Valentines, Vom & The Ozone Layer
00:00 we've all seen the horrible devastating earthquakes that have killed thousands of people in turkey and syria thousands of buildings have been destroyed there are survivors facing freezing conditions and right now they need our help and joanne and i would like to give you an idea of how you could help yes if you could to give £10, it can provide blankets for two people to keep them warm. £25 could provide emergency food for a family for 10 days and £50 could provide emergency shelter
00:32 for two families. You just need to visit dec.org.uk to find out more. I know so many people are doing as much as they can to help and this is just another push to try and get these people just even something as simple as a warm blanket. It's just just another push to try and get these people just
00:45 even something as simple as a warm blanket it's just it's heartbreaking watching everything that's going on this is a global player original podcast Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Boag Williams and Siobhan McNally. I just want a seat. Is that okay? We just wanted you to turn up. Is that too much to ask? I'll tell you what I'm very shocked at myself that I that I booked the pod in for six o'clock I was obviously thinking you know what I'm not doing bedtime that's what was on my mind at the time and now that it's come to it I was sitting there eating my dinner my phone kept ringing and I was like oh my god who's died who's
01:40 dead now and uh because I'm from Hoth and everyone dies here. And, and it was you guys. how the fuck did you shoehorn Hoth into that sentence? That literally makes no sense. I want, I actually want to see a copy of your bank balance because if they're paying you,
01:58 like, it's so weird the way you're crying it in. You're just jealous because you're not from a community like I am okay anyway continue your story
02:09 I don't remember where I was now you made me lose my train of thought but I also Vogue was late for the podcast today and I also
02:16 was very almost late for the podcast today because I woke up because because I'm a bit all over the place at the moment
02:22 I've lost track of time days months momentum years that kind of shit because I'm a bit all over the place at the moment I've lost track of time days months momentum years that kind of shit like I do
02:30 I have kind of lost it a bit like I you could ask me who's president I'd probably say Mary Robinson like I really don't know
02:34 what's going on at the moment and um so I woke up today and I was like the pod and then I didn't
02:42 and I checked my calendar and it said it said It was Sunday My Google calendar Told me It was yesterday And because I'm Because it's Google
02:52 And it's supposed to be like A perfect form of I was like Oh fuck it's Sunday Straight back to sleep Till three o'clock Was off to get the papers And have a roast
03:00 And then Alan was like It's fucking Monday I was like Ring Jeff Bezos how that is so dangerous what I will say to you about Google Joanne and it's because we're not techie my Google is set to Afghanistan time I don't know how so whenever a meeting goes in my diary it's at Afghanistan time so I don't know how to change that so I just have Afghanistan on my world clock oh my god have you been have you been radicalized since we saw you last? What's happening?
03:29 I told you to spend less time on the internet Vogue I swear to god. I had an incident today. Go on. Which was very sad. Is there ever a non-incidental day in your life. Seriously. First of all, I thought it was Sunday and it's Monday. Like that's, that's, that's awful. It's unusual. Monday. Like it was different if I thought it was Sunday and it was actually Thursday. It was fucking Monday. Anyway, I terrible anxiety today.
03:57 I get terrible anxiety from time to time. As we all do. It's part of life. Yeah. And so remember I bought all those medications in Tanzania. Oh yeah, yeah yeah so anyway I was on and I was like
04:07 I'm gonna have to take a Xanax like my I was like up in my like do you know that like knot in your stomach
04:12 the hell the hell she buying because obviously it was fucking Monday and I didn't know that so I was up the walls so anyway she'd take a Xanax
04:18 I'd go for a run relatability we've talked about it You just don't listen But em So anyway Went into my bag of tricks And I was like
04:30 Where's the Xanax But I bought African Xanax So it's not called Xanax It's called something else So anyway And I didn't want to make I wanted to make sure
04:36 I didn't accidentally Take a sleeping tablet Because I didn't want to What the hell A Xanax would have me down For eight hours Yeah because you're lightweight So anyway I was going through And I was like Should I don't take a sleeping tablet So I googled what the hell a Xanax would have me down for eight hours yeah because you're lightweight so anyway
04:45 I was going through and I was like shit I don't want to take a sleeping tablet so I googled which was the Xanax and which was the sleeping tablet because I didn't want to
04:51 sleep through this thing and it's not Xanax so it's called MelexoCam and I was like that must be the Xanax because it says cam
04:59 do you know what it is it's for arthritis he sold me 300 quid worth of medication for fucking arthritis. And I was like, oh my gosh.
05:13 So I'm more supple than ever but I'm still up the walls. I was like, I'm going to buy one of those, one of those called those vaulting horses on Amazon and put it in the garden. See how supple I am
05:25 I was thinking actually Vogue now for the because I've taken so many of them for the live show I can do the ribbons to the bolero oh you look fantastic
05:33 doing that Joanne that's what you do you know what serves you right you little hustler trying to go to to Africa and come back with all the Xanax you could find
05:40 she comes back with a little arthritis tablet what a rager now when I ride Alan I just I don't get off I like dismount like in a backflip
05:47 and then I do like a crab I've been taking arthritis medication for weeks I love it so much melexo cam melexo cam just call it relaxi cam
06:00 so we know what it is and no one has to google shit anyway I've taken my pill I swear to god and I I just I don't even know what it is and no one has to Google shit anyway I've taken my pill I swear to God and I just I don't even know what I'm on now
06:09 so I probably won't remember this I'll probably go full Roseanne Barr that's great I like the plane it's again what I will say to you
06:15 do you know what I always like it's one of those things like when I was really going through an anxious time in my life I went to the doctor to ask for Xanax
06:24 now I don't know what it is about me I've never doctor to ask for Xanax now I don't know what it is about me I've never been able to get Xanax off a doctor they won't even give me three Xanax my mum got a load of Xanax when she had an operation
06:33 and she threw it in the bin I said Sandra that is not a normal thing to do she did what? she pinned it so I am now in fact I know
06:44 look I know I sound like a low level drug addict but all my medication I want you to know is prescribed of some
06:53 except all the shit except the bag of tricks she picked up in Tanzania I was gonna say it's all prescribed by strangers on the dark net but it is prescribed
07:02 it's prescribed by a man who drives up in a black date Volvo and just fucks him out the door and keeps going thank you doctor he's a lovely man he's a lovely man he's a lovely man
07:14 lovely man as you sort it well I hope the anxiety is gone this might make it worse doing the pod no actually the pod soothes me but it was off like I don't know do you know sometimes it's it's so weird and this and I don't
07:31 I don't know if it's lockdown related I don't know but it's this started kicking in for me at the start of lockdown and I guess maybe maybe it was I didn't think I was that sensitive to the pandemic to be honest I didn't think I it had that much of an impact on me because I was just having a nice time in my bedroom but yeah they're just some days it's like oh like the world is ending but it's all in your stomach and it's in your chest it's like there's not it's horrible and like panic is but like I I used to take I know this is a very serious turn for us, but like I keep tablets like that I had prescribed for anxiety just because I like to know they're there. Because when you do have certain days like that and you can't get rid of the physical symptoms, it's like I just need something to like calm down. It's horrible.
08:19 It feels like someone's died. It feels like you're having a premonition that somebody somebody like it's like Nostradamus premonition vibes that something really bad is going to happen anyway I'm having a ball now you both look great I'm in a great mood
08:32 the bones are supple she's feeling good she's looking good wait she's going to be doing the ribbons at the live show she's going to be moving like this in years
08:42 I'd always thought I'd like to do the ribbons at the live show you've seen me move like this in years I'd always thought I'd like to do the ribbons I think that maybe because it looks easy but I don't think it is easy well I mean well thanks a million
08:53 for you've now pissed off our entire ribbon ribbon listening community ribbon community well I'd like to do the ribbon will we talk about our week?
09:03 yeah what's your mindset? so I'm back in Ireland obviously we're doing our week? Yeah. What's your mindset? So, I'm back in Ireland, obviously. We're doing our tour this week. We start in the Gaelic on Wednesday. I am
09:11 definitely going to be having a panic attack on Tuesday night. I'm going to double puritan because I'm petrified. Joanne hasn't been off the stage in two years so she doesn't give a shite. Couldn't give a fuck.
09:23 No, I'm only fuck no I'm only joking I'm only joking but no of course it's different of course it's different because Bo seems like sending me all these things
09:31 like these kind of things to prep and I'm like chill out man look at Grant it's girl but no yeah we're gonna get
09:40 you're gonna be amazing you're a natch you're a natch a natch well I'm excited because I think that like people who listen to our pod are generally said I actually bumped into a girl in Battersea Park the other day and she was wearing one of our hats.
09:51 I've never been so thrilled to see a beanie. I actually didn't expect the reaction of myself. I was so excited by it. I wore one of the hats because I felt guilty because I haven't been here and I wasn't able to kind of. Well, wear the hat. And so I wore it to the pub the other night and I wasn't able to kind of well wear the hat and so I wore it to the pub
10:07 the other night and then I was like is this weird is it like is it like it's this real narcissistic yeah is this a bit self-indulgent
10:15 anyway my week so I'm back in Ireland and you know the way like I never don't have a vomiting bug it would seem well
10:21 TT got the vomiting bug on Friday coming home from school puked all over himself all outside the school then got to her house puked all over the jacket that he was wearing
10:31 good for him are you telling me this story this child sounds like he's done ayahuasca behind her back because no child how is he puking so much then he starts eating pizza
10:40 and everything on Friday like he's delighted still had a little bit of a puke because I always feel like if you can stomach something when you have the vomiting bug it's much nicer to have food than to get down to that like really painful bile yeah I understand yeah it's like torture so anyway he's totally fine we're in my auntie Sharon's house yesterday she has triple wick candles all over that house I know I've said it before, but I mean like 15.
11:06 I think I counted 15. Just littered around. Does she light all the, does she light all the wicks at the same time? Oh, it doesn't give a shit. Lights them like no one's business. Wow.
11:15 Do you know what she gives us? Presents. I got a bow bow. Is that what they're called? Bow bow. Those candles. You know those fancy, they're even more fancy
11:23 than Jo Malone. Yeah, got two of them off her now in the last two years how many wicks how many wicks how many wicks are we talking
11:28 oh three wicks three wicks I know I'm lighting three wickers like it's going out of fashion anyway her toilet smells so nice that like
11:36 like even Gigi went in this smells lovely and even when Gigi left when it shouldn't have smelled lovely it still smelled lovely I couldn't believe it anyway so we're down in her house they're filling their faces with shots sorry when Gigi left when it shouldn't have smelt lovely it still smelt lovely I couldn't believe it
11:45 anyway so we're down in her house they're filling their faces with chars sorry is Gigi a middle aged man who drinks Guinness on the regular like how is she
11:52 having that much of an impact on the toilet her bowel is probably the size of a tic tac I can't imagine she's anyway so we're down in Auntie Sharon's
12:01 they're giving the kids whatever they want to eat stuffing their faces do you think I'm being weird why are you just laughing at me come on come on let's get the kids out of the way
12:10 come on come on come on so anyway so last night we got home to Hoth bleep all this out Joe come on
12:16 Spenny I hope you get fucking arrested over the tablets okay come on I'm reading Garda Síochána after this sorry go on so we get home to Hoth
12:28 and I was like the Spanish not here be really cute if the kids sleep in bed with me and I actually looked at the two of them lying there and I was like
12:35 this is probably going to be a bad idea because they're just going to kick me in bed all night well it was a much worse idea than the bad idea so I'm reading my book
12:43 happy as anything. Just Gigi went beside me. I was like, this is really cute. And all of a sudden I just heard it. And that was the only warning. And then it was like the girl from The Exorcist spraying vomit all over the bed.
12:57 I tried to pull Gigi out of the way. She got caught in the crossfire. She was picking vomit out of her mouth. Oh my God. I know. So if that child doesn't get, she hasn't, in the crossfire she was picking vomit out of her mouth oh my god I know so if that child doesn't get she hasn't
13:09 she hasn't started vomiting yet if she gets away without having the vomiting bug she has got a stomach of steel because she got nailed imagine someone peeing in her mouth
13:19 but look as an ex-blamer I've kind of I'm sorry but like I'm so desensitized to it. I'm like, yeah, good. Swallow it down.
13:28 You don't know what was in it. It could be nourishing. Amber came up with a face mask on and she's like, I'm sorry, I can't be around this. I have to work. I can't be around this. She just, she's like,
13:37 I have to leave it up to you. I had a bed full of sick, two kids crying, tea with puke all over his hair. I'm trying to wash the puke out of Gigi's mouth so that is my um that was my homecoming what are you feeding these kids it's feeling the kid shot clearly has salmonella like what are you feeding them a lot of digestive biscuits were eaten yesterday it was mainly a biscuit day you're like just some like reheated rice from like
14:00 a year ago. Fucking raging. I was gonna have my makeup done and everything. I look scum. You actually don't at all. I'm gonna tag this. It's Vogue's world and we just live in it. Good news. Bit of good news Bit of good news
14:30 Go on Bit of good news Jo The ozone layer is back Over Australia Ozone layer Is back They're saying by 2066 It's going to be
14:39 Fully Healed Stop That's actually kind of amazing news Isn't it and you know what and I'm not I'm not saying
14:46 it's all about me but I did stop using aerosols about a year ago and I have been using a roll-on since and I don't think it's a coincidence
14:53 that the ozone layer is back and I have very strict rules about how long the fridge can be left open because that's all it is it's all that kind of shit I'll stop using aerosols but I was like
15:01 I'm not stopping using my germ alone so I don't know what impact that's having on the Alzheimer's but out of my cold dead hands no one's taking
15:10 my Jo Malone pomegranate anywhere I'd watch the world burn rather than stop using that but I will stop using aerosols anyway the Alzheimer's back I just think it's important
15:16 to mark the happy shit you know what I mean that is quite a nice happy thing because yeah the Alzheimer's come on I missed it do you know what we've worked hard for that
15:25 well it didn't really impact us that much it was mainly the Australians the Australians also Vogue I'll tell you now because the ozone layer is back
15:32 now don't quote me on this I'm not an environmentalist activist scientist but I'm pretty sure that means that the UV rays are lower now which means people can tan safely
15:40 which means you're bare by vote business do you know what Joanne why don't you go lie in the sun and I'll see your face in 10 years and then I'll say you know what Joanne why don't you go lie in the sun and I'll see your face in 10 years and then I'll say
15:47 you know what Joanne my serum doesn't look so bad now does it you wrinkly old fuck no one's going to need the tan now it's completely safe
15:54 it's completely safe to tan now guys Ozanler's back if you want to look like folks are going to have to move into a designer that's what I'm saying a designer
16:02 a designer line of pill noodles you know what I'm saying a designer a designer line of pill noodles boy and see boy Vogue this is where I see this is where I see you going just like
16:13 she's like I really need to stay in the holiday market guys it's huge okay Joanne you do you know that little man
16:20 on the front of the raisin packet sun made raisins that will be you the woman in something about Mary Joanne
16:27 Joanne about Mary Vogue's gonna rent a spaceship and go up and fucking rip the ozone layer open again if it doesn't heal like it's supposed to
16:35 it's revenge from Vogue buoyancy by Vogue I one of I really think you missed a trick do you remember on April Fools and we were talking about fun stuff to do
16:42 and I was like paint Theodore Brown he was a child at the time I mean I think he still is I don't know what age they don't become a child I think people don't like when you paint other people brown don't you fucking dare leave me down that road she's all the difference between me and you is you could actually do that and get away with it Don't you dare put words in my mouth like that The difference between me and you is you could actually do that and get away with it
17:09 If I did that Not paint him brown in like the problematic sense I mean just put some tan on him and then it was like Baby Bear by Vogue That's what I wanted her to do
17:20 I'd laugh I told you Joanne Because they believe you You could have made it with other stuff I think they would genuinely believe you you can play with other stuff they would I think they would genuinely believe
17:27 that it was that you were doing it that's why it'd be very funny I will say though I do agree with you some babies and Jo your baby will come out
17:36 they could do with a lick of paint it's too pale do with a lick of paint yeah a lick of paint honestly ours is made from like really nice ingredients it's actually
17:44 it's proven to help people with eczema Sorry, help them with what? Okay, you say eczema I say eczema That's not the word That's not how you say it Okay, I don't know what kind of fucking thing You guys have going on
18:00 Because I came on the pod late But I'm just going to say one thing I am due a storm off okay eczema Jo have you ever heard of that Joanne you're barred you're barred from my tan
18:13 I hope you look like a pasty bitch actually I must oh my god I'm going to have to tan oh my god Joanne was talking we were talking today
18:20 and because I'm obviously like really excited because I actually haven't been touring Joanne was like so what are you going to wear for the tour like I'm obviously like really excited because I actually haven't been touring Joanne was like so what are you going to wear for the tour like I'm wearing
18:28 a different outfit every day I know that you have a touring outfit but I'm wearing a different outfit every day that's how it works with me I'm excited yeah but are you
18:36 is someone like is someone paying you to wear their clothes no I wish is there a collab going on because if there is fucking hook me up though
18:44 don't you be rocking out there in ball gowns and gooners and I'm in a big stiletto Alan's fucking tracksuit do you know what I mean
18:53 like I'm going cash for the tour now I'm going cash so don't you don't be if I see a sequel I'm going to slap
18:59 you off the stage she's going to wear her jumpsuit with the period stain just all week folk will be coming out there's a hole in the ground in the period stain just all week Vogue will be coming out there's a hole in the
19:06 ground at the gate things can come up through the hole in the ground and we were trying to figure out if we'd use it or not and I guarantee
19:12 Vogue's after she's after planning something we'll all just be wheeled out like a normal person and she'll come up through the ground
19:18 like Cher yeah that's precisely what I'm gonna do yeah Joanne will be looking behind her smoke machine one of those wind machines that Beyonce has Yeah, that's precisely what I'm going to do, yeah. Joanne will be looking behind her phone when she comes.
19:26 One of those wind machines that Beyonce has. Ladies and gentlemen, your man from X Factor introducing you, where I was just introducing myself from the side of the stage. What would you do if you looked around and I just wasn't behind you and then I just popped up from the thing in the middle of the stage? Climbing up a beanstalk. I'd actually think it was very funny. I would.
19:44 Well, it's too late. It's now been wasted. It's too late. And then I'd actually think it was very funny I would well it's too late it's now been waited it's too late and then I'd ring my agent and have you fired but I would think it was really funny on the first night
19:51 so I got asked to host an event for Great Ormond Street Hospital which was a really really lovely event and I went there to this fancy hotel. I actually kind of forgot
20:06 what it was called. I think it's called the Londoner, maybe. And I went to go to the toilet and I sat in the toilet and it was one of those Toto toilets. Do you know the ones
20:16 that are like heated? James and Brian have one. Our very, our very fancy friends have these heated special toilet seats. The toilet seat goes up for you. You sit down, it's warm. It's like, it's the nicest experience. And I just thought to myself,
20:30 my toilets are crap. I don't want to sit in those toilets anymore when there's things like this that exist. And I honestly, I wouldn't usually do it, but I use the front spray. I use the dryer. I thought I'm here. I'm going to get the use out of it. I'm test driving it. And I thought, that is amazing. You've sat on one of them. Are you publicly telling us how you cleaned your ass
20:51 at an awards ceremony? Yes. That's precisely. That's exactly. I really thought that was going somewhere else. And then I douched guys and it was incredible.
21:04 What about the kids, Vogue? What? Oh, yeah, they were grand. They were grand. God. That's what it's called, isn't it? Douching? Of course it's called douching.
21:14 But why would we be douching? Not that I needed to know, but I did learn about it. But I think it wouldn't. I don't know. I don't know if I'd be able for that, to be honest. Well, I'm'm gonna tell you now tip to the wise if you think
21:28 if you plan anal ahead of time I would highly recommend getting a colonic before you get it who the fuck plans anal ahead of time come on
21:36 I'm very busy like if something's gonna happen I actually it goes into the calendar it's not happening Joanne's the anal queen that's why she's folk my mother listens to this you take that back It goes into the calendar and it's not happening. Joanne's the anal queen. That's why she's so...
21:45 Folk, my mother listens to this. You take that back. You take... You take... You take my name out of your dirty mouth. Okay, anal queen, for God's sake. I didn't know you wanted to be... Like, keep that private.
21:58 All I'm saying is I was actually working with this comic and he was talking about... He's like, straights are so bad at anal, like because they don't understand the prep that goes into it. Look, I don't want to overshare.
22:10 It's just a tip. It's just a tip. It's just a tip. Okay, but what I'm saying is, has anyone ever tried anal without having 17,000, oh God, I hope no one hears me, having 17,000 drinks?
22:21 Of course not. I've got a guy outside building a dollhouse for me and he's going to hear me say this. She goes, has anyone ever tried anything without 17? Hi Gigi,
22:32 come to mummy. Gigi's in the room guys. I know what you mean. You're, you're, do you know what, you're actually dead right. It usually is more
22:42 of a sporadic situation. No, no, okay, no No what are you doing back there? Yeah yeah I get it Like I'd say that You should like Have to have it like Contractually in Like it's not something
22:53 That I'd be like Oh yeah let's like No no no I know I'd never be there I'd never be in the shower With my shower head Preparing myself for it
23:04 If you know what I mean Well you should be okay well so should you anyway it's all I'm saying I'm going to tell Alan that you've been talking a lot about anal
23:14 I'm going to text him after this I'm going to say she's been talking a lot about anal on the pod I think she's looking for it come here I wear the pants
23:20 in this relationship who's the one going for the colonic Alan's going for the colonic Alan's going for the colonic that's why I'm recommending it what's that called pegging it's called pegging
23:32 pegging isn't it I don't know I booked you in for a colonic Joe's like yeah yeah yeah Joe knows all about pegging and the snakes Joe's fine I'll make that one of my things
23:43 you can fuck off peg it Joe peg it Joe would you be a peg it Joe peg it Joe would you be a pegger Joe would you be a pegger bit of pegging
23:50 fuck off you're not adding that to my list of things here's a peg you look a little flushed
23:57 Joseph you look a little flushed there have you just had a bit of pegging weird about snakes
24:02 weird about pegging as well would you peg a snake Joe is that what you'd as well. Would you peg a snake, Jo? Is that what you'd be into now? Would you peg a snake? Says he's gone on paternity leave for four weeks. He'd love to peg a snake for a month.
24:16 We know what you're doing, dirty bastard. I was going to say, I was actually, Joanne, I was meant to take us down a road of house gadgets. Sometimes a conversation takes an anal turn and there's just no way to go back on the anal turn. I'm not going to talk about a robot hoover or my ring doorbell. Jo would privately message me, actually, and she's like, come on, can I talk about Pagan?
24:44 I want to talk about pegging too how do we get it in he's actually been asking that for a few weeks I keep seeing it on the pod notes and I'm like
24:52 why is pegging on the pod notes again it's Joe it's Valentine's it will have been and gone by the time the pod comes out first thoughts about valentine's to one from me yeah i've never been i'm not i'm well we the three of us now i'm not particularly sentimental at all actually i'd like at all but like i know like alan would be quite you know he'd be quite by the book so I'm going to have to
25:25 drive to a petrol station and get a card put a couple of scratchies in it that's a nice card couple of scratch cards yeah couple of scratch cards bottle him or a lot
25:33 from a petrol station love you is he trying to is he going to take you out for dinner he's going to have you you're going to go out for dinner
25:38 he's got something planned oh god I'd hate that that's like hell on earth I know then he's I'm getting an A and I like hell on earth. I know. Then he's, I'm getting an A and I want to get home so I might as well let him
25:46 take it to the gym. You know what I mean? He's on a promise. I'm absolutely thrilled because Spencer's not here and I get the night off. Thank God. That man, honestly,
25:59 he is a sexual deviant. I can't get rid of him. He is a sexual deviant. Sex, sex, of him he is he is a sexual deviant sex sex sex sex sex sex sex and I'm like oh my god please
26:10 please and you look much younger than your age I'm surprised someone hasn't tried to put him on a register at this stage because he is
26:16 bordering that's one of the kindest the kindest things you've ever said thank you you look so young your husband should be on a sex register
26:26 That's how good you look Thank you so much Do you know what I hate Any better compliment No Getting ID'd is quite joyous Imagine your husband getting Oh my god imagine the joy
26:38 I'd cry with joy If someone came up and like Punched Alan in the face And was like She's too young for you You're sick Oh my god again I'd be like Oh my god thank you so much I would joy if someone came up and like punched down on the face. It's like, she's too young for you. You're sick. Oh my God.
26:46 I would be like, oh my God. Thank you so much. I'd be so joyous. Anyway. Yeah. So Valentine's day. I'm not, I'm having a Valentine's day with the girls. I'm having it with Amber, with Megan and our nanny is over as well. So she's having Valentine's with us too.
27:00 We're all going to have a steak. We're treating ourselves. We're going to have a steak. Oh. Yeah. It's going to be a steak dinner. It's we're going to have a steak oh yeah it's going to be a steak dinner it's a bit of romance and a bit of murder go you
27:08 a four person steak dinner it'll be thrilling just going to chew the bone out with your bare hands like the animals they were do you know speaking of cows
27:19 in India for Valentine's Day they're encouraging people to go out and like hug cows I don't know why it was one of those headlines that I saw I'm not joking don't go out and like hug cows I don't know why I just it was one of those headlines that I saw I'm not joking
27:26 don't go out and hug a cow there has been two stories recently like you know I spoke about it the last time about cows murdering people since I told you about the murdering cows
27:35 two more people have been killed by cows highly dangerous don't go and hug a cow folk what Google alerts have you got set up because you come in
27:43 with this insane information joe google cows trampling people to death and there'll be stuff in the news in the last two weeks I'm telling you
27:52 I've heard I've no problem with cows especially a highland cow it's like stop putting cows in stilettos this
28:00 is more than I hope we can get stronger their feet okay so another thing Disney films. It's part of them. I hope it gets stronger their feet. Okay, so another thing. Gigi has been given these red shoes and I have,
28:14 like she, she loves certain things which kind of flings them away and just gets rid of them, doesn't give a shit about them. She has not taken these red shoes off. So this morning
28:23 when I was woken up by Theodore at six o'clock because he was having stomach issues, she, she, sitting beside me as well, straight up, first thing she asked for was the red shoes. Six o'clock in the morning, I'm putting the red shoes on. I was giving her a bath the night she got the red shoes. She's trying to wear the shoes in the bath.
28:39 That's so cute! She will not leave the house without the red shoes. They go on as early in the morning and go on last thing at night off I didn't even know she was walking yeah to be honest
28:49 very impressed is she walking around if she's walking I'd love to I saw a pair a lovely pair of tie high boots that I'd love to get for Gigi
28:57 they go right up to right up over the knees and they're leather they're leather. They're leather from Arante Joanne. Okay. Not cheap. To go with that bikini,
29:10 you got her perfect. No, I got, remember that trench coat I got her. So I think, the tie-high boots with the trench coat. That's such a look. You're dead right. It's such a look. You don't see babies in trench coats and tie-high boots. More coat that's such a look you're dead right it's such a look
29:25 you don't see babies in trench coats and thigh high boots more of that please I'd like to normalise thigh high boots on babies Joanne when's Otto's birthday I believe
29:35 I believe Otto's birthday Google it Jo Google it now Google it Jo do you not even know what month Jo the reason you're here
29:41 is to Google shit that we need it's something you tell me it's 23rd of April no it's the 18th of April oh come on
29:50 that's pretty good it's five days late late is late I've written it in my calendar so that I can remind you now don't remind that little bitch don't remind her
29:59 you're not coming to the party anyway I'm not inviting you you'll only let him down and he can't take any more of that he can't take any more well do you know what I'm going to get do the party anyway I'm not inviting you you'll only let him down and he can't take any more of that he can't take any more well do you know what I'm going to get do you know what I'm going to get that child in
30:10 I'm going to get him in for a calm or what do they call it is it a calm over that lads do when their hair gets really long because for some reason you won't cut that child's hair and it's okay
30:17 ground and ground and ground and ground and ground he's had his third haircut since he was born he just had a haircut the other day actually do you know what is he on the gummies? Is he on the hair gummies?
30:26 His hair is out of control. It's outrageous. You know the way everyone's obsessed with Gigi? Spenny's friend, Faris, has been asking to be Gigi's godfather. He doesn't care that he's coming in late. And Spenny wants to now add a godfather onto Gigi. I'm like, that's not how it works. If you start saying shit like that, Joanne's going to jump ship on Otto and move up to Gigi I'm like that's not how it works like people can't if you start saying shit like that
30:45 Joanne's going to jump ship on Otto and move up to Gigi it has to be a lie I did ask if that was an option and I was told that was not an option
30:52 I did ask I was like I want the normal one in the middle with the attitude problem not the one that's smiling like a weirdo the whole time
31:03 yeah smiling until you pick him up he smiles and smiles I don't know what she has him on like that child is out
31:11 off his tits like he just smiles the whole time it's weird no child should be that happy his resting face is a smile face Joanne we're not going
31:18 to get through this stuff that I really wanted to get through from last week if we keep shouting on I would like to talk about Rihanna playing the Superbowl now shouting on I would like to talk about Rihanna playing the Superbowl
31:26 now I know we have differing opinions on Rihanna and I do if Rihanna is a fan of the pod which she probably is I apologise
31:33 sorry in advance sorry in advance and I think she's a lovely person she seems really sound no you don't I do think she's a lovely person
31:40 you've changed your attitude since our phone call no no no I never said I thought she was a mean I don't think she's like a bad no no no I never said I thought she was a mean I don't think she's like a bad person
31:46 she said I hate her I hate her guts Rihanna and I will say this and I stand by it I think she's one of the most overrated
31:57 acts of our generation I find that information so are you saying right now and I love Rita Ora.
32:06 I think she looks great, but I do think she's very overrated music wise. Are you putting Rihanna in the same box as Rita Ora? Did you watch her? So firstly, Umbrella, Umbrella, great track. Then disappeared, went into beauty. And everyone was like, Rihanna, come back, please, please, please. She did the Superbowl show.
32:25 Did you watch it? I did yeah and she announced her pregnancy to say she rang that in I mean I know she's pregnant but do a crab do a bit of dancing do something
32:33 like tap a finger bang a tambourine she literally just went I mean like she did nothing she just stood there I know I don't think dancing
32:41 was ever her forte though she'll just use the pregnancy to say that I couldn't dance I couldn't do this I couldn't do that Tap a foot Click a finger Rihanna My god
32:49 It's the fucking Superbowl I think I think you get to the point Of your career Where you don't really have To do something like that If you're Rihanna You can just like
32:57 Show up You know they don't get paid I know but it's an amazing thing To get Do they pay for the stage show Themselves Ah no Their costs are covered
33:04 But if they don't get paid I'm telling you when they come knocking when the Superbowl come knocking and they will we're not doing it I'm not doing that for free
33:12 I am not even joking they'll come knocking Joanne would say no to that she would she will not do a free gig if her life
33:19 depended on it there's absolutely no way and I'm like Joanne we have to do this and she's like nope
33:26 nope I'm not nope can't convince her Vogue's the opposite she's like we've got an ad campaign come in
33:33 now it is hand grenades for kids but it's this much money and I think we should really do I really think we should it's selling cigarettes to orphans
33:42 what do you think no Vogue I don't want to do that so go on so you just don't like Rihanna then well I like Rihanna do you know what I was thinking
33:50 do you know what would be great Superbel bring someone like think of like Bewitched Cheeky Girls like do a novelty act
33:57 oh I'd no no because like there was Shakira Shakira and JLo last year amazing
34:04 like a bit of Celine Dion, maybe. She's not bad. God love her. If you cut this pegging shit out, I will fucking peg you myself, okay? Then he's definitely going to fucking, he's definitely going to cut it out. He's only trying to get pegged.
34:24 Again. cut it out is there any time to get back again I don't like to say like I hate when people say things like oh I told you so I told you so so I won't
34:36 but Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox have broken up did you not know that Jo? no yeah Jo done this is my
34:45 Principal source of news Well Finito This is Joe's CNN He's like That's all his information From me and Bo Talking absolute shite
34:56 Making up stories She deleted everything About him on her Instagram Gone Kaput Unfollowed him Unfollowed everyone Except
35:04 Harry Styles, Timothy Chaminade. Oh my God, I fancy both of them. And who else? Eminem, who apparently is your arch nemesis.
35:14 Yeah. Stop it. I fancy Eminem as well. We've got the same taste in men. 10 out of 10 for pettiness for Megan Fox. 10 out of fucking 10. That's a great Yelp review.
35:26 She is going to town. And then she deleted her whole Instagram account. That's a bit far now. I wouldn't go that far. Megan, we're sending love. We're sending love. We're sending love, Megan.
35:36 But I would like to say three things they probably would regret. Remember they had the rings that they decided they would get each other that they could never take off. If they tried to take them off they'd stab their fingers.
35:47 It's too dramatic. Like come on. They had vials of each other's blood. So did Billy Bob and Angelina and that didn't last either. I know. Last thing,
35:57 they met because Megan Fox said you smell like weed and Machine Gun Kelly said I am weed. How romantic. Deep. He's had a lot of mental health issues
36:06 it seems like that relationship just oozes toxicity in the sense that when the highs are that high it means the lows
36:16 are really low do you know what I mean but also what I would say is just want a mediocre relationship just keep it on you need to have your own separate life.
36:26 You can't be like so like... You can't be over obsessed with someone. It's too much. It's too much. You're not fucking 12 years of age. Keep your vial of blood for God's sake. Get her a locket like a normal person. I actually got a locket off an ex before.
36:42 I've never ever ever had a Valentine's Day present isn't that shocking considering how lovable and easy going that I am you know chill you're probably even having scraps on Valentine's Day
36:55 every time if memory serves me correctly which it probably doesn't I'll be real about that I've never gotten a Valentine's Day present So I'm in New York living my American dream
37:11 and Hannah Des Bishop's wife was like so because I don't know like the ins and outs of the city but I wanted a fake handbag but I didn't know where to go
37:19 so Hannah brought me down Canal Street where they all sell the fake handbags and it was so funny like so they're like are they just
37:26 sorry they're blatantly selling them on the street just on a stall well no they show you photos and then they run off and get them out of a truck and come back
37:33 so I wanted a Louis Vuitton bum bag but like not an actual one because I'm not going to pay the money but you know I wanted a fake one and but this policeman so we were at the thing
37:42 and it was all really like you know hushed whispers and this policeman NYPD jacket came the thing And it was all really like You know Hushed whispers And This policeman NYPD jacket Came up and I was like Oh my god
37:49 Because it's a crime And sure wasn't he buying He bought a Chanel tote Stop He bought a Chanel Tote Crooked as fuck Off he went
37:58 Anyway So bought this Louis Vuitton Well I call it my Louis Futon Because it's It's Honest to god Wait until you see it Like Louis Futon because it's it's honest to God wait until you see it like
38:07 how much is it how much now I need to know guess $100 $150 $75 baby that's like
38:15 55 euro that's a bargain 75 I think they're more it's actually kind of pretty much the same with the amount of the currency but it's 75 dollars
38:21 and I said do you know what as well I was like do you know what do you think Louis Vuitton makes all his own bags himself of course he doesn't he outsources them
38:30 and this one he outsourced to a woman in China who did a great job she did a fantastic job a true representation do you know Louis Vuitton will I tell you something about Louis Vuitton
38:39 they never ever have a sale all of their bags get destroyed after the season so I mean imagine what that's doing to the ozone layer I was actually
38:48 going to bring that up but I didn't want to in case one day in the very far distant future Louis Vuitton want to gift me I won't have anything bad said about them
38:56 well you see this is the thing I don't know what planet I'll ever be on where Louis Vuitton want to give me anything so I think I'm kind of safe
39:03 anyway I'm absolutely I'm thrilled I'm thrilled in my Louis Vuitton wouldn't give me anything so I think I'm kind of safe anyway I'm absolutely just I'm thrilled with my Louis Vuitton that's what I'm calling it and you couldn't know the difference Jo look at that there you wouldn't know the difference and the best thing is you haven't told anyone so they won't know either exactly and also I don't know the difference because I've never seen a real one
39:19 I don't know what a real one looks like but I'm pretty sure it's the fits in this one it's like my hair extensions whenever people are like your hair is so amazing I'm like yeah it's not mine I actually googled it
39:32 I was like is it illegal and there is some legality thing it's illegal to sell I don't know if it's illegal to buy but anyway I'm gonna fuck it I was like oh my god I'm gonna have to sneak it home to Ireland can you imagine trying to mule
39:40 a Louis Vuitton imagine trying to pass a zip when you got home I'm like Imagine trying to mule a Louis Vuitton. That's amazing. Imagine trying to pass a zip when you got home. I'd be like, oh! That's it from us for this week. Don't forget, keep sending your emails into hello at mtgmpod.com. Thank you so much for listening. That's it guys. Thank you.
There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click any sentence in the transcript to leave one.