S13 EP28: Katherine Ryan
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00:35That's why Intact Insurance answers 2 million claim calls per year within 20 seconds.So instead of hearing this lovely track, you'll hear this in seconds.Hello, Intact Insurance.This episode is presented by Tu-E.Look, you've got to love a family holiday, Josh.Oh, you've got to love it.Who wouldn't love it, Rob?You know what the problem with the holidays is, right?
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01:25Love it. Get more from your holiday book now and discover the Tui-SmiseMiles Reward Club at 2E.com.com.Atoll and Abta protected.Hello, this is Parenting Hell with...Callum, can you say Rob Beckett?And can you say Josh Whittaker?Hey, you men.Good boy.
01:50Yes.Jody Gibb. Why have I said her name?Because it's on the...No, I said a surname, but...I don't think she minds being surnamed off.Yeah, also, it's not the same surnamethat she uses in I think she's got married okay because and she's kept her maiden name emailaddress there was I did a thing the other day and the lady's name was Sandercock surname Sandercock
02:12and I did a joke where I said she'll get divorced and remarried remarried someone could varnish her cockreally good stuff thanks did it get much nopeare you sex and relatable boys this is my two-year-old Callum giving your names a good gobeen listening since the start and your podcast has kept me coming through two pregnancies,two postpartum and countless walks to get the boys to sleep.What's a postpartum?After the baby's been born.Thanks for everything you do.
02:41Lots of love, Jodie, husband, Danny and our little boys, Callum and Harry.What is postpartum?I mean, we should know six years in.I thought that's just after you've had the baby.It's the period after childbirth.So the rest of your life?Period of time immediately following childbirth.And then that's over?
02:58then they can stop fucking banging on about that.Oh, Josh, I've got a crackle ear.Have you?So I was in the shower.Sorry, is this an old school joke?Shouldn't have eaten that pig.No, I've boomed my nose in the like showerand a bit of water got in there.
03:24It's just sort of been crackling.I don't like that, yeah.So does it go?It should go soon.Yeah, it should.Because I had this before.Never.So I had this before, because I can't hear that well.
03:34out of it where I basically, and I'm not doing it this time, I basically was just trying to open itwith cottons, but that's bad. Then it got an actual infection. So I basically had a thing. I don'tknow if you've ever had this before. A doctor just filled my ear full of medicine.Full of medicine. All right. You're five-year-old.Well, no, because it's like a big white cream, but I was facing the other way and he put it inmy ear, so it could have been anything. But like, it basically big, like, syringe of like,it felt like he just filled my entire ear for a pseudacrem. And I was like, all right. AndAnd he went, yeah, we'll come back in a couple of days.
04:06I was like, what?He's like, yeah, just have that in your ear for a few days.And he sucked it all out with the machine.There we go.Not with a big pair of lips and some energy.Should we ask Catherine Ryan what postpartum means?Well, I think she's actually, the way she's banging out kids,I think she will be in that stage.
04:22She's constant stage.So this is Catherine's third, fourth.I've lost count on the kids.I think she's got four now.No, I was going to say appearance on the pod.Third appearance on the pod.Right.And third appearance.
04:34Four kids.Four kids.Three little ones, one older one.One of the interesting things I want to discuss with her, along with her excellent book,which is firstborn child.Firstborn daughter.Daughter.Patriarchy.
04:46It's awful.Since we've last spoken to her, Violet has become a bit of a kind of personality, public personality in her own right.Yes, she was on Holly Willoughby's YouTube channel.But yes, we'll talk about Violet.Yeah.And we'll talk about the fact that she's just,Seems to have more kids every time we speak to her.Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
05:07When will it end?When will it end?About 4.15.When's your old pussy going to shut up, shut up, shot?Sorry.Sorry.I said, when's your own pussy going to shut up shot?Okay, are you going to do that in the pod?
05:22I'll ask her, okay, first question.When's your pussy going to shut up, shot?Okay.I look forward to that.Never as an intro may be more excited.This is Catherine Ryan.First question.Catherine, I've got quite a punchy first question
05:38That came upLike in us missing about the introYeahGo onWhen your pussy gonna shut up shopOoh, my pussy is shut right upShot my pussy has slam shotI panicked
05:54I couldn't do it needI felt like it's an offensive first questionNoBecause Josh said what are the accentWhen your pussy going to shut upShutDo it againI didn't do it in full
06:04beans that I did in the intro. I like the grime.Yeah. Yeah. You've done with kids. Yeah. Yeah.No more. No, definitely not.Like, four and done. I took a pregnancy test yesterday.Because, because, so people will argue with me.Yeah. I think if you're exclusively breastfeeding, if you're breastfeeding a lot,and I mean like every two hours, normally, oh, they get so mad. There are women out there whomake breastfeeding their entire personality. Yeah. Yeah. So get ready to go even more
06:33viral than usual.If you're breastfeeding that much.Do you know what? I quite need this.Take some heat off some other areas of my life.You won't ovulate.There are outliers, of course.But most women, if you're breastfeedinglike day and night, day and night, every two hours
06:49you won't ovulate because your prolactinis really high. Your estrogen has to be reallylow. You will not ovulate. So you can usebreastfeeding as a contraception.And that's what's going to piss them off.Because there are outliers.So officially no.But for me, yeah.
07:05Yes.And I know, you know, you got to know yourself.But I just finished breastfeeding last month.Right.And then, you know, there were trips in Celine Dion concerts and a wedding in Spain.You're the third person I've met who went to that Celine Dion concert.Yeah, you've got to take the wives.And thought they were pregnant after.
07:20And exactly that.So how would you get Violet who's 17?We're just moving on from Celine Dion?No, but I'm trying to work out the ages and the breastfeeding.I think that helps.Well, it's not Violet.No.I know she's not breastfeeding.
07:32She's been weaned.But the...She exists exclusivelyon iced coffeesand fried chickenShe's breastfedby the colonel himselfThat little popcorn chickens
07:42Yeah yeah yeahSo how old are the youngestFive, three, 11 monthsRight so you breastfed to 1110 monthsStart, went to and Celine DionGot a bit freakyYeah
07:52Thought you're pregnantAnd then I realizedOh my GodI think I might be ovulatingDellaAnd I stillStill well it was negativeBut
08:00GodYeah so that'sAre they 100% aren't they pregnancy tests?Yeah, well, you cannot get a false positive, really.You could get a false negative, but I'm not.No.But it would be a medical miracle.Like I'm 43 now.
08:11I think there are...No, but you're in the good run of form.Yeah.Your heat maps.Red hot.You're like Cristiano Ronaldo.When will the goals stop going in?I am a lot like him.
08:22Yeah, but it's too many.And you've done very well with two.I like to challenge myself.I think making hard things look easy.It's kind of a flex.Yeah.I want to have the stupid car.I want to spoil the package holiday.
08:35You know, I can't fly business anymore.Yeah.Because we can't even reach, even if I could afford to put everyone in, like, a virgin,Atlantic little, you know, you know.The light beds, yeah.You can't get to that.Are you doing the split business?The parents in business and the kids.
08:51No, no, no, Sanita.I couldn't do that.Actually, I was most recently on an easy jet flight, not bragging.Yeah.From a very remote part of it.of Spain where Emily A-Tac, friend of the show, had her wedding.Yes, I saw you, yeah.And I flew back and I sat next to two huge fans of the show, and they were watching parenting
09:12hell on their phone.People do watch it.Yeah, and this is it.And I was like, oh, and I didn't want to say anything.You know, I was going to be like, those are my friends.Yeah, been on their choice.Alumni.But then they mentioned to me, like, oh, we like your stuff a little bit too, not as much
09:28as Rob and Josh.And I said, oh, what age are your kids?and they had cats.So shout out to Cat Daddy.He's a huge fan.Cat Daddy.Cat Daddy.So who's Cat Daddy?
09:37That's him.That's the husband.Oh, the husband?His name's Cat Daddy.What's that face, Sam?Cat Daddy.I thought he's looking at a...So I'm used to work with Romish.
09:50I get confused with someone looking right at me.Pardon what was that?No, cat daddy.So it was a man watching...With his wife.I think you had a reaction to the name Cat Daddy.Yeah, I didn't know.It sounded like a kink.
10:01He's your biggest fan.He is?Yeah.Well, no, I think a cat daddy feels like it's a gay term for sort of like, I'm thinking sort of like a gay guy that's not skinny but not lean, but like soft but slim, a little bit of fuzzy facial hair.And he licks his own eyes.Yeah.It can catch on.He needs a cat daddy.
10:29Yeah.I was going to say it's an otter until, like.his own ass and then yeahcat tagyeah but that's the cat part isn't itsorry because you get ottersgay guys that like thatyeah their otters are sort of beardy
10:41and hairy but slimright and they're bareyeahyou can't lick their own assso talk to what Celine Dionbecause she could lickshe could lick her on assat bat
10:51and hairlessshe looks like one of those catsone of those hairlessyeah she does she doesyeah she's Canadianyeah of coursefunabsolutely
11:02so I had to go.Bobby, I wasn't sureif I was going to invite him.I got two tickets long agoand I went, will I drag my husband to this?Oh, two? Paris.Paris?Yeah.
11:14No, one, you almost felt pregnant.I know.And I just, we took the Eurostar,we stayed at the George V four seasons,like the one of the most beautiful four seasons.You've got to just go all out.Yeah, that's nice.And we enjoyed the concert.
11:26A lot of it was in French.She's wiggling, she's moving and grooving.She's dancing.Wow.She's like, she's amazing.But I think, kind of, if you want to go on a budget, because the concert is still on for a while, depending on when this goes out, throughout the autumn, she's still touring.But just go post up by her hotel.Don't bother getting a ticket, even though I loved the show.
11:48She leaves her hotel every day in a new amazing outfit.She's like climbing on vehicles, shaking hands, kissing babies, dancing like she is running amok.And it's the best, it's the best PR ever.I didn't realize Celine Dion was.like a laugh.Oh yeah.This is what Bobby didn't realize.No, I didn't know that.
12:06I presumed she was quite serious about herself.So did Bobby enjoy it?He loved it because he's Canadian as well.He loves, you know, the big anthems that we all know.He leads into being quite Dutch, doesn't he, when it comes to football, which seems a bit of a cheat.Because Canada were in the World Cup.Did he follow them or did he follow the Dutch?The Dutch.
12:26Well, for obvious reasons.But you're dressed up quite Americana today.Yeah. Yeah. Well, I have a stylist, so I'll be honest.Mother on the, I feel like it's overkill when I'm wearing for parents.I like it. I like it. You've come. I like it. You've gone for it. Okay.We know that you're not back to backing loads of different podcasts. That's the good thing.Thank you. Yeah. She really tailored it to the show. Yeah, exactly.Being Canadian, it's weird to identify with that. I'll meet British people who are like, I'm half Canadian. And I'm like, hmm, what half? Like, what are you talking about?
13:00Because they'd be like, oh, oh, my uncle.It's from there, I'm like, but he's British and you're British, and I'm essentially Irish and British.Yeah.Just like, we did some evil things over there.But Canada gets good PR, so everyone loves us.They do, don't they?These are so nice.I'm like, ask the indigenous people.
13:16Buckwood maple syrup, with whom I'm currently under a brand contract.Of course, yeah.Chiching.Really delicious.Really?Thank you for mentioning that.And is that sort of your go-to one anyway, and then it's like two worlds are good?That's a great.
13:30Nothing better than that, is there?You was up early?this morning you said.3.30 today.What?Talk us through your normal routinethen are getting up.Is this particularly early?
13:37You guys won't like this.Go on.We sleep in a mega nursery.In a mega nursery?Five of us, yeah.Right. I'm feeling betterabout my life already.And he's been on the floor for a year and a hour.
13:47I've been on the floor for a year and a lot.Talk us through the mega nursery.What's it looked like?One giant like king bed?I wish.It was that simple, Rob.So we have kind of moved arounddifferent rooms of the house,
13:58tried different setups for a whilewhen we had Fred, we would take turns.One of us would get a good night's sleep in the primary bedroom.One of us would sleep in Fred's room with Fred,and that was quite like egalitarian.Then we had Fena, a name that it's too late to change.I like it.I like it, too.
14:15I like it.Me too.Fenner Grace.Oh, it's a beautiful name.I think so.Yeah.But people think it sounds like a lot.Kutstra.
14:24Kutstra.Great.Yes.Very Dutch.And she is a little footballer.She's three and she's small.but she will like kick your ass and she's what I realize about athletes is they're not afraid likeI've never wanted to hurt myself to get in the way of a ball or risk like pulling something I've always
14:43been like I don't care where the ball goes and my son Fred is you know the same but Fana Gracebecause Bobby's a good athlete isn't it an incredible athlete but he's in his 40s so he's injuredyeah all the time and also dealing with this sort of ego death of getting slowly weaker beforeinevitable death.Yes.Aren't we all?That is a common theme for us all.But she will full tilt into a wall,
15:06just like in the name of athleticism,Fena Grace.Like if she needs to fight to get a ball or something,she's amazing.But you have that,maybe not in sport,but in life.In life,
15:16I certainly have that.Yes.So back to the sleep routinethat's going to upset you.Then I was with Fena for a while.Again, a new baby breastfeeding.So Bobby was in with,yeah.
15:25Yeah.Then we had Holland.Another Dutch name.A bit on the nose.I was that.Middle-known Canada?Yeah, yeah, yeah.And I was alone with Holland in the primary bedroom for a while,
15:39and Bobby had both the kids in this nursery that I built.So on the top floor, I've got these alcove beds in the wall.Have you ever seen that?People will be like, what do we do with the loft?And they have these cool beds inside the wall almost.Okay.It was our bunk beds built into the walls.Kind of.
15:54So we had two of those.Are they sleeping on shelves?No.Just deep shelves.Yeah, yeah.Two deep shelves.But they won't sleep in there.So we have two Super King mattresses on the floor where now.
16:08Here we go.11 months in, it goes, me, Holland, Fred, Fena, Bobby.So we're like Charlie in the fucking chocolate factory.Like bookending these kids in the mega nursery.The mega nursery in there?Yeah.So it's everyone except Violet?Yes.
16:27So what does Violet make of it all?I mean, she just thinks we're nuts.She's been against the like breeding program from the star.Yeah.But she doesn't care.Like this is why it's really important to treasure your small ones.And as like wanky as it sounds, you're tired.And mine don't even sleep through the night.
16:46Fred and Fenham, most nights will sleep through.But Holland, absolutely not.Like every hour and a half.Is it because there's 11 people in the room?Probably anyone.Yeah, yeah.They're like.But Violet's 17 and we don't even.
16:58We rarely hear from her.She doesn't care where we are.She, like, runs the house.We're up in the mega nursery.The new Subaru Cross Trek Hybrid is the most fuel-efficient cross-track yet.That means less time filling your tank and more time filling your day.More court time.More ride time.
17:20More lake time.More camp time.More go time.The new 27 Subaru Cross-Trek Hybrid.Consumer Reports top-rated.Subcompact SUV.Stop by your local Subaru dealership or visit Subaru.ca to learn more.Consumer reports that's not indoors products or services.
17:39Ugh, hold music.Not what you want to hear when a pipe dispersed and your basement is flooding.That's why Intact Insurance answers 2 million claim calls per year within 20 seconds.So instead of hearing this lovely track, you'll hear this in seconds.Hello, Intact Insurance.Unlock unlimited free grocery delivery with PC Express Pass.Shop online and get the same low No Frills prices delivered.Get your first year of PC Express Pass for just $2.50 a month.
18:07Learn more at no frills.ca.Because I'm on the floor.Yeah.Like the actual floor or you've got a mattress.We've got a mattress.But this is only recent.He was sleeping on the top, a mattress topper on the floor.I didn't realize.
18:22I just thought it was a futon.So, but now I've got a mattress.Sme and my daughter on the floor and then Rose and my son in the bed.because we're having the house done.Oh, fine.But that has been going on a year and a half.Yeah.But that was happening before at the old house as well, wasn't it?
18:38Oh, no, I'm including that in the year and a half.Really?Yeah.You've moved, yeah.So he's only six months.Maybe two years.Yeah.But then I think Catherine's accepted that she's got this mega nursery
18:50that people may or may not agree with.And whatever, if it's working for you,sounds like it isn't because they're not sleeping, but that's fine.But I feel like you are hiding behind the,The, we're renovated, we're renovated.But once it's all renovated, there'll still be this nursery set up.I don't hate it.Yeah.
19:07I don't hate everyone in the same room.I like it.It feels nice, doesn't it?Yeah.It does.And so many societies have done that since the beginning of time.We're the only mammal that would put our young, like not in the nest.Just be like, good luck in a separate room.
19:23It is weird in Western culture.Yeah, you weird, Rob.Yep, sorry for being absolutely insane.Yeah.But,depends on.But to be fair,our youngest
19:32comes and still getsinto bed for them.We don't send them away.We never send them awayif they want to get into bedbut we offer themgo like,we'll put you into your own bed.
19:40If they're really upsetand they want or we never would.But they've always been quite happy to.And they wake up in the night.Yeah.But they've got separate bedrooms.How are they?Yeah,
19:48they've got their own rooms.Sisters refuse to do that.Yeah, well, one of them is like,we'll sleep anyway.It's like an actual catwhere one's a bit more like,I've woke off,I've had a bad dream.
19:56Can I get in?Not.Not the best podcast to compare someone to a cat on.No, not after this one.Nobody made that callback at all.That was very respectful.Yeah, when it is a child, you can't, we can't possibly do those callbacks.We've really grown.
20:10But I think a lot of people who are anti-co-sleeping, they co-sleep and they don't realize it because it will be that arrangement.They'll go, well, we put them to bed because that's what Bobby and I do.We put them to bed.We lay with them.We pretend to sleep.Sometimes we do fall asleep.Then we go and clean the kitchen, put the laundry on, try to eat something.Try to watch something together.
20:27and then we rejoin them.But a lot of people's kids have come in by then anyway, by midnight.And they're like, I would never co-sleep.It's like, well, you do.Yeah, you're doing it just later on.But no, I'm not anti-co-sleeping at all.It's only our eldest, who we had to do cry out with.We did not want to do it.
20:44Well, I was anti that.But we tried everything.And this child, honestly, would not sleep at all.And then we did it.We were our wits end because it was like, even in the bed with us,just not sleeping crying.We did it.And it was one night of her crying and basically realized,
20:57she basically realized it sounds bleakno one was comingand then she has slept perfectlyfor the last 12 yearsand then we you knowwith our other child's a bit morecomes in the nightbut yeah I'm not anti-coceiving
21:09but a lot of people do it I thinkyou do have to prioritize your mental healthand like I even crashed out on the babytwo nights agobecause and Violetthat's when you do hear from Violetif she hears me getting upsetshe pops her head and not to help
21:22but just to be likeyou slow downlike what are you doingwhy are you yelling at a babyjust with thejudgment. It feels like she canthrow shade. She's your Brad Pitt in Fight Club.She really...
21:32But the babylike vomited because she was angry.Not scared, not sad. I justput her in her cot, which the kids don't eventhey're like, what is this apparatus? We have onecot that we keep in the primary bedroom from likejust like hopes and dreams fromsix years ago. And I stood
21:49her in it right next to us becauseI needed to help Fred and she started to walk.So I can't just put her down.She'll like fall down the stairs. So I justsat her in there, I was this closer to her than I am to you,and she got so angry that I wasn't picking her up,that she just projectile vomited all over the bencher,and I was like, that's it!
22:07Take a good look at yourself, yelling at a baby.You've got three under, we had three under four.Oh, my word.It's a lot.That's tough.Do you feel any sort of, you see some calm waters approaching?Yes. Oh my gosh.the switch in mindset for women.
22:27I don't know about you.Do dads have this?Did you know you were done when you were done?Or do you keep the door open for like, oh, maybe a third act?The door's not open now.But I think if we'd been younger, we'd have liked three.But by the time we had our second one, I was probably, we were probably 41.Do you know what I mean?
22:48Well, the door was open up until about a three and a half year gap.But then when it got too long, it was like, oh, it feels like we're sort of parenting two separate generations, which you were at the beginning of your second batch anyway.So it didn't impact you too much.Is that okay?Second batch.Batch.It feels very ejaculate-based.The second batch.
23:11These are my second batch.But for me, I knew.I kind of knew after Fred and Fennett that I wanted one more.And then when we had Holland, I just started giving stuff away.I started thinking about the future, which I hadn't done.I'd been just in very late.You've basically had a child under 10 for 17 years.Forever, yeah.
23:34Yeah.Yes.But now I just think, like, I just leased an office in central London.I'm just making plans for myself.Like, it feels like I love, I love being a mom.Everybody knows that about me.You don't need to.I'm this bitch, but then I work as a top, but I live as a bottom.
23:52We know, we've known you for years.You're one of the kindest, most emotional and caring people.There you go.And I mean that.You are one of the proper will back people up.You look after you.You care for people.And this is you as well with this, your comedy persona.
24:09But deep down, you are a very loving caring person.And I love babies, but I'm really excited.It's done.So I have an appointment to get my breast implants out next month.Had a facelift.I brought an eight-week-old baby to my facelift.They said it's the first time they've ever seen.see that. And I think that
24:24everything said out loud to me as a compliment.So I was like, thank you. And the nurse was like,no, not thank you. So you had a facelift? When didhave a face lift? Holland was eight weeks old.Eight weeks. It's a great facelift.Thanks. Your skin is so good as well, isn't it?Yeah. Well, that isa lifetime of sun avoidance.
24:40And a breast, what are you having?So I've had implants since before I ever met.Well, Gavin said something to be abreast and then I started asking the questionand then I felt awkward. No, you're fine to ask.I don't know about these hands either.Okay.They're not this bad yet.So they're going, put that in there, that there, that like that, you're off.
25:01But it's related to the show.Yeah, of course.Because, you know, I have to declare myself at customs as dairy produce at this point.I've been breastfeeding so long, like a lot of damage has happened.So before I ever met you guys, I had breast implants because I'm from a toxic generation in Canada.We were all getting breast implants when we were like 21, 22.And I feel that's very emblematic.of the late 90s, like a lower back tattoo.
25:24Yeah, it's a real nice, a Chinese tattoo, a bit really.Yeah. A moment in time.I don't like it.So they're coming out.Out.And I'm not even replacing them, which would surprise people about me, maybe.But I just want, like, boy nipple.Boy nipple.
25:37Yeah, like small.Well, how will an implant infect your nipples?Like, all I want is nipple.I don't even want, like, breasts.You don't know breasts, you just want nipples.Yeah, I want, like, you know, I don't know if men do this.You know, like, fashion tits versus.like lads mags tits.
25:54Yeah.What fashion tits?Like Kendall Jenner, for example, can wear anything.Oh, well, that sort of, and it just hangs on them and they're just fashion tits.As opposed to big, massive, I'm doing their hands again.Jugs.Jugs.Jugs.
26:06Jugs.I don't want jugs.I don't want jugs.You don't want fashion tits.Fashion tits is next for me.Yeah.So you don't want as much volume there.You want it just.
26:16Thank you.Excuse me.He's talking the surgery lingo.There we go.Less volume.Yeah, andTurn down the volumeAre you doing anything
26:24With the nipplesOr they just stand as they wereI did think of gettingDo you want them?That was a weirdYeah, what are you doingWin them after?No
26:31I didNo, are theyAre they,Is there too many questions?NoMy nipples have held upThey're fineBut I did think
26:38I sawI don't know where I saw thisA girl hadTattooed her nipplesLike heartsShe kind of lookedLike a care bearOh I don't know
26:45About tattooed heart nipsI kind of thoughtThat was cool for a bitYeahBut I've got off itYeah thank GodYeah.No, because I think it undermines your fashion tits.
26:54Thank you.If you want to be on Vogue and then it's a bit like a seafood dress and there's a heart, it's like, oh no, no, we can't take her seriously.No.Thank you.We can't take that lady with her heart nipples out, seriously.They're around.Yeah, straight to board room.Yeah.
27:08So you've got plans then?Big plans.Yeah.And like some of it is about.You've got an office.You've got fashion tits.This is where you're going.These are my priorities, Josh.
27:18Yeah.Yeah.Some of it is about like, because there is.as we learned in your wife's formidable book,lessons from the default parent,there is this identity crisis,I think, that happens with everyonewhen they become parents,
27:30and that is, like, not gender-specific.But certainly for moms,certainly for co-sleeping,breastfeeding,like very attachment parent momswho've been pregnant.I've been pregnant six times in five years.I've only had three kids.
27:43I changed my mind a few times.No, I just, because we're old,we did have miscarriages,which I'm fine talking about.But...Such a bad thing.Delivery of it.Sorry.
27:53Well, how else do you say?I know, of life.It really is part of having a family.But part of me really wantedto do that physical stuff, which sounds silly.But I recognize myself in the mirror a bit again.I'm like, yeah, that's good.You're not just someone's mom.
28:12Because I got fat, let's be honest, I got quite fat.You didn't get fat.I don't remember that.Okay, guys, come on.People are not going to respect you if you can't.And you say, are you talking like, in between pregnancies or when you were pregnant?When I was pregnant.That doesn't count.
28:26Yeah, because I got specifically fat in the face.No, but that doesn't count.But that's, you didn't get fat.Your body was being used to create a baby.I get that, but I was on television.So it's a thing.Yeah.It's a thing.
28:41Okay.You would see if dads, well, dads, I suppose, do get fat.They do.There's the phenomenon of the dad bod.that is there is a study that it's like this sympatheticyeah I don't know whether I buy thatno all right yeah but I you know I personallyI'm not a massive fan of like you know so
28:58the idea of a man was like ripped six pack like yeaha female absolutely ripped to pieces and shreddednot really my my bag the same way as I think most womendon't really like completely ripped men no I know and that's why we haven'tno exactly I mean like I can't be this charismatic caringand handsome and ripped yeah you guys wereJust be my tiny dig, but holding back.I don't know when all of these episodes have gone out,
29:22but we were both drooling over Matt Willis's fit body.Oh, he's outrageous.Why was he getting it out?No, he just sat there just like a normal guy, but you can see it.You know when someone sort of tucks in their shirt,but there's not sort of little fat bits popping up the side.Anyway, are we doing in your office?I put a big portrait of Matt Willis up.
29:41Yeah, of course.Well, it's weird.Did you write your book in there?No, I just got it.I move in like next week.Let's talk about the book.Okay.Good link.
29:50Oh yeah, I forgot to promote the book.Sorry.Yeah, Mom.Firstborn daughter.It's not all ass licking.No.No.Firstborn daughter is my new book.
29:58Yeah.And so this, we really should have been better at like linking into that because if ever there's, normally it's quite a gear change into the book.Yeah.When we're doing this podcast.But here, we're talking parenting here.Actually, I thought I did pretty well.You did.So why are you having to go now?
30:14Well, then we just kind of, you know.It fell away.Yeah.Fell away.Got the old chopped.Drop the editor, aren't me?I'm the one who ruined it, Rob.No, you write a new book in there?
30:20No.I mean, yes.No, you can't lie.Yes, I wrote my new book,Firstborn Daughter and my new office.And it's about you being firstborn daughter,Violet being firstborn daughter.Well, actually, it's kind of just a comedy memoir
30:33over the last five or six years,because they were like, would you like to write another memoir?I said, I don't know if a lot of us happenedfor a memoir in that time.But then I started to notice on tour,it was like a throwaway questionat one of my gigs that I said,Is anyone else a firstborn daughter?
30:47Because I'm a firstborn granddaughter, firstborn niece, firstborn daughter.And like, every woman put their hand out.I was like, everyone.It was a gig in China.No, it was, I was like, everyone's a firstborn daughter.And there are these personality archetypes if you go through birth order theory and all these different psychoanalysis.Like I've done some rigorous research on mumsnet, you know, TikTok, Instagram Reels.It's kind of a thing, a trend at the minute to talk about being an eldest daughter.
31:14So what would be a firstborn daughter describe?We are very competent and very resilient and very headstrong, but we've also had to pick up a lot for the family.There's parentification from a young age where you are looking after your siblings.You're reminding your parents that having like a marital dispute at parents evening is maybe not the best thing.You're picking up a lot around the house.You're like a little mini mom.But also you can read the room really well.Your parents were learning how to be parents for the first time when you were born.
31:43And they've done these studies with things.sons and daughters and a lot of these traits get passed on to daughters but not sons so we stillraise people yeah so it's like a lot of that psychoanalysis but just looking at my last five yearsthrough that lens and some celebrity firstborn daughters yeah okay um it's not all good either likewe do but we argue with experts like we have problems as well who are first born daughterscelebrity wise every female stand up Amy Schumer Michelle Wolfe um WondonSykes, Ashling B, Sarah Pasco, Rochene Conady, Taylor Tomlinson, Nicky Glazer, like everystand-up comedian happens to be a firstborn daughter, which is weird.
32:23Oh wow, that's interesting.Katie Price, Gemma Collins, Olivia Atwood, Maya Jama, not Celine Dionne.Celine Dionne's the youngest of 14.What?Yeah, wild life.Jesus.No wonder she's desperate for the attention out on the cars.Doodoo do, do, do.
32:39Remember I'm still here.Yeah.She's the, what, the 14th?Youngest of 14th.Young guest of 14, fair play.Kate Moss is a firstborn daughter.Like, there's so many that would impress you, and I forget them all, like hundreds of cool ladies.Talk to Violet or write about Violet in it and that kind of stuff.
32:56Yes.So I was raised by a firstborn daughter.I talk about my mom and a lot of the ways that – because firstborn daughter doesn't have to be always like me.Yeah.Sometimes you're a martyr or you're the diplomat or you feel invisible.Like you take on these different rules that are outlined and all this stuff I read.But I'm also raising a firstborn daughter.and she is my favorite child,
33:16which is probably the most rage-baity thingthat I say in the book.But I think it's important when I've goneand had this whole other batch,as you describe my kids, without her.It's like, no, she really holds like a special place.I think you do have a favorite sometimes.And I just don't mind saying it
33:32because the others are too young to read.But also as well, you know, I knew you that period.When we were starting out, we had no money, no access.You didn't, you were allowed.in the city away from your family and you took her to gigs and she saw you rise up and shewas with you that whole time and was sort of made it you know harder in a way but also was a someoneto look after you had responsibilities and it's an incredible journey that you did with her thatnow the rest of the batch the new batch are sort of enjoying the success you guys got together really
34:04it's almost like a doublet going through because you're always together she was always around andso she's quite I wouldn't say she's parentified but like I never made it.or look after anyone elsethat didn't have anyone elsebut she's very adultin that like she grew up aroundall these really smart, funny, cool comedianslike she had a different experience certainly
34:25but also she had hardships that my kids don't have nowso I do have like a survivor's loyalty to Violet.Yeah.You know I think our love is bigger and olderlike she knows a part of me that even my husbandwasn't around for like she yeah.Because in most families you have your experience as a childand then you have your children's experience of being children.
34:47But you're almost living through three different things of, you know,because your experience is your experience with your experience.But a violent experience with you is totally different to what you had growing upand now what your new, you know, the younger kids they've got.It's a mad to have three versions of before.I was really lucky, actually.And that's why I try to big up single moms tooin some of the stuff that I ride and my work
35:08because it was such a unique life experience to be a single mom.It was hard sometimes, but I was so lucky that I didn't have to share her with anybody.And I knew where I stood all the time, especially as a firstborn daughter.I love that.It's kind of hard for me to be married.Even though Bobby's really helpful and he does a lot, I'm like, well, who's doing this today?I would many times rather just do it all myself.I'm not very good at asking for help.
35:32I really suck at collaborating.Like I still struggle in a marriage with a very nice, helpful man.What are you doing here?I'm doing this.Yeah.Yeah, yeah. And then she has a chapter that she wrote for the audiobook.Yeah.But my mom was quite invisible growing up.
35:50And then she raised me to take up space.And I think she overcorrected slightly on that.And then Violet is extremely bounderied.So you know the Catherine Ryan on stage, like in the beginning that you got to know thatwas like, don't do this and blah, blah, blah, blah.Violet is that way in real life.Oh.I think she's maybe too boundyed.
36:06She clocks people.I've got like golden retriever energy in a romantic relationship.She's pure black cat energy, not to bring it back to cats, but she's just like, she drops people.She's a fucking savage.I really like it.This episode is brought to you by Morrison's.Josh, Halloween has never been bigger.What's going on?
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38:30And she is starting to form her own career.How's that as a parent to watch that happen?You just have to, because I kept her off social media for a long.time as well. And then they get to an age where they start to ask you about that. And now she'sgot very popular TikTok and she goes to musical theater school and she auditions a little bit.But she's, I have to make sure that I don't put my two cents in. So she'll like read lines withme sometimes. Yeah. Though I'm mostly fired from that. But if she really has to do an audition,she'll let me be the other person. And I can't like give it anything. I have to just be like,
39:08yes. And then I went to the store because if I start giving notes or like putting on an accent,I'm out. I'm fired.Yeah, so I'm really hands off, actually.I don't involve myself at all.I'm trying to be cool.How would you feel if she said, I'm going to do stand-up?I think.I mean, I don't know how someone does that now.
39:27We did it.We get to, like, go out to the clubs,and how do you do stand-up nowif you're starting on TikTok, I guess?Yeah.Yeah, I know I would love it.Whatever she wants to do.You still just have to go to the clubs
39:38and then build up, because it doesn't matterif you get following on TikTok.If you don't know how to do it,you've just got to learn.All right, granddad.Yeah.But it must be harder to do the clubs for them.They're still clubs, isn't it?
39:49Yeah. I don't know.I'll go to a few.I don't know.We're so out of touch.It's bad, isn't it?No.It's not.If we were, you know, we need to be out of the way so the new lot can come through.
39:57You don't have to be able to learn.Yeah.Got a great guy.Shit, sometimes I just forget.You really have grown into a wonderful man.Wonderful or lazy.Which is it?A bit of both.
40:14No, good work-life balance, actually.Thanks to the listeners for giving Rob that opportunity to be lazy.Yeah, thanks guys.It really appreciates it.Do you want to ask about golf and Bobby?Well, yeah, how do you feel about it?Because I'm getting into golf.Bobby's obviously great at golf.
40:26He plays quite a lot.He's wonderful at golf.How often does he play?Well, he was playing about three times a week until I have material about that.And then he was like, I don't play three times week.And then he had to cut it back so that I was wrong.Right.And how do you feel about him playing three times a week?
40:40I mean, I think it takes a special kind of dickhead to have a five-hour hobby, I think.Yeah.With small kids.No, it's mad because, you know, that is three whole days, essentially.It is three whole days.Have a week.Yeah.And, you know.
40:54How often do you play?I'll play once or twice a week, probably, and I do it in the week when the kids are in school.I think that's key.I think weekend golf is a piss take if you've got kids.Thank you.And less, but if Lou goes, oh, the kids have got birthday parties, I'm going to Blue Water with them from like 11 till 4, I will go,do me to do that.And you go, no, I'm going to go because I'm eating a friend for lunch.
41:15I'll then book it in.Yeah.Because, but I wait for those opportunities.God, you're a great guy.God, I'm a fucking great guy.You're a great guy.You're just a great guy.Like, truth be told, I don't know, I would let you guys golf as much as you wanted.
41:27Yeah.And I would be home, home, home, home, cozy in my chair.I'd be booking the brunches.I'd be saving family money with some like fake charities.I would be, I think I'd be a great housewife.Do you?Is that the dream?Would you not be really bored?
41:44No.Because aren't you driven to do stuff?I would do stuff, but the mortgage wouldn't depend on me doing it.Right.What's Bobby's job?It doesn't work at the moment, does he?No.What was his job before he stopped working?
41:56He worked in, he was an account manager at like an engineering company.Yep.That I don't know, I don't understand.You know what's so funny.My dad owns an engineering company and I don't know what it means.I don't know what Bobby's job was.I'm not interested in my dad or my husband.And then you do a bit less?
42:14Maybe. I think, I don't know if he wants to.And then he sold cars for a bit, which is cool.So he still likes cars.But then he was a professional American football player, but not in America, in Italy.Yeah.So then they get very injured.So I think because he's come to this country, starting over here would be like very difficult.Plus, it's that thing of, you know, without being crass, you can earn quite a lot quite quickly compared to what Bobby's thought.
42:42If you're starting in a new job.I mean, is there a massive demand for American football players in London that we've experienced with playing in Italy?It's getting bigger over here.It's a niche CV, though, isn't it?Well, I'll tell you what, if he coached at the school, I think we get a little discount on the fees.Okay.I think we would.Going that way.
43:00But also, he does a little bit of broadcasting.We had a reality show for a while.Yeah, so on that.He's very good, actually.Bobby's very funny.He's a different kind of funny to you guys.You can get him on the Channel 5 NFL coverage.He's been on that.
43:13Oh, well, there we go.There we go.Bobby's very...Dermit O'Leary's show on the Sunday night.Has he done that one?Yes.Yes.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
43:22There we go.So, Bobby's great.And I do love being married, but it's just like it's weird.It's funny that I find it strange to raise kids with someone.It's easier to do it by myself.Because he'll feed, I'll tell you this.Yep.To get your listeners riled up after a little lull in the program.
43:40He feeds them sausages,which I'm vehemently.against. Why? Because they'rea group one carcinogen. It's basicallylike giving them cigarettes. Is it?Oh God. I think so.Because of the way they're cooked or because of what's in them?What's in them. Right. And probably
43:55the way they're cooked is not great.Oh God, he's got them out on the grill.I put them on my mouth roaring like the end.There you go. There you go.So sausages? Yep.Bad. Feed some sausages. He's verygentle parent.Okay. Which is fine.
44:11It's fine to a point. But they're at thenow where I would show them a bit more disciplined, but I don't want to be the bad guy.So, like, neither one of us wants to be the bad guy. So you're joining in with his gentleness?Well, I'm not. But if I say no, but daddy's going to say yes, what's the point of saying no?And because I'm kind of the daddy, because I go to work, he can't just be like the favorite. Usually,like, if a mom stays home, yeah, dad can be fun. Yeah. Dad can swoop in and say yes,but then they do behave for mom because mom has to be a hard ass because she's at home, right?Yeah.
44:42But Bobby is home with them, but he's the nice guy.Right.So when you come back now, it's like, who's this person coming out being mean?Thank you.And so what happens if, say, you're...She's taking our sausages away.I'm having the sausages, kids.She's coming.
44:56We've been playing too much hive the sausage in our house.That's how I get into this mess.So when you're on tour, does it become bedlam?Well, I don't tour the same way.Like, I don't go for days.So I'm back and forth and back and back.I'm very, like, climate.unfriendly. Rob's got an idea for his
45:14tour, haven't you? Because you don't want to do a traditional tour.Matinee, man.Can I tell you thank you for the matinees?Who's been doing matinees? Did you startthat? Or did Jason Manford do some matinees?Well, a lot of people do do matinees, but I'm reallyThey are coming. They didn't used to existto stand up around five years ago. They're great.
45:32The crowd love it.Do it. I think they're better than the evening.Yeah. Especially for our, you know, we're not the youngrock and roll comics. Oh, God.Bloody hell, Grandad. What's going through your head today?You're obsessed with not being young.I'm not, I'm accepted.And you're really, really talking about something.
45:49Did you see the viral clip of Jamie Lee Curtis talking about matinees?She was like, Neil Young, do a matinee, cold play, do a matinee.2pm, New York Theatre Time.Yeah.I will be there.Yes.We cannot.Did she say my name as well?
46:04Rob Beckett, Matinee.Well, you don't need to because you do do matinees.I'll do it already.Thank you, Rob Beckett.Yeah, thank you.Neil Young, ring Rob Beckett.Yeah.No, thank you.
46:12Yeah, I think matinee.the way forward.From the bottom of my heart.Thank you.Yeah.What day would you,but the problem with matinees is you can't do weekdays.Friday you can.
46:19No one works anymore.A lot of people are flexible and working from home.So, you know, when AI comes in, if someone's working,come and say to the show.Can't afford it.There you go.They'll be on Only fans, earning cash.Oh yeah, of course.
46:30Talk to me about your skincare regime.Yeah.It's so good.So I've started seeing a skin specialist.Have you?But I think the difference is I think you're having treatment to your skin.Yeah.Catherine buys new sets.
46:41Yeah.Just get new skin.New skin.I'm running a pyramid scheme.Basically, I'm doing vampire facials with placenta blood from the children that I harvest.I'm drinking my own breast milk.This is what's been going on right in front of us all the time.So basically, guys, in 2024, all these 35-year-old actresses started looking amazing.
47:02Did you notice that?Scarlete Hanson?She's a bit older than 35.Like, I would say, not to say, I have any information.I don't know who's had a facelift and who hasn't.I loved her in dress it, part.But like, Anne Howie.Mathway, Lindsay Lowen.
47:14Look great.Yes.Tina Aguilera.I just assumed Lindsay Lohan, to be fair,had made some lifestyle changes.And that is playing the long game.Right.It is so good to be like,
47:23well, I just got clean,and I should have thought of that one.Yes.And then I could have lied about my facelift.But I've realized these women were not doingice baths or whatever it is.Do you know when like the 2004 Indian Oceantsunamis happened?
47:37Of course.All these elephants screamed and ran for higher ground.That's like me,but with face.It's like my sixth sense.Like, I know, I know.If someone's had one.When something's happening.
47:47Oh, the elephants predicted the...Yes.Oh, wow.So madly, they're probably about to survive it.Just trunk up.There's no need to run.Have anyone there?They can just hunker down quite sadly.
47:57They can just hunker down,trunk up.That little snorkel.Yeah.Yeah.So I kind of thought...Give me a bit of room on the mountain now.Come on, mate.
48:10So then, I just thought...what's going on? Because this is when I was pregnant all the time. My neck was just like getting fat.And I thought, I think I'm going to need a facelift. I think I'm going to need to do this.So I did that. But in addition to that, my skin care routine is basically just, I've stayed out of the sun my whole life.And I don't know. You don't want.We do. Let's break it down.I stayed out of the sky.Yeah, we got it. Pathological sun avoidance.
48:36Yep. Yeah. Yeah.Also, my face is always like very moisturized and clean. I use like an acid at night, either like aan azaleic or like retinide acid.I love Tacha.Do a little vitamin C sometimes.But right now, and this is part of me like pulling it back.Implants.Gone.
48:54Fashion tits.Neck.Gone.Fashion tits.But no Botox or fillers.I haven't had Botox or fillers in ages and ages at all.Oh, here we go.So your skin has like, you have skin quality and skin elasticity.
49:05So the quality of my skin has always been all right.Because of the sun mainly, you think?Yeah.And then the elasticity.Is this big getting?a little hoist.Yeah.Got you.
49:15Here we go.So faces, that does all that as well, not just neck.Up to like here.Ah.But I kind of want to...Would you, Rob?I think the way my mouth is, I need a little bit of character around the edges.If everything else was stationary and then that was on the go.
49:30It's too much attention.I think glasses have done you a real favour.Glasses and a beard's got me out of a big, big old.Beards are so great for men.They are great.I wish I could create any bone structure you want.You can grow a beard.You look good for stubble.
49:42No, it's patchy.No, it's not.It is.It is really patchy.I like that you're doing the strictly facial treatments now, though.That's exciting.This was pretty strictly.It's because someone made a comment about how pink my face was.
49:52Who?Like a fan.Michael, Michael did.He said, we're struggling to grade the videos.We want to make the leap to video.Sort that fucking head out.And I said, that's a bit much, Michael.And Michael said, we tell that to your bank account.
50:10We're not getting the clicks.We can't get any more adverts because it looks.It looks like you're lying because you're so red.You guys have beautiful skin.Thank you.Should we have the final question, Rob?I think we've asked you this before, but we don't need to do it.Should we just plug the book again?
50:27Firstborn daughter, available.When?October 22nd as an audiobook.All you're going late.Hard copy, yeah.You're hitting them late for the Christmas run.That's it.It's a great Christmas present.
50:39You can self-diagnose.Do you know what?You can understand your wife.wife you can understand the first one daughter your life or you could just listen to it as a comedymemoir because that's mostly what it is yeah yeah brilliant oh are you going to do in your officewell right now I'm decorating it like really beautiful beautifully and I'm going to start filming thepodcast in there good oh look at this because wonderful it's I'm kind of firstborndaughtering my podcast I produce it I cut it I publish it I feel that's why it's so shit yeah
51:07yeah and I'm going to keep doing thatYeah.They're like,would you want to hire someone gathering?No,no, no.Now I'm also a landlordof my office.
51:18Yeah.So I'm just going to startdoing it more shitat a higher level of shit.That's what we said.We want more.I want more of your shit.Thank you.
51:25That's,although we did have to get my skin done.Was it?No,your skin was great,but if you look good,but if you want to do a bit less red,how do they make it less red?
51:34Well,you could.Makeup,like, just put makeup free.He's having a gun on his head.This is my makeup free selfie.You look gorgeous.Thank you.
51:42Yeah, some of a bit of a glow up.Yeah.It's got a little sexy grin.So of you.No, mine's, I'm sort of plateauing.I need to get on it again.I wouldn't say that, Rob.You guys, Cat Daddy was enjoying you guys as a visual media.
51:55Was he?Oh, yes.I bet he was.Yeah.Oh, Cat Daddy.Hi, Cat Daddy.Rha-ha-ha.Anyway.
52:04Are you done?Do you want to do that down the barrel?Well, that.Well, how many paws at cats, I got three in it?Three or four.you like it, veryyeahfirst born daughter
52:16November theOctober the 22ndOctober the 22ndthanks for coming onthanks guys loved itbyethank you for having me ona joy
52:23I've got a questionfrom Catherineyeah it's too late nowoh is thisoh was this the outroyeah great chat weren't itit was really goodreally good chat
52:35really enjoyed thatgood laughslearnt a lotshe's funny she's greatshe's got a book outshe's got a book outread itbuy it
52:42don't read it without buying itDon't just go into your bookshop and stand there and read it for eight or nine hours.No.You could, though.You could.Old music.Not what you want to hear when a pipe dispersed in your basement is flooding.That's why Intact Insurance answers 2 million claim calls per year within 20 seconds.
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