MBMBaM 835: American Comedy Story
00:00The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.What's up, you cool, baby?It's the start of something into a precious friendship.It feels love.Hello, everybody.Welcome to my brother, my brother, and me
01:13an advice show for the modern era.I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.What's up, Traff Nation, it's me.Your middle of his brother, Travis, Big Dog, Wolf Wolfram, Frum,the heater award winning McElroy.What's good, Travnation?It's me, your sweet baby brother,Griffin, 30 under 30, media, luminary,
01:26Bill Ford Tough McElroy.I have a really exciting news story.This is coming in really hot todayas we're recording this,and I wanted to share it with you guys.I am going to try my best to not stop it,but I think it will soon become impossible.Stop the news.
01:49I'm going to try not to stop the news.This facing charges, he's opposing as a substitute teacher at Rufus King High School,swearing, screaming, and insulting students in class.That's just the start of it.Ben Hanson's been following this story all night long,trying to get more answers about how this is even possible.Ben, what have you learned tonight?Yeah, guys, this story has a lot of layers. It happened on September 24th. And according to the criminal complaint, this woman pretending to be a sub got into the school just by putting her name on a sign-in sheet and then scouted out the school beforehand.
02:23Can we pause? Can we pause real quick? No, not great. Moving on.A room of Rufus King High School students got quite a surprise during their first period class. Instead of their normal teacher, the criminal complaint says, they got 23-year-old Amy Jones.who didn't work for Rufus King or the substitute teaching agency it uses.In the criminal complaint, students said Jones used profane language, racial slurs,sexually derogative statements, and organized students by race and gender.It went on to say Jones also bragged about having felonies and being okay with going to jail.A real teacher set up class materials on the smart board with Jones in the classroom for the first 20 minutes,then began acting out when that teacher left.
03:05Okay, so this is where I wanted to stop.Okay, again, it's not a great, great story from off-rip, I will say.It sounds, if I found out this happened in my kids' class, I would be very disturbed.Well, that's such an interesting and funny approach to it, Griffin.Thank you for choosing that.Travis, do you have a different take that's maybe a little bit more constructive?I can't help but think of the book Miss Nelson is missing, Justin.Yeah, Travis, I think that that's a very valid concern here.
03:35This person came into the class.A substitute teacher did class for 20 minutes left.And this rascal got up and started teaching for them?That's not the way the system is built?I think the thing that I'm most questioning, Justin, first of all, to be a news person,to have my boss coming to my office and say, clear everything else off.I need you to follow this story all.All night long.
04:06Follow this story all night long.This is a continuously evolving situation.Much like both onions and Shrek, this story has layers.And I need you to get to the bottom of this.But Justin, my second question is,Yeah.At no point did the actual substitute teacher come in and go,oh, I guess I'm not needed.
04:26There's a substitute teacher here already.That's a classic catch me if you can scenario.Yeah.Catch me if you didn't.You left and then I just started doing it.Students also say Jones started playing rap music very loud and dissed kids for their weight, race, looks, and money.Even as to...So not content, not content to take over his fake sub.
04:51This teacher then begins razzing, just absolutely dunking on all the kids in the classroom.Excellent.Now, it's been a while since I was a high school student.Yeah.My question to you guys would be, if you're a student in this classroom, how long before you're like, wait a minute?Wait a minute.This doesn't seem like procedure.I think you're letting it play out.
05:16I mean, it's better than learning, right?Like, it's obviously not great.It's not great to get razzed and slammed.Yeah, rest for not having enough money and stuff like that.That's crazy.How do you get that?I wonder how you get that.Like, how do you get to know the kids that well in 20 minutes that you can be like?
05:33How much money do you have?Just reading all of them.Thomas, your parents' finances leave a lot to be desired.If any students had a vape or marijuana, because, quote, the class was so lame and annoying.Okay.Awesome.Now, hey, can I say something?Was not on board with this story at first?
05:49I thought troubling, troubling stuff.Now I'm fucking on board.Wow.Now I'm here with you.It's called faith.It's called faith.Travis had it and you didn't.Your my walk with Christ doesn't apply here.
06:02The complaint says eight teachers were absent that day and only seven of those absences were filled.Eight teachers, eight teachers were absent.Only seven were filled.There was an opening.I would argue they were one short, right?They needed the help.Yeah.Saying Jones, quote, got lucky because there happened to be an unfilled position.
06:25Investigators found Jones used to be a student at Rufus King and had scouted out the school.before.What?Yeah, it's her school, and she's coming back to rest the student.So when she rolls up in the teacher's lounge,yes.You don't think people would be like, oh, damn, it's, you're a teacher.The news, everyone, I turned it around.
06:45Some important document fell through the cracks herebecause someone must have known there were eight as in teachers,and only seven substitutes came in.And that is class,didn't get a substitute.So someone must have been like,should we send someone?Well, they sent one,
07:08and then that teacher was like,there seems to be another teacher here.They're asking for marijuana.They're asking if anyone has a vape pinbecause the class is so annoying.This teacher's too cool.The kids are going to like them way more than me.I can't compete with this.
07:22As she lives just across the street from the school.According to the complaint,Jones was at the school the Thursday before the incident,got through security by blending in with the students and walked around the school.Wait.When she did that, she heard other staff in the main office talking about the substitute teacher agencyand told the secretary she was a substitute teacher.Great.
07:42Okay.Really good.Now this is like full, full Catch Me If You Can, Grift.She is scouting her old high school to find out the substitute company they use.Well, the guy in Catch Me If You Can did it to try and impress his dad.And so far, all I can tell about this substitute teacher is that the opportunity of this crime was she lived across the street.And why not?And here's the thing.
08:06You see the archetype a lot of, like, person who peaked in high school.And now, you know, they're like working a job or whatever.And they're like, I don't feel as important as I used to.And it seems like this person went, you know what, we'll fix that.I used to be a bully in high school.I'm going to be a bully in high school again.Yeah, yeah, yeah.You can extend the peak.
08:28You can make new.You can keep going.You can keep going.They did get into motivation.After students involved in the incident got out of class, they went to staff and told them about Jones.She was then escorted out of the building by police.The criminal complaint goes on to say when Jones talked with police after the incident,she said she did it because she was bored and that she hates kids and just wanted to F around.
08:52That seems like, can I say?That's why.That's why.So she's bored.Bored hates kids wanted to F aroundThe first two there seemed like conflicting motivations to meYeah I'm like I hate kids and I don't want to be around themBut I'm so bored
09:11So fucking bored I'm so so boredIt does feel like that the crime planningLike so much work went into the front end of the crimeIt doesn't feel like she had a great follow through for likeShe didn't have a getaway drive orwaiting outside.Well, it's like when she was doing the crime, she's like, I'm actually out of crime ideas.I didn't think passes for you.
09:33It was like, become the teacher.That substitute left.I'm the teacher now.But it's like kind of boring.It's like I'm not, I'm not.I'm a babe.Yeah, who's got a vapor some marijuana?I'm bored with this.
09:45Do you guys actually want to learn now?Oh, okay.I guess, what are you guys working on math?No.Hey, you know who else doesn't like kids and was bored?and wanted to fuck aroundand ended up changing a bunch of livesis Ned Sneebly from School of Rock.
10:03I guess Ned Schneebly was the actual teacherand Jack Black's character in School of Rock.Yeah, so it's, yeah, Jack Black's character, Dewey.Doey, yes.Dewey something.Dewey something.Doey, Griffin, hey, just a quick note,this actually is the exact plot of school.
10:22Not the exact plot, Dr.This is basically the exact part.He, Jack Black is like,Like, all right, kids, now time to divide you by race.Remember the part?So that doesn't, that doesn't, yeah, no, that doesn't happen to cool up.He doesn't do that.I know it's confusing because it's Stars Jack Black and it's written by Mike White, but there is no, there's none of that in the actual movie.
10:43It's just the names of the people.He also isn't the music teacher.If I remember correctly, it's a regular classroom that he turns into a music class, right?Yeah, right.He tries to teach the kids history and shit through music and stuff.And can I just say another.commonality here. You're saying you played hip hop music too loud or were you just trying toget through to them about yeah, you know, the, God, think of any historical event. God, think
11:10of any historical event. Quick. Battle of Hastings. Battle of Hastings with the power of hip hopmusic. I think that that could, I couldn't think of a single historical event. Hey, Griffin, Hamilton exists.I know, but what if she was trying to do a school of hip hop thing and it doesn't. And itdidn't land.So then when none of the kids got on board, she twisted.And she's like, actually, I did this because I hate kids.Just fucking around.I didn't want to start a school hip-hop.
11:38One dissenting opinion from one student in the class who went to the staff and was like,hey, so this teacher came in, she tried something.And I resonated with it because I learned about the Magna Carta from rap music.And I was grooving and no one else was.And then it did get nasty after that,but I couldn't help it feel like my classmates share some of the blame here.I don't know if there's more here.Let me see.
12:04The principle of Rufus King declined to comment on the incident.No kidding.No kidding.No kidding.No, I don't think there's a win for me here, Jeff.Yeah, the comment just says, whoops, geez.Whoops.Whoops.
12:17The district sent me the messages it sent to staff and families the day of the incident and today.In today's saying,we will continue to take all appropriate action to ensure,that Rufus King International High Schoolremains a safe and welcoming placefor our students and staff.This isn't, hey, hey,whoa, Rufus King International High School.
12:36This isn't a thingthat revealed a surprising security flaw.This isn't like you found the oneone gap in the matrix.Now we weren't even awarebefore that we needed to pay attentionto who we let in the building.Yeah, this is not the one,
12:56one like moldy O-ringthat brought the whole ship down. This isnot that. This is arough situation you got.I'm sure they have a sign in the main office they pointto whenever there is an issue like thisor really anything. And the sign justsays our entire school budget is
13:12$200 this year.Thank you, thank you the stateas sort of an explainerfor this. It would be amazing. It just saysit would be amazingif our teachers didn't have to takefurlough days to cover gaps in it.And then under that, it does say, not my circus, not my monkeys.
13:29And they point to that when it's like, if A doesn't apply C, B.I work at a game show experience.Basically, all the game show fun, but without the pressure of a live audience or broadcast.I'm so sorry, Juce.This is the first time you've ever not said this is an advice show.You just got right into the advice.And if it is someone's first question, or first episode.Dude, that's such a good point.
13:53And at any point, people could get on board with this dang thing.Yeah, I usually wait till 835 episodes just to let it simmer for a while.Yeah, let it thicken into a nice room.Hey, Trav, I know you're joking, but I hope to good Christ above that some people do this.I know that you're having a larf.But as the man recording 835, I do hope, you know, we're not just waiting for him to die off.for fuck.Right?
14:25No, we're letting themhave offspring.That's how we'll grow.This is why showshave season two.Podcasts were so fuckingsure of themselveslike laughing up their sleeves
14:36at all of TVuntil we hit like episode 500like, whoa, this feels bad.Yeah, I know.I'm yeah, man.There's a reason they fucking startover every year, dude.Oh gosh.
14:50Okay.Is it too late to doAmerican Comedy Story?Oh, dude, I would absolutely love nothing more.I would absolutely love nothing more.I work at a game show experience.Basically all the game show fun,but without the pressure of a live audience or broadcast.
15:10However, my problem lies outside of work.When I'm asked what I do,my answer up to this point has always been,I'm a game show host.Hmm.Game show host.It's tough.I feel like,
15:23an enormous tool when I say itand it's usually followed up with something effectivebut I'm not on TV or anything. Yeah.My question is,what would be a good way to illustratewhat I do for work without feeling so self-conscious about it?That's from Imposter Syndrome, Regis, Enrichment.It's funny from the way you phrased this question,
15:42I really had no idea that this is an issue for you.I...As people who have the jobs that we have, can I just say?Yeah, I understand having...Yeah, having...Yeah, having to tell someone your job title and then feel the need to expound upon that.Yeah.I get that.
16:00What's my job?Podcast hosts.One of the four big ones?Nope.No.Not one of the four big ones.Oh, me?What do I do?
16:06I'm a comedian, but not the jokes kind.Not the jokes kind.Please don't ask me to tell or do a joke or come up with a joke or say something funny right now.I think as an adult who meets other adults and talks to other adults about jobs and such, this seems to me,like a thing that someone told me they did this as a job.I'm a game show host, but not like you think I do a game.I would have, I would be so interested, right?Like this is not, this is interesting.
16:38This is not a thing you need to feel bad expounding on.You're a curious person, Travis.You're one of the Ted Lasso good guys.Because you want to know question.You want to know that shit.That's not always 100% of the time true.If I could have a room full of Travis's that are strangers,that would be fucked up.
16:57That would be so crazy.That room would be crazy, dude.But they would ask me questions about my job,and that would make me feel safe and warm.That's not a guarantee.Well, thank you.That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Griffin.It's a, Travis, it's a question of scale.
17:13If there were 30 of you, that's awesome.That's like so fun.That's like a fun, chaotic kind of.It's a question of scale.But one of me doesn't make.you feel safe and more.It's a question of scale, Travis.I like you so much that I wish there were 30 of you.
17:28Yeah.Because at that scale, it would be, I don't know, it would be preferable.What about one Travis 30 times the size?Would you rather fight 30 Travis's or won 30 times Travis?What about funcillator?Funcilitator something.Yeah.Funcilator's definitely close.
17:49Funcilitator.You're facilitating fun.It's not that you're a game show host, though, and I don't want to quibble.You know what I mean?But it is, if I, if someone said, were you ever on a game show?And I said, yes.And then they said, which one?And I said, the monopoly themed escape game.
18:08I think they would probably question my, I haven't been on a game show.You know what I mean?So, like, I don't know if game show host, you're setting yourself up for a letdown.I don't say, I don't say, like, you know, I don't actually.Yeah, he doesn't say it because he didn't say it.I think the problem there is show, because if there's no audience,right, game experience host, experience.Now, experience concierge.
18:36Now, if there's an opportunity.Sounds sexual.Yeah.Experience concierge does sound sexual.I need a very specific qualifier on the type of experience that I'm having.Adult.Fun experience.For adults.
18:48Funcierge for adult.I would actuallyis actually pretty badI don't thinkfuncierge is reallyit's likefuncillator is somethingwe're all kind of
18:59everybody kind of perked upwhen they heardit was likeyou felt it in the roomand I feel likewhat was it againI don't want to say it againI said funcierge
19:07I thought that's what you saidI misrememberedand it was a badI guess it was a bad thoughtfunsillotatoryeahfunsilotator is betterthis is maybe not germane
19:17to the questionI got escape roomstuck in myhead now thinking that that is the nature of the game show that you're hosting and I actually thinkI would love and it would have to be completely above board everyone involved would have to know that it's going onbut an opportunity to be an audience member for an escape room for strangers and just kind of watch thedynamic unfold I don't want a gross squid game voyeur sort of mask you know masks and shit likenone of that they would know that they're being that they are being watched and judged but I would
19:49love to be a fly on the wall.I thought you were going to say something like, imagine, like, you were on Price's Rightand realize Price's Right is an escape room.Yeah.And you're having to escape through Price's Right.Right.And, like, you're skiing, you're doing the little Matterhorn thing.You're spinning the wheel to look for the code to unlock the door.
20:12But I'm behind the CCTV.Like, they'll never fucking get it.There's something going on between Michael and Kenneth.and it's gonna fucking come out.There's no way they're gonna solve that padlockwithout me finding out what the fuck's upwith Michael and Kenneth.Oh, so you're doing like Ed Harris in Truman Show.
20:32Well, you're watching from the moon.That's not flattering, is it?It's not a, he's not a good guy in that movie.He's not a bad guy, though.He's not a bad guy?No, no, he's clearly the antagonist,but I don't think he has evil intent.I believe that he thinks what he's doing is beautiful art.
20:51Yeah.I told my kids about the Truman Show, and they, for kids who have never watched it,reference it constantly.I'm worried it's going to isolate them from other kids when they start bringing up Truman Show.You got to show them Ed TV, dude.You got to be part of the fucking counterculture.Those two movies came out around the same time.People only talk about fucking Truman Show.
21:11No one wants to talk about Ed TV, except for me.That's true.It's so weird that Ed Harris was in Truman Show.And Matt McConaughey was in Ed TV.It's fucked.Co-starring Truman Capote.Yeah.Truman Capote is in the moon watching Matthew McConaughey.
21:31Is that where Matt and Woody met?Is that where Matt and Woody met?Wouldn't have Matt and Woody met?They were probably in a flick before Ed TV, right?That can't be the vehicle that launched there.I feel like this conversation is their brothers is what everybody decided.And it's a whole thing.That's only because we made it look so cool.
21:50Cool. Yeah, everybody wants to be brothers now.That's stolen valor, I think, if you ask me, we had to earn this shit.Hey, boys, it's 2026, and video games have come a long way, as I'm sure you guys know.But I've noticed lately arcades haven't really evolved to keep up with like the PS12s and the XYZ box and stuff.Oh, that's cool.I would like to brainstorm.I'd like to pitch you guys some new arcade innovation games.Your notes app, Travis, should, when you open it, make a noise like a siren.
22:30Yeah.That goes off to alert other people in the vicinity that the notes apps, the notes apps come in open.Notes apps open.Ideas going to be flowing.Okay, this is Trav-Chaff Arcade Edition.Oh, wow.As long as there's an official framing for this thought, then I'm okay.The first game is I call it dance dance status quo.
22:56Okay.And in this, it replicates the experience of being at a party where everyone's dancing.And you don't want to stand out as being the only person not dancing.But you also don't feel comfortable dancing so much that anyone looks at you.So you have to dance a little bit.But if you move too much, a broad.Bright light shines on you.That's cool.
23:19The bright light shines on you and the machine yells your name.Yeah.Hey, Daniel's dancing over here.Get a load of Daniel.Yeah.Fucking dork.So you have to keep your movements little, but do you hit the marks.Do you still have to mask, like match the movements of some sort of silhouette or something?
23:37What you're doing, Justin, that's too much.This arms up is crazy business, too.There should have been like a no sign over me.Like, don't do this.Don't do that much.Will there be a silhouette to follow?Are there arrows?What am I doing?
23:50Yeah.It's more like there's like a narrow, you're standing in a narrow sensor that if you wiggle too much.Too much outside the bounds of the sit.That's good.There could just be the-Travis is so thrown by someone asking for more information about one of his ideas.He froze up for a second.Yeah, yeah.
24:05Oh, uh, hold on.No one ever comes in here.Let me straighten up these papers, ma'am.Well, no, I haven't told here, actually.Can there just be two, can there just be two foot pads on the grass?So, Trav, Tram, slow down, bud.Okay.No, I want to dial in.
24:19Instead of that...You know how there's the bar behindthat people lean onso they can move their feet faster?This could just be like a whole wall.Yeah, it's a corner.Yeah, it's a corner of the arcadehas this little two pads.
24:30You stand there and you wiggle.What if the bottom, like,the bottom of it is covered?Yeah.But people can see anywhere in the arcadecan see you there.So you can't let people know you're playing it.So if people around the arcade
24:44think you're,torso's moving too much, they are the ones who flip like, hey, call this guy.And you know, it's cool.SQL opportunities.If you take 14 regular dance dance revolution machines and put them in front of dance dancestatus quo where it's in the corner, now all of a sudden it's a whole school dancesimulator.Hell yeah, dude.
25:04You can watch and you can wish.My next one, I call it a flaw machine.And it's a claw machine, but it also gets visibly frustrated.and down on itself when it drops the thingthat you're picking up, increasingly so.So it's also, man, that it wasn't ableto hold on to the prize that you picked up.And there's like a display screen with text
25:29that keeps saying things like,please give me one more chance.Okay, I was wondering how it's gonna communicate that.I was imagining a sort of flacidityto the claw itself after it's the third consecutive failure.Well, it kind of shakes with, like, anger and stuff.And then goes, and then goes,kind of flaccid, be like, oh, that's cool.
25:47Can you do something to increase the tension,or is this really just a race to the bottom?Will it at some point say like, okay, claw, get it together.You've got to squeeze harder.No, if it drops it five times, a message comes up that says,man, maybe my dad was right.Yeah.What, and then it's just a...
26:05And then it doesn't work.It spits your orders out.Yeah, and then the flaw machine goes back to school.Mm-hmm.And gives up its dream of being a claw machine.It refunds your Chucky Cheese tokensAnd it's like, I don't deserve theseAnd it just unlocks the cabinet
26:21And you can reach in and grab your own prize.Yeah, get what you want.This shit sucks anyway.My next one is a photo boothBut it also does passport photos.Okay, Trav, this is the only good one.And I'll tell you whyis because these machines, not games,
26:37and also cost like $15.Yeah.I'm not going to, I could go to Sears.I could get a boudoir set taken of myselfif I wanted to in my own homefor the price of one of these machinesthat make me look like I'm hanging out with Spider-Man.Kids see one of these photos booths.
26:56They legally have to do it.It costs $18 and you have never seen anyone lose interestin a physical object.Yeah.The speed at which the photos come out,they touch their finger and then the wind blows it away.Like it's instantly.Couldn't lose interest faster.
27:13It also has a built-in printer scanner copier that you can use.That, dude, this is a good one.This one's a good one, dude.I, you say that, but like, show me a good printer, you know?Yeah.Any good printer.Runs out of toner, you got to get a guy to come out?Welcome to Tech TV.
27:31We're gonna hear fucking razzing all the big dogs.I got two more here.A hogometer.And you know, like those machines where you punch a punching bag and it gauges how hard you punch, right?It's sort of like that, but it's not about how hard you can hug.It measures, did you hold the hug for the appropriate amount of time, but it doesn't show you the gauge?And calculates which part of your body you're pressing against the sensor while you're hugging to make sure it wasn't weird.Why?
28:02So to see if you can do, then when you get it, it just says, normal hug.Zoom out.Why?That was how.That was how.We want why.Why?Why.
28:11Why?Why?Well, because some people are lovers and not fighters.I don't want to punch a punching bag to see how strong I am,but I'd like to see if I give normal hugs.Okay, first of all, I think that's bullshit.I think of the three of us, you're the only one who would ever actually do that.I've already beat, okay, you want the answer?
28:28I've maxed out on the punching bag.Okay, I don't let me do it anymore.Yeah, you don't have a traditionally sort of adept fighting style,but your fists are so fucking big.Yeah, man.When you toss them around, there's a lot of.there's a lot of momentum that they generate.And I'm not worried about hurting myself if it means a higher score.
28:46I won't speak for Justin.I'll speak for myself.When I see one of those machines,I always have the thought of I'm better off not knowing.Yeah, I can't be revealed.I don't know what three-digit number I will produce,but there is a threshold under which I will feel bad about myself.And as long as I don't swing at it,
29:06I don't have to have that information inside of my body.I don't have to carry that trauma.I don't need that.need that much context on myself. Thank you.Second, I need the machine to give me context for the person I'm hugging. That's so important.This is not a one-size-fits-all situation. I need it to generate before the hug, like,this is a, this is like a Taco Bell employee who just brought your food to the table.That's not going to be a very long hug at all. Maybe there's multiple levels where level one is like
29:33a family member that you love very much and like they're happy with any hug. And then you getincreasingly less knowing them.Yeah.Until it's like somebody stepped in and you couldn't tellit was a hug or handshake.Dude.And you went for the hug.Yeah.
29:52This is like the toughest level, final boss.Final level is like your therapist of three years is moving away.And this is your last session together.Yeah.Good fucking luck, dude.Feels like a hug, doesn't it?Because of the emotions.But also definitely not, right?
30:08That's a toughie.Do you save the cheek kiss for the sequel?Oh, yeah, yeah.Because that's happened to me once in my lifewhere someone just like did this fancy thing that people do.Yeah.What was the context of that?Can you tell us everything about it?
30:26I'd rather not get into it.It was very chilling.I actually have two more.I forgot.The next one is one of those basketball machines,but if you miss enough shots,a little robotic coach comes outand lowers the hoop and tells you you can take a step forward.
30:42And then if you miss more shots, the robotic coach hands you a clipboardand tells you you have the very important job of keeping track of everyone else's scores.So this is a very specific experience you're trying to simulate, it feels like.Yeah.And I will say tech-wise, it's difficult.You've got to think a lot about, like, maintenance trav,and how many of these clipboards are we handing out two full?Is it a, can you pay for a branded one?
31:12Or are they all branded?Like partner?Not be branded.Yeah.Like partnership?Like I went to Travis's boring arcade and the only thing I got was this clipboard.You know what I mean?Yeah, I think we could do that.
31:25The final one is a VR machine that when you put it on, you're now in a VR arcade and can play arcade games.And in that VR arcade, there's a VR machine.machine that you can put onand then you're in a VR arcadeand there's a VR machineand you can put it on and now you're ridinga roller coaster with minionsthat's all now I'm yeah
31:49baby you got me it's just the sameI was about to bail but I wasshort-sidedonce you brought in the minions I was likeokay and then theminions put a VR machine on youand now you'reback in your own life but it's
32:055% betterYeah. Okay, so can I suggest a change for this? The headset is hanging on one of those cables and, you know, there's the attract screen. You see the minions and everything. But when you walk up and you touch the headset, it shuts down. It powers off and the screen changes and immediately says, don't do this. Why would you put this on your face? Other people have put this on their face. It's going to be wet. This game is free. And it's kind of a public service, honestly, that's being provided by the city.point out for the amount of creditsthat you will use for this twominute VR experiencehere's a list of other gamesyou could play multiple timesthat we think you'd like more
32:49yeahlike a diversionyeahyou guys seen that arcade we got arcade nearby we go tosometimes and it has a Connect 4 basketballyou all know about this one and it's like Connect 4except it's huge and you shoot baskets into thedifferent racks to try and get 4
33:04and connect themand I think it's bullshitbecause how the hell am I supposed to controlwhere the basketball goes?I think we should just haveregular Connect 4 and let me drop my tokenswherever they fall.But you still want it to be huge.
33:20That's what Griffith.I want to be in Connect 4.Just don't make me shoot basketballsbecause how the fuck am I going to control?I'll shoot for that one.Point, nope, it bounced all the way to the other side.I guess that's where my,I guess that's where my strategy's taking me now.
33:34Yeah, bullshit.When I see sports games in arcades that require actual skill in that sport,it takes me out of it a little bit.That's not why I came to the arcade to be reminded that I suck at basketball.You shouldn't have to do sports stuff.This is a nerd zone.No, ski ball is as much athletic prowess as I need.Thank you very much.
34:01I'll tell you what I would do.If I owned arcade, I would set up.up a machine that scan people to make sure they're not Mark Roberber.That fucking fool's always rolling up in arcades and being like, hacked, rigged, this isit.And I would say, I would have a camera.And I would say, maybe the invention I'm suggesting is just a piece of paper behind the ticketredemption counter with a picture of Mark Rober on it.
34:21It says, keep an eye out for this dude.He's going to come and he's going to talk shit about our games.And he's going to build a little Arduino that's going to get him all the tickets.You see this guy with an Arduino and a bunch of gears and stuff.If you see a dude and he's got a big backpack and.the backpack is humming and he has a wire connecting the backpack to the joystick.This is Mark Rober.He's full of shit and he's going to rob us blind and expose our tracks.
34:44He is going to clean out your whole Cushball supply from the ticket counter.If you see this man dumping a bunch of chemicals into a trash can, he's making elephant toothpaste.You better run for your fucking life.This guy's got several world records in elephant toothpaste.This is the most confident I've ever been.people's homes like with Mr. B.Mr. Bees routinely,this has happened 30, 40 times
35:10where Mr. Bees will bullyMark Robare into going to one of hisscriber's homesand filling it with elephant toothpasteand blowing it the fuck tosmithereens. No, they love it. Mark,they love it. I don't think they do.I don't think they do. Jimmy, no.
35:26You know that Mr. Beast video, I'm building100 houses for people whose homesthat I already destroyedMark Robbear. Yeah.Today I'm going to be rebuilding 100 houses to specifications before I destroyed it with MarkRiber on the chair.But here's what they don't know.I filled all the stud walls with elephant toothpaste.
35:45What you did?No, Mark.You said it was regular insulation.You swore we were done.You truly are the beast.There's no mister?If I were going to do Oceans 11, I would bring Mark Robert on hardcore.Like that would be, he would be my first.
36:03Oh, he's number one.call.Yeah.And he'd show up to the first meeting and be like, we've had a year and a half to prepare.What have you got, Mark?And he's like, these games are rigged.And it's like, yeah, Mark, we knew that part.What are we going to do about it?
36:17Man, we're supposed to steal all their emeralds or something.What if we tried elephant toothpaste?What if we?You suggest that every time, Mark.It hasn't worked yet, but let's try it again.All right, what are we going to need?All right, we'll need a drifter, a forger, obviously.gotta have an acro man
36:34gonna need a facegonna need an elephant toothpaste guybecause how the fuck are we supposed to get into the vaultif we don't blow it up with elephant toothpaste firstthere's a rip manhaving to build your oceans 11out of YouTubers would be a hell of awould be a hell of a dude
36:50yeah dudeyeah I got the Joseph machines guyshe does all the Rube Goldberg shitit's twisted the way he's doing with keysside surf studios can make cakesthat look like real thingsI don't know how that's gonnaplay in but we're going to use it.
37:04Wait, this isn't a stack of $100 million?It's tank.With the real money.Elephant toothpaste.I can't breathe.God damn it.He gets one of those fucking fart boxes, Mark Roberber makes.Mark Robber makes.
37:18He already took all the emeralds.He replaced it with a screaming fart box.Mark, God dang it.Hey, how come our theft team has like 19 parkour guys on it?I told you we only need one parkour guy.But they're all something and parkour, man.I can't help that.This guy does parkour and he's got a strong Christian message.
37:41And I don't know how that's going to come into play in the heist.My kids watch Dennis Lava.She turns herself into like she's made of diamonds.Does that help?Does that do anything?Does that laser grid?She covers her face with eyeballs sometimes.Oh, yeah.
37:58Maybe one of them can get through an iris scanner.I don't know.Hey, can we take a brief break and do a commercial?That was so sincere.Or two.Yeah, let's see.Just some ads.Awesome.
38:12Is that any problem?Yeah, let's go.Okay, let's go the money time.Hey, everybody.You know, we've talked about SpareSpace for years now, and we've told you what it is.So what we're going to tell you now is what it isn't.What isn't it confusing?What isn't it overpriced?
38:37What isn't it a candy bar?What isn't it?A pile of bricks.What isn't it?That's it.That's it.You've done it.You've done the only four things it isn't.
38:48That is how comprehensive their services are.Yeah.You can use Squarespace to build a website that basically can do anything other thanBe a Pilbix candy, bad.Any other thing you want to do with it?They can't.Why?Because they got designers who really know how to build websites.
39:06And they make templates, which are basically like skeletons.And you take the...Ooh, happy Halloween!You take the flesh and blood of your ideasand make a Frankenstein out of the...Well, this would have been better, Traff.Oh, yeah, but...Yeah, man, forget my thing.
39:20What is it?It's Frankenstein.It's Frankenstein.Does the spirit of a cool ideahaunt your dreams, your wedding dreams every night?Okay, is it a ghost?Is it Frankenstein or is it a skeleton?It can be all...
39:32It can be all kinds of different.So look to your graveyard of dead ideasand resurrect them, like zombies.With Squarespace.But they're gonna look great.Don't try to, like, hijack the cool, like, Halloween idea.I'm trying to contribute.Do you have?
39:46You've done so much, Travis.No.Heads to Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial.And when you're ready to launch, use offer code My Brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain.Let me try it with Raga money now.Okay.Space.Yeah.
40:07Space is big.And there's a lot.A lot of gaps between the starsthat could be filled with your money.Damn.You're going to need a lot of money to get to paybecause the stars shoot for the moon.And even if you miss, you'll still have money in your wallet
40:25thanks to rocket money.I don't think that this is...Because rocket money helps you...So listen, guys, our budget lets us sponsorexactly 10 podcasts.I think we should keep Mbim Bam on the list.I know that these boys just won an award for their ads.And when they talk about our product,
40:44they won't do it like they're really struggling.Like they're trying to take a huge shit and not...Ironically,ironically, if Rocket Money did go over Rocket Money's finances,one of the expenditures that they've been doing for a while,they may want to revisit.Maybe even help them negotiate a loan fee or something.Yeah, this is crazy.
41:04You know, I don't know that we've had this realization.Everyone use Rocket Money.Except rocket money.Except rocket money.Except we won't talk about rocket money no more.It really, we have all actually used it to check our spending to see, you know,where we might be able to save some money, and they can find subscriptions you forgot about,all that great stuff.
41:24So it's a really useful tool, great place to get started with your money.If you get anxious because you've been ignoring it for too long,there's a really good way to, like, start to chip away at it and start to return your attention to it.Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwoner.and subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow yoursavings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.comslash my brother. That's rocketmoney.com slash my brother. Rocketmoney.com slash my brother.I've got it this time, guys. Guys, I've got it this time. Okay, man. Can you not yell?
42:02I think the yelling is what the advertisers. It's me, Travis. We've all got things. People got things.You need things.Some of your things are old, and now you need new things.But where do you even get things?Where do things come from?Things come from Wayfair.Your home for the things you need in your home.Okay.
42:25Just a little more.It says here in the copy, specifically don't say the word furniture.Okay.And so we'll have to edit out where I just said.Okay.Wayfair products are hand vetted by product specialistsusing a 10 point quality inspection.And that's more points than we use.
42:42Hey, Trevor, you're popping a lot of peas here.Okay, let me take peas out of it.Shaw, thousands of products across every style and budget,whether you're seemingly relasing an allianceor transforming your home from top to bottom for the holiday season.Yeah.Is that better?It was, it was, the plosives were better.
43:05The plosives were better.I have that YouTube membership thing is going on.I don't know.I don't know.It's starting to feel intentional.Like we're daring people to stay with us.This is my best.That's the truth.
43:25That is the truth.Wayfair is the service you go to when you need a furniture piece that looks good and fits a set of dimensions that are so fucking specific.If you tried to go into a shop somewhere and demand a piece of furniture to these exact specifications, you would seem like a madman.But Wayfair can actually do that shit for you.And the reviews I actually have found really helpful on Wayfair, I felt like a lot of reviews you read it, they feel all, you know, made by artificial intelligence or spam.But these are the reviews on Wayfair are really like, hey, this was easy to put together.I have fun doing this.This is a nice piece.
44:02This lasted, whatever.I got a dresser for one of the girls' rooms from Wayfair because we've been moving, you know, from the baby furniture up.And it was, I liked it so much.We bought another one of that same kind as Wayfair has great stuff.So check it totally out.Find pieces made for real life and get even more value with Wayfair rewards.Join Wayfair rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase.Head to Wayfair.com to shop all things home.
44:32That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.comWayfair, every style, every home.A few weeks ago, a coworker came up to me at the officeand told me they're planning for a movie-themed Halloween partyand want to go as the driver from Drive.They asked me if I have any driving glovesbecause I quote, seem like the type.Hmm.
44:54I said no.Not only do I have a pair of driving gloves,I have three pairs in different colors.Okay.Wow.Wow.Way to miss your chance at human connection.Yeah, really.
45:08Really, right?It's like this person saw you for who you were,including a set of very overpriced exact replica glovesto what Ryan Gosling wore in the movie.My colleague has been complaining the office.Layers, on layers, on layers.Yeah, this is a really, you're taking us.My colleague has been complaining the office
45:25they just can't find anyone who has driving glovesor any gloves that look quite right.I gotta look at these gloves.Hold on.Brothers, how do I either help my work friendor find out what the type even meansso that I can decide if I want to revealjust how correct they were.
45:43That's from vehicular vestments in the Falcon Islands.I'll tell you what the type is.It's you.It's you and they clocked you.And like, the tenor of the question is so wrongbecause the tenor of the question should beI fucked up so bad when I reflexively said,No, I don't have driving gloves.
46:01Unless you want to have a moment of connection later where you're like, I'm not the type that has driving gloves.I'm the type that has three pair of driving gloves.Oh, you didn't say like multiple pairs of driving gloves.I thought you were asking if I had one pair of driving gloves.Hey, guys, can I tell you a secret that won't surprise you at all?I thought about getting driving gloves real hard.For driving.That surprises me because you didn't.
46:26Yeah.That's the surprising twist is that there.is an impulse you didn't act on sort of immediately.Yeah, because you've experienced the impulseand yet not acted on it.I have diagnosed renons, and when I'm driving,my hands are at 10 and 2 exactly where the vents are,blowing the cold air upon my fingers.
46:46Oh, dude, I hate that shit.And I'm thinking, what if I was wearing driving glovesas a preventative measure to keep my fingers from going on?And I will say it always makes maladiessound more impressive and real when you describe themdiagnosed. That helps me to take it really. And there's a tone of voice you use to let me and Justin know,this is not for jokes. The way you said, the way you said Raynaud's, it let me and Justin know,this is a sacred space and it's not for jokes. I did that for your guys' safety and comfort. I don't
47:17want you to look back. Oh, Travis is joking. No. Yeah. That was real. Never mind the fact thatmy physical maladies are basically the mango of this program. So often are they,overused for comic effect.It's basically the church ladyor Mr. Peepersof this particular show.And my shit, I'll never tell.Yeah, no one knows
47:41Griffith's ballets. I'm so twistedup and fucked up inside.I'm a wasteland, baby.Why don't you want,I'm not meaning to be criticalbecause I think maybe other people would have donethis, but why don't you want to looklike who you are?
47:58You do want to look like who you are, right?That's who you are.And you look like that and see...Ooh, this is a big unless Trevor.You sure you want to unless that?They say like these are replica high-priced gloves.Oh, the subtext is definitely they do not want to get these gloves all switched up.It might not be that the regular text.
48:20Yeah.That's just the text.Yeah, sure.They're not hiding that they are driving gloves and explicitly the gloves from drive.from drive people. It said they don't want to be the type that says, yes, I do own multiple pairs ofdriving gloves, including a replica pair from drive. But no, I won't let you borrow them because Ipaid top dollar for these bad boys. I just, I want to advocate for our audience always, but I'mthinking about the branch, the narrow read that this person climbed out on to say you look like
48:53the type who has driving gloves. So certain in their heart.their fucking gut that they were right and they were right and you poop you pooed them and that'sice fucking cold they're probably still living in that miscalculation where they're like i ran allthe numbers they're writing on the walls of their apartment he thought they had gloves i thoughtthey had gloves we are all trying to spend a lot of time hiding the embarrassing things we do we allcan respect and relate to this i think the impulseyou got to start wondering is like,and maybe what we need to fight is,
49:32am I about to do a more embarrassing thingto cover up for the original thing?Yeah.Because I do think lying about being a driving glove guyis so much of a harder rap to beatthan just being the driving glove guy you are.You know, I don't want to...Yeah.
49:50It's tougher.This is why the four agreements urge usto be impeccable with our wordbecause it is so much harder to dig back out from this.But you do.Guys, I'm trying to think of a comedy version of it.I literally can see no daylight other than, listen, hi.In the moment, I panic.
50:10I freaked out.Yeah, fuck out.I freaked out, and that's on me.Yeah.And I'm going to start, I'm just going to start eating shit on it today.What also?I figured the sooner I start eating shit on it, the better it'll be for me.Right. But also, I do not feel comfortable loaning you by expensive pair of replica drives clothes.
50:31Then give them the non-expe-you have two other goddamn pairs of driving gloves.Guys, no one's going to be like, that's not screen accurate.Just give them the regular driving gloves.I pictured a moment where they don't make a culpe, right?And then they are driving into work.They pull in the parking spot with the drive-accurate driving gloves.You don't wear.No, no, no, no.
50:55You don't wear those on the fucking commute, Travis.Those are in the fucking vault.Those are in the same.Then you're every day.You're off-core buddies.You're wearing your off-core buddy driving gloves.You're gripping the wheel.You look up and there's your coworker.
51:08Yeah, they'll see it.Looking at you.And you're both now just in that moment together where they're looking at your knuckles,looking at your eyes and shaking their head.Way worse than just owning up to it.Can we try to get to the bottom of?what it is about a personother than seeing them wearing driving gloves
51:29that makes you think they own drivethat's my source of driving gloves.Okay, that is actually the most important part of the question.The number one thing that I thought was race stuff.Okay.So if you have a jacket that has like race team,sometimes you see this,if you see people that have a silhouette of a gun,
51:50you know what I mean?It's like you know what kind of about themif the flag looks like is melting.over a gun silhouette.I feel like that would race.And there's like an eagle next to itnodding and like, yeah.I'm not a gun guy.
52:02But that aesthetic is so fucking cool.I'm so jealous.You could pull it off too, dude.I could be the fun of what I said earlier.If there was a cooler thing for theAmerican flag to be melting over for an eagleto be like approximate toI would go for that but not.
52:19I don't think I could use a firearm.If you have a key chainof a.the model, like the making model of car you own, right?You might be a driving globe guy.You might be a driving club guy.Oh, that's good.Like, it says like Camry 87 with the original.
52:36Yeah.Yeah, right?Because it's like, it's so part of my personality, the key itself doesn't, isn't enough to say,A-O-D.Yeah, yeah.Right?I need to say the A-O-D is attached to it.Yeah, O-D.
52:50Drives, you sounded like one of those tubes that you turn, and it's got the little,No,Yeah, that's cool.That's cool.Do you have an ascot?I try to make it a trip thong.You know what I mean?When you come into work,
53:04are you wearing like a leather jacketand an ascot and your hair is like wind swept?Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.And you drive a Porsche.You got goggles on.Yeah, you might be in driving.It's a little verbose.Do you maybe wear driving gloves
53:18to drive to work every dayand then you take them offas you're coming in to the office?maybe.Yeah.And maybe it's not that,maybe this person just kind of saw,has seen you many times.
53:31Yeah.Wearing driving glovesand they are being generous.Maybe you live in sunny California,A, and you got the drop top down,and you're cruising with the gloves on.You do slip them off before you grooveinto the parking lot, but then you walk in.
53:42What's that?Let me see your hands.You got a driver's tan.Right there.You got driver club.Driving glove.Yeah.I can't help a notice.
53:49Do you wear jawed pers a lot?Yeah.Do you wear jawed pers a lot?I think if I saw someone wearing jod purse and like high, like leather boots, maybe with, uh, oh, what are those things called where they go down over your boot?You know, the cover, the boot cover.Welling.If I see someone wearing that, I'm like, they've got driving gloves.Chappies?
54:11What about a tiny mustache?Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.Tiny mustache and always describing planes as big, beautiful birds.Yeah.Yeah.A lot.Like a driving glove guy, you know what I mean?Like, look at that.
54:23Look at that beautiful eagle soar into the sky.Do you often...Look at that giant goose.Do you often accept travel-based race challenges from people?Oh, that's good.Yeah, like, oh, I can get to New York.Yeah.Been to Morocco.
54:39Period.In a sentence.And you brag about how you could get there in three days' time, if it need be, with no aerial plane.If I ever made a movie.No aerial plane.With no aerial plane, I could make it to Morocco in three days.days time. If I ever made a movie, I would make my main character wear a jacket with like a coolanimal in the back of it. Because that movie has had such an enduring legacy on All Hallows Eve. And I think
55:05it all kind of comes down to the fact that he wore a jacket with a cool animal. Hey, hey, can we talkabout the connection to that in Hail Mary where he wore a cardigan with like so foxes on it? And noweveryone's going to be wearing that. What's he? He wore a shirt that says I'm Knuff. And everybody'slike, I want to be Knuff. Right.Wow, hey, that's a good point.Is Gosling kind of driving the Halloween conversation?Is that like his fucking groove?Is that his deal?
55:33Yeah, I mean, the hard thing is you're not going to look like Gosling in them.You know what I mean?Like, that's that thing about the sweaters.You get a big sweater and it's just like he makes it look like a sexy grandpa.Yeah.And they just make it look like a regular grandpa.You know what I mean?Like, it's tough.
55:49Yeah.I'd be happy with a hear-me-out grandpa at this point.You know what I mean?Yeah.That's where I want to be.Put me on a cake.You guys remember when everyone dressed up like Lars and the Real Girls, Lars from Lars and the real girl?That guy has fucking got his finger on the pulse.
56:03It is rare to find a one-man couple's costume.Hey, everybody.Thank you so much for listening.There's a new season of Adventure Zone going right now.I think the second episode comes out this week.The first episode's up.Taz Providence.I'm running it.
56:18It's a six-episode mini-argue using a super.Normal by Ursadice.Griffin, Justin, and Dad playas a pretty minor gods in the pantheonexploring a small island village.It's very fun and silly andI don't know. I had a great time doing it.I like it. It's a fun way. You're going to enjoy it.
56:40I think it's very goofy. Thank you.There's also some new monster factory out. Juice and I playedParal Lives and we fucked it up so bad.Yeah, we almost broke it to a point where it stopsresembling a game.Yeah, we ruined it.We ruined it good.I enjoyed it.
56:56We got some merch over at the merch store,Macroemerch.com.Duber's Sweetleaf t-shirt designed by Bryn Doherty for fans of Taz Royale's special little guy.10% of all merch proceeds this month will also be donated to the Center for Reproductive Rights,which works to protect reproductive health, self-determination, and dignity as basic human rights.Hey, listen, I know that we mentioned it earlier, but I do want to say if you want to watchthis show in addition to listen to it or instead of I guess you can if you go to YouTube and uh join up therefor five bucks a month and become a member of our channel you'll get access to video episodes of this
57:32here show and early access to other video content like monster factory technically competent etceterra the goal is to have video episodes out two days after the audio version is released so usuallyWednesdays we'll do our best you know figuring it out and thanks for supporting us there in that wayI mean, someone's got to do it, you know what I mean?They don't produce themselves.That's so true, Travis.So true.Thank you.
58:01And thanks for listening.Who wants to throw something?Got gold Zelda cartridge for the NES.Oh.It's a good one, right?Look at the shine on that bad boy.Really nice.That's incredible.
58:10Look at the patina on this nest cartridge.Is that an original girlfriend?Yeah, it's an original.It's pretty dirty.Okay, throw it.Throw it.Throw it.Shatter it.
58:20I don't want to shatter it.Shatter that piece of gaming history.Okay, here we go.Three, two, one.You almost, oh man, you almost.You almost drilled yourself in the back of the head.Yeah, you banked it around yourself.That was incredible.
58:33It was a wild.Yeah, I did a wanted.I did a bullet.Visually one of the more entertaining ones, I will say.Cool.Well, my name's Justin McRoy.I'm Travis McRoy.I'm Griffin McElroy.
58:43This has been my brother, my brother.Kiss your dad's square on the lips.Maximum Fun.A Worker Own Network of Artist-owned shows.supported directly by you.
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