Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #259

Episode Date: December 11, 2015

This week on PKA, the guys go over the San Bernardino shooting, discuss the differences of black people hair and have some fun with 100%FOOD, with a ton of bad jokes.

We're live. Painkiller already. Episode 259. Holy smokes, getting big numbers. This episode is being brought to you by Squarespace.com. Start building your website today at Squarespace.com. Enter our code PKA at checkout and get 10% off. Squarespace, build it beautiful. And our second sponsor of the night, I love these guys. We've got a few samples tonight we're going to get to later.

They're 100% food, a nutritionally complete smoothie in a bottle. You just add water, shake, and enjoy. I can't wait to do the mid-rolls. It's going to be great. I'm full already. They really are good. How did you prepare yours? I've got the chocolate one here. How did you prepare it? God, it's hot. How did you prepare yours? So I've got the chocolate one here.

How did you prepare it? God, it's hot. How did you prepare yours? Well, as per the instructions, I put water in it, and then I just shook and enjoyed. And as promised, I used between tepid and cold, yes. See, that's your first mistake. You want to use hot water. Like, the faucet won't even get as hot as you need it to be.

You need to kind of brew this stuff. Oh, God. You want to brew this stuff. When I blew in there, yeah, yeah. When I blew in there, like, I got a big whiff of it. I mean, I feel like I'm already getting part of the meal. Jackie's downstairs preparing mine. I just heard the blender. I don't know what's coming. fuck it and i can i mean i feel like i'm already getting getting part of the meal it's jackie's downstairs preparing mine i just heard the blender i don't know what's coming they have an app see

we should save it for the mid-roll but but they have an app so i gave her all these recipes to choose from i don't know what i'm getting but i heard the blender ah that app should have a second part in it that allows you to quickly access locations of bathrooms. Oh, having a hundred percent emergency. All right. All right. Mid-roll will come suited up anyway. So where do we want to start? We could start with Trump.

All right. Let's not start with terrorism. Let's start with, can we find something happy? Yeah. Okay, Kyle. What's happy? Oh, go ahead. All right. Bring it. You want a joke? I didn't do a joke on PKN. Can we find something happy? Okay, Kyle, what's happy? Oh, go ahead.

Bring it. You want a joke? I didn't do a joke on PKN. Oh, I'd love a joke. Here's my joke. I tried to be gay once. It sucked. That's more of like a story from your life than it seems

with everything you've said in the past. Well, Jesus Christ. I wanted to hear about your Fallout character. Because I've been seeing that a lot of people want to hear about Fallout talk. And you have been texting me quite a bit about, you know, I'm asking if you want to come play zombies. And you'll text back, oh, I'm level 59 and my slaves need guidance. And then you're just offline for two days. So I've gotten to a point where I've done the main story quests.

I've done a ton of the side quests. So now I'm having to Google to find side quests to go do. I think I'm right at level 60, something like that. I got five days of total play time, not counting that I went back at one point and went an alternate storyline just to see what it would be like if you went with the Brotherhood of Steel instead of the Minutemen. I think I should have gone with the Railroad. If I do a Let's Play or something like that where I do a new character, I definitely will go with the Railroad. But I started out like maxing out gun skills and stuff like that, because that's what I traditionally

do in Fallout. I like using the VATS system a lot, despite the fact this one's a lot like a first-person shooter, but this time around, I built, I put a lot of points into, I maxed out Ninja, and another perk that expands the distance that you can be from the enemy before you can engage VATS on a melee, so my guy is ridiculous sneaky melee at this point, and I just sneak around, and it doesn't matter what it is. I'm playing on very hard, and like a super mutant behemoth, you know, that giant thing that uses a fire hydrant as a melee weapon, I one-hit kill that thing with a switchblade. My switchblade does like 750 damage or something like that.

Is that almost winning the fun? Is that you're just teleporting up and just poking a giant and winning? A little bit, a little bit, but oftentimes, they'll be like, I'll sneak into a base full of super mutants, and I'll just go from one to the other. I'll go into VATS, select him, hit A, run up, stab, then

I press B to cancel the animation, look around and just rapidly do it to more rather than just queuing them all up into VATS. So it feels like I'm John Wick or something, and I'm just spinning around through the room fucking people up. It's a lot of fun. And then I got, I don't know, I got all the power

armor. I've got maybe a dozen pairs of power armor. I've got pink Flamejob X series power armor with a jetpack on it. And I've built my community of settlers up. I've only got, like, 20 20 population and I've got a whole market built with armor

workshops and everything maxed out. I'm running out of stuff to do so it's almost time to make a new character. What I do want to do next time because the character creation is so customizable is pick a celebrity or a character from fiction and make

the character look exactly like that uh like that individual and play exactly like that individual would play i think that'd be fun so do like some big goofy dumb idiot or like i saw someone do uh christopher walken i thought that would be really fun i think you should yeah i'm having a let's play i mean you played through now you probably know what you're doing and how to do a thing it's it'd be fun Melissa and I are having a lot of fun

we, or I guess she because she's the one playing chose the Minutemen to go with because I guess we didn't know that it was like mutually exclusive unlike Skyrim where you can be like the king of Wizard Hall and also you know the leader of the Assassin's Guild. The Fighter's Guild.

Yeah, but in this, I mean, the Minutemen sound so fucking stupid compared to the Brotherhood of Steel. Do you get way better shit with them? I went back and did the Brotherhood of steel one all you get um besides them liking you and the ability to loot the pridwin constantly is uh some it was uh the jet pack for um maybe some t60 power armor which is pretty cool and they they give you the uh the uh the rank of sentinel but there's this one jackass at the police station that like hates you hates your character and even when you get promoted to sentinel he goes i was wrong about you and he like character, and even when you get promoted to Sentinel, he goes, I was wrong about you. And he salutes you and says,

good day, Sentinel. And then you try to hit him up again for a quest, and he's like, what are you doing back here, scum? And it's just like, it completely ruins my immersion, but Brotherhood of Steel's pretty good. I want the Ben and Ben too. Just a little Benny bipolar in there. Can't decide. Yeah, yeah, it's like one minute

super esteemed, like tons of respect and the next minute, try not to screw this up. It just doesn't make any sense. But the railroad is the fun one to go with. That or the Institute. The railroad, you get some pretty cool armor and

I'm not sure what else. I know you get the armor. The Institute, for me to explain that would be a bit of a spoiler, but the Institute runs the synths. That's where the synths are from, and that's a whole group of people that you can become intertwined with and do missions for, and it's very, very cool. If you follow the main mission a little bit further past finding,

if you follow the main mission you'll get there pretty quickly taylor what's your workflow like for the let's play that you're doing do you record it and obviously you commentate it live and then are you able to take that and direct upload it or do you have to like re-render it and it depends like uh so if i'm uploading something else or if i'm doing something on my computer we have have to record and do everything on Melissa's laptop instead. And for some reason, fucking Elgato just loses its shit when we plug it into my computer versus her computer. And so we've had quite a few problems with that.

We've had to go back and redo a couple because it will have all the settings, and I'll sample it and make sure, like, all right, our voices sound pretty on point. That's okay. And then I'll go back and listen to it afterward. And the characters will be like, what brings you to the Commonwealth? And I'll be like,

Oh, you know, we're just up in here. It's so off balance and it's annoying, but it's, it's still fun. Like I like the fact that I don't have to play and Melissa plays, uh,

and I just get to talk shit the whole time and make fun of characters. Like that's my ideal ideal Let's Play. But if the settings are right, you don't have to re-render or anything? Usually not, yeah. There's a couple times where it'll freeze or something. I can't even explain what it's doing and I'm not technically savvy enough to know what's happening.

But 90% of the time I can just cut it and upload it right from there and it usually works. Yeah,gato is nice i like it a lot more than the hop hog well yeah it's funny tech has improved since 2010 can what uh what are the what are the settings on it can you do 1080p uh with the with the elgato i've got one but i don't know what it does yeah you can do 1080p with 60 frames aato? I've got one, but I don't know what it does. Yeah, you can do 1080p with 60 frames a second, but if I record a 35 minute HD clip of us playing

and talking, and I try and upload it, I've got like 40 down, 4 up, but it'll take like 5 and a half hours. And so I just change it to 1080p, 30 frames a second, and it looks pretty much exactly the same. And it takes like half the time. But yeah, there have been a couple times

where I've accidentally recorded it for the PS4 instead of the Xbox One, and on like maximum, you know, quality, and it's just been like a whole day of uploading. But for the most part, it's fine. We tried to get a face cam going, because people have been like, oh, show your faces.

It's like, well, all right, I'll try it. And it was just beyond the right i'll try it and it was just beyond the pale difficult and it wouldn't work like our faces would be up there talking out of sync with what we were actually saying like not doing it quite right and it would take you know four hours longer just to see us up in the top corner like leaning together like a cute couple in a viagra commercial where it's like is now now the right time for you? Looking at each other. I don't know. It wasn't worth it in the end. I was only asking because it seems like with modern stuff like in Elgato,

a lot of Kyle's concerns aren't relevant anymore. What it took to do a Let's Play a few years ago isn't what it takes now. You just record it and then drag that recording to YouTube and wait. There's no batch rendering to do or anything like that. You make a strong point. Alright, I'll consider it.

I'm still not sure if I want to do a fresh character or just play with my character that's super hardcore. Maybe I could make a new character and see how quickly I could just focus on melee. Make my own. I'd like to change the build. Maybe. Maybe I'll do that. There's no level caps. I don't even know if that's true. You definitely want to get your current character up real high before you start a new one, right? Like, just make him just the titan of that

world. Like, nobody can stand up to him. Well, like, I kind of am already there. Like, it's been a while since I've lost a fight, it feels like. Especially if I go prepared. Like, I go back to my base and load up with the good stuff. Like, I usually don't bring, like, power weapons with me when I go prepared like I go back to my base and load up with the good stuff like I usually

don't bring like power weapons with me when I go places most of the time I'm walking around with a switchblade and a revolver and like a few grenades or something like that but if I go and get like I've got like a lucky fat man launcher that launches two nukes instead of one every time you shoot it that's what you need

quad barreled missile launcher with a bunch of upgrades and shit. So I'm pretty deadly. There's not too many situations that I lose. The coolest weapon in the game that I've had, the most effective one that works against any enemy, whether it's a robot or a ghoul, is the Ripper. I've got an extended Ripper, like the most upgraded Ripper you can get, which is like a hand chainsaw.

You love that thing! It's incredible. Like, it immediately disarms your enemies. It's so fast, like, the melee weapons have a speed ranking on them, like, whether it's very slow, slow, medium, fast, or very fast, and the ripper is very fast, because it's a fucking chainsaw, it's just grinding. So the super mutant will be standing there trying to reload, and you're just like, and it just cuts the gun out of his hands. And then he's just like, wow, what the fuck? And he'll pull out a board or something. I like the Ripper.

But my instigating switchblade is the coolest thing in the game. The only time I've seen a Ripper so far is, like, the loading screen. Is that it? It kind of looks like a little loop-de-loop with the chainsaw there that you yeah that's the upgraded version yeah oh well that looks what i got i like other than that melissa's character or i guess our character is all long-range sniping which like my favorite

thing about this game is just you know wedging yourself next to like a old ford pinto and then just a monster is like 30 feet away from you and you just kind of keep shooting it and it just can't figure it out. It can't find out where you are. It just walks around in a circle until you kill it. I love little shit like that. I don't do a lot of that.

I take a lot of drugs. I take tons and tons of jet. I take tons and tons of jet and it slows the game down to super slow-mo mode and I like to just and tons of jet and you know it slows the game down to super slow-mo mode and I like to just do tons of that and just spin around and and jump on and just cut the enemies apart I'm just having a great time What's the thing I love out in substance addiction like all the people like when you see they're like they're your companion

It'll be like if you use jet like Codsworth that British fuck was following us around for a while until we ditched him. And if you used Jet or Buffout or something, it would say Codsworth disapproves. And you'd be all smarmy about it for a bit. So there's no karma system in this game, but your companions will judge you. The dog won't judge you no matter what you do. So if you steal, do drugs, stuff like that, they might think negatively of you. MacReady, I think, actually likes it when you steal stuff. They all have different opinions and their own whims, but the reason that that's all important

is when you earn the love of your companion, or their, I can't remember what they call it, but whenever they like you enough, they give you... You get a perk. There's a different perk for each companion, and you keep it even if they're not with you. MacReady's is completely game-breaking, and I think might be a glitch. It gives you 95% VATS accuracy, regardless of range with any weapon.

But there's a different one for every character. Codsworth's lame, though. Who's Codsworth? Is he a partner? Yeah, he's a companion, but he's this little robot that kind of hovers around

and he's got multiple arms that have different gadgets on them and he's got a very British accent. Sir, sir, where have you been? It has been 200 years! It's pretty fun. He's a cool guy. Can you collect a horde with you? Like, there's a dog,

there's a chick, there's Codsworth. I want to enter battle as a flying V from the Mighty Ducks. Unfortunately, so the only way to do that, if you're going on adventures and leaving your base of operations, then you can only take one follower with you. The dog counts as a follower, so you can't have

really a big team up. But back at your base, which is where I send all my followers, I have like six or eight followers there. So all of them, and they're each badass in their own way with their own specialized weapons and shit, whenever our base is attacked, all of them just fall upon whatever dumbass

enemy decided to stumble into that shit and just stomp them out real good. And that's always fun to watch. enemy decided to stumble into that shit and just stomp them out real good. And that's always fun to watch. We're playing Sudoku, guys. It's okay. That's what we're doing right now. No, we're not.

You know me and audio. You know, it's on one hand... I hate Sudoku. When I fuss about people's audio, I feel like a giant dick. It's just difficult. On the other hand... You seem like you get some enjoyment out of it.

That's how audio gets better. If I'm just like, everything is fine. No, no, no, it's cool. Are your kids banging pots and pans in the background? Whatever, no one cares. Nah, people care. It makes the audio better. Oh, Taylor got his pop filter.

How many shows have you had that on? Really at least you haven't oh like three this is the third one now. I'm just noticing now. Well, that's awesome See there was a couple shows where for no reason I had it like ah ah To get a comment from you I assumed it just passed by the wayside, but no here it is You got your long-aw comment from you. I assumed it just passed by the wayside, but no. Here it is. You got your long-awaited comment. I'm very excited. I'll tell you the truth.

I noticed it two shows ago, and I thought about saying something, but I noticed Woody Hatton, and I was going to see how long it took him to notice. It could be ages with me. I am getting dumber by the day. I had a thought. I could tell a bad joke with every topic transition. Oh, that sounds smooth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why does it seem like Caitlyn Jenner's kids see right through her now? Because she's transparent. Ugh. This is a great idea. I should definitely keep this up. Kyle's got to look on his face like you told him his dog died.

Oh, you guys can pretend you don't like the joke, but you like the joke. keep this up. Kyle's got a look on his face like you told him his dog died. That's what happened. Oh, you guys can pretend you don't like the joke, but you like the joke. Everyone likes bad jokes. You see, because she's both a transsexual and a parent, together, you can see right through her. Ah!

Comes full circle. Great. Why even have topics? Just keep it rolling. You got about four hours of those. Oh, you pretend full circle. Great. Great. Why even have topics? Just keep it rolling. You got about four hours of those. Oh, oh, oh. You pretend you don't like them, but here you are begging for more. You're all begging. All you listeners out there are like, oh, that joke was bad.

Got any more where that came from? I think you're disillusioned about how much they want these. Because someone just got in a car accident from rolling their eyes. Every time you tell a bad joke, you should have to take a sip of your 100% food. I know they want a mid-roll.

Mine smells great. Jackie put the chocolate in there, and obviously water, and then in a blender with strawberries. And that's what I have awaiting me. And I smelled it. Now you've thrown the whole delicately, scientifically balanced calorie count off. Well, see, this came right off of their – they've got an app where you can, like, get the smoothie recipes.

It came right off of there. Yeah. I didn't have it previously, but I installed the app and then I just gave it to Jackie. She's like, what's your BMI right now? She's putting in height and body weight and all that. I'm like, baby, can't you just

find a recipe? She's scrolling around. I guess she eventually came up with stick strawberries in it. It smells great. Like chocolate and strawberry. It seems great. But I feel like the mid-roll is supposed

to be mid-show. I think you should just sip on it as you go though. See how much energy you have. Alright, so you want to talk about the terrorism now? Now that we've made that smooth uh uh bad joke segue yes yes i'd love to right after i get 33 of my daily dose of iodine all right so

so do are any of us of a of the opinion that it's not terrorism or that it might not be terrorism because i think it's just terrorism it's so obviously terrorism it's very clearly terrorist if it were like just like four days ago when that guy shot up the planned parenthood thing he was like if they were muslim everybody'd be freaking out about how it's terrorists but this is clearly terrorism too yeah that was terrorism a different like on the way other side of it but yeah this is clearly terrorism too and now that it has happened exactly what people were saying would happen isn't happening. They're like, well, well, maybe he just didn't

get a slice of cake that day and threw him for a loop. It's probably not the person he talked to. Did he work there? Yeah, I think he did work there. He was a civil servant, I know that. I think maybe he worked in the building or something like that. The things that seem important to me

are that they've seen that he was in contact with I'm trying to think of the correct terminology the radicalized Islamics on the internet, whatever the fuck that means he had went to

Pakistan and Saudi Arabia I think three trips in the last few years. His wife's from Pakistan. He was born here. He had a pretty big arsenal in his house. I heard them say that there was $25,000 to $30,000 worth of weaponry. I don't know if they mean at his home. I can only assume they do, though they haven't said that.

They haven't said that there were more weapons recovered at his home than I know of. But the weapons on the scene yet to air a r fifteen's with non-california legal magazines of thirty round magazines the weapons were bought legally uh... i believe in california also to nine millimeter pistols his wife was with him she was part of the uh... attacker whatever you want to call it uh... they were both shot dead after a high-speed chase that happened a few hours after the initial shooting, I believe.

I think they went back to, I won't say their house because they're not sure about that yet, but they went back to a house. And I believe inside that residence they found what they're calling a bomb-making factory, which sounds like the media blowing something out of proportion. What I would imagine they found is like a bag of ball bearings, 10 feet of pipe, a bunch of caps. A whole box of Ziploc bags. You know, like... And the explosives that they were using, the way they were triggering them

is very similar. It's the exact same thing that we saw with the Boston bombing. And those guys, the Tsarnaev brothers, they got their instructions overseas somewhat but also from Inspire Magazine which apparently is some sort of terror training magazine or something

like that but in there they explain Inspire Magazine? It sounds like it's for like the pamphlet the Special Olympics would give you as you went I'm picturing it as a handout at a gym you know like on the waiting room counter or something. Go on.

Yeah, a Asian lady, like all the diversity on the front, smiling near the treadmills. In there, they give a technique for making a detonator using a remote-controlled car, and they saw that in the Boston bombings, and they're also seeing that in this case. I'm not... I think they detonated a couple of devices,

but I'm not sure about that. I know they found lots of pipe bombs, lots of weapons, lots of magazines, 1,400 rounds of ammunition, I believe, in the vehicle, 1,400 rounds of.223, which is what the AR-15 shoot, 200 rounds of 9mm, which is what their handguns were shooting, and then I think some more ammunition back at their home. They keep saying thousands of rounds but it sounds to me like 1800 rounds or something like that and I don't know. I think that's about all I know about the thing.

It seems like terrorism to me. It seems like I mean I wouldn't jump so far as to say oh this is an ISIS like hit. Like no I'm not saying that. I don't know that this guy had like is part of some terror cell or anything who has some boogeyman over in the Middle East pulling his strings, but I think this is a guy that was radicalized and and was

Clearly intent on doing some serious harm and he'd been planning it for a long time Because he didn't acquire all this with these weapons recently bringing a life in seems like a big part of it You know it like if if if I'm going berserk at my workplace, I'm running solo on this. Jackie, time to lock and load. You pissed in my coffee for the last time. Drop little Davey off at grandma's. Bringing the wife in changes the whole dynamic to me. It makes it much more likely to be a terrorist thing.

You guys are a radicalized partnership in this. It's not one guy going loony. Also, like Kyle mentioned, when I hear bomb-making factory, a lot of times I'm disappointed when I find the details. But the fact is this was some prep. It wasn't like he didn't get a cake at the party and then just came back with guns and stuff. No, didn't he have body armor too like they were no on the body armor yeah oh well i'm maybe mix it up with the baby one reported oh okay maybe that's what it is then but um what was that

yeah it doesn't make sense that he would prepare so heavily with all that shit back at home and then go off on this like relatively small like with all that shit that he had he could have done a lot more damage you know it's like spending months it's like if ocean's 12 at the last second they were like you know what let's just knock over a couple of hot dog carts and call it a day like all this planning for nothing like they probably thought they were gonna escape part of it um you know there's a lot it's only speculation at this point right until they dig Like, all this planning for nothing. Like, they probably thought they were going to escape. They can't get away with it. Part of it, you know, there's a lot. It's only speculation at this point, right?

Until they dig apart their hard drives and, you know, maybe find some associates or question family members or whatever. But maybe they had a bigger terror attack planned. Maybe they were going to hit, let's say, a baseball stadium, but something happened, and so they had to hit a target of opportunity, which, what a terrible place. Wasn't this a place with special needs children or something? If so, it's exponentially worse. I had no idea.

Maybe I'm just reading Reddit comments and I'm confused about that little part. I saw something about that, too. I've been trying to learn as much as I can about the guy, because I see that Obama came out immediately and made it an anti-gun thing and and seemed to be taking a similar stance as he did with the fort hood incident calling it sort of a workplace violence sort of thing and certainly not leaning toward terrorism at all it seemed initially especially and now you see the white house sort of walking the line in between and saying they're kind of waiting for details the fbi's been brought in. I think that's fair, by the way. I feel like people who are inclined to hate Obama already are like,

oh my God, he's not clearly calling this what I think it is. But what he said was that it was terrorist-related, workplace-related, or both. We don't know. And I hear that, and I think, well, that's a fair stance. That's his updated statement, I think. Yeah. That's his updated... That's think. That's his updated... That's where he's being more centrist with

his most recent statement. But initially it was more anti-gun and like, here we are again. You know, another one. That sort of thing. He's trying to lump some... And think of it from his point of view. It makes him look a lot better if he's proven right again and

there's a mass shooting from from some nutjob Who's acquired guns illegally or or something then it would it to say oh Obama? You're a let your guard down. You've allowed more terror attacks than George W. Ever did horseshit Horseshit how many terror attacks did George W. Oh, they didn't even count them all First of all he allowed the big one in which thousands of people died. That was one. I'm not going to win this by naming them all,

but do you know about the one on UNC where the guy took his SUV and tried to mow down as many students as he could while screaming Allah Akbar? Probably not. Sounds like a kegger going wrong to me. Right? I don't know about that, so I choose to not believe it. I like Kyle's point. That was the name of his frat, dude, the Allah Akbar.

AK for life. And then do you remember the Egyptian airport shooting where the guy came in there yelling Allah Akbar? That's in Egypt. No, it was Egyptian airline, but it was in LA. I remember that. Did he get anybody? I don't even... I don't know what the kill count was,

but I'm sure it doesn't count either. And 9-11 doesn't count, because, I mean... I don't know. I feel like Obama had... If there's one thing, Bush kept us safe. Right? I don't think Bush... Bush certainly hasn't had as many high-profile terror attacks,

would you say? Those things you described sound like real little incidents where, like, how many people died in UNC? I don't know, two maybe? This guy killed 12 and went on a shooting rampage in a high-speed chase where two LAPD or two police officers were injured. But that Planned Parenthood shooting was two deaths. Two deaths, right? So in 2001, shark not shark attack hold on in 2001 shark attacks were the fucking news story it was on the cover of time magazine the year of the shark attack it was literally on the cover

yeah and and they just every fucking shark attack like oh, oh my God, oh my God, these sharks are taking over. Like, sharknadoes rolling in and causing all this trouble. In reality, shark attacks were down. But there was this, like, feedback cycle where every time anything happened, it was like, oh my God, here we go again. Shark attack central. You know, sharks were spotted in Florida. They would make news stories out of sharks that didn't bite people. As if that's a fucking news story. It ruined my whole Florida vacation when I was like 12 years old.

Because I went there and I was too afraid to get in the water. Seriously? Yeah. I saw on Newsweek and everything, it was like, will your child be eaten? And it's like, oh God, I'm not even going to go in. So that was just a weekend of sand. Literally, shark attacks were down that year it was a below average year and it was the major news story now like that planned parenthood shooting where two people died like look that's

a tragedy you hate it etc etc but two people dying in a like that's not even a mass shooting i had to look up the definition today four people you had to get four kills for it to be a mass shooting. Two kills is good weather in Philly. You know, two kills. That's not even a story. No one was killed in North Carolina. It's a story because of where it was, though. You looked it up?

Because it was Planned Parenthood? I guess so. But I feel like it's also a story because it plays into the narrative that makes this the shark attack right now we're doing mass shootings of 2015 every time two people die it's a mass shooting now it's a major story cnn breaking news fox news all over the place obama comes on by and says oh my my god, we lost two more. Now we're down to 335 million people or whatever we are. Every time

there's two people who die, it's another mass shooting and it leads the news. It was two in the Los Angeles airport shooting. It was two deaths. Not a mass shooting. That was 14 yesterday, right? That's a mass shooting, right? Yeah, that's a mass shooting.

So I'm thinking, but I'm counting, I'm thinking like, I'm counting this one as a pretty serious terrorist attack as far as like bodies on the ground, and the Boston bombing is another one. I feel like Obama has had two medium-sized ones, and Bush has had one large one. Maybe, I just stick with, Obama's had two medium-sized terror attacks under his watch,

at least, right? A few, like, extra smalls that won't even count, because I don't really count them in the same regard. Terrible tragedies, awful things, but not counted in the same regard. But Bush just had the extra large one with 9-11, and then the UNC thing, nobody got hurt. Sound sounded to me like that guy got a little rowdy and started doing some donuts and you know i'm not gonna lump him as a terrorist i bet he's in gitmo right now getting waterboarded

because he got he got too wild at a kegger so and then the we'll call this reason one with 14 kills the san bernardino shooting, right? Bush's counts for 235 San Bernardino shootings. You did the math. I did the math. I prefer the Bernie Sandersino shooting. So, like, the San Bernardino, I don't know if I, now it's all mixed up in my head. That shooting, 235 to equal a World Trade Center thing.

And we've had, like, one. I mean, you could do the dollar amounts too, but I mean that's not fair Oh god the dollar amounts get even wackier I bet it's especially when you account for like you know the stock market Global loss, you know it cost it might have cost a trillion dollars by the time it was it might have been yeah It was a could have been it could have been out globally, know, and futures, like it reshaped the whole world. So there's really no way to wrap your head around it. If you had said several trillion, I'd think, yeah, maybe like impact.

And like it's hard to separate the stock market collapse of 2001 from the stock market collapse of 2008. Because the only thing that happened in the middle was the real estate thing. It was kind of a down period for years. that happened in the middle was the real estate thing. It was kind of a down period for years. And it's not a science where you tie, you know, this is all like opinion and confidence-based stuff. So if you made an argument for connected or not connected,

I could line up with that. But I don't think. So what's the solution to all this? Like what can be done? Clearly we need more guns. Well, that's a given. I think everyone watching this... Wasn't there a special needs school in there or something? If those kids were armed, none of this would have happened.

It would have been a disaster long ago. I'm not even touching that. I just thought of three things that I don't want to say. If we had given Timmy from South Park some high-powered rifles, then they'd be able to shoot back at Saiz Rezan Farouk here. Timmy. When I heard, like, the worst thing about this whole thing is, like, the fear was, like, oh, if all these Syrian immigrants come in,

they're going to bring all that culture with them, and, you know, like, that percentage of extremists among them like however small it may be you know a couple are going to get in and they're going to wreak havoc like this is even worse because it's some dude who's lived here for a long time was whole life supposedly yeah whole life supposedly assimilated had a job not like on his or anything on his old dating profile he described himself on his old dating profile, he described himself as a mix between Eastern and Western philosophies and a calm, calculated person. A couple little things like that that stood out.

But he was looking for, at the time, he's found it since because it's an older profile. He was looking for a wife and wanting children, etc. Not good at first impressions. That's not funny. That's awful. I noticed no one complaining about how many bullets were used to take these two down.

No one minded a bit. I heard Fox News described it as a hail of gunfire that went on and on. No, I will say. It's not like Phil O'Reilly's beating off under the table. Oh, how many bullets? Reload. Reload.

How long did it take for them to respond? The response seems like it was really fast. They said that the officers were running in with their handguns only initially. So I think it was like local police like responded to it at first, but they got away. There was nobody there. Like they'd already done it and left from what I understand. They, I mean, I could be wrong about that, but it seems that they got back to the house that they were, had like the, they're calling the, the building the bombs and storing the weapons in maybe and I think it was like 4-5 hours

after the initial shooting that authorities tracked them down to there and I think they were sitting in the car in the driveway maybe, that's the way I took it from the way it was described and then maybe they sped off the chase started and they were firing shots from inside the vehicle

at the cops and at some point the cops just shot the shit out of them. I saw the pictures of the one. I couldn't tell if it was the man or the woman, but out in the street with blood, in a big pool of blood with an AR-15 next to them. As they should be. I would just, I don't know about this one. Something about the last two, the Planned Parenthood and this one, and I'm really sketchy on the details.

But I had this impression that the response time wasn't what I wanted it to be. Like, in Columbine. It's never what you want it to be. It was in Columbine. In Columbine, it was like the first trigger pull, it took like two minutes to call the police, 911. Wasn't there a precinct incredibly, incredibly close to that? There must have been, because let me finish this. In two minutes, someone called 911.

Three minutes after that call, so five minutes total, the police were already returning fire. I like that. I'm not like, oh, five could have been four. No, no, no. If you're literally returning gunfire in five minutes one excellent response time right they had somebody nearby who could respond within three minutes two no freight you know like the i was really unhappy and some people be mad about this

but the french sat outside that building for like over an hour while 84 people were killed inside with AKs and shotguns that is a slow response and a lot of people died while they were developing their game plan Columbine the guy just ran in there to fire back and in both cases we're talking about two shooters different scenarios though for sure right I mean did it one they more armed and one's a school shooting so you figure the shooters are jackasses and the other they're trained terrorists but it's still an hour of letting them murder hostages while they i can't sign off on that timeline i i don't know the exact time i won't let it go like i need sources just check twitter kyle we were watching

it live and and if you search on the web i'm not the only person to criticize that timeline either you know they're just like i don't know what the fuck i have we were watching like a live feed of like 300 yards away on the street like i couldn't see where any cops were or where the doors to that place were or you know and it seemed like everybody was dead my family with military experience was the same way they were like oh my god you know and it's seemed like everybody was dead my family with military experience was the same way they were like oh my god you know i cannot believe it took them an hour to secure that building like they should have been fucking kicking in doors like men um you know so that's maybe so i mean i just had i just don't know the timeline that's i'm not saying like the timeline

you described sounds like a bad thing uh i'll agree with you there like i don't know the timeline. The timeline you described sounds like a bad thing. I'll agree with you there. I don't like what you said, if that's true, but I'm not sure that that's what happened. I'm not sure how long it was before they went in, or what the situation was, or any of that. An hour is so bad, it's almost unbelievable. It was more like 90 minutes.

Even more so. It's like they sat down and watched National Treasure 2, and then decided all right we better wrap this up you know that five minutes thing i feel like if if something had ever happened at my high school that i went to growing up i think they'd have been there within five minutes like i think i think like by the time from the time they get the call to the time that they're at the door and in the school three minutes sounds about right because they're just close and like you know there's lots of them they're dispersed and chances are like even if they're going from the station to the school three minutes if you're

hauling ass is very very doable yeah in my high school i think that someone who's fit could have ran it in under three minutes oh not that yeah like they they're really close they'd be there they'd be there too yeah all over oh they'd hear the shots the uh the police department in ocean city new jersey when i was there i look back they seem pretty good really like all their decision making was pretty sound i i remember one of them said that cops were racist and that's a bad thing but in terms of their the actions that they took i didn't see any problems. And they always seemed on top of it.

They weren't getting outsmarted by kids ever. And they seemed to apply the right level of punishment. Like, oh, are you a delinquent teenager? You're not going to jail. You're not going to juvie. But you're washing police cars. You're cleaning the beach. That was a thing. They called it it service you had to do service and and you literally went out there

and cleaned the beach all the time and washed police cars and stuff like that um is that legal they just hey quit loitering my car's dirty like get over here it was a little more um like like they you go they they sentence you to it. Community service. Community service, yeah. And there was a time that you had to show up. And you didn't know what you were doing at the time. The biggest part of the punishment was the time.

It was like they start at 5 a.m. And if you're not there in time, it just gets a lot worse for you. And washing police cars, cleaning the beach, and then disposing of beer was actually a big one. Like all the beer they take from previous parties, literally teenagers would like open them and pour them. Washing police cars, cleaning the beach, and then disposing of beer was actually a big one. All the beer they take from previous parties, literally teenagers would open them and pour them and dispose beer. Oh, how sad is that? Oh, you want one worse than that? Go on.

Our senior trip, you know, we... I don't want to tell the whole story, but... Can I interrupt real quick? Because I feel like I missed a topic change. Why did the chicken cross the road? God. Why? Because he was going to visit the dummy. Knock, knock.

Who's there? The chicken. What do you want? No, you're the dummy in this scenario get it yeah well i'm helping you yeah so that's a knee slapper yeah two in and i'm already not a fan of this ah let's choose the number okay let's start this new thing we do where we take all the momentum we had and we just cram it in the toilet and flush it down. And then we build up from there.

And then once we got it, just fuck you. So, Kyle, you were not telling your story about public service? I wasn't going to make it incredibly long. So what happened was we were on our senior trip. We went out partying parting one night through a luggage rack off like the twenty second floor it hit it though all the way to the bottom and crushed a uh... like a big concrete picnic table thing with these concrete benches around and stuff just destroyed

them and uh... the next morning the uh... the police and the hotel management showed up at our our hotel room and uh... you know there's a bunch of us in there we had like a we had a very there were like four or five bedrooms in this in this in this one room so we're all in there and uh and so long story short they made us pour out all of our alcohol and we had a shitload of alcohol it was like eight or nine full bottles of liquor like probably 300 beers or

something like that. We just had gotten there. It was the second day. It was the second day. We were loaded for this trip. And so my buddy Boone, he had to take the rap for throwing the luggage cart because he fucking did it. And so they made him clean,

work as a janitor at the hotel until his parents drove all the way from northeast Georgia down to Panama to pick him up. He said they didn't say a word to him the whole ride back. That's worse than any punishment. Just to sit there. It was really

sad. Me, his girlfriend, and the girl I was with were all coming back from having ice cream and hanging out on the beach. I think I bought a skim board. We're all just really happy and everything. There's Boone. He's got work gloves on.

He's in his shorts, but he's got this grimy t-shirt on. I look and he's got this huge bag of garbage. He's just hauling out to the dumpsters because he's working for the hotel. They're making him be their janitor until his parents get there. It took him a long time to pay that off because it seems like they charged several thousand dollars

for the damage that he did. I got a good senior trip one. So what they did is they rented out a YMCA kind of thing. It wasn't a YMCA, but you get the idea, like a community center. And the whole senior class would like be it was like a lock-in and you just kind of go wild in there whatever they have like parents and teachers like to like make sure you didn't get too out of hand like weren't vandalizing and uh that same guy the fucking poop bandit didn't do any any poop related things on this

trip but he uh first of all he kept sneaking out of the lockout to sell cocaine to people in the parking lot of this ymca he was a reasonably big drug dealer so sneaking out to sell cocaine to people he was doing a ton of coke uh all he was there just like hyped up like somehow that's why he was shitting so much yeah he was just shit just how he was constipated he was suddenly shitting he didn't couldn't himself. A lot of cocaine. And they had this big bouncy castle, and people were enjoying it. Of course, people showed up drunk and whatnot, and they're just in there doing whatever. And he just, for no reason at all, just went up behind the bouncy castle no one could see,

and then just stabbed it with a knife. Ruined the fun for everyone for that thing. Then he would run around, and they had all these games and things. This guy is horrible. I know. There was this thing where it was this big, another balloon kind of game, and it was two lanes, big lanes that you could run through, and you would strap on this vest,

and it had almost like that thing that heroin users use to tie off, attached to your back, and the balloon in the back. And the vest was made of Velcro, and you'd try and run as far as you could, and then when you stopped, it would shoot you back, and you'd stick to the Velcro thing. And I guess, after people had got a little bored of that, and went on, and were like,

oh, we'll come back to this later, he just went over and just cut those two things for no reason. All he did, the entire locket was go around and cut and break things. And they had like prize baskets and they're like, how does this prize basket end up in the toilet in the men's room? Did everybody know it was him? How many people knew he was guilty? At this point, we like,

we'd already graduated. And so he just went balls out, just I'm wrecking stuff. And it doesn't matter. And this, I mean, it was either this kid or another kid that, another kind of, like, goofy fuck up. But when we all got diplomas where it was like, you graduated and blah, blah, blah,

and, like, great for you, his said, thank you for participating at X school. Like, just thanks for coming. He didn't actually graduate. But he just went around. Did they say that on stage? Please tell me. They're like, and congratulations to Jackass for participating. No, they didn't do that.

You know, it was in, like, that pamphlet that they give you. And you kind of open it up. And you showed it to us. Like, oh, guys, check it out. Thanks for participating. You're right. Right. And it was like, dude, you're so high on coke.

I can, like, see myself in your pupils right now. And everyone else just says congratulations on graduating or something. You know that they had to talk to Kinkos or whoever. Yeah, we need all of them like this and then we need two like this.

Just put a big middle finger on there. Just trace mine and put that in the background. Watermark it. That's embarrassing. There were a few people, I think, that didn't graduate when it was graduation time. I almost missed a credit. Actually, I think I technically did miss that credit and probably technically didn't graduate high school

if you're really going to be to the letter of the law. But my teacher fudged some numbers and made it happen. But I couldn't miss another uh credit uh because i had i missed the the exact amount of credits that you could miss and still graduate because i liked skipping morning classes if i didn't need them you know if it was an elective or something like that you don't need another elective to graduate why go it's horticulture i'm not gonna be making flower bouquets fuck that shit i was sketchy too. Of course, everyone knows about my bad grades and I had some Fs and stuff.

So we had my senior year, we had to like, most people were cruising through. Like it took four years of English. So obviously they needed that. But most of the people I knew in my friend group, it was such a lock. Like all they had to do was pass three of their senior courses and they were golden. Me, I had to pass all of them and on top of that there was some question about whether i had the right kind of credits you know like not the important ones like english or science but like my father never wanted me to take like wood shop and stuff like that and it turned out some of it was

mandatory so senior year i'm taking like photography and that other like life skills type stuff home maybe it was not home ec in particular but there's photography in another one and I had to pass those and and there was just some tension like I think that I was arranged right but I wasn't 100 sure and then when I got my diploma there was no diploma in it so that was fucked up and it turned out i had like like literally like a dollar 68 in uh overdue library fees so i had to like pay that and in my head i'm paying this and getting my diploma before they realized their mistake like that was that was the scenario between my ears so i and it just played out like that i paid them i got the diploma and it's like they can't take this back now, right?

Like, this is for keepsies, you know? Yes, that's bullshit. You run off. Yeah. You know, that's such bullshit that they can hold your diploma if you owe, like, overdue book money or something like that. Because what if you couldn't afford it? It seems like, first of all, it seems like you earned that thing, right?

Like, whether or not they want to give it to you seems immaterial, right? Like, they're just there to provide the education. They're not the distributors of documentation. They shouldn't be anyway. They shouldn't be able to, yeah, you did everything required, but you owe me. Give me some fucking money. It seems like bullshit. I feel like you could fight that, right?

Oh, you're like, the whole library thing, like, was horse shit. And that reminded me of another thing that some of my other friends did to our school library where the way the library was set up is that you could actually like break into it pretty easily like you just get a friend to boost you up you just open the window and crawl

in and a bunch of my friends they were a bit younger than me but their senior year they broke into the library at like 2 a.m and first of all took all the chairs and and tables in the library and there's only one entrance to the library and they barricaded the entrance so that when the library showed up the next day they wouldn't be able to get in so they just barricaded the whole thing and then spent like two hours disorganizing the entire life just just the whole no book was in the right place and then they uh one of them uh oh no they didn't poop in there then they they left and the old lady

librarian showed up the next day and couldn't get in. They finally worked the door open enough that a lanky janitor had to move his arm in and kind of push chairs over, push tables out of the way. It took so long. So many people had to miss the library that day. And they finally get in and she thinks this horror is over. And she sees that her life, this

library, every book is out of place. And she and the other librarian just broke down and wept like their like their child had been killed in an accident no it was so they they caught him like immediately and made them uh spend like five times as much time finding the right place with the dewey decimal system to put all these books back. And, like, with, like, that, they, you know, those cards that you pull out? Yeah, I guess Dewey Decimal System.

They fucked with all that, and they had to fix all of that. And it took, it was like, like a master's thesis how long it took them to put that shit back together. I would have been, I would have been awful about it. I'd have, like, not just, like, this book here and that book there. Like, no. I'd have grabbed, like it not just like this book here and that book there I would have grabbed armfuls of books taken them to the far end of the library

and then dispersed them that's awesome that's such a good prank 15 year old me would have loved that stick it to the librarian I hated my librarian especially if you knew the librarian and you didn't like them I really can get behind it then

40 year old me feels so bad for those librarians librarian, etc. Yeah, especially if you knew the librarian and you didn't like them. I really can get behind it then. 40-year-old me feels so bad for those librarians that are just trying to earn a goddamn living, that have to put up with these little shits, sabotaging their efforts. I think it's less funny now, but I still get a kick out of it. Because it's better knowing

that the funny part was them weeping, sitting on the floor because the chairs are still in shambles, crying in their own library. But they didn't have to put it back. So all's well that ends well. We had some guys break in one time, and to the classrooms there'd be a door, and then right next to the door

there'd be a double window separated by a steel beam. And it had that mesh in it. It was like steel reinforced glass. It's got the steel wires in it. And they kicked that all in and crawled into the tech lab and stole a few computers. Couldn't have been worth anything. They stole a few

computers. They went into the gym and sprayed fire extinguishers everywhere. So the whole gym is coated with this white powder that has to be swept up. And then they went into the lunchroom. They shit in a pot and cooked it and left it on that's a fire hazard they turned the oven up put a put a turd filled like baking tray in there

where our french fries are supposed to be and fucking baked a turd until it was discovered the next day that's like a self prank where it's like you can't eat any baked goods for the rest of your life. A lot of people got E. coli, but anything for the lulz. I mean, they discovered it and, you know, they caught those guys too, yeah. What else happened?

My prison seemed like, I'm sorry, my high school seemed like a prison. That's where I was headed with that. I've talked about it before. It seemed like i'm sorry my high school seemed like a prison that's where i was headed with that it like i've talked about it before so you love i think our lunch was 12 minutes long you know and it was a little longer because you had six minutes to get to class so if you ran you could kind of steal a few minutes on either side of it that was supposed to be for getting to class but um there's there are too many fights so they they pretty much took out recess you couldn't leave the building uh during the whole day like there was no outside or anything

um it was all pretty rough but hearing your stories it's like that's justified you almost have to treat these animals like animals if they're gonna shit in the cafeteria what about what about what were your lunch ladies like i Standard fare, like unattractive, overweight, 50. What was the food like? Prison food, I guess. You know, like mass-produced tater tots. You had the rectangular slices of pizza? Yep, yep.

What is that shit? We had a kid who, like the way our cafeteria was set up you could go through the line back into the back area then out the front like the salad bar and shit and the food wasn't great but if you spent a little bit of money it wasn't awful and this dumb fucking kid like had a racket going for a week where he would like just go in the back and like pull out everything of fries like 20 worth of fries fill a whole tray with it walk over to the salad bar thing leave them by the salad bar then just leave and be like i'm not getting anything today lunch ladies through and just go pick up his fries and then

like a fucking retard he would just go right out to the lunchroom and start selling fries at a discounted price he lasted i think like three days maybe, which is already remarkable. And it's like, did you pay for these? So you're losing money on this right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm trying to make friends, you know? It was so stupid. But yeah, our food was... Just imagine walking around, French fries!

Get them while they're hot! French fries! Get them while they're hot! That's awful. Derek's selling fries now? Yeah, he's a fries salesman. Get the fuck out of here, Derek. I don't trust you.

I don't want fries from you. But our food was not that bad. Like, you could, you know, get the shitty little burger, spring for, like, a spicy chicken sandwich. Nah, man. Our food was quite bad. And, like, now that I think about it, like, I wouldn't want my kids eating that food i

feel like i feel like it's shitty that that food is that is that bad i i can't i can't imagine why i think we're paying a dollar and a quarter for it so did everybody buy it at your school not everybody of course i think all schools have kids that don't have to buy it at hope school it seems like the overwhelming majority of people bring their food. At my school, it was the opposite. I think that's just a trendy thing that comes and goes. I remember a time when that was really lame if you brought your own lunch. That's how it was.

Yeah. I just remember it was always the most antiso-social like jim gaffigan looking high schooler guy like sitting by himself with his big like uh you know cooler that that you know getting his sandwich out with a crust cut off reading his note from his mom it's just like exceptions like if i brought lunch i feel like that's how it would have been treated right like oh what are you in a stupid brown bag or whatever. But then every so often there's like a wrestler who has some measured amount of butterless pasta and,

and like celery sticks that he's eating for lunch. And, uh, in that case it was like, Ooh, look at him. He's, you know,

yeah. Serious about varsity sports. Cool lunch for us was when cool lunch for us was when somehow you arranged to get fast food brought to you. If you had some Wendy's or someone had went to Arby's and gotten you a sandwich and french fries, maybe you had a boyfriend or girlfriend who was

out of high school or something like that and they could hook you up. I think that was the cool lunch. The best hookup guy was the guy that was a year or two older than you, but also that guy who never quite got over high school. I guess I didn't make friends in college, so I still always hung around the high school with those kids.

And if you could get that guy to show up like, oh, yeah, you can sit with us at lunch, you fucking weirdo. Just bring us like six McDoubles and a bunch of fries. He shows up, you'd be his friend for 50 minutes, and then you're... There was no contact with the outside world in my high school. If a pizza delivery guy came, maybe you'd get it for lunch. You could manage it. But when the school found out you had pizza delivered,

you'd be suspended or something. Jesus Christ. Yeah. No, it was really locked down. You couldn't go outside or have any outside world contact or anything. We pretty regularly had like pizza parties and shit like we had this one class that was one of those required ones it was called like it was called life connections i'm a grown man now and i still don't know what

we were learning in life connections like we just hung out in this double y trailer like 50 of us with miss erwin and miss aspen wall and did crazy shit like like like i don't know what we're doing out there. We just broke off into groups and talked about stuff. I think they were just trying to weed out the psychos. I think that was right around the time of a few school shootings, and I think they were trying to, you know, figure out what Bobby Mercer was doing over there by himself all day.

They were just observing you. That was the whole class. I think so. Yeah, it was a social experiment to see what was going on with some of those kids. All right, Kyle's talking to Betsy. That's normal. Jacob is drawing pictures of dead cats again. That's a little upsetting.

For the life of me, I still don't... But, like, we went on tons of, like, field trips and had pizza parties every week. Like, they didn't even molest us. I don't know what they were getting out of it. Yeah, I'm a little insulted. You know, I would have at least, like, one pass at me to molest me. Like, make me't even molest us. I don't know what they were getting out of it. Yeah, I'm a little insulted. You know, I would have at least, like, one pass at me to molest me. Like, make me feel a little attractive. Yeah.

Think of my self-esteem. How do you think I... That's my... I like... Have you seen that episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Oh, where Mac does... Yeah, he feels, like, slighted because he finds out that his former uh gym coach might be a child molester he's like over there like you know when you get sore like right up in he's like grabbing his

groin you know when you get sore in there it's real bad you know he's like yeah yeah i guess yeah and he's like trying to put his hand on it and stuff yeah i love that show i when does the new season start is it january i think fuck. Well, F is for Family comes out before that. Bill Burr's show. December 19th, I believe. I'm excited for that. I have a show I'm excited for. Yeah.

Have you guys seen the Hateful Eight Roadshow stuff? Roadshow? That's a movie, right? Okay. So, apparently, like, even before my day, like, in the 60s, they would do movies, but they'd kick them off with a roadshow. So you know how now they do premieres, maybe like, you know, one or two theaters. This would be like a semi-broad scale, not a full release, but it would be a roadshow. And they hatefully, they're doing it only in places that have 70 millimeter film projectors oh safe

safe that's a huge fire hazard to have a bunch of people doing that who have been using digital projection and then you tell the 17 year old up there hey use this like i didn't even think of that but you might be on to something and. And so they want 70 millimeter film projectors to do this thing. It's over three hours long. There's an intermission where they play music and you're supposed to go out and talk about the first half of the movie with the other moviegoers and then go back. I don't understand. What's the roadshow aspect of this movie?

I don't know. To me me it seems like a premiere but broader you know like you know how now they'll do a premiere and it's sort of an invite only type thing it's like a semi rollout if i understand it right i don't know roadshows were ended 10 years before i was born before it comes out i think it's christmas day no the road is just the release of the movie? Fuck, I wish I understood it. There was an eight-minute video about... All right, so here's what I know.

Definitely, like, the 70-millimeter version is three hours long plus or something like that. And it's, like, eight minutes longer or something than the digital cut. I heard six. And the reason for that... Yeah, six. And the reason for that is because the shots, you know, those big wide panoramic shots that are shot in 70mm don't convert over to film.

It doesn't look as good. And... I lost my fucking train of thought. Fucking... Oh, but yeah. So that version has the intermission in the middle because it's longer. So I'm not sure. Six minutes. I thought they all had the intermission in the middle because it's longer. So I'm not sure. I thought they all had the intermission.

I'm not sure. I need to learn. I'm not sure either. It's three hours long. And what I'm told is that the six minutes or possibly eight minutes is just some earth porn. At first I was like, I don't want to lose six minutes. But if it's literally six minutes of earth porn I could do with or without it Like I don't give a fuck about your I know I'm probably get tired of it with an extra six minutes It seemed like the Hobbit did it like they had like an extended version and it was just tons of like steady cam from Holla from helicopter shots where they're like look how good this looks in 48 frames. Look how good it looks.

But if you're a movie watcher, you're like, oh, my God. It's already a fucking movie about walking. Now it's just more aerial shots of walking. I want to see it. I want to see the extra shots. I do too. It'll be in Buford in Georgia in 70 millimeters. Is that the Super IMAX place near you?

Yeah. So I need to, it's at the Mall of Georgia. It's the biggest mall in Georgia. And they've got a, you know, they've got a 70mm IMAX. You were talking about the, you know, changing from film to digital. I think the projectionists nowadays know what they're doing. In particular with a movie like this. Like, don't imagine one reel of

film that's that this this movie probably weighs six or seven hundred pounds just the the uh the the film that it's going to take to run this thing they've got they're still switching those uh those reels out like in the old days i'm hearing the opposite actually like i'm reading these stories about how the filmings are fucked up the people who see it are unhappy. It turns out there used to be a projectionist union with like skilled projectionists doing it. And now it's like pimple-faced jackasses who've never done anything but hit play on a DVD player. And they don't operate.

This guy who went to an early filming, the first half of it was blurry and they just couldn't fucking like get it in focus and all that stuff. And then the second half of it was blurry and they just couldn't fucking like get it in focus and all that stuff and then the second half of it they played in digital and it was way better not because digital is better it's probably a preference at this point i don't think one's definitively better than the other but come on we went through that yeah and you were fucking wrong like you're just like i was right no i was Yeah. You thought they didn't even put it on digital. So some of the stuff they don't.

Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they don't do that middle process where they convert it to digitally and convert it back in which they lose like 2 or 3K and go from like whatever 14K down to 11 or 12K which is still higher than the 9K that you get from digital.

It's better no matter how you add it up. Even with that middle process where you lose some of the resolution, it's still better than the digital no matter how you slice it. And sometimes they don't do that. In Interstellar in particular, there were a couple segments where it just straight up put the film up there. It hadn't been digitized, nothing like that. How do they make the extra film to send it to everyone?

Like, they just, like, is it like a photocop? How do they not go in digital at all? I don't know, though. And then make all those copies of the films to send out to theaters? I know that Tarantino's made a big thing of this. Like, I know when Interstellar came out, Nolan was doing a similar thing where they made sure that lots of theaters had the projectors

and got what it took to do it. So they're making a big deal out of making this thing happen. I don't know. I remember Interstellar, it weighed 500 or 600 pounds. This movie's longer than Interstellar. It has to weigh 600 or 700 or 800 pounds. That's a huge shitload of film that has to be up there. It's a lot more complicated doing the

70 millimeter thing like it's not i'm not driving all the way to fucking chicago to watch a slightly different movie what how far away is chicago from me it's a little less than five hours when i was a kid the um i guess the projector used to fuck up all the time. Like, that was a thing that happened to every 10th movie or something. Like, it'd be out of focus. And, you know, everyone would be sitting here like, is anyone going to say anything about this out of focus movie? You see one guy get up and walk back to talk to the, like, you know, complain to the staff or the projectionist or something and be like,

you got to focus it. If the film stuck, you know, because this projector, and by the way way it's making noise back there if the projector stuck the um the light would burn the film and they would have to oh that is old school okay yeah yeah i've seen that in movies like when it when you see the the projection kind of melt yeah i've i've seen it in theaters yeah and like yeah I don't know like I like digital I I feel like they could do better with resolution the best of theaters are like 4k right now and that's a big screen to be only 4k I if they went to 8k or something I think it's I think it's higher than that even in digital. Yeah, 9K is in my head.

I felt like digital was coming out at 9K and I could be wrong about that. I went through all those numbers so many times and looked at so many different sources that I just know certain numbers going down because there's the highest resolution that it goes up to and then there's the amount of degradation you get when you go over to digital to add the effects,

and then back to film again. And then there's the actual digital resolution where it's been digital from start to finish. So I've looked into this a bunch recently. I'm told that 70mm is the equivalent, and this is what I heard, the equivalent of 18K, but really 12K. I don't know what to make of that, like where they

get from 18 to 12, but that's what I'm told 70... Can you give me a conversion rate between like 1080p and k? Like, sorry if that's a really dumb question. Yeah, 1080p is roughly 2k. Well then, why do you need more? But the relationship between the numbers isn't

directly proportionate, because I don't think... 4K is like 4 times 2. No. No, that's not true. So like the difference between like 4K and 8K isn't just double. It's much more. Yeah, but I think from 2 to 4 it is quad. Am I wrong about that?

Yeah, yeah. I thought you were just giving that as an example for how to do the math between 18K and 4K. Yeah, so from 4 to 8, I don't even know. Is it 4 times? Is it 16 times more? Like I need to think it through, right? Yeah, something like that. Just like if you guys can picture it on your monitor, right?

right? Yeah, something like that. Just like, if you guys can picture it on your monitor, right? When you go from like a 24 to a 27, even though it's three inches more, it's the outside three inches. It's like a third more screen space. And when you go from 4K to 8K, it's not just...

It might be four times bigger. It's twice as wide, but then you go twice this way too. My thing is, like i like when i like making events out of things like like this is going to be an event star wars will be an event for me uh hateful eight will definitely be one too where like i want everything to be as good as it can be so if there's a way to squeeze you know just just a few more pixels out somewhere or get better like i'm always comparing like uh There's two or three brands of like digital 3d

There's the real d3d and there's a handful of them I'm always like comparing the theaters and what they've got as far as digital sound and what the actual screen size is because I want Like the biggest and the best I can possibly get What I don't want is fake IMAX that like digital IMAX, but it's been like upscaled or whatever I know they do that a been upscaled or whatever. I know they do that a lot. Let me go. I was still talking.

Yeah, go ahead. Apparently 70 millimeter is 18K, but really 12. And I don't know where that arrives. I think it's that degradation we were talking about, going from digital and then back. I don't know. Also, there's not a strict way to make like an analog into a

digital conversion like there might be some situations where film shines more so than others or whatever so and then that's 35 millimeter I'm getting mixed up now and I forgot but I'm 4k is the most commonly shot stuff now. The highest camera I know of is 8K, but there could be more. But in terms of projection, like what's distributed out there, I think it's mostly 1080p with a few 4Ks in there. So even if you shoot in 8K on like a high-end camera, it's probably being displayed at 1080p or 4K.

it's probably being displayed at 1080p or 4k and i kind of hatefully in particular i want to make like a an experience out of but i don't think there's any place any anywhere near me that's that's that good atlanta is uh is the only one near me texas has a handful of them the 70 million projectors there's a list somewhere online, and you want an updated list because Tarantino has made an effort to get projectors in theaters out there that weren't before. The projectors are expensive, apparently. Yeah, I was having a hard time. If you go to the IMAX website, it'll show you where the IMAX theaters are.

But as you alluded to earlier, IMAX has taken that brand name and expanded it to mean a lot of bullshit, right? Like there's IMAX, like sort of the older stuff that has 70 millimeter screens and they're like 70 feet tall and they're just gigantic, super screens. That sounds like what you have. Yeah. That's what people think of as real IMAX. And it's amazing. I think it's 90 feet. It's huge. Let me, I'll look it up. Okay. And then they've taken it and they're like, well, this is an IMAX digital screen. And it's literally

like 15% bigger than your non IMAX screen. And the way that they judge whether it's IMAX or not is if they sit down and does it wow me. Really? Wow me? If I slip you three grand, will you call my shitty theater IMAX? Is that wowing enough? I'd be wowed. Right? like I have no idea how you get classified as wowed or not but a lot of things that are IMAX

or branded as IMAX now are just bullshit IMAX so um I apparently in Goldsboro there seems to be a better than usual IMAX Raleigh doesn't has the shitty kind I think I don't know where I'll watch this thing I've got a great thing for you go on it's a link incoming I think alright oh I never really go see IMAX

like it's never even really a priority for me. So, for people on the audio version, on screen here it shows the scope of a 35mm, and then there's IMAX digital, as I described,

slightly taller. I don't understand the size of the 35mm. Yeah, okay, so here's the thing. It says average IMAX digital screen. So that's one big rectangle in which the size of the 35mm

scope image, that green region, that's where the film would be projected across that larger rectangle that's the average IMAX digital screen. So they're showing you how it would fit onto the screen and the margins above and below. And then the overall, the biggest square is the size of the IMAX screen, and then the light blue section is where the image would be projected onto that screen, if it's 35mm.

But if you're going to 70mm, you fill that thing on up. I don't get why the 35mm scope is on there twice. Is the other one just projected bigger, I guess? That's what it would look like if it were shot in 35? Well, you're also seeing what the scope image looks like on a digital screen versus what it looks like on an IMAX screen. I see. So it'd probably be a little fuzzy if you blew it up that big.

I guess it would depend on the iMac screen. No, so we're looking at two screens on there. The blue part is... Right? And the green is what a normal movie looks like on an iMac's digital screen. The blue is what a normal movie looks like on a classic iMac screen. And you is what a normal movie looks like on a classic IMAX screen.

And you can see the screen is further away and larger and it's a gigantic image. But of course it's a projector type thing. You know what projectors are like when they get pushed out further. But if you have a super movie filmed in 70mm like Tarantino's doing for Hateful Eight, it will fill, I suppose, that entire

white screen and it will be an incredible experience. I don't even know. I love Interstellar. I'm more excited for the plot. I can get over a little bit. It can look as beautiful as anything but if it isn't good, I'm going to be very disappointed.

If this isn't good, it's going to reel down. The trailer turned me off a bit. I've since turned myself back on. I don't want them to do what the superman versus batman trailer did and really ruin the movie i didn't watch that shit i knew it was going to be like that i didn't watch it i watched it and uh i won't spoil it for anyone like the trailer does but uh it it shows are you less and are you less excited for the movie now no i'm still going to see it i i think it doesn't change anything for me but um it shows what one would expect like you know two-thirds into the movie the other shoe drops and sometimes there's a pivot in the plot it shows that and you're like oh well i guess for me now the first two thirds of the movie are

just running through the motions because we know the conclusion so what happened i'm sure everybody who's gonna see it already watched that trailer anyway. I feel like I'm the spoiler guy. I want not to be the spoiler guy. So I can type to you somehow. I haven't watched the new Star Wars trailer. I don't watch any. I watch the teasers, and that's all I watch nowadays. I used to love movie trailers.

It used to be one of my favorite things to do was to get on YouTube and watch all the new uh movie trailers from the upcoming movies that i was interested in but now they just spoil way too much i heard um oh what's his name that's making uh the star war new star wars jj abrams he was on uh stern and he was stern was questioning him he said hey why is luke skywalker not in the fucking trailer why haven't we seen him in any of the uh the posters the advertiser they've seen on the posters but the advertisements why aren't you using him and he's and and they he brought this whole thing up he said that he didn't like it either how movies give everything away and uh he's like you know we're not showing all our cards we want we want

fans to to to learn things when they're watching the movie so i like that but i'm still not watching anymore the star wars trailers because i don't know if J.J. Abrams has complete control over the advertising. I haven't seen the first Star Wars trailer. I can't seem to avoid posters. They're on Reddit and I have this thing where if I mouse over an image I get the full sized one.

So I've seen some posters but I haven't seen any trailers. There's a new Game of Thrones trailer as well that I haven't watched yet. I saw that. I'm avoiding it just because I... Can we watch it? Yeah. That I will watch.

Have you seen it? No, I haven't seen it. There's a well-known spoiler in it. You know, I bet there are groups... We already spoiled that with the poster. Right. There are parts of our audience that probably have become fans or listeners

maybe since Game of Thrones has been off the air recently, and they don't know what's coming. The Game of Thrones talk is coming again soon. I can't wait. I can't wait either. So much better than Civ talk. I think... Yeah, everything is. I think...

More doubloons than either one of you. Yes, you do. What are you doing with the doubloons? The doubloons to Rupee? You know, it was a couple weeks ago. I cut off Fallout Talk using the exact same technique that Taylor cut off Civ talk. And everyone got so mad.

I guess they're more passionate about their Fallout talk. Bigger fan base. I don't blame it. It's more interesting to listen to Fallout talk. I'm queued up at zero. Are we all? I'm good to go.

Ready, set, play. We watch. We watch. We listen. And we remember. The past is already written. The ink is dry. Fuck. They have no idea what's going to happen.

Shit. Fuck, that's awesome. It was good. Yeah, yeah yeah i um i i almost stressful they have no idea what is going to happen i like that because the books haven't been written yet i really don't know it's all it's the first time in like two years maybe i forget maybe one year who does it know the writers yeah like it suddenly game of thrones is uh like an unwritten book it's new ground it's not you know i turned into one of those asshole game of thrones watchers who says you know what this isn't good because it deviates from the book and now no one is that guy now it's all brand new territory jr i don't even think it's as much that people were pissed that it deviated from the book more just that there was so much stuff in the book that they could have filled time with instead of

making things up like the sand snakes and Dorne or whatever the hell. Stuff that just was full on bad. Not similar to the rest of the series at all. That was the first plot line that I would stop paying attention when it was on screen. It was like an episode of Xeno

Warrior Princess. The actresses were truly shitty too. Shitty, shitty, shitty actresses. The one chick that got naked in the jail cell? CGI titties! a warrior princess. The actresses were truly shitty, too. Shitty, shitty, shitty actresses. They had nice tits, though. The one chick that got naked in the jail cell? CGI titties! They were CGI titties.

Did you know that? Those weren't even fucking real. That's horse shit. They're real to me, Kyle. They're real to me. Bullshit. Well, they were real to me. You have to be able to touch them

for them to be real. It's a fair point. But that whole fight scene when they were dancing around with knives and doing that ribbon dancing, that made my teeth hurt. Oh, my God. So I swear this is related.

Ronda Rousey is going for the part of Captain Marvel. Now, I'm not a comic book guy, so I didn't even know Captain Marvel. I had to Google him. Turns out it's a her. And it's this blonde-haired universe superhero and ronda rousey wants that part now ronda can't act you know she's been in entourage which i guess was her own life story i didn't see it but i'm told it's horrible and and i think i did see her in expendables herself she was in expendables yeah uh yeah and not not awesome so she's not

an actress she's not she's. She's just a regular person. And people might be surprised. If you turn a camera on a regular person, just how bad they can be. And that's kind of where she is. I disagree with that. Yeah, because modern movies aren't filmed like a podcast. Every second of this is going out on the air. If we have a fuzzy moment, it's not there anymore. But they got Amy Schumer to act really fucking well in this movie and

the train wreck. I thought she was great. She did a really good job. So I'm sure if they wanted to, they could make Ronda Rousey be a decent actress. She would be perfect for it. She's got the look. She really should be. That's where I was headed. Even though she sucks sucks at acting i don't think she's a terrible choice because the other choice she might have what like shit i think i'm pretty blonde right now name a pretty blonde actress somewhere can they did charlotte johansson yeah i don't know they did let's just make her blonde who's the chick i like emma watson right if you give give Emma Watson that role, you have – that's her name, right? The Harry Potter chick?

Oh, yeah, that's her. You guys are all looking. If you give her that role, yes, she can act. But I don't really want some noodle-armed female superhero who's going to look like a sand snake in this thing, which is where this came from. Those girls were pretty. They were hot. They were probably models, but you put them in an action scene, and they looked so

shitty, we're talking about it a year later, on just how fucking horrific that 15 seconds of Game of Thrones was when they had the big conflict, right? But that was a combination of bad acting and bad casting for it. This, like, I would think that... Those people can out-act

Ronda Rousey i bet they absolutely can that's what my point was going to be is that they shouldn't get ronda rousey to play this because she's not an actress and it's just going to be poorly delivered lines and like just not good unless she really has learned how to act a lot better since like the last i guess expendables trailer i saw her in so long ago but that's, but I just don't think that's a weird transition to make. I just don't want Michael Cera to play in an action role, right? You know, but that never happens for guys. You know, the least athletic guys are like Jason Strahan or Matt Damon in an action role.

And they're still pretty athletic. Girls, you know, it seems like they just grab the hottest chick they can sometimes and i'm not buying it and they don't move like athletes oftentimes and whoever they cast for captain marvel i hope it's an athlete and circling back to game of thrones talk to me one of the biggest problems in that whole sand snake fight scene was that they grabbed girls who were ribbon dancing and the choreography was shit too. That doesn't help. The fact that it's like, whatever, a three on one and then the other two are like

fucking doing the maranga. Macarena. Macarena, that's what I'm going for. When they're not attacking Bronn is fighting a girl with daggers with a fucking long sword and Bronn is so god damn hardcore like he's already been established

as like one of our top tier sword fighting motherfuckers like if there's one guy that you can go get to fight for you it'd be brawn right like if you gotta pay somebody he's among those yeah you can't always just get a guy to fight for you you could pay brawn to fight for you he's the guy you'd go get

but he's like he's got a long sword things like three and a half feet long Yeah, you can't always just get a guy to fight for you. You could pay Braun to fight for you. He's the guy you'd go get. But he's got a long sword. He's like three and a half feet long. She's got knives. He should just cut her in half. He should just cut her in half. And he would have. The problem was the precedent had already been set for what he could accomplish in battle

when he was getting out of the water or whatever. And I'm pretty sure it was him. And then there were horse riders coming up. And he was just like, oh, now it water or whatever, and I think, I'm pretty sure it was him, and then, like, there were horse riders coming up, and he was just like, oh, now it's time for me to fuck these guys up. I'm going to give them that little half-mouthed smile and smarmy comment and then beat the fuck out of them. Like, that was already established.

It was grown men with armor on horses when he's just exhausted and, you know, sopping wet. He'll kill all of them. But then a couple of burlesque dancers stumble their way into a courtyard and somehow best it just it wasn't there was no cohesion there with the story you know that's what it was aggravating and the it was terrible choreography was embarrassingly bad the yeah every bit of that was bad um and then there were cgi titties big letdown like i i feel like that's a

different team of people making that than the group of people who I heard that they're getting some sort of super championship sword fighting kind of guy to play one of the characters this next time around. And I'm all for that. I guess that goes right along with what you're saying with getting a female athlete to play

Captain Marvel or Mar-Vell or whichever iteration of this thing it's going to be. There's been like eight Captain Marvels. The one I know is the one that I watched in the cartoons where she gets her powers from the alien and then she was like the most powerful superhero in the Marvel Universe. Are they all girls?

Is Captain Marvel always a woman? I don't think so. I think there was a version. It seems like I think Stan Lee came up with the first one and then like DC sued him because Captain Marvel up with the first one and then DC sued him because Captain Marvel was so much like Superman and they had to stop doing Captain Marvel and I think Captain

Marvel then became Shazam. I've heard of Shazam. But was Shazam goofy? I'm going by Saturday morning cartoons now. Yeah, I don't think Shazam's goofy. Shazam's a kid who yells shazam and becomes this super incredible i think it's magic shazam is magical if i remember correctly um i thought

that captain marvel can't be captain marvel got the powers from some sort of alien encounter i know the movie you're talking about that was steel but Steel. Remember Steel when he had that big armored suit and he's just running around fighting crime? Like, that would never work! I didn't know that you could trademark Superman's abilities. Like, what a douchey way to start off and be like, alright, we gotta be able to trademark this,

give him laser vision, super sight, super strength, super speed, super intellect. Come on, just write them all down. Write them all down. We need to do this before those other guys get their fucking guy on the books. Ice cold breath, warm breath. Boring superhero. It's not hot breath.

It's only the ice breath. Super speed. I was going to... He can clap and do crazy stuff. Yeah. Anything he does is a... Anything Superman does, technically speaking, could be a superpower. He could piss on you and cut you in half like one of those high-pressure water-cutting saws.

A hydraulic brake. He could totally do that. He could just cut you. I always see those comics where the police show up and the woman's brains are blown out the top of her head. It's like Lois Lane. And Clark's over there like, I can't imagine what happened. They're like, just like all the others. We have no idea.

There's a streak. I feel like it would be really complicated being a real Superman. Because Superman's thing is because of our son. Everything he does is just his molecular density. He's super dense, his whole body is. But he's also got all those fucking powers that make no sense that they can't even explain in a superman movie why the dude can fly or i guess something about gravity but why is it why is he shooting laser beams out of his eyes that's not

amplified it's it's not like i can shoot a laser pointer out of my eye and like direct you on a on a presentation like no but he can cut a building in half with his. It's just not proportional. Ice breath doesn't make any sense either. Yeah, it does. He's blowing so much wind at such a high velocity that he's wind chilling stuff. No. That's not what happens when wind blows at a high velocity.

1830s science was that. Men cannot travel more than 30 miles an hour. I'm telling you what Superman's ice breath is caused by. Superman's ice breath is caused by the wind chill created by the large volume of high fast moving air that he's creating that explains why hurricanes are not at all cold

they're only blowing hurricanes are only blowing like they're only blowing like 100 miles an hour if you were to move air that much faster it would warm up so he's like a big computer duster is what you're saying that's i can't dispute what you're saying but you do realize we're talking about superman right the the oh please just a second ago you said it was founded in science yeah i never said it was founded in science you did i know that

aircraft heat up. I know they make some of them loose so that when they heat up it is. Everyone who listens to this knows that you just got out-debated. You got lawyered. There's no debate. I'm telling you why. I'm telling you how Superman's breath works in a cartoon, a comic. And you're like, well, that's not.

You're pulling a wings of redemption on me. You're like, there's not enough carbon for that to make sense. I don't think so. You're pulling a wings of redemption on me. You're like, there's not enough carbon for that to make sense. I don't think so. You're pulling a wings of redemption. You're saying that it's, you're making a science based argument. You were. And Taylor said it too. I think what Kyle's saying is that it's more of a rule of science not a law of science.

I'm telling you how it works in the cartoon. Like, what do you think, how else do you explain the ice rink? It's not Godzilla with some yeah, there's no magic to Superman. It's high velocity, large form, lots of air moving over things. It is magic. There's no explanation for, you know,

oh, he super fools the air. Well, it's a made up guy, so you have to go by the made up rules, right? You can't apply real rules to it. You just have to say, well, in the comics, he blows real hard and everything freezes. So it's got to be wind chilling it, because that's what some comic writer thought would happen. Now, I know that's not probably what would happen, because aircraft

heat up real fucking hot when they go fast. Lots of things do. I know that. What was the SR-71 Blackbird, how they made the parts loose because it would heat up at high speeds and they'd swell together and all. But that's how Superman works. He blows real hard. He windshields.

You remember when he windshielded that whole pond and then he picked it up and dropped it on the chemical fire? No, no, I never saw that. But have you ever used a hair dryer? Fast-moving hair, really hot. It's got a heating element in it. That's not good. Or even if you turn it on and you don't turn the heat on,

it doesn't like, ah, jeez, getting frosty in here. But if you stick your hand out the window it gets cold. Maybe if it's wet. Or if it's already cold out. If it's already cold out. Sure. Well, I mean, on a hot day doesn't it feel good to roll the windows down? Yeah. This is the most ridiculous. I rest my case. I've been stumped.

Yeah. If that's the exhibit A, a guy putting his hand out the window. I think that's evaporation doing its thing. That's why it feels a little cold when you blow, because there's more moist air that's evaporating. And of course course evaporating is a process that that chills and so that's how superman freezes the things he evaporates them he doesn't have enough body mass to freeze a lake you know like he just can't produce that much part of the problem the volume in his lungs that really didn't make any sense like like he could it's like what's he super inflating his lungs in there? Obviously, this is a superhero world. That's what he's doing.

Think about it, Woody. This is how it works. Here we go. So he's got super lungs, right? And you're thinking, well, a lung can only get this big. You can only put such a volume in the air inside of a lung under such pressure. Or your lung will rupture, but they're super lungs. So he just keeps inhaling. He's got like an air compressor inside of his chest he's got two of

them each lung is is like thousands of psi so there's no way to know how much volume he's got in there it can be there is and i can explain why because you need a liquid in there for the evaporation to work it's not just the amount of air that he's blowing and the liquid doesn't compress so he just can't no there's liquid present in the pond he's freezing so as he's inhaling he's giving himself like self-induced pneumonia and he just blew it in his lungs yeah no i mean like just say hypothetically he was trying to cool off like i've seen him freeze people in place right yes um that makes no sense the person would blow away they just blow away there's that too

yeah but i mean he just if if it somehow worked on the evaporated process water doesn't compress he doesn't have that much water he doesn't need to be blowing water i don't know why you think he needs to blow water because otherwise it's just warming up the air around i mean you had this idea that he was introducing the evap process, and it's not the case. No, no, that's not, you're wrong. And you're talking slow like you think I'm wrong here. You're totally wrong here. No, you're not.

Everyone knows it. No, you're not paying attention. Here's what I'm saying. I'm explaining how he could get such a large volume of air into his lungs, because it makes no sense for him to go, and like a hurricane winds going... And I'm trying to tell you that a large quantity of dry air doesn't do what you say it does.

What am I saying a large quantity of dry air does? It collects moisture from the external air and makes it cool. I'm not saying that. That's what it does in a cartoon. I know that it doesn't do that. I'm talking about how he gets so much fucking air in his lungs. So he can blow such... So much... You know, he can blow a forest down doesn't do that. I'm talking about how he gets so much fucking air in his lungs so he can blow such, so much, you know, he can blow a forest down or something like that.

If he sucks that much air into his lungs, wouldn't it create a vacuum all around him and all the people in that vacuum would get, like, sucked into his lips, like, and there's a hole in an airplane and they just goo about it? Yes! Yes! That's a Superman ability he hasn't taken advantage of. He could suck people to death.

He could just force their entire body mass through his mouth and just inhale the blood. It's a silly straw. It points at the bad guy. Remember in Alien 4 when there's a hole in the spacecraft and the alien gets sucked against it and it just slowly sucks all the innards out of the alien out into space? That happens to kids at the bottom of pools sometimes. I've heard that. They get their assholes stuck on the thing,

and it just sucks their guts out, just unwinds them. I don't know if that's a fox snooze beating an old ass asshole up against the bottom of a pool, or if that's actually happened. But either way, pretty scary. That sounds like the worst way to die, right? Like, get your asshole sucked out into a pool filter? And it wouldn't kill you immediately uh-uh you'd be like swimming up and then like see like a bunch of ropey you

know because you're you're innards like you could like poke your intestine and you wouldn't feel it like there's no nerves there for it and so you'd just be swimming around with a big ropey uh you know bunch of sinewy mass of nastiness behind you. And it's long, right? It's ruining everybody else's day at the pool. Like, you ever do that thing in, I don't remember the exact feet that your intestines are small and large, but we did that thing in school where, like, we stretched out the rope and they showed how long it was. Like, it's a couple dozen feet or something like that.

It's really long. That's one of those things in school that when they taught me that, like, even though they had evidence, I'm like, that's bullshit. How are you wrapping all that shit up in there but anyway sorry for interrupting just coiling yeah get that and you know getting degloved in any way are are two awful things that could happen i there's a lot of injuries yeah yeah i heard about another guy recently who got degloved with his wedding ring uhed off a train or something like that. Sounds like an action movie, right? That's what happened or whatever. Jumped off

a train and got hooked and de-gloved and then they had to take the whole finger. How old was he? Sounds like he was in his 20s or something. That's pretty old to be jumping on a train. I think of that more as a kid's activity. I heard this, but J.J. Abrams was telling a story about a makeup artist that he worked with

and he saw him one time and he recognized him because he had four fingers and he knew that this event had happened to him and it came up that way. So I don't really know the relevant details. Just that wedding ring degloved the man's finger and it was just bone left, so they had to, you know, just take it.

I really hope to get married, you're too old to be jumping around on trains. Yeah, right? You need to be 12 or 13 like I was. Oh, he worked in the movie business, so maybe that had something to do with it. He did the makeup on The Exorcist. J.J. Abrams was telling the story about how as a kid and a fan of The Exorcist, he wrote that guy a letter, and the guy mailed him back one of the fake tongues from The Exorcist that the little girl had had and then eventually

like when J.J. Abrams became a director he hired that guy to work on him and then like the guy comes out of retirement cause obviously like 20, 30 years have passed or something like that. It's pretty cool. I love those Stern interviews where he's able to pick like random shit out of him like that. He's a brilliant

interviewer. He had his wife on the other day. I'm still convinced that they've got some kind of weird fake marriage like it's so bizarre that he does he fucks her with a condom that doesn't make sense and the way they talk about their sex life in general and and like she's he's got 16 cats in his house right now like because she's all into animal rescue so he's got 16 fucking i got like the biggest germaphobe in the world has 16 cats living in his house and like they're doing like a-minute segment about the North Shore Animal League and raising money for all that. I guess maybe he just really loves that woman.

How long have they been married? The North Shore. That's Hawaii, right? No. North Shore, New Jersey, I thought. Oh, I'm not familiar with that. I don't know. I certainly don't know.

But I know that that's their animal league charity that they do. I think it's Beth's charity. And they're always raising money for that thing. I think Rachel Ray gave them a million bucks. They've raised a lot of money. They do a lot of good for animals, especially cats and stuff. They've got feral cats in their house that they're domesticating. She sounds like such a big pile of baggage to deal with.

He sounds kind of pathetic for dealing with it, almost. He's worth a billion dollars. He's got 16 cats in his house, even though apparently he really hates it. He's the wife of a decade or whatever. Using a condom still. Is that because he's

so afraid of kids or germs? Does he just not talk about his open relationship? He doesn't have an open relationship. So the thought process, and you watch the show more than me, was maybe he has an open relationship that he doesn't talk about. You don't think so? No, definitely not. That would make sense.

Uh-uh, definitely not. It just would explain the condom thing. Also, it would tie into your shame of marriage theory. I think it's just that, like, I don't know what it is. I couldn't say. But she is an incredibly beautiful woman. I don't know if you've ever seen her, but she's, like, perfect. How old is she?

20 years younger than, I don't know. She's at least 20 years younger than him. 30? 40? Somewhere in there. 30s? Fuck, I don't know she's at least 20 years younger than him 30 40 somewhere in there 30s fuck i don't know she looks young 60 yeah wow uh 61 or 62 i'm not sure he had his like big birthday bash last year i thought that was 60 i i listened to stern a long time ago and it was interesting because he was talking about radio legends and where they were at the moment and he was like this business sucks because you can't finish on top no one finishes on top in radio instead you just become like a broken down out of date out of touch version of what you used to be who gets hired for sympathy jobs and um i want to say that people were like 64 that he was talking about i can't think of any other successful 60-plus-year-old radio personalities.

They kind of get a little out of touch and boring and conservative. How long did Casey Kasem keep that thing up? It seems like he was old, right? I think that's it. He did the weekly top 40 or whatever. Stern made fun of that for the longest time. You know, that guy died overseas, and there was this whole debacle with who got the body.

And so the body, like, sat in holding or in some sort of middleman position for, like, literally 40 days or something until it was decomposed. And so every day, they would have Casey Kasem's dead corpse call in. And he'd do, you know, he'd do the Casey Kasem accent. He's like, and coming in at number one.

But it was always like where he is at that moment and who's defiling his dead corpse or doing something. One week he's with ISIS and they're using him as a chemical weapon. And one week he's somewhere and they're like using his bones for like bowling pins or something ridiculous. You know, it's always just some joke and it went on for weeks. They made fun of that.

Well, hopefully they got his body back. Yeah. Yeah. They eventually buried it. No, I think if like someone like a parent or someone, like if they died overseas and they made me wait like 40 days

to get the body back like there's a critical mass there like one week i'll take it back just like put it in a bag and i'm not gonna open it close casket 40 days it's like you know what just fucking keep it at this point like just send me back like an ear i can cremate or something just to like have something it's like game of thr. You just get the bones back at that point. Just send the bones. We don't want the rest. Just send the bones. I think the dispute was between family members. I think maybe an ex-wife or a wife versus

other family members and something about where he should be buried. One wanted him buried maybe in the US and the other overseas. There was a bunch of bullshit. It's been months ago, but that's what was going on. I don't think it was necessarily a foreign state department holding up the uh the process or anything but yeah that was awful 40 days you must have had like a frank reynolds style will where it's when i die just throw me in the trash like yeah just throw me

away yeah just throw me in the trash i don't care i'm dead what do you want to be done with your body when you did I don't give a shit like uh maybe burn it or I don't know like if you if it weren't really illegal to do like pranks with it I would want to have an order done like a court order that my grandkids or whoever had to reenact like a weekend at Bernie's style thing where they have to like bring me to their frat or whatever they're doing at the time and have old great grandpa Taylor, great grandpa, like I'm going to live that long, grandpa Taylor going around, like hanging out, smelling gross, rotted old man teeth, something like that. Or maybe like throw me off a building.

I was wrong. It wasn't two months. How long was it? Six months. So too long. Definitely. Way too long. I don't care what happens to my body. I will say this. I used to say I literally didn't care. And then I saw this thing where these people,

they were using, I guess these people had donated their bodies to science and they were putting them in like a hot van and leaving it in the sun to see how bodies decomposed in in that environment like they were using yeah that's what because you know then they can go and like later maybe they find a body from the they can judge but oh yeah see how the ears are turning green and the yellow stuff's leaking out that's day 12 yeah that's day 12 so they were doing that with these people and i was like you know i don't know if i want you to literally like put me in like a moist car and decompose me and then like photograph my dick and show that like hey see how the balls just just came out this asshole there that's nuts yeah like like throw me away but don't like just just just defile me don't defile me like that that

sounds off i'd rather you fucked me. You could fuck me. Yeah, you could fuck me. Do whatever you want. But you know what? If the Blues don't win a Stanley Cup by the time I die, I want my body to be just hacked into grotesque pieces, left around for a while,

and then just notes written on all of them that are, like, nailed to, like, my hand that'll be, like, found in some player's locker and I'll be like did this to me and then it'll be like in the coach's car like a forearm something nailed into it like you couldn't win one like like they'll find a thigh and it'll be like there's a lot more where this came from losers and then just continuing on and on now they've lost a cup not too long ago, right? 1968 and 1969. Oh, longer than I thought.

I thought they'd almost won. No. They made it to the finals their first two or three years when they made it into the league and were swept every time and they've never made it back. So it's really depressing. They're the oldest team to have never won.

Philly's lost a couple finals not too long ago. Yeah. Philadelphia won 74 and 75, I think. Yeah, I know they've won, but I was one. Like, that's, I don't really remember that. I just know of it. At least you know. And New Jersey's won even more recently.

Fuck them. They had three wins with Roderick. Why? You're from Jersey. No, not that part of Jersey. I'm from the good part. Yeah, no. They're awful.

And they won with the worst kind of hockey-ruining style. The left-wing trap bullshit. We're going to win and make it so that even our fans can hardly watch us play because it's such boring bullshit. We will try not to score. If we can get 1-0 grinding out soccer-like scores in hockey, overtime 0-0, Scott Stevens, all those hits would be illegal by today's standards.

Oh, yeah. He's just a head-hunting pussy who looked for guys who weren't looking in the right direction and put and did headshots on him if you go back fuck the devils evens hit compilation it's like beyond the pale just dangerous what he's doing to players and everybody's like cheering because it's not against the rules yet but he's like throwing shoulders directly into a guy's temple like takes him out for the fucking for the count for the whole season yeah ending careers like lindros uh yeah i know lindros is that how he went out technically he missed like a year or two and then was a like played for new york as a shadow of himself the same yeah um but a lot of people wouldn't say that he ended

his career um he's a he's a headhunter and it's only because he got out of the league when he did that he's remembered as like oh god what a great player what a team leader that guy was you know he was rough around the edges but but in reality he was a goon like a piece of shit bad as todd bertuzzi like uh yeah i i feel like mick Sorley was a better guy than people remember him to be. I always felt like he was a little villainized in that thing. Yeah. I don't know. It's harder to be an enforcer in the NHL now.

You think? They're so much more adamant about... I don't even keep track. I guess you don't keep track of the Hurricanes either. I don't even know if they have an enforcer. But our guy, Ryan Reeves, even he's hesitant to get into fights now because he knows if he beats a guy up too bad or if he even lays into him with a hit.

Like with Bufflin for the Winnipeg Jets, that guy's just like 6'6", 240 or something, coming at you fast on skates. And when he hits you, even if it's a legal hit, you just explode into the boards and you're you're hurt and the refs have to be like well that was legal but jesus fuck you gotta go in the box man you're just too fucking big going too fast go play football like and you see there's so many clips of like uh bufflands like he'll be skating into the zone,

forechecking, because he's a defenseman. And a player on their team will be like, I'm going to be that guy that takes him down. I'm going to plant my feet, and I'm going to knock over Big Buff. And it's like he doesn't even notice that guy's in his way. He just hits him like a train,

and the other guy's limping off, holding his ankle. It's incredibly dangerous having that man on the ice. The Department of Player safety needs to remove him i i the teams i pull for are philly and carolina and i guess if i was forced to choose carolina not because i like them more but because i have this thing about being a homer oops i moved my everything but like a homer is a person who roots for the about being a homer oops i move my everything but like

a homer is a person who roots for the home team no matter what and i feel like every team deserves home ice advantage to to go to someone's home stadium stadium and root against them i hate that and there's so many transplants in this area that it's not uncommon i mean especially from the northeast so if a team like um the penguins or the Flyers or the Rangers comes here, a lot of people have moved from that area to here like I have. And it just doesn't even feel like a home game, you know? It's awful when Chicago comes here to play because there's so many people from Chicago that live in this area.

And they all show up. You know, there's a bunch of fans now that they're successful. They all wear their brand-new, crisp, clean jerseys, you know, never all show up you know there's a bunch of fans now that they're successful they all wear their brand new crisp clean jerseys you know never been worn you know who's the captain you know half of them and they just take over the whole rank and there's like honestly for every like four blues fans there's at least one blackhawks fan like it's ludicrous how many of them they just overrun it it in this area if it's the right team uh penguins in particular but you know flyers too um there literally might be more away fans you know more people who still root from their you know for the other team it's awful so that's crazy yeah then

again it's a really small market for hockey and the carolinas yeah right you know it sucks i hate to see it i feel like every, when they're playing at home, should have that home ice advantage. So that's why I pull for Carolina. It's almost better for those Russian players who come over. If there's a guy who's born in Minnesota and he just loves hockey so much and he finally makes it to the NHL

and they're like, you know, Tim Tiddlywinks, you've been selected first round by the Carolina Hurricanes. Just, oh. Oh, no. And then he goes and has to play there. At least, like, Igor comes over and he's, you know, like, oh, I play a big league, you know. I do not care where I am. Like, just, he doesn't really get it, you know, until he goes to a big market like New York, Chicago, L.A.

But, yeah, that must be kind of disheartening to have to play for the Florida Panthers. Unless they're good. It seems like a while ago now, but it was like, what, 2005 or 2006 when they won the Cup? It was the year after the lockout, or maybe two years after the lockout. It was either, I think, Tampa... Nobody cares about this. I'm not going to... I used to be really into hockey.

Like, a lot. So I lived in the North, and I could name every player for the Flyers. I could name every lineup that they were on. I could tell you every minor league player that had been pulled up for a game that season and probably their position that they played. Like I was totally into hockey. But I don't have TV anymore, and all I do is sort of keep tabs on how they're doing.

I just follow goalies really closely. I mean, I follow everything about it, but mostly the goalies, like who's playing where. I think, isn't Cam Ward still playing? Yeah, he's the starter for the Canes. Jesus Christ. That dude had like, how old is that guy now? Like late 30s?

He won the cup with them in 05. Yeah, but that would just make him early 30s, right? He was like a rookie when he had that first thing and um you know he was when a rookie plays that well like head and shoulders above whatever you would expect from a rookie and he didn't give a fuck like that was the coolest part about him just that everyone said the same thing ice water in his veins ice water in his veins. Ice water in his veins, right? This guy is playing. I think they kicked Jersey's ass that year, which was glorious. And, you know, he was just casually doing it. Jersey was acting like the Carolina Stadium wasn't loud enough.

So they started, like, breaking volume records. The ownership got into it and handed out, like, noise-making, big inflatable clappers and kazoos and shit like that and uh the place was electric some of the best hockey i've ever witnessed and um i used to like the phantoms too that's the philadelphia minor league team they had a neat crowd there and and they had this guy i can't remember his name it was like barboza or something his nickname was the animal that's all anyone ever called him and whenever he the ice, he just went to fuck people up constantly. That's all he did.

He was like a shark out there. The puck, you know, everyone's like playing the puck and looking at their position, and they're like, all right, we're on the breakout or whatever. This guy, he wasn't really a hockey player. Like, he was a fighter. That's the best thing about minor league games is because the whole thing is, you know,

there's a few, like a decent handful of guys who are really skilled, and they might have a fighter. That's the best thing about minor league games is because the whole thing is you know, there's a few, like a decent handful of guys who are really skilled and they might have a chance. So they're doing their best to like, you know, kind of point whore, or like you'd kill whore and zombies. Like they're just trying to show that like when the coach of the whoever the fucks is like, we need a left wing

they'll look and see, well this guy's got, you know eight points in the last five games. But then the other half are just guys like, you know, I'm 34. If this was going to happen, it would have happened. But I can throw a mean right hook, and that guy's giving me the stink eye. And so hopefully one of them's in the stands, and they'll be like, well, we can at least throw that guy out against, you know, Lou Cheech or some guy next time we play.

I guess he doesn't even play for Boston anymore. This guy became wildly popular in Philly, even as a minor league player. He was as popular as the NHL players. And you have to see it in person, right? When you can follow, not just what the cameras are pointing at. Everywhere he went, the other team would just spread

because he was just looking for fights and they didn't want to be in a fight with him. He ended up having like cokehead issues or something and barbiturates. I saw his wedding photo. His face is all busted up. He's got a big black eye. He's smiling, getting married.

He was fantastic. I love that guy. Yeah, I'd like there to be more fighting in hockey. Like, that seems like it's almost unpopular now where people are like, oh, well, the game's getting more finesse-based, which, yeah, it is. Like, the thing is, it's not that, like, players almost unpopular now where people are like, oh, well, the game's getting more finesse based, which yeah, it is. Like the thing is, it's not that like players right now are so much faster than players 10 years ago or 15 years ago.

It's that the fourth lines now are way faster than the fourth lines 10, 15 years ago. And so the whole game is at a higher pace than it was 15 years ago, just because every line is getting to the point where they can skate that quickly. When you watch old school hockey, and I'm sure have like i used we used to have espn classics or something it looks slow-mo like the way that they went from blue line to blue line like the neutral zone it they just crossed it so slow now they dart across and on tv if you don't play hockey you might miss it but on tv it's right, yeah, they're zipping across. But then I start looking at it.

Like from blue line to blue line, I don't know how many strides I take, but I'll say 12, right? These guys take three. They're just choo, choo, choo. Oh, yeah. And they close that distance. And I'm like, oh, my God, they are so much different than normal people. Did you ever

watch pros versus joes uh is that show even on anymore probably not it's an old show yeah and they would just take people who were like yeah this guy was a varsity player in high school and now we're gonna put him up against ricky williams and see if he can block him no he can't block him and the pros would often be dicks about it like like Ricky Williams is like, yeah, my plan is to lower my head and smash my helmet into his and make him want to quit. And the first block, the guy's like, oh, right. Now he's practically concussed. Every other time, he just half-heartedly put his arm out and let him go by

because he didn't want to be hit again. And the difference between pros and Joes is so much greater than, than some would realize. It's huge. Do we need a new topic? Maybe move on from sports talk. As long as I was hoping I could get some more hockey talk in. All right.

Where are you, Kyle? All right. What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe? Oh, I hate these. Cause there's an obvious answer and I feel like you're

you're telling a bad joke, but it's also like passively condescending to say this to us and then we're supposed to guess. You know what I mean, Kyle? I have no ill intent in this joke. I promise you.

I know. What do they call her? Kilometry Cyrus. Kilometry? As opposed to Miley. Get it? In Europe? Kilometry? As opposed to Miley. Get it? In Europe? Kilometer?

No mile? Oh, that's just a poor joke. That's not even a joke. Like, that sounds like a child wrote it. Did you get that off a popsicle stick? Those words just kind of sound alike. That's not even wordplay. That's just...

That's the worst one yet. I think that's what you're going for. But that is one of the worst. That's not even like... I can't laugh ironically at that. No, thank you. That's it. That's like, knock, knock. Who's there? Jim.

That's it. Jim. He's here. He's here. I think these jokes are secretly better than you're saying they are. There has to be another angle on this. Do you want to know? I can give you a different joke. You want a double? Okay, fine.

I knew you did. I knew you did. Okay, okay. My wife caught me cheating. My wife, Lorraine, had just found out I was cheating her with Clara next door. Last night, she packed her things and she was on her way i can see clara now lorraine is gone that's that requires him to sing a song i knew that there was going to be something that had to do with their weird names

because yeah i was like lorraine i'm leaving you for clara like they sound like old-timey like antebellum folk no edgar don't go i'm moving into the textile industry business is a booming lorraine don't go elmer so do I guess that'll be our segue into yeah yeah let's do the the ad read which would you like first I think we'll do one and maybe you know do another topic and then go into another

with the one that's not this Squarespace we just want everyone to remember that this episode of Painkill Already is being brought to you by Squarespace. When you use Squarespace, you always know that your final product is going to look professionally designed regardless of skill level.

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Squarespace, build it beautiful. Click on the link. Make them see that the PKA fan base is interested in this sort of thing. This is how you build a website. You go to a place like Squarespace. If you do it on your own and just rent some server or whatever and you either way overpay for capacity

or you buy an appropriate capacity and the day you hit it big, the day you're linked on Reddit or something like that, your site goes down because you bought some shitty little thing that isn't prepared. When you have a shared infrastructure like this, one person hitting it big is scaled for and

they have ddos protection built into it and it's the way you go so squarespace.com pka do it right yeah i used to work with people all the time and they'd want me to promote like whatever website they had wherever the thing was and i'd be like you better work on your infrastructure before we do that before we promote you on facebook or twitter what have you i was like because we're going to send like 10 or 20,000 people now there, and that's going to crash. You're thinking, no, I got a guy. Go ahead. And we'd fuck their

website up, and they'd have some weird tech issue that actually kept it down for a while. But yeah, go with Squarespace. Get some professionals behind your business. Alright. What did you do today, Woody? Let's talk Current events talk.

Let's do that segment. Let's talk about what we all did today. Oh, my day was shit. So I've been working... Right. I've been working really hard on WoodyCraft lately. I was saying before the show too. I was up to like five or six the night

before working on the hell, some sort of compilation continuous integration issue. And that meant I got up late today. So like, I'm not, I like it better when I have some sunlight in my life. And, you know, I'm getting up like afternoon now. And then I implemented a new band management system at woody craft so we're gonna actually unban everybody soon it's weird so

troll your server again it's it's an interesting business decision to make like you have to ask yourself is that collection of people that you banned like an important piece of business intelligence where you want to like get rid of all these people and make sure they can't come back? Or is it something holding you back on someone who just, you know, cheated and isn't like that anymore? Or, you know, like we have some game modes where people play as teams. So, you know, let's say that you and your four friends play factions all the time and that's it and that's your group and you have this nostalgia and you love it and the four of you against the

world etc and then we ban one of your friends you might say fuck it we'll go to some server where he didn't get banned so um so we're going to unban everybody except for the chargeback thieves and uh yeah so heather has been like going through all the people that have ever charged back and then making sure they stay banned because fuck them. They're thieves. We don't want them coming around anyway. And then there are some people who are banned from Bycraft who aren't banned from the server. So new ban management system.

Go on. What kind of crimes are being absolved here? Crash talk? Give me a thing that somebody did that's just going to be stripped away now. We'll forgive that one. Sometimes people would use a client that would let them win PvP.

It's sword fights or axe fights. So premeditated cheating. Sometimes they would move. They'd be able to fly or something. That's much harder to do nowadays. We ban for crimes that you pretty much can't commit. There was a bug where one guy, like Spider-Man,

held onto the side of a wall. And it's like, what the fuck is that? That's a cheap crime. That's just creative. And the thing is, now what happens is a lot of people do stuff, not a lot, but there are some people who do things out of game, right right like let's say that you're in factions and i want to raid you what we might do is like ddos your house so that you're offline and i can attack you while you can't get on your computer shit like a lot of effort for minecraft you know but but it's a serious game dude if you

take a step back it's kind of part of the game in its own way, right? Like, you know, fuck throwing TNT at your base. I'm going to throw a few million packets of information at your base. How do you like that? So now it makes it hard for you to defend your base. I mean, there are some people who play through VPNs all the time, but we can't prove exactly who did it. It might be someone on that attacking team there might be six people involved in that raid and it's probably one of those six although we can't prove it and it might be that five of those six don't even know that it was their friend you know like

i remember we did game battles and people on my team would get booted and then it seemed like some of the people on the other team didn't even know which one was the asshole on their team And then it seemed like some of the people on the other team didn't even know which one was the asshole on their team. Like, or I'm a sucker for believing it. But anyway, yeah, we've had people, and I don't know who, but I'm told that people literally call that guy's house and have the power shut off to facilitate their attacks and shit. their attacks and shit. We have game modes, Taylor, where people set the sound of TNT exploding to be like an alarm clock. That...

So that when they're under attack, their computer wakes them up at night and they can defend themselves. It's like a four-month long thing. People will pretend to be your friend for six weeks until you trust them. And then you let them in your base and they steal all your shit.

That's called inside raiding and it's not highly respected. But people do it. So it's just catfishing for Minecraft loot. Yeah, and anyway, I'm a cute girl. The Spider-Man guy hanging on the wall seems like such a petty offense

for a permanent ban compared to some of the shit that happens outside game now. And because it happens outside game, it's much more difficult. Like I don't have all your logs and IP addresses and stuff. It's totally happening outside of WoodyCraft. It's harder for us to catch you with the kind of proof and evidence that we like to have when we ban someone.

So today I implemented the new ban system. It even has a web-based component to help us track history. And I'll be rolling that out probably tomorrow when I get up. It's on two web-based component to help us track history. I'll be rolling that out probably tomorrow when I get up. It's on two of our servers today. That's what I did. I worked on my buggy today, my Chinua.

I tore the axle out last time. Where the axle bolts not to the... A rear axle? Yeah. Not where it bolts to the wheel, but the other end. Just what we determined had happened is the bolts had worked themselves loose, and it just came loose and twisted out. And luckily, it only messed up the threads in one of the holes,

so I got some new bolts and bolted it up today. So the axle wasn't broken. It just slid out of place yeah yeah i have broken axles before that yeah i've shattered the whole like uh joint assembly thing before like bearings everywhere and oh it's a cv axle it's not a solid rear that doesn't mean anything to me it's a cv axle a cv axle is kind of like an independent front suspension on a truck. It has like a bell housing. It has like a bell housing with a bunch of bearings, little spheres in there, and it can pivot around.

As opposed to like the rear axle on your truck, for example, is just like a pipe with a disc on it. This one has two axles, one going to each side, and they're attached in the middle to the transaxle or whatever. I think you have a CV axle in there. And then it busts apart typically where that bell housing is around all the spheres. That's where it bolts to the thing. I can't be sure. Yeah, I don't know the names for each individual part, but in any case, fixed that, got some new bolts

for that, rethreaded the hole, and then started working on the engine. I'll work on it some more tomorrow. It had gotten water in the system, so I ran it, I flushed it, and put a new battery in it, and I think tomorrow we're going to clean the fuel filters, and

I think it's not getting enough fuel to the carburetor right now. I've got some kind of issues there. But I think it's going to be working good. I've got to use it for a video coming up soon. I've got to put some shielding on the front of it too because there's one part where I'm driving the car

through some picket fences and when I pitched this to the company I was like yeah it'll be awesome i'll burst through the fucking fence and you know shit goes flying everywhere and it's gonna be a great segue and then i'm just like what about those chunks of shit that are flying everywhere this thing doesn't even have a windshield so i'm gonna have to rig some kind of a like metal grate like um mad max style like wind windshield for this thing so that a chunk of picket fence doesn't hit me in the jugular or something when I hit

this thing going 40 miles an hour. So yeah, I did that today and How do you get water out of a fuel system? We opened it up and turned the crankshaft, I guess, just turned it over and filled it up.

We bled all the fuel out. We ran the oil out of it twice, just turning the engine over, making it spit it out the side. Oh, okay. Yeah, you just have to decompress the angular track bolt. That's it. That's it. It was the angular track bolt.

So we got that all in good working order. I've had that problem so many times. Don't even get me started. Just constant. I'll be glad. The problem with that thing is the engine has so much power and then everything else attached to it, not so much. I don't know if they make special

Volkswagen transmissions that are better than the one that's in there. I'm looking forward to seeing you drive through that thing Mad Max style. That sounds like an exciting idea. That's exactly what's going to happen. I'm thinking about welding some steel bars there legitimately and just knocking them off

when I'm done. The theme of the video or the sponsor's secret? Yeah, I think I'm on an NDA on that. I don't think I'm supposed to say anything. Okay. But yeah, that's going to be cool. That's what I was doing today, working on that car all day. Taylor, what did you do today?

So today, I've been working with the Spreadshirt fella, talking to him quite a bit, working on new PKA merchandise for all of you fellows, trying to get that new store up and running thinking of wonderful ideas for shirts and i'm trying to toe that line between boring and just so ludicrous that you'd be like wow that's funny but i would never wear a shirt with like a cock and balls on it where it's like you know christmas dinner and you're having to talk to your grandma she's like oh what's that on your shirt? And it's like, oh,

this podcast I listen to, this one guy said that he would fuck animals. That's when there's a picture of someone fucking an animal on his shirt. That's him there pictured, the large man. Yeah. He's the girthy fellow. No, grandma. No more grandma. That's the cow.

The other one. No, I don't need to go to therapy grandma like so you have to find that medium ground of funny but not so ludicrous that you wouldn't wear it but we're i'm coming up with a few good ideas and hopefully i'll be able to get some more things hammered down with with him tomorrow if he gets back to me about getting on a skype call where i can get some more questions. We should get some... Oh, I'm sorry. I thought there was a break. We should get some samples.

I'm big on the sample thing. Like I am... About the samples, I can get not a lot. And after a certain number, we have to pay for them at a discounted rate. So you guys have some finagling you can do. Yeah, well, I'm sure if they sell well, they'll change the rules on that sort of thing but um i definitely want this stuff to be good like people should grab it touch it in

their hand not see through it and say like oh yeah pka is selling the high end of the product line yeah i would much rather sell stuff a few dollars more and never have anyone think that we're selling shit and they do they have like options for the qualities you can go for and yeah it's a few dollars more and never have anyone think that we're selling shit and they do they have like options for the qualities you can go for and yeah it's a few bucks more if you go for like the american apparel or the premium or whatever but i've gotten shirts before that are on like the regular stock not from spreadshirt from like other very similar venues and i could tell that it was like the lowest option which is why it was so cheap. And it just looks boxy on you. Like it's not fitted very well. It's just like two washes and it's fading.

And that's not what we want. Like we want it to look good. Yeah, I definitely think it should be. And yeah, I don't know. I'm big on the quality aspect. I want all the customers to be happy. That's the thing. I wish we had bobbleheads of us all. I'm big on the quality aspect. I want all the customers to be happy. That's the thing. I wish we had bobbleheads of us all.

I think that would be cool. I want that just so a bobblehead exists of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kitty's over there. She's like this. So you can get your own made for like $180, and they do like a really perfect job of doing you. So I feel like that's like an awesome Christmas gift if anybody wants one. I'm not going to give the website.

I wish that we could do mass produced ones. But they're so expensive. $180 is prohibitively expensive for something like what we're talking about. Other shit. Hey, if you guys can think of something like keychains or whatever the hell that you would actually purchase

and enjoy, PKA themed or anything like that, let us, let us know. Yeah. Knife would be interesting to me too. On the ball. Cause it's hard to know what's going to be successful. Like something that I think is hilarious might be just a complete flop.

So. Yeah. Like if, I don't know if I had a PKA themed knife, like that it was in my everyday carry. I think that'd be kind of cool. A PKA knifethemed knife that was in my everyday carry, I think that'd be kind of cool. A PKA knife, you say? If we could find a knife company that would do a short

run of them, that'd be cool. Like maybe 100 knives or something? Yeah. Oh, a limited run stuff seems like an interesting concept, too. Yeah. I think that would be cool. But yeah. So you're working on the merch. Very cool. I worked on the merch and then

went to Walmartmart got a huge amount of shit there uh we are going to go to whole foods but um that's just fucking ridiculous to go there and spend three times as much for the same shit you know that they've got on the cheese it line you know one box of cheese it goes in gets filled up two2. Whole Foods, no children were harmed in the making of this product box, shows up, fills it up, and it's $8. That to say, I did relapse and buy Cheez-Its at the store today. With who? It's not good for me.

With who? Melissa? He might be talking to Kitty. I thought he was talking to you too. One thing I've discovered, I feel like I eat better when my sleep schedule is on target. I saw an article online saying that when your sleep schedule is right, you're less tempted to cheat on diet.

I need to get my sleep schedule right. Fucked up. I did get the normal size box though. I didn't go for the five pound super box. Fucked up. I did get the normal size box, though. I didn't go for the five pound super box. That was readily available. You don't have a whole family. There are no teenagers gobbling down your Cheez-Its at home.

No, I got the single serve, you know, one sit-down size of the regular box, which I know Kyle can tear through those, too. Let me tell you what I've been doing lately. I would argue a box is not a one sit-down size. Yeah, which I know Kyle can tear through those too I would argue a box is not a one sit down size so I've been going and getting these Ritz makes these miniature

cheese sandwiches it's like a little mini Ritz, a round cracker and there's two of them and cheese in the middle it's a little cheese sandwich type thing a little cheese cracker sandwich I eat the whole fucking box in one sitting a box like this, it's gotta be like two-thirds of a pound

at least of cheese crackers. I'll do it though. I'll sit there and play Fallout and drink like cherry Coke after cherry Coke. Yeah, I wish I had Nuka-Cola. Dude, so what is it? Jones-Cola partnered up with whoever the hell

I don't know if it would go all the way up the ladder, but they partnered with Fallout and made Nuka-Cola. They made them, and they were like a limited quantity. Did your girlfriend ever go get them? I know she was going to try to rush to Target and get some early because they were going for so much. They didn't have any. Yeah.

They're going for like $100, $150 online now because everybody went and grabbed them all, and they stockpiled them. So now the rest of us normal folk don't get a Nuka-Cola. We've got to do that. I don't drink regular soda, but if I had that aesthetic, like the Nuka-Cola, I'd definitely drink it just to have it.

I could make one. Is it like a regular 12-ounce bottle kind of soda? Or is it bigger? Yeah, see, that's what I don't know. Their normal bottles look like beer bottles it's like it's a long neck um but like nuka cola bottles look kind of like a rocket like they're a really wide base and they come up and i think they might even have fins on the bottom or something like that um i've always thought it'd be really easy to like mimic the look of like the nuka cola quantum just take like some sort of small battery

led thing and have it in the cap and blue water in there and it'd shine down and it'd be glowing all the time. You can't get the shape of the bottle right. That's a million dollar idea though. If we could just partner with Skyrim and build whatever it is. I don't know.

I wish they had a Nuka-Cola. Wait, is Nuka-Cola... That's Fallout. Isn't there a cola in Zomb Nuka-Cola? That's Fallout. Isn't there a cola in Zombies 2? Yeah, there's drinks. There's Juggernaug. Right, right, right. Speed Cola.

It seems like you've got to sell those things and partner up, get them in every target, and do it right. I think you're right about that. I would buy some Juggernaut soda. I bet you'd buy the collection. If there was a six-pack, I guarantee you'd buy the six-pack version. Yeah, one of each. There was this thing that Melissa and I are looking at,

maybe not getting each other for Christmas, but this kit, it's like a glass-cutting kit, and so you can take things like cool bottled beer or weird shaped glass bottles and it'll cut the whole top off and you can make a mug out of it. Just the glass itself becomes the cup after you shave it down

and sand it and everything. That'd be really neat. You can take, so I may get the steps wrong with this, but I think you take yarn and wrap it around it, around the bottle where you want the cut to be. And maybe the yarn's soaked in lighter fluid or something or alcohol. You light it on fire, let it burn for a couple seconds, and then you dip it in water. And the quick temperature change will crack it where the fire was, and you can do the same thing.

I've heard of that, but I've also when I was thinking about doing it, I was just picturing myself 20 years down the road having to explain to another person how I was blind in my left eye. I wouldn't be able to rationalize it. I've done similar stuff like shattering stuff by cooling it really fast because I think that's fun. I don't know, we like to tinker but i've never done that particular thing with the beer bottle but i've seen it done a bunch and you know then you take it i think they used like they had like

sand in a pan and they turned the bottle upside down and twisted it to sort of sand out the rough edges well i think it's almost time to talk about... I'm so excited about this. So let me read a little bit about 100% food because I guess some people are wondering. So basically, it's... I'll read through the ad read and then I'll add a little bit to it. So, our bodies need nutrients.

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delivering balanced meals. I'm sorry, I'm watching you eat it out of the corner of my eye and it's just hilarious. With all needed nutrients as specified in the FDA FDA Daily 2000 Recommended Calorie Diet. But saving time is just the beginning. Learning how to best leverage nutritionally Learning how to best

But saving time is just the beginning. Learning how to best leverage nutritionally complete meals for ourselves is the key. With 100% food, you can reach your personal goals. Frequent users of their site at random currently hold the record for losing over 60 pounds since he... Frequent user of their site...

Oh, okay, that's his username. I'm eating all together. Yeah, it... Frequent user of their site at random, I guess it's his username, currently holds the record for losing over 60 pounds since he started using 100% food. Two bottles a day to replace his existing meals. And Chiz lost 12 pounds since starting with one bottle a day back in October. If you love to cook, just download the 100% food app for iPhone

and check out plenty of recipes designed by our chief mixologist. Pick yours and adjust to your intake. So head on over to 100percentfood.com. That's 100, the numerals. There's a link down in the description below. And choose a 100% food blend that best suits you and get started eating healthy and eating quickly today. I've lost 13 pounds over the duration of our sponsorship.

That's wonderful. That's great. And you've had the, I know for a fact, you've had the 100% food there at your house pretty much the whole time. So that's wonderful. That's great. And you've had the I know for a fact you've had the 100% food there at your house pretty much the whole time. So that's good. So Kyle, let's, you know, not bottoms up. Let's not be ridiculous. Have a good shake.

You know, I just it's thickened because it's been sitting here. You know what this is like? This is like quick crete. You use it to fill in potholes. See, I shook this up. How long have we been doing the show? Two hours?

Two hours ago. Got a strawberry in there. This is bullshit. This bottom part, see, they intentionally make it so this part doesn't get absorbed. And so it's like a snack for later, a nice healthy snack. And see, the thing is, at any point, one quick shake... Still there. Just in case I want that snack later.

That way you don't lose it. That way I don't lose it. I don't want 98% food. I want 100% of my food. And I like to do it that way. So the good thing about it, the texture is like uh it's like have you ever held a newborn and they spit up on your

shoulder it's a little bit like that it's or you know what it's like it's like drinking raw dough. Oh, dough's delicious. This is not dough. This is not. And the thing about it is, like, I don't know if you guys can see. That's not, like, a textured speckling on the side of the bottle. That's a bunch of stuff. There are seeds in it.

On the plus side, I do have a third of the phosphorus I need for the day and a third of the chromium I didn't know I need any chromium so the more you know that's what they put in stainless steel yeah let's see what else they have here so this has 670

calories in it that you just have to muscle down my flavor you'll be able to muscle it down with all the protein. That's true. You've got a lot of protein in here. Kyle's is chocolate flavored ostensibly. Mine is raw.

Which means they just gave up. Mine smells of chocolate and strawberry because Jackie put it in a blender and mixed in the strawberries. So it smells good. Did the blender make it smoother? Like did it whack up some of those seeds? It did.

So while yours might be kind of like Slim Fast on the top and something that you would chew at the bottom, mine is somewhere in between the whole way. Oh. Oh. Yeah, mine definitely doesn't... Maybe it does pour like that. I don't know if I can... You know what it looks like? It looks like you ate a whole bag of bird seed

and then shat in a bottle. That's what it looks... You know, Kyle, yours looks like what I would imagine Jonah Hill's colon to look like. It acted full of just something that's ready to go at any moment. All right, Mr. Hill, we're just going to go around. Yeah, we're going up through the large intestine. Oh, dear God.

Oh, dear God. We're close. You've got to eat. I think that might be too far. It takes a big commitment to drink this because it's so solid. I tip it back at a rate where a lesser liquid would just pour all over me, but Yeah, a lesser liquid. But then you have to do that difficult balancing act of once it gets momentum, you know, it's not stopping. It's like a car.

You gotta quickly tip it back. Viscosity is like, it's almost like a non-Newtonian fluid, you know, sometimes it's hard to predict. Like a custard. Yeah, yeah. This is one of those that like if you fill the whole bucket with it, not recommended, and you just stepped on it, and you did quick pitter-patter steps, you could stand on 100% food easily. It's full of protein, chromium, bird seed, all sorts of shit.

The important thing to note is that no matter how hard I try... It's not fucking going away. It's there for good. That gif is going to look like the most furious masturbation of all time. Now, did you put enough water in it? How much water did you put in it? It said fill with water and enjoy. And when you fill it up with water, after it's absorbed, it's only up to here.

I went back, refilled it more, because I saw this little rebellious alcove of powder down here, and decided to try it again. And there's no dice. It's not absorbing that much. So I guess this is only like a 640 calorie drink, not the 670.

Well, you think all the calories are still present. I think he's saying that he won't be able to eat the powdered part. Oh, that's definitely. Well, no, you'll fish that out with something, right? Cut the bottle in half, whatever you got to do, you know, get to that powder. A handy trick that I like to do with this is I dump out all of the powder in the beginning, just right in the garbage, and then fill the thing with water, and you lose even more weight. Like ten times as much weight if you just dump all this straight into the garbage.

Don't pour it in your toilet and try and flush it down because it's turned into a weird sewage. I have to get a plumber out there. It's a whole thing. You guys are going too far. Listen, viewers. You want to see what this shit is like in real life click on the link on the side get some uh it is a meal replacement and people are losing weight it's very healthy it really does fill you up though like when you

drink this eating is the last thing you won't you won't be able to eat anything for at least four to six hours after you enjoy one of these. No, just the sight of food will make you visible. And you'll quickly want to brush your teeth, you know. So that's going to help out with your dental hygiene too. So you'll be brushing your teeth for at least two or three times after you have one of these. Oh, yeah. I hope that some of these quotes make it to the front of their website.

Yeah, yeah. I hope that some of these quotes make it to the front of their website. Yeah, yeah. In all seriousness, it seems to me like it's much healthier than something like SlimFast, which seems to have a lot of bullshit in it. And I feel like that stuff floating around in there, I feel like that's got to be good for you, right? I feel like anything like that, that's legit fiber. I got some high-fiber bread upstairs. They don't have shit like that in it like this is this is some legit fiber i feel like this is really going to help with your bowel movements you're going to be you're

going to be happier healthier it's going to be great i if it were more like i keep mentioning slim fast right but that's pretty much a if it were like a chocolate latte from starbucks then it wouldn't be good for you the fact that this is seeds and other crispy chunky things that's how you know it's good that's no no i'm being serious the fact that it's not good and it doesn't it's not palatable like that you'd want like you're not going to be like oh my god i can't wait for this next choco uh sludge like you're never going to be like and so that means that it's healthy. They're not playing that horse shit that SlimFast does, but they're like,

oh, this tastes so good, you won't be able to wait until your next SlimFast shake. You're going to gain weight on SlimFast. That's an intentional thing they've done, is they've made it so that even the process of eating, it's training your brain to think, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this.

I regret this. I wish I hadn't. You'll want to take long, hot showers after you finish this. 100% food. Check the link. It is healthy. It says a lot of things in the back. A lot of words I don't know. I trust them.

Yeah, there's lots of chemicals in there. Now, this part's good. It's 80% food trust them. Yeah, there's lots of chemicals in there. Now, this part's good. Oh. It's 80% food at best. Yeah, there are some big chunks in there. That's what I like. Yeah. Hmm.

What do you got? A whole strawberry in his. Yeah, he did get a whole strawberry. It's like, God, what the fuck are those boxes where you get prizes? Jacker? Cracker Jacks. Yeah, Cracker Jacks. Like, one in six of these, you shake it up, you get a blueberry, something like that.

You know, just a little spice in your life. Do you like popcorn? Yeah. Yeah. I think everybody likes popcorn. I don't like popcorn, like the regular kind. Like the butter and salted kind. It gets all stuck in my teeth.

It's nasty. But what I do like is like the specialty popcorns like whenever I go to I think it's Pigeon Forge or Gatlinburg Tennessee I don't remember which I get the two confused but they have like this touristy section where they have like there's this store and they have tons of different kinds of popcorn

and it'll be like peanut butter and banana popcorn it'll be like coffee popcorn chocolate popcorn strawberry milkshake popcorn and there's like coffee popcorn chocolate popcorn strawberry milkshake popcorn and there's like dozens of them there's dr pepper popcorn and i like that shit that's just delicious was it called johnson's popcorn by chance i know my seventh grade teacher owned johnson's popcorn in ocean city which turned out to be like a really big business the guy was a millionaire many times over and taught seventh grade for fun yeah uh taught me for fun believe it or not and uh it was a pretty neat thing like

you didn't know it was called johnson's popcorn but he was mr stoffer and he liked it that way and and like the boardwalk business was a big one but he also had like a huge mail order business and like every valentine's day christ etc., he was just shipping it everywhere. It was like Cheryl's Berries or whatever back in the day. Yeah, and popcorn doesn't cost shit. Yeah, that's a thing too. You'd buy it for like $18. And you'd think it was a decent bargain since it was a really big tin and stuff.

But you know that's like 30 cents worth of popcorn yeah I'm sure we've all seen the repost posted over and over on Reddit how it's more expensive by the ounce than filet mignon like movie popcorn

and I always get one my girlfriend eats popcorn whenever I buy snacks and drinks at the movies I'm always still surprised by how much it is when it's time to pay them I'll be like well we won't get candy this time

we're not going to get a chicken sandwich at the movies no we'll eat later give me a medium popcorn a small water and a medium coke that couldn't water, and a medium Coke. That couldn't be more than $10, right? Like, even in Bizarro World. No, that shit's like $20 fucking dollars. That'll be $14.75.

Do you want an ice cube in your water? Five cents apiece. He's like, you just want the bottled water? And in my head, I'm like, yeah, sure, just give me a Dasani there. It was $5 just for the bottle of water. I made a big deal out of movie theater money like a year and a half ago or something. So now when I go to the movie theaters,

I actually feel like I have to live up to that. Like, yeah, you know, I just go in here and buy anything I want. And it's literally like $28 and $32 bills. You know, I'm like, yeah, did I need two boxes of chocolate bullshit? No, I didn't.

You know what I'm going to... See, I get fooled into it. They have a theater close to where I am where it's like a third as many seats in the theater, but it's all giant recliners, like electric recliners, and you can pull a table in front of you and you can order.

Sounds nice. And the entire act of going in there, sitting down, reclining, and seeing the menu, you feel like you have to get something, because otherwise it's like, well, I'm not even here for the experience. It's like, oh, I'll take a beer. And they bring it out in this giant thing,

and it's like, well, at least I'm getting my money's worth, and you check, and it's like, $10.50? Are you fucking shitting me? How much was that popcorn I ordered? Like, it's just, you end up blowing five times the cost of the ticket. Is the theater called Alamo, by chance? No. No? Okay. The next time I go, I think,

I won't do it for Star Wars or Hateful Eight because I think they're going to be jam-packed. I went to the new Hunger Games movie two weeks ago. I want to talk about that too, but I think next time I'm going to sneak food in. I've been saying I'm going to do it forever, but my girlfriend doesn't carry a big enough purse, but I'm going to buy her a purse

and then we're going to go to fucking five guys and I'm going to get two fucking cheeseburgers and two orders of fries and I'm sneaking that shit into the movies. I'm going to eat my favorite meal watching my movie. Then I've got the perfect experience. I'm not eating that nasty spicy chicken sandwich you've got up there. That's not real food. I'm going to sneak some food in.

That's the way to go. You should sneak in 100% food. Oh, it'd be so easy, right? Like, now that's a good idea. I'd love to enjoy a movie in my life. And then you just need 30 bucks worth of Desantis to... I pour the dry powder into a condom, and I swallow that. And then I get a cup of water for free,

and then I throw it up in the theater, crack that open, quick snack while I watch the show. I hope that quote makes it on the front page. Yeah. The 100 100 food front page if you go to their website i like to swallow a condom full of yeah food wait for my stomach acid to dissolve it dissolve away the latex and then down a big cup of water get straight into the system that way This is like if you go to the 100% Fruit front page, they have these dubious endorsements.

Like Rooster Teeth said, I was able to power through the Choco flavor, and I could see myself having one. I think I'd get tired of the same thing. And other guys, they're like, as seen on alternate, give better instructions on how to mix right someone else said useful product but tastes awful that's on the they took that quote i made

fun of that review of teach you how to mix but apparently i'm retarded because i can't get this corner to this is this is the rebellious have you seen the new hunger games by any chance? No, I've only seen the first one, and I really lost interest. But catch me up to what's going on. Wow. Oh, it was so bad, I thought. I thought this last movie was terrible. So there's three books, and movie one was book one, movie two was book two, and then book three comes around, and it's time to make the movie for that,

and they decided to make two movies like they did with Harry Potter in the last one and it's so bad. First of all, the first one was, I didn't like it, I didn't love it but it was okay and it had this kind of cliffhanger ending and so I go to watch the movie and first of all somehow they had assigned seating at this theater and I didn't realize it so like I had to get up out of my seat and move all the way across the auditorium at some point during like the the previews also i always get the 3d movie so this wasn't a 3d movie and i forgot but i grabbed the glasses anyway so so when they tell me when they tell me that like i'm in the wrong seat i'm wearing the stupid me and my girlfriend are both wearing the stupid fucking glasses not the big yellow ones that would have been super embarrassing but like the the small like

real d3d ones that look like hipster douchebag thick rimmed glasses we're both rocking those and it wasn't until the movie started that i was just like we don't need those you should have made her keep them on. I fucked up. I felt so stupid. Alright, so, but the movie itself was bad. It really was bad. It didn't make sense. Like, there were big holes in the plot, I felt like. Big storytelling

holes. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on here? Wait. Wait? No. That doesn't make any sense. Like, so, the entire army that's like defending uh district one you know where where snow is and everything they're they're um they they've stationed at some sort of mountain defense base in district two and so all the all of the uh districts are fighting together against district two and then they decide well shit let's just bomb the mountain and then

the avalanche will bury them all alive, so they do that, so then the District 1 doesn't have much of an army anymore, they just got those peacekeeper douchebags that are always beating up civilians, so they decide, well, alright, we're just gonna invade, and so Snow pulls all of the people out of the outskirts of District 1 and hires game makers to turn the abandoned city into a giant series of traps to be broadcast on television instead of bombing them or like sending troops or tanks in or some sort of space gun that he should in all likelihood have access to. So eventually and then they send Katniss on her own little secret squad move to like sneak

in but it's supposed to be all for like propaganda but she just takes it upon herself to like try to sneak in and kill Snow and it just doesn't make any sense how this army is able to get through these booby traps that are so dense that like they set off one booby trap and there's literally two

more right next to it like what's going on with Billy Baker? That guy who painted his face? He was so annoying the whole thing. So they brainwashed him in the first one and he's all crazy. And so when they finally rescue him and get him back, he thinks Katniss is the enemy and

he tries to kill her multiple times throughout the movie and she keeps being like, oh, we'll just take the bullets out of his gun or oh, no, we'll... And then he tries like smash her with the gun he's always trying to kill her he's out of his fucking gourd at least he has skills now like killing so i was thinking he'd try and like poison her with a in the gluten-free cake in the book it's so you read it uh if you count audiobook um i count it okay so um it sucks like i really hate katniss's character because she cheats constantly or emotionally cheat she's always leading one of them on

even you know when pita is like fucked up in the head in the book if i remember right she's sending these like mixed signals like you know i still kind of dig you if you just stop trying to kill me and uh meanwhile like the other guy she's got she's leading on two guys at the same time. They're right there. Both dudes and Katniss are sitting like, like Katniss will have these long talks with the baker boy, Peta. These long like talks about how she appreciates like emotional, like romantic talks. And like the camera pans and there's the other fucking dude right there if i'm that dude i'm coming over there and slapping your ass peter and you katniss you cheating whore like

both of you and i'm getting out of this war i'm going to work with snow fuck you like fuck all of you like that dude was watching your family and got him to safety when the peacekeepers came to burn everybody alive but you're over here trying to this baker boy who's trying to murder you that's she returns from the first book and says pita you know that was all just a show i don't really dig you right but then she and pita are forced to be in these situations where publicly there's still a couple yep and for that i can forgive her she's under some real pressure she needs to know whatever but at night she's like know, I'm still a little traumatized from that thing we did together. Would you snuggle me all night long under the covers?

No, you fucking whore. You have a boyfriend. You don't snuggle with other dudes under the cover. No, you don't. You don't snuggle with other dudes. I was okay with that. No, you don't. Here's why I'm okay with the snuggling.

Because here's the situation. Because Pete is here well maybe no no no definitely not peter very much digs katniss i don't know you're joking but he he wants to fuck so he's so here's here's why their scenario is a little bit different katniss and peter were comforting comforting each other and like snuggling during the whole Hunger Games thing when like one when he was hurt and then she's hurt they're always comforting each other and so she's having these flashback nightmares of when they like killed all those people together and almost died themselves and that huge traumatic thing and she's having nightmares and like yeah there's nothing like sexual or about that for her but I'm you know and you know there wasn't there's her character isn't motivated that

way it just it the character just isn't she's just stupid she's and she's bad at this like like at some point she should have like cut ties with one of these dudes and there if i understand the book right she very much sort of switched back and forth as to which one she really liked. And she would definitely tell A that I've decided on you and then go fuck around with B. And I think she was kissing him too. And it's like, yeah, I don't know. I think I hyper-focus on that. Yeah, but she wasn't making like a conscious decision.

She wasn't being like, well, yeah, I'm with PETA, but I don't even remember the other guy's name. I'm with Bill, but I really like Dave. It was like, I'm with Bill, and oh, no, now, I'm with PETA, but I don't even remember the other guy's name. I'm with Bill, but I really like Dave. It was like, I'm with Bill, and oh no, now the world is turned upside down and I'm forced to hang out with Dave every day and pretend like we're a couple. And things just developed.

I don't feel like she was ever trying to be a bad person. She was just put in situations where her heart went its own way. I mean, it is a teenage girl's novel that we're all arguing over here. but in any case, like, that movie sucked. The ending was bad, the middle was bad, like, the traps were stupid, the premise was unrealistic. that was the big part like there were constantly situations where like she should have died and she didn't and i mean like it's just inconceivable that she wouldn't die it's like okay well there the army is and there you are and you're the most famous fucking pro person in the world i'm sure they'll recognize no no one's very good with the bow and arrow oh my god she she she

has a drill that into the ground enough? She's Legolas now. If you watch this shit, there's a scene where she's in a sewer and she's being attacked by multiple enemies. There's maybe 20 of them total and six of them are coming from her and she goes full on Legolas. I mean,

like at close range, like within one to two meters of range between her and the bad guys. And then, of course, she stabs one with the arrow and puts it on the bow and shoots somebody. Wouldn't be complete without that. Right? Yeah. It was so lame. So is it just frustratingly unrealistic?

Isn't this like the last one? It's over. The humming quail part six. On their special forces mission to infiltrate the capital and kill the president. She brings her bow and another guy has a melee weapon. I'll just leave it. It's like a spear shaft type thing. They have a little pistol on their hip, but they're taking Hunger Games weapons're taking like hunger games weapons into a war and it with God just real weapons with yeah everybody else

got fucking real guns like especially the the peacekeepers have FN 2000s like you know five five six machine gun I have that yeah you do yeah I got one too much is a good job but yeah I kind of want mine to be white like there's in the movie they're like completely white looks pretty cool but yeah I hated it and i had a terrible movie watching experience like i had some dumb dumb cunt sitting like three seats to my right with her boyfriend and like just talking the whole fucking movie and of course there's like kids in there did you give her bad looks no you no no oh you gotta throw a stink eye every now and then.

Just the... At least to the man she's with, just... No, they're both over there talking. No, they're just bad movie people. You're just gonna end up in a fight in a movie theater if you do that. That's all that's gonna happen. We're gonna have to roll here in the movie theater and get arrested and not get to see if Katniss makes it.

That's what's gonna happen if I complain about the loud talk tomorrow. You could be a worse cunt. You could start texting. She was texting! Yeah, she answered her phone at one point. Was she playing music? Because you could still top testing. The ringer was on. They had already shown

that big thing like, hey, don't be a cunt. Turn off your phone. That helps me. Sometimes I don't remember until that happens. And she's like, oh no, nothing, sorry. This movie's really loud in here. You know what else? Here's what I don't like. Let's say

somebody else's phone goes off and then that reminds me. So I turn mine off. People think it was me. It wasn't me. No. I'm just trying to make sure it's not me. Yeah, I've never considered that half that's never happened like i always make a i make sure because i don't want to be that guy i don't want to i like dead silence i care about the dialogue like we're watching i'm i'm re-watching

breaking bad right now with my girlfriend who's never seen it and that's really fun because it gets to the scene with tuco when he's got the bag of what they think is crystal meth, but really it's fominated mercury or something like that, you know, the explosive. And I'm loving watching it with her, but she doesn't care about the little minutiae in the show. Oh, I picked this out. So, you know, you watch something, you see a show, you pick up more stuff. I almost posted this on the television subreddit because I bet many, many people never caught it. So there's this scene where Walt and Jesse have, they go out and do their first cook and then those, you know, Emilio and the other gangster come up, beat up Jesse, try to make Walt cook for him and

then Walt gasses them, and they end up with one guy tied up in the basement and the body that needs dissolving, right? They're all hanging out back at Jesse's house. Well, Jesse's eye, if you remember, is just swollen shut. He's got a really big black eye, and he needs a baggie of ice to put on his eye. So he's multitasking when this happens. If you don't look at what his hands are doing,

you don't even realize it. The only Ziploc bag this guy had in his house was full of weed. He has to dump the weed out and then put ice in the bag, and then he zips it back up and then puts it on his eye. I thought that was hilarious, that the only Ziploc bag the man is in possession of is the one he keeps his weed in. I never caught that.

Yeah. I love that show. I don't know if this is my second or third time i've watched it all the way through twice excellent show you know what if you guys haven't jumped on it i know woody has i think is fargo season two i keep hearing that yeah excellent you're watching it right no i watched the first two episodes maybe and it didn't pull me in i loved season one i thought it was amazing and then just recently i caught that whatever episode just aired of fargo i didn't see it

was like the best piece of television so far this year it was excellent yeah it gets like from the start like i wasn't as into it as the first season just because i don't like anybody in this season as much as i like billy bob from first season. I think that's the big reason why. But it escalates better and better and better. Every single episode is better than the last for this. It's hilarious. Half the funniness of it is just their Fargo, Minnesota accents. They just are so unnoticed, and they just go about their day.

They're so ridiculous, and they're getting into these quarrels of life and death with gangsters and the whole time just oh we're just simple folk from fire go like they they're not dumb but they sound dumb they sound real dumb and it's people sound like that so i feel bad sorry for for people out there uh but yeah they're they're meant to sound like they wouldn't figure out complicated things yeah kr, Kristen or Kirsten Dunst's character, it's no spoiler, but you can tell from episode one and two that she's going to progressively get more and more crazy as it goes on. And her character comes off as a legitimately retarded person sometimes, and that voice does not help.

She sounds like a real waterhead. Neither do her teeth. I haven't noticed that. Are they bad? Yeah. Well, now I'm going to not be able to not notice. But then the main guy, or one of the main guys, is also in Breaking Bad.

He's in the episode where Bill Burr is, like, cutting off the train with them where they're going to steal the methlamine or whatever. It's been out long enough that I'm not spoiling it for anyone. But the redhead guy, Colin or whatever the hell his name is. Yeah, yeah, I know that guy, yeah. Yeah, he's gotten real fat, and now he looks like a poor man's Matt Damon. So look at, like, they got poor Matt Damon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He does. He's got that forehead. He's got quite a forehead on him, yeah. Five or six head at least. He's got a really prominent wrinkle, if. He does. He's got that forehead. He's got quite a forehead on him. Yeah. Five or six head, at least. He's got a really prominent wrinkle, if I remember correctly. Yeah, I remember that guy. He was the one who, it's like he had the white supremacist uncle or whatever

that got all mixed up in things later in the series. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's a great show. Yeah, it looks like he's got some of that Ray Liotta face going on, which is unfortunate. By the way, I can't get into this Jessica Jones show. It looks like he's got some of that Ray Liotta face going on, which is unfortunate. By the way, I can't get into this Jessica Jones show. I think I'm checked out.

Really? I just don't like superhero shows. I just can't get into any of them. I don't like her. I don't like her in particular. I don't care for her. She has said that. That he just didn't like...

I think he didn't like the actress that played Jessicaessica jones i don't like the actress that plays her i don't like um i don't know i don't like the things she does i feel like i feel like she when she needs to be she's some sort of genius and when the when when the plot requires it she's a fucking retard and i'm just had a similar criticism it didn't bother me as much i think part of the difference might be that i watched it while multitasking you know i'd either be working on the world's greatest minecraft server or reading reddit or something like it was always kind of on in the background and then it like that i felt like the show really excelled you know something good is happening fold the laptop screen down,

pay attention to that instead, and then flip it back up when they're slowly moving around plot point to plot point. I can't get into it. I need a new show. Yeah, that's what I was about to say. You've already watched season one, right? Season one is good.

I'm hearing two's better, but I haven't seen Better call i haven't seen better call saul either um that was good yeah i i like to watch shows with my girlfriend but like how many episodes was it like i think there were 10 episodes i'm not positive on that but they're tv episodes so like when you watch an hour-long netflix show it's an hour long the tv episode's 40 minutes so it's 10 40 some minute long episodes and then it wasn't nearly long enough but it was i don't know i i liked it i didn't like it as much as fargo but that's just the nature of different shows but yeah kyle start fargo you're gonna love that you love yeah yeah definitely so yeah You look like him when you do that. Dude, there's a – I'm trying not to spoil anything.

There's a scene – I'll just say it. I don't think it's going to ruin anything. Yeah, he's talking to somebody. I'll keep it vague. And he's like, your problem is you think there are rules in this world. There's no rules in this world. And you're just like, holy fuck. Like, this is a guy

who's not intimidated, who makes his own rules. And more dangerous than I realized. That was Fargo season one I'm talking about. And it was, it shook me. That's when i realized that the show was

great uh he delivers hair makes it like he says really intense things and is clearly a badass but he has the hair of like someone with down syndrome in the late 1970s like he looks if you were just to look at him and not listen to him it looks like he just finished polishing off a bowl of paint chips it's like a complete and utter retard. But then he starts talking and it's like, okay, so he's not completely retarded. Are you talking about Billy Bob? Yeah, Billy Bob. He looks like a complete... Yeah, that's

right. He's got the Dumb and Dumber haircut almost, right? Oh, that's great. Yeah, I've seen pictures of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone said it looked like me. Oh, that's funny. The way you used to do your hair, it looked more similar to it, but now that you do the sweeping,

it doesn't look like it. You gotta do the sweeping. My hair just grows straight forward like a Chinaman. There are a couple old school FPS Russia videos with bad hair. Oh, a couple? There's dozens of them.

So there's two things. It'd either be long and Justin Bieber-like and then I shaved it. Or then it was like shaved and I look like a fucking convict and I'm fat. Or it goes straight down and it looks like a fucking bowl cut. Which is not intentional. It just grows straight down and it makes a straight line

and it's like, I comb it to the side but by like noon it's like that again. That's just what it does. I hadn't mastered the use of product yet. And then there's some where I don't know what I was doing. It's just crazy and everywhere because I didn't know what to do with it. But I think I figured it out now. It's too long right now.

Mine too. I like it that short, but then to part it anyway. So it's got some shape and direction to it. Lady fucked up my hair when I went in last week and cut it way too short for me to put it all the way over, so now when I try and put product in, there's a bunch of sprigs that won't lay down. Yeah.

Everybody's loving this topic. Enjoy your ride to work. Yeah, haircut talk. Yeah. What's wrong with that? I want to show Conor mcgregor now um his hair is looking awesome i just want to get like a proper oh i know we'll look at him on jimmy kennel okay i saw jimmy fallon go ahead oh no go ahead i was i was gonna say jimmy fallon is

uh leading the the ratings with the late night hosts. I guess Colbert is doing poorly. His polarizing comedy is not playing well on late night. Yeah, I've read the same thing. So Kimmel's in second, right? And then the guy that has all the drunken... Yeah, Jimmy Fallon. Whatever, he's got a bunch of drunken injuries. I'm not saying he drinks every day. I'm saying's got a bunch of drunken injuries. I'm not saying he drinks every day.

I'm saying he's got a couple drunken injuries. Who hasn't? Dude, how many drunken injuries do we have on this show? Zero? We're sitting in chairs. The guy's going out drinking and getting hurt. Maybe he only did drink three or four times and got hurt every time. I know he likes to drink.

He talks about drinking. I feel like you're on your moral high horse when you say that. I think you're thinking about those classless ladies who might enjoy a beer. I think you're assigning intent that's not there. He's the guy with the drunken injuries. But why is that his most defining characteristic

in your eyes? I don't think that's a big deal at all. He was on SNL for all those years. He's written tons of comedy. He had a late night show for six years. The late, late thing. What was the nature of the injuries? He had a ring on and from what Woody said

he virtually degloved a finger, right? That was one. He had another one where he fell on some broken glass while broke glass while he fell. And that was an injury too. Or wasn't a bottle, a liquor bottle incident? That might be the same one I'm thinking of. And then there was another one that involved his ankle, I think.

You know, another falling type thing. That's way more than any of us. But also that's not, you know know like crazy out there no and he's not driving so it really it's up to him but uh whatever the drunken injury guy that's who he is oil them down to his best qualities there uh yeah the other thing that guy that go ahead to me if if you wanted to remove that descriptor, the next one that pops into my head is the friend of Justin Timberlake guy.

The friend of Justin Timberlake guy. Well, they did a lot of stuff together on Saturday Night Live, I know. I don't know. Yeah, I based that on that. I know that they've been to more than one baseball game together, like outside of show business.

So that tells me they're probably friends. The only one of those guys that I like I know that they've been to more than one baseball game together, like outside of show business, so that tells me they're probably friends. The only one of those guys that I like and watch via YouTube is Conan because he seems to get the guests that I care more about, and I like his interviewing style because he's just kind of a goofy fuck. Well, you're in luck. If you queue up at zero... Oh, is this? Let me see.

Oh, what luck for me. Oh, oh fuck it's the wrong one oh well uh have you seen that um the new daily show guy trevor noah oh i think i found the right one guy i do some like their ratings are bombing over there what are we talking about the daily show guy trevor noah oh are ratings over there are tanking. I like him. I haven't watched any of it. I was just reading. I watched a sample of his comedy on Netflix.

Maybe it was Netflix. And it was just very lackluster. I don't think it was that good. I thought his Netflix show was okay. Not good, not bad. But I thought it was okay. There's a lot of like, I'm black and this is my black perspective i'm south african really not black i'm south african and this is my perspective on america and black culture and stuff and after a while it was like man this is just 90 minutes of how i think i'm different and you guys are

crazy here perfect now i'm gonna go be the pundit of this show with really no perspective of this country or very little and kind of like it's it's i think it's the reason it's tanking is well the biggest reason is people got used to john stewart they don't like the change and next is americans are getting a little tired of people who are not american or have not always been american just shitting on our politics and making fun of it like it's making fun of them we understand but it's also passively making fun of us where it's like you idiots who who elected these people like how are you like controlling the world like this like you're supposed to be this country of awesomeness and look what you do like you fools like it comes off like that and a little bit

douchey like they never have an american over in england just tearing apart their political system on late night tv and expecting them to laugh at it. Yeah. A lot of people are acting like, ooh, are we ready for a black host of this show? Yes, I'm 100% completely ready for a black guy. That's not what it is at all. But, you know, when he talks about the absurdity of American gun violence, he doesn't do it like, you know, what are we doing? He's, what are you doing? And just like you said, like that, that rubs me the wrong way. When that Australian guy, who's the comic who says, you know, the only reasons to Jim Jefferies, is that what you said?

The only reason to like guns is, hey, I like guns. Fuck off. Right. God, just because you say it doesn't make you right about invalidating every other pro-gun argument. I feel like, I don't know, hold a gun for a day and you'll feel differently. doesn't make you right about invalidating every other pro-gun argument. I feel like, I don't know, hold a gun for a day and you'll feel differently.

I agree with you. It's not that he's black. I don't think anybody gives a fuck about that. It's that he's South African. I watched an episode and it made me laugh. But I've only seen one episode. I wasn't drawn back for more. There's something about him that seems kind of douchey.

I didn't like his for more. There's something about him that seems kind of douchey. I don't know. And I didn't like his pronunciation of some words, which seems like such a nitpicky thing. But I don't like the fact that he's South African. I am holding that against him. Not because he's black, but because he's South African. He's half white. He's just as white as he is black. Well, then I hate him because he's white.

There you go. Cracker. I watch him and I kind of like the show. What I haven't had from him yet, and it took Stewart years to get there, so maybe it'll take him, is sort of the hard-nosed, hold people to the fire interviews, right? Jon Stewart could go toe-to-toe with anybody. New York Times reporters, Jim Cramer,

I don't know if you remember, when Jim Cramer came on and just yelled, fire, the stock market is crashing, you have no idea how bad it is out there. If you guys watch the markets, you'll remember that speech. Then he comes on the Jon Stewart show, and a lot of stuff he said was just bullshit.

Stewart was as educated as he was. Stewart was toe to toe with this guy. He's like, what are you doing? These are the mistakes that you made. You created a national fear, right? You acted like paychecks weren't going to get paid at healthy companies. Everything was, you loosen the credit,

get the money flow going, yada yada yada. And it's like, it wasn't as bad as you said it was. And Kramer was just taken back behind the woodshed and beaten like a child by Jon Stewart. And I love Stewart for being able to do that. Reporters that beat the war drum on the way into Iraq with false evidence that they knew was false evidence have been taken behind the woodshed and beaten. And Stuart had an endless depth of knowledge. Whereas sometimes I hypothetically think,

how would I do in an argument with this guy? I feel like he'd say something and I'd be like, well, I'm not so sure about that, but I guess you got me. Stewart wasn't that guy, right? Stewart was well-educated and he could do this. What's the other guy's name? Trevor Noah? Something like that? Yeah. He hasn't proven to be that

guy yet, and that's what I really wish we had. That's, to me, it was what made a special episode of The Daily Show. So far, he's just you know, a guy who delivers little quips about things. I never liked The Daily Show very much anyway. Yeah, you want to see McGregor's hair?

Oh, yeah, sure. Oh, definitely. So, this is a two and a half minute interview. I guess we'll watch it. Are you guys ready? Sure. Set, play. I've got to see your hands before I let you touch my belt.

Okay, you can touch my belt. What are you worried? I have, like, gravy on my hands? I don't know whether you wash your hands or play. I've gotta see your hands before I let you touch my belt. Okay, you can touch my belt. What are you worried? I have like gravy on my hands? I don't know whether you wash your hands or not. I don't know. I am very, very clean, Connor. You gotta dig that suit. That's a belt.

Now, this belt, when you win a belt like this, do you get to keep it forever, or is it something that changes hands, like the Stanley Cup? I was actually only discussing this today. I believe every time you defend it, they give you a fresh one. So the original one you win, you get to go home, put it up in your office or wherever you have it. And then every time you defend, you get a brand new one. I

believe, I hope. Yeah. This is something I know. You get a new one every time you defend the belt. Don't give it. But I think that is what happens. GSP gives him out to people that he's grateful for. That's cool. So is it a fun job that you have? Is it something you enjoy? It is an extremely fun job. It's a crazy, beautiful, out-of-body

experience. That's good hair. Getting people up for lots of money. It's pretty close on the sides. It is. That's very Hitler youth the sides. It is. That's very Hitler youthy. Yeah, he looks like he could really kill a lot of Jews. He looks like he doesn't care

for the cut of their jib and is doing what he can to eliminate them permanently. I feel like he'd be the guy who played weird games with the way he killed the Jews. Very scary haircut. I don't know I like it. I guess I feel like it's too short on the side I've mentioned before that

Your idea of what's in fashion kind of freezes from the time period you were like 17 to 24 And you guys are so young that that's still in fashion but that was what like the cool kids in high school that's how close they wore it on the side when you were early 90s yeah not because we're wait oh gee yeah oh jeans no Levi's 501 Not the coat, no. Wait, oh, jean coat jeans. No, Levi's 501. Button fly. That was what was hip at the time. Button flies are back.

I'm wearing button fly jeans right now. Who are you? I remember those kids with the jinko jeans. Like, those are the ones we always thought, like, that's the kid who would come shoot us. Like, that dude right there, that blonde kid that weighs fucking 120 pounds with the jeans that could house his entire torso in either leg. Like, watch that guy. Because it looked like you could conceal

a fucking 12 gauge in those things, no problem. That was part of why... What we all thought, like, at the time, as high schoolers, I remember talking to people about this, I was like, I don't like this fucking jeans. I don't know what they got in there. Oh, I don't know. There was a kid like that in our high school like a year younger than me or so and he would wear those big baggy clothes those scary

looking clothes where it's like he could hide any kind he could hide a katana in there or something he'd have no idea and he would like do like weird like fake practicing martial arts in the lunchroom like by himself sometimes and and like this other asshole of a kid would always uh like just started calling him the karate kid and from then on the next three years of his high school career every single person in the school i don't even know what his name was because he was always hey what's up karate kid and he never lived that down and i was always positive he was going to bring a gun to school but i was a year old so it was like all right i'll be gone by the time he goes on his

karate kid ramp or he wouldn't even bring a gun he'd bring like a katana and ninja stars fail miserably with his no endurance because he tried to run from classroom to classroom but oh that's the karate kid i bet he just that's one of those memories that like he looks back on now probably like at work like you know in know, in a regular like tie and shirt. And it's just like, like one of those memories he has to shout out of his head where it just. He just goes, ah! How, ooh, how's this sports team doing? Or maybe.

You know, got to think about that. Or maybe he's still training martial arts and planning his revenge at the 10-year reunion. He's just going to kick all their asses. He's doing his doing his jujitsu I'm trying to think if anybody had like a mean nickname or something that stuck with them like there were guys who obviously I guess

there's always people with nicknames that like stick with them for years and years and years and even into adulthood there's guys that if I were to see them like I'm not gonna call you Daniel your name's guys that if I were to see them like I'm not going to call you Daniel. Your name's not fucking Daniel. It's Boone. But like I'm trying to think if there was anybody that... There was a kid who got called

Boner for like a solid year and a half because he got an erection in the shower. After uh God. I guess after wrestling or something. And I think it was Boner. It might have been even worse than that. But yeah, that wore off for him.

I'm not sure how. I think he was just such a nice guy that he wouldn't even mind being called that and just wave back. I never called him that because he was so nice, but just wave back, oh, hey, how are you doing? And it's like,

well, you're taking the fun out of it for the rest of them. You're supposed to be angry. Did Kyle get dropped? He did. I feel like he's trying to be angry kyle you get dropped he did i feel like he's trying to rejoin let's give it a second and then maybe hang up and call back um what was i gonna say oh we had a guy and i hate to i guess i'll just do it but because they give his real name they called him by his real name that was the problem i'll'll fake it. His last name had two syllables. Now we got to call back. Let's try this.

Hang up. Call back. Hang up. All right. So pretending his real name was like John P. Saver. They're like, John P. Saver. And they just said that. And they said his name in that drawn out way again and again and again. He walked into the cafeteria and hundreds of people said it.

John P. Saver. And it was just his name. But, oh my gosh. I guess he signed something with his middle initial, and he wasn't a popular kid. They made such a big deal out of it. They made fun of how he was official. So some of the kids from our high school lived in Ocean City,

but some came from an adjacent town. And the ones that came from an adjacent town all drove over the same bridge onto the island. Someone had written his name with spray paint on the billboard and you know so it was huge in the school initial into yeah yeah it was huge in the school for a day or two and then by like day two the billboard had it and every all the buses coming in past the billboard you know reading his name you know john p saver john p saver. Saver. And I never joined in. I just felt like, well, and I didn't.

Well, you painted the sign, though, right? No, of course not. I just felt bad for him. You know, like everybody was picking on him. And I was just like, this is too much. You know, like you guys, he doesn't like this. This is rough and um uh i i saw him at i think our 10-year reunion or something he was pretty successful and i think he had some small software business and i'm like good you just fucking buy and sell all the assholes that

picked on him did his name tag say john p say i would pull like a it's always if i were in if i could in any way i'd pull like an it's always sunny in philadelphia move and like make sure oh you've got the p there john that's totally always sunny where's ronald mcdonald at yeah you too yeah you put this right on uh but like it was neat to see him successful in life you know don't know. They say that always happens, right? Like, oh, all those jocks are nothing now, and all those nerds rule. That's not really how my high school went. A lot of the jocks did pretty well, too. And almost everyone, I guess it's only a 10-year reunion,

but they're pretty well preserved in terms of the aging process. It seemed like the whole school looked pretty fit and, you know, it wasn't the dream. So occasionally I'll see somebody that I went to high school with or see a picture of them or something. A few of the girls got real fat, and I love that. I'm real happy about that. Like there's a couple of chicks that got fat, and I'm glad they did

because I didn't like them or whatever. And I'm like, yeah, good. You need to be fat. You live life like that for a while, cunt. I see some of the guys, they lost their hair and stuff. I see some of the guys working really rough jobs. I saw a girl that went to high school the other day at the drive-thru window at a fast food place. I love seeing the people I don't like do poorly it's a great feeling I don't know why we don't focus more on that

like how good it makes you feel to see someone you don't like like you know get hurt or you know not just physically not just physically but you know just fail at life like when they're really down in the dumps and like you feel like ah I bet that person's life's

miserable every day and you're just happy about it and and like you feel like ah but that person's life's miserable every day and you're just happy about it it makes you feel warm like a like a like a bowl of chicken soup when you're not feeling good or something there is one guy didn't like um so i told that story about hitting the girl right you know i've told that many times made a video about it etc um this guy never let it go like three years later later, he'd be like, don't sometimes you just feel like hitting and then the girl's name. He's like, sometimes you just want a backhander, don't you? And that was like, it was never aggressive enough to just like drop the gloves and start a fight, but it was an annoying variety of being picked on. it i don't know so i didn't like him you know obviously

he was pulling my chain you know but it wasn't like you just start throwing punches for that kind of teasing either i wouldn't think so you disagree or you think no no no i'm like yeah it sounds like he was just being that sounds almost friendly like it sounds he was like ah don't you just want to slap meg i know you do it sounded like he was he being, that sounds almost friendly. It sounds like he was like, ah, don't you just want to slap Meg? I know you do. It sounded like he was being friendly. He wasn't my friend. No.

Yeah. He wanted to be, but you were always so. You always shot him down every time he started to like open up with a joke with you. You were always just giving him the mean looks. No. Wishing hate upon him. That's funny. We were talking about, I was talking about people who went to high school with that like i see them do doing poorly in their lives now and i'm and it

warms my soul makes me feel good and i was talking about how that's a good thing like you you see people that you maybe you went to school with maybe just knew years ago and they're doing poorly and how that makes you feel good and so what he's talking about this gentleman who was so this guy he didn't thrive in life like i see he's in a band and it's like a nothing band that's like going nowhere and like all the people in it are ugly it's a for fun band but it's all my bandmates are ugly yeah yeah you know it's it's nothing and now they're all older right like you you know get good looking bandmates exactly and uh what do had a band, they'd be gorgeous. But untalented, like me.

And I see the job that he works, and it's not one that you'd go for. Drill press operator. That was one of the guys that I didn't like, that I went to high school with. I was like, drill press operator. That suits you just fine. I think he literally worked at Jackhammer or something like

that um that's fun at first right i bet jackhammer is pretty awesome to use first 10 minutes you have parkinson's no i just got off work and uh and so dude he's in this band that's obviously shit and he's got this job that's not the dream job although i might might like it. But on his Facebook, he always looks happy. He always looks like he's doing – like he's just pretty satisfied with how things turned out. I'm like, motherfucker, don't you realize what a loser you are? I was thinking about you the other day. No, he's a dick.

I think that, Woody, I think that you were born in the wrong place, into the wrong – I think if you had been born in Wisconsin to a family of dairy farmers, you'd have lived your entire life so happy. If you had 12 hours of work to do every day that needed doing and you were like, let's do this shit. I feel like you would have been the happiest individual ever. Never a bunch of like. Yep. If Woody were born in like 1932. been the happiest individual ever. Never a bunch of like... If Woody were born in 1932... That's still a thing? No! Just missing World War II, didn't have to get involved in that.

Then he has just a simple life of no internet, lots of work to keep you busy. He'd love it. You don't think you'd enjoy some sort sort of like like a ranch hand or like on a dude ranch, like you're living out there, some sort of rustic lifestyle, working with animals, maybe, you know, every day. Right. I think that sounds fucking awesome. And the one thing that I think Taylor is off on is I really enjoy machinery. Right. Like fixing it, making it work, watching it be productive. You know, like if I had some big fucking auger that moved grain into a tower and it was like going in the grains, pouring in the top, I would love that. Like, look at what I'm doing. I moved 19 tons of corn today. Like that, I don't even know what a lot is.

Like one of your 10 children's walking up, Dad, you want to watch the ball, the all white ball game? Why? This is daddy's auger time. No, the problem in the 1930s is I feel like I know tractors from the 30s and they're just little things that were getting started. Probably they competed with horses.

No, no. I need to exist at least in the 80s or something. You could do it now. There's generational farms going now. I know people that do that. It's the uncles. They make money too like a lot of people hear farmer and they think just barely scrape and buy crushed by their loans etc and that's probably true of some farms but there are a lot of farms that are just outrageously successful multi-million dollar businesses that

buy like quarter million dollar equipment every two years because they need to keep it fresh and they always want to be under warranty and they there are farms that are just wildly successful and yeah I know guys that you just described them perfectly it's it's two uncle it's two brothers and one of their sons and then they got maybe two or three guys that work for him but they've got several thousand acres of land, and they rotate the crops. You know, sometimes it's core beans. Soy beans.

Sometimes it's, I said corn bean. Sometimes it's corn, sometimes it's soybean, sometimes it's wheat, sometimes it's silage or, millage, milo or something? I don't know what they're fucking putting. Millet, yeah. But they're always rotating the crops,

and they've got all these combines and loaders and gigantic grain bins that you could fit a house in, and they've got all these combines and loaders and gigantic grain bins that you could fit a house in and they've got semi trucks that they haul it in and it's a real big business that they've got between the three of them and i guess they split the profits evenly and they also own like multiple poultry farms that they're paying people to operate like they are professional farmers yeah and i i think did you say it would be it would be yeah i think i'd like it just operating the tractor would be awesome you know sitting there the gps pulling it around and like all that work happening is a neat

thing it's one of my favorite things about woodworking like i am i bought a card catalog i don't know how many drawers it has, like 100 or something like that. And I use it to store all my nuts and bolts. But I had to replace all the drawers. I reused the drawer front, but I built all the drawers. And then I had these dividers in it. And I must have pushed through like five or seven miles worth of wood through the table saw in a day. Just building like hundreds of drawers and making all these dados where the drawer dividers would slide in and stuff and uh i really freaking liked

it just miles of wood flying through machine work and uh it is accomplishing stuff is is my drug i liked helping out on the farm like my grandpa had a farm like not like raising crops like it was a cattle farm but i like like the it's like an elegant simplicity to it where it's like we got to get this done and it's not like an intangible kind of like oh i need to contact this guy i need to establish this relationship i need to go over here and do this and it's kind of like all up in the air it's have you seen mark from accounting yet go see mark from accounting it's like we need to build fence from here to here and we cannot go get lunch until we do this and it's like all right well i can see the progress and how long it's going to take i can you can see every step of it and you're outside

and it's like every day like probably a couple months in i'd be like jesus christ i'm exhausted getting up at five in the morning four in the morning and doing this till sundown sucks but the idea of it is is more fun than the act i think i love the way you described some of the tasks that i've had like oh yeah you need to go establish this relationship right you know go meet this person from spread shirt build a a positive relationship with them and then you know you coordinate on building something that's virtual and at the end of the day you go from like six boxes of shirts to nine boxes of shirts on a web page and it's like oh I got that done it's not the same

as satisfying like bailing 50 rolls of hay and then piling it up in the barn and you never get farmer strength which is just crazy like my grandpa was a farmer his whole life and was a trucker and like he's 70 years old now but he's got that farmer strength of just like I shot a deer

the other week and he just like grabs a leg on a very large deer and just starts walk just whoop just jerked it up like doesn't give a shit like that farmer strength is a real thing throw in those did you get the meat processed it's being processed right now we're gonna have about like 50 plus pounds of it yeah some of it's gonna be summer sausage some of it's gonna be butterflied uh fillets it's gonna be a lot of different stuff bless you kyle how much does it cost to get processed? I honestly don't know

what the actual cost is. Someone on that side, not like a blood relation, but someone who's related some other way, on that side of my family does that and processes a game. And so he's doing it for us. That's nice. Free for us.

I know a guy that'll do it for 60 bucks does a pretty good job and you get it back in like three days so even then it's like 60 bucks for it for the processing if you get a good size deer you're gonna get what 30 pounds of meat ish 40 pounds of meat i don't know really and then if you get a big buck or if you get like i mean my dough that i got like an adult though i'm gonna get maybe 30 pounds i think i think that's what he said round about there 17 bucks for the tag here in missouri and then if it was 60 bucks to do it it's like a little under 80 bucks for that much meat that's still a bargain yeah i want a bunch of cube steak and uh and hamburger and uh uh that sort of thing i i like it it's. It's pretty good.

Venison we're talking about. I like the venison summer sausage they make. I've never had that. We used to always eat the jerky. I used to have a deal with the guy we'd take our deer to where I'd just leave him a deer and he was always making so much deer jerky that he'd just give me 10 pounds of deer jerky and I'd just take that with me.

I just wanted rid of the deer, you know, I was just shooting them for fun. So I needed somewhere to take them. And so I had like beef jerky. Yeah, I think I do too. I had like four guys that we take our deer to. And one of them was this Mexican guy who like would just string them up in his backyard and he lived right next to a major road.

And so like he'd be stringing the deer up and sawing the top of its head off to throw us the antlers. And I just remember this chunk of brain fell out, big chunk of brain that had come off with a chunk of skull he'd cut off. And one of his cats ran up fast as hell and grabbed that chunk of brain and just split with it. And I was thinking, I guess his cats just eat deer pieces. And I'm like the cats the cats like the deer he's like oh yes they love the deer those cats like those

weren't even his cats they just hang out they're just waiting on deer more and more every day they won't stop they won't stop coming so many fucking cats hombre hombre I can't handle it

hombre I don't know I told you no Mexicans live in this area I guess not yeah it's true I would like I need to go I really want to go shoot a deer the reason I haven't gone is cause like I know my dad doesn't want me to shoot any of his deer

he'd let me go shoot them but he likes them he doesn't want them shot so I need to go somewhere else and shoot one but I don't want me to shoot any of his deer. He'd let me go shoot them, but he likes them. He doesn't want them shot. So I need to go somewhere else and shoot one. But I don't know where to go. I could go on these wildlife management areas. But last time I was in one of those, it was a barren wasteland from whence we could derive no sustenance whatsoever. None.

I have a new topic. But on our way there, there's a joke. Oh, Jesus. All right. A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round when she suffered a bee sting. The pain was so intense

that she went to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her head and back and said, You're back early. What's wrong? She said, I was stung by a bee. Where? Just between the first and the second hole. He nodded and said,

yeah, your stance is too wide. Ugh. Say what you will. Why would you answer it like that? Oh, between the first and the second hole. Tee hee.

Like, like you'd have to know. He said, where were you stung? I know. Wouldn't you say, like, you know what, never mind. There's no way to do this. I don't think we'll do this again,

but I feel like the jokes are better than you're letting on. Kyle looks distraught. All right, all right. This is a risky topic. I'm not sure if it'll go anywhere have you guys ever had to call 911 I did when I was

I think 7 years old I was at a grocery store and I there was no reason to call 911 but I went up to a pay phone and I was like they won't answer because I don't have enough money to put in the pay. And so I just dialed 911 for no reason while my mom was paying. And then they answered, and they were like, 911, what is your emergency?

And I just hung up and then ran away. And then they called back, and I got in a little bit of trouble. But that was it, yeah. No other time. I never have either, no. I've only missed dial 911, and I've done it a couple times. So the place I worked at, and this is before Cisco, you dialed 9 for an outside line.

And I forget what the area code is. I was going to say it was like 919 or something. If it begins with a 1, you know, 1-1. Yeah, I don't recall how it worked, but if I hit the speed dial, every once in a while, it would skip a number or something because it would just blast through without waiting for the outside line. And I would get 911. And I'm calling. I'm thinking I'm going to get my wife.

And there's 911 on the line. And they give me sass, too. I was like, what? 911? And she's like yeah you called 9-1-1 and i'm like i used the speed dial on my phone here like like i somehow didn't feel like i had made a mistake the phone system might be broken but can we all agree that the phone broke you know i didn't hit the wrong number buying that at 9-1-1 i don't believe you oh maybe i didn't even consider that as an They're not buying that at 911. They don't believe you. Oh, maybe.

I didn't even consider that as an option. I think you're another ruffian ruining parts of their day. They get bullshit calls all day, and people accidentally call them and try to... Yeah, they didn't believe you. That's what happened. Ah. Huh. Yeah, so anyway.

Yeah, it had happened more than once. But they're like, so you'll never use speed dial again? And I'm like, no, I'll probably keep using it. I can't imagine dialing her whole number every time I want her. And, yeah, there was an argument about it. You got an argument on 911? No, I think you're out of line. Arguments to stretch, but yeah, yeah, something like that.

Add more numbers if you don't want people making this i was just like i didn't do anything wrong i hit speed dial and that uh so all right topic uh went that far yeah um i don't think i i whenever someone gets hurt i we always just drove to the er uh you know it seemed you gotta pay the ambulance i didn't know you had to pay for an ambulance until like i think i think you and i were talking about it a while back uh and like i just had learned it or maybe you informed me but i wasn't aware how expensive those motherfuckers were which explains why like growing up anytime some bad shit happened like you got driven to the emergency room ambulances areances are good if you, A, like, yeah, pretty much if you need medical care on the way there.

You know, if you broke your hand or something, your parents can drive you there just fine. You know, if there's whatever. And you can probably even get there quicker if you don't wait for the ambulance to arrive. But if it's like a heart attack or something or a situation where you're worried about moving them safely, I shouldn't be giving out medical advice. But like those are the times

to me that it makes a lot of sense. Like, you know, the ambulance will have, I don't know what they give people. Is it nitroglyceride? What do they give someone in the middle of a heart attack? Oh, glycerin. Is that it? That's what blows up in video games. I don't know if that's the same thing. Or baby aspirin. I've definitely heard aspirin before, but I don't know if that's what they give you in the ambulance. I want to Google it, but it's not relevant.

Anyway, they'll give you medical care. What is heparin? Are you guessing or saying it? Heparin's an anticoagulant. I know that nitroglycerin is something that people take for medical purposes. It's not, you say? It is. Oh, it is?

It is. Yeah, as well as being like the explosive liquid that they put dynamite or they see used to. According to this website, nitroglycerin is not what they give heart attack victims, so maybe that's off target. It's something like that. It sounds like nitroglycerin. Really? Oh, look.

Nitroglycerin. Yeah. Yeah, that's part of the immediate treatment. Aspirin to prevent further blood clotting. Nitroglycerin to reduce your heart's workload and improve blood growth. What about heparin? Could you include heparin in the search parameters? It's an anticoagulant Just wondering if maybe that would be helpful

Sounds like something for like yes, actually I've went to another site using heparin in the search string and Intravenous heparin is one of the things that they'll do in my head I was thinking like if this is fallout times and what he's going you know he's having his first heart attack on us like I'm immediately gonna have to hook him up with some heparin that that's what I would grab and that from my doctor house school of medicine yeah don't touch that it's lupus sounds like it might be helpful it's always lupus but i would give you nitroglycerin so it would either fix you or just put you out of your misery quick like just you'll

you blow up flash cook the rest of the gang how what kind of injury would you sustain what yet what how injured would you have to be to prefer death oh okay so facial deformity that's it like if my face melts off done like if um if i lose like a large portion of my face done uh like my nose is gone done i lose uh both eyes done um if i lose more than one of my senses including like taste i'm done like i know there's those things sometimes where the person can't taste or smell anything anymore no really are you shitting me i would keep going with that one person on the planet fuck that i'll never enjoy food again and i won't even know it when i start shitting myself no i was i don't want that kind of with you and i would still

know that you would still know when you that warmubricated hind end of mine would be a tip-off. Like, you know what? I better get to the bathroom. I did it again. I'm feeling a case of 100% midi-mix coming on. So I'm trying to think if I would want to live. And I hate to say all this because I don't want to offend anybody

who might have any of these afflictions but I don't know if I'd want to live in a wheelchair I really enjoy my mobility I enjoy being able to have sex as an able bodied man I want my feet I want to be able to walk I feel like if I were to like

sure definitely so but I feel like if the were to like that would be really like sure definitely so but i feel like if the diabetes took like both my feet then like i really don't want to keep going like i'd be okay if like sepsis set in and i i just didn't make it uh there's a i'm pretty vain like you know remember in a bone tomahawk when he's like my vanity won't allow me to be a cripple he's like bandaging up his hand when he loses it like that's how i feel too like i need my fucking hands i need my fingers like i wouldn't want to die if i lost a couple fingers but do you want to live with no fingers i don't i don't want to live without fingers i need at least ago but they got like goofy shit they can do seven. Seven? If I lose more than three fingers, I'd rather die. What the fuck?

You're so far, like, to the, like, I did not expect this. You want this to be you? You want this to be you? I knew it was going to be more extreme than most people. I knew that, you know, he was going to be like, if I get, like, a scar that goes from cheek

to nose, done it if it wells up and gets gross if i get like a really bad case of that uh ray liota acne that says um you know if i ask for medium rare and they bring a well done steak if um if i have to drink one more of these 100 foods there's a lot of things that I would rather be dead. That's how they lose weight. People just go halfway through the bottle. The intestinal blockage, you won't be able to eat anything

for days afterwards. All that flaxseed. No, there's a lot of things that I just feel like, nah, I'm checking out. We saw that guy. Remember when we saw that guy at Walmart? You didn't see him. Chiz saw him. There was the guy at Walmart who had been in some sort of fire or something. I can only imagine. And his face looked like it had melted off.

And I guess he had lost most of his fingers in the thing, too. So he had sort of a penguin situation with some nubs that didn't even have fingernails on them. They were all pink and shiny. And it was like this. But they were about as big around as like one finger what and he had he had a vest on let me let me just get this i had this vest on with all these crippled hand tools on them that i'm sure he could like somehow manipulate with whatever claw he had left to like i don't know dial a phone or wipe his ass or something

and i was like no so for you we know that's gone But let's say hypothetically this. Let's say that you suffered burns, a lot of them, like 60%. But they only impacted you from like belly button to bicep, where you could wear a shirt that covered these burns. Second or third? Third. Oh, it's bad skin. But it's all covered by a T-shirt. What does it look like?

Freddy Krueger. I'm fine with that. What does it look like? Freddy Krueger. I'd rather die. I'm fine with that. Oh, I'm not fine with it, but that would not be a reason to kick it. I'd live through it provided I could be a normal stuff. If there were serious limitations on my mobility. There would be. Yeah, there would be, right?

If I could still hammer and pick things up. You know if something's really heavy, you kind of, like, rest it on your belly and chest as you, like, carry it to a place. If I can still function like a healthy person, if it was just cosmetic, that'd be one thing. But if it's, like, painful to raise my elbow over my shoulder, then it's a lot tougher to live with. Yeah, I wouldn't do that.

I don't want to live without my dick. I don't want to live without at least one ball. I could lose all my toes and keep on rocking it. Whatever. Maybe whatever footwear I need to make me be able to walk like a normal human being. I could give up a nut. As a matter of fact, I might give up a nut for less than you'd guess. If it was $100,000

for a nut, I'd be like... You already have two kids, so it's not fair. Yeah, I'm not worried about it at all. I'd give them both up if it's you know it wouldn't you know especially you know if i'm allowed a cosmetic replacement like you're gonna have them both as provided that i you know we can keep me manly enough there you go yeah you know they do that for dogs right i didn't know that yeah in my head i'm going to call them i can't ping pong balls nudicles or something like like yeah is that what it is so yeah you know you get your dog neutered and for the aesthetic of a dog with balls they make these these fake ball uh dog testicles and they make them in all the different

sizes you know where you got a little pomeranian or a big great dane with some nuts on it like ender right so we have a dog ender and uh we're going to have him fixed we have all our dogs neutered and fixed some people think that's right whatever um oh my god jackie calls him truck nuts they're fucking enormous they're like apples hanging down from his scrotum and you know like you can't not see him like when he walks around they're just fucking like you know juggling juggling swinging when he lays down they squeeze out the back and you're just like dude put on a diaper or something you have these fucking truck nuts bring him out of here i'm sure he's sleeping in the bed my dad's dog's got some pretty big ones too. It's a little

unseemly. They're bigger than human nuts. No, I weigh more than Ender. But his nuts, holy smokes. I'd like to see Wings of Redemption's nuts next to your dog's nuts. I think Ender's nuts. It would take a really exceptional

human to compete with this dog's nutsack. Your dog is old enough now in its head, nuts for long enough, that it's become like a manly-ish dog. But those ones who are fixed right away, they're like Varus of dogs. Every one of them, but they can't talk. They're just walking around.

A little birdie's told me that you've yet to feel my bow. He's just walking around bill a feminine little gay just they didn't ever get any testosterone if that's what it's given them we got i'm thirsty they say that that's supposed to like change the temperament and i'm sure it does i believe them because they're experts. It's so universally agreed, right? Yeah, but in my dog's case, it didn't seem to help, and in my dad's dog's case, it didn't either.

Like his little Jack Russell Terrier. I mean, it still attacks you if you come near my dad. It's pissed off. Always? Every day. Every day. Dad really regrets doing it.

He talks about it whenever the subject comes up. He's like, I shouldn't have done it. Mama, it's her idea. Parents are just always on the rocks, it seems. It's entertaining on the outside, though. Oh, it's hilarious. It's great. Mom apparently listened to to some of

the show uh not too long ago and i gotta i gotta talk into via dad that there were certain subjects and don't ask me what subject or what i said tell us all yeah yeah but but but there was a they're like i don't do that i don't want to hear and i when i left the shop tonight i was telling dad i was like yeah i gotta i gotta go do some work he's like you doing that show i was like yeah he's like well be careful what you say i might just tune on in i was like it's just four or five hours a week you're gonna comb through that you can't even sit through breaking bad listen to my son being a jackass yeah i i mean it, it's weird when people in our real lives listen to the show because I think a lot of the fans realize that we're putting on a show here. We're being silly a lot of the time.

It's a comedy show in my eyes. It kind of started out as a video game talk show, but over the years we all like to be funny and we all like to make each other laugh. That's my favorite thing to do is to laugh. So it's of a comedy show now and i think most people realize that but some people don't and it's just like i'm always having to face like the person thinks that they're about to make me face the music they're like so i saw you said this this and that and i'm just like that's a fucking joke it's an inside joke that that you don't know the preamble to. See, there's this running story.

I'm not part of a team of rapists who go around and do raping. I'm not a real rape squad killer. Just for pretend. You've got to explain that stuff. I think two or three weeks ago, I was explaining that there was this Reddit post where the girlfriend had basically broken the guy's Fallout 4 disc and posted he wasn't spending enough time with me, blah, blah, blah. And I told you guys that if that happened, I was like, that's grounds for dismissal. I'd break up with her right there. My girlfriend's doing the laundry upstairs, and she hears me saying this, but she only hears half of it.

So she thinks I'm saying that I'm going to break up with her. To play Fallout. Yeah, because of the Fallouts, because I'm saying that I'm going to break up with her. To play Fallout. Because I'm playing too much Fallout or whatever and I don't like that she's been giving me some friction about it. She thinks I'm breaking up with her. So I check my phone during the show and I'm just like, eight messages.

You son of a bitch. She's like, are you breaking up with me? And I'm just like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. So, yeah. It's weird when people in your real life listen to the show, especially vicariously. My mom watches the whole show. I have to believe she likes it because like you, I mean, it's four or five hours of content a week.

That's a lot to keep up on if you're not entertained by the show at all. But one thing happened new this week. So my father's got a medical issue that I won't share. But I'm like, damn it, Mom, you done worn him out. She's like, no, it wasn't me. It wasn't me. And I think she got it. It was a PKA reference to their relationship.

I can't imagine referencing things I've said on here to, like, my own mom. Like, hey, remember that time I was, like, making fun of cripples? Like, ha-ha! Oh, man. Like, just the times we have. Like, I don't know. Like, people will ask and be like, oh, what's the name of that show you do? And I'll tell them, but I'm not going to, like, ever be sitting there, like, at my place with them and be like, check this this clip out let's sit here and listen to me talk i like i like to sit down with them and and

like play like a best of like a couple of the best of clips and explain like who each of us are and how and what we do and everything and then give our backgrounds and then sort of explain that like this is sort of an entertainment show we do don Don't take this as our unadulterated selves. You're not a voyeur just viewing us, hanging out, having a talk. We're directly talking to the audience most of the time. We're putting on a show for them. And some people can't wrap their head around that or sarcasm or really anything. Well, you have to be extreme to the like, the point of ludicrousness

a lot of times with points of view on things. So, like, people will say, like, oh, I hate, you know, fucking how Taylor hates liberals so much. And it's like, you know, a lot of that stems from truth. But you also, like, I need to be Woody's foil in a lot of ways because Woody does go to the left more so. And if all three of us were just talking about like agreeing and beating each other off like that's just boring you know like you need

the other side i'll say this i feel like over the past couple weeks and months you've done that really well right like there was a time when you just were kind of anti-liberal but it wasn't fact based to me you didn't you just were like they're stupid, but they didn't present an accurate counterpoint. Now you do. Like in particular, I'm thinking in my head right now of the Bernie Sanders talk. Like, I'll be like, you know, the thing about Trump is he's really full of shit, and he knows he's full of shit,

and there's this and there's that. I'm gonna circle back to some actual stuff about him, but you're like, yeah, and then on Bernie Sanders, just so you know, no one believes that you really get free college free medical care free everything i can't think of the other major free things he wanted to give away a base salary for everyone and not have like yeah a living wage for mcdonald's yeah and not have like either massive deficits or huge tax increases and uh or slavery that's always a solution that i've been a major proponent i either massive deficits or huge tax increases. Or slavery. That's always a solution that I've been a major proponent of.

I don't think it's his platform, but... It's hard to get people... It is his platform. That's what you don't realize. He wants a bunch of the Americans to work for free. He wants... He doesn't... When there's no profit to be made, people won't do the work.

It's... I just don't like how I can tell it's going to hurt small businesses because I know a good number of people with small businesses and they work their asses off just as hard, I think, as people who have large businesses that could skirt by even if these were implemented. I was reading

recently about how easy it is to be convinced of something when you already have that viewpoint. There's tons of data that reinforce it. I feel like I see it in religion a lot, right? It just takes the smallest amount of like verification of your idea and you will buy anything. One of the things lately has been minimum wage, right? I say, look, if we make the labor force more expensive, that will either get automated or shipped overseas. They've heard this a million times if you watch the show a lot. And people are like, I don't know. Minimum wage went high in Seattle and everyone's just loving it. Like,

oh, really? So we haven't seen the impact of higher American wages? How's the textiles industry in Seattle? Because North Carolina used to make a lot of clothing and that shit is just gone. It's wiped out and never returning. America used to make more cars. Tons of manufacturing jobs that were here have been sent overseas because our labor costs are so high. You're talking about increasing the labor cost in one city and it not having a major impact on the U.S. economy. Yeah, right? A fucking course not. Also, it's only been a year. It's only been a year.

But if suddenly everyone in the nation makes at least $15 an hour, then you're going to see entire industries shipped out of here because they're uncompetitive with the ones that did. But circling back to this verification of ideas you already hold, they'll be like, yeah, Seattle did this 13 months ago, and we haven't seen any big differences other than pay raises. Right. Do it nationwide. Do it for a decade and see what happens to

industries that have lower pay. They'll be gone. They're already gone and we don't even have that. That's a pretty big extrapolation from Seattle to the entire country. Just like comparing like, oh, well, this Nordic country with three million people in it does this.

It's like, yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile, they have like tons of oil revenues and everyone is rich. They're practically a Middle East, but they're a cold version of the Saudi state. Or they live on like a geothermal hotspot that allows them to like get 30% of their energy

from that or something. Oh, so Trump recently said, if you want to take care of ISIS, remember this is a guy who's going to be great at the military, his new plan is to, he's like, the people in ISIS don't care if they die. So what you got to do is kill their families. And I try to look at that rationally.

Because there's a part of me that is like, look, if you really want to wipe things out, the last time we won a war, we bombed cities. Like World War II I'm talking about. Like, you know, Tokyo. They just set that whole freaking thing on fire. You think no innocent people were hurting that? You know, that that was all a military strike?

No, man. That was just... We firebombed cities we in the i mean they make an effort when they do that to like look at the weather patterns to make sure the winds are going to be right to start a wild a fire in the city that'll burn everything up the bombs are are just are sort of the bombs set things off but the the firestorm that was created afterwards is the real goal of a lot of those fire bombings and it was germany and and japan received the the same so we've done it before and it's worked i mean we unequivocally won that war and then we didn't have like tons of german

and japanese like insurgency attacks afterwards but somehow i feel like doing that in the middle east isn't a winning strategy no the trump's idea of killing the fat go like what point do you stop like is it oh we kill the immediate family then the extended family gets a ton of people who now have a hair up their ass about you know maybe these Isis people are right like these are a bunch of fuckers like what are we even talking about assassinating their families like like like if we can't find these guys out in the desert, how are we going to find their Uncle Larry and take him out?

Or are they talking about bombing their homelands that are unaffiliated with the war? My personal leap was drone attacks. Like, yeah, you know, take out with drones at, like, the house level. Like, you know, this guy left this house. Now he's in ISIS. All right, well, we know his home address, so we'll go get that house. Can house imagine how many new terrorists would pop up even if it wasn't

their family where they're like oh the marie or whatever like were killed down there they were just hanging out like their son was a bit of a ruffian but you know the rest of them were just people and like just doing their thing trying to live like and then that would I guess radicalize if that's the word we're using now so many people that's an awful idea Trump that's just not practical for one thing because it's like we don't know who a lot of these guys are

period much less who their families are okay and the ones that we do know we do know where their families are and I'm sure they've probably already fucked with their families and questioned them and found out everything they could know. Couldn't even tell the dude in California. Killing isn't gonna do anything. And the real thing you should know here is that we've been killing their families for

years. That's why they hate us. That's why there isn't ISIS, because we killed their fucking families. That's why they don't mind dying for their cause, because we killed their fucking families. Well, that's... He's an idiot. I just apply it to me. If you kill my daughter, I would join a rebel force. Sure, yeah.

You know? Some of those drone attacks, you hear about taking out a whole wedding in Pakistan here and I've heard about it multiple occasions. You would think that there would only be one accidental US drone attack that killed a whole wedding party. No! There's a handful of them. We're always taking out the whole wedding party. Who can tell the difference between

a wedding and a terrorist training camp anyway? I know. They both have catering. They look the same. I don't know what the Islamic wedding is like. I've seen a Jewish wedding. Well, they stop by the kindergarten, pick up a bride.

As you do. Rougher up a little, as you do. If you resist or anything. I think they have sex and then you take the soiled blood sheets and show them to everyone or is that game of thrones that's that might be game of thrones just beyond horrific but like i want to say culture does that doesn't happen with like just normal like the overwhelming majority of just peaceful muslims right like they they marry people their own age that's my understanding

like not their own age like a couple years younger or something, but it's only those super extreme actual radicals who are marrying children still, right? I know people in the US don't do that. I don't think I'm educated well enough on the topic to say for sure, but I would say

that the child marriage game doesn't necessarily mean the person is is is a terrorist or anything and vice versa i bet there's a lot but but i feel like there's a lot of child fucking that goes on over there and uh and this seems like a great excuse when your religion excuses it that could be nine years old and they're always that was like the same extremists who like acted on those like like sure there's people from both camps in there there could be yeah it just seems like that's i don't know the culture is so different over there but i can't imagine like a

middle-of-the-road muslim being like oh yeah i'm 41 about to get married she's eight like there's just no way like i there's no fucking way that's common. That's literally unbelievable. If you get her at eight, what do you wait a few years? What do you do? It's so horrible. That is horrific. What if you're an eight-year-old that gets married off? What are you thinking?

In a culture like that, do you have some more wives that you can have sex with while she's on the bench? You wait for her to turn older? Yeah, a harem right yeah that might be the way to go yeah you can have some up it see that's like what do they call it in baseball when you got minor leagues yeah the trip a farm league your farm team far yeah yeah yeah it's farm team down there yeah yeah like an eight-year-old 12 year old stuff like that, they're up and coming. They're going to be good players in a year or two. Oh, this is gross.

We used to do that on the lifeguard stand. I'm sure I've told this before. So girls would walk down the beach. That was a thing. They're always walking down. So you'd see them from like 300 feet away, and you'd be like, ooh, she's hot. And then she comes by, and you realize she's hot, but she's like 15 she's like 15 or something so we had an imaginary farm league like ah we'll put her there we'll let her mature three years later she'll come back she'll be ready for the majors

was the farm league like some sort of alley behind the it was just was there a lot of fake drowning in the farm league just talk no it's just like still you'll be fine you're having an out of water drowning oh well i can't believe your mom listens to this that's that's outrageous i just heard that occasionally but like she's a fan is she a patreon and everything huh i don't think so she's never mentioned pkn wow she needs to jump on the bed like come on that's where the real dirty mrs woodworth like you have to know you're you're missing half the show here like we've got pkn over there and it's it's a lot more spontaneous and get our daily lives over there it's a lot of fun pkn has a bit of a different culture to it like i feel like it's just us girls right

in pkn right like it it's a smaller audience. Like anything you say, that's going to cut. Like if I had talked about Robin Williams on PKN, it would have never been a thing. Like it's, it's, thank God you didn't. It's not here.

It's fucking patch. It's just us. And yeah, PKN is a little more intimate version of pka yeah so head on over to patreon become a member yeah yeah check that out that but but yeah i can't believe your mom's not a patreon she's not listening to the show i mean my mom's not either so oh well you should get it come on mrs durka step up your game. Yeah. I don't think she fully understands it. She'll be like, oh, how's the YouTube?

Well, is your mom 95? Oh, I was just getting back from the soda fountain. Yeah, she's in Fargo. Heard you were doing your thing online. I just call it a radio show because that that's it's basically what it is it's just on a different format i was like we do kind of a comedy radio show every week it's on the internet did you have to like choose a parent you stayed closer to during the divorce uh because you were like a young adult when that happened it's a different

experience i think than some that was like six years ago or so five years ago five six so i was like 18 or 19 in college and so it didn't affect me that much and like i just kind of stayed like i made it affected you though i talked to you at the time yeah yeah it affected me but it also was like like i had to like set a precedent like i was old enough unlike like my youngest sibling where i could like set a precedent of like all right don't talk to me about anything going on with parent number two and then with the other one don't talk to me about anything going on parent number one i don't want to hear it i want to stay close to both of you and i'm not gonna be your messenger boy or do anything like that like when i'm with you you're my mom i'm with

you you're my dad we don't get involved like if you start saying like oh well that thing that they did that one time oh it's like i that nope you're breaking the rule like of course it doesn't work 100 of the time and there's always like flub ups because there's so much like bound up frustration from yeah just like that but that's what i've tried to do and it's worked well for the most part. My dad, whenever my mom and dad, they were going to get divorced, I don't know, two or three years ago or something like that. What do you call it? They didn't.

We put a bet on it, which is so horrible. Kyle bet they were going to split. Yeah, I was like, no. I would bet that right now. It always seems like a safe bet. Because my dad called me and he was like, your mother and I are getting a divorce. I just wanted to let you know

and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, that's probably for the best, right? Good deal, you know? Alright, finally making some sense over there. But he was, you know, they were going back and forth and I'd be with him and he'd be doing that thing like you're saying

like it's me and him against her and I'm like look I'm not gonna be no I'm not taking sides in this I was like you can't ask me to kind of turn against my mother no more than I would allow her to try to turn me against you I was like I'm a neutral party in all this I feel very bad for all the bullshit

you guys have going on, but like, it doesn't have anything to do with me. Yeah, yeah, I have nothing to do with this, and I won't have anything to do with it. You know, I didn't like that at all, because my sister got all involved in it, and I didn't... The less you know, the better in that kind of situation, where it's like, would you want to

know what they did this time? It's, no. No. I might end up in some sort of fucking i might remember the time they brought juice boxes after my soccer game like that's yeah i don't want to be called to some sort of divorce hearing to like and like my dad's over there just say what i told you to say and i'm just like fuck really you know who your best friend is like you know what to say i just imagine both give me a pep talk before i have to go like like they're both trying to get me to lie fighting for custody of their 29 year old son

they would fight for the other way around I would hate to have another thing I'd rather do than die another thing that I would prefer death over, living with my mother under any circumstances whatsoever, I just would not even without a burned face I would prefer death over living with my mother under any circumstances whatsoever.

I just would not. Even without a burned face? Even without a burned face, no. Wouldn't stay with her. What would happen that would be so awful? Oh. Oh. She would talk.

She probably would. She'd be there. Oh, man. I don't know. She's hard to get along with man like no sense of humor for one thing like i like to fuck around i like to joke i like to like just randomly tell you like a ridiculous lie just to be like just tell you something awful happened today and then just to get a reaction get a rise out of you get a reaction out of you

that's what she always called it she's like you're always just trying to get a rise out of me and i'm like yeah it's a fucking joke like you don't have a sense of humor and me and my dad had the same fucked up sense of humor where like i don't know we crack jokes all the time we're always picking on stuff and making fun of her and her ridiculousness and italy any but really anybody who's around us and she just got no sense of humor about that shit and she's got a crazy uh temper like and and you know it's all cross-eyed when she starts screaming at you. And I found that every conversation I had with her ended up with me feeling chest pains and tension. And I would just be like, no, mom, I don't want to do that.

No. No, I don't need help with that. No. Tell her not to. No, don't make an appointment for me. No. I'm not going. I won't go help with that. No, tell her not to. No, don't make an appointment for me. No, I'm not going. I won't go.

No, no. I don't need my teeth cleaned. They're fine. She just pushed her will upon you. She's just, I can't deal with it. It's exhausting. It really frustrates me. I get so frustrated dealing with her with her I don't know just the

question she asked I just I love her you know that's my mom but I don't like her I don't like her well I hope she likes that that little diatribe there yeah mom um if you're listening to this I hope that didn't offend you at all um I I just you know you were just you had sure so pretty well you're very supportive during my childhood but I just felt like I didn't get a lot of love i just felt like you were just you're just always screaming at me just just lots of yelling and and and that i'd cross over and you'd scream and then just and you gave me a lot of a lot of apprehension to to like waking up early i feel like you'd come in there saturday morning all i'd want to do is watch cartoons and and i just remember feeling dread when i'd hear you walking around the house because I knew that you were up

and I'd have to do some chores or something. So yeah, just deal with it, Mom. It'll be all right. Not enough love. Yeah, not enough love. And you have a sense of humor. No sense of humor. And so everything you said,

you can construe as a joke. And if she gets offended, she's only affirming your point. See? There you go again, Mom. You didn't get the joke. Everything you said just neatly wrapped up in a little box, bow tied. Interesting.

I had it a little easier, I guess. Throughout my childhood, I never had to question my parents' relationship. That thing was just solid. You could hear the... Nobody in the neighborhood. The bed squeaking was enough to let you know that they're still getting along. If there was ever any kind of real bump in the road, then it was hidden from the children. You know, you condition from it from birth and probably before birth, really.

Literally, yeah. During. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right? Get him out of there. I'm filling up. I still got an indentation right here. So I never had to worry about that.

My father worked so much and he worked far from the house, an hour and a half from the house. So he wasn't around as much. And when we moved to Ocean City, my mother was not enthusiastic about parenting. It seemed like she kind of retired when I was 12. But there was still like a family that existed there, even though I didn't get the micromanagement that a slack-off like me probably needed. And then into adulthood, you know, some like good high-level counseling, but still a lot of time spent.

Like I would say my first 15 years of adulthood were kind of not happy with my constant professional failure you know only being like what top five or ten percent economically who could put up with a loser like that and then more recently now that that's kind of settled away it has to do with my lack of faith and you know if I were to spend more than 15 minutes with my parents it would surely go around to you know woody i wish you had the gift of faith so you just fake it i'm not a liar like no like i wouldn't you get what i left your name on high i uh i't do that. And one of the reasons I'm adopted of atheist, because I used to say I was agnostic a long time ago, and I was like, I feel like I'm just not being honest with whoever I'm talking to.

Agnostic's a little more palatable to a lot of people, where you're like, I'm not sure what I believe. Like, all right, well, I'll take that. I would put myself in that camp, because I feel like you should, too too if you really think about it. Maybe you have. But an atheist seems to know something that the rest of us don't know. Just like a person of faith does.

I feel like an atheist has to have a bit of faith in their own regard to feel like they've got enough information at hand to make a decision on whether there's something else out there. But an agnostic person, they're admitting like, hey, I'm lacking a big part of the equation. I can, there's no way I can know what the final answer is going to be. It could be any one of these things. There could be a gray haired, a white haired wizard up in the sky who commands everything. Or maybe there there's alien puppet masters who are just planetists down here or maybe we're just all in a big dream world and some turtles back or something

that's the way it's like actually it's more palatable just to say oh I'm agnostic but like the actual words like I don't think of douchiness when I think of like atheist because agnostic and atheist are describing different things like to be an atheist means that you when I think of atheists, because agnostic and atheist are describing different things. To be an atheist means that you do not believe in God.

To be agnostic means that you do not believe that there is sufficient knowledge to know. If you're a gnostic theist, that means that you have the knowledge required to establish the existence of God, and the theist means that you know that this God is X, Y, and Z. If you're an agnostic atheist, you believe that there is insufficient knowledge to know whether or not there is a God, therefore you do not believe in God as the default position for belief is non-belief. Agnostic sounds better, though,

because it makes you seem a little less... It sounds better because it makes, in my head, it makes you sound a little less confrontational. Like, you might be right. I don't know. It could be. But what I do is I apply the same standard of proof to religion that I would apply to anything else in my life, right? If your religion believed that when I wasn't looking, goldfish came out of the bowl and flew around the room and landed.

And there was never any proof of this and no one's ever seen it and it never like there's just nothing to support this notion that when you leave the room goldfish fly around but we believe it we have faith in it and you know through eons thousands of years you know there's just never been any concrete proof but we think it happens i'm just like no i i can't believe that you're on target with that when there's just so much lack of proof you know and and going back to the thing i've been talking about so many times this low standard for confirmation and things you already believe in like my father is convinced that i hope i don't mess this up but i think israel beat ir Iran in a war in like the 60s.

And he's like, there's no reason they would have won that war. None. They were just completely outclassed in so many ways. But God was on their side and Israel won the war. I know, was it the six day, seven day war or something like that? All right, so there were some crazy shit

that went on in that. There was this one tank commander who was up on an elevated position. And I don't remember how many tanks he destroyed with his one tank. But it was so many, it sounded like video game stats. Now, I don't believe that the God of Abraham came down and helped that tank commander kill 80 tanks or whatever he killed. But they did do a pretty good job in that little war.

I watched a little thing about that on the History Channel the other day. But I think I'm an anti-theist, right? Like, I don't believe in any of the shit that everybody else believes in. I don't think anybody knows. I don't think that it's, you know, Jesus Christ or the God of Abraham.

I don't think that, you know... You don't think anybody the God of Abraham or I don't think that you know any other thing anybody's got it right I don't think anybody's got it right I think I think it's much more likely that that were a long string of cosmic accidents in my head yeah or cosmic coincidences or whatever I think I think more of us than that I think we might have some something like a soul something like what we call a soul maybe there's something left of us after we're gone some some scrap of energy that's undetectable or or immeasurable or we're not even aware of maybe there's something left of us that goes on afterwards but i don't think we're conscious i

i'd like to think that human beings are more than just animals that are with big brains yeah it's nicer to believe that but like that's the same thing as what you're saying of, like, oh, you don't believe in the God Abraham and all that. Like, there's just as much evidence for us going on in some form as there is for all their stuff. Which is to say none, right? None. Which is to say none. Yeah, it'd be better to – I'd rather believe that, but, like, it seems like you're building yourself up for disappointment.

I like to believe in reincarnation. Am I? I like reincarnation. I think that believe that. But like, I'd like to, it seems like you're, you're building yourself up for disappointment. I like to believe in reincarnation. I like reincarnation. I think that sounds great. You know? Yeah. Oh, you're so special, Woody,

that you will go on to live many, many lives and it'll never end and all that stuff. It doesn't really sink in with like an increasing population count. You know what? There's reincarnation and new ones. I don't know. It just, I want some level of evidence in almost everything. I believe, you know what this reincarnation and new ones i don't know they just i want some level of evidence

in almost everything i believe you know all the way from like automotive repair to religion and well what about the moon base like you believe in that and we haven't seen it that's not true we've only seen one side oh oh i'm sorry you've seen it you've seen the moon base what movies are we talking about i don't know of any moon bases've seen the moon base? What moon base are we talking about? I don't know of any moon bases. We were talking about the moon base last week. Yeah. I didn't believe it last week either. All the rich people are staying up in.

You think the paparazzi can't find Miley Cyrus. Well, they know exactly where she is and where she's hiding. I read on Reddit today that the Russians were planning to build a moon base. Oh, really? Yeah. Doesn't seem like they could build a moon base. Oh, really? Yeah. Power to them. It doesn't seem like they could afford a moon base right now since, you know. I barely understand.

It seems like they're better at rockets than we are. Somebody sent me this really great military analysis. Because I had talked on the show maybe three weeks ago about how, well, I'm not shocked that Russian military has advanced. In my thought process, it kind of didn't. I pictured what it was in the 80s or 90s. And I see their stuff now. Like, oh, shit, that's all new-looking bombs.

And they've got cruise missiles flying along the bottom and stuff. And somehow I forgot that they were advancing. Or at least I hadn't thought about how they're advancing. And he just laid out all the places that Russia is better than the U.S. and where U.S. is better than Russia and how different things are important. The U.S. has an air force that is just far and away better than what anyone else has. But Russia, super strong in anti-air. They're not expecting to win air supremacy with planes. They expect to make air supremacy a serious pain in the ass

with surface-to-air missiles. And they're better at that than we are. There's a reason that when we want to go to the moon, or I'm sorry, the International Space Station right now, we use Russian rockets. Apparently, their rockets are first class and ours, we have

catching up to do there. It made sense. Everything you said made sense. That's not why. NASA doesn't have the money. They stopped the shuttle program. I'm not saying... Well, I guess I did kind of say we can't build great rockets. Our rockets are better than theirs. That's how we made it to the moon.

We won the space race. I think we're clinging to some 40, 50 That's how we made it to the moon. We won the space race. That's what it was about, right? I think we're clinging to some 40, 50-year-old accomplishment there. I would guess that you can't say our rockets are better because of what we did in the 60s, I think. Well, they were better. I haven't seen any evidence that the Russians have gotten, have surpassed us in any way.

I don't know. They routinely go to the space station. They're the planet's taxi drivers at this point. At least that's because we defunded NASA. We're just not doing it. It's not like we were exploding left

and right. We've had, what, like two shuttle disasters ever or whatever. I think. I'm not sure. There's two of them that blew up and then I think that was part of the Apollo program where they burn up on the... Yeah, that was. I was about to say there's a third one that blew up and then I realized I was talking about an episode of West Wing.

Yeah. Oh, that's a lot of people are going to get up. I don't know. I don't think that they've shown anything that would suggest they've surpassed us in rocket technology. I just don't think so.

We're not taking our shit into space because we don't want to pay for it, from what I understand. It wasn't like we were unable to get up there or anything. The way I remember it, during the space race, there were two trains of thought,

I guess. One of them was with the Russians. They had lots and lots of rockets on their vehicle, and the Saturn V had, maybe it's five. It's a much smaller amount of rockets, and they could never get their shit to be nearly as reliable as ours was with fewer rockets. Their Nazi scientists weren't as good as ours. I want to read this to you. It's about a 90 second read.

I don't know if that's too long. Oh, I'd love to hear it. All right, here we go. You were wondering about tech levels and world militaries on PKA. I'll try and lay some info out there. Most of everything that the entire world uses right now was developed during the Cold War. In many cases, things that were being developed towards the end of the Cold War are superior to

things we still use today, simply because there was no need for those programs anymore. For example, the U.S. made way less F-22s than planned and was going to give up on a myriad of fancy toys for the Army like LOSATs and NLOS guns and net fire missiles. Joint European fighter development programs stalled for decades and eventually broke up. The Russian weapons development took a gigantic hit that are only just emerging from today. For example, half of their competing tank design bureaus arguably were better than the ones in the Ukraine. Now, how we stack up today. The U.S. is really good at avionics technology. Radars on planes from stealth planes is really no contest.

The U.S. is the only country with stealth fighters and stealth bombers. Soon, most of the U.S.'s major allies will be buying F-35s, the premier stealth fighter bomber. Very conventional media attention here, but I definitely support this program. I'm sorry, controversial media attention, but I support it. So this guy likes F-35s. I don't know. Another standout advantage the US has

is naval defense weapons for their ship. This developed due to the need to protect their very expensive aircraft carriers. The reason for this advantage is because the Soviet Union never needed carriers to project their power. They have land borders already that already provided for this. Instead, they developed huge fleets of strategic bombers launching anti-ship cruise missiles. These missiles can fly for hundreds of kilometers, break the sound barrier several times, skim close to the water's

edge. As you can manage, it's a huge feat of detection and guidance to intercept this weapon. And out of this need, the U.S., the only people who seriously needed to, developed some of the best ship-borne-to-air weapons in the world, for example. And then he links to the RIM-132 ESSM. Those were really the only two major American technology advantages I can think of. There might be a few that I missed, but they're not strategically significant. An army could have or not have those and still win around 50% of the time. Oh, he's saying the other technologies could have or have not them and still win half the time.

Everyone's tanks are Cold War era and similar in capability. Everyone's infantry rides around in a mixed of wheeled and tracked transports with similar weapons and armor. Everyone has a hefty stock of cruise missiles, precision-guided bombs, and anti-tank missiles. Everyone has attack helicopters like an Apache. Everyone has fighter aircraft as good as an F-15, the frontline American favorite. Europe has some better, but not as good as an F-22 at most things. Russia and China will have something like an F-22 soon. Interestingly enough, Russia and her allies and Cold War friends have better surface-to-air missiles than the West. This was born out of not being confident and holding air superiority with their fighters. The U.S. would probably have caught up if it wanted to, but they're many years behind.

He links to the Panzer S1 that has no modern Western counterpart. It's almost done. the Panzer S1 that has no modern Western counterpart. It's almost done. The reason the U.S. military is so impressive is not only its standout technology, but its logistics. If you stuck a U.S. armored company against a Russian one, it would be about an even fight. You could even make arguments either way, but the differences are small. But if you made Russia and U.S. fight each other over an island in the middle of the Pacific, the U.S. could easily float several brigades worth of equipment over there with no real problem. And they have their own mini air force flying from boats. Russia might show up with a battalion or two of light infantry, no tanks, etc., and a dozen fighter jets.

The only countries that can send large portions of their armies to fight anywhere in the world right now are Russia, followed by a large gap, then UK and France. Sorry for rambling. It's 2 a.m. Somewhere in there. That was good. Yeah. I mean, he seems to, I can hardly. I wish he'd mentioned the submarines because I feel like that's something that we're pretty

far ahead in, too. Maybe he'll write back. You know? Yeah, yeah. Let us know what you think of the sub, My thing is I feel like the sub, not specifically like the capabilities of the sub, but the capabilities of those missiles that it shoots, those

MIRVs or whatever, the ones that go up and have multiple warheads. It seems like the submarine will carry like a dozen or more of them and then each one individually is like half a dozen nuclear more of them and then each one individually is like half a dozen uh nuclear uh weapons in its in its own right i'm wondering if the russians have a uh similar i think um i took that surface to air missile thing and extrapolated it to mean rockets

but in reading it a second time i don't think that was a fair thing to do. Unless I read somewhere else, but now I'm reading it. A gun? No, he was saying that in that thing I just read, that the U.S. is much better at surface to air missiles, and that developed out of a need because they didn't think that their fighter jets could maintain air superiority.

So I think I heard that, you know, although they're much better surface-to-air missiles, they got way better rockets, and that explains the moon thing and all that. But either I'm just wrong, or I read that somewhere else. I don't know. I thought that was my source, and upon rereading it, it wasn't a good source. That was pretty good. Did that guy say what his background is or if he's just a fan of the History Channel?

No, I read you almost all of it. I'm looking at his... I don't know where his knowledge comes from, but it seemed pretty legit to me. Yeah, he's well-spoken. I'd like to know what he... If you read this whole thing, there's no grammatical errors or anything.

He writes on a collegiate level. I like to see that. Every now and then, I'll... I don't know. I don't like grammatical errors. I do my best when I write something to get any out. Every now and then, I'll send a message or an email, and I'll see it. I'm just like, fuck!

I have to immediately send them an email and let them know i know how to spell that word just so you know i know it was supposed to be t-h-e-i-r i know and i've always fucking known don't you doubt me yeah i i don't at all struggle with the knowledge of it but every so often i see that i made that mistake and when you're typing it's you know shit's just flowing and especially if you're dictating or you're like taking memory you're like sometimes I'll read something and I'm like reprocessing what I'm reading and typing it out like

changing the format of it basically and like there's gonna be some shit in there there'll be typos but I feel like I judge people based on that. Whenever I see Chiz made a little error in there, I go, oh yeah. You keep a mental log. When I see Chiz

make a little mistake like that though, I liken it to the same ones I do. I don't think he doesn't know. I think he just didn't spell, you know, proofread it again or something like that. No, I don't think he's a good speller. Hmm. I have a spelling contest. I think

they're the same kind of mistakes I would make. Let's give him a spelling bee. Kyle versus Chiz spelling bee. Yes! I like that. You know, and what's great now is everyone has cameras, right? We held spelling bees in the past. I remember White Boy beat Only Use Me Blade, which was an upset, but nobody knows. There weren't cameras at the time. Hands up for this

Spelling Bee. I'll take you on, Kyle. Any day of the week. I don't want none of Mirka and a Spelling Bee. Can I forfeit now? You have a huge everyday vocabulary, right? It's rare that you use words that I don't know, but it's not rare that you use words that I don't use. And yeah, I extrapolate that onto a spelling level. My favorite word is preponderance. Yeah, preponderance. Yeah, that's a Taylor word. Nice.

The P sound is funny if you put it in the right context. It's a good one. And you manage to, yeah, of course, it's funny when you say it, the right context it's a good one and he managed to yeah it comes of course it's funny when you say it and it sounds smooth unlike with Lefty

when it just seemed condescending and I wonder how he's doing now why why does everybody wonder it's like you know what

I also wonder about that taxi driver that drove us home from PAX that night I wonder what Raphael's doing I don't fucking care what Raphael's doing. I had a passing association with Lefty.

I wish him the best, but I don't care what he's doing. If he joined the army, good, join the army. Or if he becomes a professional talk radio. I just don't fucking care. It's funny. I think I'm the one he hates the most, but I considered my relationship with him way more than passing association.

No, we weren't buds buds he never confided in whatever life troubles he may have been facing at the time if any who the hell knows we like we didn't have that level but i care about him um i i played video games with lefty i enjoyed playing video games with him um i really didn't know lefty at all really i still don't know the guy's real name. Don't say it out loud. I still don't know it and you've told me multiple times and I've read it in our discussions and stuff and I still don't know the guy's fucking name. So it's like I didn't know him that well. I just didn't. I know Chiz infinitely more

better than I ever did Lefty. I learned Lefty's name when I had to write him a check, I think. So that's the thing. And there was another thing. I don't know if I've told this story before. I probably have. But I needed his address, again, to send him money. And it was hard to get it from him.

It was like, do you have to? I was like, well, can't you just? I'm like, yeah, I'm trying to send him money and it was hard to get it from him you know it was like do you have to i was like well can't you just you know i'm like yeah i'm trying to send you a check like i'm not going to spread your address and never have even the through the darkest times and uh never even considered it and he was like well can't you just paypal it and i was like well like i technically could but i like i got paid with check, and I just wanted it to come out of the account that it went into. It seemed more unified that way. Instead of me going off to some other financial institution and paying out of that when the money came in here. He gave me his address, but it took some talking to.

He valued his privacy. Yeah, sure. And I can't blame him. I value mine as well. But, um, but yeah, I just, I just didn't know Lefty very well. We were, we were coworkers. Uh, I'd say it kind of ends there. I don't, don't know anything. I don't know what state he lived or lives in. Um, I think he drove a Crown Vic if I remember correctly, or a Grand Marquis or something like that. He enjoys cigars.

I think he lived near Chicago, didn't he? Near Chicago, yeah. I would guess he's in Illinois. Tried to get him to come and play paintball with us. Anyway, I had a much closer relationship with Wings of Redemption than I ever did with Lefty. God, I want to see what Wings is up to. I need to check his videos out. I haven't checked them out in a while.

I like it when Wings is at least some part of my life. When Wings is involved, when he's kind of part of my daily discussion. I like watching his videos with my girlfriend. I know Kitty loves watching his videos. We know the ones we like to watch, right?

The real ones. The ones that are him and shit's happening. And it's a real life soap opera drama type situation. Relatives on drugs. Family members are ill. I don't wish him bad times, but anything real in him, I love.

If he's having highs right now, share the highs. If he's having lows right now, share the lows. It's great YouTube. My least favorite are when I might have some inside knowledge and know that the video is really painting a positive look on a negative time in his life. Those are the videos where I'm like,

hmm, well, all right, I hope another one comes tomorrow. But yeah, anything that's genuine with wings is gold. I enjoyed those walking vlogs so much, as preposterous as they were. I really like those. I love, I still go back and watch the stuff that

if you're out there listening to this and you've never seen the FPS bootcamp, just search that shit on YouTube. That is so funny to me. Maybe it's just because I was there and like you know it's me talking. I love those videos especially the first like

three or four or something like that. I've got you know we're working out. It's about Wings losing weight at my house and he's living with me and I'm talking to him from behind the camera and I've got my buddy Jeremy as like his workout partner slash, I guess like a trainer kind of. And Jeremy, of course, is always dressed in some sort of costume. He's Gumby one week.

He's a Roman emperor the next. He's a priest. Yeah. And he's, you know, he's always hyping Wings up and trying to get him going. And I really enjoy going back and watching those videos. It's such a nightmare to make them, but really fun to go. And it's really fun to sit with somebody and watch them and be like, pause it and be like, you see this right here?

Let me tell you what fucking happened that day. The director's cut. This was day five without him shitting. This was day five without him shitting. I had to call Joe Lozon and ask, at what day do we go to the ER? And he's like, oh, it's been five days? Eh, it's not so bad.

I was like, well, what do we do on day seven? And he hadn't shit. Ah, seven days. Call a mortician. Wow. I could tell he was like calculating and getting concerned concerned and I was like, dude better shit soon or we got a problem here because I've been seeing what he's been eating and he's telling me

he hasn't... Whatever I fed him, chicken and rice and vegetables and... Chicken and rice. It's just like shoving more starches down a musket. Right? Plunge that shit down there. Going further and further. Next next thing you know you gotta get your granny in there to

break up a turd or two i tell that story to people and they are shocked like i tell like i'll meet a new person like when we were off at the ox ranch filming that last video like i i was just like have you ever heard of wings of redemption they're like no i was like well let me tell you about him and the one of the first things I explained was like his the whole thing about his grandmother uh fingering him and breaking up the poop in his butthole so that he could he could pass it is just it's to this day it is baffling to me and the fact that he told us all on on this show with all the people like if that shit had happened to me i i wouldn't tell you guys i really don't think i would he did it for his kids right and that well he didn't have kids but he had a

girlfriend with kids that live with him and one of the kids had that same issue and i think he took care of it for the i don't i don't think so i don't think that's accurate i don't think so i don't think wings all right pk historians Wings... All right, PGA historians, I could be wrong. Someone let us know if that's a story that he told on the show. I remember him saying something about one of the... I remember this. One of the kids was constipated or something. But sure as shit, Wings didn't finger that kid or nothing. I don't want to say it like that because it sounds pedo.

I know you don't. But if it happened, there's no reason that kid's mom shouldn't have finger-banged him instead. And there's no reason, or a medical practitioner, or even Gangster Grandma. I'd be like, Gangster Grandma, you want to come finger-bang the kid or this lady I'm hanging out with? Well, come on over there and bring them tiny, bony fingers over here. They're perfect.

But one of his meaty sausage fingers i couldn't take that like like oh oh it's gonna get the job done well the historians will let us know he actually has very nice hands they're they're kind of small but they're really nice like they're not all i feel like i've got all like mangled like crazy hands but like i'm surprised that wasn't on your list of kill yourself i wish my hands were normal you know i used to like be self-conscious about it but now i just think it's awesome i just think it's a little quirk a quirk about me that you know my my i wonder if there's a medical explanation if someone is like right he has loose tendons i bet he's prone to ac damage. It's a swan neck deformity that causes this to be able to do that.

So normally there would be a tendon or whatever, or ligament, I guess, that would prevent that from happening. But mine is like extra long or extra loose or something like that. It's swan neck deformity, and I guess that's what i've got there's kind of a swan neck so it doesn't have any other like manifestations in the body like like you know like if very flexible cock you know if you were well no like if you would be a hockey player would your hips be prone to dislocating or something like that so my hips are super flexible like like i remember um doing um in jujitsu whenever like i'd i'd like what when i when he would be in my guard like it seemed like my hips were really flexible

and they could they'd really go out on the back of his neck and stuff like that or crazy rubber guards like way like i'm not gonna put on a flexibility show here on the show or anything but yeah yeah like i could bend them however I wanted and get up really high, and I felt like I was good at that. I don't know, but it's mostly just the hands. They've been bendy forever. My thumb, it'll go all the way to my wrist. They bend in weird ways.

The pinky will just kind of go over there. I'm trying it. There's nothing interesting about my hands at all. And the toes too, of course. They're all crazy. I've seen your weird toe antics in person. When you walk on your toes, it's upsetting.

I feel like your toes are not as hairy as they once were. Are you man-shaving? Yeah, I've started shaving my feet. Well, thank God. I use my beard trimmer. I'm trying to get this on camera well enough. But yeah, like this area, like in there, I trimmed that up. Because what happens is in the winter I wear long socks,

and you pull them on. And what happens is the hair gets bent backwards, away from the way it wants to go. And after a day of that, they wants to go and and after a day of that they start to ache and hurt and be really sore and little pinpricks of pain right because i have a tight undershirts on chest hair they get they get because like all the hairs are bending i know what you're talking about when it kind of pulls the hair but this is like all the hairs are bent backwards and the follicle gets sore and at the end of the day like that whole patch of hair

is just sore and i have to like rub it like that fucking hurts so yeah i shave my feet now and i shave my armpits too that's when i picked up from my my cousin the other day he's so he welds and uh he doesn't want his armpit hair catching on fire or if some slag were to bump in there and also something about um his deodorant was like making the hair stick together so when he'd raise up, bending and being flexible they'd pull. I was like, yeah, I've got the same thing going on.

Beer trimmer there too. You just put it on a number three or something and shave that? Yeah, I think about a three. Yeah. There's still hair there. There's still hair there that you can see,

but it's just not like... Normally, armpit hair gets pretty long, like that or something. It's not like you're... I mean, most men, I don't think, ever shave it. And I never had. I haven't shaved it, certainly. I feel like that'd be a recipe for disaster.

But trimming, it seems like a good idea. And sometimes I trim my arm hair, too, because it can kind of get out of hand and get really long and, I don't know, doing weird stuff. I like it better with that. I I trim my arm hair too because it can kind of get out of hand and get really long and I don't know, doing weird stuff. I like it better with that. Never trim my arm. I just run the trimmer over there.

You're like, oh shit, I didn't know that's what my arm looked like. I'm pretty happy with my arm hair really. I wouldn't change a thing. But I don't know. Foot hair or something, maybe. Yeah, would you like some foot hair is that what you're saying uh no I I feel like I've got the appropriate amount of foot hair really I just could like maybe take some donor hairs from from back here somewhere and like place them on your

feet maybe I've got too much hair on the top of my head. Not that I want to give any up cause you start to really value it. But, um, it's, it's like, it's like wearing a hat or something. It's hot under here. It's really happier with my,

my hair situation, like maybe two years ago. And I was like, all right, I've hit the capacity that I want to be everywhere. And now it's just, it's just creeping. Oh no.

Towards the back, making a run for it. Not like up there bad but just over just it's just getting to where i'm looking and i'm like i'm gonna be like that old guy at the pool like that sicilian looking guy who's just like oh my god he's like you could braid that here's the thing my wife made it very clear that she didn't like chest hair and we met at like 19 and i didn't have any like hardly any maybe just a little bit around my nipples or something but i was pretty much bare chested and uh now here i am at 40 not hairy you know there's no like bush on it but

there's hair on my chest and i think to, I am fully aware that's not her preference. You know? Mine's all straight on my... I feel like it all kind of goes down. Like, there's not like a bunch of curly hair on my chest. It's all just kind of going down through the middle. It's not curly. I see guys where it's curly.

Like, it's like... Old Sicilian guy, I pictured someone who had like like, a... Buzzy. A little coat, you know? Not like that. Yeah, I've seen that shit before, and it looks awful.

It looks like a deformity. I'd die before that happened, too. But, yeah. I can see. I can see a little something. This whole thing connects, which is hideous. It can connect? I can't even see.

I had no hair down there. What the hell is that? I swear, it seemed like a couple years ago, if I started to grow a beard, it was like this thing. Like, oh, look, one of your beard grows in nice. Now, Kyle has more beard than me right now. And Taylor, well, is in another league. You know, it's like a thick beard.

I really have nothing interesting going on here. It looks a little better. I'm looking at it on camera. It looks distinguished. In person, it looks a little thicker than it does on camera, but it's so gray on the chinny chin chin. Yep, I'm starting to tell. Oh, if you were here, it wouldn't...

Wouldn't even be a question. it's a lot less subtle in person it's aging i like it i i i don't know i think maybe you don't like the fact that it's gray i think it looks distinguished i think it's a i think it's preferable like if i'm you i would prefer the gray over over just brown or whatever reddish brown or whatever it should be or you think it should be i think the gray look is just you know you're a dad you know you you're you're an established businessman like you should you could use a little distinguished uh beard to to you know get your points across when you say things people see that they think oh maybe he knows what the fuck he's talking are you seeing some shit if you have to have some gray i do like that it's in the beard i do have gray hairs here and there i don't i bet

i've got like some there i want some gray hair there i feel like that looks nice yeah i have a couple on the sides and a couple on the top but mostly it's it's i don't have very gray hair so the fact that all my gray is in my beard means i get to choose it i get to choose right now whether i have gray hair or not because i can just shave yeah you should you could dye it too you could get the get the just for men gel just a touch of gray i don't know how that works i one time i dyed it and like tried to do like an evil woody video but it was so stupid i never ran with it like i didn't do a good job um and the dye job looked awful like it was so obviously dyed it was terrible

i did it once for fun and it went real bad yeah they've got this mat they have the the applicating brush look kind of like one of those mascara things and i'm like applying this shit everywhere and it's like dark real dark brown and it's like and it's dying the skin underneath that was the big issue. The one I bought was for black people. Of course! Your barber hooked you up to that. I wanted it to be a really black, jet black beard.

That's different hair than us, man. You can't be putting black people hair shit on you. It was like, all the other colors were brown and red and light brown. I forget, it might have even said jet black. And I'm like, that's the one I want. And there's a black dude on it, but that's the one I wanted.

No. Their beards seem about the same. No. No, that's one of the most different parts. That's why black people can't even wash their hair every day. They get issues with it. Black people hair is different than white people hair. Are you sure black men don't wash their hair daily?

I know women with weaves and stuff. It would quickly get... I don't think black people wash their hair daily. I don't think they're supposed to. Most black guys have very, very short hair. Even if they had jerry curl, whatever. I think there's a thing where black people aren't supposed to wash their

hair on a daily basis for some fucking reason. Do black people wash their hair every day? Look this up or bring in a token. Seven things white people don't understand about black hair. Alright, this is gonna be good.

Oh, this sounds condescending. We don't understand about black hair. All right. This is going to be good. Oh, this sounds condescending. We don't want you to touch our hair because we're human beings, not some kind of specimen in the zoo. I knew that. I knew that. That goes for anyone. You just walk up to other people and, oh. If my hair is cut in a pixie one day and down my back the next,

it's probably some sort of extension. I knew that i knew that black hair did not grow a foot in a day um i also knew the extensions were super common um our hair as it grows out of his head is not unprofessional oh papa bad um honestly this one i hear this is a bunch of liberal bullshit that Chief stumbled upon. These aren't seven things that white people really don't understand. These are seven things that this lady wants to, like... Seven ways I can shoehorn my agenda into a benign article. Thank you.

And it seems like this is specific. Like, I haven't heard much about men's hair at all. But here's one. I don't have to wash my hair every day. I remember back in elementary school, I stayed overnight at my friend's house. Before we went to bed, we got up in the morning and my girlfriend informed me

that she wasn't going to wash her hair that day and that she didn't want me to think that she was dirty. I told her I washed my hair once a week and the look on her face was priceless. Afterward, I had to have the black hair conversation with her. Black hair thrives on oils and washing our hair and having to replenish those oils requires too much time and money. So once a week it is. Ah, here's the thing.

So... Yeah, this is totally black women's hair. It seems unhygienic to a group of people who have to wash their hair on a nearly daily basis to avoid oil overload. their hair on a nearly daily basis to avoid oil overload. For black hair, however, it can actually be damaging for a woman to wash her hair every day and strip her hair follicles of necessary oils. This would apply to men, too. It's just from

a woman's standpoint. Oil is actually good for black hair. I've heard of situations where a white family adopts a black kid, and they don't know how to fucking wash the kid's hair. Makes for a bunch of hijinks, and there's an eventual montage where it shows them understanding and accepting. Something bad happens to their hair if you do wash it on a daily basis.

Something about not having the oil. I don't know. Maybe it becomes really burnt out and... Frizzy. Yeah. I don't know. Like, stripped of its essential oils. I googled on men in particular.

And like you said, that applies applies to both it turns out that black hair is drier than other hair and um the curls dry the curls in their hair cause it to dry i don't know why that is but that's what they say um the natural oils that are in everyone's scalp travel down their hair much easier than curly hair this alone means that black hair is more subject to breakage and loss. The natural oil just doesn't get out to most of our hair. Okay. And they say to wash it one or two times a week. So, now, look

at this. PKA, the educational show. Black people apparently need to wash their hair once or twice a week. Told you. Well, there you go. Yeah, I didn't know that. So, anyway, somehow... That's why they smell, too.

Kyle! Yeah, that... Oh, I can't believe you would say that when you're not even joking. Your mom's going to be so offended. PKA facts. Yeah. I had... Oh. I have one more topic. I don't know. I could save it for later Yeah. I had... Oh.

I have one more topic. I don't know. I could save it for later. Do I have... I was looking for oil today to put in my beard to make it softer because I'm not liking the way it feels rough. Kitty's Etsy store has a whole line of beard oils.

Hmm. I have something I put in it, but it's just, I like glob on a huge amount, put it on like after the shower, like it says, and then within like an hour, it's just.

So I don't, I don't know anything about this shit, but I, when I was out at Texas, there was a guy there who had used Kitty's beard oil. She had sent him some. He works there.

And he had a big bushy beard that came out like this and he was singing his praises. He was like, yeah, because it dries out in the Texas desert out here with the wind blowing and everything. He said that made it soft and I don't know, nice feeling. Maybe I'll hop on her store and purchase

some. She'll probably send you some. She's got that shit laying around everywhere. It's a neat thing. I love that said read i've talked about this before but this whole notion of like the internet making entrepreneurs out of anybody you know advanced tech there's things like uber there's things like etsy like there's it feels like there's more opportunity now than there was 20 years ago you know if you wanted to start a business in 1985 like i don't know it just seemed like a big leap of faith like all right so videos are just becoming a thing are you going to open some video store rental thing get a store front etc etsy makes it so that you can dip a toe into entrepreneurship and let it grow in a way that

wasn't there before yeah hell you can do it with uber you let it grow in a way that wasn't there before. Yeah. Hell, you can do it with Uber. All right, I'm free on weekends. People need drives on weekends. Let's find a fit. I saw Uber's worth like $60 billion or something now. Someone was discussing Uber and their plans to go global

and their plans to dip into the food delivery and package delivery industries and and looking into self-driving cars that company didn't exist a few years ago and now it's just massive i i called that and she said i was crazy i was like you know we're gonna see last mile get like crowdsourced uh you know it's not gonna be just ups and fedex anymore and he's yeah why not yeah i i feel like there'd going to be just UPS and FedEx anymore. And he's, yeah, why not? Yeah. I feel like there'd have to be some kind of system, right? Cause you can't just be allowing anybody. We've already got those people who go door to door stealing UPS packages,

which I didn't know was a thing until the internet. Cause you know, my house is off the road. If you can't, it's not a, not a possibility, but I feel like someone could use that. Cause I think that,

you know, you don't hear about a lot I don't hear about a lot of Uber drivers assaulting people, robbing people, anything like that I don't know something about trusting a stranger with my package versus that nice gentleman with the brown shorts

I'm not sure about that yeah, that's going to take a while to get there I guess there'd have to be a system there I feel like it wouldn't be up to you like one there'd be tracking systems around that guy so they'd know when it was missing he wouldn't be able to lose more than a package or two without getting busted so that would

quickly become a thing and two like you'd buy from UPS and UPS would just have Uber take care of the last mile and like you wouldn't be like no no i don't like that delivery guy in the same way that you don't do that now like it'll just start happening to you as your packages show up i feel like if they didn't have a standard of service that people could expect like i feel like like if you have if you had to start dealing with some

shitty fucker who was bad at his job or maybe like, they were telling me I keep mentioning it, but when we were out of Texas they were mentioning that their UPS driver would mark it on his computer or whatever as delivered, but really leave it in his truck until the next day because he knew there were more packages because he didn't want to make the

drive out there. So he'd just be like, yeah, it was delivered, and then the next day he'd show up with extra packages. Like, yeah, yeah, we couldn't get yours to you yesterday like he just didn't want to make the drive i feel like if you had some kind of shitty service like that out of some individuals and like fedex isn't using flunkies in in their hyundai but ups is i'm like could i get the fedex option so that that professional gentleman comes in the FedEx truck and brings me my package and then I sign for it. Because Raphael smells like weed and he got pizza stains on my package or something. Whatever. You're beef with whoever's delivering your shit.

I don't know. I feel like when I'm getting a ride somewhere, I need some help. I'm stranded somewhere. I need a fucking ride somewhere. I need an uber i don't care who shows up like if you've got some sort of i don't care what the car is like i don't care what the individual is like if we're just going like two miles down the road like it doesn't matter to me but if i gotta interact with you in my front yard and like you're gonna be the one delivering me my auto blow batteries like we're gonna have to have a close personal conversation you interact with your fedex people yeah you don't no usually they show up uh i'm like aware they're there because dogs are barking and stuff they ring the doorbell and they walk away yeah i talked to my guy just

yesterday and he he knocked uh i whispered to melissa who's that who's here did you invite somebody over and then she's like no it must be the delivery guy. And it was really too late. So I walked over, looked through the peephole, waited until he was halfway away. What in the fairness activities were you up to to have him whisper? I just didn't want to... I was hoping that it wasn't someone to come in and be like, oh, we're just stopping by.

It's like, well, fuck you. And I opened my doors. He was like, I don't know, ten feet away. And he turned back around and he goes, oh, package. And I go, yep. And I grabbed it and I walked back in. He was like, I don't know, 10 feet away. And he turned back around and he goes, oh, package. And I go, yep. And I grabbed it and I walked back in. All right, so I have a relationship with my guy. All the people who deliver packages here, I know them.

And I know the mail lady. I know the UPS guy. And I know the FedEx person. And I like to have kind of a relationship with them so that they know me and they're good with me. Because sometimes there's complications with my packages. And I usually need them that fucking day. Like if it's coming here, I need it. Like it might be something I really need.

So oftentimes, like the UPS guy will flag me down in the road or something. And if he sees me in town, I'll be like, hey, got a package for you, Kyle. And he'll hook me up. And if there's ever any issue, I can go straight up to the UPS center and they'll always hook me up, get packages off of trucks. They'll dig around in the truck and pull the package to get it to me faster. I like my UPS.

They'll hang you down at the town. What kind of podunk dirt road 1860s town are you going to? Oh, just going out to the General Store. You pull up in your carriage and he goes, oh, Mr. Myers, I do believe I got a package for you, sir. You know, the UPS delivery service.

They know me. And, you know, I'm a little bit famous. So, you know, they all know who I am. And, you know, he sees me and he sees my car. Like, he knows it's me. He knows he's got a package for me because when I get packages, it'll usually be a bit of a discussion. I wonder what he's getting this time

because it's usually something kooky. I'm always going up there and mailing guns around if I'm shipping guns off to be worked on or coded so they know what I do and they've seen the firepower that I bring into the UPS store. It's always weird walking into the UPS store with a high a high capacity machine gun or something and be like time to mail this again you know they uh I always worry about what

like in what bystanders are gonna say so I'm always looking around like so if I see somebody like looking at me like oh I'm like hey and smile and be like this this is for this because I'm always terrified somebody's gonna like call me in as some sort of active shooter or something crazy like that. And I'm going to be that asshole standing out there drinking a Slurpee with an M16 and they're just going to plug me. But yeah. I don't have that experience at all. I will never run into a UPS person while I'm out about town.

First of all, I'm not even out about town. I'm just working all the time right now. Last time I started my truck, it started slow because it had been two weeks since the previous time and the battery was draining um and uh yeah so i'll never and then like i live in raleigh so it's just it's not like they'll see me at the general store the local watering general store it's fucking a city that people around the world have heard he wouldn't just see me and I do though want them to stop ringing the doorbell after they deliver something

and if I knew them I could probably just casually like imagine me now bluntly being like can you stop ringing the doorbell upon delivery it makes my dogs bark I just feel like that would be a douchey thing to say. Maybe put a little note out there next time a package is coming.

And, you know, just be like, please don't ring bell. It disturbs dogs. Yeah, makes them insane. Yeah, I bet it does. Your dogs are fucking scary, man. How much bigger is that Ender dog going to be? I don't know. Like six foot four, something like that, at the shoulder. I think he's bigger than that bigger than that now oh you mean if he's standing on all fours he's not six feet

no that's what i'm talking about if he stands up right i mean he's the biggest dog we've had like harley was bigger than jack i think and now ender has easily surpassed harley and he just now he's like strong looking and he's got this fucking truck nuts and uh but he's a goofball he's he's not scary like jack was jack jack wanted to kill people um and there's just goofy that dog clearly had it out like it was an angry kind of very serious aggression that that he had for me it wasn't like like some dogs that'll be like that you can tell they're actually kind of scared and they're just they'd rather just be out of a situation no he didn't want to be led to another room he wanted to be released he was

he was good to go um that i wanted to be friends so much he wasn't up for i needed some snaps my favorite was a few days in kyle had i don't know if you vocalize it but you could tell it was like an all right i know we're beyond our initial initial meeting now we're friends right come here jack and jack is like this is like murder kill murder kill and it's like damn because he'd been like sitting you know you're holding him and everything and he's been cool for like 30 seconds. And I'm like, are we good yet? It's been a few days.

Come on. Me and you, we all right? I kind of get down on one knee. I'm like, come here, little buddy. Come on. Come on. And he's like. And he's muzzled.

So he looks like Hannibal Lecter. But thank God he's muzzled, right? Because Kyle, I think, in his heart was like, can we release him yet? I love him. Maybe he's got some affection toward me. No, no, no. He was a murderer. And there was a comfort to it, too.

Sure. Hell, we did that survival trip, right? And while I'm there, because I had an intermittent one bar, Jackie's writing me saying there's a murderer on the loose. There's literally a murderer a mile from the house. And not just a murderer. He had multiple murders and multiple rapes that weekend, right? Now Jackie's here all alone. What's that?

He was busy. Yeah. And like on one hand, our property and house and stuff is kind of set aside to itself on the other it might be exactly the place that would make some clockwork orange psycho pissed off so um you know we were kind of it would have been nice knowing jack was home like if jack was still alive at the point he'd be like oh you're you like murder i like murder murder. Let's go. I like rape too. He had that soft muzzle that allowed him to open his

mouth this much. You could just see the front teeth and they're just like he wanted me so bad. He was just snarling but he couldn't really snarl so he just looked like he's smiling a little but it was a snarl for sure yeah it's a big scary dog too like like i've said it before but like i knew that it that i didn't stand a chance in any sort of like hand unarmed combat with that dog i just knew it i could see it i'm thinking in my head like where do i even put my hands like i i guess i try to grab his throat but like what if i miss at all what if i'm not like

fucking rambo or something and and can't get his neck his throat to his teeth is like two feet right so even if you're holding him at full but his face is right here just a little slippage to like his shoulders and he's biting your face off. Yeah. Like you could hardly hold, he's so big. And I feel like my hand would end up in his mouth is where it would end up. Yeah.

Like, like defensively. Take off four fingers, then you got to kill yourself. Yeah. Then you're done. I cut him out of that dog. I'm putting him back on.

Yeah. That's what you have to do. All right. I'm going to need your fingers back. Yeah. That dog was was he was a murderer he's a murderer i i mean that lawsuit's gone now i guess like it just kind of ended i don't know if merker was on the show at the time but jack ate some neighbor um the story changed i don't know't know if I've told it fully, but it's over now. So what happened was, I think he got out

because I was taking Hope to fencing and somewhere involved, the door was like open for more than just someone going. And he went outside and neither of us had any idea. So I'm driving, like the door's all locked and everything.

We're off to take her to the gym. And I get a call, I think from the police, that the dog is outside, and it bit someone, we didn't realize the dog was outside, so I come back home, and initially the woman's story was that there were kids there, she saw the dog, and she kind of like leaned over and like did one of these deals to sort of herd him back towards our house. Maybe her long term plan was to get him in the fence area or something. But she was using her arms to like herd him, you know, towards wherever he was coming from. And Jack saw that and he bit her and i didn't see her arm but i saw the the cop with his phone took a picture of it and it was mangled like do you have a picture you can

text me i don't i don't but yeah it was like i don't know what if i were to just throw up a it was like a k-shaped wound and, and like capital K-shaped wound, not that matters. And it was probably like two and a half, three inches, you know, wide. Like it was, it was, it was the thing to get put back together. I don't think there was like some question of whether or not like underlying tendons and stuff were damaged, but I don't think so. I some question of whether or not like underlying tendons and stuff were damaged. But I don't think so.

I think it was mostly the skin. And later on, her story changed. The story became, I was getting my mail from the mailbox and the dog came zooming up, flying air grab on my arm and bit me. And that story change syncs up with what I've learned about North Carolina dog bite laws. Apparently, if you go down to pet a dog or if you hurt a dog

or anything like she was doing, if you initiate that sort of thing, then you're at fault. You antagonize the dog and stuff. Of course. Cliff Hutchinson could have told you that. I think that's a little friendly towards dog owners. But that's the way North Carolina law is. And so then her story changed.

She's like, I was just innocently getting the mail, not even looking at the thing, and out of nowhere he bit me. And it kind of ends there. Like, we didn't have to get a lawyer, but my insurance company had attorneys on it, and her attorneys were talking to them. And then, like, years went by, sort of, and they stopped following up on it, and it just ended.

Yeah. I don't know if they moved, but I certainly did. Yeah. That dog was for real. I don't believe her story about him going after her because she'd be dead. I don't believe it because it changed. Yeah. The fact that upon meeting with her attorney, a different series of events unfolded.

Yeah, and I want to know what happened after he lunged and air attacked you. What did you do then? Fight him off? Really? Bullshit. A grown man with a bat would struggle. There's no way. The monster. bullshit like a grown man with a bat would struggle like there's no way the monster yeah i don't know what happened from there mouth the um so long the person from like animal control

came and we had to like quarantine them inside the house for a couple weeks like sometimes they take your dog but i guess animal control had a relationship with our vet who vouched for the dog and basically vouched for the dog owners they're like yeah you can keep them in the house they'll do it and we did you know we even if we let him out to go to the bathroom he was leashed for the rest of his life really and um uh but whatever that that's how that happened he was a pain in the ass to walk he had to leash him like even just to go outside to go to the bathroom we had him on a leash for that yeah we didn't trust him yeah the um that dog that we've got is it's fucking scary i i don't think he would attack a person um like like if he got loose and went out i don't think that would

be an issue unless they really fucked with him and hurt him or tried to capture him or something like that. But he just don't like me. That relationship's never going to change. I came home the other day. Is it just you? Just me. I'll give him burgers and stuff. I'll toss balls in there.

I've tried a few different things. What about other men? There are guys that visit. Get right in there and play with them yeah like yeah no no issues really i had a hard time like warming up to him like i got to a point like he would rest on my lap or something but i always felt like it was a very weak bond and that um you know like i'm tolerating you for now almost cat like-like. Yeah, finicky. I'm gonna come meet him. He's a dick.

Fuck him. I wish something bad would happen to him. I wish a lightning bolt would hit him or a tree would fall on him or something. Fuck him. He's an asshole. I got no use for that dog. I love... My girlfriend's dog is my favorite dog. I love that dog. It's got so much personality.

It's like a little person. You would like Ender. I like most dogs. If they've got personality and they've got like, if they're intelligent, I can usually key in on that. Kitty's other dog, Muppet, is dumb as a rock. That dog's so stupid. It's one of those dogs you like throw a treat or like a

toy at it and it hits him in the face and the dog's like oh why did you do that you know like like no coordination like none of that um but my girlfriend's dog is like a genius dog it really is smart i feel like the way it plays like fetch and stuff like it'll keep putting the ball like right in your hand and nudge you with its nose. It's clearly communicating with me. It does that a lot when it wants something. It'll look me in the eyes and be like, hey, you know I want the thing. Let's do the thing. Come on. It's clearly like it knows that I am the source of squeak. We call the ball a squeak because it squeaks or whatever, the squeak toy. And she knows that if she wants to play squeak, she's got to come through me.

And, you know, I really love that dog. But my dog, Dak, that $3,000 pain in the ass. Ender opens doors. That's cool. Yeah. Our doors are, they're like the lever kind. So from the outside, like he's he's i guess watched us open the door and now he jumps up hits it with this paw opens the door he doesn't shut it which sucks because

like it lets the cold air in but uh and you know like we'll be like i'll walk in and like the whole kitchen area is cold and it's like the fucking dog let himself in again and didn't shut the door now there's another door in the house that uh it one of the, like where a water bowl would be. It's the dog room. The dog has his own room, and it's a water bowl in there. And to get in that, I guess it doesn't work. But he'll use his nose and lift up on the doorknob and get in that room.

That's pretty cool. That's a smart dog, too. Yeah. I told you about my dad's dog like breaking the the window out of his truck and getting out right yeah i i thought that was going to be expensive he uh he got a new door panel a new window and got it installed for 90 dollars really did it yeah like they put a put a new door panel a new side window you know the drive and the passenger door and and install it for $90. It seems like there's a chance that if that had been a foreign car,

that parts might have been a lot more expensive. I think he got it from a salvage yard. It looked new, but I think he went to a salvage yard and got it. He was kind of a character. He changed the windshield out, too. Dad had a broken windshield in that truck. And I'd never seen him do it. Maybe you know, but he had a reciprocating type tool, like reciprocating saw type thing. It had a big

scraping blade attached to it. He would put that between the glass and the metal part of the frame and just went all the way around the windshield. He took the windshield out and put a new one in in no joke, 15 minutes. I have seen it done, but it wasn't like that. On Jackie's Toyota, the 4Runner,

the front windshield had a big crack in it and needed to be replaced. And the whole windshield was glued to like a spongy rubber thing around the border of the windshield. So when they took it out, I think they just damaged the spongy rubber thing, put a new one in, put some

sort of glue on it, and just placed it on top. And that's how they did it. Well, it's got to be glued to... Well, in this case, there's a big seam of like almost... It comes out of a caulk gun, but it looks like tar. It's super thick. That's just between the glass and the vehicle.

I just got something in my fucking eye. Yeah? It sucks. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know how the spongy rubber thing is held in. Maybe that's glued too. I don't know. But, yeah.

Yeah, it's glued in there because it's got to be like weatherproofed and, you know, it would push out otherwise. Yeah, I might be missing something in the process but uh yeah they do it quick and they do it cheap you know people think uh and they do it on site which is nice too like every place i've ever every time i've ever needed like oh yeah you know where will your car be will it be at work will it be at home you know they just run out there there's There's very few tools required and they fix it on the spot. I'm here thinking it's a big ordeal. It's going to take half my day. No. You go to work

and then when you go home from work, there's a new windshield in there. It was a piece of cake. Yeah, you put in there fast. You want to call a show there? I was thinking that too. Yeah, it's two in the morning here. About time to play some Fallout. Yeah, it's 2 in the morning here. About time to play some Fallout. Yeah, it's about time to finish this guy off.

Oh, yeah. When this camera turns off, I'll be drinking all this. No dice. What if you added more? You know what? Before we cut the show, can you add water to that and see if it'll work? I think it... I'll bring it back next week.

Oh, come on! There must be a sink real close. Come on! You can do it. Just hold it upside down and... But it's gel now. It's gel. I think if you add more water...

No. I want to pour add more water. No. No. I want to pour it and show the consistency. But there's room for more water. It's not going to be enough. Please. Come on. The world wants to see this.

They're going to be so disappointed in you if you don't do this. All right. Looks like you're fixing a septic tank issue i love this sponsor this is great if they like us after this they're the best sponsor ever i'm not saying i'm not saying not to buy it buy it i'm saying buy it buy it i mean where else are you gonna get a meal like this? One place. This looks like something they would eat in, like, the Matrix. Remember how they were eating that, like, protein goo or whatever?

This looks like some Matrix food. Oh, man. Yeah. Did you add more water? Oh. No way. It's going to matter. It's not's gonna matter. It's not gonna matter. It has to.

I think if he holds it upside down. Oh, look at all that water in there. Is there any air at all? There is air, but look at... It's like, did you ever have science class where they're like, we're gonna pour a bunch of shit in this jar and let it settle and you'll see how sediments form

in the Paleolithic era. Hold it upside down and shake it. I've got confidence. That cap's going to come off and this shit's going to go everywhere. I love this. This is a show highlight for me. I wish there was music we could put to that.

He is vigorously shaking. Did he make a dent in it? I wish there was some music we could put to that. He is vigorously shaking. Oh, it didn't work. Did it make it dent in it? Not even a little. How could it not? Because 100% food. 100% tough.

Real food. I don't understand. Man, I wish I could shake it myself. I want it to go. No, it's... No, I'll... Yeah, well, I'll finish it right after the show. All right.

That was PKA episode 259. I hope you enjoyed it as much as me. See ya.