My Therapist Ghosted Me - Sex Dungeon, Skin Age & A 'Pop Quiz'

Episode Date: February 9, 2024

If you haven't seen Miley at The Grammy's, SEE HER. She's right up their amongst the topics this week. Plus, a spy pigeon, some donuts and some sweaty leaves. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to my therapist ghosted me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne, Joanne McNally. French one, Joanne. Bonjour. Joanne Lepin. Welcome back. We appreciate your business. We do, we do. Joanne, how. French one. Joanne. Bonjour. Joanne Le Pen. Welcome back. We appreciate your business. We do, we do.

Joanne, how was your week? Grant! That's good. Okay, well, my week... Okay, on to you. I can see your mouth twitching. You've obviously got stuff to tell me. I'm trying to think. I don't.

When he goes through your week, you realise how pathetic you really are. Do you know what I'm still shook by what was it this who asked me some inter you asked me

like what's if your house is on fire what would you take was that you asking me that yeah yeah yeah and I said my box of hair products and I've never felt so alone I'm like

how can that be the thing that I need to take from my house I'm 40 years of age and the only thing I have a sentimental attachment to in my home is a fucking wicker basket of hair products

although it would accelerate the fire if I left them there it doesn't make home is a fucking wicker basket of hair products although it would accelerate the fire if I left them there it doesn't make sense to take them with a lot of hairspray in there you're saving other items I am indeed there are certain things

that I would take as well like I think I know things that I take only because I started getting stuff together in my house in Dublin and we found this box of old pictures

and as I told you before I am a child from a broken marriage and I am the third child from that marriage that was not wanted so there's very little evidence of me as a child from a broken marriage and I am the third child from that marriage that was not wanted so there's very little evidence of me as a child

you would actually kind of think that I was just like born grown up because there's such little evidence but I found these pictures are you sure you

didn't come out really big I've always been big yeah you've always been big poor Sandra Jesus Christ I'd say she's never been the same since she doesn't have

a strange walk Sandra getting her mouth out alone 60 stitches ripped right up the burst but I found these pictures that I would say but then you know it's one of those things right

that you're like I'm going to get those digitalised I'm going to do it because I'd really hate to lose them to think in the 15 years that I've had

hold of those pictures that I've ever done anything about it but I will and Amber has all these like Amber used to be because Amber was always a bit creepy

she used to go around with a video camera all the time she was one of those people like I'll have like an an electric piano for Christmas like one of those kids and

are they a type of child? yeah Amber always wanted to music kids no she couldn't play the piano and she still can't but she wanted it

just so it looked good in her bedroom and she wanted a guitar and it's like you can't play the guitar Amber yeah but she can't play it yet that's why she's getting a guitar

she still can't play the guitar she asked for it when she was nine she's a hipster kid anyway so she has a video camera and all these old tapes of us where she used to make me dance so Amber used to

like I was literally Amber's like project and she'd just she'd make up songs and I had to perform and then like she would like have a whip out

and if I got anything wrong she would go crazy directing do you want to hear one of the songs sure it's more the dance that goes with it

it goes good morning boys and girls I can't actually do it it's too embarrassing I can't I can't I'm sweating now

because I'm embarrassed so for the girl forward slash witch who said that I had no boobs look at my new bra how big do they look

do you know I think they look enormous in this bra they do look kind of they look enormous in this bra they do look kind of sizeable they look massive they do I looked at them

today and I was like Jesus yeah no they do look bigger in that bra yeah but it's obviously you're getting some help from the

bra now yeah I mean you could punch me in the tit and I wouldn't feel it but that doesn't matter I'm still a

large titted girl you are you're heavy breasted where were we Spenny and I decided to go on a date

well it was kind of a date but we were going friends on Saturday night and it's called a Russian you were going with friends with friends on a date we do a lot of that

that's why we have to really try and do things alone yeah but we never do we always go with friends but we went to this Russian banya yeah

banya it's like a a sauna a bath house sauna yeah so I obviously thought like we were going to be like Banya Banya it's like a a sauna a bath house sauna yeah so I obviously thought like we were going to be like

doing mad shit it kind of felt like you're like put your keys in the belt kind of vibe okay at the beginning would that not

is that not what I would suggest to you is that where you went like did you think that that was on the card that's where I went yeah absolutely throwing the key to the Vespa hope someone else can get it on the road

yeah face someone get this fucking Vespa hope someone else can get it on the road yeah face someone get this fucking Vespa on the road what was it like was it fun well

I mean it was an it was an experience and I was when I left I was like do you know what that's good content now

I have a bit of content from that but would I go back again I probably would not go back again because it was basically like a sauna and they go around

in these little hats like a little gnome that sits in the garden I'm actually going to show you the hat I have to show you the hat hang on that's what the hat looks like

like a little gnome in the garden yeah for people who can't see it's like it looks like a what are the things they wear on their fingers

when they're stitching oh a thimble it looks like a thimble yeah it does you can get them for £9.99 on Finmark if you plan on going to the Russian Banyo here's two things What are the things they wear on their fingers when they're stitching? Oh, a thimble. It looks like a thimble. Yeah. It does. You can get them for $9.99 on Finmark if you plan on going to the Russian Banya. Here's two things about the Russian Banya, right? One, there's no Russians in there.

Oh. So it's all Ukrainians. When the Russian war started with Ukraine, all these people were going and throwing paint at the Russian Banya. And they're like, hello, we're Ukrainians. Stop. Don't punish us even more. Yeah, because they were kind of protesting.

Yeah, they were. Exactly, because they thought, anyway, so full of Ukrainian men and there are women in there as well. And there's only one sauna. So I was thinking like it would be a host of saunas. Those are saunas it was.

It was one sauna. And then we went and we got this couple's massage. And so you go into the sauna room and there is men in these kind of like little knickers yeah happy with that yeah so there's a couple's room there's two beds and two men in knickers and uh at one point i did feel like it felt something like kind of hostile the movie vibes oh okay i was just like like if they wanted to yeah you're like no one knows where we are. There's no GPS here.

There's no service. And there was leaf whipping. So they basically get these leaves out and they whip you with these. It was enjoyable. What's the point of the leaf whipping? I don't know. But like, I just,

I felt like obviously because I am a neat freak, like I was lying there and I was like, God, have they washed the leaves? Are these just the leaves they use on everyone? So I couldn't really enjoy myself because I was in a and I was like God have they washed the leaves are these just the leaves they use on everyone so I couldn't really

enjoy myself because I was in a sweaty room with sweaty people and two sweaty men hitting me with sweaty leaves that were probably on other sweaty people's bodies and it was all

I could think about Okay so you didn't enjoy it I didn't really enjoy that and I mean I don't know then they put this like lump of seaweed across your face

that was cold that they dipped in this water and again I just was like that's it I'm getting a cold sore tomorrow They put seaweed on your face? Seaweed on your face that was cold that they dipped in this water and again I just was like that's it I'm getting a call to her tomorrow they put seaweed on your face seaweed on your face

maybe it wasn't seaweed I mean it was pretty dark in there but there were men and these two men do this to people the whole time and I was like

how long are you standing in the sauna for a day he's like we stand in here for 10 hours a day I mean there was not an ounce of anything on him he was literally just ripped

because he just stands and sweats all day but do you get ripped from sweating because then I'd be obviously like a fucking gladiator surely because I'm always pumped

but like why am I not ripped I mean do you want to spend 10 hours a day in a sauna sweating your arse off hitting people

how ripped is he I mean he is the most ripped man I have ever seen in my whole life it kind of felt like at one point I was in a sex dungeon that's just the vibe

I got and I think that was my own problem like Berghain if Berghain was a spa like the third floor on Berghain that's where it felt

like I was you're not really selling it to me now I have to say I mean but you know the thing is it's really popular

loads of people love it loads of people want to go back I don't want to go to me now I have to say. I mean but you know what the thing is it's really popular loads of people love it loads of people want to go back. I I don't I don't want to go back. I don't want to say anything mean about it because I know loads of people like it but it just

I think some people enjoy that experience. I would rather not enjoy that experience again. You're very diplomatic. Yeah I'm trying to be nice about it. Bathhouses are huge at the moment. They're really having a moment.

I'd rather have a bathhouse in my own house. That's just a bath. I would rather A bathhouse in my own house that's just a bath a bathhouse is a communal bathing experience the Romans were mad for it the Romans were mad for the vomitorium

and everything apparently that's not true apparently that's an urbaner no that is true no it is true are you telling me the slug story from last week

is true but the the vomitorium thing isn't true apparently it's a urban myth I just well I've lost complete respect in them

I know I know we're like I thought you invented bulimia what the fuck but you know what they did so they would have

shared toilets they all like went in these big kind of like buildings with just these holes and you'd sit beside your friend

and like just do your thing and then there was a communal rock or piece of whatever that they would use to clean themselves

no please god no yeah it wasn't pretty I wouldn't have lasted a day in those times but you know what maybe they just had no shame around it

it's like kids when does the shame happen that's it yeah but also I think it was a resource situation but they did invent the viaducts well what's a viaduct

the water system in the well they's a viaduct the water system in the well they probably had to because everyone was so bloody sick tunnels back to the sex dungeon vibes it got me thinking

did I ever tell you guys about the sex dungeon I went to I don't think so did I not so I was thinking that the bathhouse was the sex dungeon

I was like people would be pretty disappointed if they came here because there's nothing goes on there there's no wanking no nothing I checked it all out nothing happening the research was done don't bother Jo I was like, people would be pretty disappointed if they came here because there's nothing goes on there. There's no wanking, no nothing. Yeah.

I checked it all out. Nothing happening. The research was done. Don't bother, Jo. Get a refund. And they have men's days and they have women's days. Oh, nice. Okay.

Still no wanking. But I went to this sex dungeon in London. It was in West London near Soho, as you can imagine. Maybe it was in Soho. And I did go for a documentary. And I went in and there's this huge room. And like there's a cage in the corner for people to lock each other in. And there are like thousands of sex toys all over the walls. Yeah.

And a bucket. So someone like rents out the sex dungeon for like three or four hours. Just by themselves? By themselves. No, obviously not by themselves. They can bring someone with them. Sorry, of course. Yeah. Yeah.

But they go and use all the same shit. Why would you need anyone with you if you've got a thousand sex toys? Because they're using them on each other. That sounds like a single woman Sunday vibe to me. I wouldn't bring anyone with me.

I'd just go and enjoy the resources myself. What a secondhand dildo that somebody has already been using. Look, once it's sanitised, honestly, I wouldn't... I don't I wouldn't care did you watch the Grammys? I didn't watch the whole Grammys

I only like to watch the little bits that pop up on the news yeah no obviously sorry I never when I say watch the Grammys I mean did you watch clips online

I don't mean who the fuck would watch the whole thing like are you insane I don't think who the fuck would watch the whole thing like are you insane I don't think anyone watches the whole thing only they ask themselves and even they don't

no they sneak out no Taylor won the most awards whatever but for me my personal winner of the Grammys was Miley Cyrus

yes I know did you think that she was kind of like Tina Turner reincarnated a little bit yeah yeah

I just thought she she's just so cool she's deadly but I was looking at her and she won a Grammys for Flowers which we know

she wrote about Liam Hemsworth and she was on this kind of revenge plot where she released it on his birthday and all this stuff but I was

I was looking at her with kind of pride even though obviously I'm not particularly close to Miley Cyrus but I was like this woman

I'm not gonna I shouldn't reduce a but I was like this woman I'm not going to I shouldn't reduce a woman's achievements to saying it's all about revenge on her ex I don't mean to reduce her to that but something tells me

that Miley Cyrus will not be happy until Liam Hemsworth is in a fucking asylum and I kind of respect it her whole performance everything it was like this

this moment of come to Jesus where she wrote a song slagging her ex and she's now on stage looking insane singing it she just won a Grammy

I was like go Miley I know but the only thing I would say is now you kind of get to a point right

and I loved Miley's performance I let the little dig slide because I'm I'm the complete opposite to you I just I just think come on what digs? like the digs at Liam in the song and stuff like because I'm the complete opposite to you I just think come on what digs?

like the digs at Liam in the song and stuff like that I'm just a bit like I know anyone could have like we have both been

in relationships we don't know what he did because she seems very angry it literally doesn't matter like I know that I've been in like like I've had people do shit to me

that like is not nice at all but I'm you do get to a point where you're like oh I don't really give a shit anymore yeah

you have to you can't you can't she's had her revenge maybe she's there I don't know but certainly to me maybe I'm projecting

my own thoughts onto Miley but I watched her and I was like this is a real fuck you it is it's a fuck you moment and she deserves it because I don't know

what he did but he obviously did something really bad because she's very pissed off about it and I think that's that's the full stop in the whole thing now it's come full very pissed off about it and I think that's that's the full stop in the whole thing now

it's come full circle she's won a Grammy well let's hope it's the full stop now yeah she has won a Grammy what are you talking about folk we love this shit this is all material

fucking Taylor Swift is after renouncing a new album in the middle of her Ears tour like how where she got the time how she did it I don't know

it's because she went through a breakup Taylor Swift is are you telling me I should break up with Sven because it'll give't know it's because she went through a break up Taylor Swift is are you telling me I should break up with Span because it'll give us more content no I'm telling you I'm breaking up with Alan

before I write my Edinburgh show Alan if you're listening I'm not coming home because I'm fucking stuck for content so that's what I that's where I was going with that

it actually does like there would be a lot of it's messed up now that I'm on like because obviously I'm in a different space now where like obviously I share more stuff so I guess if I did go

through a breakup I'd have to give us the inside scoop I think I would yeah I think I should I'm actually fucking hell maybe I should start backtracking you can't take the high road in your own relationship look at me I fucking ruined myself

ruined myself. Ruined myself. But yeah, I just thought, fair play, Miley. And I don't know who is her trainer, but that woman, the body is insane.

I reckon she spent 10 hours a day in a sauna. Yeah. That's what they looked like. The men looked like that. She was unbelievable. And also, she called out the audience

for being shit. I heard that. I thought you would love that. Yeah. Because I was like, they are shit. They're so good. Yeah was unbelievable. And also, she called out the audience for being shit. I heard that. I thought you would love that. Yeah, because I was like, they are shit. They're so good. Yeah, you know this song, Don't Act Like You Don't Know It

or something she said. Why are you pretending you've never heard this song? Because we're all just staring at her. Getting revenge when you're that famous is on a different level. It's not like just putting a fish in the radiator.

You get to dress up like that and go on stage and win a fucking Grammy. And I just felt it was a real full stop in the whole Liam Hemsworth I for one have made peace with Liam now

I feel now it is a done deal I feel I've moved on I've processed I think it was like three years ago though I'd kind of processed that Brittany and

Justin Timberlake are still going at each other they broke up 20 years ago I know 20 Justin's a bit of I don't know there's something smug about him

what's going on with him shut up he's so like he's he's kind of he's just there's something smug about him what's going on with him shut up he's so like he's he's kind of he's just smarmy smarmy timber like there's a

there's a there's a rumour going around that I love yeah is it about me if it's about me no thank you

there's a rumour going around I'm too one that em that he is in talks to do a tell all with Oprah about the whole Britney thing

there's been a lot of career damage and a lot of reputational damage done to Justin and he's like I need to say something now about this

so hopefully Oprah's going to facilitate that I love that Oprah does things like that for us I know it is very good of her

but Justin Timmerlake I don't know there's just something there's something unlikable about him he's turned into a bit of a dick yeah

pop quiz okay pop quiz go I love this oh my god remember we used to do things like that did we do pop quizzes we did

we used to have little like yeah I loved I love this game pop quiz might be crap but I love it so I was reading this article about

nine quick ways to slow your ageing process some guy's written a book can I just say something I went and got my face age tested today oh yeah go on

I went and got a facial and my face has been on fire for the day but like in a good way you know and you're like oh I can feel the burn it's going to be good I got a treatment

called Moxie which gets rid of your pigmentation but so I'm really careful about my skin and the sun and everything like that like that's why I created Bare by Vogue

because I just don't think anyone should be sitting in the sun up to a point my face age is so I'm 38 12

my face no come on Jesus 28 my face age is let me guess okay 33 you're a bitch why is it older I was trying to be sound 12 my face no come on Jesus 28 my face age is let me guess okay 33

you're a bitch why is it older I was trying to be sound no it's 32 oh my god I said 12 first I was actually

going to lie as well because I told Spenny about it I was like it said I was 30 and it didn't it said I was 32 it said you're 32

that's still pretty good going it's six years younger than my normal but in fairness you work I mean if anyone should be getting

fucking years knocked off their face it's you or me considering the amount of time I spend getting shit done and also but the moly moly

side of my face was 41 because it picks up all the moles as brown ageing spots but they're not brown ageing spots they're moles yeah

they're youth dots they're youth dots they're youth dots I even tried I've tried one of those only because I saw you post about it one of those at home light therapy masks oh shit

yeah I must actually I must try mine I've learned about it you've got to use it three to five times a week and you've got to use it consistently for a month and then it supposedly works

anyway go on tell me my pop quiz so thank you also I have to say and this is not included by the way because you didn't

make this up you have to do your own one the week after I was reading this thing about the orgasm commune have you heard about this no oh my god it's wild

it's basically this woman in America who set up this commune where all these women come and every morning they lie lie out in a meditation room

and men come in and wear latex gloves and just rub just to the right, upper right hand of the clit for 15 minutes on the dot and then they go on about their day. Stop.

Yeah, so everyone's like, is it a cult? Is it not? I could. But they don't kind of suggest that you cut off your family or anything. Anyway, really interesting.

Orgasm commune if anyone's looking for a bit of a deep dive. Do you not remember we did that TV show and we had, Joanne and I had to, we had to like meditate

and then they were like, and now this is the part and it was in London and this is the part where you, and we were like, yeah, we're not really gonna, yeah, I was like,

I'm not putting my hands in my pants with my friend beside me. Well, I mean, regardless, I was the problem. There was a fucking camera in her face.

I know, I know. I mean, I don't think I was holding fucking camera in her face I know I mean I don't think I was holding you back surely but again hang on so there's a man when I did the sex dungeon show

there was a man who basically he offers his services I met him kind of good looking man wouldn't be up my street but he goes around and basically

fingers women and then just leaves so he doesn't do anything else I just lie down he fingers these women what a pro I women many of them I know many of them

have high paid jobs and they're too busy to finger themselves so he comes and does it I don't remember his name it was years ago and I didn't get fingered by him

I wonder though like that's it's like men going for a wank at the end of a massage 100% I'm all about it but I just wonder

I you know I hate to do myself a disservice but I need some some sort of emotion, you know, I hate to do myself a disservice, but I need some, some sort of emotion. Like, you know what I mean? I'd have to have some attachment

to that person, for me personally. And to be honest with you, there was something I just didn't, there's something a bit smarmy about him as well. I'd rather do it myself. Yeah, I know.

And if you get the, if you get the right device, it won't take long. Yeah. And we love outsourcing work, but that's a step too far for me personally. Me too.

Yeah. Me too. Anyway. And we love outsourcing work but that's a step too far for me personally. Me too. Yeah. Me too. Anyway. Back to the quiz. Pop quiz. What a job though. What does he put on his like going to the airport

what's he saying? Professional thing. I think he just worked in and around London. Clip massager. So this is what when I was reading what the orgasm called me

and I was like it's not a bad way to start the day. I know it's not a bad way to start the day but because we are for 15 minutes what are they doing

for 15 minutes? Come on. Getting rubbed start the day but because we are for 15 minutes what are they doing for 15 minutes come on getting rubbed I'm not being rubbed for 15 minutes like 5 minutes is all you need but a latex glove

now to me wouldn't suggest lubrication you wouldn't feel the latex glove if you had a bit of lube just like this like a stroker

I know and you're in a room with all your and then you just go and have lunch and do your day seems a bit strange it is a bit odd

but anyway look each to their own yeah we should go we should book a ticket no you can go on your own seems a bit strange it is a bit odd but anyway look each to their own yeah we should go we should book a ticket no you can go on your own and tell me about it fine

do it for content em nine quick ways to slow ageing it's all the usual shit about eating berries but this one I thought was interesting

wait I thought I was getting a fucking quiz you're just reading me something where's my quiz this is this is part of your quiz okay okay please calm down or you won't be quizzed you're just reading me something where's my quiz this is part of your quiz okay

please calm down or you won't be quizzed at all I'm waiting a long time for this quiz but continue don't eat sugar so clean your

eat your greens blah blah blah berries and nuts blah blah blah clean your what? Face. No. Makeup brushes.

This is a trick to literally live longer is to clean your... Insides. No. Well, I mean, it is... Yeah, there is something in your inside. Yeah. Clean your gut.

No. Teeth. No. Close. Ears. Ears. Teeth. No. Close. Ears. Ears. Nose. No.

Eyes. Close to teeth. Fingernails. No. Where the fuck are your fingernails? Close to teeth. Sorry. Tongue.

Tongue! Correct. Clean your tongue. A tongue scraper. Clean your tongue, guys. As we age, our sense of taste may decline, leading older adults to over-salt their food and then die of salt exposure.

I mean, how much... Are you going around licking salt rocks? and then die of salt exposure I mean how much are you going around licking salt rocks like how much salt do you put on your food I use a lot of salt I really really do that's why I don't even

we need one of those salt lamps I literally just have six boxes of Saxa in the house to get my spiritual healing from them I absolutely love salt

I'm not taking it away from you but it's really really really bad for you so they're saying if you clean your tongue your teeth works like a tongue scraper tongue scraper and it sharpens your taste buds salt. But it's really, really, really bad for you. So they're saying if you clean your tongue. Your teeth must be a tongue scraper. Tongue scraper.

And it sharpens your taste buds and then you don't over salt your food and you live longer, which is something you're very keen to do. Okay, here's something

about tongue scrapers. I've been around tongue scrapers for a long time now. Spenny got involved in the tongue scraper game a long time ago. Of course he did.

Well, when he used his mother's tongue scraper when we were in St. Barth. And I was like, did you just use your mother's tongue scraper? And he was like, yeah, so, darling. I was like, that is so grim. And what I will tell you is, right? Go on. I never have like gross crap on my tongue. is right go on

I never have like gross crap on my tongue he tongue scrapes so much that like he he has more of a build up of crap on his tongue than I do why

because I think he's always it's like if you go get a colonic then it's not good for you you mean he's he's scraped away his tongue's immunity system yes yes yes

when you use too much lip balm then you constantly need to put on lip balm like I do he over scraped he's over scrapedraped the tongue, and now the tongue is dirtier than my tongue without the scraping.

Now, I know I'm a bit of a dirtbag, but even... I'm trying to... I'm really trying to dig deep into my cell, and would I use... You would. ...someone else's tongue scraper? You would.

You and Spencer are the same person. I think I would, yeah. Spencer wouldn't... Leave your tongue scraper out next time I'm over. You're not scraping your tongue scraper you would you and Spencer are the same person I think I would Spencer would leave your tongue scraper right next time I'm over you're not scraping your tongue are you I don't scrape you can use Spencer's

I'll use Spencer's no problem he wouldn't care either I'm like oh look it's all got chunky bits on it gross he'd be happy for you to use it

sorry you guys are the same with that kind of stuff we are your family's is that it that's the quiz one question I had a busy week my is that it that's the quiz one question

I had a busy week what can I say that's my contribution do you know how excited I was about that quiz that didn't happen I'll do a proper quiz for you now

okay go on quiz me not now obviously obviously because you haven't organised any kind of quiz you sold that as a quiz and you asked me

one question Joe really enjoyed it as well I enjoyed it very much One question. Joe really enjoyed it as well. I enjoyed it very much. Do you scrape your tongue? Joe, that's bullshit. You didn't enjoy that. It was pointless.

It would have been good if it was more. I don't like more. I wrote into the group a while ago about donut chops and I'd like to talk about it. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Make this snappy now because... I'd like to talk about it. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Make this snappy now because...

Paint the scene. Picture the scene. Picture the scene. I arrive at Terminal 2 Heathrow Airport and there's this huge establishment opening up, closing down one of the places that I used to go and enjoy a breakfast. And what's going in place of it? A donut shop. Yeah.

What's the crack? What is the crack? I honestly don't know. They're like gelato. I assume it's some sort of money laundering scheme. That's what I think. I think it's those, it's like, you know,

those American shops that are everywhere that are meant to be money laundering schemes. Selling candy. Yeah, now it's the donut shop. I went into a donut shop with T the other day

and spent eight pounds on a donut. But they basically had like an entire Snickers bar and stuff in the donut. Like they just, it's like they're taking the piss but I don't understand.

Now they do look amazing. Yeah, I know. I'm not they're taking the piss but I don't understand they do look amazing yeah I know I'm not I'm the same I couldn't give a shit about donuts I mean if you ate one of those donuts

you'd literally just if you want to get diabetes just eat one of those donuts if you're running out of a Zenpec and you can't get any because all the diabetics are on it

then eat one of the donuts you will then get diabetes and then you can have a Zenpec that's not medical advice is it it's not medical advice but it it's not medical advice but it's just a thought that I had

we should do Doctor Corner with you shouldn't we London Fashion Week why are we not invited oh oh well

we're invited to some things why are we not invited like we don't need to be front row we can stand in the back we'll never be invited to Burberry I don't think I want to go to Burberry it's been stand in the back we'll never be invited to Burberry I don't think I want to go to Burberry

it's been on my list why wouldn't we be invited to Burberry I don't know there's a certain people they invite how do they know that we are I have a fucking fashion line and you are the face of Little Mistress

why Burberry wouldn't want us there I have no idea where are your fucking giant metallic bags you pricks there's a huge gap in the market Burberry excuse me have you there. I have no idea. Where are your fucking giant metallic bags, you pricks? There's a huge gap in the market. Burberry, excuse me. Have you seen what I'm wearing today?

I'll see you. Sorry, excuse me. Zara jeans. There's stains. Sorry, Burberry. I know my trousers are going to give me thrush. They're so tight, but I'm still wearing them.

We're wearing them for fashion. With the button open because I'm fashionable. How come Peta can get in and we can't get in? Peta went to Burberry. Well, they're always trying to paint at the Munnaugh. I know. Yeah, I don't know. Well, you see the likes

of Naomi Campbell. Like, I've come to terms with this. You're more new on the scene to me, so you're not used to being snubbed. Oh, trust me. I am very used to being snubbed. Not as used to as I am. That's why I'm like, oh, Burberry. Oh oh they just don't invite me

because I'm a loser oh yeah I'm a loser forgot I once got invited I did get invited to Tommy Hilfiger I got invited to the Tommy Hilfiger show

you kind of just end up feeling pretty bad about yourself to be honest I don't really like no you're basically a piece of shit because you're

the front row are the front row and they're completely up their own hell and you're just this scum down the back even when excuse me I was on the front row are the front row and they're all completely up their own hell even when you're and you're just this scum down the back even when

excuse me I was on the front row to these shows thank you very much what I had worked my way up but you're still trash was this Little Mistress though

no this was Tommy Hilfiger you were front row Tommy Hilfiger front row and I mean it was the biggest show I've ever seen like there was literally miles front row

there was miles and miles of front row everyone could have been front row got it got it yeah yeah yeah fine but like but you kind of just

still feel like it's just it's not my scene I don't want to feel like I'm going to be I always feel so awkward and uncomfortable in those places

yeah you want to go places where you feel hot and cool yeah yeah so like where would where do we go well I'm going to Legoland

next week and I think I'm going to feel pretty comfortable at Legoland these are my people Did you see the fashion show the Moncler fashion show

that was up in St. Moritz Did you see that? This is a whole sentence No So there's a ski resort called St. Moritz a really expensive ski resort

and Moncler jackets are literally But that's the jackets all the drug dealers wear that's how you know they're expensive No The drug dealers can't even afford a Moncler's the jackets all the drug dealers wear. That's how you know they're expensive.

No. The drug dealers can't even afford a Moncler. They do. They're all drug dealers around the table. The Canada Goose are the drug dealers. No, I'm pretty sure Moncler

are what the drug dealers are. Jo, will you Google what jackets drug dealers wear? Drug dealers fashion. Drug dealers fashion. I'm sure there's an Insta account. I'm sorry, they wear Canada Goose.

It's Moncler. Okay, maybe your drug dealer wears Moncler and mine wears Canada Goose. Yeah, mine had just maybe your drug dealer wears Moncler mine wears Canada Goose yeah mine had just come back from skiing I think so yeah Google says Canada Goose and Moncler

seem to be a uniform for drug dealers there you go oh my god yeah that's how you know well I have a Moncler jacket that I bought but I did buy it second hand

because they are so expensive but basically like they had Kate Moss up the mountains like if I saw a guy in a Moncler jacket I'd just go up and ask him

for drugs I wouldn't even try and find out if he was actually selling he just now he is go on yeah so anyway they were just up there

they were in the middle of a ski resort at the Moncler fashion show who were? all these massive famous celebs like Ellie Ratajkowski obviously we weren't

invited as usual Jesus Christ another snub another sconstant excuse me I could fucking sell drugs excuse me do you think I could sell drugs

in your uniform give me your drug dealing uniform please I want my Gucci shoes my Gucci runners my Moncler jacket Joanne asked me to go to an event this week and I was like

no that's not cool but then I thought that's probably all we'll get invited to no Joanne she's so pushy she goes I'm not going that's not cool but then I thought that's probably all we'll get invited to no Joanne she's still pushing she goes I'm not going that's not cool

I didn't think it was cool I just thought it might be something fun why do you think I never go anywhere because I'm always like that's not cool I'm not going there

but I never get invited to anything cool sneak in like this drug dealers fashion mon clou or Canada Goose Canada Goose tracksuits

or sorry jackets and the Gucci or like Gucci runners the sock runner things oh those Balenciaga ones are so in bits the Balenciaga sock runner things

they're the worst and ripped jeans and ripped jeans yeah they're like the Balenciaga sock runners they look like Veruca shoes they used to wear

when you used to go swimming as a kid because you couldn't stop getting Verucas they do I got Veruca I don't know how I was

my mother got love and was scraping off varoukas seven days a week off me oh my god like barnacles stuck to me

all over the place yeah that's absolutely disgusting we all had them though do you know I was looking at fashion week

you were looking longingly you were sitting at home watching fashion week crying do you know the dipsy from the telly tubbies walked

a runway once which one's dipsy the green one crying do you know that Dipsy from the Teletubbies walked a runway once which one's Dipsy the green one how did I know it was the green one I don't know it's really weird do you know that I walked once in London Fashion Week

let me try and find it because I looked actually it's really cool wait let me show you look at you not realising how cool I was at London Fashion Week who were you modelling for

Vin and Naomi that's Jennifer Lopez I honestly love you so much is that you fuck off that is

cultural appropriation how much fake tank can one woman wear I can wear

as much as I like I own the brand you look amazing there that's probably

the nicest thing you've ever said to me ever in your whole life let me

find you the other one where I look like Big Bird I'd say this was a couple of years ago

was it? no actually Joanne it was very recent actually I'd already had a child by then oh really? give me that phone give me it

I'm going to show you another one that's gorgeous who's that for? Paul Costello now wait till you see this here I go you ready?

Jo you're going to have to put this up I just keeps showing photos on an audio platform oh well I'm sorry now I'll just paint the picture I've asked John at Modell I look like Big Bird

they were like she's big Vogue's moggling for Vin and Omi I have to say I think that is an absolutely banging outfit thank you very much even the nails and all are cool if anyone's wondering I am willing to walk I think that is an absolutely banging outfit. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Even the nails and all are cool.

If anyone's wondering, I am willing to walk. Do you want to walk it up and she'll walk? I'm willing to walk and I don't walk a lot. She doesn't enjoy the walking. I mean, I don't enjoy leaving the flat,

but I am willing to walk if the right brand came along. Okay, fine. Benny Tan. Burberry. Benny Tan. Yeah. I'm prepared to walk Pepe

brands I will walk for okay go on Benetton okay this is very specific Burberry we want to go to Burberry it's the best place to be

Burberry we want to walk for Burberry or maybe Julian McDonald so he'll give us a free dress is that who I'm thinking of Jane McDonald who sings on the boats

I don't know if I'd walk for Jane I'm joking I love Jane McDonnell I know to be honest with you it takes a lot for me to leave the house

yeah I'd walk for I'd walk for Zara no if you had to walk for Zara you'd be doing some mad shit well okay I'd get wheeled today

and I can't walk for Zara maybe I won't walk physically but I would get wheeled somewhere for Zara for sure I would represent Zara I'm willing to do that I'd walk for Pret I'd walk for Pret but I would get wheeled somewhere for Zara for sure I would represent Zara I'm willing to do that

I'd walk for Pret I'd walk for Pret but I'd only be porridge are we dressed as the food items we are covered in porridge

well I would obviously be a hummus chipotle wrap who else would I walk for that's it really that's it yeah I'd walk for Pret a Manger Burberry

that's it you haven't aimed that high. I think this could happen for you. You've got to value yourself. You've got to know your worth. Gucci. I want to tell you something. A top shop.

Dior. It's really expensive so I would like that. I'd walk for Dior. I'd definitely walk. I'd run for Dior. I'd run for Dior. I'd jog down that path.

Gucci. Yeah. Miu Miu. Miu Miu. Yeah. Miu Miu. Dita Von Teese. I don't know if you saw this online,

but she's selling her used stockings. Good girl. So everyone fancies. Do you fancy her? She is. She's got it. She is. She's a sexy, sexy woman.

She's very sexy. Yeah. She's like a slug. But she's only selling her used stockings for $114 on Depop. What? I think that's a steal for her stockings. Dita Von Teese?

Yeah. Is that just like a starting point? Is there, will there be a... No, because Depop is like that, you just pay what's, what it's on offer. Why is she... Because she probably goes through loads of them. So that's $114, like what, 10 times a day? Depop, I'd walk for them.

I want it. Do you reckon that, do you reckon Do you reckon Dita Von Teese Do you reckon she's actually worn those tights or is she bullshit? A hundred percent There's like vending machines

in Japan where girls put their knickers and they make money because they sell these old I think you bought that ages ago Yeah but anyone You could just say

you're wearing these things and you're not You could literally just pop them on and take them straight back off and say, well, I wore them. I did wear them. I want to know how much money she's making on that.

This sounds like one of those kind of OnlyFans myths that you're going to make millions and millions of pounds. Also, it does sound like she's having some financial problems. Sorry, what is the crack with that, by the way? The OnlyFans thing where everyone's like, remember Blac Chyna was like, oh, I make something like $12 million a month and it came to it because she was going through her like I don't know why

her lawsuit with her baby dada and she was making something like two grand a month it's like but you said you were making a million dollars

a month why would you I would be under selling my income not over selling my income do you know what I mean Padam Padum Kylie's song

that kind of drives me mad but anyway I love that song I told you it was a good song she won she won a Grammy and they're like oh Kylie finally breaks America

apparently this was a big issue and I was like it's taken her 35 years I was planning on doing it on the weekend if it'll ever be if it's gonna take me 35 years I really couldn't be arsed

do you remember the pigeon who was arrested for espionage? Oh my god I just I literally just had a big fight with Spenny over this pigeon Why? Because he refused to believe that the story was true

and he just thought it was from some crappy newspaper Oh it's true The Guardian wrote about it It is a high end pigeon Yeah they use pigeons they use them in World War 2 and stuff

they're known to be used Now I mean the fact that we're still using them is gas but yeah but he was let go he was released he was

held captive for eight months it turned out he was actually a pigeon from Taiwan he was just a random yeah just going about his life and they kept him

he had little bits of paper strapped to his legs with Chinese writing on them and they thought that I guess they put little drones on the front of them and let them fly around and record

I don't know what they did you know everyone's paranoid that the Chinese are watching them so remember that balloon but like they did they kept the pigeon

prisoner for eight months only the other day they let him go I wonder if the pigeon did make it home what do you ask how do you interrogate him like how does that look

what does that look like I mean pigeons are smarter than you think remember those ones that used to smoke are they waterboarding them I would say I would definitely say

there is some kind of abuse there has to be like a torture system I mean I don't really know it's a bit embarrassing like and who let that news out that like

you don't want like you don't want anyone knowing that you've kept a pigeon prisoner for eight months like it's bizarre I know and how did it take you

eight months to figure out that like actually he's a carrier pigeon from Taiwan surely you just see that he's now recording equipment on him and let him go it's bizarre I know and how did it take you eight months to figure out that like actually he's a carrier pigeon from Taiwan surely you just see that he has no recording equipment on him and let him go

it's really it's actually really bizarre I just think espionage is a great job though I just love that what do you do espionage like as in just figure out

if somebody's a spy or not it's just a deadly job do you know what I mean well I don't really know what espionage means spying oh to be a spy what do you think the pigeon

was arrested for if you didn't know what I knew I knew that well I knew what he espionage means spying oh to be a spy what did you think the pigeon was arrested for if you didn't know what espionage was well I knew what espionage it wasn't put in in the article I read oh right okay

it was called a spy pigeon so I knew it was a spy I'm reading a book about spies are you yeah it's a really big book I am pilgrim

I told you about it I'm on page 400 now are you yeah I've gotten on my next book is this tiny little book it's a series of books it has 150 pages

I was like as soon as I finish that one I need to like battle through she has a new thing by the way remember I was telling you about the mouse

he now has Pesto the pigeon remember I told you he had a pet mouse that he was pretending he had now he has Pesto the pigeon and every single time we see a pigeon in London which is every second

of every day he's like look mum Pesto's following me that child is very paranoid London which is every second of every day he's like look mum pesto's following me that child is very paranoid I know but he has like pretend pets he's like I don't need you to get me a bird anymore mum

because I've got pesto the pigeon that's good let him create them in his own mind so you don't have to actually supply them I know I know

but he's the only one so I was in Penguin the other day we're choosing the cover for the book that I haven't written and when I

when I go into Penguin I always do like I fleece them yeah can I come the next time no so

of course you can so the the head of the art department went through all these like options and then when we were leaving I was like can I just can you get me

I was grabbing all the books I said will you get me a tote bag please and he's like okay so he how many books how many books did you leave with loads of books wow I was grabbing all the books. I said, will you get me a tote bag, please? And he's like, okay. How many books? How many books did you leave with? Loads of books. Yeah, I know.

It's really fun. It's the funnest thing about being in the book business is going in and robbing all the free books out of Penguin. Do you have a bookcase yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a bookcase. I want more books. I'll tell you what.

I used to go see my friend who works in Facebook and he used to be allowed to go in and he used to be allowed to have free lunch with them and then you could go around and you'd just take loads of snacks and just bring them home with you to Facebook my friend Nikki

who I used to live with worked at Facebook at the time and my friend worked with her at the same time and that's who I used to go with yeah it was like just a free canteen that's exactly what it was

it wasn't like it it was a free canteen everything was free but like nice stuff thrilling we'd stay for dinner but it made people want to work late because you free but like nice stuff thrilling but stay for dinner but it made people want to work late

because you'd be like I'll just stay and wait for the dinner to come yeah of course that's what they want they just never want you to leave

clever yeah well anyway I was dripping in books well if anyone is looking for a new book you can head straight to Joanne McNally's house

and she will be sure to share some share some I'm more excited about getting free books off Penguin than actually getting a book deal off Penguin

I'm just like yeah yeah whatever books off Penguin than actually getting a book deal off Penguin I'm just like yeah yeah whatever anyway take me to the fiction section that's it for this week thank you for spending your time with us your Friday with us

Friday morning Friday evening or whatever day you listen to the pod thank you very much thank you for your ears before we go as I like to remind people

twice a week every week I am going to America I have shows in Chicago Philadelphia LA and San Francisco

San Francisco thank you and all the tickets are on dramaclady.com and as always I would like to say that Spencer and I

are going on tour we're in Ireland and we're in Dubai and all the tickets are on