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MTGM EXTRA! "He locked eyes with the pair of us..."

November 30, 20220 comments♥ 0
00:00 This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. uh joanne something came to my attention this week so and i i don't know if it's true and because you're more of a bookworm than i am i would like to ask you about it so you know the way i'm obsessed with that colleen hoover author yes someone said to me those books are aimed at teenagers and i'm mortified i can't get enough of them is that my is that my age range for like reading I don't actually
00:49 I don't know because I've never read any of her stuff so I don't know if it's kind of teen fiction or not but I do know I have seen a lot of women
00:55 our age reading them I'm absolutely obsessed with them but also I don't think any of that stuff matters like adults are reading Harry Potter and stuff
01:03 do you know what I mean once you're not sitting there on the train reading Peppa Pig I think you're grand I couldn't I any of that stuff matters like adults are reading Harry Potter and stuff do you know what I mean once you're not sitting there on the train reading Peppa Pig I think you're grand I couldn't I mean Harry Potter's too long for me I do look at a book
01:11 and I'm like no too long too long I was about to start reading this book called Shantaram have you seen how long that is yeah it's huge have you read it is that
01:19 is that the old is that out a long while yeah I remember going around at the time I don't think I ever read it, to be honest. I know. Everyone was reading it.
01:28 It's quite daunting. I might stick to my little romance kind of novel things. I was thinking I'd love to start like a kind of a, I mean, this isn't a new idea. I think everyone does it. And like a digital book club. To get me back into reading books. I've gone very bad.
01:43 And I love a good recommendation. And then we're all, like if we should do it and then we're reading them together and we can talk about the book do you know what I mean it's like a share book well I told you to read that you have to read that
01:53 Colleen Hoover book I'm telling you it ends with us everyone I gave it as a recommendation on this and loads of people have mailed me to say they've read it so maybe we should
02:00 do a digital book club and like talk about it like not for ages on the pod in case people don't want to hear about it we should do a little book club and like talk about it, like not for ages on the pod in case people don't want to hear about it. We should do a little roundup of what book we read. I think we should. I think it'd be fun
02:11 and it would give us a sense of camaraderie togetherness. Which is what we want. We'd feel very intelligent as well, wouldn't we? Well, it depends on the books. We'll start with Anne and Barry. I was going to say,
02:23 there's a great book I read about these two kids and they find this house in the woods covered in sweets and then they go in right
02:32 this sounds great I got a lot from it to be honest yeah I got a lot from that book it sounds like a fantastic read actually oh I know
02:44 I know another good book Jump for the Stars why don't we read that oh for god oh this is what this is now plugs for the baby books what about that caterpillar book
02:55 maybe we could start with him The Hungry Caterpillar yes let's start there I haven't read in a while let's go small I'd have to build myself up to Jump for the Stars
03:04 to be honest. Why don't we do... I hear I found it amazingly surprising. Did I? What did I say? What did they lie? What fraud did they come in
03:15 the back of that book? Have you even supported your friend and bought one of the Jump for the Stars? It's a very well read book. People love it. The kids are loving it.
03:24 What kids? My kids are loving it what kids? my kids and other people's kids who have mailed me about the book are you saying you want me to buy the book you want me to buy the book
03:32 to support you do you want me to buy the book to support you? buy the book to support me okay? I will you're right I will I'll do a reel about it
03:39 do a reel about the book I'll do a reel reels perform no pictures I don't want a picture I want a reel I'll be bawling crying
03:47 but like that was the most terrifying experience of my life okay let's get in I think that we should talk about this book club idea
03:55 seriously do you know what I'd love to read I'd love to start reading Roald Dahl's books again Roald Dahl Roald Dahl
04:01 big time he I found him fascinating he used to write there was obviously a bit of controversy with him when he him fascinating he used to write there was obviously a bit of controversy with him when he died but he used to
04:09 he used to go he had to shed out in his garden and he'd go out and he'd put a tray across his lap and he used to write his book in pencil
04:16 and he'd like rub out lines and then write it again imagine imagine him to write a book with a pencil and a pen
04:22 imagine how like I don't think I'd even know how to write now if I took a pen to my hand. That's mad because you have two books on sale under your name. That's insane. You're an author. Joanne, I mean.
04:32 You're an author. Well, I typed them up, didn't I? Do you think I sat there with a pen and wrote them? I actually, do you know what? And like, I haven't even, I haven't looked into it yet, but I would love to write like my little teen romance novels i've loads of ideas on my head i haven't haven't put pen to paper yet i'll probably get i'll probably have a trilogy out before joanne's released her book i probably will do you know what i thought you know what you do because you because you sell so well right and you're kind of like um
04:59 a momtrepreneur is that what they call them you should go in you should go in get a fucking ghostwriter right tell them you have a couple of ideas bang out a line of kind of teenage fiction books that get made into movies that us adults read
05:15 yeah adult fiction they'll be made into movies I would let you you could be one of the actors in one of my things okay how kind of you Vogue thank you you're very kind of you Vogue thank you
05:25 you're very welcome Jo you can't cheers okay on to emails I promised Joanne I promised Joanne the role of barista number two in this book
05:36 please she's really holding on to it it's a big break for her okay so we have got okay hi ladies I'm a fairly new listener and i'm making my way through episodes at a rate of knots i have a story to rival bogues about her brother walking in oh christ don't remind me of that uh my boyfriend and i went on holiday with his family a few years ago
05:58 we're not together anymore and we were all staying in a block of rooms next to each other we could easily pop in and out of each other when we're getting ready and making drinks or whatever we were both getting ready to go out for dinner when we started having sex and we knew we'd have to be quick otherwise we'd be late my boyfriend had to introduce his granddad to this rum he'd bought from juicy free i am turned i'm turned on are you turned on and he'd really taken a liking to it you can tell what happened next his granddad opens the door saying where's more of that rum then he locked eyes with the pair of us froze and said i'm very sorry both of you i won't give you too many details but it's enough to say that he literally
06:34 couldn't have seen more of me if he tried he was so apologetic for the rest of the holiday oh my god stop that is so embarrassing the eye contact he locked eyes with all of them that's that's too many eyes do you know what I mean it's too many eyes do you know what I'm actually touched I haven't really walked in
06:51 on that many people having sex just two it's awful it's an awful time it's so disgusting and animalistic I totally forgot
06:59 I forgot that one of my a guy was going out with his sister walked in on us I totally forgot about that till now oh god
07:07 in what way were you situated we were kind of just getting stuck in on the bed but like like just normal missionary
07:15 you can get away with missionary yeah I don't think there was anything I don't think there was I don't think there was like any spank paddles hanging from the roof
07:21 or anything I think it was kind of pretty basic you hadn't been gifted them yet where is my spank paddle where is it don't worry about it
07:28 folk don't worry about it okay drop the spank paddles I'm giving them to Otto for his 18th mummy do you want some soup alright I want to talk about this because like i i actually to be honest
07:52 i started the jumpsuits you didn't even wear a jumpsuit before i had worn the jumpsuits i did agree i did wear jumpsuits i just didn't happen to wear i just style yours for the tour the pink one but of course no excuse me you weren't wearing jumpsuits. I just didn't happen to wear, I just style yours for the tour, the pink one. No, excuse me, you weren't wearing jumpsuits before I had that orange one. That was our first foray into jumpsuits, really. Excuse me,
08:11 you're completely wrong. I was wearing jumpsuits on stage in fucking 2018. I wore jumpsuits on my first chat show. Well, I was wearing jumpsuits from the age of 13. Okay, I owned them. I was born in a jumpsuit. I was pushed out of my owned them born in a jumpsuit i was pushed out of
08:26 my mother's womb in a jumpsuit my sack my fetal sack your amniotic my amniotic sack was shaped like a jumpsuit so so everyone joanne doesn't own jumpsuits i swear anytime i wear jumpsuits i get trolled out of it like asking why I've taken Joanne's clothes. And I've just got myself three, three, no less than three new jumpsuits. And they're mine, not hers. Anyway, hi Joanne of Vogue. I had an experience this week and I feel the need to share it with you. I blame Joanne for it. So we all know Joanne loves her pink jumpsuit. My pink jumpsuit. I saw this and thought I was a fan a fan i bought myself the teal one feeling like a goddess i wore to my friend's baby's first birthday party as i arrived at the venue having to
09:10 take my shoes off i went to find the toilet i undid the little tie and unzipped and shimmied out of the jumpsuit remembering how impractical they are i did my business just a wee and started to get dressed i noticed that my sleeve oh no my felt heavy. Then I realized it was wet and warm. I pissed on my sleeve. Ah, yeah. They're a bit dangerous like that. Yeah. I actually don't think that there's anything really that wrong with it.
09:34 Just give it a rinse. Only the other night in Southend-on-Sea did I perform with the cuff covered in urine. Yeah. So if you've met Joanne and there's a strong scent of ammonia
09:47 you know she's just pissed herself again yeah that's why I wear all that pomegranate noir yeah the dead dot yeah you're
09:54 yeah sometimes and it is it is it is incredibly annoying you have to keep an eye on the sleeves because they do tend
10:01 to travel into the toilet yeah there's nothing worse than I remember I sat down on the toilet and I was absolutely deranged and uh it was it was at some event years ago and the toilet seat was down and I hadn't noticed because I was so drunk and I literally I pissed and obviously that's so funny and stories like this are why i will not be getting my children into any schools over here okay the kids are gonna be head schooled in battersea hi booge and joanna i heard the story about the two-minute silence during the wax and knew it was
10:44 my time to send my story. I booked in a wax at a shopping centre. We're halfway through and the girl's phone rang. She apologised but said she should answer and she wouldn't be long. Turns out it was her mum phoning her to say that her cat had been hit by a car. It was very sad and awkward. She took ten minutes or so to
11:00 compose herself. Oh, and I was sat waiting with no pants on. Eventually she resumed the job, but hadn't stopped crying. In fact, the more she carried on the worse the tears got. She was apologising through gasping sobs and I just tried to make polite and comforting conversation about how I was
11:16 sure it was a very instant and painless death. Once she'd finished and I was dressed, I offered her a hug and she fully took me up on a proper snot crying into my shoulder and holding on tight. Oh oh that's desperate that's terrible but look let the lesson here be
11:30 don't get out and decent dunt yourself in a shopping centre yeah that's like going for a bypass at the bottom of a shopping centre just don't do it
11:36 go to a reputable clinic I'm not going to have a fucking a boiling hot lollipop stick stuck on myself at the bottom of a shopping centre
11:43 what I will say to you, my lesson was different. Don't buy cats. They all get knocked over. When have you ever met a cat that didn't die from being knocked over? Very unusual.
11:53 Don't love anything. Don't attach yourself to anything. Don't have any feelings and don't think about anything. That's the message. Yeah, we forgot about that. Stop thinking. I'm not well this week.
12:03 But I am going on tour. That's just... She certainly is. I'm still on tour. Three more bigger streets and another house. three more bigger streets and another house in the park get in there quick
12:29 seriously they're not on until next year so loads of time I must say that would be a fantastic
12:36 Christmas present idea Joanne I was only thinking myself what a perfect Christmas present I would be jingle bells jingle bells
12:43 etc etc thank you everyone for listening we'll see you at the Apollo for Christmas present I would be. Jingle bells, jingle bells, et cetera, et cetera. Thank you everyone for listening. We'll see you at the Apollo. March 3rd, 2023. I'll be there.