My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I'd hardly unpacked a box and I was already moving out..."

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

It's the final edition from Vogue & Joanne for a couple of weeks, whilst they take a bit of a break, but they'll be back before long! This week, one emailer has found some photos (eughhhh) and another heard something she shouldn't have!!! If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. open the fridge and pour herself a glass of champagne look at her what's she getting at least she's putting a bit of orange juice in there for some hydration look at her go very clean fridge there's not much in that fridge I've got a new addiction actually I have to tell you about

so H&M do this studio collection and you can't sometimes get stuff have you ever been on a site called Vestiae I know the name and you can bid so like I literally now you have on a site called Vestia I know the name and you can bid

so like I literally you have to bid at least 70% of what it's worth but you get stuff for like half price and like they do designer stuff

that you get for really cheap as well but like all the H&M studio bits are there I got a couple of bits I was absolutely thrilled if you have to bid 70% of what it's worth

how can you get it on because it's already like it's already half price because they've yeah gotcha so some great deals to be had okay we're going hold on get it on because it's already like it's already half price because they've yeah gotcha so some great deals

to be had okay we're going hold on is that a paid for collab no it's not I've just I've been in Scotland cut it

cut it that is not a paid collab I feel like I'm not allowed to mention someone someone goes to me as well by the way

I got a mail I'm going to white label your kids unless Gigi's paying to have her name on this podcast, she's just called Child 2. Jo, question for you. Our little English companion, who we love and adore.

Our little Polly Pocket Englishman. What do you want? A holiday, Jo. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know why you call it Boxing Day? A holiday show. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What, do you know why you call it Boxing Day?

I Google this every year. I know. Oh, yeah. Okay, go, go, go. Because, so Boxing Day, because. You were watching

that spinning show. And again. What's it called? You know we like having the crack with the English Irish thing. So obviously Boxing Day in Ireland,

if you say Boxing Day, you basically be stoned to death because I always thought it was really bad. Like Boxing Day was when they boxed Catholics or something in the face. It's all it means is when the upper echelons of society used to re-box presents that they'd been given and give them to the poor. Yeah. So it's called Boxing Day.

That's nice things. Well, it's not that nice. It's a bit like... A bit patronising to be honest, Jo. I'm all for a bit of re You're patronising, to be honest, Jo. I'm all for a bit of re-gifting myself, to be fair. Yes, it's your national day

of re-gifting. My favourite thing is when you have people like Joanne and I did this. I don't know if we officially did it, but we're doing it. And my business partner, Kieran and I did it.

He was like, oh, what am I going to get you for Christmas? And I said, I'll tell you what, I'll get you nothing if you get me nothing. And it's the best present

you can get. The gift of nothing the gift of no stress don't make me give you a gift and Joanne I'm not getting you jack shit you're not getting me

jack shit Jo you got the buggy back off you're going to be very embarrassed when you see the gorgeous hamper that I've put together

for you Vogue do you know what a fantastic gift would be for me if you took your god damn duvet back? Oh my God, that duvet. Yeah, oh my God, that duvet.

Yeah. Okay. Hi, girls. You can't make this shite up. I'm 25 and I heard the pod the other day with Joanne's mom coming in to fill up her stocking. Well, here I was with my boyfriend back spending his first Christmas with my family.

Out to the pub Christmas Eve and back home for a bit of ho-ho-ho when everyone had gone to sleep or so I thought. I'm after giving him the Christmas ride of his life and in walked my poor mother

to put presents at the end of my bed. Riding this now it's Christmas afternoon and things are just about defrosting one more glass and I'll try and make a joke

of it with it that is honestly I it all a lot of it depends on positions I think I'd pass away

and die if my mom walked in on me like honestly it would be honestly like I know that whole situation happened with Alexander

I don't really like to talk about it I've kind of had an out of body experience of it I pretend it wasn't me but I die like I

yeah there's no coming back from that your mom has seen you now in fairness if I was on top and giving it a good go you know

yeah if you were if you were shown in a good light yeah I think like mommy look at me look at me mommy like that I tell you what

I went I went yeah yeah look mom I'm doing it I'm doing it mom I went on top last night and i will not let spence forget that for at least a week i was on top remember remember that night on the 26th i was on top actually march i'll still be saying it do you remember that time i know do you know when you just want a break you just you're like i'm just not up for the ride you And you're like, do you know what? I told Alan, I've actually got thrush, which is a lie.

I just was like, give me a break. It's Christmas. I just want to relax. I've got thrush. That's a bloody great one. Yeah, because he doesn't know what it is. He doesn't understand. He just knows it's a no-go area. I was like, it's four to five working days. And there's a couple of bank holidays at the moment. So you add on to that. It's going to be eight days,

Alan. Okay? Mummy's got thrush. Go away. That's a really, it's a couple of bank holidays at the moment. So you add on to that. It's going to be eight days, Alan. Okay. Mummy's got thrush. Yeah. Go away. That's a really, it's a better one. I was thrown in the back and then I had to throw in an old headache because the back didn't even deter. You can cure a headache. Do you know what Alan has beside the bed?

A thermometer. Do you know those ones you shoot at the head? So if I say I don't feel well, he checks my temperature to see if my temperature is healthy. Then I can't say anything but there's no temperature from thrush girls tip to the wise

Spencer goes I was like God I have a desperate headache well I know what gets rid of that sex I'm not even joking sex gets rid of a headache

I was like it doesn't get rid of it doesn't get rid of a headache you're disgusting it's a time of rest come on time of rest back on Time of rest

Back off Okay here's one Hi Joanne and Vogue I wanted to hear your thoughts On some photographs I found on my soon to be Ex-boyfriend's Amazon account I didn't even know that

Uh oh I have commandeered My boyfriend A very good word My boyfriend of three years Kindle And noticed that his photos From his phone camera

Were automatically backing up To his Amazon account I conducted some gentle surveillance under the guise of reminiscing over our recent holidays photos. Imagine my surprise when I found an image of a half-naked woman masturbating in her bed, followed by a photo of his erect penis in his boxers, which he'd taken in the locker room at his place of work.

I can only see the photos, and I can't see the conversation I've confronted him, and he claims they met at a festival and kept in contact and nothing has happened in person oh he said he made a dreadful mistake deleted her and blocked her straight away conveniently she doesn't have social media she lives up north so no way of speaking to her he's genuinely a nice person we get on great and we're planning to have a family next year however i kicked him out of my flat while we both get some space to process the incident what do i do next oh do you know what john i i find that to be a hard one right i think that there are some circumstances that you can

actually forgive somebody and i was reading a book the other day and because I'm a bookworm here we go I was reading my second book of the holidays right after I had been torturing myself in the gym and just after a sea swim in the loch just squatting and reading squatting and reading drinking kombucha squatting reading squatting squatting reading um I don't know sometimes like you can I mean I mean it is cheating that to me Hold on

what was the book? What was the book? What was the book reference? The book where's it gone? There's so many piled up over there I can't see the line of red Vogue

are you are you zooming from a library? No this is just my this is my private space it's my private space What books? Oh all those books

I hadn't noticed I went through them last year I'm just reading a bit of Stephen Hawking just kind of getting to grips This is my private space. It's my private space. What books? Oh, all those books. I hadn't noticed. I went through them last year. I'm just reading a bit of Stephen Hawking, just kind of getting to grips with black elves, you know, over Christmas. Just a little light reading. But yeah, I think that sometimes... Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Just for the sake of... You said like I was reading a book. What did the book say about the situation? So this man kissed another woman on his wife. Yeah. And actually when he gets to the end of the book it's like okay i understand that and i think that i'm happy for that character to forgive him so there are certain circumstances we don't know the whole ins and outs of what's going on there

i think she needs to know every single detail and then maybe if you're because she's thinking of starting a family with him next year. Like that is like a serious relationship. Bit of therapy. See what's going on and then decide. Don't rush your decision. You don't need to rush that decision. I kind of agree.

Like, I'm very much of that mindset. I'm like, people fuck up all the time. However, I've written down a couple of notes while you were telling me that story. One,

man with a kindle. Disgusting. Revolting. Disgusting. Ick. Suspicious. And strange. Yeah, man with a Kindle. Disgusting. Revolting. Disgusting. Ick. Suspicious and strange. Yeah, I agree.

Agree. Rip open paper like a normal man. Grow a set of balls. Smell a book, weirdo. Yeah, with your digital dick.

I don't understand this Amazon account business either, but then again, Joanne and I are not very technical. Secondly, sending a dick pic within the boxers.

Also, disgusting. Get it out or don't send it. Why are you saying it could be anything? It could be a carrot, it could be anything in there. He's exaggerating for size.

That's what that would say to me. He's fudging the numbers. Sky remote in the pants. Exactly. That's what's going on. Yeah. So all that is more, all that is more problematic

for me than him sending a dick pic to some young one who's wanking off in a red. What, the truth is, and I think this is a nice message to round out the year on, everyone's at it.

Oh, for God's sake. No, sorry. I would like to be more positive on that, Joanne. Everyone's got a shady side. Everyone's sending dick pics No, I was thinking that. I don't know why I was thinking that.

I think I had a dream. Probably a filthy little Samuel L. Jackson dream. But I think I was thinking because like I just don't know if I'd have it in me.

I couldn't be arsed. Like when I go out and Spencer's not there that's my night off. I don't have to say I have a headache. I know. I don't want to be

getting a headache with someone else. I can't be arsed. Well I didn't want to I don't I don't. I don't want to be getting a headache with someone else. I can't be honest. Well, I didn't want to. I don't want to sound like I'm down on lads because I love lads. I love them.

They are my cross to bear. She loves lads. She doesn't love chickens. Lads buzz, lads buzz. I love it. But I think a lot of lads are sad, aren't they?

Sorry. So yeah, basically I think that you like figure the whole thing out yourself. You know what to do. I don't necessarily think cheating is the complete end of a relationship. It just depends. Oh, what are you backing yourself for? What's going on here? This sounds like you're laying the groundwork.

Well, I couldn't be arse. I couldn't be arse cheating. Maybe one day I'll find it upon myself to bother my arse, but I don't think so. I think the only time that you'd ever catch me cheating is when I was pregnant. And there's not a lot of people that want to have sex with pregnant people. No, you're not that bad. I can't get enough. I just think there's too many of us.

I'd score you when I was pregnant, Joanne. Honestly, I'd go for you. I know. You try it. You try it a couple of times. Do you want to hear another email? I was just going to say to this girl, dear Anon,

I always think that whatever you found, there's always other stuff. There's more going on. Do you know what I mean? There's always more to it. Figure all that out first. Figure it out.

GDP or data breach. Hire some Russian spam bot to really dig in there. Find out what's actually going on because he's definitely not telling you the truth. Okay, data breach. Hire some Russian spam bot to really dig in there. Find out what's actually going on because he's definitely not telling you the truth. Okay, next message. Another upbeat one. How I heard I was being cheated on.

Hi ladies, I know you've done the episode with all the cheating stories but wanted to throw mine in the ring just in case. My boyfriend was a serial cheater and I knew deep down it would be another case of cheating before long. We just moved into a new flat and we were getting things out of boxes and getting settled. He was playing music from his

phone when it rang and he went outside to answer it. Suspicious. Yeah, I didn't think anything of it. That was until a woman's voice came out of the bluetooth speaker Because From the sound of it She couldn't hear him Because of the speaker being connected

He couldn't hear her For the same reason And I couldn't hear him Because he'd left the room The girl was really upset Getting more and more angry Shouting his name Because he wasn't saying anything

And then she'd had enough Screamed down the phone I can't fucking believe You're still with her i never want to see you again the call ended and he came back into the room with no idea what i just heard so i asked him who was that and he said it was work absolute shite bag i'd hardly unpacked a box and i was already moving out well you know what there's a plus to every minus. You hadn't unpacked. Imagine you'd unpacked. That would be way worse

because you'd be unpacking and then you'd, not only would you have unpacked, you would have had to repack. So you should thank your lucky stars. That's like, that's Liz Truss time, space,

like that's like, that's chronically short. Oh, stop. Do you think she unpacked? i don't think she unpacked oh my god how embarrassing if that was your mom you'd feel so sorry for her i know god anyway listen yeah as as as we'd always say you dodged a bullet there with that lad you dodged a bullet and you saved yourself some unpacking and repacking also

in my mimosa fog I'm thinking well you know he did choose you in the end I just want to round the year out and say I'm positive I'll be like and that's how you do it bitch

bye side chick number one bye honey yeah yeah thank you very much for listening thank you thank you have a lovely new year's because it's is it new year no no it's after new year's gone uh i hope you had a lovely new year's welcome to 2022 welcome to 2020 i'm pleased to say we're not on tour at the moment

which is a great relief that we are on tour which is fantastic Joanna's running around chasing rhinos we leave you in peace and myrrh and frankincense

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