Life Uncut - Ask Uncut: Is My Boss Having An Affair? (& Can I Keep My Ex's Money?)

Episode Date: October 4, 2026

Hey Lifers! Welcome back to Ask Uncut, where we answer your deepest, darkest and most burning questions! Life Unlocked has been live for four whole days and it's already turning into a fun little community. Now we just need to work out what to call you all, so jump in and cast your vote! Then Britt has a confession. "Spa night" with Ben is usually a very romantic affair: lights dimmed, mood lamp on, Britt face down getting a massage while Ben watches his show. But this time Britt assumed his noise-cancelling headphones were on. They were not… Vibes & unsubscribes of the week: Laura – Vibe: TripView, the $7 app that maps out your public transport routes and makes you feel powerful (Lachy would like it noted that Google Maps does this for free, and there is also TripView Lite which is free)Britt – Vibe: the remote-control mood lamp a Lifer sent herBritt – Unsubscribe: Monster: The Lizzie Borden Story on Netflix (too gruesome and too weird, even for our resident true crime lover) Then it's into your questions! Q1: MY BOSS MIGHT BE HAVING AN AFFAIR. DO I SAY SOMETHING? Context: My boss is a good friend of mine. She’s married with two kids and has recently become extremely close with a single male colleague. She picks him up and drops him home, they get coffee & lunch most days, and she hangs out with him outside of work with her kids while her husband is at work. What makes it stranger is that whenever he comes up, she says he's weird, won't leave her alone, and makes it impossible for her to say no. I told her that if she didn't want this friendship, she needed to put some boundaries in place. I have no idea if anything inappropriate is actually happening and I don't want to accuse her of having an affair, but the whole thing feels really off and everyone at work is talking about it. Do I stay completely out of it because it's none of my business? How do I navigate this without damaging our friendship or our working relationship? Q2: CAN I KEEP THE FOOTY TIPPING WINNINGS IF MY EX-BOYFRIEND WINS? This year my family set up our first footy tipping comp. There are 16 of us and everyone put in 50 bucks. I covered my boyfriend's $50 at the time. Fast forward to finals and we've been broken up for five months, but he's currently sitting in first place. I've joked a few times that I'm keeping the money if he wins because technically I paid his entry fee. He always laughs and thinks I'm joking. But now there's a real possibility he could win a lot of money. Am I a terrible person if I keep the winnings, or does the fact that I paid his $50 make it fair game? Q3: MY SISTER IS BACK IN TOUCH WITH OUR DAD AFTER HIS 15-YEAR AFFAIR About five years ago it came out that my dad had essentially been living a double life, having an affair for over 15 years. He told my mum they'd bought an investment property with their retirement savings, when he'd actually bought it for the other woman to live in. My sister and I went very low contact with him. More recently my older sister had a serious health scare (thankfully she's now been given the all clear) and she's decided to get back in touch with Dad. He and his affair partner have thrown themselves into being grandparents to her kids: performative Facebook posts, big expensive presents, turning up at school sports carnivals. My mum is so hurt and I feel really angry at my sister. I feel like she's being hugely disloyal to Mum. Are my feelings valid? Should I speak to her, or is she not actually doing anything wrong? Q4: MY BIOLOGICAL DAD DOESN'T KNOW I EXIST. SHOULD I REACH OUT? I'm adopted and recently found out who my birth father is. My birth mother is hopeless at replying and has been hard to keep in touch with. She promised I'd meet my two half-brothers, but it never really went anywhere. I know who my birth father is, but he doesn't know I exist. If you had an unknown biological relative, would you want them to contact you? TIMESTAMPS 0:00 — Intro: Life Unlocked is live (and you need a name)1:17 — Britt's spa night goes horribly wrong5:58 — Vibes & unsubscribes: TripView and Monster: The Lizzie Borden Story11:28 — Q1: My boss is my friend, and she's very close with a colleague18:40 — Q2: Can I keep the footy tipping winnings if my ex wins?24:30 — Q3: My sister is back in touch with our dad after his 15-year affair33:28 — Q4: My biological dad doesn't know I exist. Should I reach out? We spoke about this with Ryan Jon Dunn. Listen to The DNA Test That Found His Biological Father: HERE If we answered your question, we want the aftermath! Let us know what happens. Keep your questions coming! Slide into the Life Uncut DMs at @lifeuncutpodcast on Instagram Join us on Patreon for exclusive content and bonus episodes You can watch us on Youtube Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne Produced by Sophie Nathan Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford & Lachy Pugsley Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! Xx        See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncutt. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncutt, where we answer your deep, you're dark and your burning questions. And just a big shout out and welcome to everyone that has joined our Patreon. It's been live for four days right now. And it's turning into a fun little community. Okay, so we did ask a question in there, which you can't, actually, you guys can't comment on it.

But if you join, you can cast your votes. What are we going to call them? What are we calling the people in there? We obviously have lifers, but then they're like our, they're like the dump tier. They're like really in it. Well, I think they do need a different name because like lifeers have always been you guys, like the massive community. And this is a sub-community, I guess.

So do we call them like. This is the Illuminati. I don't think we can call them the Illuminati. I think that's trademark. Am I getting, isn't it? My Tom Hanks. I was like, unlockers. Fuck it.

Guys, you guys can come up with your own names. Come to the locker. Meet us at the locker. Yeah. Behind the wet weather shit. Hey. Hey, Scotty, meet me behind the wet weather shed. That was very school days.

Sorry. That took a turn. Meet me behind the demountable. Who's Scotty? I don't fucking know. I went to a golf school. Yeah, exactly. So who the hell is Scotty?

That's for another day, isn't it? It really is. It really is. Hey, before we get into answering your deep, dark burning questions, I do need to just quickly tell you a funny story that happened last night. Tell me, tell me everything. So, bear with me. Ben and I play this game.

It's called rock paper scissors. It's called scissoring. It's called thumb fight. What the fuck? Ben and I play this game that evidently you will see that I came up with this game. Okay. It's called. You scare each other.

No, it's called spa night. We do that with the kids. They have a spa night. We do their nails, put a little, fiddle eye patch on. Well, I call it spina. Give them a little hand massage. It's just Ben massaging me, basically. I'm like, can we have spa night?

which he knows just means that, like, I want a massage or something. And so we set it up in the room and, like, we dim the lights. That's cute. It's not really a game. It's not really. Let's play a game. That's why it's funny. I came up with the game, quote, unquote.

It's not a game at all, but I just get a massage. But I got this. Actually, a life has sent me a lamp, this light. I'll put it on stories. It's really cute. But you can change the colors and the mood and you can, like, dark and enlighten. So we turn the lights off and I put the lamp on low. and usually we put some music on and like it's all very nice.

We get oils and he'll sit at the end of the bed, I'll end of the bed and I have my face in a cushion and he'll massage me, whatever. It's all very romantic. Can I ask, is this one of those shower lamps that I keep seeing on Facebook? They keep popping up and it does like this weird water ripple on the ceiling and stuff? No. It's not a shower lamp.

It's not a shower lamp. It's just a really cute lamp. It has a remote and it changes. So you can change it from your bed. You don't have to get up. I will link it. So the lights are off. we're setting the scene, but what Ben sometimes does, because this game's surprisingly not

overly fun for Ben. He just doesn't get a lot of joy out of it. He'll just set up his computer next to me on the bed, puts his headphones on, and he'll just watch a TV show. So, like, I'm having the time of my life, and he just locks in and watches a TV show. So he puts his headphones in, and they're big, over-the-top headphones that are noise-canceling. And the noise canceling is brilliant. Like, I use them all the time. And so he puts those on, gets ready to rumble. I'm laying down, relaxing. And I just assume that the noise canceling headphones are on and he's locked into his show. And I just released the biggest fart you have ever heard, because I was on my belly, it was pressing. I was like, I'm just going to have to do it. He can't hear

because his noise can't get his headphones on. You know he can smell still, Brit. Like his fucking sinuses haven't been blocked up by the noise cancelling headphones. Firstly, I didn't know it was going to be so big. Sometimes they're silent ones. Anyway, this was not a silent one. And he didn't have his noise canceling. He had pressed it to transparency so that he could hear if I needed anything. And so he just took it off. He's like, what the fuck? You guys know if you're an OJ lifer, I don't fight in front of Ben.

I do not fart in front of Ben. I'm so, look, I am all for whatever in front of your partner's. But I'm so confused that you thought that was a safe space of all the spaces. Like you won't even fart from across the room, but you will fart while he's got his hands on you. Okay, I know everyone says this. My fards don't smell. The fuck off.

They smell like perfume. Shut up. I'm an anomaly. I'm an angel sent from the heavens. You are. I fart florals. It's beautiful. They're hairless.

Naturally beautiful. It's not natural. Do you know how it's botoxes in this place? I have a divine presence. I have reached Nirvana. I was gifted with the most beautiful love. We can't have it all. Fuck, I wish I could be more at you every day.

He would. Every day. I have just never been more mortified. I looked up at him and I was like, did you hear that? He's like, yes, I heard that. He's like, the neighbours heard that. And I was like, he's like, what are you doing? I was like, I thought you had your noise canceling ever.

I've just never been so bad. I know a lot of people like, big deal. You're fired and frame partner. I can't tell you. It's different when you're laying down getting a massage though. I mean, I do a lot in front of Matt and like that, even that's a bit too close for comfort. I mean, or it's so comfortable that you're close. I don't know what he should respond to?

He should respond to that. I was like, don't stop. No, keep going. Keep going. Lower. I'm so relaxed. He should respond to that feeling as though you are just closer now because you are so close in your relationship that you feel comfortable. He did say, what's that smell?

Cookies baking. Florals. Wow, the pop purine is beautiful. Oh, that lavender. All right, let's get into vibes and unsubscribes. Brittany's vibe, the lamp already. My vibe. And I said this to bit this morning.

I don't know whether this is a hot take or every single public transport galley that's listening to this is going to be like, yeah, fuck, Laura, we all know about that. I am someone who avoids public transport because I feel it complicated and hard. Growing up in Port Macquarie, we didn't have public transport. I don't even think we had a bus. I have always avoided transport as well unless I have to because I also think it's scary and complicated. And every time I get it, I'm like, actually it wasn't so bad. I know. It really isn't.

But like, for me, it's just a barrier of entry there. What if I forget to tap off? I get charged for the entire fare. I got a tram for the first time in Melbourne last week. You all know I have a bad memory. I often forget to tap off. No. How's this?

You're going to be shocked. I got the trams for the first time in Melbourne last week. Never done it. I had to do a full Google research on how to get it. It's easy to get on, but you, depending on what zone you're in in the city is whether you have to tap off. And there's different rules about tapping on and off. And I was like, this is so complicated. Every single person from Melbourne is going to be like, brood.

It's really not fucking hard. Okay. Play on. Okay. So this app is called Tripview. it costs $7. And I was with my sister recently. She's such a bus person.

Like she's always getting the bus with the kids. Kids love it. The thought of trying to schedule that in the day with three children, I was like, I know they enjoy the novelty of being on a bus and like going for a trip. I was like, but it just seems too hard for me and that I have to do multiples. And especially in Sydney,

usually to get anywhere from like where we are, it's not just one stop into the city. There's like multiple different trans like, you know, transits you've got to take. So Trip View basically plans out and maps out your public transport routes for you. It plans out exactly where you've got to be. It's done in such an easy to kind of follow way. And I used it for the first time recently, downloaded it, spent seven bucks, used it recently and it made me feel powerful. And so if you are someone who sometimes finds

public transport tricky, you're going to feel powerful as well. Tripview. There you go. It's an app that I think is going to help some people and other people are going to think I'm an idiot. And that's okay. Lockhe's laughing at me and that's because he's a public transport guy. And he's like, it's like, it's not that fucking hard, you loser. No, Lockhees a line bike. Wait, what are you saying? Apple. Apple, what? Google Maps. I think he just uses Google Maps. It's just free. No, it's not.

It's so, no. Have you used it? Hate it. It breaks it down on public transport to the minute and it's free. And it's free. Trip View. Trip view. Everyone, it's way better. Lucky, I didn't want to say that, but go for it. Trip view. Trip view. Also, Lucky, what about the people who don't have Apple phones? What about our Samsung listeners? Rock on.

Where should rebuttal to that one? Okay, that's very abusive to our employee. I don't have a vibe. I have an unsubscribe. Perfect. Now, this is going to shock many of... Is it my vibe? Is that what you're unsubscribing?

I'm unsubscribing from Tripview. $7. You can get it for free on Apple. And that's a wrap. Rock on. No, this will surprise many of you because I am a true crime lover. You know that. I have, I think we've spoken many times about Jeffrey Dahmer and things like that in the past.

Yeah, you're a creep. Well, the next installment of Ryan Murphy's monster has come out. So, monsters, if you don't know, it's like Ryan Murphy's. is the producer and all the Jeffrey Dahmer's and things like that, they are part of this monster series where he goes and looks at real life serial killers basically or really disturbing things and he turns it into a Netflix show. Entertainment. So the new one has just come out called Monster the Lizzie Borden story is his first time

he's done a female protagonist. And so in 1892, so it's back in the day, there was this female axe murderer. I usually quite enjoy finding out about these kind of things in the past. Like I love crime. This was too much for me. It was disturbing. I didn't like the way it was filmed. It was way too gruesome and gory.

And that's saying something from me because I enjoy it. But I just am unsubscribing from this one. I don't think if you guys haven't seen it yet and you're also sort of like me and you enjoy these things, I'd give it a miss maybe. And I don't often say that. but it was just a bit confronting. We are. We spoke about it at the time. So he is the same director that did the Jeffrey Dahmer series, right?

Yes, yeah, yeah. I couldn't watch it. I watched a few episodes of it, and I tapped out. And I remember we had a big discussion about it at the time around how the entertainment aspect of true crime has gone too far. Like, I quite like a true crime documentary. I don't like a sensationalized, Hollywood-ized horror version of a true crime story. I really dislike it. And I also dislike that.

the family who have suffered from this make absolutely no money from the revenue that's raised through the creation of the entertainment. It sits unwell with me and I didn't like the one with the two Menendez brothers either. Like I just, there's something about it, this version of the series. I'm all for the unsubscribe. I also don't really like it. Well, I do, I did like the Menendez brothers. I actually really enjoyed that, which is weird. But this one's, it's hard to explain. It's not just that it's gruesome. It's fucking weird. It's just twisted and weird. And there's loads of moments that I just didn't like. I will say the acting was brilliant.

Like the acting was amazing. And at the end when I was looking at the credits and stuff, Sarah Paulson's name came up. And you guys might know her. She's a brilliant actress. And I was like, she wasn't in it. And then I was like Googling who Sarah Paulson played. She played the most incredible character that you would never, ever recognize was her.

And she did it very well. I don't know. That's for me. It's like, watch it if you want. Maybe talk about it in the Facebook group and tell me what you guys think. But for me, it was like, full of pin. All right. Let's get into your questions.

Question number one. My boss is my friend, but she's having an inappropriate relationship with a colleague. My boss is married with two kids and has recently become extremely close with a single male colleague. They work together and now she picks him up and drops him home every single day. They get coffee and lunch with him most days. She hangs out with him outside of work with her kids while her husband is at work. What makes it stranger is that whenever he comes up, she says he's weird.

leave her alone and makes it impossible for her to say no. I spoke to her myself and said gently that if she didn't want this friendship, she needed to put some boundaries in place. She agreed and seemed grateful that I had said something. However, the very next day she picked him up again, went for coffee with him, and was then spotted at the beach with him and her kids. I have no idea if anything inappropriate is actually happening and I don't want to accuse her of having an affair or anything, but the whole thing feels really fucking off to me and is making the workplace uncomfortable because everyone is talking about it, especially because she is my boss and she's also my friend. Do I stay completely out of this because it's none of my business or is it fair to be

concerned when her words and actions seem so different? And how do I navigate this without damaging either our friendship or our working relationship? That's weird. You stay the fuck out of it. I was going to say the opposite. I was going to say you say something. to it. You already said it. What I think is, firstly, doesn't mean they're having an affair. No. Is it weird that you're hanging out with this guy with your kids when your husband's away? Yeah, I think that's really fucking weird. And I would love to know if he knows that that's what you're doing in your spare time. It's unusual because I don't know how old the kids are, but like, that's pretty brazen to have another man come to the beach with you and your kids and not expect

your kids to not somehow bring that up to like, oh, we're at the beach. with that guy, Dad, like, unless they're babies that don't have the capacity to understand or be able to, like, report back? Could very well be. It could be very well be, like, you know, a four and two or something, you know, like little. Yeah, well, I have a, I have a really good friend. Not that a four-year-old could say something. Hey, daddy, we were there with Uncle Sam again. Who the fuck is that? Don't talk about Uncle Sam. No, I have a really good friend that was like that. When she was a kid, like quite little, her dad used to take her, it was a couple hours drive. It was, like, going to an event a couple hours away to watch like the football or to watch basketball or whatever.

And there was always another woman there and it was a friend. And it was always hanging out with this friend when the mum was away, like exactly this situation. And she now says at the time it was that was just dad's friend. We went to the basketball or whatever. She was always there. In hindsight, it was like a full-blown affair. But she's like, I remember it. I remember all the time thinking, why is there always this other person here?

But you were too young to understand what was happening. Yeah. So kids very young will remember that like that's not dad we were hanging out with. Yeah, but they won't put to, like I mean, if nothing inappropriate is happening, they might just think it's a friend, you know, until potential, like you said, like they're older. But regardless of that, this is your boss and it is also your friend. I would be questioning how close is the friendship. Like, this is your best friend and like you guys do everything together and you share all secrets and everything else. In which case, I would be very honest with her and I would say, hey, I know we spoke about it. I know you said it's weird. I just want to make it really, like, crystal clear the way that this looks and the fact that people are talking about it in the office. Like, I think you can do that.

But if you, I just like work colleague friends. Like, you know, most people are friends with their colleagues in some capacity. If she's someone who is a friend, but you're not like super, super, super, super close, I would not be touching this with a 10 foot fucking pole. I would absolutely distance myself from it. I would distance myself from her drama. She is a grown woman. She is making terrible decisions and as much as you can suggest or have a small, you know, a conversation with her to make her aware of something, you already have done that and she has taken the option of trying to like place distance between the friendship. So basically what she's done by saying like, oh yeah, he's weird and he's doing this. She's trying to make it so that you don't think

something's going on. But it's pretty clear that even if it's not physical, if there's some emotional something going on that. Yeah. I look, I would say something, I would have approach this as the friend capacity, not the employee capacity. Take that away, separate it. And I would say to her, hey, I just want to let you know as a friend because I would hate for you to get yourself into a tricky position. A lot of people are starting to talk about your interactions with Brent. And I want you to know that as a friend. And I believe you, if you're saying nothing's going on, I just want to protect you because I'm sure you have no idea that they're having those conversations, but I'd hate for this to impact your relationship in any way. Take it like you believe. You leave her that there's no affair, but I just want you to know, this is what people are saying. And then she can do with it what she will. Totally. Yeah. I wouldn't go beyond that, though.

No, that's it. It's also, it's tricky though. When you say like, oh, approach it as a friend and not as a colleague, she's not a colleague. She's not a colleague. It's her life. I know, but it would be, I think of it like here in this, like everyone here, we all work together, but we're all also friends. So I imagine there is sometimes you put your boss hat on and sometimes you put your

friend hat on. And I think that that's how I'm seeing this situation. Because she's like, hey, she's my boss, but she's my friend. Totally. But think of it in the capacity of, for example, imagine if you were hanging out with Locky Heaps, right? I would want you to tell me people think I'm having a fair with my gay employing. And Sov came up and she was like, just want to let you know everyone's talking about the fact

that it looks sass. If nothing was going on, you would be fucking off it. You would be like, firstly, nothing is going on. And secondly, like, how dare you insinuate that? Like it would be, it's a natural place to go to to be defensive, I think. I think she will be. But that's because I think something's going on. But I say be careful with that because ultimately she is still your boss.

And how much of this drama do you want to bring into your life? It definitely managed this very carefully is what I'm trying to say. Yeah, which is why I think you take the approach of, hey, I believe you. I know nothing's going on. Like take that approach. But just say as a friend, I just want you to know what people are saying so that you can manage that or like be more secretive with your family. Yeah, it's funny, isn't it? Like, you're, people are allowed to be friends with the opposite sex, but it is, but only to an extent, I would say, like, there is a limit in, and it sounds weird, but like, and I know that there'll be some people who disagree with this. But if you're married and you have children, you're not choosing your single colleague who is a guy to meet up with one on one all the time outside of work. Like that's not, yeah, that's not the person you're choosing. Like, I think that that's where sometimes the gender thing does.

actually come into play and it does matter. Like, of course, there would be some insecurities that unless your husband's also really good friends with them, you all know each other. I think that there's just something about that that most people would go, yeah, it's weird. It's a bit fucking weird. Unnecessary. You can for sure stay out of it completely, but I think this is going to unravel. I do.

Anyway, update us. Question two. Can I keep footy tipping winnings if my ex-boyfriend wins? Is it wrong of me to keep the winnings from my family footy tipping competition? if my ex-boyfriend wins, he's currently sitting in very first first footy tipping comp of and everyone put in 50 bucks. I covered my boyfriend's 50 at the time. Fast forward to now, it's finals time and I've been broken up for five months. During those five months, we've continued to have plenty of banter about the tipping comp. I've even joked a few times that I'm keeping the money

if he wins because technically I paid his entry fee. He's always laughed and said ha ha ha, very funny and he thinks I'm joking. But now there's a real possibility he could win a lot of money. So ladies, can I legitimately keep this money? Not that it matters, but I'm a single mom. The child isn't his. I work in childcare and he has two kids but works in the minds and has a very happy wage. So Laura and Britt, tell me, am I a terrible person if I keep the winnings or does the fact that I paid his $50 make it fair game? No, you keep the winnings. The winnings are yours. That's your money. Fuck him. Get fucked. Sorry, the fact that he even thinks you're joking.

You paid his entry fee into your family tipping comp. He's not part of your family and he didn't pay the entry fee. He voided that when you broke up. No, that's a wrap. No. You are such a nice person that you even checked. Keep that fucking money. It's yours.

You weren't it? Okay. Okay. So on that note, Laura, answered it. Oh, here it goes. Riddle me this. Genuine question. If I buy you a lot of.

ticket for your birthday and then you win 20 million, is it a 20 million mine because I paid for the ticket? No, because I've got it. But also, that doesn't work because like we're not breaking up. Like, it's a gift. No, it doesn't matter what you're basing that on. And I'm not, I actually agree with you. I think keep it. I just think this is an interesting conversation. If I've, you're saying, you put in the 50 for him, you fronted it. So it's yours. So if I fronted a lottery ticket and then someone wins, should I be entitled to that? I agree in that situation. it's different, but I don't think that you can compare. I think if you give a gift of a lottery ticket, the person who wins it, wins it.

That's the gift. Sorry, if you won 20 million off a ticket and you didn't give me any, I'd be so dirty. But just so people know, if you're giving someone a fucking scratchy, the gift wasn't a piece of paper. The gift is whatever the winnings are in the hope of winning. How much would you give me from 20 mil? Nothing. I won it. No, I'm joking.

What? I'd throw you a cheeky meal if I won 20? Just one. I'd keep the rest. What do you mean? No, I don't know. I think it depends. If you, it depends on how much. It depends on how much the winnings are as to, if it's 20 million, of course, fucking whatever. But if it's like, you know, how some people get like the $20,000 scratchies or something. And it's like you've

given someone the gift of a $20,000 scratchy. You don't get anything. It's a 0.1% chance that they're going to win that $20,000. I think it's a bit rich. If you've given a birthday gift to someone, they've won it and then you expect something back? Like I think that that's, and I know a lot of people would and I know a lot of people would be generous and give it anyway, but I think that you shouldn't expect it. No, I would, but I don't think that you should expect it. I think the expectation of gaining back from someone's gift is a fucking weird one. Because if they don't win anything, all you gave them was a piece of paper for 20 bucks.

Look, on a technicality, gambling's bad. This is what I truly think, right? if you gave him the money at the time, if you're like, hey, I'm going to put him for you at the time, don't worry about it. Like, my family's doing this, but I want you to be part of it. I don't think you can lay claim to that and say, hey, I paid for it as mine, right? I think it's exactly like, well, we just said, it's a, whatever you want to call it, it was a gift of a way.

If he came to and he begged you to put the money in for him and he's a sting with money and he earns great money, but he spends it all on gambling, whatever, that's different. But if you have said, hey, I'm going to throw in for you, I don't think that lays claim to it. I don't think you give him the money just because you've brought him. broken up. He's moved on. It's over. By all accounts, you need it more than him. And I just think it's okay to be like, hey, we're actually done. Like, we're not on a couple anymore. I did put in the money. And I think because you've broken up, you can say that. Like, I did put in the money for you. I'm fucking taking it. It's your family's tipping comp. You only are in the tipping comp because

you're part of the family. You are not part of the family anymore. You would never have been invited as a random dude to be part of the family tipping. You, you've always. You've always, you've already. access to the family tipping comp. Fuck off. Fuck off to the mind. Fuck off. Go back down the wine. No, I'm, you are not about...

Laura and Britain, are I a terrible person if I keep in the wind? No. Is there a world, I'm, okay, I don't know tipping? Matt's in a, Matt's in a tipping comp. No, but is there a world in which you can lie and be like, oh my God, you came second? Or do you have, like, access to the data? I think they have access to the data. I think they can access it. I don't know.

So you can't lie. So Matt's in a tipping comp with his family at the moment and they do it all through like app. But I'm not a very footbally person, so I'm not in it, but I do see him scrolling. Have you? Do you? Go the Broncos. Oritas. Is it even the same sport? Knights? Who knows? Rousers. I've been to the Roosters game with Matt.

That was fun. The kids got very scared because a lot of men got hit in the head. So they were like, why are they so mean to each other? Oh, the actual tackling and stuff. Yeah, they didn't quite get it. And then also at the football game, the police squad did like a a show of the police dogs where the police dogs were like attacking. No, the kids were absolutely terrified. The kids were like, why are the dogs biting the police officers?

Like, what's happening? Anyway, I was like, that was a disaster. So keep the money. So keep the money. Okay, next question. My sister is talking to my dad, who had an affair for years, and I feel that this is disloyal to my mum. Hi, girls, I've got a bit of a family dilemma,

and would really appreciate your thoughts and wisdom, a bit of background. About five years ago, it came out that my dad had essentially been living a double life and had been having an affair for over 15 years with another woman. He told my mum that they had bought an investment property with the money they had saved for retirement. However, he had actually bought it for the other woman to live in. He had been with my mum since she was 18 and she was understandably, absolutely devastated.

He has continued to lie and has never admitted to any of the things that he has done. We only know how long it went on for from old posts on social media that we have found from the other woman where they were celebrating 15 years together. Oh my God. He was incredibly difficult during the divorce and was found to have hidden money in an attempt to essentially steal from my mum. A huge lesson to me to always be financially savvy and also, hallelujah for good lawyers. Following this, my sister and I went very low contact with him.

More recently, my older sister has had a serious health scare, although thankfully, has now been given the all clear. Following this, she has decided to get back in touch with our dad, and him and his affair partner have thrown themselves into being grandparents to her kids. Lots of performative Facebook posts, both from my dad and my sister. Big, expensive presents, turning up at school sports carnivals unexpectedly. My mom is just so hurt by this, and I feel really irrationally angry at my sibling. I feel that she's being hugely disloyal to our mom and totally disregarding her feelings. I don't know whether my feelings are valid, whether I should speak to my sister, whether she's actually doing anything wrong. Please help. You know,

an affair is one thing, but funneling money from your retirement that you have saved with your partner of 30 or 40 years and then spending your retirement money with another woman is fucking insane. Like that is not an affair. That is you're such a dirty dog. It is so hard for people to save money for retirement and you've stolen money. Like your dad has stolen money. from your poor mom and just giving it to some other woman that's blown in and bought her an investment property, I would be absolutely raging. I don't think you should let this be the reason you have a huge fallout with your sister. I understand why it would be so difficult because you probably have an innate hate for your dad, I'm assuming. You cut him off with good reason.

I don't know what kind of a father he was. The thing is, and I know this is sort of hard to to think about, but people can be a really shit husband or wife, like a partner. They can be a shit partner, but they can be a great parent. It's like, I don't know how they're fronting up for you guys in that time, and I understand why you feel so betrayed on behalf of your mom. But I do wonder, was he an amazing father? Was he really good? Like, it's very hard for some kids to just cut off their parents because of something

they did to someone else if they've been great to them. And maybe your sister is just finding it hard or wants both her parents to be in her kid's life. I don't know. I can't understand that because I'm very lucky with my family dynamic, but I'd hate for you to lose and someone else in your family. Yeah, but even, do you know, even if the dad wasn't great to them as a father, like even, obviously this doesn't just affect the mom. It affects everyone. Like it ruins a family. Even if he wasn't a great father, some people find no contact with a parent, an impossible thing to do. Like some people are able to go no contact and are able to severance a relationship. And other people,

people simply are not. And I think that other people hold hope for repair. Maybe it's because they feel sorry for them. They feel guilt. Like there's, it's such a complex thing to try and unpack the reasons why some kids maintain contact and other kids don't. But what I would say is like, everyone's feelings in this is validated. It's okay that your mom feels hurt. It's okay that you feel hurt. It's also okay that your sister wants to have a relationship with her dad and she wants her children to grow out with a grandfather. Like every version of this is okay. And I really hope that you're able to accept each other's choices is the biggest thing.

Because if you can't accept each other's choices, it's going to ruin your relationship with your sister and everything else. I say this as someone who comes from very complicated family backgrounds. Like my brother chose to have a relationship with his dad at one point. And I found that very, very hard. to process because I, his dad was awful to us and I, I didn't want him to be in any way a part of our lives. And it was a weird one because like he wasn't a part of my life. I never saw him again. I never contacted him. But just knowing that my brother was having contact with his dad

created this real sense of like hatred in me. Like I, not for my brother, but like I hated the fact that he was able to go and do that yet we suffered so much in the, you know, when we were kids. So it's complex. It's really hard. But I don't hold it against him. I understand that everyone's relationship is so different. And like I think that in these instances, having really honest conversations help. Like I think you can tell your sister how it makes you feel.

You can tell your sister how it makes your mum feel. But I really do think don't make your sister the villain because she wants to have a relationship with him. And I even think of Matt's family. Like Matt hasn't spoken to his dad in 17 years. But his brother's still. speak to his dad. And his sister speaks to his dad now. You know, that's the only one that has chosen to maintain no contact at this point in time. I think each child should be allowed to make up their own choices. Yeah. And the same with Ben. Ben hasn't spoken to his dad since he was maybe 15,

so 18 years or something like that. And Ben's best friends with his sister. And his sister, for a long time did maintain that contact and it didn't disrupt their relationship. They still saw each other for what they were and they understood why Ben didn't want to. He understood why she did want to and it just wasn't a point of conversation. And I would hate to have looked back and thought that their individual choices would have disrupted their relationship because they have such a beautiful relationship. Well, I guess the reality is with this question and with this person who's written in, There is an expectation that she is holding her sister to choose aside, pick aside, because you can't

have both. He did this and so if you're choosing to have a relationship with him, you're showing an alliance to dad, you didn't pick a side. And I think she's trying to maintain some Switzerland, despite the hurt, the disruption, all of the bad character traits that your dad has shown. She is trying to maintain Switzerland across both. I don't think it means that she's picking aside. She can still absolutely validate that what he did was totally fucked. But she's, she probably wants to have some relationship with her dad and wants her kids to have a relationship with him. The only thing I want to kind of like call out here is in your question, you said that everything's very performative, like performative posts on Facebook, performative everything. And it may,

it may be like the dad might be wanting to post those things because it makes him outwardly look as though, look, see, you know, even though yes, I've moved on in my life, like I still have relationships with my children. I'm still trying really hard. Or it may be that your dad is trying really hard in his relationship with her because he knows he has to. So I don't know. I think it's, I'm really sorry you guys are going through this and I can't even imagine how hard this has been for your mum. I just would hate to see you ruin your relationship with your sister because of the choices she makes. It would also be frustrating scene when you said like there's all these big presence and they're doing all this stuff together. That would be really frustrating because even if you,

I mean, you haven't said you hate him. I'm just using these words. Even if you hated him for what he did, at the end of the day, there is still a feeling of like you've lost your parent. You've lost your dad. But you see that that relationship has been maintained. And even if you don't want the relationship, it would still hurt to see that somebody so close to you is still having that. And that would be really confusing for you. Should I be putting myself in that position? Should I be trying to maintain this relationship? Am I right to never want to speak to him again? Yeah. Just don't try and blow up your whole entire family. But I do think speak to her. I do think you can speak to her about it. And I think have a really honest conversation. You're not saying, don't give

an ultimatum. Don't say it's us or dad. Like just say, you know, we are really dealing with some complex feelings around the fact that you have a relationship with dad. And mom is really struggling with it too because of what he did. And, you know, you are entitled to make your own decisions. But ultimately, when you spend time with him, when you are choosing to be with him, there is a feeling of betrayal there. And I, like, it's very hard for us to process, but we're getting through it and we love you. Like I think that they are healthy conversations to have. Yeah, pick one. Last question. If you had unknown biological relatives, would you want them to contact you? I have a favour. I am adopted and recently found out who my birth father is. My birth mother is hopeless

at replying and has been a bit hard to keep in touch with. She promised me I'd meet my two half brothers, but it never really went anywhere. I'm curious to know, if you had an unknown biological relative, would you want them to contact you? Similar with the dad's situation, I know who he is, but he doesn't know I exist. So I guess she's wanting to know if it was us, would you want someone to reach out? She wants to know if she should reach out to her dad. Oh my God. How do you even answer this? This is like every single person is going to have a different perspective on this. If he has no idea that you exist, you have no idea how he's going to respond. He might be like, wow, fuck, that's crazy. Let's catch up for coffee and be friends and like you might end up having a

great relationship with him. Or he might turn around and be like, I don't want anything to do with you. I don't want to know you exist. Leave me alone. I think it's no harm in trying. Like if I was you and I knew that my dad had no concept that I existed and I wanted to potentially know more about him just so I knew more about where I came from, I think I would reach out. I think I would reach out without expectation. You know, if he wants to have a relationship and wants to have a friendship or whatever, then that's great. And if he doesn't, I would be like, okay, cool, I shot my shot in this instance. There's been a lot of really, like, cool outcomes where, you know, adult children have reached out to their biological dads and the dads didn't know they existed.

And now they have a great friendship with their dad. You know, they have a relationship with him. They know their siblings or their half siblings. Like, I think it's worth doing it. We actually talked about that with an episode we did with Ryan, as in Tony and Ryan, if you guys want to go back and listen to that. He was adopted. He found his dad over in England, went over and ended up having a relationship with him. But I, for me, like, you're genuinely trying to ask what we would do because you're trying to get a feel for what others would do.

I would reach out for sure. I would too. But you're an adult. I'm sure you've got thick skin. You've lived alive. You're adopted. You know who your parents are that have raised you. I would be reaching out because I would forever be curious. And I'm a big, like, regret. person and I would hate to get to the point where I finally decided to do it and it was too late. And like my biological parents had passed away or something had happened. I think I would grapple with that for a long time of just what if and I hate what ifs. So I think that if you reach out, just thick skin, hyper aware it could go either way and just be okay with it going either way.

When I say be okay with it, you can be disappointed if he wants nothing to do with you, of course. but you have to be hyper aware that that could happen. You know nothing about this guy. He could be the most incredible person that is thrilled to find out he had a child. Or he could be like, I fucking love my life and I don't need the hassle. And you know what? When you say like my birth mother is hopeless at replying and has been a bit hard to keep in contact with, maybe it's because she, you know, she made the decisions that she made.

She might not want to pursue the relationship in the same way that you do. And like, you know, it's one thing that we could trump it up to like hopelessness of replying. But maybe her hopelessness of replying is her way of putting distance in the relationship. Which is devastating. And I know. And I think that that would be hard to process. Well, when she's gone on and had two other kids, I imagine that's like, oh, cool. So you've maintained a relationship after me, like with two other kids, you know. I guess it depends on like how old she was and what was going on in her life, you know, and what choices she'd made. It's so hard. Obviously, we are not and have never been in this

situation. And I can only imagine that there are so many questions around like your history and like, you know, the biology of where you come from, regardless of how incredible your adopted parents might be. There's always these like, you know, like, well, I want to know a bit more about the why. I think you take the opportunity to ask the questions. And if he doesn't want the relationship, just know that you might get an outcome that's similar to what your biological mom gives you, but you might get something different. And so if you're curious, there is no harm in trying. I genuinely know both of these scenarios. I have friends on both sides.

I have friends that have completely reconnected later in life. And I have friends who approached their biological parents and, well, dad, sorry, just one. Didn't want to know about it. I didn't go well. Yeah. But they were okay with that. Yeah. So like, oh, cool.

At least I know and now I can move on. I tried it. I found it. I tried it. I tested the waters. It's not a vibe. At the end of the day, they're blood related, but they're a stranger. It's easier for you to move on if you have the answer.

but imagine that thought swirling around your brain for the next 20 years. Well, I have a friend who I've known since I was a little kid and he's adopted. And he probably about two years ago found out who his biological mum was. And he hasn't contacted her yet. But he knows who she is on Facebook. He can see her photos. He was like, you know, got all of the details and found through her who his biological dad was. Basically, like he, it was a weird one.

I can't remember the exact story, but he ended up showing me a photo. and this guy is the absolute fucking spit of him. They're a very specific look. And it was like looking at the exact passport photo of this guy from 20 years ago looking at who he is now. And yeah, I don't know. I'm curious because I was kind of like, why haven't you contacted them yet? And he was like, I know who they are. I don't need to know any more than that.

He's like, I have such great, incredible adopted parents who have been my parents my whole life. He's like, I don't need to know more. I just always wanted to see a photo and like see who they were. I hope my mom doesn't mind me saying this. I'm sure she wouldn't. But my mom's dad just left when she was like five years old or something, walked out on multiple kids. She never saw him again. So he just walked out of their life. Wow. She lived her whole. And five's very young. And so as much as my mom's not adopted, she then didn't have that dad. So she then reconnected with, she found her dad when she was maybe 45 or something. I was alive. I remember it. And she was like, do I try and. find him and reconnect or leave it. And she decided that the wandering was going to be too much. So she reconnected with him. She met him for lunch.

And she said, at least now I know. There's a reason he walked out. He wants nothing to do with me. As much as he agreed to like meet his child, that was enough for her to say, oh, he didn't want me then. He doesn't really want me now. Like he just was disinterested, you know? And she's like, well, I'm okay with it.

But now I know for sure. And so as much as she wasn't adopted, it's very similar. Yeah, it really is. And so I think for her, that was, the knowing was enough, you know. Yeah, I get that. Well, look, I mean, please keep us up to date. I would love to know how this one turns out. And if you do reach out to him, what happens and what does he say?

Yeah, after math, that one for sure, please. Absolutely. Well, guys, that is it from us. If you have not subscribed to Life Unlocked, that is our subscription service. You get an extra two episodes a month minimum, plus all the BTS of what's happening here in the podcast. And we'll put a link in the show notes

where you can subscribe there as well and you know the drill. Tea mum, tea, dad, two dog tea friends and share the love because we love love.