Pardon My Take - Chiefs Win The Opener, NFL Week 1 Preview And Picks, Pirates Pitcher Paul Skenes + Fyre Fest of The Week

Episode Date: September 6, 2024

The Chiefs take Game 1 with a thrilling ending and a ref show (00:00:00-00:10:46). NFL Week 1 is here and we do picks and previews for every game + a TD Parlay, is Dennis Allen getting desperate and Jerry Jones is turning up the heat (00:10:46-01:15:39). Fantasy Fuccbois is back (01:15:39-01:22:34). Pittsburgh Pirates pitching phenom Paul Skenes joins the show to talk about his rookie year, his crazy story to being the number 1 pick, is he worried about Baby Gronk and more (01:22:34-02:05:53). We finish with Fyre Fest of the week (02:05:53-02:31:35).You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take football is back and we are show in studio. We are going to preview every single game for Sunday. Fantasy fuck boys is back. We got some picks for you. We're going to do fire fast. It's a football Friday. It's brought to you by our friends at draft Kings. NFL week one is here in a new season means new ways to get in on the action of draft King sports book and official sports betting partner, the NFL. Fans have spoken, we want to bet on touchdowns. So DraftKings heard us and is delivering DraftKings Sportsbook is the number one place to bet touchdowns. We're going to have a touchdown parlay coming up. So ready to place your first bet. Try

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yours gambling problem. Call 1 800 gambler in New York. Call 8 7 7 8 hope and why or text hope and why 4 6 7 3 6 9 in Connecticut help is available for problem gambling. Call 8 8 8 7 8 9 7 7 7 7 or visit ccpg.org please play responsibly on behalf of Boothill Casino and resorting Kansas 21 and over age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction void in New Hampshire Okay, let's go. Welcome to part of my take presented by DraftKings download the DraftKings sportsbook app use code take that's code take for new customers to get 250 and bonus bets when you bet just five bucks and get one month of NFL plus premium on us. Offer ends 9 19 only on DraftKings. The crown is yours. Today is Friday, September 6th and God damn it. The Chiefs did it again. Football is a game of inch. It was a sloppy game. It was the classic NFL. We have a new rule that we don't tell anyone about that

we're going to strictly enforce kind of only for one side of the Ravens and make the game as clunky as possible. But the game persevered and we had an all time ending with the Ravens almost winning or almost tying or they were going to go for two. But Isaiah likely who is a dog, absolute dog thought his shoulder was separated on two plays before. I think what happened was he landed on it. I think it dislocated. They popped it back in and he was like, let me back in the game dog. Cause he was killing people on blocks over a hundred yards receiving, but his toe

is just a little bit too big. And uh and the Chiefs, they did it again. They start the season, they're 1-0, they looked good. Xavier Worthy. Well, that's the thing is they've got a guy that's going to be a problem for everybody. And we said it on draft night. We were like, how did the Bills let this happen? Yeah. Keon Coleman better be really good.

He better score three touchdowns. Because Xavier Worthy is incredible and they just have so much speed yet again. And it feels like, and Pacheco and Pacheco who never gives up. He never gives up tackling, it's like tackling a pillowcase filled with elbows. Yeah. It's just like he doesn't stop running. He'll just hit you. He doesn't appear to be the biggest guy in the world. He doesn't get tired. They do a good job of, of saving him too. Like the first half a lot, they won't run Pacheco that much.

And then that's Pacheco time. Yeah. He was a monster. And yeah, the Chiefs, I mean, it looks like what we thought going into the season, but it proved true tonight. And the Ravens made a ton of mistakes, but it looks like the Chiefs might, like, that was better than what we saw regular season Chiefs in terms of their offensive weapons. Yeah.

Like remember last year when the first three months of the season, it was like, does Patrick Mahomes have anyone to throw to? Yeah, does he, does he like anybody in the locker room? It was, it's crazy thinking that they upgraded. They went from Kaderius Tony to Xavier worthy. It's like they played all last season with a lead batting donut and now they're up at the plate

and they can actually swing It's not how's some good coward right there. You like that? Yeah, like that analogy. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's true though Yeah, right. They're right on expert mode last year and now they're like, okay, I'm just gonna chill I'm gonna smoke a little weed and let's just put it on like rookie. Yeah, we proved to everyone we can win the hard way Let's just go back to do it the easy way now. I do think the Ravens I mean that was as sloppy as sloppy gets for the Ravens because they look like they hadn't practiced. They were getting delayed again. Every single time they were getting, I don't know if the calls were coming in late,

but Lamar was snapping the ball with one second left. Uh, he was missing big throws. They ran their field goal team out on the field, then brought them back out. They also, they also did last year, AFC championship game. Like, Hey, if the Ravens just run the ball, they win this game. They also did last year, AFC Championship game, like hey, if the Ravens just run the ball, they win this game. They come out first quarter, they ran it a little, and then it felt like it was just for that,

the middle two quarters was just a flurry of Zay Flowers' three yard screens. Yeah, well. And having their offensive line never get to go forward and start trying to lean on the chiefs what happened was they They found out pretty early on that they couldn't run the ball up the middle that well And so after that they tried some stuff on the outside Some like pitches some reverses and tried to work the outside edges on them and then that worked a little bit and then they

Just never went back to even trying you got to establish the run and Lamar was great I mean Lamar was great running the ball. He missed like a couple, there was a, I mean, he missed the guy before the likely out of bounds play the second last play. I don't know who that was in the middle of the field. He missed. There was that back to back plays where he missed someone deep and then missed him on the sideline. I just yeah, it was great. It was a great game. It was a crazy game.

There's two things I know about football. One, you have to establish the run, and two, you have to run the damn ball. And three, you gotta lean on them. And then, yeah, lean on them. Yeah. Get your boys going downhill. But it was one of those situations

where it felt like the offensive line for the Ravens had no chance to go forward for a good portion of the game where it was just they were blocking forever for Lamar or They were trying to block in space on the outside It's also hard to go forward when you line up like a yard off the line scrimmage Which again we saw rafs in this exact game or it was the Lions last year But it was Lions chiefs in week one. You saw guys lined up way deeper at tackle that they weren't flagging at all Yeah

This was a secret point of emphasis to call illegal formation and now now I don't even think that the refs are going to have to call it for the rest of week one. Like sometimes they call it week one for everybody. They set such a tone calling the illegal formation that I don't think they're going to have to call it down the line. And there was, I felt like three quarters of the time that they showed Harbaugh on the sidelines, he had that look on his face, the look that he gets with it's like he found out that his son got like locked up in jail. He's like, what the what the fuck's going on? It was just like he was, he seemed like he was befuddled. The Ravens, the Ravens, they were, yeah, the Ravens were like discombobulated pretty much every single offensive possession, even the ones that worked felt like they never

were, there was never smoothness to them. I guess their first drive was nice, but there's never a smoothness to their offense. It always felt erratic and weird and plate. Like I said, please coming in late. Yeah. Yeah. Lamar did look faster though. Now that he's minus 20 pounds and I was trying to think how Lamar lost 20 pounds. It was right in front of her face this entire time. He just had diarrhea all. Oh yeah, for sure. That's just, that's just butt weight that he got rid of. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, still like as, as much as some of that game was frustrating to watch because it did feel right off the bat that the refs were like, Hey, we're, everyone's

here to watch us. Still the best. It's awesome. Still the best. I mean, that end of the game was, was electric. I was so happy watching football tonight I I tell myself that like I I can get through the offseason and that I enjoy watching these other sports a lot Which I do but then when football hits it's like daddy's own. It's a drug. Yeah daddy So I need it and we get more tomorrow and we get more all weekend also Taylor Swift looked good. Yeah, I thought so. Liked her boots.

Yep. Like, those are good boots. Really good boots. Said boots with a T. Yeah. B-O-O-T-S looked good. Yeah. Travis has the mustache.

He's looking good. Haircut. Lot of people looking good. Yeah, everyone. Lot of guys looking good. Lot of girls looking good. Harrison Bucker looked good. Yeah, he looked good. He was hitting bombs. Justin Tucker might be washed. Yeah. Can't hit 50 yarders anymore. Bucker is making some good

points. Yeah. Listen, he was hitting some some bombs. I don't think we've ever done it. Should we do a Thursday night game ball? I have somebody that I would like to give the Thursday night game ball to. Taylor Swift? No. Oh. Crocky J. Yeah. Crocky J. I knew that we knew Carson Steele was going to be a star. I didn't think that they were going to put him like front and center in the week one broadcast. But God damn, I love Crocky J. Yeah. What's not to love? Mac legend. And maybe the cool, well, what's funny, he went from the Mac to UCLA. You went ball state, UCLA. He should have gone UCLA to Ball State. That would have made him a lot cooler.

Yeah, he's got an all-time football guy name. He owns a crocodile. He is by far the coolest Carson on that team. Who's the other Carson? Carson Wentz? Oh yeah, Carson Wentz is on that team. Carson Wentz is on that team. Yeah. I saw the side of his face tonight. It should have been rated TVMA.

You should have warned me before. They should have blurred out his face on the sideline. I also learned something tonight I think I knew it but I just didn't ever really piece it together But that woman with the puppets she she's like a 30-year legend I had some chiefs fans being like you don't know balls. Yeah, I don't know your celebrity fans, but she rocks I know one. I like I know one celebrity fan of the Chiefs chiefs Unfortunately 17 years 17 and a half years in prison federal prison. Do you think he watched tonight? Well, it's in Kansas But she rocks. I like her. I know one celebrity fan of the Chiefs. Chiefs. Unfortunately. 17 years. 17 and a half years in prison.

Federal prison. Do you think he watched tonight? Well, it's in Kansas. So it's the same place that Mike Vick went for the Leavenworth puppy issue. Yeah. It's really bad when you know the names of the town where the federal prison is. Leavenworth and then there's one in the Rockies. I'm trying to remember.

It's the one that's the Max. El Chapo is that. El Chapo and the Unabomber. Yeah. Leavenworth is not. It's not good. It's where Carson Wentz should go too. Yeah.

When you know Leavenworth. But he's Chief Sahalek is requesting to be transferred to Illinois. Oh. To whatever federal prison is up here. Maybe Chief Sahalek was the magic behind the Chief's run and maybe he moves to Illinois and then the Bears go on a little run. That would be nice. That would be nice. But yeah, 17 years.

Okay, anything else before we do our game preview? So we taped that earlier. Let's kick it to ourselves for the weekend preview. Okay, before we get to the weekend preview, we're brought to you by our friends at Game Time. The new Game Time picks feature is awesome. And football season is here and we can't wait to get out to some games this fall with the help of game time. The official ticketing partner Barstool

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for 12 months. Terms and conditions apply. OK, boys, we've made it. Week one. Yes. Here we go. Yes. I love the order that comes along in football season.

It really puts your life into a routine. Correct. The routine is watch the news and read articles on Monday if your team wins. On Tuesday, that's when you watch the sports clips and all the debate shows, read the articles if your team loses. Then on Wednesday, you think about what's going to happen. On Thursday, what your bet's going to be. Then on Thursday, you forget to update your fantasy team. Then on Friday, you make plans for Saturday. Saturday, you make plans for Sunday. Sunday, watch football.

And then Monday, the cycle repeats itself I was to say it's as simple to me is that just every week has a just big dangling carrot at the end Yeah I'm just excited about every single weekend and for someone who doesn't really have a social life Father of three all that shit every weekend now has importance to me. Well, you know what else happens during football season Thursday becomes Friday. You get a new Friday. Every week is basically a four day week.

And when Maxine comes back, Tuesday is Friday. And yeah, and already you've got Monday, which is already Friday. No, Monday's Sunday now. Monday is just like a beautiful come down that you just, I love Monday Night Football. Just a reminder for any new listeners, Max doesn't watch Monday Night Football.

I love Monday Night Football. Yeah. No, you do, Max doesn't watch Monday football. I love Monday night. That's all. Yeah. No, you do. You don't watch Monday football. Remember that? I forgot about that. Yeah. Max does not watch Monday football because he says there's just too much football and he doesn't. He's like he's like a porn star that won't have sex. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine one of our producers on this show saying they would skip an entire day of football? It's crazy. It's nuts. Not us. But yeah, we watch every second of it. Thursday becomes Friday. Friday's still Friday. Saturday is Friday. Sunday becomes Saturday. Monday becomes Sunday.

It's such a beautiful time of year. And we're back. Alright, so like every year, we're gonna go through every single game, little preview. Then we're gonna do our picks all five of us. Oh Hey, sorry to you dreading the pig. No, no, no, no back in there funny. So what's the uh, what's what's the punishment this year? I don't know. We got to figure out it should be Super Bowl New Orleans related. Yeah It's a perfect game pitch a perfect game and what? MLB MLB. MLB, okay. It should be Super Bowl, New Orleans related. New Orleans known for their MLB baseball. Yep. 70 yard field goal. 70 yard field goal.

Okay, you're just spitballing here? You're confident you're up for it. He's upset about the nine darter. Yeah, he's upset about the nine darter, but you could lose this too, Hank. Yeah. That's all I'm trying to, yeah. Equal expectation. Hank, you're also the one that said that you were gonna set yourself up to be able to dunk. So you're really making impossible challenges for yourself too. I will dunk. What's harder, dunking for you or throwing a nine darter?

The nine darter, that's impossible. Dunking is hard. I think you'll be able to do the nine darter within three days. Dunking, it's taken three years. Still not there. Still not there. All right. Well, maybe the A.W.L.s can help us out. We need a punishment for last place.

And are we doing second place? It's a little bit different now because there are only five of us. So second place. I feel like it'd just be a last place punishment. What about last place and then second to last gets the equivalent of what the second place was, where it's like the punishment, but just like kind of half of it. Or what about last place and second place gets a prize? First place doesn't.

Yeah. Because, because then it keeps it competitive. What if, what if it's some sort of a hat situation, but it's not a hat first place gets to pick which punishment last place has to do or second place does. No, no first place gets to choose punishment last place has to do or second place does no no first place gets to choose oh punishment last place has to do based off of like four options okay who it is but second place gets nothing i like the second place just because it keeps steak knives well it keeps everyone in it because you know like if someone runs away with it

and someone falls really behind there's nothing Second place, the odds are if you have a second and fifth place, there will always be content coming at the end. First place gets to determine which event the second place person has to do and which event the last place person has to do. Okay. Okay. And we need the punishment. So AWL's let us know maybe something we can stream in New Orleans. wrestling an alligator. Yeah, wrestling an alligator's not bad. No, no Max?

Spending an entire week with Mincy in New Orleans, shadowing Mincy. 24 hours on Bourbon Street? Shadowing Mincy for five days. 24 hours on Bourbon Street? Can't go to sleep. Just go homeless for a day? That sounds, get drunk. Yeah, but it would fuck you up for yeah super bowl like the idea of

staying in like an Airbnb with mincy and like eating all your meals with them but yeah oh my like our by our reporting on what mincy does yours understudy for a week that's I think that's a good one that is not a bad one second place I only jumble I all week I could tell big cat didn't like it because he just he moved on from it But no, I know no, but that's just because you really don't want to do no it has nothing to do that It's more that I don't want to pay for mincy to go to like we're basically giving you don't think he's gonna be there He's gonna know he's gonna be there on his own dime, but like we're basically giving him like

His best content idea ever and he doesn't have to do anything. He just gets a free place. That's his best content. I know, but I've been trying to wean myself off that. Well, how about we do none of that during the season? Good content's good content. Yeah, that's a good point, Hank. Yeah, listen, it's going to be you, Hank.

Yeah, probably. Yeah. Did I lose a lot this last year? But Hank's just going to go to sleep the whole time. Yeah, you did Hank are you serious stand up? Are you okay? You just memory hold that you know I just love I have lost so many of these I forget which thing is for which thing yeah, but I assumed it was yeah Yeah, you're also you're on a sugar rush right now from uncrustablesables. Yeah. Your brain, you're overdosing on Uncrustables.

Alright, we'll figure it out. Send us any ideas, anything fun we can do. But we'll figure it out. We'll have something fun. Okay, we ready to get into it boys? What about Get a Cat? We haven't done that one in a while. Yeah, that's true.

I'm allergic to cats So That's better content That's just life. Yeah, I Mean it would be funny if you had to get a cat max and you're allergic a hyper allege you get a cat Yeah, I mean I'm sure my kids would like a. It would ruin my life, but I would get a cat. I just put it just I put it in a room with Blake and pumped about it. See what happens. I don't know.

Would you get a cat? I'm a man of my word with all this stuff. How about no golfing for last place for an entire year? Oh, no, that would be brutal for me. Yeah. That's the thing. You don't want to take off. But then it's like, once I actually want to work, you hate that too. What are you talking about? I've enjoyed you today. I came in, you were taking a nap and you had a couple of incrustables. You said that you were mad that Mr. Pear was waking

you up during that. I didn't say that. You said he's making noise. I said, no, you can power through. You're like, oh, the whole time. Power through. How was the nap? It was good. It was longer than I expected, so I woke up kind of in a funk. Oh, no. He slept too much.

It was 60 minutes. Relax. 60 minutes is actually a bad nap time. That's what I'm saying. I've been here since 9 a.m. We're going to be here till 12 p.m. I had three hours of nothingness. You need the like the 15 minute? Yeah, I thought someone was gonna come in and you know, wake me up, but it just never happened.

I like that now he's mad at us for not waking him up early enough. Nah, I never said that. I hate it when you guys do this so much. Okay. All right, we'll figure out a punishment, but we will do the picks after we Preview every game. Let's start Packers Eagles. All right. We'll figure out a punishment, but we will do the picks after we preview every game Let's start Packers Eagles. So mr. Payer is gonna pick this game. Mr. Payer is gonna pick all Standalone games this year and we'll see how he does from that Packers at Eagles in Brazil Eagles are minus two and a half over under is forty nine and a half two new defensive coordinators in this game I kind of like the over for that reason and a half over under is 49 and a half. Two new defensive coordinators in this game. I kind of like the over for that reason. I also think they're all like trapped in their hotels,

right? Yeah, it's a lot of travel and it's weird. There's weird security protocols in place down there. They just don't want anything bad to happen. Did you see Darius Slayton had to clarify online that he's Darius Slayton? Because Darius Slay, I guess, on a podcast was like, fuck Brazil. Yeah, not him. Different guys. So they're both there.

This guy's way. Just so you guys know, I'm Slay Ton. This guy's a thousand pounds heavier than Darius Slay. Yeah. So I don't know. I guess we'll ask Max, are you worried about this losing streak? Because you guys are on a bad streak. I don't care about, I mean. Seven games in a row, they row they've lost but they don't they don't count from last year. I know if they lose this game eight games are zero and zero if they lose this game they're all in one eight games in a row that would be all in one. How do you think big big Dom's

going to be able to handle the favelas down there. Yeah. Big Dom can handle anything. You know that. What if they throw a bunch of big fat asses at him? What? What? In Brazil, they got big fat asses. You know that. I know that. But Saquon is going to get right in.

Yeah, what if they throw a bunch of those at him? Big Dom can handle anything. I thought I just said that. So I was talking to Mark Titus about this yesterday. It seems like this is a good bet for Jalen Hurts to score touchdown., and instead the tush push call it the Brazilian butt lift. I like that, although they don't have Jason Kelsey.

But they've got Saquon with a big ass. That's true, that's true. I'm gonna take the Eagles in this game just because I hate the Packers, but I'm worried about the Packers. I'm probably gonna do the exact opposite, I'm gonna take the Packers because I hate the Eagles. But I'm worried about the Packers. I'm probably going to do the exact opposite. I'm going to take the Packers because I hate the Eagles. But I'm worried about the Eagles.

Yeah. Although, if one of these teams has the ability to fall apart easy, and which one would be funnier to see it fall apart, you can at least admit, watching the Eagles just disintegrate with the funny. I would prefer the Packers. Yeah. But yeah, I think, I know we're going to get to our touchdown

picks later. But I do think that Jalen Hurts might have a big game. Jeff Haftley, like there was, I was seeing a stat that new defensive coordinators, especially against good offenses, like it takes a little bit of time. It's, it's, it's a little bit, which you can say for both teams here, but Jeff Haftley, the former coach of Boston College, he likes a little press man on the outside. Maybe he gets some guys running right down the field. You got some fast guys, Max. Is Jalen Hurts feeling okay?

Yeah, he looks good. Max is, I think he's what he's doing, he's trying to stay removed from any Eagles discourse this year. Are you gonna overreact? No, I, you know, that's like the football starts. Everyone asks each other like, how you feeling about the team this year? How you feeling about the team this year? How you feeling about the game tonight? I feel about the game tomorrow. I just keep telling myself tomorrow's

a weird game. It's in Brazil. They can't leave their hotels. Everyone is like not happy to be there. So I think that's on both sides. So if the Eagles play really well and they dominate them, I don't want to overreact because it's a weird game. If they play really bad and get smoked, I don't want to overreact because it's a weird game. But I'm going to overreact the second that clock hits zero, one way or the other.

But I'm trying to tell myself it's a weird game and that it won't show what's going to happen for the rest of the season. That's a fair point. it is a weird game. It's a game in Brazil on a Friday night. So you can, it's easier to write that one off if it doesn't go your way than it would be like a home game on a Sunday.

Yeah, right. I agree with that mentality. I'm trying to tell myself that, but my brain is saying that, but my heart is telling me that I'm going to overreact. Yes, I think the safe money is on Max overreacting despite telling himself not to overreact.

You know what, Max? History has taught us anything. Why don't you just embrace overreacting? It's one of the best things you can do as a fan. I like to overreact, because I like to feel something. It's not good for my health. I understand.

Listen, at least, I overreact a lot. I overreact as much as you do. I'm at 39, so you can maybe at least make it 12 more years. Yeah. That would be crazy, though. If I dropped dead from overreacting, like, week two, would you guys change? You'd change your whole life, Max. You'd have to. I would try to, but I don't think I would.

So you'd just be like, I'm going to die at the same age. It would be the same thing, like, going after that. I would tell my brain to be like, you got you you got to calm down you can't care so much You got one day that's gonna be me And then Jalen Hurts would fumble on inside his own territory and again right right away. I would overreact I hope that doesn't happen again. Yeah, okay next game. We're now into Sunday What was the what's the split we got how many games? I think I think it's pretty good

split and they made a rule this year where it's going to be a good split every week, I think, right? It looks like eight and four, I believe is from reading it correctly. So good split. First game I have on the list is Steelers Falcons Arthur Smith revenge game. Yeah. I mean, the big question is how do you stop Bijon Robinson and nobody knows how to do that better than Arthur Smith. That's true. It's been all last year doing it. Mike Tomlin as a dog. Mike Tomlin as a dog I don't know if it's a Mike Tomlin game yet though because it's week one I just anytime it's Mike Tomlin as a dog I did see that Russie has got a flare up in his calf. His calf is tight

Sierra's been pegging him too good. Okay. Cramped that thing right up. So the problem is Russell Wilson already has limited mobility and now he might have... if you could actually... Oh man. If you had to do a bionic quarterback for every team, so you had to pick top half, bottom half of each guy, their quarterback room, I think the Steelers might have the best room. So if you were to take like Justin Fields legs, and then Russell Wilson's arm. So Russell Wilson had his mobility, better mobility than a young Russell Wilson

when that was a big part of his game. That would be a good quarterback. If you put Russell Wilson's brain inside Justin Fields, that'd be a good player. Yeah. Or his confidence, yeah, but then he throwing over the middle. Russell Wilson doesn't like to do that. We'll workshop this.

Okay, we'll figure out which room has the best one. Yeah, but I just, Mike Tomlin, that's all three and a half. It's Atlanta minus three and a half right now. I'm excited to watch these Falcons. It feels like it's been a long time since I've been excited to watch the Falcons play football. I think they're going to be better. I think they will be too. I have no idea what to expect from Kirk Cousins.

Or Kyle Pitts. Or Kyle, well no I do. What do you expect from Kyle Pitts? Not a lot. Okay, I expect more than that. I think. I don't know. I think Kyle Pitts might just be...

In theory, he's really good. Right. In theory, he's really good. Right. In theory, he's great. In theory. But also in theory, he doesn't have Desmond Ritter thrown in the ball this year. Correct, in theory. In theory.

In theory. Theoretically, he should, a man his size and speed should be good. Will we, if he doesn't have a good year, will we still be making excuses for him next year? 100%. Yeah. Yes. So that's kind of where I'm at. Some team is gonna give up way too much if they try to like do making excuses for him next year? 100%. Yeah. Yes. That's kind of where I'm at.

Some team is going to give up way too much if they try to do a trade for him. Is this the last year? He's on year three right now, right? I think it might be year four. Is it year four already? I believe so. I feel like he's been in the league for,

we've been doing the Kyle Pitts thing. They'll have to make a choice about his contract soon. I'm pretty sure it's year three. It might be year three. Or to bet. It might be, right. Yeah. So they have to make a choice about his contract soon. I'm pretty sure it's year three. It might be year three. Or to bet, yeah. So they have to make a choice about year five on his contract soon. But a team could trade.

No, I was right. Year four. Oh, is it? Yep. Okay. Well, we'll see what happens. In theory, Kyle Pitts should have a breakout year. In theory.

Yep. In theory. Okay. Cardinals-Bills, very excited for this game. I think the Cardinals offense is going to be very good this year. And also we have Damar Hamlin back, starting. He's starting, yeah, not just running fake punts anymore.

He's starting. But I think the Cardinals offense will be good. I don't think their defense is gonna be good. I think they might be one of those really fun teams to watch. Like they're in that category where, yeah, they might not, you know, they might win seven, eight games,

but they give us some great red zone, late witching hour moments in all year long. We're like, yeah that was fun. Yeah, Marvin Harrison Jr. seems like the kind of guy that is the quintessential just like throw the ball in his direction kind of guy and he'll just bring it in no matter what so Probably give you a heavy dose of him despite the fact you can't buy a Marvin Harrison, Jr

Harrison, Jr. Jersey correct because that lawsuit is ongoing and Fanatics just made a big mistake. They named Marvin Harrison senior in the lawsuit So they're suing Marvin Harrison senior that guy's got a gun. I didn't say that. I did. I'm just saying I'm I stand with the second amendment. It's his right. If he does own a gun, it's his right to do so. I stand Marvin Harrison senior as I do on every single other subject involving Marvin Harrison for the record. That guy's got a gun. Yeah. Apparently he signed his son. He signed his name on his son's contract. Hope they wouldn't notice. And then after the fact, they're like, wait a second, this is a junior that says senior on it.

I like what Josh Allen is going to have to do this year. I like the position it's put him in. Yeah. Where it's like, he's got to get it done. Obviously, he's got some weapons at tight end. He's got a rookie receiver, but it's all relatively unknown. He knows going into the season that this is on him the entire thing it's also the

Expectations are a little off for the Bills where the last couple of years everyone's been like bills Super Bowl This is your super team all that stuff. It does feel like from a Like storyline Perspective if you ask someone hey, what about the bills, oh, they're kind of they're they're in a rebuild. They're in a reshaping their roster. I think it might I think it might they might be good. And this isn't bias. Like, I think the like Dalton Kincaid is very good. I think I love Khalil Shakir. I think Keon Coleman is gonna be good. I think they're

gonna run the ball. I like the bills this year. And they're gonna get some great content from Keon Coleman. Yeah, him too. Yeah. I like the billsills this year. And they're going to get some great content from Keon Coleman after the game too. Yeah. I like the Bills a lot this year too. Because Josh has been in these places before where either going into a game, Stefan Diggs has been like his brothers put something weird out on Instagram that Josh Allen has somehow had to answer for and he knows going into it like, okay, no one thinks that

we're a team. No one thinks that we can pull it together. And then he goes out and he just like jumps over six linebackers. Right. So I kind of like this Josh Allen. Yes. Okay next up. We've got the Titans and the Bears Are you a little bit nervous Yeah, I think it's a it's it's a can't lose Already, we maybe it must win loser leaves town. It's a must win in the fact that I will overreact It's a must win for my own mentals. Yeah.

I do think that people are overlooking the Titans a little bit. I think they're gonna be not a terrible team. But I mean, I'm picking the Bears. I'm very excited for this game. I actually feel bad for you, PFT. I mentioned this a couple weeks ago, like that you have to wait a whole slot.

Yeah, at least you get it over. I get it right away. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. Maybe it was just because I watched the ending of Hard Knocks like 75 times last night. But yeah, I'm ready for the season. I think they're gonna win this game. Yeah, I would expect that. The Titans, they're the team that just added everybody else's players in the offseason. They're gonna look very, very different out there, and it's gonna take a couple weeks to remember, oh yeah, that guy's on the Titans. Tony Pollard.

Tony Pollard's on there. Ligeria Snead. Calvin Ridley. All on there. Yeah. Yeah, so they're gonna be a new look Titans, and I mean, Ligeria Snead is a legitimate great quarterback. Yeah.

So he'll be able to take away maybe one out of your three weapons. The one thing I would say is starting the season with the Titans actually kind of similar to starting the season with the Bucks Although you have Stephen Che to worry about It does feel like the Titans are one of those franchises I have no ill will towards and I don't know how I'd even get ill will towards the Titans if Stephen Che rooted for the Yeah, right. Like there's nothing that could happen to me where I'd be like, oh man, fuck the Titans I fucking hate the Titans So that takes it down a little bit where like last year was week, week one was the Packers.

You know what I mean? You don't have like a terrible towel that they could stomp on. Yeah. Piss you off enough to hate the Titan. Right. There's no divisional opponent. So I, I, I, I feel I'm excited about this game. Yeah, it is nice. It's like inter conference, no real history of a rivalry there. It's like playing the Jaguars. Yeah. And I don't mean that as an offensive thing. It's like playing the Jaguars. Yeah.

And I don't mean that as an offensive thing. It's just there's not... When you play an AFC team that's not been around for a really long time, you don't know anyone who roots for them. I don't know. Yeah. It's nice. They never drafted a quarterback that you could have drafted that you got upset about. No real bad blood there.

Right. Exactly. I do like Roma Dunza in this game. I like Roma. From all season. He had a great quote yesterday He said that he's mostly excited about the pregame flyover because he's a big big fighter jet guy. Love that Yeah, they got the growlers electronic warfare playing love that. Yeah Okay

Henry, yes Patriots at Bengals Bengals are minus eight and a half I believe the over under is like 40 and a half now, all the way down to 40 and a half. Couple things for you, Henry. One, Joey Chestnut is doing the half time entertainment. Whoa. He's going five v one in a bratwurst eating competition.

He should have been eating Skyline Chili. Should have been eating Skyline Chili. Two. And you eat one bite of Skyline chili. Yeah Prassum is gonna win that by 20. He's going 5v1. I don't think it matters. No, it doesn't no competing against 5 But 5 just but he can eat looking at 60 bratwurst in 10 minutes. Yeah, he's going against five guys five guys Can't eat 11 bratwurst each no chance also Dan Hurley is the ruler of the jungle

Yeah, I said it we want to say it again why and Hurley is the ruler of the jungle for this game He's a die-hard Bengals fan since birth. He's a it's have you ever seen pictures like I think we talked to random It's very random. We've talked to him about it. He's like There's every year. I feel like there's a picture he posts of him and his family take him to a Bengals game. So he has been named the ruler of the jungle for this game. Wait, so they have a real jungle there. They have a real jungle and they have a real ruler every single game and he's the week one ruler of the jungle. Does that make you nervous? Has to. Has to. I didn't know they had a jungle. That's it I mean, it's a functioning legitimate real jungle. Yeah, real jungle. Yeah classified as such. Yes

I don't know. I don't know what the class are But it's kind of crazy that he's going up against the P it seems like that was intentional, right? Going up against New England and you have the Yukon coach there Yeah, although can I probably just do it and they probably just do it before Called basketball starts. Yeah Ruler of the jungle. Yeah So you got Joey Chesna and Dan Hurley in the building probably the two biggest alpha males you can have Yeah, I'm not expecting much from this game. Yeah, that'd be awesome. Dan Hurley was like fuck it. I'll take him on

What if what if he just goes down to the field and he's got his starting five from Yukon? Yeah, or I think he could probably I think Dan Hurley if he just went like he blacked out was just like I'll fucking beat Joey chestnut. He good I think this game is gonna be yucky yucky Yucky like blowout but not a blowout. I don't think it's gonna be a blowout Yeah, it's gonna be like a 10 to 13 point blowout I don't even know about the Patriots defense might not be terrible. And Jamar Chase not practicing.

T Higgins had the holdout for a while. I think the Bengals might have, they have started slow. I think it's gonna be a yucky game. I keep thinking that Jamar Chase is gonna get signed before this weekend. He'll take care of the contract before the weekend. He's done a hold in, not a hold out. So he's been like around,

and then he was reported to go to practice, and Zach Taylor said, yeah, he's gonna practice, and then he didn't show up. And then later Zach Taylor was like, I'm just gonna give you the boilerplate answer of it's done when it's done from now on. If I had to bet, he's doing the same thing kind of that Brandon Iuk did, which is genius, by the way,

the move that some of these guys are doing this off season, which is just saying like, I don't wanna go to work for a month. Mm-hmm I don't want to go to camp and so I'll hold out if you give me a 2% raise at the end of it. I don't have to go to camp. That's a great contract extension Hank would I've never held out I know you hold in yeah, you hold in you quiet quit. Yeah Hey, Hank, you are the definition of a hold in when things are going poorly quiet quit. Yeah. Hey, Hank, you are the definition of a hold in when things are going poorly for you. Wait, I also don't think it. Jamar Chase and Joe Burrow have played so much together. I don't think it matters how, if he's not practicing with the team. Yeah. Yes and no though. Like there's

definitely just getting into, I mean, we see it every single September, especially with the shortened, you know, no two a days, the shortened preseason. September football has not been the prettiest football. And T. Higgins, that's the part I don't understand about the Bengals. I feel like it was all about T. Higgins. Then the minute T. Higgins was like, I'll show up, it's like, wait, oh yeah, also Jamar Chase. Yeah, who's definitely better than T. Higgins. That's the real issue. And they did lose Taj, Taj Boyd. Yeah.

Taj Boyd. Taj Boyd. Tyler Boyd. Tyler Boyd. Tyler Boyd. Tyler Boyd. Tyler Boyd. Tyler Boyd.

I was right. Yeah. Well, who's Taj Boyd? Taj Boyd's another guy. A basketball player. Taj Boyd. Why'd I say Taj Boyd? No, Taj Boyd was a Clemson quarterback. Remember him? He was the one right before Dachon. He

was like the last. Oh, yeah. Clemson sucks. Clemson can't win the big game. I think I like the Patriots. I do too. And it's not like this is the same early season bangles that we've seen the last couple of years because one was like an appendix and I forget what the other one was for Joe Burrow Yeah, but it was his calf or something, right? Yeah, but yeah, this is I I don't I feel like the defenses are just by and large Better than the offenses this time of year. Yeah. Yeah, and it's just I yeah, I think it's gonna be a clunky game How about Bill Belichick again on insta face? Huh? I don't like it. Oh, yeah. I was looking it up I don't like it oh yeah I was looking it up I don't like it at all Hank Bill Belichick follows yep what I know what you're about to say

what was I about to say you're just say who he follows who does he follow like Brady he follows 12 people 12 12 people a NFL, NFL films, McAfee, but he falls both Peyton and Eli and Brady. No Patriots, no Kraft. I think there might be beef there. Between Belichick and Kraft, you think so? I mean, listen, I wasn't able to make a definitive statement on it until I figured out who he followed. Yeah, Belichick, do you think he's running his own shit or do you think he's got somebody that's doing it for him?

Probably someone from Omaha Productions since it's Peyton Eli, Omaha Productions. That would have been awesome if he got Instagram and he followed Kraft and then unfollowed him just to unfollow him. Yeah, Bill Belichick is unfollowed Mr. Kraft. And he follows his girlfriend. Does he? Yeah. I'm just going to see who that is.

It is Jordan Isabella. Oh, is she the entrepreneur philosopher? Correct. Since here, she's 23. Correct. So Hank, you are so down that you don't even think you're going to get blown out? It's tough to say otherwise when it's a rookie coach and a new team. I don't want to confidently say that they're going to be in this game before I watch them.

That's a pretty reasonable thing to say. Are you going to be watching? Are you golfing on Sunday? No. Do you promise? Promise. Do you think it's going to be fun watching the Patriots? No. Are you golfing on Sunday? No. Do you promise? Promise. Do you think it's gonna be fun watching the Patriots? No. All right. Okay. All right. Next game. I have on my list. Texans Colts trivia time. Do do do do do do. The last time the Colts have won a week one game

Is that Philip Rivers 2017 2013 holy shit. They just lose week one. Yeah, I did not know that crazy I did not know that because I wanted to bet on the Colts this weekend I do too, but I saw that and I was like, nope But they don't always play at home. Yeah, I know this is uh, this does also stay the stadium is different this year though It is different don't have the the banner for the AFC finalist up anymore. That's in our gym They got the losers stink out of it. This is the toughest game for me. Oh If I look totally up up and down the board I can give you a somewhat

opinion on every game this game is simply it's either gonna be the biggest trap or the easiest bet I think it's the biggest trap yeah that's like I either way Anthony Richardson look good last year in the first couple weeks true people forgot about it because he got hurt so it's so early on in the season but the Texans man and the Texans look so in the season. But the Texans, man. And the Texans look so good. Everyone's high on the Texans. I'm also high on the Texans. But I'm also high on the Colts.

I'm not high on the Colts, and I'm high on the Texans, which makes you want to take the Colts. Figure that one out. Oh, I forgot. I still have Colts season tickets. Oh, yeah. So we got to give those away. Two season tickets.

If you own a Joe Flacco Colts jersey, send me a picture of you wearing it. The tickets are yours. Done. Send to part of my take. Or people probably don't have the Colts Joe Flacco jersey yet. Someone has to.

What else? What else can we do? Submissions to part of. You have a Colts hat. A Colts hat? Mm-hmm. Best Colts hat. Okay, best Colts hat. I wanna know hat? Best Colts hat. Okay, best Colts hat.

Or Joe Flacco jersey. Or Joe Flacco jersey gets position A. But if you have the best, if you think you have the best Colts hat in Indianapolis, prove it. If there are multiple Joe Flacco Colts jerseys, tiebreaker's the hat. Yeah. Yep. Alright, so tag at part of my take. Yeah, and send it in. Also include your TVs too. So memes can post his TVs again. I love memes TVs. I do too. Means memes is a star now. Yeah. He's going to leave us soon. Don't you think Hank? I asked him if I could watch football at his place and he didn't answer me. He

was just saying, ah, he's too Hollywood. Yeah, it's too Hollywood. Okay, next up Jaguars, dolphins. I don't know what to think of this game either, actually. So I'm going back on what I said just a second ago. Dolphins minus three and a half over under 48 and a half. I feel like the dolphins obviously always start hot. Jaguars have a I feel like the Dolphins obviously always start hot. Jaguars have a new defensive coordinator. Dolphins have some injuries. Their defensive line is not great. I'm leaning towards the Jaguars, but I don't really know what to think about this.

This is a sideline bet for me. They're going to have the Jaguars in the, in the heat, no shade on the sidelines. There might be rain. Okay. Good. Good. I appreciate the weather update. Gotcha. Are youelines there might be rain okay good good I appreciate the weather update got you are you sure there might be rain I said there might be rain okay Hank can you double-check well it's South Florida PFT yeah there always could be rain what they say about the weather Miami yep if you don't like it just wait five minutes oh no I thought they said there might be rain oh they also say that to you Hank look it up for us cuz there might be rain. I need to know. We need to know. Sunny chance of clouds and rain chance precipitation goes no higher. Oh, it's 0% 0% 0% 0% 0% 0%

It's 10% It's impossible for 10% at 7am and then 10% So I'm right. It might be rain. No 10% 9pm. Yeah, but there might be rain. 7am and 9pm there's a 10% chance of rain. There might be rain no 10% 9 p.m. Yeah, but there might be rain 7 a.m. And 9 p.m. There's a 10% chance Okay, there might be rain everything else zero. There's a hundred percent chance of zero percent rain at noon There might be 1 p.m. There could be what's the temperature? hot

Hot very hot how hot shit 90 degrees sideline bet. It's a sideline bet taking the Dolphins You're smart you're a smart guy. That's a smart bet. It's a smart sideline bet. It gets hot. I think this is one of those moments where I'm really regretting the fact that I taped all the other gambling shows earlier this week because I think I took the

Jaguars and every single one of them and you swayed me on the sideline. Yeah. Don't forget about the sideline. I did forget about the sideline. Yeah. Can't do it. I needed you there to remind him.

You think Mike McDaniel is going to have a new look this year? He gets like frostier and swagger every year. He should actually just frost the tips of his hair. Pete Prisco did get in my head a little bit with the whole he's too friendly with the guys. Yeah. He got in my head. But this is the perfect time of year to be friendly with the guys. Yeah, right at the start. Yeah. Okay. Let's see

Next up Panthers at Saints Saints minus four over under is 41 and a half. I Love the Panthers in this game. Oh, I had one thing for the Dolphins. I forgot. Sorry Because the Lions won a playoff game last year the Dolphins are now the longest playoff drought in the NFL Win playoff trout win. Okay. Does that are now the longest playoff drought in the NFL win playoff drought win okay does that go back to i'm gonna guess what year is that back to the 90s no it's 2001 season okay uh do you know the other big four sports longest playoff drought win so it would obviously be a series in in hockey and in baseball and basketball twins twins are not the answer. I was shocked at this answer.

There's a lot of sports I got to go through right now. Yeah. I don't know. What is it? The Reds, 1995. Damn. That's a long ass time. And then the other two were the Hornets and the Sabres, which makes sense.

Yeah, it does. Those are definitely... That's still a long time for the Dolphins. Yeah. No, the Dolphins. So I think we're... The Dolphins winning a playoff game would actually be bad for very bad Our clock would be ticking next up. Yeah, we're yeah, I don't know what year you are I I just always see the stat of like the last team to have a 10 win season

That one's very depressing because every other team is within the last five years Basically, yeah, and then the the Redskins commanders you got to go back to 2005 yeah I think I think it's you then Jets then or no it might be you then Bears and Jets okay there were 2010 but still that's our last insurance play right now is the Dolphins yeah we need the Dolphins to not win well no that's that was old us that was old power teams are good that was all we don't have to worry about that anymore Yeah, we'll get our playoff. Oh, no, the Raiders the Raiders are also in there. Thank God whoo. So it's Raiders 2002 commanders

2005 jets and Bears tied for 2010 Okay, so we got us we need the Dolphins. We need dolphins cuz then it just slowly creeps up on us Okay, so the Panthers and Saints, I love the Panthers in this game just because it's my rule of you're never as bad as you were the last year. Sometimes you could be worse, but That doesn't mean you're gonna be good if you're the Panthers. So now I am rooting for the Panthers. I'm rooting for their fan base because the position they were put in with Bryce Young last year and how bad it looked at times

I want for them to not be like oh shit. We really fucked us up now We're fucked you know like I want them to have some hope in Bryce Young. I I don't think the parents are be good I think they're gonna be competent which they weren't last year. Do you know that the Panthers last year? They won two football games last year. And there's a lot of football games, 17 football games. Do you know the Panthers did not take a single snap in the fourth quarter with the lead? I did not know that. Both of their wins were last second field goals to win by two points. That's crazy. It's insane. That's not the entire foot. I mean, that's insane. Yeah, that is crazy to not know what it feels like to have a little to maybe win in the fourth quarter. Have a single lead in the fourth

quarter with his offensive snap. Yeah. So I don't think they're going to be good. I think they're going to be better. I think Dave Canales is going to have them. I mean, Dave Canales was good with Baker Mayfield. He knows the division. Yeah, he knows the division. I also have my fun Dennis Allen stat of the day. You ready for this one? I was doing some digging last night. Dennis Allen, this is how bad it is for Dennis Allen. He is now thinking that he's gonna get a competitive advantage by not divulging where offensive coordinator, Clint Kubiak, is going to be during the game.

In the booth or on the sideline? Correct, he said. He during the game. In the booth around the sideline. Correct. He said, we get in a game mode and try to keep as many things in-house as we possibly can. Nothing to give our opponents any sort of advantage. A reporter immediately questioned if matters were where the Panthers see Kubiak calling plays, to which Alan Swiftly responded, don't know.

Don't know whether they care. Don't care. Whatever. I just don't know don't know whether they care don't care whatever I just don't know if that's anything I wanted to divulge. Yeah, so I like that In fact, they should they should take your option. They should take it once up They should have everybody on the coaching staff dressed up like cubic. Yeah, and that way you don't know which one is cubic M&M Yeah, it could be anybody. Yeah, it could be any of those guys But this is you know, your football coach is kind of losing it when he thinks that he's getting an advantage by being like, he could be in on the field or in the booth. Okay. Now you never know. Counterpoint. If Dennis

Allen was Jim Harbaugh, I would be like, this guy's playing chess. Yeah. I'm not giving any information. But Dennis Allen is not. Dennis Allen read a book this off season about how to be more like Jim Harbaugh. Correct. And this is how he's trying to implement it. Correct. Yeah. Because if he was actually about that life, he would have been doing this gamesmanship for the last however long he's stunk up the NFL. Right. But now he's like, he's, he's learned new tricks that he's trying to adapt as part of his personality that doesn't actually exist. Correct. Yeah. I just love this story because yeah, he's the guy's real in a, by the way, are we going to have Mr. Pear pick a, pick a game? He forgot to pick Packers Eagles. Are we doing that during this?

Yeah, he should have picked Packers Eagles while we're talking Mr. Pair is such a dude Okay, haven't picked Packers Eagles. And then when we get to Rams Lions, you should pick like the Rams Lions. Got it. Yeah Okay, next up Vikings and Giants. I have a theory, PFT, and this is kind of like a choose which door and one door's death kind of feeling to it. I think one of the two quarterbacks in this game

will be better than expected this year, but I have zero idea which one it will be. I think it's going to be Sam. OK, I kind of think it's going to be Daniel be. I think it's gonna be Sam. Okay I kind of think it's gonna be Daniel Jones. I think it's gonna be Sam. Well that's tricky because I would say weirdly the expectations I think at least for myself are higher for Sam Darnold than they are for Daniel Jones. Right but I just think that at the end of the season we're gonna be like oh Daniel Jones or oh Sam Darnold not a bad year but I think the other one's gonna be terrible. I'm gonna bet on Sam Darnold because I like Kevin,

I like Kevin O'Connell and Brian Dable I think is a good coach, but there were some times with Daniel Jones where he was just, you could tell he was like watching just like any of us were. Yeah. Like you gotta be shitting me. Yeah.

And we did see that Daniel Jones moment in the preseason, which I know is a preseason, but it was still a play. But you said Brian Dable, I know that it's a panic move, but he's calling offensive plays now. Yeah. I mean, he was a really good offensive play caller for the Bills before he took the Giants job. He's also skinny Brian Dable. He's lost a lot of weight. Yeah, I don't know. It's just one of those games. I was feeling it before. I was like, one of these quarterbacks, I can't know. It's just one of those games. I was feeling it before. I was like one of these quarterbacks I can't figure out which one but one of them I'm gonna walk away from the 2024 season being like not so bad

I actually like the Giants in this game, but I like Sam Darnold over the course of a season If he doesn't get mono say is he staying in Hoboken before the game? I don't know. You know what? I'm gonna say it right now if Whoever wins this game. I'm gonna be all in on believing in that quarterback. For the rest of the season, I will ride or die with that quarterback being like, he's not that bad. I don't know if I can bring myself to that point.

Yeah, he will make me look like a fool time and time again. Did he pick a team? He hasn't moved a step. He hasn't moved a step. Okay. Throw some lettuce down. This fucking pair, this turtle sucks memes What are you doing now when he's making all that noise down there, what's he doing?

Is he scratching trying to escape Raiders are chargers Ultimate football guy Match up. I think the charges are minus three over under is 40 and a half. I love it. Both these guys, they just, they want to fight. They, if you just had them fist fight, it would, it would work as a football game. You don't need a ball for this game. No. Just send the teams out on the field, line up, hit each other, and then whoever is more physical gets the win. I like the Chargers though. I like the Chargers in this game. I do too. I believe in Harbaugh. Their team is not good, but I believe in Harbaugh.

But Justin Herbert's good. Did he pick anything? What's going on here, memes? Memes? It's okay, he just takes his time. Oh, that was so cute how you just said that. Do you talk to him in that voice? It's okay.

Why does my god wasn't memes come in here? I think the turtles a little bit afraid of Max. Now I it'll Mr. or Mrs. Bear will go miss it's in my SS and then last name to pair. Now that nobody's around it'll go to move. Okay. I'm excited to see Gordonner Mentschew. That's fun. That is fun. He's going to do some weird shit out there. I hope that they don't make him just like a vanilla quarterback. I hope that if you openly acknowledge that Gardner Mentschew is your starting QB1, you have to also deal in the fact that he's gonna do some crazy shit don't don't try to sure yeah let

him do his own Gardner Minshew thing don't try to make him just a boring ass quarterback agreed agreed uh PFT you want to talk about your game commanders at box yeah yeah I do um alright so you were saying you're you're excited about this game but you also know that you're going to overreact. I almost don't even want this game to happen because I love Jaden Daniels and I'm nervous now because he's so good. I'm nervous that either I'm wrong about him being good or that something's going to happen to him.

You basically want to look at your cake, not eat it. Yes, exactly. I just want to have... It's like Jay Leno's cars. He's got 400 cars and he just keeps them in the garage. I've got Jay Daniels. I just want to be like, that's my quarterback. Keep him in the car.

Watch these highlights from preseason and from college. Isn't he awesome? He's mine. Yeah. So that's part of the equation. I did text our friend Jason Light from the Bucks. I said, hey, just take it easy on him. Maybe do two-hand touch.

Don't hurt him What do you say? He said that I was pulling a Lou Holtz move, which is just always tell your opponent how bad you are So they take it easy on you. I wasn't trying to do that. I just honestly meant please don't hurt him Yeah, please do not please do not hurt Jaden Daniels It is a classic commanders thing going into week one on the day of the NFL kickoff where one of the headlines is commanders fire their vice president. I was waiting for you to, oh, he took the Packers. Okay. I was waiting for you to disavow this man.

Well, let's see. Let's see what he got fired for saying. He got fired for saying that some of the players are homophobic. He got fired for saying that Roger does a $50 million puppet. He got fired for saying that Jerry Jones is racist. I got no problems with any of those. So I think I had two out of three. Well, you're missing big one. What was the other one? He said most of the fans of the NFL are high school educated alcoholics and mouth breathers. I went to college buddy. Yeah, I do breathe through my mouth. Yep. At points in my

life, I have drank enough where I would be considered an alcoholic. Yep. But alcoholics go to meetings. That was the part that I was upset about. I wasn't. I was mostly upset about the fact that he got fired for, I think, saying that Roger Goodell is a $50 million puppet. He also said that he helped run state media because when you guys had that leak, he had to tell everyone, don't worry, it's not sewage.

Yeah. Yeah, he did. That's your job. That's been your job if you've worked for the commanders for the last 20 years, is to be, you remember Saddam Hussein's right-hand man that was like- Who could forget? Baghdad Bob.

Oh. You remember Baghdad Bob? I thought his name was Kevin. I don't know. They called him Baghdad Bob. I'm just kidding. But he was the one that was like, we're winning the war, as Baghdad was being leveled to the ground.

That guy. That's been the job of the commander's vice president of communications for a very long time. Right. Also, a lot of people are dog piling on the commanders and it's like, the best way I can describe it is like I have an ugly baby and you know, some babies are not that attractive,

just naturally, some are cuter than others. I know I have an ugly baby and I walk around with my baby, I love it, I take care of it, I change his diaper, I feed it all the others. I know I have an ugly baby, and I walk around with my baby, I love it, I take care of it, I change his diaper, I feed it all the time, I'm always gonna love this baby no matter what, and I can be like, okay, you're a little bit ugly right now, you'll grow into it, but the second somebody else is like, your baby's ugly, I'm like, fuck you, you piece of shit,

this is my baby, only I can call my baby ugly. That's how I feel about the Commander. Yeah, when people are like, oh, Hank's piece of shit. Yeah, we don't like him He doesn't work and he's a fucking he sucks at golf and he he's a mouth breather in any now worse I'm just like dude, you can't say that That's what I say to him. Thank you. You can't say that bro, cuz you're a top guy top guy your top G But don't you fucking call my baby ugly. People say Max is fat.

And he fucking cries. And he's such a bitch. And he sweats everywhere. And he clogs his toilets. And he hates dogs. He hates dogs. I say, no, you can't say that. Yeah.

Yeah. I get what you're saying, PFT. Yeah. So it is fitting, though, that the commanders fired somebody on the day of NFL PFT. Yeah, so it is fitting though that the commanders fired somebody on the day of NFL kickoff. Yeah, that was perfect. That's like a classic commander's. Perfect. But I am, I'm excited about Jaden, but at the same time, I just, I've seen too much bad stuff happen to me. How jealous are you going to be? Very, very, very scared. How jealous are you going to be of if if the Bears win and Caleb Williams balls out?

And I basically am sitting there. I'm like winning the it's like basically winning the first game of March Madness on the Thursday Yeah, so what's gonna happen? I've thought through that scenario Caleb goes out there lights it up and I'm waiting and then I'm getting more and more nervous as I'm watching and then Jaden goes out there Fumbles throws interception looks bad and then big cats like I'm gonna go in the other room and get ready Because you don't want to be around me. Yeah, because you know that you're happy about your guy Yeah, and you don't want me to see your happiness while I'm feeling sadness, right?

So this is actually this is the eight hours on NFL Sunday while these two games are being played It's a big gateway moment for part of my take correct. I think best case scenario Well for us is they're both good Worst case scenario is one's great the other stinks and then we have to deal with the repercussions Even if they're both bad together at least we have each other Yeah, yeah, if they're both bad together we can deal with that right, but if one's good one's bad. I Don't know. I don't know if we're gonna be able to pod yeah probably have to cancel the pod memes you're stepping up memes you're ready for the prime time okay couple games love our

long jets preview couple games left Broncos at Seahawks Seahawks minus six the over under in this game is 41 and a half I love to see Hawks in this game so I like McDonald yeah I like that guy a lot I think he's probably the perfect person to replace Pete Carroll because they're not alike at all mm-hmm and I like that you're bringing in some guy that is like obviously Pete Carroll wasn't exact was he fired or was it like mutually? Mutual parting of ways. Mutually we both agree that you're fired.

Yeah. Which is a nice way for him to leave, I guess if you have to leave somewhere. It was like a mutually we're done with this. Yeah and then you bring in like some tough ass defensive coordinator after him. I like that transition. Yep.

I like that a lot. Agreed. McDonald I think is a good coach. I'm excited to see what happens with the Seahawks offense now. But you got a good running back. Yeah. Kenth Walker's good. Yeah. I just think rookie quarterback on the road against a guy who's very good at coaching defense disguises some things. I think it's been a long day for Bonex. Not saying Bonex is going to be bad, but this

is going to be a long day. So Bonex, is it fair to say hand-picked quarterback by Sean Payton? That's exactly what he is. Hand-picked quarterback. Well, he saw the inside of his book bag. That's right, and it was unbelievable. Right. And would you consider Sean Payton to be a quarterback whisperer or a quarterback guru?

I would actually say he'd be more in line with he had Drew Brees. Okay, he's a Drew Brees merchant. He had Drew Brees. Drew Brees merchant. Because to be a quarterback whisperer, I think you gotta do it with a couple guys. You gotta have two. But he did it as an assistant. Yeah.

And he reads a quarterback whisperer. He is. He did it with Don McNabb. He did it with Alex Smith. Yeah. And Mahomes. Alex Smith. Sean Payton, yeah.

Yeah, Sean Payton, we'll see, but this is his guy. How quickly into the season do you think Sean Payton is allowed to be a dickhead to Bo Nicks if Bo Nicks does something wrong? Because with Russell, Russie was from the previous regime. Yeah, wasn't his guy. So he could be like, it's like moving into a house. He wasn't the stepdad, he was the dad that stepped up. Fuck this bathroom, I'm going to smash it.

But with a guy that you handpicked, I feel like you Sean Payton can't be a dick to him right off the bat Which I think is good for the Broncos. Yeah, I'd agree I think he has to wait to he's got to do the carrot for a while and then smash him up the ass with a Stick. Yeah. Yep. I'd agree All right last two games Cowboys at Browns Browns minus two and a half over under is 40 and a half over under is forty and a half I Don't really know what to expect from Deshaun Watson. Remember him. Yep I do like Jerry Jones spin zone every year. He's got a nice spin zone or something last year where he was all in

This year they he said People were asking him like oh you got gotta do something after the Green Bay thing. He said it, the Green Bay thing. That's what he's calling that loss, the Green Bay thing. The incident. You gotta do something after the Green Bay thing. You gotta fire people. You gotta change some things.

And he said, actually, I have changed some things. By not changing things, everyone's on the hot seat. So by not changing, in the past, in the past he would have changed things. But he did change things. But you know what, it would have been actually easier on those guys if he had changed things because now he's like, you guys made a mess, you gotta clean it up. Yeah, but he has changed things by not changing things. He said, I didn't make many changes, but within the realm of not making changes, totally changing

people out, I tried to turn up the heat on myself and everybody involved. So he didn't change anything. He just turned up the heat. So what you're saying is there was maybe about to be a change and then Jerry Jones was standing in the background as that change was happening, not necessarily preventing that change from happening, but maybe telling everybody, let's see what happens before we make this change. Yeah. And take a picture of it. Right. He's like, don't change anything. Let's just turn up the heat. Yeah. Let's turn up the heat. Let's turn up the

got it. So that's the new return up the heat of the cowboy season. Where'd Hank go? He sneezed, uh, grab the Rams lions, uh, picks for Mr. Pear. So Mr. Pear does have the Packers and Mr. Pear is going to pick, Ooh, he sneezed again. Rams-Lyons. Did we, did we screw up when we talked about Jerry Goff earlier when I said that he, uh, he's an MVP candidate because 14 out of 17 games are in a dome. Do we count this as a dome? Does this qualify as a dome? Because remember they've had, they've had lightning delays. They're playing in Detroit. Okay, so it does qualify as a dome. Yep. Okay good pick I wrote a good question. It was a good question. Had it been in LA? I wrote it down wrong I wrote lions at Rams. Yeah, that's been

Absolutely 100% debunked five Pinocchio's you know what we just made sure that people are just staying on their toes. Yep Yes, it is a dome and yes, I love the lions in this game I do too. I the only thing that makes me nervous is Dan Campbell's an actor now He's a really good act. It was an awesome commercial. Yeah fucking loved it. Don't never see you coming do anything for Dan Campbell He's the best. I wish I didn't love him so much, but I do love him. Yes. He's impossible not to love. Yeah Yeah, I like the lines. I like the lines. I wonder if they're gonna boo Matt Stafford's children before this game. They're not attending. Okay. Yeah, they are specifically not attending I like Ellie and the kids are not coming not after what happened last time after what happened They won't let it won't let Detroit down and sprinkles and super fan do the same thing Hank. Are you okay?

Yeah, okay. Um, you had a sneeze attack. I had a couple sneezes. Yeah Over sugar do we have do we have the pick here? Is he picking anything? He hasn't moved. He hasn't moved. Okay We probably didn't think this turtle thing out very well. I thought this turtle would be faster Damn it now to be fair. Mr. Mr. Pear does great picks when he has the sheets that are printed out He's on the ground true. He's... Because I think he's panicking. He thinks he's on... It's like the blue turf. He thinks he's on water when he's on our rug.

Yeah. He could... Yeah. In this situation right here, he's inside of his pen or his crate, which is where he normally chills so he has no motivation to move. Yeah. Okay. So do you guys want to do our touchdown parlay?

So here's what we're going to do. Every week we will have it in the DraftKings Sportsbook. We all pick one guy to score. We put them all together. So we're doing a four to score parlay. Max, you got your pick? I do. What do you got? Sunday Night Football. I hope that it comes down to me. David Montgomery. Do you really hope that? Yeah. Really?

That's a lot of pressure. No, you don't. No, but I like to pick. Gibbs was kind of banged up throughout training camp. Everyone's talking about Gibbs going into the year. Montgomery's still the bruiser. And the game's in Detroit. Yep.

A lot of people thought it was in LA. And there's going to be a lot of points. I like to pick. I like David Montgomery to score. I like to pick too. OK. Good pick, Max. I'll go with the one that like David Montgomery to score. I like to pick two okay good pick max I'll go with the one that should get us on the board. I'll just go with Dalton Kincaid. I think he's in score Okay, let's get early game get it out of the way try to get us on the board

I'm also in tight end. I'm going Kyle Pitts I'm pretty sure he has three touchdowns are you sure all right? I'm pretty sure he has three touchdowns in his career. Are you sure? All right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, What are the odds? Plus 1,000. Plus 1,000? For Kyle Pitts? Kyle Pitts scored touchdown? That's probably first touchdown. We're just doing touchdowns. Oh, 195, you're right.

Yeah, it's preseason for Hank. OK, and then so we got Kyle Pitts, we got Dalton Kincade, we got David Montgomery, and PFT. I like just saying Brazilian butt lift, so I want to say Jalen Hurts, but instead. The kid due Friday. Yeah, I'm going to, it has to be Sunday, so I'm going to go with Alvin Kamara.

Ooh. Against the Panthers, remember him? Yeah. Alvin Kamara against the Panthers. Okay. You don't even have to watch that game. That'll just be one that you'll have maybe, you'll refresh the score occasionally on your phone on,

and just see if Alvin scored yet. Can I say I'm a little nervous about that pick for one reason? Why? We don't know where Clint Kubiak is going to be. But Clint Kubiak is calling offensive plays for the Saints. But Kamara doesn't need to have... I'm just saying I'd like to know where the OC is.

Okay, all right. I mean, this Dennis Allen guy, he's got the greatest secrets in the world. Yeah, but that's good. No, that's good though that we don't know where he's going to be. I hope he's like in a closet somewhere. He's already been watching the game. What if he was secretly fired? Blind plays.

Yeah. Um, shadow Clint Kubiak, friend of the program. Yeah. Office manager Brett. They don't make a lot of Clint's anymore. So DraftKings has not won but two special offers to AWLs who want to bet the PMT parlay this week. First DraftKings giving all customers a no sweat touchdown bet for each football day this week. That means you'll get a bonus bet back if your touchdown bet doesn't hit. Second, any customer who chooses to use their no sweat touchdown bet on our four to score parlay will also receive a profit boost. So head to the app now to claim these offers. Gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER. In New York, call 877-8HOPENY or text HOPENY467369.

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PMT Sunday TD Parlay bets only to receive one profit boost. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see sportsbook.draftkings.com slash promos. Oh, did he pick? He picked the Rams. Now he's going towards the Lions. Well, did he pick the Rams? I didn't see him go over. Oh

No, now is it the Lions you said so but he said Rams do we have a do we have a ruling me? We said we were going off first move right VAR. Well first we were the last one was Eagles But he ended up it's where he's got to end up Meem's where he's got a memes you're the replay official lines pick. Okay. All right. All right. So let's do our picks. Uh, I forgot how we do it. We start with just saying your favorites. We did two last year. Two. That's right. We had two picks. You got to pick a total and a spread. I like that better. Uh, okay. So memes, you want to start? We'll obviously change the start as we go along.

No repeats. So these are our picks, no repeats. And memes, go ahead. I'm gonna go Saints Panthers Under. Let me get the exact number. Gotta have it. Gotta have it. Memes, are you also keeping track of these?

Yeah, I'll keep track 41 and a half under 41 and a half. Okay max I'm also gonna go with an Under I'm gonna go Raiders chargers. Yeah, I like that under 40 and a half. I like it though Okay, PFT I'm gonna go with an over Bronco Seahawks over 41 and a half. Okay I also will go with an over because it's football's back and I want to root for points So I'll go Cardinals Bills over 47. Okay, I will go with an under

over 47 okay I will go with an under between my New England Patriots and the Cincinnati Bengals under 41 I'm gonna pay I believe in Jared Mayo drawed man yeah thank you Hank I got your back who cares guys name is spelled Jared it's not Gerard from subway we don't talk about him who definitely. Would have been a recurring guest if we were doing that show. Yeah, in the 2010s, I thought about that. We definitely would have been. Oh yeah, Jared from subway wants come on the show.

Okay, we'll talk to him about the Colts. We'd probably have his pants framed on the wall. There'd be pictures of us with them autographed and Jared been bad. What was Hank's number? Sorry, a 41. Okay, 41. All was Hank's number? Sorry. 41. 41. All right, Hank, you have another pick. My next pick is going to be the Chicago Bears minus 3 and 1

half. Love it. I don't think it's a troll. It's not. I know. These picks matter. The pick you make right now could be the difference between you having to wrestle an alligator

and not. Exactly. I'm gonna take the Panthers plus four okay does it not worry you were Clint Kubiak is gonna be I think it makes me happy that Dennis Allen might not even know where he's gonna be okay I think he might forget where to put him where you want to put him imagine there's a staffer who like comes up to him he's like coach one last thing before we kick off Where do you want to put them? It's like in the matrix where they're all they're all the agent. Yeah standing around him doesn't know who to talk to okay

I'm gonna go with One that was controversial earlier I'm gonna go with Colts plus three. Okay Colts plus three home dogs Yep, and remember we're doing half a point for pushes. So if anything pushes, it counts as a half a point, okay? Win counts as one, loss obviously zero. Maxi. I'm gonna go with Seahawks minus six.

Seahawks minus six, I like it. Does it make you nervous that Bo Nix was named a captain? No, he's a quarterback. I actually said this to memes and he was like, yeah, he's a quarterback. It doesn't make me nervous because Sean Payton was like, I hand selected this guy, he's going to be a captain. Kale Williams is a captain. Yeah. He was voted on by his teammates.

No big deal. How many captains have you guys had? Like five. Yeah, a lot of captains. I think three on offense. You need some captains. Participation trophy culture. You need a special of captains three on offense. You need you need some captain participation trophy culture You need a special teams captain to everyone gets a captain. Everyone gets a little logo. Here's your gold star. Great job You're not saying this cuz you do I haven't looked it up. I don't know. I truthfully don't know

Hey, they're gonna try to pit us against each other. Let's not let him do that I think what Dan Quinn's doing is he's not naming captains I think he's like I'm gonna tell you before the game who's going out for the coin toss, but nobody on this team has earned the captaincy. What if the ship goes down? Then it's every man for himself. OK. Then everyone play your music, get to the lifeboats, fuck women and children. Yeah. Not I don't know.

I have BFT. Not literally. But yeah, fuck. Fuck women. Fuck what? Fuck women. BFT not literally But yeah fuck fuck women fuck what fuck women and Don't worry about the children get into the lifeboat got it fuck women kill children. Yeah, marry men there it is. That's what it is memes last one I'm going to take the Raiders plus three okay All right, good job. So those picks are in. Let's finish up before we get to Paul Skeen's fantasy fuck boys brought to you by our friends at Body Armor. This segment is brought to you by Body Armor Sports Water, the alkaline water that provides real hydration with electrolytes for taste. Everybody is always drinking it around the office. The sports

drink, the zero sugar, and even the flash IV after a long weekend. We can't get enough body armor. The sport water, in my opinion, is the best water on the market. Look, I'm drinking it right now. Head on over to your local 7-Eleven. Get your body armor sports water today. Thank you to Body Armor, sponsoring us. Keeping us hydrated through football season. Very important. So thank you to Body Armor. Okay, fantasy fuckboys. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Bill Belichick. Yeah. Yeah. Get him with the times, he's on social media, join InstaFace. Careful with those double taps, Billy. He's gonna be double tapping, he's gonna be sucking and fucking in no time.

Oh, we're gonna suck and fuck. He's gonna be in those DMs. My sit-em? Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. Uh-oh. What happened? Trouble in paradise? Uh-oh.

The script is out. Ah. They're breaking up. Allegedly, I think I have to say, we knew the whole time this was never real. Say whatever you want. NFL rigged. PNV. Pete?

Nope. Yep. You said say whatever you want. Say whatever you want. I wanna see PNV. No, I would not look. I would not look. No? Do that again. No, would not look.

My sleeper... I would look. Oof, what wrong? my sleeper is eating shit. Oh, okay lot of dialogue about eating shit a couple studies have come out It's actually healthy and nutritious helps build strong bones They sound like some very reputable study so this week will release that study just shit Get your hand under your bunghole and fucking take a nice bite out of a steamy deuce your own poop, huh? Yep, that's something else. Okay. Take your buddy's poop a bunghole and fucking take a nice bite out of a steamy deuce. Your own poop huh? Yup. That's something else. Okay.

Take your buddy's poop. Okay. What's up? Hey what's up pricks? It's me Pete Prisco. Love it. What's up Pete? I'm starting Chief Sahalek.

Oh that was my startup. Chief Sahalek is a stand up guy. Some of the cash fell off the back of the truck. Big deal. He got a 17 and a half year bid. He's a stand up guy though. Don cash fell off the back of the truck big deal you got 17 and a half year bid stand up guy though don't tell your friends then telling his friends he's doing the time like a man respect him yes sooner on his feet doing his little wolf paws yes i'm sitting caleb williams because he cried to his mama a strong italian man like me would never have an unhealthy relationship with his mother like that it's not something that we do. Why are you saying this? I'm saying in Italian culture, we never have

too close relationships with our mothers. That's bad. We don't live with them for forever and have them cook all of our meals. Even after we get married, it's weird to be so attached to your mother as an Italian. I'm saying that I'm my sleeper is Russell Wilson. He's a sleeper. He's got a tender little calf in Italy. We call that veal the veal parmesan Little tender calf. Yes, bring me my bib because I'm eating every ounce of that motherfucker. Yes Okay, my my stardom was gonna be chiefsaholic, but I'm gonna change it. My stardom is Dan Hurley rule of the jungle Wanna go in the jungle well fuck with us oh I forgot to say my name is Guido D- uh- uh- Du- Du- Dula-sepe.

Hey- hey Guido Dula-sepe. What's up D- D- D- Dula-sepe? Guido Dula-sepe. Uh, but yeah, Dan Hurley, my stardom. He's a ruler of the jungle. You don't wanna come in this jungle. Ruler of the jungle. My sitem is Brazil.

Sit down on your big fat ass Brazil because guess what there's a new sheriff in town His name is Big Dom. Don't you try anything big Dom's ready for it Don't you ask him the keys to nothing on his way back home? Oh fuck that one. Hey Brazil. I would love them know what uh Yeah, some of us do our job Hank would hate I hate would it Hank would hate job Hank would hate I think with Hank would hate Greenland no call what's his green he guys he go there he go there I go dogs to Hank would he Hank would land in Greenland be like he talks to Hank lands in Greenland he says where's the pin I could hate the Pacific Ocean no golf I might my sleeper is Hank cuz all

he does is fucking sleep He was sleeping on the couch just a second ago, but he slept Hey, oh he lifted a hand up. We should have woken Hank up early so we didn't nap for so long. Yeah Bottom of the heart I'm sorry for not. Hey, sorry. I never said that okay I might have changed my last two because of you What did you say about Brazil? He said no big cat would hate Brazil because they don't have Twitter saying I'm a just no, oh yeah I didn't say that's it. Did you do Twitter? That's a time. That's a timely joke Hank. Yeah

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for trying to make a timely joke on this this podcast I'm sorry for joking about golf Hank can't exist and you're sleeping Yeah, I mean the sleeping I don't really know like we should put a bed in here The couch is fine. Yeah 9 a.m. Till you know midnight like there's a couple hours. There's a long day It's not going to do it. So I just why do you work out in the morning when you know you have hours in the afternoon? Because there was no time There's a long day. It's a long to do so I just why do you work out in the morning when you know you have hours in the afternoon? Because there was no time Like in the afternoon that I work out with oh got it. I was like, huh the random dude. Yeah Mm-hmm. I think you're a chick train Daniel. No, that was his last one. That was in Jersey. Oh, yeah Yeah, she liked you. She didn't like me. Oh, she didn't she was like a she was older

Oh, you had know old lady train you For like a month. Yeah stupid What'd you do like underwater aerobics no, we just Richard Simmons, I mean I think I didn't work Obviously obviously obviously Okay, let's get to our interview with Paul Skeets. We're going to get to Paul Skeets in a second. He's brought to you by Coors Light. If there's a big rivalry game coming up this weekend, you can choose chill with the world's

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Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Instacart or GoPuff by going to CoorsLight.com slash take. And now here's Paul Skeens Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest Phenom, can I say Phenom? You can say whatever you want. Okay pitching Phenom. It is Pittsburgh Pirates starting pitcher Paul Skeens I think Phenom. I think you what else have you been like you Phenom how early in your life? Were you like Phenom how early in your life were you like phenom or next up had to be within the last year so wasn't when you were like 13 everyone's like oh man this guy's no he's the guy no when I was 13 I was probably hitting 11th

in our travel ball games seriously yeah that's crazy what happened just grew grew into my body one day I'll grow yeah too, yeah. Yeah, it'll happen. I guess now you are a phenom. I think that's what you call a rookie. Yeah. A rookie is a phenom, but you were never a prodigy. You weren't like an ace at a young age. So was it like you put on weight, you grew,

and then you just became a dominant pitcher? Yeah, I mean, the pitching thing happened really recently. I put on weight and I grew You know when I was a senior in high school freshman in college Had a big growth spurt and then kept putting on weight But I was a I went to college as a catcher. Yeah, you were you were like an incredible catcher I read something that basically if a scout was like yeah, Paul skeens caught five games and will be right now He'd be one of the best catchers out there

Yeah, I'm trying to convince I was talking to one of my teammates about that the other day Connor Joe and who also caught in college And he asked me You know if there was one position other than pitcher that you could play on the field What would it be and I said catcher and he just started laughing. I'm like, no, I'm serious Yeah, like I'm really trying to convince them that I can catch. But, uh, yeah, probably for good reason. They don't, they don't really believe me. Wait, you could get injured back there a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait. So that this fastening. So you were in high school, you were a catcher. Did you,

you pitched as well a little bit? Yeah. It kind of just, it was just, Hey, let's go pull out the pocket radar and see how hard we can throw. So how hard were you throwing in high school? Like 88. That's nuts. And then you went to Air Force for a couple of years. You were still catching then. Yeah. And then when you went to LSU, is that when

you started pitching? Or you started pitching? Full time. OK. Yeah, I mean, I was pitching. I closed my freshman year at Air Force and started on Fridays, my sophomore At Air Force and then went to LSU and it was when I transferred I wanted to be the the two-way player

Hitting the fall all through the fall, but they were like you're not catching and I was like you know that's that's fair But yeah hit through the fall and then pitch through the fall And then they just stopped putting me in in BP groups Yeah, and I those kind of where the writing was on the wall. Oh, you just showed up one day and you just weren't in your BP group. Yeah, I didn't see my name on the wall. So I was like, all right, I guess I guess we're gonna, you know, try this pitching thing out and see if we can win a national championship. So you were a catcher at Air Force and then you would also you would take the pads off and then you go out on the mound and you'd close that same game? So my yeah so my first uh my first series ever was actually at LSU and uh it was during COVID so the the it was like 25 or 30 percent capacity um but I caught

I don't know seven or eight innings and then took the pads off and went down to the bullpen and I just remember the fans down the the because the bullpens are on the line like and the fans are right on top you at LSU and And they're you know, oh they're out of pitching. They're bringing their catcher in that kind of thing and I came in and We won But I did give up a homerun to uh to Dylan Cruz great player good player really good player Dude, this is insane. So I didn't fully realize that like so have you had I mean I would assume you've had moments where you've had to like step back and be like this has all happened

in basically two years because you went to LSU you win a national title you start pitching full time you're the number one pick and then before it's even a year past the national title you're pitching in major league baseball throwing like 11 strikeouts a game. Like that's, that's insane. Has anyone ever sat down and been like, this isn't how it usually goes? This is, this is nuts. Yeah. I mean, people, people talk about it, but, um, I don't know. It, you know, nobody, nobody's a trajectory is the same. Yeah. Um, it's not linear, you know, nobody progresses through this game, you know

The same way so I don't I don't this is kind of how my journey is that's kind of what I've realized and not to say that it's never happened before or that it's not going to happen again, but Definitely definitely cool to take a step back back but it's just baseball at the end yeah wait so when was the when was the first time do you remember the first time you threw a hundred and you're like oh shit that feels different um I think it was at LSU yeah we had a fall game I think it was against like Nichols State and right after the Alabama game when they were running on,

you know, they mobbed the field and all that, but so it was a pretty cool couple. Yeah, yeah. And then I think they had the track man pulled up in the dugout and it said 100 on there. And I came into the dugout after I pitched and they were like, hey, you just hit 100. And I looked on the sheet, the next day,

cause we'll get a sheet with our actual VELOs, movement profiles, that kind of thing. And it said 99.5. And I was like, ah, kidding me. I didn't actually hit 100. So I think it was during the season at some point. They should round up for every other number except 100. Except 100.

Yes, 100. And then 90 in high school or college, whenever you hit 90 for the first time I think I think that's the same way Yeah, those are two big milestones. Yeah, so do you think you could catch yourself? I think so. Yeah. Yeah, I Mean it should be easy, right? I mean I yeah We I'm sure there's like a with all the different batting cages and like Trevor Bowers hole like thing Like I'm sure you could mimic Paul Skeen's throwing and you catching. Yeah. Well, there's there's some called a trajectory now and I've never that that's

what I think all the big league teams have. I know we have it is just it's basically a machine that I think it's like a screen that you know shows the pitcher going through their delivery and then the ball coming out and it's all your pitches and so you can put it into a, which is honestly pretty tough for pitchers because hitters have faced you however many times they even step in. But so guys can step in and hit off themselves

or so I could catch myself, I just don't think. Could you hit yourself? I could, I don't think anybody would like that if I stepped in there and did it. I could if I wanted't think anybody would like that if I could, if I wanted to. I imagine that being a catcher, it prepared you to be a pitcher. Yeah, because you see it from a different perspective, right? Yeah. And I think being a hitter also, but definitely, I

mean, just just seeing the game from the the other side of it. That was something I was super lucky with. When I was at Air Force, we got scouting reports reports and then they were just like, hey you're gonna call the game and because you know college, the coach calls it and then you you put the fingers down whatever. But from the beginning when I was at Air Force from you know my first game there because it's a leadership exercise that's basically how our head coach put it. So I was calling the game from my first game

that I was catching at LSU or whatever, my freshman year, thinking the game that way. And I think it's only helped me to this point. Yeah. I read that you were considering both Navy and Air Force for college. Did you pick Air Force because the Navy doesn't have F-15s?

No. That's why I would have picked. Yeah. Yeah. I had a couple of uncles who were in the Navy and one of them was on a sub and one of them was on a destroyer and they're both 6'5". So it's pretty tight. Yeah. You're walking around like that. So I think that at the time I thought the lifestyle and the Air Force would have been a little bit better. I think that I you know at the time I thought the lifestyle in the Air Force would have been a little bit better I thought at when I committed I was probably like 6-3 and I was like yeah fine f-16s would be sick and then I hop in an f-16 when I'm 6-5 6-6 in the back seat I'm like alright this yeah it kind of sucks are you done growing because it feels like you might

not I think so I don't know you I because it feels like you might not I think so I don't know you I mean it feels like every if you if you grew that late you might still have another What if you end up being six seven? Oh Man, yeah, I definitely wouldn't be flying up Yeah, good thing about the Air Force is there are a few different planes that you can fly yeah Yeah, where did you want to fly see 17s? Okay, you know by the time it was all said and done when I was at Air Force That's that's what we flew to all our way trips At the Air Force Academy, you know

they would be flying, you know their own missions and just fly through Colorado Springs take us to wherever we need to go and And it like if you if you guys have never seen a c17, it's it's awesome. Yeah, it's huge Yeah, and's huge. Yeah. And one of the recruiting pitches that players would give us was, hey, while we're flying to North Carolina or California or wherever, we can play wiffle ball while we're on the plane because it's that big inside. And I never did that, but we could have.

Yeah, that's so bad ass though. C-17 picks up Air Force and take them on road trips Yeah, it just works out perfectly and c-17s. I think are the biggest The most common airplane for ex Air Force baseball players to fly so every time we fly basically We have an ex Air Force baseball player, which it's it's awesome. Just you know having a 2010 grad flying around 20. I was a 24 grad You know flying me around and it grad flying around, I was a 24 grad, flying me around, and he was there 10 years before I was, 15 years before I was, whatever it is, just like the legacy of it.

That was really cool. That is awesome. And you still are very active, you do stuff with the Gary Sinise Foundation, which helps veterans, and so what kind of stuff have you been doing with them? Yeah, I mean really just trying to raise as much money as possible I think it's a hundred dollars a strikeout that I'm donating and

obviously trying to you know, just basically get as much support as possible just because there you know, they're they're a really good foundation that Does a lot for veterans, first responders and their families. And that's something that, you know, we can never fully repay them for what they've done for us. Yeah, agreed.

So, you know, it's never going to be enough, but it's a step. Yeah, that's awesome. How many more starts do you have left this year? And got a month left or something. Yeah, probably four or five around there. Yeah, you know what I'll match Oh, I'll double that I'll double love that's gonna double. I'm gonna match. I'm just matching big cats double I'm doubling for the record. So 200 a strikeout 200 strike. Yeah, I'll do 100. Okay, you're very You're very good at pitching, so I don't want to do 200. All right, I'm matching.

I'm doubling. I'm doubling. I've doubled. Love it. Yeah. What's crazy is that I think I said yesterday that Ted Williams is the only player, in terms of unbreakable stats, that hit 400 in a season

and also shot down four enemy aircraft. I feel like you are probably the only hope to break that record ever mmm yeah I don't the 400 would probably be tough yeah I might have to get like two at bats and get one hit yeah in a little picture that counts especially with the no DH now but that that would count yeah the four enemy aircraft actually might be the harder one in that. But you're at least in the conversation. You're in the conversation.

You're next up on the tech bullet. Yeah, we started the conversation. Yeah. I got to ask a question about the game earlier. I think it was last month, or no, it was in July against Milwaukee. hitter through seven and they take you out yeah we pissed um be honest you could be fully honest we'll cut all this yeah and I was more pissed at myself because I was at like 98 pitches or something like that and I was I was I was tired oh you were yeah and that's that's what our it was the outing right before the all-star break. I was I

Was tired to be you need to like have like a sign in your back pocket where you can take it out and be like I'm tired guys because I was mad for you. Yeah, I wish I had known I should have been not mad I was also at 60 pitches I think through three innings so I was I was really just and that was one of the games where, you know, guys will say like, you have 30 starts in a year, you're going to feel great for 10 of them, you're going to feel terrible for 10 of them, and then whatever, 10, you're going to, you know, it could go either way. Something like that. I've heard that a number of different ways, but that was kind of one of the ones where I just woke up and didn't feel great. Yeah, day games are tough.

So that was one where it was almost like, we better get the pen going in the second because we'll see how far we can get with this. And then you end up going no hitter through seven. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of funny how that works. But yeah, that was, like I said, I was more pissed at myself because I was at 60 pitches through three innings

Okay, so we can't be we can't be mad about that one because I and I guess you you have a long career It's smart to take you out if you're tired, but I also every time there's a no-hitter or a perfect game I'm like if you think it was a perfect game, would you stayed in? Would you have at least fought for yourself to stay in? Yeah, I mean and that's that's one thing that You know, I fight for myself to my, you know, to an extent with all these games. Because there are games where I throw 100 pitches and I feel like I could throw 50 more,

and there are games where I throw 85, and you know, all right, that's it. So it really is game to game like that, because I think we are stupid sports fans where we're like, 100 pitches is always the number in our head. Like once you get over a hundred, oh man, this is, but it's, there's some days where it's like I could throw 150, no problem. Yeah. And I think, um, I think that is one of the perks of being 22 probably. Yeah. Um, cause I would, I would do that pretty routinely last year, um, at LSE and I, you know, we

were all comfortable with it you know I would feel good the next day my body was just built up and I think it is you know still built up but that is also this is the longest season I've ever played because I've basically been full go since you know the start of spring training yeah in February till now so as opposed to whatever February through June in college. So that it's an adjustment. Yeah. So with the transition to the rookie year, I remember Jamar Chase, LSU guy, when he started

playing with the Bengals in practice, he was like, it's going to take a second to get used to the ball. There's no white stripes on the ball in the NFL. But this might be a dumb question. In baseball, is there a difference between the college ball and the major league baseball? Yeah, big time. And I actually like the big league ball more.

But the seams on a college ball are, the college balls are pretty bad. And because the seams vary so much, you know, you get one with big seams, small seams, and then you can feel how hard the baseball is, how soft it is, that kind of thing. Just because they're cheaply made. You can feel it with the college balls.

And I think up to double A. Double A is kind of like the college ball. But then triple A in the big leagues, we use the same balls. And then spring training we use we use big league balls also and I threw with big league balls the the entire offseason, so I think that the you look at numbers guys with with you know 18 vert fastballs in college will get to

throw with Major League balls and it'll be a 14 vert fastball for example. Like everything just kind of moves a little bit less with a big league ball, but they're more consistent. They're, I don't know, they feel better in my hand. So it's an adjustment to make. I think some guys hate it. Some guys love it.

I'm probably on the love it side, but yeah, it's definitely an adjustment how many Strikeouts do you have a number in your head that you have to reach where you don't have to worry about baby Gronk anymore No, okay You think you could throw like infinity strikeouts you'd still have to worry about baby Gronk. No, oh, it's the other way Yeah, okay. You don't have to worry about baby Gronk? Yeah. Okay. All right. Good. That's good. I don't know if I was ever in your head. You're like baby Gronk. Oh, he's trying to rizz up my girlfriend. Don't worry about this. Like I'm at

the ballpark. Where's baby Gronk? No, never worried about that. All right, good. I think you you're taking the right approach. Yeah, but I just wanted to make sure because we'll take care of baby Gronk for you if you need us to. No, I don't. Yeah know I don't yeah Social media or anything like that smart very really smart Yeah, that's stuff cuz I don't I will don't even want to start talking about the Rizler and what could the Rizlers? He's next up. I don't even know who that is. Yeah, yeah, and that's how I was with baby Gronk or whatever How long did it take for somebody to explain to you

what was happening during the baby Gronk thing? I'm online, and it still took somebody like 30 minutes for me to get it. It was basically like someone speaking Chinese to me. Yeah. Somebody, I don't know, sent it to me or something. What? All right, whatever.

Baby Gronk? Just some more stupid internet stuff. Yep. That's pretty much what it was, stupid internet stuff. That's it. OK, we're not worried about baby Gronk. And thank God you don't know who the Rizzlers. Maybe I'll tell you afterwards because. Yeah, whatever.

He's like seven and he's a phenom. Oh, great. Yeah. Paul Skeens is being brought to you by Verizon. We're excited for the best time of year. Football season. Verizon can help you win Sunday and be fully prepared for football watching with NFL Sunday Ticket, meaning you get your favorite teams out of market games every Sunday afternoon.

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I love looking. Definitely depends. Looking, looking is sweet. Yeah. Especially, I mean, not, especially not one of those where, um, you know, one of those cheap ones where the umpire gives it to you Yeah, and they're arguing but like one where you just like kind of beat him. Yeah He's sitting something else and you throw the you know, exactly what he's thinking, right? I just love whenever you whenever a pitcher like freezes a guy up because there's no there's no worse feeling of like I didn't

Even get to swing the bat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But do you have a favorite strikeout? Like from this year? Yeah. Or, or yeah, maybe a bat or from LSU. Probably. But I don't know. I, if there were one favorite it would definitely be a looking strikeout. I'll say that I Don't know maybe I don't even remember my first strikeout was looking yeah, I mean yeah I guess my first strikeout all-star game you had a strikeout right or no. Oh you didn't know man I can tell the kind of a bust. Yeah You shouldn't have started yeah, that's going on baby Gronk's bulletin board. When did you strikeouts the All-Star game? Yeah. When did you find out that you were going to start? Because we were saying like two weeks before. Yeah that if baseball is smart, they will make sure that you start in the All-Star game

yes, I was on the Dan Patrick show and The day after my start in Milwaukee, we had just gotten to Chicago. We were playing the White Sox and Doing the podcast on the Dan Patrick show and our PR guy texted me said hey if you make sure to keep your phone on while you're I'm doing this thing on the laptop and he texts me make sure to keep your phone on and if you get a call from whatever area code answer it I'm like all right like I think I know what this is then if I'm going to answer a it. I'm like, all right, like, I think I know what this is, then if I'm going to answer a call while I'm on the Dan Patrick show.

But Torrey Lavello is the manager and he ends up calling Dan, I think, and he was like, hey, you know, I chose you to start the All-Star game, and I was like, oh, okay. I didn't say yes or no. He was like, do you accept? I'm like, yeah, okay. And I didn't say yes or no. He was like, do you accept? I'm like, yeah, of course I accept.

He told me on air, my parents, my family, everyone's watching it, so that everybody found out at the same time that I did, basically, while it was live on air. Yeah, that's very cool. Where do you stand on Robot Ops? I like the challenge system. That's what we had in triple a yeah I really I do like the human part of the game, which is kind of probably ironic to say but

We have a really good catcher yells money grand all and that that's obviously how I came up I mean grand all You know Henry Joey Bart like they're they can all catch they all receive. And that's part of the game is just stealing strikes. And it's also part of the game of, you know, the cat and mouse game between the catcher, the pitcher, the umpire, all of it. So I think if we're gonna go anywhere with it, the challenge system, but I think it's,

I think full on robot oms is, it kind of just removes the purpose of a catcher a little bit You know de incentivizes Framing and yeah, you know making stuff. Yeah good which is you know I for the longest time I wanted to be a big league catcher and Some I'm biased there. I kind of agree with that too And we always say that it's good to have somebody get mad at so if Yeah, always always over. Yeah, you like the young fucked us on this one with a robot

You can't really say that although you'd probably remember that pitch. I think it was against the Cubs, right? There was a there was one last night. There was one It was against the Cubs a couple weeks ago where it was like 11 inches outside the strike zone But it was a position player throwing it so the umpire was like strike. Let's get out of here. Yeah in a 14 run ballgame. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was yeah, that was quite a game You you had to feel good though your manager having your back last night Yeah, yeah, cuz that was like a he I think he's was like, no you talked to me yelling at the ump Yeah, that was odd. That was the first time I've ever had something like that. Yeah in In my career cuz that's not a thing in college

Because I guess the ump was mad you kind of walked off but like yeah I don't know that's that's another thing you know Yaz is is a really good cat he fools me all the time with those especially to the to the you know to my glove side he's just so good at moving the ball there and I thought it was like you know well within the zone I look back and it was you know a baller ball and half outside But yeah, I didn't you know just kind of I thought he was you know stepping back to ring him up or something like that Yeah, yeah, that's what I love about umpires though is that like they they will get I'm not saying this guy did it last night But they have egos too, and so you kind of respect them so you could throw a strike And then they're gonna be like nah fuck that guy. He didn't walk off on me. That's a ball

Yeah, get back, and then I'll start yelling at your manager to like get you in line I just it's fun having big egos like Joe West those kind of guys and they're not always great for the players I understand that but it's fans at home that enjoy chaos that to me is like part of the charm of baseball Yeah, just yes the world burn a little yeah, it was cool cuz Doug came up to me after and You know basically said yeah world burn a little. Yeah, it was cool. Because Doug came up to me after and, you know, basically said, yeah, it's cool to to watch you pitch from behind the plate, that kind of thing. I got he said, like, he has five more years and he's looking forward to having me again and that kind of thing. So kind of a, it was cool. Yeah, yeah. And it well. Yeah, yeah.

You don't seem like a guy that would try to show somebody up. Now. And that's one thing that I was thinking about also is, you know, did I do anything? Because we're like, you know, like he said, I'm you know, I that was the first time I had ever had him You know behind the plate for one of my starts, but I know I'll have him again You know all these that that is that's really cool about the big leagues for me You know it when I'm in college Up until the transfer portal thing You know, when I'm in college, up until the transfer portal thing, we're facing a team like, I'm not going to play with those guys, you know, for at least, you know, three or four years until maybe I get to pro ball, and they're on the same team. Transfer portal, it's a little different

because you can play anyone and they're on your team the next year. But that's how pro ball is. You know, you could trade for somebody, claim off waivers, that kind of thing. Anyway, it's cool for me to think about how anyone on the Cubs could be on our team next year and I could be playing with them. You could be on the Cubs. Yeah, it's just, we could all be playing together so it doesn't make any sense for me to have anyone

on my bad side. And we're gonna be playing against each other forever. So it'd be cool if you reunited with Dylan Cruz at some point in DC. That would be cool. That would be awesome. Yeah, he'd love to see that. Yeah, we got him this weekend, but yeah, that'd be cool. He's a guy I would love to play with.

You mentioned like triple A ball and you did play at triple A to start the season. What was it like, so you pitched 27 innings and you had 45 strikeouts. Was that just the coolest thing ever being like, this is so easy for me? Yeah. I mean, there were some growing pains there because I had a pitch count every outing. pitch count every outing. Oh, okay. And I was, it was extremely frustrating for me to, cause I'm learning how to pitch in pro ball really.

And a lot of these guys are big league hitters that are down there and getting called back up, that kind of rehab guys, that kind of thing. So I'm pitching against big leagueers essentially. And it was, you know, I would have an outing where I'm at 60 pitches in three innings and I'd get pulled and I you know

I just be pissed for a week until I pitched the next time like so that that was the That was the tough part for me. You know, I was striking people out whatever 45 strikeouts. Yeah I was almost striking too many people out. I think because it was so inefficient Trying to learn how to because I'm you know because I'm getting a three, two counts too often and I did that yesterday too. So it was frustrating for me on that end is just trying to, because I can strike out however many people I want

in three innings, but that's not, there are still six innings left to play in the game. So I gotta cover my innings. That's kind of how I was thinking about it. As I was building up, I'm like, this is how it's gonna have to be when I get to the show. I was really just learning how to pitch and pro ball against these big leaguers. When you get a 0-2 count, are you ever like, I'm not wasting one. Let me just strike him

out right here. Yeah, it depends. I think sometimes it's like that and sometimes I Mean if there are runners on it's it's different, but sometimes I play around too much Yeah, more than I should but yeah, so you know still learning getting cute Yeah, they're like upset with you in triple a ball because they can't see you pitch out of the stretch enough I don't know how he does the runners on big Yeah, yeah, so you are you throwing a slinker yeah they call it a splinker I call it the sinker oh splinker what's the difference split and

sinker yeah what's the difference between the two so the splitter is like a true you split the ball yeah in between your fingers or you obviously in between your fingers but based kind of more in the middle of the ball the sinker It's usually fingers together, and it's just you know you throw it harder, and it moves down an arm So I split my fingers a little bit I don't split the ball But I split my fingers a little bit and it just comes off my fingers in a way that it breaks spin

And it makes the ball move down basically Not necessarily More than anybody else. It's just a little bit different, I think. I just like the name, The Splicker. Splicker's a great name. Have you thought about throwing an EFIS? No.

Gyro Ball? Off-season project. Yes. Dude, the EFIS would fuck people up. Like every now and then. I'm not saying every game, but if you had an EFIS just every, I don't know, once a month month it would work

Yeah, cuz no one would expect it. Yeah, slow form. Yeah, is that Granky? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Granky used to do it It was so much fun, too. You're like, what was that? Yeah, and actually the only thing the only downside of the EFIS I feel like um, still not a column Yeah, the the one that was 11 inches out of the strike zone. Yeah, I get that call. Yeah, yeah, that'd be nice Yeah, so are you working on new pitches during the season or is that strictly an off-season thing? I think it depends. When I was in college last year, when I was at LSU,

I was holding a baseball one day and I'm like, oh, this grip feels good and started throwing it. I wanted it to be a gyro slider, basically. I was throwing the sweeper. I wanted it to be a gyro slider, basically. I was throwing the sweeper. I wanted it to be something that was more down and, just straight down, basically. And then I ended up throwing it, and it's a full on curve ball,

which is what I'm throwing now. And I started throwing it the next outing. And that was how I did it last year. And it just worked, but I Haven't felt the need to do that this year. Yeah So, you know, we'll see where we're at next year probably an offseason thing if I'm going to add stuff Yeah, just haven't felt the need to do that this year I love the idea of you just holding a baseball and be like, oh that I'm holding it differently than I've held it before

Let's see if I can throw it like this. That's how pitch design, I mean, that, you know, that's pretty much all my pitches. Yeah, you should just carry around a baseball with you at all times. Yeah, I've had a few pitching coaches tell me I should, you know, drive around, have at least one baseball in my truck, you just hold it, just play around with it.

That feels good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's something to it. That's how I figured out the sinker, Splinker. And so I figured out the curve ball change up way back. So yeah.

It'd be funny if you were out at a restaurant, somebody's like, I think that's Paul skeins, but I'm not sure. And you're just holding a baseball. So funny story on that. That's how I knew I was going to go to LSU because we were, I'm touring, I'm on my official visit there and I'm touring around, um, went to the football stadium, touring the campus, that kind of thing. And then we're going to dinner. We're going to, you know, touring the campus, that kind of thing. And then we're going to dinner,

we're going to whatever steakhouse it was with the coaches and it's just me and Jay Johnson, our head coach, Wes Johnson, the pitching coach, and then Josh Jordan, our recruiting coordinator. So just me and three, they're all like five, five, five, six, and then me. And so it was kind of funny, but Wes was the pitching coach. He made me take a ball so we could go there

and talk pitch grips. And then within like 10 minutes of us being at dinner, I'm like, I'd be an idiot not to go here. He just made me bring a baseball to Rooster Teeth or whatever it was. I'm holding it while we're getting our calamari and that kind of thing. And he's telling me about, you know,

oh, this is this, you know, seam shifted, whatever. And so I was like, yeah, this is is how I know I'm going to Ellis. Yeah. That sounds like it's a good fit. Yeah. Also just dawn on me. I never even thought about it, but you're kind of right. Like, I feel like all college coaches are just like short, angry guys. They do have a breed to college baseball coaches. Yeah, that's how we we had this.

I think we had the shortest coaching staff in the country when I was there. yeah, cuz I maybe it's because like I feel like catchers make really good coaches So it's a lot of catchers who are shorter. Yeah. Yeah, but it does like I when I close my eyes I think of a college baseball coach. It's like a five five angry guy super tan. Yes, never never worn sunscreen Yeah, yeah, like actually uncomfortably tan. Yeah, we're like, it's should he get that checked out? Yeah Yeah, I love that. I read that you were you were a narc in college. Oh dark. Yeah, is that true? depends who you ask You would you would you would patrol around the the dorms and be like that guy's beds not good enough Oh, so so yeah, so so we had gosh, what was it called?

Your your rooms have to be anI, is what it's called. AM inspection is, that's how it is. Freshmen, your rooms had to be in SAMI condition, Saturday morning inspection. And we were, I forget what the job was called. But we're in our squadron, there are 40 squadrons, and then you have, I can't even remember how many elements and flights there are, just the breakdown of it. But everybody has a job within the squadron. And so my job is basically to inspect

other people's rooms, other squadron's rooms during the day when I'm not in class and that kind of thing. That's just how we do it. So I go to someone's room and it was pretty tough. You can't have your locks unlocked while you're there because that's a security violation. You got to, you know, if you have classified documents and that kind of thing. We're kind of just training for, you know, to be in the operational Air Force and, you know, locks were unlocked. He had a big Chicago Bulls flag on... Contraband. Yeah, contraband. Yeah, contraband.

And I was like, if I put my name, I was just thinking, like, I'm a sophomore. If I put my name on this and, you know, a major or a lieutenant colonel or something walks by and sees this and sees that I gave this guy a passing score when it's clearly not a passing score. Which might clearly not a passing score. Yeah. And which might have been a little bit paranoid on my part, but I was like, screw it, this guy needs to clean his room. And I wrote like, I don't know, whatever, 50% or whatever. Was he your friend?

No, I didn't know him. Oh, that's gotta suck to see, like, turn on the TV and see you dominating, be like, that was the guy. Yeah. Yeah. That was the narc. Maybe he was right. Maybe that inspires him to clean his. What would you give this room? We keep it pretty tidy in here.

Oh, yeah. We pass? Well, I mean, it looks fun. I mean, you're not sleeping in here or anything, right? I got classified. People have slept in here. Oh, yeah. I don't know.

This wouldn't be in the condition that the Air Force is over here. I got classified out here. But it's a pretty cool room. We've also had the last. I do have this. The last month we've been like, we're going to clean. We're going to clean.

Oh, that's sick. F15 Eagle, 104 and 0. Yeah. All time record. 104 and 0. Love it. Never been shot down. Yeah.

Classified. This might be a dumb question, because it kind of shows that I don't have a lot of ambition. But I always dream about being a major league baseball player not pitching but the days off. Are they awesome? especially after you win So I do it differently, okay, I think if you ask somebody else it would be a different answer but I 90% of the time we have a day off. I'm at the field just alright So yeah

This is my lack of ambition where I'm just like I would love to win a game and then just like fuck around for four days. Yeah position players, 95% of them don't come to the field. You need your days off but some guys come to lift and you know hot tub, cold tub, whatever it is. But yeah, I don't, a lot of guys golf or do whatever on the day off. You just love being at the field? The way I see it, if I pitch, I pitch every six days and if the off day falls on the fourth day, I gotta stay on schedule. That's just how I am.

But yeah, not everybody. Probably why you're really good at pitching. Yeah, I mean it's not. I basically daydream about the days off. I'd be like, I'm on vacation right now. Yeah, and there are times where I need a day off too. I mean, it's such a long season. Yeah, it is, it's crazy.

Yeah, it's literally three times as long as the college season. Yeah, and you were talking earlier about you were a Friday night guy but you were the guy that would get the ball in his hands on Friday nights and I you can sense like a Big sense of pride when you say I was the Friday night guy Yeah so I think I said that when I was because that's what I was when I was at Air Force and I basically Convinced the art coach to let me pitch on Friday so that I could start or so that I could catch on Sundays because I couldn't catch on Friday and then throw

on Sunday which is what he wanted me to do at the beginning and we just figured out that that like I couldn't do that my arm would feel terrible and because we did that in the fall and yeah so that's you know I pitched on Fridays at Air Force and I pitched on Fridays at LSU obviously too. So, but that started just because I wanted to catch on Fridays. Did any pitchers ask you to maybe not throw it back so hard? Maybe at one point.

That's like. I never even, it just dawned on me like Paul Skeens is throwing it back to you. That kind of sucks. That was a, hey dude, that pitch sucked. So dude That pitch sucked. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah Other than that, I just lob it back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you think you could compete in the home run derby? Not right now Okay, I do think I think it was Marco Gonzalez

One of our other pitchers who told, he said this earlier this year, they need to have a pitchers home run derby. Yes, oh I like that. Yeah, and at the end of my hitting career, I was hitting like twice a week, because that's all they would let me do, because they were like, you know, we need to manage your back and your hips,

and you know, your shoulders, that kind of thing. So I'd hit twice a week, and I just completely lost feel for it, and I was just spraying balls to right field That's the only place I could hit it. That's the only I was hitting them out to right field but Could not pull the ball at all. So yeah, if we did a home run derby, I would be just peppering it Over the manet wall. That's a great idea. Like I would watch watch the hell. I mean shohei would just derby. Yeah Isn't it he's about to win the mvp. Yeah, he's just a freak like you know being in the game and pitching every six days like

How insane is it that he's doing this where it's just he does everything? Yeah, it's it's crazy And I think one of the reasons that because my body didn't feel great when I would two-way Yeah, but I was a righty hitter righty pitcher, so I think It might help him a little bit to be a righty pitcher and a lefty hitter. Yeah, balance it all out. But regardless, that's unbelievable. Like, I've never been in the locker room with him. It but so I've never seen how hard he works and that kind of thing. But it has to be just unbelievable work ethic,

intensity and all of it like yeah to go out there and do that it's it's not unbelievable is there one guy that has hit exceptionally well off you like is there a guy that you're very careful around already feels like I mean definitely him yeah yeah I'm not gonna look it up I feel like you've played against the Cubs a lot. Yeah, we have I probably shouldn't Hold on just yeah. Yeah. Yeah classified information. No, our ops are listening I don't know. I'd have yeah, the Cubs are tough to face. They're not they really are No, they are they're not that tough

All right, let's see Cody Bollinger's two for seven off of you That's not great. Nico's got a home run off you. He's two for five. He's probably the best and then yeah So that's yeah, you can't get Nico out. There you go. Yeah Is the Paul stopper? Yeah, he's also got two case but that's oh no He has actually hasn't he hasn't gotten struck out by you But yeah, so there it is Nico Horner's. Yeah, he's the Paul stopper. We got one. I guess so. Yeah. All right So I this has been awesome. We're gonna like I said, it's great that you're doing this work with the Gary Sinise Foundation We're gonna match

For the rest of the season. I'm gonna double so go get some more strikeouts I had one last question row back question our H o B RH OB HK comm promo code take 20% off first purchase Q zips polos hoodies joggers shorts row back comm promo code take Pittsburgh we love Pittsburgh it's the fans the people the city it's like one of our favorite cities head do you feel like you're finally home at Pittsburgh I know you've had a crazy last couple years but like have you had a chance to enjoy the city and be like, this place rocks? Yeah, it's a cool place.

Stadium's obviously really cool. Only problem is the rain. I mean, that's just, I think my first six or seven outings at home, there was some sort of rain delay or it was raining when we started the game or something like that, or it rained that day, whatever. But fans are great. Stadium's awesome. Just beautiful to look out there. I live outside the city a little bit and so we, I don't go into the city a ton. They have a Keynes in the city so I go in there to get that sometimes.'ve we've spent some off days in there. It's a cool place to hang out and

You know just it's just a really cool place Yeah, talk to Todd graves get something on the menu at Kansas where it's the the Pittsburgh style where it's the tenders and the fries Yeah, I've never had what is that per Manny brother? Yeah, I've never had a sandwich from there. It's good really good Yeah, it's very good. Yeah, but I've never had a sandwich from there. It's good really good. Yeah, it's very good Yeah, but I've heard about that. Yeah, have you have you talked to anybody on the Steelers? Is there a relationship there like if they need an emergency quarterback? Not yet. I haven't I haven't talked to anyone yet Do you have a pro team because you were from California who you did you root for NFL team? No Steelers just say Steelers Steelers Who you did you root for NFL team? No Steelers just say Steelers Steelers

That's gonna be like that's gonna lead the seven o'clock news in Pittsburgh, yeah Paul skein says he's always been a Steelers fan Pittsburgh there's other sports teams, but you guys are the baseball Steelers. Yeah, and then there's the hockey Steelers Yeah Yeah. Yep. They're just always thinking about it That is one thing that's interesting about the fans. I think they're all Steelers fans Yeah, that just come to the games. They're just they come to Yell and and I've never been in the in the stand So I'm just having a gas they're coming to yell and drink and just have a good time. Yeah Which makes it fun to be out there. Yeah, they're rowdy. Yeah, you got to go to a Steelers game this year. Yeah, I do. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a great city. I mean, it's walking distance. It's right there. Yeah. It is one of our favorite cities because it's just, I don't know. They're great people, and they love their sports, and they also love food that's not healthy for you, which is something that we love as well.

Yeah, no, it's one of a kind city. Yeah. Well, Paul, thank you so much, man We really appreciate you stopping by anytime you're in Chicago, which again, I feel like you pitched against Cubs like every other day Yeah, it's at least twice of twice a year. Yeah at this point. Yeah, they were coming out here and yeah And that was my four-star against the cut. I know it was a I seriously I was like what the fuck Why is he doing this again? Yeah. Yeah, but thanks so much, man. We appreciate you stopping by. Yeah. No, I appreciate you guys. Yeah. Thanks, man Welcome back to another fire fest of the week brought to you by our friends at Morgan and Morgan

You know, it really sucks having a loud dog living next to you and you can't figure out how to make it be quiet And you don't get any sleep and then you come into work and you're grumpy, that really stinks. You know what really stinks? Being tired during the day, taking a nap and then having your coworkers just assault you for exercising your right to take a little snooze midday. It stinks. You know what doesn't stink? Calling Morgan & Morgan so they can help get you what you deserve.

While they can't help Hank catch his Z's and wake up refreshed, they can help to fight you get full and fair compensation when you're injured. They're fees free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com slash PMT or dial pound law at pound five two nine from your cell phone. For more information, go to forthepeople.com slash PMT or dial pound law, which is pound five two nine from your cell phone. Okay let's wrap up the show. Fire Fest of the week. Henry.

Danny. Is your Fire Fest at memes Hollywood? What's the beef with memes? Memes has posted the picture of his living room set up in I think four different social media departments or four different social media platforms and Hank has now started calling him. Mr. Hollywood Oh, he's just doing his jobs. I'm poking a little fun. I like I like memes coming out of his shell But I like to I like to poke fun too, what's the beef though I Don't have beef with memes memes has beef with me no beef no beef for me no beef is it because Hank

You think memes maybe posts mean things about us yeah I mean you guys would would probably agree there's sometimes insult clips I don't think it's a grand conspiracy we might always that's the gig he's doing that is a dog no I know I remember the member the bay you I think you actually commissioned the Bears hit p that's what I'm saying I get it I just like to commission that piece Which one the one where the I was like week to week? Everything like oh no, that was great though. Yeah, that was listen. That was an insult clip, but it did crazy numbers, right?

I was just I just I it was more that I think the 17th time I saw the TV thing I just laughed. Yeah, holly memes. Listen, but it got a great feedback. There's there's it's a good it's a good feeling. I get it He found his people made me laugh. Yeah. Oh, it made me like it's just just found his crew just poking fun There also was a couple guys. There was one guy who had a setup that he looked like was Morgan Freeman in Batman Yeah, did you remember that? Did you see that memes that one guy set up? He had like 15 TVs that guy rocks. That's pretty good. I also maybe I'm just walk cuz I I remember when I was finally like we moved to New York I was like, alright, and then I'm I think I lived with roommates and When I finally moved in my own apartment

There is no better feeling than getting the like but then I was having issues where like people were coming to my house being like What do you like? What is this control center? Yeah, when it's not like a night of a sporting event Yeah, and somebody walks in there you should see my basement. They're like, what is this? What closed circuit television cameras are these hoops? So I'm I'm no longer in that game, but I kind of miss it. I love the outdoor TV setup Yeah, if especially this time of year, this is good outdoor weekend to watch football. Yeah memes. I gotta send you my setup I got five. I love it. I love it. Yeah people just send me TVs. It's incredible. It's the best Maximum amount of TVs. I actually I can't get enough of it memes. I want you to post it more I had a plan for Sunday. Oh

Let's go memes. Holy memes. Okay And I'm not gonna I'm not gonna I I mean I feel like my my rep is just complaining about my own workforce, so I'm not gonna do it. Nine daughter, I'm gonna do it. I saw that amateur did it. Yeah, an amateur did it. Memes posted that. There's a chance that, well, I think I posted first. Oh, so memes stole your content.

No, that's, that's, he's doing his job. Just doing his job. And I'm not, I'm not complaining because I accepted it. I could have vetoed it, but I didn't. And the reason- This is really good that I'm not complaining cuz I I accepted it I could have vetoed it I didn't and The reason this is really good that you're not complaining that I didn't know I'm just I'm just a second cleaning my don't even know What he's talking about right now. I Thanks fire. I love nine darters. So my thanks fire fest

He can't complain about his fire fest my text talk algorithm is is nine darters So in my head I'm like I've seen so many nine darters. Right. How hard could it be? So that was my thinking when I accepted it. And then afterwards, when the show ended and we looked into the probability and math of it, I came to the realization that I made a mistake. That's not a FireFest. Last Saturday, last week of the year, Last Saturday, last week of the year, boat party, I showed up, like 80 person boat party, white party. Didn't know. Are you talking about when Kent State and Pittsburgh were playing?

It was the day of Kent State Pittsburgh. I showed up to a boat, there was eight people on board. No, there was brothers, everyone was wearing white. You were the only person? There was like one other guy, but he's was like kind of like purplish later. I was wearing like a neon blue shirt. Oh, this is why we never get invited to the fanatics party. Yeah. So what happened? It was just kind of awkward. And it was like, I knew, I knew a few people on the boat, but it was like mostly a bigger group of friends that I was like, I was like

not in. Why didn't they have t-shirts for people? I don't know. They should. I mean, everyone was cool. It was just, it was, it would, if it was like our, all my friends, it's one thing to like joke about, but I was kind of just like introducing. Yeah, that's brutal. I would have gone home and watch Ken state pits. Well, you knew before you got on the boat. I knew as I was there there like one of you stepped on the boat knowing I Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't have gotten on the boat, but I also thought it was again It's a white because one something else was going the boat is like were you wearing white? I'm on the way there. I was like wow, I'd be wearing white. He's like it's a white party and I was like ah

and then I was like well Yeah, yeah, I feel like if you're having a white party you have to have an extra t-shirt or two Yeah, you have to have some linen pants. Yeah, various, I feel like if you're having a white party, you have to have an extra t-shirt or two. Yeah. You have to have some linen pants. Yeah. Various sizes.

Just giving people a chance. Yeah. You got to be ready for that. How was this white party advertised? I just got an invite from, I think they were just trying to fill out the boat. So like I said, it was a bigger group of college friends. Got it. And then they were just trying to get-

You were the weird guy. But nobody told you. I was the extra invite. Yeah, my invite. It's the guys. Yeah fringe guy I don't like the white the white party like no one looks like great in white Why don't we do a sweatshirt party? Well some people look good in white. Yeah, that's true. Who's that? People that aren't fat. Yeah. Yeah, maybe yeah those brides Yeah, brides. Yeah, your wedding guy Yeah, I got another one Saints with their stormtrooper. Yeah, I thought the Ravens look good in white tonight or troopers Ravens sweatshirt party

I'll host it We're baggy a sweatshirt. I mean, that's a Sunday Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah You're invited yeah Yeah, okay, PFT good fire fest time. Thanks Mike went to a sick boat party. Yeah My wife's not dressed correctly. What a fire person boat part a 80 person way Well, the rest of us were we're just living our sad life watching Mac football I was on a boat with with all these people getting drunk on a perfect day outside It was a really nice day. Wait, didn't you also golf that day? I did Oh that day was a fire festival day. His day was filled with not watching football

At what point during this day hang it sounds like you were pretty busy on the course and then going out to the lake at What point did you get a chance to peek in at the Wisconsin game? That was Friday night? Watch every second of that It was very well those just on at the ball. Yeah, you watched every second. Mm-hmm All right, my fire fest of the week is it's Blake related so I picked Blake up from daycare the other day and Blake related. So I picked Blake up from daycare the other day and put him in the El Camino and he loves the ride home, sticks his head out the window and has a

great time saying hi to everybody in the neighborhood. As I was leaving, there was a little person that was walking by. A child? A little, there was, it was a little person and Blake looked like he was going to attack this little person. I mean like went out of his way to really let the little person know don't get near my car. And I think that Blake might be racist against little people because there was one point where I brought him into the office and he saw Zah in the office. He started barking his head off at Zah nobody else.

And then I was for a second I was was ashamed. I was like, is my dog racist? And then we had to see if he was racist and he didn't bark at anybody else who had darker skin. And so I'm like, OK, cool, my dog's not racist. But now there's beginning to be a pattern where I see evidence that he does not like little people. Isn't this something that starts at the home? Yeah.

Well, that's what I was thinking. I'm a little person. You think he would love you? Yeah. Well, no, it sounds like you might be like... Oh, yeah. Self-hatred? Like he can tell that my own hatred for my own small stature?

Well, I think you probably look down on people smaller than you. Well, yeah, because my eyes are higher. Right, but you also are like, like oh at least I'm not that height Huh, I don't know I don't know what it is the vibes would say that cuz I was I was thinking the same thing I was like he spends all his time around me, and I'm you know I'm not a tall I'm not tall man. Yeah, but I'm not a small man I'm a little bit small I'm a little bit small also fire fest is a picture of you, and Paul Skeens because I haven't looked at it.

I don't plan on looking at it, but I gotta find shorter people to hang out with. I mean, I'm dealing with my... At once a year, I shave the whole face, just mustache for advisors, and I just realized that my chin is just hideous. I don't think you look... You look good this year. You look good this year. No, this is just...

It's flabby Shane got it Shane just zoomed in on it for still blue coffee by the way by still blue coffee fall flavors out still blue coffee comm Next an intern we get can they be on the shorter side just so I don't look so short and they know because then they They can't take care of Blake. That's true. That's a very good point Yeah, but yeah, so I don't know what if that's an actual thing where some dogs don't like little people I think about you. I think no bad dogs, but he oh my god. I look so fat, but he loves kids Yeah, that's that's weird. He loves he look bad at you with Paul skein. Don't tweet kids. Let's oh no We shouldn't say that memes. Yeah Good news Hank. Maybe this means that he'll just stop posting his living room.

Also really bad. Oh my God, this is a bad news. Yeah, really, really bad to do. We as guys, we as guys got to stop doing the arms around each other. This picture. It's the fucking weirdest thing we do. This picture goes nowhere. No.

Everyone just stand with your arms to the sides, flex there's nothing worse than doing the awkward like post golf round ten dudes just stand with their arms around each other you don't look good when you put your arm like that. Hank if you release this picture the Drake May t-shirt comes out. Oh fuck I'll delete it. Did you post it? Well the Drake May t-shirt you already posted it. You already posted it? What the fuck? It was like three seconds. No? Okay. Jesus. That was so three seconds. No, okay. Jesus. That was so quick.

That was so quick. After he complained all day about memes. Yeah. Wow. I was joking. This isn't a bad picture. A little hypocrisy. All right, my Fire Fest is easy, is quick.

I went to, right before the game, I went to my son's school, kindergarten. He started kindergarten two weeks ago, and he had his, his like meet the teacher like see his classroom parent night. Mm-hmm and There was these pictures up and all the kids did like my name is I'm this old years old and I love this And like every single kid was like mommy and daddy My dog all these things.

I don't think you can probably tell what this is, PFT, but you can take a look and take a guess. This is what he loves. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know what that is. I asked him. TVs.

Nope. Rocks. Okay. Loves rocks. So that's what I got. I'm second place to rocks. He's gonna be a geologist. It was just two rocks. Loves rocks. So that's what I got. I'm second place to rocks. Yeah, he's gonna be a geologist. It was just two rocks.

I love rocks. Every other kid was just like, mommy and daddy. I love my family, rocks. Yeah, he's gonna study the earth. It's like, okay. Dude, that was such a great time as a kid though. I feel like every kid went through a phase where they just were obsessed with rocks.

Oh yeah, he could, dude. He'll, no, he, no, like every kid went through a phase where they just were obsessed with rock. Oh, yeah He could do it. No, he no like yeah He dig up a rock and you hold the my am I weird for that? No, no, no I mean like finding yeah looking around for rocks and like oh my god. This is a great Oh, yeah, I'll we'll go like to the park and then when we get home I'll like notice his pockets are sagging and there's rocks in there. He's collecting all the rocks member geodes Yeah, geodes were great. I will say in his defense though There was another moment where he saw one of his friends and his friend was like my dad's so strong and my son was like

My dad's actually a strong. It sounds like fuck. Yes, finally love that finally, so I'm back I'm all the way back. Love it. My daughter said I could lift a school bus the other day I Might have to do that that might be one that might be a punishment Lifting a school bus for a picks. I Could probably do it. Yeah Yeah, I mean there's videos people doing it. Yeah, right What videos? Oh, what if we do strong mania to like toe? Remember these that's something maybe there's yeah

They just start to drag fire truck shit and stuff like that where they have to pick up the giant rock and walk with it Oh, we should do a crossfit by the Murph or whatever it is. No, no Get so hurt get no hurt. We get so somebody just died doing that. Yeah. Well, they were swimming Part of the crossfit thing. I understand it wasn't I don't think it was That was also very tragic. Yeah, it was yeah horrendously tragic There's people everywhere. I still want you guys to Set up your own podcast. Yeah, we will yeah, we will that video would be funny. Yeah, we will maybe in football We got a now we got the advertiser too, okay signed on. Oh nice. They did Yeah, you're closing deals principal weed guy

Fuck yes, okay, you rocks What do you say? Oh? What is he drinking the morning job? He's I don't know I can't remember something really cool. Ja latte or something Ja like like It was just a word. He just drinks weed. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that.

Yeah. Like Rastafari. Yeah. Yeah. He was like Jalate. Yeah. Every morning. I was like, yeah, OK. Rastafin. Yeah. Max, you got one? Yeah, it's bad. Oh, ho, ho, ho. Oh, yeah. I know you're fire.

Oh, lay it on us. No, I didn't even tell you the real fire fest Oh, no, because you do have a fire fest tomorrow night What's that? Well trying to figure out how to watch the game tomorrow night? Why because mr. Nup shools is going to another way of another wedding to I have another one this week I have another one next week, and I have one two weeks after that I feel like Max is the wedding ringer where they just bring your good wedding guests so you get invited. I am a great wedding guest.

How do they all do their weddings in the fall? They're all, I didn't go to any of this summer. They're all in August and September. That's insane. Four and five weeks. I'm excited for all of them. Anyone who listens, I'm sure they're all great. I-

It sounds like you really love them. No, I do. They're fun. I do. I mean, weddings are great. Yeah. It is it sounds like you really love them. No, I do. They're fun. I do, I mean, weddings are great. Yeah. And it is awesome. You got to meet Trump. Not necessarily.

I didn't meet him. He was there though. My fire fest is that I'm fat and I have a deviated septum. A what? Huh? You have a deviated septum? Do you just got it? No, I've had one. Oh, okay for a while snoring In a bad toe. Yeah. Well, yeah, okay. I've been at these are these are fat guy injuries Well, no, it sounds like max let them finish

It's like I got a I got a rotten toe and deviated septum. Those are fat guys. I don't think that... These are all things that add up to snoring. The rotten toe is. And it sounds like maybe you're waking your neighbor's dog up in the morning and that's why your dog starts barking and waking you up. Uh, no.

Okay, so keep going. That is not the case. Keep going. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I don't know. I just gotta figure it out my nose is clogged at all times like I can rarely breathe out my nose and I'm trying the mouth tape and Like I go to sleep with the mouth tape on and then I just at some point of the night just rip it off because like I I can't breathe that so this is what I do

Camp when you ate the mouth tape. I need the mouth tape. You did. We woke up the next morning. You're like I don't know where my mouth tape is. You ate the mouth tape in the middle of the night. I didn't eat it. That's 100% what happened. You didn't know. You couldn't find it. Not what I did find it. I did find it. Okay. Keep going. It was just like underneath my bed underneath my bed. whatever. I need, this is honestly like a plea to AWLs who, because I got kicked out of my bed this week. Which was a real like I gotta figure this out. Oh no. I actually do think that you're waking the dog up

and that's why the dog wakes you up. No, because the dog wakes up at 6.15 every single day. You need to get one of those like TikTok videos where they like pour tea out like through Yeah, your nose my not my not the other one and then you're good and it doesn't it's been it's bad recently I don't know if it's allergies or something like there's something that happened in maybe Are we are we worried it is the apart and I want to say this in the nicest way possible This is gonna. This is gonna start something like that and then say anything remotely nice

Mrs. Delente if you're listening to this podcast right now turn it off right now. We don't need she's gonna listen. Okay turn it off Are we like in the like? Max could die in a sleep stage No, no, it feels like you're struggling to breathe in the middle of the night. No, that was with the mouth tape. I think that snoring is the one ailment, or whatever you want to call it, that people go through that has the most, like, quack science remedies that don't work. I would try... Like the ones at the bottom of the shittiest news articles you'll ever read where it's the sponsored post things.

It's like, here's how to cure snoring tie a tennis ball around your waist I Haven't seen any of that, but if anyone tell me something like that. I'll try it. I mean girlfriend try and plug your nose No, she I do to my brother. I would just walk up and just fucking what a dick it would stop him I mean he do what you do it to me. We live in the same room. I snore You just spent the whole childhood plugging each other's noses your parents walk in and it looks like hanks trying to kill Like like I'm sniffling at all times. I just sniffle. I just sniffled right there It's just I got to figure out a way because the mouth tape is fine And I put in nasal spray before I go to bed, and it's fine

I go to sleep and it's and it and I don't snore and it's great. But then midway through the night, like the nasal spray wears off and then my nose is just plugged again. You might be addicted to nasal spray. Your body might be addicted to it. So when it goes like hours without it, it just gets stuffy.

No, but this is like a past week thing. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I got like I got to try the like do you think those those nasal strips can't do anything right? I think you need one of the huge machines. Now iron lung you need an iron lung. But like the like you don't. Am I right? Like the you know, you got to try it. gotta try you gotta try everything. We'll sleep upside down That's that sounds bad No, I gotta try it if anyone out there knows any remedies. Let me know you know that you know like the tea I'm talking about no or something with a neti pot. Yeah, well you use the mouth tape right? Yes. I use a mouth tape It helps you should do it on my account, but I do I do And you say don't talk can't exist

You're right on that one Yeah, the neti pot, but yes, I'm not no neti pot rocks neti pots wild But also you can die from the neti pot did you know that no? Yeah, don't use like the right water it can like go into your brain and kill that's it There's like from anything if there's an amoeba a brain eating amoeba That's inside your water and right or it into your nose it goes into your brain. Yeah crazy That's why you want to boil that shit I would say it's like 25% of the time I wake up with the mouth tape so long I do like drool through it and it falls off or I just rip it off in my sleep

I'm with it with the old the Bluetooth blindfold in the morning. I wake up and it's like on the ground somewhere I don't know if I was listening to a podcast that I hated I threw it off. So god damn it Alex Cooper She's done it again. I'll never be so the AWS need to come to your defense Basically, just let me know all right someone come to your defense. Basically just let me know. All right. Someone come to your rescue. Yeah, your life. Yeah, it is. I like this.

Instead of seeing doctors, we just ask the listeners. Yeah, like help us out boys. I'm just gonna use that for my fire. Would you do a sleep study? Fat ailment. I do. Should we all do a sleep study? I did a sleep study when I was a kid.

No, I don't want to know. I don't sleep and when I was a kid. No, I don't want to know. I did a sleep study when I was a kid. I don't sleep. And when I do, I sweat. That could be kind of funny. Yeah, maybe we should do some sleep study. Who's the worst sleeper? Who's the best?

Who's the worst sleeper? How could, this could be sponsored. I bet you there's a place that's doing this. We should do a sleep study. I did a sleep study when I was a kid Yeah, I'd like to see all our staffs. I was falling asleep while driving the only the only request I can't have this wait, but When you said kid, I thought you meant what no like high school you fell asleep while driving I thought I would just doze off and you crash. I didn't crash in the morning on the way to school

No, I like 6 a.m. I would like drive for like baseball practice at like five o'clock. I was just doing too much shit. I was waking up too early and like working out and going to baseball practice. You might have narcolepsy. That's what happens. Yeah, true, true.

Falling, almost falling asleep driving is the scariest. Oh yeah, that's why I had to get a sleep study. A couple times where it's like I've been so exhausted and it's, you just gotta pull over and shut your eyes. It's the scariest thing. Max, I just looked up WebMD, remedies for snoring. They're gonna say that I'm dying. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

WebMD is death. Tell me if you would consider any of these. Lose weight. Yep. Ah. Yep. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why don't we use a deli slicer anymore?

Cause we can lose weight. No, we'll eat meats. Nothing else. Avoid- No carbs. Avoid alcohol. Nope. Okay.

Practice good sleep hygiene. I- I guess I do. I don't even know what that means. I think it means you- I like take a shower before bed. It sounds like you might sleep too hard. I sleep pretty- Like when you turn off, you're off.

Yeah. Uh, open nasal passages. What does that even fucking me that means like use some of that use some of those free right after yeah whatever yeah maybe the breathe right trips will work yeah cuz the mouth tape works I just I rip it off and then it doesn't work anymore last time you wash your pillows

literally like that yesterday okay God does that those pillows could talk those pillows are chilling I Put I always put one between my legs. Yeah, oh always yeah, I got one I go one between my legs one body. Yeah, I go under the arms. Yeah, do you stay well hydrated? No, okay, yeah, you got to do that body armor, but that's that's such bullshit anytime you you complain about anything on there's always a drink more water Yeah, but it actually does like cure everything but if you drink too much, I'm pretty dry drowning I'm just trying to try pugs water Okay, so help help us out a WL's help max out. Yeah, we got to get him sleeping

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