Submit Podcast or Channel

MTGM EXTRA! "Why do I have sex dreams about guys I don't fancy?!"

July 26, 20230 comments♥ 0
00:00 This is a Global Player Original Podcast. McNally She's in Canada So I was trying to do a Canadian accent Okay What a ride in my car Oh my god What an amazingly racist start to the pod My auntie's partner I was in her house one night
00:43 And he goes Hey Vogue You want a ride home? And I was like her house one night and he goes hey Vogue you want a ride home and I was like that's actually quite good that was actually quite good yeah it's the way they say their
00:52 oh it's home rather than home I don't know listen that's good I've listened I think that's kind of like
01:00 I don't know I get so nervous doing accents I'm like Vogue you, you can lead here. Anyway, I've just gotten off the plane. I'm in Canada. I'm in Montreal specifically for the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. And I knew they spoke French in Montreal.
01:17 I'm not going to play dumb on that one. I was just going to ask you that. Yeah, I actually was just going to ask that. I knew it was Quebec, but I wasn't sure if it was Montreal as well yes it is Montreal I
01:28 I knew they spoke French but I thought they spoke French the way Irish people speak Irish I thought they didn't really speak it do you know what I mean
01:34 I thought it was just for show some people speak Irish in Ireland they do John Belton speaks full Irish yeah I know
01:41 some people are guelgurs anyway turns out no they fully speak French here it's French is and speaks full Irish. Yeah, I know. Some people are guelgurs. Anyway, turns out, no, they fully speak French here. I love a French. French is their first language.
01:53 And as we know, Is it? Yeah. Language number one is French. And what do they speak like when they speak English? Because there's a fella, right, staying at this beach club we go to and he is Spanish, Spanish, Spanish.
02:06 And then he speaks English and I'm like, hang on a second which where are you from because he's so English that I'm like are you English or Spanish he's like I'm Spanish I'm like where did you learn your English he's like from TV I'm like you are very English watching a lot of EastEnders I think it's very funny when you hear someone speak with the accent of the country when it's not their first language. So when they speak, when I hear them speaking French, they sound French. Whatever political way I'm expected to explain Canadian French.
02:34 Do you know what I mean? And then when they speak English they just sound Canadian. It's incredibly impressive. They call themselves French Canadians. So French would be their first language if we think about it. English, they're second. Canadian. So French would be their first language. If we think about it, English their second. Canadian, English. Yeah.
02:49 Now, always learning. Always learning. Always learning. Tick, tick, tick. Always growing. Always trying. Usually failing. Sometimes winning.
02:59 Not growing at all. I was going to say my driver, but the woman who was driving the shuttle bus if I'm being honest was called Barbara lovely woman Barbara she was saying that they are they have a lot of English speakers here now and they're not
03:11 there's a lot of people here who English is their first language they don't speak French at all and the Montrealians aren't too pleased about it so I'm doing what we all do
03:21 in this particular situation I'm speaking in English very slowly. Just shouting English at them. Yeah. Do you speak... Yeah, I speak English. Come on.
03:31 What the fuck do you want? I am, on the other hand, trying to get into the Spanish way of life and I might say, I will have dos croissants, please. S'il vous plaît. Yeah. Bit of a mash up there.
03:43 But I've tried with the dos. Yeah. You're making an effort with the douse it is kind of embarrassing when you're in a country where they have they're it's so impressive
03:52 to be able to speak more than one language I mean look I'm not even being funny when I say we struggle with our own folk let's be honest I know
03:59 I was only thinking this the other day who was it that was not Spanish someone else was speaking a second language she told me she spoke three languages and I thought, I'm going to die
04:08 just speaking English. That's the way it's going to be. And I just think some people pick up languages, others do not. They don't. Well, especially you have to be around. Now, I went to school in France. I'm expecting it all to come back to me in this like wave of kind of French
04:24 sauvantness. But I did go to school. Remember that? Remember that? I went to school in France. In Laval. Went to boarding school. I know.
04:30 But Joanne, what did you do in school in France? Come on. Smoked. Did you go to school? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I did.
04:36 You took on the French culture and smoked. I hung around. I went home with people at the weekends. Like I was enmeshed in the culture. Anyway, that's where I was enmeshed in the culture Anyway, that's where I am
04:47 You're in Spain, Jo, where are you? Jersey Is it sunny weather in Jersey? Because it's stunning when it's sunny No, it's vile at the moment But I'm sure it'll pick up Well, that sounds good It better pick up by the time I get home
04:59 Because I heard it's torrential Speaking of weather Turns out, another thing I can't do is read weather reports. So I looked at the weather and went, oh yeah, grand, okay. And like packed tracksuits
05:12 and jackets. And Adam's like, what the fuck are you doing? It's roasting over there. I was like, no, it's not. Look, it's precipitation. He's like, it's 28 degrees.
05:20 So I'm grossly ill-prepared. Just sweating here. You love shopping. In my Vogue tracksuit. Vogue by Lucy Nagel. Grossly. Anyway, Gwaine, what's your news? Oh, my news. Well, it's going to be very good news for you. It wasn't. I'm disappointed
05:39 in myself. I fell off the wagon. I know. I fell off. wagon. I know. I fell off. I am appalled. I know, I'm disgusted. How far off did you fall? I really flung myself off now. I went really,
05:57 I really was like, do you know what, in for a penny, in for a pound. Really just like jumped ship, went overboard, was not to be seen again till seven o'clock the next night when I was only,
06:07 like I was so hungover the next day. I think again, it's because I hadn't drank in ages. I had to take one of my pregnancy sickness tablets again. I couldn't enjoy a morsel of food until lunchtime. Just not the day you're looking for, you know? So you fell off the wagon and kind of threw yourself under the wheel
06:23 and really battered yourself. Absolutely. Got like ran over off the wagon and kind of threw yourself under the wheel and really battered yourself. Absolutely. Got like ran over by the wagon numerous times. It reversed on top of me. Yeah. Blood spitting out your eyes. Dead. Yeah.
06:36 Like when someone gets trampled by a cart in the olden days. And I wasn't going to say anything, but when I was falling off the wagon, I met somebody who was who listened to the pod and she was like oh I thought you weren't drinking and I was like oh that's what you get for trying to hold yourself accountable sell no one nothing keep it all to yourself the thing I've learned about the wagon is you can climb back on whenever you want and here I am with a buidgel of ishca water
07:10 Joe in Irish here I am agua agua in Spanish agua sin gas por favor water in Montreal
07:18 I believe de l'eau even I know that de l'eau all the French is coming back to her it's all coming back in a wave low. All the French is coming back to her. It's all coming back in a wave.
07:27 It's just in a wave coming back to me. Wave. Wave. Salut. Anyway, I'm glad you fell off the wagon
07:37 because I think it makes you sounder. Let's be real. And no one likes to show off and me and Joe didn't enjoy, you were getting a bit smug about your sober life.
07:47 So we're actually pleased. We went up to this party. It's called the White Party. Oh, I saw that. I saw that on your stories. I was like, that is so, it's such a like Spanish holiday night out. Well, it was like full of Irish people.
08:00 It was Eddie Jordan's party, which means it was solely Irish people in this Spanish castle and what happened was what? I didn't notice
08:11 there was a lot of white linen blowing in the wind it was one of those kind of parties a lot of white linens yeah yeah
08:17 yeah well we got up there and it was absolutely boiling and plus we didn't know where to park so we found ourselves scaling the castle like Game of Thrones.
08:27 Like we were literally scaling around the side of the castle being like, how do we get into the castle? Anyway, obviously found our way in. And they just, they walked by with these freezing cold glasses of champagne. I was like, no, I'm okay. And I said no to the first person that walked by. And I was like, I just can't. I can't do this. It's not possible.
08:44 You only have one no in you that's the truth it's willpower you've got one no that's all you have that's all I have I was sad remember it was making me sad but now I'm happy again because I'm not drinking again and I know no one will take my word for it and you probably shouldn't because it's
09:00 not going to happen on this holiday I'm probably going to be swayed by a cold glass of champagne once more. Well, you look dewy and fresh, if it's any consolation. You do look like someone who's been off the biz. So fair play to you. Well, I'm not hitting the booze too hard. I've got my horse riding tomorrow.
09:14 Don't forget, I went and bought myself a pair of joppers today. Two pairs of joppers. What is with this kind of British polo summer you're having? What's going on over there? We played polo with this guy last year. And I used to just want to go for the horse riding
09:26 because I love horse riding I love hugging them so I get there and for ages I'm like I hug them and I kiss oh the one little bitch what's her name
09:33 Africa this horse called Africa bit me she bit me when I was kissing her the consent is key I think there I know it was when
09:41 I stuck my tongue in her mouth she said no no yeah I was actually just saying something absolutely disgusting there I'm like I'm not gonna say it I think horses have an affinity with me because they think that like eventually they're gonna evolve into me because I look so horse-like if I neigh beside them they wouldn't have a fucking clue I love that you're
10:03 you're like the like the're like the walking man. He gets taller in the kind of evolution. You know, the diagram of evolution. Vogue is where horses could end up. Yeah, if they play it right. If they learn how to light fires, they could end up like you, Vogue. Gigi turned three on Saturday I saw that
10:33 I know little Gigi she kept asking for her cake pathetic little cake I got her but she'd had her cake right remember she had her cake at her party
10:41 hold on a second hold on a second did I see her wearing Crocs or did I just make that up in my head oh yeah the kids are in Crocs all the kids are in Crocs Otto's little Crocs
10:50 have you seen his little Crocs and so when I said any news you didn't think to mention that all your children are now wearing Crocs that's like the main bit of news
11:01 Crocs I am sorry there is I brought four pairs of sandals I think for each of them and they just live in the Crocs
11:10 they're so easy whack the Crocs on I'm going to really I know I'm investing I got a pair of pink Crocs I don't love them I don't like the pink ones
11:18 and to be honest they're a size too small so you can have them but I'm going to invest in a yellow pair and also a lilac pair I'm sorry the way forward no unless you are a lilac pair I'm sorry the way forward
11:25 no unless you are a kitchen porter a chef or doing the night shift in a nursing home there's no excuse to wear Crocs
11:31 they're the only people who can wear Crocs kitchens and hospitals we will see how you feel about Crocs when you get home to London and put my Crocs on
11:40 and you'll say to yourself do you know what I disagree with myself it's not about it's not about comfort, Vogue. If it was all about comfort, we'd all just be wearing Ugg boots all the time. It's not about comfort. It's about aesthetics and optics.
11:52 Excuse me. What the hell's wrong with Ugg boots? I have three pairs of mini Uggs. Are they not light either? I don't have time. It's only the balance app. I don't have time to go into what's wrong with Ugg boots. Can I just say one thing? You posted a disgusting picture of shoes the other day and I didn't even time to go into what's wrong with Uggreads. Okay, well, can I just say one thing? You posted a disgusting picture of shoes the other day and I didn't even say anything about it.
12:09 Okay, you posted disgusting shoes saying you loved them. They're amazing, Jo. They were gorgeous. They were Versace, electric pink and black, kind of with studs. These sandals reduced from 1200 euro to 500 but obviously I was still like
12:29 no way I wouldn't even pay I wouldn't pay 20 euro for them I was like maybe if I paid 250 and bought one of them and I could just wear one around for 250 quid just kind of get a bit of crack out of them
12:41 just enjoy them in the home just enjoy them walking around the home I loved them I know listen we Just enjoy them walking around the home. I loved them. I know. Listen, we've differing taste from the ankles down. Another woman's meat is a woman's poison. However that saying goes. Is that another saying you've made up?
12:55 You know, one man's meat is another man's poison. Is it? Yeah, one woman's meat is another woman's poison. What is that? One man's trash is another woman's poison. Jo, what is that? One man's trash is another man's treasure is what I'm thinking. Is that not?
13:09 Oh, yeah. One man's trash is... Trash. What do you... When do you say trash, Jo? I love the word trash, you trash bag. Do you not like that word?
13:21 I do. I do. I don't... I have no problem with the word itself. It's just... It's quite American. Theodore, any time you say, like, because sometimes, you know, you not like that word I do I do I don't I've no problem with the word itself it's just it's quite American Theodore
13:26 any time you say like because sometimes you know when you're in the family you're like for fuck's sake and Theodore's like I had that I had that
13:33 that's all he says to us and then Amber was in the in his room because he's sleeping in with Amber and Amber was up there last night getting ready and she was deranged not last night
13:40 the night before and she started talking to him and he goes I know what naughty words you say and she's like what and he's like to him and he goes I know what naughty words you say and she was like what and he was like
13:46 fuck fuck fuck fuck I was like what is going on up there it's so funny
13:52 hearing his little accent now when he was like throwing himself into the pool and everything and I was like oh my god
13:57 full blown little English accent on him quite a like posh e one yeah I don't actually
14:03 hear it so much only when I watch it in a video not when I'm talking because obviously Spenny is the poshest man I've ever I remember when I first met Spenny I was just like
14:11 is he joking like I honestly thought he was joking with the way he was joking because he was so posh and my friends in Ireland would be like that too like they kind of snigger
14:19 at him when he starts because of his accent but like I'm used to it I don't really hear it I don't know why I feel sorry for the rich posh man why am I like aww
14:28 I think he's actually doing okay anyway I don't know why I was surprised by Theodore's accent imagine he was like you fucking slag like imagine he had one of those like Eason
14:38 shut up mum yeah shut your face of course he's got a posh English accent you can just tell he's got a posh English accent. You can just tell he's spent a lot of time in a 4x4. You can just hear it in him. In a 4x4.
14:51 Yeah. I tell you what, Otto, I don't know what's happened to him on this trip. I have never met him. Only your baby in my life. He's ever fooled with that little smile. He's finally cracked, has he? His mask of sanity has slipped.
15:08 I have to do everything one-handed now because unless he's in my arms, he is screaming the house down. I took a video where I was putting him down at the pool. I was like, look, this is what I put when I put Otter down. And I was like, that's a bit mean to him. So I didn't post it. But if he continues, I'm going to badmouth him online. I think we've already started haven't we?
15:25 we've already started tick tick I think it has begun okay you ready? oh yeah sorry are you ready? yes are you ready for this?
15:38 okay Vogue Joanne I need you to I need you to read this because I'm desperately hoping I'm not alone you probably aren't why
15:47 do I keep having sex dreams about guys I don't fancy I'm in a happy relationship not married but going strong and I love him very much
15:58 and we have plenty of sex but I'm always having sex dreams about absolute gargoyles I love that word it's a classic But I'm always having sex dreams about absolute gargoyles. I love that word. It's a classic.
16:12 Who I totally don't fancy. There's a guy at work who's at least 25 or 30 years older than me. And he keeps turning up in my dreams. What the fuck? It's not even raunchy sex. It's just run of the mill pumping away. And then I wake up pumping away. It's like, oh. Please tell me it's not even raunchy sex it's just run of the mill pumping away and then I wake up pumping away it's like oh
16:27 please tell me it's not just me my mind obviously just likes to explore in a way that I wish I couldn't love the pod and love you too
16:34 you know what though I don't know I don't remember if I have any sex dreams I don't take any of that shit seriously dreams don't mean anything they don't mean anything
16:43 no dreams but you can wake up you can wake up annoyed with somebody you can I've woken up bitterly disappointed like the other morning
16:51 I woke up and I was like oh I don't have a missed call from Drew Barrymore literally I had dreamt that I had a missed call from Drew Barrymore and that I was trying
16:58 to call her back and I was like oh she must want me on the show like how exciting like Drew's so sound yeah and woke up and you know and you're like you wake up and I was like ah fuck she must want me on the show. Like how exciting, like Drew's so sound. Yeah,
17:06 I woke up and you know when you're like, you wake up and I was like, ah, fuck. Not a word from Drew. Not a word. Now I wasn't, I wasn't riding Drew, but I did have a missed call from her
17:15 and it doesn't mean anything. Is Drew like your, like that's your highest person that you'd want? I didn't think it was, but clearly she somehow wiggled her way into my subconscious. I guess that's sort of kind of a
17:29 sex dream in a way, I guess. What? I think I've had sex dreams about Spenno, but like... I did tell you, I think I've told us on the pod before that I had a reoccurring sex dream about a girl I was in school with. Really? Yeah, and I was like, what is all this about? So I was in school with and I was like what? Yeah and I was like what is all this about?
17:45 So I googled it and it said that if you have sex dreams with someone of the sex that you're not attracted to blah blah blah that it means you're jealous. Now obviously this is one of those kind of I mean you might as well be getting your science out of it. Remember those little paper mache boxes that you'd make like lift
18:02 the lid number A purple you're jealous but that was what it said it was like purple you're jealous but that was what it said it was like oh you're jealous and it was like oh I want something she has so I'm trying to I guess I don't know lick it out of her
18:11 I don't know what the science was I don't know what it I don't know what I can't remember how they explained it but it kind of made sense to me at the time it was probably a pair of
18:24 weird ugly shoes she owned and I was like give me them bye you're saying bye to them remember for a couple of weeks you're not back until
18:38 you'll have a joke please please do something with that last bye do you know when you're like Trying to kind of bring energy to the table But you kind of mismanage You go too far
18:55 Goodbye for now Vogue and I are on a little mini break A little mini moon A little mini moon A little mini break We'll be back in two weeks time Jo will be manning the fort if you're looking for something else
19:06 to listen to in the meantime don't worry head over to Spencer and Bo where we are taking beep beep beep beep beep beep what was that?
19:16 Spencer and Bo beep Spencer and Bo bye if you're looking for something to do in the meantime I have a show in Winnipeg If anyone misses the podcast
19:28 With a passion so deep That they would like to travel And catch up with me in person I will be In the Winnipeg Offer a meet and greet For everyone in the audience And then
19:39 She will do a meet and greet For everyone in the audience The audience is so small It's going to be a meet and greet anyway by default because there are that few people in the room that I will literally just have to stand in the aisle. Bye.