Morning Good - The Kirkiversary Special - Episode 329

Episode Date: September 14, 2026

Tom Zappia joins the show for today's episode. He and Michael discuss ketamine misuse, Salem's best haunted house, and when stereotypes are true. Thanks to Tom for coming back on the show. He's been on a bunch of recent episodes so check those out and follow him for even more on Instagram @tomzappia.If you're in North Carolina, you can see Michael Good headline The Idiot Box Comedy Club in Greensboro October 3rd.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? Did it call it the podcast? Morning, good, good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to morning. Yeah, we'll start the podcast now. Yeah, no. All right, we're here with Tom Zapia. What are folks? And, oh, that was a close wave.

What? You did it from here to here? Oh, yeah. That's okay. Okay. Yeah, you gotta throw a piece side out. I did the piece. If you do it with a piece, it's fine.

Yeah. No, Elon. Yeah, the Elon was crazy to look at that. You're like, because I actually... He's an autistic freak, though. No, I know, but it was really funny because I watched it. I didn't have the volume on during that. And I literally was like, what did I just fucking see?

No volume. I don't know. I might just start doing that. Not like being a Nazi, but just like start, like, really close to Nazi saluting. And then just act like I'm like, just throw snickers bars out of the audience. I was just, yeah, I was, I was just stretching my arm out. I was like, I had a sticker on my shirt, and I was throwing it to the crowd, and I just did it

in that direction. Yeah, it is, uh, that's interesting because you can, you definitely can't quote somebody saying the N-word, but you can display a Nazi salute. Oh, yeah. It's because people are less scared of Jewish people. That's really what it comes down to. Yeah, they definitely are. Can I get away with that with my landlord if I tell him that I don't have rent,

because my tax dollars are defending Israel. So I've paid rent. I've paid rent. I've been paying it for... He'd probably be into that. I knew you'd have a Jewish landlord. Yeah, he does rule. He does rule.

I'm actually shocked in my landlord. My landlord is not Jewish. Yeah. I don't know what hat he has. It's different. It's not a yarmica. It's not a big one. He has a hat on them?

He has like a Mark Scarvee hat. Like, you know, like a Captain Crunch. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't know what that is. Oh, so he's pretty devout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. I would love to have him on the podcast.

dude. He's like the nicest guy on the planet. He probably doesn't even know what a podcast is. No. He can't be a Friday night. He comes to here just freaks out by technology. He's like what is this? It's very funny, dude, because there are like more advanced that people think. I think it's just like a clothing thing like and then it's like a not on Saturday's thing.

But I don't think they're like... The clothing thing's crazy. Just because like you see them but then with the jacket on and it's the middle of July. It's like you guys don't have a summer fit. Even if it looks like that, just short sleeve. They don't even wear a short sleeve button down. It's long sleeve button downs. Dude, that would be sick. fucking sleeveless. You just go into the bank.

Cut off, cut off suit shorts. Oh my God, dude. You find out they're all jacked. You just can't tell because they're wearing the suits. Dude, that would be fucking, just fucking sick, tatted up Star of David like Aaron Berg. Dude, that'd be sick. Yeah, it's so crazy. They say you can't get a tattoo if you're Jewish, but I know a lot of Jews with tattoos. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, if you're not devout, obviously, but like some of them are kind of... But it is funny to be like, I'm not devout, but then I put the ink into my skin to have a Star of David. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, well, you might as just go all out and get a bunch of tattoos.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is, I don't know. I really want one. Nikil was gone, so he quit stand. I didn't quit stand. He went back home for like a month. Yeah, I know, I didn't see him. Yeah, and we were talking about if he just came back, just tatted up net. Like, I would love to just nod to comedy. Indian tats is rare as well, huh?

You never see Indian guys with tats. I just thought about that. I feel like you never do. I see Indian women with tats. Really? Yeah, like a nose ring, Indian hipster. Yeah, I feel like that nose ring too. something with Hindu and

Hinduism I feel like is almost like the like the most liberal of the religions if that makes sense like you know you're praying to freaking elephants with six arms they're big on like nose rings and like I feel like

charms and stuff in their on their face and in their hair and some stuff and the other religions you know you don't really do that yeah it's kind of the opposite because like if you're like Amish you're like devout and you like don't wear a lot of shit the Pope gets to rock out that's just like the rules

The Pope gets to really rock out with his cock out. He can do anything he wants, yeah. But then acidic Jewish people, they don't go all out. And then Muslims are very, like, not... I mean, I guess they sometimes have, like, the... Muslims do do a little... Because I'm obviously, I'm marrying into a potentially Muslim family. Not potentially all day.

Potentially Muslim. I guess... Not potentially. I'm potentially marrying. I am potentially be Muslims. My future mother-in-laws is pretty devout Muslim. They're not, like, her... If you're not hardcore, like my girl, then I don't... practice or anything really more, but like, they do some liberal stuff.

Like, we had an engagement party as a belly dancer. Yeah. You know, even the women, even the women when they wear her jobs and some of them do, some of them don't. But they'll have like jewels on. They're big on the dresses with like the jewels. And it's almost like, I feel like it's almost like a royalty thing over like a, I don't know, like a, because, you know, the thing of, you know, Muslim, they're generally like

they're covered up. They're very, very kind of like chill and, you know, to themselves. But when it's a party, man, they go crazy. they carry you in on a freaking chair thing. They're riding, you know, there's elephants and stuff. A chair, that's a carpet. Carpet, whatever. Yeah, I guess a whole...

Whatever a Latin. But with a carpet. Yeah, I told my girl we're not doing that. But yeah, they're, you know, they do... Everybody has their own thing. Yeah. Well, I'm also like, this is so confusing to me because, like, if you're a Hasidic Jewish person,

so you're wearing the curls, you're in the all-black outfits. But, so the whole thing, I think is, like, to not be, like, you know, you don't want to be, like, show-offy. Yeah. But do you think there's stuff? those a little bit. Like, do you think there's one guy who has like the best curls? And they're like, dude, he fucking, dude, he, they see him come out of the house in the morning. They're like, dude, why is Moisha always have that best looking curls? Yeah, he comes to like Fabio, just shaking his head. The curls are in the wind. It's so funny, I was walking over here before and I saw, you know when you see them where, because in society, like, there's a just general stereotype of what you picture like, kind of like a, like, you picture Woody Allen's face. You kind of like Jewish. But sometimes you'll see a guy and, and, and there's a, you're, decked out in the garb with the curls, so you immediately know they're like his city of Jewish, but the

rest of them doesn't really look like they would be. Like I saw a guy, he just looked like, he kind of just looked like an Italian guy, like, nice slick hair, some like good facial hair, but he had the hat and the black suit on, so you knew he was a acidic Jewish, and I'm just like, he doesn't, he doesn't, a lot of them don't procure the stereotype,

like, look of like big nose and like, if that makes sense, they kind just look like, and then you get, you got redheaded Jews all the time, my buddy's redhead, he's, red hair, he's Jewish as hell. It's been Sephardic and Ashkenazi. Askenazi. Yeah.

The Sephardic are like, and like the Syrian ones, they look like, you know, they could pass for Italian. They're very good looking. But like, as soon as you slap the suit and the curls on them or the stockings and the dress, it just bang. They're like hardcore, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Also, why do Jewish people have, I'm not, this isn't a joke intro because I know it's like, oh, it's like I can smell money. But that is an interesting trait that you're like, why do Jewish people have big noses?

Because Italians do too Generally No yeah yeah Totally but like I wonder why that's a thing in different things Like why do Why do Asian people have smaller eyes? Like there's got to be a biological reason for that Yeah, it has to be

Because like it's the same with you know Like black people It's because Yeah but it's hotter in Africa So like they have more melanin So they don't get sunburned Oh yeah Yeah I've heard that

Yeah I mean it's all at the end It's all got to be all scientific or biological Yeah But I don't really know why That's why they say, like, Jewish and Italian are actually fairly similar. Oh, yeah, yeah. They're cheap, mostly, big noses. I guess that's really it.

Winy. Although Italians aren't that one. And they can be, actually. No, no, they complain. And loud. Yeah. I saw the best fucking meme. It was like, Italians are good in theory.

Yeah. Well, like the idea of an Italian. Oh, yeah. And then they say, and they would say blacks and Italians are similar. They wanted to be each other. always wearing jewelry, worried about having cash, they're loud, all about family. So, like, you know, there's always, there's always relations between. Yeah, I wonder, like, I know it's obviously a racial stereotype that, you know, Hispanics, black people and Italians are allowed. But it would be interesting to do a, like, metronome. And then scientifically prove racism that way. You're like, no, we actually, we actually have science. A hundred percent. And 100 percent, I bet you. But I don't know if anything wrong with that. Like, what's up? That's the thing with stereotypes.

is like, obviously don't quote me, but like, you know, 70, 80% of the time, it's like, it's true. Like, whatever the stereotype is, it's more or less true. Like, that's why it's a stereotype, I feel like. Depending, not like, not like the brutal ones. Like, I don't think, like, well, yeah. I think, like, there are, like, cultural things. Like, black people are, in general, louder talkers.

Yes. And so we're Italians. Yeah. Like Italian guys are going to be louder than a Polish guy or an Irish guy. Yeah, yeah. Oh, 100%. Yeah. But that's not, like, a bad thing.

just like how a culture communicates more. Like they just communicate more with they had to be like, you know, slave master's coming. You have to have a loud voice to do that. So that's how that developed. That's why they're so talented at everything. Sports, music. That's why Jews are so quiet because they're like,

we're not supposed to be in here. They're coming for us. So it's just two different things. If you were already caught, and they had their head buried in a book because they're studying or reading or something. That's why they are geniuses and they run the world. Yeah.

Yeah. They run the world. That's what I believe. but I think it's really funny I think if you were to look at like whatever the new world order is or whatever the top guys

they probably just don't even believe in race or any of it like it's like it's just a money thing like it's the idea that's really funny did you ever see that movie what's the movie that came out where Leonardo DeCAPra

is really good it was like there was like an Antifa chick Oh one battle left for another Yeah yeah that was That was everyone loved it It won the Oscar Yeah it was great

But it was funny because they were just like, the leading running people are these white supremacists. And I'm like, I don't, I think they're like people that are just like, they're like, I don't, why would I care about that? They're like, it's who has the most money right now. And yeah, I don't think there's any sort of like,

like, I think there's obviously super racist people out there. But I think that's like a personal bias versus like a, like yeah, there's cultural groups. Like I'm sure like, but I don't know. I think like I've been around, I've never been like mega rich people, but I've been around like, sort of rich people. And I didn't see like a significant more racism there than like poor white people.

I mean, no. And it's also ignorance. Yeah. Like you're going to find it's ignorance to to be racist is more or less ignorance or uneducated because if everything boils down to money and like let's say you're a wealthy guy and there's a black guy who's incredibly good at the job and you and you know you're about to hire him, um, if he's going to do the job better to make more money, compared to, compared to a white guy just because he's white, but that guy sucks at the job, or he's not going to make you as much money? You're 1,000% without even thinking

you're to hire the black guy because it's money over, even if you're slightly racist, it's money over race at the end of the day. Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah, who's the best for the judge? Because you look at sports, and they're not going to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get out of here. And all the owners are white, and it's like, no, I want my team to be the best team because we win. And then once you win, you get all these tagged on bonuses and you're going to go all these other things that come with it,

and you're going to make the most money. Yeah, yeah, you could be super racist in that. Yeah, still wouldn't affect it. Yeah, I just had an idea. Yeah, somebody had a really funny line on that. They were talking about why all the football coaches are white. I wish I knew the guy and why the players are black. And it's like, it's like because the white guys watched from the sidelines the mostly.

The black guys, they never even seen that side of the game because they're on the field playing. So it's like they're like, they're like, I'm sitting here because I'm benched. And that's why I could coach because I'm. seeing it from this perspective. And by people who are just more talented. And it's like even like the guys who were in the coaches from the NBA who like never played a day in their life basketball, but they've studied the games since they're like 15 and they started as like an assistant coach.

Like Tom Tibado is famous for that fat bald guy never played a minute of basketball in his life. Guy's been a head coach in the NBA for 20 years because he's studied the game nonstop since he's whatever 17 years old. So that's why he's going to be the coach. And then and you get obviously, you get back, you know, you get them on each side. You'll get white players and you'll get. black coaches, like Mike Tom and great black football coach, but like, generally speaking,

it's the other way around because it's just, you know, that's, that's how it is. Yeah, and they were talking about it too. They're like, yeah, like a black player is like, yeah, I just, I can jump this high and run this fast. So I don't have to think these, like, they're still, they're still thinking logistically, but they're like, a white guy has to really be like, all right, how the fuck do I like get around this guy? How do I use this because I'm fucking a wee conkey? Yeah, you have to read the field or something and other and black guys are just like no I'm just more athletic like naturally all I have to do is do I just have to do what I can do yeah it's not hard it's not hard being fast and and jumping high is not hard it's you're born being able to do it yeah yeah I'm

sure there's logistics to go into it where you got to like still be like smart as fuck on the field but you're also like but if you're that good you can it's like LeBron like LeBron's built like that if you're that much of a specimen you will inevitably I hate to say it's a physical specimen I don't I know. It's just funny. It's just funny. I'm like, oh, these specimens. You will be better than the guy who's not built like you. Even if he studies for four weeks straight all night, every night. And you come out and you're just like, no, I have the talent.

Like, I'm going to beat you. Yeah, no, 100%. I was thinking about this. I would love to just start posting Dr. Umar and Black supremacy clips with just no context. Oh, that's the guy who's like, he's the super, like anti-woman guy? doctor like well he's super like he's super just like

you can't be dating these snow bunnies yeah yeah yeah I think I've seen some of his stuff yeah I think it would just be funny out of the blue to just like I have to start subtly just like posted some Malcolm X stuff

and people are like oh he's he's progressive and then I just fully imposing black supremacist stuff it would have like a subtle thing like people are like oh nice Michael good okay he's posting some Martin Luther King stuff and then it progresses

some Malcolm X stuff some nation of Islam some 9-11 stuff Interesting. Yeah, black Hebrew Israelite. That'd be the funniest gag just for me

and then just never respond to any comment on it. People are like, what do you mean by this? What do you mean by we was kings? And basically like... That would be funny

as hell you should try that. Yeah. I don't know. There's always those things that you're like, even on stage there's things you're like, that'd be funny,

but like, you know, well, you're like, no, I want to actually start doing the things I actually think

are like really funny. Oh, me too, all the time. Social media gags are just the best too because like, like, I post that one where I was like, I literally just used a bald Facebook or Snapchat filter.

Oh, you were doing that for a while. You posted you yourself as a baby or something. As soon as I see that, I just pissed myself. I'm going back to it, dude, because I'm like, these are so fun. I hate when people are like, and people will question me like, what are you doing? It's just like, it's just funny. Like, at the end of the day, it's like, are you not laughing at that? And some guys are very good with like the trolling or the, whatever, the ironic content.

Like Lucas McCrary does it. He's really good at it. yeah. He plays what he was Lucas Gray murdered. Yeah. Like shit like dad and he's probably promoting a date where he's like, oh, he got, you know, he got kicked out of the venue or Dave Chappelle says he's the funniest comedian of all time and he just plays it like it's real.

He's obviously joking. But like, it's funny. At the end of the day, it's funny. If you quoting saying the greatest community of all time said you're the greatest comedian of all time, obviously it's a lie. It's just funny. But that's perfect. The level of like subtlety because if something's like too obviously, it's a weird thing

where, like, one of my friends, she posted a picture of there was, like, a random page called Hot Boys Running and a girl posted a video of her boyfriend running. And then she's like, this is not okay. You can't, like, objectify men. Like, this is disgusting. Take this down. But she was doing a bit. Yeah, yeah, that's a pretty funny.

Yeah, that's a pretty funny. I didn't even realize that. I was like, yeah, you could fall from that easily. She's really ragging. And she's like, yeah, look, my fucking boyfriend got hot guys running. That's funny. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

But I did the one. It was bald face with filter. And I'm like, doctors said I have cancer. I'm going to die immediately. I need $600 in cash app so I could go see three doors down and take some muscle relaxers. Like cashab, dirty south, babe God. And people were like, you have cancer. And I'm like, no.

But it's like, who? I don't know. Who is you like, who would think that? Like people on the internet, dude, and or I guess not even people on the internet, just random people in life or just so out to lunch. And I didn't even out to lunch. Like you're focused on your own stuff. I get it.

So if you're just ending your day mindlessly scrolling and you fall for something, I get. I fall for AI videos. I fall for them all the time. But it's just like, obviously he's a baby. And he said he's going to go see three doors down in 2026. It's obviously a joke. Like, how do you not pick up on that?

You know? The AI thing's funny. My roommate, fucking Jake, he's, so Jake's a little, little arrogant. I'll say that. Good kid. He, uh, he's very smart, but he like doesn't ever want to be wrong. And there was a podcast where fucking, what's his name? Like Hunter Biden, Duncan Truzzle and, uh, what's his name?

Matt McCusker did this podcast. We're talking about crack. And he's like, dude, that's AI. You're like stupid. That's AI. And it was a real podcast. But it was like, he just didn't want to get caught with AI, like falling for AI. Oh, yeah.

Because nobody's going to call you off if you say something's not AI. But you look like a fucking retard if you fall for AI, which I do all the time. Me too. That goat video you ever see that one? It's mountain goats with a gopros on them. And they're sprinting and they're running down the mountain. And it looks like they're running straight, vertically. Or I guess, yeah, vertically.

like, holy shit. And I sent to like nine people. And they're like, this is completely, I'm like, fuck. And I've been seeing these ones where it's like, it'll just be like somebody, it's like a dark, it's like at night. And they're just walking to their stairwell or something. And it looks completely, it can be completely real. And they'll just be like a tiger there or like a lion. And I'm like, if this is like Mumbai, this could be real.

But all the comments will be like, it's AI, it's AI, it's AI. I'm like, is it though? Because there's a version of this where it could be real. Those are the ones where I get messed up on where, obviously if it's like, you know, Telatubbies running around, holding, you know, puppies or whatever, like, where it's obviously fake or if it's like, like, I get dead people all the time, so it's like, obviously it's fake. But, like, where it could kind of pass, it could potentially be real if you're in the right

part of the world. Like, I've been doing a joke for friggin months about one where I see, I always get, I get dead people. Like, I get one of Martin Luther King is getting pulled over by the police, or it's Bob Barker fighting someone. So it's like, those are obviously real. But these tiger and mountain lion ones, I'm like, it's kind of, it is possible, I guess, for, like, a tiger to be in a,

house if you live in India. Yeah, yeah, that's like not surprising at all. I would leave it. I believe that my roommate, the other one was about the funniest shit, because you know what today's, you know what today is, right? Tomorrow? Today.

Today, what? Kirkversary. What's that? Charlie Kirk died. Oh, is that? It's been a year already? Oh, my God. Kirk, is that, that was a year ago?

Yeah. Doesn't it feel like it went by fast? He died before 9-11? Just yesterday. I was seeing him argue with 18-year-olds live. I hate to I We could cut whatever

No not even cut it I know he's like a right wing guy obviously I could never tell Like if I If I hated that guy or not Like I could never tell if he was like a full blown right wing racist guy Or if he was actually kind of logical And you just see the viral cut clips

Of him fighting with a black kid at a college university And you just have to peg him as a racist And I'm like I don't know He seemed like a decent guy I don't know though Yeah yeah I don't think he was like a piece of shit by any means I don't think he's like a piece of shit by any means I don't think he was like a Nick Fuentes, yeah.

No, but you're also like the fucking, my roommate's like, bro, the fucking, they're at the AI factory. You know that you have to have water to cool down all the AI machines or whatever. Really? So, yeah, AI takes, like, apparently it's overheats because they use like a crazy amount of water. He's like, bro, on the factory, they're freaking out about the Kirkroversary because it's all just AI videos. So they're just dumping shit. That's crazy. I saw something it was like, nobody's going to have any idea what Charlie Kirk looks like 100 years from now because it's just all the Kirkify.

faces. Like, it's the funniest thing to me. It's just that AI as seeing his face on something else. Like, I did an MSG one of me. It's like me on the Jumbotron, and then I'm like I swapped it with Charlie Kirk's face. What are you using? Like one of the apps or something? There's like a Kirkify like website. Is it free?

Yeah, yeah, you just Kirkify anything, dude. What do you mean Kirkify? Like you... Producer Kirkify this whole episode. Wait, what do you mean Kirkify? Like, just make it AI? You just make the faces on it, Charlie. Dude, I know. Oh, so it makes us Charlie Kirkfaces. The thumbnail. The thumbnail should be

That'd be so funny. Yeah, I'm definitely curfying the thought. Dang, I know that was September 10th. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. He just was like, call me a conspiracy.

I mean, we already know you're an admitted bit of a conspiracy guy. I'm a lot more of, I'm skeptical, but I'm a lot more of a regular straight-laced guy. Kind of like my father who 1,000% fully believes that Kennedy was shot by one guy, not government opted at all. Anyway.

Some people want, just want to look smarter by being like, conspiracies aren't real because they're like, uh, like, uh, like, I used to be like that. And then I fully, obviously, like, TikTok and documentaries and everything have changed me to be, like, more skeptical on things. But generally speaking, I'm still like, I go with the straight-laced stuff. But the way his wife has acted since and everything that kind of went on afterward, I'm like, it's not normal.

Like, it's not normal. These people, I hate to say this, these people I see where it's like their significant, somebody dies, like their mother dies or their wife or their husband dies. And they're, like, not really grieving. Yeah, but also like I just can't you side with that I bet you she's like cried on the floor for hours You know

Jady Vance is there with the thing To wipe her tears With a clean X? Come off her And then and then And then she's like All right It's it's go time

It's time to go on there and do the show Because I'm like I don't know dude Like I don't know You never know Because you never know Also know what's being covered up What's hidden You don't know what's going on

In the White House Or behind the scenes or whatever Now I've been getting wrapped up Because of tomorrow I watched that new 9-11 Netflix doc, and then I'm listening to a podcast today where they're just talking about the conspiracies on it. I'm like, God damn it.

Because I want to just believe that, like, you know, it was just a regular whatever. But like, I don't know, I psyched myself out too much with the conspiracies. I can't look at it for too long. Yeah, they're really fun escapism, though, because it's like, I mean, they make you really not think about

how you haven't paid the rent. You're just like, what does the rent even matter if there's aliens? I'll do that sometimes. Even like the dumb ones, you ever watch like my niece turned me on to them. They're called Icebergs, like

YouTube videos. It'll be like the iceberg of of SpongeBob Squarepants or something. And it'll break it all completely down to you and explain to you like five conspiracy theories of what SpongeBob actually means. Wait, what are the SpongeBob ones? Oh, just like it's it's thought up, it's thought up into a complete fake. Like everything is sexual in SpongeBob.

Okay. They break it down where it's like SpongeBob's obviously gay. Patrick's an idiot. And Squidward's in the closet, but he doesn't want to come out. Like they break it all down how everything is sexual. Sandy cheeks and they talk about butt she, whatever. But they all break it down on like a YouTube video. There's a lot for like old school Nickelodeon

cartoons that like a lot of it was like the Rugrats one is everything is made up in Angelica's mind. I don't know if you remember Rugrats, but like she imagined everything. Oh, that one kind of like... Yeah, because it's kind of feasible. Like you could see it. You could see that being the case. But then I kind of come back to reality

and it's like, no, a guy just wrote a cartoon and like that's what it is. But the dumb ones, like 9-11 is obviously a much more serious one compared to SpongeBob. But like, sometimes I'll just like going to, like you were saying, I'll just go into a rabbit hole to have fun. I hate quote other bits, but somebody, I keep forgetting the comics that these funny bits. There's one guy has this fucking joke. He's like, there's always adult jokes in the kid shows for like the adults watching. Yeah.

But you never see the other way around. The sopranos never like, poopy pop. Like, I got doo-doo on my hands. Like, it never goes around like that. That's funny. Yeah. It fucking, yeah, those are, I mean, it's just a great way to escape. Dude, I watched fucking three hours of this guy who claims he's abducted by aliens.

and it was one of the funniest abduction stories because the guy's got footage. Okay. And they break down the footage. I don't really believe it. So the guy is not going on camera. So he is fully, he's telling his story from like,

he's like, I'm a business owner, this is just the video that's on my phone. And I used hypnotic regression to find out that I was abducted by aliens and stuff like that. And it's very funny because there's like a frog alien

in there and stuff like that. And to hear them break it down is very funny because he's like, the frog being is one, I haven't heard about much. If you go to frame four, you can see the frog and I'm like,

what, look, I could believe the gray guys, maybe the reptilians if I'm fucking stoned. But there's no way that whatever great creator is just like, yeah,

then there's gonna be giant frogs. Like, that's just like, I don't know, that's just like lazy writing in the universe. Like the little gray people make sense.

Like, okay, they're like kind of human, but they're like, maybe from a breakaway civilization or something, but you're like, they're just like,

yeah, what about those fucking frogs? What about just like, you know, frogs with legs. I'm like, no, that's a fucking, hello, my darling, isn't that what that is? Isn't that a Looney Tunes thing? Oh, with the hat?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you're kind of more open to that, aren't you? You look kind of like an alien guy? Like, you're open to the idea. If someone came to and said, hey, I was abducted by aliens, like you would hear them out. I'm 60-40. This is by 60-40. I'm 60%, I'm 40%. It's just a government PSIOP and all this shit's not real. and then 60% of me thinks that in 1948 aliens crash in Roswell, New

Mexico and we used their technology, got fiber optics from them, and we are a hybrid of aliens and lower hominids. So I either, day to day, it's one or the other. I'm either like, this is fucking bullshit or I'm like, this is,

but I'm just so on the fence about it because it's like so, the abductions are weird to me because there's just like so many people, the weird ones are the people that are like, like, you've been listening to a guy and he's like, I've seen leprechauns.

I've seen aliens. I'm like, shut your mouth. I'm not going to fucking listen to you fucking idiot. But then if somebody's like, there's some people that are like, I'm totally normal and this is like the one thing that happened. That's fucking weird.

Those are the ones where I'm, I'm like that because I'm not a big alien guy, but I'm like that with like the paranormal, you're like, yeah, you're watching them, but they seem to be generally honest and normal people.

They work regular jobs. They're cool, whatever. And then they're like, but this one day, this and this happened. And it's like, there's no reason for me not to believe you,

but like, it's just like, it's just tough to. Like, I don't know how else to explain it. Like alien abduction stories, paranormal stories is like, everyone's going to be skeptical until it happens to, until it happens to you. So, yeah, aliens, I feel like has just gotten way more in the zeit guys because of the whole whatever government, Trump admitting that we had them and there's a bunch of, you know, files on them from all the Roswell stuff that was never released until like whatever it was three years ago.

And it became way more in the zeit guys like the last few years. If you asked someone if they weren't to aliens in 2010, they'd be like, hell no. now they're like yeah maybe well that's the reason I remember when I got into aliens there was a news thing about Roswell and I was like what the fuck is that and then my mom was like I don't know it's just an alien stuff and I'm like

it's all the news though like that means it's real like that's just how I and then I sort of went down the rabbit hole and then I think for me the paranormal shit's really interesting okay so I went to Salem this weekend or last weekend wait really mass

yes was it crazy yeah I want to go there for Halloween I heard it's a shit show it is such a weird town did you do shows no no so I have no money but the Irish girl is here and she really wanted to go to Salem okay and so we went to Salem and uh so basically we show up to Salem and everything's

witch right it's like the witch brewery the witch sandwiched witch and then you're like okay and then uh there's a couple things you can go to and uh we walk by the Warren Museum so the Warren Museum just moved there it's the people who made like the conjuring like those real people and they have the actual Annabel doll in there. Is that the one that Matt Riphones?

Yeah, that's what I found out. So we don't know anything about the Warren Museum where the Annabel doll's there. Apparently, it's like, it's totally dark and you can, it's like, all windows are blackout and you can only go with like a flashlight. It's got like weird satanic artifacts and stuff. Okay. Pretty cool. And I really want to check it out. And then we go to, what's it called? Like, we're like, we'll feel it out. We walk by this woman, where we first we walk into like a haunted house and there's a guy dressed in like pirate clothes and it's like $10 to go to the haunted house. I'm like that seems great. And then he's like, I can talk to the actors, you guys come down, you know, whatever time he wants. We're like,

okay, maybe we'll do that. We walk by this woman, kind of helps her lady and we're like, what's the war museum like? She's like, do not go to the war museum. She's like, my friend went there and then they got in a car accident the next week. And a bunch of cars break down there. And I'm like, it's a little weird, but like now I want to go. I'm like, okay. And then she's like, and the owner is a fucking misogynist. piece of shit. I didn't know as Matt Rive. And I was like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah. I guess the owner's a creep, okay. Oh, he owns

the house, too? He owns all of it. He bought, he pays, like, millions of dollars to get, like, all these weird artifacts from these fucking people. He's not a misogynist at all. Yeah, I'm like, whatever. And then we go to, like, another place and then we're like, what do you recommend? And she's like, I do not recommend the Warren Museum. It's owned by Matt

Ripe, who used the R slur and the F slur. And I'm like, is the doll spooky or not? I want to know if it's spooky. That's all I can. I don't give a shit. Oh, so she's actually like annoying woke. Like, not even... Yeah, I don't care if fucking Andrew Tate owns a museum. I want to see the spooky doll.

I'm actually more likely to go to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And also, if you go to it and then something bad does happen, it's kind of like, oh, you know. Yeah, and... Anyway, did you guys go? Because you were in the hospital on Saturday.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'll get to that. Okay. Oh, shit. I'm sorry to piece some things together. Okay, let me start a piece of things together. So what happened was, uh, so, we're like, all right, she was like, I don't want to go.

And it's expensive. And we're like, yeah, let's go to this guy's haunted house. And also it's like, you're not supposed to look at the doll in the face. Apparently, you're supposed to apologize. And I think she also wanted me to go because she knows that I would mock the doll. She knows I would like mock the doll. And then she died in like a plane crash or something. And because like somebody mocked the doll and they got like a car accident. But I'm also like a motorcycle accident. I'm like also like a bunch of bikers looking at the doll. Like they're going to fucking obviously like, you know, they're going to be like, oh, they're obviously probably

I just picture, I don't know, I picture just the stereotypical biker who's probably going to get in a, motorcycles are dangerous. Cars are dangerous. This isn't like, you know, that's surprising to me. So we go to the, but she's like, you're not supposed to look at a picture of the doll in the eyes and I'm like, oh, you mean like this one? She's like, no, no, no, no, no. And I was like,

the eyes look fucking weird. It's like a raggedy and doll kind of like the eyes are too. I did get a weird feeling from the picture. And then, we're like, let's just go back to this guy's like fun, love and haunted house. And we go in, the guy's got a parrot on his shoulder. He's got, he was doing ghost tours, dressed as a vampire pirate, which has nothing to a Salem. Oh, by the way, in

between this, let me get back to, I want to get back to the haunted house. In between this, we go to the Salem Memorial. And it was fucking more moving than 9-11 Memorial. It was crazy. More moving? Yeah, for me. Yeah. Oh, moving. Is this where all the, the women who are on trial for being witches are buried? Yeah. You're like, they murdered 20 people in this town for no fucking reason. And then you're practicing witchcraft. Yeah. And most of it was just people like, one lady was like a crazy homeless lady and they're like fucking kill that bitch. Yeah.

We need some Salem Witch trials in New York City. Hopefully against that right now. Yeah, yeah, let's get them. Biding by these recent Times Square stabbings, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe, oh yeah, the torta stabbing. Yeah, although she looked pretty put together, but she was fully schizo. But what could you do? What was it?

Did she had two knives? She had two knives and she was doing like Thai chi with them. And the poor woman who passed away her, because she was married with a kid in Jersey. Like, I hate to, I hate to say this. Yeah, she had two decent-sized blades on her. It had to have been a sneak attack because this was a 4-foot-8 chubby Hispanic woman

that me or you could literally go like this and she would fall on the ground and crack her head open. So I'm guessing she snuck up behind. Like if she started me to go out of Malin, that's kind of what she would like. She'd be like Lilo's mom from the little sketch. And I was just like, this woman, I hate that this woman killed a woman. I felt so terrible because I'm like, she must have snuck up behind her and slashed her or something.

because, like, she was not threatening at all. I was expecting, like, a guy, first of all. The woman's, like, one second, I took Duolingo. Knife. Knife battle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. The poor woman.

But, yeah, it's, it's not good. Yeah. Yeah, shit's crazy. But, yeah, you're just in this town, and you're just picturing all the ways of people being, like, hung in public. And, like, you're, like, this whole town. And, like, people that spoke out against a guy murder because, like, oh, you must be a witch because you're, like, speaking out against us. There's all kinds of stuff that was, like, just, really. I mean, I don't know if it was all religious, but I think, I think, I don't know.

I was just kind of like, man, religion's gunned and just fucking... In those days for sure. Yeah, you're like, this whole town just got murdered. I believe there's some, like a pregnant lady. There's a couple goods that died. There's like a Dorothy good. Really? Yeah, Dorothy Good.

And yeah, yeah. Maybe, honestly. No, I think our goods came over later. But maybe, I don't know. But you're just like, this is crazy because you're just like, I don't know. I'm just picturing that, like, getting hanged in front of the whole town. you're seeing your friend over there, like throw rocks at you and shit,

and you're like, and then some of them were, like, tortured and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy. And then we were like, all right, well, we'll go to the haunted house.

The guy's, like, taken out as, like, you know, vampire teeth, which I have no idea with, and it's just very funny that, like, people were brutally murdered. And the whole town's like,

ooh, I'm a witch. And, like, we're putting our... I was gonna... Is the town as Halloween as people make it out to be? Yes. It's all built about in Halloween. Yes.

Because I was thinking about, apparently it's a nightmare. Like hotels are booked out like a year in advance I was gonna try to go up next month And apparently there's this girl who run shows But I heard it's like a nightmare to get a place to stay So it's probably impossible Yeah, yeah no

And it is really funny that they're so woke with that And how much money they make off Just making it a Halloween town Because stupid, because the witches were killed there And stupid Hocus Pocus was filmed there Let's just ride off this and make millions off people Yeah and then they're like Well Matt Rive said retarded

I'm like you're building a witch display Where people were actually murdered now I don't care about any of that I'm like, do whatever. Like, they're dead and like, you know, but it is just funny. The whole town's like, where's so spooky?

And I'm like, 20 people just got murdered here and fucking, and vampires and pirates, I guess there's a little pirate stuff going on there because it's a sea town, but like, that has nothing to do with it. Also,

we go to the mall bathroom and that's hilarious because... There's a mall in the town? It's an office space. Okay. With half the stores are closed. The ceiling tiles, like half them are gone. I see a guy clearly taking like an opiate

constipated shit because I see like a bag of Whole Foods, like, just clothes in a Whole Foods bags. I'm like, this is a homeless guy. And he's just going like, and then I see a homemade flashlight on the fucking counter. It's like, two sponges and a glove in a Pringle's thing. And I'm like,

I'm like, this is a spooky town. Wow. And there we go to the guy running the haunted house. And he's like, I'll talk to the actors for you. And we're like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah. And he's like, we'll get started. I'll go talk to the actors. He takes her tickets, walks in the next room, he goes, Alexa,

Alexa scare mode on And then we're like, okay and we go in And the same guy is wearing like a mask No way And he's got a lantern He's like, you guys are brave enough To go into the haunted house

And we're like, oh, okay There'll probably be some other actors He's just starting the tour off Yeah, yeah We go to the next room Has not even changed costumes It's just the guy With the paradox trailer

No suspension of disbelief Oh my God, it just took you guys Yeah For a ride So it was not scary In the slightest I assume No I've never, like, faked, scared.

Like, you know, he'll fake a laugh. I'll be like, oh, my gosh, I'm so scared of spiders. At one point, he has a string, and he lets go of it, and a giant spider file. You can see him holding the string. He's like, oh, and we're like, oh. It's like out of a TV show that he was actually the same guy. That's like what they do. Oh, that's funny as hell.

So there was nobody else there. No, like a couple animatronics, but like maybe two animatronics that are like, you know, like a skeleton that goes like, whoo, up like that. And we're like, this is so funny. They didn't even change, like, masks. Like he could have just put a different mask on. That's incredible. Wow. And no blood or anything.

And it has a special place in my heart. Because I'm like, this guy, he's doing like, you know, he's doing family fun. He's like, I don't want it to be gory. I just wanted to be a fun little. Yeah, I wonder if he makes any business, like good business. Because I'm like a weirdo. I mean, I don't know if some people call it weird something. I like Halloween.

I like going a haunted house and the scary shit, like the legit ones. So this guy, if I paid for this, I'd be furious. But I wonder if he actually gets people because of the bit of him being the joke where it's like, I'm going to be all the guys if he actually. she gets business off of it. Yeah, I just also, you know,

maybe change the outfit, but very sweet guy. And very, like, we're like, we're like, we're like, oh, we're so sweet.

We, you really gave us a fright there. And, uh, yeah, then I left my, I dropped my phone. He's like,

it was in the dollhouse. You've always drop it in the doll room. Uh, and we would have, there was a port where it's completely pitch black. I go through a maze. And I was like, dude,

if they turn the lights on and it's all just like clowns or something, I'd be terrified. because it was a cool tactic to have it like pitch black. I love that, yeah. But yeah, not scary, even in the slightest. But we're like, this guy is adorable, so we're going to give him a review. And some fucking dumb bitch, comment, she goes, terrible haunted house. I kind of think the same guy that took our tickets was the one with the mask on in the beginning.

And I'm like, she didn't even know fully. And you're like, what do you mean? The most obvious thing ever. You could see him doing everything. It's a three minute difference. It's not like, it would have made more sense for him to be like, you go through a couple rooms. and then it's him. Then it's him, yeah.

But it was just him, like, the second after. Like, he literally was like, all right, mask on. It's a gimmick. It's a scary mode. That's so funny. Wow. And is this just in the middle of the town? Like, you think this would be a main attraction if it was, like, Halloween time?

It was rated, like, you know, best haunted house and sale. But every other thing's a haunted house. Like, you walk in and this is a haunted house. That's where I want to go, because I would literally just do that the entire time. Yeah, but they're, like, not, like, if we do that, go to, like, if we do that, go to, like, fucking Halloween Horninets or something, which is when they take the whole Parker Universal and they open up a bunch of haunted houses and shit. I want to yeah.

No, we went to, I made my girl, we went to Eastern State Penitentiary a couple years ago, and I was very let down because it's ranked one of the best ones in the country. And then I usually try to do one every year. My girl's not into it, though, so I'm trying to go my boys this year. There's this good one out in West Jersey, called 13th hour. But we went to Blood Manor. It's like fucking 50 bucks. I've been a Blood Manor.

I don't know if you liked it. It's eight... I like it, because I don't like getting terrified. It's eight minutes, though, and I'm like, it wasn't that good for eight minutes. Because if I'm going out to a haunted thing, I want it to be like the whole night. So it's like, give me like a 30 minute walk through, not eight minutes. One of the best ones I ever went to was 10 minutes from where I grew up in Jersey. Sometimes like the ones that aren't as hyped up are the best ones. But I think you go to, because they do the same thing to Six Flags.

It's called the Fright Fest, yeah. I grew up going to Fright Fest because I grew up near Six Flags. Yeah, that's like our Halloween. Yeah, it's like the whole thing. And it's all decked out. Oh yeah, you grew up near Universal. So you could just go to Universal. And they have rights.

So they have like rights to like Halloween. At some point they had the rights to like. Oh yeah, because it's the movie, yeah. Yeah, so they had like one years, they had a Jason house, a Freddie house. That's awesome. And they're like, they're like themed like just like the movies. So it's like fucking crazy and you're like, whoa, they had Chucky House. It was like, oh, dude, we might be going to actually, dang, Universal's Orlando, right?

Yeah. I was going to say, I might be going to Tampa next month, but it's too far away. I would, timing. Go to, what's it called? They have, um, I love Halloween's stuff. They have the same one, it's, uh, Bush Gardens. Is that near Tampa? It's in Tampa.

It's, uh, Bush Gardens. Hallow Scream, I think it's called. Oh, I might do that. Yeah, and those are fun because they're like adult drinking events. So you just go around and like, you know, somebody's got like jello shots and like a syringe. Yeah, I love that shit. It's fun, yeah. And the Chucky one was so sick because it's just like you're in this.

It wasn't like particularly scary, but it was like you're going through this like thing. And then it's all these dwarf stresses Chucky. That's cool. And then it's like, you know, obviously you're in like a Chucky factory. So it's like all the dolls. And like some of them are like just like the movie. Yeah. Yeah.

Some of them are real. Some of them all. aren't and yeah it's just fun and then um yeah i always have fun at those i remember i was seeing a girl one time and i um i i get scared at honhouses i like terrified but i was like i get a little scared and then i was like let's do uh let's do the jimmy phallon one and then she's like no it's just like i assume less scary it was like the same price and then she's like no let's go to the blood manner and i was like okay so a youtubeed blood manner and just did walk through so they're like, would it be scared?

So I'm just walking by. Oh, so you knew what was coming? Yeah, there's a chainsaw guy. Yeah, good to see that coming. Just like, totally. But also, if you're just drunk with those, you just don't get scared. Yeah, yeah.

I get scared, but I like getting scared. That's why I want to do it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can't imagine. Do people go on acid to those? I'm like, oh, no. That would fucking terrify me. It's a nightmare.

But yeah, I did get, whatever, I'll talk about it. I got hospitalized. Does that count as getting hospitalized? If they just, you left on your own accord? No, not really because you Yeah, if you were like fully with it You wouldn't have

It wasn't like an emergency situation I think it was more of just like They didn't know what to do So fail safe Let's just bring them to a hospital Yeah, so let me put this I know I know I said I was gonna clean my act up But I am really gonna clean my act up after this

So I have no money And my roommate's like hey you want to come out To this thing we're gonna watch a DJ play And I was like sure we go to the pregame They have all these testing kids They got like I was like okay Because my rule is like I won't do any drugs Since they've been tested

I see they got the fent all testing kids They're like, it's all tested or whatever. I get pretty drunk because I'm a very stressed about rent. And that doesn't help, but I'm just like, I don't want to think about anything right now. The girl, I love just like went back to Ireland. I'm like kind of going through a hard thing. I'm like going through all his career or stuff. And I'm just into a bad place.

And I was like, this is because he wants some catamine. I'm like, yeah. And I was like, yeah, okay, it's tested. So I take a bump. And I started talking like cocky. I'm like, bro, this is my first rodeo. I can handle fucking ketamine. Like I've never fucking had the thing where, like, I can't.

can't walk or anything. So I'm like, dude, fucking fill her up. And then gives me a bump. I black out. I black back in and people are like walking me. And the video means very ketamine walkie where it's like, it's not like drunk walking where like your legs are like floppy. It's just you, your legs are numb. So you don't know how to move them. So I'm like doing that. And then I want to sit down outside. And I'm like going in and out where like I'm closing my eyes. dripping balls and normally only lasts like 10 minutes but they take us outside and I'm like I want to sit down and then this girl apparently was like he needs to be laying down in like safety positioners like that she's like I'm in you know whatever EMT and you're like I was like

I think I'm just Kay and I think at one point I was like that's probably late because like I you know I could hang like I'd be and I think that freaked them out and then within like five minutes we're at a hospital and I'm like I don't need to be hospitalized and they're like we're going to get you checked out and they put me in a hospital and they put me in a hospital and they're like I'm hospital bed, start putting defibrillators on me. And then I'm like, I'm fine. I don't need to be here. And then I'd occasionally be like, whatever. And then just, like, put my head back down.

Did they tell the hospital that you did, you know? They said I had a bad reaction to drugs, which is not true because that is a great reaction. Yeah. That's what it's supposed to happen. By the way, I'll say this now. I would never do ketamine again unless it was like literally from a doctor. Yeah. Not like ketamine therapy, but if it was like... I don't know anything about ketamine. I feel like it's

mad popular, though. Yeah. I would do it if somebody's like this is, because they have prescription ketamine where they're like, okay, this is the dose, this is like a throat lodging, this is like five milligrams. I would do that. But outside of that, I wouldn't do it again because I'm like, that was just too close of a call. And like, I don't want to be in public fucking doing that. And I'm like, it's just too risky. It's like, you can't be snorting fucking drugs and fucking, I don't know. So I'm like really not fucking doing shit like that. And I'm trying to save money with drinking. But I, I start talking to everybody and I'm like, yo, like, I'm fine. I'm

fine. And then the, I was like, this is going to cost a bunch of money. And they're like, this is going to cost money. Like, does he have insurance? And I'm like, no,

I don't have insurance. And then the security guards, like, yeah, just tell them to sleep it off. And I was like, yeah. So I just,

I walk up, I get, get out. And then I come back here. And then, uh, yeah, I'm on my phone and I'm just like scrolling.

And it's like, I'm still, like the screen is like, all the numbers and letters look like water and they're moving and shit. Have you done like shrooms or anything? Yeah, yeah,

and that way where like letters are all like flying around and shit. And then, uh, went to bed and I woke up the next morning. I didn't take defibrillators off until like, I'm like still finding them on me at like 5 p.m. the next day.

I'm like, oh, I guess there was another fucking thing they put on me. But I'm like, thank God they didn't just start fucking zaping me or whatever. Oh, yeah. I'm surprised they try to screw you. The second you walk in, they try to charge.

I have an ER bill right now for like two grand. It's completely pointless. Yeah, well, and I think that the fucking doctors were like, I think he's just cahling right now. Because like, They know what that looks like. Of course.

They're like, they're like, they're like, they know. They know. They're like, not speaking. And they're like,

oh, like he's just really. And then in their head, they could be like, I mean, we could screw them and just like, keep them free six hours

to do a bunch of tests to try to get money out of them. But like, if they're not, if they're cool, they would, you know, they knew,

they know what the reasoning is. But like, I'm like, I know you guys got more ketamine in here. Yeah. They got everything. Yeah, freaking,

after my surgery, they're just handing me freaking perks as if I'm gonna like, you know. Well, I am fully fucking shit because I've talked so much in the podcast. I'm like,

dude, I've gone to a water park on ketamine. I've gone to Universal Studios. I'm like, you don't just not know how to walk on it. That's never happened ever.

And that's just exactly what happened. Apparently there's like a couple different types of ketamine. One of them is like... Could have been potent. Yeah, or strong. Yeah. Well,

one of them is for fucking like, uh, surgery. So you're supposed to, it's like more like, I think, I makes them, there's an R&S ketamine or something like that.

And one of them makes it, one of them is like more psychedelic and you're like trippy and the other one's like very heavily like body. And so people will do that one. And then just be like, I can't get off the couch right now because their body's going numb completely.

Oh, wow. But yeah, big wake up call. Not doing that. I never like saying I'm never doing this again because that just seems insincere. And I'm like, I don't know. Maybe I'm 40 and I'm at like a casino. And then it's the future.

And they got like, you know, ketamine cigarettes and they're like you smoke a little bit of it and you get kind of high for 10 minutes. I'm like, okay. Sounds good. Yeah, I just don't want to be like a never guy, but I am like, that was a very scary thing the next day when I was like, I got to get my fucking life together. And it's just tough when like you're going through a hard thing so you go hard the other way because you're like, I can't fucking even think about, you know.

Yeah, I know what you mean. But yeah, that was that. And then, yeah, that was that. and, uh, but it's weird because I'm like, I don't know if it, it sounds crazy to say I was hospitalized for drugs because I'm like, I, it would be like he was hospitalized for alcohol. It's like, oh, he's really drunk and they took him to a hospital. You're like, I don't want to downplay it. Like, that was bad and like I learned my lesson because I don't want people to be like, you feel good and you know, it was a fuck up. But I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like it was alcohol poisoning or like you actually had a bad reaction. You were just reacting to the way that the drug is supposed to make you react. If it's in the right situation, obviously, if it's like actually, you know, you know. potent or whatever. Yeah, and if I wasn't with a bunch of nerds, I'd be back in my apartment. That too.

I would have been right in their position because I'd be like, I don't know anything about ketamine, so I don't know what your reaction is supposed. Like, if I'm smoking weed with someone or drinking and I can see them react to that big, okay, yeah, but like, ketamine, I don't know how you're supposed to act after.

So if I did see you getting all crazy, I might be on board with getting you some emergency help, but I try to stay away from all that shit. Yeah, well, it's also like, I was at a bachelor party one time and some guy was doing whippets, and he like...

Yeah, my point. buddies used to do whippets. Yeah, and he did like the typical with a thing where you like fall asleep for a second. And then the other guy's like, he's dying. He needs to go to hospital. I'm like, no, he's literally just doing whiperana. But I get it. I get it too because you hear

the stories where they are something bad is happening and you don't do anything. It's like, you know, it's like at the end of the night when your buddy's drunk and you don't put him on his side. Like I always worry about like, I used to always make sure we would do that because it's the same kind of deal, you know? You want to just make sure. When I made the rule, I was like, I'll never do drugs unless they're tested. And then I

they were tested, but I still was like a fucking idiot. And I'm like, yeah, it's just too alcohol is good enough that I'm, I'm also like, to save money, I'm not fucking, I have a wedding on Saturday. Me too. Good old marriage. Same one? Imagine? No, mine's in Jersey. Oh, okay.

My fiance's best friend's getting married. Your fiance's best friend is Graham Cooper? No. Oh, I just talked to somebody else. Well, he's a comic, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I know him. Somebody else I was talking to go on his wedding.

Oh, Maddie Bowman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it in town? Yeah, which is great. Thanks for doing that. I'm going to put on a fucking suit. Oh yeah, well, luckily this one's like, I used to live in the town.

It's like 15 minutes from where I grew up, so. It's so nice, dude. It's like, I literally wouldn't go through that. I have no fucking money right now. So I'm like, it's such a racket too. It's like, go, just have your wedding where you are based, okay? Like, have your wedding within an hour of where you're based. And I get it if you're from Dallas and she's from Seattle.

Okay, you're going to have to pick one. But if you both live somewhere separately, have it there. Have it where you live. Also, that makes you the best of the friends, but... I get, like, a not-so-far one. So, like, Florida, people do it at the beach, which is great. You're like, okay, hour and a half ride or maybe, like, our beach is 45 minutes away. Or you're like, I would drive two hours to a way.

You're like, that's all easy. It's also really funny because, like, I don't even have the courage to be committed to a woman. And I'm like, hey, have your wedding. Like, I don't have the thing. Oh, that's the other thing. And now I'm like telling people, I'm like, hey, this is how you do your wedding to make it easier for me, the guy who's going to K-hole and be hospitalized. 95% of the time, also, FYI, anyone watching, wherever the woman is from, that's where the wedding will be. So, just FYI.

Wait. My friend's getting married. Like, one's from the East Coast, ones from the West Coast, but they live in New York. So, hey, have it in New York, but the wife is from the West Coast. No, you have it in the West Coast. It's usually where the wife is from or wants it, normally speaking. But, New York's just a good, it's a good home base, especially if you live there. Just have it where you live.

You're not going to be friends with someone most likely or get invited to their wedding unless you live where they live, most likely. Or within your shot of them. What about buddies pulled this shit the other week? He goes, I'm getting married on Friday. Can you guys please be here in Orlando? And I was like, dude, I love you, but no, I cannot. Today, he told you?

You told you on Tuesday. So you give you three days notice. Yeah, I was like, is it like you just going to the courthouse and going to a bar or something? Yeah, but still, it's three days. Yeah, I'm like, you can't, I'm sorry. You can't do that. Like, if I had a little more money, I could do that. What are you insane?

Three days. Even if you're just having a little bar party with 25 people and you're going to the courthouse, you get two, three months ahead of time. Let me know. Oh, yeah. One of our friends did this, even worse. He's like, I'm doing a Jack and Jill, Bachelor, Bachelor, Ratt Party in Vegas. And I'm like, dude, that's a...

I love people think I don't want to go to things. I'm like, I would love to go to that. If I had fucking money, I would love to go to Vegas. Yeah. And then he's like, yeah, Jack and Jill, Bachelor, Bachelor, Ratt Party. And then they send his videos with us. getting married. They're like, it was a surprise wedding. And then like an Elvis chapel or some shit?

I don't know, but it was like, you're like, okay, so you just like, I was not going to go to the bachelor party so I could go to the wedding. And so, like, how these people just didn't go to their wedding because they were convinced his bachelor party and they surprised everybody on the bachelor party. Also, wouldn't wouldn't they like, wouldn't he like tell you on the side? Like, hey, well, try to, can you try to comment?

We're also going to do the wedding. Like, yeah. I don't know who, I mean, at that point, I guess he's trying to hide it from you, but like, us as the friends, we don't give a fuck if you're getting married. if it's a surprise, if it's not a surprise, if it's in Vegas, just fucking tell us what the deal is, because, like, we're trying to pinch pennies here. I think my buddies who have bachelor parties

or, like, faraway weddings. It's like, dude, I just can't do it. Like, it would make it six weddings this year, and then you just say no to half of them because they're not near you. And then you're deciding, do I go to my cousins or, like, my friends? Like, hey, come on.

Yeah, and it's a reasonable. Yeah, I think it's also a thing, too, where you fucking, like, by the way, I can't even get these people a gift at the wedding because I'm like, I don't know, I'll figure out. Yeah, I think, couple of my buddies got married like last year. I didn't, I still haven't given them anything.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm going to write something nice in the car to be like, the gift is coming when they drop the YouTube Madison Square Garden episode. Also, if you're making me travel, if you're making me get on a plane, which I've only done once, if you're making me travel more than two hours, sorry, me coming. There's your gift. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I, uh, yeah, I think that's, yeah, it's tough because, like, I get it. It's your important day.

It's most important than your day, but it's tough. But I've had seven of these. this year. Me too. It's not the same to me as it is to you guys. I've gone to two so far. I've said no to two. I have one Saturday, one in October,

and one in December that I haven't responded to you. So that's, that's, you know, six or seven right there. And I immediately said no to two because they were travel. Yeah. One was in Ireland.

I'm like, bro, I can't go. Yeah. I cry at weddings, so I think they're beautiful. God, you're adorable. Yeah, I cry at weddings. I don't cry anything except for like sometimes the end of signs.

get me. Really? Love signs, bro. It's one of my favorite movies. I'm crying a lot of movies. It sucks when you can't get the cries out. Like, dude, have you been with... This is fucked, but you've been with a girl and there's something that you're... Romantically, never once. Never once. And you're trying to fake a cry because, like, you're... You think she thinks it will think it's like... Yeah, because it sounds I am crying, but I have fake to cry with a woman before because I'm like...

Dude, I, with my ex, I picked a cry one time to get out of an argument. That's not bad. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I've done that. for sure. But then she dumped me because she probably that was a giant pussy. But, uh... Well, that's the thing, because some girls are like, no, it's masculine when a guy cries. It shows that they can express their emotions. And other ones are like old school, like, no, it's pussy shit.

Usually I feel like you hear the prior, but like, I'm still kind of old school, so I'm like, I'm not really trying to cry in front of my girl. But then you get girls, I guess, who actually are, like, into it. Yeah, I think I've also just gotten my tears out. Like, almost two, dude. Just have a bunch of friends pass away.

Right. You know, breakup after seven years. I'm like... Got it all out there, yeah. Yeah, I'm like, there's just not a lot that makes me... That's true. Oh, I think I cried. I cried on the way to the airport with the Irish girl because I was just sad we were, uh, she was leaving.

And then, uh, I started quoting Forrest Gump and then I started crying from quoting Forrest Gump. I was like, Forrest Guter's going up real good. Forest Gump could get you. So here and there. Sometimes a movie just get me, like, it's just... Even if you don't fully cry, but you like, start to get a little choked up, like, the end of Willy Wonko,

always gets me the original. Oh, yeah. You know, a couple movies here and there. Or you think about, like, yeah, like a dead loved one or... How much do you think this? Like, how much do you think,

how many screenplays like Force Gump that are that good have been written and then just never get made? Just screenplays in general or movies? Yeah, they're like, amazing. They're just like, why would I want a retarded guy who fucking plays Pinkcom?

I was just thinking about this the other day because I was thinking of the reverse. I'm like, I'll watch a movie, and I'm like, me and Michael Good could have wrote a better script than this. Yeah, yeah. It's just a matter of obviously getting a movie made and having connections and having money is hard.

But like, you know how many probably good movies were out there or scripts were out there? They could just never got the green light. They didn't get it, whatever. They didn't get a studio to sign on. They couldn't get a budget. They couldn't get a star attached to it. Every freaking day, probably.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, all the time, yeah. But like, I used some shit movies and you just wonder, let me just all see plots. I'll be like, I just want to know how this got through. Like, who decided to give them, money for this. You're seeing it now a lot with horrors because like the budgets are so low that

the studios or the independent production companies can come up with the budget because it'll be like a $200,000 budget and it'll be great and then it'll make like $10 million. Usually it's a horror movie. And it's just like okay I get that. But sometimes you see a plot like I hate to say it because I know a lot of people liked it that movie, the drama. I'm just like how did this? I'm not saying it was a bad

movie. It wasn't my cup of tea. How did this get through? Who's greenlighting this? Who's like has the big golden ticket who's like this? We're going to make this. Because me, you, my mother, whoever, we had never thought this would have made a decent movie. Yeah, yeah. So, I think all the time.

Yeah, that's, that's, like, fucking, I can't even imagine. Because you're, like, I always think it's going to be so, it's got to be so funny when, like, they're, like, midway through making, like, a blockbuster, and they realize it sucks. Like, just Robert Downey Jr.'s on, like, a zip line. And one guy's, like, fuck, this is terrible. We put so much money into this. I was going to say, we're the ones where it's, like, on paper,

it's gold. And then they start to go through it. And, like, the screenwriter's there, and he's like, this isn't, because he, obviously, a director comes on and, and juices it all up. And the screenwriter's like, this just isn't what I, what I, how I saw it going about. And then it finally comes out and you're like, this is like 20% of what I actually wrote. It's like mostly dog shit now, but it could have been great. Morbius was a genius script, apparently.

What is it? No, I'm kidding. Morbius is like the Jared Leto, like, vampire one. Oh, I didn't see it. That'd be so funny to find out. You read the script of, like, a terrible movie. And you're like, the room is actually brilliant. Oh, yeah.

Directed poorly. Oh, yeah. I bet you that has happened, though. Yeah, yeah. We're like, this guy just totally. They always started with like Zach Snyder where they're like, dude, he just, the theater,

and they're like, he's going to release the Snyder cut. And it's just five more hours of slow motion. And you're like, this wasn't a better movie. The guy has not made, I like the casino when you watched that one with zombies and Dave Batista. Oh, that was kind of recent, right? Yeah, it was kind of sick.

Yeah, I forgot David Batista's like an actor now. I didn't see it. That was a cool. one. 300 was like a cool watch. He makes visually the coolest movies, but like Well, it's like M. Night Shyamalan. He has like great concepts, but they don't always come fully to fruition. So in my opinion, he has like

two to three to four bangers and then everything else is like not great, but I think it could have been. Like the concept is there. It's just not executed. It's just not executed. I don't know that one. So trapped, I never saw it. Apparently was terrible. It's this guy's at a what's it called? He's at a concert with his daughter, like an

Ariana Grande kind of situation. and oh there's like a bombing or whatever yeah so like the guy's the concert and there's lots of security and they're here to catch a serial killer he's the serial killer so like the main character is a serial killer trying to escape from like a security

and like I'm like dude that would be such a fun watch but apparently just did terribly but I'm like that's a really fun idea of like a serial killer at like a concert trying to escape and try to do all this shit so the thing of these movies is just an idea and then it has to be written well

shot well acted well edited well. There's a lot of that goes into it. A lot of movies are crap that could have probably been great. And a lot of movies that probably could have, you know, you would think are crap are great.

No offense. Everyone in their mother loves Goodwill Hunting. It takes about an eight-year-old to write that script. I mean, it's not like the most genius script of all time. Yeah, it's a good movie. Yeah, Boston, which I got a gripe with Boston.

It's so funny that I will change my opinions on a city just because they don't have the flavors of Zins I want. Like I literally like, we go in there, like we don't have any flavored sins. I'm like, you guys are fucking fascists and you guys suck. And I hate Boston now. So we're in Boston and I didn't know this. You can't buy alcohol at a store after 11 p.m. So 7-Elevens don't even sell alcohol. Only liquor stores sell alcohol.

That's a Jersey thing as well. Yeah. A lot of states are, it's a state, that's a Massachusetts thing. Yeah. A lot of states are like that. It's for why Florida, you can buy booze at 7-Eleven? Yeah, 2 a. But you can buy it like Jersey and Mass, I think. They don't sell alcohol. in the grocery store. You have to go to a liquor store. I don't fully disagree with that concept. I,

11 o'clock things, we go in and there's this Chinese guy, I'm guessing, and he was like, I was like, yeah, you guys sell beer, he goes, go home. I was like, you're fucking polite. Like, fuck you, man. We look online. It's all reviews of this Chinese guy. They're like, you go to that 7-Eleven.

They have pictures of him, like knocking people's phones out. Somebody's like, he locked me in here with a homeless guy he was trying to catch, which is so funny. Imagine trying to get chips. And he's like, don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. And then you're like, what? Now I have to fucking juke a homeless guy to like fucking get this.

A scumbag. Why is he like that? I want to know his backstory. I'm sure he's... He's seen some shit, I guess, yeah. Yeah, I'm sure he did Madison Square Garden and then, you know, things didn't... No, I'm fully in, like, I'm moving my career forward. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do...

Me too. Almost no drinking this month. Me too. Yeah, no more drugs and fucking moving the shit forward. But... We're going to make it, baby. Oh, yeah, I am going to fucking make it. it. But the weird law is, okay, so like New York, you can't buy beer in a liquor store,

which that makes no sense to me. Right. What is the point of that? Not sure. Yeah. You go to the supermarket or the grocery or the deli to buy beer, but then to buy whiskey or whatever, you go to the liquor store. I get them not selling liquor at like... That's the Jersey thing. There's just no liquors in the grocery or seven-a-old, but you go to the liquor store, there's beer and liquor. Yeah, that makes sense. The reverse makes no sense. Yeah, I don't get that either. L.A. is fully, like, I think L.A. is like, you could buy liquor in like a Walgreens, which is cool.

Okay, yeah. Also, I don't mind the attached ones. Those are cool when it's like, like, Publix does it. There's Publix and then a Publix Licker. Yeah, Wegmans does that, I think. And shop, right, yeah. Yeah, that's the way. I mean, a lot of it's, I'm sure, just weird laws that, like, some guy... It's all state-by-state stuff that got implemented in, like, the 1700s or whatever. Yeah, or, like, there's some guy,

or one incident happens, like, one high school gets in a drunk driving accident. They're like, we have to make some law. Yeah. And then they're like, okay, no beer in 7-Eleven because he went to 7-Eleven to get beer. And you're like, it's nothing to do with that. Like, Panama City, you can't drink on the beach because a girl got raped on the beach. And you're like... Really?

This is not... I've had in Florida, of all places. I figured you could drink literally anyway. I figured you could drink in church. Yeah. I mean, you can't... Dang, that's crazy. But yeah, you're like, this is not...

They just need to sit a law in place because a girl got raped and you're like, this would have happened off the beach. It's not the beers in the beach that caused this. Yeah, it's probably the person. Yeah. But, yeah, so don't rape on the beach. beach and then we are over an hour. So what do you want to promote? Guys, just follow me for the love of God.

I need some sort of content to get me some followers so I can do comedy more. At Tom Zappia, you guys are a peach. Check out Mike Egoat on Kill Tony. It was great. And yeah, I'll be posting more stuff. Yeah, Mike's for Good Comedy on Instagram. This is probably at the last week

I'm doing the feed-pick stuff because I'm really poor. And, yeah, it's funny to just be strung out on Adderall because I'm trying to get my life together, applying to our jobs and stuff like that, and then just being like set, just like, I feel like a, just a dirty prostitute. Like, it does not... At least you have the option.

Yeah, I mean, I've made fucking, probably like $300 this week. Really? Yeah. Guys are just like feet picks? Is it guys or girls? It's all guys. Really?

But then I didn't think it was kind of funny because, like... From the podcast listening is how they know you? That's how I got them. And then I talked to a couple chicks to do it, and they're like, bro, just post your feet on, like, our feet on Reddit. And then just be like, here's my Instagram. And that's where it was just a bunch of,

fucking, they just flew in. Interesting. Then I went on Instagram and I found, like, feed pages. And then I was just, just found the people who commented horny stuff on that. And then I was just like, wow, I'm selling them. So. Fascinating. Yeah, not a, you know, this will be only for a little bit.

But right now, yeah. I mean, hey, you guys fucking count your blessings. Give it a month. This podcast, I'm going to cut my feet off. Like, you're not. This pod's going to blow up. Share it with a friend. I'm doing the Kill Tony thing.

I'm saying it's behind a paywall for now that it's gone. forever. That works, bro. Andrew Schultz did the same thing with his free Netflix special. His first special, not his first one, but like after he did all the YouTube specials, the one that he did, he released it on Andrew Shultz.com. He's like, you get it now for the next, whatever, 20 days, and then it's gone forever. He took it two weeks later, and Netflix bought it, and it's on Netflix. Yeah, yeah. It's a good paper. It's a fake lie, yeah. But thank you for listening.