My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! “If pharmacists could talk…”

Episode Date: November 16, 2022

There’s a surfeit of emails this week, from cheating wives (yeah, wives!), to exposing images in public and a less than successful night in Hammersmith… If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally, who is currently stuffing her face with a delicious looking salad, but you won't find avocado in that salad, now will you Joanne? Show me your salad, Bill. Show me it. No, you'll slag my food. I won't find avocado in that salad. Now, will you, Joanne? Show me your salad bowl. Show me it. No, you'll slag my food. I won't slag your food.

I'll start by slagging the mixing bowl if you're eating out of it. Oh, I can't really see it properly. Now, I will say, if I'm on my own and I've cooked something in a pot like pasta pesto, there's a strong chance I'm just going to eat it out of the pot. I look classier than I am. Why would I use a plate?

That's just for show. A plate in cutlery is stuff that you use to impress other people. I'm alone. I'm on my own. I'll eat out of a base. I'll eat out of a base. Oh, here she is. Yeah, they're all in here. Say hello. Hello. I want to do food in my cup. Okay, say hello. Hello.

Hello, Spencer. Hello. Say hi, Joanne. Hello. Oh my God. Could she say I'm more bored by my presents? That was your... Hi, Joanne. Hi, Gigi.

Hi, Gigi. Will you go inside and I'll be back in a minute? I think Amber has lollipops. And if she doesn't have them, come back. No. Good plan, Theodore. She'll definitely have an espresso martini She did have one yesterday What are you drinking?

Having a quick glass of red Red? That's unusual for you Well John Belton can't train this afternoon So that's all bets are off now She only decided The journey had only just begun It's ended quite quickly The fitness journey Uh oh, another obstacle-oh you train at weird times though like I'm always

trying to get John super early in the morning you're always training at like two in the day it's just not for me I know but we're different animals I'm nocturnal like an owl yeah that's true um what is that thing that you sent me about the Somerset Gimp like that is oh I actually don't know what that is but they basically did you about the Somerset Gimp? Like that is... Oh, I actually don't know what that is. But basically, did you see the Somerset Gimp joke? I'm from Somerset and I don't know what that is. There's a man that goes around in a Gimp outfit and he just doesn't say anything to anyone.

He just like crawls along the ground in this Gimp outfit. Covered in mud. Yeah, so it's like Somerset Gimp strikes again. So then I was trying to find the previous offences of the Somerset Gimp, but so then I was trying to find the previous previous offences of the Somerset Gimp but I can't yeah I just bang it all out

to see if there's anything in it I actually I don't know how to look things up on TikTok so I love when there's good videos

like that but like imagine like that's your kid going around dressed as a Somerset Gimp like maybe it's but they're just they're just moonlighting

as a Somerset Gimp they've probably got a really good job they're probably in marketing or something. It's just something they do at the weekend for fun. I suppose so.

Okay, do you want to read emails? Hi, Vogue and Joanne. I'm a straight male podcast listener. We do exist and I wanted to run this one past you.

My wife and I separated recently after she had an affair with a bloke at her work. The maddest thing was how badly she hid it. You've often featured

stories of men trying to be secretive and get away with it, but I reckon my wife had every intention of me finding out she started going out with people from work a lot more than before which was totally fine but she'd come back pissed and all she'd talk about would be this guy let's call him tony next came the two weekends away for work training the secret phone calls where she disappeared to answer and finally the fact that tony would just drop her home right outside our door after they've been together i'm not naive enough to think that this wasn't all on purpose on a way to end the marriage but come on couldn't she have just told me what

was going on anyway in the context of our relationship i loved your pod and she wasn't a fan so that tells me all you need to know what a fucking loser thanks for all the laughs do you know what i never i'll never understand people that can just like just don't be i know it's weird yeah she's not well she's not well she's not healthy we must pity her she's a bad person yeah she needs to go into an asylum she needs 24 7 care she needs to be sectioned i agree i'm actually in in severe shock and disbelief about it but she is an asshole i never do you know what and carmel will get her anonymous because she and him will defo break up by the way ah yeah if you jump from one thing to the next nothing ever lasts and the only fun that is true yeah and the only fun thing about their relationship is probably the sneaking around which they don't have to do anymore so

it won't be as fun once you put it into the day like the normal day to day the excitement and the thrill fizzes out and then they're just she just left with some

fucking lad called Tony like also how rude to be dropping off in front of each other's houses and all that's just that's very

that's very disrespectful I mean she isn't disrespectful anyway thanks for listening Anonymous yeah we really appreciate that we like you do you know

who we don't like your ex-wife that's who we don't like and if she does when she comes out of the asylum and she's saying

again and she wants to listen to my therapist goes to me we won't let her we'll have her blocked in whatever area she's in

that's exactly yeah because we can do that Joanne I wanted to ask you something because it sparked quite a little debate online

about my two sets of sunglasses I had. I have never had so much trolling before in my life. Here's one set. I'm not usually

one to say that trolling is deserved but in this case I'm on the side of the trolls. You honestly don't like these sunglasses? I think I sent

some of the messages myself actually. Okay. Okay I've got another pair. Wait. I'm Andy 101 you know

that avatar just a guy in a Man United jersey that's me look how cool I look in these you can't deny it you look like you're recovering from river blindness we've been through this also you are aware that this is a this is the audio platform people can't see I know but people have already been busing me about them anyway so they'll remember the said sunglasses it's it's so funny because I people will send me the second you do anything weird online people just grab it and send it to me immediately so I'm like I'm just like putting it all in a folder they're like the neck of her and her slag in your sandals look at the state of her glasses that's what I got about the sandals you'll never live those

sandals and although they didn't make it out this summer. So I think she's done with them. The sunglasses, what I would say is you wore two pairs. They do look like kind of clown goggles. I think that's fair. Yeah, but I think that they look like cool, cool clown goggles. I don't think there's such a thing as cool clown goggles. I don't know. But listen, listen, they'll probably be on some catwalk soon.

You know what I mean? They've already been on a catwalk. That's where I got them. How many seasons ago was it, 1982? Yeah, I got them at Bistro Village. So I got them for like a quarter of the price because no one else wanted to buy them. But you know what? I did. And I love them. What a quarter of the price because no one else wanted to buy them but you know what I did and I love them what's this Bisto village place it's like uh what's the one

in Ireland Kildare village you know like an eight net yeah yeah and um and you can go and you just get like money off clothes Bisto top top if you're listening please send some contraption to pick me up from my bed and drop me to the Bistow Village. I'd love to do some shopping. Oh, that's good. You can actually get a train directly there. And also,

I'll go one day with you and we'll drive. It only takes, it takes like an hour and 20 minutes to get there from my house. Oh, fab. Let's do that. Yeah, no,

I did it with Amber recently. We actually got a few nice bits. You went to the Bistow town with Amber? I went to the Bistow town with Amber. Listen to you, just because you're on

a permanent tour doesn't mean I have to the Bisto town with Amber. Listen, Joanne, just because you're on a permanent tour doesn't mean I have to sort out my Bisto dates around you. As long as I wasn't here. No, you certainly were not. Okay, the next one is, Hi Vogue and Joanne, your story this week of the girl and her vibrator email to the charity gave me horrific flashback

of something that happened to me a couple of years ago. Something I clearly tried to remove from my memory. All going well until your podcast. Basically, a year into my relationship with my current boyfriend it was his birthday and i decided to make him a scrapbook with family photos of his nieces nephews brothers etc as he has no childhood photos due to the family home going on fire my thoughtful me goes into one of those photoshops in the square in tallah plugs my phone into one of them self-service machine and proceeds to accept all the access conditions to my phone it went into my camera roll and straight away images pop up stupid me forgot my recent images are full nudes that i had taken the night before in the middle of this tiny shop with two workers and three customers is my fecking bare anal cavity

on this screen who the fuck takes pictures of their arsehole? But we're a safe space for people. We do not judge. I know, but like, okay, sorry. I just, I have yet to spread my ass and take a picture of my anus. That's all. Well, you're not living. I'm behind the times. I panicked and tried to scroll something

that didn't resemble a Sphinx cat, but the machine froze. Full on froze. I stood there trying to cover the screen sweating declining any help that was offered to me and eventually unplugged my phone and ran out of the shop never again will I be thoughtful that is pretty scarlet I still can't get over the asshole picture though I like I move with the times though the fact you haven't photographed your asshole is exactly related to the fact you're still ordering avocados. These are things you're in the past.

Joanne, have you taken a picture of your asshole? No. Yeah, exactly. How would you even do it? I'm trying to think. I'd have to do like, like be a spider and put my head like, I don't know, be very difficult. Anyway, let's go back to this girl's asshole that everyone had to see. A, I feel your pain.

B, I was on a train once and my charge I had no charger and this lad was like do you want to plug it into my laptop and I was like yeah cool so I plugged my phone in and it said do you trust this computer and with that thinking I said yes and to this day do all my photos then upload onto that lad's camera or phone or laptop

no I don't really understand what that means I looked at him and said he's got a friendly face fuck it I do you know what I'd say people would be bored

going through my pictures but you actually just well I've got I do have two of my birth videos on my phone like and I wouldn't really want people

to see them for free I mean there will come a stage where we'll sell them 100% hashtag collab go get yourself

some laser look even at the hardest of times, you can still look great. Can you collab with your own uterus? I didn't think that was a thing. Oh, don't worry. I will find a way, my friend. I would say,

like remember back in the day, like whatever about now, about like uploading digital photos. Back in the day when you handed in a camera to a pharmacist or whatever. I don't know. Why were pharmacists printing photos? Anyway, whatever.

And you didn't know what was on them. I don't know, why were pharmacists printing photos? Anyway, whatever. And you didn't know what was on them. I'd say they've seen, I'd say those pharmacists have seen, they've seen a lot. I was going to say a pharmacist could talk, but they can't, so I'd say they're telling everyone they know. Yeah, they can. um we do our last email yeah sure if anyone can't tell vogue's rushing us because she's in st bart's and she's get back to the beach so we're now you know your phone hasn't accidentally sped itself up

to 1.5 this is vogue trying to get back to her same well for the first time for the first time in four days um it is not running so I would like to take advantage of that fact okay hey girls I know there have been a couple of emails about people being shit faced at the Prosecco Express

so here I am with another cautionary tale I was there on Sunday and the last thing I remember is Gero talking about his greyhound after that the night went black

oh god well it obviously went black before that because he doesn't talk about a greyhound to the show at all go on I managed to get the tube but I obviously fell asleep down there because he doesn't talk about a greyhound to the show at all. Go on.

I managed to get in the tube, but I obviously fell asleep down there because I woke up in cockfosters at midnight, right at the end of the line. The reason that was a problem is the trains had stopped for the night and I'd been meaning to get to Bexley Heath, where I live. They're about 30 miles between the two,

so tossing up the damage. £78 on pre-drinks before the show, £18 on dinner, £28 on drinks at the Apollo oh and 100 pounds on the cab to get me home from wherever the fuck the cherry on the cake was that I couldn't skive off work because I come to the show with girls from work including my boss the highlight of the next day was being sick in the toilets at work and hearing my friend come in and do a low-key choo-choo of the Prosecco Express apologies to anyone I may have stumbled

into or worse at the gig. Let this be a lesson for future showgoers. I think people just get really super excited. That happens to me when I go to your show. I wonder is that I mean, imagine that was the woman on the balcony in a comfortable circle. Were you dragged out by your ankles and

wrists? Did you look like you were being removed from a protest? Well, it was a good night out you're drinking yeah listen i don't encourage that i i i'm a big believer in drinking responsibly i'm pretty sure the blackouts are why the tickets sell girls are like i can't forget i can't remember anything masquerade talking about his greyhound that's so funny he doesn't even have a greyhound like what show were you at sounds like you went to a musical of cats i don't think you were even at the Prosecco Express well you'll have to go again you'll have to go again

I think you were at Le Miserable or something I don't know what you were at I'll never forget I think it was Jason Byrne telling me a story where this couple came in he'd already started a show

and they came in and they walked up the aisle and they were making this big kind of fuss about taking their jackets off and putting them down and he was like yeah right and they're like yeah we've got and he's like do you know where you're at and they're like yeah we're at fuss about taking their jackets off and putting them down and he was like, yeah, right.

And they're like, yeah, we've cut. And he's like, do you know where you're at? And they're like, yeah, we're at Cats. They thought they'd come to see Cats. So do you know what happened?

So there's a couple of, because there's a couple of Apollos in London, there was girls messaging me who'd flown over from Ireland for one of the Hammersmith Apollos and they'd gone to the wrong Apollo and they'd messaged me going, Wicked's on.

And I'm like, yeah, that's the one. You're at the wrong Apollo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.icked's on and I'm like yeah that's the one you're at the wrong Apollo yeah yeah yeah I know that's something I would do what a thing well that seems to be it

for this week's pod Joanne Vogue that is like the quickest bonus episode we've done in a very long time

Vogue I would like just to annoy you I'd like to have some I just feel like chatting I just feel like chatting on I've just got a lot of thoughts why don I would like just to annoy you I'd like to have some I just feel like chatting I just feel like chatting on I've just got a lot of thoughts why don't we chat how about when you

okay I can't wait until you're in Dubai and I especially can't wait until you're away on your holidays somewhere else Bye.