My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "What is a relationship without trust?"

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

This week, there's some pretty hefty fact-checking to do. Brace yourself. Plus, pottery classes, stolen goods and what to do to get over someone. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Is that my mug? My favourite mug? Oh, sorry. What? I've had this mug for like three years. If it was your favourite mug, I think you would have noticed it was gone before now. Did you take his sister? The pink one? So if memory serves me correctly, shit fucking,

I have all the mugs to fucking use on the podcast. Anthropology. I got that mug in anthropology years ago and it has a gold handle and there's, it's got a pink sister. Well, I can tell you it doesn't have a gold handle anymore and that's not for me rubbing it now. So I'll tell you what happened. You know what happened? I have a bowl here belonging to you as well. Which bowl now? The certain bowls I wouldn't mind. First the top, now the mug. What the fuck else is down there? It's my dead dad in your house. You're an amazing thief. I salute you. I've been cuddling your father's urn for years

and nobody's noticed. So obviously no one gave a shit about him either. No, it's a wonder I haven't been invited down to the house. I put your father's ashes in your bowl and just spin it round of an afternoon. Just enjoying my free wares. So go on and hear the Mogue story. Back in the day when I had nothing, nothing. Back when I was Oliver Twist pickpocketing in the streets and I hadn't a pot to piss in. I know Delph in this flash, do you remember? And I was down eating out of your fridge basically, but I needed to get your food up to my house.

So I was storing it in your, I mean, the story is not great. I'm not gonna lie. There's no real, there's no great reason. Like it's not like I have an innocent explanation. I was stealing food and I needed to put it in something. So I put it in your bowl and your mug and stole them as well. So yeah, you have me. You have me. Okay. Arrest me. I feel like she went shopping. She went shopping in my home.

I'm planning on it. She went shopping in my home. You have me arrested. Cheers. The one thing I will say is, I don't know, there's certain people that it's okay with. So like, I wouldn't do it to you, Jo. I just, I wouldn't feel okay with it. But like, if there was something Joanne says and I was like, Oh, I really like that. I probably would take it. Of course. Of course you would. And you'd be right to take it. And hopefully it'd be something that I would have taken from you originally. I hope you're not attached to that Keira O'Neill art because I'll be there to get

that tomorrow. I just fancy just pulls up with the four by four and fucking, I'm just going to be fucking things out the window. Yeah. I see your bed in the background. I see my bed in the background there. There was them. She'll be mine tomorrow. Talking about like, you know, stealing things and giving them back. I was speaking to a girl recently who said she got the clap off some lad and then gave it back to him a year later or something. Could that be correct?

That's the ultimate revenge. I don't think she, I don't think she meant to do it. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She got the clap off some guy and then gave it back to him. Would that be right? Is that how the clap works? Well, you have to get rid of it or otherwise you just gave it to everyone. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Christmas. But anyway, there was some, yeah, it's like a really, it's like, it's like the gifting system you don't really want to be a part of. No, no, I wouldn't.

It's like Secret Santa, but with Chlamydia. Anyway, there was so, I just remember finding it really funny. I'd rather Chlamydia than a cold sore. I would. Ah yeah, 100%. Speno gets cold sores and I'm like, why get your cold sore tell. You're not using any more of the towels in there. Yeah. At least Chlamydia you can hide in the, in your undercarriage. Whereas. I read, right, and I'm not making this up. I read this in some.

Sorry, can I just interrupt their vogue? That is a fucking great cup. Did you see the mouthful I took there? And I went. It's an amazing cup because it's the right, it's big enough and it keeps the team warm. You're a sick. You're a sicko. I'm not trying to be a dork or getting you into more trouble, but the gold handle that's not gold anymore. Is it cause you've been shoving it in the dishwasher? She would do she's not because she doesn't care about the cost of the car. First, he Joe. Wow. I wouldn't have said it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Jo, I like you. Here, I had an important fact to tell you. Sorry, go on. Joanne, anal queen.

So I read... Sorry, I don't know. What happened there? I've been asleep for a couple of hours. Has there been a story broken? Joanne, Joanne the Queen of Anal. I read somewhere and I did that in some cases you can get pregnant from anal. What? I swear I read it the other day and there was other facts.

I'm actually, I must have been drinking because I didn't screen grab it and I'd usually always screen grab an amazing piece of information. Any important news like that you get screen grabbed. Of course. Where did you see this folks? It's CNN. I read it in the telegraph. Front page of the observer. Actually it will be. Joe, can we just fact check anal pregnancy please? Anal pregnancy for five points. So unsurprisingly, I have not fact checked this on my work computer. Your wife is going to be like, why is he looking that up? I know we're not ready for another

baby, but I'm not taking it up the ass. It cannot directly cause pregnancy, but it is still possible for semen to get into the vagina. Ah yeah. That's if it rolls out and then that's if you're like, move. That's if you're in space and it's rolling. You tried to take it away from me and you could not. Same with blow jobs.

I think there was something about blow jobs too. I think that just, I think that suggests if it's just super sloppy sex. That's what I got from that. Sorry, I don't I'm not I just woke up. So I again, this is her bread and butter. The angel queen, she knows it all. I told you I only do anal when I'm sad and desperate and I know they're falling out of love with me, that's the only time I do it.

You know, we're animals. What can I say? Sometimes it out of love with me. That's the only time I do it. You know, we're animals. What can I say? Sometimes it's nice to look away. Look out the window. Oh my. Yeah. What a, we're just full of really. We are. I remember we tried to do at least one high end topic and we just couldn't do it. I think we should go back to that. I think we should try. Thankfully, I listened back to the podcast and sometimes we mentioned people like last week when I mentioned somebody that wouldn't sleep with me on the first night and I'm listening back happy as Larry. Now it was late. It was about half nine at night and I was like, Joe's not going to answer his work phone because he'd left the person's name in.

Slander. phone because he'd left the person's name in slander. Oh, I near when I saw it, I, my heart, when I heard it, my heart actually dropped. I was like, Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus. And I rang Louisa and I was like, can we say, get it out, get it out. Cause it was a, it was bad. It's a big night. That never came out that I even seen that person. I think it's a bit risky even like beeping names out. I think it should be like cut that. We have a new policy now where we don't. I said cut that Joe. It's this person and he didn't even cut it. A bit of human error. It's been quite a week.

Which leads me to believe that Joe doesn't even edit the pod. He doesn't listen to the whole thing. There's no way he does because he didn't hear it. He has our back to be fair to him. I told you, I didn't listen to one pod, one pod out of ours and Spencer and Vogue and the one pod I didn't listen to, Louisa left that story in about the airplane and now everyone thinks I get in a plane and tell people to get the fuck out of their seats so I can sit there and it will never go away. People will always think that I do that. I might start doing it.

That was unfortunate. Now it has to be said. Yeah. I remember I was at a wedding. Yeah, that wasn't great. And now she jokes about it. She's like, she'll send me the odd message about being a seat stealer. And I'm like, Louisa, you caused that. So I've invited Vogue. Obviously I'm still sober, sober and not ready to mingle. So I've invited Vogue, obviously I'm still sober. Sober and not ready to mingle. So I'm again trying to fill my time with health, some crafts, et cetera.

And I'm starting a pottery class next week, Joe. Yeah, and I don't appreciate that reaction. No, sorry. Wow, that's great. I mean, Joanne, you have to admit, it's unusual for you, come on. Yeah, it's not a natural progression. It's a twist in the tale I'll admit.

I'm on it. I didn't know it would go. I could spend all afternoon riding a ghost. I don't know what goes on in those classes. But I'm pottering now. That's what I'm doing. I'm pottering on the weekend while you all go out poisoning yourselves. Yeah yeah yeah. Excuse me. I'm pottering. I'm off the boo go out poisoning yourselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Excuse me. I'm pottering. I'm off the booze now again. I'll have you know. Oh for fuck's sake. Just let me have it. Will you just let me have it. Stop flashing the mug in my face.

It's rude. Joanne, I'm a potter. Sometimes I use it as a bedpan Vogue. I just want you to know that. If I couldn't be arsed going to the bathroom, I use it as a bedpan in the night. Just as an aside. But I'll have it back to you. I'll return it next week.

I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll Vogue. I just want you to know that if I couldn't be always going to the bathroom, I use it as a bedpan in the night, just as an aside. But I'll have it back to you. I'll return it next week. I think Joanne is going to start doing window boxes next week for her apartment. She's going to start gardening and say she has green fingers. I could indeed. You could find me in a, I could, there's, I'd say I'm about two weekends away from an allotment. If I'm being honest, if I, if this, if this keeps going the way it's going, do you know

that at the other night I was in bed at 9.30 PM? So firstly, it's so embarrassing. That's unusual to me. Like that's every night for me. I think if you're in a nice healthy routine like you are, that makes sense. For me, my body's like, what the fuck is this? It's bright outside. So I'm in bed, it's half-nine. I guess the shameful thing about it is how much of my time I spent drinking because now I'm trying,

like I shouldn't have this much time to fill. Do you know what I mean? Like there should be like an hour in the evening where you have a glass of red, you're like, oh, what do I do now? A bit of crochet. I'm trying to fill the whole fucking day. Anyway, I was in bed at half nine. And I was like, this isn't going to work. This isn't out like a light. Out like a light. I couldn't get over it.

I've never been so rested. It's a joyous. It's the best thing in your whole life. Do you know what I've had? I don't even, I've stopped. Well, I haven the best thing in your whole life. Do you know what I've had? I don't even, I've stopped, I haven't stopped because I still love them, but do you know what I'm not even using as well? You know my green under eye patches that I live on? Joanne, like it was again unusual how much time you spent in those. It was like the weights.

Remember the weights on your leg space. It was the same thing. Leg weights indeed. Yeah. The leg weights. During COVID. That was during COVID. And I didn't move. I just sat in the house wearing leg weights. She'd come storming down to my house and just stand there and I'd be like, this is when we drink in COVID. Remember Thursday, Thursdays? And I'd be like, do you want to drink? Yeah. And she'd still keep the leg weights on for the whole sesh. 4 a.m. she'd be stomping down the stairs to get a taxi home. 4am she'd be stomping down the stairs to get a taxi home. For the record that was a legal Thursday Thursday. I was in her bubble. I was in her bubble.

Okay. Do you want to know what I'm doing tonight? I'd love to know. I am going to see Miss Doubtfire. Oh yes. Great show. I'm bringing tea. He might fall asleep because he usually goes to bed at like eight, but I'm going with Louisa and Paloma. So Louisa's my manager. And Paloma's her daughter, but Paloma came over and tea has not left her alone. He's been reading her all his books about which animal will kill the other animal or who's going to win in a fight. Like he's had a bit. He's brought the whole collection. There's 50 books. He's brought them all out. And then I was like, Oh, Paloma said she'd give you a bath. And he like pulled me aside and he's like, no,

mama. He's too cool. Yeah. Yeah. Wanted me to give him a shower on his own. And then he'd go back out and play Paloma. Yeah, it's starting. It's starting. Yes, it's starting. The sexual awakening. Is that too much? Is that too much? Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I don't have children. I don't know when it starts. I thought you were kind of suggesting he had a bit of a crush on Paloma. Well, he does have a crush. I still don't know what I said. He's quite innocent though.

It's so funny. Yeah, but like, okay, so the innocent sexual awakening is starting. Hi, Joanna Vogue. I firstly want to say how much I love you both. Your podcasts are helping me to get through the toughest time of my life. Oh, God. My ex partner of seven years confessed recently that he is so deeply in love with me and wants to propose. He knew this was all I wanted, but first had to tell me that he had been

cheating on me for 16 months up until last December, but has been in therapy since and now knows that it's me he wants. Great. Okay. I don't like that line, but anyway, okay. I'm absolutely distraught and feel like I'm not going to make it through to the other side. I never doubted my trust for him or suspected he was cheating for even a second. And I'm so deeply in love with him. It feels as though I will never find someone more perfect for me. I mean, seven years is a long time. I've already made my mind up that I can't take him back as what is a relationship without trust.

I'm 31 and can't help but worry about my future as I desperately want a family. I know you've been through your fair share of cheats and heartbreak, and I'm desperate for you to tell me that I will get over them and find happiness again. Oh, well, what age was I when I got divorced and what age was I when I met Spencer? So I got divorced, I think when I was 30 and I genuinely was like, right, just never going to have kids. That's it. And kids aren't meant to be part of my life. Yeah.

I'm not going to have them. And, uh, and then, and then I met Trouble Spencer and I have three kids now. So I think that like, I feel like women always weirdly set a goal. Thurshy seems, when you're young, Thurshy seems like really old. And you're like, oh, by Thurshy, I want to be married and have kids and be doing this. Thurshy is like young, young. It's very young. I don't think you've anything to worry about.

I think if you've made your mind up not to forgive him, I think that's really brave of you. And I also, the fact that he was cheating, I don't know if it was with the same person, but for 16 months just feels like a long time. And then he's, then he's figured it out once he lost you that the grass isn't always greener. Well, fucking tough luck, dude. You're amazing. And I think that you've decided not to put up with that.

And I don't think that you should worry about being 31 because I'm not trying to be like condescending or anything, but it is so young. It's so young. Totally. I think you've covered everything there. I think. Yeah. Oh, that's so sad. Yeah. I hate that. And PS like I was in a relationship. I didn't even know I was being cheated on. At least you found out. I found out after and was like, oh my God. I don't. Yeah. I think like life is long. Shit happens. But I do think 16 months is an incredibly long time. I always think of like a birthday when people cheat for an extended period of time. I'm always like a friend of mine, her partner cheated on her for maybe four years. And I was like, that's four, four. I said, that's four Christmases. That's four birthdays of his birthday and your

birthday. Like it's so, it's so long. And if someone can lie and cheat like that for that length of time, what hope do you have really of trusting them? And if you can't, and then you drive yourself mental because you, you're like fucking everything they do or say. You're like, oh well I guess that's part, you're lying again and all the rest of it. But also, like Vogue said, I was, when did I go through? I've got, well, I've gone through several bad breakups, but there was one, it took, the longest time it took me to get over anyone was four years. Wow. Four, I took like four years from start to finish. And when I say finish, I mean, not even like to the point where I don't, I honestly wouldn't like whether they live.

I don't, I don't mean to say what they, I'm completely indifferent to them now. So I don't mean four years as then it got to a point where I'm like, Oh, I kind of think about it. I honestly, I am so indifferent to them genuinely. So that's like the full circle of recovery, I think, because you go through so many phases. There's so many phases of getting over someone. It's like grief, really. And that was four. So even if it takes you four, four years, it flies in. It fucking flies in. Keep yourself busy. Take up a pottery class.

Yeah. Telling you. Saying that it didn't take me four years though. I was, I was a quick in and out job. Took me four. Divorced, married, ASAP. You could be really quick as well. It could be, yeah. The four years, the reason it took me four was because it ended so badly and there was no closure to it. That was why it took me so long. Also, I would definitely, if I was you, get therapy. I think it's so helpful in times like that, that you just like really need somebody to help you. And they like, they have such a good ear

that just, they explain things better to you. And also say yes to every invitation. That was all, that was a piece of advice I got off someone else. You never want to go out because you just want to sit at home and cry. Don't do that. Like just try and make yourself go out and event. You want to have fun to begin with, but you will start having fun and you'll start feeling like yourself again. And also maybe the idea of you're like, I'm so in love with him. You're obviously so attached to him and you're so used to him. And he's been like your kind of person for seven years. But when you get a bit of distance from this, you'll see if he can do that to you.

Like, he's not who you think he is. Yeah, exactly. That is a level of shade and snakiness that I mean, loads of people have it. Don't get me wrong. It's I think it is just human nature. People cheat and people lie and all that jazz, but he's not who you think he is. He's depedestalized himself. And you'll see that yourself down the line. You'll be like, fuck that. And I wish you indifference. That's what I wish you whenever you get to that stage. But you will get there. And it's a joy when you get there. You're like, Oh my God, I don't care if he lives

or dies. It's quite the moment. Yeah. I prefer if he died, but I don't care if he lives or dies. Yeah, he can live if he wants. He can live if he wants. I won't try and die him. Do you know what I mean? I won't try and die him. Also, I don't, I'm not trying to be funny with this, but genuinely I was, I was running around Battersea Park the other day and the head was nearly falling off me. I have never seen so many attractive men. I don't fancy any of them because I miss my husband. I can't wait till he gets home and he's the biggest word of all, but I was looking at them thinking, but I was looking at them thinking, wait till I tell Joanne, wait till I tell Joanne. I

couldn't believe it. Oh, there's something in the air and you know what it is? Pollen. There's a sexiness in the air at the moment. And you know why they're so sexy? Because there isn't a top to be seen. Trust me. There's not a top on Clapham Common. It's like they've been barred.

There is so much torso. It is like a meat festival out there. That's what I've taken to reading out there on the daily. Yeah. Now, there's also loads of hot birds and bikinis, which is unfortunate because they're eating into my time, but eating into my chances. But there's so many men at the moment. It's cuffing season. What does cuffing mean? It's that time. I saw a meme the other day. It's like, it's time to choose your favorite liar and cuddle

up for Christmas. So basically now it's that time of the year where the summer is kind of slowly dissolving. Don't waste it. You need to find, that's the cuffing season, is find your partner now that you can spend winter with so you have someone to do and something to do. Yeah. And then once spring starts, boom, boom, single again, let's go. Well, not in this case. She wants to get married. So maybe you'll meet your cuffing person. Well, you'll stay with them. I don't know if you live near a common in London, but it's like peck soup out there. I would highly recommend.

Honestly. Well, I have to say now, Clapham common I'm sure is great, but Battersea Park, because there's like everyone goes running there. I'm telling you. Yeah. We run and clap them. Yeah. We run. Oh, do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, them, yeah? We run people. Oh, do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I've never seen anyone running there.

Not one person ever. No, no, no. It's big, we also exercise up here. This is what I'd say to this. Just take a pair, take your friends, a little pair of binoculars and go creep in a common for the day. Get yourself a jet chair, drag it to Battersea Park and just wait. Or any green area.

We don't know where this woman is. Any green area or a car park't know where this woman is. Any green area. Or a car park. Anywhere where there's men. That's it. That might be the only good piece of advice we've ever given Joanne. Well done. Thank you.

See what being sober does to us. It's all legal isn't it? She can do that. Yeah. You know. If they... You aren't experts. If they...

If they... That sounded pretty professional to me Joe. And if lads have their tops off, they're asking for it. Alright, we'll see you next week. You