My Therapist Ghosted Me - Lobster Face, Embarrassing Tweets & Savage Chickens

Episode Date: December 30, 2022

It's the last proper episode before Joanne disappears off on safari to be eaten by a hippo and there's plenty to catch up on, post-Christmas. Plus, a heavenly turkey sandwich, mimosa jealousy and Vogue makes a surprising promise about her travel plans for the Irish leg of the tour!If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle bells. Jingle bells. Jingle bells. Are we going to make a knot? By now it's Friday. It's Friday now.

So people aren't very Christmassy anymore. Oh, we're not Christmassy? We're not? Sorry, I am. All right, sorry. I mean, some people are. All right, Scrooge. You don't know.

Joe, you have to respect. You don't know how long we decide to take. Christmas. what is it what is the women's Christmas what is that little Christmas Nullig Manor that's on the 7th

of Jan isn't it no I was talking about Spanish Christmas where they do it on like the 6th of Jan or something like that see Jo stop being a Christmas

ok sorry Merry Christmas everyone selfish Christmas man Jingle bells January 6th there's no look when all when the women get to sit down

after all the work they've done over Christmas it's a bit it's a bit dated but we've kind of we've taken it back culturally in Ireland and it's a big day out

no do you know what I'm going to keep that because I was actually going to say and I didn't want to sound like a moany hole bitch but like this will be

the first cup of tea I have sat down and drank without holding someone in my arms without walking around having to do like this will be the first cup of tea I have sat down and drank without holding someone in my arms, without walking around having to do like this will be the first one I've gotten through. I swear. Why are you celebrating a Spanish Christmas? My mom lives in Spain. Again, Sandra's been out, by the way, because you know the way Sandra is.

It's like, oh, well, it's lovely down here. Well, she's been texting us. It's barbecue weather today at Christmas. She's like, it's like, Mom, it's boring there at Christmas. We've been, we're not coming back. I'm sorry now. I'm sorry, but I've been very clear about my feelings around weather and Christmas. I spent

one Christmas in Australia. No, like no offense to our Aussie listeners, but I just found it completely discombobulating. My flip-flops were melting into the tarmac. It was so hot. Yeah, that...

It was just weird. It was like drinking soup at the beach. I just found the whole thing strange and I wouldn't do it again, to be honest. I just wouldn't do it again. I'll tell you what,

I drank tea at the beach and I went, I had Christmas in St. Barth one year and we didn't have any turkey, but I was in St. Barth at Christmas and I would like to go there again.

Okay? Well, I'm sorry. It wasn't Christmas then, V St. Barth's at Christmas and I would like to go there again. Okay? Well, I'm sorry. It wasn't Christmas then, Vogue. If you've no turkey and it was hot, it wasn't Christmas. That was spring break. Here. Sorry now. You know the way you don't...

Stop fucking with the system, Vogue. Stop fucking with the system. Misery guts over there. Well, I'm in a very snowy Scotland at the moment. It's amazing. Oh, chickens. Chickens. Chickens.

You know the way you eat chickens because you think they're assholes? Well, I've had... I never... Hold on a second, Meg. Joanne, your exact words were that chicken is a fucking arsehole. That's what you said to me.

I never said that. I said that I didn't really connect with them on a cerebral level like I do with other animals. So I found it hard to feel guilty about eating chickens. I never called them assholes. I'll tell you what, I'm going to start eating chicken for breakfast after what I

heard. Supposedly, they murder each other. There's a gang of chickens up here, right? Gang of chickens. There's only five of them left. Some kind of otter ate a couple of them. Foxes sometimes get them. Now they have got like an enclosure. Anyway, they slowly kill each other.

Like this gang are particularly violent, I think, the strain of chicken. And they peck away at each other. Yeah. And they claw each other and they'll pick one out. Like they don't like just kill you in one go. They pick one out of the flock. What is it? A flock of chickens? I don't know. We'll call them a school of chickens because we don't know. A school flock gaggle of chickens. A gaggle of chickens, yeah. Yeah, and they attack each other and slowly kill each other.

I'm sorry now, Vogue. I'm sorry now. But did you think the animal world was just some sort of petting zoo where they all held hands? Animals are savage. Especially chickens though. Chickens are evil.

Especially chickens. The only reason Winnie isn't trying to kill everyone is because you have him heavily sedated. Exactly. He's lying here beside me. Sorry, one more animal fact that I found out the other day, right? Dinosaurs are full of

hair. They're fluffy. They've got these huge feathers. So they got it wrong. Google dinosaurs. They're actually full of hair, which kind of ruins everything. I'm going to have to buy new toys and stuff now because the other ones are wrong. Folks, this sounds very like you got children's trivial pursuit for Christmas if I'm going to have to buy new toys and stuff now because the other ones are wrong. Folks, this sounds very like you got children's Trivial Pursuit for Christmas if I'm honest.

There's a lot of very basic animal facts going on. I knew dinosaurs had feathers. That's where chickens come from. Chickens are tiny dinosaurs. Yes, Joanne! I also got children's Trivial Pursuit for Christmas. Chickens are the dinosaur's closest relatives. You're right! I know! But you know what's so funny? So me and Alan bought

Trivial Pursuituit but I didn't realise there was a children's section and an adult section and I was giving him the children's questions and he still couldn't fucking get any of them right he was like

I'm not sure Trivial Pursuit is multiple choice and I was like it is I don't like games like that that are so hard and question my intelligence and I was like

you're doing great honey you're doing great well done but sorry yeah so just to clear that up i never just to be i never just on the record i never called them i never called chickens well when she was up here in scotland she was she went into the chicken pen and was kicking them around the bed i was yeah get over here you beating them with sticks but um you know me and vogue have kind of a rolling

document for ghosted where we just kind of throw in bits that we think we might talk about on the pod and um sometimes they get misconstrued as actual topics because I send in drunk stuff and chicken hips came back as a topic for conversation I was like chicken hips I put that in what was I talking about and then I was like oh yeah because we were eating a chicken obviously over Christmas I was like hold hold on. I'd had a couple of drinks and I was like, hold on a second here. It's got tits. It's got legs. It's got thighs. It's got feet.

Why the fuck are its hips? And I thought this was some amazing moment. You do put a lot of, where are their hips actually? Exactly. You do put some strange things in the dog. Joe, Google it there, will you? Chicken hips. Why do they have no hips? How are they getting around? How do they have that much mobility with no hips. Joe, Google it there, will you? Chicken hips. Why do they have no hips?

How are they getting around? How do they have that much mobility with no hips, Joe? Google it. They also have no lips. Chicken, no hips, no lips. They have beaks. Imagine putting leaps on a beak. A leap on a beak?

Imagine trying to put a set of lips on a beak. I think it'd look great. They'd look mad. They'd look mad. They do have hips. They do have hips. Okay, Joe. What? I nearly started

crying yesterday. No, that was actually this morning. All the days are getting confused. I nearly started crying because I went in. Spenny slept with Gigi because she was whinging. T had a sleepover with his nanny. And I was stuck with Otto, who never stops waking up. And I went in to Spenny at six in the morning and I was like, get out. Get out of that bed. I was stuck with Otto who never stops waking up and I went into spending at six

in the morning and I was like get out get out of that bed I was like go in there I'm not doing it anymore and I just got into

Shishi's bed I just can't take it anyway I'm having a great time well I have to say you look amazing as always thanks Joanne

you have seen better days people are going to think I'm being a mean bitch she just looks like You have seen better days. People are going to think I'm being a mean bitch. She just looks like she's been, she looks like she's been fighting with the chickens again. I look like I have been dragged backwards through Santa's bush and kicked out the back of a sleigh.

So basically, the reason there's no video today, firstly, I'm in full-blown Christmas mode and I just, that's not a time video today. Firstly, I'm in full blown Christmas mode. And I just, it's, that's not a time to be videoed. Okay. Secondly, I woke up on Christmas day. My eyes were a little tight. And I got up and basically my face had exploded with some allergic reaction.

And I'd have, all around my eyes, I looked like a crustacean. I looked like a lobster. Yeah. Actually. You did actually, you did. Really swollen, all crusted around, like gross. Like a fucking, I had a face like a lobster. Yeah. Actually. You did actually. You did. Really swollen. All crusted around. Like gross. Like a fucking.

I had a face like a porcupine. And I was trying to figure out what it was. Because it's clearly an allergic reaction. And mum was like. Is it shellfish? And I was like. Well if it is. It looks like I've eaten the entire wild Atlantic way.

Like. I look like I've been rubbing my face in salmon. All night. Anyway. We reckon it's maybe an allergic reaction to an eye cream or something. Also my rosacea is back and it's just, it's just not, it's just not a time to have a video on. But when the, when the allergy thing kicked off, I was, I'd also eaten a box of cashew nuts the night before. Now we knew it wasn't anything like that because it actually started

on Christmas Eve a little bit, but I just didn't think anything. I just kind of thought it would go away. What, your eyes already started swelling? Like, did you have to be, did you have to go to dinner like that at the hotel? Yeah. Oh no.

I know, what could I do? At least no one recognised you. I was in Paris Court Hotel and it was me and my mum and Alan so I could hardly not go. I could not go to dinner.

But, so I just kind of padded it up and I put on a blouse and all. Like, it was all pathetic. I was like, go to dinner. So I just kind of padded it up. I put on a blouse and all. It was all pathetic. A blouse. It's not sore. It's just really, really itchy and scratchy. Anyway, then I was thinking about peanut allergies. Because you know the way there's a rise in food allergies at the moment.

And they're saying they think it's some sort of hygiene hypothesis. I like we're just to kind of live to clean a life basically now that we can't handle any allergies but peanut allergies are on the rise i was like imagine have you ever been on a flight yes where they tell you you can't have a peanut yeah but i was like because they're like with someone with a severe peanut allergy i was like imagine being at the mercy of an entire plane of strangers they don't check your bags going on. Like I could walk on with a bag of pistachios and just be a sick bastard and just pop it open and kill someone on a plane. I've actually heard people tutting when I've heard that.

It's like, you can't go two hours without a peanut. Like, relax. Oh my God. But it is true. Once you get into a bag of peanuts, you can't stop. What sort of peanut kink do you have you can't go two hours

that's so funny but I was like you'd be terrified I'm actually not allergic to anything well I didn't think I was then we went for food the next day

me and Alan and you're one you know they always ask in restaurants have you any allergies and I was looking at her going are you joking what do you think this is

I said bring me out a patch test now I'm going to go in and get a patch test now in fairness you look a million times better? It's a premiere of Patch Test now I'm going to go in and get a patch test Now in fairness you look a million times better Oh it's a million times better You look better

Oh my god You could have you could have recorded video today let's be honest Jo what do we think? No No

No no no She could have She just didn't want to listeners I'm not doing video today I'm not going to be wheeled out like scabby Susan

Do you know what I mean you'd want to see me on Christmas Day dinner I put on lipstick I looked like E.T. in drag it was horrible you did look like E.T.

that's what you looked like because all the eye bags underneath yeah E.T. in drag that's exactly what it looked like anyway that was my Christmas Day it was actually very enjoyable

though apart from the do you know what when I saw your Christmas Day and I thought to myself next year right because we usually do one year on one year off when I saw your Christmas Day and I thought to myself next year right because we usually do one year on

one year off we'll go back to Ireland but I'm not cooking dinner I'm not doing it I'm not doing it mainly because I don't want to see the mess you had the right idea

going to a hotel like it was lovely actually with your family and like yeah do they have a swimming pool in that hotel

there was nothing now I could be wrong but as far as I know none of the amenities were open on Christmas Day because I don't exercise on Christmas Day because I'm a normal

human being Vogue. Well the gym would be open and I know that they have a fantastic gym there because I haven't been to it. I'm a member in their gym but their gym isn't I don't think their gym

is open on Christmas Day so they'd have to staff it all on Christmas Day. What I will say to you about training on Christmas Day it's like for me like that's that's fun to me.

I know it sounds absolutely pathetic, but that's like, it's like reading a book. It's like I enjoy going to do it. I know, but you've got a mental illness and we just accept it. Yeah. What did I do on Christmas Day? Well, we woke up, obviously, at six in the morning, which the kids have really taken to since we've gotten here. So we woke up at six, went down, they had all their Santa presents. I don't think I went too wild with the presents, which was good.

And then they started moaning almost immediately. And what did we do? We didn't have lunch until quite late. We had a big breakfast, loads of pig, you'll be glad to hear. Big breakfast, then I went training, then I had a few drinks. I didn't, you know what, didn't manage to get drunk on Christmas

Day, as much as I tried do you know I think you're so full that it's just like it's impossible to try and get drunk so we had an amazing big dinner

but not till like five o'clock and then we just kind of chilled watched movies did nothing I had so I

because I I love a sandwich as we know when I get my own house I'm going to get a photo of Lorde's sandwich the man who invented it because he is my messiah I fucking love a sandwich, as we know. When I get my own house, I'm going to get a photo of Lorde's sandwich, the man who invented it, because he is my Messiah.

I fucking love a sandwich. On Christmas Day, I have a Christmas dinner. And then when everyone went back up, it was a buffet, basically, but it was really nice. God, I love a buffet so much. Love a buffet. And I had a turkey sandwich as dessert,

like so straight away. So Mum and Adam were getting cake and all, and I went straight in. I was like, I'm not messing around here. I don't have time to waste. The buffet is going to be wrapped up pretty soon and I want my turkey sandwich now.

So I had a beautiful like, you know those gorgeous hotel fluffy rolls, they're like bathrobes. With some cranberry sauce in there. I had about, like about a matchbox size block of butter

on either side and then filled it with a load of turkey. It was amazing. I have to say, Christmas desserts are crap. Like, that plum pudding is just...

It's gross. It's absolutely disgusting. Like, raisins are one of my worst foods. That pudding thing, I think, is back in the day. Do you know what I mean? From, like, medieval Ireland

when... They stink. They take, supposedly, years to make. Or is that a Christmas cake? Also disgusting. Disgusting. They stink. They take supposedly years to make. Or is that a Christmas cake? Also disgusting. Disgusting. Christmas cake.

Anything with marzipan, throw it off the side of the earth. Shouldn't be here. Drain it and see. Absolutely disgusting. It's like eating, it's like eating mola. Anyway, go on, sorry.

Play-Doh. Joe, sorry, sorry, Joe. Mola is Play-Doh. Yeah, it's the Catholic Play-Doh yeah so you'll have never had your hands on it you'll never have

and you can't touch it Joe you can't even touch it you're not even allowed to look at it disgusting here we go now yeah the medical castration

has worn off he's back in the game. Oh yeah, sorry. I'm just doing my podcast. I'll be finished soon. Winston. I don't actually know who that was.

I couldn't hear. I'm so dead. It could be someone coming up. Spencer has fallen into the lock and died. Yeah, it's fine. I'll just do my part. I'm doing my part

that actually makes us a living. Spencer can drown in the lock if he wants to he can fanny around with our pod later on this afternoon thank you thank you bye

Joe tell us about your English Christmas did you well it was a it was a an English and then Jersey Christmas so English to start with in summer did you drink Pimms and wank off to the King's speech Did you? Well, it was an English and then Jersey Christmas.

So English to start with. Did you drink Pimms and wank off to the King's Speech? Yeah, how did you know? Because you're English, Jo. Yeah, that was exactly it. I watch the King's Speech. I get in trouble for that, but I live, I'm here with a lot of English people.

It's the crowd. I joined the, I was a sheep. I want to hear about a Protestant Christmas. Do you just go around setting fire to mangers and all, Jo? What do you do? Mad bastards. No, it's pretty much the same, I think it's the same as your Christmas, just without the sort of, you know, church. Well, sure. Firstly, it's called Mass, Jo. Grow up. And secondly, I don't

go to that anymore. Yeah, we didn't go to Mass. Do you know what actually happened when we were in when we were getting auto-christened? Spenno's face, right? The priest... That was one of the best days of my life. Oh, was it a great day? Did you have a nice time? I'm glad you enjoyed it so much.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Remember when we waterboarded Otto and all? That was a big highlight for me. You kind of did actually. You missed that. You'll like that bit. But we went in and I didn't know that like the other two weren't Catholic,

but like we're standing in the Catholic church and the priest starts talking about Catholicism and Spenny was like, looked at me and he's like fuck I was like what do you mean I was like

what do you mean he was like the other two are Church of England I was like what the hell is Church of England I've never heard

of that religion what is that religion folk how can you be so naive you're in that religion you're basically one of them by the way

do you know what I've noticed we talk about religion a lot in the podcast but it's only because as two Irish Catholic people living in the UK or based in the UK or whatever you want to call it, you suddenly become very aware of it because there are big, there are big cultural differences. Even though, like I say, I don't even go to mass anymore. I'm what we call a crisis Catholic as in like, you know, I believe in God if there's

a lot of turbulence on a plane, that kind of vibe. But there's still cultural differences and especially around Christmas. Yeah. So sorry to all the pagans we have listening to us. Paganism is quite interesting though. I met a pagan and she's a witch. I'm so tired. I was about to call them anesthetics. What are they called when they don't believe in anything?

Atheists. Anesthetics work too, don't worry. Do you know what I think next year you're going to be an atheist next year are you we should talk about well if it's in style

if it's on ASOS I'll probably get involved so yeah yeah yeah yeah we should do we should look into witching witching witching is kind of fun

she was telling me about it but it's it's a lot of effort it's a lot of effort because they have to leave out like you'd have to do something like it's worse than going to mass it's way more involved like they have to leave out like like you'd have to do something like it's worse

than going to mass it's way more involved like they have to leave out gifts and and kind of jazz like that

but like gifts that you've made and everything like it's a lot it's a lot no sounds like a really bad hen

party a lot of arts and crafts a lot of cooking baking maybe we'll try atheism next year anyway sorry

we've got sidetracked what's the crack the girls did you see the video I did

it was very funny Amber and Cass decided my cousin is Cass and she's up here they decided to go swimming in the lock where it was

absolutely freezing I don't understand and you know what I will tell you you know the way everyone says oh you'll feel amazing

after it like re-energises you and it will make you it's great for your mind they didn't feel that they just felt unhappy. I'm actually... Listen, I would have no interest

in sea swimming on the Christmas day sea swim. It wouldn't interest me at all. At no point on Christmas day have I woken up and been like, oh, I'd love to just get half naked and put myself in a lot of pain in front of a lot of strangers.

Like, no. You'd never see Jesus in a dry robe. Yeah, but he wouldn't feel the cold. But I'm surprised you don't do it. It seems like, no. You'd never see Jesus in a dry robe. Yeah, but he wouldn't feel the cold. But I'm surprised you don't do it. It seems like something you would potentially do. Cannot stand being cold. I don't like cold water. Spenny was trying to get me to do it now because

it's snowing and I'm like, I wouldn't even put my feet in. Like, I just have no interest in it at all. I hate it. I was in the sauna today, so I don't mind the opposite. I'll sit in the opposite. I was in the sauna today. God I don't mind the opposite. I'll sit in the opposite. I was in the sauna today. God, cut that out, will you? I just don't want to start my Christmas day with a near-death experience.

Do you know what I mean? I don't understand it. I can't get my head around it. I have to say, I feel like I've had quite a tame Christmas, but we have people coming up now on the 28th, and I'm ready for the wheels to fall off. But I can only drink during the day I think because I can't like if I stay up too late then I have to get up with the kids at 6

I'd rather drink during the day go to bed early have a great time but we've got like six friends coming up and I think I'm gonna let the wheels fall off a bit then I think I've been too good One story that I loved this week did you see what Samuel L. Jackson did? I kind of only half understand what he did.

Samuel L. Jackson, it was his 74th birthday, I believe. He looks fantastic. He looks amazing. People went on Twitter to wish him a happy birthday. And what they noticed then, he's got like over 7 million followers on Twitter. What they noticed was he'd been liking these like quite hardcore porn videos on Twitter.

I think since Elon Musk got involved and took away a lot of the kind of content security people on Twitter, people are banging up all sorts of stuff and staying up there. Anyway. He's liking tweets of hardcore porn. Where can I find these? Where are these videos? You're in them, babe. It's your whole back catalog. Where are the videos Joanne that's all I'm asking you're like why am I not getting

paid for these these should be behind my OnlyFans a paywall so sorry he's liking these from his own Twitter are you sure it was him

100% and like the gas thing is he hasn't even basically it was Samuel L. Jackson being an old man but also being Samuel L Jackson do you know what I mean it's like he's too old to realize you can see your likes are public but he's also Samuel L Jackson so he does what he fucking wants he hasn't even he hasn't

even patronized us which I very much respect with an with the claim that he was hacked I love it he has said nothing he just he's just unlike them all. That's almost, that's almost worse. Just, just leave them up. But like, It's so funny. Do you know what's great? Like,

he's still wanking at 74. Like, that's kind of impressive. That's what I get from, that's what I take away from that. I don't, I don't, I don't find him to be a creep

that he did that because like, no. Come on. It's just funny. It's like when he didn't know your Spotify playlist was visible when you were playing. Do you know what I mean? It's just that thing. It when you didn't know your Spotify playlist was visible when you were playing do you know what I mean

it's just that thing it's a you know and I will say you know if you're not familiar with Twitter sorry I did not know

the Spotify playlist was public it used to play it out on your Facebook page there was some crossover at one point because I remember being like uh oh

suddenly you're like oh shit I just you know you're trying to be all hardcore whereas actually I've been listening to the La Miserable soundtrack all afternoon

crying alone but I'm like no no it's Dua Lipa you know anyway it got me then into looking at kind of social media

blunders particularly celebrity ones because you know they're the best just like us and there were some absolute belters a lot of Photoshop

fails do you know what I mean Lindsay Lohan did she does star in a lot of photoshop fails do you know what I mean Lindsay Lohan did she does star in a lot of them actually like the time she told

Barack Obama Barack Obama did a tweet this was just one I laughed at saying that he was going to cut taxes for kind of middle class lower income people

and she wrote back going and what about people who are claimed to be millionaires and Forbes millionaires but aren't actually what about them are you going to cut them

so specific Lindsay Lindsay Lohan is just the giver of gifts all the time she's so funny my favourite remember she tried to steal

that person's child did anyone see that it was like she was taking this person's child she thought she was helping them it's when she had that other accent she thought the child

was being trafficked yeah and she's like literally imagine I'm just walking along the street she tries to take Gigi out of my arms I'd be like dude

I know take auto she did the phone just returned she doesn't notice uh oh you're going to be raised by Lindsay Lohan

now good luck to you bye Gigi Gigi Lohan has quite the ring to it actually it does anyway Lindsay Lohan's back

I must watch her new Christmas movie on Netflix. Apparently it's great. I say great. She's like, you know, cheesy as fuck, but whatever. So coming in in third place, biggest celebrity social media faux pas. Yeah. Do you remember when Donald Trump,

someone tweeted at him with a photo of his parents saying that they just died, but that they were huge fans of his. And would he retweet as a sign of respect? And he did. And it was Fred and Rosemary West. Do you remember that? What?

Yeah. Oh my God. That is so bad. Yeah. Actually, I've just remembered one. Hold on. Is it Nigel Farage?

Oh yeah. So, and then there was when someone asked Nigel Farage on Cameo to do a greeting and made him say up the rat at the end and obviously he didn't know

what the fuck he was talking about. Hilarious. Oh, actually, maybe we'll put that, actually, we'll do four. Donald Trump,

four. Nigel Farage, three. Coming in at number two. I actually have, there are so many amazing ones I've just looked them up

it's just like you know Kim Kardashian you don't obviously but Kim Kardashian has this friend Jonathan Chabann and he asked people should I go live later

and 53% said no why are you asking people go live or don't go live this is like when Elon Musk was like will I retire you know people are going to try and piss you. You know people are going to go with the opposite

for the crack. Oh, no. Don't ask anyone anything. Just do what you need to do. Coming in at number two, one of my favorites, was when Kris Jenner got a photo with Gordon Ramsay. Please.

And she filtered it so heavily that you know the way Gordon Ramsay has this like infamously quite sexy, very lined head. But did he have no lines but he was kind of blurred into this kind of fuzzed face and she was just like what snatched to within an inch of her life she looked amazing and he looked like kind of a heat wave or he looked like she just kind of turned his face into like kind of he looked like a toe like there was very little features visible I have and she just banged it up not a bother on her when in the days of face tunes sometimes I get like I get memories and you know they get you get those memories on Instagram when I'm like who did I think I was joking with like seriously I used to like change I used to

whiten the whites of my eyes and stuff like that. Like mad stuff. I've just found with Zac Efron, I'm grateful for a couple of things today. Martin Luther King Jr. and 10 million followers on IG. What? I know. At least he's grateful. Me and Vogue have a particular kind of ick

around people who congratulate themselves on the number of followers they have. Oh no. Do you know people with their balloons and all? You're like, just fucking get on with your job. The balloons. You just, you can't. Like, do you know what as well?

Thanks for the 10K followers because you and I both, you and I both know Vogue. Your followers go up and down like a fiddler's elbow. They go up and down loads. But if you tweet, like if you insta a milestone,

you're just literally about to bomb yourself and you're going to lose about 10,000 followers for instaing that you're deadly don't insta that I remember my worst is

you know when people retweet not so much anymore because obviously Twitter's gone when people retweet compliments of themselves it's like

no please don't please don't do that now I will say hands up I have been victim to doing that during things like

Edinburgh Fringe or if I'm trying to sell a show I very I do limit it but I will bang out the odd one like on Insta

if someone does a nice video say something nice I'll post it because I'm like I'll post it to stories to try and sell the next show so I'm no saint is what I'm saying

okay well fine okay I don't know if I've done that but anyway you know you kick chickens yeah but it's different it's different than

someone just going great twits great twits and pogo re-shares thanks guys excuse me are you having a mimosa yeah look at me I'm on the point of a breakdown Excuse me Are you having a mimosa? Yeah look at me

I'm on the point of a breakdown All I have in life is mimosas I know My back is so sore I think I need to be saying something I'm sorry I'm sorry Social media fail

Celebrity number one Go on But Bow Wow. Do you remember him? Oh God. Oh no. Did an Instagram post. Oh my God.

Saying that he was flying to New York and a picture of a huge private jet. And then someone on his flight who obviously followed him saw him sitting commercial like a peasant and took a photo of him while he was literally

like writing the... Like as in he's like oh i've just seen he just posted he's like i've just seen bow wow post he's on a private jet he's actually sitting commercial like i would i would walk to the end of the earth i would dig my way through the earth's lava and drown myself in the middle of the earth from embarrassment i bet you he wouldn't give a shit about that i find that kind of oh come on you couldn wouldn't give a shit about that. I find that kind of... Oh, come on! You couldn't not give a shit about that. The wealth. It's like going back to Champagne Papi,

my friend, Drake. Yeah. It's the wealth flashing that I honestly can't bear it. Like, when Kylie Jenner always has to pose outside her private jet. We know you have a private jet. We know you have two. It's more to find.

Please stop. Do you know what it is? It's very 2015. It's very 2015. And the truth is, it's very 2015 it's very 2015 and the truth is it's now 2023 babes yeah when we go on tour Vogue

if you even post a photo of yourself in a car I will kick off you'll be pushed around Ireland in a wheelie bin excuse me

excuse me I'll tell you what I got you're going to be sickened Jo Vogue Williams in a trolley doing the rounds

of Ireland I'll push the trolley Vogue's in the trolley that's what's going to be sickened, Joe. Vogue Williams in a trolley doing the rounds of Ireland. I'll push the trolley. Vogue's in the trolley. That's what's going to happen. I won't step. Anything else is excessive and showing off. We're not going to do it.

I'll tell you something. I won't set one single foot in a car because I have gotten myself a Move Electric scooter. I have an electric scooter. I'm going to be scooting into the galley every day with the wind in my hair.

I really hope that happens. It's going to happen. It's going to happen it's going to happen I could probably get you one if you wanted one we could scoot in scoot out good for the environment

that'd be cute that'd be so cute so you're going to scoot in from Hoth I'm going to scoot in from Hoth yeah you've said it now

okay I will see you there if anyone's listening to the pod keep a close eye on Vogue for the entire month of February if you see her on anything electric or with wheels. Oh, hold on. Is it an electric scooter?

It's a Ducati electric scooter. What's that mean? Ducati, that make of motorbikes. They make electric scooters. So I'm going to be flying along the seafront to Quintarf. I'll see you there. Oh my God, amazing. I know

Amber has one too Vogue arrives on her Harley what are you doing for New Year's I want to know what you're doing for New Year's because we won't be on the pod when is New Year's Saturday Saturday night will be

New Year's Eve I have to say the days go I feel like the days go incredibly slow when you've got three kids getting up at six in the morning it's kind of like mountain climbers in the gym.

It's time like stops when you start doing mountain climbers. Is she doing this on purpose, Jen? Cut her mic. I find your glowy lifestyle particularly triggering today, I have to say.

I'm going to bring you bands into the galley. We're going to be pumping up a storm, Mr. Motivator, a couple of lightweights. I can't wait. It's going to bring you bands into the galley. We're going to be pumping up a storm, Mr. Motivator. A couple of lightweights. I can't wait. It's going to be fantastic.

I'm going on safari in a week with a head. I look like a lion. I love the way you say safari. Safari. I'm going on safari. How do you say it? Safari. One of my favourite things that I saw,

one of my favourite ever Christmas posts that was reposted, I think she does it every year, Susan Sarandon. If anyone is looking on their phone, go look at the real Susan Sarandon posted. It's of her, like, I don't know if it's her son

or her nephew or something. And he's doing this really funny dance and he slips because he's wearing socks and falls straight onto the kids' little Wendy house that they'd him for Christmas. And crushes the whole thing. And it's so good to just watch it all over again.

I love her. I love her as well. She's amazing. Do you know what as well? Do you know what movie I watched? Sorry, I can't say movie. I don't know where I got that. Film.

I love the way you say film. Film. Film. Film. I watched last night. It's actually surprisingly good. I'm a huge fan of Renee oh I love her yeah

Renee Zellweger oh okay what did you watch what am I saying four Christmases that's Renee Zellweger no no it's Renee it's the other one

it's Renee Weatherspoon hold on what am I oh my god my brain is collapsing what was her name guys it's Christmas it's not our fault please help

we need to wrap this up I'm malfunctioning her eyes are twitching they're swelling again they're closing over I'm like I loved Brad Pitt

and Little Women really yes I'm sorry I meant Saoirse around him okay oh my god

Jo what did you expect it's the 27th of December yeah whose idea was this anyway I thought we were on holidays no we're not on holidays yet and you know I have to record a pod

on the 2nd of January I'm going to be in a hula hoop probably whose pod mine and Spen's I'll just drop it I won't do it don't worry

I promise I wouldn't bother no one will't do it don't worry I promise I wouldn't bother no one will notice if it doesn't go up okay do you know what I want to do right I want to

I want to know your peak and pit of Christmas I know it's very Kardashian I don't give a shit I love them and I've admitted it

peak and pit so your favourite thing that happened over Christmas and your least favourite thing that happened over Christmas Joe you can get involved too we'll allow it thanks

but do you know what my peak was what the probably the the last two shows in Castlebar

when it was like these are my last two tour shows they were mad they were really up for it it was great crack and then drove home

the night after the last show from Castlebar back to Dublin yeah and opened a giant bottle of champagne and

drank it all and that was quite exciting and then my pit is probably my face looking like a crustacean it looks better now though

and maybe you'll get new skin and you'll look great I'm on the I'm gonna shed my skin and then sell it like a'm on the I'm going to shed my skin and then sell it like a handbag like a little snake

and then Joe will go down and he'll say is that right Joe? Oh come on How many parts can we get the Joe going down the snake? I can't even remember

what that was Why are you accusing you of going down the snake? Because he does it all the time It's a news story we read No because

it's a news story about read because of the news story about their anatomy disgusting pig Joe no you do yours and I'll do mine last you do your peak the peak is a cauliflower cheese

on Christmas dinner that absolutely redefined what is possible in the cauliflower cheese arena okay nothing to do with family but that's okay but a cauliflower go on

I mean it was enjoyed around family with family yeah there was people in the cauliflower cheese arena. Okay, nothing to do with family, but that's okay. But a cauliflower, go on. I mean, it was enjoyed around family, with family. Yeah, there was people in the room who I think I'm related to. Yeah. I don't know. And, oh, the pit. Oh, travelling.

There was a lot of travelling because you know you've got to get around. And that's just, that sucks. So the peak wasn't the fact that you've got a child on the way now. It was the cauliflower cheese. Wow. Second to the cauliflower cheese is knowing that it's that you've got a child on the way it was the cauliflower cheese wow second to the cauliflower cheese

is knowing that it's my last Christmas without a child which is very exciting I would to be honest I'd put that in pit because next Christmas you're going to be up

at six in the morning so my pit would be waking up at six in the morning every day with the three kids which is fine and my peak would be

training on Christmas day that was the best I mean she's doing this on purpose my peak would be being up here with my whole family and having a lovely time

okay but you can tell us the real one when we turn off the mic my peak would be finding those fucking tweets that Samuel L. Jackson

was liking you go digging there I'm going to dig dig dig this is how bad I look I was sitting in the kitchen this morning

Alan comes down abs glinting in the sunlight and I went morning ride and he just looked at me and went

morning very honest man I was like ow glinting in the sunlight and I went morning ride and he just looked at me and went morning be very honest man I was like ow okay so we're going to do guess the headline man attempts to blank on the A1 after mistaking it

for a blank now that's a bit hard for Joanne that's two blanks. Not fair. Man attempts to ride a horse on the A1 thinks it's Cheltenham.

Every time I just want to say man attempts to wank because it's blank. Anyway, man attempts to land a plane on the A1 after mistaking it for a runway. Are they always doing that?

A pilot carrying out his first solo flight from Newcastle is said to have mistaken the bustling A1 dual carriageway for an airport's runway. The 72-year-old pilot with just 233 hours of... Why has he only got that...

He really came late in the game. 233 hours of flight experience thought it was runway light oh my god he lowered it to 300 feet lower than the height of the Big Ben before realising he was lower than he thought

oh my god that's really bad this is why mature students are annoying do you know what I mean they're annoying yeah I mean they're always misreading situations it reminds me when we were in college

and the tutor or whatever would be like I'll let you out early unless anyone has any questions. And the mature students would be like, always? I know. It's like, oh, fuck, because you're here to actually learn. Jesus. Yeah, no. No, we're not, actually. You're eating

into our time. Anyway, thank God you landed the plane and everyone survived. Christmas, Christmas. Jingle, jingle. Yeah, jingle bells. Not on top of cars. Did everyone survive, Jo? Fact check that, will you? He was only flying a little tiny plane. It's not like a big airline. Oh, I thought it was a jumbo jet.

Well, that story's crap. Who cares? God's sake. I thought it was one of those amazing planes. I love when people do those posts. You thought it was Concorde? Concorde, yeah. When are we going to be able

to just kind of like side saddle a drone and just get around like that? When's that going to happen? What can you do? How do you fly? Put a pair of straps on a drone and ride it like a horse.

Have you ever, have you ever done skydiving? No. It's terrible. I had to sit on this man's lap. I'd never met him before. I had to sit in this man's lap I'd never met him before I had to sit in his lap for 25 minutes

just sitting on his lap while we got up hold on is this again folks there's been a couple of instances where you've been low level molested and then you've tried to

pass them off as hobbies or events in your life and then we have to explain that you were low level molested he was moving around but he said that there was a spider under him so I was like okay.

No 25 minutes you're sitting on someone's lap then you jump out of a plane it's not enjoyable I just I wouldn't do it again to be honest with you. I think it was for a job

but as I've said before you can pay me to do anything. A woman splits with hubby after he buys her blank for Christmas claiming it was a nasty dig. Hinge membership. No I think that would be quite kind. No it was a nasty dig. Hinge membership. No, I think that would be quite kind.

No, it is a gym membership. Ooh. I mean, I remember my auntie Naomi bought Amber a weighing scales for Christmas. What? Was it a joke? No.

She bought her a wing scale oh wow a wing maybe she just thought it was nice well that was great crack

thank you Jo we were so on it today on the 27th of December I hope somebody listens to this

what do we think I'm asleep Joanne's asleep her eyes have folded over again I just thought it was the swelling but it turns out she is asleep

thank you so much for listening and we will see you soon Joanne's going on to folding over like snails what I'm going on

yeah we might never see you again you might get eaten by a hippo with any luck see that little boy swallowed by a hippo spat any luck see that little boy swallowed by a hippo spat back out don't spit her out hippo keep her and thank you to the east african

experience for hosting my safari in january expect a lot of animal content and i'll probably just come back with a photo of me and a chicken two weeks in Kenya I'm like look who I met he's got hips okay see you later guys we are back in a few weeks and don't forget

Spencer and Vogue we're not taking a break go over there woo yeah we'll pick up the mess then from everyone we'll pick up the mess

I'll come back at the end of January and pick up the mess from what you and Spencer have done to the podcasting industry.