Ask Uncut: “Don’t Bring Presents, Just Bring Money” & I’m In Love With My Friend
00:09Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut.I'm Laura.I'm Brittany.And this is Ask God and Cod, where we answer your deep, you're dark and your burning questions.My first.What?Well, you told me that something really...What's burning?
00:23I don't know.You told me that something was really annoyed you on the weekend, on your drive.Oh no, I just had like the most chronically undiagnosed ADHD thing I've ever done in my entire life.And it really sent me into a spiral.Please go forth.I think you'll get a lot out of this.It has absolutely undone me.Okay, so on the weekend.
00:43As much as those shoelaces, because I've been looking at your undone shoelaces all morning.Is it just one or two?Just one and one floundering around.Yeah, sorry.Chaos.How would you describe me in three words?That's, you're setting me up.How would you say?
00:56That's like when someone says, how old do you think I am?Tell me how much you love me?I'd say incredible, amazing.Oh my God.Beautiful.They're the only words.Unhinged, disorganized, frantic, chaotic, chaotic hurricane would not come in tomy vocab. I came into work today and you asked me if I'd taken any medication. I was like,
01:13can you? I know we say it, but you never know what law are you going to get. And sometimesit's like you've been tripping all weekend and you're still coming in. I am coming off the backof school holidays. That's what this is. We finally, to all the parents out there, you made it.Who may have suffered through having to parent your own children. No, it's, we went to Ulladalafor four days. We did a quick dash down the coast and we took two cars down there becausewith all the luggage and stuff that we had to take down.And also...28 kids.
01:41With all of the 17 children that we have.We also have to split the kids across the cars because Hoppy does not travel well.She is the happiest, smilingest, a most amazing baby.But then we figured out very early on that the one time that she cries and can't, like,it's like she miss wires is when she's in the car.So she'll cry for three hours, will she?She won't cry for three hours, but she cries for the waking period of her being in the car.She just hates it.
02:03She hates it.And it also then sends the other kids into orbit.So often when we do any sort of like long trip,At the moment, we do them in separate cars.I know.It's very annoying.Wait for it gets worse.So we were heading back from Aladala and Matt had had Poppy's car seat in his car, right,
02:19in the bigger car.Because when we're there, we all travel as a family, obviously.On the day that we were leaving, I was like, Matt, can you please put the car seat backin the car and Lola wanted to come with me as well.So I was like put her car seat in.So we were doing this like just like changing a round of car seats.It's annoying.It's stressful.
02:35We're trying to pack bags.We're trying to clean up the house.and I was leaving an hour and a half earlier than what Matt was leaving, right?So I took Lola and Poppy and we were going to stop in and see my mum in Wollongong,which is basically like just for anyone who's not from the South Coast area,it's a three-hour drive from Ulladullah to Sydney, and my mum lives, it's smack in the middle.So it was going to be, we'll stop in the middle, we'll reset,I'll give Poppy a bottle and she can sleep the rest of the way home.
03:01I get 10 minutes out of Wollongong and I get a phone call from Matt, and he goes,hey hey I was like hey he was like can you um can you pull over and I was like yeah and Ipull over the car and he goes um can you just check for something for me and I was like what and he goescan you just check for my car keys oh no I had driven an hour and a half with his car keys I hadalmost arrived at my mum's house and I had his car keys in my car car so I hadto turn around, drive back to Aladala an hour and a half, drive back again an hour and a halfonly to make it to the point that I had first arrived at.I would be roperable, but whose fault was it?
03:49Mine.Oh, okay.There's not much you can do with that.It was mine.I accidentally picked them up just thinking they were my keys, threw them in my hands,like haphazardly.Oh, you're so annoying.I did it to myself.
03:59You're so annoying.It's giving when you drove an hour and a half the wrong direction to my birthday party.Remember?An hour and a half the wrong direction turns around an hour and a half back.then she starts the two-hour drive.Yeah, yeah, I do that too.Honestly, I had this moment where a cloud of sadness came over me.Because you know there's no option.
04:16There's no option.There's no option.You have to turn it around.Everything ran through my mind.And I was like, okay, what can I do?Can I, like, a courier permanently?Can I, like, part with one child and my husband?I was like, can I, no.
04:28I was like, the only option is that I have to turn around.It took me seven hours to do what should have been three-hour drivebecause I had to stop in the middle and still see.my mom. The question is. The kids werefar. The question is.Poor Poppy was in the car.Well, you shouldn't leave up. Poppy on the roof. Usually something's left on the roof.Poppy was in the car for a while. She was
04:47with the break, seven out. I could have driven to Barron Bay.I'm actually devastated for you.I was meant to be home by 8 o'clock. I got home at 11.At night.Oh, my.So, but this is a genuine question.Yeah. So like, I'm really sad.At what point? Don't make me feel bad about my brain.
05:03No, I'm not. I'm not. But it does make me ponder.What's the tipping point of trying meds?Not for me, but you're just like curiosity.Do you know why?Because I go really long periods where everything's fine and I don't have these things.When was that?What period?I go for like really extended long periods where things are great.
05:26And I'm like, okay, cool.I've got good support systems in my life that there's nothing happens.And then every so often, I'm 10 minutes outside of Wollongong and my husband calls meand I've got to turn around and drive to Allah.I love to do it.like we would support you for like a social experiment of like just trying them.We can compare the two.Anyway, it was a disaster.
05:46And I, like I said, I had that wave of like sadness.And then I very quickly was like, you just got to accept this.This is something you can't control.No, but you can.Back in the day, I would have been so down to myself.But I think the real MVP of this whole situation was Lola.So like obviously a five year old probably normally isn't going to respond very well to the fact that you've just surprised them withspending an additional three hours in a car.
06:08But maybe she has no concept of how long it is going to be.No, she does.She really does.And I was like, hey, Lola, there's something I have to talk to you about.And she was like, yep.And I was like, I've made a mistake and I'm really sorry.But we have to drive back to Ula Dala and take the keys to Dad.And she was like, oh, she's like her little face.
06:27And I was like, you know what, babe?I was like, sometimes adults make mistakes too.And she was like, it's okay, it's okay, mom.It's okay.She's like, I'm really mad, but it's okay.And I was like, that's really nice.So much self-control.So much self-awareness for a five-year-old.
06:42If you didn't tell her, she might not even have known.I think she would have.Like, if you've done that trip so many times, they would have figured it out.Anyway, guys, just, if you've been having a bad day,which was one of those things where I was like, could have,I was really down on myself for a period of time, and then after seven hours in the car,I got over it.Anyway.
06:57What's your vibe of the week?Okay, my vibe for the week is, so we've recommended this series a couple of times,but it's always been for different episodes.And I watched a really great episode of this on the weekend, and I was hook, line and sinker.It's called Worst Rommate Ever Story.It's season two and it's episode one, my best friend tried to kill me.Now, it's all about a woman named Janie or Janine, who tried to kill her best friend, Rachel.I don't want to say how, because it is truly like a unfathomable story.
07:26And because I think it came off the back of us doing recently, we've done quite a few little segments around, like,your worst roommate ever stories.Nothing compares to this.But it is so intricate.And the way in which the story unfolds unfolds over 20 years.It's so easy to watch.It's like a one hour episode.But I saw this on the weekend and I haven't stopped thinking about it because I,
07:46there's so many red flags in this whole situation.There's so many ways in which you can see like how it turned out the way that it did.But basically she ended up being arrested for trying to kill her best friend.She has, and is still serving her prison sentence for that.But it's the other subsequent things that she was also arrested for.which is fascinating.Such an easy watch.It's on Netflix.
08:09My worst roommate ever,season two, episode one,go and watch it.I've watched the whole season.Oh, did you see that one?I've watched all than my worst.What did you think of that story?Fascinate.
08:19They're all fascinating,but they're all so different.There are so many other ones.There are some really cooked ones.One of them was like somebody that moved into their,like they rented a room and the person that moved in was a fucking psychopathand ended up just making the owner of the house life,hell, pushing them out, squatting.
08:37There's like attempted murders, kidnaps.It's insane.So like none of our worst roommate stories even touch the size.Yeah, the guy who used to wipe his boogers on the walls really doesn't do much now.Yeah, he'd be like best roommate.My recommendation, we have spoken about it a little bit the last few weeks, but I'm into itproperly now.It's up to episode four, UK traders.
08:56I knew you're going to recommend it.It's the best.One of us had to.It's my favorite thing that's ever happened in the world.Well, it's hard to recommend.We always talk about traders because we love it, but it's hard to recommend.I'd recommend this season until we got into it.But I think maybe, I actually don't know how you feel, Laura.
09:10This is this first season of celebrity traders of any of them I've watched that I didn't really know the cast.Like there's so many people I didn't know in this season, except Joanne McNally.What about James Blunt?And James, yeah.But there's like 14 of them.I didn't know half of them.Jerry Hall.I knew Richard.
09:28Now, there's definitely a few of them or like I knew of them.Like I didn't know them well enough.But like they are obviously like UK's version of celebrity.Yeah, they are. They're all UK celebrities, but it's probably the cast I've known the least of out of any version.But I think it's different when you know someone in it. So obviously we know Joanne McNally.And I've just loved watching her. And episode one of the Traders UK is the funniest fuck up of an episode in UK or in any trader's history.And I know we've touched it briefly, but it's just, I just love the premise. But what I will say is, apparently, rumor has it for the UK traders.Apparently it was like they had to stop filming for a little while because of the anxiety on some of the cast and stuff.
10:11Like they people were saying they forgot it was a show and they just got so lost in the lying and it was like they had to shut it down for a while to make sure all their mental health was okay.Then they picked it up and kept played on.But also the thing I don't understand about traders and I get a bit annoyed about it because we saw it happened here in Australia off the back of Kirby winning.Yeah.So Kirby won.she played a great trader game.She was a great traitor.She had to deceive people.
10:38She played the game as you were supposed to, right?Does that mean that you watch it and you go,oh my God, that's really likable attributes?Of course not.She's supposed to be a traitor.They're liars.She is playing the game of a traitor.And it makes me really annoyed when the public watch it.
10:52And then the public are like, you're a bad person.You lied.That's like, don't watch the show if you're going to get angry about people doing the jobthat they have been cast to do.You know, I do think that's a pretty Australian thing.It makes me really annoyed.I'm such a fan that I'm like, if you're going to play a game, play it well.It's a pretty Australian thing.
11:10Most of the other countries love the traders.They're like, fucking well done.You betrish, oh, you got me.But here we don't do that.We're like, you lied to everyone.That's the whole point of the game.Up to episode four, it's great.I've loved it.
11:25I'm loving the little storylines.I'm loving watching Joanne McNally.She's funny as always.So, yeah, that's my record.Now it is UK-based, so you can either watch it with the VPN on BBC, BBC 1.Oh, you watch on 10 play.Yes.So it's like you get it delayed here.
11:38We are all hooked, like the whole team.You know us guys.You've been listening to this podcast long enough.We're like the traders fanclough every time there's a new season.We're like, oh, vibe of the week.Traders is back.So anyway, next week it's episode four I'm vibing.All right.
11:51Well, let's get into answering your questions.Okay.Question one.My husband is throwing me a surprise party and I don't want it.That's the worst.I have just had a baby and I said to him a few weeks ago that my 40th is coming up and I really don't feel like a big party.I especially said, do not throw me a surprise party because it is not what I want.Then I provided him multiple reasons as to why I don't really want a big group celebration and I would much prefer to go away just our family.
12:23Well, he has gone on to ignore me and I'm 99% sure he is planning on throwing me the surprise party.He planned me a surprise birthday once before with my family.family and friends, which turned into him proposing, but I also clued into that.So I knew it was going to happen before it happened.And the whole thing was just awkward for me and I hated the pressure.Oh, no.I've now had to pretend all these years that I didn't know what was happening at that surprise party.Like the engagement, it was all just awkward.
12:52Am I being a bitch and am I being ungrateful?Do I have to just relax and enjoy the party that I specially said I didn't want?Or do I bring it up again?Oh, I think you can bring it up again.I also think because you're postpartum, I just think you can bring it up and you can have a reallyhonest conversation with him and say, what if he's already planned it, paid for it, invites coming,catering's coming, what if it's like?I think you say, look, I want and I need you to listen to me.
13:20I was not joking when I said I don't want a surprise party.If anything, like I would hate that for my 40th.And I really do, I think you have planned it.I think you are in the midst of planning it. And I'm telling you this because I'm wanting that tonot be the case. And you know, you make it very specific like what you do want and what wouldmake you happy. But if it's going to cause you this level of dissatisfaction and upset and you're goingto have to pretend to enjoy something that he is only doing it because he wants to make you feel special,he wants to make you feel valued. But he kind of has gone about it in like a silly way.
13:55Like instead of just listening to you when you're asking for what you want, he's tryingdo what he thinks you would like. It comes with good intention, but it's just he's reallymissed the mark. Yeah, unless it's like when I say to Ben, let's not do presents, but I reallywant them. Unless he's mistaken it and he's like thinking, oh, she's being cute, but I'm going togive her the surprise party anyway. Do you reckon, or do you think it's the opposite? Do you thinkit's like, he knows that you're serious, but he's like, oh, whatever, you'll enjoy it.Like, who wouldn't enjoy it? I think it's more that. He's not doing it because he thinks you'regoing to hate it. He's doing it because he thinks, I mean, it sounds to me like it's a bit, she'll
14:28have fun when she's there. She doesn't know. She needs to kick back and relax. She needs to havea drink with a friend. And I get it. But also, if you've just had a baby and you're in the thick ofnot only sleep deprivation, but hormones, fatigue, stress, whatever it is. Even without that,it sounds like that's not your vibe. You're not a big surprise person. Also, the fact that he's done ittwice. And he's fucking done twice. And you have, that's the other thing, right? Like, you have theproof. It's not one of these situations where, like, you know, you've said you're not going to enjoy it or say youdon't want it to happen and then they do it and you're like, oh, actually it was really fun.Like, you know, you were right.
15:02He's doing something that he has done before and you didn't like it when he did it the first time.I get why he did it the first time. He was proposing.I know that in his head.She still had to lie that time.No, but that's, yeah, well, that's because she, I think she dug deep.She found out about the surprise before she was supposed to.With this one, I don't think you say, hey, I think you're doing it.Don't do it.
15:22I think you pretend you don't know still.And you say, I would probably say, hey, I just want to check.you actually are not throwing me a surprise party because I really could think of nothing worse.Please, I just want to go away.And maybe you reiterate it so it's not like I know you've already done it.Cancel it.I think it's more just really, really drive home.I'm not doing that well right now.
15:43I need some family time.I could think of nothing worse.I appreciate it.But I just want to make sure you understand that I'm not faking it.I'm not doing a Brittany Hockley.I really don't want this surprise party.What do you think?Why wouldn't you say, hey, I,
15:58I get the feeling that you are Doreemus.And I'm saying this to you because I don't want there to be a misunderstanding.I don't want it.I think it's okay if you say I get the feeling you might.I just don't think it's right to say I know or I found out or something like that.I would just take it the other way because he'll probably just be really devoured.Then either he'll think you've been snooping or I think he'd feel more offended in a way.If he'd already planned it, he knows you've planned it.
16:23And you're still saying cancel it.Like if he knows, but if you're acting like you don't know,And you're like, baby, I just want to make sure you're not doing it because I really meant what I said.Yeah, but also like, I don't know, isn't there something to unpack in that?Yeah, beating around the bush.Well, no, I think that there's a bit of entitlement in terms of if he was to be offended, that you asked him to cancel, the thing that you told him you didn't want, it's like, but you can't be offended.You're not listening to me.I'm telling you I don't want something.
16:49It is my birthday.I have told you black and blue.I do not want this.It will not make me happy.I know, but he obviously thinks it will.So he obviously likes surprises.Like it's obviously something that he enjoys.Yeah, and I don't think he's going to do it if he thinks you're actually going to hate it.
17:05I think he'd be doing it knowing you've said you don't want it.He must, I mean, he's your husband and it seems loving.He must just think she'll love it when she's there.You know, like I just need to get her there, which sometimes is true.But you know that's not for you.Like sometimes getting to the event is half the battle.And when you're there, you're like, oh my God, I had so much fun.I agree with what you're saying.
17:24I think that is the truth.but I do think that there is a gap that sometimes happens in relationships where even thoughsomething might be well-intentioned, if someone is telling you what they want in the relationship,they're telling you they don't like something and you're being ignored simply because thatperson's like, I know better than what you know about yourself. There is a feeling of like not beingrespected or not being like hurt, I guess. And so there's probably, it's probably tenfold for her nowwhere she's like doubling down on the fact that she doesn't want it because she feels like she'sbeing unlisted to. I know what you could do.
17:55what you could do.Tell him you no.No.What you could do if you want to be like a bit sneaky.You could just go and book the holiday for that time because you said I want to go awaythe family and then say, hey baby, I booked a holiday.This is what we're going to do.I can't wait.
18:12This is my birthday.And it's over that time.And then there's nothing he can do because if he says, but I'm throwing you a surprise party,you say, why?I said we were going to go away and not do a surprise party.And then you have to win.Yeah.But then what if she doesn't want to go away?
18:25Oh, what if she really is just...No, she does want to go away.She said she wants to go family.Yeah, okay.Well, I think that you have to do something soonerrather than later because that birthday party is creeping upand you get a better look surprise, babe.Just go play on your holiday and be like,
18:36hey, you know how I said I didn't want a party and I wanted a holiday?Well, I booked it.We're going to Fiji.Yay.He's like, we can't on this night.Next question.So I just listened to the episode on the wedding gift registryand wanted your thoughts on this.
18:52My daughter turns too soon and we struggle with the idea of presentsbecause she already has so many toys.For her first birthday party, we respectfully ask for no gifts.And if they would like to give anything to contribute to her bank account,aka the account that will grow so she can afford a car or a house in the future,because the economy is fucked and it will be hard to buy those things.Anyway, we got some mixed opinions on the idea.So I wanted to put it to you guys.
19:18For her second birthday, do we say nothing at all?Or do we request the same thing as last year?Don't give gifts.Just give my child money.All right, guys, I'm almost speechless.I would never.That's not even, for me, there's not even a 1% of that that's okay.Personally, you can't invest in my child's future for a second birthday.
19:43You can't.At the most, you can ask them to bring fairy bread.They can bring a plate.You just, I don't know if I'm running in a different circle to what these people are running in.if I got an invitation to your kid's birthday, Laura, and you said, bring some money so I caninvest in shares for it, I would talk about you to all my friends.I'd be like, Laura's asked me to give her kid shares.Like, I just, for me, and I'm not saying this, I don't want to offend you.
20:10My honest, the first thing I thought when I read that back was I would never, I could never.You can't do that.I do not think you can do that.Laura might feel differently.No, I don't.She loves compounding interest, Laura.I love a bank account.I love debt.
20:24I'm rolling in it.Remember everyone to my mountain of debt.I understand why you're saying no toys.I mean, the kids are in undated.I wear the same.When it's birthday parties and birthdays now, I'm like,don't buy my children anything.They don't need anything.
20:38They get like a one gift from us because we are not toy people.Yeah, but you're not asking for managed funds.But I would never ask for money in place of the toy.I think that, yeah, I agree with the mixed.feelings around this. I understand that it's annoying when you ask for no toys. And once again,your respects and wishes are not listened to and people bring toys because you're just left with junkin the house. But I don't think that the alternate is saying, hey, don't bring toys, but here's thebank account for our kid. Like, I can understand why people feel that that's a very insensitive kind
21:11of way of approaching this. So I would say, if you got an adverse reaction to it when it was the firstbirthday party, maybe don't do it for the second birthday party. That would be my advice. And also,So you might find that when...Instead of a gift registry, she says the stock exchange.She's like, pick your stock.She's not asking for shares.She just wants to invest in the future.She wants to put it into something.
21:32I get it.It's just like a Commonwealth dollar account, you know?No, it's not.Put 50 bucks in or something.No, that's going to manage funds.Do you know what it's probably going?It's probably going towards their offset account or something.They're probably move it in and out, offset their mortgage.
21:44What you said is accurate.Like, I don't want to just laugh.What you said is accurate.It is an expensive time right now and it is really hard.interest rates are rising, prices of food is rising, rent is rising. It's really hard to live right now.And so I think if you don't want toys, just enjoy people's company. At the end of the day,celebrating a birthday should be about the people in your life that you want to get together.I do think that. Have a beautiful cake, have some memories, play, make moments, take photos.
22:09It doesn't need to be about toys and money. I understand why you would say, look, if they weregoing to spend it anyway, I'd rather it go to money and something that will be put towards her future.I understand that.Like, it makes so much sense.But those people are equally struggling as much as you are.So I just think you should pull the pin on it and say, everybody just come.Your presence is the present.Let's have fun.
22:32My child doesn't need anything right now.I just think there are a few times in life you can ask for money for things like that.Weddings, obviously, like there's wishing wells and things like that.Maybe engagement parties.I didn't have an engagement party, so I don't know.I think.But it's not a two-year-old's birthday.It also changes when kids are older.
22:47For example, so my niece, she just turned.nine. And she made a little card for everyone, like for all the family members. For each familymember, she made her own little drawing card. And she said, this year for my birthday,please don't get me a gift. Can I please have some money to go towards something that she'ssaving for. So she asked for the money. So like we all gave her money for her birthday because she's nine.How much do you give her 50? I think 50 bucks is a lot. But yeah, 50 bucks. No, 50 bucks.50 bucks. It's 50 bucks is a lot for a nine year old. She made bank. She's fucking laughing. Because if we'dShe's gone to Kmart. She wouldn't have gotten a $50 toy. She's smart. She's clocked in. She's
23:22going to Harvard. Also, that's the other thing. Okay. If you're buying a toy for someone,you can get very affordable toys from Kmart or from like, you might buy a book that's $17.You can buy a very affordable gift on Amazon or wherever for a kid. But if you're giving a monetaryamount into a bank account, you're probably going to give $50. And I'm sorry, but who's spending $50on a two-year-old's birthday toy? Well, you can't roll up with $13 and change and be like,Happy birthday.$17, $17, which is equivalent to the ANCO toy I was going to buy.So here it is.
23:52You know, like, you just can't.Yeah.Unless you're getting a jelly cat because they're expensive.I mean, hey, maybe you and I are the ones that are out of touch here.I don't know what the kids are doing these days.Maybe we should poll it.What would you think if you received this kind of an invitation to a two-year-old?I'd be surprised if the majority were saying, yes, you can ask for money for a two-year-old.
24:09I would be shooketh to my core.We sometimes get it wrong.So it might be that.Not often.Not often.No, never.We do.Do you know there's something I've been noticing a lot recently with birthday parties is upcycled gifts.
24:21So I've been invited, not me, sorry, my kids have been invited to quite a few birthday parties recently where it's like, don't bring a toy, bring something that your child is happy to part with.So it's like a pass it on kind of thing.And especially for little kids' birthday parties.So we've been to quite a few where it's almost like a hand me down.If you've got something that's still in really good condition.I love that.Like a really good book that your child loves.And it's time to pass it on to someone and give it a second life.
24:45I am all for that.And we, it was Poppy's birthday three, four weeks ago, now three weeks ago.We did, like, no toys.She's one.She's not going to know.Exactly.So basically what we did for Poppy is we got the girls to wrap up some of their toys that they loved the most that they were happy to part with.And they gave her their toys.
25:03And she, I know that some people are going to be like, that their child gets neglected.But she just got hammered down.She's not neglected.I bought her apple shares.When she's 18, she's going to be flying.That's right.I did write to Britain.I was like, can you please just give me money for Poppy?
25:15birthday. Can you pay me extra this week? I'll be interested to poll it. All right. Next question.This seems short and silly, but I think it has substance. I don't think so. I think it has a deepermeaning. I don't think it does. I think there's a nuanced conversation to unpack. I don't thinkthere is. Okay. My boyfriend wears the same trackies to the gym and then home to sleep.Because your boyfriend's disgusting. My boyfriend goes to the gym in tracksuit pants. He'll then have ashower, but he puts back on the same pair of pants from the day. He will then lay in bed.Sorry.Honestly, lay in bed under the cover, is like fully goes to sleep. I keep telling him, this is
25:53gross as Jim's a very unhygienic, but he thinks I am overreacting. I would love for yougirls to weigh in. I deeply hope that you are playing this episode to your boyfriend right now.And sweetie, if you're listening, if you're listening, if boyfriend is out there, it's disgusting.It's gross.Just because you've showered and then put back on your stinky pants.This is real smelly boy vibes.That's what this is.This is the thing that like screams of you're dating a boy who hasn't learned how to
26:21properly take care of their own hygiene because someone else did their washing for theirwhole life.That's what this screams of.But it's also the same, like it's not just that you wore them to the gym once.He's doing that day after day after day.A hundred percent.That's like, smelly boy vibes.I can, he's probably clocking a week at a time, I would say.
26:37That's my guess.And it's not just that you went to the gym.them, you probably sat on the ground, you sweated them, you rubbed your butt against other people'sequipment.Sorry, what?Sorry, like, I realize how that came out.I hope he's not rubbing his butt and all the people's equipment.The equipment was also not a euphidism for anything.
26:55I mean, like at the gym, I just think, I'm thinking about my gym workout, right?Like the benches that you share with multiple people that have been sweating.So it's not just your sweat.It's other people's sweat.It's other people's germs.What I don't understand is, like, imagine, imagine wearing like a pair of Lulu lemon leggings tothe gym, sweating in them, having a shower, feeling that beautiful feeling of cleanliness andfeeling refreshed, and then getting your Lulu leggings and sliming yourself back into them.
27:20No, it's different when they're tired.These are trackies.So I get the looseness, like, something that's been that close to your camel do is not,you're not putting in bed in sweat.Like, you're not going to sleep in that.I don't let Ben, this makes me sound controlling.Ben, me.I don't let Ben look at other women or anything else other than the ground.
27:38I check Ben's, I make Ben check.I make Ben check.No, I'm joking.This might make me sound controlling, but I make Ben look at the floor when we walk anywhere in public.I might sound controlling, but Ben's only allowed out of the house on a Sunday between three and six.No, I'm a real shower.Like, I love a shower.I will shower multiple times a day and there is no world in which so I will go to bed without showering.
27:58So even if I've showered, if I get home from the beach or the gym or something at like 5pm.Yes.And shower for dinner, I will shower before bed because bed will probably come at.11. And so I, for that time, I'm like, wow, it's been eight hours. I just like to feel fresh andI'll always put pajamas on. Ben has to shower. I will not let it. I'm like, get into the shower.You're not coming to bed. Okay. So I'm the opposite. I'm a morning. I know. I'm a morning shower.I know. I'm a morning. I hate sharing at night. But I'll do it because if I've ever been to the gym.I do it because of hashtag hygiene. If I've ever been to the gym, which is few and far between these days.
28:33But like, if I've done anything of any physical activity, of course. If it's hot, of course. But if it'sthe middle of winter and I've showered in the morning.I fucking hate showering at nighttime.Why?Because I don't like feeling wet and cold.I hate the wetness.Shower is scalding hot.I could not be hotter.
28:48You've got to get out.I hate wet hair.Hate everything.Hate it all.But even I think this is disgusting.So like that's a lot coming from me.And I do think...But then what do you do for this guy?
28:58Like you've told him and he thinks you're overreacting.Maybe all he needs to do is hear other people's opinions.Yeah.Make him listen to this.I do think that there are, there is a subcategory of men out there.And they are smelly boys.That's like they exist.I've dated some of them.
29:12They just don't have good hygiene.They don't think it's a problem.They think that everyone else is overreacting,but they actually are just a bit grubby.I'm actually lucky because as much as I say,I control Ben with his showers,Ben will sometimes say to me,Ben's like you wear something you wash it.
29:25So he's quite the opposite of that.Sometimes I will put a pair of shorts on or a shirt on.Like the shirt I'm wearing right now,it's a loose button up blouse.If nothing happens to this shirt,I'd wear this for a week without washing it because you're not like sweating it and I'm not dropping anything on it.Unless I think it's been somewhere dirty.But if I walk here to work, I sit in this couch, I record, to me, that's still clean tomorrow.
29:50That's, see, I am the same as Ben.I would never, I wash all my clothes.But you don't wear deodorant.Yes, I do.You forget a lot.I reapplied deodorant like seven times a day because I stink.That's why.I never just don't wear deodorant.
30:02We actually had to buy a little or emergency deodorant.I keep it at work.I keep it here because I have to put it in the morning and then, that's,Now you're just shaming me because I stink because I'm a hormonal perimenopausal.I'm not, but I'm saying that might be why.And maybe once I've had my baby, I won't be able to wear this two days orit.It's not that.
30:16It's jeans.It's everything.Like, I don't, if I've worn it, I wash it.That's how I am.You know, you're supposed to wash jeans like once every 20 wears or something.That's not true.It is true.Ask the denim manufacturer.
30:27It's just not true.I promise it's not a myth.I know someone, well, then this guy is probably correct then.Let him wear his track suit pants, Brit.What point are you trying to get across now?No, my point is.How many times do you wear your underwear?Let's go back to that conversation.
30:41Four before I flip it.Once time, motherfagners.It took weeks for that to die, so I feel like we should re-address it.We don't need to bring that back.You know what that made me think?Wow, you can't make a joke these days.That's what I thought.I was like, gone, it must be hard to those comedians if I can't even make a joke.
31:00I'm okay.If you guys want to roll with that.Now, that has become a myth.If you missed it.We don't need to revisit it.A few months ago,Brett made the joke that she wears her underwear multiple times before washing it,and sometimes she flips them inside out.
31:16And everyone who listens to this podcast was horrified.I will be honest, Britt, I listened to that episode because I wasn't on it.And even I was, I was going to be.No.Okay, well, I don't care.If you guys want to know me for that, whatever.I've done way worse.If you can't love me at my worst, you don't deserve it at my best.
31:34If you can't love me when I flip my undies inside out,God knows what's going to happen.All I want to say to that is how dare you come for someone else and me?I'm coming for this guy's gross.You do have to change it.Hopefully he's listened to this.And it's nothing against you personally to the boyfriend if he's listening right now.Sometimes you don't know better until you know better.
31:50And now you know better.You know better.I love that.Okay.Last question.Please help.Talk some sense into me.I have had feelings for a male friend for over 10 years on and off.
32:01We met at university and over the years he's had a long-term girlfriend and lived in different cities.Since moving back, we've reconnected and we've caught up occasionally, including a recentfive-hour evening together having dinner and hanging out his place.That sounds like a date.We have a lot in common and get along really well, but nothing romantic has ever happened.He is quite reserved and I genuinely can't tell if he's interested in me.Lately my feelings have become almost obsessive.I am extremely sensitive to rejection, constantly over-analysing our interactions and feel
32:32physically sick of the thought of him dating someone else.I'm terrified of confessing my feelings and potentially ruining our friendship.Meanwhile, I've been dating other men, including someone who is flying interstate to see me.I do find him attractive, but I'm worried I'm using dating as a distraction from my feelings,my friend. I also wonder whether I've romanticised the possibility of us being together after all these years.Should I finally tell my friend how I feel and risk rejection?Or should I just try and move on?I've never been good at shooting my shot at the fear of rejection,
33:03but maybe there's a less risky idea of floating, the idea of dating.Thanks for taking the time to read.Oh, you need to tell him.Also not even like real friends.Do you mean?Like you're like, well, you're friends.You are.Yeah, but I think that's a, I don't know where you got that from,
33:16but they sound like they're very good friends.What I mean is that the friendship is not based in an honest mutual platonic friendship.The friendship is not, that your version of what you're experiencing with himis not what you're supposed to experience with quote unquote a friend. What you have with himis an enormous crush and you need to have a discussion or you need to tell him. You have to,sorry, like it's gone way too far now for you to not to not tell him. It's been a decade of youfeeling like this. I genuinely think it gets to the point where you have to weigh up the riskof what will happen if you tell him versus what will happen if you never do. If there is a chance
33:56in a world in which he's like, thank God you said that because what if he feels the same?if there's a chance you might never know or have the experience of trying something with him,you will regret that for the rest of your life.You have been thinking about it for 10 years.Shoot your shot.Yeah.Because even if I truly think if you guys are that good friends than that long and you float the idea or you're up front or you try to kiss him next time you're on a five hour moment, which no guy's hanging out with a girl for five hours.I disagree.
34:26I disagree.No, I had a best friend and he was my best friend.and he was my best friend, nothing romantic ever happened.Neither of us ever exchanged any intimacy.Nothing.Nothing.And we would hang out and watch movies and it was just so platonic.Other side of the couch.
34:41Really funny laughs.Like when I broke up with...The only time I was hanging out with guys for that long and I had male friends was if I wantedto have sex with him.Never.Or I had a crush.Maybe he wanted to have sex with me.He never ever acted upon it.
34:50But like, I don't think so.That's what I'm saying.I don't think so.100%.All your friends had crushes on you.I don't think so.They did.You were so hot.
34:57These guys are not hanging out with you for funsies.I hate this.It was really fun.I'm not saying that you guys are not friends and he doesn't want to hang out with you.But I would be surprised if he's not also having the questions of like, I wonder.After that long, obviously you guys get along so well.You have a connection.For me personally, I would rather shoot my shot.
35:16And I know you said you have a fear of rejection.You shouldn't.Everyone gets rejected multiple times in life, in work, in friendships, in family, in business.It's okay.It's how you deal with it.And if he says no, I'm not into that.Like, he's not going to say, ew, I'm never speaking to you again.You will still, I truly believe you'll still remain friends.
35:37If I do, I think that you'll shoot your shot and he'll be like, I'm so sorry.Like, you are just like a best friend to me.And then you're like, cool, maybe I confuse it as well.Like, I appreciate your friendship.Maybe that's all it is.And it might take a little bit of time for you guys to just have some space for a while.I do think the friendship will come back full circle because you're going to go onand date someone else.
35:56But imagine not knowing their regret for me of not knowing when you felt away for 10 yearsis unfathomable and I would rather spend the rest of my life knowing I shot my shot.I was honest to myself, honest to my feelings, honest to this person and I laid it all outthere because a no when you have tried is better than a no if you haven't tried.It's a 100% failure if you don't shoot that shot.It's a no.You've already got a no because you haven't even tried.Okay, I agree with everything you've said apart from the fact that I think if you shoot your
36:25shot and it is a no, I do think the friendship changes because might not. I disagree. I disagree. I thinkthat something shifts there because if he's been living in this like fantasy land that you guys aretotally platonic and then all of a sudden he's like, oh, she's into me. The five hour platonic dinnersdon't quite feel like five hour platonic dinners anymore. So like there will be a shift,but what I want you to be aware of is that that shift is going to come regardless becauseyou've already said that if he starts dating someone else, you will like you actually, it makes you sick.You can't even process the reality of that.That's going to happen.
36:59The guy's not going to stay single for forever.So he's either going to date you or he's going to date someone else.Like that's it.He 100% is going to date someone.So if you know that that's going to happen in the next six month, one month, one year,whatever it is, you'll kick yourself.You need to have at least asked the question if there is some interest or whatever it lookslike for you.
37:17However you want to phrase it, because if you don't ask, you've already gotten a no and he'sgoing to move on to date someone else.it's very likely if he knows you're dating someone,he might not be wanting to ruin the friendship thinking you're not interested.Yeah, because you're already seen someone else.Totally.You're not available.So he's just like,
37:35fuck.Just please,you need to go do it and then you need to tell us straight away.I think you can also test the waters a little bit.If you don't want to go full throttle and just like make out with himand put the move on or tell him,I think you can do things like you know what your relationship dynamic is.You know how you're interacting with each other.
37:53when you're in each other's presence.So it might be the difference with touching his arm when you laugh.Like physical connections that don't seem like a big deal,but men will notice the same way women notice.Like you would notice if he started to like touch your arm.It's true.Do you think you guys?I don't know because of them to me, that's like a friendship boundary.
38:13Esther Perel would say that.Okay, if I was hanging out with my mate and he started doing thatand this was like one of my best friends who'd been my best friend for years and years,I would be fucking so, I wouldn't be like, hey, do you have a crush on me?Like, that wouldn't be my question, but I'd be like, I'm not going to catch up with him for a while.That was weird.But that's because you're not into it.Totally.
38:33If he's into it, that's my point, test the waters.If he's into it, he's responding to that.And it's not as, it's not as full on as you like mac in on with him in the kitchen or like, yeah,but also some people are just socially awkward.He might not.I think just have a conversation.No, don't have a conversation.Talk to him.
38:49This is not a sit down.I want to talk.That's too big.It's too explosive.it's too much pressure.It has to be one of those things, I think, where it just happens.Could it be a text message?You could just be like, hey, have you ever thought about it?
38:59You're either drinking a bottle of wine and you're kissing good night or you're testingthe waters.This is not a sit down convoy because it's too much pressure.Too much pressure on the friendship.But if it was like a whoopsie, we got drunk and we made out, like what did you thinkabout that?That's way better in this situation.You are not saying, can we talk.
39:18I've got feelings for you.No.You can't do that on this.Not in this capacity, but I want you to test the waters with some kind of interaction and flirtingthat is evidently more to him than is usual.So enough that he knows, oh, okay, that's, she hasn't done that before.Like, you know, because there are, sit on him.Sit on his face.
39:41Sit on his face and say, what do you think about that?Soutle, low key, super shy.Have a few glasses of wine.Sit on his face.And then I think if he's, if he's unsure.Sure. Please, after math that one though, I would love, and I'm rooting for you. Like, I wantthis to work for you because you've, you've already built the foundation of what could be a greatrelationship. Totally. But I just want to, I want to just give you some validation that this is,
40:07I think that this is way harder and way scarier than approaching someone who you've only just met.This is the hardest version of telling someone that you're interested in them because there's so much moreto lose. And so I agree and I agree with like the feelings of rejection, all that.sort of stuff. I absolutely think that they are all such massive valid feelings. But ultimately,he is going to date someone else and your relationship will change. The friendship you have right nowis very impermanent because if you still feel like this about him and he's in a relationship withsomeone else, it's going to drive you crazy. So, yeah, you either have to do it or you just haveto accept that it's never going to be and move on. So what we say in medicine is, does the benefit
40:48exceed the risk? So every medical decision that you make, whether itit's diagnostic or medication or an operation, does the benefit exceed the risk? And I havealways taken that into every aspect of life. Does the benefit of being up front with this personin this situation? Sitting his face. And sitting on his face, does that exceed the risk of whatwill happen if he's not into it? And once you weigh that up, if that's the way the pendulum isand the benefit is better, then that's what you do. And I think in this situation, the idea of whatcould be far outweighs the risk of what might happen if you don't.Well, there you go, everyone.
41:25That is it for Ask Uncutt.If you have any questions, slide on into the DM so that we can answer them or you cansend them on in to our Facebook discussion group as well.And you know the drill.See, Mum, Tee, Dad, Tad, Tad, Tad, Tad, Tad, and share the love because.We love love.
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