My Therapist Ghosted Me - April Fools, Big Mouth & John Snow

Episode Date: April 7, 2023

Joanne is feeling very out of the loop in her Australian timezone nightmare, but has plenty to say about 19th century London, whilst Vogue reviews her April Fools trick and is knocked hard by a new Guinness World Record.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. her Joanne McNally Joanne McNally did you like that Joanne McNally I actually did I wouldn't mind some clapping or whatever but Joanne's just hang on wait obviously not getting it

Joanne McNally I feel like because I'm always like slagging Spen off I have to I have to show his good points he's just walked in with an orange

juice coffee and look at this Joanne it's right up your street oh yeah slagging spen off I have to I have to show his good points he's just walked in with an orange juice coffee and look at this Joanne it's right up your street oh yeah a porridge pot with everything in it there's a place here called

I'm in porch no I'm sorry no I'm sorry now that's not funny I actually I can't bear it the weather's lovely here in porch

be a human adult and fucking finish your words please I actually thought of that like during the week I was like how can I wind her up the weather's lovely here be a human adult and fucking finish your words please I actually thought of that like during the week I was like how can I wind her up and I was like

porch I just thought porch I don't know why it even annoys me now porch annoys me yeah so I knew it would get you I don't know what am I

I don't know in a past life was I did I grow up in an abbreviated world or something I don't know why it winds me up so much it drives me

absolutely off the wall anyway he's brought me these delicious treats I think it's because it's like it like it's too cute

or something do you know what I mean it's like too trying too contrived cuteness that's what it is

I think so anyway you're in Portugal I'm in Portugal yeah and so I got Spenny Spenny brought me these nice treats

and I thought that was very nice. There's a cafe here called La Hanna and the girls are very nice in there. So I'm giving them a shout out. They're Irish as well. Oh, grand. Yeah, so that makes sense. So anyway, Portugal has been very nice.

We arrived the other day. I'm filming workouts with John Belton. So a bit of a working haul I feel like I haven't spoken to you in so long I feel so out of the loop in Australia

like I'm just upside down and inside out and I don't have a clue I wake up and everyone's lived their life like I I know

I'm so out of the loop that's why I I found it quite hard living there because like I'd be ringing people when it was their night time and like it just doesn't like

it's just not you're not in the same wavelength yeah it's so hard oh Vogue by the way I did

Charlie Pickering on ABC the other night and the floor manager called Emma was saying hello she said she's worked with you

on the Dancing Australia show oh yes and something else I can's worked with you on the Dancing Australia show. Oh, yes. And something else. I can't remember. Did you do the jungle? Did you do something to do with the Sandy jungle?

Oh, no. Oh, yes, I did do something there. No, I don't think I did. Well, she sends her love. I did Deal or No Deal in Australia. Tell Emma I said, hello, Emma. Deal or No Deal in Australia.

And I did Dancing with the Stars, which was absolutely shocking because I can't dance. Well, she was very fond of you and wanted me to say hello to you. That was because of my personality, certainly not because of my dancing. She did say that.

She did. She said I was a terrible dancer. She did. I wasn't going to say it, but she did add that in. She's like, it was the worst dancing did you show her you were dancing

and she actually she was like she was very she was very kind about you but it was obvious she knew

you couldn't dance and so then I did and she was like what about you Joanne so I did a quick Zumba and she was very impressed Joanne what I will say to you

one of the main things we have in common is the fact that we cannot dance and if you start saying you can dance don't you fucking dare throw me under the bus with your

excuse me with your you've got two not only left feet you've got two left kneecaps two left wrists and two left heads I am full of rhythm

everyone says about me like Joanne McNally average comic loads of rhythm yeah okay well I was the one who nearly got into one of Louis Walsh's

girl bands okay where were you where were you you weren't there is where you were sorry Vogue just because you

sucked off Louis Walsh doesn't mean you're a great dancer do you know what back in the day I probably would have to get into that band but for some strange reason

he wasn't into it I don't think he's into it I don't think it's his thing I might get another go soon I'm ready

I know and if I could choose a band to be in it'd be Destiny's Child or Bewitched Spice Girls

nah no you don't want to be in Destiny's Child I'm not being overshadowed by Beyonce and that's it you're just living

in Beyonce's shadow whereas the Spice Girls have carved out a little road for each of them they're all different you know you're it you're just living in Beyonce's shadow whereas the Spice Girls have carved out a little road for each of them they're all different you know you're saying

you're more talented than all the Spice Girls is what you're saying what I'm saying is I would be the lead singer in the Spice Girls yes I would had I been given

the chance to give Simon Cowell a blowjob okay well you're a mate so big you wouldn't even know what's happening to be honest

you'd just be like blowing on him you'd be like what the fuck I can fit a few in there at one time there's so big you wouldn't even know what's happening, to be honest. You'd just be like blowing on them. You'd be like, what the fuck is happening? I can fit a few in there at one time, I'm sure. There's a wind in there. There's a wind.

Yeah, you're like, Louis Simon, let's go! I don't know. Speaking of which, Vogue, I hate to piss on your giant mouth parade, but a bit of news. Okay.

There was an award, a Guinness Book of Records award during the week, last week. No, I mean, it came up on my feed. God knows, who knows when it was like,

the woman with the biggest mouth in the world, excuse me, has won an award and I'm sorry, Vooj, it's not you. Okay, well, I will tell you one thing, right?

I didn't enter the competition because I didn't know it was happening and that bitch does not have a bigger mouth than me. There's no way she's taking that away does not have a bigger mouth than me there's no way she's taking that away from me a big mouth

is my thing look at it I did wonder hold on till I find her now go on put her picture beside mine the world's

largest mouth oh god show me her then Samantha Ramsdell I thought you just dyed your hair black I was like what the fuck

is that all good to him I swear to God I actually tried to have the mic in front of my mouth on this because you can see like my tonsils

and stuff so I'm just like oh Joanne and also can I actually you don't have a big mouth I'm not going to go

there with you you don't have a big mouth I don't have a big mouth it's a bit radio breakfast but I would like to Jo this is kind of your like maybe your job

or whatever but that we could find out the size of my mouth. Yeah. She just slammed seven tacos in

at the same time and I'm not going to be bad about it but I don't think you could do that. I don't think I could do that. I did do the marshmallow

challenge and I will tell you one thing there was a lot of marshmallows in that mouth over Thursday. Marsh what? Marshmallows. Marshmallows?

What do you call them? Oh, sorry, Joanne. You're so, you're so not posh yourself. Colline. It's nothing to do with posh. Marshmallows. It's marshmallows.

Oh my God. Do you know what? This is the beauty of the world. Everyone says things differently. Joanne McNally. That's not the beauty of the world. That's differently Joanne McNally that's not the beauty of the world that's a marshmallow it is

mallow just seems a bit like marshmallows what do you say Jo? marshmallows oh for fuck's sake thank you Jo thank you my friend you owe me after last week

being a cow I can't remember what you were a cow about who me or him? him Jo was mean about something I don't remember what you were a cow about. Who? Me or him? Him. Joe was mean about something. I don't remember what it was, but you know when you know. You can feel. Oh, you were mean about my hair.

Quick catch up, first of all. Just a quick one I'm throwing in there. Gwynny won her case. Team Gwyneth Paltrow. I am so happy she took that case on because actually she stood. you said last week you're like oh she could have just

paid the 300 grand she was actually right and she knew she was right he wanted 3 million to begin with what an absolute robber

did you see the me like I fucking the internet is just so funny like for all it's for all it's toxic bullshit

it is it's just so funny did you see all the memes going around of her leaning into your man's ear saying so basically she leaned into his ear

you've been gooped she was like she was like I wish you well which is classic Gwyneth and she doesn't wish him well she's lying she doesn't wish him well

she doesn't wish him well she doesn't wish it's so passive aggressive it is like it's like she it's so fucking thumbs up it's like I wish doesn't wish him well Yeah She doesn't wish It's so passive aggressive It is like It's like she It's so fucking thumbs up It's like I wish you

I wish you well What would you have said I would have walked by And just been like Gina fuck you Fuck you Fuck you I don't

I honestly don't know What I would have said I don't know I don't know Would I have said anything Because I was surprised She was allowed that close to him I would have assumed

Well it wasn't like a merger case it looked like it was with those fucking glasses anyway she humiliated him it's that real like I wish you well

it's like when someone trolls you online and you reply saying like I hope you find happiness it's really passive you don't hope they find happiness you hope they get

run over by a truck I hope what you're going through I hope it gets sorted for you yeah I hope you find peace you don't I want you dead the trolling thing

right so I did Michael McIntyre's The Wheel great crack okay and genuinely was a really fun

show to do but the more what was your topic oh this is what was so embarrassing so it's filmed so ahead of the time that it airs that I had completely forgotten my topic.

So when they asked me what my topic was going to be, so I did it a year ago and they're like, what's your specialist topic? And I said, oh, cholera. And they said, no. Cholera? Yeah, I was like, I wanted to do, you know the way I love cholera? they said now cholera yeah I was like I wanted to do you know the way I love cholera sorry the disease yeah it's like folks sometimes it's like you know nothing about but

you know I love cholera sorry you love cholera what do you know about cholera remember I did that course that online course about cholera no you didn't do a course about cholera I don't know if she's being serious or not I am I did the course about I did an online course about yes Harvard has these online courses you can do it takes like a week

and I did one about cholera it was that or write my Edinburgh show and I was like fuck this so I did an online course on cholera and really enjoyed it so

all about the pump in London where it started and all it's fascinating really really cool and the first kind of cholera

outbreak when they found out how it was transmitted and they didn't understand they thought it was like in the air or coming out of the Thames and it turned out

it was from a dirty nappy in the water in the UK like one certain breakout stop it yes Jon Snow so Jon Snow

was the man who frigging it all out he kind of he kind of created epidemiology so there's a John Snow pub in Soho, which is where

this cholera epidemic, one of the main ones started is how they figured out what it was or how it was transmitted. The newsreader. What's he talking about? I can't tell if you're being funny.

I'm not even trying to be funny. Who the hell is John Snow? No, Jon Snow. The cholera outbreak was in like 1864. I'm pretty sure he's dead now. I didn't know what that,

I don't know when the cholera outbreak was. Remember when Terry Wogan cured cancer, Vogue? Remember? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what cholera

even is though is it like dysentery the same kind of thing yeah okay okay similar enough it's from infected water but at the time

there was these cholera outbreaks and they didn't know what was causing it and they were thinking it was the miasma like I said because London at the time was so filthy

like can you imagine they'd know well they used to throw buckets of shite they used to throw buckets of shite on the they used to throw buckets of their exactly

on the streets exactly so there's a water pump in London in Soho outside the John Snow pub now it's it's actually decoration

it's not the original pump I've done a very deep dive on this which there was an outbreak in Soho I'm pretty sure

it was 1864 can you fact check that for me please Jo on it can you just do something Jo so well I I'm pretty sure it was 1864 can you fact check that for me please Jo on it can you just do something Jo so well I

you know why you're here I'm actually we're kind of fascinated that you actually did an online course in Colorado and like okay loved it anyway really interesting

and then and then there was this breakout and it's so I find it very interesting anyway so there was this outbreak of cholera in Soho I think it was 1864

and then they were trying to figure out they're like we need to figure out what this is. So John Snow. Wait, how many people did it kill? Oh, I don't know. A lot. So John Snow went in and he did this study of like, okay, I need to document who was infected and what they have in common and figure out how they were infected.

Because they thought it was in the air and they thought it was coming from the Thames and they couldn't understand it. So he did this research and he realized no one who worked in the brewery was infected because was coming from the Thames and they couldn't understand it so he did this research and he realised no one who worked in the brewery was infected because they were just surviving on pints

they didn't drink the water and then they realised that everyone who so back in the day you just go to your local pump and you pump water out of it

and bring it back to your house 10,000 people died in London 10,000 1854 is it 1864 Jo? 18000. 1854. Is it 1864, Jo? 1854. Sorry, 1854. So,

and then they were like, but there was this random woman miles away who was killed from cholera and they couldn't figure out how she drunk

from that pump and then apparently she just really loved it so she used to send her housekeeper. She loved the taste of that water because it basically tasted like shit. Then it turned out there was a baby living in the top floor of the house with its parents and it was

infected with something and they threw its dirty nappy into the gutter and then the nappy infected all the water system from that pump and everyone was drinking it and they all got cholera and died oh my god that baby killed a serial killer baby killed 10 000 people in london and i did that course rather than write one single joke because that's how I felt at the time fair enough oh my god

I might do some no I don't have time actually I'm not done it was so honestly it was that Harvard online they're really like they're so simple

there's no real jeopardy to them you just do like there's no exams or anything like that you just watch a couple of videos and stuff and really interesting like anyway I call her a couple of videos and stuff and really interesting

like anyway I actually find cholera very interesting to be honest with you but we'll do a whole will we do a whole pod on cholera

I think we should oh yeah I think people would really appreciate that my cousin's husband is here and he's carrying Gigi around and she's allowing it

she's hugging him she's got her arm around him so anyway when I did the wheel they were like what's your specialist topic? And I said, the cholera outbreak in London in 1854. I thought it was 64, 54.

And they're like, no, that's not really the buzz. It's more just like a bit of crack. So then I was like, okay. And then I don't know who came up with this, whether it was me or the researcher, but we settled on Hugh Grant who I know nothing about so my specialist topic was Hugh Grant sorry are you trying to

are you trying to throw in you went this whole roundabout way of telling us about Hugh Grant because you seem stupid because you said Hugh Grant and cholera you had to throw in Harvard too it's like when I did Mastermind and I had Kim Kardashian as my subject telling us about Hugh Grant because you seem stupid because you said Hugh Grant and cholera. You had to throw in Harvard too. It's like when I did

Mastermind and I had Kim Kardashian as my subject. I was like, yeah, but that wasn't my first choice. My first choice was all about hip hop and rock. You asked me. You asked me what my

specialist topic was and I was trying to explain how we got to Hugh Grant. And it was Hugh Grant. It had nothing to do with cholera and your degree in cholera in 1854. I was like guys

I'll do astrology I went to Princeton last year if you don't mind but yeah that's how we got there and so I ended up doing this talk that I knew nothing about no

your mom was like oh that'll be fun you know and I was like oh yeah Grant because he was like it was obviously it came from me

I'd say he was like is there an actor you like is there something a bit more light hearted we could do and I was like oh I actually like a bit of Hugh Grant Because he was like Is there It was obviously It came from me I'd say he was like Is there an actor you like Is there something a bit more Light hearted we could do And I was like Oh I actually like a bit of Hugh Grant And he's like Why don't we do him

And because it's so random With the wheel It's not a case of It's not like Celebrity Mastermind Where they fire loads of questions At you The chances of you being asked A question about your specialist topic

Are actually quite low Okay Oh god Did it happen I could ask a Wikipedia You could read You could ask a Wikipedia you could read you could read the Wikipedia page and be fully informed

on Hugh Grant what they would ask on the wheel do you know what I mean but to be honest by the time the report came out I hadn't a clue what I'd said

I hadn't a clue what my topic was hadn't a clue about anything and what did you get trolled where's the story going oh sorry yeah that's that's how it started

so anyway did the wheel yeah and nothing happened my career like I'm

you know still sitting here doing this it didn't set your career on fire didn't set my career on fire I'm still staring at you two dirt birds yeah

rather than Graham Norton Who I should be looking at Anyway the only tweet I had about the whole thing Was some lad being like fuck me you're boring And so No sorry I stand corrected He said fuck me you're annoying That was it I'd rather be annoying

Than boring Oh everyone says You're annoying Who gives a shit So I tweeted him back Sometimes they Sometimes they just Get you on a bad day

And I said No no fuck you That's the problem And then And I felt great And of course then I sobered up And was like

Uh oh Take it down I sometimes like And I felt great. And of course then, I sobered up and was like, uh-oh. Take it down. I sometimes like, if someone mails me, like, it depends. If someone mails me something really shitty, like, and it's,

and I look through all the previous mails. If there's five or more abuses, I'll usually like, I used to do, I used to post their page and then they end up shutting down their page after like two hours. But you know what? If you're big enough to be throwing shade at people that you don't know on the internet, tough luck if they post your messages, you weirdo. I think the key is to never, ever, ever, ever engage or respond because then they're just shouting into the darkness.

However, sometimes it will catch you on a day where it feels unjust or cruel or mean. And also like we're not drinking violet. So it's like we'll stand up for ourselves. But ultimately, what? You just reminded me of something that was sent into mine and Sven's pod group, right? We did this video of how Sven was like a really sloppy kisser because he started getting really sloppy thinking it was sexy and it wasn't sexy. It was just sloppy.

Oh, no. And someone commented and they go, literally nothing is private anymore. Next, we'll know which one of Vogue's flaps hang lower. They're very symmetrical. I'm more. They're very symmetrical. Even Stephen.

They're like Rain Man. Like they are literally you can't tell one from the other what's the rain man what's the rain man catchphrase Joe

I'll find out when all his cards drop on the floor and he starts freaking out yeah what is it you're like Matt Damon in

Joe finish my sentences please Jesus come on Joe never crashed no I just typed in what you asked I'm terrible Damon in. Jo, finish my sentences, please. Jesus, come on, Jo. Never crashed? No. I just typed in what you asked. I'm terrible.

I don't really watch movies anymore. You're like Matt Damon when he tried to solve that big equation on the wall. I'm sorry. Did you see last week? We finally did your Bare by Vogue joke. Oh my God,

I meant to ask you. The April Fools. Now, they went up a day early because we've spoken about it so much on this pod. We were like, people are never going to believe it.

So we'll go up a day early. Well, my tanning brand, Bare by V vote, ghosted 20 for 20% off. Oh for God's sake. Joanne had basically harassed us. How can you swipe up this early

in the morning? You're a fucking machine. I've already filmed three workouts with John. It's five past eleven. I've been up since six. You have not, have you? I swear to God, I've been up since six filming workouts, yeah. It's, sorry, it's five past 11. I've been up since six. You have not, have you? I swear to God, I've been up since six filming workouts, yeah. It's, sorry, it's

20 past, sorry, it's five past eight in Australia and I just woke up. What? Sorry, 8pm. You see, we're very different people, Joanne, you and I.

I had a lunch and now I've got to do a shower so I needed a nap. Anyway, go on. By the way, your ability to nap is so incredible I would just like to commend you on that

thank you yeah I'm actually quite proud of it you have no idea how lucky you are I look at her sleeping I'm like how is that happening anyway

you could shoot me out of a cannon and I would just be not like I would be unconscious if I knew if I now have a shower lighter like not a bother oh no

because I'd start thinking of a million things anyway so so Joanne had harassed Bareby Vogue to do

April Fool's now it must be for two years now and it was about releasing a baby fake tan and they went the whole hog

and actually the team did a really good job and we had all the pictures they did I saw it they did a really good job to the point to the point where like my family group were like The whole hogging it. Actually, the team did a really good job and we had all the pictures. They did. I saw it. They did a really good job. To the point where like my family group were like,

that's a bit like it's not really right. And I was like, you know what? Fuck you guys. I'm not telling you about it. They weren't a problem. It was the messages. Like Louisa, my manager, was getting harassed by people about how disgraceful I was.

Here's a little snippet of what I was receiving. Oh, please. So disappointed to see this. What child cares about a glow? Mine do. And if they do, then that's very sad.

I usually enjoy your posts, but I'm considering unfollowing you after this a step too far. Considering? If that was real, like you should unfollow. How are you considering it?

She's trying to tan babies it's sick some people got it yay for baby bear joanna asked you delivered look at oh my god i've bought bear lotions love it but this is too far i'm sorry kids have to be kids crazy can't believe you came up with this. But do you know what though? I guess like the point was to, I guess, cause when I saw that, I was like, oh my God, that's so funny. She's actually done it. And then I was like, the point is to kind of piss people off, I guess. Like you want to get people into a tizzy. You want to wind them up. And then you're like, haha. Yeah, I guess that is the point to wind them up. I'm finding this so weird. Love your stuff, but why would you fake tan a baby? I'm actually shook.

So my agent, Christina, is in Australia with me at the moment. And Christina's friend, I can't remember, she didn't tell me her name, is a big fan of yours, Vogue. And while I was

in Christina's company, her friend texted her and she was like, I'm sorry, I'm a huge fan of Vogue. Can you ask Joanne, what's the story of this it feels it's just too far for me it's just too much and I was like

I guess because you released it a day early which you need to it's too obvious to have a feels day but even when Brother Alexander was like Vogue are you actually doing that that's so bad and I was like yeah look at my kids they're so pale. It's gross. Did you,

did you Photoshop the kids to look tanned? No, no, they were on there. That's when they were on holidays last year. So they do get brown.

It's just for the winter months. What am I going to do with them when they have their communion? You know, that's in May. They won't have been on holidays. Communion, bare by Vogue tan.

Can you imagine? that's what you need. I put them on the beds strap strap them into the beds Joanne where's your baby having a sun angel it's in the bed so put it in the bed

we put it in there yesterday about late afternoon gonna collect it on Friday it's gonna look amazing it did it did work out extremely well but there was a point

during the day it was a Friday that I was like will I take it down like my because Louisa my manager was just getting loads

of calls off people and people that I used to work with oh my god brands two brands rang and were like this isn't funny if she's really doing this

like we need to reconsider our contract and all this stuff I'm like guys seriously. So when I watch I was kind of watching that thing play out

and I was like I guess some brands can get away with shit and other brands can't yeah I think Bare By Vogue can get away

with a little joke about your kids because like your kids are part of your life and we see your kids and it's all it's so it's so

you know it's it's your kids and the thing about it is we've been talking about it for so long in the pods that like

whoever listens to the pods kind of kind of knows the score. But some brands do shit and people are like, not happening. Some couple, I don't know who they are. I kind of saw, like I was scanning through the internet. They announced that they, real obvious one, they said they were pregnant for April Fool's. You see, I don't find that funny.

It's not funny. That's not funny.'s like yeah but like do you know what I mean like some people like struggle yeah I know and to get pregnant some people struggle to get pregnant and to have to to watch people just joking about it it just isn't funny oh I never thought of it like that yeah so people get a really lazy joke which I love like people get triggered by that because like

when they people who have that struggle like see people getting pregnant all the time and it's like it's a bit triggering

for them and then to have someone do it as a joke just isn't funny Heidi Klum did it and it's like how do you not

know better but then nothing is ever funny like if you if you look at it like that then nothing is ever funny

like maybe some kids will get tanned and then your joke isn't funny do you know what I mean well they do that's why I'm really considering actually bringing out

the bare by folk because I'm in porch and some of the kids are just really pale down here if you don't finish your words I'm cutting off your mic

thank you I'm going to America Alone thank god You're not going America You'd love if I was going I actually would I do miss you you know I miss you too

I really do miss you I do miss Vogue Yeah I really do miss Vogue Anyway 12th 13th of May 12th of May Boston 13th of May Chicago missy you know I miss you too I really do miss you I do miss Vogue yeah I really do miss Vogue anyway 12th 13th of May 12th of May Boston 13th of May Chicago if you're around

or whatever I don't know I fell for an April Fools did you? that's unusual yeah so I'm a fan of Gemma Collins I just love her attitude

and sometimes I spend a lot of time On my own And I can Sometimes I just go A bit too deep Into my own thoughts That I can get a bit

Stressed out And I find A really nice way To relax Is to watch Gemma Collins Clips on YouTube I'm trying to

Wean myself off The Xanax Yeah So I'm like How else can I relax Okay So I'll Yeah Have a bath And watch Gemma Collins And I just really like her Sass yeah so I'm like how else can I relax so I'll yeah

have a bath and watch Gemma Collins and I just really like her sass yeah so then she's just I do believe

I think the word iconic is thrown around too much and it doesn't mean anything but she is that she is she just is

and anyway then I was as I said in Australia upside down inside out

no concept of time down here like it's like living on Mars I feel so disconnected from my previous life yeah that's fair enough actually I really really do like I really do and anyway

popped up on my phone that Gemma Collins is going into Celebrity Big Brother oh yeah I saw that and I was to say I was thrilled

like she is just such amazing entertainment like she is just so fucking good and so I reposted it and I was like

oh my god oh my god and then everyone was like it's April Fools oh no do you want I fell for it hook line and sinker I'll tell you what I've started to because I'm numerically hook line And sinker I'll tell you what

I've started doing Because I'm numerically Dyslexic in Australia I don't know what the fuck Is going on Do you know what I think it might be Irish people

Because I guarantee you Like I'll do Spenny and I Have been doing pranks On my mom And like And my sister And like

You can say absolutely Anything to either of them And they'll all I think it's something For me to say I'll ring my mom right now and she'll believe it. I only pranked her yesterday. I could tell her.

I'll ring her and tell her that my car got stolen in London. And she'd be like, oh, she'll believe anything. That's not pranking. That's just lying to your mom. We've done that all our lives. Amber. I can see Amber. Someone broke in and stole the vodka Out of your wardrobe

That duty free vodka's gone Like that's not a prank That's just That's just surviving With your parents I miss But I miss everyone Not you Jo

But I miss everyone else I miss Like It's far away It's so far Every time I ring you You're doing something You're like

You're like at lunch Or something You don't You don't carve enough time Out in your day For your friends Amber texted me The other day

Because I I bought this jacket In Zara It's kind of It's got shoulder pads And Amber texted me Going oh where's Where'd you get that jacket

Or whatever And I was like Amber hi How are you And she was like Grant Like what Why are you asking me Like you don't ask me Any questions usually And I was like Amber hi how are you and she was like Grant like what why are you asking me

like you don't ask me any questions usually and I was like oh I can't wait to hang out when I'm back in London you can see her kind of like panicking she's like what

yeah sure okay I don't get it I'll put you on to Vogue and I was like no no no I just can't wait to see you we'll hang out yeah and like these kind of

like crying emojis and she's like yeah okay I don't really know your second name but sure we'll hang out. Spenny was trying to say that like, and I was in the car,

I was talking on the phone to Joanne and Spenny like, you know when someone's sitting there like trying to grab the phone, trying to grab the phone and I'm like,

Spenny, I'm talking to her, like relax, when I'm finished I'll give you the phone and he starts speeding off. He said yes, is what he said. He was like,

oh, Joanne and I are just really good friends, we're going to go for lunch. I'm like, that's not what happened. That's not how the phone call went he basically backed her into a corner and told her she has to go for lunch with you because you have no girlfriends and i was like what about amber she's a girl and she's your friend so it was so cute so basically me and

spencer have a lovely a lovely relationship he's like a lovely sexual relationship a lovely sexual relationship it's just a it's just a it's a light wank once every couple of weeks it's nothing heavy it's a one hand you never go to he never wants two hands it's like it's so easy it's a two finger jobby it keeps us connected just keeps us connected little finger up the bum we're just friends it's like it's just a friendship thing it's friends that's all it is

it's innocent Jo what are you talking about we do that to all our friends for God's sake yeah we just don't see you in person but if we did

get ready okay but anyway so I was on the phone to Vogue the other day and she was in the car on her way to fucking Saturn or phone to vote the other day and um she was in the car on her way to fucking saturn or wherever she goes on her holidays god knows she was in her rocket on her way to st barth's in her in her three-man rocket yeah with richard branson on her

way i'd like to go to his island actually of course you fucking would richard branson if you're listening i don't want to go on your cruise they're not for me but I will go to Necker Island anyway Spencer grabbed the phone he's like we should

so basically we're trying to take our friendship to the next level because me and Spencer we hang out in the house on our own if Vogue wasn't there

but we're we're talking about taking our friendship into the outside world so it was just a conversation and he's no quack he's no quack he's always on his phone

at the moment like even yesterday we were at dinner he couldn't do that he couldn't invite me for lunch and then sit on his phone I was like Spencer

we'll do a drive by I don't know if we could do an hour so we could do maybe half an hour outside the house potentially max a quick half an hour in the coffee shop across the road

because I'm telling you he invites people over and he spends the whole time on the phone and then I'm trying to sit there doing emails and I have to then like entertain his guests that he's invited. And I'm just, he's constantly, real phone addiction. He's socially lazy, I would say.

I think is the best way to explain Spencer. He is socially lazy. So like me and Vogue would have, you would feel obligation when someone's in your company to obviously chat to them and you would enjoy it where Spencer doesn't feel that obligation he doesn't feel that thing he'll just stare at his phone

so that's why he's like oh we should take our friendship outside and I'm like well if you just stare at your phone in the fucking coffee shop across the road

like what am I anyway if you ever wanted to be best friends with Spencer me and Spencer are thinking about going outside together

is ultimately what's happening well if you want to if you want if anyone even outside together is ultimately what's happening well if you want to if you want if anyone even this applies to anybody in the whole world if you want to become really good friends with Spencer

right all you need to do is go up begin with begin with a compliment and then constantly talk about him and you're in

best friends there is a bang a narcissism wolf I'm like how he hasn't drowned in his own reflection yet is quite shocking the next

it's like the next it's going to be a heavy rain in London one day and he's gone like once he sees himself in a puddle good luck

do you ever walk by a really clean window Svenny will be still 20 feet behind just looking at himself yeah something else that happened this week

Rupert Murdoch right we went through his last divorce Rupert Murdoch right we went through his last divorce Rupert Murdoch yeah he is getting married

is he dead no he's still alive he's alive and kicking and getting married again good for him come on

do you know what there's one thing right like great but like he's 92 do you have to get married again But like, he's 92.

Do you have to get married again? Why? Vogue, he's got... What, Jo? What? Jo's holding his finger up. What's going on, Jo? Where are you putting that thing? That engagement has actually already been called off.

It's over. Oh! Is that not why we're talking about it? I thought that was... No, I haven't seen the updated news. Sorry, Vogue. I'm in Australia, so I... I'm in the future

so I knew that that was ever sorry I didn't realise you were parting from 1978 but I'm actually in 2023

and that engagement is ever why is the engagement over because he's couldn't give a fuck he's got Viagra and a billion dollars like

well that Joe can we hold that bit off while I talk about the oldest people who've gotten married yeah we God Rupert Murdoch just ruined everything so the oldest bride in the whole world was 102 and the oldest groom was 103 but did you know you know the way when you're like when you're pregnant if you're in your thirties you're considered geriatric pregnancy

the government only class you as old when you're 60 so you're not old until you're pregnant if you're in your thirties you're considered geriatric pregnancy the government only class you as old when you're 60 so you're not old until you're 60 have you seen all that french stuff with the um protest because he's trying to macron is trying to raise the age it's so interesting the french you gotta fucking respect them like do you know the way our leaders t-shock and president i'm quite agreeable so they'll tell me stuff and i'll just be like okay you gotta fucking respect them like do you know the way our leaders Taoiseach and President I'm quite agreeable so they'll tell me stuff and I'll just be like okay

that's how it is now that's how it is it's like rules I love a reel like I I live my life by reels I really do I

I adore it I won't break a reel like I wouldn't smoke indoors if I can't not that I smoke obviously I wouldn't oh she's still on the major

is she shut up shut up fuck Joanne stop smoking on the pod so I am when I say

hooked like I'm I've been shooting up Married at First Sight I'm not I'm not even starting it I'm not doing it for weeks

I'm literally shooting it up like I I plug my laptop into my veins and I lie back and absorb it for hours

and hours and hours it's so good as well though that's the one I'm watching I think yeah no the English one is actually

very good the last series I couldn't stop watching either but I'm not watching it but I want to tell you right well what would be the oldest you'd ever get married I mean I love getting married and like I think even in the

90s is too much even for me that's why I'm so fascinated about my obsession with married at first sight I don't even think I believe in marriage but I'm absolutely obsessed to watching other people do it but I don't know Barbara Streisand got married when she was 56 your friend Hugh Grant got married when he was 58 Dick Van Dyke he was 86 yeah but he was hot did you see him he was a bit of a

he was a was he a hot 86 year old in great shape is he dead I think he's dead now dead or alive dead or alive dead or alive

I think he's dead is he dead you can hear Joe tapping away like a wild thing is he dead Joe I think he passed I think he's passed

is he oh my god he's 97 so actually hopefully I'm the next one in hindsight getting married at 86

wasn't a bad thing because he's 97 he's like that's going to be longer than any of my marriages dad are alive dad are alive

dad are alive oh fuck me. I didn't know where he was coming from. Jesus. Hey, Bessie. He's behind you usually. No, you're not Bessie. See, that's not the thing.

I read this thing online and it's supposedly things that you're too old to do when you get to your 30s. So sometimes I find myself like putting on a certain outfit

and I'm like, oh God, am I not allowed to wear that anymore? And I don't think you should be like that. I think you should wear whatever you want

until whatever age that you want to wear it. But certain things, right? When you're in your 30s, Joanne, this one's for you. You're not supposed to argue with people online is that what they

I love that slag I'm really upset you took it down it was oh your man I know I know it was being a key bag

another thing I will put up with this not getting enough sleep when you're 30 isn't right. That's on the list. I didn't put that in. It's on the list. I was speaking to somebody

who used to work on a breakfast radio. Not on a breakfast radio, on a breakfast show. Jennifer Zamperali. And they were up at three in the morning. Chris Evans.

She was like, I'm genuinely worried about the risk of Alzheimer's so if you don't get enough sleep there's a risk of that supposedly like you know

high tech people who only get like Elon Musk four hours or something a night he like that's not good for a human this is something

that me and Vogue genuinely disagree on and we don't disagree on much and I don't know how you feel about this now, but I'm a big believer in downtime. I really am.

I like downtime, yeah. I'm not even taking, I love, I think it's really important to, excuse me, Jo? No, because Vogue looks at you like you're lazy and I'm like, no, Vogue.

It's important for recharging. I think there's this culture where, Are you two ganging up on me again? It's like, it's this culture where everyone's wanking off to work in 24 hours a day. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You need to recharge. Excuse me.

You need to take time. You need to chill. Joanne and Jo. Joanne and Jo. I'm the one here in porch and I'm spending the rest of the day. I am going from 12 o'clock. I'm free as a bird.

I don't have a tap of work I'm gonna do you know I'm gonna have an afternoon drink and do you know what I did yesterday I had an afternoon drink and then I had an evening drink didn't I

down I've learned this off you like I love working no I love working but I also and I have learned this off you you don't find your down time I enjoy my down time

I'm having down time this afternoon Jo if you laugh at me your downtime I enjoy my downtime I'm having downtime this afternoon Jo if you laugh at me once more I'm going to arrive at your front door before you know it everyone's very upset so I'm in Melbourne

and can I just say the food in Australia is amazing but Melbourne it is particularly

good like I'm almost a foodie now I have eaten out twice a day for a week

I am loving it and like you go into restaurants there's two restaurants in Melbourne that I love one's called Chin Chin

and one is called Lucy Lou they're both like Asian kind of well Asian restaurants really Asian food's my favourite food so good

my favourite food I good my favourite food I went and I was in Lucy Lou's the other day and you're warned the waitress came over and she was telling us the specials and I swear to God

I was like when's the interval she went on that long I was like she went on and on and on it was like a one woman show I was like

how are you remembering this stuff she was like I know we're trained in the morning it was amazing the food is amazing and I'm not a foodie Melbourne's great crack but it was amazing the food is amazing and I'm not a foodie Melbourne's great crack

but it's amazing I can't get over the standard of food how are your shows going out there tell us how your shows are going out there Grant

welcome to the goodbye of my therapist ghosted me welcome to the goodbye of my therapist ghosted me with me Duran McNally and her Vogue Williams Bye.