousands of prophets because they were all into the Messiah thing. Jesus is just the one that really took off. He was the guy who made it big,

but there was thousands of those guys who were like, I am the Messiah, you must follow me. I remember in my Bible lit class in high school, the teacher was obsessed with God and Jesus and all sorts of stuff. I don't know why. He taught a Bible. But he brought like the Shroud of Turin in, which is like this cloth with like,

just like a diarrhea stain that looks like Jesus on it. It was Amber Heard's mattress. And I remember that day he was, it was, that day he literally acted like we solved it that day. He was like, cause he like went on Google. He brought in like a,

like a replica of it. And then he went on Google images and he held it up and he goes, he goes, you see, right. He lived. And we're all supposed to be like, wow,

I guess we right here. And in, in Locke and Yada, we figured out Jesus. There's proof. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then also he was hilarious. He held up a Bible and somebody had written boner on the side of it. And he goes, this is blasphemy. He screamed at the class. Boner. Boner.

He had a chameleon in like a cage in the class. Oh, nice. Did you guys kill it? Oh, we would constantly torture it. Just hit the glass and it would hiss. I love it. There's something about kids that they'll just kill a small animal.

We'll do whatever we want. There was kids that like, I remember a kid in high school. When you're 14, you're just like, yeah, we crushed a lizard with a big rock. All part of growing up. All part of growing up. Yeah, we cut a bird's head off with a knife. There was a kid that died at a party and they just thought he was asleep

and they were carrying around his body. What did he die of? Being a dumbass. Was it like fentanyl or something? No, he drank too much. He had alcohol poisoning. He hadn't really partied that hard before, I guess. His death certificate says can't hang.

Can't hang. Did he die and then you guys, did he die? Then you guys have drawn balls and swastikas all over his face. Yeah, there wasn't an open casket because of all the penises. Hey, he fucking died with his shoes on, bro. No, I was happy I was such a loser in high school because I wasn't at the thing. I didn't go, but I remember hearing about it.

And they legitimately just had like a dead body with them. That's crazy. Hours. Did they take any pictures or anything? No, it wasn't like... They weren't really fucking with him or anything. They just thought, he just went to sleep. And so they were just like, he's asleep

in the car and stuff. It was crazy. I forget why I brought that guy up. I don't know. I think it's tied to a white trash redneck thing where it's if a guy passes out, they will just do the gayest thing. Yeah. The most homophobic guy will do the gayest thing that you know.

Like literally pull your dick out and rub it on his face. And it's like, that's like you're having gay. He sucks your dick. You're like, dude, look how gay he is. I'm making him suck my dick. It was the same thing in my high school. We had an envelope. It's like, guys, you all are like kind of at least bi-curious. Like it's fine. We had an envelope. You all are kind of at least bi-curious.

It's fine. We had an envelope labeled pubes. And we were collecting everybody's pubes throughout the year. Just for some prank where somebody was going to get hit with them. There's nothing I hate. Did it come to fruition? Yeah. Yeah.

We tied a kid up and put glue on his face. Yeah, we committed a hate crime. Yeah. There was a gay kid. There was a gay kid. All guys, Catholics, well, they were savages. That was great. There was a gay kid who went to our school,

and I was not a part of this, but there was one day they were serving hot dogs, and every person, like, stood up and just threw their hot dog at him at the same time. They took the wiener out and threw it at him because he was gay. That's terrible. man yeah we ruined we ruined people's lives yeah i really this i don't think i hate anything more than that because it was so it was so like the anxiety you would feel just being like am i going to be the guy who gets the fart sprayed in his face from the bottle yeah am

i going to be the butt of the joke today yeah exactly everybody's laughing at you and you've got shit on your face yeah we would like fail like like the teachers would be like all right you're you're gonna grade this guy's test you know you're gonna great you know like you ever have that in school where they would like oh yeah everyone you grade each other's papers we would like just we if we hated the people we would just fail them we were like ruining people's futures it's like kids like not going to like college yeah we were like that's an f i don't like your handwriting right i remember i this is a really embarrassing moment it was like sixth grade and the i always had good grades and the history teacher handed me i had like a 50 it was like the first time i had like a grade that bad and the the kid behind me goes, ha ha. Jace got a 50 and I just started crying.

I started bawling and she's just like, are you okay? Like what's going on? Like this does not matter. Like what is happening? Oh yeah. I thought I was going to go to prison in school one time. I was in like middle school and,

and, uh, you don't say it was in middle school yeah i thought it was gonna i don't know they overreacted man i brought a assault rifle to school loaded it's just kids being kids y'all no it was a weird thing it was like like the south park movie had you know we all love the south park movie and i was like friends with this girl we were all in this like group of friends together and on aim like instant messenger sure we like made like a different account and like pranked somebody and like just wrote a bunch of insults like shit dick

licking motherfucking cocks like you know just like from the movie yeah and this girl who was like really cool with all of us uh i think her mom got wind of it and like she was just forced by her mom to like make it a serious thing and like and her mom pretended that it like it caused her so much stress it like flared up like a problem that she had there's always one parent who does who steps in and is like well I have to ruin kids

lives cause I'm insane and so there was like a month at school where I remember the first day I got called out of class and the sheriff was there yeah and it was all just a big like show to fuck with me. But yeah. And I remember being, having the most anxiety I've ever had in my life.

Yeah. In like seventh grade, terrified. I started crying in class. I thought it was like going to prison. We, we, we had parents do similar stuff like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Like I remember it happened with my brother. Like one of his friends shoved a fake love letter into somebody's locker, like from a girl that he had a crush on or something and the the kids like he was like a dork i mean he was like he was like one of those kids were like this is kind of like he's asking for because he just sucks and he's an asshole and a dork and she like yeah called the police down like they all had to go in front of the sheriff and everything and they're like this

is technically like a hate crime like what you're doing yeah and it's just like what are you yeah you're insane to a kid that's literally like you don't have a concept of what life is like at all like you're a 30 year old man at all yeah i literally thought like i was gonna die yeah if i didn't like pass algebra like i i didn't know what was next i thought my permanent record was real you know i thought that was a real thing yeah yeah like i would be in job interviews and be like it seems like you handed a fake love letter to a girl like i'm gonna work at mcdonald's forever we all just had a case of affluenza yeah i do wish i have this real fantasy of going back current brain just put me in a tin and just speed running my entire

teenage years. First off, hella pussy. Getting hella laid. And it's fine. Is it pedophilic? And you're just like railing chicks in high school and then you... Is it pedophilic to think about girls you went to high school

back then in high school and want to fuck them then? That's loophole, baby. how does the loophole i will still jerk off to sometimes the when i was 15 and a girl put her huge tits on my neck to flirt with me yeah while i was sitting down i'm gonna jerk off to that is that allowed it's not a crime if we were being if we had your honor if we had chips in our brains would they make that a crime like you couldn't you couldn't pull up old memories? Probably.

That's the future Pelosi wants, dude. My mom was showing me pictures of me as a baby and shit the other day, and I'm naked in the bath with another kid. And I'm like, there's going to be a day where this isn't allowed. Yeah, yeah. You can't have pictures of you. My friend sent me a video of his kid, and his dick was out. And I was literally like, hey, I don't want to see that. Don't send me a pic of that.

Yeah. And then I saved it, uploaded it, sold it online. I'm like, well, I don't want to see that. Don't send me a pic of that. Then I saved it, uploaded it, sold it online. I'm like, well, this is getting sold. Let me download Tor real quick. Holy shit, we've done almost two hours? What the fuck? Time flies when I make you guys talk about death and fear. My two favorite topics.

This was a good little reset. It's been all nonstopstop fucking just the same johnny after we listen some of us are artists we can't all be mr depp sorry impersonator this podcast needs a little more yeah have you seen it what are you doing after this jay's uh i'll probably just hang out for a little bit if you guys are chilling of course i'll chill for a little bit if you guys are chilling. Of course. Yeah, I'll chill for a little bit. Of course. I got to go home afterwards. What are you doing later at home?

I'm probably going to masturbate to pornography, and then I got a commission I have to work on that somebody needs really quick. Is that doing the commission shit's like working out well, right? It comes and goes. It depends on how hard I'm working it. There's like been some weeks where I made like a grand, two grand. That's awesome. And I keep selling the NFTs, but I don't know how to cash them out so i have like

fifteen hundred dollars can i nfts could i commission you to draw me a picture of your friend's kid naked the picture sure i'll do that yeah no i'll do that for free for the love of the game there it is funny i will have put it right here i will have people message me and they're like everybody everybody always mentioned me like like, how much for a commission? And I'm like, well, it depends on what you want, because some people are like, draw my face. But then some people are like, draw a fucking dragon or whatever. You're like, go to fucking Times Square.

I'm an artist, you piece of shit. I'm not drawing your fucking face. But some people have literally, like, people have asked me, like, can you draw a picture of Britney Spears? And she's got a gun to her fucking head. She's about to kill herself and her fucking huge stupid tits and I was like, no, dude, I'm not gonna draw like something

mean like that. Yeah, I forget that you're gonna get foul. Yeah, I legitimately like somebody is like send me something not like that, but close and I'm like, I'll do it for a grand. What's the worst one? There was one somebody sent me. It was like, can you make me a shooting target for a shooting range? That's Casey Anthony holding her baby.

Oh, but they paid enough that I did it. You got it. That was the only time I did it. I was legitimately. I kind of hate that I did this and I made it. I was like, I'm not gonna do it again. Why does what a second? Why does the baby have to be?

And I think it's just people who are like into that hole. They're like, it's it's people who are like, I have a twisted sense of humor. of humor i like dead baby jokes it's like that's not what this is not twisted at all no no fucking idiot yeah that's moron you're gonna get like weird shit the bigger you get yeah for sure yeah i've gotten weird i've sent a lot of people to the general folder so i can't read their messages hopefully you just get big enough where you don't even have to yeah hopefully i get in a big car wreck going 90 and i'm paralyzed from the waist down. That's it. We should finish up with something like that.

I've always wanted to get in a big car wreck that changes my brain and I'm like a brilliant, like I play piano. Oh yeah. Wizard afterwards. Oh, you go good off of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they were so they were made them artists yeah yeah yeah yeah no that's why we're just fucking nothing we're just regular very bad anxiety and depression yeah we need an accident yeah oh i do wish i had something i wish like part of that thing of like me taking my brain and putting in 10 year old me is i wish i had the ability to not give a shit about anything like at a very young age because i do think there's something about that that really leads people to like i mean either that you know they sell fend all and go to prison for life or it's like yeah they started their own fucking startup and now they're worth you know 20 million dollars there's a type of average intelligence that i wish i was a part of where it's like i i have a friend that i'm thinking of from high school, got a bunch of girls, went to like a very basic university, has a very basic job, but makes enough money to buy a

house. All he wants is to travel and be with his wife and his wife's pregnant and they're just doing life and he's completely content. And I'm sure from time to time thinks like, oh, maybe, you know, this, oh, an aspiration here. And you just, whatever. I got a lot of pussy and I got drunk with my friends. And, you know, I have my friends and my wife and my kids on the way. All right.

And he's not really thinking. I've known him my whole life. He was like a C student, you know, whatever. Yeah. That would be kind of, it's an ignorance is bliss situation. That would be very nice. No that would be kind of it's a ignorance is bliss yeah that'd be very nice no ambition would be amazing yeah yeah i'd like a straight 100 iq great work ethic and then you know that's it yeah yeah i remember i worked with a guy at a warehouse and he was just really excited to go to buffalo wild wings on friday and i remember thinking i gotta i don't

know what i'm gonna do with my life right i can't do this well there there is a certain part of like i'm 31 now and there's a certain part of you that's like okay well you know you kind of dealt with the like you're hitting 30 and nothing happens the way you wanted it to and then you're like well there's like probably 30 more years so it's like okay how do i figure out those 30 years and so now it's like all these goals like okay try to get a nice paying work from home job get a good workout routine find a lady you know keep making art like you still want to make it like all this type of stuff that yeah yeah just make your life even if it's small which is fine just make it as nice as

you can you know in that smallness. Yeah, buy some microgreens. Watch them grow. Right? That's a new thing I see everyone doing. Well, I do think there's something. We've known people who are still stuck in the, I gotta make it big, because then it'll all be good.

And it's just like those people, their brains have gotten sucked out of their head. It doesn't work that way. It's brutal, yeah. And it's based on this false notion that if you make it big, you'll be happy. Big, quote unquote, whatever even the fuck that means their head. Yeah. It doesn't work that way. It's brutal, yeah. And it's based on this false notion that if you make it big, you'll be happy. Big, quote unquote,

whatever even the fuck that means. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, literally, what does it mean? What does it, nobody knows. People get specials on,

and we've known people who have quote unquote made it big and it's like they feel it's your life changes but you feel like the exact same asshole inside your life,

you know? It's like everything's exactly the same for the most part. Yeah. That being said, I would love to be famous. I would love to be very rich.

I would love a lot of money, but I would, I would, I would love, yeah, here's how about this? I would like to be very rich. I just want like money and fame.

I've always thought it'd be great to like, like, cause I want, I want money and fame to be like, if I'm out and people recognize me, I'd love to just be like everyone, the food's on me. I wish I just fame to be like, if I'm out and people recognize me, I'd love to just be like, everyone, the food's on me. I just want to be like Elvis. How Elvis would just walk around and be like, hey, baby, here's a car.

Hey, baby, here's an abortion. You hear somebody's down there like, hey, here's a grand. Go buy yourself some heroin. Shit like that. I love stories like that. Like Shaq. He'll just buy a guy a car. Right.

I would love to be that guy. That Shaq, you'll just buy a guy a car. Right. Like, I would love to be that guy. That's the coolest part of like, of when I've been on the receiving end of that from people, my family who have made a lot of money. And it's like, it's really, it's like a nice,

beautiful. Yeah. Like my uncle, I told you about who like, you know, founded his own prescription company, very rich. And he basically like changed our lives.

Like just helped us out with money yeah it's like we would have been living like a fucking trailer like six people and we have like a decent life because of that it's amazing what people can do and then i used to write him letters that were literally like i was so appreciative i would write him like fucking these long letters this fancy paper like pen i would have drawings all over i was like you've changed my life i can go to college like you'll never know how much like you've changed my life i can go to college like you'll never know how much like you've like graced our family like stuff like that because it's just like you cannot express how much that like means to somebody yeah yeah my uh and i spent most of

his money drinking my didn't didn't have a story like that in my family my my grandpa left my dad a bunch of debt and then left him an RV that he hadn't paid off. And then my dad got the payments. And I'm sure my dad will leave me. Yeah. An embezzlement. Some other family. He has a full Asian family in Alhambra. It's a little Asian Devin walking around.

Yeah. But what age were you when this your uncle gave the money to you? So that was probably 12 and he started supporting my parents a lot, but it was more the fact that every Christmas he would be like this money goes to your graduate to your college because I was basically just going to go to community college or whatever when I was and he every year he'd be like, hey, here's 10 grand. And over like seven years, it's like, oh, this is going to pay for my entire college.

And I had a little bit left over, which I did spend all on because I had a fucking drinking problem at the time. But whatever. What are you going to do? When I was around that age, my parents got divorced and my grandma has money, but my grandma and mom hate each other. So when they went, when my parents got divorced, lost a lot of money getting divorced, and then my grandma

wouldn't give my mom any money, and we lived in a little apartment. So similarly, you got pwned by your grandma. My mom got the like single man apartment. That's like, you know, the one where it's like it's in the same neighborhood. Right, but much sadder. Just an air mattress on the floor. Your mom

was living like fucking Matthew McConaugheyconaughey that's been a katie the whole time they're like you should find a place in beverly hills and i'm like i would love to yeah but they literally like i mean it's all means very well because i do love them but they're like hey look at this apartment i'm like the apartment's nine grand a month i'm like wish i could lady oh man yeah my grandma was paying for my dad i went to this private catholic school uh and then my dad got fired like right after i got in or a year into it and then my grandma just kept paying for the school and i went on to find that out later because I was always like, how are we paying for this? Like, we're like broke. Like, we're always talking about money.

And yet I went to a private school. Yeah, yeah. And it was just because she had that old school mentality of like, this is super important to go to college. Yeah, yeah. And then I didn't go to college. She died. My grandma died thinking I was just like a gay fat man. to go to college. Yeah, yeah. And then I didn't go to college. She died. She died. My grandma died thinking I was just like a gay fat man.

She never knew me ever with like a girl. And I was just a fat piece of shit that wanted to suck Kobe's dick the whole time she knew me. She died. She literally died thinking I was just a complete,

like a fat weirdo that wanted to fuck kobe bryant and never talked to a lady ever oh shit i used to i used to hang out with her and i would just i would get like nine cokes you know the free refills she loved acapulco we go to acapulco all the time she always had coupons for acapulco it was like date night right my grandma and i was but was like date night with my grandma. To me, my grandma thought it was just like Truman Capote without any writing. Yeah, my parents were kind of

the same because it was like they were always stressed about money and stuff like that. And then it was they legitimately like any other situation their lives would have been ruined. And then I have to go to my grandparents and be like, can I have $40,000? And they would just like help them out of a jam yeah because they were the people who they're like hey we make sixty grand a year combined let's have four kids yeah you know i remember four giant kids who drank two gallons of milk each a week

you idiot yeah like let's have the kids from Gummo. Those two brothers that fight each other. Our bath budget and spaghetti is out of the roof. I spent two grand on spaghetti this week. Spaghetti. That's another funny thing. When people are raising families, they're just like, I don't know, carbs are not a thing. Everyone's just eating pasta every night. Everybody pasta every night. Pasta every fucking night. the worst chicken you've ever tasted chicken you better eat that one

broccoli though katie recently was like talking because she had a very nice family so it's always funny comparing notes sweetest people i've ever met sweetest people ever it's very funny comparing notes because she's always like we'll say something like uh what'd you guys have for breakfast in the morning like what would your mom make you? I was like, I don't think we had breakfast ever. She's like, oh, you just want to eat like now. I don't think so. Their mom just wanted to feed us and then we just go to school and have headaches till like noon.

Yeah, I need the pizza off the tray. Yeah, Katie's got like the tent, the full sack of flapjack. Yeah, butter that she's in the syrup. She's got like the tick tock like i'm packing my husband's lunch today and it's like i cut up a cucumber into a star and i wrote a little note that says i love him yeah like that you know my mom would just like throw like a frozen like a microwave like frozen thing from trader joe's and like a bag that's not bad actually that's not bad

i felt i felt like it was horrible as a kid. I wanted a Lunchables. Lunchables did rule. Lunchables ran shit. Lunchables were a currency. My dad was a coach, so we always got free lunches. We had to do that. I think that kept my family afloat for a while. School free lunches.

My mom started going to Whole Foods. I would get regular kid lunch like a PB&J. It's not going that direction. I'd get a regular PB&J, whatever, but it'd be on multi-grain bread with apricot jelly, natural peanut butter.

I just would not take a bite. You know those kids that ate those fruit leathers from Trader Joe's? Oh, yeah. Fuck those kids. And the Hanson's soda was just hungry from trader joe's oh yeah and the hansons yeah the hansons soda the press hey how about this here's a big fuck you fuck that to your parents fuck you you have no idea the misery you brought on yeah all i wanted was a goddamn pepsi yeah and some gmo food and you fucking heard i think i want a leather stick i loved the fucking the cafeteria pizza and the bag of chocolate milk that you would put the straw in yeah because we had bags that they would give

us chocolate milk yeah we didn't have that fancy car and money that shit was nasty like the louis joke like you couldn't open it and your dirty fingers would make it ours was so weird because it was like a square. It was like something you played like cornhole with and then it was just milk and then you had to poke a straw in the middle of it. Yeah. And you don't have to bend all the way over. Oh, yeah, all the time.

We throw it at the gay kid all the time. Our school was... They were just handing out water balloons to gay bash somebody pretty much. Our school was so cheap, they tried to set up this deal with this like with this italian restaurant in glendale but it was it was an armenian italian restaurant sure by armenians right it's called like mario's you know you'd find like a fucking beeper in your calzone

alexis lexus medallion yeah you find a mercedes hood ornament in the calzone. In the penny carbonara. Yeah. Like this fettuccine is made with fucking hummus. What the hell? My food is covered in hair. My food is a black eye. And so they set up this deal with them for the catering and like everyone would get like a

cheaper lunch and we would the parents wouldn't have to you know pack lunches anymore and it was like unbelievably bad food yeah horrific disgusting like worse than microwavable those armenian restaurants are some of the worst dining experience i've ever had in my life yeah where it's like you i cannot believe how terrible this is. Armenians are always trying to pose as another culture. Like, if it was an Armenian restaurant, it would just Armenian, you know. No, that's not what I mean.

It would be great. But they're always trying to, like, pretend that they're, you know, it's like French food. Yeah. You have to, like, if you're in Glendale, you have to avoid any place called, like,

Mr. Pizza Head or something like that. Yeah. A foreigner's grasp of another non-american yeah exactly mr pizza they're like what do you mean it's italian we have picture of godfather on the front yeah it's it's the pizza's bread and chopped tomatoes yeah like jesus christ they just gave me a meal ration from the army. Yeah, I mean, also,

they never, salads from pizza places were always terrible. Oh, yeah, don't get me started. Don't even get me started. Let's do another hour on this. Yeah. Are we about that time? Because I'm starting to get pretty sweaty. We're at that time, yeah. We could wrap it up. Oh, shit. Oh, manscaped, folks. Oh, Jesus. We're always that time. Yeah, yeah. We could wrap it up. Oh, shit. Oh, Manscaped, folks.

We're always fucking ourselves. Two hours in. Wait, do you guys actually have an ad? It's like a trial run, and we need like nine people to buy it. Hey, record it now and put it in the middle. Just edit it out. We don't know how to do that. You don't know how to do that?

On the video, I could do it. Audio-wise, I don't know how to do that. Video, I know how to do that. Just Google it. You can do it. We'll figure it out. Please go buy Manscaped. Start with please.

Promo code HATEWATCH. Go to manscaped.com and get a pack. We all have them. We've been using them. I used it yesterday, actually. It's really good. The ball toner's great. I actually have one because I just get free stuff that they gave to the Tim Dillon show

all the time. So I have that. I use it any time that they gave to the Tim Dillon show all the time. So I have that. I use it anytime I'm about to get my rods sucked on. Hell yeah. It works great. And it works really well. It's awesome. If you use it right before, like Jay said, your rods about to get sucked on and then you go right to it. She goes and then she's like, oh, there's all this hair in

my teeth. It's all, you know, because it's not going to get, it's still going to fly everywhere. What do you mean? No, no, no. If you use it, there's not hair on your teeth. That's all, you know, because it's not going to get, it's still going to fly everywhere. What do you mean? No, no, no. If you, if you use it, there's not hair on your teeth. No, no, no. That doesn't happen. There'll be, there'll be, but man. No, there's not going to be that. No, that's not going to be that.

Man's scape, but other products. Other products. Oh, well, nobody heard you say other products. It'll keep, it'll keep. Sounds like you're tanking our entire operation here. No, no, what I'm saying is, what I'm saying is when you freshly shave it, right? Hair flies everywhere. Right.

Right. But, and if you don't shower or if you wait if even if you shower if you go right to it there'll be stray hairs but i'm saying not with manscaped okay if you put in the hate watch promo boy one time i'm just remembering literally one time i shaved right before getting head and then when you use the competitor's product when you use the competitor's product you use the competitors product that happens hey we're new we're new to the advertising okay but if you use manscaped it's great the ball toner is excellent and there's something about i don't know when i shave my rod because it's

about to get sucked yeah it feels a lot bigger you know it does it makes your johnson look huge if you use manscaped you could use the fucking thing on your ass too everything i mean you could shave your well I do no guard and then I just go everywhere around because I like to leave a little bit. So I just go like a lightsaber around my dick and balls. And just get everything. And it leaves like a little crew cut.

You could do designs on your pubes too. You could look like fucking you could give a flat top. You could make your dick look like fucking DJ Jazzy Jeff. It's a wonderful product and the underwear is tremendous too great underwear use promo code hate watch uh manscape.com and you go use the promo code so they'll give these guys more ads use the promo code so we could keep doing this um and not uh kill ourselves right like we they are going to kill themselves you know

anyway you guys have you seen that we we all we saw the golden gate bridge suicide documentary kill ourselves. Right. Like we've, they are going to kill themselves. You know, anyway, you guys, have you seen that? We, we all, we saw the golden gate bridge suicide documentary. Oh yeah. I sent just from that all the time to people.

Should we go watch it? Yeah, we should put it on. Manscaped. Those people were very aerodynamic when they jumped off the bridge because their pubes were shaved with manscape. That's right. Thanks for listening.

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