The Cayman Cannibal
00:00 It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end The best is over Many Americans I think feel that way Bone crusher is actually like incredibly handsome and very well mattered unless he's breaking bones. You would never guess he's a bone crusher So you're not invited to Logan's wedding? John? I'm doing an anger thing. Yeah, it sounds like you guys didn't get invited
00:32 and I did. I said, hey Logan, my address is blankety blank blank. Everybody knows where you live. I know. And I said, feel free. You're the most doxed man in podcasting. You're the most gay bash man in podcast. Yeah, it's it's honestly crazy I'm still alive
00:49 It's cuz they know you're heavily armed and they know that you're a jiu-jitsu master. I haven't gotten the gun yet, which is bullshit I tried to get my birth certificate. Did you know public civil civil servants get every other Friday off? No, I showed up to get my birth certificate today because I need that fucking faggot birth certificate to get a faggot firearms license Chill. Relax dude. No it's fucking bullshit. Show some respect for the word. He's ticked off. Hey come on guys relax he's ticked off.
01:15 He's shot him by his shotgun. He's the Christ. Like the hoops like to fucking jump through. A social security guard should be fine. But I have to have a birth certificate for some fucking reason. A faggot birth certificate reason a faggot birth certificate Faggot birth certificate, so I go and I go to the Hall of Records, which is hilarious What is the Hall of Records?
01:33 What does that mean? Like Superman or something and I go there and they're closed and I couldn't get it and I was like I planned And this is all you're getting really upset because you can't have a giant shotgun on the side of your mother's side I got a barrel shot And you don't think that will ever I don't get why you think this have a giant shotgun on the side of your motorcycle. I got a barrel shot. You don't get why you think this is a good idea. No problems will happen from that. I'm gonna shove it in my backpack.
01:51 Say you drive by some cops on your motorcycle, they're just giving a guy a ticket. They don't think that that's your something sinister. I pull it out and I point it at them. As I ride by on my bike. You really do want to turn into the Raising Arizona demon guy. They're gonna go, oh look at him, there he goes, there's Fat Max. Ride by on my bike right at their fucking you really do want to turn into the raising Arizona like demon Yeah, look at him there. He goes. There's fat Mac I
02:11 was thinking that if he could Rack or bolt the shotgun lock onto the front braces of the motorcycle and Then have it mounted so that if you don't want to take it all the way out You could just lock it in like this. So now it's like a twist metal. The mount would have to be attached directly to the pump cause you need to like flip a switch in order to pump it.
02:34 That is good. You're almost good to all that. You should actually fully lean in and just become sweet tooth from twisted metal. You know, it's a fat clown. But I don't even get what the... I don't understand this at all. I also don't buy the legality of it.
02:51 I don't think that's true. I think it's technically legal, but I'm just going to get harassed everywhere I go. And also, what's it for, protection? Yeah. It's kind of cool, but also... If someone steals your bike, they're just stealing your shotgun also. I don't know my Bike it's too uh just every day of your life though. It's just some weird like dude I gotta go down to the fucking city. They won't let me put a fucking a fucking like new sticker on my fridge, dude
03:16 You're constantly consumed with weird meaningless tasks. You're jumping through bureaucratic. Yeah every day of the week for some reason Hey, you know, it's you fucking birth certificate to see for installed in your fucking motorcycle. You'll never understand. I gotcha. You'll never. You know, it's illegal to have a fucking ice chest on your fucking bike, dude. I gotta go fucking contract the fucking city, dude. Yeah, no, I was, I'm hoping they harass me to the point where I could like ammogons it fucking
03:42 Sue them. I two way law, like constitutional constitutional layer like a guy in a powdered wig shows up I feel like that's not gonna go well, you're gonna watch it and against it's a pro. Yeah, I got lawyers, dude I got fucking our guy on Pasadena Andrew Levin thought Levin thought we got Levin thought he's not gonna take that case He'll take the case any day the fucking week dude. He takes like fucking rap case and shit. Yeah, cuz those are big cases. Yeah, this would be huge Those that's a sane person. He's representing. Yeah Rapists are more rational. They are they yeah They have a goal and they get it. You are all over the place. You couldn't rape a fly
04:23 You get distracted. You'd forget you're trying to rape somebody. I could ask a rapist. Do you believe that? Your brain is too fucked up to even focus on a rape. He just forgot that I got married. I said, you get the invites to the wedding, he goes, your wedding?
04:35 And I go, John, I got married in December. And he's like, oh yeah. You were at the wedding. Literally. He just did that. He just did that. Yeah, you know the elephants at Logan's fucking wedding will have better memories than you.
04:46 Yeah. No, you know, it's broken. Yeah, it's fucking, it's broken. It is crazy to know that there's African animals that have better memories than you. There's also American fish called goldfish. No, my head's broken and fucked up. Yeah.
05:04 Wait, so John, what was your get rich quick scheme? Oh, so I said, okay. You told us last night. Last night, real quick to set it up, John, John's really into like new schemes, like trying to like make a quick buck. He's trying to flip things. And he's trying, I'm a schemer.
05:18 He's trying to use like the, he's like, he's trying to use Patreon money to like flip something, explain. Say we take the money we make on Patreon for just one month, and then we buy He's trying to use Patreon money to flip something. Explain. Say we take the money we make off Patreon for just one month, and then we buy a used BMW M3. Following so far. And then we flip it, and we make 2,000 extra bucks
05:35 on the back end, and then we spread it out. So like you're saying, why don't we become used car salesmen? Yeah. That's your big business plan. Yeah. And after taxes, We can all split 300 Nightmare month of trying to flip a shitty car and he's asking people. Hey, can we park it on your street today? Where should we park this fucking jalopy? Also? Here's the kicker too. We're like John Why would people pay more for if we got it for that price?
05:58 He goes now you gotta drive to cut state lines like I'll go to Florida with this thing like I'll go to Florida with this thing. I'm like, so now you're gonna. Now there's cross country trips involved over two grand. You have to pay for lodging and gas for that trip. Here's my big idea. We take the money from Patreon and we give ourselves jobs. That's the idea.
06:16 We're making eight grand a month on Patreon. It's like, I don't even think you'll. Yeah, what car? I think I'm onto something. I think I didn't get it yet, but I'm onto something and we'll figure out eventually. You're not on that something. I think I didn't get it yet, but I'm on to something and we'll figure out eventually Will become rich. Yeah Sean business idea do you guys remember this one where he goes? Okay. I've got it fucking figured out dead. He's like, okay
06:36 So we get uh, we buy a bunch of phone chargers, right? but they only work if you put money into the charger and Right, but they only work if you put money into the charger and then we try we put them where homeless people are So because homeless people need to charge their phones this would work. No this would fucking work You're trying to profiteer off of the population like like the Democrats I'm doing the exact same thing the fucking Democrats are doing but I'm doing it on a smaller scale John's like Alright, so we get like phones right we put him in like the city and he's a paid using a pay phone So we get like phones right we put him in like the city and he's a paid using like a pay phone So a paved to call also, okay the charger how much does it cost per hour?
07:11 25 cents or something because it can't be much I think I think what they do is they they vend out battery banks that if you don't give them back They charge you like 40 bucks for them. But like you're not getting that money though. It's almost never getting the money There's no recourse. That's where you get You're never getting the money there's no resources This is a business where you get robbed Unbelievable Your clientele in a money making scheme be the only people on earth that have no fucking money We know for a fact they have no money
07:34 I get a bunch of cocaine and I cut it with baking soda and then we start selling crack That's the best idea you've had so far I like that I could flip drugs How about fucking this dude? We fucking sell weed on the black market right but like most of it's like a fucking oregano, dude Because I find women who are disenfranchised Okay, they have no family. They have no one cares about them. We take them we traffic them we saw them for sex, okay?
08:03 I'm onto something. I think eventually we're going to figure out, I think eventually we're going to land on something that we all do together. We're going to land on something. How about the thing we land on is doing a good show. Yeah. How about this is a job and we're making money
08:15 from doing this job. How about this is the thing, Johnny? No, dude, keep throwing stuff at the wall, man. No, dude. I'm going to keep, I'm going to keep. I like doing this and like, you know, it's kind of cool. Like we have some momentum, but like I kind of want to get into roofing and shit.
08:25 Eventually it's gonna land, but we're gonna be fine. You really are just kind of like, you do have the brain of a homeless man. Yeah, yeah. Like you and homeless people. I'm housing insecure. Like right now there's a homeless guy, he's waking up and he's got like a tattered
08:41 in-sync tour t-shirt on from the 90s, and he's got a big, he's got an old printer that's bashed to shit, it's covered in diarrhea and he goes, I gotta get this thing to Riverside by noon. And he walks all day, he's focused, so productive. You have that same life. Yeah. I have to get this thing to Riverside.
09:03 I mean, that's super productive of him. It's going nowhere. You, you're that, but you just have a podcast. I was at a gas station right now and I just saw this homeless guy, he was actually insane, he was this fucking rail thin homeless guy and he had dreadlocks. White guy, but just completely matted up, dead, dried hair.
09:20 And I watched him pull out an entire dread off his hair, like a thick rope, he just pulled it off. and now I'm imagining John seeing that and him going well well potential clients alright Some money off dude me you We sell those extra dreads that fall off, okay, because that's our people need hair They want fucking black people are in the market for fucking drugs You've never met a black guy with like a fucking ball spot that can fucking you the fucking I'm gonna be a genius billionaire. You guys are gonna be left in this in the dust. Well, you'll land on something Yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll all land on something. You'll land on something you land on your boyfriend's cock
10:03 Hey, I like that hey Hey, I like that one Both that pick Oh big corner. It's come to our attention that Connor Looks like a big muscular only fans, bitch fans bitch. Zoom in. Look at that. That's not holy shit. That's like some creepy Jim Carey bimbo. Oh do the face. Zoom in on the face and then Connor does it. Oh my god, that is terrifying. God damn. Connor has a booty on him though. It'd be so sick if you guys started fucking. That would love that. It'd be like a mom and a son.
10:57 That'd be terrifying. That'd be utterly terrifying. They have a baby that's just exactly Connor. She would fuck the living shit out of me. She would do whatever she wanted to you then. And I'd have to let her. Yeah, you couldn't suck. Because I love myself.
11:14 She'd be more manly. She's way more manly than I am. Yeah. I'm close. But yeah, you've been getting a lot of shit. And we're doing, I guess, Connor's comedy corner? Yeah, it's a big comedy corner. So yeah, Connor's been getting attacked on, well, not really even that.
11:32 There was a couple of threads on Reddit that were saying, Connor, well, I actually didn't dig into the threads. I've been just like- What they were saying was- He's a fag. Hey! Hey! What else were they saying? They were uh, they were saying that uh, why don't he like go fucking. What happened to your queer party friend? I keep forgetting
11:59 with that one. I haven't named it. Should have just aimlessly click it. Shoulda quit. Shoulda quit. They were saying that Connor- I guess the jury doesn't fall far from the faggot's ass. They were saying that Connor shoulda- If you get the opportunity, you should kill yourself. That's the funniest line ever. Anyway, that's why we're moving around with these sounds. But no, yeah, so what were the threats saying?
12:29 Because we have a big comedy corner. Oh, they're just saying, like, do you like Connor and stuff. Yeah, the first one was like, do you like Connor and stuff. It's like shitposting. Yeah, they're like, do you like Connor and then the whole thing was like, he's never once been funny, blah, blah, blah. And I cried and I cried for days and days and I'm okay now, I'm fine. It's fine.
12:44 Fine. Fine, now you're an OnlyFans. and I cried for days and days and I'm okay now I'm fine. It's fine! Fine! Fine, now you're an OnlyFans! Fine! Yeah, now I'm popping my pussy on OnlyFans! I have a fucking idea, dude. We pimp Connor. We buy like a big leather bodysuit, dude. We put a, we do his eyebrows, we put him in like a big black wig.
13:06 And then he, and then he, we charge for J.O.I's. That'd probably be the best one you've had so far. That's actually the smartest idea. I think you could make a killing on J.O.I's. What is a comedy corner? Like people are gonna ask Connor, like what, about standup? Yeah, so I made it, it was a last minute thing-minute thing kind of gay. You said done all mean ones. Hey, come on. Yeah comedy get
13:32 It's kind of gay. I didn't ask these guys asked And there was a lot of genuine questions a lot of mean questions a lot of guys saying tell hey Here's a question for that pencil neck. Why is your neck so skinny? That's what a lot of the comments were, and I said, deleted, not going into the corner. I would never bring something like that up on the pod. But no, it's gonna be. I think it should've been all mean ones.
13:56 I don't, it's like. Should've been all mean questions. They're all kinda making fun of stand up and stuff. I'm calloused, I'm dead inside, bring it on. I don't like the real like crazily mean ones. I like it, I live for it. You don't like the crazy mean ones? I don't like the ones that are too mean.
14:10 Sure, yeah. Getting off on it. Those made me. Cause Connor's my boy, I mean, I can't do that to Connor. I can take it, it's fine. It's fine. I like woke up hungover yesterday and I saw.
14:23 Oh what a surprise you fucking drunk Nick What a surprise Yeah I can't do this You fucking drunk hack You're never even funny in the show Chiseled sexy drunk hack With a big, regular-sized neck. And a fat ass and a huge rack.
14:50 No, I woke up hungover and I opened Reddit and I saw all those threads and I like walked, my wife is doing her full-time job taking meetings back to back, and I stood in her doorway of the office like a kid who threw up and I was like, Valerie, they're being mean to me on the internet. Like I'm such a loser compared to her it's so
15:09 funny yeah she's like oh honey what are they saying never been one years don't listen to them they're jealous mom what a sweetheart sweet woman yeah that's great yeah well did you guys, I guess we'll get to the corner later. Sure Whatever. I don't have a song by the way. I don't have enough. You're gonna have to sing a one bad enough I don't even understand what the this is. It's like basically Comedy court Ask your questions and hit the mics If you need you need Connors Comedy Corner, ask your questions and hit the mics.
15:50 If you need, if you need some advice, if you need some advice, write a tight five and get down to the open mic. It's Connors Comedy Corner. That's it. That would have been great. That would have been great, yeah. You're gonna have to do it again. No, that's it.
16:04 We'll just do it again. You're gonna have to do it again. No, that's it. You're gonna have to do it again. You remember that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. One, eight, seven, seven, Connors Comedy Corner. All right, we'll see how that goes. It really sounds like the Kangaroo song from Big Daddy.
16:18 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, how does that go? Um, fuck, I'm liking it. I freaking cares. Oh, fucking God. Fuck, I'm useless. Fuck, I can't even remember big daddy quotes! We've been recording too much, man.
16:30 Oh my god, Jock Week has been fucking unbelievable. You guys are gonna be so pleased, I think. There's a couple of real fucking banger episodes. We've been recording every fucking day this week. Yeah, I wanna blow my brains out. This is finally Friday, so we're recording three. Three tonight. Tonight, I wanna blow my brains out. This is finally Friday. So we're recording three. Three tonight.
16:47 Tonight, and then we're doing tomorrow, probably a little hungover, and then Sunday after Connor's show, we're gonna be fucking, it's gonna be. That's gonna be the piece de résistance. You're not gonna be able to fucking believe how silly we are, because our brains won't be working anymore.
17:00 Have you ever wanted to watch a podcast of four guys that have lobotomized themselves with poison? We're gonna be so racist. That's gonna be great. Should we uh, that'll be new. Should we do mimosas? Should we do mimosas? Of course, cause we need the vitamin C after we meet all the savages of the show. Absolutely, yeah. Some mimosas Sunday morning. It's gonna be great.
17:20 And I'll go up on stage like, welcome to Cringe It's Connors Comedy Show. Ben Avery is here tonight and he has a tight five. Devin, nothing would make me happier than if you went out, you opened the show by rapping your ass off. If I just start playing the instrumental and it's like, all I got is a pen and a pad. And a pad, live next to my dad.
17:44 And you're up there dressed like Eminem. Come on, man. Speaking of that song, by the way, that song on a Jock Week episode. We do the full eight minute song. And it was the best thing that I've ever heard in my life. I've been thinking about it nonstop. I couldn't believe how embarrassing and bad it was. Yeah, it's really, really funny.
18:02 And there's a beat switch like six minutes in there's a surprise to all of us Yeah, very random and creepy it turns into like a storytelling saga where he makes I don't do spoilers Yeah, but he there is this ballad of Bob and Jackie the By the way All right, let's get into some, you know, a little bit of the fucking, the tournaments, okay? Because a lot of things are happening. It's the Olympics, folks. Okay, it's the fucking Olympics,
18:31 and we all know we all give a shit about windsurfing and gymnastics out of nowhere. Every four years we pretend that the whole country is waiting with bated breath for somebody we've never heard of to do a flip on a rope. I didn't know break dancing was part of it, I just saw this close to it. They added breakdancing, yeah they added like a wigger portion. That's awesome. That's really awesome.
18:51 They're battle rats. And they all look like utter shit doing it. They look terrible. But isn't there like a German kid whose name is like the N-word? Uh, I don't know. His name is like Nika. Ooh. Nika? Two clubs for Gupper. Ooh, interesting. I know, yeah. It's like a little white German kid, he came out in Dürag and his name is like Nicka. Oh Nika who closed for comfort. Oh, yeah, it's like a little white German kid He came out and do rag and his name is the end. He's right to right. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah. Well, um Our boy our boy. I'm a man. Khalif has won the gold medal at the women's boxing Olympics in Paris
19:23 He just fucking, he did it, man. Fucking, this just proves dudes rock. Against all odds, he beat up all those women. Against all odds, he fucking, he, this guy won the women's gold medal at the boxing Olympics. Man of the year. Good for him.
19:41 You know what he looks like? He overcame a lot. Brings on that. No, he looks like the guy who tries to kill Jason Bourne in Bourne Supremacy. Oh, he does! Oh, what's his name? The Arab guy.
19:50 Yeah, fuck, I forgot his name. Look what they make us give. On the bridge at the end. That's a Treadstone experiment. They put it in fucking the Olympics to beat up women. He looks like he'll be playing a cholo in a David Ayer film in a couple years. He's got a shotgun on Ethan Hawke in a David Ayer film in a couple years
20:13 You saved my sister but good for I'm a man Khalif man he fucking he deserved by the way I did some research on this cuz I was I was dying to know I'm like, what is the actual controversy here? Yeah, what is it? So in Russia? These Russian pricks won't disclose the actual testing that they did. In Mother Russia, women are boy. Right, folks? It's Delfin's Cowardy Corner! Classic Yakov Smirnoff impression. I love Yakov.
20:36 You know what's funny about his name? Kinda sounds like Yakov. Haha! Oh, rimshot! Oh! Oh! On the machine! Oh rim shot! Oh! Oh! Okay.
20:48 On the machine! What are you looking? I'm trying to get good at it dude. 360 no scope on the board huh? Shock chock! I'm gonna smash his fucking birthday cake! You've used the board in this episode more than you have on any other
21:04 Jock Week I know! Jock Week, I know. I know, I gotta add more. Jock Week is making you lose your mind. I gotta add more, dude. I gotta add more. Dude is crazy. You gotta add the, oh brother, this guy stinks. I will, I will. You know what one of the worst things that can happen is this. Taking from an elderly person is as bad as stealing from a child. That line's so insane because you he's calling old people babies.
21:27 It's so funny. Anyway, sorry Joey. So back to I'm a man, Kaleef. What's going on with him? So it's a woman. How dare you say that? That you're dead naming. People were getting upset at us for respecting her.
21:37 You're dead naming. So here's actually what, some people had a point about that. So here's what's going on. There was a Russian league, a Russian tournament. You're dead. So here's actually what some people had a point about that. So here's what's what's going on There was a Russian league a Russian tournament or some sort of Russian belt I'm a man. Kaleef went there and You were pissed off at me saying that the whole at this point, I just don't remember But so yeah, she
22:02 actual name But so yeah, she She okay was in this Russian tournament and she beat this formerly Undefeated a Russian female fighter and then the Russians who are like always doing corrupt stuff But they also have some of the most thorough testing in all of sports and some of the most advanced hormonal programs so what they did is they tested her they did some sort of undisclosed gender testing on her and they said she failed and but they refused to disclose the results and they've been formerly kind of banished by the IOC which is like the Olympic
22:41 committee or the OIC like I remember exactly what it is but so It's a little bit suspicious because of this undisclosed testing made their undefeated fighter who now lost to I'm a man She became undefeated again because of this test. So if that's it's that's a little suspicious But she definitely does have a condition that makes her testosterone elevated which is unfair Yeah, it's unfair. It's you're becoming a woman man or woman. It's unfair and also but then here's the argument that I read is Like Mike Michael Phelps. Yes. Yeah, he has a condition that makes his body produce Like 50% less lactic acid. I've heard of this so he doesn't go cramp. So that's kinda fuckin' cheating. That's also unfair.
23:27 That's not cheating, it's just that these are born athletes. That's like saying like But she's a born athlete then you can all. That's what I'm saying, yeah. So, but it's still unfair. Bottom line is, fucking women that look like men are gross and we're gonna call them on their shit.
23:38 Exactly. They don't get to beat up cutie pies. See, we can all agree on that, that they're gross. They don't get to beat up cutie pies and we're gonna call him, call her a man. It's the only time that we're allowed the dead name. I hope there's some kind of like deep conspiracy about this. I have this theory that she talked to the Italian girl before the fight started and was like hey let's throw this fight. You get hit by me once and you're like that's a man. We start spreading the rumor that I'm a man. You get in the head all the other fighters, and now they're all scared. That's why she won
24:07 Yeah, also. I just thought of a new conspiracy new conspire like that new conspiracy Italian Cheating or that that was like she like the Mafia was like hey lose this fight in the first 10 seconds We're all betting against you mm-hmm. Oh, oh yeah that probably is what happened. They're all betting against you. Mm-hmm. Oh, oh, yeah that probably is what happened They're all fucking filthy criminals. Yeah, so you think she threw the fight that quitter that quitting? I wouldn't be shocked if somebody like found her and was like, hey, you're fighting a man. This is unfair Loose like you're gonna feel a hard punch. Yeah, she is very strong. She's filled with testosterone We're gonna bet against you in the first round if you if you lose in the first round our odds
24:48 Now it pays like 10 to 1. Mm-hmm slam dunk slam dunk slam dunk So I mean I could easily see something like that. Yeah, also she is a man a man in many ways Testosterone wise. Yeah, I mean I In many ways testosterone lies. Yeah, I mean She looks jacked and scary and and bottom line look at that. There's no tits There's no ass not attractive whatsoever. If you're a woman and you're not attractive whatsoever. Sorry, you're a dude You're not me. Is there a single man on earth that would be like she I want to get her number Oh, I bet John yeah, such. Yeah, John, yeah.
25:25 No, even for John. No, she looks like the, who's the German chick in 51st Dates? She looks like that. What are the Reddit comments? Reddit's such a fucking cesspool of libtards. I'm sure Connor's on it all the time. What?
25:35 What? Yeah. Is that why Connor spends so much time out there? So like, I'm trying to, let's get engaged. Connor, well actually, why don't you just summarize what these people are saying? What do you mean? You know, because you're one of them. I'm kidding, I'm trying to let's get engaged Carter. Well actually why don't you just sum it up to summarize what these people are saying What do you mean? You know? I heard she punches like a girl very good faggot as a father. Sorry relax John. Okay, relax We don't say faggot here that much. Oh
25:59 It's funny to police it Open the show with like 30 of them So as a father of three girls the brother to four scissors and a boxing MMA fan how the fuck did people not realize this wasn't her first Olympic She was beat often in the past and she just put in work and grinded She she grinded her teeth after doing insane amounts of this This next sentence is very funny. She didn't lop off a wang and decide to punch women That's very funny. She didn't lop off a wang and decide to punch women.
26:24 Man, we love to make a story mountain out of a nothing hill. Shut the fuck up, you nothing burger loser. That's not a saying. That doesn't make sense. Yeah, this is what happened. Oh, here we go. All these right-wing grifters turned podcasters. Oh wow, I am flattered.
26:43 All these right-wing grifters turned podcasters are not known for using their brains They saw a lady from Italy cry over getting punched and jumped on the hate of course We're gonna protect a beautiful is that about us? Yeah, we're gonna do it We're gonna pick that the beautiful I talked over it. What'd you say? What was it? Do it again do it again? I'm gonna come I'm gonna come. I thought he was gonna say I'm gonna do it. You nailed that first one. It looks like I'm not as good as Opie.
27:14 But yeah, so I'm a man, Kaleef gets his flowers, and there we go. Good for him. Yeah. Her, my fucking guy well what do you think if have you seen the videos where she's moving something in her pants and it kind of looks like a wang no and I'm not to make not to make something out of a nothing hill not to make a cock out of a pussy hill but there's some videos that I saw I don don't know, maybe they were doctored by Tim Pool and Mike Cernovich. Can you find them?
27:47 Can we watch them? I can't find them, I don't know. You're in order. I can't, they're on Twitter and I can't log in to Twitter on my computer for some fucking reason. Probably because you're in order. Sure, sure. Speaking of comedy, this guy's joke was stolen apparently.
28:00 By some, by, Connor, what do you know about it? I don't know who this is, I asked you earlier, let's see. I don't know who it is too, let's check it out. Let's see. Check it out. We wanna give a voice to the voiceless here. Oh, I've seen- I've seen this guy. I wanted some toppy sloppy. Of course. She said no.
28:17 Isn't it... yeah. Sloppy toppy? Yeah, he's being funny. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Well- It's called comedy death. I'm looking at him right now and I hate his guts This guy I hate him. Yeah
28:30 And his friend that looks just like him. That's just you could just fuck my student for guys, right? I thought it was a guy dude doing an edit of like oh, I'm two different guys. So Timothy Chalamet spawn point That's what's happening. This is like 30 Timothy Shallow mays coming out of a little volcano in the Didn't you tell me this months ago, sorry we can't we can't make the drive down to Miami We'll have to take my private jet Hmm. Oh man bad unfunny people can't even make like a joke. They stole I know funny that was brutal That was brutal. Fuck brutal fuck sounds awfully familiar. She said I'm too tired to suck your dick, but if you want you can fuck my mouth How long has this been an option
29:19 That's like saying hey, sorry your flight's late you want you can take this private jet That's like saying, hey, sorry your flight's delayed. You can take this private jet. Uh. You're in a shir- It's a good joke. Yeah, it's a good joke, yeah. It's a good joke. Yeah.
29:29 I was on a yacht in half your pictures. Like, do you not have enough? You need my jokes too. Now I messaged these guys, because you know, they're clearly fans. Instead of just, you know, wiping the makeup off their face and apologizing, they just blocked me and deleted the video. And you know what?
29:44 I think it's only fair. They stole my jokes, I'm gonna steal their body. All right, well, I don't support you now. Yeah, Mark David Chad. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, you're a lovable. What's that guy's name? I don't know, he should probably put his name in his promotion, come see me live.
30:02 He's gonna be in LA. Come see who? Should I just ask, hey, is there like a androgynous looking fat lesbian performing tonight with glasses that had his jokes stolen? How do I find you? I'm definitely gonna be in a lab with this guy next week. I like him, what's his fucking name?
30:18 This is what's so weird about the internet, dude. It's a Reddit thread. This has gotten 44,000 up votes, tons of and no one no one's like hey by the way This is his name people just go my phones said this guy Has jokes donor we don't happen to read it too is they see that clip and then they go follow the two hot guys Yeah, yeah, yeah hundred percent. Yeah, they go what they did it better motherfucker. They're like, but he's hot Like remember that lady in the men's see a drogan video. Yeah, I can never get her out of my mind I'm like that's and that's what's happened with our society is like that
30:49 Yeah of attitude when he goes when Rogan's like you stole that fucking joke and people like oh and then some lady That's like a man see of fans in the crowd. She's like he did it better I'm like man if we just start caving into that type of mentality. Yeah, everything's over I mean do you remember like years ago? There's a guy in Britain's Got Talent who was a stand-up comedian, and he stole every single one of his jokes what and There was a whole discourse about it people defending him being like yeah, but it's like a different continent Like yeah, but they don't live in the same fucking town It's like a shooting rule if you're like 3,000 miles away from your wife, you can fuck somebody else.
31:25 Who is this guy? Well, Mark David Chapman. I'm sure I could find one in this room. Since he's not good enough, or he wasn't aware enough to put his name in it, I'm gonna look up the people that stole from him, get really into Peter Vigilante. Oh, hell yeah.
31:37 There we go. Peter Vigilante? Oh, he's not doing that well, only 2,000 views on YouTube. Oh, we're killing Peter. You guys suck. We are back with another Not So PG podcast, and on YouTube. Oh, we're killing, we're killing Peter. You guys suck. We are back with another Not So PG podcast and you have your host, Joanie Vigilante.
31:49 This is cool, we can fire shots at a podcast that's slower than us. Yeah, cause you're fucking faggots, faggots. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
31:58 Yeah. Fuck you. Oh, this is great. Finally. Who's the guy that Aaron Johnson, the guy from Kick Ass, that like married an old great. Finally. Who's the guy that Aaron Johnson, the guy from Kick Ass, that married an old lady? This looks like two of him in the same room.
32:11 Yeah, they split off like starfish and they become queers. Anyway, everyone check out the, what is it, the Not So PG podcast. Should She Call You Daddy? Oh, I thought that was, okay, that's the name of the episode, right? Yeah, it's like two, it's two like... Well, even the title title this episode is like grifting. It's like call her daddy. Yeah, it's
32:29 I wish I could shout out the comic they stole from I like that shout them out, dude We're gonna shout out the not so PG podcast So vigilante breaking it to a British accent is something I love to do personally But today I want to start on the topic of good and evil. How do you know that somebody is evil? Right? I want to start as a philosopher named Hegel, who basically said he who is evil believes he is absolutely good. So I want you to go and think about- We're like if Brock Turner like went to like Abercrombie. People that believe that they are just the best thing ever, right? Someone that thinks that they are just the best thing ever, right? Someone that thinks that they are absolutely the most amazing thing, almost in a...
33:09 I want to say almost in a narcissistic way, like they think they're the best. Very egotistical, very narcissistic, just thinks they're the best. Because dude, they're fucking guys! Dude, they're just normal guys. Dude, normal guys just sit in a fucking million dollar mansion and have their retarded friend play pool in the other room in the bathroom. He's playing pool back there, sir, that's not PC enough for you. Sorry, sorry we're not so fucking PG. You ever think about like evil?
33:33 What do you think is evil? I do like how they're trying to get cerebral right now. One of their whole thing is that they're just PG-13. They're like, that guy's a real casserole dude, you know? Just like those Doug versions on like a nice. Yeah, it's a PG-13 podcast,, you know, just like this Doug version. Yeah, it's a PG-13 podcast. Like we can say fuck once. Yeah.
33:50 Yeah. It's like Beetlejuice. Yeah. They're all good. Okay. Those people usually end up turning out to be evil and thinking they're doing it in the name of good. Well, that's good news.
34:01 You know what I think of when I say this? You know how like what a just a low this, you know, how like what a, what a, just a low, just, just imagine the sad moment when whoever they hired to be their producer, just every week he gets a text reason, a group text with them. And they're like, we want to like start like having you use like a switcher and like, and he's got to listen to this most meaningless conversation on earth. He's like, he's like, I guess he's talking now. I guess he's making, okay, no, I guess him. I just think about the guys in the behind the scenes.
34:30 I just keep imagining a woman, they're talking about evil people right now, I keep imagining a woman running out covered in blood tied up and she's like. Ooh! And I'm like, let her out! Let her out. They're like that Patrick Bateman
34:42 if they listen to Jordan Peterson. Exactly, that's all. We know about good and evil now. Yeah. They're like they're like that Patrick Bateman if they listen to Jordan Peters Do the red room downstairs it's crazy right now he goes that room makes you evil You consider the red room good or evil bro put the mask on right now Yeah, they bring in an old homeless lady the last half of the podcast like you know, you're fucking loser, right? I was bringing an old homeless lady the last half of the podcast. They're like, you know you're a fucking loser, right? You smell like shit, Shanice. They're just pushing her around.
35:08 Like the machine from 8 Millimeters down in the red room. Is that nature or nurture? What made him what he is? So we got a homeless lady down there where he's slowly removing all of her limbs one by one. The past month. See, I think, I think good and evil is like,
35:23 it's not so much in you, it's the scenario you're in. Like, I'm a good guy. If I see a drunk, passed out girl, I'm evil. I think anyone's capable of evil, technically. Like, for example, last weekend, that girl that fell asleep and she had too much to drink. Now, I would consider myself a good person, but in that situation, I filled her up with my come he goes he
35:46 goes so that girl I was passed out my bedroom she was too drunk to suck my dick but I could mouth fucker he's still he's over and over because I'm a piece of shit yeah maybe cuz you're nurses no but well no I'm kidding I'm kidding but like think about think about a good person like a good person Knows their imperfections is it going to admit when they're imperfect willing to admit when they're wrong And it's funny when retarded guys like this like I don't even feel like retarded guys like this should be allowed to like cross their Legs like that it just looks too sophisticated for them. You know it should be illegal for a retard to like sit like that Yeah, you don't get to look like you have any knowledge in a sweater. You got a little chain.
36:26 You know what I mean? Yeah. I hate people. I hate him. I like the other one though. The other one's really cool. The other guy does seem a little sick. It's like we break it down like already does us.
36:37 We're like, he doesn't do it for me much. The other guy carries the podcast. He must be exhausted from carrying the podcast. A discussion and a conversation and a fight. And that's how you could tell the character of somebody. And I think this is good for a lot of people at home. You might have somebody that you're in a relationship with or just a friend with.
36:55 And when you see someone that can just never do wrong, that always has to be right, is always good, they might be evil. And now when you go to large scale, right? Think about all the great wars in history. What are you talking about, you fucking retarded queer And now when you go to large scale, right? Think about all the, the greatest wars in history. What are you talking about you fucking retarded queer? What are you fucking talking about? He goes, I just want to set the record straight.
37:10 I was the inspiration for Nate on euphoria. And I've lived with that ever since. So some people call me evil. Man. That's done in the name of bad that we now look back a hundred years later, Hitler, anything to them. It was all done in the name of good. They were all good.
37:26 Yeah. In their head they thought they were doing it for absolute good. Yeah. So the trick is to look for someone that truly believes that they are absolutely good. Look at every politician. Yeah. And they're all fucking good. Oh yeah.
37:39 Look at every politician. My dad, my uncle, my grandfather, his wife. What if we... The entire Kennedy lineage. This is a really funny subject. I'll never get over that time my uncle drove off a bridge and killed me. He wasn't evil, that was just a bad situation.
37:54 Do you remember when Uncle Bing jumped off that apartment complex? Do you know how, do you know how? The word Chappaquiddick is like Voldemort in their house. Like we don't say that, We don't say that word. What if we skip to the middle and they're just like, dude, when they're asleep, it's like fine. It doesn't count.
38:10 He's skipping out of five more insta- And she's screaming, no, no, no. And I'm like, shut up whore. And then they skip five more insta- And that's what brought me to this discussion about evil. If they don't know what happened, is it evil? If they can't see it, does it count as evil? Who's the victim? They don't even know what happened.
38:30 Who even fucking cares? You know the term, see no evil. They didn't see me. They were blindfolded. Should we skip ahead to see what they ran over or something? Here's the funny thing about this conversation. When I was young, I used to clog the toilet all the time and then my dad eventually My dad eventually stopped
38:50 My dad can't You grew out of shitting My dad told me he goes he goes John this is something nobody talks about but everybody does is you wipe your ass multiple times with one roll of like bundle of toilet paper We all do that right right? Yeah, I flip it over But nobody ever talks about that. This is something that sounds deep but nobody ever talks about it because it's pointless. Wow, John That's a way deeper conversation Yeah, this is a this is a environmental actually. Yeah, this is a dumb fucking stupid conversation But it just sounds intelligent because they're the only ones who are retarded enough to talk about it.
39:25 Yeah, it sounds very intelligent. Yeah. Yeah. I think about it, because these people, they think they're good probably. They think they're good, yeah. They think they're good, and I've even experienced people in my own life,
39:34 because I was reading about that. It's a famous quote by that guy named Hegel. And I was like, it's so true, because the people in my own life that have really tried to convince me or even almost convinced themselves that they are just the best thing to ever walk the planet Earth
39:50 are usually the worst people. Are usually people that I've seen fuck over a lot of people and still not admit their wrongs. Where I try to explore- Facts. Facts, yeah. Deadass, deadass, yeah. Big facts, dude.
40:00 What's with the Tom Ford box? Deadass facts. What's with the Tom Ford box? I don't know. What do you mean? What's the most appropriately thing placed in Deadass facts. What's with the Tom Ford box? I don't know. What do you mean? What's the most appropriately thing placed in there? Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. I mean to them too, like, you need to be careful with saying this though. Why?
40:14 Because at the same time, you also need to know about the whole amount of station portions. Because I got a lot of dirt on you, man. I got a lot of shit to say about you, man. You better watch your fucking mouth, alright? You better be careful, dude. You're on the Epstein Logs, bro. Because if people knew what I know about you, you'd go, you'd be careful dude. You're on the Epstein logs, bro, because if people knew what I know about you You'd go you'd be in jail, dude Remember when you shot your ex-girlfriend through her window while she was asleep?
40:32 That was a crazy story. You pushed her off the balcony dude. You said she killed herself. You said she killed herself. You pushed herself. You said she killed herself dude. We all knew what happened. We skipped ahead and he goes dude you blamed an owl What the fuck are you talking about? You told me you did it dude. remember when you killed in the Cole Brown Simpson Okay, like if you're sitting there saying like I'm amazing, you know, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be rich one day I'm gonna be famous But that's almost 20 minutes to insec are they talking about? It's insecurities cuz I'm insecure as fuck
41:08 Yeah, I am in relationships fuck yeah, dude, I'm gonna give you another example. Yeah, dude tell me What do you think about doing couples massages with the opposite sex massaging your girl and the opposite sex? Massage me or we naked I Mean, yeah, most massages you have a towel over your ass Not okay with it. Okay with it, right with it. And they'll call you insecure for that. But like, I also don't think. Don't do it. Wait, I also don't think it's OK that I go in there butt naked
41:31 with a young hot girl massaging me. Of course. Because obviously, there's a sexual thing to that. You could be like, oh, no, they're professionals. Dude, that guy is a man with testosterone. And if I have a pretty girl, he's going to be into touching her. And I don't like that. This is like every conversation happening at an exotic rental shop.
41:49 Yeah. Rusnack, Pasadena. Just waiting for their Lamborghini to film a worthless music video with their parents money. Let's skip, uh, and then we'll give up on that because they're good kids. They're good kids. I don't think so. I don't wanna be mean to a couple good kids. I don't wanna be mean to they're good kids. They're good kids. I don't be mean to a couple good kids. I don't be mean to a couple good kids. You know, it's the not so PG podcast and it's not their fault that they get a little not so PG sometimes. It's not so PG. Hey, date rape, not so PG, pal. Fuck! I was like that is not what I meant to say. I was like that is not what I meant to say. More people are coming into the back, by the way. Have you guys noticed this? A gathering is happening behind them.
42:25 There's a blowbag. Yeah, they're about to throw a valet on the barbecue after the podcast ends. How about we go down to Nobu, dude, and we just snatch a Honda and... Because they're little, man. You can just throw them in the trunk. They're tiny, man.
42:41 It's like, well, the Wall Street, when they're throwing that midget on the fucking, on the target That girl didn't talk to me for the rest of you. I would hope that she was really pretty I was very ashamed your dick. I was like I was like dude that came out so wrong She literally just like out you know the unfortunate thing is like we're kind of we're you know Yes, we're kind of shitting on these guys, but like they're not they're actually not as an as I mean They're just dumb and retarded kind of but like they're not did they just get a new fan Come on the show guys do I hear wedding bells
43:13 You know what I mean like they're they're not like insanely offensive They're just two dummies with money that are like it's a retard what if we talk and try and do that too Yeah, it's actually funny cuz it'd be actually a much more entertaining podcast if they were evil. Yeah, I wish they were, yeah, it would be great if they were like, yeah, actually saying that shit. Yeah. Yeah, they're like, dude, I fucking kicked my dad's maid down the stairs last night. Because she smelled. She fucking smells, dude.
43:36 TROP. Once you smell, one floor down, bitch. Yeah, I mean, that's what I'd say. Okay. The dick thing to say. What do you think they said? Dick. Yeah and then I always wanted to hit on her and I never did after that cause I was like I'm such a like. That's just weird. I already just told her I don't care to even know her name. Are they brothers like twins kind of you think? I thought they were
43:55 might be twins. I think they're both Jewish. I think they're friends. I think that's probably what's going on. People just look like each other. They just find each other. They probably met at the gym and they were like bro bro, you look like me, bro. And they're the instant best friends. Like a fucking old spot, you bro. I've seen a lot of friend groups like that where they all kind of look like each other. Yeah, it's very narcissistic.
44:14 If I see someone who fucks someone who looks like them, but you ever seen a couple looks exactly like, oh my God, you just. They found themselves after a night at the club, just both eating the same California burrito and they kissed like ladies in the train. I think we gotta do a pod. That was not so PG of us.
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46:31 code hatewatch at my bookie dot website slash hatewatch. Back to the show. The funny thing is you came up with a joke and been like, wait, what's your name again? Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna move. I'm gonna skip through 40. I have a question for the ladies out there. I bet there's just a guy with a bag over his head
46:48 that's shooting him. And you could even do this with your girls back home or wherever you've been. But for the ladies out there, I want you to ask yourselves this. If nothing were to change about him right now, nothing were to change, he's exactly who he is, would you marry him?
47:04 Wait, what? That's a question I have for the ladies. What do you mean by that? Because a lot of girls wonder like, oh is he the one, is he the one? Here's the thing, here's the, this is the Andrew Schaltzification of uh, of podcasting kind of that, like you know, and Schaltz is obviously like way more talented, he's a talented person. These guys are more handsome. This is like, let me ask, like you know when Schultz kind of does that
47:25 Whole like tries to like pontificate us on it's very simple. Yeah, you know he's like yeah Yeah, dude, I realized the other day like war is just about money He said dude man and women I've noticed the other day many women are like different like fucking Here's the thing like Epstein was fucking using that as leverage bro, against rich people, powerful people. It wasn't just a bow, he wasn't just like a pedophile, dude. But these guys' version of that is like, you have a, dude, they keep the pizzas in a hotbox, they keep it hot. He goes, dude, no, there's a tracker on Domino's. You can see when it's in the oven and when it's in transport.
48:06 You can literally see every step of the delivery, bro. Dude, it's like a little peek beyond the curtain. I fucking hate when that Postmates, when you're looking at your Postmates and it's going the other way and you're like, where are you going? I'm over here. That's the CIA, bro. That's the, they track us just like Domino's
48:24 tracks the pizza Would in this current state the person he is the values he has how he lives his life Would you marry that that person right now? Who are you ask yourself that question if the answer is no all the way might not be the one You see the comments here. They go this one's for the ladies ladies ladies. He might not be the one. Let's see the comments here. He goes, this one's for the ladies, ladies, ladies. If you see me and my friend here, run. Run as fast as you can away from us. And that's just me being a good guy.
48:51 So, Madeline Wettengale6941, you guys are so real true and I love how y'all just say the truth and just don't care how others are at. Damn, damn. Yeah, making noise in my ears is fire. I love when you guys are just talking. You're so real with it all. They're real.
49:06 I love y'all spiritual takes. It's so relatable to mine because why would it not be a simulation to test our souls? I love Pockets guys because I've been through it. What I mean, we are finished. My exes never called me daddy. They always called me Reaper when we made love. What?
49:21 No, that's a real comment? Yep. Yep. Damn. Peter with the accent. Have that guy on the's a real comment? Yep. Yep. Damn. Peter with the accent. Have that guy on the pod. That guy's funny as hell. Reaper needs his own pod.
49:30 Reaper podcast. Also, if you're ever calling you Reaper every time you fuck, that's not good. That's, you are raping that woman. They all independently come to Reaper. They don't even like, he doesn't say one thing. It's the machine from 8mm typing the comments. It's like dude. I killed every woman I Believe we're in a simulation Peter. You're not the only one who thinks this
49:53 Simulation theory is just Judea. It's just Abrahamic religion for fucking nerds. That's all it is I'd love to see you on the podcast in the middle of this and telling them that There's a higher power controlling it. It's his fucking, it's his god, you retell it. I think we should draft a legit email from John, asking if he can do this podcast. Here's the problem. I'll do it right now.
50:16 Here's the problem though, is John would meet them and fall in love with them and be like, okay, you guys actually kick ass. He'd be like, all right, he goes, guys, didn't go to Corner Plan, they're in the bike crew now Yeah, fuck up. They're coming to Mexican Hooters tomorrow Yeah, I feel kind of bad this I thought this guy was like a big deal forty seven thousand subscribers
50:33 But his most popular video is ten thousand views he's paying for so yeah, that's actually not paying Forty seven I heard that doesn't work as well Subscribers are paid for because it's a dumb Retard well you know I mean whatever I you know they're good kids Good kids trying to get a hold of them the good kids I don't know we'll look at it later or the gym trying the best little pod Peter vigilante Italian I guess or it's a fake name more vigilante likely a fake name probably he's like the Punisher. Yeah Likely a fake name. Probably fake name.
51:02 He's like the Punisher. Yeah. He's a Jew. Shout out to the initial comic who had his jokes stolen who got us into the not so PG podcast. New favorite podcast. That's, I liked it. I would actually like to keep listening to more of that.
51:15 I'm gonna keep up with them. I'm gonna keep up with them. Let's have them on. I would. They wouldn't come. I think they're too big. Yeah. They would throw up upon seeing your house, too
51:25 They'd be like, oh, yeah, they'd go you live like this They would take it over they'd ignore us and they'd just be him and Peter go Peter now bro, bro This kind of mess is that actually evil? At this level of a mess, I think that's now evil. So you like you like live inside the corners of your mind You guys see this Joaquin Phoenix exits Todd Haynes gay romance movie days before filming was to begin so the scoop I got on this today is that Joaquin Phoenix Todd Haynes is a brilliant director Joaquin Phoenix was writing a movie with Todd Haynes
52:06 and it was a gay romance movie in like the 20s. It was gonna be like NC-17. He's like a detective, right? Yeah, or something like that. And Joaquin kept writing it to get gayer and gayer and then he wrote him, he made himself afraid with how gay he made it. He wrote it to you gay.
52:23 And then he backed out of the movie because he's like, I don't want to be this gay in a movie. And it was set to film in five days. Everyone's out of a job. It's like a huge blunder. He probably like wrote the script, jacked off to it and then had like the craziest post-nuglarity of all time.
52:36 That's awesome. It's like, this is, I wrote, wait, I went too gay on the writing. No, I fully, I fully think he like, cause he's like a method acting kind of guy. He probably did some gay shit. And he feels really excited feels to get into that himself. Oh god. Yeah, Joaquin Phoenix has exited Todd Haynes planned romantic drama The Untitled project is no longer moving forward after the actor dropped out Just five days before filming was set to begin in Guadalajara, Mexico
52:58 The role will be re will not be recast from the movie that Phoenix had initially brought to Haynes and develop with the Oscar-nominated Filmmaker why not just recast it? Well I actually know yeah because I think yeah why why Joey? It's because the funding relied on a huge star yeah and so they funded it because of Joaquin so they would need some other huge star to star in this very gay NC-17 movie written by Joaquin Phoenix. I feel like they could find somebody pretty easily. A huge star? It wouldn't bring eyes, like if it's not a big guy. Army hammer. It would have to be a huge star, oh yeah, army.
53:28 Army hammer will do it. This is a perfect way to bring him back. He's super gay, he's done the gay thing before, he would bring all the gays back. And be like, good for him. And be like the two towers of homosexuality. Yeah, he's due for a comeback. Army's due for a comeback.
53:40 Get army in there. That's a very good idea. That's a very good pull. Give him all the women's hearts he needs all the ribs he could chew on yeah give him all yeah yeah as much like human foie gras whatever he needs couple finger bones force feed a couple babies get them all fat and throw them on a fucking throw him on a stick for him but I feel like barbecuing a baby. Barbecuing babies. God, it's so fucking, I'm fucking throbbing right now thinking about babies on a barbecue. My cock's about to explode thinking about a barbecue baby.
54:14 God, I want to fucking eat your pussy and throw it in a microwave and throw it in the air fryer. Fuck, anyway, so the timeshare. I'm thinking about lemon pepper babies. If you get the timeshare, you get free tickets to an Alcatraz tour. By the way, I'm gonna make... Props services is like, he's grilling pussy lips. He comes out of it. I'm the grill?
54:35 I'm fucking drooling right now! I wanna fucking cut your tits off and fucking eat them like kebabs! I wanna... Anyway, so the... Mr. Haynes, I think this is illegal what he is doing on a grill. He has a label He's making titty burgers he's slicing the titty up putting it on buzz And making the bugger out of tits. I feel bad for army I'm not kidding. I don't really know what's true about that. It's just nothing
55:05 It was bullshit some funny text. He defended himself well on Piers Morgan I don't I can't remember if we watched I think we did a little bit So yeah, but he defended himself well and Piers was like so argue a cannibal and then he was like He's like, you know what it would take for me to be a cannibal. I would have to eat a human I would have to eat flesh. She's like no it was some sick fantasy that I kinky he pulls out a hand and he starts eating the fingers like a quickspar but I believe him and I forgive him and I'd like to see him back but I liked him he was a really good actor mm-hmm and he seems dope as fuck to me yeah yeah there's something about him also big
55:41 reveal big reveal I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do a big reveal, big reveal, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do a big reveal. Armie Hammer listens to Let Me Party. Are you allowed to say this? No, but I'm gonna do it. And I'll deal with the consequences. I know somebody who's friends with Armie Hammer. And so I know for a fact that he listens to Let Me Party. So he's guilty
56:10 That's crazy, I mean you told you told me that but I didn't know how it was no I know for a fact that it's true. That's I saw proof. That's really well, but yeah, no Yes, we weren't supposed to say it but fucking I can't wait for this reveal to get back to him He's in the Caribbean. he's standing out of tow. He's doing like a spin take. That's cool. He's taking a blood bath and he's like. He's doing like the hostile blood bath
56:38 where there's a woman like on a conveyor belt above him. He takes a scythe and slices her stomach open. He's being drained in blood and he goes, did you say my fucking name on Lemon Party? I'm meant to be in big trouble. He's the man and he's innocent of everything he did. He was just fucking kinky and these bitches can't handle themselves. That's what happened.
56:56 And they're faggots. A lot of people have twisted like crazy sex kinks that they would never actually do. People don't take into account the family he was from too and possibly the abuse he went through. He's from the fucking Armand Hammer. Let's not get too crazy. Armand Hammer or whatever. That was his grandfather.
57:15 His name is Armand Hammer. His grandfather, yeah. I mean these people, imagine like, how does he know how to date? How does Armie Hammer know how to date? You're growing up, you fucking, you bring a regular girl back to your house and you know, your fucking, your rich dad's
57:27 like pushing his wife off the roof, like Robert Durst style. There's all sorts of weird shit happening. There's a blood sacrifice happening in the corner, people have champagne. They're fucking, they're killing a maid, and you go, oh, this is fucked up, I didn't know, I didn't know, we've been.
57:44 Crap, if anything, like grandpa said. We eat people in this family, we're fucking, we have so much money you can't even fucking fathom it. Grandpa, grandma, what am I supposed to do? You know how fucking boring real food, animal meat is? He gets bored quick, I think. Out of the hungry. Yeah, I get it.
58:01 I get it, dude. I fucking get it. I think it's fine. He's the man, dude, he's cool as. It's fine. That's me a billionaire stud You're gonna start eating flush. Yeah, you're gonna eat people Yeah, what else you imagine the succession theme song over silence of the lambs? Yeah, that's his life Cage dad's got his mask on again. Oh He sent a cage. Dad's got his mask on again.
58:24 Oh, is that Buffalo Bill? God damn it. My uncle's throwing jizz on that woman's face again. God damn it. Take your cock out from beneath your thighs. He kind of sounds like Buffalo Bill, okay. He does a little bit. Yeah, it's just like 14 per chance.
58:40 Would you fuck me? Maybe that's where he got inspired. That's right. I want to hire the Sopranos to beat his ass I'd fuck me. Yeah, he's the man. He's fucking awesome higher-handable lecture his heart Yeah, it's bullshit. He's selling timeshares now. That was bull. It wasn't that fake. No, that was real
58:58 But now he's not doing that anymore. I do that anymore. Yeah, I don't know what he's doing Juan Piers Morgan He explained that he's got like a private business venture that he wasn't really allowed to go into. I would love to work for it if he finds this. I would happily volunteer. Oh, volunteer. To pay me zero dollars. He doesn't sound like he's doing too well. He should come on the pod.
59:15 He was the man from Uncle, right? Yeah, the man from Uncle. That was a good movie. Yeah, it was. That was a good fucking movie. You know what else he said on that pod? On Piers, he goes, not the pod, Piers, he goes, a long said on that pod on Pierce? He goes not the pod Pierce. He goes a
59:31 Long chunk of that pod with her show was him saying how he's a the greatest father in the world now Yeah, Betty is and so he's like you're gonna like really trash this guy for being the best dad Mm-hmm. Well, he's trying to keep his kids from me. He goes, you know his friends. Yeah He goes I protect the hive He's also like fucking like amazing and call me by your name. Yeah, he plays a he plays an incredibly charming He's a gay gay statutory radius. He's one of the best actors You know like in this in that generation. I'm comfortable saying they six five No, he's not that tall what a key. He quotes his height in the maybe they made him taller for the movie. But he I think he says six five.
01:00:08 They could be. Yeah. God, what a monster. Man, he goes, I'm six five and there's two of us. Yeah, I guess you're going to fucking fight me. I believe he says he had a sixty seven thousand dollar unpaid balance to Amex. I mean, who does that? That's not that bad. And his first interview after the allegations came to light in which he admits to
01:00:25 being emotionally abusive and shares new details about being massively broke. A police investigation and finalized divorce later he returned to Instagram resumed his life and career. He's currently on a bit of a press run using recent interviews to deny sexual assault and cannibalism allegations. I mean that's a rough press run dude. Like do you eat people? That's crazy. Piers, you're being glib. I will say also Pretty suspicious that he has this like massive Empire Put all this money in his family But they can't get into him legally because he's being sued by so many people because it's just gonna get taken away
01:00:56 Right, and then where does he move the Caribbean? Yeah, the Cayman Islands the one place with offshore bank accounts that will protect your money more than anybody In islands the one place with offshore bank accounts that will protect your money more than anybody So I do kind of suspect that he went there because so we could get money Of course, yeah, he's sleeping in a safety deposit box right what other baking soda company is there? It's can you think of another baking soda brand. I don't think it's that company is it yes It's the Armand Hammer company. He denied that on Club Randall. No no no no he didn't deny What happened was his... He said something like it wasn't right.
01:01:28 His grandfather, they didn't found it. That was an existing company that was very small. And it was Armand Hammer. And his grandfather's name was Armand Hammer. And he went to them, he was a very successful guy. And he goes, I must buy your company. It's my name. So it is the family company, but he didn't found it.
01:01:44 Well, his grandfather was a genius. Yes. Yeah, and he owns the baking soda company Yeah, so it won't go anywhere anytime soon. They're not giving him money. They are pieces of shit Well it goes into that on Club Random to is like you can't take money There's always there's always a cost to taking money. Nothing's free in this world. He has to say that like tax purposes Yeah, yeah So you get to work your ass off to get those little baby arms on that barbecue. Baking soda is very helpful when you want to make like a human eye. If you want to keep those baby arms fresh in your fridge, you got to have the baking soda.
01:02:14 By mid 2020, Army Hammer has been acting for more than a decade and is best known for playing what a terribly written sentence. By mid 2020, Army Hammer has been acting for more than a decade. I mean, Jesus. I mean, generalism. It is kind of crazy. Every article I run across has typos. There's typos, yeah, they don't care at all.
01:02:32 Yeah, it's crazy. And his best over playing a rich asshole and gossip girl, millionaire twins in the social network, and tender tan American man in the Oscar nominee, call him by your name, and also that bizarre video of his son sucking on his toes. Okay, I don't know. Whoa, I didn't know about that.
01:02:45 Get him started young, you know what I'm saying? How old was his son? A little taste for flesh when they were a baby. I don't know, I don't know. Then on July 10th, he and his wife of 10 years, Elizabeth Chambers, announced their divorce in matching Instagram statements. 13 years as best friends, saw mates, partners,
01:02:57 and then parents, Chambers writes, it has been an incredible journey, but together we've decided to turn the page and move on from our marriage. I caught him with a human on the barbecue last night. Uh, they look like they had a lovely, look at him. He's like a classic MySpace picture of them together. That's precious.
01:03:12 Elizabeth Chambers, good for you. The couple have been quarantined in the Cayman Islands, but after announcing the separation, Hammer reportedly moves back to Los Angeles according to legal documents obtained by the blast. Chambers requests primary physical custody of their two children, reportedly promises that she and the kids will soon return to the states.
01:03:27 October 7th, 2020, Hammer takes on a new hobby, home renovation. He just turned into like a construction worker. Ty Pennington now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very good.
01:03:39 Thank you. In an interview with Jimmy Kimmel, he mentions moving back to the states and fixing up an old motel out in the desert with a friend. Do you think I had anything else better going on, he asked Kimmel. October 15th, 2020, Hammer's divorce gets a little murkier and a court filing he requests joint custody,
01:03:52 arguing that he hasn't seen his kids since moving back to Los Angeles. When I asked Elizabeth Wooden, she was coming home, however she first told me that the airports were closed and I informed her, okay, let's get to the eating people. Let's get to the eating people. November 25th, 2020, Hammer's supposed to return to the Cayman Islands to celebrate Thanksgiving with Chambers,
01:04:06 but he's outraged that the turkey is of a turkey. It's made of a turkey. Has made his way to another state. It's okay, Hammer tweets this, I'm not sure if it's relevant, 2020 was going to kneel down before me and kiss my feet because this year I'm the boss of my own year. 2020 was a cheap shot, no one was expecting.
01:04:20 Now I know what we're up against, and it's time to go to war. Know thy enemy, know thyself, and exploit the differences. Hell yeah. Whoa. Into that. Weird tweet about a virus.
01:04:28 Also weird to say like to kiss my feet. Weird to like start a big beef with them. Also saying kiss my feet when there's like a public video of your baby kissing your feet. Not great wording. An anonymous woman at House of Effie comes forward on Instagram January 12th 2021 and claims to have had a four year long affair with hammer during which she says he sent her graphic and violent text about Cannibalism rape fantasies and his desire to drink her blood She publishes a collection of texts and screenshots who reportedly received from hammer and also messages that reportedly came from his other exes rude bitch
01:05:01 Fucking fucking Keep it keep it in the house. Women approached me with their affair stories as we talked, overwhelmed with grief for days and nights without sleeping or eating with some ending up in the ER, she writes in one Instagram story. Shut the fuck up. Fucking, you want to be in the ER? You a bitch.
01:05:15 What, over what? Aw, he sent me back tags. A day later, Hammer voluntarily exits the J.Lo movie Shotgun Wedding and is replaced by Josh Duhamel. I'm not responding to these bullshit claims, but in light of the vicious and spurious online attacks against me, I cannot in good conscience now leave my children for four months
01:05:34 to shoot a film in the Dominican Republic, he tells Variety. Lionsgate is supporting me in this, and I'm grateful to them for that. Yeah, I love Lionsgate. Lionsgate is always there for you. Lionsgate, so supportive, so personal. I wish my grandpa was more like Lion's Gate.
01:05:50 You are. You come from such a family that is so cold. You go, I just I mean, Miramax was there. I wish my grandfather was dead. I wish my grandfather was more like Harvey Weinstein. Courtney Vusek, Covich, an app founder who says she dated Hammer 2020 from June to October alleges to Page Six that the actor subjected her to emotional abuse. Not real.
01:06:10 Sexually coerced her and made her feel unsafe. Emotional abuse is fake. Unsafe. Take it up with the person. Small brain. Take it up with the person. Show me a bruise or shut up. Shut up, toddler.
01:06:22 Keep going. Put a bandaid on your brain, retard. Don't care. Either take it up with them or you keep being a emotional punching bag. Stand up for yourself, whore. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha climbing horn he did some things with me that I wasn't comfortable with for God knows what reason he can what reason he's a fucking animal motivation he did a lot of things I wasn't comfortable with playing this podcast lemon party making me listen on road trips. Forgot.
01:07:08 The sound of Ben Avery's voice would make me quiver and crum. He's like Ben's getting fat. Yeah. Yeah. He would break into my room at two a.m. and be like, Chase is doing electric magnets on his fucking head. I don't know what's going on.
01:07:21 For God knows what reason he convinced me that these things were okay and he put me in some dangerous situations where I was not okay, where he was heavily drinking and I wasn't drinking that way and it scared me. I didn't feel comfortable, Vusekovic says. She doesn't confirm the authenticity of House at Effy's post, but their claims are similar.
01:07:36 January 15, 2021, what a week for him. More screenshots start proliferating online, this time screenshots from Hammer's secondary Instagram account, including several photos and videos of women in bondage. Not illegal, many shops in a lot of cities with selling handcuffs and basically, one of my favorite stories is there's a bondage shop
01:07:56 in the Me Too movement, there was a bondage shop on Sunset, they sell like handcuffs and- Is that a rough trade? Rape stuff basically, and they had a big sign out front that said stop rape culture It's like well you guys you're selling chlorophyll like you sell Yeah in a few now resurface interviews from the years leading up to 2020 hammer also discussed his pension for BDSM In one caption hammer complains about having to stay in the Cayman Islands because my ex for a very good reason is refusing to Come back to America with my children
01:08:26 He continues there are a few silver linings like fucking miss Cayman again while I'm down there. Oh, that's so fucking sick What was fucking this Cayman Islands? He's fucking like a Miss Universe fucking contender. Is there a miss Cayman Island? Yes, dude. He's the man. He's the coolest guy of all time. Yes. He's bragging He's like a my fucking ex-wife won't come down here But I'm fucking a Miss Universe contender fuck her like that's great He's the coolest guy ever crazy Hammer confirms the account is his own he's forced to apologize to the real miss Cayman and the miss Cayman islands universe committee I would like to clarify that the person in my video which was stolen from my private Instagram is not miss Cayman
01:09:00 Whatever fuck it. It was still cool. I am genuinely sorry for any confusion my foolish attempt at humor may have caused He's hilarious., he's funny He is funny He should go on the not so PG podcast. Yeah Okay, here we go here gets into some some some stuff 24 year old ex-girlfriend of hammers dated him for four months in 2020 corroborates his ex's stories the rent sells page 6 that hammer allegedly Branded and bruised her sexually coerced her and took graphic photos of her without her consent.
01:09:28 I have gotten a DM saying, army had sent me photos of me tied up that I didn't know about. I didn't even know the photos existed or what they look like. Well, you got tied up. But you're not saying you just woke up tied up. There's pictures of you tied up
01:09:42 because you you willfully got tied up. You know what you look like Yeah, he would talk about it like a traditional BDSM relationship, but it wasn't this was way outside and beyond that okay Let's stop this fucking sexual liberation bullshit. What the fuck is a traditional BDSM relationship? Yeah, what is traditional? Shut the fuck up. What does that mean? Let's stop this shit hammers lawyers denied it saying all of it was completely conceptual It was hammer exits another project this time paramounts the godfather spinoff the offer well Thank God that that hope is that how hope that God that's not happening
01:10:13 Yeah, or no, maybe it did I think I'm gonna happen already already happened. It was about the making of the godfather with miles teller No one watched that yeah the making of the godfather with miles teller interesting Yeah, the making of The Godfather with Miles Teller. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. In an Instagram post, Chambers writes that she supports all victims of assault abuse and asks for kindness. I didn't realize how much I didn't know. The LA Police Department begins investigating Hammer, although this won't be revealed until a little later. We can confirm that Armie Hammer is the main suspect in her alleged sexual assault investigation that was initiated February 3rd of this year. Hammer releases more projects, checks into rehab. What is the rehab?
01:10:45 Like, they fuckin' They're trying to wean him on to turkey. Yeah, they feed you real food. They're like, hey listen, you got some ground beef here. He's like, is this you, turkey? He gets dropped by WME. We're like, we're giving him pork because it's the closest thing we have.
01:11:01 Okay, here we go. Vanity Fair publishes a bizarre bombshell article on the Hammer family, outlining Hammer's upbringing in the Cayman Islands and revealing multiple disturbing details about his relatives. His grandfather, for instance, allegedly killed a man and cites his Los Angeles home over a gambling debt and supposed advances on his wife's life. That sounds awesome. That sounds like the coolest guy of all time. So, his grandfather... fucking rules.
01:11:20 His grandfather's a real G. At a press conference with women's rights attorney Gloria all red a little named Effie She stinks possibly the same woman behind the house of Effie account although already doesn't confirm this comes forward and alleges that hammer Violently raped her over the course of four hours. He raped Gloria already No, no the Effie in April 2017. I thought that he was going to kill me if he's got stamina I'll say that for hours for hours my god taking his blue chew I mean, he's got stamina. I'll say that for hours for hours. My god taking his blue chew Almost like he was a man. They're not sponsored the show. So I just
01:11:53 He's dropped from the million dollar spy. He exits the cast of the Broadway show the minutes Which was about how much time he had left in his career? At the very end of May hammer reportedly leaves the Cayman Islands and checks into a treatment facility in Florida for drug alcohol and sex issues Okay, okay boring. What's the latest year on this thing? Let's get down to the very bottom. He's the cool sky. We gotta do this corner We still got a corner. I'm gonna piss. So this is him working at the timeshare No, because America American Express says he owes over 60 grand people reports that the credit card company is suing hammer for $66,000 of unpaid purchases, balanced transfers, and her cash advantages on his account.
01:12:28 He opened the account in 2011 according to TMZ, the account with almost 67,000 unpaid statements going with Elizabeth Chambers. That's not a lot. In an interview with Airmile in his first two years, the disgraced actor who mentioned being emotionally abusive and maintains that his sexual encounters were consensual. He claims that Effie, who accused him of rape,
01:12:42 planned all the details of the alleged rape over Facebook Messenger, which he describes as a consensual non He claims that Effie, who accused him of rape, planned all the details of the alleged rape over Facebook Messenger, which he describes as a consensual non-consent scene. Good for you for fighting back. Although Hammer says there was an imbalance of power in his relationships with accusers Courtney Vasek, blah, blah, blah, and Paige Lorenz, he denies their respective allegations
01:12:57 of bodily harm and grooming. He then alleges a pastor sexually abused him at the age of 13. Classic Spacey defense! Oh, I didn't know you were Spacey. Kinda, you know how spacey was like. Oh yeah, that is a spacey, I just didn't know we did that. You go, no, I'm not gonna.
01:13:09 I got molested. You go, no, I'm a rapist, cause I'm gay. Ha ha ha ha. Job wise, he says he's working as a sober companion after his timeshare gig last summer got him sucked into an immigration investigation. That's so funny. He's like, he's getting kicked out of countries
01:13:25 Over his non-existent work permit in his own words my financial status is I am not only broke I am massively in debt after the allegations surface He claims he attempted suicide while quarantining in the Cayman Islands in 2021 That same year. He says Elizabeth Chambers asked her a strange. I tried to eat myself I bit my own wrist myself to death. I bit my own wrist. Uh, groomed, uh, Chambers alleges that, oh, so his ex-wife even? Chambers alleges that Hammer groomed girls when he was 15 and describes him as a psychopath.
01:13:54 Fake. Each. Fake. Scorned lover. If he was just a lemon party, this could be true. Elizabeth Chambers says she learned about the cannibalism in sex. Chambers alleges that he took his inspiration from and sex abuse and cannibalism. At the same time. Chambers alleges that he took his inspiration
01:14:06 from Devin Costner, a man who had been getting away with it for years. I was like, there are no words, what the fuck, she tells Ellie in an interview. Chambers declines to comment on Hammer's airmail interview with sexual interest or his own life. I support Armie through his journey and I always will. Wait, what?
01:14:21 You just said he fucking groomed women and ate people. And I support his journey and I always will. She's attacking him though She often thinks about how this will affect the children's lives or my son to become this what I want my daughter to stay in a relationship like this interesting The early district attorney's office did not press charges because he's innocent. Yeah, he's fine by the way I've been trying to get a hold of them about my my serial killer
01:14:41 Yeah, is it was your see was it a guy was it the guy the serial killer? It had to be him they brought me down to the station they showed me a lineup with him in it and I've been trying to get a hold of the goddamn DA person like they were in the real people no just a picture lineup catching really cool was a usual suspect I would have fucking love Vanessa del Toro Jared how I would have I would have just been going like I need like 30 more minutes to look at them Yeah, just I'm soaking you go in a museum you go standing there you go. What's your selfie policy at the lineup?
01:15:12 I go guys get a big for me All right, here's the fence with the whole baby thing with Piers was good What do you say at a cute fat little baby? I want to eat you up. That's his yeah Yeah He did What do you say? Looking at a cute fat little baby, I want to eat you up. That's his... Yeah!...his defense. Yeah. He did a good... He looked good on Piers, I think.
01:15:29 You can't eat a couple people. What's the point? I mean, Jesus. Should we nail this corner? I guess. Do the song, Devon. Already did it. No, do it again.
01:15:37 One eight seven seven Connors... Put a goddamn turner! Put a song! Turn on the one eight seven seven... Look up YouTube. One eight seven seven cars for kids song God you're getting lazy on these songs Put the instrumental of 1877 cars for kids there you go
01:16:06 One eight seven seven, Connors Comedy Corner. It's Connors Comedy Corner. Write a tight five, take it down to the open mic tonight. Get a couple laughs, hang with a few rapists. It's the comedy world. And it's full of homeless people, trans people, and rapists. Doot doot. Holy shit. Doot.
01:16:35 Maybe when you're 45, you'll get the bright idea to move to New York and start way too late. You'll get booked on a couple bar shows. Nothing will happen for you. Then you'll hang yourself. Oh my god, that was so cute. You nailed it, buddy. Holy shit, that might be your best song.
01:17:02 You're being all bashful about it. Welcome to Connor's Comedy Corner. I did not want to even do this. Of course not. Nobody wants these. Okay, here we go. Here we go. First question. Hey, Connor. What's on your rider for the green room? Brass kn knuckles a baseball
01:17:25 bath and a defenseless old man to kill in the woods? That's a great fucking question. And then he says just kidding but actually what do you think makes a good green room and what makes a terrible one and What do you actually request if you can from Joe Hess? I've never had a rider. I'm not a successful stand-up comedian Yeah, I a good green room. I don't fucking know beer. Yeah, it's some beer back there in a fucking bath a bathroom They're a good bathroom a bathroom. It's crucial to DC. There was a fucking nightmare It's a nightmare these walking the fucking audience crowd to get to the you guys are gay Three water bottles. Nobody cares. I pissed in three water bottles backstage.
01:18:05 You pissed in a water bottle then stepped on a rat trap. I stepped on a rat trap and then I left the water bottles behind like the radiator or whatever and I just panicked. And they haven't, I've done that club like four times, they've never once cleaned it. It's gonna, they'll be there till they close out. They're still there. They're still there. If you think this basement is dirty you should see that green room. Next question, does Connor pursue a setup career
01:18:27 and constant fear that when, not if, They're all by Kane. He makes it, yeah, everyone will find out that he brutally killed a disabled man in the woods. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I knew they'd all be about Kane. I knew Joe was gonna cherry pick the questions and be like I'm picking the camp. I'm just giving the questions No, I don't live in fear of it and I think if anything they will cherish me and they'll champion me
01:18:55 You live in fear of being on this podcast or saying crazy transit that trans racist stuff. Not at all at all. Okay. It's like Frost Nixon. Mist out fire over here. Next question. From Logan Kibros. How does he come up with this material? That's so funny of Logan. How do you answer serious?
01:19:22 I'm not going to answer serious. This is a corner. You must answer steal I steal material from vaguely looking trans people on Instagram And then I just yeah, god damn you what give a serious answer. What do you mean? I will say something funny conversationally I'm not answering that seriously Give a right with a bed. No, All you got is a Ben and a bad. All you got is a Ben and a bad and a bad. Okay, we'll see. Come on, Dad.
01:19:49 Next question. How would you compare Don Rickles to modern comedians and the Dean Martin Rose of the 70s to things now? He's Tony Hinchcliffe. That's what I think. No. Don Rickles is Tony Hinchcliffe. Dude, stop.
01:20:03 I'm kidding. I'm fucking around, obviously. Jesus Christ. I don't know, he's great! Don Rickles is Tony and Twitter. Dude, stop. I'm kidding. I'm fucking around obviously. Jesus Christ. I don't know. He's great. Don Rickles is a legend. Is he like way better though than any like current guy? I guess that's obvious. He's way better than all roast guys. Well, he invented, he pioneered it. So it's like yeah, he's better than everyone in here. Bottom line is he roasted the mafia. Yeah, exactly. He's the bravest guy. He's fucking awesome. Yeah, he's the bravest guy he's fucking awesome yeah he's great next question Connor have you given any thought to the fact that to make a successful comedian like Matt Rife you need to give up your boy pussy to
01:20:36 Hollywood bigwigs seems like a small small sacrifice for a lifetime of achievement your thoughts for Preston? Would I fuck my way to the top, that's the question? Yeah. But be certain, no, okay, hang on though. Let's give you a scenario where somebody, there's like a big executive from Netflix or something. 30 mil. Yeah, and it's like essentially like
01:21:00 you're going to get 30 mil. Let's say 30 mil. And have to get fucked in the ass. Yeah, buy this big exec. No. What? Good for you, buddy. I don't believe that. I would suck a to get 30 mil. Let's say 30 and I get fucked in the ass. Yeah by this big exact. No For you, but I don't believe that I would suck a dick for 30 mil, but I'm not getting fucked in the Would you suck a dick? I think I would yeah 30 mil sick, but I would do that and you don't give me a special either I'll just suck your dick for 30 million fuck your mouth. Who the fuck wouldn't suck a dick. Yeah Homophobic are you? Yeah, that's good point. Yeah, what would they fuck my mouth?
01:21:23 Yes, what do you agree? I mean, what's my mouth is around that cock you do whatever you want. I guess damn All right, I'm not gonna start getting bashful once you're done. I wouldn't this would not be career motivated whatsoever I wouldn't do that for a special I would do that just for the Okay, so there's a briefcase. No no I guess I so we can skip it, but I guess the idea was oh This is a comedy opportunity that probably would lead, you know, a special that would lead to 30 mil somehow. Anyways, you'd suck and fuck the whole team. Okay, here's another question.
01:21:53 Ask him if he started doing the hand thing before or after he saw Shane Gillis from Logan Kiro's again. Oh, wow. Logan, you cocksucker. Whoa, Logan. Now, me and Logan talked about the hand thing and how annoying that is. People became fans of Shane
01:22:12 and they think he invented holding the mic like this. So I've seen it on like my buddy Willie Simon. I've seen comments under his thing being like Shane Gill his hands. I'm doing it right now. Yeah. I can't help it. I've been doing it kind of like-
01:22:23 You've kind of always done it. I've always done it. Josh's impression of me back today was me just doing this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah It's like a Philly thing. I'm not I think it's like a weird you started that thing from Philadelphia. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, Shane Gillis ends the comment that pisses me off so much I didn't invent holding the microphone with two fucking hands Yeah, Logan said I'm writing all these because I asked them for more questions And he goes, okay. Yeah, I'm just trying to think of questions like that. I would hate
01:22:52 Okay next question What is your single favorite Santa joke from any comic ever from spots the butler? I Don't know dad, what about you? I mean, that's a tough one. It's impossible. You know what set I go back to a lot that makes me really laugh personally is Rory Scovel's first Conan set. Where he comes out, fully does like a southern accent, he has a beer in his hand.
01:23:22 I love that. Okay. You think of a joke from it? Yeah, he does a whole joke about just Lunchables that I love so much. It's not even like, it's the whole package though. So I don't know, a single joke, I mean like, Patrice is like, isn't that better?
01:23:33 Like that's an all-timer, that's probably one of the best jokes. I think I was gonna say that. I was gonna say Patrice's women, you know, like isn't that better, isn't that better? Nobody asked you, Devin. Nobody cares. And then I'd say, Only Connor.
01:23:45 Louis' Cinema Classics set. No one cares about yours. I mean, I think as far as getting hit hard by a joke I liked, I mean, just Louis opening up Chewed Up, I mean like, Faggots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next country, next country, nobody cares.
01:23:59 And Phoenix or Phoenicians, shut up, Faggots. I think Doug Stanhope's Fuck the Jews is one of the most- No shock there. Like, ballsy and craziest. Well, no, it's such a crazy- Shut up faggot. I think Doug Stan hopes fuck the Jews is one of the most like no shock. They're crazy Well, no, it's such a crazy even heard the joke just likes the title. Yeah. No, I don't I don't have anything I don't care what is That was a bit Okay, next question
01:24:18 I'm curious if Connor has wrote racist jokes in his head that he won't perform Connor has wrote racist jokes in his head that he won't perform because he's scared his girlfriend will get mad. This is from my favorite guy, this Mexican dude, former Marine Combat Engineer Yaren. I don't know if that's a- Clearly hasn't seen my set. I've just- Have you ever held back? No, not really.
01:24:38 No, Yaren, he has not. I really haven't. Okay. Please has. A whole bit about how they're fat. Like I just talked about the mean fat as shit. There's a wild idea out there that I've seen online. We're like Connors like the liberal on the show or whatever That's crazy. He's just he goes. He's sitting here listen. He's doing all of this with us in what world is he safe? It's very funny. I mean like how is he being safe? Connors an empathetic nice guy
01:25:01 Yeah, and it's like we'll just confuse that being a cock Yeah, people are so intense that being a cuck. Yeah. People are so intense that if you're not also insane like them, they're just like, okay, Liv. Yeah. I think that guy would like my stand up. I think that guy, if he came to see me, he'd like it a lot, yeah.
01:25:14 Oh, he would. That guy loved you. Connor did say the other day though, that I said Kamala and he goes, it's Mamala. That was weird when he said sorry Please ask sir Connor if it is easier to tell jokes wearing just a regular but plug Or if one with a tail on it makes it easier from dad breakfast Well, the easy thing is do is you put a like a vibrating panties on me and I give an audience member the control to vibrate
01:25:51 Me and they zap you whenever they want Dan Breck is I think he that guy used to sell cars and he was he was talking To me about cars like a year ago little sedan talk little little sedan thought maybe you're getting a new sedan We're going we're go into that next step Next question final question right a question. What are some tips for being a great member of the audience from CG? Just laughs just laughs. Yeah, I do Yeah, just have a good time and laughs I didn't have the best questions on that cuz I did it last minute. But yeah do the song again Music I gotta do it again. Yeah, come on. It was so good. I loved that You came here to be a star.
01:26:48 Soon you'll be dead on the street. It's Connors Comedy Corner. Write a couple jokes, take em out. Join a community of other people. I don't know man, I'm so sick of thinking. a community of other people I don't know man I'm so sick of thinking That was good dude That was good I'm not even kidding
01:27:14 I fucking loved that I could listen to that all night Lovely Alright We love you folks Love you guys Love you guys Kick out Jockweed Yeah Yeah Jockweed new patreon tears and Hollywood
01:27:27 Hey watch we'll have that up there, too We got Hollywood hey watch coming and also we got some video content on the way. We're planning that actively. We have jock week Will be released soon. Yeah, and I was thinking another movie cuz you brought David Ayer earlier I think the tax collector. Mm-hmm good Haywatch. That's a good one. I thought Casino Royale as your favorite film. No, it's a good fucking movie. You can't, you can't. Look at him go crazy.
01:27:51 No, but it's gotta be a category of like dog shit. We make fun of bad movies. I just want you to talk about how much you love. We can needle you about Casino Royale. I want you to wear a tuxedo. I do like the idea of me wearing a tuxedo when you watch Casino Royale, but I don't know. To me, I'm like, there's not a lot of jokes to make about casino, right? I'm not sure
01:28:07 Whatever dude. We'll figure it out. There's gonna be a lot of good stuff We'll put more thought into it and then it's gonna be we have a stellar first movie a stellar first movie We're not gonna reveal it, but it's yeah fucking knockout. I know what it is Yeah, we all know what it is, but we're gonna kill it all right. We love you folks
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