Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Farts Major with Emily Heller

Episode Date: March 16, 2023

Emily Heller joins Jordan and Jesse to talk medical hipsters, Mr. Peanut's backstory and the weirdest episode of Frasier.Check out Emily's podcast "Baby Geniuses" anywhere you get your podcasts!Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use JJGO for 30% off + Free Shipping.Don’t forget to pre-order the “Pop’s Chocklit Shoppe of Horrors” that Jordan wrote on using code JAN231229 at your local comic shop!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, rich in three weeks. Jordan Morris, boy detective. This is big, Jordan. This is very, and I'm not talking about, look, the max fund drives around the corner. That's not what I'm talking about here. I mean, hopefully we'll get rid from that. I'll just say it.

Hopefully we'll get rid from that. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I've seen our numbers. I don't think we will. I'm just kidding. I don't pay attention to the numbers. Maybe we'll get enough to get like nice refrigerators. Oh, yeah.

You know what I mean? Like the kind you want, not the kind you settle for. Not like super fancy ones, but just like where you're like, look at this drawer. This is a good drawer. Jesse, I'm using a wet bag. You just got a swamp cooler full of raw meat. Yeah. I got to eat the meat fast.

Well, you know, it helps that you've got those well-developed canine teeth for tearing. That's true. Rich in three weeks, Jordan, my youngest child, Frankie, is six. You know, Frankie has still, Frankie talks in a baby voice, which is a really great gift to me. It's not something that I would, I would never say something about the way Frankie talks in front of Frankie. And I hope that Frankie never listens to this show for just a broad minutes of cum jokes but there is still a uh a speech delay as they say there it's not a lisp but it's just a little bit of baby voice and i can't my wife can do a perfect impression of it and i can't but i am going to recreate verbatim a conversation. Wait, do you guys do impressions of your kids

like when they're not there? Yeah, like the principal at a middle school. Yeah. Like, you know how principals at middle schools do impressions of elementary school students? No. Like you and your wife will be like out or you'll be running an errand and you'll be like,

okay, who am I? Can I have a bag of cheerios please yeah pretty much i mean none of my children would say please but yes jesse okay i don't mean to i'm thoughtful i don't mean to take shots at your parenting but i mean please and thank you i mean that's rule one and rule two what are you doing over there what can i ask you what are you doing i mean please and thank you i mean that's rule one and rule two what are you doing over there what can i ask you what are you doing over there please and thank you sorry we're gonna get to rich in three weeks in a moment but what does p's and q's mean what are the q's oh mind your p's and q's yeah mind well q is question and question mind your penis question your question then your penises okay i mean it's true you have to make sure to clean under the foreskin to avoid infection if you're not simply

must yeah okay so again frankie don't listen to this because i'm going to do a baby voice and because of everything else i got home from work frankie was at the front door said to me guess what dad i said what's that frankie said i challenged myself to become rich in three weeks. So wait, sounds like your child is getting rich in three weeks. But I'm, it's community property. I mean, my child can't, this isn't a Webster situation. There's no trust fund for education here.

The precedent for this that i'm thinking of is richie rich of course and i'm wondering if richie rich roped his parents into it too like did he take care of them i thought richie rich killed his parents oh is that how he got rich no i don't think he killed his parents for the insurance he knew he was in the will yeah so he like cut their breaks or something something along those lines that makes those comics a lot funnier i assumed something about carbon dioxide poisoning okay that's a good way to do it it's painless yeah that's richie rich is not a sadist he's just murdering his parents for the money yeah he doesn't hate them he's just an american right so then frankie turns to theresa my wife

and says mommy can i get one of those eye thingies what is this eye thingy i'm thinking to myself what is frankie talking about and theresa goes i thingy a monocle and frankie says you asked to look which to be which wow that's a solid piece of business i am surprised that in these modern times yeah that the monocle has stayed a symbol of rich guy now i can like what what monocle characters are your kids seeing maybe there's one on bluey i don't know i haven't seen bluey maybe one of the sonics does one of the sonics have a monocle right is there a rich is there a rich Sonic side character? Is there like a rich alligator or something? Rich Knuckles.

Knuckles has a... Right. Knuckles killed his parents for the insurance money. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, hold on, Jordan. Then... There's more.

Somehow there's a third part to this. I didn't make any... I just wrote it down. I don't... I can't think of new funny things. I'm tired. I just write down the things that my final remaining child that still says cute

things says. Oscar just says shit about Fortnite. That's cute. He'd call you mid or something. Yeah. I'm not lit. Oh God, I wish I was lit was lit this is sus that's all i know i'm done oh busting that's something busting well i know that that makes you feel good

oh you're thinking of busting that's not me that's ray parker jr so literally i hate busting makes busting. Makes me feel bad. Makes me feel bad about myself. 90, 150- What, I just bust? Mere seconds later. Right. Less than four minutes, let's say, later, Frankie is talking to my mother-in-law, Beth,

and says, did you know pickles is another word for money i need all the pickles and then beth my mother-in-law and this is like my wife and mother-in-law apparently have a psychic connection to my child's weird ideas because somehow they knew that i singy meant monocle. Right. Beth says, pickles? Do you mean bacon? Like bringing home the bacon? And Frankie says, I need pickles and bacon.

Wow. So this is that. Well done. Three weeks. I got three weeks. Jesse, you know, I'm sorry what I said about please and thank you earlier. You raised you raised a good kid. You know, the priorities are in the right place.

I'm talking about monocles. I'm talking about pickles. I'm talking about getting rich. So wait, do you know what a kid what monocle characters are kids that age seeing? Well, here's the thing. Frankie then pointed out, have you heard of a YouTube personality called Mr. Beast?

I think maybe one time we talked about Mr. Beast. Mr. Beast has come up before. I'm aware that he's popular. I sometimes feel like I see his ghost kitchen pop up on delivery apps. Yeah. He's an evil idiot who does rich things.

That's his premise premise sometimes they're false charity okay and he has a variety of men around him who are the same guy as him okay so do we hey jesse so do we are we mr beast it's a good point hi daniel daniel's here uh great show with the macaroons last week yep i just want to say to frankie's credit there was some i heard at some point that's why mr beach is not rich he doesn't have one of those eye thingies. Seeing through the bullshit. That's the other thing I teach all my kids is how to see through the bullshit. So this guy, this Mr. Beast, where his whole thing is being rich, he hasn't been rich this whole time?

No eye thingy. I know. Apparently, I mean, I don't know if it's a hoax. I don't know if he's playing with house money somehow. Maybe he got one of those. Remember when YouTube was writing checks to people? You know what? I do.

I got a little bit of that. Might be one of those. He might be like a Kevin Hart type figure where people just keep giving him money for various things. Sure. Because they've heard of him. And then he puts Hart in the title of something. Yeah. Like Heart to Heart. He has an interview show. Hart Beans. Yeah. heard of him. And then he puts heart in the title of something. Yeah. Like heart to heart. He has an interview show. Heart beans.

Oh yeah. They're kind of beans. Heart attack. And then he's like attacks people. Now that I've said that out loud, you know, there's a lot of people in my office in this bean club. I joined Kevin Hart's bean club. Get some dried garbanzos. Yeah. Heart bonzos, garb, heart. So beans, beans beans they're good for your heart the more you eat you're kevin hart yeah our guest on the program i mean the good news is is even more bullshit than this happens on her podcast. Her podcast has a premise. She's a brilliant stand-up comic and an award-winning comedy writer. She is also co-host of the smash hit Maximum Fun podcast, Baby Geniuses. A true genius in our midst, Emily Heller. Hi, Emily.

Hello. How are you both? Absolutely. hi emily hello how are you both absolutely i was really trying to rack my head thinking of the monocle guys and i feel like it's all just mandela effect of like no the pringles guy doesn't have a monocle right neither does the monopoly man right but mr peanut does mr peanut but I don't know why we think he's rich. Well, he owns planters. Does he? Yes. I don't know. Maybe he doesn't own planters.

Do you think he's just a guy who, like, the guy who owns planters was out at the mall. He saw a peanut man and said, have I got a job for you? Do you have an agent? Well, do you know the, like, of mr peanut right of like him as a character uh okay i want to hear the origin but i have a mr peanut fact that i will share after you're done emily great take it away we are all just champing at the bit right now to talk about this peanut. Robert Dean has a stand-up comedy joke. Why did I say it like that?

He has a joke about this. That's how I learned about this. You know of stand-up comedy joking. Yeah. He does a skit. He should do his skit on Saturday Night Live, said all of our moms. Apparently, Planters did a contest of like design our new like mascot back in the day, you know, in the 1920s or whatever. Help us nut, it was called.

The oddly named contest. We can't nut. can you help us not and some kids submitted mr peanut and it was basically just a peanut with arms and legs and then planters added the cane the monocle and the top hat i mean great move on their part i mean kane monocle top hat all iconic but it's like how did that win the contest right like what else were people submitting yeah yeah just a bat this bat should sell the peanuts. He's like, well, he's a pretty good bat. I think it's important to note here that Planters knows its market to know enough that no one is going to buy peasant peanuts. That if the peanut is not coming from a member of the landed gentry it is not worth consuming see i i thought it was more that it was like he's rich you're eating him

rise up against your capitalist overlords so this is an ether this is a literal you crack them open. Inside, there's two big, big sort of bean type things in there. And we can live on it. Here's my Mr. Peanut fact. Okay. Do you know what his real name is? If I say, what is Mr. Peanut's name?

What would, do either of you? I'm going to guess Cornelius okay jesse sean carter mr peanut's real name is bartholomew richard fitzgerald smith his last name isn't even peanut like peanut is not he's a peanut bartholomew mr peanut smith yeah it's like a nickname it's like his college buds gave him the nickname jordan batman's last name isn't batman you know what great point his name's not bruce wayne batman they should call him mr batman he doesn't make people call him Mr. Batman. If you met Batman, you wouldn't call him Mr. Batman.

You wouldn't give him a formal address like if you met Jimmy Carter. I think it's... Probably by the time this episode comes out, he's in hospice care. It's utterly pointless to speculate what you'd do if you met Batman. You don't know how you'd react. Yeah, that would be a huge waste of time. if you met Batman. You don't know how you'd react. Yeah, that would be a huge waste of time.

Why waste time by predicting what we would say were we to meet Batman? We only have so many seconds on Earth. Let's focus on what we would say if we met Ant-Man. Right. Mr. Ant-Man, sir. Batman only shows up if there's a crime. Right.

Right? He's not just like cutting the ribbon at the new library. I think like your Adam West Batman probably would have like been at some ribbon cuttings and like done, you know, like stay in school type speeches and stuff like that. But yeah, I think, you know, you're modern batsmans, Pattinson, et cetera. Probably, yeah, you're right. Probably aren't doing a lot of like just public appearances to. I'm just saying like you meet Batman, something went wrong for you. No, that's a great point.

So you probably. So you'd be probably too stressed out. You definitely wouldn't. I mean, I guess you would be like, please don't hurt me, Mr. Batman, sir. Okay. I give it to you. I would call him Mr. Yeah. I might lose him Mr. Yeah.

I might lose the power of speech. I Googled monocle characters. Thank you. Just to see, because I was, I was curious. Like, why do we have the image of a monocle guy as a rich guy in our head? Like, what, where did it come from? Because I don't see, like, you don't see people with monocles out these days but if i saw someone with a monocle jordan just out and about i'd be so surprised the monocle would fall out of my eye right you're you're wearing one

yeah and carrying a little teacup and you walk by a mirror. Whoa. Heavens. I mean, not a lot of heavy hitters on here. Mr. Harriman, who's a big bunny from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. That's a cartoon that I think we all kind of missed by a couple of years. Again, the mayor of Townsville from the Powerpuff Girls. Okay. Oh, so maybe the fearless leader who is like the big bad from Rocky and Bullwinkle who was kind of like a coded Nazi. If you guys remember Fearless Leader, he has a monocle. But I wouldn't say he's rich, although I guess he probably is.

Teddy Roosevelt? Yeah, maybe Teddy Roosevelt. I'm picturing Teddy Roosevelt, but I don't think that's who your kid would be. No, he has a Pence-nez. Oh, you're right. You're right. He's got two that clip on the, which is an incredible. If I Googled, tell me if this is how it worked out for you, Jordan.

But when I searched for monocle characters, I got a picture of Mr. Monopoly where he's not wearing a monocle. Yeah, no, me too. That same thing. Monopoly of Mr. Monopoly where he's not wearing a monocle. Yeah, no, me too. That same thing. Mr. Monopoly. It'd be funny if Mr. Monopoly's name was like Jonathan Toomes or something like that. Monopoly wasn't even in his name. Weirdly, his name is Bruce Batman. I just looked it up. Right. Mr. Batman to you. man i just looked it up right mr mr batman to you now i did from my google i did get a character that i think is pretty interesting you can license this character on shutterstock it's named pickle gentleman cartoon character mustache monocle stock vector royalty Now, this is a very fancy pickle.

I mean, all the 80s kids in the audience went wild. We all remember that guy. Sometimes the penguin from Batman wears a monocle. Is he rich, though? You know what? You know who we're forgetting about? The guy from the cover of The New Yorker. Oh, Eustace Tilly.

You're talking about Eustace Tilly. Yes. Wait, does that character have like a backstory? I know he's named Eustace Tilly, but that's about all I've got. His eyesight is not what it used to be. That's part of his backstory. We don't know if he was born that way or it's a degenerative condition. Right.

We're not 100% on that. I'll tell you, is he rich? Eustace Tilly? He's wearing a top hat. Yeah, you're right. And I think a tuxedo. He's rich in butterflies. A lot of butterfly.

Considering. He's like looking at a butterfly. And shouts and murmurs. If you need any shouts and or murmurs come to eustace for an unfunny essay there is a magazine called monocle magazine that i will buy at an airport sometime okay this is like a porno mag but it's nice. It's like European. Soft focus. No, it's like the good stuff with just incredible... Soft focus, full bush.

Artsy themes. All the women are covering up one of their boobs with a hand. Oh, God. Nothing turns me on more, Emily. Nothing turns me on more in the world. What are boobs but the eyes of the chest? Thank you. Thank you, Jordan. executive, but the kind that wears like simple, perfectly cut Navy suits and looks both a little intriguing and a little upset all the time, like scornful. Wait, okay. The Monocle is a joke newspaper from Frasier. Is it? Yes. But now I'm like, were they referencing the actual magazine, The Monocle?

No. No. Jesse was in the writer's room for all nine seasons of Frasier. He knows. He knows. They brought me over from Cheers. He knows the character. You joke.

I have a friend who worked on Frasier, and very often I will text him questions that I have about what went on in the writer's room and he's like, I don't remember. We were so poked out of our minds. We were all busy with Kelsey Grammer's Puma. Emily, as a noted Frasier fan, I'd like to get your opinion on something. Yes. Emily, as a noted Frasier fan, I'd like to get your opinion on something. Yes. I will.

There is like a streaming channel that just like will play Cheers and Frasier. Oh, is it on Fubo? This is like a Pluto. It's on Fubo. Oh, Pluto. Yes, Pluto. That's what I was thinking of. I think it's on Cross Colors. It might be on Iceberg.

It's on For Us, By Us TV. Weirdly, a lot of Frasier. A surprise. Kelsey Grammer's network. And I will turn this on periodically just as kind of like around the house noise. Right. And I don't know a lot about like the like changes within Frasier as it went. I came into the middle of an episode where the plot was Niles's ex-wife Maris, who you never see, had killed someone with a crossbow.

You're talking season 11. So did this happen? was this like a like a dream you mean like in real life was this based on a real story did maris really kill someone with a crossbow or was it a different way i guess explain this to me um i do think it's like a little ambiguous whether she actually did it on purpose or not she probably did but it might have been an accident but she did kill a man with a crossbow an argentinian polo player named esteban de rojo and then the the murder trial somehow turns niles into like a local celebrity and he starts like hanging out with Bill Gates.

And then I think Maris flees the country. And that's like the end of the Maris arc in the series. Like she's never heard from again. She's never heard from again. It's season 11, which is the final season of Frasier. So that's how they like wrap her up. Had they been breaking out like murder ship before that? Or was this like, do Frasier fans consider this a big like jump the shark type moment?

Or is it like, yeah, that's the murder arc we all love. There are a lot of Frasier fans who kind of stop watching around season eight because that's when Niles and Daphne get together. And season eight, to be fair, is really bad. And season seven was so good. But I think what happened was like season eight took a dip and then they just sort of like leaned into the craziness more and more. And so by season 11, there were some really, really good episodes in season 11, a couple real stinkers. But like, I think by season 11, if you're still watching, you're like, this isn't a departure.

You know what I mean? Right. And they string that arc out over like three episodes. So you're kind of like, it doesn't feel like they're cramming all of this crazy stuff into like one episode. Emily, I will admit readily, I don't think I've watched more than two or three Frasier's since Frasier was on television. However, my memory of like. The Simpsons and. Seinfeld got crazy.

Uh huh. In that kind of of timeframe, right? Like, you know, the Simpsons, Homer goes to the underground world full of jockeys. Right. Yeah. Or like on Seinfeld, things get very, very silly. George is in a living game of Frogger. Yes. My personal favorite episodes. I like Crazy Seinfeld. I also like Crazy Seinfeld a lot, Jordan. And like with The Simpsons, obviously, like there's some question as to whether it retains all of its heart. That's an important part of The Simpsons. But like The Simpsons is a very silly show one way or another. And it just became a little more like that.

Seinfeld is a show that is based on, I have this one idea and this one way of saying things, and we're just going to take them to the 12th degree. And that's as true in the relatively grounded whatever Chinese restaurant episode or something like that as it is when Jackie Childs comes in. However, Frasier is maybe the least crazy in my mind, again, having seen three since 1999 or whenever it went off television. You're like, everything is beige. It can't be that crazy, right? Nothing crazy happens on Frasier. Boy, that is the beigest show. That is such a good observation.

It's so beige. It's just every frame is beige. But how do you even get from Frasier to crazy? What do you mean? Well, somebody's getting murdered with a crossbow off screen and that's a storyline how does that go from the other things that are like about a wine party or whatever right well that's the thing i think with maris that character in particular like nothing was ever impossible with her. Everything was always kind of like tongue in cheek.

It's very arch. The way she was described was like impossible for a person to actually embody those characteristics because they were so like extreme and contradictory. It's like she weighs like 60 pounds and like she eats like a pea for dinner. And like there's just a lot like she's had like hundreds of plastic surgery. Like there's just it's just not possible to truly be Maris in a real way. So I think by the time that stuff happens, because it's off screen, you are a little bit like, well, whatever. Let me ask you this, Emily.

Yes. Have you ever watched or would you consider making youtube maris lore videos like trying to piece together everything we know about her yeah and where maybe you could throw in some places where there are like secret treasure stashes like what do you mean like well just like if there's like treasure chests that you would they're like hidden under stairs or like that. I think people would also want to know that in addition to the lore. Oh, like at Maris's house? Yeah, or wherever at the radio station, wherever it is. Yeah. One game that my husband and I like to play sometimes is like, if you were in Frasier, like if you had to be like a character on Frasier,

but a new character that doesn't exist already. This does sound hot. Yeah, go ahead. Keep going. You got to keep things spicy, you know? You got to keep things spicy. It's like, you know, we learned it from our couples counselor.

Thanks to Dan Savage for mentioning Jordan Jesse Goh the other day day we're stealing your show now have you heard of fraser play or just must see tv play you could do some you could do some veronica's closet stuff if you wanted to i think we've all wanted to fuck caroline in the city you could apply it to to other other shows that have extensive world building, I'd say. Right. So when you do discuss, if you were to be new Frasier characters, not erotically, we were kidding.

Right, no. What have you come up with? So his answer, I think, is better than mine. His was that he would be a guy who works in the archives at KACL, like in the basement, and his whole thing is like anytime Roz talks to him, he goes like, whoa, I have a girlfriend.

Like he thinks Roz is hitting on him when she isn't. Oh, because she's so horny. Horny old Roz. He's just reading the situation wrong, and she just rolls her eyes at him. But then mine was like I am a barista at cafe nervosa and also i am me and roz like date a lot of the same guys oh that's but we're very different but we have like a little bit of it like both of our characters antagonize roz for some reason do you you know, Emily? Yeah. As an Emmy award winning comedy writer,

are there any other shows that you write fan fiction for inside your head? I mean, a little known secret about all of my TV writing work, it all started as Frasier fan fiction. And then I just sort of like change some details to be about you can just swap in barry to most fraser plots right these are very similar shows structurally i'm a i love barry's grumpy dad with that cute dog oh my gracious okay so that's just that's the fraser character i would be not the dog but i would be i would be like a guy in the building who walks eddie like maybe eddie's dog walker i would be eddie's dog walker and me and uh martin would have like a lot in common okay and we would like have all these little inside jokes and when i came to pick

up eddie i would be like you know hey martin you Martin, you know, like, you know, hold the pickles. And then we would laugh. And then Fraser and Niles would like get jealous. Oh, OK. Like he's he's Martin's like. And what age are you picturing? I'm the same age as Fraser and Niles. So it's OK.

So it's like his sort of like his surrogate, like the son he never had. Yeah. And it's like, you know, clearly I'm yeah. I mean, I'm not like doing great if I'm a dog walker. Maybe it doesn't make a ton of sense that I'm walking dogs and I like live in their building, which is probably a pretty nice building. But I mean, you know, whatever, like sitcom real estate logic doesn't make a ton of sense anyway. Yeah. I mean, how does Frazier afford that? He works in radio. Yeah. But also is like a local celebrity who everyone recognizes as soon as he walks into a room.

He made a bunch of money when he lived in Boston, and then he invested a lot of it. And so he's living off his investments. It's not that he makes that much money as a radio star. It's that he's just wealthy from his other work. I got to tell you something. I have a friend who was on a talk radio station in Seattle. Bulldog? Wonderful man. He was the second banana on a news talk show. in Seattle. Bulldog? Wonderful man.

He was the second banana on a news talk show. And I talked to him about why he had that job one time. And he told me it was because of how much money he made. He told me how much money he made doing that job. And I was gobsmacked. It's a lot. I think he could afford a lot of cafe nervosa. He could live in apartment 1901

in Elliott Bay Towers on the counterbalance. No problem. No sweat at all. Great, great Paul Emily. He's had Frazier's address and apartment number off the dome. Where do you think she's,

she sends enough letters. She's probably got one of those rubber stamps with the address. Wait, Jesse, so you don't leave us hanging. Who's your Frasier fantasy character? Oh yeah. We said ours. I know you've seen two episodes

since it aired. Remember what our couples therapist said, you have to reciprocate. There's this story that Wallace Shawn, who's a acclaimed playwright besides his acting career, you know, as from the Princess Bride and Toy Story and so forth, that he became an actor because Woody Allen needed someone in a movie to be comically more goofy looking and nebbishy than he was. And it was, you know, that part required a truly ridiculous man. Yeah. found that was more ridiculous and the honest truth is that i think were i on fraser i would be the pompous dick contrast to niles and fraser where they're like holy shit this episode, there's a guy who's even more of a pompous dick.

Talking about Monocle magazine? Which, you know, kind of is the character of Cam Winston who lives in apartment 2001. Just saying. Well, they already got that. He's a little bit, I mean, he's really more of a bizarro Frasier than he is like an exaggeration. So maybe not. Okay. They are the

same person in a, in a way. Jesse, here's my pitch for you. Yeah. On Frazier. You know, I don't know how far over the shark they jumped, Emily. You can, you can correct me if I'm wrong about this, but I do remember that I'm married with Jordan. Sorry. I don't mean to interrupt you. You gave me the perfect idea. I would play Fonzie. Smack the old jukebox and cafe nervosa. I was thinking, I was remembering the kind of insane shark jump that like married with children did like married with children was really insane by the end pretty crazy show to begin with but also just like went wild at some point their dog started talking like you could hear did it really yeah well you could hear its inner monologue i don't think it like talked to you know bud or whatever but like the dog was

voiced at some point they probably would have had to get there which cast member of the carol burnett show provided the voice i think you i would have voice of eddie i would love to be the voice of eddie i mean i probably talked five times on this show about the time that that i went to see a benefit show organized by our friend Al Madrigal that was just full of brilliant standup comics. And then right in the middle of it was a dog act. And I was like, why the fuck is there a dog act in the middle of this standup comedy show? Like, why is there a dog act going on in between Maria Bamford and Bill Burr or whatever? It was like an extraordinary lineup of comics.

Then this dog act came on. It was the guy who trained Eddie from Frasier. And it was this man in his, I was uncomfortable with how beautiful his daughter was. Like she was, you know, like a 28 year old model and this funny man that trained dogs. And they had this crew of rescue dogs, all of whom were funny looking, like Eddie from Frasier. And they did incredible tricks,

and it was way better than all of the comedy geniuses who were on the show. Yeah, you don't put that in the middle. That's like you end with the dogs. Yeah. Nobody wants to follow dogs or children. Come on, Madrigal. Get your fucking act together. For the last bit of this show, I will actually be leaving and a dog will be entering my Zoom window. Excellent. Well, let's bring that on faster.

Yeah, let's get to the next segment so we can swap me out for this adorable dog. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart, Jordan Morris, boy detective right around the corner is the max Fund Drive. It starts March 20th, runs till March 31st. This is how we pay all of our bills, and I'm very excited about it. If you are or become a Max Fund member, we've been teasing this, but we have something very special planned. It's very special. It's very sweaty and very sensual. It was likely drunk on set for its entire career.

To be fair, sometimes it was high on painkillers. Sometimes it was high on painkillers. This is what's called a tease. This confusing. We made a special show. We're going to talk about it starting in the MaxFun drive. There's big MaxFun business news coming too. And our thanks go to everyone who's a member of Maximum Fun. Maximumfun.org slash join is where you will be going. But let's get into

some of the outfits that are supporting this week's program. First off, Oura Ring. O-U-R-A. program. First off, Oura Ring, O-U-R-A. If you've been interested in tracking things like your heart rate, your activity levels, your sleep quality, respiratory rate, maybe that you think you have to do this with some sort of cybernetic exoskeleton, well, great news. You can just use an Oura Ring. It's a cute little ring that goes on your fingy. Yeah. Put that cybernetic exoskeleton in the attic with the Christmas lights. And the Atari 2600. Maybe it'll form a special friendship with the Atari 2600. Who knows? That sounds like a cute Pixar movie. Have you got an answering machine you're not using? It can make friends with the

cybernetic exoskeleton. In the meantime, you'll be using that aura ring to keep track of your body's comings and goings. It does not track your comings, by the way. That's for you and your loved one to do. And your loved one could be yourself. I want to point that out. There's an app, the Aura app. You can work on building healthy habits and living your best life. And not only that, it is not a homely device. In fact, it is an attractive device. It comes in a number of different colors and two styles. It is comfortable to wear. It is kind of extraordinary how comfortable to wear it is, given that it is measuring all these things

about your body. I'm looking at the inside and looking at all these little sensors. And it's kind of an amazing little machine. And I even like the little stand that you put it on. I find this little stand that charges it very comforting. Enjoy the Aura Ring. Enjoy its beautiful little stand. Here's what you do. Visit OuraRing.com slash JJ Go to find the right ring for you and get $15 off your purchase.

That's OuraRing.com slash JJ Go. Don't forget to use our link to save $15 on your Oura Ring. O-U-R-A Ring. We're also supported this week by the folks at Lumi Labs. That's the microdose people. Jordan, you like to microdose a little bit sometimes when you're going to catch a snooze. Oh, yeah. I enjoyed microdosing before watching the film Top Gun Armageddon. What's it called? Top Gun Maverick. Top Gun Maverick. Hashtag planes rising, colon. Who knows what movies are called these days?

But I do know this, that a THC gummy from the fine folks at Lumi Labs, the microdose people, makes everything just a little bit better. Jesse, you mentioned that there are a variety of situations where micro dosing can help the experience. And that's because these things are so mild that you can take them in just about any situation. They help you feel just the right amount of good. Pop one before a snooze. Pop one before you see Tom Cruise. Armageddon. Tom Cruise fight a villain of unclear national origin.

Yeah, when you learn that war is against men with no faces. That was a pretty good movie, though. Anyway, microdose gummies, you don't have to worry about taking too much. You can really control your dose. And look, they've got macrodose gummies too over there at LumiLabs, if that's what you prefer. Microdose is available nationwide. To learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use code JJGO to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description. But again,

that's microdose.com, code JJGO. We've also got something up on the Jumbotron this week, Jordan. Yeah, if folks want to share a message with our listeners, they just go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. They put that message in, throw a little bit of cash to Maximum Fun, and message will be delivered in a timely manner which is right now this message is for faux hammer from your pals the message from your pals to faux hammer is thank you for using the power of twitter to get jordan and jesse to admit that they had at some point in some undisclosed way misrepresented Magic

the Gathering. It was about time. Also, happy birthday. Impossible. My representations of Magic the Gathering are perfect. Whether it's the Magic the Gathering card Sarah Angel that I remember, or the Magic the Gathering principle Mana, tapping mana. Those are the things I remember about Magic the Gathering. Here's the amazing part about Jumbotrons. You could just get us to say lies. Because this is clearly a lie. We've never misrepresented Magic the Gathering. We would never do such a thing.

Everybody knows that when it comes to Magic the Gathering, we're two of the world's foremost experts. We're basically the Krat brothers. As the Krat brothers are to creatures, we are to Magic the Gathering. From Sarah Angel to Tapping Mana, which is how you do attacks. You know, Jordan, a lot of people don't know this, but there's different sets of Magic the Gathering. From the one with the black on the outside to the one with the regular on the outside, plus booster packs. Magic the Gathering, check it out today at your local hobby store, wherever you get balsa wood airplanes.

These are all perfect facts, verifiable, cross-checked, double-blind study. So, you know, that just proves that we will just read whatever on a Jumbotron. Go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron and get us to say lies. Hey, pals, Jordan here with some late breaking comic book news. I have mentioned on the show that I contributed a story to the upcoming Archie Horror Anthology, Pop's Chocolate Shop of Horrors. That comes out on March 22nd. And if you're in the Southern California area, you can come to a signing of said comic featuring me, Amy Chase, and Ryan Katie. That's right. All the writers behind Pop's Chocolate Shop of Horrors will be at Golden Apple Comics, Wednesday, March 22nd, from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. So if you're in the SoCal area, pop by

Golden Apple Comics and get a book signed by us. I'm happy to sign your copies of Bubble, your JJ Go merchandise, whatever you got on hand. Happy to personalize it. Happy to put, you know, gotta get a son or whatever on whatever. So come on down to Golden Apple Comics. You can find them online, goldenapplecomics.com. And I hope to see you tuppies there on the 22nd. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, See, Emily was worried about this. And she went and fucked it up anyway. God damn. Everyone knows Butt University doesn't have a farts major.

Are you talking about the toots department? Is that what you're talking about? You go to butts to study the classics anyway great have it great great podcast guys see you later yeah bye wait you don't want to stick around for the dog dog's coming up it's gonna bark jingle bells it's gonna be really funny i'm gonna turn into a six-year-old and tap dance that helps emily just so you know about how our show works so we have these different segments on the show just like on baby geniuses you know you'll have recurring subjects that will come up it's not just band chunch right but it's mostly martha stewart's pony band chunch yeah and butts yeah on our show we think of a lot of great ideas

that are original ideas that we thought of so when we introduce a segment it's not just someone calling in with something that they wanted to say but then they append a segment name to the beginning of it as though that's what it is it were recurring segment on our show because we're so creative we probably should get emmys too nope hey if it makes you feel better i don't have an emmy i've lost several you have an emmy at this point, you've got an Emmy. Do you get a certificate if you get nominated? Yes, I do get a certificate. I have it somewhere. But it says you have a Bachelor of Arts from Bucks University.

Yeah. I thought you were just going to say UC Santa Cruz, which is basically the same thing. Fair enough. Taint much. Taint much. I don't know, Emily, exactly how much that paper is worth. So I can't make an informed claim about what the degree is worth relative to the paper it's printed on. However, however, anyway, we're very creative. Press play on this thing that we definitely

thought of, Daniel. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, guest and Daniel. I am calling in for your beloved recurring segment, 19th century doppelgangers. So I'm a doctor. And the other day I got something really amazing in the mail, which is a medical newspaper. It was the January 1890 edition. And right on the front page, it says editor in chief, Sarah E. Post, MD, which is me medical newspaper. It was the January 1890 edition. And right on the front page, it says editor-in-chief Sarah E. Post, MD, which is me. That is my exact name. It says that on my office and everything. And in this medical newspaper, there's a lot of delightful old-timey medical stuff about tinctures and hygienic powders and rheumatism and fun stuff like that. And I kind of feel like this Sarah E post MD is kind of destroying me

career wise. She somehow became a woman physician, the 1800s. I'm sure that was difficult and she has her own magazine and everything. That's it. Thank you. Now guys, I have to say this.

I've heard about delays at the post office, but this is a new level. Okay. Thanks Biden. Thanks Joe Biden. Thanks, Joe Biden. I guess I'm confused as to what action. So this person got, I'm confused. What happened?

A 19th century medical. I tuned out when they said hygienic powders. Let me see. Because it made you think about all the hygienic powders you forgot to buy this weekend. Jordan loves the powder. Oh weekend oh no i'm filthy we've covered jordan's passion for hygienic powders before jordan's balls are powdered like a fucking pool q-tip it's true like a like like like a wig on the head of the aristocracy so this woman is my first and foremost concern is no medical doctors should listen to our program because they have important work to do right and i don't want them debunking the stuff we say

right so tired of people deeing my bunk and also also, you're going to mess up your surgery you're doing if you're laughing too hard. Thank you, Jordan. Thank you very much. If you're yucking it up, you're going to slip and puncture a gallbladder. One time, my neurologist, who has both an MD and a PhD, she has two different doctors. She's a double doctor. One time she said something to me about podcasts, and I got worried she would hear my work.

Fucking terrified she would hear my work. So classy and smart. Wait, so this woman got a magazine about... This woman is a medical doctor. Okay. Who should not have given her name on the program not because something bad's gonna happen to her but i mean you don't want it getting out that you've heard our show so she is a medical doctor she somebody gave her perhaps as a gift

a 19th century medical magazine and it turned out to be written by a lady doctor who had the exact same name as our caller including middle initial which is truly extraordinary and then the woman our caller started using the powders for rheumatism and such. So she started doing things from the 19th century, I think. That should be a kind of hipster, if it isn't already. A medical hipster who's like, oh, I only use leeches. I love it. I love it. There's so many fucking witches and I'm so bored of it.

Thank you. Let's get some people making- You want to balance humors. Morphine poultices yes poultice that's made out of like squished rosemary and morphine yes you want the return of apothecary core yes exactly that's a great and that's a great way to describe it let's have less you know charging your himalayan salt lamp in the full moon and more getting surgery from a barber. Yeah. I'm so excited that we just got so rich on TikTok.

The amount of rich on TikTok that we just got cannot be overstated. But we weren't listing ADHD symptoms. It's types of core. Isn't a central premise of tiktok is types of core right don't know right it's like gorp cores your cottage core what's gorp core gorp core is where you wear a lot of like granola onions peanuts raisins questions and penises great granola onions penis question gorp core is just where you wear you like live in the city but you wear a lot of patagonia or whatever okay how does that how is that on tiktok it's like where you're wearing a lot of technical fabrics but you're you're asap rocky. How does that, what do you do

on TikTok with that? I don't know. You just promote your aesthetic. Everybody's got their own name for an aesthetic. Look, I'm not in generation whatever the fuck. I'm an elder millennial over here. You're trying to pretend like you forgot the letter Z. Look, I go from Y to

A. That's how the fuck I i roll i'm an elder millennial and you only read the twilight books yeah the divergent series wait what was the other thing you said cottage core yeah cottage core what's that it's like you live in a cottage it's like you you kind of like everything about you seems like you live in a cottage is that what it is right yeah it's like a lot of things have mushrooms on them a lot of lace frilly things it's basically like if you were a sweet little elf or a little gnome more like you're a little gnome if you imagine a lifestyle where somebody is it's a little bit like if you think of a lifestyle where somebody is, it's a little bit like if you think of,

and Jordan, this is probably the character that I would be on Frazier. Mama from mama's family. Okay. I don't think it's like that. Can I ask a question about mama from mama's family? Yeah. Was that a guy in a dress?

No, it was an actor. A lady actor? Mm-hmm. It was like a spinoff of the Carol Burnett show, wasn't it? Was it like a famous lady actor? It was definitely like a woman who was a lot younger than the character she was playing. Like, you're right in that there was a bad wig involved and that's maybe why you thought it was like a drag performance but no it was like i want to say her real name is vicky i'm looking it up now it was and i'll be looking up more monocle characters

vicky lawrence oh my god i knew her name was vicky but i didn't know what the last name was Was it Jennifer Lawrence? From Super Paper Mario. I have a question. Was Mama's Family, was that on network television or was that like saved by the bell and it just went straight to 4.30 p.m. on UHF? It was on NBC. The National Broadcasting Corporation, home of Frasier. It aired on NBC debuting January 22nd, 1983. After several time slot changes and a subsequent drop in ratings, the network canceled the series. It was two seasons. There's only two seasons of Mama's Family? But then it's like, how did it get so syndicated? But yeah, but this was like network tv in the 80s so two seasons meant

90 episodes oh here here's what happened two years after its cancellation the original series producer joe hamilton productions revived mama's family for new episodes in first run syndication on local stations across the united states why aren't't we doing that? That's where the money is. Yeah. Let's get that fucking Byron Allen money. Emily, you got those, you got those Emmys.

Let's do this. You got those Emmy, Emmy nomination certificates. Yeah. Emily, with your, with your certificates and your mind cannon about Frazier. Yeah.

Where we can just change a few names and call it our own thing. Right. We could make that Byron Allen money in a second. Fucking, let's judge Judy this shit. Right. And we get just all of the old wigs from the mama's family wardrobe department. Do you have any idea how cheap those wigs would be, Emily? How cheap?

I bet we could get a hundred wigs for a hundred dollars. How much could they possibly charge for a hundred Mama's Family wigs? So we need to make at least a hundred dollars on the show in order to break even. We're going to have to spend the money on the wigs

and we're going to need a voiceover studio for the dog. The dog will be talking. That'd be kind of an interesting experiment. It's to like start a show at the point where another show would jump the shark. Like start it with all of the tropes of that. Have crossbow murders, talking dogs.

And do it like Benjamin Button style where it gradually gets more and more grounded. Oh yeah. By the end you're like, oh, that was the premise. Yeah. Like, oh, they don't live in outer space anymore. Right. They've gone back to Earth.

These homeboys are back in the hood. Devorah says trying to co-parent. It's like a pretty simple premise. Okay. Two. There's two anime related monocle characters. Someone called Forte Stolen and then

Cho Hakaki. Anyway, they both have monocles. What is Hakaki in? This is from I don't recognize him from Jujutsu Kaisen, which is the one I know.

I don't know what Cho Hakaki is from, but he looks great. What about Tanaka from Black Butler? No, I don't know about that. And Aina from Duelist X Engage. I just don't think any of those characters are why we think of monocles as being associated with rich people. That's why we were looking them up. Do you not remember why we looked them up? No, I don't. I just was doing something why we were looking them up. Do you not remember why we looked them up? No, I don't.

I just was doing something because we had done it before. I don't know why. We weren't trying to, like, do research for our all monocle themed tarot card deck that we are going to sell. Emily, don't tell Jordan. Tell

Walter C. Dornes from Helsing Ultimate Volume 1 Helsing. Hey, we're listing anime characters and you know where there's a lot of anime characters on the early internet. That's right. People talking about Ranma 1.5, people talking about Gundam. That's what people did on the early internet. Jordan, I want to say real quick. Is this about Ranma 1.5? Yeah, pretty much. So when I Googled anime monocles, like obviously number one is Anime Planet. Number two is Pinterest. And number three is Ranker,

which is where you press up and down to choose which is the top. Yep. Number four on this list is Etsy. And I just want to salute Etsy for their SEO. They were ready. They got a guy there at the office who's got a list of keywords. He had anime monocles on it. And he said, we're getting in the top five.

There is some fucking steampunk dork who wants to spend some money yeah bad news for you aliexpress that's number five bad news for you game spot is there one that's like top anime monocles 2023 this just says can cute girls with monocles become a thing? And then it says, this has potential. I don't know. It's got some potential, I guess. There's something about the thing you have to do with your face to hold a monocle in that I just feel like is not compatible with looking hot.

Right. It's not automatically horny like thinking of new Frasier characters with your hot. Right. It's not automatically horny like thinking of new Frasier characters with your husband. Look, I never claimed that was supposed to make anybody horny.

No, I think that's exactly what you said. You said you do it with your husband because the couple's counselor told you it would get

the two of you horny. The Frasier game is not about sex. It's about intimacy. Right, right, right. Yes. Like I was saying, we have an email address. It's jordanjessigo at AOL.com.

We ask people to send us confessions of their secret shames from the early internet. Emily, were you on the early internet? Were you on the AOL, AIM? Oh, baby, you know I was. I don't know. Tell us. I was definitely. I mean, in high school, I was on AIM all the time,

talking to my friends from debate camp. Oh. all the time talking to my friends from debate camp oh i was on the lddebate.org message boards some of these friends lived in sacramento some lived in stockton no honestly a lot of them lived all over the country i had friends from like New York, Iowa. You went to national debate camp? I went to national debate camp. I went to Stanford and I went to Iowa for debate camp. Holy cow. I was on the national circuit, baby. That is such a like high school currency is like, oh, I have these friends who go to other high schools. I mean, yes. It truly was like a way to pretend like I had more of a life than I did. Yeah. I went to the TOC in Lexington, Kentucky.

Beautiful. What's the TOC? The Tournament of Champions. Whoa. Holy moly. Turmeric, onions, peanuts. Yeah. You eat it at camp.

Make it into a poultice. Right. But yeah, the internet was a very big part of my life, and it no longer is at all. You're off. You're off the net. What happens on a message board for debates? What happens on a message board for debates? Well, considering that I recently accessed it on archive.org, I can tell you with some certainty what happens. There is discussion of tournament results.

There's also general talk about who's going to which tournament. There's talk about national rankings, keeping up with who has bids to the toc who doesn't there's general like there were different forums for the different regions of the country so you could talk about like you know people in those regions and stuff there was also just like you know random talk there was also topics dedicated to the like debate topics that we were supposed to talk about you know know, it's like gun control. Was there horniness? Yeah.

Sorry. Was there horniness? Sorry. In the gun control. Yes. Was there horniness on the LD debate.org message boards? Yeah. Probably.

Yeah. Yeah. There definitely was. But you weren't being horny there. I was being, I mean, I was in high school, so I was being horny everywhere I went. Every, everything I did in high school, I was being horny doing it. Did you make out at a debate event? You know, I had kind of like a debate boyfriend and we only ever really kissed once.

We never really made out. I never really. And I actually had multiple like debate boyfriends who I never hooked up with. Would you say he was kind of a Niles type? You know what? Neither of them were like super nilesy weirdly like the nilesy guys were the ones who were like having full-on intercourse oh niles yeah i mean niles niles fox yeah i met some girls at academic decathlon events they were all kind of ed types, I would say.

Jesse. The only other character I could think of from the fucking show. I already forgot the names of the producer and the one that Niles has a crush on. Well, listen. We just had recently said Eddie. Jesse. Boy. Listen, we have an email.

Someone emailed us. Jordan, Jesseesse go at aol.com a real email address that we really have and this is their anonymous confession in my senior year of high school 1995 i had been chatting with a girl in an online chat room we had been chatting on and off for a few weeks and got a little more than flirty with each other on occasion one day she tells me a modeling gig she had done had finally been published of course i want to see the pictures of this hot model i had been talking with she tells me go check out page 173 of the latest sears catalog the next day i uh head over to sears after school and go to the customer service desk so I could look at the

catalog. With zero shame or awareness, I asked my very cute classmate who was working there for the latest catalog. I flipped to the indicated page to see a very attractive teenage girl and loudly proclaim, that's my girlfriend. My classmate, knowing I'm a complete idiot, just nods politely and gives a feeble, oh wow, before turning away to, I'm sure, laugh at me behind my back. When I got home with page 137 torn out of the catalog i jumped online to tell my hot model girlfriend that i had seen her pictures she instantly logged off and i never talked to her or saw her screen name again today i know what a complete fool i was but 17 year old me couldn't fathom that somebody would lie on the

internet this shame will haunt me forever how do we know it was a lie yeah we don't and if it was a lie why would it be like oh well i saw you in the catalog why would that be like oh i'm found out wouldn't they just continue the line be like yeah that was me don't i look great yeah it is funny it is funny that this person supposedly bailed on this supposed lie when the person believed every word of it there was no reason to bail yeah not at all if i was gonna lie about this i don't think i would pick the sears catalog gun milliller's Outpost. Service merchandise. Ooh. Monocle. I would go for the Monocle magazine.

Turn to the article about which is the best train station in Europe and you'll find. I do think that like I realize like I'm approaching this from an extremely 2023 standpoint of just like you can just lie and lie and never get caught that's just like the world we live in now but there was probably a time in 1997 when you'd be like oh no an amount of scrutiny right i'm ruined you mean there was a time with shame? Feel bad? A horrible time. You can email us at jordangessigo at AOL.com. If you've got a momentous occasion or want to call in for one of our recurring segments, give us a call 206-9844-FUN or just send a voice memo to jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Juono, we're also carrying three beef and dairy all day. Max Fun Drive. Hey, Chef, we got another one. Another Max Fun Drive. People know it's the best time to support the shows they love. You tell them our meetup day is back? Sure did.

They wanted to know about the live streams, though. Those are finishing up right now. We can even send one out on the first night, March 20th. March 20th, Jeff! I'll give them a heads up. They also wanted the limited time thank you gifts for new and upgrading members. Yep, and we got some fresh episodes ready to go, too. All right, we got exciting live streams, meetup day, fresh episodes, limited time gifts. Oh, and Boca. Yeah, okay. Let them know that Max Fun Drive 2023 will be ready on March 20th.

And it'll only be two weeks. Two weeks, Jeff! Max Fun Drive starts on March 20th for just two weeks. No problem. Order up! Shoot, I forgot their water. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. And now, a live reading from Rachel's Poetry Corner.

Elephants, theremins, clifton. Neopets, pore strips, jepson. Pine smell, jelly beans, goalie goals. Skittles, squirrels, and the mole. Celery, chopsticks, pumpernickel. A case of you by Joni Mitchell, Lullaby's Tie-Dye, The More You Know, all of these things on our wonderful show. All these things and more wait for you on Wonderful every Wednesday on MaximumFun.org

or wherever you download podcasts. podcasts. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Can I ask you a question, Emily? I'm waiting for the dog to ask me to watch it. Nay, nay. Sorry. Yes. What's your question?

In our direct to syndication sitcom. Yes. When the dog talks, does it make sense to you? It's just an idea I have. I won't say where I got this idea. For when the dog talks to the dog just says the human words for dog sounds. So instead of saying,

oh, I would love some stew or whatever, the dog just says, hear the dog's voice. But the dog's voice is just a man going woof, woof, woof. And saying the word bark.

Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. Dog noise. Whimper. Just a pitch I have. No idea where I got that idea. Wag, wag, wag, wag, wag, wag. That's my tail. Thanks for identifying that. It speaks English when it's like describing. Time to eat dog food

i don't know i think it's i think it's probably better to have the dogs speak like speak a combination of english and dog language okay so it would be sort of like oh i i love humping things woof woof woof woof woof like that yeah like woof i'm hungry woof feed me yeah okay jordan what would you say if it was that what what is that question what would you say if it was that well jesse that's the name of the show the name of the show is what would you say if it was that what would you say if it was that well i would say meow meow i've been a cat this whole time boom we jumped the shark a second time the talking dog was a talking cat and the shark a second time. The talking dog was a talking cat. And the shark eats both of them.

Whoa. Kind of a deep blue sea situation. Yeah. Do you guys think Taye Diggs would do it? I mean, like being our show. I would love to get Taye Diggs. I mean, we can just see if he's reading right now. Do you think he might be offer only?

I mean, he's definitely offer only i think i'm willing to make the offer i don't want to give him the lead but i'd give him the bartender character that's a series regular he's really important he's just not kooky so the show is it's all of the props for mama's family but it has a talking dog let's list what we know so far here's yeah let's work backwards okay so it's all the props for mama's family right it has a talking dog tay digs is the bartender any standing sets figured out yet does the dog go to the bar first of all of obviously the dog lives at the bar okay number two bar dog yeah obviously this bar given that we've got all

these sets and stuff for mama's family they're very affordable it's got a lot of doilies and shit it's basically it's like a tg oh wait so wait. So it's the sets from Mama's Family, too. Okay. No, just the set elements. It's not the sets from Mama's Family. The doilies and the wigs. And we do know the title. What would you say if it was that? Yes.

But it's like a 70s TGI Fridays. What was the 70s version of TGI Fridays? It's like a, you know, it's like a fern bar. It's a guy. That's what we're doing with all the doilies. And so it's like a lot of Brownwood doilies. Is it a period piece?

Is it set in the seventies? I mean, I, I think God knows that Taye Diggs would look great in that outfit. Yeah. No kidding. I mean, or is it like a,

a Wes Anderson thing where it's just like, he just wants it to look like it's the 60s, but it's not. No. No, it is not a Wes Anderson thing. There'll be no symmetry in this show. No symmetrical shots.

Do we want Wes Anderson involved in any way? Yeah, we want Wes Anderson involved. Yes, we want him involved, but it's not his thing. This is our thing. Right. He comes in and he does like a special sort of like bottle episode when you go inside the dog's

brain. He can do some punch up. We're bringing in him and Mamet and he can send the letter you have to send to Bill Murray to get him to be in something. Bill Murray will probably show up be in something. Yeah.

Bill Murray will probably show up for an episode once he hears Diggs is in. Yeah. Right. Who else do you think we could get besides Taye Diggs for this thing? Well, I was just thinking, I was like, I feel like Taye Diggs is one of those people who follows everyone on Twitter, right? Yeah. Famously.

So I think it should just be all those people. It's like Taye Diggs, John Cena. What's his name? Ron Perlman. Oh, I've, I don't know if I've gotten the, I would be thrilled to get the Perlman follow. Jeez Louise. I bet that's a real humdinger. And Barack Obama. Oh, well, I mean, a classic comedy crew. There are no women in this show which makes it complicated because all of the costumes are just from mama's family so i think all four of those guys would make beautiful ladies you know who i think would be good in the show who mark l walberg okay the game show host also hosts the antiques road used

to host the antiques road show oh i thought I thought you were just, I thought you were talking about Marky Mark and I was like, no, no, no. I don't think he would be good. I didn't know what his middle initial was, but okay. No, he wouldn't be good. I'm talking about Mark L. Wahlberg, the former host of antiques road show. All right.

I mean, do we have a specific role in mind for him? It's gotta be something horny. Is it like a dog the bouncer of the bar who's like i'll only let you in if i'm horny for you that kind of a thing maybe maybe he works in the back room uh he's a pool hustler in the back room okay yeah i was just like so you're just doing it's cheers now kind of well there's a restaurant upstairs okay right should we change the name to it's cheers now kind of which was the working title of fraser i don't know emily it could be if you want us, if you think that's too close to tears, we could switch it to like a taxi dispatch office or something. Or like, what if it was something totally off the wall, like it was like a medical unit in the Korean War?

Right. Yeah. I mean, really push the envelope. Right. Yeah. I mean, really push the envelope. Let's say it was a family of monsters that live together and were a lot like some famous monsters from a New Yorker cartoon, but were different from those monsters. Just different enough. Right. Would you be willing to trade the monsters for being cavemen? I would love that. I would love that. If we get Nick Kroll, I'm in. Of all his roles, that's the one that Nick Kroll would like to reprise the most. Yes. Geico caveman. Emily, what a delight it is always to have you on the program. And I hope that our listeners will go listen to Baby Geniuses, which is one of the funniest things ever. You and Lisa Hanawalt,

two of the great geniuses of entertainment. And the show is such a silly, delightful traipse through a bunch of bullshit and then a little bit of not bullshit. Yes. That's substantially you guys reading a Wikipedia article. It's not. We're not talking about everybody going out

and getting a PhD every week. No, we just Googled monocle characters. And to be fair, I did read a significant portion of the mama's family Wikipedia page on this podcast. It's the same, it's the same show.

Basically the same. I got one speed guys. Years later, he relaunched it god i would love to have a speed it got canceled he's like fuck that's the one that that's the one that got away god i think there's a hundred episodes in that i think the fans the fans demanded it more mama that was after was after, for a while, he was pitching a Dorf thing. Right. When the Dorf thing didn't come through. Oh, yeah. Back to

Mama. Back to Mama. He was going to do something with those guys who come out of the wall and laugh in. Hey, Emily! The MaxFunDrive is coming up. You have a MaxFun podcast. We do. What kinds of bonus stuff have you guys done in the past that people can listen to if they go to MaximumFun.org slash join to get all our great

bonus content? Yes. I can't tell you much about what we're doing this year yet, but in the past, we have done special in-depth interviews with Jacob Jasmine, etiquette expert, a classic character from our show. We've also done an Anne Hathaway marathon special episode. We have. What does that mean? What does that mean? We just watched a lot of Anne Hathaway movies in a row and then sort of debriefed about it, I think. And we also did. Decompression session.

Yeah. We also did Biore strips and I think we took them also did decompression. Yeah. We also did Biori strips. And I think we took them off and looked at them on air. Wow. And also famously last year, we promised if we reached a certain threshold, we would show feet. And I still have to do it. It's been hanging on my head all year.

You haven't shown feet on Maine? I haven't shown feet on Maine, but I'm going to do it probably before this episode airs. Amazing. Well, check out Maine, everybody. Go over there to Maine. Do not forget. Remember the Maine, okay? Right.

It has a vein. You're going to want to drain it. All things about the main. Daniel Zafran is our producer. Brian Sunny D. Fernandez, our producer emeritus. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design. Our thanks to them and to Light in the Attic Records. We say this every once in a while. The Free Design are legitimately amazing and you should really go get Kites or Fun,

the best of the free design on light in the attic records because it is it is a really an extraordinary and special thing that band you know that's why all your fucking stereo labs and chibo mottos loved them so much because they're fucking amazing but yeah probably maximumfund.reddit.com, JJGoatMaximumFun.org, Facebook.com slash JordanJesseGo, Instagram at JordanDavidMorris at put.this.on, Archie Comics, SodaShopStop, what's it called again? I wrote a story for an upcoming issue of Archie Comics called Pop's Chocolate Shop of Horrors. You can get that March 22nd at your local comic book store.

And if you're in the Southern California area, we're planning some signings on the day it comes out. So keep an eye there on Maine where you'll see Emily's. You might see some feet. You might see some nasty stompers, and you might see. Are you going to flash some hooves at these signs? Some nasty stompers or some beautiful cloppers? You have to stay tuned to find out.

Cloppers or stompers? Nasty stompers and gorgeous cloppers. Maximumfun.org slash join. Yeah, you know what? If we get some MaxFun folks out at these comic book signings, I'll show feet. Let me ask you a question. Jordan.

I'll show feet. I'll do, I'll wear flip flops to it. Oh no. Should we bail on the podcast network and go full only fans? I mean, it's a good idea. Other than the fact that no one wants it well no one wants this

and here we sit yes okay we'll talk to you next time on jordan jesse go i'll hug you and kiss you and love you love you love you love you Love you