Hey Riddle Riddle - #359: Serving Grant!

Episode Date: June 4, 2025

Hey Hey Riddiots! In this episode we're reminiscing about the early presidents, eating our fill of candy and wringing out wet fish. All this and 81 pairs of pants on today's Hey Riddle Riddle.Come see us on tour!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Mcrispy strips are now at McDonald's. Tender, juicy, and its own sauce. Would you look at that? Well, you can't see it, but trust me, it looks delicious. New Mcrispy strips, now at McDonald's. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horse was naked Friday. One, two, three, four, eight, writtle, writtle, writtle. One, two, three, four, eight, writtle, writtle, writtle. One, two, three, four, eight, writtle, writtle. One, two, three, four, eight, writtle, writtle. Let's go at 25. Time.

What president was 25? Erin, I wouldn't have guessed this, but when I saw it, it makes sense. Would you believe it's McKinley? No, I wouldn't have guessed this, but when I saw it, it makes sense. Would you believe it's McKinley? No, I wouldn't. When I saw it, it makes sense. Oh yeah, of course McKinley 25. Oh yeah.

Did he get shot? McKinley. Yeah. Did McKinley get shot? Yeah. He was assassinated in 1901. He basically served his full fucking term. McKinley was the one who absolutely would have lived from that bullet and they kept him alive for like two months and they had, it was 1901, they had this like dentist who

was his like family quack, like. Is this real? Yeah, yeah. Cause he died, it took him like a while to die. And he was like, this guy was like doing just like quack medicine on him because there wasn't medicine because it was 1901. So it was a little duck with a stethoscope? Yeah.

They were like feeding, I think that they were like feeding him soup enemas. What? They were like, yeah, the only way to feed them is through the butt and it has to be soup. What? I mean, better that than... Better that than what, Adel? Putting cubes of steak up there.

Well, hold on. Let's not act crazy. We all went to college. How tender is the steak? Wait, that's insane. I didn't know that. Hey, if this is the thing that I'm remembering, I know I listened to a podcast at one point about

McKinley's presidential assassin. Yeah. Oh, and his assassin was also like a crazy guy who just, it was, it was like the, um, the guy who shot, uh, or the guy who wanted to kill Joanie. Oh gosh. That's his name. I know that from assassins. He was, he was just totally insane. He was he was just like he thought I think he thought like McKinley Would like give him he thought that if he killed McKinley he'd be like

Allotted as a hero and he'd get like a job in the government, but he was just like a crazy guy who didn't have a job And it so it didn't work. Was he the doctor people actually were really upset about him doing that Yeah, it was it it was at the time where the country was more like, hey, you shouldn't f*** the president. You know, we're not there now, I don't think. Believe that. No wait, is the episode started? Yeah. His song in Assassin's is the Cholgosh,

rickin' man born in the middle of Michigan. So that's how I know about that. That sounds right. Adel, you know how you want JPC to do a walking tour of Chicago that's complete bullshit? Mm-hmm. I want JPC to write a book about the presidents, and he's not allowed to learn anything he already doesn't know.

So each page is a different president, and it's him being like, um. It's a book? It's a kid's book? Yeah. It's a kid's book, and it's JPC's best memory of each of the presidents. I write a book? It's a kids book? I think, yeah. It's a kids book and it's ABC's best memory of each of the presidents. I read a book about the presidents, I turn it into my publisher, they're like, hey, I gotta say man, this is 42 pages, I think you missed the presidents, and also, a book about

the presidents needs to be bigger. I think 42 would be a pretty good amount to remember. I think that's a lot. That would be impressive. Whoa, wait. Oh, okay. So I have to, part of it is I also have to list them in order, because I'll tell you what,

I could probably get, if I really sat down and think about it, not doing any research, but thinking about it, I could get all the presidents. There's no way I would put them in the right order. Right. But like, what would you say about James Madison? James Madison, you know, definitely a Southern fop of a man, I believe.

I believe they're all fops. This is what it says on the page. Has this episode started? Yes. Does this episode start somewhere in there? Okay, well, Casey, make sure you bleep that part where I said to the president, make sure you bleep that part where I said to, the president and again, bleep this part.

I think you actually do have to bleep that part, Casey. I think you can't, I think I can't say the president unless I'm talking about the precedent, which I think I can say. Like we should stop. We're fucked no matter what. We have years and years of us saying stuff.

So we're pretty fucked. I'll just claim that I was saying precedent the whole time, and you misheard me. Adel, do you want me to bring up JPC's haircut, or do you want to do it? Oh, go for it. Oh, thank you so much. JPC got a haircut.

Erin, can you tell I did it myself? You did it yourself? I did, yeah. Well, Mariah helped with the back part that I couldn't see too. How do you feel? It's all gone. I shaved my head and the things that are the strangest about it is this is the... I've had really short haircuts before, but I've never shaved completely. I can feel like my head feels much sweatier than it did before.

And I guess it's probably because like there wasn't that hair there on top of it to, I don't know, like block like the sun or whatever, so that it wasn't just, you know, there was like a layer. It's like, I don't know, but it's like, I can like notice my head sweating and I'm like, oh wow, I've never felt the top of my head like sweating like that before. When I wasn't like working out or something.

Or wearing a hat in the hot sun, yeah. Yeah, but even if I wear a hat in the hot sun, it's like I never feel the top, I know it must be, but I never feel the top of my head sweating. I just feel like the sides and you know, like the part where the sweat like collects or whatever. Huh. Yeah.

Does hair absorb sweat? Probably, right? It seems like it should be absorbent. Yeah, because like people's hair gets like stinky when they sweat. Kind of greasy and stinky. Yeah, because like people's hair gets like stinky when they sweat. Kind of greasy and stinky. Yeah, so it must absorb. If it absorbs water, then probably, right?

Yeah. And then the other thing that's completely strange is like if you take, taking a shower at night like before I go to bed, my head is like immediately instantly dry. And I'm like, oh wow, I can just put my head like right down on this pillow. And I don't have to worry about getting my pillow wet

like right out of the shower. That's pretty cool. I can't even imagine that. There are some French benefits. There's some what? There are some French benefits, which is something that James Madison would very much enjoy.

Maybe. Lordy, lordy, it's hot here in South Carolina? All I know is there's a president, I don't even know his name, here in South Carolina? All I know is there's a president, I don't even know his name, who had 81 pairs of pants. This is great for the book. And anytime this president gets brought up, they're always like, he had 81 pairs of pants.

Can I get on the book, is this a little like a cartoon of Adol with like his finger up? Yeah. Doing a little blurb on my book. But it's a did you know on any page because it's not about the president that I'm on because it we don't know Guys I'm telling you this is what I want for my birthday I want this book on my desk by my birthday this year. Oh Aaron. That's crazy because you weren't getting nothing. So now From going from getting nothing to getting me writing you a book, that's quite-

Right me a book. Just president collection. Just president collection. Yes. And Adol- Juicy president collection. That pants one, let's suss out who it could be. Because it can't be a modern president. Because if you told me like Obama had anyone pairs of pants, I'd be like, okay.

Yeah, I'd be like, yes, of course. I mean, John Hamm was just on a podcast talking about how he has like 38 tuxedos, just tuxedos. Of course he does. But I know he had mutton chops, this president, and I feel like the nation freaked out where they're like, Zachary Tyler. Like, shouldn't it be he had around 80 pairs of pants?

But the fact that it's 81 specifically is like the nation was hung up on this. I can feel it if it's like, okay, so I have 80 pairs of pants, like suit pants, and one pair of like my weekend pants. So he's like, that's 81. Like 81 is the pants for me, 80 is for them. Yeah.

That's a lot of pants though. How many shirts? I think he was also called like the dance, like he was a dance, like everyone's like, what a fashionista. Like we have a president who's really just, like such a clothes whore. Erin, you're, well, I was gonna say that Erin, you're probably the most clothes whorey of us,

but Addle probably has way more clothes to do. We don't need to add clothes to that. We can be honest. You're always giving clothes jobs and- Drop the clothes. I'm the group slut. What was your question? Adel, you probably have more clothes than Erin, right?

But you, it's not necessarily all clothes that you're wearing. Yes, they're not in a rotation, but they're strewn about my floors and my mental, the sort of approach is, I'll wear this someday. Yeah. Someday I'll wear this, and then I hang on to it for eight years.

Like John Hammond is tuxedos. There's no way in a year he could ever do enough things that required a tuxedo that he needed to have all of those, right? Exactly. And here's something I want to bring up. Please. Guys, we got one.

We got one, we got a pope. Oh. Chicago pope, you guys, haven't we not talked about Chicago pope yet? Guys, we got one. We got one, we got a pope. Chicago pope, you guys, how have we not talked about Chicago pope yet? We got a pope. Pope, pope, we got a pope. I so immediately started making jokes about how I used to do improv with the pope on all my group chats.

This is funny. What do you think the chances are that this pope is gone by the time this episode comes out? I'd say 50-50. 80% chance? He was, he was also, I don't know if you guys saw this, when he was elected pope, selected pope, 69 years old. Nice. Whoa.

Yeah. And he was in your five Bs? JBC, he would have been on Devil's Daughter if he had got put on a team. And I think he's going by Jardinero the First. See, you guys all have did this kind of fun weeks ago, but we're just experiencing Chicago Pope now. So this might seem.

My favorite tweet, I think it was a tweet I saw was somebody said he put the, he puts the ope in Pope. That's awesome. Because if you don't know for anyone any international visitors in the Midwest if someone bumps into you or if If you're a Midwestern person and you drop something or you're trying to excuse yourself, you go. Oh, oh Sorry about that. Oh, I Favorite is the Midwestern double thigh slap when you're about to leave you you're like getting ready to go, well. I looked up a list of all the president's photos to try to guess who the 81 pants was.

And I was gonna guess Chester A. Arthur. And then I was gonna suggest we play a game where I name a president and then you guess how he looks. But guess what? You would be able to get it right away because they all look the fucking same. Yeah. It is crazy. How'd you search these images?

I went to the Wikipedia list of presidents. Nice. And they have all of the photos. Uh-huh. Not photos. Some are painted. Photos! Yeah, because do you remember when like people freaked out when Barack Obama became president and he was a black guy.

Yeah. Yeah. And now we're still kind of paying for it because then they really freaked out and then elected Trump. One of the reasons why they freaked out so hard that he was a black guy is because they had only ever been white guys. And so that's why they didn't, that's why some people didn't.

Oh, is that why they freaked out? Yeah, well, yeah. Some people may have said other stuff, but that's why they freaked out. Yeah, well, yeah. Some people may have said other stuff, but that's why. They could have said difference of opinions. And you could be like, what's what I- They said tan suit, and what they really meant was I'm racist.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not saying I don't like Obama. I'm not saying that there's not reasons to like Obama, but when he got elected in 2008, bleh. I get mad at him because he didn't do anything about gun control.

You're mad at him because you're racist. I'll be honest with him. I liked him in 2008. I voted for him. It was my first election. I voted for him in 2008. 2008 I was like, okay. Okay, change hope.

Let's do this. In 2008 Obama won like 40 states or something. He won Indiana, which was crazy. Cause I don't know if you know Indiana, a place I'm from. Not very good. Where it comes to their politics. Thank you for whispering. You turn into Ed Sullivan.

Yeah. You guys look at these presidents. This is hilarious. Zachary Taylor and James K. Polk both look equally scary and ridiculous. Yeah, and James K. Polk, he was the president. Was Polk the one that, no, that was Martin Van Buren, I think, was English was his second language. I think that's very funny because I think he was like a Dutchman.

Polk straight up has a mullet. That's a mullet. Yeah. So these the first couple the first handful of presidents, it's all portraits. It's all paintings. Do we think? Except Buchanan. Buchanan I think was shot on a digital Buchanan. Yes. Yeah, it was a DSLR. That's where we get Canon cameras from. Exactly. Drop the view. Wow. So these portraits, do we think when, like, so say George Washington is posing for this

beautiful portrait he has. Do you think after the artist does one, the artist then goes like, let's do a silly one. I think so. And he grabs a new canvas and he paints a silly one. And George Washington's like, eh. And he goes. Tongue out. He paints for eight hours and then he goes, oh, your eyes were closed a silly one. And George Washington's like, eh. And he goes, he paints for eight hours, and then he goes, oh, your eyes were closed for that one.

Let's do a new one. Well, Franklin Pierce, you can see that his portrait, if you go and look at these portraits, obviously listeners, you have to look at them. Franklin Pierce's portrait was redone because when he had first gotten the portrait done, he had just come back from a vacation in Destin, Florida, and he had his hair done in like beads and braids.

And they were like, well, I don't know if that's gonna be like, I know it's your look now, you're rocking it, but is this gonna be your look like for a long time? It turns out it wasn't. It was like a vacation thing that he kind of like. He went, but I'm tan. Do it now, I look tan.

I took a tin-type photo this weekend at the Ren Fair. Got up to 108 degrees by the way, I almost died. But I didn't know in those old photographs they have this thing that clamps the back of your neck so you don't move. And so they, and then the woman who took the photo did the thing to the back of my neck and then explained how the photo worked? So me and Zorp were sitting there like um

Can you take a ticket ticket ticket ticket? Like you say there's a thing that clamps to the back your neck, and it's just a guy holding you holding you So I gave Todd like hold still Stop moving. I think it was just her Arthur. It was the pants guy. Oh, Chester Arthur was the pants guy. Do you know what we're gonna say? Yeah, that makes sense. He's got like a weird fashion tie. That's who I guessed.

He's got the only one that has like a tie that looks like maybe this guy is doing something a little different, you know? 47. Ulysses S. Grant. Go ahead. Ulysses S. Grant was the first president to be serving a little bit of cunt in his presidential report.

Well, let me see, what number is he? He's 18. Let's see if he's serving cunt. So if we called him Ulysses S. Cunt, the S could be for serving. Oh, he is for sure serving cunt. He's the only one who did it. And then Warren G. Harding is the only one that's like,

let me get my hand in here. And they're like, hey, none of the rest of the guys wanted to put their hand in here. And he's like, let me do it. They're like, well, why? After Ulysses S. Grant, the next president to serve cunt was George W. Bush. George H.W. Bush was the next president to serve cunt.

I'm just kidding, He was saying mission accomplished. There you go. Okay. This, this, I don't want to talk about him on the park, but the, this is the first time that I'm seeing the presidential portrait for president Trump for 47. I've seen the 45 one before the 37 of what looks in his mugshot. It looks like it might it his mugshot? It looks insane. I think it might be his mugshot.

If you go through like the, like the, the, but we're also watching Andor right now, which by the time this comes out is completely over. But it's, it's fun because it's very much about the emperor, but it's not like, it's not like the Star Wars movies where like the emperor is not focused. He's just like talked about, you know, kind of threw out. But you know, the Emperor started out as a Senator before he like took absolute power and became the Emperor. Donald Trump is giving the most like in that 47 picture, like, I will be the undying Emperor

in a couple of years. Like I will shoot Mace Windu out a window. If I find out that Donald Trump shoots Samuel L. Jackson out a window, I'm like, hey, we gotta, we gotta join the, I might join the rebellion. I might put the pussy hat on and be like, it's time to, it's time to go to Yavin IV, everybody. He's like, that, that portrait says, I'm building the Death Star right now.

Yes. It does feel like in the Star Wars universe, 90% of conversations should just be anyone at all being like, have you heard about Darth Vader? He choked a guy from two miles away. It's adult, it's like what you said when you were like, get like a fire hose worth of news to some face every morning.

That's what they were dealing with there too. They're like, you know what, for my mental health, I cannot look at my news tablet. Yeah, it's like it's Darth Vader. Yeah. Like, it's like, our reality is like, have you heard about Darth Vader? Yeah, he like, he got on like a resistance ship

and he like killed everybody on the ship and like forced choked the pilot and crushed him into a cube. And our reality is like, hey, do you see like Pete Hagseth sent another dick pic to like a group chat with his mom, a doctor, and like the Washington Post bureau chief. Here's a riddle for you. Pete Hagseth sent a dick pic to his mom,

a doctor and the bureau chief, yet he only sent the picture to two people. How is this possible? So his mom can't be a doctor and a bureau chief. I'm looking at these presidents guys before we get into riddles. And I am, I'm a hundred percent sure that I could be, do better today

than at least 35 of these guys, at least. Yeah, I think most people, if you picked them off the street, could do better than 35 of the presidents. Erin, I think you would be better. Thank you. To do Aaron, I think you would be better. Thank you. To do better, you would have to be better. And I think you should run next year for president

with the campaign slogan, be better. Actually, be best. I think I gotta wait a couple years. I actually could run for president in 2028. Oh yeah, don't you have to be? I'll be old enough. Oh, I completely thought it was be... I'll be old enough. Oh, I completely thought it was old. I thought it was the height requirement.

Oh, because you're getting the leg, the COVID leg surgery, right? I am. I can't wait. It's going to hurt so bad. Okay. We are going to do some riddles, but I will say in 2027, I think we, we continue to do riddles or whatever this podcast is, but we also hardcore launch a campaign for Aaron Keefe to be president. It's so funny because I sometimes think about my original plan when I was like applying for colleges.

I was like, I'm either going to go for theater or I'm going to go for politics. If I go for politics, I'm going to go and then maybe I'll go to law school or maybe I'll become a Daily Show correspondent. And that was that path. And then, but I think about that all the time, and I'm like, that would have been, oof. Because when I moved to Chicago, that was my plan. I was like, I'm gonna do world news,

and then I'm gonna go be on the Daily Show. That was my dream. And then politics kept getting darker and darker, and I'm like, um, uh. I actually don't know if, that's like why you don't see women with microphones And then politics kept getting darker and darker. And I'm like, um, uh. I actually don't know if, that's like why you don't see women with microphones at Trump rallies anymore.

Like, it's too dangerous, too scary. We've had- Oh, I thought you meant on stage. I was like, what the fuck is she talking? You meant like the protest microphone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The bullhorn. The bullhorn.

We've had presidents run the country like a business Aaron. I think it's time to countries run like a podcast So just a doodle to try to figure out when everyone can just little doodle recording I wonder what it would be like to have a president that does not respond to texts and emails. I think Hey, hey, JPC, your texts, your emails. Wow, let's get into some warmup rules here. Oh, well, let's also say that this is Hey Renovatell, I'm JPC, that's Adeline, that's Erin. What?

I think maybe the longest we've ever gone without saying what the podcast is or who we are. It's okay. We hadn't seen each other in a minute, we're catching up. Yeah. These are trios, we've done these before. It's going to be three things. They all have one thing in common. A candy store, a fancy hotel in Tchaikovsky.

Tchaikovsky? Tchaikovsky. Tchaikovsky. Tchaikovsky. A candy store. Tchaikovsky. A candy store. A fancy hotel in Tchaikovsky.

A candy store, a fancy hotel in Tchaikovsky. Who is Tchaikovsky? Tchaikovsky. Was he a Tchaikovsky? Tchaikovsky. Tchaikovsky. Tchaikovsky. Tchaikovsky.

Tchaikovsky. Tchaikovsky. Tchaikovsky. Tchaikovsky. Tchaikovsky in Tchaikovsky. A candy store or fancy hotel in Tchaikovsky. Who is Tchaikovsky? Tchaikovsky? Was he a composer? He was a composer. And these all- these things all have something in common? They all have bars?

They don't have bars, but that's a very good guess. That's very much along the lines. A fancy hotel would have a piano in the lobby. I'm assuming Tchaikovsky has a piano somewhere in his house. Does a candy store have a piano? Piano is definitely a breadcrumb on the trail to the right answer here. So definitely think along those lines.

Keys? But it's something, oh, it's not keys. Twizzlers. Lollipops. They all have Twizzlers. White and black, is there something with white and black? No, think about.

No, it's like a decor thing. So think about a fancy hotel. Why are we saying fancy versus a regular hotel? What would a fancy hotel have that a Ramada Inn does not have? No bed bugs. Shh. Shandelier.

Shandelier. Ooh, like no questions asked call service for like, you know, the kind of stuff that you Like what? Don't wanna say, but you want For like an anora situation. For like an experience where you could like get Like an anora experience, Erin.

Thank you. Anora. Let's see, sexual pleasure from a sex worker. I do wanna see a scene. What? It's not what you think. Going off candy store and fancy hotel, I do wanna see a scene. JPC, you are a hotel owner.

This is, you have a hotel made out of candy. Aaron, you have just arrived at the hotel. You didn't know it was gonna be made out of candy and you're just sort of like taking in all the information. Hello and welcome. A pleasure to serve. Checking in? Hi, yes, my name is Gretel Forest.

Sorry, I'm having... No, it's okay, Gretel Forest. Is that two Rs? I'm not finding you in this. Do you have a reservation? Oh, I might be under my brother's name. Hansel? Oh, yes. Hansel Forrest with three R's. Yes, we have you for a double occupancy. Two queen beds. Is that correct? Staying with us for...

Oh, my condolencesences I'm just seeing here in the file that you have been recently orphaned you're staying with us indefinitely yes um yeah sorry I just I stumbled upon a house like this before this well there are no houses like this Well, there are no houses like this. This is the finest hotel in all of the land. This is actually I am the owner and proprietor of the hotel. It is a jewel. It is unique in that way. Right.

You do. Yeah. Sorry, you just remind me of someone. Sorry, my brother and I went into this house. We pushed a lady in the oven. Oh, thought she was going to cook and eat us. Now we're scared every day. She's gonna enact her revenge. So you don't have to, you don't have to tell me this.

And of course, everything you tell me is completely confidential. We keep all of our guests secrets, even if they admit to, as long as they're not planning on doing something like this in the future, if it's a past crime that they have admitted to it. So I'll just grab the wifi info and breakfast starts at six. Breakfast starts whenever you want to take a bite and it's candy for breakfast.

Oh, that's kind of fun. Don't, if you're gonna eat candy or eat pieces of the hotel, might I recommend you don't eat anything that is floor or walls because that's something that people usually touch. Ceiling, easy to eat and easy to replace. And you don't need anything that is floor or walls because that's something that people usually touch. Ceiling, easy to eat, and easy to replace.

So if it's floor or walls, it's going to be dirty candy. Great. And you're- Because it's all candy. Right. Yes. Even the bed. The hotel is made of candy.

Right. Okay. The stuff inside- I'm typing on a computer right now. Yeah. But is it made of candy? The stuff inside the I'm typing on a computer right now. Yeah, but is it made of candy? The stuff inside the hotel is no. Oh, okay. How would an elevator made of candy work? I don't know, like the same way

a hotel made of candy would work. Ah, I am so sick of this. Shit. That was definitely the witch. This is the grand opening first guest. A candy store, a fancy hotel, and Tachovsky. The witch's house was made of candy, but she had an oven and stuff and a cauldron or whatever.

It was made of candy. That was all made of candy? I don't know, bitch. Oh, Adol, what is the answer to this? It's insane to go into someone's house, start to get suspicious and just push them in an oven, just to be safe, to be like, just in case. Oh yeah, because we don't know what she was trying to cook them.

Yeah, if you told me that story, and you did not mention the fairy tale aspect of it, you just talked about how it's like a home invasion, they push someone in the oven, I would be like, oh, this is a person suffering from a mental break. Yes. And you're like, no, they were children and the house was candy.

I'm like, okay, well, the detail, I just can't with this. I can't absorb what this story is. I have too much context for this, but she was a witch your honor. I think Tell Teichowski I think and I Very much apologize. I feel like we're gonna get a lot of comments on how I'm pronouncing Teichowski, but I just don't care Um a fancy hotel. I think is what we really need to examine So again, what is a fancy hotel have that a regular hotel has? A bar, a pool.

And think about the upper floors, probably. Penthouse. Is it true? Balcony. Penthouse, but you might call it this. Sweet. Sweets. Yes.

She took a lot of flack for being a witch, but she wanted to eat the kids, right? She was a cannibal. Well, hold on. If I'm picking the word to- I think she expressed, JBC, she expressed interest in maybe having a nibble, if permissible.

I think she wanted them to eat the candy and then she wanted to eat them. I forgot, Adol's trying to get on the Armie Hammer podcast, so he's not- Yeah. He's trying to be as loose as he can with the term cannibal because it doesn't actually apply to people who just maybe have like talked about wanting to try.

Army, thank you so much for having me on Hammering Home. Is that the name of it? Arnie, Army, Arnie, Army, Arnie, Army. Thanks for coming by. Thanks for coming by. You tell me. And you're the heir to the army hammer fortune company. Mm hmm.

Mm hmm. Mm hmm. I don't, can I have another riddle? Cause that one kind of kicked my ass. Yes. And just sort of a liar, liar situation, Erin, you might say. A candy store, a fancy hotel, Tchaikovsky,

they all have sweets. That's sort of just to wrap that one up. Absolutely got it, Erin. Good job. This will be a football playbook, a football playbook, a love letter, and Hollywood Squares. Xs.

Okay, oh, Louis Anderson. They all have Louis Anderson. Dang, I'm bad at this. All right, guys, we're gonna run a Hail Mary Louis Anderson. Top 10 receivers on the board. Aaron, you got half of it. You said they all have. Xs and Os.

They all have Xs and Os. Sorry, that's the square. I would like to see a scene. JPC, you are our football coach and you're explaining a play to us that you came up with yesterday. All right, everybody. We're gonna try something.

It's just practice today, okay? So, you know, the game's on Sunday. We practice like it's the game Well, I had a dream last night and are you guys familiar with? It's like the type of dream we're like you can kind of control what's happening lucid dreaming coach lucid dreaming coach Yeah, so I had my first I've been trying to do it for a while. I had my first lucid dream last night. Woo! And we were all, yep, Steve you were there, Derek, we were all on the field.

And I was coming up with these brilliant plays. And when I woke up, the second I woke up, I started writing them all down. I started writing them all down, okay? Oh yeah, give it to us coach, what is it? What is it? For the first play, so it looks like the football field but it's like not the football field like it's way longer Okay, so that'll be important. So it'll be like longer like it'll be like a hundred miles So we'll have to like stop as we're running downfield We'll have to like stop and like stay at like hotels and stuff.

And oh, we're on horses. This sort of sounds like this is dream logic and won't necessarily apply to the kind of plays we need to win a game. Hey, hey, hey. You are O-line, okay? You're not the quarterback. QB1, you can speak in the huddles.

O-line, don't speak in the huddles. But I'm the captain coach. Coach, QB1 here. I see on page 14, play 48, it says that I am to snap the ball and then hover three inches off the ground for about 45 minutes. It's not 45 minutes, it's 45 seconds. So this is called the serpent on the mound. So what is this gear?

Snap the football in half? Mound? Hand it to the serpent on the mound. So what is this? You're gonna snap the football in half? Mound? Hand it to the serpent on the mound. Hand it to the people on either side of you, okay? They're gonna take those footballs, snap them in half. Now suddenly we have eight footballs on the field. My math works out there. Everybody's gonna be throwing footballs, okay?

Little of a footballs. Oh, it's sort of a wildcat situation. Coach, on page seven, this diagram says all my teeth are supposed to fall out and then I have to take an English test again that I failed when I was in high school. Don't worry about it. Don't dwell too much about the teeth in the test.

The teeth fall out, but shark teeth replace them. Shark never run out of teeth. They're just always pushing, pushing, pushing, growing back, growing more teeth, growing more teeth, growing more teeth. And then the English test is on Huck Finn so it's easy. He painted the fence or whatever. QB1.

I'm supposed to get back with Deborah but she's a car now? And it says that happened in your childhood best friend's kitchen? So this one sucks because I had just seen the movie Cars for the first time so Lightning McQueen was going to be in a ton of these plays, but that's okay, okay? Here's one called Wow. So Lightning McQueen, you start driving down the field, and it's long, like 100 miles,

so you're gonna have to stop for gas, okay? Hey Coach, we need to start the game. Sorry, me and the other refs, we gotta start the game. Oh my God, have I been talking for a whole day? Yeah. Oh, we were doing. Hey, it's me, your mom, the ref, your mom. Okay. But I'm made of gold.

What's going on with you? And we all start floating up to the ceiling. Wee. Scene. It was a dream the whole time. Inception. It was a dream the whole time. It was a dream, a scene within a scene.

Inception. A ladder, a mountain, a fish. Things that you climb, things that you do high. Aaron, things that you climb is so close. Just maybe another word for that. Oh, things that you wrung out. Uh, no, but I like that as well. Ew. You ever wring out a fish?

Yeah, she gets the bones out. She twists it to get all the water out. Ew. You don't want to eat the bones of a fish. If you want that meat, you got to wring out the bones. Let's go on a break. We'll be right back. I can't believe that worked.

Notice anything different about me? Gestures towards my new quince dress. That's perfect for summer. Don't say appearance. Don't say appearance. Don't say appearance. It looks like you are very sleepy. Yeah, smaller eyes. Why would I say that?

Okay, that's true kind of all the time. There's a little twirl in my new quince dress. It's super summery and light. I look great. Erin, I'm so sorry. I'm trying to notice, but if that beautiful dress wasn't in the way, I feel like I could maybe see if you had got

a haircut or something. Aaron, did you get your legs switched? I heard people are doing that surgery now where they get right and left shuffles. I did. It went kind of wrong. But I do have this beautiful new dress from Quince. Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos,

European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work from everything, from backyard hangs to nice dinners. But the best part is everything with Quince is half the cost of a similar brand. That's true. It has really unlocked something for me, you guys. I'm loving this.

It's perfect for basics, it's perfect for home stuff. Check it out. Erin, it's gorgeous. And I've, a little birdie told me that took your hair, I believe, a little birdie told me that took your hair I believe, a little birdie with your hair told me that Quince works directly with top artisans and they cut out the middleman. Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. Yeah I love my Quince lightweight

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Quince.com slash riddle. Does it spin in my dress? My new legs sort of fall and turn into dust. I knew I shouldn't have gotten this surgery. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Addle JPC, we're going on tour this year and I thought I'd do something special to commemorate. I'm doing a travel blog. I'm using Squarespace to make my brand new website to sort of show all the photos and videos and funny stories of our travels.

I'm looking at this, Erin. This looks like a blog of places that you've fallen down. Yeah, sorry. I just, this is also just for like insurance stuff. Like I have to keep track. Erinwipesout.gov? Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I just, this is also just for like insurance stuff. I have to keep track. Erin wipes out dot gov. Yeah. Okay.

So you sort of turn this around on me. Bird pulls out woman's hair. Well Erin, the good thing is Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with your travel blog or whatever it might be. Whether you're starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. Except Erin, I don't know, are you getting paid for this? Well, not yet, but I can fundraise directly on the website to grow my impact with

built-in donation tools. I can create a professional on-brand website that makes it easy to accept one time or recurring contributions and engage supporters. With built-in email campaigns and marketing tools, you can connect with your community and inspire more people to support your cause. Because I'm trying to find a wig because a bird ate all my hair. And Erin, also with Squarespace, you have access to videos. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website.

You can upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops. Like I'm seeing this video on your website, um, Bird wears women's hair and pulls off look better. Ooh, it's paywall! Erin, very smart! Ah!

What's this one? Kids trip adult woman wall. Onlookers cheer? What? Erin, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upload that one. Erin, plus with SEO tools, you can get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto generated sitemap and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers let me try it out I'm gonna Google woman bird wig and pain Aaron here you are top of the list

Kristen wig is gonna play a bird in an upcoming Alfred Hitchcock remake sign me up so head to Squarespace.com slash riddle for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain that includes birds with Aaron's hair. Mm-hmm. I Think I'm gonna shut this website down. It's too funny I'm gonna go with the You might do this to a ladder, you might do this to a mountain, you might do this if you're cooking a fish. Mmm, brine. You would brine a ladder. I mean, this is one of the first things you do to a fish. Absolute first things you do. Well, maybe after killing. Hopefully.

D-Bone. Oh, very close. But even before you get to the bones, you gotta do something else. Scale! These are all things you scale. Get their guts out? Do re mi fa so la ti la do, do re do. The scale. I do wanna see a scene. Sure. JPC, Erin and I are interviewers.

You are the first fish to climb Everest. And we're getting this with the press conference. Over here. Oh my God. Hi, from the London Observer, but I don't have an accent. What was the hardest part about climbing the mountain? Horrible. It's fucking freezing, are you kidding?

Oh my God. Oh God. Dwayne DeJure, Epoch Times or Epic Times, I don't really know. I have a question. Did you think that there would be more salmon up there? Yeah. And is that why you went?

Okay. Yeah. Follow up question, why? Because something's broken in my, sorry, sorry, I'm so cold. I need, ooh. We're at base camp. Yeah, we're like we're back down the mountain at this point I know but like I mean that's why I've stayed so fresh as I was so cold up there Holy crap. Can we can we do something? Can we help you warm up? Would it help if we dunked you in some hot oil?

Tea I see what's happening. No, you can't cook me, OK? I climbed up the mountain because I thought my whole school was going up there. Turns out that was not the case. I'm feeling a little off. I don't know where they are. I'm supposed to be with them.

It's actually, I'm out like $150,000. It's expensive to climb Mount Everest. Also, there's a long line at the top, and that was too distressedful. Hi, Todd McFarland, Creator Respond. I had a question. You have a little bite out of you. What happened there?

Okay, all right. Don't judge. I got a little lost. I got sort of a, what is it called when you feel sick from not enough air? Altitude sickness. I got altitude sickness.

I got a little hungry. Mm. The sun came out. It's kind of beating down on me. I smelled how I smelled. The sweat had made me salty. Reach down to the fight. Speaking of sweat made me salty, I'm sorry, Jerry Curl Playboy Magazine.

America wants to know, while you were up there, did you breed? Um... Did you spawn? Well, if you do go up there, and you do see a bunch of dead baby salmon... You know, I don't need to answer this question. Sure. Let's do one more. Let's do one more of these.

This is eggs, bricks, and carpets. Eggs, bricks, carpets, and I'll even add Aaron Keefe. These are all things that need to be whisked away. Aaron, you just won a vacation. Eggs, bricks, and carpets. And when's the last time that you were whisked away? I don't think ever. Wow.

What constitutes being whisked away? Usually sort of like whisked off your feet is the expression I read most often is I was whisked off my feet, so. I think. Kidnapped? Well, no, I don't think, I think it, like what it would need is

you, like, leave your place, like, you walk out your front door and someone is standing, leaning against a car, doesn't have to be a convertible, it would help, with a jacket thrown over one shoulder. And they're probably either wearing sunglasses or they have sunglasses, but they're definitely holding tickets. Like, they have tickets to something and they're probably either wearing sunglasses or they have sunglasses, but they're definitely holding tickets.

Like they have tickets to something and they're just smiling. And then you look at them and without seeing what the tickets are, you know what the tickets are for. And In Your Eyes is playing on their car speakers. Yes. Yeah.

Wait a minute. What now? Is that the light? No. Uh, uh. Inside your eyes. Wait, now my brain is combining the songs. Stop it, that'll stop! Inside your eyes, it's inside of your eyes.

That really hurt my brain. It's there inside your eyes. Um, yeah, I think whisked away is like if someone is like, grab your passport baby, we're going to Paris this weekend. I have it all figured out. No, I've not been whisked away. I'm the one who usually plans the trips in my life. I'm the one who books things and finds things.

But I would love to be whisked away. I had one birthday where the night before I went to bed, Gemma was like, pack a bag, here's everything you need. And it was like, you know, 10 items or something. So I packed, it was, she's like pack a bag for one day. Here's the things you definitely should put in your bag. And then we walked to the L line and then we got on the L line, we got to O'Hare,

and then she was kinda smiling, and it's like, where are we gonna go? And I was like, are we going to, I was trying to guess, we just went to Chili's too. She was like, pack a set of utensils, cutlery. But we ended up going to New Orleans for the day, and it was such a delight to be like, I'm at the airport, I don't know where I'm going.

It was very, very fun. So I had the opportunity. You got whisked. I got whisked, baby. There's all those big posters at the airport being like, look out for the signs of whisk, of people being whisked. Learn the hand signals, learn the codes

to know if someone's being whisked. The hand signals miming a big mixing bowl and then doing the sort of stirring motion. A guy on vacation, his wife's so excited and he's like doing like the hand signs to people to see if anyone would be like, excuse me, sir, do you want to go to New Orleans today? Do you want to go to New Orleans today

or did you want to watch football? Uh, eggs, bricks, and carpets all have something in common. Um, think about eggs... Fibers. They all have fibers. Nothing in common. Think about eggs. Fibers. Boots. They all have fibers. Think about what are done to eggs before we can enjoy them. Cracked.

But even before they're cracked. They're shoved out of a bird's cloaca. 100%. JBC, you nailed it, but what's that term called? Being born. Hatched. But we don't say, my We don't say my chicken born. Laid, oh they're laid.

These are all things that are laid. Eggs, bricks, carpets, air-teeth. I'd like to see a scene. Addle and JPC, you guys are chickens. Addle, JPC is your chicken best friend and you are kind of panicking and confiding in him that you laid a brick instead of an egg last night. Oh, wait, wait, before, oh, God, what?

You know, I just gotta, I have to like organize this because it's, you know. I am having a ton of sex. Okay, it's so late. It's just like, I'm going through all of this shit and I just can't find the fucking, you know, it's like, cause I have, I have like, I could do like- Covered and cum.

I could be like, oh yeah, but that's not the right one. Or I could be like- Casey, I'm related. But that's not like, I have like, I could do like Covered and come I could be like, oh yeah, but that's not the right one Or I could be like Casey, unrelated You guys are coming in and out of me But that's not like, I have Why do you never use Adels? I have a mother who listens Adel never says, Adel, okay

I mean, I guess like Adel could be like, I have sex Pounded smooth And so, but you know, it's just like, yeah Play one of yours smart guy Minor minor nothing. Oh, I was bitten by a cloaca. Okay Okay, yeah That's the only one that applied That's the only one that made sense Casey. Can you help me set up a soundboard this week? Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry

I'm so and you know I hate to ask you, but. I fucked a frog, I fucked a frog in Tennessee. GBC, will you make that whole thing a clip? Yeah. Can you see where you set up my soundboard this week? Okay, I'd like to see my scene now. Okay, can you restate what it was? Cause obviously I was.

Wow. Well, obviously I was looking for the clip. We're chickens, you're chicken best friends. Adel is confiding in you cuz he laid a brick last night instead of an egg and he's panicking got it Boy, oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy Hey, Bob. Hey, Bob. Hey Bob. Hey, Suze. What's going on? Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy Hey last night, uh, you know, I know, I did the thing we all look forward to doing and went a little sideways. Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy.

Okay, I'm not following you. Well, I laid a brick. I laid a brick, brick brick. Oh, you were playing basketball last night? I didn't even. Yeah, well yeah, I was playing. Yeah, I guess I missed the invite. Was it just chickens or were roosters?

It doesn't matter. It was a hand-1 mixtape tour. The professor was there. Got it. Oh, you laid a brick. Well, that sucks. I mean, yeah, if it was the N1 mixtape tour, probably a lot of people saw it too.

Well, hey, you know what? People don't remember that stuff after it happens. It might be like in a video or whatever, but everybody, it happens to everybody, you know? But after the game, I got so nervous, I thought I'd sort of give birth, and I pushed out a brick. So I laid bricks, and then I pushed out a brick. I'm sorry, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You pushed a brick out of your body? Uh-huh. Like instead of an egg. It's here, if you want to see it. Like you laid a brick. Here, hold it, touch it. Oh my god.

This is like a standard size brick. Right? This came out of you, this is as big as you. Yeah. It's thicker than you. Yeah. It's heavier than you. Yeah.

There's no way this came out of you. I tried to put it back in. I even laid next to it and I'm like, the corners would stick out of my mouth. I see what's happening. I see what's happening. You tried to put it back in. I even laid next to it and I'm like, the corners would stick out of my mouth. I see what's happening. I see what's happening. You tried to put it back in. Yeah. Okay, yeah, hey.

Y'all get lonely, you know? Seed, seed, seed. I forgot that I could pull the ripcord on that, good. She's a brick and I'm chicken sex toy. That is what that song is about. And it's actually really sad. It's actually a really sad song. No, Aaron, Ben Folds came out and said

it's about a chicken masturbating with a brick. I think it's pretty obvious when you listen to the lyrics, Aaron. If you hear the lyrics about him like sitting in the waiting room and like getting nervous, it's like about a chicken. No, that's what the luckiest is about.

You guys don't listen to him. That's Aaron, that's the cluckiest. It's about a chicken. Oh. I am cluckiest. I am cluckiest. The cluckiest. The cluckiest.

The cluckiest. I don't get many things right the first time. I'm cocking the suburbs. I'm cocking the suburbs. I am cocking the suburbs. I am cocking the suburbs. I am cocking the suburbs. I am cocking the suburbs. I am cocking the suburbs. I am cocking the suburbs. I am cocking the suburbs. I am cock in the suburbs. I am told that I'll lie. Well, I thought about the Hid House.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Henfold's Five? Henfold's Five. They're all dissembled and false, close away. Remember, guys, remember a few episodes ago, we said that we might do an episode where it takes us two years because we're putting so much time and effort

and production value into it. Yeah. We even said we hire do an episode where it takes us two years because we're putting so much time and effort and production value into it. We even said we hire a Rick Rubin, Rick Rubin type to bring us to his Shangri-La minimalist studio and give us Zen-like wisdom. What if we do in two years, we release a Ben Folds album that's Henfolds five and it's all weird owl-esque parodies but it's

all chicken stuff. Yeah. And after we do that we promise we'll disappear forever. We promise. You will never hear from us again. I think at all if we did that I think that people would be genuinely pretty upset. I think that people would be pretty upset. In a good way?

No. Oh, interesting. Upset in a good way There's an old man who lived to his 90s It is sleep it is why And his wife She stayed for a couple of days Was the luckiest even on an album? The ascent of the snake The ascent of the snake Is the luckiest, is that on an album? I thought that that was like a non-album Ben Fold song

I'm sorry I know that you say we're done It's on and on It's on and on Just earnest chicken No what is, what I can't think of another Ben Fold song. No, no, no, it's on Rock of the Suburbs, I forgot, yes. Yeah.

No, he just has the one. I mean, that's fine. You don't know me, at all. No. From the Over the Hedge soundtrack? Is that from Over the Hedge? I don't know. He did a song for the Over the Hedge.

From me, a photo table like a mannequin. He did the song for the Over the Edge. Put a table like a mannequin. What's his song that he wrote for his daughter? I remember being so sweet. I don't want to turn it into a chicken song. Uh, hmm. Is it off the suburbs? Rocking the suburbs?

It's called Gracie. How does that go though? Well, I don't know, Erin. You're gonna have to listen to it and you're gonna have to work for two years on a Ben Folds chicken album and then put it out and then have people be like, hey man, what's going on?

Are you okay? What is this? I'll start a Kickstarter and we'll see how many people are clamoring for a Ben Folds Chicken Parody album. Annie Waits turns into- People start stealing from the Kickstarter. That's how much they don't want it to exist.

Carrie and Kathy, not the same. We'll figure it out. Hey, we'll figure this out. Here's another one. We'll figure it out. What type of transportation has 10 wheels but can only carry one person? What type of transportation has 10 wheels but can only carry one person? Unicycle stacked up on a bunch of other unicycles with one guy at the top of it. Okay.

10 unicycle cycle cycle. Okay, JVC, you can leave the class. Thank you. You've passed, Erin. Um. What type of transportation has ten wheels but can only carry one person? A bike. It's not a bike.

Bikes usually have one or two wheels. Is this a, okay, it's got ten wheels. You said ten wheels ten wheels so is this like a like a person I'm gonna say like in a European city Like a Parisian er who is taking like transporting eight wheels of cheese home from their like cheese shop on a bike GPC you got it

There's two wheels plus eight wheels of fromage Uh, GPC, you got this! Ah, Ratatouille! There's two wheels, plus eight wheels of fromage! Can you believe that there is not a single character in the movie Ratatouille named Ratatouille? What the fuck? That's insane. What the fuck? That is, there's also no character in Toy Story named Toy Story. What are we doing?

Why is the mouse not named Ratatouille? In Rugrats, they have names like Tommy. There's no Rugrat in Rugrats. Truly sucks. I mean, we gotta do something about these fucking Hollywood types with their naming conventions for movies. I'm tired of it. What transportation has 10 wheels?

I already got it. But get only Gary Woodburns and besides a French person carrying wheels of chills. The better. So think of these wheels being smaller than what you're probably picturing. So there's also wheels is like a type of like, it's like macaroni for kids.

Like it's like, hey, it's wheels. It's like a fun shape of a good a like macaroni for kids. Like it's like, hey, it's wheels. It's like a fun shape of a noodle. And how does it sound? What? Uh, oh, cool. Oh, yeah, cool. Oh, craft, the cheesiest, Velveeta cheese. Oh, macaroni wheels.

Annie's, Annie's luxury mac and cheese. And let's go to break. Let's go to a mental break. What type of transportation has 10 wheels? And here's what on a break. Let's go to a mental break. What type of transportation has 10 wheels? Here's what I'll say. Shut up. I was in the grocery store the other day and I was walking down the mac and cheese aisle.

Not really my thing, but it's on the way to the beans. And I saw, there were like three new brands of mac and cheese that I've never fucking heard of. Was anybody clamoring for this? Did anyone need more, like additional mac and cheese that I've never fucking heard of. Was anybody clamoring for this? Did anyone need more, like, additional mac and cheese brands on the market? Aaron, is this stand-up or what is this? Yeah, I think it's really pre-planned.

Who are the people who are asking for more mac and cheese? Wait, I feel like people are clamoring for more mac and cheese. Really? Yeah, because cuz Kraft is Kraft is Nostalgia based like yeah, you eat it. You're like this reminds me of childhood Yeah, but it is fairly like watery and the cheese is thin and it's yeah It's not like super tasty Annie's is fine, but it tastes like you're eating healthy mac and cheese

Okay, I feel like we need a third option. That's like a little more luscious and dense. Hey, I got news for you. We got a third option, a fourth option, and a fifth option. They got the brands. The mac and cheese is there for you. Yeah, I feel like it's popular enough of a food staple that we need more options. Isn't it crazy that we say food staple, but if you try to eat staples, the doctor will tell you these have cut up your food size. Not a universal experience, just you.

Just you. Yeah, I can afford a doctor. Sorry, Erin. Sorry that I have health insurance. Then I go to the doctor because I ate too many staples because I read it in a book about staples and I said, oh, it seems like rice and staples are two things that people can eat to kind of like keep a healthy. To kind of what?

Huh? Huh? Was I talking or who was? I think, I don't remember. Is it a clock? Can't ride a clock though. You could ride a clock. You'd get some weird looks.

This type of transportation with 10 wheels is usually gonna be seen for us. We would most likely see it a lot during the summer. During the summer, maybe on the, probably on the sidewalks. Some kids, some teens, maybe some adults who think they're really cool in their head. Skateboard.

We're getting real close. Roller blades. 10 wheels. Aaron. It is roller blades or inline skates, five wheels on each blade. I truly could not have told you that roller skates had five wheels on them. I think most inline skates do, right?

Oh, inline skates is in a line, right? Because the roller skates are like four wheels, right? Roller skates are four and four, yeah, in total. But roller blades or the inline skates, I think typically have five and five. Why do they have five? Why not four? Is it just because it has to be like longer

than your foot or something or? Hey, you can tell. I've never skated once in my life on skates. I've skateboarded, but I've never, I think in my life on skates. I've skateboarded but I've never I've never I think I've put on Roller skates maybe twice, but I've never had Inline inline skates. I've never done inline I used to go to roller like roller rinks all the time for birthday parties for I mean roller rinks were the place to be You don't see him a lot of anymore. I don't think There's one sort of by me in Los Angeles that I went to.

But I don't know, I don't know, like, it's fun to watch people who are good at it, but it, I don't know. I don't necessarily have the most fun doing it. It's fun when they turn on, they'll put like a disco ball down, then maybe they'll put on Blacklight or something. You go to this little window and a guy sells you a box

of Alexander the Grapes for a dollar. You're having fun, you get some nachos, it's a good time. To me when I see people going fast on rollerblades, it's the same as when I see a person on a motorcycle. I'm like, oh, I mean, you're dead, you're going to die. It shows a level of trust in the society that we live in that I'm like, hey, have you seen the society that we live in? Like you're gonna get killed and someone's gonna kill you and not even think twice about like,

they're gonna kill you on their phone. Can you imagine like taking someone's life that you're just like scrolling? Like you're like, that's the anyway. I always said that motorcycles is the number one thing I will not budge on in dating. Other than being a bad person, but in terms of other stuff, I will never date someone who rides motorcycles.

Would you get on a motorcycle? No, never. In any context? No. I can't think, maybe if I'm taking a picture, if there's a motorcycle, those things you put quarters in outside of a grocery store, maybe I'll get on that and go like a riding horse motorcycle.

And people who don't wear helmets are driving me insane yeah. What about guys? Just in general. What about guys on moped's pops wheelie falls off moped falls on me I'm fine. Alright back to the hospital they know us already because of JPC eating all those staples. Yeah, the hospital knows us. I have a family member who's a speech pathologist for traumatic brain injury or was for a really long time. And getting on a motorcycle is so stupid. People who like, there's enough chaos in this world.

When you were past 25 and you were inviting chaos in on the daily, what are you doing? Stop, stop it. They're courting something, they're courting something that we can't possibly understand. All right, well. I believe in the movies.

Yeah, what, the great escape, what's the movie he looks so cool on a motorcycle? Steve McQuain. Mm-hmm. Terminator 2 has a big motorcycle scene, what are like the big motorcycle movies. What are the big motorcycle movies? What's the one beyond the pines or something? Wild Hogs.

Wild Hog with Bart Lawrence and Tim Allen, I believe. What else? What are the cool motorcycle movies? I feel like there's cool motorcycle scenes in movies, but I don't know if there's a lot of cool motorcycle movies. TORQ, I guess. They tried to do Motorcycle Fast and the Furious. Adam Scott was the bad guy in it. What's the one?

There's one with who played- Joseph Gordon Levitt played like a bike delivery guy in New York City. Oh, but he was on like a bicycle, right? He was on a bicycle, but it's one of the most stressful movies I've ever seen, because he's just- the whole movie he's going like 80 miles an hour on a bicycle, but it's one of the most stressful movies I've ever seen, because he's just, the whole movie he's going like 80 miles an hour on a bicycle, it threw New York traffic, and you're just like, please stop, please stop. Yeah, 50-50. Really stressful.

All right, let's do one more riddle. 50-50. Yeah. There's a fruit bowl on grandma's table containing two types of fruit. If you jumble the letters of one, you can spell the other. What are the two fruits? Apple and papal, baby. Apple and papal.

Would you get like a papal? Banana and nananas. Nanar and bananas. Pear. There's a fruit bowl on grandma's table containing two types of fruit. If you jumble the letters of one, you can spell the other. What are the two fruits?

Peach. Watermelon. Grape. Uh, Erin. Watermelon. Hey, again, Mark Zuckerberg, drop the water. Melon. Lemon and melon. Lemon and melon. What? She has a fruit bowl on her table

that has lemon and melon in it? Yeah, I wanna see a scene. She can't live alone anymore. No, sorry, Grandma. It's time. What? She has a fruit bowl on her table that has lemon and melon in it? Yeah, I wanna see a scene. She can't live alone anymore. No, I'm sorry grandma, it's time. Yeah. I wanna see a scene. And there's no shame in it,

it's just you can't take care of yourself cause you're making lemon melon salad. And you're putting it. I like a, would you like a little melon? It's like no. I do wanna see a scene. The two of you are, I can't think of anything except for there's a Wallace Shawn play

called Aunt Dan and Lemon. So you two are gonna be two octogenarian women sitting on a workbench, and your names are Melon and Lemon, and you're just sort of like people watching and sort of taking in the day in your own weird way. So where's this crow that you think looks like your dead husband? Yeah, well he'll be here. He's not always here.

This is just kind of his area. Um, hey, you're bogarting the Dr. Pepper Slurpee. Well? Give me some. Give me some Dr. Pepper Slurpee. My teeth are in there. That's dibs. Oh, I thought you were cleaning them.

Well. Dr. Pepper is caustic, so it will clean dentures. Yeah, and it will make your mouth taste good when you put them back in. Okay, so when we see the crow, he looks just like my dead husband. Be cool. I will take first pass if he's not into it. Wait, what do we mean be cool? I thought you were just trying to show me that this crow sort of had the essence of your husband. What do you mean be cool? No, he's nothing like him. He just looks a lot like him.

Are we here to hit on a crow? I'm not here to hit on anything. Coffee's for closers. Dr. Pepper's slurpees are for closers. I'm here to seal the deal with that crow and you can back up, you can play clean up, you are always the looker, Melon. You can play clean up if I can't get the job done. I'm just saying that- You want to try to make a pass at this crow and if it doesn't work, you want me to hit on it? Yoda said there is no try, okay? See.

That was a scene from the new play, Glen Mellon, Glen Lemon. Dr. Pepper's for closers. I know a play. Well, that is our episode. Thank you to all the presidents we mentioned. Yeah, thanks. Thank you to Hen Folds Five.

Uh, very excited for this album. Erin, do you have- Thanks to all our sponsors too. And to all our sponsors. Erin, do you have anything to plug or promote? Um, the only thing I want to say is that I looked up the lyrics to Gracie and it's going to work really well for our Hen Folds Five because the first lyric is, you can't fool me. I saw you when you came out.

So it's him singing a song about an egg. So that's great. That's what I have to plug and I'm doing okay. Adol, what do you have to plug? I wanna plug our Patreon. Check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash hey riddle, riddle, riddle I believe.

The whole shebang. Also we have a 10 city tour coming up. So excited for that. We'll probably sing some of the Henfold's Five songs there. Just a little preview. A little update for the tour. Chicago and Twin City shows coming up at the end of this month.

Twin City show is dangerously close to selling out. I can't say one way or the other that we'll add another show if that one does sell out. But that's not not a possibility. But do get your tickets if you're holding out for that. Twin City shows get your tickets soon because they are they are very close to selling out. And then later in the month, Portland, Seattle and L.A. Also, all of those shows kind of getting close to selling out. So I would get your tickets soon,

but the LA show is live streamed. So you can see that from anywhere. And I will say that that is not close to selling out. It's actually possible. I think the only way we could sell out of the live stream shows that if everyone in the world bought a ticket that might then if we sold more than that, I'd say something's fishy.

Something fishy is going on here. Let's get an IT person to check that. And then, what are we, Denver, Philly, DC, Boston, New York City, all later in the year and all still have tickets available. Yeah, Denver, take your time. JBC, do you have anything to plug up? Uh, no, I think that's pretty much it. Hell yeah.

I'll Jupiter. Yep. Not going to make anybody work really hard. Amen. Thank you, Aaron. Hey there, Ransom and Echoes! If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We are back to the works of Danielle Steele. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyrudelrudel

by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!