My Therapist Ghosted Me - NOT A Hangover, Barbie & Breakup Pettiness

Episode Date: June 30, 2023

Vogue returned from Glastonbury just as she said she would... After two days. But was it worth it and will she return? Plus, the truth about Barbie & Ken and the topic of Joanne's potential spin-off podcast!If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Vogue, I'm coming live to you from Kelly's Hotel in Ross Lair I've been there It's gorgeous Now I Ross Lair is fantastic

I know the listeners couldn't give a fuck about wifi but can I just explain the shite mare that I've had this morning trying to make this work

I'm down visiting a friend of mine Audrey who just had a little baby little baby girl my third and final godchild

I am now oh Christ poor Otto my my womb is closed for godchildren now my heart is shut off I have three

frankly it's two too many three that's it I'm shut down so anyway I said I'd be a sound friend and come down and help her out because her husband's off working

but I thought I'd help out by just like drinking wine from the couch and watching Audrey do all the work no no no no she expects me to actually weigh in and fucking

breastfeed the thing so I'm like fully engaged in raising this child now like I'm basically co-parenting a child in Ross Lair and Audrey's wifi you'd get better wifi

in the Amazon like it's like to me to you to me to you and better Wi-Fi in the Amazon like it's like to me to you to me to you to me to you and I could get it in the corner of the shower

and I was like right I'm going to have to find somewhere else so I was driving around Ross Lair anyway I'm in Kelly's thank you Kelly's Hotel

for accommodating me thank you Kelly very kind of you Ross Lair opted out of Wi-Fi like when Ireland first got Wi-Fi in Ross Lair said we don't want Wi-Fi

that's a no from us that's a no from us actually Kelly's Kelly's Wi-Fi is fine it out of Wi-Fi. Like when Ireland first got Wi-Fi in, Ross Lair said, we don't want Wi-Fi. That's a no from us. That's a no from us. Actually, Kelly's Wi-Fi is fine. It just seems Audrey had a child. I don't know what. She's obviously invested her money in other things, but her money has not gone into Wi-Fi.

I was looking at buying a new house in Ireland, like obviously not keeping my own, but I was looking at a house that I really wanted to buy. And Amber told me, she was like, I don't think they get Wi-Fi up there. I was like, excuse me?

I was like, absolutely I was like but I'm I absolutely if I loved a house more than anything in the world and it had no wifi I couldn't buy it no way what house doesn't

the only reason it wouldn't have wifi if it was living under some sort of magnetic roof or trees are a big cause for wifi difficulties

aren't they stuff like that gets me no I just think I think that sometimes they haven't put the fiber isn't that right Jo up to the house it's your cables

fiber fiber is very important eh fiber fiber I obviously don't have a fucking clue all I know is it was incredibly

frustrating and I was trying not to get frustrated with Audrey because I know it's not her fault that she doesn't have podcast ready Wi-Fi it is her fault because she's just popped out of care but I was like you knew I was trying not to get frustrated with Audrey because I know it's not her fault that she doesn't have podcast ready Wi-Fi. It is her fault.

Because she's just popped out of care. But I was like, you knew I was coming down, yeah? You knew I was coming down. Yeah. But I'm helicopter, I wanted to be a helicopter parent. I just wanted to kind of spin around and watch. Well, that's nice.

I'm so glad you're bonding with your new godchild. Can I ask you a question? If Shishi was up for grabs, would you take a fourth and final godchild? You know I would. It's a sick question to ask me I've turned I've refused six other children

this week alone people know now it's obvious I'm not going to have my own they're like fuck get in I only have one I've only got one godchild it's like people just don't think that like I'd be up to the job

but like I give great presents I'm very involved with the child's life I suppose I'm really surprised at that who are you Godmother to? My nephew William. Only the one I'm actually very surprised because now I'd be nervous that the flow of things will come in now if you're listening

to this and you're thinking about adding me don't bother I'm not looking for anybody I'm actually okay with my one I think people are sniffing around me now because they're like, well, she's not going to have her own kids. They're like, oh, look at that. She's got nothing else to spend her cash on.

Barbie Dreamhouse. Otto will get a good chunk. Otto will get a good chunk of that. Don't take anyone else on. Otto will get a good chunk. Speaking of Barbie Dreamhouse. I didn't realise we were speaking of Barbie Dreamhouse, but I always wanted one.

Well, I threw it in there. She's really come on. So I was playing Barbies the other day. This is what I do now. I was playing Barbies and I've completely forgotten how to play it. I didn't know. You just kind of bounce them around the table.

They don't really do much. So I was getting mine to do the splits and all and then I was told that's not how you play. But the Dreamhouse, she has them. A lift? No. This one had a water slide taking her from the top of the house

to the bottom of the house and then I was looking at the Kens and Ken from what I can tell they've just stopped pretending he's not gay now they've just stopped he's just very clearly

a gay man it's Barbie and her best gay friend obviously it was always not and Barbie has gay friend. Obviously it was always not. And Barbie has now got an education. It's like Dr. Barbie, Vet Barbie and Ken. All the Kens just look like they're individual characters for a gay orgy. They're all like in mesh tank tops. Yeah.

And they're just, they look like they're just about to suck a dick down the back of a camper van. Things have really changed in Barbie world. I stopped trying to make them have sex years ago like I knew even when I was like nine I was like

I'm going to stop rubbing these two together nothing's happening nothing is happening where's lesbian Barbie we've given lesbian Barbie we've just been rubbing them up and down

they never went on fire though weirdly because they aren't you'd think they were quite flammable like you'd be really weirdly because they aren't you'd think they were quite flammable like you'd be really going at it wouldn't you

I kind of ditched Barbies Barbies were for the more like I had a couple of Barbies then I moved quickly on to dolls because my mum wouldn't buy me the Barbie the Barbie house

because they were really expensive they were and I just yeah I wasn't allowed to have them there's a new thing called I don't know

there's a big dolly that you get that has these huge big houses, like monster-sized houses. If my mum's listening now, she'll go mad, but I'm pretty sure my Barbie lived in a shoebox or something, like a cat litter tray or something like that. Yeah, never

got given that. Never. I had a friend also who had loads of Sylvanian families. My mum never bought them. They were too expensive, so I used to go to her house to play with the Sylvanians. Same. My neighbours, the Limbs, had a house. They had everything. every toy had a house a backstory an education

yeah my Barbie had one eye and a leg that was it the Barbie dream house cost 350 quid like what the fuck I remember on holidays

my stepdad like cut cut a hole in one of those big three litre bottles of water and I just had that as a boat

for my doll and I just had that as a boat for my doll and I just was going around with that it was a great boat though I tell you what it was a great

boat at least he wasn't risking your safety it'd be different if he was like use that as an armband Vogue go on

yeah I'm pretty sure he would have had those strap that sponge to your arms off you go he definitely had those thoughts

I'm surprised he didn't just hold my head under for a little bit like shut up shut up I'm surprised you didn't get more like this

there's one one great bonus of being the child of divorce is that they kind of spoil you because they're trying to buy your love

and like play you up against each other so the children of divorce say is usually got you know they get Barbie dream houses

do you know what I mean well I'll tell you what my dad used to buy me loads of stuff and like he had my communion money and I probably made about a hundred quid

but I made that money last three or four years I'd always be like dad money you've still got my communion money and I'd be oh every time I saw him

I'd be going to the shop to buy stuff and he'd always just give it to me it was great yeah that's you see that's the guilt you did pride do you know what okay I want to talk about your pride first I was quite surprised it's not it's not your vibe like you hate gay people

you know me I hate the gays you just you're not a crowdy person like I was at Glastonbury and I swear to God people think we're Podge and Rog or something they're like where is Joanne Podge and Rog what an insane reference

or Ant and Dec if we're in England Podge and Rog are two Irish puppets that once had a show on RTE but

no longer have a show similar to where Sam spoke actually exactly exactly but I was going around and everyone was like well where is she on

and I was like it's not really her thing like I just can't imagine you at Glastonbury I don't think I don't think you'd enjoy it I think you'd say yes to it

you'd get there and you'd probably go home within an hour like I just feel like that's not your vibe so I'm surprised to hear you're a pride. Well, and obviously we want to hear

all the dirt about Glastonbury, but interestingly enough, that you should ask me that. I really fucked up my pride. So I was supposed to go, it was Brendan Courtney's birthday. I was supposed to go in to meet him for lunch. There was some logistical issues

in the house in the morning my house and couldn't get a taxi we're late anyway couldn't get a taxi into town because Pry took all the taxis we were so late we got into town we'd missed the lunch

and by the time I rang Brendan he was already raving in the streets do you know like partying to like oh yeah and do you know what your dad right I went I can't

I can't cope with that and we got a taxi home how long did you last two hours And do you know what, Vogue? Your dad, right? I went, I can't cope with that. And we got a taxi home. How long did you last? Two hours. Oh, that's not bad. That's a full pride for you. Yeah, but I spent it in Brown Thomas trying on sunglasses that I didn't buy

because I knew I'd lose them. I don't know what it is. Do you know what it is? We arrived too late and I wasn't on the level. You have to start at the same time as people so you're on the level. If you too late and I wasn't on the level. You have to start at the same time as people so you're on the level. If you come in

and you're not on the level, I just panic. I just can't imagine. Like, have you ever gone to a festival though? Yeah! I love festivals but I have to be,

I have to start when everyone else starts. Do you know what I mean? Otherwise, I don't enjoy. Otherwise, I don't enjoy. I love the idea of Vogue. Just be like, here's Joanne. And she just pulls me out of her ass like a rabbit.

She's like, duh. I think people just think I drag you around with me. I got absolutely rinsed on Monday. So Sunday was pride. Went in, literally had three drinks, ate some sushi, tried on a pair of Chanel glasses, didn't buy them, got a taxi back to Enniscarry.

That was it. It wasn't a great day. It was my own fault. I ruined it for myself. Anyway, the next morning I woke up. Oh my God. I won't insult myself by saying it was a hangover

but I can't think what else it was I was so sick I don't know is it because I'm 40 now and I can't handle my biz

but like even Alan was like you're a seasoned drinker this can't be a hangover I couldn't keep anything down couldn't keep water down was it the sushi I can't

I don't think it was I really don't no I don't the restaurant was a really really don't. No, I don't. The restaurant was a really nice restaurant. Every bone in my body ached. Like it was, but literally 24 hour on the clock, gone.

But I was puking out, like I was puking water out my nose and all. Like it was horrific. It was awful. Yeah, but you can't, if that happens to you, just like I used to have to, that used to happen to me

when I drank too much Diet Coke with my vodka It wasn't the vodka I'm telling you it wasn't And I'd be so ill I'd have to get the doctor over And like There's nothing you can do

You just have to wait You just have to wait I had motilium dissolving In the side of my mouth I told I did suppositories Of painkillers Because I couldn't

Keep anything down And I was like Just use the suppositories I'll turn the telly on And I was like, just use the suppositories. I'll turn the tally on. And I was like, ah! Yeah, that's how bad I was. Couldn't keep anything down. I don't know what I did to myself.

Maybe it was bad wine. Bad wine. It just, the punishment did not match the crime. Like, it just, do you know when you're looking back down? No, I didn't have that much to drink. I mean, sometimes I feel like you tell porks about how much you drank. I swear to God. I mean, sometimes I feel like you tell porks about how much you drink. I swear to God.

I swear. Like, sometimes you're like, I deserve this. And you, do you know what I mean? Like, this is what I deserve.

You accept it. You lean into the day. I had an indent on the top of my head from the toilet bowl. It was horrible. Horrible, horrible,

horrible. Did you eat it all on Monday? I tried. I ate some yogurt and then obviously puked that up anyway really bad I felt very sorry for myself now I have to say but then the next morning I woke up boom

grand again I know I'm kind of like I actually was quite I wouldn't like I still went a little bit wild at Glastonbury which is the best tell us everything I'm kind us everything like I'm I'm kind of annoyed like I was hoping

I was like I'm only doing it one time so this is my moment to shine I'm going to Glastonbury I'm going to have the best time ever like I'm definitely going next year James and Brian

have already invited us again they're two of our friends they were just the best people to be with I'm also not a festival person so so

like I really loved it and Spenny and I would be going around and we'd be like we're not festival not a festival person. So like, I really loved it. And Spenny and I would be going around and we'd be like, we're not festival people, are we? And I was like,

no, we're not, but we're enjoying ourselves. So like, we were like, we were staying in this really cool area. It was just in between main stage

and the other stage. And like, it was a closed off area. It had its own bar. It was quite quiet and chill we had a camper van there that's sweet

yeah James and Brian were in the bedroom we were on like this pull out couch but it was grand because like it had air con

like we were kind of spoiled but I felt like I needed that so we got there went a little bit wild on the Friday and I kept going in and out so going to see bands

but it was so hot that like you'd be standing at maid stage and after about 20 minutes I'd be like I'm going to faint if I have to stand here

for any longer so we'd go back but it was nice I saw loads of bands did you not have a little air fan see I wasn't really prepared now I already know

what I'm wearing next year because I saw loads of outfits that I want to copy yeah I'm only going for two days again now I was everyone's like, how could you leave before Elton? James

and Brian thought they were being smarty pants, right? They were like, we're going to leave straight after Elton. We're going to be home by 12. They got home at 5.30am because it was so difficult to get out. I got up, I got up at nine. I had a bacon and egg sandwich. Okay, I eat bacon when I'm hungover. Okay, I let that slip

out. We can cut that if you like, folk when I'm hungover okay I let that slip out we can cut that if you like folk I'm going to be true to myself okay there was two days of bacon yeah you be your authentic self you be your authentic self

but we got off and we left and we were out and home within like three hours it was like they have it so well organised

it's the biggest place on earth you could be walking for two hours from one side to the next. Yeah. Everyone is in a good mood. There's no bad vibes there. No one's going to shout at you and be horrible. It's a really nice place to be.

Now, I met some really cool people. So, I know that you're best friends with her already. But, Annie Mack is... Oh, yes, love. You know when you meet somebody that you don't know and you're like, you think that but Annie Mack is you only meet somebody that you don't know and you're like you think that they're cool and then you meet them

and they're actually cooler yeah I do yeah I know we love her she's so cool I tried to not be obsessive but I was like

she sent me a photo of you two and I was like oh my god I'm so jealous but I'd be the same as you it wouldn't matter if Tupac came back from the dead and was closing Glastonbury I'd be the same as you. It wouldn't matter if Tupac came back from the dead

and was closing Glastonbury. I'd be gone before the end as well. Because I just feel it ruins the crack. Do you remember there was a festival in Ireland? We won't name names. But they had a shit show of getting, was it Slain? I think it was Slain.

A couple of years ago, they had a shit show of getting people home. They were like, there was kids screaming from the bushes and all. It was just a nightmare because it's a small town. It's a one road in and one road out. And they were,

they were on Joe Duffy Live for two days, giving out about it. Leaving festivals, it can take the shine off the whole thing. I feel like if you do, like I absolutely kicked the shit out of myself for two days and I was ready to leave on the Sunday. Like I didn't actually even feel that bad.

I was just like, I just want to go home and like go to bed and like I had two hour nap when I got home and then I was watching Elton now I almost was staying because someone had said to me the day before they were like Eminem's coming on with Elton and I was like you've made that up you've made that up because you know I'm gonna question leaving or not now you wouldn't know this is I met Central Sea one of my favorite rappers but I kind of have that I'm embarrassed of myself

oh no I don't think as funny as I didn't say anything embarrassing but like I just hate that I even went up and said

hello to him because I'm just like shut up you're such a loser you're allowed you're allowed at least you didn't call him middle B

at least you knew who he was you're allowed but you're ever after a day of drinking and you're like please let me forget that I'd do anything

who else I know I'm name dropping all over the place but like we had a great time seeing famous people like yeah bumped into Jamie Dornan

he's so nice as well just a nice guy yeah so when you say bumped into him like how did that come about he was in the bar behind us

and he he remembered me from the Baptist. Shit! So just I was honored. That's sound now you see. Sound.

And then I threw his video under the bus and I was like God if I were you I'd hide. Spencer's going to be coming here soon and he's like

obsessed with you. He sounds like one of the best celebs spotting. Did you see your man who brought in a flat back bed and built it in his tent?

Yeah but could you not have just brought yourself like a bloat mattress like trying to drag or just bring the mattress. Just the mattress. You don't really need the bed. It was a double bed

with like bedside tables and alarm clock and lamp. I mean, if you're there for the week, it's a great idea. If you're there for the week, I suppose it is kind of worth it. I did bump into somebody and I was out of everybody that was so nice this is somebody that I like loved for so long and like it's kind

of nearly the second time it's happened and I was like I went up and I was like I'm a big fan like blah blah blah really turned their nose up at me oh no I know and you know what I like I get I get that you don't have to want to talk to everybody but like I was literally just being like hi it's so nice to meet you like I'm a big fan and it's just like being sneered at are you serious just kind of like really uninterested oh yeah okay and I mean it's fine I suppose but like I know yeah but that happens you you're like, do you know what, you can't win them all, you know, people are entitled to their opinion, but also it's just a bit

sad when it happens. I know when you kind of idolise somebody I know, when you're like, oh wow, I really looked up to you, it happened to me once before with someone as well Have you seen the clip of Keisha and Jerry Seinfeld? No Oh, it's really, it's awful So basically. Is he mean to her

yeah a little bit yeah well so there is he's being interviewed at some event so he's on camera and he's on the carpet you know and the jury's asking

questions and then Keisha runs up and she's like oh my god I'm such a huge fan I'm Keisha and he goes oh hello

and she goes can I have a hug and he's like no and then she kind of thinks he's joking and she went oh please just a little one and he was like no and then she kind of thinks he's joking and she went oh please

just a little one and he was like no and then she's like and she could see her kind of looking to panic and at this stage she's going

don't do this to me Jerry don't do like their cameras are all on them and she went please I'm such a huge fan and he went no thank you

and then she just it's so rude and then she just walked off and she's she's spoken about it since, being like it was one of the saddest moments of her life. So she's a huge Seinfeld fan.

So like on long haul, she watches it back to back. And she's like, it was so, she said humiliating, of course, but also just so sad. Did you see the flags down there, Vogue? Oh, well, I got sent the beep beep flag so many times was that what's that for I wouldn't know

a beep beep do you want it wasn't for me I can't imagine it was from ghosted because someone was sending it to me as well and I was like

that can't be us there was loads of ghosted girls down there though and they're all sound like seriously really sound we're very blessed

we're very blessed I saw one of the flags was dear lord what a sad little flag, Jane. Do you know what that's for? But like, these are like big flags. People have a belt around them and the flag is attached into the belt.

Like you're not just holding that with your hand. They have like, they've put out, they're carrying this shit around for five days. It's such a commitment. It really is it's like walking around with a blimp the whole time

trying to direct it but also like the physicality of holding a flag one of them was I'm not just a sad flag I'm a total flag you know from EastEnders no I didn't become

a little bit of a flag I became a total flag. I'm on the verge, right? I'm on the verge. I'm trying to be like, I feel great. You just have to keep telling yourself you feel great. That's what I do. I'm having the best day of my life. I'm having the best day of my life.

Every day is a blessing. Every day is a blessing. So Central C&H were my favourite. But also Fred again was so good, but it was just, it was too busy. And so I stayed for like 15 minutes and then I was like, I start getting like, I don't know, I get, I feel like closed in

and I start thinking, what if there was a fire? Where would I go? I think it's because I'm old now. And that's where my mind goes. You need to know where your emergency exits are at all times. Well, I'm so old that when Vogue was like, I saw Fred again, I was like, and that's where my mind goes you need to know where your emergency exits are at all times well I'm so old

that when Vogue was like I saw Fred again I was like oh when did you see him before I haven't a fucking clue what's going on like I don't know what's happened to me I used to know stuff

I don't think you don't really love music like I can't imagine you running around listening to music you're more of a like you like information yeah I like

podcasts yes I love a good chat I can't imagine you running around listening to music. You're more of a like, you like information. Yeah. Podcasts. Yes. I love, I love a good chat. I draw. I love a good conversation. Lizzo was amazing though because she played,

she played, she's, I know they're all very talented but like Lizzo was playing the flute and stuff on stage. Like she is sick. You know, she's sick in a good way,

but she's also sick in a bad way. She's been doing all these videos. She was in Belfast. She's so funny. She's looking for this spice bag or something she was recommended. But one of the videos, she got her breakfast.

She was like, this is what I recommend. And everyone was like, ah, Lizzo, come on. Two vegetarian sausages and oatmeal, which I guess is porridge in our world. And she was dipping the sausages guess is porridge in our world. And she was dipping the sausages into the porridge. Oh no. Now, listen,

I haven't tried it, so I don't know, but everyone was like, what? Last thing about Glassdale, and I didn't actually see this because I left before he came on, Elton John,

who was amazing, if you saw him, but I saw him in the O2 recently, where the second I got there, I started Googling, how long is Elton John on stage? Just so I know when to leave. Of course.

So he was like, are you seriously standing here? We've been waiting to go to this gig for four years and you're Googling when we can leave. I was like, I can't help myself. Oh, I lost my voice as well on the Saturday. It's still kind of gone. Everyone was thrilled, obviously, when I woke up and I had no voice.

But I had to then do three podcasts yesterday. Like Louisa put three podcasts in for me. Louisa's my manager and the day after Glastonbury it's lucky I didn't completely emerge myself because I wouldn't have been able to like you know your head doesn't work properly. You could have been licking the walls. I should have been licking the walls. I probably would have been had they not been booked in. But Elton John, this is the way you have to do it, right? Elton John was home in his house within 40 minutes of finishing his set. And he lives in Windsor. How did he do that? Straight into a golf cart, straight to the Red Gate, and then people tracked his helicopter.

It took off and 39 minutes later he was home. Oh my God. We should do that from the three arena the helicopter is very expensive I did look into it to classify I thought we wouldn't even spend

the money on getting the sea cat back to Hollyhead we'll stay in house thank you very much I won't even be getting yeah I won't even be getting like a chauffeur car I'm getting a taxi

an Uber is where I will be well I'm getting I'm getting the bus there you go and I'm gonna and I'm gonna go back to my mum's for free and sit in the dark without the lights on because I'm getting the bus. There you go. And I'm going to go back to my mum's for free and sit in the dark without the lights on

because I'm not paying the bills. There you go, Vogue. Vogue, you know the way people like to let me know what you're up to at all times. Yeah, yeah. If they think you're doing something, they'll get it. But I'll slag you out there like,

have you seen this? Like I just said. I get that so much, by the way, on all the comments on my posts. I'm like, for fuck's sake. Because we slag each other so much,

people are like, are you really? Like I got a message about my dress yesterday and someone was like, out of all the clothes and your whole wardrobe, are you really going out in that? And I'm like,

oh my God. Tell me how you really going out in that and I'm like oh my god tell me how you really feel we can slag each other because we're friends when strangers do it it's low level trolling but people think I'm at home

with just an Excel doc like this whiteboard set up with like more things focused on so that I can kind of thread them together do you know what I mean

and then bring them all to the podcast but I did get sent a couple of times I did get sent the have you seen this that I can kind of thread them together. Do you know what I mean? And then bring them all to the podcast. But I did get sent, a couple of times I did get sent the, have you seen this? And it was the white rose voice that you were, it was the most E17.

It was the kind of, stay now. It was like cheap rock star. Well, who do you think organized that now, really? In your right mind, who organized that? Spano obviously yeah of course it was from an amazing company

I'm going to give them a shout out especially to Michael who drove us he was sound he was like an East Londoner probably in his 60s or 70s gentleman

an older gentleman an older gentleman really really sound it's Haynes Prestige and they're basically they're a chauffeur company because I obviously was like Spano

let's just drive ourselves down and he was like well like I'll, let's just drive ourselves down. And he was like, well, like, I'll be really tired on Sunday and I might not want to drive back. And plus it takes, you're adding a couple of hours on if you drive yourself. You have to find your parking space. You have to. So actually in the long run, it was amazing. And driving, that car. Now, we didn't know where the champagne, there's champagne, there's a fridge with champagne in it.

We didn't know that on the way down when we might have drank the champagne. This is another thing about Spenny. He organised the car and then he was offered to have someone on his podcast that he didn't want to miss. So he didn't even end up getting the car. It was me, Cillian and Brian in the car on our own. He had to find his own way down but we didn't know the champagne was there and then on the way back he's like you forgot about the champagne didn't know and the last thing you want to drink is poison on the way home after drinking on the saturday night i'm like i'm not that would be like acid to me well to me now that's where we do disagree but go on so I didn't touch it I'd be drinking anything

just to get just to get over the fact I was going home I'd be licking the oil out of the hubcaps because I don't really like crowds because I don't know

whatever I'm old now I don't really understand it but I just don't that I would drink I would find it hard to not drink because you just kind of

drink to to get yourself going do you know what I mean which is sad and pathetic but true I kind of drink to get yourself going. Do you know what I mean? Which is sad and pathetic, but true. I kind of, I'm not mad for crowds either. I feel like you do,

like maybe it comes with age, but like it's not, you can go and stand. Joe's like, shut up you two witches like getting to go to Glastonbury next year because he'll still have a baby

so he won't be allowed to go. Bring the baby. No, I won't be bringing her. Might find a way next year now. But I do Glast glass and be very different I'm in a tent and I'm drinking warm lager at 10 in the morning

it's a very different thing for me see that's yeah but Jo you're younger than us we're just like Joanne and I we just

we've done that he's poor Fouke let's be real you're not poor you're not old. You're just rich. And Jo's poor. I actually would disagree with you

because when I was younger, I used to love that whole side to it. I used to love like just being in the thick of it and like you'd be out the whole day. Like you just, but it's just not, I like to have like a little quiet time.

Yeah. You need your comforts as you get a little bit older. Yeah, definitely. You wait, Jo. In five years time, you'll be dragging a double bed down there yourself.

Yeah, you'll be in it. You're getting choppers in and out. Yeah. Okay, so. Now we need to be kind. Why? What are we going to talk about? We're going to talk about Alice Evans and Yowan Griffiths. And we need to be kind. Why? What are we going to talk about? We're going to talk about Alice Evans and Yow and Gruffydd.

And we need to be... It's a very sad situation. It's very sad. Very sad. When this all kicked off during lockdown, for anyone who doesn't know, it's playing out to be one of pretty much one of the worst divorces I think we've ever read about. Ever. It is Chernobyl level toxic

is the only way I could describe it but this all kicked off during lockdown and I remember at the time like reading all about it and I mean it's that look it's not a nice side of human nature

but I was drawn to the drama of it well it's so it's so like you brought my attention to it to begin with and I sent you something when I was on the way back from class for me, reading it. And I was just like, it's so, it's gone on for so long as well. Yeah, it has. Well, you know, it started in, I think it was like 2020 he left or 2020, I think he left.

Yeah. But it was, it's gone to the point now where, like, at the start, it was kind of fascinating because Alice was publicly calling her husband out for leaving her instead of taking the silent high road. She was doing chat shows and stuff because you could see she was just, she just couldn't cope. She just couldn't cope with what was happening. She couldn't process it. She couldn't cope. He then went on and publicly moved on with a woman half her age. So reading it, she did all that stuff at the start.

Then she kind of stopped. She was very public. Yeah. Yeah, she was public at the start. Then she stopped. But then he came out with his new romance. And I think that literally lit a fire under her. And she was like, no.

Yeah, it did feel. Now, look, we don't know what's going on behind closed doors. But even at the time, we were like, that feels kind of cruel. Now, we don't know what's going on behind closed doors. But even at the time, we were like, that feels kind of cruel. Now, we don't know what's going on. Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. But it did feel like a kick in the stones. Anyway, they've gone on to, like, they're doing kind of, they've done a couple of magazine covers together now and stuff.

Yeah, and apparently they're making a film together. Anyway, it's gotten so toxic with the children that there was this big rigmarole and one of the children is trying to take out a restraining order everyone has they all

everyone has a restraint they're all restrained I don't think any of them can use their arms at all at the moment everyone's restrained well he has a five five year restraining order

on Alice and the daughter's one was denied anyway we're dancing delicately around this because it's not something we want to take the piss out of.

It's really sad for everyone involved. It's really sad. However, it did get me thinking about pettiness during breakups. And,

you know the way, breakups, I think we can all admit, bring out the absolute worst in you. In everybody. In everyone. All your jealousies, your insecurities.

You just become this needy. Some people are like, oh, namaste. You're no longer going to be in this. I wish you love and light. I don't know who those people are. Apparently they exist. I don't know. I don't know them.

I don't wish to know them. Like, I'm trying to think of it when I would have been petty in a relationship. I just kind of like want to like shut off and like be like that's I just don't want to ever have contact with you again I think it's best for everybody yeah but I mean

like sometimes I think the friendship thing is to kind of ease yourself out of because when you're with someone you're in contact with them all the time you're kind of like

hooked into each other a lot of the time it's co-dependent and you're almost addicted to each other and when that gets taken away's co-dependent And you're almost Addicted to each other And when that gets taken away It's like going cold turkey You're trying to get a hit

Of that person So you're like Let's be friends But really You're trying to mastermind Your comeback Do you know what I mean But there's no one to text

There's no one to call Like you have that Huge void as well And there's no one to hang out with You're just having to Find other people To chat to Like oh god

and love is an addiction so when you are when you are deeply in love with someone you are addicted to them and then when that gets taken away it's like

getting weak the other way if you're on medication antidepressants anything like that you can't just stop taking them they have to wean you off them whereas in relationships

there's no weaning you're just gone so that's what I think that's actually so funny you said that because I texted Fanny the other day I was like are we addicted to each other I so that's what I think that's actually so funny you said that because I texted Fanny the other day I was like are we addicted

to each other I was like I don't think that's a good thing but actually love is a kind of addiction where you're just like it is because your whole life

is so intertwined yeah and they and when you're in love it sparks all those endorphiny bits in your brain doesn't it Jo it does they've done all the tests

on that side of your brain it's the same thing as doing drugs basically so I always think the staying friends thing is either very mature if you're in the conscious and coupling wellness world, or it's just it's just an excuse to kind of say, oh, can we still call each other at the odd time? Because I don't know how to go from you being my person to you being a complete stranger to me. And always, usually, as as we say the opposite of love isn't hate

it's indifference so sometimes love gets re-channeled into hatred and things get nasty anyway so I did a shout out yes

while you were living while you were living your best life in Glastonbury I was puking orange juice out my nose I'm working yes I was what petty stuff have you done? I I put that part of my life I'm working. Yes, I was.

What petty stuff have you done? I put that part of my life behind me. There's been a lot of stuff. There's been a lot of stuff, but... I'm going to pretend I've had no petty stuff, okay? The pettiest girl in the world has had no petty stuff. Well, do you know what, actually? When I was thinking about my own situations and my own breakups I don't think I've done

stuff that I look back on now and they're not the actions of someone who's in their right mind they're the actions of someone who has had

their heart ripped out of them and they're kind of spiraling and doing loads like not behaving in a kind of rational measured way that you would as you would now

and we've all we've spoken about the mad stuff we've spoken about the mad stuff we've spoken about the mad stuff and it is fair enough that's just life that's what happens yeah

you fall in love and then when someone if you're not the one the difference is if the person that you're with is the one that falls out of love you're just left there fucking drowning

and actually back to the Alice Evans thing that's where I think people it's like this kind of it's like watching this car crash breakup because it makes you feel you're like no matter

what I've done in the past or no matter how bad my breakups got they never got this bad and that's why I think people have this morbid fascination with it which is sad

but it's just the truth I just don't know how theirs got that bad like how did it get that bad you see I'd imagine and look

I don't know I'd imagine things weren't great before the breakup I think it doesn't sound like okay let's lighten it up with some pettiness

from our listeners let's lighten it up so a lot of a lot of so I did a shout out a lot of rimming toothbrushes there was a lot of rimming toothbrushes

stop a lot of rimming of toothbrushes yeah I'm sure you'd know if your toothbrush had been rimmed. Come on.

Pissing and mouthwash. They were the two top, top results. God, I'd hate if someone did that to my toothbrush. So bad. And especially if it's electric

because it's really getting in there. Do you know what I mean? It's electric. It's really bad. There's also a lot of people, like couples, splitting shit down the middle and giving someone like half a cup.

Stuff like that. Like, giving someone a handle of a cup and I was like that's what I enjoy now that's what I enjoy like I don't enjoy the restraining order level

but I enjoy giving someone the handle of a cup that they liked yeah Joe I wanted to talk about Swamp Cratch have we not got time?

let's talk about it on the bonus mate this time tune in on Wednesday I've been really I've been really busy doing important research and I've just discovered

I want to talk about Swamp Crotch till next week fab here's one my mum put salt in my dad's bed took 5k out of

the joint account that was to pay the mortgage and the bills that month took all the TV remotes and then fucked off to London to live with her sisters she was also the woman

who sprayed piss on her neighbours washing using a water gun she's completely unhinged but we love her oh my god this is really good did you hear the story

about the woman who found out her boyfriend was cheating on her whilst she was house sitting for him because he was on holiday so she planted thousands of watercress seeds

into his carpet watered them while he was gone and when he came back the entire lounge was growing unstoppable amounts of watercress

five fucking stars oh my god Nobel Prize Nobel Prize we don't condone any of this behaviour none of this behaviour we don't condone

we don't condone any of it but that deserves that deserves a slap in the back. That deserves a prize. Intelligent. Here's another one.

He was getting a full set of veneers at an English dentist for his teeth which took so so so many appointments. So I got my work colleague to call up

and keep changing cancelling his teeth appointments when we broke up knowing he'd have to wear the fake yellow dentures for longer stay in pain and also pay

for missed appointments. It was supposed to be finished in June. I heard it wasn't finished till November the next year. Oh my God. That's a bit, I mean, a couple of months maybe. That's a bit far. This isn't funny. This is horrible.

When I bought my ex out of the house, he got his new girlfriend to sign the papers as his witness. That's so mean. Oh my God. Like, why? I don't know, because people are petty. That's so mean. Oh my God. Like, why? I don't know because people are petty. Here's another one. I pawned his grandmother's

antique Italian gold necklace after finding he was cheating. Oh my God. I know. Here's another one. Swapped the Tesco club card fob on his keys to my fob so got all his points in vouchers.

That's okay. That's good levels. That's acceptable. Put his clothes in the dryer on a high heat so they all his points in vouchers that's okay that's good levels that's acceptable put his clothes in the dryer on a high heat so they all shrank love it pissed in his apple cider vinegar that he would drink every day I mean I could go on and on and on we'll break them up we'll put some of the

bonuses because they are amazing we're loving this low level pettiness we're all as pathetic as each other and that's we're all the same level pettiness we're all we're all as pathetic as each other and that's we're all the same that's what makes us feel good

we're all pathetic low life scum here's one he dumped me whether these are true or not I don't care I'm buying it

he dumped me so I started dating his landlord and increased his rent some of these are very clever I know He dumped me so I started dating his landlord and increased his rent. Come on. Some of these are very clever. I know. I put his cheese...

I put... Diorama's going to just keep going till tomorrow. I'm just going to sit here and Kelly's outside streaming them off. I was thinking I might do a spin-off podcast myself

because I just get... I get so much out of breakups. I could talk about them all day. I put cheese slices all over my ex's car windscreen at the height of summer. Oh, that's bad now. Do you think that's worse than,

One more, one more for the ditch. Do you think that, one more for the pig in the ditch. Do you think that's worse than sending his granny's antique gold necklace into a pawn dealer? Yeah, I think that is worse. The crass is the worst so far, though. The crass is the worst.

When we say worst, what we mean is the best. Oh! Going through a breakup, started using forks to stir all his nonstick pants. Well, well, well. Turns out our listeners are geniuses. Geniuses. And she sounds like a grown-up.

Actually, that's a very grown-up thing to do. Genius. It's low-level. It's low-level interference. That's what you want. Thank you, everybody. I'm on tour.

Oh. Oh, here we go We're not finished Strap in Okay so main one is Dubai September 2nd I've got Canada We've got all the usual places

Calgary Victoria Winnipeg Toronto Vancouver Also check out where Me and Vogue are on tour Doing Ghosted Live

And we have a new website called mytherapistghostedme.com and all our dates are there including places like Brighton, Bristol, London, Belfast, Dublin.

We've got a three arena, one three arena left. And we're going to go to Qatar for the press. No. No, no.

No? No? no. No? No. Okay.