Hey Riddle Riddle - #357: Mumble Jerry & Drumple Teazus

Episode Date: May 21, 2025

If you like riddles and improvised scenes inspired by those riddles, then this is the episode for you! Because today, we do them. Riddles, I mean. Sure, it's not a lot of them, but they are riddles and they do get done. And then scenes happen shortly after! The premise for the podcast completes itself.Come see us on tour!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. The new McRispy Strip is here. Dip approved by ketchup, tangy barbecue, honey, mustard, honey mustard, Sprite, McFlurry, Big Mac sauce, double dipped in Buffalo and ranch, more ranch, and creamy chili McRispy Strip dip. Now at McDonald's. Ba da ba ba ba. Pop pop George Santos.

Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop George Pop pop George Santos Santos Claus Santa Claus George Santos Claus wrote a bad check for killing a dog Just as a heads up Casey has been putting shit like this before the episode starts

I don't know if people have been checking in. If we say any nonsense before the recording. And honestly, I support it, Casey, it's funny. It's funny when you do that. All right. But this comes out so far in the future that George Santos is probably, he's already probably like found dead in his jail cell, so we love the word. And same with us as well, probably.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey. Oh, the Denver Goldfish. with us as well probably. Excuse me, are you here to see the live taping of the Hey Riddle Riddle podcast? Yes, I am. I have a ticket here. Great.

Thank you so much. Very excited. And I'm actually in the show. Oh, Mr. Raffae, it is always a pleasure. Please, my friends call me Shokey. Oh, um, isn't that your dad's name? Did you know that? What's that?

Isn't that your dad's name? Isn't that my dad's name? Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be asking you questions, because you're asking the questions today. Is that my dad's name? Huh? Is that my dad's name? I think so. What shouldn't be asking you questions because you're the you're asking the questions today, huh? Is that my dad's name? I think so. What's my middle name? Shokey? Okay But I think in Arab culture sometimes your dad's name becomes your middle name

Sometimes in Arab cultures your dad's name becomes your middle name. So I have my ticket pulled up and I'm just sort of waiting for you to scan Ma'am, I'm talking to one of the stars of the show. I don't wanna interrupt you, I just also, I kinda have to pee, so. So I get a middle name, and then somehow my dad's name becomes my middle name? Mm-hmm. So my dad shows the name Shokey, and then it was like, oh fuck, I forgot.

Now, I'm called Shokey. Can I just walk in? No. So you can see my tickets on my phone. No, because you have to be photographed next to, we actually brought in some penguins and put them in baseball gear, just as like a fun stunt. The penguins are actually biting a lot of people,

but we do have to look at the photo. Yeah, they look really upset. They're pissed. Wait a second, in the email, the penguins are supposed to be dead. These are supposed to be stuffed penguins. Ma'am, I see your face. We weren't gonna kill penguins. These are existing the penguins are supposed to be dead. These are supposed to be stuffed penguins. Ma'am, I see your face. We weren't gonna kill penguins.

These are existing dead penguins. Why are you using air quotes when you tell me this? Oh shit, I forgot that people can see me in real life. Usually I just do that on the podcast that I get away with. Okay, can we give her the dead penguin treatment? Can we? Make way, make way. Well, my name is Aaron and I'm here to say make way

Actually, I am gonna head home. I Can't do this man. I can't no no co-host Aaron Keefe is right behind you. Yeah, I know see you guys later Well, that was rude. I was kind of crazy and rude. Hey, JPC's here. JPC, hey. Wow. What's name's JPC? JPC calling something crazy and rude,

it really must have been crazy and rude. Where do I park my horse? Right here. Well, disclosure, the horse is horny. Puts out fist. Park your horse right here, puts out fist. That is something Addle would say. Yeah. Yes, Addle would say,

fisting a horse, of course. You know what JPC would say? JPC would say, hey, it's JPC, welcome to Hey, Riddler Riddler, that's Addle. And over there is Aaron Keefe. Help. No, no, no, no, no help for you. Okay.

No help for you. You know what? From today's episode, call me Shokey. Okay. No, help for you. You guys, go ahead. From today's episode, call me Shokey. Okay. Call me Shokey. Erin, what were you gonna say? I love that song. When the sun, I love that song.

I was going to say, I had one of the best nights of my life recently. Oh. Wait, Erin, was this the magical 24 hours that we spent together? Oh, no. Oh wait Erin was this the magical 24 hours that we spent together? Oh no. Oh. I actually contacted a priest after those 24 hours and I asked him if hell could be on earth and he said yes. Hey if you could call someone you should have called a locksmith to get those fucking handcuffs off okay I don't know I don't know why you weren't calling anybody. You think I had a great time? Me handcuffed to Erin on her phone the whole fucking time.

Yeah, to try to Google how to get out of handcuffs. Try to Google. All right then. Whatever. How was your night? Whatever. So I went, and Adolf, you would have loved this. I went to a community theater production of Cats.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I took an edible and I went to a community theater production of Cats. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I took an edible and I went and I had, I beamed up to space is what happened. And now Cats is stuck in my head. It was, it was so fun. The people, I went with like seven people and everyone just decided to have the time of their lives. And everyone, we were all dancing, we were enthusiastic.

We bought cat ears for $3. Oh, at the place, at the show? At the show. Wow, smart. You guys, it was a jellicle ball. I had the time of my life. I did. A lot of these seven people I had not met before.

And two moments happened that made me laugh so hard. At the intermission, I was like, I was the only one who was like really high, right? Everyone else was sort of high on life. And they're like, well, you're plugged into something that we probably can't see in this production. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I'm really in it. I really feel like they're cats or cats.

The matrix. But also I was like, I, I mean, I'm really in it. I really feel like they're cats or cats. The matrix. But also I was like, I feel like I know what choreography is coming next. I'm experiencing time in sort of a different way. Wow. Currently. So I felt like if anyone were to have gotten hurt, I would have known what to do.

So I was sort of on that level. And at the intermission, this woman- Wait a second. Yeah. What does that mean? Well, me on the someone gets hurt, you know what, are you saying like you know cat CPR? What's going on? No, no, like if someone were to get hurt on stage

I could take over for them. Oh, you could, okay, gotcha. Oh, okay, that makes sense. That's the big concern. Have you ever seen. I'm a vet. Like a live event if someone gets hurt on stage, the big concern is how do we keep the show going? Yes, of course.

Well, I'm a vet so I could treat the cats that are on the stage. A woman that I had not met before, I'm in a row of people, and everyone's like, who's your favorite cat? And I go, well, right now, I think it's Mongo, Jerry, and Rumpletizza, and she went, huh? Wait, this is a- Did she mean like breed,

or what did she mean? No, like a cat in the show, but I like mumble generally. And then also I said those words and I felt so neck exposed, embarrassed and I was like, no, you're right. The sounds I'm making are nonsense sounds. Aaron, say those two names again, as if you are high out of your mind. Who are your favorite cats?

Right now it's probably mumble, Jerry and Drumple Teezus. Okay, I hear it. Yeah. Mumbo, Jerry and Drumple Teezus. It made me laugh. I have not stopped thinking about her going, huh? I was like, yeah, that makes sense. Cause I'm saying nonsense words.

What is a Jellicle choice, Erin? A Jellicle ball. What is a Jellicle choice? I don't know what a Jellicle choice is. Cause don't at the Jellicle ball? What is a Jellicle choice? I don't know what a Jellicle choice is. Cause don't, at the Jellicle ball, don't they make a Jellicle choice? Oh, well they're choosing who gets to go to heaven and they're deciding with cat.

Is that the Sophie's choice reference? And there's a cat that's like a bajillion years old that's like an acting cat. Oh, Dan Judy did. That Ian McKellen played in the movie. Acting cat, so what does that mean? Like the cat got sick and they're like, okay, we're gonna designate you acting cat.

He's like a lone survivor? He did plays and stuff. And his introduction, he's like literally begging to die. He's like, I'm so old, I've been around for so long. But then they send the cat that used to be beautiful, but now is ugly and old. James Judi Dench. No, James Judi Dench does not die at the end. It's like the Jennifer Hudson cat,

who sings memory, gets sent to heaven at the end of the show. It's cats. You guys, it's cats. They all introduce themselves, and then one of the cats goes to heaven. Based on a book of poems. Cats.

You forget that because like LA is like where the professionals go to do, you know, acting in the movies and the TV shows, that they also have community theater there as well. It seems like the one place in the world where you wouldn't need that. Cause you're like, whatever community you did the theater in, you leave that and then you come to LA to do the other thing.

But it's fun because it exists everywhere. They're not getting paid. So it's people who have, like, other jobs. That is fun. You know. That's so cool. Aaron, that's so cool. Right.

Here's what I think. I think LA is so cool. It's fun. They like it. They like it there. That's not what I meant. That's not what I meant. It's fun for them because they don't get any money for it. So it's like play. It. It's fun for them because they don't get any money for it. So it's like play.

It's like all play for them. Erin, you sound like Hitler. Casey, beep Hitler. Don't let me be saying Hitler. Erin, you sound like Hitler. Go to the zoo with Erin and she's like, the monkeys are so happy. This is like their natural habitat.

They're thrilled. No, I'm saying this is not something that like actors who are like, they're not trying, this is not like actors who are working in LA. They're like. Wow. You guys get what I'm saying. They're doing it for the love of the game.

They love it. Wow. Ugh. I'm digging in a deeper, deeper hole. I get it, I hear it. I think LA is so saturated with success and celebrity that it's gone back the other way. Because it's like you can walk into any restaurant

and see John Ham and Rosie Perez clinking glasses. They love restaurants, those two. They love little dums. Big restaurant heads. So when you can see anybody you have ever seen in your life anywhere on the street, it's now fun to go see like bad productions. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But I will say, when the hottest guy from your hometown. Go ahead. When the hottest guy from your hometown moves to LA. Clark. Everyone can't be next to there. So that means it's Clark.

So that means now they have to have like the hottest guy you've ever seen digging holes and stuff. Cause you're like, we gotta have a guy digging holes. And've ever seen digging holes and stuff because you're like we gotta have A guy digging holes and you know, you're it doesn't matter that you're like a hot good-looking guy You got to dig holes and I got a bunch a whole town full of hot guys digging holes Shia LaBeouf Shia LaBeouf Truly digging his own hole For a while now if you were in that production, thank you for a great night of theater

I think it has got to be my top three favorite nights in LA. Wow. I had the best time. Okay. I'll be a patron of this theater moving forward. I would like to see, you know, let's harken back to classic comedies like Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

I wanna see a movie that's Erin Keefe high out of her mind. And the whole movie is just her trying to make it through the night. And at some point she gets wrapped up into a community theater production of cats. Somebody gets injured, she has to go on. It's a show stopper standing o. Yeah, what's right this movie?

You think I could win an Oscar for this? No. No? So Seth Rogen grew up and now we don't get to see screwball weed comedies anymore? No. We should still get him. We just need a new Seth Rogen. He can't do don't get to see screwball weed comedies anymore? No! We should still get him! We just need a new Seth Rogen.

He can't do it, he's got gray hair. But we need... We need screwball weed comedies. Yeah... Uh... It's me. I'm the new Seth Rogen. I'm obviously the natural successor.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, well... Erin, let's hear your goofy ass laugh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, that'll do. That'll do. Wow.

Damn. Anyways. She looked like Dave Franco, but she laughed like Seth Rogen, the full package. Just like Dave Franco, Erin. What's up, guys? Riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems or? She's reading our description.

She's reading the description of the podcast. Three Chicago comedians who are friends, no. We gotta update that. Hasn't been true in a long time. I had an embarrassing, what I thought would be like a fun moment but turned out to be kind of an embarrassing moment upstairs just moments ago. Well, we have a nanny that comes in a couple times a week,

mostly because I only work a little bit a week, and so I need somebody to cover me when I'm working. But I was coming downstairs to, I was getting a coffee and coming downstairs to get a coffee. And I saw that our nanny was drinking out of a coffee mug that said, world's best dad. And I said, oh, interesting. So you're the world's best dad, huh? And she said, well, the only other mug in there said, don't talk to me until I've had my mug full of piss.

And I said, OK, well, you know, I did forget. Back to work. I got to go. I was like, exit stage right. And I could proudly say, I think I bought you that mug. And I did say to her, I did forget. Back to work. I gotta go. I was like, exit stage right. And I could proudly say, I think I bought you that mug. And I did say to her, I did say, just so we're clear, I have never purchased a mug. All of the mugs in this house are mugs

that people gave to me. That's worse. That means people were thinking about you specifically when they gave you a mug. That's not necessarily what that means. I can't stress enough. I think our merch store would be wildly successful if we combine those two ideas and made world's piss dad.

Because world's number one dad, what is number one? Peeing, world's piss dad. World's piss dad. What about a cup that says world's best dad and there's a little asterisk and then the cup on the other side says at drinking piss. All right, look in our merch store today, that should be up everybody.

If you want to report us to T-public. I'm the world's best at drinking piss dad. I honestly could be the best at that. That seems like a low bar. There can't be a lot of those, right? Oh, you'd be surprised. The world is a horrible, horrible, horrible place. Let me just type in piss drinking daddies

and see what I get. Okay, hold on, gotta make some bookmarks for later. This is exactly at my own. Addle, he's being a pervert again. Erin, that's his. That's your brand. Wait, what? What? Wait, what?

When Addle was in the old timey British Navy, he did get the perverts brand, which is exactly what you think. We're so happy for you. We had a little song too. British Navy, he did get the Perverts brand, which is exactly what you think. We're so happy for you. We had a little song too. Well, we're Perverts and we're British, which is nothing but the same.

They're synonymous. An island full of nunces. This is your first runoff. Great. An island full of nunces. This is your first run-off. Great. Island full of nunces. Here we go. Two arms. I'm old man puzzles. If it wasn't fucking obvious, here's one of your puzzles.

Two arms, no hands, one head, no mouth, one chest, no heart, one back, no spine, one body, not mine. This is what a doctor says on trial. It's not a book. It's not a clock. Not a book, not a clock. This also sounds like it could be like a Bob Marley song, right? Like, two arms, no head.

No woman, no head. No woman, no head. No woman, no head. What is the message of that? Best not to look too far into what... No woman, no head. Can you read it one more time? Two arms, no hands. Okay, so two arms, no hands. One head, no mouth. One chest, no heart.

One back, no spine. One body, not mine. Wait, what was the heart one? You cut out for the heart part. One chest, no heart. I didn't do shit, Aaron. You cut out. Sorry. Aaron, apologize.

I'm sorry, JPC. It was Aaron. It was probably one chest, no heart. One chest, no heart. Is this the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie? Oh God, I wish. Um, is it, is the kind of chest like a treasure chest type thing? Is this the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie? Oh God, I wish. Is it, is the kind of chest, like a treasure chest type thing?

No, it's not. Is it still okay to watch the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie? Because Johnny Depp sucks, but he's like playing such a larger than life character in that. I feel like it's fine, right? I feel like there's other good parts of the movie.

What, the Orlando Bloom parts? No, the McKenzie Crook parts. McKenzie Crook, of course, garrothed in the original office. Wow. I think it's a Commodore. Who has one of the funniest lines in all of sitcom history, which is,

do you ever think there will be a boy born who swims faster than a shark? I think it's probably okay to watch. Boy born who swims faster than a shark I Think it's probably okay to watch You just have to tell if you're watching with a child you have to be like that guy actually is a bad man Yeah, that guy's a bad man. He took a shit on someone's bed or it was the opposite It doesn't actually matter but whatever happened. It was fucked up Be just pointing out actors he was actually in a fucked up situation.

James Spader? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You see Ultron? Ultron actually had some trauma. Ultron actually tied up his secretary.

So James, can we get a little hint? Okay. This is an inanimate object. Two arms, no hands. One head, no mouth. One chest inanimate object. Two arms, no hands. One head, no mouth. One chest, no heart. One back, no spine. One body, not mine.

Is like a chair? It's not a chair, Erin. That's a great- Is this like a CPR dummy? No, they have heads. They do have heads. A car. Otherwise it'd be hard to do the CPR. You could just do a chest compression dummy.

They don't need a head. But you gotta do that part where you blow into the CPR. You could just do a chest compression dummy. They don't need a head. But you gotta do that part where you blow into the mouth. It's not a car, but CPR dummy is not closest, but it's, no. Mannequin. I was gonna say it's on the right track, but it's not, no, it's not closest.

A lot of mannequins don't have heads. Wouldn't it be funny if the movie Mannequin was made, but it's with one of those mannequins that doesn't have a head? And it's just a body, it's just an hour and a half rom-com of a body running around, stumbling into things. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then they finally kill her.

That's a horror movie. It's a horror movie. That is a horror movie. Does anyone remember, first of all, I haven't seen Weekend at Bernie's in decades. I remember, do you even remember when like- We should add it to the review crew. No, that's right. Pizza places used to do like deals

where you like order a pizza and they also, it came with a movie. Do you guys remember that? Oh yeah, yes. So I think it was like, I don't know where it was, Papa John's Pizza. I remember as a kid, there was a pizza deal that came with a copy of Weekend at Bernie's two or three.

And I think I watched that one, whatever sequel to Weekend at Bernie's, I think I watched that one. I never watched the original Weekend at Bernie's, but I was familiar enough with it. But what I don't remember is Bernie in various states of like decomposition, like the more of those movies that they make,

is he just like dead or dead or dead? No, they can't do that. But that would be unwatchable. But the whole movie's a screwball comedy with a corpse. I remember my first time going to New York ever and seeing a Broadway show, we went and saw Lain Strich at Liberty, which is like

Lain Strich's one-woman show. And she kissed me after the show, which is another story in a picture. Right behind me, my friend and I had balcony seats right behind us with Jonathan Silverman. I think his name was? The guy from Weekend of Birdies? Oh, the... Not Bernie. Not Birdie.

Got it. One of the two guys. One of the two guys. But we saw him and we thought it was so funny we had better seats than him. And so we just kept being like, how's your weekend? And we thought it was so funny to just like keep saying weekend and kind of like side glance at him. He seemed pretty miserable.

Probably because shit head's like me. Yeah. It's so funny. Okay, so yeah, it's not a mannequin and it's not a corpse, two arms, no hands. Oh my God, we're still doing this hands. I do want to see a scene. JBC you are You work in a department store. It's after midnight

Erin you're a mannequin that JBC has just somehow brought to life through like a magical hat he put on you or something Oily shit it worked Whoa, oh hey, uh something. Oily shit it worked. Whoa. Oh, hey, well, hey, my name is Jeff. Don't be alarmed. Hey Jeff, before you say anything, we are conscious all the time. So even when we're not talking, I can sort of see and hear

what you do. Okay. So before you say anything else know that I've seen and heard everything you've done. Okay, okay. So a lot of times what I'm doing is I'm listening to podcasts and it's not even me saying that. I'm just like, I'm just kind of absently saying the things that the podcasts are saying.

So it's like, they're not even my thoughts. And honestly, I should- Are you stealing from the store is... Oh, that's it, that's all you? That's all you, yeah. No, I steal from the store. Yeah, that's all you that's all you know yeah no I steal from the store yeah that's fine okay cool no yeah that's fine okay just stealing from the store and you dance with the mannequins at night okay what am I gonna do not dance with the mannequins at night like I'll never be a better dancer if I don't practice you know and you're so you're mad your marriage is over absolutely over yeah

I'm sleeping here most nights and I know I work nights so the fact that I'm sleeping here is like kind of like the best job ever like they don't check you know right I just got to like put my little pin on the lock. I'm sorry I feel like I'm interrupting you you brought me to life for a reason can't wait to find out what it was What's going on? Hey, so in the movie weekend at boimini's does he put me back to see what's that? Put me back to sleep You sounds like a newsie in that scene deep Boy bringing a mannequin back to life to ask questions about a movie.

They're like, hey man, all I've seen is Inside the Sears. Okay, so it's not mannequin, but mannequin is close and it's in the same room that a mannequin would be in. You probably find this. Great deals on tops. No, but it's in the same room that a mannequin would be in. You probably find this. Great deal. Hanger. On tops? Addle?

It's not a great deal on a top, but- It's a top. It's a shirt. It is specifically- It's a t-shirt. The answer here is specifically a type of clothing that is a top. I don't know that it-

A blouse. No, I don't know that it matters. Iouse. No, I don't know that it matters. I think a t-shirt works for this. Yeah, cause it doesn't, I don't think it says, oh, I guess it says one head, no mouth. And that's the only part where I think it would matter that this is something that has something. It's a hoodie, yes.

It's a hoodie. Otherwise I think it could be a t-shirt, but I think the fact that there is a hood with like the empty head there means... Do you call the top of a t-shirt where it opens up the mouth of the shirt? No. No? Call it the neck hole.

The neck, just the neck? I need another, I need to cleanse the palate. I need another riddle quickly. That one made me feel not good. Here's your second riddle. End weakened at Bernie's three. No. Oh boy. Okay. There's a third one?

There must be a third one. They wouldn't have stopped at two, right? He's just a skeleton for that one, right? Too much craplift on the vine. The people he's talking to are like, that's clearly a dead man between the two of you. And they're like, no, no, no, Hawaiian shirt. It was also like the eighties.

And I think that the man who played Bernie, I think he got like seriously hurt. I think he was like doing a lot of those stunts too. Yeah, I think it was like bad. JPC, I'm begging you to give me some good news. All right, here's your next riddle. My home is often loud. Oh, fucking tell me about it,

cause I'm in it, but I am quiet. My home is always moving, but I move faster. If I am brought from my home into your home, I will not live. If you leave your home and stay too long in my home, you will not live. Fish. Shark. Whale.

It is a fish in a river. Wow. OK, I do want to see a scene. Wait, is that true? It's a fish in a river. Yeah, I think it's because my home is often loud, but I am quiet. My home is often moving, but I move faster. Yeah, want to see a scene. Wait, is that true? It's a fish in a river. Yeah. What? I think it's because my home is often loud, but I'm quiet. My home is often moving, but I move faster.

Yeah. Fish swim in the river. So you bring a freshwater fish into your house, it dies? Yeah. I'm assuming if you don't put it in water, if you just like bring it into your house, unless you have a water house. What? I think those are called aquariums. Yeah, but you don't live in an aquarium. Okay, I wanna see a scene.

You don't know that. Have you ever walked into someone's house and seen a freshwater salmon in an aquarium tank? I wanna see a scene. Aaron Adle has just purchased a new house and he's having you over. He's very excited you're bringing a housewarming gift, but you quickly realize that he is living

in an aquarium store, like a pet store. Claire, oh my gosh, thank you so much for coming. Oh my gosh, I brought pie. Ooh, yum, yum, yum, what kind? Sorry, are we gonna walk down to your place or? I'm sorry, what kind? Yes, I guess you did ask the question first apple apple yum maybe that's what kind of pie are we gonna walk down to your place this is my

house this is my house let me give you the grand toile I guess those words are already French I didn't need to do that. Huh. Um, here is, these are walls, clear walls. Sorry. No, no, you're right. You're probably, this is probably fine. That's what I was saying. Here's my walls. No, I'm gonna say it.

I know, you know, I, we're all being patient with you post divorce, but I actually do need to, what is this? We're all being patient with you post divorce? Yeah, the friend group, we're all like, just really trying to be happy for you when you're trying to get back on your feet. We're all really worried about you. It's like, seems pretty dire.

Trying to be happy for me? You know, Emily is really sweet and we will all really get along with Emily. You know what I mean? We all like really love Emily, but no, please. So we were saying? I was saying these are my glass walls. Yeah, okay.

Obviously the water behind it. Yeah, I'm gonna go. Fuck. Can I just say something? Sure. I've always loved you. Oh yeah. I want you to live in my aquarium.

Yeah, you're wearing snorkel goggles and well wet and matted to your forehead. I took a box cutter and tried to open up some gills on me and that went pretty bad. Yeah, I'm gonna pick Emily. Hold on. Hold on. I'm picking Emily. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. No. No. Watch me swim. Watch me swim. Okay. Let me get up this ladder into my walls. I'm down the block. Rrrr, rrrr, rrrr, rrrr.

See. Man found dead swimming in fish tank. Ha ha ha ha. Contortionist grabbing your body into a big fish tank. Ha ha ha. Did you guys ever fish growing up? Maybe once. I went fishing two or three times.

Only caught, I've only caught bluegill. Okay. Which if you're familiar with Midwest fish, not a prize. What about owning a fish tank? Did you have like a fish tank in the house? Oh yeah, big time. Oh yeah, big time. Yeah.

We had some, what are those, beta, beta fish? I guess I had one. Would you ever now, as an adult, consider having a fish tank? Never really in years. That's so crazy. We had a fish tank growing up as well, but I can't think of a thing that I would rather do

less than have fish in my house. The smell is weird, it's high maintenance, you gotta take them out and put the right temperature in a bag and then clean the tank. It's so much work. Cleaning an aquarium is the most laborious process I've ever been a part of. Yeah.

And it's like, you don't really get much out of it unless people are like super into fish or whatever. And maybe it's one of those things where it's like seeing them brightens your day and you know, God love you and whatever, like that's fine. It's just so crazy that like, I know a lot of people that had fish as kids and they're like, why did we do that?

Why was that something that happened in our house? Yeah, can fish love you back? I don't know. No, they forget. Every three seconds, they forget who you are. I don't think I've walked into a house and seen a fish bowl, an aquarium, fish tank in 25 years. Yeah.

Literally, truly, I have not seen a home aquarium or fish bowl in 25 years. Adel,, I have not seen a home aquarium or fish bowl in 25 years. Battle, I don't think I have either. One of my first apartments that I ever lived on, it was next to two businesses. And the business was an aquarium store in a sub shop. And we went to this submarine sandwich shop, like the first day that we lived in this apartment.

And the food was absolutely disgusting. We never saw anyone in either business. And I lived there for a year. And we were like, these both have to be front businesses. Like they must just be money laundering businesses because who's buying an aquarium in Chicago? And with all the food options that you have, no one is ever in this disgusting sub shop.

And it's like, and disgusting sub shop is like Subway and they're on every corner. Like you could, crazy, absolutely crazy. Ugh, yeah. Yeah, I don't think I would ever want to own an aquarium. I just don't see what to get out of it. Okay, if you do own, if you're listening to this and you have an aquarium, tell us what you like about it.

I wanna know. Yeah, what do you like about it? I'm trying to learn. Cause the other thing that I think, and this is like a little bit morbid, but we had an aquarium growing up and I remember the fish would die all the time. And I guess if you're like trying to get accustomed to like pet death, you know, that's some,

there's like some benefit to like understanding that some things have longer lifespans and whatever, but man, it was miserable every time we found a dead fish cause there's just like floating at the top of the thing. You're like, oh no. It's so funny. Go ahead. What I hated was growing up,

we had a fish tank with a few, we had like neons. This is separate from the betta fish, I think betta fish kill anything else, but we had like little neons, which are kind of fun little fish. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I know those. Yeah, have like a little stripe on them that glows. It was some other fish.

And then what always upset me was we had one of those like sucker guys. Yeah. They just glomps onto the side of the tank and apparently like cleans algae or something. But I feel like I would always look at the tank as like an eight-year-old and be like, oh, this is so cool and beautiful. And we have the ocean in our living room. And then I'd make eyes with this little sucker fish.

I'd be like, this is the grossest fucking 10 pound leech I've ever seen in my fucking life. 10 pound, that's big for one of those sucker fish. Back to your little bubble castle, you fucking bastard. GBC, if your kid, like when they are a little bit older, develops like a true passion for fish Uh-huh and like it's their hyper fixation. Would you get them a fish tank if they had like if they begged for it? Oh, absolutely

I think it's such a good idea if like a kid really wants a pet get the pet because that will never first of all Their attention spans are so long that they'll be so interested in that pet for as long as that pet lives and They'll want to help clean up and stuff. No, the only thing that my kid is getting is a one way ticket into beauty college because they will never work a day in their life. Now, JPC on the other side of the coin, what if your kid develops a little bit older, a deep interest in fish? They love the album hoist.

Yes. Jumping on trampolines while playing guitar is the epitome of musicianship. You know what? That I am fine with because I feel like at that point, I will be in the right era of my life to like a jam band. Now I'm assuming that all the original members of Phish are dead at this point, and it's just John Mayer and like...

the John Mayer crew. By the way... It's John Mayer plus Mars... The John Mayer crew. By the way... It's John Mayer plus Mars Volta. I was hanging out with Janet Varney, not too long ago, and we were having brunch, and she said, I can't remember if it was her or Brandon, her partner, but she said, John Legend instead of John Mayer,

like John Legend played with Fish, and I was like, that to me would be a stellar concert. Yeah, that would be interesting. Some piano going on? There's like a jam band thing, and like John Legend just doing his like sexual crooning. Like... Like an 18-minute sexual crooning song.

It's like Sinatra sitting with the stones, and it's like, I guess. It's a little weird. So yeah, I think I'd be into that. I think that I would be at the right age to have jam bands be like a thing. And also, I've never been to a Phish concert. I have friends that are into Phish.

I'm kind of fascinated by it in a way, but never to the point where I'm like, I would go to this. But I would absolutely get dragged to a Phish concert with my kid being like, I want to see Phish. I'm like, yeah, let's do it. I'll say I went to Bonnaroo in 2003 and I was on a lot of Edibles and I went and saw Trey Anastasio solo and it was with an, oh, sorry, it was him.

He's the only member of Phish, but then he had a full orchestra. Okay. And I'll say it was pretty incredible. But if I'm not on drugs, I hate like Moe, Umfrey McGee. Like I hate all that jam music. Unless I'm on an edible. There's like an artistry to it.

I don't necessarily mind it, but like I don't think I'm ever putting on a fish album to be like, this is something I'll listen to. Yeah, I get it and I get the appeal. My brain always is like, there are other things if I have money to spend That I would rather see or do yeah, Aaron's like I could go watch bum fights. Yeah Said that I do that, but I don't talk about it. We should say Aaron's wearing a big Kimbo slice

Aaron you're obsessed with Kimbo slice Slice I do I do love Kimbo Slice, right? I do, I do love Kimbo Slice. We got her, we got her. We got her, we got her. Casey Clippett. No. We finally have Aaron, so she loves Kimbo Slice. Aaron loves Kimbo Slice. Aaron loves Kimbo Slice.

I think that Aaron, just checking in, you understand completely, correct? Yep. Great. Let's take a break. We have not earned a break this episode, by the way. No, we haven't. We have not earned it.

One, two, three, four, eight, ready to break. Go. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Whew, Al and JPC are not here, so it's time to make my website that is dedicated to roasting them. And I'm gonna use Squarespace.

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that makes it easy to accept one-time or recurring contributions and engage supporters. With built-in email campaigns and marketing tools, you can connect with your community and inspire more people to support your cause. Okay, I'm going to upload these videos of Adel and JPC doing super embarrassing things, slipping on ice, doing other stuff. It's the only one I could think of.

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And when you're ready to launch, use offer code RIDDLE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's offer code RIDDLE for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Zorp, anything to add about Squarespace? I can't hear you, I'm in a well! That's fun. That's a good audio joke because he's further away.

That's Zorp, everybody. If you listen to the ad, you got to hear his voice. That's fun. All right, bye! This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey everybody, it's JPC and Adol. Go ahead and say hello, Addle. Give it a, give it a, give it a, huh? Classic, classic you. And I'm also here as always with Erin. Erin, what's up?

Oh! Oh! Oh, too true Erin. God! Yeah, too true. And of course, it wouldn't be the show without our fourth host, little Janet Varney. Janet, say hello.

Ah, wish I was in this. Janet, you are. You are in this. We're all here together. And we're all here together, all three friends plus JPC to talk about better help. You know, mental health awareness is growing, but there's still progress to be made. 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey say that they have avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment.

Well, BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience matching people with the right therapists from their diverse network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists with a wide range of specialties. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. You can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Erin, that sounds pretty good, right? I've peed on a waiter before. Okay, Erin, that doesn't really apply to what's going on here.

I mean, Adil, can you back me up? I mean, am I going crazy? Give it a, give it a, give it a, huh? At all. Come on, man. I mean, say anything else. Say anything but that. Give it a, give it a, give it a, huh? Okay, well, I guess I'll just do the whole better help ad myself if you guys aren't gonna... Oh, Aaron, bless you. Oh, okay, having a little strong reaction to that.

Well, you know, I've benefited from therapy, obviously. My friends can tell who are here with me right now that I am kind of the poster child for what you can do with your life once you've kind of talked it through with some- I'm the butt fairy and I'm here to collect all the fat you got in your butt. Erin, we can't talk about that on a BetterHelp ad.

Anyway, this is Mental Health Awareness Month. So let's encourage everyone to take care of their well-being and break the stigma that world is better when people are healthy and happy and we're all better with help. So visit betterhelp.com slash riddle to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-helphelp.com slash riddle.

Give it a, give it a, give it a. Addle. I mean, can you, can you say, can you say anything else? Okay. The first thing was better. All right. Yeah. We really have to get into riddles. We've only done two so far, so we have to get at least two more.

I have a reputation for never doing riddles, but look. Look at JPC's old man puzzles. You guys aren't answering them. Because we don't know the answers. I hope they get that last one lightning quick. Okay, four long ground standards, four short downhangers, two crookers, two lookabouts, one whiskabout, and a bellow box.

This is the cast of Newsies, Erin. Yeah, it really does sound like it. Three lookabouts, two downhangers, a rustabout. This is like, I feel like, A, I feel like we may have done this one, my cards may have been shuffled incorrectly, but B,? This is like, I feel like, A, I feel like we may have done this one, and my cards may have been shuffled incorrectly, but B, this is just like, what if you describe a normal thing with nonsense words?

That's what the, I think that that's what this rental is. Well, that's what Dr. Seuss made a living out of. Mm-hmm, and a killing. Can you read it one more time? Isn't it funny that making a living and making a killing are the same thing? Wow, hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm. Can you read it again? Words. Four long ground standards. What do we think those are? Pillars. Columns. Legs.

Aaron? Four short downhangers. Balls. Penis. Yeah, I would think balls and penis for downhangers. Two crookers. Arms. No. Necks. Penis. Yeah, I would think balls and penis for downhangers two croakers arms No necks

Four legs a table giraffe To lookabouts what we lookabouts are eyes, right? Yeah one whisk about in a bellow box throat and whiskers a lion, it's a lion It's not a long animal. It is an animal and I think It's a lion. It's not a lion. Is it an animal? It is an animal. And I think honestly, Dog. It's not a dog.

I think four short downhangers is gonna be the thing that actually A cow. really helps. It's a cow. Oh, it's an udders. Those are the udders. Two croakers?

What are the two croakers? I don't know. Ears? Ears maybe? Two croakers. I do wanna see a scene. Adel, you are, wow, you know what?

Fuck it. Adel, you also are wow, you know what? Fuck it. Adel, you also are working at a pet store. We're doing two pet store scenes back to back. Oh my God. Adel, you're working in a pet store. Erin, you're coming into the pet store because you're interested in purchasing a new pet. And Adel, you are using a lot of like fanciful terms for the things that are just like ostensibly normal pets.

Hey, Claire, good to see you again. Hi, sorry, back in here again. Last one died. Haven't seen you in a couple years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last one died, looking for a new pet to fill the hole in my heart. Sorry to hear.

Well, we have some new options. We have some sort of exotic, something exotic creatures who found their way into the store, hush hush. Okay, can't wait to see, can't wait to see. Okay, so over here we have a scroungy rug. This is sort of a scroungy rug. Looks like a cat.

That's what I said, scroungy rug. Oh, is that its name? No, that's how we're selling it. If you look at the sign there, it says scrounggyrugs. $99. Huh. Okay.

I mean, you are an exotic pet store owner. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I bought a panther last time I came in here, and now the panther's dead. Panther. I'm not sure what that is. Do you just not have any exotic animals in today? Because this is just like a typical house cat.

Oh, a jump. You bought a jump sack. Okay is that like the scientific term am I missing something? Show me something else. It's a big jump sack. Okay sure over here we have a bite rope we have some bite ropes. Okay that is a snake. No they're bite ropes. There's just a really typical like the kind of snake a 12 year old would get this is not an exotic snake This is not a poisonous 12 year olds might get nerds ropes, but these are bite ropes Hey, man, it's okay if you don't have any exotic animals and today I can come back later in the week or next week We wait, yeah, I got something for you. How about a tank pinch?

Okay, this is your son's Well, that's his name. His name is tank Okay this is your son. Well that's his name his name is Tank. Pinch. Robertson. I think he's got enough air in there he's sort of banging on the glass. No. Are you okay? No he does that when there's new people. Helps the only word he knows. My dad had an accident. What happened? He lost all his words. He crossed a witch. He crossed a witch. Okay, okay. I thought he just ran out of exotic animals and was trying to pull a fast one on me. The witch is his supplier.

Okay, I stepped on the foot of a mage. I wouldn't say I crossed a witch. I see. It was the witch's husband. Can you imagine a witch and a mage married? Do witches have husbands? Do witches have husbands? Oh, I wish there was still a Yahoo answers cause do witches have husbands would be the only place

that you could go to get an answer to that. I do want to see a scene just very quickly. JPC you're a witch, you're speed dating, Erin, you're going to be the people opposite the witch on the speed dating. By the way, one of my top 10 favorite things is when we call for a scene that requires multiple people and we're just like, Erin, you get to be all.

I love it. So funny, okay. Ding. How are you doing? I'm great. My name is Agatha. Yes, I've heard it before. Obviously the show kind of anyway.

What do you do for work? I feel like I'm having the same conversation over and over again. It's crazy. Well, it wasn't me. I didn't put a perpetual Groundhog Day spell on you. I'm a witch. Yeah, what? I always know. I'm sorry I was making a joke, but I didn't witch, so. Yeah, what? I always, no, I'm sorry I was making a joke,

but I didn't put a. Did you though? Ding. I'm gonna try killing myself to see if that gets me out of the loop. Hey, don't, hey, don't. I'm gonna try to see if that gets me out of the loop. Hi. The energy that guy's going to the next date with is awful.

Hi, I'm Agatha. I am a witch. Well, at the TV show. Yeah, just at the show, yeah. I'm with is awful. Hi, I'm Agatha. I am a witch. Well, I'm at the TV show. Yeah, just with the show. Yeah, I'm actually new in town and I'm just I'm really enjoying meeting people. I feel like I have deja vu right now. I feel like I'm having the same thing over and over again. It's speed dating standing up at the table. It's fucking speed dating. She's a witch! Hi, how are you? Hey, I'm good. Does it matter what my name is? What's like a fun? Agatha

I can see your name tag like the show like a witch. I Feel like I've lived this moment before don't you feel that way? Oh, okay. I did curse Greg. He's a pervert He's gonna try to take pictures of your feet. Seed, seed, seed, seed, seed. Everyone put your clipboards down, down, down the road. You can't make me a foot pervert without me calling scene before you can do that to me, idiot. You can't make me a foot pervert because I already am one.

You can't make me something I was born as. Okay, here we go. Did we do the, yeah, we did do the last one. We did do the last one, it was cow, we all got it, we're really proud of ourselves. A whole lot of- I was just gonna say, you know, somewhat recently we were talking about like perfect bits in movies.

I just wanted to say, in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the, she's a witch, she turned me into a newt. And then the guy goes, a newt, and he goes, I got better. I mean, that's one of the all-time greats I also love in Princess Bride when she goes I'm not a witch I'm your wife a whole lot of holes a whole lot of nuts toss me in pull me out see what you got. A net. Garlic bread. A net, a net, a net, a net. All right, you got it, you got it. It was garlic bread. I'd like to see a scene.

You guys are fish, you were clearly caught in a net, and you're sort of like trying to make a plan. Don't panic, don't panic. I heard the panicking just makes it worse. Okay, okay, okay, okay. What do we do, what do we do, what do we do, what do we do, what do we do? what do we do, what do we do, what do we do? Well, so a lot of times, fishermen,

um, bastards, they throw the net down. Gas, gum. They throw the net down, but they don't pull it up immediately. So we're not like fucked yet. We probably still, we still have some time. So, let's just think of it like we have time to work on a plan, Panic is the mind killer.

Let's just, let's focus in on this, okay? Okay, okay, let's all go around and let's say what of it like we have time to work on a plan, Panic is the mind killer. Let's just focus in on this, OK? OK, OK. Let's all go around and let's say what type of fish we are and maybe what skills we have. Yes, if anyone has a specialty, OK? OK. For instance, I'm Sean. I'm a puffer fish.

So I can puff my whole body out. That could help maybe shift some locations. Hi, Sean. Hello. OK. My Sean. Hello. Okay. My name is Tommy. I am a fatty tuna. I'm delicious.

Okay, okay. Let's try to stay focused on what the thing is. But there are no bad ideas in Brainstorm. No bad ideas, no bad ideas. Any other fish? My name is Kelly. I am a rat and I am very scared. I'm very lost.

Oh, like a rat fish? No, no, I'm a rat. That's a rat. So if you are not a fish, let's not have you go when the fish are going. I know, but I feel like I'm sort of part of this. I got trapped in here. And my name is Pierre.

I am a sold fish. Oh, when I am free. What about swat I got trapped in here. And my name is Pierre. I am a swordfish. Oh, wait, I am three. What am I? Swap, swap, swap. Oh, he cut. He cut right through it. Ah, damn. Okay, well, he could have helped the rest of us,

but fucking swordfish. My name is Todd. I'm a narwhal, and I'm gonna spear Pierre. Oh, the narwhal just killed Pierre. Yeah, okay, we're just murdering each other. Again, I'm Kelly, I'm a rat. A rat fish? No, just a rat.

Oh, like you aren't good with secrets? That is true, but that's not relevant to what I'm trying to communicate. Tell us one, tell us one, tell us one. Did you know? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I am Bruce. I am a sharding. I'm sharding, sorry everybody.

Bruce is a shark. Come on, hey that guy's a rat. Shame. Ha ha ha ha ha. I'm a sharding. Ha ha ha ha ha. The Italian, the only way to end an Italian meal. Hey, I'm a sharding. The Italian, the only way to end an Italian meal. Hey, I'm a sharding here. I'm a sharding.

It's a compliment. I haven't locked into any of the scenes very well today. I feel like I'm sort of like skipping over the scenes and I'm not in the scenes. Does that make sense? Aaron, you're doing- You guys teach improv. Give me something, like give me a scene,

set up a new scene for me, and then also like give me an intention of like how to really be in it. Okay, I wanna see a scene. Aaron, you're an improv teacher, and you're talking to JPC as if he's you. Great. Is this what you wanted?

Yeah. Hey, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I feel like I'm like, I'm in my head and I'm not like present in them. Is that what you were gonna say? I don't, I'm sorry, I'm not giving you the notes for me. You can't be wearing leggings to every show.

And your mascara is like running down your face. Like, I just feel like it looks like you're sort of forced to be, it looks, you show up to shows looking like someone woke you up from a deep, deep nap. Okay. Which is fine. Yeah, it just feels like,

cause like none of the guys on the team are getting like notes like this, but like all my notes are like- They're really funny. Well, yeah, I mean, they're really funny. I know, I think I feel like we're all kind of really funny, but I feel like all my notes are like kind of about how like I cry too much in scenes and like.

Right. Yeah. Hey, sorry. Sorry teacher, sorry teacher. Hey babe, I'm gonna wait downstairs for you. Here's a water, just let me know when you're done. I'm Kimbo Slice by the way, hi. I'm dating Aaron.

So, yeah, so he's not, we're not, it's not, he's not, but we're not. You kicked off the team. For what? You know. See. It's still fun that Kimbo Slice comes to your shows, Erin. I guess so.

He's dead. Yeah. I'd say it's more of a distraction. People really sort of only care about that. Sure. Hey, there's a ghost here. It's always really complicated when two people are dating who do the same thing. Cause what if someone gets more successful than the other,

but we're making it work. Aaron's trying to get a hint as to who Kimbo Slice is and we're not gonna help you, Aaron. Yes you will. Aaron, would you do a movie called Ghost Slice that's you dating Kimbo Slice's ghost? Yeah, and the plot would go a little something like... Aaron, would you do a movie called Ghost Slice that's you dating Kimbo Slice's ghost? Yeah, and the plot would go a little something like...

Aaron, we're not going to help you know who Kimbo Slice is. Why can't you help me? We can, it's not that we can't. Okay, well then you guys will be the jerks that the joke is the woman on the show doesn't know something. It's not that we can't. Throwing her on my way for no reason.

Except we shared it. I know that name and that sounds familiar. He's a musician. Yes. Aaron. Got it in one. Aaron, do you know any of this? Can you name a single Kimbo Salsa? Now, what Adel's doing is technically crueller.

Can you name a single Salsa? What are you guys I went on dates with in 2016? Fucking what? Oh, you're wearing a Metallica shirt? Name 10 albums. 10 albums. That's actually hard for Erin because she can't name a single song anyway

because every song that she likes is like, a ba-da-doo-ba-da-ba-da-ba. She doesn't know. Wow, okay, we're all sort of roasting Erin today. Okay, Okay. That means she's doing well and you're trying to bring her down. Yeah. 100%.

Erin, kind of like not unlike what they kind of did to Kimbo Slice. Wow. You know what I'm saying? One to one. One to one. Okay. Kimbo Slice is actually not a musician. That's why I said what Adel's doing is meaner because I would never say, yeah, he's a musician.

What's one of his songs? OK. OK, he's not a musician. How do you know that? I don't know. How do you know that? Uh-oh. I dropped my mic.

Air News Google. You got to rap about Kimbo Slice. Kimbo Slice seems really nice. He's a bare-knuckle boxer. No? He's not nice. Mixed martial artist, professional boxer, and actor. He was born in 1974.

Oh, and he died when he was only 42 years old? He weighed 230 pounds. Wait a minute. This isn't rapping. He's got three kids. What, sorry. Don't talk about how somebody is 142 and they have three kids.

That's so funny. I love that rapping is, he was born in 1984 in St. Paul, Minnesota. He weighs 215, He has four kids. What would you say if you bought the new Kendrick Lamar album and it was just him reading Wikipedia? Every song was just like a Wikipedia entry. Well, then he would win another Grammy.

Yeah, if it's K-Dot, I'm buying it. It's just the song is called Spain, and it's about the country of Spain, just like their exports and their imports. In the middle he's like, Drake's a pedophile. That's so funny. The rain in Spain falls mostly on Drake. All right.

I bring you music. If music you can read, I bring you a number. If toes and fingers you can count, I bring you music. If music you can read, I bring you a number. If toes and fingers, you can count. I bring you the result of the match. Whoa. I bring you music if you can read. Erin, it's score. Erin, you got it.

You scored. She's a genius. She's a genius. So I know it seems like the lady one is the dumb one on this show, but that's not always true. Sometimes it's true, not always. We actually take turns being the dumb one, moment to moment. Moment to moment.

And sometimes, here's a little peek behind the curtain, sometimes we all get to be the dumb one. Yeah, we all carry the ring. Most of the times. Most of the times. I'm dumb Samwise. It would have been better. That's why Samwise came to you.

Erin, how are your Samwise's going? I know, I'm coming with you. What? Your Samwise is good, you have a good Samwise. Oh, thanks. It would have been better. The vocal ticket in my house right now is Cassian Andor from Andor. Oh yeah.

Do you think that you could get maybe the gas leak like checked? Like is there a professional that could come in to address the vocal tick? All of my new imaginary friends are from the gas leak, so why would I stop it? This is Jeff, he's from the gas leak. This is Jeff. Oh, how do you know Erin? Oh, I, he's from the Gas Leak. This is Jeff? Oh, how do you know Erin? Oh, I'm a Gas Leak hallucination of hers. How do you know Erin?

I'm a flying elephant. I know Erin from a dream she had. Erin, can you say the line that you said is popular in your house right now? Cassie and Ander. So you sound like- Cassie and Ander. I haven't watched Ander season two yet. I'm very excited.

You sound exactly like the guy who, I wanna say is Australian, and he's in a lot of movies and stuff. He plays, he's in Captain Marvel, is like the head Gremlin scree guy or whatever. Oh, oh, oh, oh God, what is that man's name? I don't know. You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, Ben Mendelsohn. Ben Mendelsohn, thank you, Casey. Erin, that was a dead on Ben Mendelsohn in part. That's not what I meant to do. Okay. You were doing Mr. Scarsgard, right Erin? Yeah, I was. Yeah.

Papa Scarsgard? Stellan? Stellan, yeah. Stellan? Was it? Ben Mendelsohn is also in that show, right? Yeah, he just showed me. Because he's in Rogue One.

Yes. Oh, yes, yes, yes. And Auntie Donna did impressions of him that were really funny. There's a clip of them that I watched yesterday. That's so funny that you bring up Ben Mendelsohn. I guess it's, you brought it up because we're talking about Andor.

But they do a really great impression of him. Well, yeah, did you remember he was in Rogue One? I guess it's, you brought it up because we're talking about Andor, but they do a really great impression of him. I, well, yeah, well, you, did you remember he was in Rogue One? I just rewatched Rogue One not too long ago. So I was like, he has to be bridging the gap there, you know, somewhere, because he's like the big bad from Rogue One.

That's wild. You guys, before I forget, I'm so sorry. I, there, I don't have that many career goals left other than maybe meeting them up a bit, but I do. She's been crushing it. Well, Erin, you said you wanted to be on the cover of Highlights Magazine. I don't think they do like cover shoots.

Hello. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to be realistic. Oh my God, what? I wanna wear lingerie on the cover of Highlights Magazine. It's my only dream. With how often you change your hair, you could fucking be Highlights magazine. It's my only dream. With how often you change your hair, you could fucking be Highlights magazine. Wow.

You guys had to learn how to do my own hair. I spent hours and hours researching how to dye your own hair blonde, and I did it last week. Oh, because so many places have refused you service. Yes, because I go too often. No, because I can't, you can't, in this economy, you can't afford to be blonde anymore.

So. Wow, look at what they took from us. That's so, oh please. The blonde inflation rate is so high. But you guys, I love Auntie Donna, and they have a show on YouTube where it's basically party quirks, but impossible, and they give each other the most impossible prompts to do.

And I don't know who listens, who might know them. I will fly to Australia on my own dime. I want to go and be on that show so bad. We can probably get them on our show. They do podcasts. I would love that. And then I can go, I'm literally, that would be a dream of mine to go on that.

Erin, would you mind if I circle back to something? Yeah, of course. Erin's so blonde that she heard inflation rates were high and she let all the air out of her tires. Erin, is that true? Erin, is that true? This is something I heard, so I just wanna verify, is it true?

Yes. Yes, good. Okay, Erin, I just sent a text. again. Auntie Donna's been on magic tabard I have booked for us next week Uncle Donna now, that's not what I wanted Well, Erin would you know? Biggers can't be choosers Uncle Donna uncle Donna hamsters in tuxedos Erin the best part are we three hamsters in tuxedos isn't that a little redundant?

Auntie duh, what I'm saying again at all Uncle Donna uncle Donna sounds also just like fat bastard now isn't that fun uncle Donna get in my I'm gonna ask you guys a question. Did you be honest with me? Have we done a single riddle this episode? Okay, great I'm gonna ask you guys a question, I need you to be honest with me. Have we done a single riddle this episode? No. Okay, great. Do you wanna do a single one? I'm putting it out into the, yes, I'm putting it out into the universe

that I wanna go on that show. And I know I'm not qualified in any sort of way and I live in a different continent, but please. Erin's so blonde, she heard that there was a single riddle and she asked what its sign was. Wow, Erin, is this true? That's funny. You try to date a rid. Wow, Erin, is this true? That's funny. Date a riddle?

But Erin, so this is something I heard and I'm not really, I'm truly not doing this to be mean. This is something I heard I just wanna verify if it's true. It is true. The riddle is an Aries. We're compatible. All right, here we go.

Yeah. Silver are my teeth and sharp, straight, my jaw and long. Use me carefully, my friend. My double bite is strong. Bear trap. Tongs, bear trap. It's not tongs, it's not a bear trap. That's a really great, bear trap is the closest.

Tongs and bear trap are both pretty close. They're around the same thing. Mousetrap. Mousetrap is close as well, but. Is it a trap of some kind? It's not a trap. It's a trap. Admiral Ackbar's not a trap. Uh, okay. It's a trap. Admiral Ackbar on the podcast.

Admiral Snackbar. Admiral Snackbar. Cause he's cute. Cause he's cute cause he's a snack. It's a snack. Thanks, Admiral Snackbar. Why did they not have that as a tie in for the episode three re-release? Well, we'll have to see if Admiral Snackbar makes an appearance in the

upcoming Disney Tw twins' picture. Yeah. Furiously writing down Admiral Snackbar and setting a whole 50 minute episode based on that. Silver are my teeth and sharp. Straight, my jaw, and long. Use me carefully, my friend. My double bite is strong.

Can opener. No, double bite. Double bite also crucial here. And like a can opener, this is probably something that you would find in your house. Stapler. Stapler. It's a stapler.

It's a stapler. It's a stapler. Can I just say, when I was in grade school, everyone being like, I'm stapler, I'm gonna fuck your mom. I hated that. I hated it. I hated American pie and stapler.

I know my brain is poisoned from all the blonde dive, but I did understand that reference. Well, Erin know my brain is poisoned from all the blonde dive, but I did understand that reference. Well, Erin, it's also poisoned from the gas leak. Right. And me electrocuting myself by accident when I was in the third or fourth grade. When you brought a pie to the scene with the aquarium, I wanted to come in and say,

maybe we tell your mother we ate the pie, and I did it because I'm a good partner. Maybe we just tell your mom we're not the pie. No, can't be true. Hey, here's something that's true. Casey, can you play us a voicemail theme? I'm the one who's answering like a role-playing cat, pussies, and Brady.

I'll just answer all the questions I piece of mind. I'm tired of looking around, Oh, listen to question that piece of mind. I'm tired of looking around, I just better get to the point. I'm not supposed to be. I just gotta make a five, seven, four, three, five, three, one. Yep. There's a one at the end, two.

I mean, just, sorry, as well, listen number one. Fuck. Yeah. I love it. Yes. I love it. And that was actually Gavin DeGraw? That was Gavin DeGraw. That was Tom Lum, host of the Let's Learn Everything podcast on Maximum Fun. Thank you so much, Tom.

Thank you, Tom, that was awesome. That fucking rule. Tom also sent the lyrics, and the lyric for that line is I'm tired of looking around, who's a was a, loses the lyrics because no one remembers this line. That was very Aaron coded. Yeah, very Aaron coded to lose it in that line is, I'm tired of looking around, who's a wuzza, loses the lyrics because no one remembers this line. That was very Aaron coded. Yeah, very Aaron coded to lose it in that cover of Gavin DeGraw's I Don't Want to Be.

There's a gas leak in my house, what's your excuse? Is this your PSA, Aaron? Yeah. That sounds like something. There's a gas leak in my house, do you know where your children are? Do I have children? That sounds like something a drag queen would say at the end of like a runway walk of something.

Like, I have a gas leak in my house. What's your excuse? And then turn and walk back. That's my real housewives intro. I have a gas leak in my house. What's your excuse? If you want to get a voicemail feature on the show, make it 30 seconds or less.

Send it as a wave file to hrpodcast.gmail.com. Casey, play us a voicemail. Hey, clue crew. Imail.com Casey plays a voicemail. Hey crew crew. I was wondering if you have a song that you always hear the lyrics to incorrectly in your head. My example for this is the layman's song at the end of the day for some reason in my head. The lyrics are always when the hair on your back doesn't keep up the chill even though I know it's when the shirt on your back doesn't keep up the chill, even though I know it's when the shirt on your back doesn't keep up the chill. Yeah. Just curious. Hope you're all doing well. Okay. Have a good one. Bye. Oh my God. I've been saying when the hair on your back doesn't keep out the

chill. No, I am not kidding. Really? Yeah. You have the same one. Was that you Erin? Okay. Yeah. Well, first of all, we already established that that is my entire life is I can get the vibe of a song, but I do not know the lyrics. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot. And this is also really fun because it was that voicemail theme with this voicemail, which was totally accidental, but it was one where you lose the lyrics, which is cool. But I have that too.

I don't know the lyrics very well at all. I would say my biggest one is from the album TAC, T-A-K-K by Sigur Ros. I always think that he's saying, let's go. And he's really going, let's go. Just a classic Sigur Ros joke. Since I watched Cats, I've been on an Andrew Lloyd Webber kick.

And so I was listening to Evita yesterday and I realized for the first time in a new Argentina the lyrics are, this is crazy defeatist talk. And I thought it was Mambo jumbo. I was like, oh, this is crazy defeatist talk makes more sense than this is crazy to be this talk. Like I had no one. This is this is insane. The first place my mind went to,

there's a live song called I Alone. Do you guys know this live song? I Alone Love You. Yeah, he goes, I alone love you. In my mind, he's always just going, I, la, la, la, la, I, la, la, la. I'm like, I completely lose every lyric in that part. But here's the other thing,

is I also have the Aaron disease where I don't remember the lyrics to songs. Aaron disease. Yeah, sorry. So slow gas leak in my brain. But I don't know, maybe there's the fact that I've been doing improv for so long, but it's like,

I don't even attempt to get the lyrics anymore. I just make my own up. Like I do a lot of singing with my child and I'm like, you're fucked because I don't know the words to the songs from Moana, even though we've listened to them a hundred times, but I do know my words. To the bite, to the side, to the sea, it calls me. But Erin, I'm not doing the thing where I'm like, as I bite, as I bite.

I'm not doing like simlish for it. I'm just like making up words. I'm like- Give me an example. Sing something from Moana. I'm alone with my thoughts and it turns, it disturbs me. with my thoughts and it turns it disturbs me but I can't post till I'm a ghost and I'll just do it'll be like nonsense and Mariah will be like what are you doing I'm like I'm not gonna learn the fucking lyrics Moana knows the lyrics I shouldn't have to know them. That's awesome. I'll do that with black crows with that I'll start to sing it and then I'll realize

I don't know the words. So I'm like, hey little thing, lemme let you count cause the mama number number number dot. Like I always. Mess around. Yeah, I always just like. Come around, mess it down.

Immediately deflate because I'm like, oh no, I'm in the thick of it. I'm on the slide and I forgot where the bottom is. I'm on the slide and I forgot where the bottom is. That's so funny. Hey little thing, let me let you get a kiss. The mama da ba da ba da ba da. Mess around. Signs up for karaoke and it's like, oh no, wait, there's a rap verse in this song?

I forgot there was a rap verse in this song. Just try your best. Yeah, thank you so much for that question. Do we have anything, Erin, to plug? Anything you got to plug? Just go and come see us on tour. We would love to see you. Come see us on tour. And I know what you're thinking.

There's a bunch of shows in a bunch of different cities. Is it gonna be the same show in each city? Yes. We're gonna try. We change keywords so it's worth it to follow us and see all of the shows that you can just to get the keyword change. Brilliant. Hell yeah.

So brilliant. Addle, plug? Check out Hello from the Magic Tavern, now in our 10th season. Huh! JPC, anything to plug or promote or a review to read? I want to read a review. This one's coming in from BlueWings23.

BlueWings23 says, Life isn't real. On my way to work on Wednesday morning, I was trying to think of what cards my friends had in high school. Dodge Durango? Or Dodge Degaru? Dungaree?

No, whatever, I'll look it up later. I get to work turning the podcast in 10 to 15 minutes in. Addle mumbles Dodge Durango. What? How? Life isn't real! But this podcast is good. Wow.

Yeah, we are a glitch in the Matrix. This is the dream inside the brain of a dying child, Saint Elsewhere? This is a death rattle. This is the last gasp of a velociraptor who's being eaten by a pack of wolves? Now someone's listening to this podcast and they're like, 10 minutes ago,

I was thinking about a death rattle, Saint Elsewhere, the velociraptor. And now they said it. We live outside the laws of space and time. We are activated. More dinosaurs and soap operas to do your mission. You know what your mission is? Jupiter.

I can get us out of here. Created by Apple Refine. Starring Aaron Cheever and John Patrick Collins, Casey Toney to the editing, and our parents in the music. One, two, three, four, eight, Ritual Ritual. A logo created by Emily Cardemus and Emily Napores. Ritual, one, two, three, four, eight, Ritual Ritual. You said we sound choppy?

Oh yeah, I just, you guys were coming in and out of me internet wise. Oh, chopping. God damn it. God damn it, Aaron. Casey clip it. Casey clip that. Wait, what? I missed it. Okay, hey don't worry Aaron, you'll hear it on the soundboard very soon. I'm actually gonna clip that. Wait, what? I missed it. Okay, hey, don't worry, Aaron. You'll hear it on the soundboard very soon. I'm actually gonna pull that one. Aaron, it's not worth worrying about at all.

Because you heard it, right? Yeah, she said of instead of for. Yeah. Said you guys are coming in and out of me. Aaron, you said you guys are coming in and out of me. Oh no. I let it go. I let it go.

I mumbled, because I did not say it. Erin, I'm so sorry. Erin. Either way, I'm pregnant and you're the father, I say pointing at all of you. We'll both raise it. Hey there, Continentals and Forty-Eights. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We return to the state series and you'll have to listen to find out which state we pick. You can listen to that at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your 7-day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month, plus you

get those ad-free episodes. See you there!