Painkiller Already - PKA 589 W/ Harley: Sam Hyde Trains Harley, Woody Becomes An Author, Kyle’s Summer Camp

Episode Date: April 2, 2022

P.K.A. 589. We're expecting Harley to join us soon. He's running a little late. Taylor? This episode of P.K.A. brought to you by Lucy, Blue Chew, and of course, Lock and Load and all of Derek's wonderful products. You can check all of that down below. Make your dick work good.

Make your dick work so good. You're going to get hard and you're going to come hard. Like they did in the old west. Harley's coming later and i am very excited to talk to him about his his training for his boxing match against the devious insidious ego raptor you know who i don't know anything about but anybody who wants to hurt my boy harley. Is clearly the bad guy. Is someone that I personally won't fight. But I will be in Harley's corner the whole time. So I'm excited. Figuratively, not literally.

I will give him so much support emotionally. It is funny how quickly this YouTube boxing became a real lucrative thing. Like, remember, what was it like just a few years ago that people were, we were, we were all kind of laughing at it. Like, Oh, Logan,

Paul or Jake, Paul, whichever one it was. Oh, they're boxers now. Logan, Paul, Jake,

Paul boxers. Okay, sure. And then, Oh, okay. So I guess he just decided, I guess those two brothers got bored of making millions of dollars and

decided to start again and make millions in a different way so mika and i watch the ufc a lot and we would agree i'm sure that how much you want to watch a fight is only partially related to how good that fighter is how good they are on the mic how long how many times we've seen them before this the story arc that they have going on is a big part of promoting a fight. I didn't see it coming that you could straight up be a YouTuber who's never fought before and be worth 10 to 20 times more than a professional fighter who's just entering the UFC. We've seen this before. We've seen this before.

There were freak fights long ago. I remember specifically, like, I think there was a freak fight, like, happening whenever I was driving to your house to watch the Chael Sonnen fight. Like, I think that that was happening in the background. For some reason, I have that memory that maybe, like, the fridge, you know, the old NFL guy, like, the fridge area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was going to fight, like, some, like, 7'4 African that was skinny as fuck. NFL guy like like the fridge yeah yeah was gonna fight like some like seven foot four African that was skinny as fuck you know they've done freak fights forever and people have shown

up see him forever it's just the freaks were never able to charge for their appearance it's because the freaks seem to be a dime a dozen but but like celebrity boxing's not new new I feel like a couple have got have entered the ring here and there. But it definitely, I guess the YouTube guys just hustle a little better. Well, yeah, they cut the middleman out. They're their own promoter. That's the thing with influencers in general and us too. We cut the middleman out so that you can actually make something like this lucrative.

So that you can get in front of a camera and a microphone and do it. They do cut the middleman out. And i don't mean to pat us on the back too much but there's a thing about being a successful youtuber that takes a lot of hustle right tom cruise will do what work for six weeks doing a shoot and then take the next four months off it's a bad example okay maybe he's not a good example grab someone else a lazier actor who's a fat like i just imagine as you say that a montage of tom cruise jumping off a building seth rogan then right seth rogan does a shoot on a movie i love seth rogan i'm not tearing him down but this is what a typical actor's schedule is like he goes he does this movie shoot maybe pimps

it for a little while rests lives a of leisure, fucking bangs girls on a yacht or whatever it is that Seth Rogen likes to do. And then he works another six weeks. If he does two movies a year, he's a pretty busy actor. On YouTube, even a freaking video game YouTuber is waking up, grinding, grinding, grinding. Every single day they're uploading, they're loving up fans, they're doing their thing.

It is more of a hustle grind than I think it is to be a regular actor of course it is yeah yeah yeah your audience is more fickle uh you have to be more uh you have to be around but um but no i i like that these guys can beat each other up and get paid huge amounts of money it's fucking cool and uh harley this guy that harley is fighting like i we're not don't show the picture yet i want to wait till harley gets here because it's harley's tweet and i want to pat him on the back for it but okay this guy does not look up to task and and look harley's six six four on his worst day like harley i think harley might be a legitimate six five like like when he sat in my car he put the seat all the way down and his head is so

close to the roof that it's he's like his hair is like brushing it he's a giant person and uh now i know he doesn't have any boxing experience but i don't know i don't know how how big this guy looks little i don't know i think he's uh based on their like stats page which who knows the ego raptor guy is like six two which is a tall guy but yeah six five six six guy that's not too great i wonder what six two is top 10 percentile maybe at least probably probably better than that average it's like five nine or something yeah right yeah harlow will be here in a minute didn't you have a uh am i the asshole with a massage yeah are you ready oh Oh, yeah. Okay.

I, a 24-year-old female, am trying to schedule a spa day as I have some gift cards to use. I called the spa to schedule my package, and after setting up, I requested to only have a female for my massage and facial. The receptionist got snappy and told me the massage I wanted was only provided

by a male therapist. I told her I wouldn't be comfortable with that and would have to look at other packages where I could have a female massage therapist. She quickly got defensive, explaining that there's nothing wrong with having a male massage therapist. He's been in this business for 20 years. I'm sure he's great at the job and great at the job, and he's a nice guy with no bad intentions, but I'm paying a lot of money to be relaxed and comfortable, and being naked while a man rubs me down is not my idea of a stress-free experience. She basically said I was sexist towards male massage therapists. And I told her I would be calling back to reschedule with a female.

Am I being the asshole for refusing to use a male massage therapist? Man, some of these Reddit people are just throwing the bait out there and everybody's just grabbing it and running. Come on, of course he's not the asshole this is one of those okay that's so well known that everyone has preferences and that most people most men prefer a woman and most women prefer a woman as well like that's the truth across the board yeah like it's got to be rough out there for male masseuses but i'm'm sorry, dude. We're, like, making ourselves vulnerable, and you are not a fucking doctor. You are a muscle rubber. I don't know how long it took you to get your sticker certificate or, like, whatever.

Like, your ribbon. But, like, I guarantee it would take – Look, if you're such a low-level professional that it would take longer to get, like, a blue belt at a real school, then, like, I'm not getting naked in front of you and trusting you and stuff and i don't want i don't want dude rubbing me anyway like every time i've gotten massage it's like yeah i want a woman and it's never been sexual or awkward or anything like that but i just felt a lot more comfortable like with a woman than i would with a dude and it's like a well-known thing that everyone has that same preference and some people might just be like i'm sure there are athletes who are like i need a man

to get back there those aren't normal muscles those are professional fucking athlete muscles that's a 64 million dollar ass each cheek 32 mil those are my little you don't want little girly hands an o-lineman there the muscle is three inches deep behind that adipose tissue. You need strong hands to get it. It's like a guy who's working with a bucket of rice every day. I get that, too. And if I was real fucked up and a woman wasn't cutting it, I could see going to a man. But I've never had female masseuses' hands.

Their hands are stronger than mine. I don't want to get into a handshake contest with a female masseuse. She their hands are stronger than mine like i don't want to get into like one of those like you know a handshake contest with a female masseuse she'll fuck me up all professional masseuses male or female are too strong quite frankly they're like do you want it really hard no no i've i've gotten that question wrong before and paid the price every man has that's the only place where they do that and i feel like it's a way for them to be like look how strong i look how good of them is it's like if you were laying down and your dentist was like you want me to go at it it's like no no i want you to delicately scrape the tartar from my teeth and send me on my way i don't want you to go balls wild i can't i'm strong

i can't i'm just letting you know i see at the thai restaurant and i said yes i want it spicy and then as she's walking off i'm like whoa whoa whoa white guy spicy and she goes okay all right white guy spicy not so crazy that shit was so goddamn spicy as i'm like handing her my debit card at the register i'm looking around like trying to get airflow across my tongue because it burnt it so fucking bad i see a bottle of hand sanitizer there and i'm briefly like how soothing would hand sanitizer be on my tongue right now no that's a mistake woody don't don't double down don't follow one wrong but it did cross my mind like ah maybe it looks like aloe kind of that would have been such a mistake oh it tastes like it's 80 alcohol or. Would that work? I remember an old Rhett and Link bit.

Are you asking him hand sanitizer? No, no, no, not hand sanitizer. No, milk. Well, milk neutralizes capsaicin or something like that. But what if you had an aloe-based mouthwash that was specifically meant to fix hot mouth from peppers and stuff? Would that work if it was aloe-based? If you were rinsing your mouth in aloe uh is that the plant you cut and rub on uh yeah yeah that's the one

that like looks cool and translucent yes gelatinous if you physically burned your mouth like with hot pizza i bet the aloe would feel good but according to gordon ramsey the way you get rid of spice is you eat something ridiculously sweet so like when he was on that spicy wing channel he like brought a donut with him and would take bites of that which who would know better than him he's eaten lots of spicy things i saw him shirtless uh just a minute ago uh in a uh an older episode maybe 10 years ago and i only bring that up because we were discussing yesterday who went in a fight gordon ramsey or um will sm And I still stick with Will Smith because of the Ali training, and he's got the two years on him and maybe an inch of height and everything.

But Gordon looked like he was in pretty fucking good shape back then. I think maybe he's one of those guys that makes sure that they're fit enough to be able to wear a tight shirt and that their biceps look good. And if he can hit those hallmarks, I think he's happy. He's also a master with a blade. That's all you want, anyway. Just to be clear, I'm not saying

he's one of those guys. What I mean is... Yeah, those assholes, right? Sorry. I still think that Will Smith beats him. Oh, I wanted to ask if you had heard about the whole Chael Sonnen thing. I have. So Chael Sonnen, professional fighter.

You're breaking up a little bit, so let me run it. You're breaking up audio and visually, yeah. So Chael Sonnen, it's not terrible. So Chael Sonnen, former professional fighter, ESPN analyst, Fox show host, big-time YouTuber, all of the above, famous guy. Also someone who went really hard after Jon Jones when he had that public thing where he assaulted his baby's mama and got arrested and everything. He always rubs the salt and the wound on Jon Jones, their former opponents.

Chael Sonnen apparently went on some sort of a rampage in a hotel in december which he is blaming on sleeping pills he says he has no memory of the event i've only seen like one still photo and it's definitely him wearing like nothing but a robe and his underwear doing battle in a hallway now you know what it's like when you only get one side of a story. It's kind of like the Russian side of this war, right? They're like, oh, the Ukrainians were armed with American bioweapons and they were at our border. It's like, pretty sure none of that's accurate.

That's what I'm hearing with this because we're only hearing the victims, quote unquote, side of the story. But if you believe them, Chael Sonnen went insane in a hotel hallway and started beating the shit out of six different individuals, at least two of which were women. And at one point, he threw a woman into a light fixture. She flew across the hallway. He's ground and pounding, taking people down down the descriptions are like he took

him down and struck him five six seven times in the face quickly and then he was at he was up again it was just like he clearly went insane in a hallway and he's saying again no memory of this event now the the felony charges have been dropped but there's still like four to six is there is there a video of this that none that I've seen. I saw one still image of blurry Chael moving in a hallway. That's where I've read and heard every piece of media. There is to be seen on this topic. When I first heard it, much like you, it was a 5v1. The Chael Sonnen, professional fighter, ex-heavyweight, by the way.

He fought Fedor at heavyweight. Anyway. It's true. Beat up five people at once. It turns out the five people is true. The at once part is not. He did a 2v1, but it was a married couple.

A straight married couple. One of them was a girl. A cisgendered straight married couple. Don't be a bigot, Woody. Make it very clear. You're not the boss of me. I can be a bigot if I want to. Anyway, he did engage

maybe two 2v1s and a 1v1, but it wasn't a 5v1 like you would think. And we don't know why any of the fighting began. Here's the thing. Chael Son sun and who by the way has no memory of this afterwards went and told the story to at least two friends of his one being brendan schwab and i forget the other and he tells brendan schwab they talk shit about my wife i heard about it i left the hotel room i went into the lobby and i fuck shit up everyone who was involved

in hurting her feelings got their ass beat down because that's how i fucking roll and then the police come along and he's like was that me i don't remember this at all i was on ambient at the time none of this sounds right all right so how do we feel about this when we just came down if you guys want to know how we feel about will sm, watch BKN. We covered it ad nauseum. How do you feel about this? Very similar situation we're now hearing. We're now hearing that here is a man who heard his wife was being disparaged verbally. Not by a comedian, mind you, but by a member of the public.

A hotel occupant. Not someone who has a microphone. They're not doing their job. They're just going out of their way to be mean, which someone who has any, uh, has a microphone. That's not, they're not doing their job. They're just going out of the way to be mean, which might be a little different in some people's eyes. Are you then justified to assault four to five people in a hotel?

I've been very clear. Chael Sonnen can do no wrong. The man could do steroids and get into combat. If he wants to, he can beat up women. He's lucky. There were no children. They're talking shit about his wife. I'm team jail jail. Look up we need a blowy can we just call this the jail rule where

only he's allowed to do it where every all of our like moral codes nonsense and like man code it and like how we believe about things normally just don't really apply if chale is then in the wrong i'm a chale stunning hypocrite it just so it's clear and yes i also am happy that chale beat up all those people and i honestly i like that chale sun and is not a bigot he beat the women yeah just as severely as he beat the men. Tip of the hat, Chad. Everyone got the full force of the Westland gangster. Well, the poor guy entered a fugue state. It really wasn't his fault.

Did I say that word right? I don't know. Yeah, like he's Walter White. If he was in a fugue state, then they're lucky they survived. He probably thought he was in a fugue state and they're lucky they survived he probably thought he was in some ncaa like finals match and and and he was just trying to take home gold to oregon for sure i mean i i believe all those ambien stories i hear after talking to a couple friends who have been on it like guys who served in afghanistan and have immense problem sleeping like they talk about it like it is the hardest drug ever like if you take any more than you're supposed to and don't fall asleep right away like you lose your mind i've done all right everyone like you just start doing shit that doesn't make any sense your words don't make

sense he will text us things that just so disjointed like. You can tell he thinks he's communicating something to you, but nothing is being communicated. It's just a bunch of neurons firing in his brain. All right. Well, I don't know a lot about Ambien, but what the internet told me was that it's very unlikely that Ambien would affect Chael Sonnen in such a way that he was able to combat five individuals

and then not remember what he had. At most, it makes you racist on Twitter. Everyone knows this. Are you calling Chael Sonnen a liar? Because we don't do that. I'm going to call him a liar from the comfort of my own home only. You're a bitch and a liar, Chael. And that comes

from the mouth of Woody. He's too afraid to say it, but I will answer his opinions for him. I'm going to send you a montage of his best moments later, like him on the microphone. Him fucking up a bellhop. Man, that guy...

He took advantage of the fact that guy had two heavy bags in his hand to fire off a three combo on his chin. Dropped him right there. Look at the automatic doors just hitting his skull, opening again, closing on the skull, opening again. Yeah, that's probably what happened. No, him on the fucking microphone being goddamn hilarious. He really is a funny guy.

I'm okay with him assaulting these people. They shouldn't have talked shit about his wife. All right, you talk about Chael's wife. You're going to get the shit beaten out of you. And I wish Jon Jones had – I mean, that's the difference about Chael's wife, you're going to get the shit beaten out of you. I wish John Jones had... That's the difference between Chael and John Jones. I bet Chael wants these charges are over because they're all misdemeanors

now. The felony shit got dropped. It was a felony aggravated assault by strangulation. I love that. Don't you? That means he was choking the shit out of one of them. The only reason he survived is because Chell needed to get up to beat somebody up that was running away.

Jesus Christ. So his only excuse is that he was on sleeping pills. Did he imagine them talking shit about his wife to him? Oh, that's... See, that is some behind-the-scenes stuff that Woody's only privy to because

you know, back channels. He told somebody else and they talked a little bit too much and then Woody heard it on the internet. It's hard to get anything reliable. That won't be part of the game. Some of this came from Reddit comments so it's probably true. That's nailed down solid. Remember when the Boston bombing happened? They were like, we got him! And some poor guy in Pennsylvania was like,

I was in school today! I don't know what you're talking about. Remember when the girls were melting down because that dude's cute? Oh, I remember some... Yeah, there was a huge movement of people about the Tsarnaev guy. I believe that's his name, about how fucking cute he is and they're like drawing hearts around him and saying he's too

cute to kill and everything uh he just had his appeal a while back they're like no we're killing you we're killing you know this guy did he have a maybe a teardrop tattoo possibly no no he was a young guy yeah young guy like when he did it i think he may have even been like 17 to 19 he was the brother that lived yeah the other brother oh oh we're definitely killed his brother technically if you go back and watch the video he ran his car he ran him over oh yeah he ran him over crushed him i watched i watched him crush his brother and kill him well then i was like like you think my fingers on the pulse of this ukrainian thing i was listening to the police scanner when they uh when they got the one on the right yeah no i do remember i was listening to the scanner when they got the one on the left that's what it was and then we watched the video later and then the one

on the right we watched like thermal video of them getting him out of that boat oh yeah i forgot he doesn't strike me as too cute that's his his mugshot. He cleans up pretty well. It's a handsome fella. Yeah, yeah. I hear he's super popular inside. I believe that that guy would make a lot of friends in prison. I bet he's a hit. I bet he's hit. You don't have to worry about that on death row.

He's on his own coverage. Zach, can you show my guy? I want to get on the same page as Kyle. I don't know, for completion. This is the guy I thought you were talking about. He's too cute for prison. He's a handsome man. That's a mugshot. Didn't he become a model after this?

Scroll down. Don't scroll down. I'll see some dick fruit or something. Yeah, right. But that's the guy I had in my hand. I don't think that is a tear. His eyes are fucking like steel colored. Those gray eyes.

Blue steel. I don't see blue eyes on people with dark skin very often. Those aren't blue though. They're like gray. They're grayish. Which is a very unique color of eye. Yeah. Striking dude. I'd buy some cologne with him on there. I want to smell like that guy.

What would it be called? Fear. Who's fear no no no regrets by georgio fun name for something it's the only cologne you smell on the on other what product would you name regrets i would go with wet wipes i see where you're going wow i condoms popped into my head but i feel like it doesn't fit diapers no diapers diapers uh buy new regrets pull-ups for ages two to three that's right they're still shitting themselves. Loser. I've got one, Kyle. A hangover medication.

Oh, that's a really good one, actually. Yeah, I like that. Or no regrets. How about no regrets for like a party drug? Ha ha ha. Ugh. Those are... Now that's the one you could put on a condom. No regrets. Hmm. No, you would regret using a condom.

It's the women's brand condom. Okay. Got that thing out because I didn't... I'm usually not a huge fan of condoms. No one is. She thought that might be a good idea. And when she got that

out i was like i'll put on a condom what is the benefit of what is the benefit of this over just a regular condom well well what you gotta like like that is like flat in her like like you're not inside of that you're still you're in her vagina with your penis that is keeping the semen from getting to her uterus. But it's... Wait, Kyle. With the word you chose, it sounds like you're touching her vaginal wall. And I think it's not. It is.

Zach, can you show the picture? That's what... And look... Can you get a dildo in a female condom and show to me how that touches the vaginal walls when so the reason two hands are being used right there is because if she lets go it all goes flat you know that bit where the chick has a hula hoop with like a curtain under and she lifts it up and then she does a trick and when she drops it now she's like wearing wearing some different clothes when she drops it and it's flat on the ground with the curtain all bunched up that's what that's

its normal status now i don't want to seem dumb but i don't get it oh you're saying zach can you put it back on the screen um that cramming the whole thing up there it's not extended like that it's not extended during sex you just push one half in then you push the other half in and you've kind of got a plastic bag shoved deep in her yeah and exactly it's just on the way out it's collecting it actually and i think i think maybe a couple times we we've used them like maybe one time she just came with it in it's not a great time it's not a great time um i could feel it a little bit but it's definitely not like fucking a plastic better than a regular which is what yeah i would say i would say so but but like you know for for her enjoyment i'm like there's no way it can be enjoyable to

have that crammed in there like like i don't like condoms but i'll definitely wear that wear one before i force you to like i want your enjoyment is it comes first right like the lady's coming first so like i don't want you to cram a little trash bag inside yourself every time we have sex so yeah nonsense please take that off the screen why are we still looking at it taking it off while we were still explaining it. I'm teasing. That's gross. I don't like that at all. That doesn't work like I thought it did. And look, maybe I don't know how to use a fucking female condom.

That wouldn't be your responsibility. It was up to her. Yeah, that's not on me. And then obviously a diaphragm is just a flat whole piece. I mean, Taylor was telling me that all contraception is the woman's responsibility because men can just run. Yes. I think the Catholic Church teaches.

And I'm Catholic when it's convenient. If it's about me getting away with something, I'm very Catholic. That's how all my Catholic friends and family are, too. Where it's like they don't give a fuck but when we were in high school college no they can't use a condom i'm catholic like that would come out when they're talking about hooking up with the girl but yeah you haven't been to easter in half a decade you're real catholic you just want to touch pussy walls. Pussy walls? What a beautiful way to describe making love.

You just want to touch the pussy walls. You just want to touch some of that wet cave. That's probably one of the grossest ways to say it. To say pussy. Do you want another am I the asshole? I would take one. I dabble. Am I the asshole for going home when my wife didn't let me in the delivery

room? I, 28 year old male, and my wife, 29 year old female, gave birth a few days ago. We had what I believe to be a fairly standard pregnancy, and I did my best to take care of things and make it easy for her. I took her to the hospital when she was due, and her sister and mother met us there. Cool. The problem started when she was taken to the delivery room. She asked the nurse that only her mother and sister be allowed in the delivery,

and then told me she wanted me to wait until I've delivered and calmed down before letting me in the room. I was shocked, and I didn't want to make a scene, but I said, okay, and sat down in the waiting room. We had not really discussed the plan for the hospital, but I had no reason to think I wouldn't be there when my son was born. I texted her sister if she knew my wife was going to do this. And she said, no, I told her that to ask my wife if she was concerned about something, because I don't consider myself someone who would make a fuss or make things difficult for her. She texted back saying that my wife just doesn't want you to see her like this and then added that she didn't agree with my wife and tried to convince her to let me in. But ultimately, it was my wife's choice and I should respect it.

I sat down in the waiting room for six hours getting minimal updates as the labor was fairly slow and i decided there was no point so i texted my sister and told her i was going home i'd meet my son when they brought him and handle from the birth certificate stuff the next day oh and handle the birth certificate stuff next day okay i came home nine hours later i was finally able to meet my son when my wife's mother and sister left they got angry at me for leaving her at the hospital. But I was angry too. And I told her that we can talk about it in a few days because she's just given birth. She wouldn't drop the subject.

And finally, I told her that she excluded me from the birth of my son for no reason. I didn't see the need to hang around the hospital waiting room for hours doing nothing. And then even her own sister thinks that what she did was wrong. She said there was no complications that I needed to be there, to which I replied there wouldn't have been there because she kept me out of the room and the doctors would have handled any problems anyway. She called me an inconsiderate asshole and has been talking short with me for several days. Her sister told me I should apologize and move past it because it was stressful for my wife but i think i'm owed a bigger apology because i was excluded from my son's birth

so who's the asshole here um there's some information we don't have i wish i'd like usually this is something that's like thoroughly discussed you know that you're going to be there you'll have the you have the music in your pockets right you've got the the fancy pillow you know they've done the lamaze thing together like usually it's known beforehand that usually you're not going to take any painkillers and then you do that's the process yeah that's a huge part of it no epidural give it to me and um but but uh so i wish i'd known that um but but i uh well he said that he had no reason to think he would be excluded from the delivery. Yeah. But did he have any reason to but did he have any reason to to know that he would be included?

That's what's important, I think. Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with her excluding him. And I don't even like it being phrased that way. It's a super rough thing they're going through. I don't know what the percentage of them that shit themselves is, but it's very high. Close to 100. After this little event that we're doing in here,

I'm putting myself in the ladies' shoes. I would like to maybe have a romantic life with my husband afterwards that doesn't involve him having the image of my vagina 50 centimeters dilated or whatever and me shitting myself and oh man I wish last night hadn't been taco night too

you know what I mean like it could come down to that and I would understand that because it's not that she wanted her mom or sister there. Because moms and sisters are perfectly fine with seeing each other's vaginas explode and shit themselves. They've probably all given birth. They've all shit themselves before. She's part of the club now. So I definitely get that.

Now, whether or not it's okay, it's not okay for him to leave. And here's why. She could have died. Women die in childbirth. She could have died. Women die in childbirth. She could have fucking died. He can't leave. He should have stopped pouting because as much as he feels wronged, she's the one with a human being coming out of her right now with her hormones in no man's land, literally.

And you got to just realize that you might not even be negotiating with your wife right now that lady in there is the is the the birth giver your wife will be back in a day or two right now you need to like negotiate with the birth giver yeah prioritize whatever she feels she needs and sit out here in case a doctor comes and says your wife or your son who lives you dumb ass because it might happen like that um i don't you know like he should have stayed uh he should have stood by his uh his lady and waited on his son to be born and uh whenever she was ready for him to see it like like that feels like the traditional thing to me as well that doesn't even seem like some like

proofing new age thing like girl power i have my babies alone babies alone. It's like, that seems like the traditional thing. Every time I see an old movie, the dude's out there waiting in the lobby. I'm so surprised. Like I didn't know a hundred percent what your take was going to be. I agree a million percent with everything you said, the guy, it is not your time.

You need to realize the stress her body and mind is going under. You need to kind of take a backseat. If she wants you in there, be in there. Like if, like I, my, my wife has told me like she wants me in there when she gives birth.

If we, if we have kids and I was like, okay, that's, that's fine. I'm good with that. What about me? Did she,

has she, where's she at? She said, she wants you to, to be the poops. I've got a headlamp and everything. Going spelunking. Yeah, but I've never done an episiotomy before, but I'm very inexpensive.

So just consider the offer. I will. Well, listen to this. I know Internet guys. How many subs does that idiot doctor have on youtube he's too busy saving lives wow like yeah no but it's any tell dick jokes that that guy is definitely in the wrong he it's and i come down the same thing with going home the going home thing is the thing that puts it over the limit. Like, he should have just fucking sat there.

What, you're going to sit at home on your phone thinking about your wife giving birth the entire time? Like, what do you think? If this dumbass unironically went home and started playing League of Legends, fuck him. Like, seriously. He's going to go home and obsess over it. It almost seems petty.

I'm not wanted here. I'm not wanted here. I'm going to go home and obsess over it. It almost seems petty. I'm not I'm not wanted here. I'm not wanted here. I'm going to go home. It's not about you, you bitch. She's giving birth right now. Be a little selfless. So, yeah, that guy's a bitch and I don't like him. Anybody ever calls a sexist.

Give him this clip, please. We mean, yes. And don't pay attention to the total scales of. But yeah, yeah, I'm 100 percent board kyle i think you're totally right yeah i i wish there was an easy way to see there's a bot that like counts up here um in my opinion this is the the cheat so i won't stay here everybody sucks here is one of the choices and that's where I land but before you guys went I would have said she sucks more

you kind of won me over but I was like she excluded him from the birth of his son he had no reason to she just said like no hubby this is like fuck you on the day of the birth like their first kid and she just went all fuck you on the day of the, the birth, like their first kid.

And she just went all fuck you to her husband. Like, how dare she? How dare she? Like, like this was a joint effort. Did she do that during the conception too? No,

this is all about me. Like fucking bitch. You can't just kick your husband out as if it's, but you guys are like, yeah, she's like, I don't know. I still feel like his right.

I'll put it to witness the birth and to be there and such overrides her modesty. Cause that's what it is. Right. Let me help you one further. Okay. I would argue that a woman's hormones in the day of her birth might be almost akin to when someone is coming out of getting the root canal and they're a little loopy and they think their tongue has fallen out of their head. They're so out of it.

Oh, like Charlie. I don't think you judge those. It's always like a kind of cute blonde girl who's about 20 years old too who's getting her root canal done and like with a bloody mouth that's the only person i've never seen like a big old fat black dude but like oh shit son what's this like that's never happened it's always just a little cute blonde girl but but like i don't judge her for any shit she might say when she's all right and like like i just don't think you're negotiating with your wife anymore that's why i use that phrase the birth giver like this is a different person she's

been she's been taken over by another being and it's almost true because like like the way our the the way our bodies work hormonally and and i you know i'm someone who knows a little bit about hormones moving around like like i feel like a totally different person than i did like you know three or four years ago like like yeah i got a lot of energy all the time and i'm real positive about things and i i don't get down i i feel great and i've seen women um like during mad swings of their hormones from birth control or just like life or whatever like depression different people just be different people um to the level of like borderline. It's like a split personality thing.

And there was a time when I was like maybe 23 or 24 where I'd be like that crazy bitch. And like, but like I grew up and realized that like, that's like how human beings are just wired. And now I get it. And I try to be really understanding, like when somebody's got that stuff going on, powerful stuff, they don't mean what they're saying. And if they, and the other thing is, just because she's all jacked up on her hormones

doesn't mean that how she's feeling in that moment isn't relevant still and important. That's still your wife. That's just a different version of her, and we've got to respect how things are feeling for her. And she's going through a traumatic endeavor right now. I'd rather get hit by a goddamn car than give birth to a baby.

You're winning me over. Your arguments are very persuasive. I'd rather get hit by a goddamn car than get birthed to a baby. You're winning me over. You're very persuasive. Like I acknowledge that. I still feel like it was very selfish to put her modesty above his witness. That's me guessing as well about the, um, I don't think that you're necessarily guessing that much with it.

Like I know, cause all my female friends are like, well, most of them are having kids. Like it's not like, I know we joked about the like like, well, most of them are having kids. Like, it's not like, I know we joked about the like pooing your pants thing or your lack of pants. Like it is embarrassing for them.

Like they don't want their husband or boyfriend to see them covered in shit. The other way. And so they really do have a mentality. Yeah. The hospital staff is so professional and used to seeing it that they create an environment where it's just like quick wipe, move on. Everything's fine.

Like, I don't know. Yeah. And of course, that's the story that you get third party. Of course, no one's going to be like, oh, yeah, Woody. When they poop themselves, it's a fucking shit show. Literally, because now, hey, guess where we are? An operating room. Guess what? All of the sterilized equipment and people are now covered in?

Shit. Guess what has to happen now? It all has to be replaced. When? Right fucking now it does. Oh, wait, there's more shit. How many sets of gear do we have? I got that real story behind it.

And oh, guess what? Her smell extra bad. What does your wife eat? You might be right. You might be right. You might be right. I still, I feel like she's an asshole though, because she, she put her modesty above him witnessing the birth of his son.

And he might've wanted to see that. It might've been, and he wanted to help her. And I don't like that. She's like, no, no, no, no. In my real moment of mead, I'm going to my mom and my sister. My husband's like somewhere down the list. I know. I like the idea of like, of mead i'm going to my mom and my sister my husband's like somewhere down the list i know i didn't like the idea of like that makes so much sense to go to your mom and your sister for this

girl thing i like i just picture every movie where like the woman's been like shot in the pussy or whatever like she's got some woman trouble and like the mom or like the the the sister or somebody's like this is woman shit and like pushes the man out and closes the door and he's just got to sit out there wringing his fist and it's like yeah that's how it should be they're like they're operating on her vagina for some or doing something crazy with a butthole in there you don't need to see that because after this you might want to be attracted to her vagina and butthole and it might be best that you didn't see it all exploded out and stuff i mean it i'm putting myself in the shoes of the audience member i I think you've won this debate because you've practically, you've almost turned me, but I,

I'm, I keep circling back to your modesty. Your modesty is why your husband was downgraded to third at best place for your support system. Your modesty is why your husband's sitting in the waiting room for six hours, wondering how it's going with infrequent updates. Like you put your modesty above

fucking everything having to do with him and he's hurt he's hurt days later he's upset that this once in a lifetime experience to see his son born was robbed from him this isn't nothing and her modesty went above all of that that's the most important thing to her like chick you're selfish i i think that there's probably a lot more to it than just the modesty modesty aspect like you don't go into that fully sane you know like your your hormones are fucked you're about to get put on powerful drugs you're it's her first kid she doesn't know she's probably embarrassed like give out a situation the guy has to like – What are you thinking, L, here?

It's over. Don't worry. The guy has to like – You're just reiterating all of the perfect points we already made. I was like, no, we got this. We're good. We got it. We got this tied up.

It's 37-3. We're making the playoffs here. I was thinking – we can move on but i wanted to say one more thing i was i was thinking how funny it would be like a doctor who helps give birth like he comes in and he sees her pooping and his response is like biggest day of your life and this is how you behave come back when you're ready to get serious about this and then just like leaves shitting in my office

when you look back on the day when you look back on the day your son was born do you want to remember a day that smells like shit and shame I'm going to turn I'm going to go back out there I'm going to talk to your husband man to man your son is 7 pounds 5 ounces

and your wife weighs 30 pounds less than when she was... Is this one of those zoo hospitals? What's that big bucket? You're taking care of a rhino in there? He just comes back, sir, it turns out she was just constipated. That was not a pregnancy at all.

How long has your wife been eating grass? It was only poop. That was 12 hours of shitting. Nine months of shitting. A pee of jams. That was a good question. I liked that, but I definitely still stand on my position.

It turned out to be a good one. Sometimes you don't know what the topics are going to be. That's it. The topics are empty canvases. That's true. I'm excited for Harley to get here. I want to talk to him about his fight plan. If he gets here, we'll see.

And how Sam Hyde is going to get him in tip-top shape. Sam Hyde. We were talking, it might have been the Hangout, which was a blast this month, by the way. And it was about having sam hyde as a guest do we want that is that a good idea a bad idea so so i told you how we should handle sam hyde as a guest and i don't want to say it publicly but i think that is the only way to handle sam hyde as a guest i think as taylor has stated um i'm really just parroting taylor

because taylor knows better if you bring him on and try to interview him, he won't allow it. He'd just be real weird. And like, who knows what you'd get? He's like an Andy Warhol type character. Like, he's just going to give you something bizarre. Not Andy Warhol. I'm Andy Kaufman. He's not going to pay me.

Somehow I pictured Andy Kaufman. He ain't paid me. I made a chance. God damn it. He's being fucking weird. Like, Andy Kaufman is pretty close to his style of humor. So you can't interview him and you can't have a real conversation with him because his thing is counter to that.

He would try to make it slow and uncomfortable and difficult and awkward. That would be his goal. But I loved my idea. Frankly. And nobody else did and i i i texted everybody i was like i was like here's my idea and they're all like that's amazing kyle you're the best and i was like nobody else liked it that's amazing kyle you're the best that's how all of our text conversations go kyle sends us a photo we go kyle you're the best we love you amazing i'm just reading it kyle you're amazing kyle you're amazing kyle you're magnificent it's nice dick nice dick homie looks same as last time man you know stop

kyle i don't know how many photos you send it hasn't grown kyle how much to daffodil are you on? No, it's I just don't. Yeah, I don't know. I think my idea was just brilliant. And I was just like, that would be so funny. I can picture it and it would just be brilliant. I'm going to say what it was. I'm going to say like my idea was if Sam hyde came on um without warning obviously he'd just pop in the call and we'd be recording there'd be no preamble boom we're recording and each of us

is dressed like a member of the armed services and we begin actively recruiting him and giving him each of us is giving him a better deal i'm army woody's air force and and uh taylor's marine corps or whatever navy or whatever you want it to be. Pick one. And we would just do that until he quit. Until he quit? I don't know. He might out-steal Valorous. And then the other thing I said, it wouldn't be part of this show because there's no way you could just interject him into this long format thing.

It would have to be a separate recording that we edited down and put at the beginning or the end now see that that's the trick like it would have to be a condensed thing like that and and like cut all the jokes and that because it i don't think it would work otherwise i think a long awkward cut would be from for me would be so funny because us keeping a straight face when we're talking to him about like career options for him for someone of his stature and we're talking about like getting him in the aircraft like i i isn't he jake kid that's he's like harley size like yeah it would like like like you're trying to get him in the air force now i'm like how are you gonna fit a man of his magnificence

into one of those little bitch mode bitch made planes don't think so. That's a tank commander if I've ever seen one. Tank commander? He's the tank. The Air Force has tanks, probably. No, I bet that's one thing they don't have. That's the line I'm going with. Yeah, it would be interesting. I mean, look up his appearance on other podcasts.

There's one called The Needle Drop Show. It's a music show. I have no idea anything about it, really. But he was on this show years ago. And the guy was genuinely, I guess, a fan of his at the time, of Sam's, and was like, I wanted to interview about XYZ. And the guy was making the mistake of trying to be good faith about it. And Sam, for the first 15, 20 minutes, way longer than it was funny.

He just refused to do anything. And he claimed that this was a real voice. He was a Jamaican white man. And he's like, well, Sam, I mean, I thought this skit was so funny. What do you think about this? He's like, I don't know what you're talking about. You must be thinking of somebody else. That wasn't me.

And then he just kept doing shit like then the guy's like desperate for content like but you did this right no it's like oh that would like as someone who's interviewed a lot of people i'm like oh that is uncomfortable to try every so when i like uh daydream about guests and how they'd work it's rough when your guest kicks your ass. Bill Burr is the one I keep coming back to. I'd love to talk to Bill Burr about his real-life story arc. And if he didn't like it, you can't win.

I've seen him kick so many asses of news reporters, daytime TV shows, daytime TV hosts, etc. Bill Burr would just make you look like a fool. I want to talk to Donald Trump because he'll make you look like a fucking genius. Trump will make me look like a genius, yes. Anybody. I was so upset when I realized

that his last rally was in Commerce, Georgia. That's like 20 minutes from where I'm from. He's coming to Raleigh, I think. But you don't understand. I'm going everywhere. Like Commerce, Georgia is so close to where I'm from. I absolutely would have went just to see the show.

I advise anybody out there, it doesn't matter what your political leanings are. This isn't about politics. You should go because it's a cultural phenomenon. The same way you'd go to it's a cultural phenomenon the same way you'd go to like the fucking puerto rican day parade just to see it yeah it's kind of like medieval times like you're just going for the show yeah yeah exactly like medieval times you don't need to be like i don't know all about turkey legs and and fucking i don't know medieval combat or anything you could just want to see a show uh and that's what you're gonna see the

trump rally you're gonna see some wild shit and you're gonna get to see like one of what you're going to see the trump rally you're going to see some wild shit and you're going to get to see like one of the you're going to see donald trump i mean why wouldn't you want to see that are they are they crazy are rallies free yeah yeah yeah yeah they're free they're free but i i don't want to i don't know if it's still the case you used to have to get there really early like in his prime it depends where you want to see sit and it depends what the seating is so at this last event because they did it at the drag racetrack, they've got those huge stands that go up. And so it didn't matter where you sat. You're going to get a pretty good view of the guy. Where I went, we were in an auditorium.

I think I was roughly fourth row, fifth row maybe back. And I had gotten there at 5 a.m. I was in line at 5 a.m. roughly, something like that. I spent the night up there to get there early. I was like, oh, we're going to be in the front row. We're going in line at like 5 a.m roughly something like that i spent the night up there to like get there early and i was like oh we're gonna be the front row we're gonna be able to smell them nope nope there were a lot of people there when we got there it might be easier now because you went it was his first presidential run and he was just captivating america right yeah but right now he's not running for anything you're just gonna listen to him sing his greatest hits about the election being

stolen. I don't think he's filling places anymore. So you can get a seat. You'll be inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I definitely, I mean, you just get there like a couple hours early and you're going to be, you know, within 50 feet of the man for sure. Every time. I'm shocked that it seems

like a safety thing. Like he was, that's an outdoor place where he was like, oh yeah, I don't want to like a safety thing like he was that's an outdoor place where he was like oh yeah i i don't want to say anything but like he's outdoors in in commerce georgia like well that's probably a pretty safe place for him right i mean politically it doesn't get any safer but um but like he's just saying a guy with bad intentions. A guy with bad intentions? He's a former president. They all have their group of guys securing shit. Jimmy Carter is dead, basically,

and he's still got Secret Service. Yeah, but, yeah. Oh, everybody's out to get Jimmy. I think what Kyle's saying... A sniper could shoot Donald Trump outdoors, and that would be a scary thing. It just seemed like he was outdoors at the track. They didn't give you

a 360 view, but I know to the right was a quarter mile racetrack. I've been there a bunch of times. I'm sure they're pretty careful. Taylor has a lot of confidence in the Secret Service. I don't know. I'm like, how can you secure outdoors? Outdoors is a big place.

I'm just basing it on the fact that like more presidents haven't been assassinated maybe that could be that like very few people want to assassinate presidents it could be that the secret service is stopping more than we know i have no idea right i lean into this people generally don't try to kill people all the time like like yeah that's probably i don't door dash on the surface seems like an incredibly dangerous job going to strangers houses and knocking on the front door like you you're super vulnerable except that people aren't like that in real life like people generally don't i don't hear about door dashes yeah well you're all like you know and and they have your information and everything like if you do something it's it's, they got you. There was a,

the girl that dropped off my food the other night. I was like, you're too pretty to do this. Somebody's going to grab you. Run, run. Run before I change my mind. That's what I meant.

I'm glad you got it. Yeah. It wasn't that, but it was just like, oh, you're really pretty. You, I was thinking it,

not saying it. I'd say I took my fucking food and said, good night. But, but I was saying like, oh're really pretty you i was thinking it not saying and i took my fucking food and said good night um but but i was saying like oh man she's way too pretty to do this there's scary people out there i don't know i was on crazy fucking videos that subreddit and they were just like random the video was called like random murder or something and guys walking down the street other guys walking the other way. He goes, bang! And kills him. And there's no way they know each other. It's like busy. And then that other guy that was assassinating homeless people

just walking up to him, making sure nobody... Yeah, he killed like five homeless in one night. Walking up to him, sleeping on the sidewalks and shooting them in the head. And there's so much CCTV in New York now that like... I know this because one of the news channels I watch is like NBC in New York for whatever reason I get that and uh through cable and um there's so many

murders in New York it's so fucking depressing like Atlanta News is like that like we'll have shootings don't get me wrong but New York News is always like really disturbing murders because like if it bleeds it leads i guess and whatever bleeds the most gets to the top so their top news story is always horrific there was that young lady who pushed that like octogenarian over and killed her right and and they had a video like she like shoved an old woman over and killed her like for like random crime like like like not someone she knew like on the streets oh look an old, an old lady. Nobody's looking. And she pushed her over and killed her.

What I'm hearing is drags on society are being removed. I haven't heard you yet mention someone who should stay alive. Have they killed any YouTubers from the early 2010s? So far, so good. So far, so good.

Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. That's the scariest kind of violence. Like the just random, no meaning, no reason, no incentive, no motive, just an attack. I've told this before, but like in my high school, a guy got punched hard. I think they wired his jaw shut while it healed, and he did nothing to deserve it. Nothing. And he was talking to me he's like what are you i you i would have never believed that people hit you for no reason

he's like but i didn't even know these guys there was yeah it sucked it was a race thing he was white that's what he did wrong yeah he got i know what that's like for it i didn't hear your words taylor oh i said he got clobbered oh yeah yeah yeah that's no good yeah it just there's like i i saw there's uh i don't know who it is but in our uh in our discord somebody changed their name to hypothetical single woody and their profile picture is is like you all ripped up do you really not know who it is i don't know who it is he's gonna be using your photos to catfish women like i i don't know if it's someone who like changed their name to that or if it's someone who's like brand new and that's just their bag but uh i like to imagine that he i only saw his

name like hours ago like right before we started i didn't see what he was even saying but i like to imagine he stays in character and he is hypothetical single woody and he's just all aloof and talking about getting getting what what would hypothetical single woody call like getting pussy like he'd have his what would he call it it should be like a i don't like a term that's even older than actual wood. Yeah, like snogging or something. I don't know. I've been out there swiping strange all week, son. I like snogging, the British one.

Do they still say that? But see, hypothetical single Woody would be trying to pick up some Zoomer stuff, too. He'd want to be trying to stay as young and hip as possible. So he'd be like... That's some great pussy, no cap real for real like that's what he would be would he say that the pussy was goaded with the sauce after he finished he would yeah yeah i'm looking up outdated damn bay that pussy was goaded with the sauce gotta fly and then he'd be out just just a bunch of zoomer terms mixed in with stuff from the late 1800s oh it was it was called venus's honeypot in the early 1700s i i'm i looked i don't know when this is from but i guess hot cockles is a thing people used to say.

Yo, bitch, let me get some of that quim. What is that? Quim is pussy. No, I would, you know, we engaged in services of the flesh or something like that. How about some coitus, mommy?

How about some coitus, mommy? Let me see those milkers. Let me see those big mommy milkers. I like hypothetical single Woody. He's rad. Yeah, I don't have any problems with that guy. Dude, hypothetical single Woody is rad. Is he in the 50?

Am I going to meet him? You are. I mean, I hope not because of the implication. Zach says yes. Nice. gonna meet him you are i hope i mean i mean i hope not because of the exact is yes nice oh you're gonna take a trip up mount pleasant a 1970 17 1748 term for pussy petticoat lane privy council well these are getting too old altar of venus can't imagine people were actually saying that the netherlands that's funny i think that predates the netherlands that's what it was based on yeah hypothetical single woody would be slaying

with his with his co-opting of zoomer humor oh now's the time to sign up for uh patreon if you want new month has begun oh and april. Do you guys ever do anything for April Fools? I haven't in many years. No. I did one time. I've told this story before, but I thought it was brilliant. So I'm working at Cisco, and

first of all, you have to understand all my coworkers are Indian, and they're just culturally so respectful that they're easy to fool they believe in everything you say so i wrote a letter of resignation to the whole department saying that and i acted like everyone knew like this was like a everyone knows i've been wanting to be an author for quite some time now and i've decided to get into technical audio books. And you have to, like, I even included an audio snippet in my resignation email that was like, here's a little piece, a snippet from my upcoming book. And it's like, C sharp pound sign, open parentheses, open parentheses.

That's really funny. Some coder humor. That's really funny. Some coder humor. Dollar sign then dot dot dot for close parentheses close bracket close. Once you hear it, it's the most like you realize this needs to be in print form. You can't follow it all mentally.

And they were just wishing me good luck in my next career all day long that was my favorite uh all right that's hilarious so i've been looking in for a new hobby i want to do a thing and i've narrowed it down to two things they're completely different magic the gathering no i'm either going to learn piano and uh grab myself one of those keyboards because like honestly that seems like a really easy instrument to learn like once you get some basic movements down like i feel like you can yeah three days you're gold it's the intricate i struggle with the guitar because my stupid

freak fingers don't want to like do the intricate movements up here but with like pianos it seems like more like typing almost and and that i flexing on me mr two working hands but carry on you know and um so it's either that or something completely different i found this youtube series where the guy teaches you how to code oh and and i think he was teaching um python in like four fucking hours and i was like wait like the basics like the introductor and he, no, you can pretty much like do it now. And I don't know. I watched like 30 minutes of it and I found it to be like it made so much sense and it seemed so easy. And I came to realize and you'll be the one to correct me if I'm wrong.

I came to believe that maybe coding was one of those things like building your own PC that sound really hard to do. But like once you understand some core concepts, it's like adult Legos. Computer programming, according to me, isn't what people think it is. What people think it is, is Kyle says,

what do you want a system that does this? And then I being bilingual, translate that into computer stuff, right? Here's what it actually is. Kyle says, I want a system that does this. And like any normal person has left out 80% of the details. Kyle didn't tell me like how to verify that an email is an email, right?

What are the fucking rules for an email? It has to have an at sign, but it can't have two at signs. It can't have an at sign but it can't have two at signs it can't have a period but it can only have one period after the at sign otherwise it's not valid it can have letters it can have numbers but it can't have certain things that are on your keyboard like the the rules around what is a valid email are so complicated that that alone like no one would describe that and i could just go on and on about all the error cases, all the little corner situations that aren't described in a business analyst spec. What a computer programmer is actually doing is making a system that works and does all the things he forgot to tell you. That's the biggest part of the job and being good

at it. That makes sense. Cause I mean the, the the business admin or whoever they don't even know the questions to ask because they're so distanced from it like their job is sales and they're just like just tell the computer people to do this like and they'll right they'll put it on the net something as simple as like hey when they click on the tracking number it should open it up in the shipping company's website so they can see when it's coming. That's an easy thing to say, right? But to get it right, how do you identify which tracking number is from which company so it knows where to open it? All that shit is complicated. Anyway, so there's a lot they leave out. And a computer

programmer has to fill in all those blanks. That's the actual bulk of the job. Gotcha. So piano then, huh? I believe that you could learn Python and you're smart. It's kind of an IQ test all the time and you do well there, but it's not a fun hobby. Like you're not going to build things that capture your interest.

Maybe it looked fun at first. Well, what did you want to make? What was your, no, I wasn't making anything. It was just, I don't know the the basics of just i guess like maybe maybe woody can point you in a different direction within the same kind of coding arena like what was your end goal just to know how to do it oh i didn't have like a project no it would literally

be to like take a course okay like like literally like to click i don't know the same way i'm going to be do with the piano thing right like i don't really have a goal i don't want to be a concert pianist or anything i just kind of want to like do know how to do it and and be able to do it and like maybe pick one song that's like even though it's isn't a beginner song just memorize how to do that one song and that would make me so happy if i could just sit down and do like i don't know sweet caroline like like anything pick a song choice i don't know if it's hard i don't either in terms of like if if i could know a song that'd be high on the list yeah keyboards are fairly affordable like you don't have to spend like a thousand dollars to get a good keyboard

it seems like three or four hundred dollars buys you a pretty pretty fucking nice keyboard i don't know every time you see a keyboard and show it to an actual pianist they're like ah how hard i press the keys isn't related to the sound that comes out it's just kind of an on off i hate this thing it doesn't feel right it doesn't weigh right i i don't know i don't i i think i also watched like bo burn up burham you know the and then he's a comedian story he plays piano god i love his songs like like songs. He's got two or three really good songs that are funny. And one of them is really poignant about celebrities. It might be called Celebrity or something like that. No, he's really good.

He's interesting. Again, I think I'm taking an unpopular position. But my issue with Bo Burnham's comedy is all of it is wrapped around this idea that I'm the only smart person. Bo is the only guy who knows what's going on, and he just points out how everyone on Earth is stupid except for him. And he makes songs mocking other people and other people's priorities and everything. And it's like, bro, you're just as dumb as us, in my opinion. my opinion you know um on the other hand he's not young young anymore but i hate the position i just put myself in of like shitting on a young guy trying to make his dream come true you know so like i'm rooting for him but i wish that he had a little more self-deprecation wrapped in his stuff

that would make me feel good i don't really know i'm not familiar with his stuff really and so it's not about him i just the style of comedy intermixed with the piano and music that's not my jam i don't really like that like when when i see like a stand-up be like all right we're gonna change up the tune it's like oh okay well i i'm not gonna like this bit most likely i just like like musical comedians, I think, because I also like Rodney Carrington. I don't know who that is. He's got this song. It's like, show them to me, show them to me. Oh, I know that guy. Unclasp your bra

and set those puppies free. You'd look a whole lot better without that sweater. And I'll be in ecstasy. What's his name? Don't stop, Kyle. Rodney Carrington. I'm about to take my shirt off.

There's a great YouTube video of him performing that in a concert hall. And when he gets to the chorus every time, when he gets to show them to me, chicks in the crowd everywhere are pulling their tits out, and the crowd is cutting to each of them in sequence uncensored. There's a lot of nice tits. He's got a lot of songs like that. He's funny. Bo Burnham doesn't do that.

That would make it better if he got more titties to show. Do you know there's a rock band that does that? Are they Panther? There's like a fake rock band. Dude, I love these guys i actually like their song there's their music i listen to it sometimes like non-ironic they're unironically but um they are like a parody of a band they're pretending to be a rock band but

they're a rock band but they're kind of like making fun of it with the hair and the outfits and stuff there is self-aware 80s hair band that is current. And they have a song about showing boobs. And the women in the audience just all show their boobs. It's pretty great. Yeah, I think I often see clips on Reddit of like, I don't know, some punk show or something. I never know who they are, obviously, because I've listened to that stuff. But they're like pissing on stage like the women are.

They're like spreading their hoo-ha and like just jettisoning piss all over the crowd, like the first row. And the dudes are just like, I don't know, they look like they're real thirsty. I guess I'll describe it that way. For a nice hot,

hot drink. Yeah, yeah. And who knows if she's hydrated i don't know probably not looks like looks like surge yeah yeah as long as it doesn't look like orbits that's a throwback joke you remember that beverage orbits yeah i never had one but i remember the commercials it's got these little these little floating balls of gelatin floating around in there. It was disgusting. I drank one. I think it was like coconut or pina colada.

I was a kid. Coconut, not a good flavor for kids. I like coconut. I'm a fan. As a kid, during Halloween, you were okay with Almond Joys and Mounds? I hated those. Almond Joy is one of my favorite candies. It's like top three for me.

As a child, even. Always. And as a sociopath. We never had desserts in our home unless my dad would like bring them home. Like my mom would never like purchase them or bake them or whatever. But my dad would stop by like Shoney's because they had like a pie counter there. And he'd like grab a pie and bring it home sometimes. And it was always either a coconut cake or a strawberry pie. So those are the only two desserts i really was exposed to as a child

because we just didn't do desserts yeah we didn't really do desserts either all my snacks is like a kid was salty stuff for the most checks out yeah it does so and they're just better salty stuff is better than sweet stuff it's more satisfying and it's a longer snacking process generally a little sweet thing little candy bar you're done and in one bite i think it's nicer because you know it makes you thirsty so it's a whole thing it slows you down a little bit too keeps you hydrated but yeah i would feel like so sick to my stomach if i sat down like ate a whole box of chocolate-covered cherries. Those are one of my favorite candies, by the way.

But if I sat down and ate a whole bag of Lay's, I'd be like, that was pretty fucking good, huh? Oh, yeah. And you could eat three bags of Lay's. It disappears in your stomach. Are we talking about family-sized bags? Do they sell other sizes? No, no. I'm talking about the bushel bag it's five

family size bags dumped into one oh i've got that one comes in an oil drum just keep it in your yard then go out there and feast oh speaking of oil i saw that uh on on two sides of the world, Putin is saying to the Europeans he'd like to be paid in rubles. They're saying, no, the contract says euros. And he's saying, well, maybe you don't want any gas this year. He's talking about cutting the gas off. That's got to be a bluff.

But over here, Biden is saying he's going to release a million barrels of oil a day from the strategic oil reserves, which seems to me like a drop in the bucket. I don't know how many barrels of oil the US uses a day, but the number 40 million wouldn't fucking surprise me. Who knows? I wonder if the US makes money on that.

For people who know nothing about this, this is how it works. America has approximately one gazillion barrels of oil on stock at any given time. It's in case we go to war, but we also use it for oil price smoothing. So if the price of oil skyrockets, like it has not too in recent times, we let oil

out and that increases the supply, which in turn lowers the price. And then you would assume that we restock it when the price is low. So there's a bit of, I think it's called arbitragerage there's a bit of an arbitrage thing going on here where we buy low and sell high all the time i wonder if not only are we doing kind of a public good by lowering oil prices when they're high but also making money is it to try and prevent or to undercut uh russia forcing like germany and shit to buy it's done all the time price goes too high oh no i meant like now i don't know this is currently being done to lower um gas prices at the pump as soon as this as soon as like like all right so just keep in mind the pump that's at the gas the gas that's at the gas station right now whatever he bought that at he's going to sell

it for that he's they're doing some math up there but whenever that's gone in like a week you know 10 days at the most the gas price should drop they think in the nature of 10 to 35 cents per gallon hopefully i haven't driven uh since this thing's happened i've stayed in my little area or i've let some let somebody else do the driving same tank of gas same tank of gas bought it for like like two and a quarter quarter you bought it in like 1985 gas is cheaper here what's the what's the cheapest gas price that you uh 389 is the lowest i saw today no that you can remember ever oh i remember when breaking a dollar seemed expensive i'm old i remember

i don't remember that when uh when racetrack the like came to livonia georgia and it was the first it was it's a it's you know one of the it's a modern yeah it's a modern gas station with like a two dozen pumps or whatever instead of like the you know small podunk towns have like six or eight pumps or something uh anyway whenever they came i think they did some instead of like the, you know, small podunk towns have like six or eight pumps or something. Anyway, whenever they came, I think they did some sort of like introductory rate, like lower their gas artificially on purpose and lost some money. And it was 86 cents a gallon.

Whoa. It's 86 cents a gallon for a regular unleaded. And they sold like Pepsi products and like the cube, the 24 pack for $5.55. So like it was jam-packed like there was a fair going on at the fucking gas station that weekend so like after that they just took everybody's business and all those little stations went out of business and

put the prices where they belong do you guys ever do that too you're like i kind of need gas but this isn't the one i go to i I can make it home. Like that gas station's ever done anything to earn my... No, I got no brand loyalty. I do like the people at my gas station, but I don't think I'm doing them a favor by pumping their gas. I didn't think there was much of a margin

on gas. I thought it was all about what's in the store. I think so too. As far as they're concerned, they probably would be like, if you're just stopping for gas, keep it rolling. I just have whatever the nicest. The gas is fake. Yeah.

You need the gas, but they want you to buy their food and their snacks and their overpriced drinks and all that stuff in there. It makes money. Just not as much as you think. Like you spend $70 and they're making four or something, but they probably do want your four bucks. I wouldn't say I have any brand loyalty,

but like if there's a mobile i'd be surprised i'm always going to go to a quick trip because it's quick i bet the markup's only like a penny a gallon oh zach help us what's the markup on a gallon of gasoline at the store i know there's like a bunch of state and federal tax that amounts to usually like 12 to 20 cents or something like that per gallon. But I just feel like the guy at the gas station, like at Chevron or whatever, he's only making like a penny. 15 cents a gallon.

15? That's shocking. Okay, that's real money. What is 20 times 15? 20 times 15 cents. Three bucks? Yeah. I was pretty close. I'll take it.

I'll take it. Nailed it, man. That's approved. Yeah. All right. Well, I hope it does help the price of gas. I'm going on a trip tomorrow. I'm going to do a lot of stuff, driving around, doing things.

Are you taking the car or the motorcycle? This will be a car trip, but I've been riding the bike a bunch the weather's nice me too but i and then i want to go on a trip later in the year i want to fly somewhere and do a thing i've got some ideas but like i i don't know what's what are what are airline prices like right now with has it like i know in january they were not high yeah they're higher than russia now yeah oh they are yeah i was i was booking a flight recently and it was it was more than usual like let's say the flight was normally 250 now it's 300 not 500 or anything that's not the end of the world though you know but but like i'm i'm if i I was going to go on some kind of a vacation somewhere to some island that will have my criminal ass...

Hawaii! No, I'm sure there's some territories down there, the Dominican Republic or something like that. I seem to do a little research on one of those. Okay. Thailand seemed cool, according to a guest a few weeks ago. I don't... Yeah, actually, it's not

cool. You get into kickboxing? I have no interest in the kickboxing. Well, you have a huge interest in penis. I mean, based on the WhatsApp conversation... But big ones! Big ones! Oh, yeah, you're going to have to stay out of the Asian places. You're going to have to go to Africa.

We're going to the duck. I'm going to have my own YouTube show, like Monster Hunters, where the guy was looking for the biggest fish across the world, and it's just cocks. No, it's still called Monster Hunters. Oh, it's still called Monster Hunters, but we're in Uganda, and we ain't fishing.

Look at that. Look at the girth of it alone. You've got like a safari looking for this i'm sneaking into like african men's rooms you're like seeking financing from prestigious universities i'm all excited k no, that's a rhinoceros. Racism solved. All skin tastes the same. I wonder if that's true. Probably. I'd imagine everything...

If all skin tastes the same? Why wouldn't all skin taste the same? I'll explain. Some of you will think this is racist, but I don't. I love where this is going because I already know the answer. Do you really know what you're going to say and i i know i think you don't i didn't know it was a question hang on let me don't look at what i type over there i'm going to say that woody thinks that that's what woody thinks no no that's not it you can't look at it here here's where it was coming from my observation is that based on race

people sweating smells different and because smell and taste are so tightly intertwined i wonder if skin tastes different i'm not talking about licking people or maybe i am i'm not sure i'm just really this is the the genesis of a new idea yeah but i'm talking about eating people primarily and i think that if they sweat a different smell then they probably have a different taste. Let me ask you this. If a black family adopted a white man, would he taste the same as his adopted family? That's crossed my mind. like perhaps it's just a cultural diet thing that makes uh different people sweat smell different differently uh but maybe not like to kyle i don't know why if i told you that

across races everywhere heights are the same you'd be like that's actually just not true that's not true i can tell you that it's fucking asian people are shorter and you know these scandinavian people are taller like look woody you can't say all races are the same height you're just wrong you're wrong if i said strength you'd be like no woody i actually have looked into this you know i i could predict testosterone values by race they're not all the same strength sure individually some are strong some are weak or whatever you're saying black man's gonna taste gamey i don't know well i i haven't tasted enough people i'm just beginning my work my research it tastes like a girl but uh but you know what i'm saying is there are other markers where you'd be like yeah they aren't all the same height yeah

they aren't all the same string why would they all be the same taste it's your wokeness kyle you just want to believe that everyone tastes the same because you're so woke but fucking woke bullshit i've had enough bullshit. I've had enough of it. I've had enough of your woke bullshit. People taste differently, Kyle. I know this from talking to a good friend of mine who's Chinese from China. And she's like, oh, white people? Their BO is noticeably worse than Chinese people. So it's not noticeably worse.

It's noticeably different. Well, she says she doesn't have to wear deodorant. Of course she doesn't. Of course she doesn't. Anyone who doesn't wear deodorant doesn't think they smell. I was at a smoke shop the other day, buying some fucking coils or something for this vape, and the guy in front of me, this disgusting excuse for a human being, smelled so much of BO. I wait until he walked out and then I I like, I was like,

why, you know, I'm not gonna confront him. That one. Yeah. But, but I, but I will humiliate him post after he's gone.

And I was like, am I the only one that smelled that stinky fuck? And the lady behind the counter went, BO, how do they not realize? And I'm like, that's what everyone has said. Every time I've ever heard it. Every time me and some others have picked on

somebody after behind their back about their bo it has someone has always and inevitably said how do they not know the answer is you get used to your own stink yeah all right it's got to be like oh here's a great i like these i'm i should we should make a book of these and sell it here's a here's a uh a tip for for adults out there right okay you've moved out of home you just got your first apartment but you've been living on your own for a while your place could be really smelly and you wouldn't know it like like if you've got like some old stinky laundry or like a blanket that got like wet and then they get completely dry and you're like fuck it and threw it in the closet like you've gotten used to that stinky smell that you're that you're like that you look like like

that bachelor lifestyle is often is going to create like whether it's like dirty dishes whether it's a garbage disposal that you don't you like regularly like clean and like sanitize like houses can have all sorts of weird smells and if a woman comes to your house and your place smells she is not coming back it does not matter what happens after the smell like like a hundred percent right about that so first of all i'm going to flex a little bit i smell good i've been getting compliments on my smell i had somebody ask me recently what soap i use because they wanted to replicate my smell. I smell of dove soap, cool, fresh speed stick and coconut lip balm.

Typically that's my smell. Don't take it. It's an upgrade. You want an upgrade? I'm listening. If you're not using the, the hair loss shampoo that I've told everyone that I know to use, whether you're losing your hair or not,

if you're not using that, get some coconut shampoo. It makes your head into this thing. Like every time you like shake your head it's like a it's like you're like shaking some some pheromones out like that might be an upgrade because i think the head and shoulders is a good it's a good thing going on now but maybe yours is better dude you get some coke i i use that what's the shampoo on the on the other hand i don't want to i want to finish my thought yeah when i come back to my house like maybe i've been away for a weekend which happens a lot i'm like dogs live here dogs live here it had our dogs are old and you can't have two old dogs the size of horses and have that not reflect on the scent of

your home it's just yeah yeah that's that's the thing uh if you if you go away on vacation uh and you come back you you you've been desensit back, you've been desensitized or you've been resensitized to that smell. Then you can get it. You've got to stay on that if you're going to be an adult. My house smells like candles. I love candles. Whether you're a man or a woman,

if you want to have social interactions and have people not pick on you behind your back and be the smelly person like i like i've mentioned a few times i had that ex-girlfriend who had a friend who had a cat and her place smelled like cat piss yeah so strongly that i was uncomfortable being there that i wanted out like i like immediately i'm wanting to get to the balcony like hey kyle really likes it out there. It's so cold.

I wanted to lean in and be like, your home smells worse than a men's room. Yeah. My eyes are burning from the ammonia lingering in your home. Yeah, and I grew up on a poultry farm. I've smelled things and seen things you can't imagine. I don't talk about it a lot because when I talk about my PTSD, that's what I'm talking about. I've seen some shit. You ever had a chicken

flick a kernel of diarrhea into your eyeball? I have. You ever had? I did lose. This is a glass eye. That'd be so funny. What if I popped out a glass eye. That'd be so funny. If you had a glass eye.

What if I popped out a glass side? I've been like the whole time. It would be a bigger twist than anything in my entire life. If you reveal the glass eye right now, if I had lost my eye to the cancer, I totally would have gotten a glass eye and not told anyone. So after every show, I'm privately texting Woody like it's so sad. He's like, we don so sad. He's like, we don't know what he's looking at. What are you guys talking about? No, I got both eyes

still, thankfully. Hopefully it doesn't come back. That was rough. I wanted to know, did you, I mean, piano number one, was there a backup behind the piano? Like a backup instrument that you would learn instead of keyboard? I like the piano. I think that's one that I can do because like, like growing up, my grandmother had a piano

and my cousin always took piano lessons. She's like, I would say like, like if, if like a 10 is a concert pianist who gets paid to play the piano, and if zero is me, she's like a 7 or an 8 maybe. Like someone who played their entire childhood and went to recitals and stuff that plays complex pieces. But I never got into it. But I would sit down there and play fucking chopsticks and shit and basic stuff. And it seemed pretty easy to memorize like any basic kid song like anything that goes like like as long as it doesn't get all complicated you're not moving around it seemed pretty easy to me i never i never got past like the home row level of piano when i was a kid yeah we're like

you know obviously like keyboard like your hands are all in the same place. Like you don't have to move and jive all around. I hated piano so much. I remember like being filled with so much resentment. I was like seven, eight, nine years old. And I'd have to get driven to this lady's house, a few neighborhoods over and every week. All right, Taylor, show me what you've learned. It's like, I haven't learned. I've actively tried to forget you. I'm what I've learned it's like i i haven't learned i've actively tried to forget you i'm what i've i had six hockey practices this week i'm not i'm not spending any of my free time on this bullshit and i never got any better and eventually just a war of attrition like realizing how much money my parents were just pissing away like they just let me quit so you resented the piano lessons i had the opposite experience as a kid. I had a guy come and teach me guitar and I wanted to learn to play guitar.

I just didn't want to put in effort. Like I wanted the skill, but I didn't want to try. So all the resentment was on the instructor's behalf. You could tell he just hated it hated he would ring the doorbell then start walking away we'd have to run and catch him like before he left the steps because he was he was reluctantly show up at the house and make a run for it it was funny i have a question when did when do you how old do you think you were before you became like fully socially aware of like when you were and were not like you know sticking your foot in your mouth or or interjecting

yourself into a situation that doesn't make any sense because like i was recently thinking about my childhood that out in the next few years yeah i still feel like i make mistakes about that stuff all right we'll make a goddamn joke it, then let me tell you about this embarrassing fucking memory I have. I'm joking. But he's like, yeah, we're all memeing. Fair enough, fair enough. No, I was thinking about a couple of things from my childhood where someone else, the adult in the situation, have been like i don't do that that's weird

like that time i went with my mother's special ed class to that aquarium as the only the poo girl the only one there who didn't have donkey brains but but third grade me thought free field trip of course i'll go with the retarded kids. And it's like, but now I'm like, man, I wonder if anybody was like, yeah, Kyle's with the retarded kids. I think he is one of them. Like maybe that rumor started in third grade and I never knew. Where did you go that day?

Like the park or something? No, the Tennessee Aquarium. I guarantee the employees at that aquarium were like, now that? Now he? I can hardly tell. He asked me for a keychain and picked out his own dehydrated ice cream. Yeah. Yeah.

Poor thing. What's he going to do with that keychain? No diaper bulge? Yeah. 300 keychains on the rack and he recognized his own name that one there's got a future and like he's gonna be the best janitor we've ever known oh you know i've been i don't think janitor to school is the worst job i don't think they work that hard you know what do you push the broom through the hallway vomit and like piss and shit

lots or like one lot no no like like every day like once a day let me see what time it is i gotta hear my mother teaches in an elementary school let me see how often someone shits the bathroom well that's all over the bathroom you mean i bet i have a question how often does one of the kids shit themselves in the bathroom and make a huge mess for the janitor or throw up something messy like that oh i'm waiting with bated breath for the response we'll see don't i i know that like i and this was even this may have been like late middle school even early high school i remember there was this janitor who like what got straight up bullied by the popular kids in my grade and the grade above me like they

would be cunty little shits to this janitor like they were rich kids and the janitor was obviously a janitor not like a middle-aged guy and i remember like this one cunt like it had to do with with him like not turning on the vending machines or something at the right time which you know when the vending machines weren't turned on i was like oh damn it i wanted to gate around are they off well i don't know i don't know why they were off that's but like people like bullying this guy be like do your job like like you're a 16 year old like ber berating a 42-year-old man. Hang on a minute. What time of day was it?

What time of day was it? This was like probably like 2 p.m. Yeah. Towards the end of school. Yeah. So why are the vending machines not on so that the students can say hi to it? It's not like they were off every day. I'm sure they were just out of stuff and didn't stock it.

So the kids would have no way to even plan ahead because it was so random when when or when they would or would not be able to get a beverage you're right so let's just say let's just say my son you're right my son runs track okay um he's one of your student athletes that you're all supposedly so proud of and after the coaches had him out there running lap after lap after school i might mind you he ran all the way back because he knew he could get something to drink of course the fountains don't work but the soda the soda machines there guess what it was turned off why are we turning soda machines up are we locking the sugar down in a school which you know what the pregnancy rate among your on your suited body is sir probably? Probably not great. You get that fucking hobo in line. Get that machine on and kept on.

I mean, that... It was a dichotomy of janitors. The one guy, he seemed like a little bit of a simpleton, and I felt really bad for him when he was getting bullied. Yeah. Both guys I'm talking about. I know. Tragedy. both guys i'm talking i know a tragedy and then the other guy also also a white guy he was like a janitor who like if when you were a senior you were allowed to like fuck off and in study hall

and go do your own thing and you could like even just go to a different area like the common area and sit at a table there where there's more space and more privacy. And if like he saw you fucking off or talking to a friend during your study hall, he would come over like he was a teacher and like reprimand you. And that guy sucked. So I guess it's not all janitors. Another movement. Did we learn? Have we learned anything?

She gives me like this terrible answer i have no idea i don't have a home room anymore so i don't ever hear stuff okay well in your 20 years of teaching okay mom well in your decades of experience perhaps how often does that sort of thing happen i'm having a conversation with someone and i wanted some data from someone who should be informed you bitch i get that from doctors a lot i'm like hey you know what so i have this shoulder injury what's the prognosis look like you know but what will i be like two weeks from now four weeks from now eight weeks from now can you help me out just looking for a little time. This is a real conversation.

This is really what I was going to say. And they're like, let me get my crystal ball. And I'm like, am I your first patient? Can you perhaps draw on your 15 years of shoulder repair experience and let me know? No, you're thinking this is Jackie. It's not. Although she's doing really well. She went to the doctor today. They had amazing news. The doctor was practically strutting at her range of motion and how well it went and how perfect the x-rays he saw were. They have her shoulder put back together with some sort of

twine they could pull a boat with, they told her. And I'm like, pulling boats is not hard. they're kind of weightless oh until you said that i was so like whoa i'm pretty sure i could pull a boat with some bubble tape you never see a pull ski boats around in strongman competitions or anything i remember the the one that that really came to me a couple days ago that was that early childhood moment where it's like, why didn't adults

say no? Why didn't adults say no? I've told you about going to horse camp, right? How I went to horse camp. I was just like, wait a minute. Wasn't I the only guy there? Yeah. I'm pretty sure I went to like little girl horse camp

you didn't even you didn't even care you're in your davy crockett vest and your hat like like like here's the situation like there was just this day when like you know how it is when you're a kid right like like you don't know where you're going in the car you're just in the car you're going somewhere and like i guess i was maybe 11 12 maybe and we go down this dirt road and there's like horses and stables and there's this lady talking to my parents and they're like okay that sounds good okay well she's gonna be in horse camp it's gonna be fun and my sister's like oh yeah yeah yeah i'm like i want to go to horse camp and they're like do you like yeah and i guess they just went you got room for one more and they just put me in fucking horse camp now don't don't horse camp was like an overnight camp no

horse camp was a thing where like i think it was in the summer so there's no school so like i think like every day for like several weeks we were there for like entire afternoons from like 10 a.m to like 4 p.m or something horse camping it up like riding horses brushing horses and like i'm i'm thinking back and it's like there was one girl who was my age because i went to high school with her meredith and uh um good meredith not whore meredith and everybody knows that they know um and uh no i i'm pretty sure i went to little girl horse camp because i distinctly remember um you might imagine the woman who runs a horse camp her daughters are into horse stuff yeah they're barrel racing champions well they're like 14 15 and so there comes a time when

the 15-year-old has to look after us for a little bit. And there's my 11 or 12-year-old ass sitting in her bedroom full of barrel racing trophies and ribbons. Incredibly awkward. But I don't know to feel awkward. And I've just...

I thought about that last... You just want to ride the horses. I thought about this shit like a night or two ago and started sweating i was like i was like why didn't you were 11 you didn't do anything bad i might have i think i was 12 maybe i was like why didn't anybody tell me that i was at little girl horse camp and i was like i i wasn't even trying to like get laid or anything i was interested in the fucking horses. I mean, it was a good time. I learned to ride horses and stuff and brush them and, you know, braid their manes and stuff. Not that.

It was like it was a good, a good all around experience until you got old enough to remember it. Yeah. Yeah. You have to appreciate the social ramifications of going to little girl horse camp. That sounds hot. Hear me out. Does it make sense to be the male cheerleader right does it like i feel like that might be the move no is the male cheerleader getting all the

female cheerleaders is that a thing or like in in concept i guess they're going for the um the athletes football players the athletes that they're cheering on. But tell me, you know, that male cheerleader is an athlete, too, and he's probably good looking. He's big and strong. He's picking you up all day long. My guess is all the cheerleaders are interested in the athletes. And not the male cheerleaders. No, they are, too. Yeah.

Yeah. Sharp as a marble over here. There were, uh, there was only one male cheerleader at our school and he was very gay. Um, he was a black guy. Um,

and I, I know he was gay because it was often a point of contention because someone would call him a slur and then his sister would beat the shit out of them. It was a lady. She was, uh, she wasn't big, but, but, but, would beat the shit out of them. A big lady? She was a powerful woman. She wasn't big, but even, we were the same age.

She had spunk. I was afraid of her. So did he. Womp, womp. I don't think I got it. See, because of gay. Oh, oh. Spunk is calm. Women in general, I guess.

Nope. Ejaculate. He said he was afraid of her. No, he said he had spunk. Ah. I didn't get what he was implying. That got me good. Kyle just, nope.

I didn't get what he was replying. That got me good. Kyle just, nope. I didn't go to any really embarrassing camps as a kid. I'm trying to remember to think of a good one. I went to a horrible sports camp once. I got another one. I wanted to go.

Yeah, what do you got? I got another one. God damn it. This one's just as bad, isn't it? Just as sweat-inducing. I got another one. God damn it. This one's just as bad, isn't it? Just as sweat-inducing. So when I was homeschooled, I only kept in touch with one friend from school, really. And then it wasn't a big peer group.

So I started making friends with the sons of one of my dad's friends, who was a year older than me, but seemed like he was out of school a lot farming, too. But anyway, they went to to church and they did, this is the super wow trip. This is when I like got somehow tricked into going to super wow for you. It's the big religious meetup down at like Jekyll Island where like every church sends their youth to like sing together. And I hopefully not fuck each other, but I'm sure that's what's happening.

Well, for anyone who's not like socially retarded, but I'm sure that's what's happening. Well, for anyone who's not socially retarded like I was anyway, because I was like 14 at this point. And that was just, what was I doing there? Thinking back, I didn't know any of those people. I was just there. Did your parents make you go? No! You probably just thought it was more fun.

Like you were going's what it was i remember it now they they tricked me they sold me on it and they sold me on super soaker fights in particular that to me that sounded that sounded awesome it does sound fun they were like yeah we've all got like the best super soakers and to like a 14 year old you mean it's got like two pumps or something no double barrels and the barrel spin and you're like oh like i was so into this idea maybe it was 13 13 sounds more right um but anyway like they sold me on that super soaker fight they sold me on going to water parks and the beach and uh and we got there and there was a lot of singing and a lot of praying and a lot of watching WWE and not being allowed to go near the girls. And it was a lame fucking trip, and I think I was there for a fucking week, dude.

We took a bus. Do you know how long? A church bus, not a real bus. It wasn't even a nice one. It was one of those like church. It's not even a bus. It's like a van. It was a van. A big It's not even a bus. It's like a van. It was a van!

A big van. With the benches. I rode in a van to Jekyll Island to go to something called Superwow. Voluntarily. The worst part is I had to work to earn my ticket there. What?

Yeah, they had these big barbecues where they sell chicken plates. You got so hoodwinked. And they had me these these big barbecues where they sell like chicken plates you got so hoodwinked and they had me out there like like brushing like chicken down with vinegar and and spices for like a like two weekends straight like to earn my way just slave labor to earn your way into boring church i don't know what that was paying for looking back i think we rented the little house we were in, but it was shit. That's another socially retarded moment. Did they actually let you have super soger fights

at the camp? Well, I put warm water in mine, and I scored somebody's dad who was wearing a Lacoste shirt, and he got super pissy and yelled at me because it was going to shrink. What an asshole.

What an asshole. What an asshole. I don't know why I put warm water in there. I just thought it was, I don't know. It was like, there's the faucet. Like, I'll put warm water in there. Like, I don't know. I was 13. Yeah.

Who cares? They yelled at me. I got super mad. That's so over the line. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that well. They were real mad about it. That's so over the line. Yeah, I remember that well. They were real mad about it.

Christian camps were exactly what you said. They sold you the moon on the go-in and then they fucked you on the come out. Here he is. I came. Mommy, daddy, I came.

How are you, Harvey? Woody, I didn't come. That's exactly what you meant. Did you do a jism? I did a baby jism. Don't say baby jism.

I'll see myself. Yeah, that's not a thing. It is. So, Harley, thank you for coming by. Is this my record? Is this my record for being the latest ever? It was just a teaser. People have been waiting the whole time to hear about this incredible event. We've been sitting here quietly for an hour and 45 minutes.

Yeah, all right. Start over. I want to hear everything I missed. There'll be 10 minutes left of the show. We do all the same jokes again. So you're, you're doing the I dubs fight. Yeah.

And so you've conscripted Sam Hyde to get you in punching form. So what is your full plan leading up to it? I honestly, I'll give you guys like the whole, whole whole thing i would even got here to begin with definitely um i dubs i don't listen um i don't have like a savage killer instinct in me i'm not kyle you know what i mean um i don't have that so when i dubs like oh do you want to uh who wants to box i was like me and he was like oh great but i didn't think he would ever find someone to box me uh because i'm six six five like 290 um and i always watch these youtube boxing events did you guys watch these ever you ever watch them i've seen some of the highlights especially the the main event

that logan paul and jake paul oh yeah yeah i all these things. It's like a guilty pleasure of mine watching them. But I also like, if you came to my house and saw my YouTube recommended, you'd be like, this is terrible. It's just like, it's, it's like a two hour video about a YouTuber that I hate now rated by a

YouTuber. I hate even more. Don't ask me why I sit down and watch this shit, but it's a guilty pleasure and I do it. Um, and the boxing events, I was at my buddy's house. I was like, why don't ask me why i sit down and watch this shit but it's a guilty pleasure and i do it um and the boxing events i was at my buddies always say why don't you do that why don't you do that and i'd be like yeah all right you know you'd have to pay me so much to do it yeah well turns out you don't have to pay me anything that's just where my career is at now i have to watch another youtuber um but the thing is i i was like yeah let's do it and when he

he hit me back um and i'm gonna give you guys all the inside shit right now yes when he hit me back i was supposed to box a guy named anomaly who i don't know if you know he's a youtuber i'm familiar with him because he did a video called autistic mealtime part one and two um and he's like a six he's like my height six or five he's 300 pounds we're both like you know uh gamers um we both you know have penises that probably look really small compared to our huge bodies and i was excited to box him and he always wears like a ski mask wait you wanted to find someone your own size that sounds horrible yeah i did but he's like me he's like a gamer and i used to call him up and i'd be like just so you know like uh like i'm not like uh

like i'm not like a guy that's like savage killer instinct like i'm gonna go gloves up and fuck you up or anything we're gonna be two huge dudes in there it'll be a show no matter what happens we'll have big gloves on it's gonna be fine um and he was pretty down for it but uh you know with his training something happened he wasn't he wasn't comfortable moving ahead um and then i was going to box this guy named chills who i wasn't familiar with but he's canadian i think and he's like you know six foot three and he does he is like he does these narrating videos um and then he apparently had a a history of playing hockey um so that didn't work out because he had um some previous injuries um okay and then i was gonna box this guy s fanned um and i looked him up and

he's like shorter than me and he looks like you, you know, relatively out of shape as I was. But he was division one football player, like university. So I was like, I don't know, like, you know, something like that. Like just an athlete scares me. And then I was talking to iDubbbz and I was like, yeah, I don't want to commit to this because I don't want to get there. And, you know, whoever I was going to fight doesn't show up. All these opponents are changing.

I don't want to get there that day. And they're going to be like, yeah, your opponent didn't show up. So you're fighting the black Bradley Martin twins. And that's not a scenario I wanted to be in because I would get fucked up. I don't want to like die in the ring. But I've never boxed before i got in like one fight like so long ago um my size has always prevented me from ever having to get into a fight um but i started training and then i dubs hit me up and said i was gonna box

aaron from game grumps um and he like 6'2 or 6'3, like 235 pounds or so. I'm definitely bigger than him. No matter what, I have mad respect because he's getting in the ring with me and he probably thinks I'm a real guy and I know how to punch and stuff, which I don't, but I'm way bigger.

I wouldn't get in the ring with a guy who's 60 pounds bigger than me. Imagine that, a 350-pound guy. He would fuck me. He would fuck me in the ring with a guy who's like 60 pounds bigger than me. Imagine that, like a 350-pound guy. He would fuck me. He would fuck me in the ass. Yeah, if the fight would stop when he decided it stopped. If the skill level is even close. If the skill – you'd have to be such a good boxer that you just wouldn't care.

I mean, there's plenty of those guys. Kyle, I'm not. I'm not such a good boxer. Oh, yeah. Not at all. all yeah it's uh so you've been training have you been doing sparring yeah so I did sparring like with my my coach he's like a professional boxing coach we did sparring and everything I learned for like the month leading up to that was humbling because then when you you start sparring, you do weird shit.

I do weird. I'm like kicking my back leg when I punch and stuff. It's just so ugly. I would never show you guys the footage. Um, and I, uh, I,

I, I sparred against another guy, another coach who, who's like a cruiserweight and he's had like a hundred fights. We spar, but then he was like, I'm going to link you up with a guy who's bigger, like a heavyweight

so you could see what it's like so i'm like yeah so then i sparred this heavyweight and like i'm punching him and he's just like walking into it he was like he's comfortable he's like you know he's not he's not scared of any any punches i'm giving him and he just walks and he's inside i got hit in the stomach and i was like oh like my dad my dad in the morning putting on socks it was like it was oh no i started cracking up in the ring and how funny it was um and i looked up aaron from game grumps he's smaller and i'm in the scenario where i'm like you know what if i get knocked out by aaron from game grumps it's embarrassing because he's like a youtube loser that wears a fedora. So am I.

I'm a YouTube loser, but getting knocked out by a smaller one is just going to be rough. I'm not going to be invited back to PKA for like two years. We're going to become friends with him. He's going to be our new regular guest. Wild by combat.

Like whoever. It's not working. But then I was like, if I knock him out, if I knock him out also, though, it's barely a win. Because it's like, yeah, we expected you to. You know what I mean? I don't expect anybody to get knocked out in these kind of fights. Like when it's two guys who haven't made a career out of knocking other human beings out. It's harder than you think.

Right. Like, I don't know, just the coordination of like boxing with another person and neither of us falling over for 15 minutes. That means we did pretty good. It's so hard. I've used this analogy before.

Right. But like everybody thinks that probably they're good at throwing a punch because they're good at similar activities, like taking a book off the shelf, right? I can take a book off the shelf with flawless precision and you know, they're pretty relatable, right? I promise you throwing a punch, especially throwing it hard is difficult. And then when you add to that that your frame of reference is you're used to watching UFC fighters or maybe Floyd Mayweather

or even the Paul brothers or something. Do that. I'm sorry. No worries. Coffee time. Everyone who sees this done is used to seeing it done by an expert. And now they see it done by my slow white ass, and they're like, that guy completely sucks. It's like, no, no, no, no.

You don't understand. I'm like a three out of ten i worked hard to get here but you're used to watching 10 out of 10s and by compare well i guess three out of 10 is not that impressive but it is what it is um so yeah i would be impressed if you look like you had good form and courage right you don't even need to win right just look like you train for this and show some courage and I'm blown away. Okay. Well, that's, that's funny. You say that because I was there and I was learning to do, uh, you know, form and all that. Um, but at earlier, before the Idubs thing happened, I was actually, uh, messaging Sam Hyde. I happened to be watching his stuff on my stream and he, um, he just said in a video before the items thing was announced, but I was already committed to the items thing.

He was like, yeah, you know, I want to box a sound or whatever. And then he was like, you know what? I'd even box the epic mealtime guy. And he said that just at the end of the video and me with like three boxing lessons, I was like, I'll box you. And then we got on the phone he was like twenty five thousand dollars if you box me a hundred thousand dollars if you knock me out and i was like who are you sam like who are you like i'm not now you know if you if you came in you were like a hundred bucks to box me five hundred bucks if you knock me out i'm like okay bitch no one's putting that up unless they have like you know a lot of confidence and i've seen so many videos of him punching and kicking and doing all

this shit for like years you know um and i've never been like a fan of combat and this is just a guy that like you know he's a guy that likes to fight like I actually believe that when Sam took I-Dub under the bridge. Yeah, he's 6'4", 270. He took I-Dub under that bridge in that little documentary, and he was getting I-Dub to punch him, and he was kind of hitting I-Dub's back. I believe that was the conception of this boxing event because if that happened to me um like you know ever since i started punching i feel much better i'm like i'm good like there are some people in life that i'd be like oh he's muscular i would never punch him and now i'm like

oh i would get in the ring with that guy i'm confident to last a round at least i won't win but i can go in the ring with him um and I think iDubbbz was like maybe and I'm making this up and I talked to Ian a lot obviously but um he it just like he started training a lot like around since then and now this event is happening and so you know like I think in some ways like I think of like you know watching Sam and then getting on the phone with Sam speaking to iDubbbz being in the event and watching their video which by the way the sam hide cut of idubs documentary followed by the idubs cut of the sam i documentary is like my favorite back-to-back videos this year it was such good content both of them i loved it um so i had an open line to sam

and i was talking to him and um um, he was like, Hey, why don't you send me your sparring footage? And I was like, okay. Oh, cause I told him, I was like, you know, I, I, I sparred a heavyweight and it really wasn't so comfortable. I didn't do that well. And he was like, Oh, send it to me. Um, and I sent it to him, which I think in a way was like, uh, trusting because, you know, he did that video with I dubs and he released it to him which i think in a way was like uh trusting because you know he did that

video with idubs and he released it early he like forced idubs hand to release that video i think he didn't do anything for like six or nine months like early is pretty relative he was having the impression idubs would never release it so he didn't want to so he did it but he didn't even like hit him up being like by the way way, I'm going to release this shit. Okay. So I sent him a sparring video, which if he uploaded it, it would be hilarious content because he'd be like, look at the epic mealtime guy. He's such a fucking idiot. And I would love that video if he did that.

Don't do that if he ever sees this. But I sent it to him and I was like, yeah know if this gets sent out like it breaks an NDA can't be on camera fighting someone else uh and you know I sure as hell don't want to get ripped up by uh you know I don't want to get lampooned by Sam Hyde and my fighting skills before the match but I sent it to him and I think he maybe appreciated that i trusted him in that sense because he sent me back like a long a long list of voice memos it's practically like speaking on the phone he was like uh how long into your fight and i was like seven weeks he was like okay you're trash you're very bad at this You look all sorts of fucked up in there.

I'm going to have to have you. If you can't, do you want to come here? And I was like, yeah, okay. I was like, how big are you? He's like 6'4", 270. And I was like, okay, so if I go and I fight Sam Hyde twice a day, every single day for seven years, a single game grump should be pretty easy for me oh yeah so um i shaved my

beard off because i don't want to bring the sauce boss with me i just got here i just got here i'm in i'm in i'm in cigarette hooker hotel uh sam told me to book this hotel it's terrifying i just realized this just got a lot cooler this is where we do the trading if i were to book my own hotel i know me i would get like some sick hotel in rhode island i'd be like ordering room service but instead like the stench that i know is here, hidden by perfume made to hide cigarette and old vagina juice smell. I feel like it's

just, I'm in full beast mode. It's genius, Harley. It's hard to get up and run if you're sleeping in silk sheets. Yeah. So I shaved my beard. I left the sauce boss at home, and I'm going to be a pupil. And I'm going to be a pupil. Yes, that would be cool.

I would come to visit you for that one. Then seven days, seven weeks of steroids. I can't help you with that, but I know who can. So is your, is your first day of real training tomorrow then? This is Sam Hyde. Remember Sam Hyde. It might be, yeah. Any minute, huh?

Oh, yeah. Literally, the second I'm done here, I have a mysterious address that on Google Maps looks like a parking lot. And I'm going to meet him there. It'll be about midnight. He's like, that's okay. And I'm like, great. I'm like that too. So I'm like to meet him there. It'll be about midnight. He's like, that's okay. And I'm like, great. I'm like that too. So I'm like, okay.

So I gave the keys of my life to maybe one of the only guys on the internet that makes me feel nervous. I gave him the keys to my life and he blocked off the next two weeks of his life and he's got a fucking bonkers life i don't even know what's happening there but content is always getting uploaded and shit's always happening on his social media so i'm going to uh he's gonna have you know his weeks blocked off and i'm gonna go there and i'm just like no ego i don't care like i'm i i do make a good student i knew what it takes to be a teacher so i know how to be a student as well no ego i'm willing to learn it was very difficult saying to my boxing coach a pro boxing coach i'm like oh i'm leaving to do a fight camp he's like oh with who and i'm like oh the ghost of Kiev.

Have you ever read How to Bomb the U.S. Government? Have you ever read that book? Is he going to upload this? It's my... I don't know. If I'm reading between the lines, Sam Hyde is like, I'll train you. Oh, and by the way, I'm going to make some dope videos out of this. Maybe?

It looks like, from what I understand, and also I dope videos out of this. Maybe. It looks like from what I understand. And also I never know what to expect. Like I was like, maybe I'm going there and he's just going to jump me. Like maybe I'm going there. He's going to jump me. I'm the one making the videos. And I brought a cameraman with me and everything's going to be

documented. And it looks like that's what he wanted in exchange for the training. It seems, I mean, if he films shit, that's cool. I'm not going to say anything, you know,

that's fine. I like the content. Um, but, um, I'm the one that's going to be documenting it. So it'll be, I guess from my perspective.

Um, yeah. Can I just say one thing? And you, you, you probably already know this. So forgive me if it's insulting.'t stop rolling ever there's you you need a lot of bad the camera has to always be recording because that guy's so odd that guy's so

interesting like there's gonna be some moment if you turn that fucking camera off something's gonna happen and you're gonna wish it was on ties into my question which was harley how do you know or do you know sam has your best interests in mind i can totally imagine like i'm a youtube boxer right sam hyde calls me says woody you should come here and train i pack up my life i head out to i don't know under a bridge somewhere and he doesn't show right he did that to i-dubs for like four days in a row or something like how do you know he's not there to fuck with you um i don't and that's kind of the fun part of this uh you know i'm always in control in my life for the last like 10 years so relinquishing control to a complete psychopath is kind of this is like it like in a weird way it's like uh you know i don't i i love being in control

i'm all about control not having control is is nice you know i guess yeah scary i don't know it's different i i've been bored the last couple years you're just putting yourself in sam hyde's capable hands no i love what you've done here i love it i i love like uprooting and just going to do this thing it's so fucking cool i it's so fucking cool but like i bet you're so excited about tonight right like this is gonna be awesome oh yeah tonight being the show yeah you've never you never met him right like this is the first time you're laying eyes on this dude so my cameraman is a very good friend of mine it was a guy i used to film stuff with for like the last 15 years when i ever did something on camera he was the guy that filmed me the first time he's a very good friend he's

obsessed with sam hyde we're in the car and we're driving and it's like quiet what's that i'm sorry was he in vermont that your cameraman good friend maybe i remember him no he's i went to vermont with me from my hometown montreal everyone you brought that's true we did okay so the answer is no though he wasn't in vermont okay no he wasn't on that trip with us that's what i mean by vermont i went oh no no he wasn't no he wasn't okay all right oh yeah that's right yeah yeah no none of those none of yeah um his name's brian he's a cool dude and uh we're sitting there and it's like quiet and i was just like what do you think sam hide smells like it's not a thing you would think of you would never think of that and like smell we

would never talk about such a thing no so but now i'm like i'm gonna see him and i'm like he's gonna be so big and like we're gonna smell him him like he's going to be big like you know when i come into a room you could smell me i'm just so much skin so much more skin is in the room now so you'll smell it carly do you think different people taste different oh for sure like let me ask you this let me ask you this do you think different races taste different more specifically if i'm going to use a very specific scenario just stick with me here this will be okay it's not as bad as you think let's say let's say a white family adopts like an asian child and a black child and you know they live with that family their whole lives all eating the same stuff living the same lives and then i butcher that whole family will they taste different because they're a different race do you mind if

i if i fast track to like my thought process that might not directly answer your question but i've already i've done this debate indians i've decided indian people taste the best very much i happen to very much uh east indian I happen to very much East Indian. I happen to very much enjoy Indian food. A lot of my closest Indian friends, a lot of their cuisine permeates through their skin.

If you were to butcher an Indian family, I feel like they're already marinated and spiced. I think they will taste better than you. First of all indian people taste like indian food that's a given but i think a white person fed indian food would taste the same way is my argument you think so they gotta be they got they have to be said but if they're if they're like fourth generation white person having been eaten indian food birthed by two

white people that only ate indian food birthed by two white people that only ate indian food birthed by two people that only ate indian food it's got yeah yeah the numbers are off with the births there but i get your point i don't know about all that but i'm just thinking about those like uh what is it that that ham that iperigo ham or whatever where they they feed the pigs the acorns the spanish acorns that's all they eat so their meat is like super delicious and expensive or whatever like i just think that if you took a white kid and you fed him the diet, he's not going to taste any different. All the races taste the same.

I want to eat him the least. White kids fed any food? Yeah, that's what I decided. I think I want to eat them the least. Jews included. Jews included weight. Oh, but that's our Jews kosher. Some of them are.

Well, I heard cannibals cannibals refer to humans as long bacon because apparently it tastes a lot like bacon yeah apparently um we uh like um firefighters say that burning human flesh smells like bacon sometimes or the like the burn ward of a hospital might smell a little bit like bacon yeah it's gross hey don't threaten me with a good time you know what i'm saying no i would definitely eat people uh if they were like legal and served on a menu i would try people i would like to know what people i'm eating though because like i don't want to eat like a gross dude no see i wouldn't do that i wouldn't be like uh i i wouldn't sit down at the table and they'll be like oh you're asian man sir and i'd be like oh no i want a white man i feel like

that's racist i would be like oh thank you how is it any more racist than picking yellow fin tuna over like albacore well that's specious right no it's right though race of fish we are different race of fish i'm feeling i want the oppressor here last night i had dark meat tonight i want white meat there's nothing racist about that i just like mixing it up of course you don't want to have the same person all the time yeah yeah that's true if someone put down dark meat you're like i want I want white meat, white meat is the best. And you looked in everyone's eyes at the table. I think, yeah, that would be racist. Yeah, that's a lot of dogs.

Like morally posturing that you're better than someone as you're eating people. That's pretty racist of you. You need to evaluate. That's a lot to unpack, sweetie, as you're carving into someone's calf. I think I would rather eat... I think if I had to eat either a person or a dog, I would eat the person. No. I'd eat a

naughty dog. How about this? If you choose person, they're going to kill a homeless man. And if you choose dog, they're going to kill your dog. And you have to eat your dog. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're telling me I get to kill a homeless man

and save my dog? That's what I'm saying. Oh, tough one. Do I get money too? Wasn't part number three a blowjob? God damn! I think out of you three, I'd want to eat Taylor the most.

I'm probably, I'm definitely the best marbled. I feel like you have an excellent rump roast that I can get out of you. I have one. I feel like Kyle made it two years ago. Kyle now, I'm like, this is too tough, this meat. It's like horse meat. I would eat Kyle first just for the tea bump, right? You know when those fighters go off to Thailand and they're like,

I've been eating horse meat the whole time. That's why I tested positive. That's why I'm eating Kyle. Dude, if you ate a steak of me, you would legit fail a test. There's no fucking way. Ustada would be all over you. I don't think you could swallow one of my loads without testing positive like you'd be running high only there

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Very true. It's high quality stuff. This guy you're fighting, I saw the tweet you had with the picture of that guy. That's legit the guy you're fighting? Yeah, that saw the tweet you had with the picture of that guy that's legit the guy you're fighting yeah that's him like uh obviously like maybe nine years ago or something ah okay okay so there's a lot is there more of him to this tweet is there more of him to tussle with these days yeah if you just if you look up aaron game grumps on google you'll see his you'll just see him he's like he's like a bigger guy. Okay. Big enough that I shouldn't underestimate him,

but not big enough that I would get rich. That you're afraid to troll him right now? Yeah. I do that. I want to do that. See, this goes back to Sam Hyde again. Another thing is I was like, yeah, I've been talking to Aaron. We said we're going to troll each other online. And Sam was like, you need to stop texting him him immediately you need to start dehumanizing this person because you're gonna

fuck him up that is not a human that's not your friend anymore that's the enemy he said he's got a bunch of things and i was like you know what i'm gonna head down there yeah that's that's what he said he said he said a bunch of things that really like that got me that that made sense. He was like your energy expenditure in the sparring doesn't make sense. People don't understand what it's like to move someone like yourself. Like I understand that you are not a Dominican janitor. You cannot bounce around. You don't have that body.

You can't throw your arms like a little chinese man you're a v8 harley you're gonna burn some fuel right you're not a you're not a prius in there you're literally you're gonna run out of gas if you don't preserve your energy he's like you're not athletic like that you're not black these are not things you can go did he go did he explain to you that you're not dominican that whole time i was like taking you know me you know i'm like i'm like some like my my racist radar is like but then he was like you ever play elden ring and i'm like go on you can't sit there and and oh am I glitching out a little bit? No, no.

You're doing great. You're good. Am I back again? Okay. You're all good. You're all good. Wait, am I? Your audio is good.

He was like, yeah, you ever play Elden Ring? He was like, you ever play Elden Ring? Like you put your shield up. Try and hold your shield up while an enemy is attacking you. Your stamina will burn out before their stamina burns out. You have to be on the attack. So like what you were saying, Woody, you were like were like oh if you go out there and you train and you look good like you practiced and you trained you know that's important to you yeah what i said sam was like listen you

yeah form like my my form looks good right like if i look, form, like my form looks good, right? Like if I look like I trained and my form looks good. He has a delay. So you just want to let him talk. I'm sorry. So, Harley, I'll be quiet. Please explain what you're saying. Oh, sorry.

Yeah, it's hotel shit internet. He was like, what I'm going to do for you is i'm gonna turn you into um something that you know the announcers that are announcing the fight they're gonna look at and they'll be like what the fuck is harley doing harley's fucked up he doesn't know how to box this looks terrible because like we're not we're not you're not gonna a boxer. Like, I'm going to teach you to maul this person. It's going to be disgusting. It's going to be ugly. It's not going to look good.

It's going to be disgusting. You are going to go over there and you are going to completely maul him and take control of the fight. And it's not going to look like any boxing match anyone has ever seen. And that's, that's when I was like, how how how big are you and he was like i'm 64 270 i'm like okay so i'm gonna come down and i'll fight you twice a day every single day you are gonna show me what to do and we're gonna do that now we're trolling him uh harley how long is the fight i'm going for how many minutes per round and how many rounds? Five rounds, two minutes per round, no headgear. And we're looking at 16-ounce gloves.

So the five rounds is long. Two-minute rounds is not particularly long. But they want five rounds because they want there to be a victor. I sparred many times five rounds, two minutes. It is fucking brutal. I've done five rounds rounds three minutes to try and push and as of right now by the fourth round i'm like done gassed i can't even i'm like knock me out please let me go to sleep just fucking knock me out um yeah just doing heavy bag work for like

that much time is just brutal it's i can'tarring um and uh i think it's pretty uh wild that you know uh sam and i have never i actually told him i was like oh i'm going on pka uh maybe you should come like when they ask training questions you should hop on and answer he's like oh pk is like those guys are cool i'm like yeah they would love you on i'm like they they would love you on he was like oh i would would go on, except the subreddit is filled with toxic idiots. Who said that? No, I'm kidding. He didn't say that.

He didn't say that, Sam. He didn't say that. It's like a toxic subreddit. But I was on the subreddit. It was like, Sam Hyde, Sam Hyde, oh, my God. But he was like, yeah, I would go on that in the future for sure. He's like, but right now now i'm in like savage kill mode uh like over boost level five if i went on that show i'm not gonna be he did tweet a picture

of your opponent with kill mode engage he's like i won't be funny i can't go on there i'm not gonna be funny i'm not gonna be entertaining i'm mentally prepared to work on footwork with you in a parking lot for hours so i was like cool yeah that's that's the priority you know what's a little weird to me i was like why in a parking lot like why not like in his garage or a gym or yeah under a bridge anything but a under a bridge also makes sense under a bridge i mean i i like that i want that dude i'm so excited for you this This is such great content. I hope, I really want you to record

all this. I'll watch it, whatever you do with it. I'm hyped. I'm so excited to see what comes of this. You're there for how many weeks? Oh, hold on. Someone's knocking on my door. Two weeks, I think. Is this about to happen?

Is it? It would be quiet to see if we can hear this is my buddy Brian he's the guy that came down with me to film they said we can't turn the camera off at any point. Yeah. You were never going to do that anyways, right?

Well, yeah, that's why I need the batteries. Yeah, he came in here to get a charger. We literally have like 50 batteries. He's going to handle that shit. This is going to be so great. I mean, Sam Hyde himself is just a content machine, but having him this motivated to get Harleyley up and running for boxing the only thing that can make this better is if the opponent was someone that we here like actually hated

like like like like that would make this so fun like like that would make me want to like go like watch it in person or something like like i i would like i don't know anything about this guy he's fighting but but like dude if they let him engaged apparently i'll buy the fight if they let sam hide hang out in the corner that would be what you guys say i'm saying i i'm hoping that they let sam hide your trainer be in your corner during the night they won't let him uh no they don't want him at the event um there are people with uh reputations that don't want to be i guess attached to a guy that wrote a book called how to bomb the u.s government um he also said he says i don't like talking for him too much but like it is exciting for me because I am a fan of his content.

So he's going to knock me out a couple times this week, so fuck him. He said that he doesn't like flying. Can you bring up a picture of Sam Hyde's book just for everyone to see? He says he doesn't like flying. He doesn't fly. And he gave me a reason. But in my head canon, I was like, oh, he's on a reason, but in my, like in my head cannon,

I was like, Oh, he's on a no flight list. That's like, that's like my head cannon of it. That's like, but I dubs express, like I asked,

I dubs, I was like, Hey, I was doing something with Sam planning before you released your videos, you and him. Is there any bad blood there? I don't want there to be any bad blood. And he was

like idubbbz was like no no um do what you want but uh you know he's like obviously good luck he was like i had a very difficult time working with sam there's a chapter called overweight women yeah and it's right before the child molesters chapter. And right before elf weapons. I need the book. Yeah. I need the book. Honestly, if I go wherever places I go, if I see any of his merch, I'm just going to be like, can I have this? Can I have this?

He, I completely forget what I was going was gonna say i got thrown off by elf weapons right you're talking about how uh how he's not allowed at the event um oh yeah they don't uh they expressed on like a happy punch promo like twitter thing that um they weren't comfortable with that people like they're like dr mike is boxing and she was like yeah like they were like dr mike like as an example doesn't want to be on a card with sam um and you know i i think like we're bringing it back to like how can i trust him woody like you asked uh he really wants to box like hassan he wants to box joe ro. He wants to do that. And if he's going to like publicly attach himself, making me his fighter,

uh, and I go in and I get fucked up, like no one will take him seriously as a boxer or in the craft of it all. So I, I believe in his desire to want to, you know, fight people. Yeah. Um, so I think he will, I i think he will take take care of me there um like he said to me he was like if you come down here i guarantee you a victory

and i i did believe that i really did and i can't deny the fact that like training twice a day every day is a thing i can be locked up in this shitty hotel room literally waiting for sam hyde to kick the door open and be like let's go every single day like we we went quiet because we thought maybe he was he was gonna like kidnap you into the night that was like training begins now i did i'm gonna give him a key to my room and i'm like yeah you can hop in with like your boys and like fuck me up when I'm sleeping. Just so my situational awareness is completely peaked. I want to be like at any point.

Cause you know what my fear was if I got in this boxing match is like, if I get knocked out, it's already, it sucks that it's a game grump, you know? And it's not even John Tron, you know, it's this guy. And if I get knocked out and if I get knocked out, I want it to be clean. I want to get knocked out. What I fear is if I get knocked out and I'm on the ground like still trying to fight. In my head, I think I'm still standing and fighting.

You grab the ref and you're bear-hugging him, trying to drag him down with you. Yeah, I'm on the ground. I feel like Sam wouldn't let that happen i feel like he's good new um i think that you're a different person that makes a ton of sense like i i don't for a second doubt that i don't think he's punking you for one second like he genuinely wants to be involved in this boxing world and you're his in and yeah he wants you very evidently to not just win but be like but dominate him so hard that it's like that's a story of the night like do you see harley brutalize that poor game grump who's not even on and if that happens i'm calling i'm calling out the doc because that's who I really wanted to box the whole time. I was like, who's scary my size and like just like peak like physical performance is Dr. Disrespect.

And I was like, that's a guy that I'm comfortable fighting. And even like if I lose, there's a lot of grace to be had in that. And I thought that he would be like a very much a worthy opponent. Is he as big as you? Yeah. I think he's taller than me. Oh, yeah.

He's taller than me. So I like that. I've even been crazy lately. I'm working out a lot and like boxing a lot. So I look at pictures of Martin Ford and I'm like, I would get into a ring with Martin Ford. I would. That's for sure.

Yeah. Look at that. See, once you want that guy to fucking knock you out although that other guy is 4'7 so he's the other guy he looks like an extra in the Hobbit my mom was like you're going to see this guy like do you even know him

and I'm like and my dad's like well can even know him and i'm like and my dad's like well can you trust him i'm like the only person i would be honest did you to comfort them did you go he's a jew i didn't and on the way out my mom was like drive safe i'm like okay a lot of people think he's a nazi and she's like what i'm like nothing bye we recorded that we recorded that the only person i know that would come and do this with me is brian the guy that was just here he's like he's filmed a bunch of stuff for me he's like such a good camera he's like one of my best friends for a long time

and he's just like so excited for this shit like he's just like he's just excited a lot of people are like i would never go there i would never do that really like yeah yeah well it's like i'm glad you are it's yeah i'm glad that we get a little window into this yeah for sure because the whole yeah you tweeted taylor you were like you were like you were like if harley and sam hyde box like sam high would probably fuck me up like well he probably fucked me up fighting but like fighting means something to him fighting doesn't mean something to me i'm not here to train to fight a game grump i'm here because it's me versus me the paradox that drives us all and that's and the only person that's going to break that out of me would be someone like him.

There's not many people that I would give the keys to. He's Kyle, and I'm Wings. And we are going to get a new fucking shower installed. 100%. I didn't know where that was going for a second i was like what what i love that he intentionally put you in that shithole room to ensure that there is no level of comfort to keep you from wanting to train yeah i got in here and i was like oh it stinks and i was like you know and even brian was like he's like this this is perfect though. And I'm like, yeah, it is. It is. I'm going to like sit on this fucking cum couch and think.

And like, I'm not even going to get to do my favorite thing, which is beat off in hotel rooms. Cause I want to be like filled with cum. I want to be full aggression all the time. Like I want to be filled up with so much cum to the brim that like, if I knock out Aaron, aggression all the time like i want to be filled up with so much come to the brim that like if i knock out aaron i want like one drop to just uncontrollably come out the tip of my penis do you understand what i'm saying i'm saying i want i want some lock and load please from you

guys if i win my fight could you do that just send me one bottle absolutely for free for free though you understand for free yeah we'll give you the free if you if you win we'll we'll hook sam hide up with some too i mean i don't know lock and load for losers no if you'll if you'll privately send us your address then uh we'll send it to derrick and we'll actually send you and sam hide some bills yeah that's the smart thing to do i'm gonna bring that up because we're documenting everything i need to be like when i'm taking five or like skipping rope or something i'm like oh by the way a couple of my boys at pk said they're gonna send you some uh pills for your cum tell him okay take a lap take a lap i mean it's peak male virility like semen retention there's so much real science behind it hey Hey, I'm sold already. You know, you got me.

You guys got me a long time ago on that. Yeah, boxing has been very difficult. But you know what? I look at combat sports and exercise differently now. And I look at like wrestling as looks like the hardest fucking thing in the world to me. fucking thing in the world to me now that i understand how hard boxing is something like my respect for wrestlers not even like wwe but like like fucking actual like wrestlers brazilian jiu-jitsu shit like is fucking tiring you're just two men wrapped up like using all your strength constantly and you're trying to be like explosive like that's just that's hard like i used to be

like yeah when i was going to the gym to like lift weights i'm like yeah i'm going to exercise or i'm going to work out like that's not even it that is just that's lifting weights to me it's just lifting weights like boxing is a workout like that's what fucks me up like things like i've never felt like close to passing out before i was also in terrible shape i mean i'm still kind of like in bad shape you know but i mean it doesn't look like the guy that you're fighting is in great shape like these aren't like the thing is like it's like you know those people i don't know the word well i do know the word but i don't want to say it but those people where you change the schedule last minute and they freak out and bang their head on the wall and stuff.

You know those people? Yeah. They're known for their strength. They're known for their strength. Samoans. Samoans. They're known for... No, no, no.

You know what I'm talking about. They have a special bus. Oh. Yes. I got it after strength. Yeah. Yeah. They have strength that shouldn't be underestimated. Is this a Palestinian thing? No, it's retard strength. Because I don't take

sides. What did you just say? I feel like you have a drug. I won't be drug into this. I won't be drug into this Zionist propaganda. Aren't you guys Trump guys? I don't even know anymore. No, no.

Although, I mean, if you have, it depends who you're choosing from, I guess. Well, you just put the U.S. I've said before many times. So I thought that was like a big thing. I've said before, in solidarity with Kyle, I'm never voting again. Well, I'm actually, I fucking, I hate it all.

I feel like people get, like, it sounds like everyone says this shit. It's so cliche, but I feel like everyone's so distracted with stuff. Like, we get so distracted. Like, so who's wrong, Chris Rock or Will Smith? It's like, yo, shut the fuck up about all of that right now. We all hate, we all hate, like like a lot of shit that's going on and somehow we've turned like politicians into like sports teams for us people like love these fucking guys like and like you know if i say something i'm like oh i don't like this oh people

like oh so you're a fan of this guy i'm like no i said i don't like that i don't like that either i don't like a lot of shit that's going on i feel like a lot of people can agree on a lot of topics but instead we're like talking about which words you can say and not say like we really do look like we don't talk about the important things or the things that we all agree on we focus on like the petty shit you know what you can tweet and what you can't tweet yeah i'm tired of all that agree yeah yeah it's easy to get people fixated on minutiae and battle about that and you're right with the whole like being forced into binary situations where you can be like i don't like that so and so did this with foreign policy and they're like oh so you think biden should just start World War III? It's like no one thinks that, retard.

Hey, you can't say that word. They can't take that one from me. You can't say that word. I'm fighting Aaron from Game Grumps, and he might listen to this and be offended. As a retard himself. Here's the one I've evolved to. I used to hate people who said both sides are the same. I was like, oh man, that is such a puss thing to say. And by the way, both sides aren't the same.

Look at this, that, and the other thing. But the trouble is in places where say the left owns everything or places where the right owns everything, right? They're just politically dominant. It seems like they land on about the same thing. The left doesn't do what they said they wish they could, right? Take the, um, the infrastructure bill that didn't pass, right? Everyone was for, except for two democratic senators. And it's like, it's not that they didn't want to, it's just that they couldn't get it done. But in areas where they could have got it done, they don't. And I'm coming to this lame place of both sides of the same did you see with some things they are you see the poll results on the the don't say gay bill um when when people were presented with the language of the bill i have no idea 61 of uh registered democrats were for the bill when

read the language of the bill i'm i'm in between so on the surface like i i guess i worry that it's bad but i don't know the details of it so i haven't spoken out about it it says something like um there won't be any sexual education for children from kindergarten to third grade or any education that's deemed harmful to them as judged by the state like it's something like pretty vanilla like that. Stops at third grade? Part of the language said what I just said. There may be more. That sounds familiar.

I'm also not following it. I don't have it in front of me anymore. I read it this afternoon. Hockey playoffs are about to start next week. I saw a board. Masvidal was with the governor of Florida. He gave the governor of Florida that bad motherfucker belt gave the governor of florida that that that bad motherfucker belt i'm pretty sure he's hoping for a pardon on the assault charges for attacking

colby covington he he did 15 grand worth of damage to colby's uh roly apparently his one watch rolex um i don't know how he's got a 90 000 rolex but um i guess it's covered with like gems or something but uh said 15 grand for that and then uh i don't know what else something else it was just another thought on the boxing thing so i'll go back to it you go ahead woody oh i my guess was that colby is kind of running up the bill. Maybe he's got a bro that's a watch repair man who wrote him a $15,000 estimate or something like that. I saw a picture of it. It looked shiny. So it could be.

Maybe I'm off then. I mean, I'm sure he's not going for the lowest bidder. I mean, you know my stance. He went to his diamond Rolex guy, I'm sure. He didn't go to Barclay Gary. Sure, Colby talked about his family, but Masvidal had no right to go up and hit that guy.

I've been consistent on this from the get-go. Masvidal's a jerk. What did he say this last week, dude? I don't think you were consistent I don't think that at all I don't remember it gaslight him you're wrong you're crazy dude you're crazy

Kyle I've been trying to say this from the start Masvidal should have never hit that guy yeah the only person who can assault people is Chael Sonnen that's that's where i stand out there everybody else needs to be arrested and sent to jail john jones the whole lot of them oh i forgot to say this on the show i think i saw john the video of john jones getting arrested and he cried like a woman i lost all respect for john jones he cried like a woman

when they arrested it was it was it was no i i know you like to defend me No, if I ever see Conor McGregor crying like a woman while getting arrested, I'll lose all respect for him. It reminded me of that scene from Sopranos when Johnny sack gets taken away before his little girl can drive away on her wedding night or whatever. And he, and he starts crying and Phil Leotardo is like, lost all respect for him as a man. Lost all respect. If they can make him cry what else can

they make him do it's like that's immediately that's how i felt immediately might be onto something yeah you know he's crying is he gonna sing i think so so harley you mentioned that sam kind of gave you a preview into the strategy being a mauling more of a brawl than a boxing match did he kind of indicate to you what that would mean like just trying to bear on the guy with your size or you're gonna run out of energy answer that is that gonna be what you learned tonight or did i give you a little clue he was like real boxers aren't even comfortable fighting someone of your size it's very rare he's like so you're gonna we're gonna use that like if it's like falling on top of him using his him as an arm

rest like you know your heavy arms everything constantly constant like pressure but you're controlling the distance you know i don't want to say too much of the strategy out here but he went on and on he didn't just compare it to elden ring but he used street fighter also as what did he compare with street fighter he basically broke down combos in a way and i don't want to reveal too much of the strategy but it made sense to in my head as a gamer um honestly like you want to know tonight like i bet you i'm going to go to the parking lot i bet you i'm going to walk backwards for an hour dude if he starts talking about mortal combat run i think he's going to make me walk backwards he's going to do some stuff for my ankles and knees like he you know footwork is important to him and energy expenditure which was my biggest

flaw and he saw that in the tape like he he did recognize that, you know, and like I said, my pro actual pro boxing coach was like, okay, dude, whatever you want energy. Oh, you know what? Do you guys, do you guys want to go to the, to the fight? Where is it? It's happening. Can I say this? I think it's, well, maybe, maybe what it's in tampa huh shut up

tampa may 14th um you know let me let me know if you guys are down you know like you three guys i you know i could maybe do something there um everyone else moment house.com slash creator clash is where you can get tickets to stream it and i hate to tell you you fucking cheap motherfuckers watching this or listening right now who like to go stream your your shit and pirate it because it's like ufc or exciting jake paul events this shit is not exciting enough for all your fucking pirate websites to fucking broadcast so you're gonna have to buy this one sadly enough it's in that sweet spot of like fighting people not giving a fuck about seeing fat gamers go at it and enough don't listen to him guys i'll be streaming it over on kyle.pcsstreams.biz Yeah, you can find it on the $50 Patreon. Kyle.Pirate

It's just you guys literally live streaming it there physically. I'm putting it on my phone. Taylor's got one of those mini satellite dishes aimed at the fucking sky. I'm going to have an old school school tv camera i keep getting pushed back from the ring i've got a boom over commentary i got a question for you guys and at least like if if you guys don't have it

maybe someone in the comments will have something that i like but uh i want to walk out music yeah exactly like what are you thinking you know what would be good I like the idea of me asking Sam yes you might want to tap Sam for that one well I want to ask Sam I want to be like hey check out these shorts designs and maybe they say like he him BLM

trans lives matter and be like what do you think about this just bounce back whatever you're thinking you know I want to know what your thoughts are. Just show them that design. I want you to play. I bet he would think that was funny. I want you to use the song Like a Rock. Like a Rock, I was strong as I could be. But you're going to be wearing

an Iraqi flag when you come out. Like a rack. Like a rack. That could work. I thought about a suit and No Chance, which is Vince McMahon's music playing, and I do that Vince McMahon power walk, and then someone cuts me out of the suit.

I got gloves on, so you'd have to cut the suit off me. I love that. Yeah, my idea is the worst. I've got that, hey, hey, you, you, I know that you like me. Oh, no. He's got to come out tough with intimidation in his heart.

Dude, there's a fighter named... What's the fighter from new jersey in the ufc mickey doyles or something like that dude he walks out to hey mickey you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind it's that makes sense a little bit though you know i i was also thinking like what if i got like a bunch of dudes and i were like the like like jewish talus and a kippah and they brought me out like lifting me up on a chair like that on a chair and it plays racist you're gonna need some strong guys a robust chair. One of them, Sam Hyde with the luchador mask on.

And that's the big reveal that it's been him boxing the whole time. I watched Sam Hyde in iDubbbz. I mean, we all did. And I put myself in the shoes of iDub i really felt for him and he explained it on on his side he's like i feel like i could have hit him more but had i it would have given him permission to hit me so he didn't want any part of that and i'm like dude that makes perfect sense yeah if you guys have never done any boxing training and it sounds like harley has then a lot of times you don't do headshots all the time.

If you spend all your time doing headshots, you'll get brain damage. So, you know, you may be punching, like, the shoulders or the collarbone or chest or something like that. Like, we had headshot day. It was Friday. So at one point, Santa Hyde is like, all right, headshots now.

And I was like, you know he doesn't want that smoke? I don't want that smoke either. If Sam Hyde is like, all right, headshots now. And Idubbs is like, you know he doesn't want that smoke? I don't want that smoke either. If Sam Hyde says headshots now, I say, man, you're in. He still punched him hard. Sam still punched him hard at one point. I saw a punch, and I was like, oh. He popped him in the, like, he did the thing where, like, Idubbs was kind of, like, towards the end of the little session,

going like that, joking around. And, like, right at the end, Sam just goes, who just goes oh it just like it pops him in the body pretty good and then iDubbbz like oh oh you know like that whole thing i i sat down and i was like i was like with friends and we watched both of them i watched like both sides of the video and what was so compelling to me uh watching iDubbbz someone that I've met before, and watching Sam Hyde, someone that I didn't think I would ever really meet anytime soon anyways, was what was so compelling about that is, and I kind of had a different take. I actually watched you guys talk about it. And I had a different take in my mind is that it was like i was trying to break it down like these these are guys that like like sam like you would say sam alphaed him which is true in the traditional sense but

like like i dubs is like like slippery is a bad word for it but like he doesn't care about being alpha. And that makes it the most alpha in a sense. And I thought like the only time where there was like a big sway in like the only time where we got real Sam, from what I understand, someone who doesn't know Sam Hyde was when I was like, do you remember the email you sent me? And Sam was like do you remember the email you sent me and sam was like no i like paused that part and brought that back like 10 times i'm like he knows that email you think we got like a we got like a real i thought we got like a he knows that he sent an email and just the way he sounded saying no to i dubs i was I was like, these are two guys that are like, they're both like, like, like, like situation.

Like if Sam came in here and Sam was here, imagine me trying to speak normally and have this conversation if he's right there. He's a guy that like, you know, he would like, he's like controls the situation. like you know he he would like he's like controls the situation and then imagine if like it's like idubs they're like it's almost like a the same world different end of the spectrum because i always found that idubs was like uh when i met him he's a guy that you're like what's he thinking if you think of them as anime characters one is the obvious like huge like uh i don't know if you watch any of you watched bleach but maybe people listening do, like, Zeraki Kenpachi. He's a huge dude. He put bells on his hair so that when he attacks you, you hear him coming.

So it's harder for him. He's making it harder on himself to fight you because he wants more of a challenge. Whereas iDubbbz is like a Quincy. They would like form weapons using their brains. And like by using their brains, that weapon will like pierce directly through you instead of being like a huge dominating strength force. It's like a different type of power.

So watching the two documentaries, watching the power struggles in the room was like so much content for me because those guys never got comfortable with each other. They never trusted each other. They never got comfortable with each other. And I just sat there and I was like, oh, my God. I was like, what would I do if I had to be with Sam Hyde for a week? And then I was like, what would I do if I had to be with Idubs for a week? You know know you'd

say something like idubs being like yeah i just i actually i just ate i just had some eggs and he'd be like oh and you're like what was something wrong with that it's stupid eh you think that's stupid you don't think it's stupid that i asked you never mind i shouldn't would you say nothing oh okay you know and it's like a little less obvious thing but when i was watching it like and maybe because i was super high which i don't get high anymore uh but i was watching it and i was like this is like hard to watch it's like it was hard for me and if i just watched and i was like oh sam's alphaing him it's like simple but if you just imagine that like sam was like kind of like worried when i dubs was coming he was like what's he gonna do

and then to think of a guy like sam being insecure is so outlandish but like he was a little insecure he's like his i dubs coming here what's he gonna even film what's he gonna say and then even waiting and waiting for the he couldn't wait for that video to come out he's like let's put ours out because i gotta get it out there and like i just felt that they were such like it was such like a crazy thing like i literally wrote i dubs like a million messages about i wrote sam a bunch also i was just like those videos were so crazy to watch i've literally watched them both back to back many times because it was it was fascinating i've been in the same room as i dubs um and going into the same room of like, as like Sam, like in both senses, I was like,

I'm not a guy that gets nervous, like meeting people. Both of those people make me nervous to meet them. I met Ian and like, you know, I'm meeting Sam, at least with Sam, I go under the guise of like, I'm a pupil. So if he's like, shut the fuck up and listen, there's no part of me that has to be like i don't talk to me like that i'm lucky that he's taking the time to say shut the fuck up and listen he's going to tell me what's up so i'm going to try and take the most out of it you

know what i mean it's a good attitude but anyways yeah do you remember this section well enough to to recap it there's a part in the idubbbz video where he explains sam hyde and even though i can't remember it on 10 i know it's a lot to me okay yeah and he's like there's this spectrum of i'm saying what i mean i'm not saying what i mean and then plausibly i can't tell what was the example he used was it something about post-satire oh yeah the oh yeah the eating like that he's like yeah yeah i like eating poop right i like eating poop yeah no i do i actually do like eating poop and it's like okay it's the joke but it's such a it's like a joke of a joke of a joke and he's

always living there and actually i when i told people to watch idubbbz video i actually say like if you're not going to make it through, go watch that part. Because, like, he was, like, he did a really excellent breakdown. Because I've never been able to – I've never met someone like Sam Hyde, but I know people kind of like that. And they are difficult to assess. You don't know where you stand.

You know what I mean? But I'm not like iDubbbz. I would take the bait. I'd be like eating poop what like should i try it that's how you're gonna win your match man like i would bait into that whereas someone like i dubs just like you know like he he let a lot of things happen where i was like oh i would have taken that bait even when the guys were like yeah i got crypto i thought cardona was i i saw that and i was like, Oh, I would have jumped in that conversation.

I was like, well, so what are you guys thinking now? I'm the joke. Cause they're making a whole caricature joke. But like, I was kind of into that. So I was like,

Oh, what? And then I'm like, Oh, your whole thing was a joke. Oh, I actually wasn't that person. You were making fun of me.

I would have been made fun of. You're like accidentally sincere when he's punking you. And then you're like, Oh God damn it.ing you and then you're like god damn it like it would have happened all the time i was trying to be amicable but i was looking like a jackass you know about oh i'm exactly i'm a people pleaser neither of those guys are people pleasers i see like someone uh like if we're at like a gathering and there's someone on the side i'm like i'm like oh you know i'd go up to that guy i'd be like yo what's your deal come like you know i'm a person that would do that i dubs doesn't look like he cares to make anyone happy sam hyde obviously looks like he doesn't care to make

anyone happy you know what i mean and me being someone that is like not like that at all like if i see some guy like sipping lean he's like i don't know a crypto to buy i'd be like well let's talk about it buddy and he's like, dad, I don't know a crypto to buy. I'd be like, well, let's talk about it, buddy. And he's like, ah, you want to talk about it? You fucking idiot. I would have got got. I would have got got like 50 million times when I saw that. Oh, yeah.

I mean, you could see even Idubbs, who's very, very astute with that kind of stuff. I would I would assume like he got got by the entire thing. Like the whole like that's not a girlfriend thing that's the girlfriend thing that's next level that's like that's the thing where i'm like should i be here encouraging this now like that that girl like that's that's like the stuff items got the exact nightmare that most people think of like if you were going to go film with sam hide for a couple days the last thing you want him to do is plan with all of his friends to like have dead bees around and a fake girlfriend they're like shooting guns with them and i was like damn like you know like i just didn't got

got by the whole thing though like the slingshot for example they got him zero percent on that he was obviously a setup the whole you're thinking lamborghini it's really ferrari he's just smiling along doing what harley said which is not attempting to out alpha the alpha just like all right is that what you want to do fine i'm here for it like he didn't care he didn't feel any need to impress him with me the girlfriend's hilarious the girlfriend thing is more what i was all it was all it was like the beginning to the end like wrap up a little storyline there yeah which was so funny but i i didn't uh i didn't pick up on the same thing as you harley i maybe i wasn't i just missed it like i didn't know i couldn't tell whether or not sam actually remembered sending that email to

idubs or not and maybe that's another example of what you're talking about where it's very difficult to discern his uh his true thoughts because he's a guy who his whole bread and butter he works in satire like he if he if he unironically came out and gave like a speech or something people will be like what the what the fuck like is this a joke like this has to be like so i get why he does it that way and it adds a lot more funny you know i'm obviously i lean more his side over idubs because i've been a huge fan of sam's for many years and i don't really watch idubs content although i remember content cop was a very funny series first time i ever saw idubs my dad sent me like a time stamped youtube video saying ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and i click it and it's i dubs in his food commentator content

cop video and it's him sitting in like the front seat of a car and eating a burger and he's like oh i'm harley i'm harley quinn from epic meal. I wear flannel and eat bacon. Om nom nom. I'm fucking gay. My dad sent me that cracking up. He was like, ha ha ha. I saw that. I'm like, who is this? Instant fan.

I was an instant fan. I thought that was so funny. Being like, I'm Harley from Epic Mealtime. I wear plaid. I'm fucking gay. And I thought that was so funny. And then I went and I watched Content Cop. And I was like, oh. I i always wondered and i did always wonder because like i made content cops like in my head

literally i literally used to like watch some youtubers like i would watch prank youtubers and i'd be like why doesn't someone make a video saying that this is terrible shit content why doesn't someone do that and then when i dubs did it i was like oh my god a smart funny guy using his powers like for evil but not really he's like putting shining a light on something i'm like this is the guy like at the time i remember being like this is the youtuber we need right now. This is exactly it. Some content needed to be policed. And I really think that's it. I'm going to give you a little inside info. I saw iDubbbz at a YouTube party.

It followed up on a really funny thing. I was in LA and I messaged iDubbbz. I said, hey, I heard you're in LA. Do you want to be on Epic Mealtime? And he wrote back, no. And that was it. And I was like, okay, cool. Most people are like, are like i'd love to

whatever he was just like no and i did respect that i was like okay cool um but then i ended up running into him at a youtube party and i was like i sat down with him i'm like i know this is so annoying because i hate when people sit next to me and mostly, mostly I hate it. It's usually bad ideas. They used to sit next to me and they'd be like, yo, you should make spaghetti, epic spaghetti. And I'm like, ah,

thanks man. Cool. I'm like, yeah, yeah. It's, it's spaghetti, but you put bacon in it.

You know, I'm like, I know how, I know how it goes. Okay. Thank you. What's that? Yeah.

I, well, it is exactly, but I, it's not even a good idea. So I sat down next to I dubs and I was it's not even a good idea so i sat down next to idubs and i was going to give him a bad idea for content cop and i was like okay rice gum now he was probably going to do it already he was probably going to do it already

but i was like i have a literally like 800 words written about rice gum. I would never do a content cop, but I did use to write content cops and I keep using content cop just because it's like a brand we understand like a takedown of someone's content and stuff. I used to sit there and write it. Like I wrote like a whole, like inside my head,

mental content cop. I'm like Fousey. I wrote like a whole inside my head content mental content cop i'm like foosie i wrote like a whole inside my head content cop on on rice gum you know i wrote a whole one on jake paul they were just things that i wrote because i found it funny i would watch these videos all the time i get high and i would just write notes so and i was like ah interesting and i was like would you ever think about doing race come he's like yeah i actually did actually i did think about race come i was like did you know that he asked a girl who was sexually assaulted?

How did it feel? And he was like, no, he didn't. And I was like, he did. I was like, I have a whole document here. Feel free to use whatever you want. I'm like, can I send it to you? He's like, yes. I'm like, okay, maybe some of my work will be there.

And I'm not taking any credit. His video was so crazy with Asian Jake Paul and he had PewDiePie in it. I thought it was so next level. I thought it was a grand, but it, the, did it feel though was really featured intensely in that. And I do remember sharing that with him. Cause like I had just gone and done my own homework as like, I would have never done that type of video, but I was just gone and done my own homework as like, I would have never done that type of video,

but I was just happy that it existed. And yeah, that whole rice gum scene was terrible. And I wish I does is boxing rice gum. Actually. I really wish, you know, Dr.

Mike's an actual boxer and he wanted to box rice gum instead. And rice gum ducked him. Rice gum called him school shooter. Which is like, it's just like a nothing just whatever comment but it is pretty funny to call him a shooter he was like i heard a school shooter made a video about me but it's like you can't keep talking shit he's ready to get in the ring with you he's ready to do the thing you know one of the things i like about i-dubs as far as getting in the ring is everything to me. I think when I watch all these YouTube...

I was going to say that iDubbbz has never picked on the strong. And that's what I like. If a guy goes after the week... Leafy, for example, he used to pick on 12-year-olds making their own music videos. There were no one. They're cringy. But leave them alone. They're kids. iDubbbz, on the other hand, he's going after millionaires who are killing it.

And maybe he could use a knock or knock them down a peg. Yeah, exactly. That's how I felt also. What, Kyle? I said, don't peg them. Yeah. I did say that, didn't I? Well, maybe they could use a pegging as well. Okay. Well, yeah. They're each his own. I know what I said.

I'm so excited to hear about like what kind of training program he has you doing, because I really hope it's kind of like what I did with wings, how there's a lot of, there's some fundamentals and you're getting the job the work done but there's also a little silliness like won't you be disappointed if there's not a little silliness i think that even if he is not silly and he's 100 dead serious just imagine sam hyde an inch from your face yelling at you what you need to do now that's fucking silly enough for me he's a scary just sam hyde in my face like yelling at me is is enough like that's enough silliness as it is

um but i think i'm getting a particular guy i think i'm probably getting the most real version i'm getting like you know self-defense sam hyde like you know i'm getting like combat sam hyde uh i'm getting like uh you know he's ready to roll at midnight like at midnight he wants to do this i'm wondering what's gonna happen though like i i have this imagination that like you're meeting in a parking lot and it's just gonna god i want i want to know i want to know i hope you i'm gonna text you everything kyle text you immediately after please just i want to know. I hope you... I'm going to text you everything, Kyle. I'll text you immediately after. Please, just, I want to know what the meeting is like, because I'm just picturing him showing up

in a black Ninja Turtle type cargo van, and there's like a... throws a smoke bomb on the ground for no reason. And he's like, now it begins! And some guy comes out of nowhere and hits a gong. Gong! And then like six ninjas, three from either side, come running out of nowhere and hits a gong. Gong. And then like six ninjas, three from either side,

come running out of like nowhere, and you have to combat them one after another, each of them knowing a different style that he announces verbally before you begin. I like imagine I like go to this address, and someone waves me over, and I go into a a door and they're like, Sam's downstairs. And I go downstairs and it smells like strawberry vape and Chinese food. And he's sitting there playing Elden Ring.

And he's like, start doing your stretches. I don't know. I feel like it's somewhere in between these two. You ring the doorbell and you're like, Sam Hyde? He's like, yeah, yeah yeah this is his stuff here's where to take it and it's you're just buying sam's cocaine and delivering it for him this has been an elaborate ruse also i think i thought like also i've been like to sell drugs I wonder if Sam's I wonder

I saw him smoke Was that weed? Never seen him smoke somewhere else You know I wonder if he I think he's straight edge What? Yeah

He does it right too My body is my temple sort of guy yeah i mean but i could be wrong i i i honestly don't know much about him taylor knows way more than i do he does is harley's uh audio back yet you don't hear me you know uh you were roboting before yeah you had a little bandwidth oh shit sorry oh it oh shit I plugged in my power it was just not working it might have been that

Harley have you heard the audio book spin do you know this no I'm putting it on my wrist now though what's it about? Alright. It's on Earth

way in the distant future. The dates are so fucked up, I don't even know what they mean. The date is 4 to the 9th power, whatever. Incomprehensibly forward. Past Dune future. I guess so, but the place seems pretty civilized. And we meet our main characters when they're like 12 years old. And then the stars go out. At once.

There's no more stars. What the fuck? Then they realize quickly, all the satellites stop working. Odd. Weird. What's happening now? What's happened is they've surrounded the earth in a membrane you can pass through it but this membrane is a temporal distortion time the people who set it up manage like sunlight and gravity like the moon's pull and stuff artificially so earth still works but within this membrane

time moves very slowly it takes them on earth years to even figure this out they don't know what's up uh but like one second on earth is something like three years outside the membrane and the problem is and don't get too hung up on my numbers, because I'm probably fucking up. Okay. But I think that is right, though. One second on Earth is like, I'm like doing math.

I'm like, it's like 3.1 years, right? And then again, I'm going to fuck this up. But like an hour on Earth is like thousands of years, and a year on Earth is like 100 million years, or something like that ish.

So the problem becomes, they figure out the sun like all stars is going to expand and swallow the earth in like a couple hundred years or something like earth is about to end in this generation maybe it's 40 years so they use this temporal distortion like to their advantage they're like you know what we need to do we need to take advantage of evolution get really fucking smart and solve this problem we're fucking hairless apes here's the idea we'll terraform mars they're going to use the temporal distortion to their advantage like how do you terraform mars well put some plants on there that don't need oxygen, but they do create it and they just burn.

They use sunlight and they live and then they die. And that starts again. Then the next group of plants, well, they can like use this biomass and it'll take a hundred million years, but they'll get an atmosphere in Mars that people can live on. in mars that people can live on and then another like earth year is a hundred million years and we'll have a super race of humans that's been evolving for a hundred million years that can solve this fucking engineering problem that we're dealing with we're gonna take some of us and they are going to be our saviors having advanced in mars and that's where i am in this book kyle i know i i know how your book ends. I know.

I'm thinking the same thing. You may know what you just told me. Do you want to know how your book ends? Sure. All right. Those super people that they're making on Mars, those are the ones that made the fucking membrane. Because who else could ever be so advanced

to make a fucking temporal membrane that would encase a planet? It's a fucking paradox. No, no, no. Because the way time travel works is you can't go back and forward. These people that they're making, they're not going to go back in time and solve it unless they get smart and figure out time travel. But time is faster outside the membrane. So they're using that to their advantage.

Time is faster outside the membrane. So they're using that to their advantage. So Mars will terraform, which would take hundreds of millions of years in two years. And then those people will evolve for a hundred million, but they don't get to go back and put the membrane. But they're going to. So you're saying they're going to figure out time travel, go back in time and put the membrane on them.

Stop reading. He figured it out. Just you're good. Stop. Stop. I mean, I may be wrong, but based on what you told me lately,

it's got to be it. I thought you were going to say they're making another problem for themselves. That's one of the interesting things about this book is it's a new take on time travel. What's the Stephen King is a 1963. Is that what that book is called? Um,

um, 1922, 11, 22, 63, 11, 22, 63. Is that what that book is called? 1922. 112263. 112263. So one of the interesting things about that book was the time travel is a little different. It wasn't a machine that you walk in and choose any place because that's too powerful. Instead, it was you walk through this portal, you can go to this one spot. If you go back and then go through it again, it gets reset. That's the rules for time travel in that book the rules for time travel in this book are it's slow inside the membrane fast outside the membrane

how can you use that to your advantage it's an interesting kind of time travel yeah harley recommended the three body problem to me it reminds me of that a little bit it was it didn't have time travel space thing no it didn't what it had a space question thing there it had it had a complicated engineering problem but it had hibernation so hibernation was kind of time travel people could be like you know what earth kind of sucks right now i'm gonna pick this up from here 300 years in the future and they could do that do you know when your book was written? No. I'd be curious because the idea of time dilation on a specific planet is a really common story in Star Trek. It's been done probably three or four different times

throughout the years. Okay, yeah. And it's been done a lot. But I don't think the've, like, the specific idea of, like, leaving the envelope or the time-dilated planet and your advanced, you know, actually, isn't that Star Trek Insurrection? Yeah, they're, like, on the planet, they age really slowly. Oh, yeah, yeah. But the kids leave. They go out, become super advanced, come back, and want the planet back.

That's not that close. In any case, what's the name of your book again? I'm going to fucking get it. Spin. You know what it's like? They call the event, the creation of the membrane, The Spin. It's not spinning. It's not a great name. It's like a web, kind of, maybe.

From what point of view is it written? Are we the... So we start off as 12-year-olds. We quickly become the adults, some of us leading the charge to solve this problem. Oh, you know, like I just re-remembered how the whole time travel thing... Our main characters are going to see this through for sure in their lifetimes because of the nature

of the time dilation. That's a pretty interesting premise. Is it a thick book? You're doing audiobook, obviously. I don't even know. In audiobook, it's 17 hours. I could maybe look up the number. I'm interested in it, but can I just say

it sounds like a real fun episode of something. Star Trek. I like TV so much. But can I just say, man, it sounds like a real fun episode of something. 392 pages. Star Trek. Yeah, I know. I like TV so much. There's a lot of – go ahead. Someone knocked on my door.

Oh. I have to get it. Go. I'm going to be back on. All right. He'll get it. I like audiobooks, sci-fi audiobooks in particular, because the problems get more complicated. I've used this analogy so many times. Sci-fi books are steak. Sci-fi movies are candy. And it's not that I don't like candy, but sometimes you want something meaty. Sometimes you want something heartier that's a little more complicated, that stress, whatever cognitive horsepower you can bring to the show the book might use all of it i have never well i sometimes watch a sci-fi movie i've got that uh prime one in my head but typically the sci-fi movies like chris pratt and jennifer lawrence

romance or whatever is just a goof candy worth of style sci-fi that's a setting not a not the not a not not the premise or the stylistic choice. Hard sci-fi is what you're talking about. 2001 A Space Odyssey, where the whole point is the science fiction. It's been too long for me. I won't comment on that. But typically

space movies, sci-fi movies are simple and fun. They're often action. Name a complicated sci-fi movie. simple and fun they're often action um oh name a complicated sci-fi movie i don't know that one uh it's got brad pitt tommy lee jones it was made like two three years ago anastrata what did you say ad astrata i believe is that two words these two words ad and then the second word is i believe a-s-t-r-a-d-a i only watched it the once it's kind of oh it's called ad i didn't watch that but i watched it yeah i think it's shot on film uh it's it's really really good cinematography if you if you don't appreciate like a slow burn and

uh you know like like like like there's action there's one there's one scene where there's a high-speed chase on the moon and moon buggies, and Brad Pitt is in one of the moon buggies, and they're shooting machine guns back and forth between, I don't know if it's American moon buggies and Chinese moon buggies. I don't recall the exact issue, but the premise is that Brad Pitt, who is 50, his dad, who's like the original OG deep space explorer,

is like, they got a message from your dad. What are you talking about? He was out on the outer rim. And we're sending you to bring him back. And so he's going through the process of going from Earth to the moon onto the rocket. I did see this. Yeah, it's slow. But you asked for a well-thought-out deep sci-fi movie.

It's slow, but you asked for a well-thought-out, deep sci-fi movie. I don't remember there being really complicated engineering problems. A better example is The Martian. Oh, if you're looking for that kind of... I guess there's lots of different sci-fi. I see what you mean now. More of a nuts-and-bolts sci-fi. Yeah, one that stresses my mind you know makes me would i have thought of that what would happen if i was in this you know oh sadly i'm not nearly

i found annihilation stressful if you haven't seen it yet i haven't seen it yet i know it's that's stressful i love that movie that movie did not get enough love i really i've been meaning to watch it like scary it's literally one of those movies that i like i like i didn't watch when it came out because i couldn't smoke weed and now that i can well i mean i can smoke this stuff this delta stressful like i need to watch it i'm down for stressful though an interesting time dilation uh scenario kind of like time dilation to an extent is there's this episode of um star trek next generation and they're driving by driving they're flying by like a uh where a planet is supposed to be and there's no planet and they find a box and they bring the box on and like picard touches the box and like he passes out

and they're like wake up wake up cut to commercial break they come back and they're like wake up wake up cut to commercial break so they come back and they're like wake up wake up and he's like in a home so a family and they're like what that's called uh the inner light that's the best is that what it's called yeah i love it so he's there and he wakes up and he's like with a family and he's like where's the enterprise and they're like what are you talking about dad you're so weird and his wife's like, where's the enterprise? And they're like, what are you talking about, dad? You're so weird. And his wife's like, I love you. We don't be so weird. And he's like, no, I need to get back to the enterprise. And he's doing everything he can. And there is no enterprise. And it's like 15 years later, he's on this planet. He's like, I swear, you know, I'm so happy I'm with you guys. I just thought of the enterprise, you know, like I thought it was a thing.

It was just must have been a dream. So weird. And he sits there and he plays the flute every night and he plays the flute every time before he goes to bed on this planet. And then he finds out like, cause he's like the mayor of the planet. He finds out the planet's about to be blown. It's about to self-destruct the, like the star nearby is going like supernova or whatever and they're like well what are we gonna do like how will we ever survive and he's like

well it's our history that will survive so should anyone ever fly by this they're gonna fly by this box and they will experience a lifetime on our planet. Whoever the captain is, whoever is in charge of the ship will experience a lifetime. And then the planet blows up and he wakes up on the floor of the enterprise. It's literally been a couple of minutes for everyone else. And he just lived an entire lifetime. And what I always liked about that episode is it kind of makes like when you're like a Federation captain, your most valuable

thing is wisdom so who to be a better federation captain than a person who's lived two full lives yeah and he has he has his like he plays the flute at the end yeah oh that's the best part yeah it means he picked up all his skills everything he learned then he still has it so he's kind of like i think that as So he's kind of like, I think of that as like, he's kind of like superhuman at that point in a realistic grounded sense. So I was always like, what? That Picard, take him to Palpatine and Yoda.

He will negotiate a truce between the Sith and the Jedi. I know it's different universes, but let him sit down, pour Earl Grey tea for Palpatine, pour Earl Grey tea for Yoda. I know it's different universes, but let him sit down. Pour Earl Grey tea for Palpatine. Pour Earl Grey tea for Yoda. I know what you're thinking. Oh, Palpatine would fuck him up. No, he wouldn't. Q is standing right behind him. I think you're wrong and I want to tell you why.

Hang on. I didn't know Q was there. Palpatine would eat his ass up in a second or something. Here's the thing. Picard, I think had like a shoulder injury or something because he made a bad decision and got into a fight with it was a heart injury in a in a bar and he's like a wiser version of me would handle this better so q takes picard and lets him sort of relive his life start over as a younger man but with the wisdom of an older

one well the wiser guy avoids the fight, the wiser guy avoids the fight. And the wiser guy avoids all kinds of risk-taking activities. And he's not Picard. And he has a sort of lame career. He doesn't get as far as he would have. He's just an older. Nowhere near as far. He's a forgettable.

What episode is that? What is that one? Kyle, help me out. I don't know the name of the episode. That one sounds great. So if you go know the name of the episode that one sounds great so if you go to a list of the q episodes um you'll find it because q takes him back and uh and you get to see that eventuality and then picard as patrick stewart lives out like flashback and goes through the whole thing and it's got that great scene where like the person he's got a fight is a

what's the race that looks like the predator um the um uh i can't think of their fucking name i don't know but they're scary he's like he's like and they're just like fuck you know they're gigantic they look like the predator from the predator movie i wish i could think of it right now but yeah it it has to end with picard getting stabbed in the heart because like that risk-taking-taking thing about him was what put him on the trajectory that he ended up being on. And there's a couple episodes that refer back to that heart. There's another one where they go to get his heart fixed, I think. That's a Wesley Crusher episode, though.

It's not quite as good. I liked him more than everyone else did. I love the episode. And to anyone listening that's never watched Star Trek before, watch the episode Darmok. I fucking love that episode. I love that. That cracks me up.

It's just him. It's just two actors. When the walls fell. It's just two really good actors on a planet they're like the plot is kind of silly the issue is silly there's a monster that's invisible so it's just two really good actors carrying this like silly cheesy shit and making it like gold it's beautiful so the idea is like these uh they're meeting this race and the problem is we've never been able to communicate with this race, despite our universal communication systems or computers,

anything we can't figure it out. And it's because they speak in like metaphors and stories like parables. So like, like they'll, they would say like Abraham was honest. If they, if they wanted to say like, promise,

if they're trying to tell you, I promise, like maybe they would say something like that. It's very confusing. You'd have to know that reference. It would never work. But so they send the captain of both ships down, and they have to, like, communicate.

Like, Picard has to figure out that that's what this guy is doing and learn the phrases and what they mean, and he does by the end. And it's more complicated than that and there's a it's like if you were like if you were like oh you're gonna go train with sam hyde and i responded by being like wings and kyle his shower replaced you know what that means i'm here we're doing it

yeah wings the shower you know what that means i'm here we're doing it was that was the alien race making any attempt to understand picard or were they no inconsiderate about mark and tazara tanagra when the walls and then he like hands him something. He's like, Temba, his arms wide. And it's just like things that like Picard figures it out. But like the alien is so much fun. That other alien, he's just

like, you want to hug him. He's like so cute. It's a good episode and it's, you know, spoiler alert, somebody dies before the end and it's not Picard. Well, now I'm not even going watch star trek now i know um it's uh no i i always tell people like deep space nine is the best star trek um it begins kind of at the end of the of um the next generation but the next generation is the second best and it's definitely worth the watch. Just skip season one. Just skip season one. Is that with Cisco, Deep Space Nine?

Yeah. What? You don't know? It's the best. Because what happens to me is I always go and try and watch Voyager and Deep Space Nine, and then I end up going back to Next Generation and re-watching it. All right. So Voyager's low.

I saw one episode, and he was like – I saw one episode. They're like, yeah, the planet. They don't know what they're – and he was like, blow it up. No. All right., the planet, they don't know what they're and he was like, blow it up. No, alright. He's different. I know what you're talking about. Alright, so that's a great episode, first of all. Deep Space Nine is the first serialized Star Trek. Rick Berman lost his grip

on the fucking shit and Roddenberry was dying, so some new blood got in and made a good fucking show that is not like Monster of the week type shit you've got a big overarching story plot about the cardassians enslaving an entire group of people genociding them and raping them for a generation and then leaving and now now the federation is at the the space station that is the guardian over that planet that just got raped. And they name

Benjamin Sisko, the commander of the station, their emissary, which is like their pope. Even the people on the planet don't like it, but the gods have chosen him. Literal gods live in a wormhole nearby, and they're like non-corporeal beings. They're not made of matter. They're just energy. And they live throughout time at all points simultaneous instead of linearly. And the Bajorans see them as their gods. They have been worshiping them since time. And those aliens have been acting as gods, like giving them help here and there, giving them orbs so they can communicate. And those gods choose the Federationeration guy as the pope basically as the and and so he's the go-between as a religious leader a political

leader a military leader and a starfleet officer and you get to know every member of the crew and and like half of them are badasses and have cool stories. Even the villains are really good. It's a great fucking show. And they add Worf in season three, and as soon as he gets there, Sisko's like, we've got a Klingon problem. We need a Klingon to solve it. And Worf storms in to

war drums. And as soon as he gets there, he's like, prune juice, cold! And beats the shit out of some klingons it's great dude you gotta get this when they land on earth also in one of the episodes right it's like a two-parter they land on earth and it's like the doctor uh on the on the uh ship uh on it's like uh you know i'm talking about it's like on earth and like people are sick and then there's a hostage situation in the building it seems like really high concept for i don't remember

but there's a but the like the last two seasons is just an intergalactic intergalactic war it's just a huge war between a new race of beings that came through the wormhole and all of their slave army and the entire Alpha Quadrant. So all the enemies and good guys have to band together. The Romulans have to get in. The Ferengi, everybody has to band together if we're going to beat this new enemy. Reapers. Oh, this is very Mass Effect.

No, we got to stop this. It's the worst conversation ever i i i was drug into it yeah that's so stupid let's talk about big dick stuff lord of the rings well there's no reason to get aggressive about it i saw i saw a picture it was so funny it was like a cartoon of a guy sitting at a table with a plate

and another guy like squatting his ass over the guy's plate and the guy with the plate said Lord of the Ring fans and the other one said Amazon and he's like looks like he's about to shit on the plate. And the guy was like, why are you shitting on my plate?

And he's like, how do you know it's shit? It's not out yet. I've seen that. And it's very funny because, yeah, it is going to be shit. Do you think it's going to be shit? I think it's going to be. I mean, well, some stuff came out about it like a month or two ago. I mean, well, some stuff came out about it like a month or two ago.

And they one thing they revealed is that Amazon didn't actually purchase the rights to the Silmarillion in the expanded Tolkien universe. They only purchased the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit rights. And so effectively, they're going to be making up within the Tolkien universe a bunch of characters that don't exist in canon. And they're going to be telling their own story that has very little to do with like the first age the second age all that and so i don't trust their autonomy in that i think they'll probably i'm okay with that i'm okay with that honestly because uh and i know that's like going against the grain a little but i'm watching halo right i'm watching halo right now and they're making their own fucking story. They're making their own fucking story up.

I did. I'm all caught up. Halo does not have the story history of Lord of the Rings. Yes, it does. Not of Lord of the Rings, but it does have many, many books. Oh, what do you have? Halo is much deeper than your silly little elf story. What do you got?

What do you got? Like elves, dwarves, humans, and like what else? Do you know how many races? Not even a gun. You don't even have a gun. I know what you're doing, and I can't help but be dragged in. That's not true. No, but I played – I watched Halo the first episode.

Who would win? A New Jersey hockey fan or – no. Who's your favorite hockey team, Woody? The one that was awful that always beat everybody up? I'm going to drag Woody into this somehow, too. See, I'm on Taylor's side with this, right? I think Dumbledore

would come in and clean up everybody's problems. He's the baddest wizard in the whole thing. No. He's the baddest wizard in the whole thing we've we've had like dumbledore versus gandalf arguments where like i can tell that kyle and woody are fucking with me and i can't and i'm like getting edgy i'm not even i'm like no look woody's fucking with you, but I'm for real. I'm a Harry Potter fan, and I just know

that, look, if you forget all the magic that overlaps, still, Dumbledore is just so much more powerful. Let me ask you this. You know the Fantastic Beasts? Gandalf doesn't even know where to find them.

No. He's got to whistle to get the horse to come. That's it. How else do they know to come? They whistle. Dumbledore would have held that bridge together and the Balrog would not have passed. The actual Dumbledore didn't even live long enough to finish the second movie.

Is that true? Yeah, pretty sure. I don't know if that's true. That's how weak the spirit of that character is. It infested and killed the actor. It was like the fifth movie or something like that. And who's Dumbledore? Thank you, Zach. Did I say Dumbledore? No, you didn't. You know who said

Dumbledore. Think of it. Take a guess. Yeah. No, it's just Gandalf would fuck him up. Yeah. No. Gandalf would fuck him up. You're wrong. Let me ask you this. Does Gandalf have

a word or a spell or an action that he can do that just instantly kills another thing? Yeah, but he wouldn't do that. I need to know. That describes my martial arts prowess. I would do it, but the death touch would kill you, so don't fight me. Yes, exactly.

Do you think that the Doom guy can go into Hogwarts and kill everyone? The Doom guy? Yeah. The Doom guy. The Doom Slayer. The Doom Slayer. The Doom guy is just a normal soldier with a gun. He went into hell.

Yeah, he was until he became some sort like super relic that chose to stay in hell and fight demons for eternity is he gonna be a magic though it seems like he's kind of immune to like the hell's magic is he depends how many boxes boxes of med kits are around yeah or or how many like uh like or the glory kills how many like little wizards he rips their arms off and like stuff them in their throats like he gets health by killing is he a kill no he's he's the doom slayer okay he hates demons i was okay well then he and gandalf would get along gandalf kills demons too dumbledore didn't slay a single demon like a bitch would. Dumbledore was so concerned with the point totals of these

made up competitions that he was sending kids to their deaths. He was terrible. Only the one kid. And don't even tell me that he sent Frodo to his death, Gandalf did, because that nullifies my entire point just now. He sent all kinds of people to their deaths. And he even admitted

it too. They were like, man, you kind of sent all those little people to their dads and he even admitted it too they were like man you kind of sent all those little precious people into hellfire huh Gandalf yes and I didn't really think they had a chance either you fool of a toque and they fucking hit that pipe again

kind of shitty I do want to rewatch those movies again i love the halo the halo show i'm a huge halo fan i literally have so much halo toys i read all the books i love it's maybe one of my favorite franchises ever and i watched episode one and they're like it's not going to be the video game and i'm like you know what i was a huge i am a huge star wars fan i'm done getting mad about shit. If I don't like it, whatever, you know,

but halo, it's like gory. And I didn't expect that. And they, they, they made the Spartans like fucking bad ass scary. Like, I don't want to spoil too much,

but like at any second, like these Spartans will literally looks like they'll kill like 400 humans. Like there's not like, they're like, they really like they'll kill like 400 humans. Like there's not like they're like, they really like the whole buying into the humans. Part of Halo was always interesting to me. Like I always dreamt of like a master chief game where the Spartans were initially made before they were meant to fight the aliens. They were fighting like insurrectionists.

I was like, I want to play that game. I want to be a fucking Spartan and I want to murder like literally 500 humans. I want to fuck humans up. I want to feel the bullets pepper me and i want to just fucking blast them all but like i'm watching the show and the spartans are like they've just made them like uh godly in a way but not heroically godly like in a video game simple it's like kind of weird um and they made some decisions in halo that i laughed at hysterically like they did they made some choices that i was just like i can't believe they did that but whatever we're

having a good time what did you not by the you know i'll say this about episode two the thing that really like came out of nowhere for me was when that chick just got naked. Wait, I didn't see that episode. She got naked? Well, you don't know what I'm talking about. But you saw tits? I think I saw some tits. Did you see tits? It was really more about her ass, I think.

I'm getting ass in Halo? You haven't seen episode 2? No, not yet. It just came out today. I was driving. I'm excited. What is it? 1986? That's ridiculous. What would you prefer? I don't remember even... There's not even ass crack in Lord of the Rings.

I don't want to hear anything from you. No, I watched episode two. You don't watch Lord of the Rings to beat off. No spoilers or anything. Speak for yourself. I don't feel like much happened. Much didn't happen in episode two. The pieces on the board moved around a little bit,

but we didn't really learn a ton more. It was just, I don't know. A filler episode. I think the first episode kind of shook the snow globe, and the second episode kind of let everything settle. Oh, yeah. In the first episode, of shook the snow globe and the second episode kind of let everything settle oh yeah and the first episode i like spoilers um he just like takes his helmet off which i knew he was gonna do yeah but doing it like in the first episode like made me laugh so hard because he takes it off and it's like a guy he looks like kyle almost and he's just there and you're like

that's it you have like you got a haircut this week like i'm looking i'm like you got a haircut you're not like you don't have like some weird bald mutant head because you're always wearing the helmet you got like a haircut and you're like you got and then he was like he like he like looked at her and he was like strap in and i was like master chief saying strap in was so funny to me also like it's like where we're going we don't need roads it was such a weird like movie line coming from him um and he made a joke that he eats like a robot he eats nuts and bolts uh which was also weird but i i laughed at all this i'm like i can't believe they're doing this but i'm just so used to people doing like in the next episode you'll get more of his

like non sense of humor like like being made fun of uh but not in a cringy way like like like like uh in a in a cool way um because he is like super stuck up like like he's stiff yeah yeah and you get and i think that think that the UNC is the bad guys. They're definitely not the good guys. If there is a good guy, it's Master Chief, and maybe the Resistance, the planets that want to be free. But if you ask me, we're introduced to a bad guy in the second episode, and he's blowing people's brains out because they don't want to get on

board with the program. But honestly, in this situation, don't we need to be shooting people in the head if they don't want to get on board with the program? Because there's literally an alien race coming to exterminate us. And their main goal, because we've played the games, we know, is to exterminate all life.

And these people are bitching about not getting paid for their deuterium and and not want not having like representative um representative governments it's like they're like what's the point of what's the point of saving humanity if we're going to lose our own humanity along the way yeah fuck that i think that's a quote i think she literally i don't know what they're wanting me to think like like like as a viewer but i think that's a quote. I think she literally said that. I don't know what they're wanting me to think, like as a viewer, but I think that it's some commie shit or something. That's the only thing that's annoying me about this show.

It's like, no, you're not going to convince me that the UNSC or the bad guys, because they want to make sure they have plenty of fuel to fight the covenant. And if that means they've got to kick the shit out of the people who rightly own the fuel, those people need to know that's the fuel keeping all of humanity alive. This is bad guys. I like the Spartans as bad guys. Yeah. Like they kind of looked really edgy,

scary in the first episode there. And they had that moment where they like kind of turned to face the Marines. And I was like, that's so fucking sick i was like that's so sick to me like just some fuck i need like i need things to be kind of fucked up to like like mean something to me did you guys see the movie titan it's french means like titanium that it's called titan it's about this girl who uh she just gets into an accident it's not what i'm saying it's about it's

not about that but it's a great it's a great movie it's on amazon prime i i've watched like five times it's like my favorite movie this year it's so fucking weird if you don't like it i understand but if you do like it i i it's like i really liked it she just she she gets into an accident like a car accident gets like titanium put in her head. She has a love affair with a car. Everything I'm saying is way worse than it is. It's a really – I just don't want to forget to tell you guys, but Amazon Prime Titan is there. It's French with subtitles.

I loved it. It played in one movie theater in North America, which was in Montreal, and that never happens. Montreal never gets shit like that, so I watched it. And if you're going to watch the trailer, it's not going to do you any good. The trailer isn't going to capture it. Watching it, putting it on and watching, like, the first three scenes, four scenes, five scenes, they all go into each other.

It's paced really well. It's fucking weird. It's something. I had to say that before I forgot. It's really important. it's really important that when i'm back here in two months i could be like did you guys watch it did you watch it just oh that's i mean if i don't get knocked out by a game grump that is you're not gonna get knocked out by any t-i-t-a-n-e okay yeah all right and just put like put movie. It's so fucking weird. It looks French.

Are you guys playing games lately? It is very French. She looks... I just keep playing Magic the Gathering Arena. I love that game. Is that a video game or like how do you play? Like on iPad? It's just playing Magic on

like against people on the computer which is like it ruins you for regular magic because it keeps all the counters in place for you there will be something that's like every time you play a creature you gain a life every time you gain a life put a plus one token on a target creature and so you might do that 15 times in a turn and i played physical magic with some friends a couple weeks ago and just sitting there just being like oh i have to keep track of all my activated things alone like with the the game it's so much fucking easier like there are strategies yeah it's instant and there are strategies in like magic that are meant for like infinite loops

that aren't possible with paper magic but on the game you can run an infinite combo and you can easily have 800 creatures out there, you know, creature tokens or whatever, or your life can get to 2000 or something when it starts at 20, but stuff that you just couldn't do with paper magic. So it opens it up to more like loopholes and abusing combos, which I like,

but yeah, that's what I've been playing a lot of. Do you buy cards in the arena? Do you buy cards in that game where you just have your cards? You can spend money and buy cards, or you can do the daily challenges and spend your gold on packs. But it's totally set up so that if you want to have fun with it, you better be ready to put enough money.

Put $50 in and build a good... It'll probably be more like 100 bucks if you want a really good deck that's going to be in the historic format that will still be good a year from now two years from now it's 100 yeah yeah well the problem a couple years ago kyle got into it with me and chis did too and chis and kyle like they had this like i've got it you had a non-nuclear nuclear proliferation agreement basically they both signed or they're like hey we're both spending a hundred dollars in this game and that's it and everything else is coming from our our collections and everything and before i know it chiz is in the

chat like i built a new white life game here's the deck list and i'm like this you just built a mono green yesterday. How much have you spent? These are great decks. High quality cards. What are you doing? And then Kyle's like, well, goddammit. He built a deck specifically to beat the one that I built.

And so then you had to go in. And you guys just started like, what did Chiz build? Oh, a creature heavy deck? OK, I'm doing all removal. Board sweeps. I'll tell you who won. It was whoever makes those fucking cardboard cards the best part is i don't even remember the login to that account i couldn't sell those fake bullshit digital cards if i wanted to and now i'm on this new platform with you

and i got that 300 in cards over there i got like four meta decks over there yeah and and i don't ever want to play that game again. It's too addictive. It's stupid. It's so much fun. Play against me. Play against me later tonight. I refuse to play anything that's pay to win. I got plans later tonight, and I can't do pay to win. Me too, playing Unagic.

Yeah, that's probably something like that. I don't know. What about Total War? You didn't play Total War 4. Weren't you excited for that so i haven't jumped into it yet so i think that they that all the guys they gave early access to they made them sign something that said that they couldn't say anything negative about the game and now there's the game's got a lot of issues and they can't talk shit that's what i heard or what i heard we're all like uh we're waiting for dark tide the new game to come out you've played vermin tide with us haven't you no that's the We're all like We're waiting for Darktide

The new Vermintide game to come out You've played Vermintide with us haven't you That's the four player game right Yeah It's a new one coming out So Vermintide is sick That's based in the Warhammer 40k Warhammer

Oh god damn it I'm spacing out The old times Everyone has hammers and swords And bullshit guns It's spacing out the old the old times the old times everyone has hammers and swords and bullshit guns it's magic and the and the old gods and swords and hammers like you said and uh orcs and elves and shit um but but this is warhammer 40k is what they're going to do for this one so four player co-op you're going to a hive city which is like a a gigantic city on some planet with like a hundred million hundred billion people and it's something stupid i think those cities literally have like five to ten billion people in one city and uh you're going there to like deal with some sort of evil i don't really know some sort of parasite or something

but like it's class-based you got like one gigantic guy and one little quick like elf chick or some shit they're all humans They're just humans from different planets, so planets with tons of gravity or tons with toxic waste or whatever, and it's sort of changed them, and they've evolved differently over time because it's warmer 40K, so this is like 40,000 years into our future.

I feel like you left out the core part. It is future, so it's mostly ranged weapons. It's mostly guns. You're no longer swords. Oh, it's not like axes and stuff like in the last no this is more like left for daddy i think in that you know you're gonna kill everything from a distance which to me is nice i one of the issues i had i don't know if balance is the right word but like the elf who could kill people as soon as they entered the edge of the screen always dominated every leaderboard pretty

much um and if you're like some big slow guy with a hammer who needs to walk out and touch people then like you suck like you know maybe you're good against the main guy and you have your value but if you're trying to slaughter a field of people they're dead before they get to you the elf did it with their unlimited range weapons i almost came down the other side like i hope it's not a hundred percent range like part of the fun of the the vermintide game was like getting in the thick of it and there's a thousand rats and you're kind of like oh panicking a little bit and then you survive and you do your blocks right like i don't want it to be I'll play whatever the most like close up character is I saw

that one of the characters has like a I think it's the big tank character has a chainsaw and so that could be cool you know 40,000 years from now the most prime combat weapon James my hope is that my hope is that there's more than one range character

so that like one guy doesn't get to be the range and everyone else just jerks off and watches him. But at the end of the day, why is it about you performing better than your teammates? Or is it about progression in the game? No, you work together. You work together. I think he's asking what my motivation is.

Why is Woody so mad that someone has a higher score than if it's a team thing? Because I feel like I don't get to play. If I'm here with my, like, ooh with my like you know here comes 600 people watch me get them and then i don't actually get i get three of them everyone else you gotta be there though right you gotta like you gotta well someone else has a ranged weapon it's pretty difficult for me to be there because they're killing them at the edge of the screen and i'm like you know where's my chance that is true like but that's almost like the consequence of like getting too high of a level because like no matter how high your level is if you're an in your face aggro character you still

have to get to them like to do anything and use your hyper powerful flail or whatever it is whereas kyle because he was entirely ranged with his elf character when he leveled up all the way then it meant like oh before any like i think what you're saying is like before you could use your ultimate warrior slash he would use his thing and like slice him down it's like well i kind of wanted to use my cool special but his cool special is happening for 200 yards away yeah um yeah and then that to me like so now i'm not saying his character is perfect in every way if i recall correctly she could barely take a hit you know did she if she was a fast had a range weapon but low hit points and you can't repeat repeat character selection right right? If I remember.

True, yeah. I think that's what got me was I played the game and I had a character and my friend also played the game and then we met up and we both had that character. And we were like, oh, see you in a bit. And like played with other people, but it never lasted as long for us there. But none of you guys have an Oculus? No.

Does Kyle have one?yle has some kind of vr thing years ago you're right it's definitely not i have a vr i i have an index and it's great it's so good it's like superior in every way but the quest is wireless and it's the best it's like you could even sit down and like just do this with your hands and now it's tracking your hands instead of using the controller um and it's wireless you can like you could even sit down and just do this with your hands, and now it's tracking your hands instead of using the controller. And it's wireless. You could use it to your phone and use it wherever. I have so many friends that got it, and over pandemic, it saved me.

We hung out in big screen, which is just like a movie theater, and someone can stream movies for everyone else to watch, no delay. And so you're in a theater we were watching movies in theaters the whole time and uh there's like a a battle royale game called population one and there's a left for dead style game called after the fall um but you know you guys were all roughly the same age like you know when i got a ps5 i was like uh okay it's better than my ps4 pro but i heard that they're releasing a ps5 pro next year so now my ps5 just feels like a ps4 pro pro yeah it like wasn't that leap forward in gaming that we're used to and the ps PS5 Pro is going to be like a PS4 Pro, Pro, Pro.

But when you get the Oculus and you put that on and you experience some of these VR games, you're like, this is that leap in gaming that was like Super Nintendo to Nintendo 64. This is that leap where it was like, yeah. So I've seen Don't pause me, by the way. Just shush me. I respond much better to a shush.

Well played. All right. Oh, no. I don't even have that power. I'd call for Woody. The fuck, man. That was a good moment. I think Zach did that.

Oh, so I've seen a handful of people get VR goggles or whatever and love them. And then, you know, four weeks later, six weeks later, they kind of moved on. And Kyle's raising hand, but he's one of like four people I could think of. Me too. How long have you had yours? Yeah. Okay. I got the Valve Index like during pandemic.

I sat down. I played Half-Life Alex. It was sick. I played Boneworks. It was sick. I played Boneworks. It was sick. A lot of my problems was I got nauseous. I had to get VR legs. So I learned a lot of tricks to get good at VR,

like putting a fan in front of you and like having a carpet, a different carpet on your feet so you know where you're at. A lot of things that trick your body into making you feel better. I know which games don't work for me. Things that move my head without me moving my head are big no-nos.

Sure, yeah. Yeah, and I like games like that. And then I played, like, No Man's Sky, and No Man's Sky was, like, low-key one of the sickest VR games. I wasn't expecting, like, just going around the planet and, like, scanning things and doing yourself. And then I would walk over to my ship and climb up and then I would sit down in my chair,

which is right next to me whenever I was sitting in the ship and it was cool and immersive. And then I stopped, totally stopped. And then I got an Oculus because my friends were on big screen a lot and it was just easier to lie in bed and use it. And I got Beat Saber and i got a bunch of games i played them again on oculus um and uh now like i wish more games came out more often but if you got a vr now an oculus which is very cheap um and you got the lower model because you don't even need the higher model. It's definitely not even close to as good as the Index or whatever, but it's good enough to experience

like the games and stuff like that. And there's a lot of games for you now. Like go there, there's like a boxing game. There's like a combat games. There's like a lot of free games, a lot of free experiences. But I really really really enjoy the oculus i go i i use it every single week like once a week you know i don't use it like my

playstation um but you know like it's like i think uh i think any one of you guys would would enjoy it i think um but yeah like like kyle's not wrong i i dipped off my vr for like two months and waited for a game to come out like waited for games because there wasn't enough there's not enough people doing the right moves in vr yet but if you haven't touched vr in the last like three years you have quite a bit to to appease you i never say what i want right now before i do that though like i want to be able to go buy like the current gpu for less than like a thousand dollars like is that ever gonna fucking happen again like i don't know why i feel like three grand or something ridiculous well i mean if you had to buy one off ebay that who knows but but like i don't even know what's

current anymore. It seems – I mean, they've never been able to fulfill orders. It's been like years since you could actually get a card, but they keep making new cards? Yeah. Isn't that infuriating? It's very weird. I think computers are in a very weird place right now like you're gonna make like a 4080 and i couldn't get like a 3080 like like much less a 3080 ti or a 3080s fancy edition like i've still got a 2080 ti

because like every time they make a new one i'm like oh can i get one and they're like oh you wish oh you want to go uh we're gonna go raid a best buy tonight you got a man who would love people would love that 2080 ti people would love to have that really why would it's just gonna run it's gonna run anything that'll run whatever you want you know i know kyle's an extreme guy but like you still like you can run anything you want like right maybe not it runs tarkov fine in 2k so it's a it's it's not a huge deal but but but i would like to have like a modern one so that like if 2K. So it's not a huge deal. But I would like to have a modern one so that if I want to stream, it's not a burden.

If I want to go max out of VR headsets. What I don't want to do, we're talking about VR. I have no interest in getting a VR system that I can run at 70% capacity, maybe. If I'm going to get one, I want to see what it can do. I want to max. I want the weak link to be the piece of hardware that I'm adding. Unfortunately, it'll be the software, I think.

It doesn't look like a lot of people are doing that high fidelity stuff right now. That doesn't scare me, though. That's the best case scenario. When does the 4080 come out, roughly? Because I feel like we've been on 3080 for a long time. I give up. I don't even look anymore. All I know is, I guess guess buy a pre-built one,

but the last two pre-built ones I've gotten have those little bugs, like certain USB things don't work. That mic hiss I used to have was because I was using any USB plug on the front of my PC, so I just can't use those if I'm going to use this mic and have it recorded.

Little annoying things like that. know what i want um in terms of like just computer things to exist is i want a large monitor like i want like a 65 inch like 144 g-s sync monitor that, you know, just like, like, like I want something as big as my TV at home. You know, I have like a 75 inch and like,

I want it to be like that. And I want it to be 144 frames. And like, whenever I hook my computer up to it, it's never like as good. Like the TVs aren't monitors. They can't figure it out. And the biggest monitors are these

days i think they go up to like maybe 40 inches you know but i want to have like uh and like a good like 144 hertz like g-sync or free sync like my tv does some version of free sync with like my consoles but it's not the same and my consoles are doing like 120 frames if it's uh like you know 700 900p or something like that you know but i would love like i would love a 70 inch or something like that monitor um so i could actually sit like sit down away from it i looked up the fourth oh so zach looked it up too his source said the 4080 and 4090 nvidia cards come out in september mine said surely this year so that's also september there you're those are the two things i've seen so this year this fall something like that which might mean the move kyle is to wait for it it's the move's always the wait right like like i don't know and look look the best part is there'll be a moment where it's like bye bye bye

and i won't be able to get one yeah that's right oh kyle they come out in september to get one in september no no no when they come out in september that means you'll be able to get one in january yeah and by january march by january i'll be like oh should i get that car you're like oh you gotta wait and sit now the tis are coming out yeah it's only eight months away it's it's really infuriating um i i just want to play games good you want to play games ultra you don't want to play games good you want to play games ultra you don't want to play games good you're absolutely right yeah like and be able to multitask and like never worry about like i don't know anything redlining it's so frustrating to have it seems like the games just get more and more demanding as the pcs get more powerful. Everybody dogs on people that

use their $3,000 PCs to play a 10-year-old game, but it's like, those are the games we can run on Ultra. Yeah. Pretty hot. Maybe I should game again. What would you play? Well, whenever Vile Tide or whatever it is comes out.

Oh, yeah. Dark Tide comes out. i'm psyched for that and um i feel like i missed a good amount of um escape from tarkov it wouldn't be a terrible time to play i'll explain my friends are probably super rich you want my account right i could just walk in and be rich maybe yeah i mean like but uh i could also get carried like i bet larry the strong might be if he's i mean i mean i bet he'd carry me give you my account and then you can play with larry and he won't even have to like bring any kits i got like 30 million and like everything that there is to unlock it's like max strength, max endurance. Your spot is, I think most people agree with you,

which is to say like getting there was kind of the fun. And then once you've beaten the game, that's not the part you enjoy. Most people agree that. I like a beaten game. I enjoy it. Like, you know what? This is stress-free. I can run anything I want.

Sometimes I'm going to end the night rich. Sometimes I'm going to end the night not as rich. When I die and it doesn't hurt so goddamn much, some people love the pain it brings them and the joy it brings them. I've been there for a while. I'm done.

I've got a bunch of tasks done, too. You've knocked Cap out in probably a month. Maybe. I'm sure it's just the worst ones left. It's just the worst ones I've done. I got a bunch of tasks done too I mean you've knocked Cap out in probably a month Maybe I'm sure it's just the worst ones left Yeah it's just the worst ones I've done all the fetch quests Wait you said you did the fetch quests? I did most of the fetch quests

I don't mind that It's the shooter born in heaven and stuff like that But I've got like the bitcoin farm And all that shit done I just lost interest got burned out And you know what? I'm such a... I can't wrap my head around

not being greedy in that game. Even when I've got $30 or $40 million, I still get upset if I lose a good kit. I don't want to play with my best kit when I'm playing solo. And the reason is, I don't want them to get my stuff. It's not

about me losing the stuff. Don't misunderstand because if you wanted it, I'd give it to you. I'd love to give it to you. It'd make me feel good to give it to you. I want that. But for them to take it from me, that is

upsetting. They don't know that I don't mind. They don't know that i don't mind they don't know this is baggage i want to unpack from the internet was that the gun bitch yeah he's my jaded loser and then they send me like axs or something or i watched a movie i wish i knew the name but there's two tough guy gangsters one of them's played by dennis leary and he's talking to the other tough guy gangster. Dennis Leary is in the other guy's territory, and the guy is like, I'm going to take your wallet.

And he's like, look, I'll give you my wallet, but you will not take it. And it's like, oh, I see what he's doing here. He's like, you can have my wallet. I'll give it to you. But if you think you're taking it, that that's a different thing. And it's what Kyle said. Like,

I don't know the idea that you're winning. That's what I don't like. You know, I, yeah, that's baggage. I want to unpack next time. For on Kyle,

me. I don't care. No, I want to know why it's all about them not having it more than anything else. Who not having what? If you had the ability to burn your kit when you die, if you could pay extra so when you die, your kit burns.

Yeah, I'd do it 100%. They don't get it. Oh, I'd do it 100% of the time. Let's say the things I lost cost 250,000 rubles, but for half a million rubles, I could take it back or make it vaporize. I'd do that. I like it better you don't get it back.

No one gets it. I don't need it. Here's the game mechanic, right? You know how before you go in, you buy insurance for 13,000 rubles or whatever it is? Yeah. For 26,000 rubles, you buy self-destruct. Sure. What do you buy? I like that.'m petty i'm super petty in that game

you know like i always have been like i'll hide all my boys gear like they don't have to ask um like i'll do petty shit to like the uh the enemies like i'll always pull like little pieces off the sites and stuff that they won't notice when it comes back on insurance like anything i can do to be petty like like i'll take like if i'll make sure that other players like the rats that come behind me will find the guy's gear and strip and bear like i'll like leave a trail of his gear out to the door or something i'll be as petty as possible i'm super shitty in that game nothing's made me want to play it more than your description right now of how you do it it's me a piece of shit out there

oh the game provides with it's just like real life right so like if you think about it doesn't matter if fucking muhammad ali fucking bruce lee cocksucker fucking air force captain comes in the door master chief whatever the fuck if you're waiting there with a gigantic shotgun behind him you're gonna win every single time and so like you can do that to these tryhards that like take the game super duper seriously and they will be so fucking upset like like you can you can extract camp you can hide where they have to go just to get out of the map with their hard one uh like loot and you can just kill them there with an overpowered gun and take their shit.

It's a mean, shitty game. Well, I know that Harley has to get to his parking lot. He's got a kumite! Is it a kumite? Is that what it's called? When you go out into the wilderness to do a martial arts tournament? Would you refer to Sam Hyde

as your Sifu the entire time? I think you should. Not Sifu. That's a different thing. That's a very different thing. I'm pretty sure it's Sifu. His waifu. I thought Sifu is your teacher in Cantonese. It's your teacher in

Kung Fu, Sifu. Oh, I didn't know that. Well, then call him that. Sifu Hy Oh, I didn't know that. Well, then call him that. Yeah, call him that. Sifu Hide. I feel like, yeah. Oh, I was saying I'm so excited to watch you fight. What are you going to wear?

You're about to leave here. Are you going to wear what you got on right now? Karate. So I came here only in, and this isn't me, I always wear jeans and shit or like pants with like buttons at the waist or some shit but i'm only like athletic garb now like i will go to bed like in like with my shoes laced up like you know what i mean like in gear that could work in a gym or work outside um and when i see him i'm gonna give him a room key perfect and i'm like i'm

gonna be like yo fuck my shit up, fuck my shit up, fam. Fuck my shit up. Keep that camera rolling. This is going to be gold. Also, Sam, I want to know, do you do coke? I'll let you guys know, but I'm going to ask him. I'm also going to be like, have you ever seen an episode of Epic Mealtime? Make that the first question you ask him.

And if he says no that'd be a very same odd thing to do all right well thank you very much for coming on enjoy your kumite tonight i wish you much luck let me know what the fuck happens i'm so interested please let us buy our buy our giz supplement it works it really does it's laughably large loads as i like to say and uh i like it i like that oh and moment house.com creator clash if people wanted to watch me box on a stream and if you guys want to go let me know send me a message we'll do yeah check that out guys all

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