Glastonbury Prep, 'Everything' & Up At 5am
00:00 This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Hello. Hello. Do you want to tell me about your week in your week it says Vogue signed her book
00:28 well I have a lovely video so we were in the Lowry in Salford gorgeous room yeah it was a great room
00:38 really good room and we two well we thought great shows I mean we were brilliant I'm sure there's I'm sure there's some people would disagree. But we had a ball.
00:49 And we really enjoyed it. And the last time I'd been up in Salford, I was doing Prosecco. And I did two shows in a day. I did a matinee in an evening. And I'd found the evening show kind of tough, which I'd said in the pod. So I think I'd upset some people in Salford. I wasn't saying they were a shit audience. I just didn't.
01:04 It was just a tough show because I'd done a show in Salford if I wasn't saying they were a shit audience. I just didn't, it was just a tough show because I'd done a show literally an hour before the second show. Anyway, a lad texted me, obviously looking for Vogue because that's what they all do. It's spank paddles all over again.
01:16 And he was like, I've got Vogue's book with me. The book that helped, has helped on my healing journey, has helped me heal. The book called Everything by Vogue Williams and would she consider signing it it and i wrote back without even asking vogue i said she will absolutely sign it mark drop it into the stage door so then we met him and he was so lovely
01:34 and vogue was like i don't know if you're trolling me because he was like you're the only woman you taught me how to do an up what was it a ponytail what do you say an up style uh yeah a high ponytail i'm like well you don't when you have the hair for a ponytail so I'm not sure that's true he wasn't trolling he was genuinely
01:50 he's a huge fan of the book and we signed it and we had a great time with him a huge fan of the book that book was like do you remember everyone was kind of doing those books
02:00 about like your life live life love yeah a day in the life yeah yeah yeah but I mean it's a good it's a good synopsis because the book
02:08 literally covered absolutely everything one minute it was like how to do a French plot and then it was like my position on Russia it was everything folk and it was
02:17 it was all encompassing I think I recently got asked to do another book similar to that and I was like I just I've I'm sorry but I've covered everything.
02:28 I've nothing left. Yeah, you're like, here's the political page. Putin. She's like, boo. Next. Putin, yuck. Biden, what? So there's this fitness influencer that I follow.
02:43 She's really nice. Alice Living and she posted something about a troll being like they sent her a message and it was just like you're fat y-o-u-r um anyway her name was Lynn the troll's called Lynn and had mailed Alice Living and then Alice wrote back oh wow thanks happy Monday to you too. And she goes, you're welcome. And it's just like, and then I reposted the thing being like, this is like bullshit. People shouldn't be saying this to people.
03:14 I just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then people thought I was saying that Alice had called me first. So then after Alice had already been trolled. Oh, no! She was then getting Trolled off my followers And I was like Oh no They were trying to
03:29 Stick up for me Being like Don't call Vogue fat And it's like She hadn't called me fat Oh no I know So I was trying to do
03:37 A good thing And it completely backfired It's such And it's But you know what Firstly poor Alice And fuck Lynn But also Like it's such a lazy troll Like it's so lazy I know but you know what firstly poor Alice and fuck Lynn but also
03:45 like it's such a lazy trowel like it's so lazy I know come up with something better I have really do you know what I know you and I
03:53 spoke about this before and you were like block and I'm like no I don't even want to give them the knowledge of knowing I've blocked them I've turned a corner on that anyone who says
04:01 anything that like bothers me even slightly I'm like fuck you yeah I'm the same because I yeah because I have such a nice group of people on Instagram I think when you get rid of the little arseholes who make the most noise it just becomes nice again so I'm like I'm sorry Lynn you're blocked yeah I'm so glad you didn't call them your community because it makes me want to gag. My humans. My big ick is,
04:30 I've got such a lovely community on here. It's like, it's not your fucking community. You're not the mayor of Instagram. Do you know what I mean? They're just people who follow you. They're not yours. This little community I've built. Yeah.
04:41 Do you know what it is? I remember this presenter that I've worked with a couple of times. He's really sound. And he was that he when he was filming a show they kept he kept calling them my crew so like the the camera guy the sound guy all that jazz he's like my crew and the camera guy came up to him and was like I'm not York I'm not your crew yeah he's like I'm a cameraman like stop. So I've always been aware of calling people my. Yeah, you can't do that. Myself, my audience.
05:10 That's a different, it feels a bit different, obviously, because it's me saying it. You can say whatever you want. I'm not going to call you out on that. You say whatever you want. Do you want hypocrite McNally? That's my second. There's nothing better than being a little bit of a hypocrite.
05:23 Ah, yeah. I mean, most of the time you don't even know that you're doing it. No, I like a bit of hypocrisy in my second. There's nothing better than being a little bit of a hypocrite. Ah, yeah. I mean, most of the time you don't even know that you're doing it. No, I like a bit of hypocrisy in my life. A hundred percent. It's what keeps me alive. Yeah, it's hypocrisy. It sounds so Greek when you say it. Yeah, the hypocrisy of it.
05:36 Is it because I look Greek today with my new hair? It is! I look like I'm wearing a toga. Oh, I was going to say you look like you've woken up after a three-day bender. But yeah. Looks like you've just gone off a flight, a plane from Santorino.
05:51 Beau's got session hair again. Hadley is trying to get a, he's trying to get me to do these little, little like, like, what are they called? Festival plaits in my hair
06:01 with like rings going in and out of them. And I'm like, Hadley, like, I know, a very, a'm like very Coachella I know very Coachella Coachella very Coachella
06:09 Coachella what's it called? Coachella Coachella there was some girl did you see her tag just in something she was like
06:15 I can't stop laughing at the way Vogue and Joanne keep saying Winnipeg and I was like well what is it I don't know what the pronunciation is we've obviously got it wrong
06:22 what is it? Winnipeg Winnipeg oh Winnipeg we're like Winnipeg this and Winnipeg that what the pronunciation is. We've obviously got it wrong. Winnipeg. Winnipeg, yeah. Oh, Winnipeg. We're like Winnipeg this and Winnipeg that. Maybe the W is silent. It's just peg. I don't know.
06:31 Winnipeg. We're obviously getting it wrong. But anyway. That's maybe why people aren't showing up because they don't know what you're talking about. They're like, I'd go to Winpeg, but Winnipeg. I don't know where the fuck she's going. That's too far.
06:46 So go on. You're going to go't know where the fuck should I put it that's too far so go on you're going to go looking like He-Man I love it well I don't oh my god I do look like He-Man you've got muscles he had long blonde hair
06:54 or the Hulk Hogan no the Hulk no you don't have the gains do you know Hulk Hogan turned down
07:02 the the George Foreman grill I heard about that I told you Meatloaf Tried to sing I will do everything I would do anything for love No he did sing that
07:11 Hold on I know I will always love you No Celine Dion Oh I know I know Oh do you know what it was
07:21 It was Zombie by the Cranberries Do you know what it was Wappen Gangam Style That know what it was It was Zombie by the Cranberries Do you know what it was Wappengang and Style That's what it was Meatloaf was dying to sing Wappengang and Style What was it The Celine Dion one
07:36 It's all coming back to me It's all coming back to me now Meatloaf was Meatloaf was raging Because he wanted that And then they gave it to Celine And I think he tried I think he did a cover
07:45 of himself and it wasn't great I just I don't really think he has the right voice for It's All Coming Back well actually maybe he does
07:52 is he dead I know we mentioned that before he's dead which means I'll be honest his version was shit sorry Mr. Love he shouldn't speak ill
07:58 of the dead Joanne hello who's that hiya hello hello Hello Who's that? Hiya Hello Hello Sorry I lost you
08:10 Okay Sorry could you say this again Could you repeat yourself please Thank you very much I don't know what happened there This is so embarrassing But I'm actually at the stage Where I'm saying
08:22 At my age Like so For example This morning Woke up at 5am Right embarrassing but I'm actually at the stage where I'm saying at my age like so for example this morning woke up at 5am right straight onto the TikToks scroll scroll scroll and I watch this so do you know the way
08:35 generation what generation are the ones behind us C no millennials no we're millennials is that yeah Gen Z No Millennials No we're millennials Oh Is that Is it that Yeah Gen Z So Generation Z
08:47 Gen Z Their morning routines Like I wouldn't put that much effort Into my wedding day Like They're up The crack of dawn They're taking their supplements
08:58 They have a full facial routine Before they go to the gym Then they're like What They come back They go to the gym 6am Then they come back
09:04 They're like whisking avocados They're like drinking greens I couldn't so and then they start they're drinking out of those like glass straws they bought on Amazon they've taken in about 90 gallons of liquids before they even get into their Ford Focus and drive to their office job and everything is white and beige and covered and everything's apple and brown and of course I felt like a lazy bastard so I got up right I was like fuck it I'll get up
09:28 this is what this is what people successful people do they get up get up get up so got up texted you
09:35 going do you want to do a call now that was at half eight my friend and you already had a gym session hold on a second now what happened there okay so maybe I woke at five and scrolled till eight then I got up I was like Boga loved this now an early call texted you do you want to do a call and I was back asleep by nine by nine o', Alan came down and found me on the couch. I was like,
10:05 I'm so tired. I've been up for hours. He's like, what have you been doing? I was like, nothing, nothing. I was just reading my book.
10:13 Didn't take a single supplement and it reminded me of to anyone who were younger and your mum would be trying to get you up and she'd be like, come to the top of the stairs, come to the stairs.
10:22 So you'd put on a sock and you'd go out and you'd shower, leave the sock on to show you're making progress and then she'd go back to making the lunches and you'd go back to bed
10:30 and she'd be like where are you now where are you now and you'd come out with the shoe on and shower and like it would take ages
10:36 because you just couldn't get out of the bed I was like 30 at that stage you still had to fucking make me shower her my socks okay well I will tell you
10:44 and don't hate me for this, okay? Don't. I used to live two doors up from my school when I was younger, right? And they didn't let you into the school till 10 to 9. So, like, you had to queue outside two doors up. I left my house at 10 past 8 every morning and just stood. Why? I don't know.
11:05 I just stood outside the school gates, absolutely freezing. I don't know why. You're such a, because deep down, you're a total nerd. No, do you know what it is? My therapist has pointed it out. He's pretty much called me a controlling bitch. What? Oh, my God.
11:24 He was like. Where is he getting that from? He was like I'm so shocked It had never occurred to me That you Had control issues I've been sitting here
11:39 Shaking in fear Look She needs a half-aid call She needs a half-aid call She needs a half-aid Let her know you're-eyed call she needs a half-eyed let her know you're up Joanne let her know you're up she won't hit you for a week if she knows you can call before nine just once please he was like do you ever think you have any issues around control I was like what do you mean what do you mean and I was like oh I was like no I just
12:02 like a clean a clean home a clean and tidy home makes a happy mind all the kids are in leads at her ankles like Spencer's in a dog leash at her feet what do you mean control
12:13 no I hate when they make you realise things I was like okay well maybe I could maybe I could step it back a bit but I'm just saying the whole house
12:20 will fall to sunder is all I'm saying and if you want to be you want to be because of my house falls apart because of you, that's that's okay. I'm willing to give it a go. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
12:31 Mm hmm. Yeah. Do you know who you're like? Do you remember your one? Michelle Obama. Yeah. Michelle. You know, you're one from Housewives And she's got the two famous
12:48 Modely kids and she used to Denise Richards Oh no Yolanda You're Yolanda No I'm going to be like oh Gigi I think two satsumas is enough for you
13:04 Stop was she doing that Do you want to grow up and be a fatty Yeah she was like I have I'm going to be like Oh Gigi I think two satsumas Is enough for you Huh Stop Was she doing that Do you want to grow up And be a fatty Yeah She was like Stop She was
13:09 In her mind She was raising Two supermodels Which in fairness She has successfully done Yeah that is true So she was notorious For kind of saying to Gigi
13:16 You going to eat that cake You going to Not Gigi sorry Actually no It was Gigi as well Gigi and Bella Yeah Yeah so she's around Gigi
13:23 And she would be giving Like Or her birthday cake I mean they really made a thing of it in Housewives but she just cut for Gigi's birthday she gave everyone else a slice
13:31 and then Gigi just got a teaspoon from her birthday cake stop she'd be like drop on the floor and give me 50 squats yeah okay well I would like to say
13:39 I do not starve my children I'm nothing like Yolanda as I said I'm more like Michelle of Emma very like very like Michelle you've I said, I'm more like Michelle. Very like Michelle. You've got her arms. I do have Michelle's arms.
13:53 So, I have packed myself my very own bag of meds. I'm ready for Glastonbury. Sorry, an anti-histamine is not a med, can we just say. It's literally,
14:02 it just, it's not a medication. Well then, you're not going to like the rest. That's on my list. I sprinkle that in my coffee to deflate my face in the morning. I've got diurelite. I've got Baraka. I have got ORS.
14:17 Oh my God, how did you get your hands on Baraka? I know, sulpidine. He must have been on the dark web. Puritan to sleep also been a night nurse to sleep just in case everyone around me
14:27 is too loud I'm really terrified about Glastonbury if you haven't noticed I'm terrified terrified I hope you don't overdose I wouldn't want to see
14:35 an overdose in Baraka and have to get your stomach pumped in Glastonbury we would all be very concerned I'm very worried about my hydration levels imagine you were like my wee's too orange
14:45 I need to go in somewhere Help me Help me I'm too hydrated I'm too hydrated I'm so scared though I can't wait to tell you all about it Tell us what else
14:55 What's the plan for Glastown? So the plan is I'm going to go down on Friday morning I Friday morning what time? Here's my Friday morning I'm getting up and training At half six in the morning Then I am Going to what time? Here's my Friday morning I'm getting up and training at half six in the morning
15:05 then I am going to get a blowie off Hadley nice that's a blow dry not a blow job a blowie off Hadley
15:14 then I'm going to get a car down around eight and then I'd say we'll get there by twelve Jo we'll get there by twelve I'm going to go set up my bits
15:22 in the in the tent lodge in the bits in the... Tent. Lodge. In the tent. In the tent with cement walls and a chimney. In the fortress. It's still a festival experience,
15:41 even if you're in a full-blown house with a mouse. I've got wellies. It is a festival experience. I've got wellingtons. It's going to festival experience, even if you're in a full-blown house with a mouse. I've got wellies. It is a festival experience. I've got Manningtons. It's going to be 28 degrees. It's 28 degrees. Yeah, but somebody told me that the ground could be unusual. So I have somebody down today now checking out the ground for me to make sure that I need the wellies or not.
16:00 Because I don't want to overpack, you know, yourself, Joanne. Have you seen someone on a recce? Someone just mailed me and was like, oh, my friend's going down tomorrow. I'll let you know what the ground's like. I was like, okay, I don't want to overpack you know yourself do you want have you seen someone on a recce someone just mailed me and was like oh my friend's going down tomorrow I'll let you know what the ground's like I was like okay I don't know what that means
16:09 I didn't realise I was a racehorse but that's okay yes is it hard or soft yeah but you don't want to be slipping down into it do you know what I mean
16:17 don't want to be slipping down I've got two outfits a day I've got my travelling home outfit I'm very I feel organised are you bringing a suitcase? Oh you know it But like a soft bag
16:30 For my festival I'm not actually staying in a house It's very exciting I'm staying in a caravan Nice Yeah With James and Brian and Spenno That's a nice middle ground I feel
16:40 Yeah Like it's kind of festive But not too festive To be honest I wouldn't camp anymore either I have to say my camping days are done
16:48 now I wouldn't mind camping like I would I do a bit of glamping but yeah I've done my camping days I've
16:54 I've done that do you remember auction do you know what I mean and you used to go and camp for two nights at auction and it would always rain it's a festival in Ireland
17:02 and it would just always rain oh it was carnage everything was just soaked oh god and it would just always rain. Oh, it was carnage. Everything was just soaked. Oh God, no. It's just so grim. So grim. And then you get up
17:10 and you've nowhere to go and you're like, do you know what I mean? You're like queuing for breakfast and all. Do you know what? I won't be packing for Glastonbury. Hit me.
17:17 So they've put out, these are the things that Glastonbury itself has banned. A portable laser. Heartbroken. I had a ham laser. I know. That thing that flies out of your wrists. A portable laser. Heartbroken. I had a ham laser. I know.
17:27 That thing that flies out of your wrists. I love that. Yeah, part of the outfit. Gone. Passion fruit, kiwi or guava vapes. Interesting.
17:35 Oh yeah, the flavoured reusable vapes. Or not non-reusable, sorry. That thing that Philip Schofield was sucking on for that interview. Yeah, the Proud Mary. Great name for a brand.
17:44 Glass items Perfume I have to have perfume You'll have to decant Your perfume Into something else No I think I'll be putting that
17:53 In my nether regions And carrying it in Smuggling in A bottle of Jo Malone What drugs have you got there It's just my Honestly it's just Hermes It's Clinique Happy honestly it's just her mouth.
18:07 It's Clinique Happy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're not allowed to bring any animals. Winston will be heartbroken. That's where I got that smiling, did anyone see that smiling picture of Winston this week? Did you see it? No. Yeah? No. He was smiling. I got so many mails about the picture of Winston smiling for the first time. You can't bring a kite with you.
18:23 Maybe Winston's smiling because God is whispering in his ear that he's close to death stop no I was only saying
18:31 this to Sven I was in the kitchen last night he's not she's absolutely thrilled at herself I don't know why I think that's so funny. It's just the same as being like,
18:55 this angel being like, you'll be with us in the clouds soon, Winnie. I will say to you, I went into the kitchen last night and I was, because it's so hot his wings his wings are coming because it's so hot
19:11 he sprawled across the floor and I'm like Winnie Winnie Winnie Winnie Winnie because I'm like
19:20 convinced he's just dead because that's what's going to happen one day I'm just going to find him lying there dead and he won't wake up but well Because that's what's going to happen. One day I'm just going to find him lying there dead. And he won't wake up. Well, hopefully that is what happens.
19:30 Hopefully he does die peacefully in the home. Not if you're in the gap of the time. That's why you look so miserable every time you post. I'd resuscitate that dog if I saw him. What's the song that you've just sang To resuscitate Is it working No It's not working 9 to 5 Stayin' alive
19:50 Stayin' alive I would never There I go Workin' 9 to 5 What a way To make a livin' That's what I thought it was Smack my bitch up
20:03 Smack my bitch up Come on Winnie breathe yeah I tell you now this laptop I bought you buy cheap you buy twice
20:21 my mother said it my mother said it to me years ago she said you buy cheap you buy twice my mother said it to me years ago she said you buy cheap you buy twice and she's not wrong she's dead right it is there
20:34 because we're looking at you you were in Firefox remember that what's Firefox before your time before your time I swear to God.
20:46 That's a very kind thing. The very kind thing to say. It's like I'm ringing it from Myspace. Can you hear? Can you hear? Come here. Did you say Abba were playing Glastonbury? Well, here's what I think happened, right? So we're going with our friends James and Brian and we are getting a car home on Sunday
21:03 morning because I have to work on Monday and I just, I know I'm a one hit wonder, you know me Joanne, I can have one big day and then I struggle through the next day I'm kind of the same. Yeah, three days it's not possible, I'll be grey crack for two days and then I'm going to remove myself from the situation so James keeps saying stuff like, oh by the way
21:19 Abba are playing now, do you hear Abba are playing and I was like, do you know who's coming on with Elton John, Julie Pa, and I'm like, I don't care and do you know who's do you know who's coming on with Elton John Julie and I'm like I don't care and then his recent one do you know who's coming on with Elton John Britney Spears
21:30 and I was like James you're gonna have to stop I'm not staying because there was some false information fed back to me via someone that you
21:38 had told that ABBA were playing and I was like the holograms and they're like no the real band because the holograms have to stay
21:44 in the ABBA stadium that's why the stadium was built I was like ABBA have spent all this money building holograms of themselves
21:51 they don't have to tour and now they're going to do Glastow so I'm glad you cleared that up no I think they might be doing Glastow I heard Friday
21:58 at quarter past six I mean I would I would die of shock Chemical Brothers I'm going to go see them I'm going to Foo Fighters don't know any of their songs,
22:05 going to see them. Interesting to me. Did you hear that story this week about the couple who really pissed people off because basically it went viral on TikTok.
22:14 They went to a winery and they pretended to get engaged and they got loads of free booze for the day and it turned out that they were taking the piss and loads of people
22:22 thought it was in really poor taste. I thought it was very intelligent well I did once get Garaud to propose to me so we get into
22:29 the Arlingus lounge stop I mean I don't think that they believed that come on I don't like fucking taking the piss
22:38 as if can you imagine me trying to get me and Garaud upgraded to the honeymoon suite in a hotel you don't mind sharing a bed
22:45 do you Geraud we've got a lovely view I'm never going for an upgrade again after Dubai oh my god did we tell Joe about that no we so we went to the desk
22:57 I was like go on Joanne we'll just ask you never know it's a flight at 2am no one's going to be on that plane so we went up and I was like any chance of like
23:04 a little upgrade and he kind of we went up and I was like any chance of like a little upgrade and he kind of was like yeah and we were like what shut up really he's like yeah
23:12 no problem no problem and then it turned out that there was actually no upgrades but they had also overbooked and Joanne had no seat
23:20 it was the biggest breakdown in communication like it went from being the most exciting moment of our lives to one of the saddest so basically so I was like at one point I was like sorry so you're telling me that Vogue is getting upgraded to first class and I am in no class I have no seat and he was like yes ma'am yes that is and I was literally like yes I'm in first class yes and then it turned out yeah you've got I was so confusing and then
23:47 he's like oh hold on then he went no no no Vogue will have her seat no seat for you and I said but Vogue is not in first Vogue will just have her original seat and you have no seat and we were like I don't understand how that's happened to us what's happened here it went downhill very quickly evil man and then at the last minute someone didn't turn up so I got a seat
24:11 you were very calm in that situation like I would lose my marbles well the thing is he was like we'll pay you we'll pay you money
24:20 to just fly home tomorrow and like this is one of the joys of being child free. No one gives a shit if I live or die. I do. I would really, I'd be very upset. I remember Amber and I were on the piss
24:33 and you know, we didn't get like really drunk and deep. I was like, Amber, I feel really worried about you dying because I'd be so upset. She's like, please don't say that to me. We have to get you a death doula, I'm telling you. You'll feel so much better. I've told you I've started reading a book on death and my book on sleep arrived today.
24:50 So like I'm just, I'm doing all my favourite things. Speaking of death. Yeah. Who died? Did you hear about your man who faked his own death and then got everyone to turn up and then like jumped out of a hedge and was like, I'm here. I'm just here to judge who's turned up and then like jumped out of a hedge and was like, I'm here.
25:07 I'm just here to judge who's turned up and who hasn't. What a sick bastard. It's actually, that was kind of, that was kind of amazing. I was like, hold on, is this the new TikTok trend?
25:18 Is everyone just going to be faking their own deaths? Do you know what it is? This is a 45 year old man. He actually did it because he wanted to teach members of his family a lesson about the importance of staying in touch with one another. That's what he was doing. Imagine, oh, I've died. Like, ha ha, here I am. It would be actually a lovely relief. No, I'm sorry. And imagine the look Of disappointment Imagine So imagine people are like
25:45 I can only If I jumped down My mother's like For fuck's sake She's like I've already turned your room Into a gym And I'm like
25:49 Well sorry I'm back now Get the treadmill Out of your fitness farm please Gotcha Also like The poor priest Imagine this kind of took off
26:03 So every priest Would be just like Oh this is just an audition to see if I'm going to get the main gig. I can't relax at all. I feel like I'm in a permanent interview. But you know, you're one, by the way, speaking of death again,
26:14 you're one who was found alive in her coffin then died again five days later. Well, this is the thing. Like it was, it was, it was more a curiosity story than a happy ending. It wasn't like she jumped out of the coffin and then went skiing. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
26:30 She wasn't well. But I thought it was sad to hear that she had succumbed again. Well, we don't know. We don't know. It was a false start as they'd say to death, but she was certainly on the way. We never know. She might surprise the way well we never know what's going to she might surprise us again
26:46 you never know you absolutely never know if she came back again people would be like ah here come on now do you know that there was parents before who had
26:59 they faked a house fire to see how their kids would react again it was like a TikTok-y thing people really need to stop doing things like this for TikTok
27:07 I read that story and it was I couldn't stop laughing they were they were blowing smoke into their rooms and all I know it's actually so
27:17 can you not just do a fire alarm drill like you don't need to do why are you scaring the shit out of your children like I'm surprised they don't have burns and why are you scaring the shit out of your children like I'm surprised
27:25 they don't have burns and then the article really specifically said the three children managed to escape without any injuries out the unlocked door and I was like
27:34 well surely that's more of an issue what's the point of saving your kids from a fire if they're going to get abducted lock your fucking door
27:38 I know I know I actually once for April Fool's when I got kicked out of my house I was 17 and I was living with my got kicked out of my house I was 17 and I was living with my dad
27:46 and I rang him and I was pretending to cry and I was like Dad the house has been broken into I think I've said it on the pod before and I waited for him
27:54 to come home and he just like came storming through the door Why did you do that to him though? I don't know it was April Fool's
28:01 He used to leave I'd drive by his house and the front door would be wide open. I'd be like, Dad, are you home? And he's like, no, but no one's going to think I'm not there if the door is open. I'd be like, okay.
28:13 That's your security system. He actually had a couple of robbers in the house up to his bedroom when he was lying in bed. It happened twice, yeah. Two people just standing there. He ended up chasing them out the door. One of them went to prison. I'd love to have met Freddie. I'd say he was an interesting character. Two people just standing there. He ended up chasing him out the door. One of them went to prison. I'd love to have met Freddie.
28:27 I'd say he was an interesting character. Oh, you and him. I think you and him probably would have gotten together, actually. I think so. We have discussed this. He is so up your street. Yeah.
28:40 Car salesman, like all that. I love it. Yeah. Oh God, imagine Joanne was my mom do you hear Tom Hanks was in Dublin in your neighborhood
28:55 Jo there's a festival in Ireland called the Doki Book Festival and you must go if you ever learn to read you'd really enjoy it it's like all these
29:04 authors come over and they talk about their new book and it's like all these authors come over and they talk about their new book and it's I loved it I did comedy there one year
29:11 and then I hosted a talk the other year and it's just gorgeous it's just lovely wholesome and the talks are really interesting and amazing anyway Tom Hanks was over
29:19 he's written a book but he stayed in Bono's house stop and I just love I just love that kind of celeb culture that they probably don't even know each other
29:27 but they're just A-listers so they just they just stick together they're blue now in fairness Bono must have like 10 houses within his house yeah I can't imagine
29:36 Tom was like in a cot at the end of the bed I'd say very much had his own room but you know what celebrity would you like to spend
29:44 a weekend with ooh platonically oh sorry that's changed it I know it's just we can't go down
29:51 the sceptre really again he's got enough coverage I know I know should I talk about my addiction to Sharon Horgan now oh yes now is the right time
29:58 now enough time has passed it doesn't feel creepy yeah I would like to spend a weekend with Sharon Horgan not in a sexual manner as Jomaine says, because I've started watching Catastrophe, and
30:07 I am hooked. I especially love her brother's character in it. He kind of reminds me of you, and I don't know why. Just because he's really sarcastic. I actually haven't watched it. I think I'm the only person in Ireland in the UK, and the world who hasn't, but I
30:23 haven't watched it, not yet. It's so funny, and I UK and the world who hasn't but I haven't I haven't watched it not yet it's so funny and I just love her and I met her at the BAFTAs and now I'm kind of addicted to her yeah
30:32 yeah Sharon's a good one she's a great choice who's your choice then don't say me don't say me it'll be Spencer Spencer would be the celebrity I would love to live with
30:50 Gemma Collins She keeps coming up On my TikTok I just love her so much She's like Capite means a lot to people It's like offering them a grand I think they'd choose the grand
31:03 Is that a good accent Jo? Yeah it was good that one That was a better one Capite means a lot to people Yeah it's like offering them a grant People No? I think I'm actually kind of learning
31:16 Your first one was better By the way you're not going for that dinner In Hakkasan with Spencer without me Get lost Spending inviting Joanne out on a date For their friend's date And choosing a really nice restaurant Get lost I mean Hakkasan with Spencer without me get lost spending inviting Joanne on a date for their friend's date and choosing a really nice restaurant get lost
31:27 I mean Hakkasan is very fancy yeah if he's paying I'm coming I took Alan there for his 40th and it was like you've had enough
31:33 we're not drinking yeah two two meals in I was like that's enough for him now alright if he asks for anything else just pretend you've got
31:43 hearing difficulties and then send us the bill mother of god he can have plain rice that's it Hakkasan is like the creme de la creme now the nicest restaurant in London is Le Petit Maison oh we went on a date night there the other night and it was like do you know what's embarrassing though because we're sitting there we're not having drinks so I actually had to preempt it to the waiter I was like by the way we're not going to be very long just because we're so quick we were in and out in an hour ordered, eaten, gone, done
32:09 Le Petit Maison that's delicious I'll take you to Hakkasan for the big 4-0 okay I'll see you in three years like that's what are you talking
32:19 for your 4-0 or for my 4-0 yours that's it really that's the next time we're going for dinner. Yes, folks. Yes.
32:29 Oh, you're so kind. You're so kind and generous. You're the only person I see day in and day out. That's true. 24 hours a day, 12 days a week. You're the one handing me a half-eaten lollipop. Glowing back at me. I dream about giant teeth my teeth are actually quite small
32:54 thank you very much my mouth is just huge big mouth sorry my computer just popped up how likely are you to recommend this PC to others if asked
33:11 it's not a good time to ask me that Aspire 5 Okay so we were in Manchester over the weekend at the Lowry doing our shows and we had had drinks and my friends
33:24 had come from Dublin two of my best friends from when I was younger. And so we had loads of drinks. But we laughed at like, I don't know, 12, half 12. Anyway, I have a big bruise on my leg, first of all. Don't know how that happened. And I remember me wanting you to go for another drink and you wouldn't go for another drink. I'm trying to remember yeah
33:46 we were in the cab going home like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah putting the world to rights and then you're like no we're not going for another drink
33:52 we're literally we're just going straight to bed I'm thrilled about that but I woke up the next morning anyway and I was I think I was still a bit drunk or something
33:59 but I was totally feeling myself in my new knicks that I got in Victoria's Secret when I was with you they are fab I had matching bra and knickers. I was like, I'm not letting this moment pass.
34:07 And I was trying to, I was trying to take a sexy selfie and I actually looked at myself and I thought, pathetic. And I just didn't take one in the end because I tried all these angles and I just was like,
34:21 you loser. No. What would you, what were your, you see, it's all about you have to be really careful with your angles what were you doing
34:29 well I mean was there a ring light did you have your equipment there was not I didn't have my equipment it was really spur of the moment I was definitely like trying to
34:37 like get a picture of my ass from behind but that meant like putting my head in between my legs trying to like like it just well I'm not good at it
34:46 it's not my forte I want to get lessons from you because I know that you're good at it well my lesson number one the facial expression is always the difficult one
34:54 you're like am I am I am I laughing hysterically am I smiling cheekily just don't don't cry
35:01 that's what I would say main tip don't be crying don't look like it's against your will. And always put a number on it. Do you remember that woman messaged us in ages ago? She said,
35:11 put a number on any sexy selfies and then if they leak, if Spencer leaks it, you'll know where it came from. Now, the only thing, you can always delete the number on it. Because if somebody could, like, colour it in with something.
35:22 But it's, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Put it in discreetly so they don't know okay yeah yeah and
35:30 do like a TikTok trend so like throw the shoe at the camera and then when it comes back oh yeah you're naked yeah or if you want to stick out
35:38 stick a pair of goggly eyes in your vagina also a great little moustache little tash little fake moustache that they use for Movember yeah
35:46 like one of those a dally stache yeah a dally stache a lot of competition out there at the moment with the OnlyFans yeah yeah
35:54 this is true I need to get up I need to up my game no I just thought you know it's not really for me I'd rather just do it in person I'll wait till I get home yeah
36:04 do it in person do it in person yeah because it just wasn't working out too well for me so that's it for me. I'd rather just do it in person. I'll wait till I get home. Yeah. Do it in person. Do it in person, yeah. Because it just wasn't working out too well for me. So that's it for me. Maybe I will do a sexy selfie. I don't know. Well, share with the group if you do.
36:13 Share with your community. I will be sharing my sexy selfies to my online community who I love so much. With your online community. To my online community of humans. Humans doesn't really bother me, actually. I can't. I don't humans doesn't really
36:26 bother me actually I can't please don't ever do it I will look at you differently and I won't be able to help myself oh no no no I wouldn't do it myself
36:33 okay okay okay if I get if I get tagged in one more what is it everyone keeps a mentee bee for a mental breakdown
36:41 oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that is something she would say. That was good, that was good. The lesson of the pod is you get one death, don't take the piss. Precisely. That's a nice little ender.
36:52 Thanks everyone for listening. I'll be in Dubai on the 2nd of September for Prosecco. Yeah, and Calgary, you know. You know, you know what to do. And Winnipeg, we realise, Winpeg, we realise we were just saying it wrong.
37:05 We're talking about Win Pegg in Canada. It's going to sound like hotcakes in natural water. We're just going to call it The Pegg. The Pegg. I'm going to be in
37:15 The Pegg in October. Don't miss out. Join us at The Pegg. Can't wait to make my community of puggies.
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