Pappy's Flatshare - Ep 1511: Bella Hull

Episode Date: April 15, 2025

We're back in your ear canals with special guest Bella Hull. Flying high on the clouds of cool with Bella, wanna bet?Bella Hull - https://www.instagram.com/bellabellahull/To get episodes early and ad-free - PLUS a bonus episode every week - join our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareTo watch full episodes of Pappy’s Flatshare find us on YouTube: www.youtube.com/@pappysflatshareAnd follow us onInstagram: instagram.com/pappyscomedyTikTok: www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshareFacebook: www.facebook.com/PappysFlatshare/And X: twitter.com/pappystweetPAPPY'S FLATSHARE SLAMDOWN, is back at the Phoenix Pub for TWO Flatslams on May 27th and June 2nd!WITH SPECIAL GUESTS...TUESDAY MAY 27TH: NATALIE CASSIDY + LEAH DAVISMONDAY JUNE 2ND: ROISIN CONATY + MILES JUPPPappy’s Flatshare Slamdown is the hilarious and anarchic panel game hosted by award-winning sketch heroes Pappy’s and featuring great guests from the world of comedy.You can buy tickets for either show or use this special link to buy ONE DISCOUNTED TICKET THAT GETS YOU INTO BOTH SHOWS! Tickets are £11 (£19 for both) but our Patreon members get discounted tickets (£2 off). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to a very exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share. Today we're joined by the brilliant guest, Bella Hull. Oh no. Do you know what I get every time I hear Bella Hull? Oh God, what are you going to say? What do you get?

I hope it's a Deliveroo or something broadcastable. What I get in my brain? Is it a worm that's died like Robert F. Kennedy Jr.? What do you get in your brain when you hear Bella Hull? A Bella Bella Bella Hull. Tell me more, tell me more. Yeah, that's nice man. Or I don't want to tell a comedian who is on a far more

successful trajectory than I how to do things but that's my first show title yes your show title I think Tom that's really unfair on Bella if you're gonna call your first show which by the way you've already done you're gonna go back and rename yellow t-shirt a Bella Bella Bella Hull to shift more of those DVDs you can't get rid of. My, my first show, if I'm Bella Hull is a Bella Bella Bella Hull. Right. My second show, if I'm Bella Hull is a Bella Bella Bella Hull. Tell me more, tell me more. There's two show titles. Absolutely locked and loaded and ready to go. Yeah, that's good. It's good. You know what? It's a, it's a very, I don't know what her

new show is called. If you do get a chance, she's got the fringe this year. If you get a chance, go and see her. She's fantastic, but it's a very versatile name. I'm thinking immediately, you know, she's there. She's, she's by the leaning tower of Pisa. She's eating a pizza. It's Bella Italia. You know, these are things you can just... We don't want to eat that. It's just... Hull is Other People? Exactly, exactly.

It's the European culture capital city, Hull. These are just things. They're just things now. The Bella Hull chat show called Hull as Other People. Oh, actually it's a character show, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Anyway. But then I was thinking, does the Grease reference hit so hard?

This isn't for now, actually. This isn't for now, I've just realised. Guys, please, we'd love you to get in touch and tell us if you remember the film Grease. Now, is that what you're asking, Tom? I was thinking, do Greece references ping as hard with the generation down? As they did in the 1970s. As they did with our generation. Because I think our generation, Greece still swung pretty

strongly. I don't think, I'm not, I don't know if it does anymore. Tom, come on, don't talk yourself out of the show title, it's fantastic. It is, to someone my age. The thing you need to realise is that Tom considers me, Ben and himself to be an entire generation. Yeah! That's abstract. We're a generation unto ourselves. Sometimes when we're talking I think the three different generations.

Yeah, so can you please get in touch if you're from a different generation to ours, if you're a Gen Alpha who's listening to this, get in touch and tell us how well do you know the musical Grease? Their Grease is High School the Musical is what I'm going to posse it. That's my... High School Musical? You're going to posse it. Is that the word? Yeah. That's what I'm going to put forward. I'm going to say High School the Musical is their High School Musical. High School Musical. High School the Musical is their Grease. Yeah.

So High School Musical is their Grease. Yeah, that's probably, that's probably true. But what's the song from that? It's called Breaking Free. It doesn't work so well, does it? No. For Bella Hull. It should be, We're Breaking Free. We're Bella Hull in brackets, sung to the tune of We're Breaking Free. Yes. Or, You've Got To Get Your Head In The Game, that was the one that I remember.

Okay, yeah, yeah. And you could do Bella Bella Bella Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella. Oh, no, it doesn't work as well. Well, listen, can I just say it's too late for her to back out because you recorded the episode already, but this is an episode with Bella. I was genuinely going to say at the start of this, I hope she's not listening to this,

but now I just hope nobody is. Good, good workshop, actually. Good, really, really strong workshop guys. Yeah. Really, really appreciate that. Well, well done everybody for listening to all of that. And don't forget, if you enjoy what we do, then you can always get yourselves over to the Patreon. You can always get yourself checked out.

You can always check yourself into a secure facility where they will give you a selection of pills until the trouble goes away. I've got to ask guys, do references to One For Over The Cuckoo's Nest, it's hard. I've got to ask guys, do references to One For Over the Cuckoo's Nest. It's hard. It's Girl Interrupted. That's their generation. Speaking of Girl Interrupted, Crosby Interrupted. Sorry, carry on. Well, don't worry. If you enjoy Girl Interrupted, you'll enjoy it when you get to be a belleron. Because we talk over her for the entire episode. It's the subtitle of all of these episodes where we have a guest on.

Girl interrupted. But anyway, plug the Patreon. If anybody's got those sort of Photoshop skills, please do us a Girl Interrupted poster to stick on our Instagram, which is us and Bella and Bella not being able to speak. You know, it was an iconic poster. You won't know you're from the wrong generation, but you know, I put us in T-Bird jackets for the love of God. I don't need to tell you how to do your job.

But guys, T-Bird jackets. Where are the people doing photo, doing funny Photoshop's of our podcast guys? Yeah. Make us out like the pink ladies. Come on. What's wrong with you? We shouldn't have to tell you how to make our content. Yes, get yourself over to Patreon guys,

patreon.com forward slash Pappies Flat Share. You get a bonus episode. We can't stress enough. It's not a pop quiz. It is a bonus episode of us chatting, reading out your emails and having a wonderful time. Every single week it's called Flat Share Pop Round. You also get early and ad free episodes of the main feed.

You also get discounted tickets, early and discounted tickets to our live shows. And we've got a couple of live shows coming up and you know what, they are selling fast. So you've got to get a shifty on if you want to get tickets to these. Tuesday, 27th of May, Natalie Cassidy and Leah Davis. Monday June 2nd, Roisin Conaty and Miles Jupp.

You can get tickets for the individual shows or you can get one ticket that gets you discounted into both shows. You can also get a discounted version of that same ticket via the Patreon. I feel like I've done all the business there. You've done brilliantly. Oh my god, That's so exciting. I could hand jive. Yeah.

I mean, and look, these records are gonna be fantastic. One of them's in June. We're talking about summer nights, guys. Okay, anyway, enough references for you to enjoy there. So this is a podcast with us and Bella Hull. Now, Tom, how, uh, with, uh, us and Bella Hull. Now, Tom, how would you say we go together? Us and Bella Hull. How would you say, you've got to tell us, how do we go together?

Um, but yeah, get yourself over to a papiscomedy.com forward slash live for tickets and of course everything at papiscomedy.com you can find our YouTube. You can find our TikTok. You can find our Instagram, all of that kind of stuff. It's all over there. So get over there now. But most importantly, enjoy this episode with Pappy's Flat Shed. Talking about whatever. Pappy's Flat Shed. Have we been doing this forever? Pappy's Flat Shed. But we don't really live together.

Pappy's Flat. But we don't really live together. Pappy's flagship. Yeah. I love a deep sofa as well. When a sofa is shallow, what's the point? What is the point? It's like a tiny plate or something. I've got short legs though. That's my problem is that I don't want to have little dangly feet going off. How tall are you?

You're definitely not smaller than me. How tall are you? Five foot three and a half. I'm five foot nothing. Did you? Are you? I'm not really. No. I was like, you have tall energy.

Yeah, for tall energy for a very small person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm five five. But, but then you see, I want, I want at least one foot on the ground. I need a grounding. You need to be grounded. I want to be rootless. Yeah.

I just want to be. You're a free spirit Bella. I want to be untethered, unanchored, floating in the wilderness. You know those things where you can pretend to skydive indoors, just a huge jet of air. Yes. That's what I've got in my front room. That's how you watch Kelly.

Very expensive. And you have an iPad on the floor and you're just watching like TikTok. Yeah. Yeah. You've got to have the subtitles on for that, haven't you? Because the amount of noise. Oh, Parry, you even went leg on table. I think we're all trying to prove how free we are.

Just in our own different ways. That's really free. That body language is really amazing. Especially the socks, what are they? Ducks wearing wellies? So I've changed my outfit for every record, but I haven't changed my socks. So people might think he just wears one pair of socks

for three weeks straight. Or multiple pairs of the same sock Oh, yeah, that's pretty classy. Do you have likes? Yeah, like Steve Jobs like Steve Jobs. Exactly. Yeah Well, did jobs, you know, he just wore like a black polo neck every day. Yeah, as did Elizabeth Holmes Really? She just wore like a Prada suit every day. Yeah, she just copied all of his stuff that he did without any of the Intelligent stuff. She just made up all of the company stuff. She had the sort of public speaking. She was able to convince people that she was Steve Jobs, basically.

I'd love to have that ability. That's the bit about the Elizabeth Holmes story. Do you know about Elizabeth Holmes? Sherlock Holmes is... That's right. Played by Millie Bobby Brown on that. Yeah, yeah, okay. Elizabeth Holmes was the girl who said that she'd invented this

device that she could test. One drop of blood and it does like a million tests. Great. And it's going to revolutionize medical care in America. He's invested. All of these old men who I guess kind of also fancied her to just give her like a million pounds and then they would come to the lab and be like, what's going on? And she'd be like, um, it's all really private.

And then there was just like nothing going on back there. It was just like, you know, a mad man on a trampoline or something. Nothing was happening. We're very similar. Do you think these mics are connected to anything? Yeah, maybe. Sure, we say there's cameras, but there's nothing going on here. We just want to chat. Yeah, maybe. I'm sure we say there's cameras, but there's nothing going on here. We just want to chat.

Yeah, imagine. Sometimes I have done a few podcasts that I just never hear of ever again. And I think, wow, I must have been really problematic. That's why we got you here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Controversial views. I know I need to clear my name. Yeah.

Einstein, for me, is the first guy to have done that. I'm so smart that I don't want to think about what I'm wearing. So his wardrobe was all the same suit, same shirts and same ties. Big hair as well. Big hair energy. Big hair. Steve Jobs didn't have that. No, exactly.

But I think that's what you've got to go for. You've got to go wild, unkempt hair. You're not wasting any time with a comb. Yeah, that's true. Or it's just gone, you're not thinking about it at all. Yeah, yeah. That's what you've got to do. Superman, he always wears the same thing, doesn't he?

That's very true, yeah. Does Clark Kent, though? Well, what does Clark Kent have to do with Superman? Great, let's not tell him. I hate this. Ugh, boys, enough. Imagine if Einstein's reason for only wearing one set, the same set of clothes,

is so he could concentrate on his hair. Yeah. And actually, actually that was a very, very deliberate look. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like this, it just takes so long in the mornings. Is he German, Superman? Yeah. Yeah.

These are your fly and I save the people. Klaus Kent. Yeah, Klaus Kent. Wow, imagine. Yeah, he did have a really good voluminous quiff going on, didn't he? Are we talking about Einstein now or Superman? Superman, I think. Yeah, okay. Both good, yeah.

Both amazing blokes. Both good. Both good. Both good guys. Listen, can we just say now? Both god-tier blokes, I would say. Because we talk a lot about these problematic men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's talk about two men who I think are good.

There are some great men out there, guys. That's why we've got you on. To redress the balance, who are your favourite men? My favourite men are, okay, no, sorry, I was going to say Greg Wallace. No, that's not, I sort of, I was going to say Greg Wallace. No, that's not, I've just been thinking about him a lot recently. This is why no one can release your podcast. Okay, men in the public eye that I'm enjoying at the moment.

I like, oh God, I literally can't think of anyone. This is difficult. But that's not to say that it's not there. I feel like we've invented a new game show. Name a good person. Name a good person. Hosted by three men that will never get mentioned. The thing is, it's almost like don't think of a giraffe.

It's like the only people I can think of are disgraced. Your favorite man in the public eye is a giraffe. That's how bad it's got. But you know that thing of like, don't think about a giraffe, and then the one thing you think about is a giraffe, when someone says that to you. No.

I saw that first. I saw that first in the Beano, where one of the punishments that like, Dennis Thimenes, his dad, did to him, was not a good man. No, Dennis Thimenes or his dad, was always giving him the slipper. Well, he raised the menace to me.

But yeah. What do you mean giving him the slipper? What, abuse? Yeah. That's how old I am. I read a comic book about- You remember when comic boosters was just abuse? You're like Punch and Judy, yeah.

Yeah. That stuff was really bad actually. And me and my brother used to recreate it. Really? Yeah, he'd be like, I've got to push you down the stairs because of the... That whole, that whole don't think of a crocodile. Is that Punch and Judy or were you watching like Mexican telenovelas?

Because I don't know if that's... Oh my God. I remember though, one time, speaking of interesting international television. Yes, please. Once my mom was told at parents evening Oh my God. I remember though, one time, speaking of interesting international television, once my mum was told at parents' evening by my brother's teacher, like, one of the really good things to do to immerse someone in French is just to buy a French TV channel and just make them watch like French TV for like half an hour.

I think like become the owner of the channel. It's like billionaires. It's like the TV show Rival. It was a really good school. It was a crazy good school. But just like, billionaires. It's like the TV show rivals. It was a really good school. It was a crazy good school. But just like, just get one of the, just subscribe to whatever. And my brother would like, it would be like his half an hour a day that he had to go and, you know, and my mum would be like, I've paid for it, you have to watch it.

And he would always just come out like really ashen after he'd watched half an hour of French TV. And then my mum had realized that she'd basically been like, the only thing that was being shown on the TV channel that she'd bought was like French soap operas where there were just threesomes. It was just like kind of soap opera, French threesomes. And my brother was like 12 and being forced to watch them. And, um, Will they say about your brother? He can't speak French, but boy can he fuck. Oh my God. Yeah. The only thing he can say in French is... The only thing he can ask for in French is a threesome.

Yeah. So was there not some... Also, why were you not involved in this? Or were you like, we don't want to learn a language? Yeah, I think I'd been written off intellectually at that point. They were like, just, you know, let's focus on this one. You know, parents do that. They're like, this one is the goer.

Yeah. It's so true. We tried. She'll have, she'll, she'll have, she'll just get a nice boyfriend and then it will all be okay. You know, marry someone really. Yeah, exactly. Greg Wallace.

Yeah, Greg Wallace. Greg Wallace, Superman, Steve Jobs. One of these people. Yeah, you've got to get Greg Wallace when he's weak. I think that's kind of- Well, I'd say now, very nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to get Greg Wallace when he's weak. I think that's kind of a... What I'd say, now's the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, now's the time to dive in. He's never been weaker.

Yeah. Has his wife left? Is he single now or? You're asking for a friend or? I don't know. Is there a website where it's like, is he single? Is that like a... There must be a relationship status website

for just Greg Wallace. Wallace Watch. Yeah, yeah. I tell you what, Wallace Watch was watching the wrong fucking thing. I'll say that right now. Who watches the Wallace Watches? Who watches the Wallace Watches?

Good question. Jon Turode. Superman has had a, it feels like Superman isn't it anymore, doesn't it? Like when we were kids, it felt like Superman was like your number one. Yes. Everyone was like, if you name a superhero,

you'd go Superman. Now it feels like no one gives a shit about Superman. No, I didn't give a fuck. No, you see like he's gone. Spider-Man is more in the- Right up there. Batman, right up there. Yeah.

No one gives a shit about Superman. And I can't put my finger on why. And why is that? Is it because he's too good? Is it because he's too- He's a bit boring. He also doesn't have anything about him, you know? He can't turn into a bug or a bat or a whatever. Like he's just, he's just a guy that's really good.

I don't think Spiderman or Batman can turn into a bug. I don't know about these things, okay? You can't turn into a supermarket. You've invited me onto this nerd podcast. Supermarché, please. I don't know what everything is. I actually kind of take pride in the fact that I don't know about Spider-Man or Superman. Or French.

Or French. But do you think it's because Superman isn't linked to an animal? Maybe even like, maybe that's the truth to come out of that. There's kind of nothing to him other than the fact that he's handsome and can fly. That's quite a big thing. Yeah. I can't believe those things aren't being used anymore. Other than the fact that he's handsome and can fly. That's quite a big thing. Yeah. Can't believe those things aren't being done anymore.

But like, Spider-Man, oh no, Spider-Man can't fly. He does, he just sort of does the swinging, doesn't he? Yeah. As does most of the characters of that soap opera that your brother used to watch. Upside down pineapple on the door. Swinging from Shombra to Shombra. Swinging from Shombra to Shombra. What is it about Superman that has stopped him from being like the order of the day? Because he's an alien from another planet.

Is that part of it? Is that he's not of our Earth? Is there a slightly xenophobic thing about him? He's got cop energy, I think. He's a narc. He's got narc energy, yeah. Yeah, I love what you mean. He's a bit straight.

Whereas Batman's got sort of... Oh, Batman off-fick you in an alleyway. Yeah, he's not, yeah. Batman's rough and ready. Superman's maybe too clean. Maybe he's too clean. And maybe it doesn't fit in with the kind of like new celebrity men that are like, you know, Adam Driver.

He's a little bit kind of edgy. Yeah. You don't feel entirely safe. Whereas you'd feel like Superman. The idea of Superman is he's flying through the sky. He's got lowest lane in his arms. And even though she's, you know, miles above the city feels safe. Safe.

She's frozen to death. I put them miles, I probably got 500 miles there. I think that's the mistake. She's gone. Yeah. Her entire body is solidified and her head's blown off. Spider-Man's a nerd though, right? Yeah, I love the nerd. He's got nerd energy. And so is Clark Kent. And he's got kid energy. But Clark Kent isn't as nerdy as Spider-Man. I say that as someone that's never seen any of the films, but my, I, the reason I loved the idea of Spider-Man when I was a child was because I just love the idea of a kind nerd that's really good at a one weird thing.

Which is swinging from building to building. Which is the web. Yeah. Is that why you like Steve Jobs as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's good at one thing. Yeah. I vote.

Have you seen the movie where he catches all the stuff on the tray? Steve Jobs. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Michael Fassbender played him. Yes, and I've seen the upside down kiss, which was huge for me when I was... The upside down kiss, I think that's the PR stunt that Superman needs. He needs an upside down kiss. Yeah, so romantic. And it's raining.

It's a kiss in the rain upside down. The first kiss I shared with my wife was upside down kiss. Yeah, so romantic. Because you still think of those moments. And it's raining. It's a kiss in the rain upside down. The first kiss I shared with my wife was upside down. Is this true? Speak forth. But it was horizontal. So it was upside down, but like in a horizontal way. And you were kissing on the vagina as well, weren't you? I'm sorry.

We met in an orgy. Yeah. We're actually filming a French sorry. I'm 69, 20. We met in an orgy. Yeah. We're actually filming a French soap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We realised we knew each other. I was like, oh, I know you. Yeah, yeah, I've met you before. No, we were just, I mean, it's not a great story.

We were just both trying to lying down on a flat, on a flat floor, I was going to say. The floor, is this known? Yeah, yeah. On the ground, yeah. But like indoors, no one was upside down, but I was going one way and she was going the other and then we kissed. She was trying to wriggle away, wasn't she?

You're just crawling across the floor. Were you playing, what, Sleeping Lions or something? I was just trying and my legs were going that way and hers was going that way. But my point is, an upside down kiss looks, from that moment, because I remember kind of in my head I was a bit like that, thinking, there this is like spider-man she peeled your balaclava off didn't she? Yeah, broken into a flat. I was a hapless burger she was like home alone she'd like booby-trapped the flat and I'd fallen on my ass. She'd just taken two paint cans to the face. Noses to chins basically is what I'm getting at.

Do you tessellate better that way? No. No. That's interesting. It doesn't really slot. Obviously, when you're the right way up, your nose goes the other side of the nose, doesn't it? Yeah.

Well, if I might, my nose is going on a chin. You're also having to, like, kind of engage with the bottom teeth in a way that doesn't feel that good, probably. A. So aesthetically that kiss is obviously iconic and looks very romantic but I'm here to say in real life it's... As a man that's lived it. I mean it worked for me, we're married now. Yeah. Wow. But we haven't gone back to kissing up so... I imagine if that was the only way he did it. Maybe you should, that would be quite sweet. He's sanitized and Tom just lies on the floor, surrounds himself with rose petals. I like that. It's romantic. I'm heading out now. See you in a sec. Just quick cart wheel to kiss. I think what you need to do, you need to have a lot of reach with your

lips to do an upside down kiss. You need to basically be able to project them. You've got to get beyond the end of your nose. Lip projection is exactly what your eyes do. Yeah, that's tricky actually. Because basically nose, it's the nose to chin bit that's what makes it slightly problematic. Not in a Greg Wolley sense, but... In a geometry sense. But I think all kissing is tessellation, isn't it?

That's the awkward thing about a first kiss is that you don't think so. No, yeah, I'd agree. It's like, will we tessellate? It's the will we tessellate and, you know, like... And if we don't, is it my fault? Yeah. Which bit of my odd face is getting in the way of this being romantic? Oh, Christ. Do you know what I mean? It's so awful.

First time me and my partner kissed, clash of front teeth. No! And your braces locked together, didn't it? No, I had that, my first kiss. It was me and a boy. I can remember his full name, but I'm not going to say it. Of course. And I was obviously very drunk, 15 years old.

I'd just drunken something that I think my friend had got from Germany. It looked like fairy liquid. I think it was like a bright green liqueur. And I was like, I'll just have a couple of mugs of that. Your parents had bought it for your brother to teach him German. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drink a load of this, go into that room, lock the door. Don't come out until the bottle's empty.

You'll sprek and see do it, G-boy.'s empty. You'll break and see George, you will. There was a locking. There was a locking. How long? Did you have to get the drawers locked out? Two years they were locked together. It was actually genuinely we were locked for probably a minute. Oh, that's too long.

And we did not know each other or have a sort of... You know when you're 15, you're just like, don't look at me or I'll kill myself. Like there's sort of a, such a deep humiliation to just existing that I think afterwards, I just absolutely could not laugh about it afterwards. It was like, let's unlock and let's go our separate ways. Unlatch and go nonverbal forever. This is the first time you've spoken since then, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Since then. Yeah. I've just been in a monastery just kind of like reflecting on, yeah, it was so bad. And like, actually, I think it cut my mouth in some way. So I was just this like, mentally bloody, drunk 15 year old with self-esteem problems. So bad. It's so bad. It's so bad. Did you have to sort of free each other? And how did you communicate

that to each other? I think through a sort of crazed animal look in our eyes that were like this far away. Blinking in Lord's Code, yeah. Yeah, like you know when you're so far away from someone that you can only just see, it's sort of their eyes fuse and it just becomes one eye, you know? So I think it was just a one-eyed panicked angle. Are you sure he wasn't a cyclops? Yeah, he was a cyclops. I got off with a cyclops and I lost. Yeah. My wife saw

my one-eyed the night we met. I knew it was coming. I knew it was coming. Right. She's also watching. Come on. Come on. You can't say come on. Tom, as well, your flies are fully undone as well, Tom. I've never seen a guy do it. Like that was like you did that with like, that was like a trick out of like, it's like Matilda moving the mug across the table. You just went, my wife saw my one eye, unzip. How have you got self unzipping corduroy trousers?

My flies have been undone for the whole episode. Have they, are you sure? Cause it felt like it went, like Aladdin's cave opening up. And everyone gets talked about, Have they? Are you sure? Because it felt like it went like Aladdin's cave opening up. And everyone gets talked about. It comes out. You rang? Oh no.

Well we're really sorry. It's happened again. No, it's good. Men are good. I've been saying this. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. That's enough that men are good.

Podcasts aren't traps. That's all we've got to say. Yeah. But braces are. Did you reference the clash of teeth? I think we both laughed. Didn't entirely ruin the moment. Okay. Thankfully. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is that her texting you now? No, no. Because it was like, there was a really pregnant pause and your phone went brrr. She's bringing you. She's like, talk about that. What the fuck are you talking about? I thought you were checking your flies.

No, no, no, not me as well. I was trying to open them. The first time you opened them, she laughed as well, didn't she? I think it'd be a great podcast if just everyone had their flies open. Like that was a requisite to the podcast. Yeah, all that's the game is by the end of the podcast, everyone has to have their flies open. Without having touched their own fly.

Just four people sat willing their flies open. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're down there, you bastard. You're listening to Down there, you bastards. Today our guest is Bella Hull. Can we will our own flies over? Using only the power of the mind. Well, we've not succeeded so far, maybe today's the day. Off we go.

Let's just for the sake of it, give it a go. Give it a go for God's sake. By the way, is there anything- Can I give it a push to start? Yeah, you, give it a go. Give it a go for God's sake. By the way, is anyone? Can I give it a push to start? Yeah, give it a little. Do you know when it locks at the top of the fly? Yeah. Don't I just?

I feel like if I just really... Is this the first time that fly's been up? You locked for a full minute, didn't you, against me? No. Okay, I've unlocked the top bit. Yeah, okay. And now I'm just gonna... Okay, I've got buns.

There's no way. Bugs, you could definitely do it. I'm just gonna reposition it. You've got buns. There's no way. You could definitely do it. I'm just going to... You can pop those buttons. Okay. I can pop them if they're a little higher up. Let the fly open in the tent. I reckon I've got the best chance,

because I've got a high-waisted situation. So I've got full use of the stomach. Here we go. Good luck, everyone. All right. Good luck. Go. Tom, have you done it already? It's unbelievable.

Tom, you went deep behind as well! I think the reason that flies unzip when they do is almost this like mystical alien coming down. It's the element of surprise. You can't do it on your own. It's like watching a pot boil. Coolest moment, one of the coolest moments I ever had. I cannot wait for this.

One of the coolest moments I ever had. One of the coolest moments I ever had was I was at university and one of my friends had got with a guy the night before. And we were- By the way, it's already a sad story that one of your coolest moments is someone else having sex. Yeah, no, no. And I had, and like we were, I bumped into her in the street

and said like, oh, how was her in the street and said like, Oh, how was last night? And she was like, Oh yeah, it was all right. He couldn't, he really struggled to get my bra off. And so it was like, it made it really awkward. And, and I said, Oh man, please don't take her bra off in this story. I said, instead of taking her bras off, you just do this. And I like clipped behind her back. Oh no.

Her bra came off and she just went. She went, I'm calling the police. Wow. It's like, have I been assaulted or am I impressed? Yeah. You know, like I just, wow. She was really impressed. And we never had a romantic relationship.

We never had a romantic relationship. She was so impressed. She was, I could barely see it. She was sprinting full speed. No, I'm telling you. She ran off to tell all her friends. I'm telling you, in that moment, she was like, wow. You've got it.

Yeah. And it was like, whoa. Young man, you have got the magic. It was just like a magic touch. The Fonzie touch. Like I Fonzie'd her. Let's not call it that. And don't call it your Winklinder either, because that's bad too.

It was with permission. It wasn't like, it was. Yeah, I didn't like, I wasn't waiting for her. You said, may I? May I? Yeah, I was like, I was like, I can do it. It's dead easy. What was the price? And then it was like, I don't know the phrase. it. It's dead easy. Oh, you've done it. I don't know the phrase.

I can do it. It's permission. No, no, no. There was like, there was like, there wasn't. OK, yeah, yeah, yeah. She wasn't like, what are you doing? It was like, I don't have time.

And then I was gone. Wow. What is that? I've never even tried to take someone else's bra off. You just click in there. You kind of do that, yeah. Well, it goes. Yeah, it's like Joey from Friends. You kind of do that, yeah. Wow. It goes. Yeah, it's like Joey from Fred and...

You try to do it with your trousers. Yeah. Wow, that is cool. It was cool and I didn't think I was going to do it. Also, it's probably the age where that kind of thing happening is deeply meaningful to you because you're like, am I cool? And then that thing must have been very deeply validating. And I kept it with me ever since.

I was going to say, how would you feel about telling this story 25 years later and still think it's equally as cool? One of the coolest things that ever happened to me. Let me take you back to the nineties. I was wearing a bucket hat and massive kangol shoes. And I, I just got the latest Jamira Khwai album on CD. Oh, man. I think a similar thing, and you were there for this moment.

One of the coolest moments that ever happened to me is we were all staying in a hotel together, right? We were all staying in a hotel. Do you know what I'm going to say here? Do you know what you're going to say? We were all staying in a hotel together. He got my bra off so quick. It was unbelievable.

And it was us and the birthday girls. Do you know the birthday girls? I know the birthday girls. So we're all staying in a hotel together. I'm actually just going to check on my fly because I'm worrying. But I've actually, I've done, I'm too powerful. Tom's story was so cool. Yeah, I know.

Okay, carry on. Resume. Resume the story. So we were all, we all like really giddy, because we're doing this job and we've all got to stay in this hotel. And we all put on the free dressing gowns and walked around the corridors. We were all walking around and we found the swimming pool, right? And I went, the door was locked, I went, let me sort this. I took out my key card and slid it through the gap in the door. You know, you did you open and it went open. Yeah. And everyone was like, Whoa. And I was like,

Hey, but in my head, I was like, Whoa, I didn't expect that to work, but it did. And then we walked into the pool and the cleaner told us off. It was that moment of going, yeah, I can do this whenever I'm told off in public, I just take it. I just... Oh, we absolutely deserve it. Getting told off in free slippers is a really demeaning thing. And also they are so flat-footed, those slippers, you know, because they make them really cheap

because they know that you're going to nick them. Yeah, and you're on tiles. And you're on tiles. You can't, yeah, you're not making a quick getaway. The flapping sound is really emasculating, I would imagine. Yeah, yeah. But I've tried the same trick with the card on bras. Doesn't work.

Doesn't work. No, no, it doesn't work. God, I love staying in hotels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so good. Are we putting you up for this record? Yeah, yeah, you've got to put me up. That's right. It's an hour away from my house. So I have to be put up. Yeah. But I used to be so afraid of the dark when I was younger.

Okay. So once I went on holiday with my mum to Tunisia and I was just deeply afraid of the dark when I was younger, I woke up, my mum used to have insomnia. So I'd wake up in the middle of the night. She was out on the balcony. I was probably like seven. I went out on the balcony, I said, Mom, there's somebody, there's somebody in the hotel room. Because that was the kind of vibe that I had as a child. You'd watched a lot of melodramas, yeah. Mom, there's somebody. What's up with your brother's French?

There's two people in the hotel room. I said, Mom, Mom, there's somebody in the bathroom. And she went, no, there's somebody in the bathroom. And she went, no, there's nobody. And just as she was saying that a glass smashed in the bathroom, the glass smashed. And I went, and she went, no, come on. And you know, she would be, you could tell, you know when your parent is like a little bit genuinely

freaked out, they're still trying to reassure you. She marched in, she looked into the bathroom. She did this to the shower curtain. There was nobody there, nobody there. She was like, there's nobody here, Bella. It's fine. I went, there's still somebody here. I could tell they're outside.

They're outside the hotel door. They've got a gun. And she went, no, nobody's here. And look, I'm going to open the door. I'm going to check. And just at that moment, a family that we had been kind of chatting to across breakfast were leaving. The dad was leaving with a suitcase like five in the morning. She went, no Bella, there's nobody

behind the door. Okay. And then she opened it and she went, it slammed the door. And it was the worst. That was the coolest thing your mum's ever done. A bra flew off. It was a carry-on film. Oh no, being scared in front of your kids is really hard. She fully screamed at him, his poor dad that was just going to the airport. He was just there, he had his suitcase, he had his rifle. He was just trying to leave, you know.

He always pack it for a holiday. It was a very big, very heavy suitcase. A trail of blood coming out of the suitcase as he dragged it along. Yeah, they've really validated all of my fears of the dark. So I was like, sometimes there is a person there. Yeah. And that means you love staying in hotels. But now I've kind of gotten over it.

I've gotten over it, but it's taken some time. Yeah, I'm no longer afraid. Although sometimes I don't like it when the air conditioning is a bit drippy. It feels creepy, you know? I can never, I don't know what any of the numbers mean. Why is 19, like why is 19- It's my room numbers. Yeah.

You have to be shown to your room. Why is 19 not my room as well? It's much nicer, let me in. It's one and nine, 19. Okay, you'll find it. It's between 18 and 20. I don't know what the numbers mean. It's on the third floor, right?

I don't know. Keep banging on doors That's on the third floor, right? I don't know. Keep banging on doors. People keep opening them and screaming at me. I don't think I should be allowed to choose what temperature my room is. Because if I'm cold, I come in. I'm going to whack it up to 29. Because I'm like, let's live in the Bahamas. And then I wake up in a full fever.

Yeah. I always think, like, if the temperature during the day should be this, like, if it's nice during the day, you should be able to sleep in that temperature. Does that feel right? But I always feel freezing at night. It always feels like 19pm is different to 19am. Yeah. In the sense that 19am is the best thing. Is it 19pm? 7 o'clock? Yeah.

That's right. 19am is different. Yeah, at 19 AM. I think it's better to be slightly cool out there, cozy in here, than like, it's too hot out there. It's too, I don't know. I've had a coffee and I'm no longer being coherent. I think it's better to have lots of blankets, duvets, than like, have to be ventilating your body all the time. Yeah, I go cold in the room.

That's one of the best things. Hang on, are you guys going with, you want the hotel to take care of this for you? Yes. As part of the service. I just don't think that I should be in charge of my own environment if I'm in a hotel. I don't want to be able to make decisions because I'm going to make the wrong decisions. But that means someone's got to come in and... Yeah, and dress me.

Yes, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone's going to come in and undo my flies. That's right. You're ready to go, sir. With my flies. That's right. You're ready to go sir. With my mind. I've told you about calling somebody up to ask them how the shower works. I told you about that when I was staying in a hotel. I called them up and I said, I can't work

out this shower. And so they came up and they showed me how to use the shower, which was humiliating because it was on. Yeah. There you go. The thing is when they do that, it's because they have, they know it. Yeah. They have a knack. I can never close or open someone's front door for them. Yeah. I'm suddenly like, Oh, it's all fiddly. It's like if you're staying in an Airbnb, that's always the bit, isn't it? The fiddly bit of getting in, you know,

is this actually my Airbnb? Yeah. But... The lock box. What do the numbers mean? I said to them, as... Did none of you know what numbers mean? No. Why are you all writing them down? We're all numerically dyslexic.

I've learned something really new here. Numbers just... it's quite obvious what numbers mean. One after the other. Yeah, bish-bash-bosh. And they just keep going for ages. Yeah, yeah. There's no end to them, really. And that's the problem. Yeah. But no, after... for ages. Yeah, yeah. There's no end to them really. And that's the problem. Yeah. But no, after, after, as the woman was leaving, I said to her,

it's a slippery slope. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like an infinite number of them. Yeah. So I said to the other, I said to her, this must happen all the time. The people call you up to the room to sort it. She's like, no. I was like, no, never. She's like, no, no, I've never heard of it. And I'm- You're thick in a singular way. Yeah, yeah. And also I don't think there was a problem with the shower

and I think you're a pervert. That's kind of what, that was intimated in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Do you want me to show you how the bed works? You invited me up here because you wanted me, a woman, to think about you showering and that. Exactly, yeah. You're wearing a single towel and it's round your head.

Yeah. I don't know why you decided to open your room that way. Can I get this soap to lather on my body for a minute? I just don't know how. There's a problem with this. I'm doing this and it's not working. That's not looping, sir. I bet that is a pervert technique though.

Oh, it's got to be. It's got to be. Come up to my room and I can't do anything. Could you just don't do it in that voice? Everything sounds perverted in that voice. I've cooked you some beans. As they open the door, you're hanging upside down just like, well, kissy kissy. Nosey chinny.

I was going to ask you what's the... Kissy kissy nosey chinny. I was going to ask you what's the... Kissy, kissy, nosey chinny. Did you ever play that in the playground? Oh, sexy game. Kissy, kissy, nosey chinny. What's the coolest thing you've ever done? Great question.

Oh, I have not... What's one of the coolest moments of your life? I don't think I've got a list, really. I don't have a list to hand, really. I've got a lot of uncool things that have happened to me. Coolest thing, you're going to have to narrow it down to a category of cool. Oh.

What are the categories of cool? There's, cool is if you've done on the back of a Harley. No, no, no, but I think this like, have you ever impressed someone on a date or have you done something? No. Yeah, that's the thing. I know.

I get them through being endearing in a way that they are like, oh, she's a bit, you know, like all first dates, I'll just sit down and the chair will break. And then I'll be like, and I'll spill like a pint all over myself and they're like, oh, she's, haha. That's her type. Like a Miranda technique.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You just kind of discombobulate them and they're like, oh, and then they feel like, oh, actually, I find her funny and that makes me a feminist. And so they feel good about themselves. Yeah. I can't do elegant. Actually I can laugh at women.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm one of the good guys. Yeah. I would say I, um, I don't know. I can't, I, um, I'm, I'm recently recently single and I, the idea of... Yeah, we checked the website. www.rusingle.com The idea of, I can't, I don't think I can ever do it again.

Oh. So you're not back out on the scene, you're not on the app? Back to the monastery. Yeah. I can't get a coffee with a person. I'm just going to spill it all over myself and then die. I can't get a coffee with a person. I'm just going to spill it all over myself and then die. I can't, like, there's no way that it won't just be a disaster. Everything will be a disaster.

That's the spirit. Yeah. Yeah. That's a meat juice. That's the start of Notting Hill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Orange juice on the old white t-shirt. Just like spill a pint on the floor

and then I'm kind of like doing this for like 20 minutes. Moonwalking. Yeah. You know those videos of people where minutes. Moonwalking. Yeah. You know those videos of people where they can't fail to fall over over like 30 seconds? That's me every time I leave my house. So I can't really do... what's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me? Nothing, genuinely. I can't think of a single thing.

I think that's a good... it's good though. I don't think comedians should be cool. That's why people don't think I'm that funny because I'm too cool. Yeah. Exactly. You had to pick one when you started. Yeah, that's it, you know. I picked my bed, I like it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what your agent's telling you. Like, oh, it's too cool, sorry. They passed on you again, Tom. You were too cool in that audition, I'm afraid. Yeah. Yeah. Also, your flyer is undone, so. Anyone did, the casting director's bra. you again Tom you were you were too cool in that audition I'm afraid. Also your flyby's undone.

Anyone did the casting directors bra. So yeah. With a weird tool that you made. Why did you make that tool, the clicking tool? My fingers are what they used to be. You'd somehow installed magnets in her bra the day before. I don't know how you did that. Magnets, baby.

Electromagnets. Clarky, you're a cool dude. What's the coolest thing you've ever... I literally cannot think of one cool thing. Basically, from our two stories, all we've established is it's like breaking into something you shouldn't. That's our idea of cool. Have you ever broken into a swimming pool or into a woman's clothing? No.

I also did the hiccup trick. I know, but I think I've told you that before, but I was going on a date and I went round to pick my date up and... She said, I can't come out. I've got the hiccups and you didn't take the hint. And I did this. And I like a housemate. So you're like a witch doctor, basically. I picked on this girl and her housemate had hiccups. And I said, if you hiccup again, you can have this 10 pounds. I got 10 pounds out. And I said, if you hiccup again, you can have this 10 pounds. I got 10 pounds out.

And I said, if you hiccup again for me right now, you can have this 10 pounds. And her hiccup, which is a trick that someone had told me. I'd never done it before. And her hiccups went away. Okay. Wow, because if you try to do something, you can't do it. Yeah.

That's why I can't do the Edinburgh Fringe. Listen, if you don't do the Edinburgh Fringe, I'll give you 10 pounds. Yeah. Okay. That's, my agent has told me to tell you. I would say take that deal. Because if you do do the Edinburgh Fringe, I'll give you 10 pounds. Okay? My agent has told me to tell you. I would say take that deal because if you do do the Edinburgh Fringe, you lose about 15 grams.

You're going to lose so much more. So take the tenner and have a nice August. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take the tenner. Oh God, that's good. So that was my second call at this moment. You see, I've tried that trick and I've lost five pounds. Oh, it's got to be 10 pounds.

It's got to be 10 pounds. It was my long con. I told Clarky that story, then I pretended to have hiccups and then I took his tenner from him. It's a completely made up story. The long con, also cool. Were you, did you try any other things? Like, you know, I bet if you, I bet you can't eat that entire steak otherwise we're going

to give you this money. Was it, was the whole date you trying to better not to do things? I bet you can't kiss me and have sex with me. I bet you can't move in with me and live with me and love me forever. Otherwise, I'll give you this 10 pounds. I bet you can't love me. I bet you can't love me. I bet you can't love me.

You do know Tom's, that is Tom's attachment style. I bet you can't love me style, yeah. Very anxious. I bet you 50 pounds you can't love me today. Yeah. Very anxious. Bet you £50 you can't love me today. Yeah, my wife lost £10 on our wedding day. I bet you can't love me is a good Tinder bio. I think that's... Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good... Yeah, pop that on your ray or your hinge, whatever. I bet you £10 you can't love me.

I bet you £10 you can't love me. You've got to dangle the carrot. Yeah. I bet you £10 you can't love me. Speaking of dangling the carrot, Tom, do you mind popping that fly back up again? 10 pounds you can't love me. I bet you 10 pounds you can't love me. Yeah, I bet you 10 pounds you can't love me. Speaking of dangling the carrot tops, you might pop in that fly back up again. Brrrr, I'll do it with my mind. I bet you 10 pounds you can't love me

and all of your Tinder pics are you with a tenner. One of you nude, but 10 pounds covering for us. Or like a tenner in an origami fish like this. Yeah, great. Like you fold it up to put it on a pillow in a hotel. Or like smoking it like a cigarette. Each one of you doing different things. Yeah, he was a tenner.

It's getting weird. And you're like, find the tenner. And it's like a really complex tableau, you know? Like where's Wally? Yeah, like where's Wally? You've written coming out the Queen's mouth, both of these things could be yours. Right? Find the ten as a fun game to play on the first day, isn't it? You show up, you put your hands on your head, you go spread eagle, you go, I've got a tenner

somewhere on me. And just coming out of your fly. You're just like, come on. Listen, I've got four other dates tonight. Can you find the tenor? I'll stick around with you. I'll count the other three. The hooker duck of dating.

You've got to go and try this for us. Yeah, I should. I should. And report back. I don't really believe in a dating. I don't know. I don't, I don't. I'm either into sort of an intergalactic soul tie

or monastic solitude, I think. Those are my two options. What's intergalactic soul tie? Just like, you know, when you meet someone, it's like, yeah. Those are what my two boyfriends have been that where it's like, come on then, let's do it forever. And then after three years, you're like, actually.

Sorry, were they perverts? Yeah, of course. You just did your pervert voice for them. I'll cook you some beans. Are you the pervert? Yeah, of course. You just did your pervert voice for them. I'll cook you some beans. Are you the pervert? Yeah, of course. Well, women can't be perverts, obviously. Women can't be perverts, women can't poo or wee.

But... Because they've got tennis stuck up there. I just think it's... No one found my tennis. I don't believe in these apps. These apps are just too, I don't like it. I can't do it. You've got to get off the apps.

So how do you, if it's not raking over old graves, how did you, how did you intergalactically pair with your previous partners? An Instagram DM. That's the same thing. What? Come on. Which is basically just an app that I don't have to download. I already have, I guess.

But you did have to download it at one stage. I did have to download it at one stage, but I guess it was kind of a... So you want to meet them on apps you already have, like the Train Line, for example. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Train Line would be good. What else would be good? You've got Justine. IMDB.

Deliveroo. Deliveroo. It could be amazing. She's exclusively dating delivery drivers. Find a tip somewhere, mate. You owe me £10 for the pizza. You've got to find it. She's exclusively dating delivery drivers. Find a tip somewhere mate. You owe me 10 pounds for the pizza. You got to find it. That's not how this works.

Google Maps. What are the other apps that I have? Spotify, that would be good. I don't know. I don't know. I'm intimidated. I feel like I've, I blinked and now I'm old and I can't do anything. That's how I feel.

Well, you're on the perfect podcast because that's pretty much every conversation we ever have. Thanks for making us feel young. Yeah, you're welcome. Mission accomplished on both parts. That reverse psychology thing is, you can't fake your own orgasm strategy. I bet you're telling me you can't fake your own orgasm. It's a risky strategy. I bet you a tenner you can't fake an orgasm. Jokes on you, mate.

Jokes on you, I've just had a real one. Anyway, this has been a great day, I'm off. Keep the tenner. Well, there we go, eh? An absolute treat. Tom, something's been hanging over me the entire episode. Oh no. Did you do a Fonzie impression at the end of our Bella Bella Bella hull? You went eee, which is the Fonz. I mean, very much in the same, it's very much the 70s obsession with the 50s, isn't it?

I'm relieved you recognised it as Fonzie and not Yogi Bear. It kind of doubles up as both. Do Yogi Bear references hit us hard? No, no. It's all cocaine bear now, isn't it? That was generations. Once joseph for picnic baskets, the other, the sweet sweet dust. The sweet sweet dust, the sweet sweet white dust that the cocaine bear loves so well.

And listen, our cocaine is very much making content for our Patreon. And if you want a big, big old sniff of that, get yourself over to Patreon, roll up a pound note, shove it up your nostrils and go to patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share and hoover that shit up. Okay, well a full on treat I'm going to put all of this down to. Yeah a full on treat and we can't stress stress enough Bella is absolutely fantastic, a stand up comedian. Do go and see her if you get a charge. I believe she's going to the Fringe this year, but follow her on socials, find out when that's going to be, usually August. Find out when

the Fringe is going to be. By the way, send Bella a message on socials and ask her when the Fringe is, by the way. way. Very happy to offer you that information. But yeah, have a wonderful time everybody. This has been fun. Thank you. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone.

Bye.