Joel Osteen Podcast - Accept People For Who They Are

Episode Date: January 2, 2019

In this message, Joel will explain that our job isn’t to change people. Learn to accept that God is the one directing their steps, making them and molding them into who He wants them to be (Isaiah 64:8). ----Visit https://joelosteen.com to receive daily updates and encouragement from Joel Osteen.----Have you followed Joel Osteen on Instagram? https://instagram.com/joelosteen. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of the Joel Osteen Podcast ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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I like to start with something funny, and I heard about this young lady. She took her fiance home to meet her parents. The dad said, son, tell me about yourself. What do you do? He said, I'm a Bible scholar. The dad said, that's great, but how are you going to provide a living for my daughter? He said, I'm going to study the Bible and I know God will provide. He said, yeah, but how are you going to afford an engagement ring for her? He said, I'm going to focus on my studies and I know God will provide. He said, in a few years, you all may have children. How are you going to provide for those children? He said, sir, don't worry. God will provide. Later that night, the man's wife asked him how the talk with their future son-in-law went. He said, not good. He has no plans, no job, and he thinks that I'm God. Hold up your Bibles. Say it like you mean it. This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today I will be taught the word of God. I boldly confess, my mind is alert. My heart is receptive. I will never be the same. In Jesus name. God bless you. I want to talk to you today about accepting people for who they are. When we get into relationship with someone, it's easy to try to make them into who we want them to be, especially our spouse, our children, the people that are close to us. But one of the best things I've learned is God didn't bring people into my life to make them just like me. God made us different on purpose, different personalities, different strengths, different looks. We're all at different maturity levels. The mistake we make too often is we try to fit people into our mold. It's like we've got them on our potter's wheel. We're trying to work out the lumps and get rid of what we don't like and get them all fixed up. The problem with this is we are not the potter, God is. God is the one that's making and

molding people. Really, we can't change anyone. We can encourage them. We can pray for them. We can lead by example. But only God can truly change people. When someone doesn't have our same strengths and we're working overtime trying to make them just like us, all that does is frustrates us, bring stress and tension into the relationship. You've got to give people room to be who God made them to be. If God wanted us to all look alike, think alike, have the same strengths, the same personalities, he would have made us that way. Think about this. The same God that made the butterfly, made the locust. The same God that made the poodle made the bulldog. Same God that made the horse, made the mule. And the same God that made me, made my brother Paul. God likes variety. I'm not

looking at him. You may be trying to change someone that doesn't have your strengths, your kind of personality, your goals, yet God made them like that on purpose. You're fighting against who they really are. This is what I used to do with Victoria. When we first got married, I tried to make her just like me. I thought, what greater gift could I possibly give her than that? I'm very naive.

my personality type is I'm very focused, very structured. I've got a plan and I'm going to stick with it. Victoria is not like that. She's spontaneous, fun, outgoing, not rigid at all. She's incredibly smart, a hard worker, but she's not routine. She doesn't like to do the same thing over and over. Not me. I get up at the same time every morning. Not two minutes variance. The exact same. The exact same. same time. I eat the same things for breakfast. Been doing it for 20 years. Go to my office at the exact same time. I'm boring, but I am focused. That's one of my strengths. I used to think that it was my calling in life to try to make Victoria like me. And I had her on my potter's will. I thought I was supposed to make my strengths, her strengths. One day it dawned on me. I had a revelation,

she doesn't want to be like me. That's not who she is. She likes being who God made her to be, just like I like being who God made me to be. We're not supposed to go around looking down on people that don't have our same strengths. You'll enjoy your life a whole lot more if you let people off the hook and accept them for who they are. Because when we're always trying to change someone, there's this underlying tension. It says there's some wrong with you. You're not like me. You're inferior. We may not say it out loud, but with our actions, it comes out subtly and how we treat people. But a mark of true maturity is you accept people just the way they are. You don't have this hidden agenda where deep down, you're really

trying to change them and make them more like you. And the way God made us is we are drawn to people that have strengths that are different than our own. One reason, I fell in love with Victoria, not just because she's beautiful, smart, and talented, but she's fun, outgoing, spontaneous. She's not stiff, not rigid. She has strengths that are different than mine. Yet we get into relationship with someone and we think, wow, I love your good qualities, but I want you to have my strengths as well. The truth is, no person has it all. That's why the scripture talks about, we have to make allowances for people's weaknesses. What would happen if we all would start accepting the people God put in our life and not try to

change them? Number one, we'd have better relationships. And number two, we wouldn't live frustrated trying to make them into something that they're not. We have this plant at home. It's kind of like an ivy. It's in this large pot. It drapes over toward the ground. When we first got married, at our townhouse, we had this same type of plant on our back porch. And I took care of it. It was my project, made sure it had the right amount of sunlight, the right amount of water. It had these thick, dark green leaves, very lush, very full, as healthy as can be. If those leaves ever started turning to a lighter green, I knew it wasn't getting enough water.

I would water it more, and in no time, they would be back to dark green. Well, in our backyard now, we have this same type of plant, but I could never get the leaves to look right. They were always a little bit lighter green, almost on the verge of being yellow. So I watered them like I did my last plant again and again, but didn't do any good. Still, light green leaves. Kind of puzzled by it. I thought maybe something is wrong with the soil. So I went down to the nursery and I picked up some fertilizer and,

I gave that plant food day after day. I pampered this plant. I prayed over it. I sang to it. I told it. I loved it. I did everything I could. Nothing helped.

I thought, why can I get this plant healthy? Why can I get these leaves dark green? Finally, I called the expert out, the man from the nursery. He looked at it and said, Joel, this plant is as healthy as can be. It's nothing wrong with it. I said, well, why does it have light green? leaves and not dark green. He said this plant is a slight variation from the plant you had last time. The vines are the same size, same shape. They grow at the same rate. The only difference is

one has dark green leaves and one has light green leaves. Here I had spent months being frustrated trying to make that plant into something that it was never designed to be. Too often we do I did with people. We think they're supposed to be a certain way. They look the same. They come from the same family. But just like this plant, no matter how hard you try to fit them into that mold, it's not going to happen. It's not who God created them to be. We're not supposed to go around trying to change everybody, try to get them to be like their brother, their cousin, their relative. No, our job is to love people, to accept people, to let them be who God created them to be. Don't spend your whole life trying to make someone have dark green leaves

when God designed them to have light green leaves. When I was a little boy, growing up, I would get into bed every night very carefully so I wouldn't mess up the covers. I would sleep perfectly still. I wouldn't move, wouldn't roll over. When I woke up the next day, I would get out of bed as carefully as can be.

That way, I wouldn't have to make the bed up. It was already made. You're talking about structure. You roll around in your covers? What's wrong with you? It's funny, our daughter, Alexandra, she's 13 years old, and she's just like me,

as perfect as can be. Our son, Jonathan, he's 17 years old, and he is just like Victoria, perfect in a different way. Alexander picks out her clothes the night before what she's going to wear to school the next day. Very prepared. We're going on a trip in a couple of weeks. Alexandra's already got those clothes laid out.

She knows what she's going to take. Jonathan has a different approach. He will pick his out not two weeks before, but maybe a couple of hours before. Different personalities, different strengths. When Alexandra packs her suitcase, it is a work of art. everything is strategically placed, perfectly sectioned all. She's got all these little bags, bags for makeup, bags for shampoo, bags for soap, bag of snacks.

That's for the plane ride going. Then, of course, there's another bag of snacks, strategically placed. That's for the plane ride coming back home. When I was Jonathan's age, I was playing sports all the time. Jonathan not only plays sports, but he'll go practice his guitar for a couple hours. I can't play any instrument. Then he may go write on his screenplay that he's been working on for a year and a half. I would never write anything extra unless the teachers required us to do it.

God puts people in our life that are different than we are, different strengths, different talents, different goals. Too often we look at them and say, hey, you're not like me. Let me fix you. Let me get you straightened out. They don't need to be fixed. They don't need to be straightened out. they need to be accepted, approved, loved, encouraged. Just because they're not like you doesn't mean that they're less than.

Most likely, they have strengths that you don't have. They're good at something that you're not good at. Don't waste your valuable time and energy trying to make somebody just like you. Let them be who God made them to be. I have a 14-year-old niece named Caroline. This is my sister Lisa's. daughter and her husband Kevin. Caroline is not only beautiful, but she's extremely creative. She loves fashion. She's got a great eye for design. She can take the most unusual clothes and

jewelry and put them together and make them really look great. Nobody taught her to do this. It just comes naturally to her. But here's the thing. Caroline doesn't like traditional. She likes anything out of the ordinary. She likes her hair any color but her normal. color. Not brown, but red or blonde or black or with an orange streak through it. She's got this incredible personality, so stylish, so fashionable. When God puts people in our lives like that that are different, it's easy to think, well, they're far out. They're strange. Let me get them into my mold. Now, that's like trying to make that dark green plant have light green leaves. It's not who they are. God is the one that puts the talents, the creativities, the strengths in the different people.

Our job is not to try to change them and make them like us. We should encourage them, give them advice, give them wisdom, but take people off of your potter's will. Don't try to make them just like you, accept them for who God made them to be. You see me up here and, you know, it may seem like I'm really outgoing. and I'm very talkative, but the truth is, when I'm not up here, I'm very quiet and reserved. I'm not super talkative. Of course, Victoria and I, we talk at home and we have fun together. There's a lot of laughter in our home. But as much as Victoria would probably like me to sit down and talk with her two or three hours every evening, that's just not who I am. I've grown. I do my best to

communicate properly. But Victoria recognizes that's a lot of not one of my strengths. She doesn't try to make me into something that I'm not. She accepts the fact that I'm just not one that's probably going to sit down and tell my innermost deepest feelings. One reason we have a good relationship is because we're not constantly trying to change each other. We accept each other for who we are. If you're always working on another person trying to change them, there's going to be this underlying resentment that will develop. It says, why doesn't he talk to me more? Why does she act that way? Well, it's much better to say, that's just who God made them to be. I can't change them. Only God can. And if he does, great. But in the meantime, I'm not going to be frustrated. Here's my whole message in a nutshell.

The other person may not change, but you can change. You don't have to allow what they do. You don't have to allow what they do. or don't do upset you for the next 25 years. Victoria has had to make allowances for my weaknesses. I've had to make allowances for her weaknesses. When I come to church, I like to arrive at least 30 minutes early so I can go over my notes and prepare and really be in peace. Victoria, on the other hand, she likes to come just a few minutes before the service starts.

She prepares at home and goes over her notes there. For years, I tried to change. her. I'd say, Victoria, why don't you leave a little bit earlier in case you get caught in traffic, in case you get delayed for some reason? We've been doing this for 12 years and she's never once missed the opening of the service. I was just trying to fit her into my mold. When we moved from the other location to this new building, instead of being a 30-minute drive, it's only a 10-minute drive. I thought, great, that's going to solve everything. She's going to be here 20 minutes early, but that's not how she saw it.

She already calculated that's 20 minutes for her to get something else done. Here's my point. She didn't change, but I changed. After 25 years of marriage, 25 years of trying to make her just like me, I had a breakthrough, a revelation. God made her like that on purpose.

I've learned to accept her and improve her just the way she is. Are there people, are there people in your life, you're waiting for them to change, and then you're going to be happy. Then you're going to let them off the hook. As soon as they fit into your mold, then you're going to give them your approval. Now take this in the right way. They may never change.

It may not be who God created them to be. The good news is you can change. Doesn't have to bother you. Doesn't have to lessen the relationship. Don't focus on what you don't like about that person. Focus on their good qualities. I've heard it said, men, when you're tempted to complain about your wife's faults, remember it was those faults that kept her from getting a better husband. Focus on the good qualities. Remember the reasons that you fell in love. Proverbs 1822 says,

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and finds favor from the Lord. husbands, you've got to remind yourself, your wife is bringing you favor. Victoria doesn't let me forget it. She'll go through the house saying, Joel, when you got me, you got favor. I say, yeah, and I've got a lot of other things, too. But here's the key. Give people room to not be perfect. Your wife may not be the greatest cook in the world, but she's a fantastic mother.

You and your children are blessed to have that woman in your life. See the good. Your husband may not be the greatest communicator, but he's a hard worker. You never have to worry about the bills being paid. Focus on those good qualities. The scripture says a wife is to enjoy her husband. Notice it doesn't say you are to remodel your husband. Take that man off your potter's will.

Sometimes we are not enjoying the people God's put in our life because we're too busy trying to change them. well joel my husband doesn't bring me flowers like susy's husband every week they have a candlelight dinner every friday night he writes her this beautiful romantic poetry no quit comparing your spouse to romeo over there and just accept the person god's given you that other man may be romeo but i can assure you he has some weaknesses there's something that lady has to overlook i'll admit i'm not the most romantic person but I remind Victoria all the time. I may not be Romeo, but at least I'm Jolio. That's really corny.

I didn't come up with it. Somebody gave it to me, though. Instead of complaining about what you don't like about a person, well, you never bring me flowers. Well, you never talk to me. Were you always too busy? You're never available. Try a different approach.

Start telling that person what you do like about then. I really appreciate you being. such a great mother. You are so good with our children. I really appreciate you being such a hard worker. You're somebody I can always count on. Listen, people respond to praise a lot better than they do criticism. Instead of nagging that husband, you're so lazy. You never mow the lawn. Why don't you get up off this couch? No, just say, have I ever told you when I see you out there mowing the lawn? and those muscles bulging, that sweat dripping down your face, the wind blowing through you toupee, how incredibly handsome you are.

You praise him like that, and he'll mow the lawn every day. It's amazing what people will do when you see the best in them, when you honor them, when you respect them. It not only strengthens the relationship, but it'll help that other person rise higher. It's like a cork that's inside a large bottle. As long as there's no water in the bottle, the cork will be at the bottom. When you pour water in, the cork will always rise to the top of the water. Well, the person you're in relationship with is like the cork.

They may be on the bottom right now. But as you give encouragement, show honor, show respect, you're pouring water into that bottle. They won't stay where they are. they'll continue to rise to the level that you pour into them. You want to make your spouse, your children, your loved one a better person, honor them in a greater way. Accept them for who they are. Give them your approval even if they don't fit into your mold.

You have tremendous power and influence into their lives. You can push them further with your honor, your acceptance, your approval, or you can withhold it and keep them back. I know this young couple that were newly married. The husband was a graphic designer, very talented, very creative. His wife was so proud of him. She was always bragging on him, saying, you are so gifted, you're going to do great things. In the first few years of the marriage, this husband got several major promotions.

His career just took off and excelled. His wife was so happy and she continued to encourage him. But the next four or five years span, things had slowed down, didn't get any promotions. He was at the same level doing the same type of work. He was still very successful, still proud of himself. The problem is he had not met his wife's expectations. She thought he should be further and that he wasn't nearly as aggressive enough. She didn't say anything out loud. But by her actions, you could tell, she was disappointed. She quit pouring in the honor. She quit encouraging. She didn't brag on him anymore. Why? He wasn't fitting in to her mold. He wasn't meeting her standards.

And they'd always had a great marriage, as happy as can be. But now the seeds of discontent started to take root. Long story short, a few years later, they split up and went their separate ways. That's what can happen when we try to make people fit into our mold. We quit pouring the honor in. We quit respecting. We may not say it out loud, but by our actions, they can feel that we're disappointed, that we're not proud of them. We're focused on their faults and all the qualities that we don't like about them. No, take people off of your Potter's will. Your spouse, your children, the people you love, they may not have meant your goals. They may not be as aggressive as you would like.

them to be, but you have to accept them for who they are today. They may not be where you want them to be, but God is the one that's directing their steps. God is the one that's making them and mold them. Love them for who they are right now. Don't have the attitude. I'll love you as long as you succeed on my timetable. As long as you meet my standards, as long as you change the way I want you to change. Now give people room to be who God created them to be. God's plan for their life may not be the same plan that you have for their life. His time table may be different than your time table. But I can assure you God knows what he's doing.

His plan will be bigger, better, more rewarding, more fulfilling. Now, don't withhold your blessing. Keep pouring in the honor. keep encouraging, keep respecting, and God will get them to where he wants them to be. But too many people like this woman, they end a relationship because there's one main thing they don't like about the person. They focus on what annoys them and magnify how they've got too much of this or not enough of that.

They'll go find somebody else that has a strength where that other person has a weakness. The problem is this new person will have a weakness where the other person had a strength. We're just moving things around. So always going to come down to overlooking the weaknesses, seeing the best in death, accepting people for who they are. I've heard it said, someone will leave a person that has 80% of what they need because they find the other 20% in somebody else. what they don't realize is no person has 100%. If you leave the 80 because you find the 20 in someone else, well, sooner than later, you will realize that there's 20% that that new person doesn't have as well.

It's much better to recognize no one person can give you everything that you need. You've got to focus on their good qualities and don't be frustrated by what they don't have or what they can't give you. It's like that old saying, the grass may look greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed. That's basically saying there's still 20% that that other person is not going to have. And some of you would see your relationships go to a new level if you would start accepting people for who they are. Like that plant, you may be a dark green leaf. They're a light green leaf, but you're doing everything you can to try to make them just like you. The problem, is, that's not who God designed

them to be. Why don't you let them off of your potter's will? Don't try to fix them. Don't try to make them fit into your mold. God is the potter. He knows what he's doing. Now, do your part and start pouring the honor in. Start

respecting them in a greater way. Don't love them if they meet your standards. Love them for who they are right now. If you will start accepting and approving the people God's put in your life, you'll not only help them rise higher and them fulfill their destiny, but I believe and declare you will rise higher, you will have better relationships, and you will become everything God's

created you to be. Amen. Do you receive it today? We never like to close our broadcast without giving you an opportunity to make Jesus the Lord of your life. Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins. Come into my heart. I make you, my Lord and Savior. Friends, if you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you got born again. Get in a good Bible-based church. Keep God first place. He's going to take your places you've never dreamed up. Thank you for listening to the Joel Osteen podcast. Help us continue to share the message of hope with those all over the world. Visit Joel Osteen.com slash give hope to give a gift today. Thanks so much for listening to today's message.

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