S13 EP20: A Couple of Vanilla Dudes
00:00Where some see heroes and others see egos.Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes.While others follow the noise, we follow the money.Learn more at Bloomberg.com.This episode is presented by Tu-E.Look, you've got to love a family holiday, Josh.Oh, you've got to love it.Who wouldn't love it, Rob?
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00:55Love it.Get more from your holiday book now and discover the Tui-Smise.Miles Reward Club at 2E.com.Atoll and Abta protected.Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with...Baby, can you say Rob Beckett?Oh.Can you say Josh Whittacom?
01:21Ultrasound heartbeat.Well, you tried.Yeah, oh, that is good.That's a twist.There we go.It's a bit different.We've not had that before.Okay, I want to know how they've done this, though.
01:32Hi, Rob and Josh.I'm hoping this will work.It did.this is our minus three month old currently unnamed babyas you can tell from the baby's accent we live in bedfordI was at the infamous Josh Bedford show last yearinfamous Josh Bedford show last yearwhat happened at Bedford
01:47it was my first tour showand it um no it was my first warm upand it was like a Monday night in Bedfordand it was just feralthere was just like drunks and hecklingoh really I thought it went well but I would sayI learned zero about the tourfair enough and then in the in the
02:05break I got locked out of the dressing room because I've forgotten the code to get back in.And so I had to stand outside the dressing room, which was also the toy look here.Oh, with the audience?With the audience.How's I not know about this? Did you tell me?Yeah, but it was, what was it?It wasn't last year.It was like three years ago, yeah.
02:22Listen to the podcast on the start, but only just venturing into parenthood.The pod has been wonderful all the years, the years.And I suspect I will start from the beginning again during some of the long nights ahead,uh, from Robin and Baby, currently minus one month.P.S. loved strictly.They sent out half midnight last night.Lovely.Can I ask a question?
02:40Do you think she's gone to the ultrasound and then gone, do you mind if I just record this?Maybe.Or do they not get videos now?And she's just recorded the sound from the baby's heartbeat.Because obviously first you'd go, could we check everything's, you know, fine with the baby before I record this photo?But I also, while I'm here, I know, I know NHS time is, you know, vital.But could I just record this slightly amusing video?I always find babies' heartbeats go way too fast.
03:13I've got well panicked when I was the old person.The fuck's going on there?Babies are running.Is it running?I tell what I've noticed the other day.I don't know if I've, I don't think it's like a grouchy old man, but I was like, oh, I couldn't believe.Basically, there was a kid that was counting to like a hundred.and they were young.
03:32So it was like, you know, when your kid countsand you're impressed by itand like, oh, aren't they doing well?It was like, one, two, three.And I remember when my kid was at age,and I'd be like, oh my God, isn't she so clever?Look what she's, you know, thinking that and be really proud.I was in a cafe.
03:50And I was like, shut that fucking kid up.That's how I felt.And I felt really bad.Because for the kid and the parents,it was cute because she's young.But I was just like, God, it's painful, isn't it, if it's not your kid?Yeah, it's really, yeah.And, you know, I just, and the kid was cute and counting really well, but I was just like, God.
04:13You don't care if they're counting well or not, really, do you rock?No, that stage in the game.I just say, get a bit older, it's the least of your worries and he can give a shit.Exactly.They'll get there.Three, four.And I was like, I hope this kid's thick and stop soon, because I can't, I can't get 200 here.Josh, it is that time of year.
04:34It's the favourite of the listeners.Playground Shuggers, here we go.We've let these build.I'm actually too excited to start because I love it so much, Josh.You know, you don't want Christmas to start?Because you're so excited about Christmas.Here we go.Hi, Rob, Josh and sexy Michael.
04:51I swear Michael puts these in.What is it of his voice that makes people just go mad for it?Have you been told you a sexy before doing this podcast, Michael?No, never.quite the opposite.Okay.I work as a registered nurse in a small community.A few...
05:07Oh, I bet she's got good tea.I work as a registered nurse in a small community.A few years ago now, I was looking after a gentlemanwho had recently had a cardiac arrest.As part of his rehab, he was wearing a halter device,which is connected to screens that cardiac nurses monitor externally.If they see anything abnormal,they contact the wall for the patient to be checked over.
05:29So is this like he wears in his day-to-day life?Sorry, say this again.I'm struggling to get my...It's a very medical start to the show, really, hasn't it?It's been quite...I think he's in hospital and he's got a halter device,which is connected to screens.No idea, but I just said it confidently, hoping you'd know.
05:45Right.I'll Google it.So that's like tracking his heartbeat and all that kind of stuff.Yeah, so I think basically, if they're in the officeand that beeps goes off, yeah, so you're basically a small portable devicethat continually checks your...your heart electrical activity.Yeah.
06:01If they see anything abnormal,they contact the wallfor the patient to be checked over.Oh my God.The telemetry phone is red.What the fuck's the telemetry phone?Sounds like a Russian thing,a Russian spy would say.
06:13A smartphone or mobile deviceused to collect, transmit,and monitor, remote sensor data.It's just a little alert.The telemetry phone is redand it rang onceon a busy shift.And it rang one.
06:26Right.The telemetry phone is red and rang onceI love that we were like, we can't wait to get into these.We can't do more.Oh, fuck, I might just turn it off.The telemetry faded red, and it rang one busy shift I was on.I immediately stopped what I was doing to answer.I was informed that the patient was in dangerous heart rhythm.
06:42Here we go.Myself and colleague raced to the other side of the wall,expecting to find him having another cardiac arrest.They flung the door open.Instead, we found him hospital gown ripped open.His girlfriend bent over the bar from sink,and they were going full frottle doggy style.We had politely asked him to stop
07:07and ask him if he was experiencing chest painwhile we hid our mortification.I will add his girlfriend was a good 30 years younger.Blimey.And to make that worse, a few months prior,we had nursed his dying wife as she passed away.No.No.
07:24You've made that up.No, it's there.Oh, my word.I'd probably shoot that's there.Oh, my word.Jesus Christ.Fucking...Wow.
07:34Wow.In a way...In a hospital.Fad play to him for, you know, enjoying the last of his time on earth.Yeah, but not in the hospital.Not over the sink.Over the sink.Not over the sink.
07:49Doggy style over the sink.It's not many doggy style, is it?Dogs don't put their paws up on a sink.That's not doggy style.Was she drinking from the tap like a dog?How low is his sink?Yeah.They're like a dog.
08:04Someone's got to tell her that it's not a doggy style.I don't know what the name for it is, but that's just from behind stood up, isn't it?Yeah.Okay, do you want to do one or should I do it?Do you want to take the turns?You carry on.Yeah, fair enough.You're all puffed out.
08:20You're doing such a good job.I can barely read.I'll do the next one.Let's take turns.One each.I love the latest playground Shaggers Valentine's special.one of the best yet.Sadly, I don't have any Playground Shaggers stories.
08:35Oh, whoa, wait, wait.This is the hospital one.No, it's not.There's another hospital one.Oh, my God.This is a medical special.Playground Shaggers medical special.It started with the heartbeat.
08:47Okay.I thought it was the same email.Right.Sadly, I don't have any playground shaggers stories,but as a nurse of 18 years now,I have plenty of tales of hospital shaggers.Hospital Shaggers, yes, please.What a great spin-off.
08:59What a great spin-off.It's the playgroundGrand Shaggers Hospital Shaggers special.A long time ago when I worked in a small community hospital, the plumbing was awful becausethe building was Victorian. So we're always having the plumbers out to fix things.During one such time, myself and a few other nurses started noticing our receptionist,Janet, not a real name for obvious reasons, would go missing from a desk on a regular basis,which was a bit inconvenient when patients and staff needed help.
09:28Janet was in her 40s with two children, if I remember correctly, but a hundred.husband was a twat and they were divorcing.Still, imagine our surprise when we discovered47-year-old Janet was having regular shagging sessionswith one of the 20-something-year-old plumbing apprentices.I thought he meant 20 builders.Oh.20, what, 20, over 20 plumbers.
09:54Fair play to Janet.She's going to need a new you, Ben, for 20 plumbers.20 plumbers show up.Janice like...I could barely get one to come.Oh, that is good stuff, Rob.Do you know what? It's not bad.Not bad. It's good.
10:11One of the 20th-something plumbers apprentice,only a few of us noticed found out.So after chatting to Janice,who self-confessed to a bit of a midlife crisis...Janice or Janet?Janet, sorry.We made a pact to cover for herbecause she was actually a lovely lady
10:25just having a hard time.Oh, bless her.Thanks all an on.Oh, I just...Imagine I just having to sit there and go, yeah, I'm shagging them.But I feel sad.Okay, Janet, but can you stop fucking them at work?You know, lots of people go divorces.
10:41They don't bring it into the workplace, you know, apart from Pep Guadiole.There we go.A shagga gets in touch.Oh.Dear Rob and Josh, definitely keep this anon.This is what we've been looking for.This is what we've been building towards an actual shagger coming clean.Yeah.
10:57I'm not a playground shagga, but I work in a local GP surgery.Every time you do a playground shagga special,I find myself wondering if I'm going to hear a story about me.Oh my word.Oh, imagine that shame and guilt hanging over you.Trying to keep this as an on as possible.So they've tried to beat them.They've thought the best way to deal with this.
11:23Is to bring it up yourself?Yeah.A decade ago, I'd a short-lived affairwith another parent of my children's school.Let's call him Adam.We live in a small town and we were in the same friendship group for about five years before the affair began.It didn't last long before our partners found out and it all blew up.Oh my God.
11:43So the parents are in a friendship group.Yeah.As we started to untangle our lives, my ex and Adam started to spend more time together and you can see where this ended up.I'm not sure if we're living a real life episode of Wif Swap, but I'm now happily living with Adam whilst our ex is.also live together.Oh, right.Okay.Hang on.
12:05I'm confused.So.Does she mean to interrupt my ex and Adam X?Yeah, yeah, yeah.She's written this wrong.Yeah, yeah.So my ex and Adams is X starts to spend more time together.So now I am with Adam whilst our exes live together.
12:19Also, it's a bit pointed this.I am now happily living with Adam whilst our exes also live together.There's an implication she thinks they're not happy.Do you know what I mean?I'd love it.to say it all ended on good terms.Oh no. But sadly, the damageAdam and I did was too great for that.
12:40Do you know what? Fair play.I often this happens and how many other parentinghell listers, no families where the samehas happened. Can't wait for the nextplayground. Shagga's special.Now, this woman, I feel, has beenborn without the feelingof shame and guilt. No, there's a bit of guilt there. Well, she's
12:59gone an on, to be fair to her. She's gone anon, but I stillthink there's a bit of glee in that message.Do you?Can't wait for the next special.I think I, in her position, wouldn't be listening to the playground,showing a special because I'd be too worried.I'd love to hear from the ex.I'd say we don't know enough details.
13:23But I always stand by this.If you're not happy, just break up with them, then find someone.No good comes from the hedge in your bets,trying to find someone else a fair type thing.Well, it does too much damage.You do find yourself in a Jaden Sanchez situationwhere he's without a club at the moment, Rob.Maybe him and Rahim Sterling should get together.
13:46Start a new team.Right.Do we soon another one or do you want to do this next one?I'll do the next one.I'll do the next one.One on one off, just like Janet with the plumbers.I thought that deserved more.Yeah, I did.
13:59I was just trying to find the one that I hadn't read.Sorry.It's all right.I'm a joking.Because it started, please keep me on for obvious reasons.I thought this was the one I just read.You'd read.So I worked in a very small primary school,
14:1230 kids in total in a small townin the northern territory of Australia.Okay.Because it's a small school,it's incredibly common for the parents and teachersto be mates outside of school,have each other's personal phone numbers,meet at the pub for work,
14:26after work for community drinks, etc.One of the teachers I worked withwas good friends with a set of parents.The dad would frequently message her about his kids.However, the messages started to get a bit flirty.How do you go from, oh, sorry, my daughter's forgot a swimming kit this week.I hope you've not forgot yours.How do you make that job?
14:52I'd love to know what's the intermediary chat?Yeah, I don't know.I don't know because I don't text the teacher anyway.So it's difficult.Hi, my daughter's got a doctor's appointment this week.Nice tips, by the way.But just so you know, if you're just going straight in on flirties,nice tips, one of the things you do, Rob, because I think...
15:13No, no, I wouldn't be that coy.I'd go over something a bit bolder.I'd like to be a bit nuance of my chat up techniques.This is wild.Oddly enough, also...Cracking ass in those trousers.Is it Harvest Festival next week?I mean, that does sound.
15:36Like, you know.Yeah.Come around, bring your cans.Come all you, faithful.Don't know what that means.It's coming up.Yeah.It's just come at the end of the day.
15:53Yeah.It's just come, isn't it?Oddly enough, also completely normal.This is wild.I once had a dad super like my Tinder.Oh.About 10 seconds after handing over his child at drop off.Oh.
16:06Okay, so that's the way in, is it?But if he's single...Yeah.I think if you're single and he's singleand you're super-liked Tinder,that's...I mean, it gets messy, doesn't it?Ideally, don't try and have sex with your daughter's teacher
16:18or son's teachers.Anyway, the messages continue to get more flirty,and eventually my friend was invited to the pubfor a drink with the parents.So this is the teacher, yeah?Yeah.The one who's had a Tinder profile super-liked?Yeah.
16:31No, no, no, that was just an aside.Okay.So this is, to recap, one of the teachers I worked with,was good friends with a set of parents.The dad would frequently message her about his kids.However, the messages started to get a bit flirty.Yeah, then I did all the harvest estal stuff.Then the messages continued to get more flirty.
16:45Eventually, my friend was invited to the pub for a drink with the parents.They got plastered and then agreed to a threesome.Okay, so the parent...Two parents, one teacher, one small town.They walked home together.my friend lived a few streets behind their street.Okay.They were all in the pool together, kissing.
17:13Where's the kids?I don't know.They're all in the pool together kissing.When suddenly the wife announced that actually she was really tiredand could they maybe reschedule the threesome for another night?She's bottled it.The drink's worn off.You can't reschedule a threesome.
17:29It's either on or it's not.You definitely can't.Have we got babysit?We've got the threesome book for next week.Maybe if you're a regular into itRight, they start to get out of the poolMy friend thought this was the end of itLet's go back to this
17:43Could they do it another nightMy friend thought that this was the end of itAnd started to get out of the poolWhen the husband pulled her back inAnd started kissing her againThe wife was in bed by this pointShe's fucking fast the wife, isn't she?It's kind of bad headache that
17:57They started touching each otherAnd then started having full-blown sexFull-blown sexWhy is it so full-blown sex?Why is it so funny when you say it like that?They stopped to get out of the poolAnd went to the granny flat where they started againAfter he went straight to bed with his wife
18:13And told my friend to leave before the kids saw herOh my GodSo the kids were there when they were shagging in the poolThat's mentalThat's insaneImagine coming down to see your mum and dadAnd teacher shagging in the poolIt's all been resolved now
18:28They're all friends againBut it definitely still awkwardAt school pickup timeEspecially awkwardWhen my friend was asked by the mumto tutor her child after school.Oh, God.Did they reschedule the threesome, was it?
18:39Just never?No, she just shagged the husband.She just shagged the husband and went home.But I wonder whether that was the plan.Do you know what I mean?Whether that's what the couple wanted.She likes that, but then just like let and get on with it.Yeah, that's what she's into.
18:55Because she's gone to bed very fast,and she hasn't gone to check that the husband's following.Yeah, because they've not, yeah.Well, people are into this kind of stuff, Josh.We're just so vanilla.We aren't.Just so vanilla.Just a little vanilla, dude.
19:10You've read the reviews of this podcast.I love the podcast.Don't have kids myself.Who reviews a podcast?How can you possibly review what we do?Do you know what I mean?How do you review art?You can't.
19:24It's a feeling we create.You can't review emotion and connection.Review the wind.Try and review the wind.Review a sunrise.Review a sunset.You cannot.You cannot.
19:39You simply cannot.We are life.Review life.Two men bearing their souls.Bearing their ass.And you're trying to put a score on that.You're trying to score two men's ids.Yeah.
19:54Oh, I've got three stars for being me, have I?Boo.Hi, guys.Your playground shaggers episode.reminded me of a story I've never actually told.Even though I was right in the middle of it,please keep me anonymous.When I was 17, I worked at a small restaurant
20:17in the east of England.That's where I met...You don't hear the east of England much, do you?What does that mean? Like Norwich.Because it's either...North East or East Anglia.Yeah. No one says the East of England.Lincoln.
20:31Are they talking about Lincoln?It better come up in this...It better be important that it's in the East of Englandbecause there's no need to...Because they've both gone too vague for it to be useful.Yeah.I think it's Lincoln way.Lincoln's east of England.
20:45Yeah.So I'm picturing this in Lincoln, which is a lovely city.Oh, 17.That's where I met a 20-year-old chef.Let's call him, Reese.We got him well and had a summer romance.However, I then broke his heart when I left for university,which he did not take well.
20:58Instead of healing like a normal person,he emotionally dived into the arms of one of our managers.Let's call her Susan.Susan was in her late 30s,married with four kids.She took it upon herself to look after him.People quickly suspected there was more going on, but nobody had proof.Her husband, let's call him Harrison, was also a head chef at the same restaurant.
21:23So yes, husband, wife and toy boy were all working the same Friday night service.Oh no.Fast for a couple months.It was a big old service.But fancying some dessert.Two spoonful.I thought, literally not making any sense.No.
21:39I gave up.No, what's on the specials board?Oh, there you go, yeah.Fast-water a couple of months,and I come home for summer after uniand go back to the restaurant.Rees starts flirting with me,so I think, okay, maybe nothing happened with Susan.
21:51It was all rumours.However, one shift, we realised they'd both been missing a while.The other manager, also in the gossip,logs into the CCTV,and there they are in the back of the kitchen,getting it on.Amazing.At that exact moment, Harrison, Susan's husband,
22:05walks in and asks what we're all staring atand we have to show him.Everything exploded.Susan and Harrison split.Susan and Reese, the toy boy,got together officially.Harrison, the ex quits his job.They even had a baby boy.
22:21So she's up to five kids.For a moment, it looked like a chaotic but wholesome ending.However, we then find out Harrison,the now ex-husband couldn't find a new place to live.Susan, Reese and Harrison have created.a bed roter.No. What?Yes.
22:41What?They have a schedule.They all are in the house together.No.They took turns sleeping in the bed with Susan and the new baby.One week, Harrison, one week, Reese.No, that's...Madness.
22:57But that can't be because they couldn't find new accommodation.Well, it's like a custody arrangement in here,but for the mattress, a few...A few years later, a Susan,Besides, Reese is too immature.Shocking, considering she met him when he was 10 years younger and not old enough to buy alcohol in America and she already had four kids.I think this Anon still had a soft spot for Reese and he's been ruined by this Susan.Unsurprisingly, after the breakup, Susan and Reese both leave the restaurant and they don't have, so they don't have to work together.
23:27And the strangest part is I accidentally set the whole chain of events in motion.Oh my word.I love the podcast, never stop.Love from Anon.Oh, my God.Oh, my God.Also, she was probably thinking,I broke up with Reese,
23:38I'll go back, shagging for the summer,go back to uni, a bit of fun,jobs are good,and little does she know,she's got a kid with the manager?Absolutely wild.Right, let's do another one.Hi, Rob, Josh and Sexy Michael,
23:50I only discovered you when I was on baby number two,but you've been a constant companionon the night shift to the baby who,at nearly one year old,is still often up every 20 minutes.Oh my God.I don't know what I would have done without you.I wanted to send in a story
24:05about some top shaggers.What's slightly unique about these shaggers?Yeah.Is that they were, in fact, friends of my grand.Oh, old shaggers?We're talking top elderly shaggers, if you will.Lovely.Vintage.
24:19Yeah.To go back to the start of the story,when my grand was 80and couldn't do her own gardening anymore,she hired a sprightly young gardenerwho was a mere 69 years old.I bet he was, dirty bastard.These sexiest of all.
24:36all of the ages, Rob.Sucking on her wharvers, giving her the eye.How old am I?I guess.What number's going through you?What number's going through your mind?69, not for the moment, but you're correct.Let me have a look at your peonies first.
24:52Yeah, we'll pop down my wheelbar and we'll get on with it.Let me just finish laying this turf.You dirty old bitch.Sorry, I've got carried away.We'll call him Will.The news about Will's excellent gardening skills must have spread quicklybecause soon he was gardening for all the local old ladies.Yeah.
25:13My mum, sisters and me all made the hilarious jokes about him tending the old ladies' gardensand thought no more of it.The thing is that Will kept being quite suggestive with my grand.He was quite often mentioned there was just an 11-year age gap between them.When she went on holiday with her friend Brenda,he bought them both roses and picked them up at the airport.Oh, that's quite nice.What I haven't yet yet mentioned about Will.
25:41This is a person who's in charge of narrative, Rob.Oh, come on.Was that he was, in fact, married.Love it.There's no halt a device telemetry red phone in this email.This person's on top.Yeah, which we all knew.Who wrote this, John Grisham?
25:59So he was married, but was still trying to try it on with my grand.So imagine a shock when one day my grand called my mum to tell her that Brenda had askedher to urgently go over and see her.Brendan, Brenda, revealed to my grandthat she'd been having an affair with Willand his wife had found out.Oh, at 80, you don't...I know it sounds bad, but I would really like a photo
26:21of all the people involved.I just can't imagine anyone moving.No.Oh, right, no.No, but just to understand it,because 69 and 80, like, you can get peoplethat sit in a chair all day.Well, I don't know if Brenda's 80.
26:34We only know the grand's 80.We don't know how Brenda's 80.Yes, this shows their age.Brenda and Will had had an exchange of, in quotes,steamy letters.Sent by pigeon.And his wife had found them one day while looking for her hairbrush.After being thrown out by his wife, Will moved in with Brenda.
26:56One day, his ex-wife cornered my grand in the ladies section of John Lewis.This is like some sort of Richard Osmond, old people argument.It is, isn't it?Well, it is very well plotted to ask if she'd known about the affair.My sweet innocent ground had indeed not known,but reflected that perhaps she shouldn't have taken them at their wordwhen she showed up at Brenda's house to find a semi-naked will,only to be told he had to garden his underwear due to medical issue
27:25as sweating too much.Come on.No, he's not gardening his pants.That is mental.He's the anti-Prince-A-Prince-Hen-Sweding too much.She later said,She thought if she'd shown any interest,she thinks he would have picked up on her too.
27:41I can all say that.Yeah.Put your money where your mouth is, Nan.Yeah.Giving it all that smack talk.Bit of hush for the sad bit.Oh.Fast forward a couple of years and Will became ill and sadly died.
27:55However, because he still hadn't divorced his wifedue to the shame of divorce in the elderly community,he had two funerals.One where his ex-wife was the chief mournerand one where Brenda was.Which one was the body in?Does he send through the crematorium twice?I'd double-cooked chips.
28:24Could you kind of...God, I bet he's sweated in that fucking...I know this is quite a weird question.Could you, like, half do him?Like, could you...Because this is his first of two funerals.I mean, Will and Brenda's families are out there,and they may well be listeners.
28:40Please keep me anonymous, it says that.Yeah, lovely.Lovely stuff.This is just be called Shaggers is.I know.I haven't seen any playground action.Hey guys, apart from the Aussies.Back listening to the pod after a long hiatus.
28:55What?Well, let it hear this out.Life divorce and kids got in the way.Fair enough.You're going through a divorce.Yeah.Two men complaining about their pretty cushy family lives.Yeah, so my ex-husband, a keen gardener named.
29:11Sweaty will.Anyway, trying to catch up on 2024 episode,so it may take some time.Listening to the playground shaggar stories,I had to email in with my playground shagga story.So after breaking up with my kid's dadafter a long time together,I was going through quite a lot of emotions.
29:29Around a year after we broke up,my friend suggested going on the apps.So one morning, I checked my dating appand realized I drunkly matched with a guyI realized I recognized,I recognised.I looked at his location and sure enough, it was my area.It was one of the dads from school, not just any dad, but the one dad I'd always joke with
29:50the mum friends that he was the only hot dad in school.However, I had no idea he was single.We'd always seen him and his partner at drop off and pick up.Our sons were in the same class in primary school and were due to leave the school in a fewmonths.So I messaged him, I asked him the situation and he explained they'd split up and asked meif I wanted to go for coffee that day.After discussing it with a few mum friends,
30:13they said go a meeting, find the gossip,but under no circumstances, do anything.She's going to do something.A few hours later, I was meeting Hot Dad locally for a coffee.He suggested a walk and explained about his situation.He said he told his wife he no longer wanted to be with her on Friday.This was Monday.Yes, we'd waited a whole two days before heading out on a day.
30:35That is mental.We walked and talked.about our situations and it felt more supportive than anything. He is very flirty and obviouslywas not used to dating. He was very handsy and even kissed me, which I was very shocked at.After this, we only met for one more coffee again, but it was all very PG. We mostly spokeabout divorce and how the kids were coping. We texted occasionally and stayed in touch.Speed forward to the last week of the school and all the levers parties and assemblies for our boys.We kept bumping into each other and he texted to ask if everyone to go for a drink one Friday.
31:06I agreed and arranged to meet locally.On the Friday, it was a heat wave.I was sat in my garden and decided I couldn't be bothered to get on a busand go and meet this guy, so he suggested he'd come to mindand have a few beers in the garden.He agreed and arrived an hour later.We were sat in the garden, enjoying a drink and catching up.His phone started to ring.
31:25It was his ex.He didn't answer.She phoned again.I told him to answer as it could be an emergency with his son.He answered.I could hear him talking and mentioned the bar at the end of my road.I thought, that's a bit strange.He got off the call and said, I need to go.
31:39She thinks I'm at that bar.Then he left immediately.I was sitting shock in the guard and wondering if he was actually separated or whether he lied.Then the doorbell rings.I thought, oh, I bet he's back.I answered the door.Oh, no.And in any stender's classic ending, she was stood there.
31:57She started shouting at me asking why her ex was there telling me it was disgusting.I said, we're just friends and whatever is going on with them.there's nothing to do with meand probably shut the door.Turns out she was tracking his phoneand was waiting outside when he left.Oh no.So far as to say,
32:14he is divorced now,so it wasn't lying.We've seen each other a few times since,but nothing serious.Keep it sexy relatable.There you go.I just think.That's a lot of drama,
32:23that.I just think,it's so difficult.If you're going to get confrontedon your doorstep,you might as well, you know,you know, let someone have a guy.You've had all the ass with out of any of the fun.
32:35your divorce that's fine he's separatedshe's allowed to meet other peoplesounds like a lot of asshole thathow would you we've done this before butI think if we were single nowand we were dating and you can't go with anyone from schoolI'm not going on an appthe thought of someone I know
32:54being on the appand seeing me on the app is too painfulwould you go someone famous or non-famousif you had to remarrynon-famous so that I had all the powerI like to go so much more famous.Adele.Yeah, I'd love to be like a kept man,
33:19just follow her around while she sang.I used to be a comedian, yeah.I'd just be getting on a private jet with golf clubs.Wherever we land, I've got to have a round and go watch the show.Well, like Lion Adela D'L Ray marrying that guy that's a crocodile tour guide.That's she?Yeah.She just met him on a crocodile tour.
33:40Got on.Would you enjoy that life, Rob?So if I'm married to Adele in this situation.So, yeah, this isn't about Adele.This is about a famous potter.Someone like a famous female life is like a Bill.Taylor Swift.Adele.
33:55Yeah, I'm going to, right, whatever.Someone who's got a hundred, you know,person entourage who had trouble in the world.I couldn't do the Taylor's.No, but I couldn't.No, I'm not the entourage.I'm the love of their life.No, Rob.
34:10But when they're going to sound check,you're kind of queuing up in the refreshments area,talking to the sound man.To be fair,and the sound man's thinking this fucking freeloading,absolutely.Do you know what, I might just go on the end of sheer and tourand it'll be less busy backstage.
34:30No, I know, I don't think I could be with someone like Taylor Swiftthat is like that big of a megastar in that way.where, like, Adele is a megastar, obviously,but she is very much on or off.Yeah, she's private.She's private and hidden.I mean, she'll probably love to marry meand I just talk about our week on here.
34:49She spent her entire life building towards secrecy,and I'm just that big.Yeah, so pop down B&M,she got loads of grief for selfies.We're off of the world tour.She's in Munich for six months,so I'm just going to hammer all the golf courses around there,maybe doing the Munich comedy store.
35:07imagine it would be such a weird life if you were because you'd never see your friends.I mean, you could just not go on the tour, but if it was like, we tour together.And because you'd know, like, the management would be very watchful of you because they'd be worried you were an influence on her.And a liability.And a liability.So who's going to look after Rob?He's going to be in Vegas for three months.Oh God, it would be awful
35:38And you'd think you were friendsWith all of the crewAnd the crew would all be laughing behind your backDaniel Craig's over thereHow good was that Bond song?She smashed itAnd then you'd get ahead of yourself, RobAnd you go
35:55I'd be like Yoko Ono doing backing vacuYou reckon I can do five at the topI, Dale, I've got a spoon hereI've got a spoon and a dreamLet me bang that while you're singingDo mind if I open?do a type five at the top.Adele, can you bring Alan Carter come on the tour? I'm lonely.
36:16Ironically, I'm having to listen to your songs to sort of wallow in it.Would you watch the show every night? I suppose you'd have to.I think I'll go start and end.Start an end in it. Crap them on, crap them off.But then you'd be worried because you'd think,is the guys at the side of the stage, are they going to tell her that?Don't tell her I've gone, all right.What's she paying you out?
36:41I'll give you a 50 quid.What's that?She gives you a end of tour, massive, okay.I'll just that much.Tough gig nine nights in a row and it.It's all these all ballads.When does she do a dance, Rita?No, no dance.
36:57No, no dance.Okay.I get distracted from the light on your phone.That's just going to go on Instagram.But if I'm sorry about that, Josh.I'm like, can we move to record?Still at the gig.Well, he's fought.
37:16He's 11 up on the gig.What I've been up to this week?Absolutely nothing.Same, same.Same, same.Do you find it annoying when you go to the MGM casino?And the crew PA is late.Oh, strictly, Josh.
37:30I've not managed to play golf this week.By the way, I'm getting worse at golf.That's a separate conversation.I wasn't running at 119th the other day.I'm sorryI'm going toShe's on groundand I'm still at the back waving
37:46Get me on the sofaYeah but I used to do the sofabefore I was with youWhat do you don't want me there with herI've got a story about shit myselfAnd the monkey's chasing me in MalaysiaOh JoshAnother Shagger gets in touch
38:06HelloI'm one of the playground shaggersJust thought I'd write inWith a playground shagger storyFrom the other sideIt's not as excitingas some I've heard on here,but I don't think you've had one
38:19from the other side before,so here goes.Me and my partnermet in the school playground.Our children are in the same classevery morning we got talking.We had a good laugh on sports day, etc.Now for the details.
38:30His relationship was over.He was sleeping on the sofa and unsure what to do.No, that doesn't mean your relationship's over.No.The relationship over means you've got your own flatand you're divorced.Not in the same room.Been there, mate.
38:42Relationship's still hot as cold.Yeah.He's essentially,Michael Carrick at the moment. He's still the manager, but he's on the, he's on the sofa.Save it. Save the football stuff. He was straight put on the sofa and unsure what to do.My relationship was okay, but my feelings for him was something I couldn't ignore.Okay. I was honest with my partner at the time and said, I've strong feelings, but I am confused.As I did love my current partner, what I thought I did. Now, I'm sorry. That is just,
39:09you are, you just gutless, just leave. So none of this, I think I've got feelings with someone.As soon as that said, fuck off its own.over. Don't you think? I think anyone, this is unfair because some people have come through thesethings. But at the bare minimum. Yeah, but Josh, have they? Have they? Or they just tell themselvesthat and then it all goes shits up in about 10 years still. Have they gone through these things?At the bare minimum, it is exposing some fault lines that exist. I was honest to my partner at time.I said I have strong feelings, but I'm confused as I did love my current partner. Well, I thoughtI did. You didn't. You've lied to yourself. A few moments went by of us having a quick five-minute
39:49conversation on the school run. We decided to go for coffee and actually talk. Yes, an actual coffee,not an innuendo. We talked, it's very defensive, isn't it, this shagger? We talked and figuredwe both had strong feelings for each other. Again, I told my partner this, and they were finewith it as it was just a coffee with a friend. Well, no, it wasn't just a coffee of a friend.If I go for a coffee with you, Josh, I don't tell you I've got strong feelings for you.No, exactly.that's a coffee with someone that you fancythat you're confessing feelings to.
40:19I think a cop...There's a lot of coffees going on, isn't there?When it was time to leave, it was gut wrenching,borderline pathetic even.We barely knew each other,yet leaving felt like a punch to the stomach.After a few weeks, we tried to be friendsand pretend feelings weren't there,
40:34but we couldn't ignore it anymore.If lover first sight was real, then it was.Yeah, fair enough.We took a leap of faith,I left my partner, he moved out,and we got together.It has been the best three years of our lives,currently planning our wedding.
40:46However, the school playground clique didn't see it that way.The rumour was that we were sleeping together for months to a year,arranging meetups at each other's homes,while we both worked full-time, he had kids in the house, etc.None of the other parents talked to us anymore.They'll move away and give us dirty looks.We never did anything until we got together.We are aware that it moved fast,
41:08but both of us were single and we got together.I think there's crossover there.But I don't think you should be, it's difficult, isn't it?Because, right, here's a thing, like, if you're friends with a couple,if you're friends with both of them.Yeah.And they split up in bad circumstances, even if one misbehaved,I don't think if I'm friends with both of them,
41:34I'm going to just blacklist someone.Well, no.Do you know what I mean?Essentially.If we've, if I've got a friend,who has misbehaved.This is my genuine feeling.Yeah.
41:46I'm not going to go, you had an affair.I'm never going to speak to you again.No.Do you know what I mean?But also, the way I look at it, this is,for the people at the school gates,you were with your partner,and the other couple were still living together
42:02when you were meeting up on secret coffees,confessing feelings.I think I'd feel more hurtif Lou was meeting up with a guyshe really, really liked,but, you know,and behind my back, because I know she's told her partner,but I'm meeting with a friend is different to doing this.
42:18I would find that more upsetting than if Lou got really drunkon a night out and snog someone in a drunken mistake.If you're both with someone and living with someone,it's going to look bad.From them, the outside, they weren't divorced or separated.Anyway, none of the other parents talked to us anymore.They all move away and give us dirty looks.We never did a thing until we got together.
42:38We were aware that it moved fast,but both of us were single and we got together.but then that's a bit of a grey area.I think you can't start going for that coffeeto confess your feelings to someone is a date.It's not just meeting for coffee with a friend.You're going on a date.You're confessing feelings.
42:54Personally, I think really, if you've got kids in the house,you can't be dating other people until you've all got your own spaceand the children had time to process everything personally.I may be wrong.Stuff goes on, but I think have a bit of self-control.Chill the fuck out.Oh, not a single person's...asked either of us what actually happened,
43:12just playground gossip.I don't think they should be extra,from the playground.I think that's wild.Since then it turns out,two people out of the playground clickhave been caught cheating on their partners.Maybe don't judge until your home is in order.
43:25It feels like a big disgustingof Roman orgy this school.Well, a great episode of playground shaggers.Loads more shaggers.Lovely to hear from the shaggers.There you go.Another playground shaggers.Please send him more.
43:37We'll do another special later in the year.See you next time, Josh.See you next time, Rob. See you next time.
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